People Are Sure We Can Answer Their "Am I The Jerk?" Questions
20. AITJ For Refusing Service When A Customer Tried To Scam Me Out Of Payment?
“I’m the only mobile mechanic in my area, currently sitting at 20 5‑star reviews. I got a call from a customer a few days ago; she said she needed a starter replacement and that she couldn’t spend more than $450, which was what another shop quoted her.
I told her I’d do the work for $350—that’s $150 for labor and $200 for the part—and she happily agreed. Now, I usually send customers invoices to pay for the part before I arrive, and they pay for the labor after I complete the job.
In this instance, the lady said she wasn’t comfortable sending money first, as she thought I might scam her, which is understandable. I pointed her to my outstanding reviews and Instagram page, where I have a showcase of all the work I’ve done, but she still wasn’t comfortable and said she would just give me cash upon arrival, which I agreed to.
I picked up the part, and right before I headed to her, she called and said she had gone a mile down the street to take a shower and asked me to call her 10 minutes before I arrived. I said, “Okay,” because she was 36 minutes away.
I called her 10 minutes before I arrived, and she said she was 1 mile away.
Upon arrival, she was still not there and did not arrive for another 36 minutes. She had told me her car keys were in a shed on the property, but I didn’t feel comfortable searching someone else’s property.
She finally arrived, without any cash, and said she needed to hit an ATM. I started working on her car, jacked it up, and got under it, all the while waiting for her to go to the ATM. She mentioned she had warrants and would need her car to go to the ATM, but she could call her mom to pay my invoices.
Fast forward 20–30 excuses, and she still hadn’t paid me. She even somehow made a fake screen that made it look like she had paid me $200 for the starter, but the money wasn’t in my account. Knowing there was a bad phone signal in the area, I told her I would take the starter but would bring it back if the payment ever went through, to which she objected but finally gave in.
Fast forward two days later, she somehow got the starter replaced on her own, I assume, but her car still needed more work. She texted me apologizing and said, “Sorry, I was looking at the wrong screen; the payment never went through,” and asked me if I could come out to do some other work.
I told her I couldn’t and wouldn’t come out until I was paid for the partial work and the time I had wasted two days prior. After some time, she finally sent me $75, after which I told her I would not be doing business with her anymore and blocked her.
She texted me from another number and said she’d see me in court. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She’ll see you in court, for what, exactly? She never paid for the part. She stole your time and service. This person certainly has a skewed perception of the world.
NTJ. Do watch for negative reviews. She may try every which way she can to ruin your good rep. Scammers do not like to be held accountable.” Essie_C
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should send her an invoice saying paid so there is a paper trail.
I don’t believe she would set foot in small claims court as she would have to go to the courthouse, where she can be arrested for her outstanding warrants. But cover yourself anyway by sending an invoice stating she paid you for labor.” Electrical-Aioli6045
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lol, she’s trying to rip you off and you did the smart thing by not letting it happen. You also absolutely deserved to be paid for your work. Good for you for not taking crap!” Tears4BrekkyBih
19. AITJ For Running From My Friends' Surprise Birthday Party Due To My Panic Attack?
“The first thing I should tell you all is that I absolutely HATE my birthday. I have nothing against people celebrating their own, but I don’t like to celebrate mine.
I have some traumas regarding that particular date and my family (which is being worked on in therapy), but I still absolutely loathe it.
I turned twenty-eight (28) this past Saturday, and while my friends knew it was my birthday, they also know how much I despise celebrating it.
However, they decided to throw me a surprise birthday party; apparently, one of the girls from my friend group thought it was a nice gesture since I don’t usually celebrate.
While I know they meant well, it still isn’t something I would want as I do get panic attacks.
Nevertheless, I was told we were going to a mutual friend’s house to hang out and just talk, which is fine by me. I did not expect that I would find a surprise party when I got there.
As soon as we crossed the door threshold, I could see the decorations, people singing happy birthday, food and all that, and I panicked. I hate this situation so much that I turned around, practically running to my car and drove home.
This sucks so much, as I know this was supposed to be something fun, but I just can’t handle it. That said, some of my friends contacted me to see if I was okay, but others didn’t quite understand it and seemed to be annoyed that I ran.
Regardless, I feel like a piece of crap, like I spit in their good gesture.
I’m asking just to be sure if I truly am what I feel. Was I too much of a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Even if your friends hadn’t known how much you hate celebrating your birthday, you wouldn’t be the jerk.
You had a panic attack; those aren’t something you can just decide not to have or suck it up and ignore. The only reason your friends could have been justified in being annoyed with you in this situation would be if you’d actively lied to them and said you love celebrating your birthday and you especially love surprise parties, but you didn’t.” abfa00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anxiety + panic attacks are REAL. You didn’t really have much control over the moment. It’s okay. To top it off – they already knew you don’t like celebrating but did this anyway. With surprises, I feel like people end up doing things to make themselves feel good + have something fun to plan.
People rarely take into account WHO they’re planning it for, what might suit them, and what their personality is like. This isn’t always the case of course, but it is plenty of times. It’s okay OP! What you did is understandable.” warm-summer-rains
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand how some thought you might enjoy it, but they were wrong. And I wonder if your other friends knew of it and if they tried to shut it down. I know some of my friends have phobias or general dislikes.
If one of the group tries to schedule something in an attempt to help them without asking if it is okay, or pushing someone out of their comfort zone such that it will lead to panic or emotional shut-down, I shut that crap down the moment I hear of it.” Alita_Moonsong
18. AITJ For Demanding A Refund And Not Willing To Endure A 90-Minute Commute?
“Buddy asked me to be in his wedding and said he was getting an Airbnb for the wedding party.
Now, 2 weeks before the wedding, he asks where I’m planning on staying because the Airbnb is full.
I live in Gulf Shores, AL. The wedding is in Birmingham, AL and my in-laws live about 90 minutes south of there. He assumed that I was going to be able to stay with them since the Airbnb “filled up.”
I took it to mean “pay 300 dollars for a suit you don’t want, come to all the pre-wedding crap, the wedding, and get us a gift, but don’t think you’re going to be able to hang out with our lifelong friends the weekend of the wedding because you’ve got to drive to your in-laws’ house afterwards.”
I’m tempted to tell him to find another groomsman and give me my money back for the suit, but I’ll come to the wedding for the day.
Would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When the groom got an Airbnb, instead of letting the groomsmen pay for their hotel rooms, he was, in essence, creating an opportunity for the groomsmen to socialize together during the wedding weekend.
Excluding one person is rude and unkind. I don’t know how much success you’ll have getting him to repay you for the suit, but you are certainly within your rights to tell him you cannot commute 90 minutes for all the pre-wedding requirements.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“For the same cost of $300 in fuel, I would think you could get your own Airbnb or hotel room right there in the same neighborhood. Why is driving a crazy distance your only option? How big is the paid-for Airbnb, and how many guys are already packed into it?
Maybe one of them would want more space and be willing to split costs with you on a nearby place. There is a big wide world out there other than your in-laws or this one single Airbnb. I agree the groom is a super big jerk, but taking the high road here means a fun weekend with your other groomsman.” Last_Injury_225
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you definitely confirm that you could stay at the Airbnb or did you just assume? If he told you you had a place to stay and now suddenly is saying you don’t anymore, personally I would tell him it’s not going to work out and you won’t be able to come anymore.
But if you just assumed you were staying there and didn’t actually discuss it, then that’s a communication problem.” yourlittlebirdie
17. AITJ For Protecting My Trans Niece From Her Mom's Rejection?
“My husband, Alexander, and I were very close with my sister, Bridget, and my niece, Selene.
Selene’s father passed away before Selene was born. Bridget has raised Selene as a single mom. They were as close as could be.
But their bond started to wither after Selene came out to the family as a trans girl. Alexander and I fully embraced our niece.
We thought Bridget would react similarly, as she was supportive when our brother, Aaron, came out as gay. But Bridget did not at all.
She would constantly say how Selene was having a “teenage rebellion” phase. She would confiscate any makeup or “feminine” clothes that belonged to Selene and would berate her appearance.
She also constantly misgenders Selene and calls her by her dead name. Selene went from being outgoing and motivated to depressed.
We would talk to Bridget about how her behavior was hurting Selene, but she insisted that it was for Selene’s “own good.” We each tried to recommend therapy and sent her articles about being a parent with a transgender child, but Bridget would deny therapy and refuse to read the articles.
Selene expressed that she wanted to move out but was financially unable. She is a full-time student with a part-time job. The housing market where we live is ridiculous, especially around her campus, so she has to commute. I offered to let her move into our spare room, and Selene agreed immediately.
Bridget acted as if Selene’s moving out was just a temper tantrum and that she’d return. It has been months, and Bridget has realized that Selene has no intention of returning to her house. Selene is doing well and made the dean’s list at her university!
Bridget has been insistent that we need to make Selene talk to her again. Selene said she didn’t want to talk to Bridget until Bridget learned to respect her. I passed this message along to Bridget, but she still thinks Selene is only “being trans” to rebel for attention.
Alexander, Aaron, and I asked to come over to Bridget’s house to talk. We said that we were not going to force Selene to talk to her or move back in (she’s an adult, anyway) and that she is throwing away their relationship by refusing to embrace her daughter.
Bridget refused to listen. I told Bridget, “Bridget, Selene still loves you, and so do we. But you are acting like a bad mom; either learn to embrace your daughter or lose her forever.”
Bridget kicked us out. She told our other family members that we had come into her home to “gang up on her” and insult her parenting abilities.
She was especially upset because our mom was never around for us, and by saying that Bridget was acting like a bad mom, we were “putting her on the same level” as our own mom.
We explained our side of the story. My father is saying that I am enabling Selene to avoid seeing her mom’s side and that if I convince them to talk, then it will “allow their relationship to recover sooner.” I don’t see how that will work at all.
But AITJ for refusing to try it and for implying that Bridget was like our own mom?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course, NTJ. This is how trans youth become homeless and can spiral down into some pretty dangerous situations. I work in a psychiatric emergency room in a major US city, and the amount of trans youth we see coming in either homeless or struggling in the one shelter specifically designed for them is heartbreaking.
Good for you for always standing up for your niece.” RideThatBridge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Selene is lucky to have you and seems to be thriving. It’s up to Selene to decide whether or not she’d like to talk to her mother and no one else.
Keep supporting her and her wishes! Hopefully Bridget comes around, but if not, that’s her problem alone and she’ll miss out on her daughter’s life.” Slip_Slip_Knit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a very tricky situation. From your post, I think you all love Bridget and were there for her for the last years and supported her.
I get it, it’s hard for any parent when the dreams they had for their children won’t come true due to circumstances they can’t control. But that’s what you call life, right? As long as Bridget is not able to understand that Selene’s not looking for attention or just being ‘rebellious’, there won’t be any solution, you are right.
And right now, I think, you have a bigger responsibility to stay in Selene’s corner than to ‘convince’ her to do something she’s not comfortable with. To me, it would seem like a breach of trust to make her talk to somebody who’s not respecting her at all, even if that ‘somebody’ is her own mom.
I think you all worded the ‘acting like a bad mother’ part wrongly. If I were you, I would apologize for that part (because that one really hurt), but still stand strong in protecting Selene.” redsoxx1996
16. AITJ For Pressing My Friend To Finalize Her Livestock And Moving Plans?
“In early winter last year, a longtime friend of mine (V – 41f) asked if she could stay at my place while she relocated from 2 states away.
My partner (41m) and I (40f) live in a rural area, in a livable shed on a small acreage with 3 large dogs and 2 horses. Our one room is our kitchen, lounge room, and bedroom. V was well aware of our housing situation. Also of note, we live in an area that gets severe storms in late spring and summer – think golf-ball-sized hail and trees snapped in half.
V also knows about this.
V has 2 large dogs, 2 cats, 2 horses, 2 cows, chickens, and bees that she wanted to bring with her. We couldn’t put her up in the shed, so we offered to set her up in the paddock in a large tent for a few weeks or so, and set up fencing for her dogs with an enclosure for her cats and chickens.
She would be able to use our fridge/kitchen/bathroom, etc. We weren’t able to help her with the rest of her livestock, but gave her details of some agistment properties in our area. V hadn’t given us a date of arrival, but we’d expected her to be here in a couple of weeks, given how desperate she was when she called me.
Nearly 3 months later, V’s moving plans were going slowly – she hadn’t packed, hadn’t gotten her pets or livestock sorted, and had no plan for what to do or where to live permanently when she got here. In the meantime, due to the health crisis, rental properties in my area were now impossible to get, and real estate prices had skyrocketed. V and I had been communicating regularly, and I’d been sending her links to local rental and real estate sites and given her the names of places that may be hiring.
My partner and I looked into caravans, but everything was either too expensive or required extensive work to be livable.
I queried V’s plans to move up here, letting her know that she was still welcome to stay for a while, but that I was really concerned about the lack of properties for her to rent/buy, the lack of job opportunities, and safety concerns with her trying to live in a tent in storm season (it was now nearly spring).
I wanted her to have a more thorough plan than what she had.
After I had explained my concerns to her, I didn’t hear from her for 8 months. So I am wondering, AITJ for expressing my worries to her and pushing her to have a better plan than just moving into my paddock.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you own your property, you have some liability issues letting someone live in a tent in your horse paddock. Plus if you let her come, you may never get rid of her. Are you really ok with someone coming into your studio shed unannounced at all hours to have a snack or stink up the toilet?
This could get old really fast and may screw up your own relationship.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But honestly you will be to yourself if you let her move in. You already know that it’s going to be miserable and she’ll have nowhere to go, and you’ll have the hardest time ever getting rid of her.
Just stop it before it starts. Clearly it’s not an emergency; let her wait to move until she has something worked out to move to.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t that charming friend who’s going to drop by and crash on the couch for a few days or so.
This person has significant responsibilities that she’s talking about dragging into your lives. You have the right to know her plans. If she’s stopped communicating, she’s probably decided against moving.” disappointedvet
15. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Sister's Luxury Spending Over Her Children's Needs?
“I (26F) was asked by my older sister (32F) to help her pay for basic necessities for her children.
She is the mother of 2 children (3F and 1M) and the stepmother of 2 girls (13 and 11). She always asks for help to get things for her kids, from food to clothes to school supplies, but she always seems to have money to buy herself designer clothes.
She recently got promoted to the manager of the small dive bar she works for, and her husband (35M) is currently a stay-at-home dad. They always complain about not having money to get their kids stuff, but when we bring up her designer everything, she gets upset and complains that she’s just trying to feel good about herself.
I have no problem with her feeling good about herself, but I feel she is neglecting her children in the process.
When she told our brother (30M) and me about her latest venture of wanting $15000 plastic surgery, we questioned where she’s getting the money to pay for such a thing.
She got mad and said it wasn’t our business and all she asks from us is to help her take care of her children while she heals and whatnot. I talked to my fiance (30M) about it, and he said that we were done helping her with anything since she hasn’t even paid us back for paying for her wedding.
I usually try to give my sister the benefit of the doubt, but this time, I feel like she is going too far. So AITJ for deciding to stop helping my older sister?”
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ…..send her monthly bills for their wedding that you paid for.
If she can get designer clothes monthly, she can cut that crap out and pay you back and have enough money for her kids to be properly cared for. She wants plastic surgery that costs $15K? She can wait until all her kids and stepkids are graduated from HS and off to college, THEN get her surgery.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has some major mental illness and it’s affecting the children. I very much doubt her husband will let the children starve, but if you’ve bailed them out until now he might demand her pay, so just stay away because she has looked at you as her personal bank account.” Royal-Space-Pirate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!!!!!! She can come up with money for her clothes; if she can buy her own kids’ stuff, tell her no or you’re on the hook forever. Just because she is family doesn’t mean she gets to treat you all like crap.
She is a user and won’t stop until you put your foot down. I have one in my family also. Tell hubby to take care of her and the kids. Why the heck isn’t he working? They have daycare for the kids.” spawn6669
14. AITJ For Using The Office Blender For My Post-Surgery Smoothies?
“Yesterday, I got wisdom tooth surgery. It was a difficult surgery because I had completely sideways and severely impacted wisdom teeth.
Three out of the four had cysts.
As a result, I have a very limited diet for the next two weeks. At work, we have a lounge with a bunch of snacks and a limited selection of meals free of charge on a different floor.
The only thing I can eat is yogurt. We also have a fully stocked kitchen on my floor. However, most people in our office go out to eat.
Today, I wanted to eat something nutritious that wouldn’t make me nauseous, so I took some food from the lounge (spinach, bananas, berries, honey packets, and some plant-based milk) and used the blender to make a smoothie.
I think I was the first person to actually use the blender since it was set up. I don’t use ice because it hurts my teeth. I got a few raised eyebrows, so I wonder if I would be the jerk if I did this for the next couple of days.
I’m currently living at a hotel that doesn’t have a blender, which is why I can’t bring a smoothie from home. My boss has been unhappy because I took a few days off work earlier in May, so I am hyper aware of things that would irritate the office and would like to avoid it if possible.”
Another User Comments:
“On the face of it, there’s nothing unreasonable about using the blender that was provided. I can’t see how anyone would fault that. But no one here is familiar with your work culture, & any advice or reaction would fail to take that into account.
It also seems the height of unreasonableness to quibble over days off to have major oral surgery, but only you know what your workplace will suffer wrt employee sick leave & recuperation.” deathtofumanchu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The blender was there… why shouldn’t you be able to use it?
The noise might’ve bothered them, but that is what it is. If they didn’t want the noise, they shouldn’t have put the blender there. You didn’t do anything wrong.” churbb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your workplace provides a blender, presumably they expect people to use it.
If the kitchen is close to someone’s office, maybe give them a heads up if your job takes a lot of calls/meetings, but I don’t think you should feel bad for using it.” thebabes2
13. AITJ For Throwing Out My Friend's Chair Without Asking?
“One of my close friends, Mitch, left a set of items at my house several years ago when they initially moved out.
When I had first bought the house, they and their family lived in the upstairs half of my house. With them, they brought along their first set of table and chairs from their first apartment. It’s not an heirloom or anything; it’s one of those starter sets from Walmart, but it’s made of decent wood and metal, and it’s got sentimental value to them.
When they first moved into another apartment on their own about 2-3 years ago, they brought the table but left 3/4 chairs with me because they didn’t have room. They moved into a larger apartment last year and still haven’t taken the chairs. We use them from time to time; it’s not like they sit up in an attic, but they are more temporary extra seating than an active part of our decor.
They stay in our dining room, which has terrible heating. I accidentally left one close to a window, and it got really damp and eventually molded all over the seat (the metal was okay). I noticed when I was spring cleaning the dining room that I tried to clean the seat, but I couldn’t figure out how to get it off and ultimately threw it away, thinking they wouldn’t want it back in that state and that I still had the other two.
They have a new table and chairs set at their current home, so if they ever actually want them back, these would likely serve the same purpose in their life as mine.
This was a few months ago, and today, we are helping a mutual friend (Sherry) move.
We were discussing furniture and things for Sherry, and Mitch mentioned that Sherry would be taking those three chairs I have. I admit I only have two because I threw one away since the seat had molded. Mitch is upset that I threw the chair away.
They stated they could have taken the seat off and replaced it. They ask that I replace the chair. This is from a set of chairs sold at Walmart some odd years ago. I did a cursory internet search, and it is pretty much not possible to find even the exact same set and certainly not just one chair.
I tell them I will do my best to replace it. They replied that they wish I would have asked first, which is fair enough. We continued the night pretty fine. I know they’re still upset, but it’ll fade, and I’ll keep my eyes peeled at lawn sales and thrift shops for a comparable chair.
If it’s important to them, I’ll find a way to replace it.
Am I the jerk for throwing away the chair instead of asking them? It clearly upset them, and I respect that, but I don’t feel as if I did much actually wrong for discarding an item that I didn’t even know if or when they’d actually retrieve, and it was technically a biohazard.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They abandoned their furniture at your house and expected you to just store those chairs for years? No. You take it with you, or it’s abandoned property and you can do what you want with it. They should have checked to find out if you still even had those chairs before promising them to someone.
Expecting you to hold onto them on the off chance they might want them is ridiculous.” coreysnaps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I kind of feel what they are feeling. Back in Uni, I rented out one bedroom in my apartment. After one girl moved out, I asked if she could please return the shoe rack.
It was the cheapest ever. Maybe 5 bucks. She just replied that it broke and she had thrown it out. I never heard from her again. She never offered to replace it. She didn’t ask if I wanted to fix it before she removed it. It was just 5 bucks and it’s absolutely ridiculous to think about it even 8 years later.
I feel hurt that she didn’t think I would like to be updated about the remainder of my cheap shoe rack. You’re still NTJ because you were not in charge of taking care of the chairs. For all we know, you could have just dumped them in the attic and they might all be moldy.” Enthusiastic-Dragon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Figure out how much space the chairs occupy. If each chair was 2x2x3 ft, and you stacked two of them, it’d take a space 2x4x3, 24 cu ft. Now find out the rates of the nearest storage facility. The cheapest units in our area are $38 a month for 5x5x8 or 200 cu ft. So the prorated cost to store three chairs would be $4.56 per month.
Times 36 months would be $164. Walmart has a table and four chairs for $144 (they have cheaper sets, but I’m being generous). Give them an invoice and tell them you’ll waive the $20 they owe you.” Hammingbir
12. AITJ For Removing My Sister From My Hen Do After She Blocked Me Over Trip Changes?
“My sister (34F) and I (32F) have a complicated relationship due to our narcissistic mother, but we’ve bonded in adulthood.
We both have ADHD and mental health struggles. Eve doesn’t really have close friends besides me, whereas I’ve built a small but solid circle since meeting my fiancé in 2017.
We’re having a relaxed weekend wedding at holiday cottages (£190pp). My maid of honour and I fell out this year due to her being in an abusive relationship.
Eve never liked her and quickly offered to take over planning my hen do. I was grateful but worried, as she isn’t the most organised.
Originally, my MOH planned a weekend away (£300+), which Eve criticised as too expensive. So I was surprised when she arranged a trip to Amsterdam for £350pp.
She assured me that eight were coming and twenty for a local hen do. I trusted her.
Time passed, and I had to chase her for details. She said it would be booked on Jan 17th but didn’t mention that everyone dropped out due to cost—leaving just me, her, and one bridesmaid.
When the 17th came and nothing was booked, I asked what was going on. She admitted it was just us three, and I said not to bother with Amsterdam. She got defensive, saying she couldn’t force people to come. I never expected that—I just expected her to make it affordable, which she didn’t.
After criticising my MOH for cost, she planned something even more expensive. I know Amsterdam is somewhere she’s always wanted to go, and I feel like my hen do became more about that than what I wanted.
She accused me of caring more about quantity than quality, which wasn’t true at all.
It wasn’t about numbers—it was about having my friends there, which she completely overlooked.
She left the hen chat and blocked me on WhatsApp. A few days later, I heard she was struggling with her daughter, so I tried to reach out. She ignored my calls, and when I finally got through via iMessage, she said she didn’t want to speak to me because I’d called the hen do a car crash (which… it kind of was, considering some girls didn’t even know about Amsterdam).
Since then, I’ve planned my own hen do—twelve of us are going to a cottage with a hot tub for £140pp. I didn’t want to fall out, so I had a bridesmaid add her back into the chat to see the new plans.
She left immediately. I texted her, asking if she was coming to the hen do or wedding, since she still hasn’t paid for her accommodation (due in December). No response.
Now I don’t know what to do. I haven’t lashed out or been cruel, and I don’t feel like I deserve this treatment.
People keep telling me to reach out again, but I already tried. I don’t see why I should keep bending over backward when she’s the one who blocked me.
I need to decide whether to tell the venue we have two fewer guests.
If I don’t, I’m stuck paying for her and my niece. If I do, then this argument might be the final straw for our relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any idiot would know that the purpose of a hen party is to go with the whole group.
Send her a message saying that you would love for her to come, but if you haven’t heard from her by date x, you will let the venue know to book for minus two. Up to her to respond. Stop chasing her and giving her control of the situation by acknowledging her tantrum-like behavior.
If she doesn’t join, her decision, not your responsibility. Then go out and enjoy your hen party with your real friends.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ. Reduce the count by two. If/when your sister ever decides she and her daughter did/do want to go, she’ll blame you.
But the responsibility is all hers. Just enjoy your friends and your getaway. As for your sister, don’t go out of your way to apologize, beg, etc. Don’t react to her current behavior. Communicate in your normal manner. Don’t make any extra effort. If she doesn’t get messages, that’s on her.
If she wanted anything different, that was on her. This approach leaves her to manage her own feelings, leaves the door open for things to move forward, and is clear that you have nothing to feel bad about.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was planning something for herself.
But back to price, I think your new plan is much better. It sounds like a great, relaxing fun time, and is only 140pp. It was not at all right for your sister to try and hijack it. But, the sentiment of “I got to pay $300ish to go on a trip I don’t really wanna do, if I got to pay this much I would at least prefer it to be something that I like” is so common for bridesmaids to feel.
So good to hear the plan was changed cause 300 and 350 really aren’t that much different. If bridesmaids couldn’t attend the 350 one, then they probably could barely afford to attend the 300 plan. I’m not trying to defend the sister, just giving an idea of how to understand her point of view.
My friends and I have been required to do hens that aren’t at all my cup of tea. It didn’t really feel worth it for the money it cost. I’m not saying you’re doing that. But it can be really hard to pick a plan that works for everyone.
So multiple people could end up not being thrilled about the cost. It was never tradition for brides to have a destination hen/bach. Rich people who could afford it started the trend. And “proper etiquette” rich people paid for it themselves instead of asking their bridesmaids to shell out for it.
But give your sister some space for now, a few days to cool off. And then try and meet with her in person to chat. It’s always better to chat face-to-face to resolve issues. Do it somewhere where you guys can cry and shout if needed. But stay until it’s resolved. Normally with my brother I always had issues with, we’d need a 90 min talk/shout/cry/etc and we were always on a better page with each other at the end of it cause we each got to get everything off our chest, be heard, be understood, listen to the other and realize that they had some good points too, and move on.
Set rules like one person gets to talk uninterrupted, and the other person has to really listen (but have a 5-10 minute timer going). That person gotta wrap up the thought at the end of the timer and give the other person a chance to talk.
And just cycle and repeat until both of you feel better. If she’s not opening up, then you start opening up and being vulnerable first.” Anxious_Telephone326
11. AITJ For Opposing My Stepmum's Plan To Force Soccer On My Bookworm Sister?
“I (M,18) have a little sister (F, 9) who is a real bookworm and often feels left out at school and in other activities because she is often seen reading rather than playing with the other kids her age. I know that she doesn’t really do anything sports-wise other than swimming, and so I find her knocking on my door and crying about getting bullied. She is really shy and often cannot stand up to them.
This is a common scenario, and I feel really bad that I can’t do anything about it.
It turns out that this time my stepmum heard about it and, a few days later, enrolled her in soccer for the new term (there is a program at her school) even though she knows that my sister hates soccer, and that if she does it at school then she will only get bullied more.
(We know this because we tried a similar thing last year.) So I went to talk to her, telling her that she cannot enroll my sister in something that she is not comfortable with. But she tells me, and I’m quoting her here, “She can’t hide behind books forever,” and “She needs to be normal.” She argues that she is her stepmum and has some liberty over the choices for her stepchild and that I should not get caught between the choices she makes for my sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have been that girl (right down to the only sporty activity I liked being swimming, maybe in a couple of years she can start the training track for lifeguarding, that’s what I did and it was very fulfilling) and I thank you for listening to her.
I do understand what other commenters are saying, that it’s good to have multiple interests, but I think that it’s unlikely she’ll find a new interest she loves when she’s being forced to attend these activities. I’m speaking from experience… T-ball, figure skating, Brownies (this is Girl Scouts for the younger girls if you’re unfamiliar), soccer, swimming; every night had to be a sport or activity, and I desperately wanted to just quietly read my book.
When your mom is MAKING you do the activity, the default position is “she has to make me, therefore I hate this.” It didn’t make me any more socially skilled either; the kids at the activities just called me a bookworm nerd, also, as you’ve astutely pointed out, is likely to happen.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As a fellow bookworm, it is okay to try something else or to explore a bunch of different things. You are NTJ here for your feelings, but the truth is you don’t have the authority or business to tell anyone what they can or cannot enroll a child in their care in.
Go to the practices and games. Encourage your sister to make the best of it. Volunteer to help coach. Suggest other things she may like in the future. Those are positive things you can do. Trying to have authority over something you don’t have authority over isn’t going to go well for you.
There is nothing wrong with being a bookworm. I read at least two books a week and have since childhood, but I also had interests outside of that. I danced, ran track, played basketball, I can do a variety of fiber arts, I write, etc. There are things to explore outside of reading.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“I am to this day a bookworm – I was the kind of child who read the back of cereal packets (as my dad didn’t let us read at the table). Reading is my happy place. I would like to reassure you that even though I was never ‘popular’ at school, in university, and in adulthood, I had lots of friends and am still very social. I also have a reasonably successful career and am, to all intents and purposes, ‘normal.’ Incidentally, being an introvert isn’t ‘abnormal.’ Unless your sister is unhappy or depressed, I don’t see anything wrong with her choosing to be less social and losing herself in books.
Some people take longer than others to be social. Who you are at 9(!) years old isn’t who you are forever. NTJ, and thank you for standing up for your sister.” owlinpeagreenboat
10. AITJ For Eating A To-Go Croissant With My Wife Without Paying Extra?
“My wife and I were out running errands. We stopped to get a coffee and a snack. We both ordered a coffee from the barista who came around to take coffee orders. I then got up to order a croissant from the bread counter. Upon ordering, I was informed that there is a $2 surcharge for eating here.
I declined this and said “Takeaway is fine”.
I returned to the table; the coffee had arrived, and my wife had ordered some food as well. She ordered an egg salad sandwich. I told her about the silly $2 surcharge on a $3 croissant.
I put my croissant in my jacket pocket to eat later as we walked to the next shop.
When her egg salad sandwich arrived, I could tell she didn’t want to eat alone, so I took out the croissant and ate with her.
Then she went quiet… She didn’t say another word until we left.
Outside, she proceeded to tell me how upset she was by what I ordered and that I should have paid the extra.
This was obviously a bit of a surprise to me. Instead of escalating things, we both decided it was best to go separate ways, and she decided to go home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe I read it wrong. You said takeaway because you weren’t going to eat it there, right?
And you had intended on not staying to eat there until your wife sat down to eat her food, right? I don’t see an issue. Wouldn’t it be awkward if you went back and paid the $2 because you were going to eat with your wife?
What would your wife have done if you had kept the food in your pocket and started to eat once you left? Would that have been awkward too? People are just odd sometimes. I vote NTJ. I hope your day got better.” Electronic-Walk-7043
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, and not for eating the croissant. But instead for failing to communicate with your partner about what should be a trivial disagreement and instead relying on strangers to inform your decisions. Nothing is wrong with having feelings, and you don’t have to agree with the way the situation was handled. But in the end, it’s a disagreement over a croissant.
The problem is you posting about it on here, rather than just talking about it with your partner. They felt awkward about you eating without paying the surcharge and told you so when it was initially discussed. Clearly the way this was communicated/handled bothered you, otherwise, you wouldn’t still be thinking about it & posting about croissants.
If you can’t articulate your feelings regarding something this trivial in a healthy way, how are you going to effectively communicate about anything more difficult in the future? Start talking more and approach these matters through the lens of improving your understanding of each other.
It will be hard sometimes, but putting your trust in the person you love is worth it.” psychedelicfunguy69
Another User Comments:
“I’m so confused by this thread. Obviously, NTJ. It’s a stupid surcharge, but you also bought it to take away; you didn’t buy it to eat there.
Even if afterwards you had just decided to take a bite of it, it would have been fine. It’s just eating a croissant. Also, the surcharge is surely because you’re taking up a table and your wife was clearly eating already, so she would’ve been taking up the table anyway.
However, I do want to say that sometimes my partner and I get into arguments when we’re out because he is very relaxed about rules and I am fairly strict with rules and things. So sometimes he will do something against the rules that’s not necessarily wrong but makes me feel uncomfortable regardless.
Like with this example, paying the surcharge is not morally wrong; it’s a made-up rule to pay extra because you’re not leaving with it and choosing to sit down to have it. But I also see how your partner got uncomfortable because I would too, mainly because I get an immediate feeling of ‘I’m gonna get in trouble.’ But that’s my problem really.” darkandtwisty99
9. AITJ For Replacing My Sister With My Cousin As A Bridesmaid?
“I’m a 24F getting married soon, and my older sister (28F) doesn’t want to come. The issue started when she said I don’t talk to her about anything wedding-related, and she wouldn’t be doing a speech.
She was supposed to be a bridesmaid, but she left the group chat and RSVP’d online saying she was attending, then later changed it to “not attending.”
I’m a people pleaser, and I’ve always had a hard time being the center of attention.
I’ve never really had a moment to myself where I get to call the shots. For example, at my baby shower, even though I picked the “Nightmare Before Christmas” theme and wanted specific things, my soon-to-be MIL, sister, and aunt took control of the event.
The theme was kept, but everything else was changed. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the effort, but it wasn’t what I imagined. I’ve never been one to ask for much, and I often felt left out growing up, never really getting new or expensive things for my birthday or holidays.
I also don’t like people spending too much money on me, but it’s been hard because I never get a moment to enjoy things for myself.
So, when my sister dropped out of the wedding, I added my cousin as a bridesmaid. She feels more like a sister to me, and she’s been supportive throughout the whole wedding planning.
I feel like my sister would be upset if she knew, but I don’t want her back in the wedding party. I also want my nieces and nephews to be there, and my sister seems to crave attention and wants everything her way. For example, she suggested dancers for my bachelorette, which is totally not my vibe since I’m an introvert and just want to have a simple day that’s about me.
My sister-in-law was going to do the thank you speech because I have really bad anxiety, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed and stressed from the wedding planning. But I don’t want my sister to feel like she’s being excluded if she chooses to attend as a guest. I just want everything to go smoothly and to have a day where I can feel comfortable and at ease.
So, AITJ for adding my cousin as a bridesmaid and not wanting my sister back in the wedding party?
She also didn’t even talk to me about her feeling left out, which I never intended, and she also never called or messaged me asking about details or anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YOUR wedding is about YOU and YOUR fiancé. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, and all other roles in a wedding are chosen by the bride and groom. Is your sister either the bride or the groom? Oh, she’s neither? Well then, she’s not important.
And she’s even less important after dropping out as a bridesmaid then declining her own invitation to YOUR happy day. This is your chance to say ‘no more’ to behaviour like this from anyone, especially your sister. Start polishing your backbone and stand up to bullies like her, even in a quiet way (if anything, this would be better because it will drive her crazy but you won’t look bad/mad/whatever).” BlackCatWitch29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take a breath. You didn’t exclude your sister at all. You invited her and you wanted her to be a bridesmaid. I take it you have proof of these two things. She then RSVP’d that she would not be attending, which you will have as proof.
So, if your family asks you, just say, ‘I did invite her and even asked her to be a bridesmaid, but she said no.’ If anyone pushes you, you show them the evidence. Your sister can’t be mad that your SIL is doing a speech because she chose not to attend.
Op, if you are this worried and anxious, are you sure you want to get married? Because you don’t sound happy about anything. I think you maybe should postpone the wedding and focus on yourself. If you aren’t already, seek therapy for your anxiety. Or you and your fiancé can just go to a courthouse and get married there without the fuss.
Just don’t run yourself ragged for something you aren’t going to enjoy.” BackgroundSoup7952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The issue here is not that your sister was being excluded. Before she dropped out, she was being included. Bridesmaid. In a wedding group chat. Involved in planning the bachelorette.
The issue here is that your sister decided she wasn’t being included enough. Which you had no obligation to do. There is only one person that you’re really obligated to involve in the primary wedding planning. Your fiancé. Involving anyone else, including siblings, is a choice.
One that is up to you and your fiancé alone. Even asking someone to be in your wedding party does not obligate you to involve them in the larger wedding plans. If you do involve others, it is best done when you have a good relationship with them.
Which doesn’t sound to be the case with your sister. It in fact sounds like you have good reason to minimize your sister’s involvement in the larger planning. Since it sounds like she might have tried to usurp control of the plans. Or at least been a constant pain by pushing for you to do things the way she wanted them.
Depending on how controlling your sister can actually be, this could be a situation where it is a No-Win scenario for you. You could have involved her more and still ended up here because she decided that it still wasn’t enough. It may even help to ask and remind yourself.
“How much involvement would have been enough for her?” and “Would I have gotten the wedding I wanted if I let her be involved to the degree she would have been happy with?”. When it comes down to it, any issues your sister has with her level of involvement and perceptions of being “excluded” are her problem, not yours.
She was involved. She chose to walk away. She was invited. She says she’s not coming. Her exclusions are now by her own hand. The one thing I would suggest there, if you can afford it, is to leave her and her family in the final headcount.
At least barring something happening where you decide that she is no longer welcome and they have to be uninvited. If you leave space for them in the headcount, it will not be an issue if they appear at the last minute. If you’re doing assigned seating at the reception, having them on the seating chart could put to rest any claims that they weren’t welcome.
It will be a visible demonstration that you wanted them there, and any non-appearance was her choice.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
8. AITJ For Banning My Ex's Partner From My Family Rental During A Friend's Vacation?
“A few months ago, a good friend of mine asked if she could book a vacation property that my family owns for a family ski trip she was planning.
This included her, her husband, her parents, her brother, and his partner. I said, “Of course,” and let them stay for free too, as I know their family really well.
However, a week ago, I started receiving extremely nasty messages from the brother’s partner.
For context, I used to be in a pretty serious relationship with my friend’s brother; we were together in undergrad and medical school, though we broke up more than four years ago due to having different life goals. It was quite amicable on both sides, and while I wouldn’t call us friends, we still wish each other happy birthdays and happy holidays when they come around.
Imagine my surprise when I checked my phone after getting off work and saw 15 messages from my ex. They turned out to be from his partner, who was, I guess, messaging me from his phone. She somehow got the idea that I was joining them on their family vacation and was extremely upset, cussing me out and telling me to stop trying to interfere in her relationship.
I was really taken aback, as the only time I had met her, she had seemed pretty nice, and, as I mentioned earlier, I barely speak with my ex. I simply replied that she had misunderstood, that I was not joining them on their vacation, and that my only connection to their vacation was the fact that my family owned the property at which they were going to be staying.
However, she continued to be very rude and accusatory, so I decided to just block my ex’s number. She then started going around and messaging me on other socials, where I also resorted to blocking her. This lasted about a week, and it took me blocking her on basically every site that has a way to message people for it to stop.
This has been a very upsetting situation, and now I don’t want her staying at my family’s property. However, I would also feel very bad messing up and potentially ruining their family vacation plans, and punishing everyone when I really only have an issue with the partner.”
Another User Comments:
“Imagine a random guest doing this to an Airbnb host. They’d cancel so f’ing fast, and probably get you banned from the site. This is completely unacceptable behavior, and you don’t have to put up with it. Share everything with the friend.
Tell them you’re so sorry, that you tried to mediate the conversation with ex’s partner, but you don’t feel comfortable with having someone with so much animosity towards you staying in your family home, and that you’re going to have to cancel this trip. If your friend is upset, ask them how they’d react to that level of stalking and vitriol.
Cancel the whole thing, let THEM be the ones to say “ok, but what if she doesn’t come” and you can make the decision at that point whether or not it’s ok. But she’s a member of that party, and actions have consequences. If you outright say “No partner,” she’ll take that as proof that she was right.
If THEY say, “Ok, no partner,” then they are the ones that made the call.” elizzup
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not letting your friend or her brother know what is going on or letting your parents (if it’s their business) contact the official booker (your friend or her parents?) is unacceptable.
Why on earth do you think it’s a good idea to not let your friend have a clue until you have already decided to cancel the booking? And your parents condone you canceling a booking without informing the family so that they could address the problem?
By withholding information, you are depriving the family of choosing to uninvite the partner from their family vacation because of her outrageous behavior. I have to wonder how the partner is completely unaware of multiple messages on his phone. I have my doubts about your post. How do you expect your friendship to survive a surprise cancellation of her family’s vacation?” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“Why would you not at least give your friend a chance? Send her screenshots of everything the partner sent you, tell her the partner is no longer allowed on the property because her behavior is unhinged and, at this point, you don’t trust her not to be malicious and cause damage to the property.
Tell your friend to let you know whether the entire group will find another place to stay or the partner will. Make sure she knows you’re very happy to have everyone else stay at the property as agreed, but that if she doesn’t contact you to let you know the partner won’t be there, you’ll be canceling the entire reservation.
The only reason to just cancel the whole family would be if you don’t trust them. Is there any reason you think they’d tell you she’s not coming but then bring her anyway? If that’s the case, then, yeah, I guess if I didn’t feel I could trust them to safeguard my family’s vacation rental property from an obviously unhinged woman, I’d cancel their reservation.
YTJ, if you don’t have a conversation/send the screenshots to your friend first, but ultimately, it’s a property your family uses for income, yes? I wouldn’t want to give this woman a chance to damage it, if it were me and my property.
Talk to your friend first, but whether to pull the reservation is your decision.” Hungry_Composer644
7. AITJ For Having The City Remove My Neighbor's Moldy Furniture?
“My (24F) neighbor has had a couch and chair in his yard for 2 months. I have patiently waited for them to remove it, but they have not. Raccoons, cats, stray dogs, and God knows what else have made the couch their spot.
I put in an order with the city to haul it off, and they did.
I’d been complaining about it for a while, and when my sister visited and saw it was gone, she commented on it. I said, “Yeah, I had the trash people haul it off.” She told me that was rude and not appropriate.
I think it’s rude and not appropriate to leave a rotting, moldy couch out for wildlife to live in, but whatever. So AITJ for getting it removed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s what Codes Enforcement is for. In most places, the Codes Enforcement dept doesn’t have enough staff or time to go looking for violations; most of the time it is complaint-driven by someone in the neighborhood, so much so that many cities use an app for citizens to be able to report issues like potholes or tall grass or inoperable vehicles or nuisance refuse like old furniture.
In the city I work for, we use SeeClickFix.” kitchen_witchery_ks
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No matter how unsightly it was, or junkie, it was not your property to remove. You could consider it trash, but the law considers it theft. It also considers trespassing, and you can get the trash people in trouble.
It doesn’t matter how many times you told them it bothers you that it’s on their property. You don’t get a say in what is on their property. If the city finds a code violation, then the city handles it, but never you.
You don’t get to look at someone else’s property and decide what they’re allowed to have on there and what needs to be removed.” feisty_cactus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you lied to the city about owning the property. If you had made a complaint and the city removed it, then you would have been NTJ.
I live in a city with a lot of rules and regulations. My neighbor has code enforcement coming to their property at least once a month because of jerks reporting them. Why? They have patio furniture on their carport, which is not breaking any rules.
We can see the reports online, and people report junk, trash, etc on their property which is a complete lie. Someone once reported boards in front of my garage, again not illegal, and it was right after a near miss from a hurricane.” Maleficent-Goth
6. AITJ For Refusing To Laugh Off My Dad's Dangerous Pranks?
“My dad 34m is always pranking me 17f. It started when I was a kid. For example, he jumps out or wears masks that are scary. I don’t know how he’s going to act with the mask on because he goes too far when in character.
Like one time, he put a real chainsaw close to me while it was on; it didn’t have a blade, but I didn’t know.
I also have very bad anxiety and take medical emergencies seriously. I’ve had so many close deaths, including my mom when I was little, both grandmas, my uncle, and pets.
My nana used to have medical emergencies when she lived with us, and I was always the one finding her and calling for help.
I got home after being gone all day. Usually, my dad is on the couch in the living room gaming—right next to the front door—but the TV was on and he wasn’t there.
He wasn’t in the kitchen or bathroom either. His partner wasn’t home either, so I thought maybe they went out somewhere, but why was the TV on? Then I realized I hadn’t seen my dog, so I looked in the yard outside the kitchen, but they weren’t there.
I texted Dad saying I’m home and heard his phone ding.
My dog was standing over my dad, face down on the ground with blood coming out of his mouth, and I didn’t even have time to think—I just started panicking. Everything is a blur because I was so scared, but his eyes were open, which made my heart stop.
I dialed 911 and said, “Something happened to my dad.” He laughed. The lady on the phone asked what was happening because I got quiet. I shyly said, “never mind” and hung up.
My dad was laughing so hard, but I started screaming and called him a child and said, “Grow up,” because I thought he was dead.
I said, “How could you do this to me?” and then I said, “I hate you.” He said, “Lighten up; it’s a joke.” I told him I’m tired of his pranks and that he should never rely on me in an emergency because I’m not taking it seriously.
He got mad and we yelled at each other. Then I went to my room, but he followed me to keep fighting. I slammed my door, and he busted it back open and said he was going to ground me, but he never follows through with it, so I just rolled my eyes and told him to get out of my room because I don’t want to talk to him right now.
I told him that it triggered me. He called me a sensitive crybaby and said I was blowing it out of proportion. I had a bad panic attack, but did he care? No.
I’m still not talking to him much. He’s been moping around trying to guilt me into dropping it, but I can’t.
I remember finding my pet dead or hearing the news my mom died—it makes my heart beat fast. I’ve cried a lot because of what if and because he’s making me feel bad for being upset. I said sorry for saying I hate him, but that’s it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry he’s behaving this way. You have every right to be upset with your dad’s childish behavior. You can’t make him grow up, but please reach out at school to find mental health support. You need a therapist to help you work through your past traumas & to help you build the coping skills you need to deal with such an emotionally immature parent.” MimiD444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad sounds abusive. His behavior goes far beyond just pranking and is inappropriate for anyone, let alone a father. You’re 17, I hope you have a plan and are preparing to leave as soon as you turn 18. In the meantime, I second the advice about writing down all the “pranks” and other inappropriate behavior and going to your school counselor.
Being around that on a regular basis (and whatever other crap I’m sure he pulls that wasn’t even described in this post) is not good for your mental health. Find a good therapist asap and you can begin to heal. Good luck and so sorry you’re having to deal with this.” Beautiful_Range_1803
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Confront him or write him a letter. Tell him that it doesn’t matter if he thinks it is light-hearted and funny; you do not, and you are done with it. You don’t feel safe around him, full stop. And until you trust that he understands and respects you, you have no choice but to close off your heart around him.
Then, go full grey rock. Don’t interact beyond basic politeness. Hi, bye, please, and thank you. Don’t tell him about your day. Say good night; do not say I love you. When he tries to rattle you and get a severe emotional reaction, just look at him with dead eyes and excuse yourself to the bathroom to cry it out.
It’s even okay if he knows you are crying; just don’t do it in front of him. After a few weeks of this treatment, he might actually realize what he is risking by constantly disrespecting you with his pranks. Your love. If he promises to change, start to breadcrumb some love and attention back in, but slowly and guardedly.
He will have a slip-up or two before he changes for good.” thefinalhex
5. AITJ For Entering A Shared Room In A Towel And Interrupting A Makeout Session?
“Four of us share the same room and live in bunk beds, We never had this tradition of “knocking” on the door before entering the bedroom amongst us.
One day, my roommate invited his partner and they were sitting on his own bunk bed watching a movie. I didn’t know that she had come over because I was bathing. I entered the room (I was draped in my towel and was in my bathrobe) and, through the corner of my eye, I noticed that they were making out, but I could only see them for a brief second.
To avoid embarrassment, I grabbed my clothes from the closet ASAP and went to the kitchen to change. The other two of my roommates were not present. I changed and went on with the rest of my day; he didn’t show any signs of bringing that up the next day.
The next day, while I was casually cooking in the kitchen, this guy walked in and started screaming at me for entering the room while he was alone with his partner! I shouted back at him, telling him that it wasn’t his own private room and told him to get his own place if it bothered him.”
Another User Comments:
“”The next day while I was casually cooking in the kitchen this guy walks in and starts screaming at me for entering the room while he was alone with his partner! I shouted back at him, telling him that it wasn’t his own private room and told him to get his own place if it bothers him.” NTJ.
This is all that needs to be said. If he wants privacy, then get his own place with his own room. Sharing a room with 4 other people, you get NO PRIVACY. That is what he signed up for. He was yelling at you when you yourself just got out of the shower and had to go change clothes in the kitchen.
If anything, he was in the wrong for having her in YOUR space. If this escalates, stand your ground. Do not argue. Simply repeat….”told him to get his own place if it bothers him.””
Another User Comments:
“Tell him to hang a sock or something on the door next time, lmao.
Can’t expect people to knock on their OWN bedroom door. Either establish a code (like the door thing), or he can tell everyone in advance that he’s bringing someone over between these hours… NTJ at all.” Select_Wolverine1411
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had no idea that your roommate had his partner around, which he clearly knew.
He also had no right to shout at you over it, especially when the room is a shared space with you and 2 others. He had no right to shout at you, and he was entirely in the wrong. The only thing I’d say is you could have responded slightly better and tried to manage the situation, but that is a high thing to ask of anyone—especially when I know for a fact I would react exactly like you did.” UmbralWitchZ
4. AITJ For Limiting Whipped Cream At An Event?
“Recently, at a school event, the teacher asked if the parent group I’m a part of could provide cookies and cocoa. I thought it might be nice to also provide things to add to the cocoa, in this case, marshmallows, whipped cream, and sprinkles.
I had a child tell me that she doesn’t drink cocoa and asked for just a cup of whipped cream.
(Note she and her friends were the first in line.) As she ate the chocolate chip cookies, I’m fairly certain it wasn’t an allergy to chocolate, just a preference to not drink cocoa. As soon as she asked, the five other kids wanted to have just a cup of the whipped cream too.
So I could see where this would end up. So I told her no, that I was sorry, I only had a limited supply of the whipped cream and if I told her yes I’d have to let everyone do it too and the people behind her in line wouldn’t have the cream to add to their cocoa.
I offered her a cup to grab some water, but she stomped away mad.
Five minutes later, her mom came up and asked for a cup of whipped cream, and there was another immediate chorus of people wanting cups of whipped cream too. So I explained again about the whipped cream and the people in line, and Mom stomped away mad.
A teacher who was attending the event with her child and not connected to the class or parent group (only add a child in the class) came up and asked, with the predictable round of “me too.” I again explained that there was still a line out the door and down the hall, and only a certain amount of whipped cream available; if I said yes to this child, I’d have to let everyone get cups of cream too.
I was sorry, but the answer is no. When this unconnected teacher caught me with my back turned, she took the whipped cream anyway and gave it to the child, which started an avalanche of folks wanting the same thing. So I kept having to say no, sorry, no for the next 45 minutes until everyone had made it through the line.
I will say that we didn’t end up running out, but the last person to use it got the very last bit out of the last can.
So AITJ for saying no, and for being mad at that person doing it anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a teacher, and I deal with this kind of special snowflake/want to be the exception to the rules that apply to everyone else nonsense all the time, and it’s really annoying. I’m most peeved at the teacher here; she should absolutely understand your reasoning, and to just ignore you and do what she wants?
I would expect that from a student, whom I’m constantly classroom managing, or a random non-volunteer parent (obviously these kids learned their misbehavior from someone), but a teacher?! Like, I have the rules for a reason. I’m not on a power trip. I’m managing a crowd of children to your 1-3, and that is different.
You might be fine with your child constantly interrupting you to ask every little question that occurs to them, or share every little off-topic thought that occurs to them, but go ahead and multiply that by 16 kids and see how much lesson time is left. I see a teacher modeling that kind of behavior, and my assumption is that she’s not long for the profession because she’s either burnt out or bad at her job (or both).
By the way, thank you for volunteering. Parent volunteers are amazing and we need more of them.” CimoreneQueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who are all these second-guessers? It’s obviously people who don’t volunteer for anything ever and have never experienced an avalanche of a couple hundred clamoring children.
The choice was to have hot chocolate with toppings or none. Sometimes that’s the only viable choice to make. It’s likely a good thing that the first kiddo was just snotty and not very smart or creative, as they should have just done a little hot chocolate and then loaded on the whipped cream.
For the adults making things difficult when they should have known better the answer could have been “great I’m so happy that you’re offering to run out and quickly buy 10 more cans of whipped cream and that you’re going to notify all the parents of imminent stomach issues related to sucking down 8-12oz of processed fat and sugar.” Choosing beggars are the worst, alongside Monday morning quarterbacks and people who never put themselves in a position to have to put guardrails up on a few users to protect resources for the patient rule followers.
If you’re in charge of things, do a little voluntolding to the choosing beggars and parents of users.” CaptainFlynnsGriffin
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ for refusing to give a child a whole cup of whipped cream. When I was young, my Catholic school hosted a priest from Uganda.
There was an ice cream social fundraiser the week he arrived. Of course, he went to support the school and get to know the students and their families. But while he was there, he saw a treat he had never seen before: whipped cream. One of the teachers gave him a spoonful to taste, and he loved it so much that when no one was looking, he made himself an entire bowl with sprinkles and a cherry, then took it to his table and ate it like it was a bowl of ice cream.
The next morning, he hobbled into the church secretary’s office and begged her to take him to the hospital because he was convinced his appendix had burst. So we were the doctors…until they asked him to detail the last 24 hours of his day. Eventually, the students taught him how to do whipped cream ‘shots’ with the spray cans, so he could enjoy the treat in moderation.
So the idea of a small child having an entire cup of whipped cream set off warning bells for me. I would have said no in an instant.” Spy_on_the_Inside
3. AITJ For Letting My Twins Call My Partner Daddy?
“I (25f) and my partner (28m) have been together for 3 years and have been living together with my twins (3m) for 2 years. My twins’ father (26m) and I have never been together, and he hadn’t wanted to be a part of their life until they were a year old.
We have a custody agreement that they go every other weekend with him on Saturday, with me dropping them off and picking them up. However, last weekend, my partner had to pick them up because I had a work trip.
For context, the twins don’t know a life without my partner.
We have been together since I found out I was pregnant, and he was there for all the ultrasounds and birth classes. He sat and read all the books with me and was there for the labor. He loves them like his own, and in my eyes, they’re as much his kids as mine.
He was up all the late nights taking care of not only me, but them too.
Back to it, he was picking up the kids for me (this is not the first time), and they had called him daddy to get his attention while he was talking to my ex.
He said that my ex had seemed to be okay with it, and he left to take them home. But while I was at the airport, my ex called me screaming, saying how undermining and disrespectful it was that the twins called him daddy, and that they wouldn’t speak at his house, which I had not known about, considering that the twins don’t stop talking at my house until they fall asleep.
Then he started complaining about custody, which was originally his idea because he was working a lot, and saying that it was my fault because my partner is spending more time with them, and that he doesn’t have enough time to bond with them. Then he started on how it was “not right” that the twins were so comfortable with my partner, but his fiancée couldn’t hug the twins without bribing them with something.
I ended up hanging up on him because my plane was boarding, and he was just screaming at me.
Later, when I got home, his fiancée started calling and texting me, which I ignored because she’s been known to have a terrible attitude toward me even when I’m just picking up the twins.
I talked with my partner to see what we should do about the twins calling him daddy, and he said that it’s up to me and he loves it, but would understand if I told them to stop. But I don’t know; I love that my twins call him dad.
I feel like he’s earned it, but I don’t know if I’m being a jerk because my ex is in their life and he is their father.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is the dad that your twins have known, he’s always been there and they have made the choice to call him Daddy.
I would be concerned about the twins’ behavior around your ex and his fiancée; they seem like they don’t feel comfortable, and your ex should NOT be forcing them to hug someone they aren’t happy to hug, even if it is his fiancée.
Sorry, but the ex needs to put on his big boy pants and realize that he hasn’t made the effort and that has affected his relationship with his kids. Don’t stop your kids from expressing themselves; if they feel comfortable calling your partner Daddy, then let them!” AvalonWood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is their father. Your ex can shout about it all he likes. He took the first year of their lives off while your partner was there every step of the way. Only now does Ex do the odd weekend.
That is just not parental material. If he wants the title he has to do the work and build the relationships. The kids have decided who is dad and your ex has no say in it. He may be biologically related but how dare he think of himself as their father or parent.
Those titles are earned. Your ex has had his ego bruised and at his age, honestly, I would expect better. Dad is the person who is there when you have a bad dream, the guy that walked up and down with you as a baby when your mum was exhausted and you were not sleeping.
He is the man who was there to read bedtime stories, carry you in a panic to the potty, clean up your vomit and give you Calpol when you were sick. He is the man you run to crying when you fell over and grazed your knee.
Who clapped and jumped with excitement when you took your first step. He is the one who ducked under the table when you were weaning while mashed vegetables and finger foods flew over his head. The person who changed his clothes countless times when you spit up on him.
He is the person who is always there to pick you up, always there to drop you off, always there when things are uncertain, scary, or unnerving. That is who Dad is. I would honestly put this to your ex. Ask him this. If he wants to be a father, he can be, but in the eyes of his children, it is not a title you are granted necessarily by the donation of your genetic product.
It is a title earned in the love, care and nurture of the child from the day they are born.” Heavy-Ad-3467
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Dude didn’t even bother coming around until they were a year old. Of course he’s not instantly daddy. And now he sees them twice a month for one overnight.
How long has this been going on? Because if a pair of healthy, normally active, three-year-olds are not speaking at all in his home, there is something deeply wrong here. Is your custody agreement through the courts, or is it between the two of you?
Does he pay child support? In your shoes, I would be writing down the date and time of every interaction, whether it is a phone call, in person, meet-up, or a text, and then writing down as much as I could remember of what was said.
You need to take this to court because the children refusing to speak while in his care is a very bad sign, and his and his fiancée’s specific complaints suggest that they are not treating your children well. Go after child support and request supervised visitation with a step-up plan, based on the fact that your children do not speak while in his home, and ask that the supervision be in an official visitation center.” KrofftSurvivor
2. AITJ For Refusing To Let My In-Laws Visit Within 24 Hours?
“Let me preface this by saying that I fully understand that many people have different viewpoints on “honoring” their parents, lol.
So my husband and I apparently have differing views about honoring our parents, and I’ve been made out to be the “jerk” by his family multiple times. His family does not respect the boundaries that I have set, and neither has he (my husband), so I have become a bit more rigid about things.
My husband already ruined what I wanted for our wedding by inviting his entire extended family—as his parents wanted him to (while I wanted something more intimate)—by allowing his mother to take unwanted “formal” wedding pictures that made me uncomfortable (we’d hired a photographer), and by various other actions.
They push continuously, and it’s suffocating.
Anyways, now I’ve become the jerk again because I don’t want to “honor” his parents by allowing them to see me and our firstborn child within the first 24 hours after giving birth. (I don’t want my parents there, either, lol; I just want it to be the two of us.) I already know myself, my body, and my emotions, and with how overbearing his parents are, I know it’s going to be awful for me.
He claims that the birth isn’t “just about us; it’s about our parents, too,” which I laughed in his face at (maybe that’s jerk-ish, lol). My parents do not believe that their first grandchild is about them, so I’m not sure where my husband and his parents got this notion.
AITJ for standing my ground and refusing that? I feel like I am literally going insane, lol.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dear Lord, do we have the same in-laws? Because I swear mine act like this. If your in-laws are particularly religious (like mine are), remind them about the concept of “leaving and cleaving,” where it’s laid out that a man shall leave his mother and father and become one with his wife—meaning what they want takes a back seat.
You are your husband’s priority. You can still honor your parents without bending to their every whim. This is something my husband and I fought through as well, and it caused a LOT of problems early in our relationship and into our marriage. Stand your ground.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have a husband problem. I think you should send a group text to his and your parents and him, making it clear that you do not want visitors for the first x days. However, on Day X, you and your husband will host an event (assuming that all went well with the birth and medical advice agrees) where they can all meet the new baby.
Photos can be taken, etc., etc. Sign it with love from both of you. Stick to your guns and tell your husband that when he has pushed a watermelon-sized object through his a$$, then he can have a say in visitor schedules. See if you can get the medical staff to also tell him that no visitors for the first week is a good idea.” gottahavemysay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need time to heal and bond with your child. You are its parent, not them; they will not be able to dictate your choices in who you allow access. Tell your husband that he needs to grow a backbone. The first priority now as a dad is the safety and well-being of his child.
It is reasonable not to get to see a newborn for a few weeks—at least outside immediate family (aka you and your husband only). They can be upset by this decision, but as the parent, it’s your choice. If you want them to meet your newborn, it will be on your schedule, not theirs.
Ask him this: If they are ill with a cold, will he allow their feelings to override your child’s safety? Or, Lord forbid the health crisis? Newborns are at risk of being sick more often, and what won’t kill or harm an adult can harm a newborn.
Make it clear you will follow your pediatrician’s advice, not MIL’s.” Reddit User
1. AITJ For Losing My Cool When My Partner Denied My Role As Dad?
“When I (24m) was 19, my mom had my younger sister, MJ (not actually her name for privacy). My mom was a substance addict, stopping during pregnancy, but when MJ was about 5 months old, she started back on substances, dropping MJ off any place she could.
Seeing this, I wanted to give MJ the life that she deserved, not what our mother gave me. Even though I was only 19, I filed a petition to get custody of her. It was a long, hard process, but when MJ was 2, I finally got full custody.
All this to say, I’m legally MJ’s dad. I’m the only dad she knows and she calls me dad.
A year ago, I met my partner, Ida (24f), and we started seeing each other not long after. I really thought I had found somebody who would like me and MJ.
Ida would always take MJ on ‘girls days’ and little ‘dates’. I proposed to Ida on Sunday. It seemed like everything was great until a few hours ago.
Ida was at my apartment having dinner with me and MJ. While I was cooking dinner, I heard MJ say something along the lines of “You’re gonna marry my daddy and you’re gonna be best friends.” I thought it was cute until I heard Ida laugh and say, “He’s not your dad, MJ,” which caught me off guard.
I guess she thought I couldn’t hear her because there’s only a wall between the kitchen, but still, I don’t know why Ida said that.
MJ was confused, as 5-year-olds are, and Ida kept correcting her until MJ started crying, which honestly made me mad.
I asked Ida why she would even say that, and Ida stated, “She was going to find out eventually,” and I was a jerk for not telling MJ in the first place.
I got mad, and one thing led to another. I said some things I shouldn’t have, telling her she had no right, and Ida went home and MJ and I had dinner alone.
Ida started blowing up my phone later, saying that what I did was “wrong” and basically was just ranting to me through text. I started doubting myself, and now I’m here. So AITJ?
(I was going to tell MJ I was her brother someday, yes, but when she’s old enough to understand—MJ is only 5 and she doesn’t understand it.)”
Another User Comments:
“You should not marry this woman if you want to be a good dad. I’m willing to bet that Ida told her on purpose. She wants it to be clear to her that she isn’t your daughter, so she knows when the two of you have kids that they’re the ‘real’ kids and she was a charity case.
I am also willing to bet she doesn’t want her to start seeing her as a mother figure, and that is another reason she told her. Doesn’t seem like a coincidence that she told her this after you proposed. She figures she has you secured so she doesn’t need to play nice anymore.
You should definitely find happiness and a life partner and have more kids if that is what you want, just not with someone who won’t see your daughter as your daughter or treat you as such. No, maybe you aren’t her bio dad, but like you said, you’re the only dad she has ever had or known.
It was cruel of Ida to take that from her. Don’t marry a woman who would bully (referring to the fact that she wouldn’t let it go and had to keep insisting) your child and make her feel like she doesn’t belong.” MossMyHeart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stepped up and became MJ’s father when no one else would, and you’ve given her a stable and loving home. That makes you her dad, regardless of biology. Ida had no right to tell MJ something so confusing and upsetting, especially at such a young age.
That was a conversation for you to have, on your timeline, in a way that MJ could actually process. The fact that she kept pushing it even when MJ was crying is honestly alarming. You were right to be mad, and you’re not wrong for protecting your daughter’s emotional well-being.
If Ida doesn’t respect your role as MJ’s father, that’s a huge red flag for your relationship.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 5-year-old kid isn’t thinking about biology when she says you’re her dad. She’s thinking about the love, care, and stability you’ve given her ever since you stepped up to raise her.
Unfortunately, Ida has really shown her true colors as a threat to the family you’ve built. If Ida was concerned that MJ doesn’t know enough about your and MJ’s family history, that’s something you two should have discussed as an adult couple once you were ready to plan a future together.
There are age-appropriate ways to talk about adoption and social vs biological family relationships. Ida could have researched that. Instead, she chose to tell a 5-year-old something that isn’t true the way she said it. And you’re correct, she had absolutely no right. Nor did she have any empathy for a child who was sad and confused because of what SHE said.
It’s very chilling to me that she assumed she was saying this outside of your hearing range, too. It sounds like they have spent one-on-one time without your supervision, and honestly, it might be good to talk to a child therapist about how best to ask MJ what types of things Ida was saying when you really couldn’t hear what was happening.
Again, you could really only be the jerk if you continue to pursue a relationship with this harpy and let her around your child. She’s not wife or stepmom material. At all.” loseit_throwit
