People Can't Succeed In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Ditching Kristen For Always Leaving People Behind On Our Outings?
“I (18F) am a college student, and my main friend group is a few girls who live in my building. Recently, one of them, I’ll call her “Kristen”, has started leaving some of us behind when we go places as a group. We have a group chat where we arrange meeting times and places for when we want to hang out, so everyone is on the same page.
Tonight, I went to the dining hall with Kristen, and two other friends I’ll call “Callie” and “Leighanne”. Leighanne lives in a different building, which is literally in the triad of freshman dorms, so we pass right by it when we walk to dinner. Several times, Kristen has tried to leave Leighanne behind on our way to places.
Here’s the issue–Callie and I were going to meet in the lobby of our building and leave with Kristen, and Leighanne planned to meet us in the dining hall. I texted Callie saying I couldn’t get my boots on and that I’d just be another minute at most. My room is right by the lobby, so it’s not like they’d have to wait long for me to meet them both there.
When I walked into the lobby, Kristen was arguing with Callie that I was late, and she was halfway out the door. Although Callie said, “Where are you going? She’s right here,” Kristen waited about two seconds before leaving completely. Her leaving people behind when we go places isn’t new.
And it’s really started to cause problems.
I asked Callie if something had happened, but she said that Kristen had been like that since they met in the lobby. So Callie and I walked together while she was walking way ahead of us. I also have a hip problem, so I can’t always match her pace.
So I was practically limping trying to catch up with Kristen. And she didn’t slow down at all, while Callie did. (They both know about my hip.)
Dinner went fine. She acted a bit agitated the whole time, but when we asked if something was wrong, she got very defensive, so we dropped the subject.
When we were ready to leave, I wanted to grab a little container of desserts for later, and Kristen decided to go to the bathroom while I did so, so again, I didn’t think anything of it.
But then, after thinking back on her attitude the whole time I was with her, I asked Callie and Leighanne if we should just leave her.
So we did. And I feel bad for doing it, especially since I had really only said it to be petty, but Kristen has done this before to all three of us, as well as our commuter friends, when we all hang out. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly, screw that behavior. Since you’re 18, I’m assuming you’re fairly new to college, so here’s my tip as a recent college grad: Your early years are the time to make a ton of friends and then cull them as you figure out who you actually like.
It’s time to ditch this girl permanently. I am curious though: How did she respond to being ditched?” Commercial_Camera257
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kristen sounds like she’s trying to pull some power plays, testing everyone to see how much she can push them around.
It makes her feel superior, but this kind of behavior usually stems from deep insecurity. However, this absolutely doesn’t excuse her petty behavior. You’ve done things right — called her out on her childishness and let her subtly know that it won’t be tolerated. If she doesn’t get the hint and keeps pulling this crap, I’d seriously consider excluding her from your friend group.
Nobody needs drama like that.” Much-Leek-420
19. AITJ For Excluding A Friend Who Helped Me Adjust But Is Labeled Lazy?
“My first ever Reddit post, plus I am from Denmark so spelling and grammar won’t be tip top.
I am a (M23). This needs a bit of backstory. So close to six months ago, I not only moved out, but I moved 3.5 hours away from where my family lives. I did this because I had gotten a spot at a university that I really wanted to go to.
In Denmark, universities are basically only in the biggest cities, and I grew up in a very small one, so I always knew this step in my life would come one day.
Moving to a new city where I knew no one, plus living on my own for the first time, was a lot to take in.
I had to learn a lot in a very short time, and still to this day, I am far from having it all figured out.
Since I knew no one when I came to the city, I of course was ready to be open and try to get some new friends, etc., and I quickly made a lot of new friends.
Since the drinking culture in Denmark is insane, a lot of the first month is basically just you drinking with your new classmates for a month straight. This is fun, but it ruins any kind of budget you have set for yourself. My wallet really felt that.
One of the guys I started to be good friends with is 2 or 3 years older than me, and he has his crap together financially. Which I don’t because I don’t have a job in this town yet. He basically started paying for things here and there for me when we were out.
Drinks and stuff, sometimes giving me insane amounts of booze without me spending a penny. I felt that what I was doing was wrong, and I said so to him in a sober state. But he said he really did not mind and just wanted us all to have a good time (he also gave booze to other people).
But he was really there for me a lot.
Skip forward a bit. At the university, every project and assignment is done in groups. In the first semester, the groups were random. Now, in the second semester, we can choose our own groups. Three of my other new friends and I made an agreement that we would be in a group this time.
But the friend with whom I connected a lot—and who was a big reason for me having so much fun when I first moved here—is not in the group. The reason for this is that we heard from the people he was in a group with in the first semester that he is really lazy and just doesn’t get things done, plus we really wanted there to be only 4 people in the group, since we have learned that 5 is too many.
He gets along well with everyone in the group on a level outside of school, so when he heard that we all grouped up without him, I could sense that it hurt him.
I can’t help but feel like the jerk, because he has been a big part of my first couple of months here being so good, but to be honest, I just do not want him in the group.
So yeah, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ yeah, even if he was lazy and did nothing, that wouldn’t really hurt your project as you’re doing it with 4 people anyways, if he was detrimental that would be one thing, but even in the worst case, you’re not hurt yet you’re excluding him over rumors…” FlyingFightingType
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s your education, and having diverse and new groups to work with is critical to your educational success, and you said 5 is too many. The fact that you’re being considerate and aware of them means you’re NTJ. Though just make sure you spend some good time with them to reassure them.” Moon_Syzygy
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. You need to realize why you were there in the first place, and he just functions when it’s about partying and having fun. Maybe you can talk to him about this matter; it’s not a big deal to me to talk to a person just so they change their behavior.
Maybe you feel like you owe him a lot for the fun he and you had, but it’s up to you if you feel like you want to pay him back for all the money spent—you should just tell him. And maybe you can make him realize that studying is more important than having fun.
He also should know about this matter. Partying and having fun is just temporary; you should know your reason for moving to big cities in the first place. Both of you need to talk like adults, and things will work out either good or bad; you make your own choice for your future.” norashraff
18. AITJ For Going No Contact After My Parents Threatened To Call CPS?
“My dad always had anger problems when I was growing up, which hurt my relationship with him greatly.
By the time I was 19, I left for college and have never lived there since. Shortly after starting school, I met and started seeing my now wife. My parents, on the surface, said they loved her but would make comments to us that would offend her.
Things like she could have kids in graduate school and things would be okay (we were still not financially stable enough for a kid). When I told my parents that what they said was offensive, they doubled down and claimed it was a joke and that my wife and I are too sensitive.
When I was a senior in college, I signed up for my research assistant class during the add or drop period as I have done for the last two years without issue. This time, I received a bill for several thousand. Confused, I called my dad to explain this mistake and was met with screaming.
I was told to freak myself and figure it out on my own. I had almost taken out a loan in my name before my mom told me my dad had already paid for it and that I should let it go because “you know how your dad is.”
When my wife and I were getting married and planning the wedding, my mom made several comments about how she didn’t like our non-traditional wedding (my wife did not wear white and I took her last name) and that I should “control my woman.” They have never apologized for that to this day.
Lastly: my wife and I have a lot of dogs that we take great care of. We clean the house several times a day and make sure everyone is happy and healthy. When my wife and I had our first child, my mom made several comments about how we should rehome them because it wouldn’t be safe for the baby (our dogs absolutely adore the child and we never let them get near the baby unsupervised).
Over the last Thanksgiving, my wife and I had both our families over, and the holiday was great; everyone got along well. Around a month ago, my mother-in-law sent us a text that my mom had said the responsible thing to do would be to call CPS, as my parents are concerned for the baby.
Any call made to CPS, regardless of the fact that they would deem us fine parents, would damage our careers.
After that comment and given the history of my parents with both me and my wife, I decided I had had enough. I limited communication with them and went no contact shortly after my mother claimed I was punishing her through my daughter by not sending pictures or videos.
I ended it after saying that the only way I would consider talking would be if my mom, my dad, and I saw a professional counselor. Since then, neither of them has contacted me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your story honestly broke my heart a little — not just because of the individual incidents, but because of the consistent pattern of disrespect, emotional manipulation, and gaslighting you’ve endured from your parents.
You’ve given them chance after chance, and every time, they’ve doubled down, invalidated your feelings, or crossed yet another line. The CPS comment? That’s not just toxic — that’s dangerous. Anyone who would weaponize something like that doesn’t deserve access to your life, your peace, or your family.
You’re protecting your child, your wife, and yourself. That’s not punishment — that’s boundaries. Also, therapy is a ask. The fact that they won’t even consider it tells you everything you need to know. It’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing.
You’re not being petty or vindictive — you’re drawing a line in the sand after years of being pushed past it. Wishing you and your family peace and healing.” User
17. AITJ For Letting The Storage Unit Go?
” I’m a 25M who got out of a relationship roughly 8 months ago. To spare you the details, the relationship was a very abusive one in many forms. I was mistreated mentally, emotionally, financially, and, to my surprise, physically.
I have recently come to realize this after talking with my therapist, family, and friends about it. Apparently, a chair being thrown at you is not something to brush off lightly. In that relationship, my ex, her kid, and I moved into an apartment. We lived there for almost two full years.
This was about a year or so into our (roughly) three-year relationship. Things were okay for the first little bit after moving in, considering I wasn’t being screamed at for everything that I was doing wrong or something of that nature.
The relationship started its decline as soon as she started seeing a guy and hanging out with him as a “friend.” I am a firm believer in having a good mixture of friends, no matter the gender.
At the time, she had been upset about not being able to get out of the house as much, so I told her she was free to go hang out with her friends on her own whenever she’d like. I told her to just let me know so I could plan to be home with kiddo.
To cut to the chase, she began hanging out with a few people, including this guy she met online. She eventually spent an exorbitant amount of time with him—sometimes, multiple times a day. As this was happening, her abusive behavior toward me increased. Soon enough, it came to my attention that she was unfaithful with him, but according to her, it happened only one time (I personally don’t believe it one bit).
I learned this because she approached me and confessed it. Unfortunately, I made a stupid decision to stay with her. From there, the decline worsened, and we ended up breaking up.
Unfortunately, we still kept living together after the break-up. We decided to see other people, and she jumped right into doing so.
Although I told her I still loved her, I made some attempts to see other people to help get over it. I went on a few outings, but not without my ex trying to restrict what I did at every corner. In truth, I ended up hiding what I was doing to avoid being screamed at when she found out.
Keep in mind, she had seen and done things with multiple people at that time. I even had to hear some of it, even though the rule was to do so when the other person was out of the house. A few months later, we decided to get back together, a reunion that lasted about a month and a half.
She eventually found out about the things I had kept hidden from her while we were broken up. She asked me for the full truth about everything, and I told her and confirmed that I hadn’t done anything with anyone during that time, also explaining why I had kept it hidden from her.
She lost it over this, and we broke up for the last time over it. This happened while we were more than an hour away, up where her family is. She decided to stay with her grandpa and took her kid with her.
I went back to the apartment and stayed there, with her coming back occasionally to get some of her stuff.
At the time, we were under eviction, so I only had a little bit of time to be there and figure out what happened with all the stuff. I’d say about 80% of the things were hers. She had grabbed about 5% of it. I consistently notified her of everything going on with the eviction and informed her that she needed to get her stuff.
Eventually, I had to leave and decided to put everything into a storage unit, with the help of my parents. They lent me their van to assist with the task, although they weren’t the biggest fans of me doing so. I ended up living with my parents while holding on to the storage unit, paying the bill every month.
Meanwhile, I notified her on a constant basis to come get her stuff, also asking when she would be available to do so. She came and got some items that she wanted one time. After that, she constantly said that she would come to get more or the rest of it, but she never did.
I even proposed that she take control of the payments for the unit, and I would retrieve the small amount of items I owned from the storage. She was open to it but never followed through. To clarify, I received no help with the payments from her, so it was just me handling it.
I eventually went completely no-contact with her and blocked her on every single platform. I let the storage unit go into default, and I believe it was sold. I allowed it to happen because it became taxing on me and my finances, considering that I was assisting my parents with bills on a 12.25-hour pay rate and working low hours at my job then, while also paying student loans and taking college courses.
Granted, I felt bad about some of the things in there—her late father’s American flag, his picture, and a photo album of her and her siblings. Also, there were some important documents of hers in there as well.
AITJ for letting the storage unit go?”
Another User Comments:
“You went above and beyond what most people would’ve done in your situation. You were manipulated and taken advantage of—emotionally, physically, and financially. And even after all that, you still showed her more decency than she ever gave you. You paid out of your own pocket to store her things, kept her updated, and gave her multiple opportunities to take responsibility.
She chose not to. Letting go of that storage unit wasn’t petty or cruel—it was an act of self-preservation. You have every right to prioritize your mental health and financial stability. It sucks that some sentimental items were lost, but that wasn’t your fault.
She made a choice every time she didn’t show up or take the reins. You’re not the bad guy here. You’re finally trying to heal. Be gentle with yourself—you did what you could.” User
16. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Rehashing My Painful Birthday Memory?
“It’s really long and convoluted. But I’ll try to add context. I had a birthday party when I turned ten.
My birthday was on a Sunday, but we had the party on Saturday. It was a good party, but on the day of my birthday, little 10-year-old me thought my family would do something special, too—something small, because I knew I had a party.
But they acted normally. I thought since it was my birthday, I didn’t have to go to church, but my mom forced me to go because “this was just another ordinary day.”
I had a mental breakdown on my birthday that year. I locked myself in my aunt’s room and sobbed really loudly.
I often look back on this as cringeworthy and gross. But I was an undiagnosed autistic girl, so I can understand that I was just a kid. My family always poked fun at that day and how silly it was for me to cry about “not feeling special.” I’ve talked to my mom about how their joking about that makes me uncomfortable, and she’s agreed that as long as it stays lighthearted, it’s good.
Anyway, so yesterday my mom (49) and my aunt planned this small birthday celebration for me, and it was nice until the “not feeling special” incident was brought up. I (21) didn’t mind at first because, yeah, it’s whatever, but then my mom kept bringing it up and she was laughing the loudest. I got kind of upset because my mom knows how intense my emotions get, and that I don’t like that memory.
I tried to be chill for the rest of the gathering. I thanked everyone for coming and for the presents.
When my mom drove us home, I just couldn’t contain my frustration and I lashed out at her about how she had taken it too far.
She knew that that memory was tough for me, and yet she was the one laughing the loudest in my face. I said that I felt like she didn’t validate my feelings and that she could be insensitive with me in front of family.
I was crying a lot because it was honestly humiliating, and when I tried defending myself, they just repeated what I said in a mocking manner. My mom started to cry and said that she didn’t mean to hurt me and that she didn’t want me to cry.
Now today is February 9th, tomorrow’s my birthday, and I don’t know what to feel. I hate myself for making my mom cry, for making her feel like a bad mom, and for hurting her. I feel like a monster and like I ruin everything.
I don’t know what to do; I was kind of excited for tomorrow (I haven’t been excited about a birthday for a while). But now everything feels horrible. I think I’m the jerk. I sincerely do. But I don’t know; I need someone to explain to me what I can do to fix this.”
Another User Comments:
“I am SO ANGRY for you, OP. Your mom is cruel, and she continues to mock you about an emotionally impactful day from more than half your life ago. On top of the fact that you’re on the spectrum and which affected your reaction that day.
That’s completely messed up, and it sounds like she encourages other people to gang up on you. It’s not up to you to fix your mother. You know how there were Mean Girls in your high school? Well, Mean Girls grow up and have families, and continue to act like Mean Girls.
Sounds like your mom is one. Her pretending to be sad after she knowingly hurt you is crap and manipulative. It worked because you’re second-guessing yourself and feeling bad when you shouldn’t. INFO: Does your mom believe your diagnoses, or is she of the opinion that if you’d just try hard enough, you could regulate ALL of your emotions like ‘normal’ people?
ETA: Of COURSE you’re NTJ!!” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your job nor your responsibility to placate your mother. You very clearly had already set boundaries about this bad memory for you, and your family chose to cross it. They disrespected you, plain and simple.
I won’t make assumptions about your mother because I don’t know her, but I question why she cried in front of you over this. Yes, there’s a chance she just couldn’t help it, but I also don’t like it because now it’s making you feel guilty, which I find manipulative.
Personally, I think that if she felt so bad to the point of tears, she should have saved them until you were gone. I also hate that this bad experience for you continues to be the butt of everyone’s jokes. You were 10. A child. And neurodivergent also.
There should be compassion around this experience, not comedy. Hope you can still have an enjoyable birthday without worrying about this. From another February baby, happy birthday!” GalaxyTraveler0202
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s nothing wrong with being upset about a memory of a bad birthday, and it’s definitely not something you deserved to be mocked over, especially when your mom knows it’s a painful memory.
I’m sure there’s more context to this, but I can’t see a reason on God’s green Earth for you to feel bad about anything. You deserve an apology and a hug.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Refusing To Walk At Graduation And Reject My Family's Plans?
“I (18M) am a high school senior. To say that high school has been rough for me would be an understatement. It’s been extremely stressful with my hardest classes being required to graduate.
It was so stressful that I decided that a stupid piece of paper with my name on it is not worth all this stress. As a result, I have decided to not acknowledge my graduation in any way, shape, or form.
I do not want to walk at graduation.
Both my parents and my older sister(22F) are frustrated with me and we’ve gotten into numerous arguments about it. The way I see it, it’s my graduation and I can go/not go as I see fit. Last September, when it was time for seniors to buy their caps and gowns, my mom gave me some money to buy it.
When they weren’t looking, I snuck the money back into her purse. This week is the time for seniors who are not walking to confirm that they are not. So, I plan to do that.
I also don’t want a graduation party. This has somehow upset my parents more than me not walking since my mom went all out with my older sister’s graduation party and she was really looking forward to doing that again.
We’ve had a few arguments about that but I eventually said that, if they throw me a graduation party, I will not attend and all gifts will be returned. They tried to “compromise” by saying that they’ll just take me out to a nice dinner but I’ve turned that down because it would still be celebrating my graduation.
My parents planned to gift both me and my older sister a graduation trip to any place we choose. I have forfeited the trip but they are refusing to take a hint. They’ve asked me on numerous occasions where I want to go and I keep telling them that I forfeit.
You’d think that they would be happy that they don’t have to spend a whole bunch of funds on an expensive holiday but I guess not.
As you can imagine, no one is on my side. My older sister has been urging me to reconsider and saying that, if I don’t make the most out of my graduation, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
My grandparents have called me a brat and said that, even if I do change my mind, they won’t give me anything for my graduation after how I’ve been acting. My best friend has been pleading with me to reconsider but I shut that down by saying that I won’t go to his graduation party if he brings it up again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are only being a jerk to yourself. You have every right to make this choice, but I do not understand turning down happy fun things for yourself because you are bitter about high school. This seems based out of bitterness and depression, not sound judgment and reason.
Editing to add that I am not talking about the graduation ceremony or party necessarily. I mean the meal and travel anywhere of your choice.” lmchatterbox
Another User Comments:
“Yes. Graduation is about you. But it’s not ONLY about you. They were your support system through it all.
And they want to see you at your highest point, with your greatest accomplishment until now, the culmination of all your work. Why didn’t you just drop out and not do school if you think it’s not worth the stress? They’re just trying to have you experience something that’s maybe once in a lifetime for many.
And avoiding it for really no reason other than “I don’t want to” is a jerk move. You won’t regret not going, but you’ll regret the fractured relationships in the future if you remain this way. Edit: Stop being an uptight person and let people celebrate you lol” ChurrosPotatoes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – light. I get that it was a hard year. You earned something through your own hard work. The ceremony is a celebration of YOU. There are so few points in life where people genuinely celebrate YOU. Take this. Now – sit down and think about the times this year when you were maybe not so nice to your family because of the stress?
This may also be a celebration they need to know that your tough year is done. At a minimum, go to the ceremony. Think about what you want for your future. Is there a celebration or trip or gift that would help you look toward the future?
The fact is the year was not that bad because you succeeded in what you needed to do. This is a win.” LhasaApsoSmile
14. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Step Siblings Because I Need Space?
“When I was 6, my mum and dad split up. It was hard at first, but I got used to it. I live with my mum more than my dad. It’s nothing against my dad, but he lives 40 minutes away from my school and my mum lives 5 minutes away.
It’s easier to get to school at my mum’s.
Recently, my dad got a new partner; let’s call her C, and C has 5 kids. I’m the oldest among them. The first is M (13 F), K (9 M), J (7 M), H (4 M), and finally S (3 F). It’s important to note that M and K have autism.
We live in a 4-bedroom house, so everyone shares a room. I share with M. I go there mainly on weekends, and during school holidays, I go every second week. Sharing a room with M is not so bad; of course, there are moments, but that’s life with siblings.
At 10 pm, she will sing really loudly to the point where I can hear her even with my headphones on at full volume. I don’t mind her singing, but when it’s late, I mind.
When I first met them, they called my dad “uncle,” but now it’s dad.
They have horrible dads (there are 2 dads split among 5). I’m happy they can see my dad as their dad, but it still makes me jealous. I know it’s dad, but I can’t help it. M even said to me, “Dad loves me more than you.
I’m his favourite; I see him more than you.” My dad heard it and didn’t say anything.
Whenever M says “my dad and mum” to anyone else, she says it normally, but for me, she goes “MY dad and mum.” She only does it for me.
One time, K went to the toilet and was about to not wash his hands, so I reminded him to wash his hands. He then touched me in the chest with unwashed hands. That’s just gross, and my dad didn’t care and told me it wasn’t a big deal. K said, “I’m not old enough to know how to do those things;” he’s 9.
He knows how to cook noodles. He knows how to do the washing, but he doesn’t know how to take care of himself? He does, but he doesn’t want to. I’ve seen him do it.
J would not let me go anywhere. He would not stop holding my hand or arm.
It’s cute, but I need my space. When I get up to go to the toilet, he comes as well, but when he sees that I’m going to the toilet, he goes somewhere else.
Lately, I’ve been getting more mad at them and have had a temper.
So, I’ve been distancing myself because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I love them, but it’s making me mad. So, I’m distancing myself. I feel bad and like a jerk, but I need space. Whenever I think about the things that annoy me, I remember that 2 of them have autism, and it might be due to that; however, I also don’t want to assume that it is because that might be disrespectful.
I don’t know. I feel like a jerk, so tell me, am I one.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you should let your Dad know what is going on and how you feel. Especially with M. I know you want to be with your Dad, but if he is not standing up for you, it may be best to take a break from him.
In your country or state, are you old enough to be able to say you want the custody changed? With the new situation with your Dad, with 5 kids that are not his own, he may need time to adjust so he can be a good father to you.
I know it sucks, but the fact that he is not standing up for you is a little concerning. NTJ” Hungry-Industry-9817
13. AITJ For Complaining That My Partner Didn’t Stand Up To His Sister’s Late Night Noise?
“I am currently attending college on top of work. I work full time, usually around 80 hours, 40 a week. This week was different, as I sustained a dog injury and missed a few days, making it out to 50 hours. I do not like admitting this, nor do I like people knowing, which is why I didn’t add it onto the original post, but I have BPD, which makes my day-to-day life a bit more unstable.
I have since separated from my partner and am working on bettering myself and trying my best to handle each day as it comes. I am very thankful for the advice I’ve been given through some of you, and I apologize for not adding more information in the beginning.
Bit of background: I work as a kennel tech (working with dogs) and work roughly 51 hours per two weeks. I’ve been working the past five days in a row, having to get up at 5AM, and it’s been exhausting. My partner then tells me that his sister is going to be in town and was wondering if she would be able to crash at our apartment just for the night.
I was hesitant, as I’m an incredibly light sleeper and wanted to get as many hours in as possible before 5AM, because it’s very crucial to my job to stay alert and energetic for the dogs.
I agreed but told my partner, “As long as she respects my wishes of quieting down between the hours of 11PM-4AM, I’m perfectly fine with her staying.” What does she do?
The exact opposite. She ended up staying out with friends until 2:49AM and woke me up immediately upon entering the apartment. We live in a loft, so any noise that anyone makes downstairs is easily heard from the bedroom. She then proceeds to start eating and crunching on food, crinkling her bag, basically showing absolutely no concern that she went against the bare minimum of staying quiet.
At this point I’m upset and nudge my partner to wake him up so he could maybe tell her to quiet down (maybe she’d listen to him if she doesn’t care to listen to me) and I am met with a hard nudge back from him.
I just laid there, attempting my best to go back to sleep; in all, I probably got around three hours and woke up feeling like absolute crap. I told him that I was really upset that she had woken me up and that I only got a few hours of rest, only for him to respond with, “You should’ve tried going to sleep earlier, she honestly wasn’t that bad.” Basically, it was my fault that I didn’t sleep long enough.
I responded with, “You don’t think it was bad because you don’t have to go to work.” And his response, “You don’t have to be here,” came after he also belittled me by saying, “It’s so hard for you to work 20 hours a week.”
I don’t; this week has been the longest by far, at almost 40 hours and another 20 next week, and going in for five days in a row is slowly driving me crazy with frustration. He himself works at a thrift store but only for 15 hours a week.
For him to just dismiss my feelings, blaming me for not getting enough sleep and basically seeing nothing wrong on his sister’s side, made me break down and start crying. He will always say, “Find someone else to treat like crap,” if I argue about how I feel (I use “argue” because if I raise my voice while talking about my emotions it’s arguing and complaining for him).
I told him that I couldn’t confide in him anymore, with another response of “thank god” from him, and as he’s dropping me off with tears pouring down my face he goes, “Have the time of your life.” I spent 15 minutes crying in the lobby bathroom, exhausted, eyes burning.
I just wanted to curl up and simultaneously pass out and throw up from fatigue. I don’t know how to handle the situation when I get back home; I doubt he’d apologize or say anything at all. AITJ for complaining and getting into an argument about his sister?”
Another User Comments:
“The complaining that you have to work a five-day normal work week once is sending me. Most people work your bi-weekly in a week, get up early and still have a life. Crinkling a bag and eating food is not the bare minimum required to avoid making sounds.
That’s pretty normal that an overnight guest is going to have a snack. You sound super controlling, girl. Just saying.” ThrowRA662849
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You went to bed late and didn’t get that much sleep. She came in and ate CHIPS and you want to blame your lack of sleep on her?
Be an adult, my god. Go to bed earlier if you are so incapable of functioning well without sleep. Get ear plugs if the sound of a chip crunch can ruin your sleep. These are absurd scenarios you’re describing.” Signal_Guess610
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set a simple boundary, his sister ignored it, and instead of backing you up, your partner dismissed your feelings and mocked you. The fact he downplays your job and throws digs at you when you’re upset is a massive red flag. You deserve better than someone who makes you feel like crap for being exhausted.” ruyrybeyro
12. AITJ For Valuing My Time Over A Friend's Vague Invitation?
“My friend had to move houses a little while ago, and her landlord kicked her out earlier than he was supposed to. She was very stressed, but I offered to help in any way I could about five times. She denied my help each time.
Anyway, on Tuesday, I was over at her house, offering to help sort her clothes while she was working on her computer. She said, “No, it’s fine since I don’t know what goes where.” I told her that I’ll have the house to myself on Sunday after 7pm and asked her if she could come.
She said yes, and I mentioned that we could go shopping or to a restaurant sometime over the weekend.
Anyway, on Thursday, one of my other friends invited me to go with our friend group that Saturday to a new restaurant everyone’s been talking about.
It was hard to secure a table quickly, so I immediately asked another friend to join us. She said she might be busy this Saturday, so I could just go with them. She didn’t say why she was busy, and I had to ask. Apparently, she had to unpack and meet up with a colleague to discuss something important.
I said, “Cool,” so we booked reservations without her, and I told her I’d be free all Sunday if she needed me, so I wouldn’t make other plans. Then she told me that she only said that to let me down nicely because she didn’t have the energy for a group or meeting new people, and she was upset that I would be going to that restaurant with them instead of with her.
I told her that I had invited her too, but she thought it would be an activity for just the two of us. I offered to go with her alone on Sunday or to stop by her house after I was done hanging out with my other friends on Saturday.
But she’s still upset. Did I really mess up here? I had asked her to join us literally five minutes after my other friend invited me to go. Also, she didn’t give me a time and date when she would be able to hang out, and that really annoys me because I don’t like waiting around all day for someone.
She said I was being inconsiderate because she’s going through such a stressful time that she can’t exactly give me a specific time. I honestly don’t understand because as much as I feel for her and have offered to help, I don’t see why my time shouldn’t be valued or why I should just wait around all day for someone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t think your friend understands the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship. She can’t keep you for herself alone. You can hang out and make other friends, not just stay with only one. That’s how friendship works, so you’re not the jerk here to me.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You invited her, she gave you a vague ‘maybe,’ and you made other plans—simple as that. It sounds like she had an unspoken expectation that the restaurant was a ‘just you two’ thing, but she never actually said that.
It isn’t fair for her to be annoyed when she didn’t commit to anything. You even offered to go with her separately, which is more than reasonable. She’s probably just overwhelmed with stress, so maybe give her a bit of space, but you weren’t out of order for valuing your time.” ruyrybeyro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She expected you to sit around all day and wait for her. But when you invited her to go to the restaurant for dinner, suddenly she felt that was the only time she wanted to meet with you. She could have come after dinner or before dinner.
Or Sunday.” StnMtn_
11. AITJ For Insisting On Wearing A Suit Instead Of A Dress At Prom?
“Over the course of the past three months, my parents and I have been bantering/arguing about what I’m going to be wearing at prom.
They insist that I will be wearing a dress, but I want to sport a suit or tuxedo. They’ve complained that I’m always wearing more masculine clothing (I have not worn dresses or skirts at all for 5-6 years now), and my father has even joked about how shocked my classmates would be if I wore a dress.
Then, my mother started gushing on what she was going to wear. I told them that wasn’t going to happen, but they argue that it’s a very special occasion so I have to. The conversation only ended when my father said something like, “You’re both going to wear what I want you to wear” and my mother got angry.
Anyways, here are some things to consider:
My prom isn’t even this year. It’s next year, so I’m not sure why we’re even arguing over this.
I made it clear that if they didn’t want to pay for a suit/tuxedo, I’d gladly pay for it.
My mother is trying to convince my uncle to make me a dress, though.
I prefer presenting “masculine/manly” because I’m a trans guy. I’m out to my friends, but no adults (except for two English teachers) or family members. I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all wearing any kind of dress, or skirt, or heels, whatever.
My school’s prom (unlike other schools in my country) isn’t paid/funded by parents or the school itself, but from students who do all of the planning and fundraisers to pay for food, the location, etc. Considering that I will be part of said funding and I’m celebrating MY graduation, I think it should be MY choice on what I wear.
My uncle (same one that my mother asked to make the dress) told her that he’d happily make me a suit or a tuxedo. The majority of my friends think I’m right and should be able to wear what I want. However, a family friend and a friend have told me to consider to just suck it up for one evening, while another friend recommended I wear some kind of black dress that could look like a jumpsuit.
While I do admit that I’m 99% not in the wrong, I still feel guilty because it’s my parents and they’ll also be there at the graduation/prom to celebrate, and they went through quite a lot in their lives to get me here, so I have mixed feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While their input would be important if they were paying for the suit, they are not. YOU are paying for the suit YOU will be celebrating in on YOUR prom and graduation. And considering (assuming that you’re almost an adult if not one based off of the graduation factor) that you are grown, you need to ask why wearing a dress is more important than you being comfortable at this one-time event for you, and the boundaries you have regarding personal choice now that you’re of age (IF IT’S SAFE TO DO SO).
Just as much as you can “suck it up”, they can suck it up too for the sake of supporting their son in an important event like this. They did all they do in life so you can comfortably live and be yourself. And that’s something they should remember in place of being hung up over a fabric.
Good luck, and I hope things get better for you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t ever think that you have to live your life for your parents. Sure, they’ve done a lot for you, but that’s their job. Being grateful doesn’t mean sacrificing your identity.
Support them when they need it, just as they should be supporting you now. The best way to repay them for what they’ve done for you is to live your best life. They need to recognize that, and stop holding you back.” sisyphean_endeavors
Another User Comments:
“It’s just for one evening….Until next time there’s a formal event. Then you’ll be reminded that you already wore a nice dress for your prom, so stop being dramatic and making it a big deal. Clearly wasn’t that big a deal, right?
You wore the dress and didn’t melt. Then the next formal event, you’ll be told you’re just being difficult and you’ve worn dresses the last couple times and didn’t die so get over it. Wear what you want, kid, and make sure you look crap hot.” sinkydoodles
10. AITJ For Not Paying My Work Colleague's Clean Air Zone Fine?
“So 9 months ago I (35M) went on a short budget holiday with a work colleague, Tara (28M) as friends. We flew from an airport 50 miles away, with Tara driving there and a family member taking the car back. I paid for fuel and we had a great break, with no issues.
2 weeks ago at work, I got an urgent message on my work computer from Tara. Tara was telling me bailiffs had clamped her car and stated she had 24 hours to pay £509 or they would take her car. I asked her what was going on; Tara explained that while taking us to the airport, she had taken a route that went through a clean air zone.
If you drive through this zone, you must pre-pay £9 via an app, or be fined £120 (reduced to £60 if paid early). It turns out that Tara didn’t pay via the app and had been fined; the fine had gone unpaid and now a court order to recover the now £509 fine and court costs had been made.
This sounded crazy to me, but Tara sent me screenshots of the documents the bailiffs had given her. Tara was adamant that she had received no penalty notice in the last 9 months and asked me what to do. I couldn’t find out much online while taking calls from customers, but I advised Tara to contact the authority who issued the fine and appeal on the grounds that no notice of the fine was given; paying £60 was one thing, but £509 sounded unreasonable.
As soon as I mentioned calling the authority, Tara said she couldn’t do that – there was no point – she had to pay it. But, in my mind, that sounded crazy. The fact that the authority had failed to notify Tara of the original charge meant that the extra costs were on them, but Tara seemed to want to let it go.
I began to wonder if Tara had received the notices and ignored them. Not a charitable thought, but that’s the only reason I could imagine for why a person wouldn’t complain to the authority. I’m still working and Tara seems to have given up, so I recommended she speak to a mutual friend about her options.
She spoke to him, but paid the fine anyway, and I’m sad and frustrated about that choice – but it wasn’t up to me.
Tara and I seemed okay since. I messaged her asking if she was still willing to help me pick up some items. She said no, which wasn’t an issue, but she added that the reason was last time she did me a favor, it cost her.
I asked if we were good.
“I got a fine for taking us on holiday and your response was, ‘I’m sorry it’s come to that for you.'” That is not what I said, “We both went on holiday, so it should fall on both of us – not just me to pay the fine.
If it were the other way around, I would have instantly said I’ll pay half, and so would any other person. I don’t want to fall out, but morally that is what anyone would do in this situation.” Is that true?
I don’t like speaking badly of Tara, but something about all this doesn’t add up.
I feel like I’m being manipulated into paying for her mistakes in not paying the clean air charge, the fine, and having to pay court fees. Or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not the passenger’s responsibility to pay for things that the driver does that the passenger has no control over.
If she got a speeding ticket, would she expect you to help pay for it? If she chose to park illegally and got a parking ticket, would she expect you to pay? Or if she runs a red light, are you somehow supposed to take half the points on your license?
It’s a ridiculous suggestion. NTJ. You should reimburse her for half of what it would have cost if she had been responsible about things, because that’s part of paying for the shared expenses of gas and tolls, but no more.” CaliLemonEater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I smell something fishy here. To get to £500 you have to ignore several notifications. It’s been 9 months; she’s either done it on purpose or been so willfully neglectant that no court would ever rule in her favor. Does the letter seem authentic to you?
I can’t help but think something else is up with that money…” DancinginHyrule
Another User Comments:
“It’s not like clean air zones are secrets that drivers aren’t aware of. As the passenger, you didn’t have any say in the route she took, and if you were aware of the clean air zone, I doubt it would have crossed your mind that they didn’t prepay the fee like they were supposed to.
Since you paid for the fuel, I would say you two are square. (Not the 60s hippy version) As a friend, Tara seems to suck. Good riddance. NTJ.” fyrdude58
9. AITJ For Lending Our Car To My Brother Despite My Husband's Demands?
“My husband and I bought a car last year. Until then, we took the bus and used my brother’s car. My husband is not much of a driver. He drives when he must. And I’m usually the only one driving us around. I wanted us to get a car years ago, but my husband didn’t want that because he thought it was just a waste of money and we didn’t need it.
So whenever we went out to dinner or when it was raining, I was taking my brother’s car so we wouldn’t have to use the bus or a cab. No one said a word.
Last year, when we got engaged, I wanted us to definitely get a car, but he said he only had 2k and was planning to buy a car within that amount.
(Numbers are made up for easier perspective.) I told him that with 2k, we’d only buy a used clunker and we’d spend more money on repairs than on driving. He said he wouldn’t pay a dime more and started looking for 20-year-old used cars with plenty of mileage.
When my parents heard we were looking for a car, they wanted to pay their fair share and help me out financially because they got my brother a car and wanted to do the same for me. Let’s say we went from a 2k car to a 10k car in one hour.
My husband was fine with it. We got a fairly new, reliable car. My mom paid for the license plate renewal and our first service.
We have had the car for a year now, and since we live close to my brother, there were times when his car was in for a repair, or he had a flat tire or something else, when he needed to borrow our car for a couple of hours.
He’d always fill up with gas, return it on time, and many times he’d take the car to a wash and return it clean.
The argument came up yesterday when my sister needed to get her yearbook photo taken. She doesn’t have a license and asked me if I’d take her to the studio.
I didn’t feel like driving, so I asked my brother if he’d take her for me. His car is currently in a garage for a couple of days because he’s changing his tires. He took my sister, and I returned home when they were done.
He called me this morning asking if he could take the car again because he had an appointment at the barber and would be back in a couple of hours.
My husband was very angry upon hearing this and said that we shouldn’t just give our car to everyone.
I said that this isn’t everyone, and that we were driving his car for years until we got our own. To that, he said that he never asked for his car and was fine going by bus, so all of that didn’t matter.
I was taking the car, not him. He said he’s not comfortable giving the car to my brother and that he should make appointments when he gets his own car. He then proceeded to be angry with me all night and told me henceforth to reject my brother whenever he asks for a ride or a favor.
I don’t know how I should feel about this, and I’m not comfortable saying no to my brother. He was always fine with me taking his car, even when I had a car crash two years ago, and he paid for all the repairs without asking me for a dime.
Am I the jerk for lending our car?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here and your husband is a cheapskate. It would be one thing if your brother were irresponsible with the car, but he’s not; plus, he has helped you guys out a lot in the past. Your parents paid for the car basically as a gift to you, so I think you have more say as well.
Is your husband really cheap in other areas? Being frugal isn’t bad, but it seems like he takes it very far” faxmachine13
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My ex-husband used to be like that—he was willing to borrow from other people but never share what he had.
It would irritate me. My family shares everything. When my daughter’s car needed a starter, I gave her mine and took my mom’s second car (Mom didn’t want the 19-year-old to drive the new car). My brother and his wife took my daughter’s car to get fixed, and my brother paid for it without ever asking for a penny.
I was moving, and my dad easily handed over his keys to his truck and took my car for the weekend. My fiancé showed up at his dad’s house, took the truck, and left the jeep when I randomly bought new dressers that I needed picked up.
Dad didn’t even bat an eye. If your husband is willing to use other people’s things, he needs to get over it and reciprocate.” WhoAmI_2-4-6-0-1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your husband is though. Your brother has lent his car to both of you and has taken care of your car whenever he’s used it.
Your husband only wanted to buy a $2k car, but you got a $10k car thanks to your parents, and that sounds to me like it is your car, not his. If he’s been happy taking public transport, then tell him to keep taking it if he’s going to be a stingy jerk.” User
8. AITJ For Telling A Nosy Coworker To Mind Her Own Business?
“So I (22F) work in a restaurant, I’m in the kitchen while my partner (24M) is a bartender at the same restaurant.
We have (in our opinion) a good relationship that also involves no boundaries around phones. We have each other’s passwords and we freely go on each other’s phones for searching up stuff or responding to messages when the other can’t. Now, around the holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., we know not to go on each other’s phone so as not to spoil any gift surprise (we always communicate this in advance like a “hey, just so you know I placed an order for your gift so until ‘insert date’ please don’t use my phone so you don’t spoil the surprise”).
The issue we have now is that one of our coworkers, 21F (we will call her Anna for easier story telling), is a well known “feminist” “hate all men” type of person. I didn’t have an issue with this even though she makes it her whole personality and often comments obnoxious things to my face about men and relationships.
Like, she once commented on how my partner shouldn’t interact with so many girls and that it is “off putting” to not have a problem with this (we work in hospitality, of course he interacts with people that happen to be girls; what the heck??)
So, my birthday was a few days ago and while at work, he communicated with me that until my birthday I shouldn’t go on his phone as he has started planning for my gifts and party. Anna happened to overhear his comment and, immediately after he left, came up to me to tell me that what he said is gross and that I shouldn’t put up with his “toxic” behavior since I should always be allowed, AND I QUOTE, “to invade his privacy because all a man does is lie and that would grant me peace of mind to be able to go through his phone anytime I want.”
I told her to stop commenting on other people’s relationships and to keep her toxic views away from me, as I am really happy with my partner and our relationship. She called me delusional and said, “Don’t come to me crying when it turns out I’m right.” I told her that he could get my mother pregnant and she would still be the last person I would reach out to, and that she will never find happiness with this mentality.
She now won’t speak to me or my partner and went around spreading a twisted story making me sound like I attacked her for no reason when all she wanted to do was give me some advice. So, AITJ for telling my coworker off when she kept commenting toxic stuff about my relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your partner have a system that works for you. She doesn’t need to comment on your private life. I would not even give an explanation. Just saying thanks but I don’t need your input on personal matters is really all I would say to her.
Edit: typo” vineviper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is such a hilarious case of her projecting onto your relationship. It’s textbook haha. Sure, there are different ways you could have talked to her about your relationship but like… you don’t owe her that and she already crossed a boundary by sticking her opinions into your relationship.” DangerousBathroom420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your coworker is crazy. And her extreme hatred/distrust of men is not what feminism is about. Hopefully after what you said she’ll keep away from both of you. I wouldn’t worry about whatever stories she may spread about you as I doubt anyone takes her seriously.” bbbmine
7. AITJ For Respecting My Mom's Wishes And Only Getting My Little Brother A Valentine's Gift?
“So the other day, my (17 M) dad walked in and asked me if I’d bought any valentines for my mom, stepmom, and brother. I was kind of caught off-guard and I said no, and he told me I needed to “get on that.” I struggle to tell with him what’s a suggestion versus what’s a demand; if I don’t do it, I’ll be in trouble.
Getting in trouble is very stressful for me. For some context: My parents divorced when I was little and have 50/50 custody. Both remarried a few years after. My mom set firm boundaries regarding how she and my stepdad parent me. She sees it as her job to parent me, and he can be the fun stepdad, but he doesn’t get to discipline me; that’s her job.
My dad took a different approach and let my stepmom do a lot of parenting when I was young. We did not have the best relationship in the past, but it’s better now—enough that we can spend time together sometimes, and I don’t really mind her.
She’s nice, and I appreciate all she does, but she’s not really a parent to me.
I asked my mom when I next saw her, and she said she doesn’t want anything. I might make something as a thank-you for her (she always gets me candy and trinkets for valentines since I don’t really get valentines otherwise), and maybe I’ll grab some candy for my brother since he’s a kid (still in elementary).
But I’ve never gotten either of them gifts for valentines before, and it’s never been an issue, and I don’t know if doing that now will cause issues, so maybe I’ll just get something for little bro.
I’m not sure how relevant it is, but I do have suspected autism (multiple professionals we saw highly suspected it and recommended testing), but I haven’t been able to get the assessment yet, so no official diagnosis.
I only mention this because I’m not always the best with social situations, so it’s not unheard of to be told I was rude on accident or not doing something the way it’s supposed to be done. But at the same time, I feel like it would have come up sooner if it were something expected of me.
I’m not sure; I don’t want to be rude at all—I’m mostly just confused.
I don’t know what Dad will say if I don’t get her anything. I don’t want it to be a big deal, really; I just think it’s kind of odd, but now I’m thinking about just getting her something small to avoid any fights.
Valentine’s Day is approaching fast and I’m kind of nervous about it. So, WIBTJ if I don’t get her anything? I’m genuinely not sure anymore. My friends I asked said it’s fine, but most of my friends don’t really like my dad (and are also MY friends, so of course they’d side with me) so I’d like an unbiased opinion on this.”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I’ve never gotten Valentine’s Day gifts for any of my family members. I thought Valentine’s Day was about romance, which has no place within a family… but maybe I’m just weird.
Maybe it has a different meaning I didn’t know about. I would say you would be NTJ if you didn’t get her something, just based on my own perception of what Valentine’s Day means. I find it strange your dad would ask you to get her something.” ClogsAndFrogs
Another User Comments:
“Has something changed with the dynamics in your father’s house? It’s weird that your father is asking/telling you to get your stepmother a Valentine’s Day present when you have never given your parents presents for the holiday in the past. I think that if you give your mother, father, and stepfather something for Valentine’s Day, then you would be a jerk if you didn’t get your stepmother something as well.
However, if you don’t get any of them anything, then you are not a jerk. When I was growing up, my parents gave my sisters and me small presents for Valentine’s Day, but we didn’t give them anything other than maybe a card we made at school.
Usually, if we gave one parent a present for a holiday, the other parent paid for it. We didn’t have large allowances or a car or live where there was public transportation, so that could be part of the reason for that.” Darmokcat
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ but here’s two options. Ask your dad why he made a point to bring up getting them valentines, since you’ve never got them valentines gifts before. Maybe there’s some reason he wants you to do this. Option 2 – just get them some simple little cards with a piece of candy.
Simple, cheap, and you look like you’re making an effort to be a nice family member to them all.” hereforyounot
6. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Friends Over Puppy Care After My Brother's Funeral?
“Last weekend, I had to fly out of town for my brother’s funeral. He was a secret heavy drinker and I hadn’t seen him in 5 years. It was a rough trip.
They had the idea that he would really like it if we went to an arcade bar and they kept buying drinks. I ended up having 5 voodoo rangers. The whole thing was weird. Because of the flight time and the location, we ended up just staying the night at the airport.
It was rough.
Since I had no one else to help, I asked my best friend (let’s call him Adam) and his partner (let’s call her Sue) to let my puppy out while I was gone. I was only supposed to be gone from Friday at 5 to Sunday at 3 pm.
His parents (Mark and Lisa) also helped out. I called Adam and told him the instructions to take care of the pets, but I didn’t leave a written list, which I now realize might have been a mistake.
The original plan was for them to take him over to their house since he’s about 3 months old.
But Adam didn’t communicate that with his dad. And then the vet told us he had roundworm, so that made it not possible for them because Mark and Lisa’s dog is old and they didn’t want to risk it.
When I got back, the first thing I noticed was that my puppy was in the wrong crate; he was covered in pee and had chewed up the bed in that crate.
Clearly, things weren’t followed as I had asked. That already frustrated me on top of being hungover, exhausted, and grieving. But I was too exhausted to deal with it at the time.
My wife sent a thank-you text to Mark and Lisa, but accidentally left out Adam and Sue.
A little while later, Mark called me, asking about it, and then straight-up asked if I was mad. The truth is, I was mad because they didn’t really do what I had asked. But instead of apologizing or acknowledging anything, Adam immediately shifted blame, saying it was my fault for not explaining things well enough, and got very irritated about me not saying thank you.
Then Sue said I was being passive aggressive. Instead of saying something back, I just told her that I’d like to keep it between me and Adam because I originally asked him. I did shut her down, but I didn’t want her to get caught in the middle.
That really irritated her.
Now, mutual friends are telling me I should smooth things over because Adam feels unappreciated and Sue feels disrespected. I do appreciate that they helped, but their reaction made me feel like they weren’t being very understanding of what I had just gone through.
AITJ for not thanking them right away and for feeling put off by how they handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Adam did most of what you asked, on apparently short notice. It’s customary to say “thank you” when people help you out in a bind.
I N F O: Your post doesn’t make clear what Adam did wrong besides using the wrong crate. Puppies constantly pee and constantly chew on things, so that’s not necessarily indicative of neglect. Was there something else that you expected Adam to do that he didn’t do?” UteLawyer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Regardless of whether they did a good job, you should have thanked them. I probably would have said something like “sorry, we meant to include you in the thank you text wife sent, but your name/number wasn’t included on the text accidentally as we have been so overwhelmed by the loss of my brother.
We really appreciate the help you gave.” You could then have avoided all this mess. Also, if I were giving verbal instructions over the phone to a friend to do something somewhat complex or detailed, I’d have followed up with a text or email outlining exactly what needed to be done.
Apologize to your friend and buy them a small gift or take them out for a meal as a token of appreciation.” 83poolie
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one to judge. I don’t think anyone staunchly saying YTJ realizes you’re grieving.
I agree, better care instructions should have been given. Your wife probably should have been in charge of that. It probably also should have been planned better to thank both couples at generally the same time. And I get coming home exhausted to an animal that seems to be in a vulnerable state and having some concern about the level of care they were given while you were gone.
I think a little grace needs to be given to the person in mourning. I’m not sure why a friend would be so concerned about not getting an immediate “thank you” message. If my best friend’s sibling died, I would watch her animal for however long she needed, and wouldn’t expect an immediate “thank you” upon her return.
The people acting like the friend was outrageously put out and did the world’s biggest favor because they were so inconvenienced watching your puppy for 1 full day and 2 half days seem a bit out of touch. I guess I’ll say No jerks here?” flopcake1
5. AITJ For Celebrating A Tournament Win And Teasing Friends?
“So I got into Magic The Gathering about five months ago and have been hooked. I’ve made some friends playing at my local game store, and I’ve learned a lot.
Every Monday, the store hosts a tournament—standard, $5 entry, 3 rounds; winner gets the pot in store credit.
I’ve made a few friends there who’ve been playing every week just like me; let’s call them Bob and Dan. Bob has met up with me to play casual matches and such, and we’ve generally gotten along.
Bob and Dan, however, are hardcore at this game—where I like to build my own decks, Bob plays tournament-winning decks made by pros, and Dan puts every top-performing meta card into his deck for a deck that’s, in total, to buy the singles, the cards cost about $400.
(My decks on average cost about $45). They win almost every week—there’s currently a Cowboy Bebop promo where if you win, you get a special Cowboy Bebop-inspired standard card. I saw one of them talking about getting their fourth (of just that 2-month period’s card).
They also commented that they play every week with store credit; they never have to shell out $5 to play anymore.
I’m not bitter, but I want to win too. I’d like to get one of those cards. And I make my decks with the hopes they’ll be able to compete for it.
And I don’t like feeling like new players are just handing their money over to these guys.
This week, I finally did it— I went 3-0 with a deck I made. My final match was against Dan, who was a little salty. He complained that I got lucky and that he wasn’t drawing good cards, which does happen fairly often in this game.
When I won our best of 3, I was excited because I’d never gone 3-0 before, and I’d really wanted to. I put my hands in the air and said, “I did it.” (Not loud) and explained that I’d never won a tourney before, so I’m happy to now.
I was excited, found friends, and told them I finally did it as well. Bob came over and said, “I haven’t gone 1-2 in a while; it feels bad,” which I responded to with, “It doesn’t feel good, does it?” I was mainly just teasing, but to be honest, it feels a bit silly to complain about winning just one match when Bob goes 3-0 about half the weeks he plays.
Also, usually, 1-2 or 2-1 is how well I do.
They both left, and I texted Bob after I left, but he hasn’t responded in a few days. I feel bad about the comment I made and I wonder if I celebrated winning a bit too much for their tastes.
I don’t know if it’s my fault for gloating or if it’s their fault for being egotistical about the game, or if I’m overthinking all of this. Or maybe I care too much about the game. My life has been a little stagnant lately, and that’s my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- People who are used to winning usually really don’t like losing and are bad at it. I know this applies to life in general, but it’s way too common at an MTG table. Stop overthinking it, hit up more casual play nights, try adding another LGS into your rotation if you can, and let Bob text you when he’s done being salty.” DichoticallySound
Another User Comments:
“As a long-term gamer – I’m more board games than cards – I can tell you the only thing worse than a bad loser is a bad winner. Bad winners are just as bad as bad losers because they suck the fun out of it for everyone else with their overdramatic responses.
No one wants to play with people who over react. It’s okay to be a bit happy at a victory but the socially acceptable thing to do is just to go “great game mate”, shake the other person’s hand, and move on. You say you are good at making people not like you.
Do this a couple more times and I guarantee those people won’t like you anymore.” throwAWweddingwoe
4. AITJ For Refusing To Shoulder Unapproved Vet Bills And Unwanted Puppy Adoption?
“My friend (25M) and I (18M) are moving to a cheaper place next week and plan to stay there for three more years until we graduate from university. We live in a very small town—about 5000 inhabitants—that has a LOT of stray dogs. People, unfortunately, take them to the campus’s farm and abandon them as puppies.
Recently, two more pups were found on campus, so we talked about it, and adopting one of them didn’t seem like a bad idea. Our new house has a fairly big garden space, and one small dog is easy enough to take around if, after graduating, we decide to move into a bigger city.
Well… It turns out this other girl—let’s call her Jane—has been posting photos of the abandoned puppies and setting up a GoFundMe campaign to take them to a vet and castrate them, and we told her that we’d be taking one of them home so that she wouldn’t have to worry.
It was fine for a day until I received a message from Jane, saying that she had taken both of them to her house (she has 7 stray dogs that are sick and decided to take in the two puppies) until we moved into the new house.
I found it weird because, well… why was she doing that? But I decided to donate a hundred bucks for her to get some dog food and keep them until next week. I made it very clear which one of them we would take and that we preferred to take her to the vet ourselves.
Some time passed, and she just texted my friend, “Hey, would you be upset if I donated both of the puppies to my friend? I don’t want to separate them since they’re siblings,” and tried to guilt-trip him into either adopting both or none.
For context: He’s autistic and cares a lot about animals, so when she did that, he agreed to take in both. Fast forward to today: I just discovered all of that—that we would be taking both, and also that she got 500 bucks in debt with the local vet because she decided to take both of them and said we would pay for both consults, meds, and surgeries.
I got very upset that we’re now in debt with the vet for two dogs we haven’t even adopted yet, for a bunch of stuff they didn’t even need in the first place and that I wasn’t aware of. I messaged her to try and understand what she was doing.
She cursed a lot and basically told me to never direct a word at her again. I don’t want anything to do with this situation anymore, and my friend also agrees that this is out of hand. I feel really bad that we told her we’d take a dog and she spent a lot of money, time, and effort, but I never asked for her help in any way.
She just jumped in as an adoption manager and invented a bunch of problems as if she were elected responsible for all the abandoned dogs in the city.
AITJ for not wanting anything to do with this anymore and giving up on adopting one of them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not in debt to the vet. Either she took them and paid for it, and she is responsible for her own choices since not done at your request (and specifically against your wishes), or she is completely lying to you.
There’s no vet who would perform hundreds of dollars of services for a person who promises that some random other person will pay.” quats555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t spend any money, she stuck you with a bill you didn’t agree to.
Let the vet know that you didn’t approve the bill, didn’t know she was doing anything with the dogs at the vet, and you’re not paying the bill. Then call the police and report her for fraud (vet bill) and send them after her.
If her home is not clean with the dogs well cared for—pffttt. Stay away from the situation. It’s not your responsibility to deal with her demands.” ChaoticCrashy
3. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date For My Fiancé's Best Friend?
“I (29F) and my Fiancé (31M) have known each other for 10 years, been together for 2, and recently got engaged. We both decided that we don’t want to wait long, as we are both eager to buy a home and begin married life, so we picked a date 3 months from now that worked best for us.
The date had to be very strategic, as I work in healthcare where vacation time is very limited, with most vacations requiring application months in advance. So we picked the only week that was available (when I didn’t have my period – what a way to spend the honeymoon!).
We found a venue that we loved that had a date available on such short notice. We put down a deposit and sent out invitations. Shortly after, my fiancé’s best friend (35F) called upset, saying she and her husband will be away on vacation until the day after the wedding.
She wants us to change the date so that they can attend. So here’s WIBTJ.
I absolutely do not want to change the date of my wedding. The date, venue, and location are all perfect and fit wonderfully into the only vacation week available to me.
Instead, I suggested they end their trip a day early so they would be able to attend. I feel as though changing flight plans (they are vacationing domestically) would be easier and less expensive than losing a deposit and having to re-plan. She refuses and is claiming that I chose the date of the wedding specifically so that they could not attend, since she and I had a bit of bad blood at the start of my relationship with my fiancé.
To clarify, this is 1,000% not the case. Of course I would want her to be there, as she is a very important person to my future husband. Her friends are now saying AITJ, whereas my friends say it is an unfortunate circumstance, but that it would be easier for her to change the flight than it would be for us to change the date.
My Fiancé agrees and wants to keep the date.
To clarify a bit about their friendship, they have been friends from a young age and have a big sister/little brother relationship. She has been happily married for 10+ years, and I have never suspected any type of romantic inklings between her and my fiancé in the decade that I’ve known them.
When we first started being together, I did ask that they not spend time alone and I always thought it was weird, but since we weren’t officially a couple, it wasn’t really my problem. When we began being together, I brought it up and my fiancé agreed, since he enjoyed hanging out in group settings and wanted to respect my boundaries.
She did not like it one bit and called me controlling and insecure. Call me conservative or whatever, but I don’t see how it made any sense when I could just join them. It got a little nasty for a bit, but we have since worked it out and she and I are back on good terms, though I can’t say whether or not that popped up in the back of my head when she started accusing me of planning this date on purpose.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s allowed to think what she may think about your motivations, but you and everyone else with a rational brain will know that that’s not the case. You will also be correct in your rationale that rescheduling a return trip one day earlier is significantly less burdensome than rescheduling a wedding.
Pay them no mind and continue planning for your exciting day!” pickledpinkk
Another User Comments:
“3 months’ notice is not enough for a wedding. Especially when you plan it during the time when people start going on holidays. If you _actually_ wanted certain people to be able to attend, you would have either checked with them beforehand or picked a date further in the future.
At best, you were careless about making sure people can attend and at worst, you deliberately did things this way hoping she wouldn’t attend. Your wording seems to suggest that you knew about their vacation before planning the wedding. And that makes YTJ. Also: telling people that they cannot hang out one on one with their best friend is not a ‘boundary,’ it’s you being controlling.” Snow2D
Another User Comments:
“I was about to vote NTJ because her accusation of you being jealous of her and deliberately trying to exclude her from your fiancé’s life seemed pretty over the top… until you made the clarification about how that’s your exact pattern of behavior towards her.
YTJ for being exactly as conservative and controlling as she says you are. He’s happily marrying you, she’s happily married, they’ve been friends since childhood and have what you admit is a sibling dynamic… but you refuse to let them spend any time together without a chaperone?
Get over your insecurity, possessiveness, and Victorian-era mindset about gender and relationships. If you didn’t want her to view your actions of ‘coincidentally’ picking a wedding date to exclude her (if it was actually a coincidence) and expecting her to again bend over backwards to accommodate you, rather than the other way around, you need to have earned that trust. You’ve been suspicious of her motives for years; turnabout is fair play.” Brown_Sedai
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Prioritizing Friends Over Our Time?
“I (20F) love my partner (20M). I’m going to refer to him as Keith.
I really enjoy seeing Keith, and I value quality time. Keith loves going out and hanging out with his friends. I like to be at home. I have friends, and the girls and I get together when we can to drink, vent, and watch stupid Tubi movies.
As to what transpired today, to put it simply, he was gone again and proved me right in something I didn’t want to be right about. Ever since we got together, Keith has been having to split his time between me and his friends. Yesterday, we had our first-ever day to ourselves.
No friends, no hangouts, just a full 24 hours with each other, enjoying each other’s presence. We ordered wings, watched YouTube, and cuddled, and it was amazing.
However, he still does one thing that seems to cause a major rift in our relationship. He leaves for a small task and comes back hours after the appropriate arrival time for said task.
On my birthday, he went to pick up some food for both of us from a fast food chain on campus. It shouldn’t have taken him more than one hour tops. He came back three hours later, apologetic about how he had run into a friend and ended up doing many other small errands with them, then finally getting our food and returning.
He has done things similar to this at least 15 times. Today was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Today, he had a haircut scheduled. He left for the haircut as soon as he woke up and said he would be back around 2pm. We had plans to watch the Super Bowl together.
Keith seemed sure he would return to my place before 2pm. Fast forward to around 3pm, and Keith apologized and said he would be on the way soon. At around 3:50, he texted me saying his cousins (who also attend our university) would be coming over to his apartment to hang out.
At this point, I was very angry. I texted him angrily, that he didn’t have to bother coming back to my place. The Super Bowl started at 5:30 pm. He started calling me and texting me, asking what was wrong. At this point, I was declining his calls because I was on the phone with a friend of mine, trying to help her with her last-minute Super Bowl party she’s throwing.
I texted my partner after the call.
I explained that my previous text message had been sent in anger, and that I was no longer angry. I’m disappointed, but not surprised. He rushed to my house quickly to drop off my keys and some more things before leaving again.
Someone will probably wonder why I don’t just hang out with him and his cousins, and that’s because I want to watch the Super Bowl. He and his family are not football folks. I grew up watching football, and I wanted to introduce him to this little Kansas City Chiefs-hating side of me that is a football maniac.
He is aware that something’s wrong with me; he had to literally beg for a kiss goodbye when he stopped by to give me my keys. Am I making a big deal out of something that isn’t nearly as important?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His behavior is rude.
If you say you’re gonna be there at a certain time, be there. It’s not on you to teach him that that behavior is rude. He wouldn’t like it if someone did that to him. He should know better, I’m sure he does know better.
Can he make it to work or school on time or does he go off on a million side quests? If he can make it to work on time, he can keep his social engagements. I know no one is a mind reader but this is a pretty open and shut case.
Over 3 hours of stringing you along and making you wait. He literally was late to a time commitment he made and, while being late, blew you off to hang with his cousins. Def needs to be a conversation with him, but you didn’t do anything wrong by not spelling it out for him.” Competitive_Camel410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but dump him. I had a partner like this at your age (I’m almost 40), and he also had trouble balancing me with his friends. Eventually, he just became resentful that he had obligations to me and viewed me as a nagging wife/mother figure.
Your partner should want to be with you and spend time together. He’s either not mature enough for a relationship, or he doesn’t like you enough to prioritize you. This is not the kind of issue worth working through.” RaggedToothViking
1. AITJ For Questioning My Partner's Gaslighting And Blame Shifting?
‘For context, things have been a bit strained lately. They keep lying to me about fairly big things. When we started our relationship, I was clear that using that service would be being unfaithful. He agreed and told me he didn’t have any subscriptions to that service.
I found out 6 months ago that was nonsense. Since then, I have found out twice that he continues to visit specific adult content creators’ social media pages. He actually admitted to me today that he mostly looked at those accounts when I needed space from him during arguments.
He says my lack of trust in him is behind a lot of our problems.
It just seems like he has an overall attitude of not wanting to do nice things for me. There are many things he does that I appreciate, and I tell him that I do.
But I feel tone policed. It’s always the “way” I said something, even though I put so much effort into being calm and polite. A few weeks ago, I asked him not to throw chicken bones in the trash can because my dog will dig them out.
We had come home, saw that my dog had gotten into the trash—at which point I realized that Popeyes takeout had been thrown away in that trash can—and I literally said, “Please don’t throw chicken bones in the trash can anymore.” And he became really frustrated with me because I didn’t say that “we” shouldn’t throw them away there.
He gets super fixated on the idea that we both have to take blame for problems between us. But (1) I don’t believe that I am always partially to blame; heck, sometimes it’s just his screw-up. And (2) I’m focused on trying to communicate how I’m feeling and how things have impacted me.
But instead of responding to those things, the conversation just seems to head to a place where they try to find me at fault for something. Like the freaking chicken bones. He was upset because I didn’t use “we” language and, therefore, I guess insinuated that he was 100% to blame for my dog eating chicken bones.
Lately, I am too exhausted to really participate in these arguments anymore. So, he’ll just kind of monologue at that point, sometimes starting and ending with a bunch of things about me. For example, he’ll go on like, “You don’t even care how I feel.
If you did, then you’d actually listen to what I’m saying, not just twist everything. You just think that you’re right; you can never admit when you’re wrong, etc.” The last time, he got suspicious when I started recording our conversation, and eventually left me alone.
I wanted a recording to see if it was really as wild as I remembered it being.
On one hand, after reading everything I typed out, I thought, “Holy crap. This person doesn’t love me.” But I’m also very worried that my perception of everything is off and maybe I’m in the wrong.
I don’t know anymore, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s clearly gaslighting you and sounds like a horrible partner. He doesn’t seem to take any accountability for his own actions, then spins the narrative to make you the one at fault. I don’t think he’s a good person.” Key_Advance3033
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should move on. Thankfully, it sounds like you are on the right track to do that. Even without mentioning anything else, the fact that he uses those services when you ask for some time shows a deliberate intention to hurt you.
I mean, you talked about this and he knows it hurts you as much as being unfaithful, but he can still go on his high horse and claim it’s just explicit content. It’s definitely manipulative, but also downright mean to you.” Zealousideal-Road277
