People Are Stunned In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Wanting To Report A Classmate For Taking My Picture Without Consent?
“I (F) am a highschool student at a school that has a no phone policy. I’m a fairly quiet person and keep to myself, and comply to the rules by leaving my phone in my bag during school hours.
At my school, the first period of every lesson is called ‘family group’ where all the classes spend about fifteen minutes checking attendance and preparing for the day, and my teacher for this class is a pretty chill teacher so he let’s a few things slide that other teachers wouldn’t.
About a week ago, I was in class in front of a group of chatty girls. You know the ones, loud, gossipy, popular, etc. Anyways, one of the girls (who we’ll call Kathy) keeps glancing at me and stuff, and I found it slightly weird but brushed it off.
Kathy was new to the school, she joined midway through last year, and before she attended my school she went to the same school as my cousin (who we’ll call Lilly). Kathy and Lilly were both part of the same friend group, and kept in contact.
So Kathy and her giggling friends kelt glancing at me, which was unnerving but nothing serious so I ignored it and kept to myself. However, last weekend at a family gathering, Lilly showed me a photo that Kathy had sent her of me in that class.
Turns out, she and her friends had been taking photos of me without my knowledge, and that information made me feel super uncomfortable. I kept worrying that people were filming me left right and centre, and I didn’t want to tell anyone because starting drama was not my forte and I didn’t want anyone to have any reason to dislike me or spread rumours.
Eventually, I felt really stressed and insecure, so I told my close friend (who we’ll call Ava). I asked Ava what she would do in that situation, and she said that she would report it, but, I didn’t feel comfortable doing so publicly. After a while, Ava and I decided it would be best to communicate the situation privately to our teacher to report her misuse of devices and seek help.
But I didn’t get an opportunity to, as my bus left early and I had to hurry to catch it.
This afternoon, I was telling my family about it at dinner, and at first my mother was supportive about getting Kathy reported, but after I insisted on the fact that I felt unsafe, as though I was being watched, and that others may have also seen that photo, she and other members of my family changed their minds and started defending Kathy.
They said that perhaps Kathy was just trying to clarify whether or not I was related to Lilly (which isn’t true, because I established that when I first met her about 6 months ago) and that perhaps she hadn’t sent it to anyone else.
I got upset and said that Kathy was the type of person to send it out because she thought it’d be funny, and I was angry that they were defending her when they knew how I felt about this whole situation.
What makes it worse is the phone policy. Kathy did this while in class, so she breached the code of conduct. I feel that my family is brushing aside my concerns. AITA?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA You’re not overreacting. Whatever her reasons for taking your picture, she didn’t have to – it’s inappropriate.
If she wanted to know if you were really “the cousin”, she could have done something very simple : talked to you and asked you. I don’t know if reporting the incident to your school is a good idea and would improve the situation, but know that in no way are you at fault in this story.” Lower_Blacksmith8914
19. AITJ For Telling My Grandma Her Aunt Isn't Invited To My Pregnancy Announcement?
“I am currently 18 weeks pregnant. This is not known to anyone except for my partner and I’s parents/grandparents. Between my partner and I we have 7 brothers split up between several different households. It has taken us several months to get them all together in one place to announce.
I was finally able to plan a trip to the zoo for this Saturday. It was very important to me that it would be a special moment. I made sure that my parents and my MIL would be able to make the trip with the kids under 18 when finally setting the date.
After this was determined I invited my grandmother as well. All of the adults are aware that the trip is intended to announce that our brothers are going to be uncles. I invited her over three weeks ago. She just responded by saying “I’m not sure.
[if I’ll come] I’m thinking that’s a good time for you, your parents and your siblings.” I let her know that we would really like her to come and to please let me know what she decided within the next couple of weeks.
I did not hear from her and had assumed that she had decided not to come. Last night, I received a text from her asking if the trip was this Saturday, I confirmed and she replied by saying that she had a dilemma and received the following text from her:
“[Your Aunt] B asked me what I was doing this weekend and I said the zoo. Guess what? They’d (she and her husband) possibly like to come to the zoo too. ”
My Great Great Aunt B and her husband have been around for my entire life, but I am not close to them by any means.
They come to events and gatherings and I see them in passing, they also visit my grandma occasionally but we never talk. I feel it was rude to mention my event to them and allow the conversation to get to a point where they felt like they could ask to come.
I feel that it was rude to ask me to have them come in the and make additional accommodation (I am providing food) on such short notice, especially when it seemed she did not intend to participate herself.
I simply said “No” and she replied with “Ouch.” This is not the first time my grandma has wanted me to change a decision in this pregnancy.
I love my grandmother dearly, but she can be very mean and hurtful if I don’t do what she wants. Our previous disagreement was over how I should birth my baby. I tried to explain to her the reasoning behind my decisions and she did not like that, and eventually said that I just didn’t want her opinion or involvement.
This gave me a couple of bad anxiety attacks and I now try to limit what I tell her. This is hard for me because she has always been a very direct part of my life as a mother figure and I would like to have her support.
I have avoided saying anything else about why they can’t come because I feel that she is trying to make me feel guilty for saying “no” in this situation and I only see it getting worse if I reply.
So, AITA for telling her no?”
Another User Comments:
“Please limit contact with your grandma. There’s absolutely no reason for her to be so involved in your pregnancy. NTA. Best advice I received when I was pregnant: “People will always give advice about your pregnancy. Some will be good, some will be nutso, some will get CPS called on you.
No matter what, simply smile and say thank you. Dismiss what you want, heed what feels right to you. And never hesitate to gray rock those who are all up in your business.”” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“Definitely feels like Grandma spilled the beans about your event.
You have every right to not invite these people to your announcement, and you’ll want to set firm boundaries with your grandma and let her know that you won’t be able to share information in the future if she can’t keep it to herself.
Finally, it is very rude to invite yourself to an event you weren’t originally invited to. NTA.” jesrp1284
Another User Comments:
“NTA! She is being rude by inviting others to someone else’s gathering. More so as she has no intention of attending herself. Sure she and aunt and uncle are going to be disappointed but that is their problem.
Stick to your guns on this and have a great party!!!!!” VariousTry4624
18. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Mother More Money After She Failed To Repay Previous Loans?
“Around 7 years ago I became sick with a chronic illness while in university.
I didn’t live in the same state as my family so I was only able to tell them over the phone. My mother’s response to this was that I needed to be an adult and still go to work and school. She then compared it to getting pregnant with me and said she still had to do things.
I was very hurt by this because I was still going to work and school but I was also in and out of the hospital all the time and she didn’t take it seriously. This continued throughout the years where she constantly belittled or didn’t take my illnesses seriously.
Fast forward to last year. She asked to borrow $3000 for my sister to get a car. My sister is in high school. She said she needed a few weeks for her to get the money but was afraid the car would be gone by then.
I agreed but told her I needed it back. She did not pay me back.
A few months later she came to me again but this time asking for anywhere between $6000-$20000 saying she would lose the house and it was because she had gotten into an accident over the summer.
The accident left her with migraines and some pain. I know it sounds horrible but my first thought was when I was so sick that I couldn’t even walk and had to be hospitalized all the time (at one point I was like 70lbs because I couldn’t even process food), she told me to be an adult and I had responsibilities.
How was she now with migraines at the point of losing a house? She wasn’t working? I obviously didn’t say that. She swore she would pay me back by the end of the year. I reminded her she still owed me money from the car and she reassured me saying she’d give it back.
At the time I was being hospitalized again and put on sick leave/bed rest for 3 months. She never asked how things were for me. Instead, when she saw my hesitation she started to try to guilt me saying things like wow a daughter doesn’t even want to help their mother.
In the end, I gave her $6000 because that’s all I had and told her I really couldn’t afford to not get it back.
Now 11 months later, she still hasn’t paid me back. She hasn’t even tried to give me $5 a week and she’s asking me to buy my sister a computer.
I lost my job at the beginning of the year and although I have severance and technically can afford to buy the computer right now I also know it’s a sunk cost.
I would feel better not adding more money to the pile of how much she owes me especially when she has shown so little consideration towards me and her constant excuse is she had a hard time because of the migraines and pain.
I really want to scream well me too ma’am. I still pay my bills though. I know it’s selfish and that I should have more compassion I’m just frustrated.
Anyway, I feel bad because my sister is the one who suffers from this, not my mother and it’s not fair.
So am I that jerk for not helping my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother is a liar and thief. Your mother is also supposed to be responsible for her kids, not her other kids. Take care of yourself OP and be ready to take your mom to court to get your $$$ back, she will NEVER attempt to repay you otherwise.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re unemployed. You’re ill. What will you live on once your severance runs out? It’s time to think of yourself and your present and future financial needs. You’re not obligated to give your mother anything, especially when she already owes you at least $9000.
Your mother obviously will never pay you back a penny; she will continue trying to sponge money out of you regardless of your physical and financial health. You are not her ATM, and it’s time she realized that. Why can’t your sister get a job and pay for her own computer?
Why can’t your mother suck it up, be an adult and get a job regardless of her migraines? Your mother’s lack of empathy for your health issues makes me suspect she is a narcissist and thinks only about herself.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother sees you as an ATM.
She uses guilt trips to manipulate you into supporting her. Stop. She says she’s constantly in pain, hard times, etc. Let her know you understand completely because of your own medical situation and sympathize with how hard it is. But no more money. Your sister doesn’t need a laptop.
Every public library I’ve ever seen has computers available for patrons to use. Less convenient than a personal laptop, but beggars can’t be choosers. But a very nice little laptop that will do everything a high schooler needs will run you $500 or less. Sis can get a part-time job (since she has the car you bought her, she shouldn’t have any problems with transportation to work) and save up for one.
Personally, since you know you’ll never see the money you’ve already loaned your mother again, I’d be tempted to tell her that I could help her out by deducting $500 from the balance that she owed me, but that was the best I could do.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Refusing To Share A Room With My Nephew After Family Decided Without My Consent?
“My partner and I moved to Australia in 2022 but went home to Europe earlier this year as my mother was celebrating her 70th birthday and I was celebrating my 30th birthday.
My family all stayed in a big rental house for the birthday weekend and all went smoothly until the last day.
Sunday, my nephew (12yrs) fell off the trampoline and hurt his leg.
We were all checking out of the rental that day and a number of us were going back to my parent’s house – my partner, I, and my sister (44 yrs – not nephew’s mother, this is a different sister).
Now our nephew has been added to the list as his mother not taking personal carer’s leave.
As we were about to check out, my mother came over and told me that my sister (not the nephew’s mother) had decided that my partner and I would stay in a room with my nephew.
I told her that we will just go to my in-laws’s house as they have an empty room and it was no big deal because they only live 10 minutes away. I had been very sick with influenza prior for 2 weeks since we arrived home and didn’t feel like staying with a teenager in the room.
She declines the offer.
A few hours later, we are sitting on the couch in my parent’s living room and my sister angrily comes to tell me that me and my partner WILL stay in the same room with my nephew and how selfish am I to say otherwise.
I tell her no and offer that we go to my in-law’s house. She starts screaming that if HER MOTHER has to stress about this and if an accident happens when HER MOTHER has to drive her to the airport in the middle of the night then it is MY FAULT for being so selfish.
(Our mother has to drive my 44-year-old sister to the airport at 2 AM.)
I got upset and told her that it was weird that they just decided on sleeping arrangements without me and that in all the years I was growing up, I always had to sleep on couches or in my parent’s rooms because she and her kids got my room.
Why couldn’t she be flexible for this one time? The argument ended with her saying a lot of insulting things and me just repeating that we were fine staying with our in-laws. Finally, he stays in her room.
My sister is a successful marketing executive so I don’t understand why she did not book a hotel room near the airport, caught the train, or asked the company to arrange transportation if she was worried about our mother driving in the middle of the night.
I wished that I had dared to say that but it was the first time I stood up to my sister.
My partner and I agreed that if they included us in the conversation, we would agree to share a room but because they never showed any respect it was the right thing to say no.
Obviously, this is a recurring theme. Sisters with kids decide and tell us without kids how things are. I think it was different when my sisters had small children and I was a teenager but the kids are teenagers now and I am 30 with my own partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but next time you go visit just stay at your inlaws from the beginning. Your family has never made your comfort a priority and has always forced you to take the couch or something similar in favor of your sister and others.
Remove sleeping arrangements from the equation altogether by staying at your inlaws or a hotel and only coming to visit your family during the day” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And she can’t “decline” something you’ve decided. What a piece of work. Next time, just stay at your in-laws and visit during the day.
Why put yourselves in that position again. Sheesh. I’m proud of you for sticking to your boundaries.” justcelia13
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your mother & your sister are. Your sister is a huge jerk. What gives her the right to demand that he stay with you?
She’s not the boss of you or anyone else & doesn’t get to force him on you. You did the right thing standing up to her. And didn’t it feel good? Keep standing up to her. Don’t let her be your bully.” Embarrassed-Math-699
16. AITJ For Washing My Friend's Partner's Clothes Without Asking?
“Two weeks ago I was on a little trip to a few European cities with my friend Tom and his partner Julie. One morning after the first week I decided to wash my clothes since we were still traveling for 4 nights and I was out of clothes to wear.
When I started loading my laundry into the washing machine I noticed that they had left their clothes next to it so I just threw them also in.
I took a shower, made breakfast, and started enjoying the day. They woke up and joined for breakfast. The moment I finished eating, the washing machine called and I told them I would hang our washed clothes on the balcony for an hour or two since it was very sunny and a little bit windy.
When I walked out I heard Julie ask Tom “Our clothes?”, but did not think much of it and started hanging them. Tom walked out for a smoke and noticed that I was also hanging theirs. He thanked me, did some small talk, and went back in.
I also went inside two minutes later. Julie did not say anything, just walked past me and took a shower. With Tom, we discussed the plan for the day and after that, we went outside.
I noticed that they kept their distance from me so I asked if all was okay.
Julie assured me everything was fine. In the evening she asked if it would be okay to have two days for themselves. We were traveling for over a week now and they had little alone time. I said “Sure! We don’t have to always walk together everywhere.
Spend some time by yourselves and do what you want to do!” They were mostly following me around anyway so I did not mind and I could speed up my pace. (I am a fast walker)
The next 2 days we saw each other only mornings for a few minutes and then basically for dinner.
The last day I went to a museum in the morning and then we spent the afternoon and evening in a nearby park and bar talking about the last 2 weeks. Julie was still distant, and Tom was somewhat talkative but kept his responses short after a while.
After we came back home I did not hear from them. I did not make an attempt to contact Tom right away. When I tried to message him a few days later, I noticed I was blocked. Same for Julie. The next day I met up with a mutual friend for lunch and I asked her if she heard from them.
She said yes, they hosted a meetup at their place yesterday to show pictures from the trip. Some were wondering where I was and Julie said I did not have time that day. But after a few drinks, she went all out. Julie said to everyone that I am a creep.
She explained how I touched her clothes to wash them when they were not watching and she is now “unsure how to feel around me”.
I asked in the group chat and most people think that is ridiculous since she confirmed I was not staring or sniffing or anything.
She is grossed out because I touched them. Does she think I never washed my ex-partner’s clothes? My younger sister’s clothes? On the other hand, some, mostly females, think that was weird from me. So please tell me, AITJ for washing my friend’s partner’s clothes?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You are not a creep for washing her clothes- she is way overreacting. But also don’t wash other people’s clothes without asking. They could have needed the delicate cycle or to be washed in hot or cold water or there was a stain they were going to treat right before it went in.
Or she threw a bra in with her laundry and was going to hand wash it when she put her other clothes in. You never know with other people’s clothes so let them be.” Music_withRocks_In
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because all was well-intentioned. I definitely think you should not have just washed their clothes but that doesn’t make you the jerk.
I do find it odd that they didn’t talk to you especially since you were close enough with them to be on such a long trip together. Your relationship with them doesn’t seem to warrant this kind of reaction unless there are things you aren’t mentioning here.” SunDroppity
15. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Husband's Irresponsible Sisters?
“My husband (48M) and I (46F) do pretty well for ourselves. We do have 4 kids, 3 are mine and 1 is his. We have 2 in college which is not cheap and rent has gotten really expensive, but we still manage. My husband’s sisters live about 45 mins from us, and in the 8 years we have been together, they’ve never come to see us, not once.
We are the ones that have to go there, and every time we do, it’s ‘Will you stop and get me soda, pizza, and things like that’. We would buy them gifts for Christmas, and birthdays and give them money. They’ve never once given us anything, which is fine, other than they expect it from us!
I’ve invited them for Christmas and birthdays they never come.
So, over the last 3 years, we’ve kind of stopped doing so much for them. We have more expenses now, like 2 in college, so we can’t, and they just do not try with us. So fast forward to my issue.
One sister, oh sorry let me add this they work at a plant where they are laid off in the summer, and they get unemployment they do not make much and always need money. They won’t try to get better jobs. One reason they give us is they can smoke up because this job does not test and does not really care.
It’s a family-owned small business. Anyway, so now one sister calls us and says she needs $389 for her electricity, and she’ll pay it back, or they’ll shut it off.
My husband asked me and I try to stay out of that stuff, but I was honest and said ‘Honey no I don’t think you should, she won’t pay it back you know that and they need to learn to take care of themselves they are my age (45) and (46) but said it’s really up to you.
I did tell him to maybe call the electric company to make sure the money is even really for that. So he had me call and act like his sister to get the details. Come to find out she owes $1,263.68 the $389 is just to stop the shut off she’ll need to have the rest split into 2 payments over the next 2 months on top of her regular payments.
So she’ll either A get shut off anyway or B plans to ask us each month to pay it. I told him NO, so he called her and told her he knew the truth and we could not afford to do it.
Now she has the other sister calling and texting my husband names and that he’s supposed to take care of them, that’s what he promised their mother before she passed away making him feel so guilty.
I took a stand and said no not doing it. He’s worried about his sister with this heat (which I understand), but she is (45) and should have been paying her electric bill and not smoking up her money! Since it’s the summer, they’re living off unemployment until September when they go back.
I don’t feel bad for them they need to get a better job where they can work all year round and make more than $13.50 an hour. We’ve tried to help them and show them jobs where they can make $18 to $20 an hour and work all the overtime they want!
They won’t do it. AITJ for finally putting my foot down and saying NO more money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are entitled. Maybe they should stop smoking. Like you said. They would expect you to pay the rest. If they try and guilt him tell them that he’s not going to put you guys in a bind to help them.” Agreeable-Book-7018
14. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A House Without My Partner's Name On It?
“I (f30) and my partner R (m30) have been together for 1.25 years. We met a month after he moved to my state. Early in our relationship, my business partner and I took over a family business.
R is a plumber and has been trying to start his own company, with minimal success(barely making enough to cover his portion of bills except the last 2 months). Around the same time as taking over the family business, we talked about future plans and what our goals were.
One goal we shared was buying our own home. We both needed to work on our credit, save some money, and he needed to work on having provable income(for the past few years, he had been paid under the table). We also talked about marriage, and a prenup concerning the business that I own.
There were no issues with that.
Onto the issue.
Over the past six months, I have vastly improved my credit. R is in the exact same position as where he started. He has done nothing to improve his credit, still gets paid under the table, and has not saved a dime.
He also hasn’t found any plumbing work in the past 2 months.
At the same time as all this has been happening, my mom received a rather large inheritance. My brother is a real estate agent and has been helping her find a few rental properties.
She has known that I have been working towards buying a house and offered to help with a down payment. I told my brother to stay looking.
I mentioned to R that I had my brother looking For a house I can afford. I’ve mentioned over the past few weeks the progress.
R didn’t have any complaints.
Two nights ago I mentioned the possibility of a triplex that my brother had seen. R got angry and we had an argument. R accused me of completely changing my plans. He asked what we would do if I bought a place and then he found a property he wanted to invest in.
I explained that I would only have to live in whatever home I bought for a year and then had the potential to move and rent it out. I said we could move to whatever property he bought. He stated he was upset that I would buy a property in only my name and he would have no equity in the home.
I pointed out there is no difference between me buying alone, him buying alone, or us buying together. If he’s serious about marriage then there is no difference because we would have joint assets. He brought up the prenup so he wouldn’t be entitled to anything solely in my name.
I reminded him the prenup was only supposed to involve the business since I don’t own it on my own. I wasn’t planning on it including any other assets. He told me I was still in the wrong because I was only thinking of myself and was acting like I was single for doing this on my own.
I told him he was wrong, that I am planning my future with him but feel like I’m allowed to have investments that are my own just like he does. He ended up saying “do whatever you want. I guess it’s your money”.
AITJ for wanting to buy a house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has no money, limited work, bad credit. You’ve known him a little over a year, it’s not like this is a long term partner with long term knowledge of each other.
I see no problem with you buying a house, selling a house, renting a place or whatever you want, unless you were legally tied to him and you’re not.” TheVue221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have the assets and credit to buy a house, and your partner does not.
He is upset about you buying a house because it’s NOT ALSO IN HIS NAME. Do NOT make the mistake of putting his name on the deed. It’s time to really think about why his business is not growing. Is he really a plumber by education and experience?
Or is he just trying to “be” a plumber? In the meantime, he needs to get a job working for a true plumbing company and forget about being his own business owner until he is far more established. Plumbers have the ability to make good money, but not everybody can own their own business and be successful.
Don’t let him drag you down.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to a financial planner about this situation. They will be an objective outsider. Watch their body language AND listen to what they say. You will get all the info you need to make the right decisions for your bank account and your love life.” chart1961
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Complaining Mother To His Surprise Birthday Party?
“My husband and I have been together for 5 years and are raising 5 kids together.
When he was 17, his mother woke him up one morning to tell him she was leaving his dad and to move in with a man over an hour away and she still lives in that same area. My husband and I have tried to include his mother in every holiday and in all of the kids’ activities.
Our visits to her house are not as frequent as MIL would like because our kids keep us pretty busy year-round. My husband has a very low tolerance for his mother because she tends to complain about everyone and everything when he tries to talk to her.
About a month before hubby’s birthday, our oldest graduated H.S. and we hosted a graduation party for about 100 people. We were rushing to set up when MIL showed up 15 minutes before the party started. When she and her new partner got to the party, I said hi and told her to have a seat and I would talk to her in a little bit because I was cooking the main dish and had to go check on it.
She went up to my husband (who was on a ladder hanging decorations at the time) and tried to introduce her partner and start talking to him and he told her he needed a few minutes to finish what he was doing and then he would be with her.
This made her angry so she started complaining about us to everyone. Multiple people at the party came up to us to tell us that she was complaining that we weren’t spending any time with her, that we brushed her off when she arrived, and that she couldn’t believe how rude we were to her.
My husband told her that the party was about our son, not her and that he didn’t appreciate the way she was talking about us to everyone. I did sit and chat with her for about 15 minutes during the party but with 100 people there that was all the time I could spare.
Since then, every time we have called or visited, she starts on us about our “behavior” at that party. My husband is continuously frustrated with what she says to him and told me he doesn’t want to be around her right now.
For his 50th birthday, I decided to throw my husband a surprise party.
I went back and forth about inviting his mom, but in the end, I wanted him to enjoy himself and not have any stress at his party, so I did not invite her. He had a great party and even stated afterward that he would not have had a good time if she was there, given the way she’s been acting.
However, MIL found out about the party and called him, ranting about how I have never liked her, that she told all of her family about how I treated her at the graduation party, that we always take my parents on vacation, and never her (we’ve invited her at least 3 times and she declined every time).
She told him she just wanted to die. My husband defended me and said I’m not the jerk in this situation, but MIL and her whole side of the family think I’m horrible. AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a way to prevent this in the future though.
Tell her this: “Yes, I’ve never liked you. You treat me like crap and, worse, your treat your son like crap. Then you whine and cry and make everyone around you miserable. Your lies are intolerable. You are hereby blocked. Have the life you deserve.” Then block her.
Your husband can have any relationship he wants with her. There’s no reason you have to have one.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL is a narcissist and seems to be desperate for attention. Your husband should straight up tell her that he doesn’t want her around because of her infidelity to his father and go low contact.
His side of the family – tell them the truth and that she is a toxic person.” MrGreyJetZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to invite Mil to everything, or to anything really. If MIL wants to be included, she needs to be the kind of person people want to have around and is willing to actually accept invitations instead of always playing the victim.
If your DH is 50, she is at least in her 60s and is unlikely to change. She seems to be the kind of person who sees a boundary as a challenge. It is better to stop entertaining her complaining by ending the conversation when she begins to complain, and then putting her in a time-out.
In texts, only reply to non-complaining or entitled communication.” Cosimia1964
12. AITJ For Handling My Niece's First Period Without Informing Her Mother?
“Yo, this has been on my mind for about a week, my wife is telling me to let it go and that her sister is just neurotic but it is eating at me. I know at the core what I did was not wrong, yet my SIL made me feel gross and less than and have been feeling like I was wrong to a degree.
So last week, my wife got called in for work when she was supposed to take our niece out clothes shopping for school. It is somewhat of a tradition for them, my wife could not get out of it, so I offered to take it.
Everyone was cool with it.
My niece is 10, so I kept a watch on her but gave her distance so she could do her shopping in peace. Then suddenly out of the blue, she said she urgently had to use the restroom because she did not feel well.
Our mall has those single-room family bathrooms, it was open so she used that. I heard crying so I knocked and asked if everything was okay. She told me she was bleeding and was not sure why. It appears her mother never had the period talk with her.
I grew up with four sisters so I am not exactly a stranger to periods, yes I was thrown back by how young she was, but a quick Google search showed me someone could get them at 8. I got her a sanitary pad from the dispenser, handed it through the door explained how to use them through the door and everything went off without a hitch.
I explained that what she was going through was normal and what my sisters went through each month while reassuring her that this was all normal.
I went to CVS and she got herself a box of pads we finished her shopping and got some food then I drove to drop her off at her house.
This is where the true drama started. My SIL saw the box of pads and she laid into me like I harmed her daughter. I tried to explain that it was not a big deal, I grew up in a house of sisters, and I am the oldest this was not my first time going through this.
She kept yelling at me asking how come I did not call her or my wife. I simply shrugged it off and said I did not think it was a big deal or an emergency.
She had some choice words for me, I waved to my niece she ran up and hugged me before I left. When I got home, my wife was already talking to her sister, they also ended up fighting.
My wife has been reassuring me I did nothing wrong, but the things my SIL said to me did hurt. Will not repeat everything but it did make me feel like a creep and weird.
Was I wrong for downplaying my Niece’s first period? Was I wrong for not reaching out to inform her mother?
Do I have too much of a normalized attitude that blinds me to the importance? Was my SIL correct in her assessment that my wife is just defending people because she is my wife? Overall did I mess up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did the right thing.
Your SIL grossly overreacted. It could have been because she missed a milestone with her daughter that she wanted to be a part of and is lashing out at you for not including her in the resolution of the issue her daughter was going through.
Although, her hurt could be very well justified as a mother her reaction and handling were not, effectively rendering her the jerk in this situation.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve always been taught that when a kid is upset, you don’t want to make things worse (or make them more upset) by freaking out – if you’re calm and not overreacting then they’ll calm down – and it sounds like what you did in the moment was exactly how things should have been handled (getting niece a pad, explaining to her what was happening and that it’s a very normal thing).
Maybe you should have called SIL but I’m on the fence because if I had gotten my first period around a relative and they’d called my mom to tell her instead of letting me tell her myself, I would have been mortified.” theagonyaunt
11. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Mom For Going On A Trip She Didn't Approve Of?
“(19F) am kind of in a pickle. My mom (39F) got super angry at me because I went on a trip to Chicago that she didn’t approve of. The day before I left she yelled and screamed at me calling me manipulative and a liar.
To give context on why she said that: She told me like a week or two before I was supposed to leave about how she didn’t want me to go and she kept repeating “You’re broke, you don’t have anything” and she did mention once that she felt Chicago was too dangerous.
However, she kept repeating that I was broke and that she would feel more comfortable if I had some money while I was there in case something happened. So I asked my dad and he sent money the day this argument took place.
So back to the argument.
She says that I manipulated my dad and her. She started asking me how I paid for things and this is where she got really upset. Originally I told her we had a gift card for my flight. Why? Because I’ve always disliked how she was constantly in my finances.
I just said whatever so that the conversation would be over. So when it comes up again I tell her that I got 245 dollars from my tax return a while ago and paid for my flight and part of the money we used for the hotel.
She gets so mad and goes on about how I’m not the child she raised and I’m disrespectful.
She then asked if I was still planning on going and I said yes. She took my phone, and iPad and turned off the internet so I had no way to communicate.
I ended up using the Wi-Fi from our rental office to communicate with my best friend because she was worried as she heard the entire situation over the phone. When I went on my trip I bought a new phone. My college raised tuition so paying for it this year is a struggle.
Here’s the issue: my mom gave me two options if school didn’t work out:
1. Work full-time for the semester and then go to a community college
2. Enlist in the reserves and come back to go to college
I was not opposed to those options and asked to think about it since I wanted to figure out what worked best for me.
She replied with “What the heck is there to think about” and then she brought up how I’m lucky she considering this because I haven’t even apologized to her for anything. I told her I didn’t feel sorry for going and she said “That’s your problem, saying sorry for hurting me isn’t enough and you obviously don’t care about me.” I was so caught off guard and just couldn’t say anything because I have always put her before me mentally and emotionally.
She told me not to call her unless I’m going to give her a real apology.
Here’s why I don’t want to apologize:
1. she’s called my best friend a mean person on multiple occasions
2. In Every conversation we have had since I got back she insults me every chance she gets
3. I genuinely don’t feel sorry for going on that trip. I’ve explained that I feel sorry for how it all played out but not for going. She isn’t hearing and thinks I’m a horrible person. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you are legally an adult and it isn’t her place to manage your finances for you anymore.
Your life isn’t actually any of her business anymore unless you feel like sharing information. Her calling you and your BFF names isn’t going to put you into a sharing mood.” ThatWhichLurks782
Another User Comments:
“Ntj Get a new iPad when u can and if she won’t return it report it as lost or stolen since u are an adult Same with phone File for benefits if you have to and use pantries” Unhappysong-6653
10. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Mother For Using My Name To Accumulate Debt?
“So honestly I (M/21) need to vent a little but also I really need to know if I’m the jerk here.
When I turned 18, my mother (F/38) used my name to order stuff online because she was so deep in debt that she couldn’t use her own name. You can probably see where I’m going with this now. She didn’t pay for a lot of those things (it’s around 1.500€ in total) for 3 years.
I’m also gonna put some information that’s gonna be important later here: In the months in which she ordered those things I started my driver’s license. Due to a few mental health problems, I didn’t want to do it but she forced me.
So back to when I moved out a few years later.
I didn’t know I was in debt but obviously they didn’t fail to reach me after a few days. I got mad at her because that’s a lot of money I don’t have and I could go to jail if we don’t pay. She couldn’t care less, she told me to wait for the bailiff and talk to them about it.
Gratefully, my grandmother told her to grow up and take care of it. Now I’m slowly paying off one or two of those bills every month. A few months later, when I came home from the mental hospital,I got one of those letters again.
And my mother couldn’t care less. But to be honest, I tolerated all of those things, but here is where I might be the jerk:
A few days ago I opened my mailbox and I had another letter from a bailiff in it When I opened it was another unpaid bill of around 250€, apparently some things for my mother’s dog.
She forged my signature for that one. I couldn’t take it anymore, I started crying and called my grandmother and then my dad.I didn’t want to speak to my mother that day so I didn’t.
But my dad(they hadn’t talked in years) called her, blew up on her, and told her that maybe he would get a lawyer involved if she didn’t start to think about their child.
My grandma also told her a few things and the dog thing is now paid for. My grandmother also told her to cancel everything she was doing in my name. But my mother started blowing up my phone, so I turned off my phone the next day.
Ten minutes after I turned my phone back on she called me. I picked up and she blew up on me.
“How I could talk with Dad about it before giving her the chance to do anything”
“How I even have the audacity to call my dad”
“That it would be all my own fault because she paid for my driver’s license”
I then told her that she forced me to do it. And she then blew up on me “how she hopes I never need my license in the first place and how ungrateful I am.” The last thing she told me was “I gave you everything and your dad gave u nothing (which isn’t true at all) but if you think your dad is better now, never call or text me again”
I blocked her after that. She now tells everyone how I’m the worst child ever and what a jerk I am. The same day one of my siblings told me that my mother said her heart stings and she thinks it’s a heart attack. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should speak to the Police because your Mom is a criminal. This is just what you’ve found out about. There will be more. Cover your backside, rand eport her. If you don’t, she’ll keep doing it because she thinks she can get away with it.” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“So…..it wasn’t a heart attack. She just said her heart stings. You need to go to the police. She could get a dozen credit cards out with your info, this is identity theft and the bills WILL ruin your credit. You won’t be able to get finance to buy a car, house and will make getting rentals in the future extra hard.” angelicak92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is a thief. Contact the credit bureaus and have a hold put on your credit so that no new debt can be put in your name. If you get letters again asking for payment, write back and say that you did not purchase the items and give them the name and address of your mother and tell them to repossess the items from her.” emeslyaakov
9. AITJ For Defending My Fiancée Against My Mother's Classist Accusations At A Family Gathering?
“For starters, I(25M) have a loving partner(24F let’s call her Jen) and we’ve been together for a little over 4 years now.
We got engaged a few weeks ago. I come from a wealthier background and she comes from a middle class background. Some info on my family is that we all come from wealthier backgrounds and so do my family’s partners. My immediate family met her and my siblings and Dad welcomed her warmly.
My mom was a little standoffish at first but got better over time.
We have family gatherings 2/3 times a year with 20/30+ family members(they can last a few hours to a few days). One of the rules is that if partners are coming they have to be engaged or married to the person.
My Dad’s side tends to ignore that rule but my Mom made sure my siblings and I followed it since we hosted the parties. This year was the first time Jen was able to go. It was great at first everyone was having fun and getting to know Jen.
It seemed everyone liked Jen and they were very welcoming.
My Mom was a lot less involved and seemed upset at the party but no one knew why. I pulled her aside and asked her what was wrong. She was upset I brought Jen to the party.
I reminded her fiancées are allowed to the party and I was super excited for the entire family to meet her. She responded by saying ” I meant serious relationships OP. You don’t need to get the family’s hopes up.”. I was dumbfounded and upset because I asked both our parent’s blessings to marry her and she hadn’t said anything for the last FOUR YEARS.
I asked her why she hadn’t said anything before and she responded” I thought you would come to your senses by now. She’s just using you for your funds and she’s not even in a respected work field!”. This made no sense because Jen barely lets me pay for her and if I do I always find bills slipped in my pockets later that day.
Jen also works in comp sci and has a pretty good salary.
I was angry and said how could she think this way towards my future wife and that Jen has been nothing but kind to her. She just kept saying how Jen is a gold-digging woman and should have nothing to do with me.
We kept fighting me saying Jen was the person I wanted to spend my life with and her saying Jen is just trash I would throw her away eventually. I don’t know when we started getting louder which eventually was yelling but by the end, I’m pretty sure the entire family knew what the fight was about.
We left early and said our goodbyes.
My Mom called me yesterday saying I ruined her party and standing in the family. Apparently, after we left some of my family members tried to talk up Jen to my mom and how nice/smart and a good fit for me(after the party too).
I definitely wished we talked in a more private area but I stand firm with Jen and I didn’t mean to get my mom in trouble with the rest of the family so AITJ for causing a scene?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely not the jerk here.
Your mother was completely out of line with her rude, classist comments about your fiancée. There is no excuse for her demeaning Jen’s career and character simply because of her social class background. You had every right to stand up for your partner and make it clear those prejudiced views are unacceptable.
The fact that you are engaged makes Jen’s presence at the family gathering perfectly appropriate. You followed the rules. Your mother created this scene by unfairly critiquing your relationship. Raising your voice in the heat of the moment is understandable when someone is insulting your spouse-to-be.
It also says a lot that other family members spoke up in Jen’s defense afterward. They clearly saw your mother’s behavior as unacceptable. You did nothing wrong by bringing Jen and refusing to tolerate your mother’s baseless disapproval. She owes you and Jen an apology.
Hopefully, this will make her re-examine her offensive assumptions. Don’t second guess yourself – you stood up for your partner against vile, classist criticism. NTJ.” Tall_Information1765
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I have so much respect for you, for standing up to your mother and defending “Jen”…!
That, Ladies and gentlemen, is a MAN!!! Jen is a lucky woman. Congratulations by the Way. It is your life! You have to be married to the woman, live with her, have children with her. It’s always Nice and the Best when family and friends are happy for you, but the decision is yours, and yours alone.
Why your mother is behaving like that, I don’t know. I hope she Comes around, especially when you have kids. Oh, and you didn’t get your mother in trouble. Your mother Got herself in trouble, it has Nothing to do with you or Jen.
But everything to do with her attitude and opinions!” KamFerJoh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it took your mother 4 years she’s slow on the take. Hey if everyone else accepts her and Jen sounds like a great person at least one parent will be accepting and Jen can take the high road.
What usually happens in these situations is when you have kids you’ll probably spend more time with her family as they may not be so judgmental(nothing mentioned in OP’s post about them) and for god’s sake if you need a financial agreement both of you can set one that works for you like separate accounts and then one joint for household expenses.
Just remember that Jen may not have the financial means to support all the luxuries you may be used to to contribute so you may have to learn to be humble. I’m 53 and live a great life. I am middle class and have many friends with wealth and it doesn’t make you happier it just can make you comfortable and lonely.
Hopefully, your father will still enjoy being in your company with your new wife so he does not miss out on any good times with his addition of extended family.” FitJuggernaut4975
8. AITJ For Judging My Brother's Grieving Process And Quick Engagement?
“I (67M) am a widower, and have been for 10 years so far (my wife would have been 67 if she were still here).
My older brother, Mark (68M), is also a widower as of last September. His late wife was his second wife, and they’d been together for about 30 years when she passed, my wife and I have been together since we were both 20 and have known each other since we were 13.
My wife is my soulmate, when she passed away a huge piece of me did too. I still cry often when I talk about her (not all the time, it depends on the topic), I’ve put up every picture of her I have all over our house, and I can’t bring myself to make bookmarks out of books she was reading, I describe my feelings for her in the present tense because I refuse to imply that just because she is no longer here I don’t still feel that way, so on and so forth.
I also am absolutely a married man, and I have absolutely no desire to have another relationship of any sort. Needless to say, I understand that the degree to which I love her and the extent to which I grieve her is probably on the high end.
From what I could tell, Mark and his wife did not have as close a relationship as my wife and I always have. They seemed to love each other, but they definitely had their struggles too, and generally were sort of a hot-and-cold kind of couple.
The last few years before she passed away, Mark and his wife seemingly were on the “hot” side, and I hadn’t heard of any issues they were having.
However, just a month after his wife passed away, Mark began seeing someone. Friday, me, Mark, our younger brother Jack (64M), and his husband Eric (63M) all had a get-together for the weekend at Jack and Eric’s house.
While we were there, Mark told us that he was engaged to his new partner. Without thinking, I said “Already?”, which was upsetting to Mark. For the record, this would have been my reaction whether Mark was a brand new widower or not as he and his partner had been together less than a year.
Well, probably. Mark’s first marriage ended because he was unfaithful, and while I’d like to think that wasn’t the case here, I suppose there is the possibility that his relationship with his new partner is older than I think it is. I apologized for letting that slip, but then he said something to the effect of “not everyone dies with their spouse,” which was quite hurtful and extremely rude.
We began arguing, and I told Mark that he hadn’t really taken the time to grieve his wife, and then he told me I was wallowing in the past. I told him that at least I was respecting my wife and honoring her by recognizing the value and love of our relationship.
This was not the right thing to say, as Mark was extremely angry when I said that, and then left the room and did not speak to me for the rest of the day.
I’m worried that I went too far, but at the same time, I feel that what Mark said to me was hurtful and that he really isn’t being that respectful of his late wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I can understand why you think it’s too fast, but quite simply it’s not your place to tell a grieving person they’re grieving the wrong way, or that they’re moving on too fast. My sister, a widow at 29, has hidden her current relationship for a long time and still does because she’s scared of backlash from strangers.
But to get it from your own family?? YTJ.” skinnersleftknee
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but you are the jerk. Even though you are both widowers, doesn’t mean you have the right to judge his life choices. Comparing your marriage with his, it’s disrespectful. You don’t know what his life behind closed doors was, so you can’t feel entitled to judge him.
Everyone grieves in their own way, and if he decides to see someone again after his wife’s passing, it’s up to him, like you decided that your wife was the only love of your life. You can have your own opinion, but you need to keep it for yourself and try to be happy for your brother, if he wants to have a new partner make him happy.” Miss_Kitty87
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a highly confused person. Your brother’s trying to move on. You’re trying to stop him and in a super weird way. First, you’re saying your relationship with your deceased wife was so much stronger than his relationship, yet insisting in the next breath that he stay single longer out of respect?
Stop judging your brother and his late wife. He gets to mourn and move on, which doesn’t mean not loving his late wife. And if he actually is ready to move on, why should he stay single to appease you?” ggcc789
7. AITJ For Getting Tattoos Despite My Mother's Threat To Cut Ties?
“I (37f) have a mother who has always hated tattoos, citing her main reason as being that her mother (my grandmother) had a concentration camp tattoo that was a source of obviously horrible memories and embarrassment for her. But that tattoo was forced upon her, so I was never able to connect with that logic.
My mom has also always said that, to her, no one sophisticated, classy, or educated has tattoos. She sees them as trashy and disgusting.
Knowing how strongly she felt about tattoos, and because I didn’t want to get a tattoo in my twenties, fearing I would regret it at that age, I didn’t.
I did start thinking about it in the past couple of years though. When she saw my husband getting more tattoos and that our close female friend had a lot, she began to say without prompting: “You know, if you get a tattoo, I’ll never speak to you again.” Or “If you get a tattoo, we won’t have a relationship anymore.”
There were times she would see something innocuous on me, like a smudge or the tag of a shirt, and would ask in an accusatory way “Is that a tattoo?!”
She would include messages about tattoos randomly in our text conversations. She would tell me it would be an insult to my grandmother, to the entire family, and to their name.
My GM is no longer with us; she passed away in a car accident in 1994.
My mom has always had strong opinions and she stands behind them, so I knew her comments weren’t merely threats. Her ultimatums seemed to be unfair and needlessly controlling. When these comments began, I told her I didn’t have any tattoos and had no plans to do so which at the time was true.
I understand her opinion to an extent. I don’t think any parent wants to see their child get a tattoo they would regret, one that would make their life more difficult, or a badly executed one. I know that seeing her beautiful daughter with tattoos would hurt her.
So I kept that in mind when making my decision; it was not done lightly. I struggled with that fact but knew that I am an adult, and what I do with my body ultimately does not affect my mom outside of what she is allowing.
I did get two large tattoos on both of my thighs, ones that I did ample research for, wanting a great artist, regardless of price or wait time for an appointment. One I kept hidden from my mom and didn’t say anything.
Before the next appointment for my second tattoo, I sent her a message telling her that I loved her and did not want to hurt her, but I had to make my own decisions and this was something I wanted to do.
I said I didn’t want this to end our relationship, but that she was the one that was choosing to end it. She never replied.
I sent her another message a few weeks later checking in and telling her that I loved her. It’s been nearly two months since I’ve heard from her.
I do feel bad…so much so that I am questioning my decision. I don’t regret the tattoos themselves, they are meaningful and I think beautiful works of art, but it seems it has indeed cost me my mom. So I have to ask…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk. You’re a person with your own thoughts and emotions. You have the right to ink up however you’d like. One of my doctors has tattoos. A good and very professional technician at my children’s hospital has Mayan sleeves.
Your mother’s logic is flawed. The difference between the sort of tattoo your grandmother had versus the one you now have is choice; that horrible tattoo was forced upon your grandmother, and you chose to have a pretty tattoo, out of your own freedom. You did nothing wrong, and your mother has no reason to cut you off.
Times are different, context is different.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“It’s your body and your life. She’s trying to control you by withholding her love from her own child. She knew that you didn’t mean it the way she interpreted it—that’s why she worked so hard to force her interpretation on you.
She’s the one who is knowingly choosing to take it in a way that you don’t mean. NTJ.” bigcup321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom is being incredibly immature. You’re an adult, and her giving you the silent treatment to try to control you is absolutely juvenile.
If tattoos are enough for her to end a relationship, that’s her issue. I’m sorry it’s come to this, but it’s not your fault and she shouldn’t be trying to control(manipulate) her adult child.” ExRiverFish4557
6. AITJ For Being Banned From A Store After An Old Lady Falsely Accused Me Of Hitting Her?
“I (29 Latino over 6 ft) was banned from a store I’ve been going to for years because some old white lady yelled that I hit her.
So I’m walking in with my cart. An old lady cuts in front of me and walks slowly. I’m on my phone so I got a little close without realizing.
She turns around and goes “What are you trying to run me over??” being all mean and nasty about it. I say “No sorry” and try to continue on my way but it’s a narrow entrance that only lets you turn one way.
So we get like 3 feet inside the door.
She’s STILL taking up the entire entrance and I’m like a foot behind her. She suddenly stops and yells at me for hitting her when I’m clearly not that close. I told her I didn’t touch her and tried to go around but she started screaming and called me a fine jerk, then grabbed my cart and tried to stop me from going around.
I’m having none of it now so I raised my voice and said “Get away from me what are you doing??” Lady continues calling me psycho and a jerk and makes a scene as I try to get away from her.
I try to go about my business and put a few things in my cart and a minute later a tall white guy stops me and says I can’t continue to the other side of the store because that’s where the lady is shopping, and I need to leave because I’m causing issues in his store.
I’m shocked. I said I had zero issues, I was just minding my own business trying to buy groceries and this lady started screaming at me. I told him to check the camera footage because I didn’t do a thing. He refused and told me to leave.
I angrily paid for what I had and left the store.
Before I left, I saw the manager was outside on the phone so I approached him and told him I wanted an apology. He scoffed and said, “Apologize for WHAT?” I said for was kicked out for doing nothing wrong.
He told me he had a witness saying I was rude to the lady. I said “Yeah I told her to get away from me because she was yelling and grabbing at me” At this point, he was walking away so I followed him and asked,d “Is this how you treat everyone, just discriminate against them without verifying what happened?” He says “You can leave now”.
I told him “You won’t check the cameras because you don’t want to be proven wrong!” At this point I was really mad and yelling at the guy which I knew wasn’t cool but holy cow I’ve never been treated like this before and it was infuriating.
At this point, I’m back at the entrance where it all started and I’m yelling at this guy that this is unbelievable, I’ve never been treated this way before, and he needs to go check the cameras. He just goes “Yep ok goodbye” all condescending.
I said I was never coming back here because of how he was treating me and he said “Good you’re not welcome here anymore”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The people in the post telling you it isn’t about race most likely have the least bit of melanin to their skin tone.
It most likely was about race. It even could have been age. But either way, it’s discriminatory. Report to corporate. Post on their business social media page. Don’t let people who do not know anything about your experiences tell you how you should feel.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ pieces of crap couldn’t even pretend to be decent people. Don’t give that place your business again and spread the word to other Brown folks. Use your buying power to make sure these folks understand why they lost business.” Yutana45
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You are the jerk for making it about race when there’s no indication that anyone else was concerned with your race. You are also the jerk for your reaction to the lady and to the manager. Misunderstandings happen. Keeping your cool and being rational and polite is the way to go, especially when you are on someone else’s property.
The manager was a jerk for not diffusing the situation in a better manner, assuming you weren’t being menacing toward the original woman, in which case he was correct to kick you out even if you were the one who was originally wronged. If the situation had blown over by the time he got there, he should have just kept an eye on things and let you continue to shop.” Glanced4
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Insensitive Grandmother To My Wedding?
“So I am getting married in a year and I do not want to invite my grandmother (Cheryl). It’s my father’s mom and he wants her to be invited. I love him very much and don’t want to hurt him. Firstly she’s hardly been in my life, she can’t even spell my sister’s name right (after 27 yrs, it’s 4 letters), is SO rude to my mom, and just generally sucks.
The first thing Cheryl EVER said to my mom was “if you guys have kids I won’t be looking after them, I’m no babysitter.” So yeah.. when her husband (my paternal grandfather) passed away when I was 7 years old, she only showed up to holidays/birthdays moving forward.
Except the one year that she was too busy with her friends at A&W to come to my birthday.
My dad had a massive heart attack resulting in a quadruple bypass surgery when I was 14 years old. He almost passed away and had to be transported from our local hospital to a cardiologist in a nearby bigger city (4-hour drive).
Cheryl never visited him at the hospital in or out of town. She also did not visit or help care for me and my sister when my parents needed to be in another city for surgery and recovery.
She sent a Christmas card to my cousin and her children’s house that was addressed to the “Smith family”.
When they opened the card it was to her abusive ex-husband only, wishing him a Merry Christmas. She had already been made aware of the mistreatment and the fact that he no longer lived there. (Cheryl’s relationship with all her grandchildren sucks)
My uncle (her favorite son, out of three) passed away recently.
Her reaction to the news was “I will miss seeing him around but I have someone else to care for my lawn already.” My mother and father were there to witness this. She didn’t cry a single tear and was laughing during a part of his burial when people were asked to be silent.
I saw her talking with a nearby friend and they both laughed but her laugh was so obnoxious my cousins (who were literally at their dad’s burial) just looked disgusted and hurt. Her behavior is so appalling, my father was the only person at the burial in our immediate family to even speak to her.
I am honestly so tired of this woman. I cannot stand her. I do not want her at my wedding. She has literally never been in my life and was still invited (for my dad) but in light of recent events I have made it clear that she is no longer on the list. The invitations haven’t gone out yet.
My mother, sister, and cousins all understand and support my decision but my mom also thinks that it would hurt my dad, and I should be considering his feelings. I still don’t want her there, and I don’t care if her sister (my great-aunt) doesn’t come either.
The less the merrier when it comes to Cheryl.
I should add that I spoke with my cousin regarding her comfort level with Cheryl since the incident with the Christmas card and as far as she is concerned, Cheryl is dead to her. She is not comfortable around her and would prefer to not be exposed to her.
So I ask you guys, Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t make a big deal of it, however – Stop talking to cousins and family members about it. Simply don’t send an invitation, and try not to do anything that would draw Cheryl’s attention to the fact that you’re having a wedding so that she doesn’t ask anyone about why she didn’t get an invitation until afterward.
If your father is smart, he’ll understand and simply not bring up why she’s not there.” y6x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She seems like even if she did come to the wedding she might make a scene as well. I understand not wanting to hurt your dad’s feelings but this is YOUR day.
Clearly this lady doesn’t care about anyone but herself. Most of your family might not want her there as well. Congrats & good luck!” AllyReadsBooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your wedding day. A day for YOU to be happy. It should be a place where everyone can be happy and celebrate without having any worries.
No point having added stress for someone who clearly hasn’t made you a priority.” saltyybabyy
4. AITJ For Not Doing Something About My Brother's Increasingly Disrespectful Behavior?
“I’m using a throwaway account since I don’t want my friends and family to know it’s me. I apologize if I make any spelling mistakes, I’m writing this in the dark.
I (14F) had a decently close relationship with my brother (12M) over the years.
We rarely fought and we’d always play together. That was all washed away later on when my family moved houses.
The house my parents bought was in a town that was 25 minutes away from the city we used to live in. It was a big change for me and him.
We had to adjust to living there for a while but I knew we’d get used to it later on.
A year after living there, my parents decided to make us switch to schools nearby (I was 12 years old in 7th grade and he was 10 years old in 5th grade).
Again, more adjusting but I didn’t think much would change about us. I was sure everything would work out.
In the next few months, I saw a change in his behavior. He would silently call me a mean name when I’m doing nothing (ex: I’m tying my shoes and he calls me a “freaking mean name” cause I don’t tie my shoes the same way he does) and I was taken aback cause he never uses foul language.
I figured it was because he was growing up and wanted to fit in with the “big kids”, I found out a month later after I saw his messages on discord between his friends and I saw how a bad influence they were to him.
I confronted my brother about this but he called me an “ugly jerk” because I was snooping through his stuff, but it wasn’t my fault he left his computer open. I told my parents about it but they didn’t care, they told me he’s just growing up and I can “just deal with it”.
I just let this slide though, I don’t know why. I guess I was hoping that this was all just a phase and it’ll pass over, no. I let his behavior get so bad to the point he actually put his hands on me and hit me until my parents interfered but it’s suddenly “my fault” for provoking him even though all I asked him was for my charger back.
Let me also add in that he is very misogynistic. He never does his chores and always tells me to do them because “you are a woman and women stay in the kitchen”.
Nowadays he tries to show me his private area (I’m serious).
He would barge in my room and start boasting about it, “It’s so big, ___ look at it!” and he’d try to show me but I’d shut my eyes and scream so he could leave my room and my parents don’t catch him in the act.
Today, I made myself mac n’ cheese for dinner (I didn’t eat anything today) and my brother spit in it so I had to throw it out. I had to go to bed on an empty stomach while my mom yelled at me about how I was a brat and that “it’s ok to eat his saliva we are family”.
Why did I feel like writing this? Because I’m scared and need advice. He has done a lot more stuff and some are far more worse than the stuff I have stated here. I feel like it’s my fault his behavior got this bad, I feel like I could have prevented this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m really sorry for you, but you are probably the only sane person in that household. Your brother literally tried to show his downstairs area to you WITHOUT CONSENT. It’s not just the consent bit, but you’re his SISTER. That behavior is chilling.
And he’s hitting you? Spitting in your food? It’s obvious he shows no respect and your parents are practically backing him up with their lack of action. Also remember, it is not your job to deal with his behavior. Your parents should be stepping in and snuffing this active disrespect out and teaching him what’s right and what’s wrong, but they seem perfectly happy with this arrangement.
Don’t fall victim to this, remember it is not your fault, and you don’t deserve this disrespect. Also, have you heard the term parentify? It might be apt for this situation.” FNAFArtisttheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your parents are the ones who should stop him.
It is not your responsibility to parent your brother. He is clearly a problem he is harassing you and the more he does not stop he will only get worse. For your protection get proof photos of discord videos of his treatment of you. Tell your parents if they don’t deal with him you will tell teachers cops CPS even cause your brother does this to you he will continue till he goes to other girls and they shouldn’t have to deal with him cause your parents are allowing a monster to thrive in their house.” This_Introverts_Mind
3. AITJ For Leaving To Visit My Parents Instead Of Helping My Ex Move?
“I 24M, my ex 28M and her mom 60M were living together in an apartment so it would be easier for me and my ex to save money for a house.
Well, on July 1st she wanted to be separated but get back together at a later date to focus on herself and to treat a lot of trauma she had. At first, I was upset but realized it could be good for both of us since I needed to do something similar.
The very next day it all went downhill; her apartment flooded (water in the kitchen, bathroom, and master bedroom) and we needed to move units. It took about 3 days for that to happen and keep in mind we were never given a specific date to move out, we were told to move as soon as possible.
We moved the essentials in those days until they got some storage units in the apartment building to put all the furniture in. Well, they got them 6 days before I went to see my mom on a planned vacation. I took time off of work and it was approved and has been in place since March-April.
The reason I’m seeing my mom is because she had a hysterectomy in May and I haven’t seen both my parents in a year. It takes 3-4 1/2 hours to see my parents since they live in a completely different state. Since we broke up my ex stayed behind.
I was helping out as much as I was able to but my ex was so stressed she was sleeping a lot. She got home from a half day at work and then proceeded to sleep for 6 hours. This is very common of her to do and she says she needed a day off because of the stress.
Well after my ex dragged her feet for about a week it was time for me to go see my parents.
At first, it seemed like my ex and her mom were ok with it since I said I would hire movers to move all the heavy furniture when I got back and told them to please take it easy.
I wanted to give my ex space since she was super stressed and so was I. As it turns out she and her mom were angry that I left and didn’t help them enough even though I helped her mom more than she did before I left. I was told I was selfish for not helping them and going to see my parents, I wasn’t a real man for staying behind.
My ex said her mom asked me to move all my stuff out of the old apartment before I left which I know is a lie since I would’ve remembered that. I spent the whole day with her mom before I left. I was confused because I was not told to stay behind and help out, I was not met with any backlash when I left, but both my ex and her mom hated me for not staying to help.
Is going to see my mom selfish? Why did she drag her feet for 5 days when we could’ve moved the apartment in 2 max? Why wasn’t it selfish for her to ask for a day to relax? After this, I was kicked out and now we have no contact.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did a lot more than them and they have the courage to complain? She is your ex, so she means nothing more to you than (maybe) a simple friend. Your family is way more important than her, she should learn her place and understand she is not a princess.” Riley_28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think this is after-the-fact regret on their part. I assume your ex knew well in advance of the trip you were taking to see your mother. But I think when you break up, being extremely annoyed by what the other person is doing is par for the course.
It’s not mature to take those feelings seriously and take them out on the other person.” atmasabr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- May I suggest moving only your stuff out of the place and then blocking her? I would also let her know you will not be responding to any texts/snaps/calls etc from her and if she needs you, you will respond only via text and it won’t be immediately but when you have time to respond.” Shiel009
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Isn't Ready To Be A Mom?
“I (17F) will call my sister Amy (22F.) We lived with our mom but we used to also live with our father and stepmother who were terrible people and parents. Admittedly it was worse for Amy. Luckily, Amy cut contact when she turned 16 and so did I.
Amy still has a lot of anger issues. I know that her issues are because of our father and stepmother. But I feel like she doesn’t even try to hold back her anger or put in the work to stop taking her issues out on others.
Amy’s super smart and a really hard worker in other parts of her life. She graduated a year early from one of the top universities in the country and is going to grad school for free on a scholarship. She’s able to control herself but just chooses not to.
Mom made Amy go back to therapy last year to work through her issues. But there’s been no real change other than Amy starting fewer fights with Mom specifically.
Amy recently started talking about how she really wants a child. She said she specifically wanted a girl.
She has a very specific vision for how she wants her child to be (hair, eyes, skin tone, personality, etc.) and to me, it seems like she just wants a mini version of herself who likes all the same things that she does. Amy confessed that she has considered finding a random guy who would be willing to “do the deed” and then stay out of her and their daughter’s life.
She said she knew Mom would never approve but asked if I would support her.
As I said, Amy has many issues, most of which would prevent her from being a good mom IMO. Here is why I say that:
1. Amy isn’t patient and snaps very easily.
She’ll start yelling over small things. Instead of asking my cousin to turn it down, Amy yelled and insulted her for watching a TV show when Amy was trying to read.
2. Amy isn’t a compassionate person, especially not to kids. She isn’t nice to strangers’ kids or even to our cousins.
3. Amy is selfish. If someone else gets attention, she gets frustrated or tries to redirect the attention back to herself.
4. Amy can honestly be cruel. At times she goes out of her way to be mean to people and animals, especially our cat.
5. Amy can never admit she’s wrong.
If you disagree with her, she’ll yell at or insult you.
6. Amy will never apologize. She’ll always argue why she was justified.
I told Amy that she could be a good mom someday if she worked through her issues. But she still needs to work through her issues, and would not be a good mom right now.
Having a baby right now would be bad for both her and the child. Amy yelled at and insulted me and said she thought I would have her back but wasas unsupportive as Mom was.
Amy has a friend who I’ll call Viv. I’ve never actually met Viv but we follow each other on Deviantart.
Viv sent me a note saying that even though I was honest, Amy really wants a child so she will have someone she knows loves her and it was cruel to say she wouldn’t be a good mom because I know her issues are because of our father and stepmother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m unsure if Viv is real, or if she’s just naive and trying to be a supportive long-distance friend. All of the reasons you listed sound reasonable: Amy would likely be a very poor mother. You’re not only watching out for your future nephew or niece but also for your sister—even if she doesn’t realize it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I can understand the natural urge to want a child however the way she’s going about this is clearly irresponsible. Finding a random guy to do the deed is clearly not the way to go about this. Also, the reason provided by her friend is not a good enough reason to want a child.
She needs to work on loving herself and being secure before she has a child. That kid will grow up and have a mind of their own and she will eventually see that they aren’t going to be infatuated with mom 24/7 after a certain point.” sinenomine3
Another User Comments:
“Some of the worst parents are the ones who want to control where details of who their child is. A good parent accepts and supports their child to be the best version of themselves. Parents don’t own their children, and it sounds like Amy has some messed up views of parenthood.
Sounds like she wants a dog, not a human being to raise into a functioning adult. You may have been harsh but I also think you were right. NTJ” maypokenewtonaway
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Best Friend After He Reacted Badly To My New Relationship?
“I (21M) have been friends with JD (20M) my whole life. We went to the same school, we were in the same classroom, we took almost the same subjects, and we also shared a lot of interests and hobbies.
Although I’ve always thought of myself as a mostly social and outgoing person, JD was never like that. He was rather a shy, withdrawn boy and prone to social anxiety. So whenever he felt vulnerable (he confessed this to me himself) he turned to me as a support figure.
I’ve always tried to encourage him to open up a bit to others and even tried to introduce him to other friends of mine, but in the end just didn’t work. At 16, JD came out as gay. He and I both come from an LGBTQ-friendly background, so JD coming out as gay wasn’t really a big deal for anyone.
Just felt happy and good for him for being able to openly be himself.
During my 17-18 I had several partners. Whenever I told JD (since we always told each other everything) about my sentimental partners, he would always adopt a cold and distant attitude, even if it was a trivial topic.
I almost had the feeling that he hated the fact that I had a partner, since whenever I ended a relationship he instantly dropped his bad attitude and returned to his usual one. That bothered me a lot. So I decided to confront JD and tell him my thoughts.
Although at first he seemed receptive and even apologized for his attitude, in the end, and I quote, he confessed that “he really couldn’t stand that there were mean girls around me and that if he could, he would put me in a display case to keep me forever as if I were a doll”.
At the time, I just let that go as a joke and gave it no further attention.
Flash forward, a couple of months ago I started to meet a co-worker. We got along pretty well pretty soon so we started seeing each other. Fearing JD’s reaction to it I decided to hide it from him.
To make it short, two days ago I was with JD at my place, playing some video games, when all of a sudden I got a text from my partner. My phone vibrated, JD picked up the phone to hand it to me and then he saw the message, was surprised, and started asking me questions.
I confessed everything to him (during which I almost felt like I was somehow confessing to a partner I had been unfaithful to her) and then JD just went nuts.
He started saying that I was a bad person, for making him suffer like that, for hiding those things from him and not respecting his feelings.
He also said that he was sick of me having relationships with mean girls (referring to my current partner). Then I lost my cool, yelled at him some really hurtful and personal things; and told him I didn’t understand both his attitude and behavior or why he was getting so mad.
Then he began to cry, insulted, pushed me, and stormed out of my house.
Now I can’t help but feel like a horrible person. I feel guilty and like I shouldn’t have said that, and like I’ve done some irreparable damage to one of the most important people in my life…”
Another User Comments:
“Pretty sure your friend is in love with you past normal friendship and acts out and gets jealous when you are in one. NTJ. I am a guy and had friends for a long time. I couldn’t imagine caring that much about who they saw and wanting to keep my friends like doll.
Idk seems weird to me” spidermonkey2947
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – JD has a massive crush on you. I’m careful not to say love because he doesn’t accept the real you just the fantasy of you he has in his head. I will say it’s not uncommon for gay men to have crushes on straight friends.
Usually, they work through it before they get to his age. I’m going to take a wild swing here and say that I bet JD hasn’t really seriously dated. I’m also going to guess that he’s lonely and you fill a need he has. But it’s not a healthy way to do that.” DisgruntleFairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but mate, I think your friend has bigger feelings for you than friendship at worst, has some serious possessiveness towards you at “best.” His language towards your partners is completely unacceptable and you should have nipped this in the bud a while ago.” [deleted]
