People Have Strong Opinions About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Wheelchair At My Friend's Birthday Party?
“I (20) have mobility issues that occurred in part because of a fall down a flight of stairs when I was a teen. I ended up breaking my foot, damaging tendons in my ankle, and the cartilage in my knee.
I hadn’t realized that it was a severe injury for multiple years and by the time I went to the doctors and got physical therapy, they could only try to salvage what muscle I had left. I typically use a knee and ankle brace at work, and either a cane or a wheelchair when I’m just away from home.
Now, for the story. My friend, J (24) had their birthday yesterday. They invited me around a month ago. I asked if it was okay for me to bring my wheelchair, to which they said yes. I took my car so that I could fit it in the trunk without being a bother to my friend on their birthday.
J invited 3 other people to their party, (not including their partner), and we all drove to a city a little over an hour away to meet with J’s partner at the end of the night.
I was awake from 9 am until around 1 am and had stayed up late the previous night painting a gift for J.
Going without much sleep for a long period can exacerbate the amount of pain that I’m in. Around halfway through the day, I was already feeling exhausted, but J pulled me aside and asked if I could leave my wheelchair behind for the mall. J said a bunch of stuff but it boiled down to “Please don’t bring your wheelchair because it will inconvenience us.”
I had already been skimping on using it for the previous few activities because they just weren’t wheelchair accessible. At the time, I was thinking “Oh, it’s my friend’s birthday, and I haven’t been to a birthday party in around 5-6 years by now. I don’t want to ruin this for them, so no problem!” And continued to use my cane and knee brace as a combo.
The problems started to arise during the trip to the mall. Note about my knee and ankle braces: they tend to irritate my skin if I wear them for too long. By the time we were walking around the mall, I could already feel my foot going numb and the skin beneath my knee brace felt like it was raw.
I probably would have just dealt with it if it hadn’t been for one of J’s friends having a fear of escalators. J went out of their way to accommodate her. Towards the end of the night, I ended up just taking both the braces off for at least some form of relief from the raw pain.
At that point, I just wanted at least for my skin to be spared. I used only my cane until the night finally ended.
Today I had work, and every part of me that I had put strain on yesterday was sore and fatigued. Despite this, I’m still worried that I would have come off as entitled if I asked, or ruined my J’s plans which were clearly meant for able-bodied people.
I would have left earlier if I hadn’t given a ride home to the other people.
So, would I have been the jerk if I had asked my friend to let me use my wheelchair?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, but you should not have asked. You do not need your friend’s permission.
You have the right to use the medical aids which you need. Using your wheelchair when you need it is not optional, it’s not something your friend gets to decide or have a say in. J was the jerk for asking you to leave your wheelchair behind, and it would have been 100% appropriate and reasonable for you to have said “I need it, so I’m afraid that won’t be possible” or even “Oh, how I wish that was an option!
Believe me, I wouldn’t be using it if I didn’t need it” (I have to admit, I am also really struggling to see why it would be an issue for her at all. Is she embarrassed to be seen with a wheelchair user? Is the mall not accessible so you using your chair limit which parts of the mall you can go to?” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“Wow! How you were treated is disgusting! I’m mostly able-bodied and would stop being friends with anyone who acted like this. Seriously ALL disabled people deserve so much better treatment! You shouldn’t be treated as a burden due to your disability. You deserve respect, and your ‘friends’ showed you none.
Knee braces are brutal! I’m supposed to be in one and I just can’t do it because I feel it causes more issues than it helps. I already have sensitive skin but also fibromyalgia.” Allosauridae13
Another User Comments:
“First off, no, you wouldn’t have been the jerk if you had asked to use your wheelchair.
Not at all. You have a legitimate need for it, and there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing your health and comfort, especially when you’ve already gone above and beyond to try and accommodate others. I can understand why you might have felt hesitant, wanting to not “ruin” J’s plans or make things more difficult.
But honestly, your needs are just as important as anyone else’s, and it’s not entitled to ask for an accommodation that directly impacts your well-being. J’s request for you to leave your wheelchair behind was out of line. You had already been using your cane and knee brace as a compromise, so asking you to go further by risking your health and comfort just to avoid “inconveniencing” others is not fair to you.
From what you’ve described, it sounds like you were really trying to be considerate. You’re right that you don’t want to come off as entitled or selfish, but this is a situation where you shouldn’t have had to feel guilty for asking to use the wheelchair.
You should’ve been able to rely on it without second-guessing yourself. If anything, J should’ve been more understanding and willing to make accommodations for you, just like they did for the friend with the escalator fear. It’s a basic level of empathy and friendship to respect someone’s needs, especially when it’s something that impacts their health.
I know it’s easy to feel like you’re asking for too much or that it might ruin things for others, but your health should always come first. You’ve already shown a lot of thoughtfulness by trying to manage without the wheelchair, but it shouldn’t have come at the cost of your comfort and pain.
J should’ve been glad that you asked to bring it in the first place, and if they couldn’t respect that, it’s on them to reconsider how they approach these situations. You’re not the jerk here for wanting to take care of yourself.
Honestly, you deserve friends who will support your needs without question. In the future, don’t hesitate to speak up if you feel like your comfort is being compromised. You deserve to have fun, be comfortable, and enjoy yourself without sacrificing your health.” User
19. AITJ For Asking My Aunt For Expensive Jewelry After She Took Advantage Of Our Family?
“I (17f) am from a South Asian household, but living in Canada all my life. For some background, my aunt (my mom’s sister) came to Canada as a visitor 2 years ago with her two kids and she managed her way through the system to get her PR.
The problem started when she came to visit us last year (we live in a different province).
My mom gave her kids a lot of expensive gifts and my aunt a truckload of money. My dad was not happy about giving her that much money but couldn’t do much about it considering it was already done.
I fully understand that she is family and new to the country and that we should help as much as we can. She lives with her brother who financially supports her and her kids, but she is also getting money from her husband who is still living in Asia.
When my aunt came here to visit last year, my mom started to neglect my sister and me and focused more on my cousins (my sister is 8 years younger than I am). My dad already wasn’t happy about giving my aunt all the money and gifts considering it caused a financial burden on our family, but his buttons got pushed once my mom started to focus more on my aunt and her kids.
It started a huge fight and it became so heated between my parents that both considered divorce at the time. They didn’t talk to each other for a week.
On my mom’s most recent trip (this January) to visit her sister (my aunt), she gave her $2000.
My dad wasn’t happy about this either but held his tongue because he decided not to interfere with the finances regarding her siblings. Also, my mom sends her money almost every other month as far as I know.
This is where I might be the jerk.
So last weekend my aunt messaged me pictures of jewelry (because her husband is moving here and he is bringing them) and asked my sister and me to pick out the ones we like. My sister and I looked over the pictures and we sent her the ones we liked. What I didn’t realize at first was that she sent the pictures with the price tag included. I went through the photos again and re-sent her the ones that were the most expensive and asked if I could get those instead.
I have decided to milk my aunt of all she’s worth of her money as she has done with us.
She probably told my mom, because my mom came to me and told me to cut the list down and change it to the cheaper jewellery.
Which I didn’t do, but I know they are going to cut it down behind my back. The jewelry is most likely made out of 10-15 carat gold based on the price tags.
For disclosure, my aunt has not paid back any of the money since we started sending it to her (she doesn’t send us any types of gifts either, but we always send her some).
Also, before I forget to add this, my aunt had a full-on career as a teacher for over 10 years in her homeland, but she dropped all that and came to live in Canada after seeing how my mom and her brother lived.
So am I the jerk for choosing an expensive gift even though my aunt told me to choose from the list?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have relatives who mooch off my mom and they don’t do anything for her. Not a card or small gift. Yes, it’s not your money but people like this have to learn not to overuse people’s generosity.
The fact that she moved after seeing how your mom lived means she’s chasing a certain lifestyle.” Select-Promotion-404
18. AITJ For Feeling Stressed Over My Vegan Friend's Strict House Rules?
“So, my friend recently bought a new apartment, and he invites us over all the time. He’s vegan, which means there are certain rules we have to follow at his place. As a guest, I don’t mind respecting his rules—it’s his home, after all—but I’m starting to feel like the expectations are too strict and are making me anxious when I’m there.
It’s reached a point where I no longer feel relaxed hanging out with my friends like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, and I’m hesitant to go over anymore.
At first, his rules seemed reasonable: don’t use his dishes to eat meat and take off your shoes before coming inside.
Totally fine, and I had no issue respecting them. But as we’ve spent more time at his place, it feels like new rules keep popping up. Things I thought were completely normal turn out to be “off-limits,” and I end up getting chewed out for breaking rules I didn’t even know existed.
The tipping point for me was when we all got takeout ramen. After we ate, I poured the leftover broth down the sink, thinking it was the logical thing to do—it’s better than letting liquid sit in the trash can, right? But he got upset because the broth wasn’t vegan, and apparently, only vegan food is allowed to touch his sink.
That rule floored me. It felt as absurd as someone telling me I couldn’t use their toilet because I ate meat and only vegan poop is allowed. I was genuinely baffled and, again, chewed out for being “disrespectful.”
I understand that it’s his home and I’ll respect his rules, but I can’t help feeling like some of them are over the top.
It’s like someone asking you to jump three times in a circle and bark like a dog before entering their house—you can respect the request, but surely they can understand why it feels unreasonable, right? This is why I don’t want to hang out at his place anymore.
Am I being inconsiderate of his lifestyle, or are my feelings valid?
Another example is his insistence that we clean all our dishes and trash before leaving. I get wanting to keep your space tidy, but as a host myself, I would never demand that my guests clean up after themselves—I’d see it as optional. My expectation as a host is to deal with the mess afterward because it’s part of having people over.
Sure, I’d appreciate it if someone helped, but I’d never require it.
There was one time when we all (including him) used his air fryer to make vegan burgers because he suggested doing a burger night at his place. Afterward, he made us clean the air fryer together.
If I invited people over for burgers, I’d never make anyone clean my grill—it just feels like part of being a host.
All of this has built up to the point where I feel too stressed to enjoy a boys’ night at his place.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just suck it up and learn to be a more accommodating guest, or are my feelings about this justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People like him are what give vegans a bad name. The only thing I agree with is taking off shoes.
Unless you’re cooking a steak in the same pan he’s about to use to make something vegan, the dishes don’t care. Wash them and they’re good again. He sounds insufferable.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’d stop going to your friend’s place.
If it was just the two rules of taking off your shoes and not eating meat in his dishes, I’d call that very reasonable. The sink thing was kind of ridiculous, but ok easy enough to avoid going forward. But this thing where you have to clean everything is absurd.
If he’s hosting you, he should be doing the dishes. NTJ. ” QuesoDelDiablos
17. AITJ For Only Paying One Of The Two Guys Who Helped Me Move?
“I moved recently from a 300 sq ft room to a 930 sq foot apartment. I asked for help from a college guy and he offered to bring his friend.
As the date gets closer I’m getting all of the things organized (truck, boxes, etc) the friend offers to provide the vehicle.
I gratefully accepted his offer because why not? I was going to have to rent a truck anyway, I mentally noted I would be giving him the money I would spend on the truck (based on what I was mentally preparing to spend on the truck alone around $50)
I told the college guy I would give them each $50 the Friday of my move, but as I thought about it more, I told him I’d circle back on that because there were things I needed to consider (If I should pay them more because I felt like I had more things and let’s be real: you never know how much you have until you move) he said okay.
The day of the move: We agreed to meet at 2. At 2:15 he called and told me that he got called into work and he needed to go and do that (he’s an RA) I said okay, double checking that his friend was coming (because let’s be real: I forfeited planning my moving truck relying on him, so the friend became more important due to his offer) He said his friend was still coming, I moved on and waited for his friend to come.
At about 2:30 his friend pulls up & starts moving things, great. It’s going. About 10-15 minutes into moving the college guy pulls up and in my mind, I’m wondering why he’s here because he literally just canceled. I didn’t ask anything about it, when he called and told me he couldn’t make it I charged it to him not wanting to.
I had more to focus on.
I just let him come, but as the friend and I are moving, he’s just standing around, grabbing things that I didn’t place out to be moved yet, grabbing small like picture boxes, grabbing hair baskets, kinda making it harder for me to put things where they go and ultimately: in the way.
His friend was going going going, not much communicating, like yeah laughter joke, but this is while he’s moving. The college boy didn’t grab much and as the night went on, he was complaining about him being hungry, asking me stupid questions, getting a pair of my shoes dirty, he lying out on the floor at least three times yelling that he was hungry, he told me the dominoes walk out specials, he hid in the bathroom while we were packing small things, gave his friend “bigger” items to carry, he cheered me on while I was moving things too heavy stating “women can do it”.
He sat on the couch while I, his friend, and his friend’s partner touched up the walls, vacuumed, took down cameras, etc.
Last but not least: he had the audacity to tell me to tell him “please” when I asked him to move my fridge.
I told him several times to just go home… he didn’t.
I ended up paying his friend that night and later told him that the best thing he did was refer his friend, I do feel like I owe his friend more because they did so much.
AITJ for paying his friend and not him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For a simple reason: you told him multiple times to just go home, and he wasn’t helpful even when given instructions. And you still pay his friend, who showed up with a car and was helpful.
Which is the right thing to do. Maybe you should have ordered a pizza or something because he showed up, but he seems to have just intentionally acted like a jerk and, while spending time there, not helping. I would also rub it in and pay his friend and partner.
Yes, they probably split the money anyway, but I am petty like that. I have a strong dislike for people who show up to “help” but then just goof around and make it more difficult to get things done.” MenchitWolfram
Another User Comments:
“I find it pretty weird that it took all day and evening for 4 people to move a 300 sq. ft. room, but whatever.
The bigger thing here is that you promised a payment to two people without knowing how good (or bad) a job they’d do. Now you’re trying to partially back out of a commitment because the one guy did a bad job. ESH (mostly the guy but you also made a poor decision) If you hadn’t promised payment, I’d say an easy NTJ.” HolyGonzo
16. AITJ For Standing Up To My Controlling Sister Over My Relationship?
“I am 29F and wanted to know, AITJ for sticking up for myself against my sister (35).
My sister is married with two beautiful children. However, my sister has a very bad temper and does like starting a lot of arguments with us and with others, over small things. She will never give you a chance to speak and tries to talk the whole time so that she can come out on top of every argument.
She has many times manipulated my mother by cutting off contact with family members such as our brother, my dad’s brother, and dad’s nieces, and with my mum’s nieces as well. Which has caused a lot of arguments between my mum and dad for years.
I had enough so I decided if my parents weren’t going to put their foot down to her, then I was. She needed to know and understand that her behavior was unacceptable, and she needed to stop.
So here is my story. I should mention that I was controlled by my two stepsisters and was mentally and emotionally mistreated by them until they both moved out.
I feel like I have finally found peace and doing what is best for my life, without them bullying or laughing at me. They believe that whatever they had done, was their way of supporting me but supporting and controlling, are two different words that they don’t understand.
I have been in a relationship for 4 months now and even though my partner lives interstate, every single day we do video calls for hours (some nights). My partner and I have finally booked a date for him to come down so we can finally spend some real time together and meet my family.
I was so happy.
However, this didn’t last too long when I messaged my sister and told her the dates he was coming down. This being something so special for me (for the first time), my sister video called and immediately I could see in her face that she was not happy about something.
It is best to mention that she has alone time with her husband once a month. She started saying how wrong it is that my partner is coming down to stay with us for a few days, how unfair that after making a deal that she could have alone time with her husband once a month, she can’t do that now, started talking about how her relationship with her partner used to be.
I grabbed the phone off my mum and started yelling at her. I reminded her how she was sleeping over at her partner’s house, going out with her partner whenever she wanted, and it was not a problem, but my relationship was. I told her that she has a whole March to have her “once a month, alone time” with her husband and for once in a lifetime, be happy for me.
My mum also told her off as well, after I stormed off angrily. After the argument, she went onto Instagram and started posting quotes about “I AM NOT THE BAD GUY” and “People make me look like the bad guy”. She started playing the victim card when she was the one to start the argument, so I told her that she was THE BAD GUY.
We haven’t been talking for a few days now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You finally stood up for yourself and refused to accept her attempts to control everything. If she’s not talking to you, sounds like you’re ahead. Is there any good reason to stay in contact?
Is your life better or worse if you’re in contact with her?” extinct_diplodocus
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother's Disrespectful Partner At My Wedding?
“My mother (46 F) and I (20 F) have always been extremely close as I’m her youngest child and only daughter.
In June 2022, She started talking to a guy that she knew in school, they decided to meet up so he traveled down to where we live to see her. Before this, my mother told me he’d be coming and told me in the quote “Don’t dress like that when he’s here”.
At the time one of my brothers and I lived with her. When he first came down it was fine, I left them alone so she could spend time with him seeing as how she hadn’t seen anyone in years. But as the days went on he was still there so I had no choice but to speak with him.
I soon asked her when he was leaving at first she hesitated but eventually admitted he was not leaving.
The first incident is pretty much one that stayed steady the whole time which was his music. He is a self-proclaimed DJ and would blast (and I’m not even joking) music as early as 6 am to as late as midnight.
I asked plenty of times for it to be turned down as I was in the room right above them, he would rarely turn it down and if he did it would be for like 10 minutes then it’d be back up to full volume. She has no freedom with her money, eg; she had $1500 before he visited only for it to be gone 2 months later, and to this day barely has money to buy food and pay the bills.
He gets disability and food stamps but apparently can’t help with anything. He has made comments on my body, which made me really uncomfortable.
He made me lose an online job because of his music, always brought my partner up in situations, and said he’d beat my now fiancé up who did nothing btw all because of music too.
My mother has taken his side for literally everything, even though he’s said plenty of hurtful things to her that I won’t mention. One day I snapped I mean screaming and yelling and I’m a fairly quiet person because he said I was “going to off myself over words” and I have been unhappy for years.
No, she didn’t defend me even in that situation. I would ask for an apology only to get told I have to do the apologizing. It got to the point where I stopped talking with my mother and said I wouldn’t invite them to our wedding nor would she be involved in our lives.
I’ve since moved, and we do speak every once in a while but not the same as before. I told her he could not come to our wedding and neither could she if she planned on bringing him.
Also, this guy was homeless before coming down so me and much of my family think he is using her.”
Another User Comments:
“Jesus, you’re NTJ and if he makes you that uncomfortable, there’s nothing wrong with going minimal contact with your mother either if she makes excuses for him commenting on your body and doesn’t want you to wear certain clothes in front of him.
I know you and your mom are close, but mothers should always choose the safety and mental/physical health of their children above their romantic partner.” Runny_Rose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see why you would even invite your mom anyway. She put her partner above her child.
That’s messed up. But have security at your wedding to bar any uninvited people. A trusted friend, a hired person, or someone the venue (ceremony and reception) has available. And put passwords on all vendors.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Wanting My Mom In The Delivery Room Despite My Husband's Objections?
“I (29) and my husband (36) are expecting our second child this summer. We have a 3 ½-year-old daughter.
My husband struggled with heavy drinking for many years but has been sober for the last year and a half. When our daughter was born in 2020, he was drinking heavily and was often intoxicated beyond legal levels.
At that time, I wanted both my mom and my husband with me in the delivery room (the hospital allowed two people).
I’m so grateful my mom was there—she was incredibly supportive and helpful. In contrast, my husband passed out on the couch in the delivery room after I gave birth. He wouldn’t wake up to move to the postpartum unit, so I had to get out of bed—just hours after delivering—to shake him awake.
It was embarrassing and traumatic. He’s since apologized and understands how much it hurt me, but we can’t undo what happened.
He also wasn’t very helpful during the newborn stage, but he now recognizes the mistakes he made and wants to do better this time around.
Over the past 3 ½ years, however, my husband has lost a lot of respect for my mom. When he was at his lowest and refused to seek help, my mom supported me in whatever decision I made about our marriage, which he now holds against her.
Things are cordial when she visits, but there’s an underlying tension.
As we prepare for the arrival of our second child, my husband has expressed that he doesn’t want my mom in the delivery room this time. He feels she oversteps. But I want her there.
My mom is comforting, and I know she’ll support me through what is an incredibly intense and emotional experience. My husband, on the other hand, struggles with anything medical or involving blood. He couldn’t even cut the cord for our daughter, so my mom did.
I asked him who would cut the cord this time, and he reluctantly said he would, though he admitted he was nervous about it.
I’ve told my husband I want my mom there, but I haven’t had the conversation yet where I tell him that she will be there.
I’m worried it will lead to a big argument that I don’t want hanging over us for the rest of my pregnancy. Part of me hopes that as the delivery date gets closer, I can simply say, “I’m the one delivering the baby, so this is what I want and what will happen,” and he’ll accept it.
At the same time, I don’t want him to feel disrespected, but I also know my mom would be heartbroken if she weren’t allowed in the room this time.
So, AITJ if I tell my husband that my mom will be in the delivery room for the birth of our second child?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait – he lost respect for your Mom because she supported you when you chose to stay with him?? Your Mom has already proven herself to be a tremendous comfort during labor. Your husband, however, soured the experience. Tell him to earn your respect this time and only then will you consider his request if you do this a 3rd time. He should be grateful you’re letting him attend at all with his track record. NTJ” Only-Ingenuity7889
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. Another kid with this man? Gee. I hope things work out for you. Because this is a very difficult situation. He dislikes your mom because your mom dislikes him. Because he’s a heavy drinker and he let you down. And he is not at all apologetic or embarrassed apparently.
Yikes. ” 11SkiHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But his attitude is very concerning. He may not be an active heavy drinker but he doesn’t seem to like accountability which is pretty bad since that’s part of the addiction recovery process: *he doesn’t like your mom bc she supported YOU when he was active in his addiction*?!??!
Like, seriously? HIS actions made your life very difficult and your mom was there to help you and support you and she’s the bad guy? Not him and his bad bad choices?!? Your husband is the absolute worst.” Lacroix24601
13. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Have Friends Over When I Return From Trips?
“Me (32F) and my partner (33M) of 5 years share a home. I like to take occasional trips about 5x/yr to go see friends, and when I am gone he likes to have friends over, which is okay.
The past couple of times I have left, when I have come home from 3-4 days of near constant socializing as I usually stay with friends, I come home to him and some of our friends at home. I don’t have anything against him socializing, but it is distressing to me to have to come home to people in my home.
I am at that point socially burnt out and tired from travel. I have tried to be okay with this as I don’t want to be controlling or in the business of telling him he can’t see people.
I have tried to just go into our bedroom to avoid everyone, but even then I still can’t really relax because I feel confined to the bedroom.
It is worth noting that even at this point saying hi and having basic small talk with more people pushes me into extreme discomfort. I don’t know why I am like this, I have tried not to be, but I can’t help it.
The last time this happened, I ended up crying in front of our friends, which was embarrassing.
I didn’t mean to cry and I didn’t do it out of manipulation or anything, I was just so incredibly socially burnt out, overwhelmed with people to the point of tears. There wasn’t an argument or anything, our friends were just making small talk with me and it was at that point I started to cry.
I was mortified.
It was after this that I asked him if, in the future, would it be okay if, when I came home, he could not have people over so I could truly relax and avoid situations like the above in the future. He didn’t seem happy with this but he agreed.
This weekend is coming around and I am out of town. When I made the plans I wasn’t sure if I would be back Sunday or Monday and he said just let me know when you know. Today I told him that I would be back on Sunday.
He told me that he was disappointed because he wanted to have someone over on Sunday. He said feels like I am limiting him, he wants more “control and independence” over his weekends.
I got upset because he still had options – he could have someone over Friday or Saturday, he could go over to someone else’s or out to a bar on Sunday, or he could even have someone over Sunday as long as they would be gone before 5 but he wants to have someone over on Sunday when I get home.
He hasn’t even made any plans yet he’s just upset that now he can’t specifically have someone over on Sunday evening. I offered up all of these possibilities and he turned them all down.
I feel like it’s reasonable for me to ask that I come home to peace, but now he’s upset, he stormed off from the conversation.
I feel terrible because I do want him to have his social time, don’t want to limit him, and have him make the most of his weekends since he works hard during the week. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me as if you have no problem prioritizing your own social life but are not willing to accept him prioritizing his.
If you’re out socializing, fine. If he’s socializing he’d better do it away from you because you’re burned out from your socializing. See the double standard? Whatever this is that makes you so uncomfortable when you arrive home from being social to find your partner being social, it’s a you thing.
It’s not his to solve, it’s yours. So instead of saying “I can’t help it” please go and get some therapy. Chances are pretty good that you *can* help it. YTJ” Miserable_Dentist_70
Another User Comments:
“I go with YTJ. Your partner has to plan everything around you, even when you don’t know your plans.
It doesn’t seem fair. If you are so socially burned out as you say and it’s such a huge impact on you, plan for it, and maybe come home a day earlier so you are not so distressed. What would happen if you were so distressed and an emergency happened?
Would you shut down and start crying again? I think partners should support each other, but this looks like your problem and you are making it entirely his problem.” Due-Aioli-6641
12. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend For Disrespecting My House Rules And Gaslighting Me?
“Months ago my (28f) former friend “Amy” (30f) and her partner came over from out of town to attend events and I had agreed to house them for a week. None of them took time off from work for this trip because they both work remotely, so they still needed a place to work from.
The place they were to sleep in was my living room. It opens to the balcony where I keep my cat’s litter box in because it is not used as a guest room often enough to justify my moving things around, and they both knew and agreed that it would mean they would have to keep the door open for the cat.
I even offered to move the box elsewhere, but they said they didn’t mind.
However, two nights in a row I woke up with insomnia and found the door shut. The first night, I thought it was probably just their habit. I quietly open it and decide to only bring it up if it happens again.
Of course it does the following night, so I quietly open it again and decide this time I’ll say something. 30 minutes later I find Amy in the hallway and say “Hey, I know you both probably didn’t even notice, but please pay more attention to the door, I’ve had to get up to open it two nights in a row.” I expected something along the lines of, “Oh, my bad, we’ll be more careful” but that’s not what she said.
Instead, she goes on to gaslight me, saying the door couldn’t possibly have been closed since the cat was in their room just 2 minutes ago. Despite being very sensitive to my reality being denied like that when I know what I saw and did, I stay collected and calmly explain that the cat had time to get into the room because I opened the door 30 minutes before.
She doubles down insisting they weren’t even home for that long. We go back and forth on this, each keeping her version of the story, but I know what I did both nights. I must have repeated it a few times, finally telling her she needs to stop gaslighting me.
She rolled her eyes and turned her back on me, saying “What the whatever”, which resulted in me losing it because I was not about to let her push me around like that, in my own home, after just 2 years prior I had cut all ties with my mother for her narcissistic behavior my entire life.
I yell at Amy that she needs to stop gaslighting me and disrespecting me in my own home, or if she can’t stop, she is no longer welcome and needs to leave now.
She started crying loudly so within the hour I apologized for yelling because it triggered her PTSD and told her that it was ok if they needed to stay, but to this day she maintains I should not have kicked her out because both she and her partner had work the next day.
I told her that at the moment I felt like I needed to yell and threaten to get through to her because she frequently (and with everyone) makes people fully abandon their boundaries to please her unless something (such as fear) touches her.
I don’t know what else I could have done to protect my mental sanity and safety that night, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She cannot disregard your trauma while demanding respect for her own. She was staying, for free, in your home for whatever reason when she would have otherwise had to pay to put a roof over her head. Not just her, but her partner too.
She violated the 1 rule set for them – let the cat go potty, keep the door open. That’s all she/they had to do. If she was cold, she could have asked for another blanket. If she felt unsafe, OP offered to move the litter box to shut said door.
There is no way I would allow a person to disrespect me and stay, so you are nicer than I am. Don’t let her back until she can see her faults in the situation or if you do let them back and something similar happens (and it will) KICK HER OUT!
It’s the only way she will learn. Or… Go NC and save yourself a bunch of drama.” Sad-Expression7697
11. AITJ For Calling My Partner Spoiled After She Yelled At Her Mom Over A Pad?
“My partner, May, and I are both 18 and have been together for a year, but we’ve known each other for a long time.
I really like her, but sometimes her stubbornness is a big turn-off. She’s the kind of person who wants things done immediately when she asks.
It’s a running joke in our friend group that May always gets her period on her birthday, and this year was no different—it started the day before her birthday while we were out shopping with her mom.
Her mom was in line at the store, buying birthday stuff for her, when May called me from the bathroom. She said she had started her period and needed a pad, so she asked if I could give the phone to her mom.
I handed the phone over, and I could hear her telling her mom, “I’m on the toilet and I need a pad now.” Her mom calmly explained that she was in a long line and would come after checking out, which would only take about ten minutes.
That’s when May lost it.
She started yelling, “Seriously? It’s my birthday, and you’re going to make me wait on the toilet because you want to buy something? You need to come now!” Her mom stayed calm and repeated that it would only take a few minutes, but May kept escalating.
She shouted, “I hate you. Don’t buy me anything. This is messed up. I’m just sitting on the toilet—how are you not going to help me?”
Her mom eventually hung up, finished checking out, and brought her what she needed. When May came out of the bathroom, she vented to me, saying, “Can you believe what a jerk my mom was?
She made me wait in the bathroom. She could’ve checked out later.”
I told her I didn’t agree. I said if I ever spoke to my mom like that, I’d be in serious trouble. I told her she was being stubborn and spoiled, and that her mom didn’t deserve to be yelled at like that.
It was just a few minutes, and her mom was already being so nice, buying her birthday stuff and dealing with her tantrum.
That led to another argument. May said I was just as bad as her mom for not taking her side and that we had both “ruined her birthday,” even though her birthday wasn’t until the next day.
She ignored me for the rest of the trip—and her mom too.
Honestly, I think it was a huge overreaction. If it bothered her so much, she could’ve been prepared and bought her own pads ahead of time. No one deserves to be yelled at like that over something so minor.
So, AITJ for not taking May’s side and telling her she was out of line?”
Another User Comments:
“I agree that partner is spoiled. But the question is, was there a reason you couldn’t check out for Mom? In any case, I would have put the stuff down, and taken the items to the princess.
But I wouldn’t have gotten back in line. The present is off. Seriously, if partner only acts the way during her period, she may need to talk to her gynecologist. NTJ” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I admire your maturity for recognizing she was rude to her mom.
She could do what women have done for a long time and wrap toilet paper into a pad until she could get one. I would be worried about a relationship with someone who treats her mom like that” DkLilith.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was being rude to her mother over something her mom can’t control.
OP, just like you said, if I ever acted like that to my mom, I can’t type here what my mom and dad would’ve done to me. TBH, if this is a common way that she treats you or her family, I would say get away from her, it’s probably not going to get any better.” Uadevil2
10. AITJ For Wanting My Car In My Name After My Bio Mom Claims Ownership?
“For some background info, my brother (30m) and I (26F) were adopted by our grandparents when I was 1 or 2 years old. I’ve always had a relationship with my bio mom (we’ll call her Sam) but when my amazing mother (maternal grandma) passed away when I was 16 Sam decided she wanted to be a mom again.
Needless to say, this led to an awkward relationship where we were both jerks to each other a lot. My brother on the other hand had no contact with her except for my birthday and holiday parties to be present for my kids. Now we have an okay-ish relationship and live about 10 minutes apart.
About 2 years ago I lost my job and my car was falling apart and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I’m a single mom of two kids so saying money is tight is an understatement! Sam and her husband said they would sell me their old car and let me go on their insurance.
I was grateful and accepted. I paid $500 for a Ford Taurus with almost 200,000 miles because it ran great still. I gave them another $100 for insurance and they said it was about that for a year if I kept it in her name, if changed to mine it went up to $65 a month so I agreed to keep it in her name.
About a year passed with no issues and I gave her another $100 for insurance. A few months later my dad (maternal grandfather) decided to buy a new car and gifted me his old one since the trade-in value of his old car was less than $500.
A Ford Fusion about 200,000 miles but again in great condition and better than the Taurus. Bio mom convinced us both it’d be best to put the car in her name again and I can just transfer the insurance from the first car to the second since I already paid for a whole year.
We’ve agreed that in exchange for me storing the first car at her house if she and her husband kept up on expenses and insurance for it, they could use my car for emergencies.
I was thankful as I’d like to have it as a backup but don’t have anywhere to keep it at my house.
Then I found out they were letting anyone and everyone borrow my car and it was racking up miles fast so I confronted Sam. She’s now changed her story to she owns both cars and claims she pays the insurance I’ve never given her a dime.
I’m not allowed to have the other car or access to it, Sam’s husband’s son’s partner (34f) now has it as her daily driver. I asked Sam about putting at least the fusion in my name as it would make me more comfortable, this started a war about how I don’t trust her and am ungrateful.
Her husband says he’ll protect me from letting her screw me out of at least the fusion. He’s lovely but he doesn’t have a backbone when it comes to her. She now looms it over me without actually saying that she could take my car away when it pleases her so I’ve been walking on eggshells trying not to upset her so I don’t lose my car.
She constantly uses it against me and makes me out to be a villain for not trusting her and tells anyone and everyone how ungrateful I am. But in reality am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, your mom hasn’t changed much.
I cringed the first time she mentioned keeping the car in her name for insurance purposes, and how much extra it would cost if you put it in YOUR name. You’d need your policy at that point (if you don’t live with her)…so that felt icky.
She’s gaslighting you over trust, which she’s never bothered to earn. And you have no right to trust her. You’re in a sticky situation but I’d stay as far away from sharing any kind of finances with your mom, and any kind of assets with your mom.
Maybe it’s based on personal experience, but I’d generally keep her at arm’s length like your brother has.” Additional_Jaguar_76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mistake was not getting either car put in your name. As long as the titles of the cars are in her name, she owns them.
I know it’s no comfort, but at least you are only out $1200 or so total for both cars and two years of insurance. It could have been a lot worse. I would forget about those two cars, buy a car, put it in your name get your insurance, and keep it at your place.
Sorry this happened to you.” dragonsandvamps
Another User Comments:
“Sadly, Sam owns both cars because the title is what controls. If it is only her name on the title, she is the only owner and you have nothing. That is a problem. Don’t trust her.
You can try to sue her in small claims court but you won’t get a lot out of it if anything due to the KBB value of the cars. Time to go NC. She is the jerk.” legallymyself
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Partner's Mom Money?
“I (34F) have been with my partner (40M) for four years. We’re not from the U.S., and the cost of living here is only about a quarter of what it is there. My partner has two unemployed brothers, both married with multiple kids, and I recently got married myself.
A few years ago, my partner bought a house for his mom (MIL) and sister (SIL), putting it under SIL’s name. He’s been paying the mortgage ever since. Lately, MIL has been asking him for money multiple times a month, though he can only give small amounts (equivalent to $10–$20 USD).
SIL and her husband have also moved out because MIL has been treating them poorly, even locking them out of the main house at times. Despite this, they still send food, money, and help around the house, but MIL continues to criticize them.
Recently, we found out that MIL had been asking my partner for money to support his older brother (Bro #1), who just had another baby.
Bro #1 has also borrowed money from SIL to buy groceries, as his wife’s part-time job barely covers their expenses. This made my partner furious, and he cut MIL’s allowance, telling her that she should ask her other sons for money since he’s already paying for the house she lives in.
MIL has been having a “pity party” every time we visit, turning off the fridge, lights, and Wi-Fi to make it look like she’s struggling, even though SIL keeps us updated on the expenses she’s covering. To make matters worse, MIL has been badmouthing me to Bro #2’s wife, calling me a gold digger.
The irony is I work two jobs and make 1.5 times what my partner earns. We had agreed not to disclose my salary to his family to avoid being targeted for money, but in a heated argument with MIL, my partner accidentally revealed that I’ve been financially supporting him and covering more than my share of expenses.
This led to MIL asking me directly for help. I told her I could only help if my partner allowed it, which he doesn’t. He was furious she even asked me and told her to go to her other sons instead. I feel guilty for not helping, even though I know the money would likely go to his brothers, and I hate that it caused more conflict between my partner and MIL.
At the same time, I don’t want to enable her behavior or make her dislike me more.
So, AITJ for not helping my MIL financially and telling my partner about her request?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Step FAR FAR FAR away from the crazy MIL.
This woman has run her daughter out of the house (that your husband pays for) and the daughter STILL helps out. So there is 1 son who provides full housing and occasional extra help and 1 daughter who buys groceries, cooks, and cleans. And then 2 sons who mooch.
AND the MIL dares to run her mouth about the 2 children who help her. This is not a money problem. You need to stop caring what MIL thinks of you. She’s awful.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are involved with an extended family that requires assistance.
I know that this is done in many cultures. I suggest that your partner decide on a specific amount he will give the family each month. And no more after that. The way you describe it SIL is the most responsible. Maybe send the money to her and she can dole it out as needed?
The mistake has already happened. Unknowingly, you gave money and now you are a target. This is on your partner to sort out. NTJ for not wanting to support your partner’s extended family.” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Wait a minute….The mother-in-law calls you the gold digger and yet you work and she’s the one having her son fund her lifestyle along with his 2 brothers?????
OP you need to think about this carefully…..I get it may be a cultural thing but do you want to spend the rest of your life supporting all these people who do not appreciate the monetary help and think it’s ok to treat you badly whilst you work yourself to the bone?
Maybe it’s time to give your partner an ultimatum and say to him that he needs to sell that house, Throw them all out and tell them from now on they need to get JOBS and pay for their expenses They are manipulating him by playing the FAMILY card and it’s only going to create even more resentment if this isn’t dealt with….The fact MIL doesn’t get along with her daughter as well says it all If he won’t do it then walk away because it’s too much stress and drama” ColdstreamCapple
8. AITJ For Burning Leaves In My Yard Despite My Neighbor's Complaints?
“When I moved to my current home, one of the key factors was that it’s outside the city limits, allowing us to occasionally enjoy a small fire without worry. I set up a nice stone circle and made sure I was following all local parish laws (Louisiana).
The property is on a 3/4-acre plot, and it’s a fair distance from my neighbors, as much as it can be in this space.
We burn occasionally, mostly just a few boxes that burn out quickly in about 15 minutes. About twice a year, we clean up the leaves from the 3–4 oak trees around the house.
After checking, I found out that my trash service won’t pick up bagged leaves, which is fine because I should be able to burn them. It takes a while, and there is some white smoke, but it’s not often. I’m not the only one in the neighborhood who does this—it’s pretty standard.
About a year ago, some family came into town, and we tried to clean up the yard on the weekend. I ran to the store while my wife and mom watched the fire for a few minutes. When I returned, they said the neighbor came over, acting strange, and told them to put out the fire.
Since we had family coming, we needed to keep going, and the neighbor left without explanation.
About 45 minutes later, the neighbor started acting out, throwing a tantrum. I didn’t respond to that. He kept yelling on and off for over an hour. He got more heated and tried to provoke a fight, so I suggested we call the cops to get their take on the situation.
He continued, so I made the call, hoping the police presence would calm him down.
It worked. He took it as a personal attack, though. I tried to make peace, but he responded with rude gestures and cursing. I reduced my burning, but he still had an issue.
A few months later, after not burning since the initial escalation, I saw him walking his dog and politely let him know that we might be burning again so he could make arrangements if he wanted to avoid it. He gave a similar response, and then made a veiled threat of violence, all of which was caught on security footage.
Ironically, he wasn’t even home that weekend.
Fast forward to today. We started cleaning up the yard for spring, and he called the fire department. I wasn’t concerned, knowing I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It turned out even better because the firefighters invited the kids to tour the fire truck, which probably didn’t sit well with him.
I’ve asked around, and all my other neighbors are fine with it—he’s the only one who has a problem. To this day, he’s never had a cordial discussion with me about it.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not breaking any laws by burning the leaves.
Yes, leaves do make smoke. Your neighbor can either leave for a while or shut his windows. He can’t stop people from doing things just because he doesn’t like it, I would burn leaves as often as possible. I may be a jerk lol.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. Yes, it’s polluting and somewhat barbaric for being an old way of doing things BUT, you are doing everything legally, and safely (assuming you ain’t lying) It’s morally gray in my opinion. I’d continue but being considerate about the amount of leaves, and maybe wind direction, although that’s not in your control” yahel1337
7. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Grandson To See His Mom If Her Toxic Mom Is There?
“Social services are involved with stepdaughter (SD) and said that to assess her they wanted her to live with us.
We agreed because we didn’t want the baby to go into care. We are there as a support network and safety net for the baby and not there to do it for her but we have to be around 24/7 with her and the baby.
She had a meltdown and mental health crisis because of her mom who is a toxic person and very manipulative.
I ended up looking after the baby all day and night because she was incapable of doing it. She called her psychiatric nurse and she advised no contact with her mom for now. Within hours she was back on the phone to her mom.
She has an infected wound and went to the hospital on Saturday and her mom went up to her there.
She left but ended up going back on Sunday and was admitted for IV antibiotics. The ward let the baby stay with her so we took him on Monday. On Tuesday morning she sent me a text asking if I would pick him up as she didn’t want him with her because the infection got worse.
I’ve had him since.
On Tuesday we spoke to the social worker with our concerns about her mom and her mental state after Friday’s incident and said we were no longer comfortable allowing her mom in our house to see him (he is not allowed to go to her mom’s, he looked after by her or be left with anyone) because of what has happened and they said they support us with this as it is our house.
They said going forward if she wants to see him she should contact them. We had also found out that her mom has managed to weasel 24/7 access to her on the ward and the social worker was worried about this.
On Wednesday we took him to visit her and asked her mom to leave so three of us could see her (the ward rules are three visitors per patient).
Her mom didn’t like this and made comments as she left the room. As I was leaving to take the baby home with me her mom was coming back to the ward. She tried to engage with the baby and pick him up. I told her she couldn’t and that if she wanted to see him she needed to go through the social worker.
Minutes after this she left a voicemail on my husband’s phone telling him I had no right to stop her from seeing the baby and telling him he “better sort her (me) out”.
Yesterday my SD sent me a message asking if I was taking the baby to see her.
I told her I wouldn’t be there while her mom was there. Cue another aggressive and threatening voicemail left on my husband’s phone. The social worker visited us yesterday and we discussed all of this with her and she said that while he is in our care and if we are not comfortable with taking him to the hospital with her mom there and her coming to our house they 100% support us and if SD wants to see him and we are taking him she will have to tell her mom to leave.
AITJ for refusing to take him to see her if her mom is there given her threats and aggressiveness towards us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are protecting the baby which SD does not have the full capacity to do so right now, as the circumstances have been laid out above.
Even the authorities are supporting you in this. SD needs to be healthy enough to develop boundaries with her Mother. But I don’t know if that is possible given how toxic their relationship sounds. You are in a difficult position and are extending yourself to protect your family.
Hopefully, in time your SD will value what you are doing. I am sure your Grandson will!” AdaptableAilurophile
Another User Comments:
“Protecting the infant is of utmost importance. The court has determined that the child’s grandmother. The mother of SD, should not have any time with the child.
You are following the court’s orders. As you stated, you think the toxic grandmother may be behind the SD’s request to see her child in the hospital. It is not on the hospital to enforce the rules/recommendations of this private situation. I wouldn’t want to continue to visit and cause problems at the hospital. If SD is insistent and behaves video phone calls where she could see the child would be appropriate.
This sounds overwhelming. Good luck. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
6. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About Using My Special Face Towel And Aggravating My Acne?
“My father and I rent an apartment together because Ontario is an expensive place to live. I have always had very difficult skin. I have PCOS which means I will always struggle with acne, as well as a combination of sensitive skin.
Basically, it is always a little broken out and anything from a cold to stress can cause massive breakouts.
For a while, I got it to a manageable state which included a gentle cleanser and a specific microfiber cloth to wash my face at very specific intervals to stop my skin from reacting to the cleanser but still being semi-clear.
An event happened around the same time my father and I moved in together. I pointed out my face towel, explained everything, and asked him not to touch it. He agreed but I started majorly breaking out a lot.
I thought it was stress and mask-related but I asked to make sure he wasn’t using the cloth when I found it in a different place one day.
He insisted he didn’t touch it and that I already told him not to, so he knows not to mess with it. This breakout continued for a year before I started getting desperate and looking for new cleansers assuming that was an issue. Queue like 3 years of breakouts, severe skin irritation, face bouncing between dry and flaky, and burning from the product.
and going through a hospital’s worth of new washcloths trying to figure out what was going on and I was giving up.
Then this year I went to my mother’s place for Christmas and due to family drama ended up staying for like 3 weeks… and my skin cleared up.
I had forgotten my face cloth and was washing and drying with a spare roll of toilet paper. That was the only thing I was doing differently and it made no sense because I even missed a few days of washing my face due to festivities.
Since then I have been suspicious and have been washing and drying with a product and toilet paper because I don’t trust any of my towels. He even made a show of telling me he washed all the towels when I was gone and didn’t touch my towel… I ran it under water and wrung it out and the water was murky and yellow.
He is the only one who smokes.
It is pretty clear that he has been using my face towel to dry his grimy hands, lying about it, doing it specifically with my face towel, and probably enjoying pulling one over on me. The moment I stopped using any of the towels in the house my acne started to heal to manageable levels.
WIBTJ if I got mad about it and called him out for making my life harder and making me deal with pain and low self-worth for the past three years.”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re right, you have every reason to be upset. But that’s still somewhat of an if.
I don’t have experience in this area, but it strikes me as a bit odd that a towel would have a nasty yellow water stream out of it just because a smoker used the towel *after having washed his hands*. Is it possible you’re just sensitive to the laundry detergent your dad uses and would have a reaction irrespective of whether he uses your towel?
Moreover, the simplest solution is just to keep the towel in your room. You wouldn’t be the jerk – but only if you’re correct. And only if you confronted him politely. Also, what incentive does he have to lie? Aren’t there other towels he can use?” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“Why do you put up with this? Living with strangers would be better than your oppositionally defiant father. He did this to you for YEARS!!! Run, don’t walk, what’s wrong with you?” According-Western-33
Another User Comments:
“A soft YTJ. I googled… Microfiber cloths can irritate acne and even cause it in someone who doesn’t normally have it.
When you stopped using it at your mom’s you weren’t aggravating it anymore. Plus they hold detergent in their fibers more than other towels. ” Winter_Owl6097
5. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Ties With My Toxic Mother?
“I’m 37F, my mom is 70. I’ve never had a relationship with my dad. Mom has no family beyond me but met my stepdad (H) when I was 16.
When I graduated HS, she decided to move 1,000 miles away with H to FL.
She was my only family so I followed. 5 years later, they moved to Minnesota (across the country). I had a good job so I stayed (not that I was invited to go). I was 24, single, and had no one so I had a hard time with this for many years but grew to be very independent.
I got married. My husband’s parents were great and loved me. My mom wanted nothing to do with them. Holidays were a nightmare for the duration of my marriage. At some point, they decided to be snowbirds, chose to live in a city 4 hours away, and rarely visited. During my marriage, I struggled to get pregnant and went through years of fertility stuff.
My mom never came to see me after failing/miscarried IUI/IVF. Eventually, my husband got tired of waiting for kids and our marriage ended.
Eventually, I met someone new. I built a house 10 min from my mom and moved in with my partner and his kids (who lovingly refer to me as their bonus mom) in summer 2022.
6 mos later, she sold her house here moved 2.5 hrs away, and then left for MN for summer. In Aug, H got sick. I took a week off to see them and help with stuff. He died in Oct. I went back to help her plan and get through the funeral and went again in Dec to move/drive her back to FL.
Throughout this time, she’s been needy and when her needs aren’t met she’s mean. She says I’m selfish because I haven’t been able to visit her (she just stayed with us for a week at Christmas) or I don’t call her enough (she never calls me).
I tried to explain that I’ve exhausted my Flex Time at work, we are busy with kids, etc. I’ve tried to help her understand that I am burned out and have very little free time. I’ve suggested she join a group or book club, get back into her hobbies, find a therapist, to come visit us.
I had surgery 2 weeks ago, she offered to visit (not help) but then backed out. The next week, she wanted to stay over and get a ride to a doctor’s but I already had a work obligation. I offered to help reschedule the appt to a day that would work for me.
She told me my priorities were wrong and to “get real”.
I told her the way she’s been toward me hurts. I asked her to try to be more understanding and to give me some space. She texted (verbatim): “I’m so done with you.
Enough of this mistreatment. Anytime things get tough you throw me to the curb. I was happy living up north away from your cruel habits and the lonely lost life you have. You are the problem. Both H and I felt the same way. Up there we didn’t have to deal with you.”
Today, and going forward, I’m over the toxicity. I’ve built so much goodness in my life in her absence and no matter how much I pour into her, it’s never returned and always twisted into something nasty. I want to cut her out of my life for good but I feel guilty because she has no one else.
Would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like she is pushing you out of her life first. Whether or not it’s a bluff I say accept her decision and let her stay out of your life. It is natural to feel bad about it because you don’t expect this from your mother.
But it is what it is and you can grieve that loss while you enjoy not having to deal with her toxic expectations.” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“Only you can decide but I would say cutting her off sounds like it would be a choice to love yourself not to be mean to her.
It sounds like there has been a role reversal your whole life and after 37 years enough is enough. If you already feel this way perhaps breaking contact is simply honest and making your external reality match your feelings. If you do break contact I would go with telling her why.
Even if she is not accountable or twists it. Not for her sake but yours. Something like I love you, but I have the right not to be mistreated. The things you say to me are not ok. I’m moving on, I’m sorry, I will always pray for your happiness but all this anxiety and toxic communication is not good in my life.
You have broken our ties together. You know a side note, it sounds possible that she ran your dad off and that it’s possible he is a decent guy Could you start a relationship with him? Good luck!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to feel guilty for how you feel.
She did this, not you. You have the right to be happy and have a peaceful life. What is she going to do when she gets older and needs your help and you are not around because of how she has treated you? You only have one life and the right to choose who is, and who isn’t, a part of your life.
Do you really want to keep her puss-filled heart a part of your life?” ConfusedAt63
4. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Some Of My Income To Myself After Years Of Caregiving?
“Me (53f) and my husband (54m) have been together for 30 years. I worked full-time when we first met, but a year into our relationship he had an accident that left him paralyzed. He has some gross motor movement in his arms and can use a computer and a fork or spoon, but he cannot do anything else.
After his accident, I moved to part-time work to help him with his rehab being his carer, etc. I was working casually by this stage because some days he needed me around more so I needed a job I could choose the shifts. We struggled through and after a year of intensive rehab he found a job at an amazing company that catered to his needs and he started working his way up to full-time work doing financial stuff for a large company.
They paid him well…
I started working more regularly, though still part-time as I am still his only carer, all our money went into building a purpose home for us. After about ten years I went through IVF and had two children. We agreed that I should be a stay-at-home mum since he couldn’t do anything physical for the children.
So that’s where we landed for the next 14 years, with me doing all the physical stuff for the kids, and the house (cleaning, cooking, maintenance, garden, driving around) while still being his main carer (though we did get someone in to get him up and ready for work in the morning) I still put him to bed every night.
Once my oldest was 14 I started thinking about working again, over the years I had picked up some work here or there, but my husband has been the main income earner, while I did everything else.. so at this stage, I decided I am going to do another undergrad in an area that has always interested me.
I start part-time and spend the next four years busting my butt to make it all still work at home while studying as much as possible. I did well, got a part-time job at uni finished my degree with honors, and started a PhD.
Finally, I secured a permanent position in my chosen area.
My kids are now 16 and 18 and can drive themselves around though I still do all the other household things, they help as much as they can (I will allow this because they deserve to be young adults and have their own lives) this year I am earning a full-time income for the first time in 29 years.
My husband mentioned that I should start helping out with some of the bills etc 50/50. I’m not opposed to that idea, but I still do a lot of work around the house too as well as his care work, so I don’t think the split should be 50/50.
I have gone without for so long, have old clothes, an old car, etc because I always felt bad about spending money on things just for me. My friend said I should get a bank account that my husband doesn’t know about and just put money in it straight from work, so what hits the joint account still looks like my pay.
WIBTJ if I did that?”
Another User Comments:
“I think going straight to a secret bank account is overkill, but you and your husband need to have a serious talk about contributions to the family. If you are expected to contribute financially 50/50, then there would be an expectation that the unpaid domestic workload should also be divided 50/50.
Realistically, your husband may not be physically able to make such a contribution, at which point you need to look at how the extra unpaid household work you will need to do should be fairly compensated, or he can pay for a cleaning service to do his share of the chores.
He needs to understand that a 50/50 split means *everything* is split 50/50. Otherwise, he’s just punishing you for working.” Pleasant-Koala147
Another User Comments:
“Secrets breed resentment and pain. It’s called financial infidelity. Frankly, this is one of many reasons why the whole separate bank accounts/each couple has to contribute 50/50 to the expenses is stupid.
I think it’s time to overhaul the way you think about money. His money is your money. Your money is his money. You discuss how it’s spent. Agree on compromises etc. Otherwise, it breeds stupid greedy behaviors in everyone.” everydaydefenders
Another User Comments:
“This is why it should just be considered household income and not yours and mine.
Presumably, while you sacrificed a lot for his care, he has financially supported the family almost completely. So where you feel you deserve more than half of /your/ money, does he not also deserve /his/ half? If it is family income, then anything beyond bills and necessities goes to savings and vacation funds.
No reason to hide it unless you’re leaving him. YWBTJ” User
3. AITJ For Scolding My Younger Sister Over Adoption Disagreements?
“This was a difficult talk to have with my sister Lacey (12) but one that was coming for a long time. When Lacey was 3 months old our mom died. I was 8 at the time. Lacey has zero memories of mom and she was not quite 2 when our dad remarried and dad’s second wife became her mom.
When Lacey was 4 she was adopted by dad’s wife. I was also offered the adoption and was strongly encouraged to accept the adoption. I said no. My dad and his wife dragged me to therapy, they had me meet with a psychiatrist as well because they claimed mental illness might be causing me to reject the love of another mother in my life.
I also had to sit and talk with a judge when they tried to pursue the adoption against my wishes and the therapist’s recommendation. The judge rejected the adoption application for me and suggested to my dad and his wife that they get me grief therapy.
Life with them afterward was difficult. Lacey was happy and thrived. But we never got over the attempt to force the adoption. And I never liked how much they buried Mom and pressured me into not mentioning her around Lacey. They even tried to stop her from going into my room because I had photos of Mom in there.
But Lacey would seek me out anyway and would see them.
For years Lacey has tried to call her mom “our mom” and she has asked me why I wasn’t adopted when I told her. Lacey knows she’s adopted and she knows my mom is her biological mother.
But she has no attachment to her. She’s just someone she hears about occasionally and has seen some photos of when I lived at home. I have always tried to explain to Lacey that I didn’t want to be adopted in a kind but age-appropriate way.
She has pushed back on that more as she gets older. She has told me it makes her mom sad that I won’t let her adopt me too.
Lacey was with me last weekend and the first day was good. But the second day she told me she wanted us to be real siblings and it wouldn’t be real unless we had the same parents.
I told her regardless of who our legal parents are we will always be siblings and I will always love her. She told me she didn’t like it and didn’t like how mom mattered so much more to me than her mom. She said mom matters even more than her because I won’t be adopted for her either.
She told me mom doesn’t matter anymore and we have a mom, a real mom, a good mom, and I ruined everything by saying no. She told me I should get over it because she doesn’t care if mom gave birth to us, she’s not our mom anymore and I should come to terms with that.
I hated everything she said. I didn’t want to be too hard since she’s still a kid and I’m a 20-year-old guy. So I gently scolded her for saying hurtful things and told her it wasn’t her place to pressure me and that I hoped she could be more understanding of me when she was older.
She was upset and after she returned to her parents they tore me a new one for upsetting her and not being more compassionate when she was only a kid.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Lacey needs to learn when to stop harassing somebody to do or feel or think like she wants them to.
The age of twelve isn’t too young to start learning how to drop a subject when the other party is over it, either. If your sister wants to try to guilt trip you because you won’t bow to her wishes, and the wishes of your bio dad and wanna-be adoptive mother, well, she can try.
And you can shut her down. Just because she wants something and feels a certain way does not mean she gets it. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is and possibly your step-mom, whoever is filling the head of this 12-year-old girl. I am STUNNED when I see the number of posts where a parent tries to FORCE children to accept a new spouse over an ex or deceased spouse.
As an adult and parent, you are allowed to move forward and fall in love again. Love in your life can make the next relationship a deeper and even more meaningful one, which is wonderful for your dad. However, you can’t replace a parent. It doesn’t work that way.
You should have been loved and accepted no matter what. Your sister is spouting what she hears, but she is old enough to learn to stop. It is okay that she wants to share this with you. It is okay that she doesn’t remember your mom.
But to try to erase her (your mom) is unacceptable, especially by your parents.” JGalKnit
Another User Comments:
“May depend on exactly what you said at the moment but at this time, NTJ. Lacey said some pretty awful things but even considering that I can’t call a 12-year-old a jerk, the real jerks here are your parents for giving her this mindset.
I think it’s time to set some pretty firm boundaries for the family. Make it very clear that you are no longer discussing the adoption with any of them, and then, and this is important, shut it down every time they bring it up by either changing the subject or ending the conversation.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Going On A Platonic Walk With My Female Neighbor While In A Long-Distance Relationship?
“I (17M) went on a walk with my 17F neighbor—let’s call her Jane—and now my 17F long-distance partner, Maria, is very upset with me.
First, I understand why Maria was angry and I haven’t hung out with Jane since. But it was a few weeks ago on the last weekend of summer. Jane invited me to hang out and talk about going back to school. I hadn’t done much and I hadn’t been able to see Maria due to her living 45 minutes away from my house, being busy, and a plethora of other excuses.
So I agreed we went to a nearby park where we talked about school and whether or not we were excited to go back. I texted Maria before I left that I was going on the walk and how long I’d be gone. Nothing happened on the walk, I saw it as completely platonic.
I came home and there was still no text (it had become regular for me to text her and she did not respond for hours even a day)
Then 10 minutes later BOOM, my phone blew up with messages, very clear she was hurt. At first, I didn’t even realize Maria was upset about me until she accused me of being unfaithful.
I was very hurt by this, she was my first partner and I had done my very best up to this point to avoid hurting her. I tried to explain that it was romantic and I had no interest in Jane. But she went on getting more emotional and claiming I had destroyed her trust. I did my best trying not to get angry or emotional myself and I tried to express how I didn’t see it as being unfaithful.
She blocked me, and I had desperately tried to reach out to her for a few hours to plead my case and try to resolve the situation. I thought this was the end of our relationship and it saddened me deeply, but I sent her a farewell message and I wished her luck in life and that I was sorry I couldn’t keep my promise to go through life with her.
I informed my mum what happened, who was adamant I did nothing wrong, she also claimed I was giving in to the relationship a lot more than I was getting out of it and tried to support me. At noon Maria texted me and claimed she had cooled off and gave me a chance to explain.
We talked late into the night and Maria told me why what I did was wrong and how it looked to her. Me walking with a girl our age, one-on-one even if it wasn’t romantic, was being unfaithful to her. I apologized, we blamed it on my inexperience in relationships and moved on.
We slowly started to become more of a couple again and in the present day she is more involved in our relationship than before, calling me after school, and being more attentive, we even stayed up late and worked on her important ELA project laughing and working through the night.
I’m simply asking if I was the jer because the thought of me potentially being unfaithful has gnawed at me for many weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Absolute rubbish. Your partner was projecting her insecurities onto you and your behavior. You can walk with another person of the opposite gender and talk to them while still being respectful of your relationship.
It’s really important to maintain your friends when you’re in a relationship for your mental wellbeing. Even married it’s healthy to maintain your friendships outside of the marriage. Your partner is exhibiting some unhealthy expectations, and you are happy to go along with them. If a guy had done this, you would bombarded with messages of controlling behaviour and how damaging that is to you.
Just because it’s coming from a girl makes it no less controlling and harmful.” Longjumping_Win4291
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your partner is getting insecure about your relationship especially with it being long distance. From what I can tell in this post there were no ulterior motives for either of you on this walk and you have the right to hang out with friends of the opposite gender as long as you’re being truthful with your partner about the nature of these relationships” flavoredbeans835
1. AITJ For Assuming My Friends Would Pay For My Birthday Dinner?
“This happened a few days ago and I have been conflicted since. Before my birthday, five of my friends asked if I wanted to go out for food and drinks to celebrate. I said sure and asked where we should go. Mike said, “Anywhere you like.” I suggested a nearby steakhouse I’d been to before.
We all met up there, and Mike quickly ordered a drink and started talking about appetizers. I told him I don’t usually eat appetizers but would try one. We ordered our mains, and everyone, including Mike, ordered steak. We also ordered another round of drinks, and at that point, Adam ordered a bottle of champagne.
I told them they didn’t need to get me champagne—it was just my birthday, nothing too special. Mike responded, “Lighten up, birthday boy, have some fun.” I thought maybe I was being too uptight, and since they were treating me, I figured I should enjoy it.
Things started to go sideways when Mike argued with the table next to us because they threw a French fry at him. I tried to explain that they weren’t even eating French fries; he had them earlier and must’ve dropped one. But Mike stood up and started swearing at the table.
There was a child at the table—about 3 years old—who looked shocked. I told Mike to sit down, but he started pushing me, saying, “That man threw something at me.” The waiter came over and said there had been complaints against us.
Mike stayed silent, drinking his beer, while Adam argued with the waiter, saying the other table started it.
The waiter told us we needed to pay up and leave in the next few minutes or there’d be a bigger problem.
I asked, “Thanks guys, do you want me to help pay?” At that point, they all looked at me, and Adam said, “You’re the birthday man, right?
You got money.” I replied, “I thought you invited me because it’s my birthday, as a present.” Adam chuckled and said, “Weren’t you the one who chose where we were going?”
Adam got up to leave and said, “Let’s go, boys.” I started to worry, thinking they were pranking me, and said, “You can’t just leave.” Adam started walking away, so I grabbed him lightly, and he looked at my hand and said, “Get your hand off me, pal.” I just looked at him and asked, “Why are you acting like this?” They walked out and left me with the bill.
I tried to explain the situation to the waiter, but he said, “Someone’s gotta pay, and your table was causing a lot of trouble tonight.” I apologized, but he just looked at me like I was dirt. So, I ended up paying—most of my money.
I spoke to my friends afterward, but they acted like nothing happened. I told them, “You need to pay me back,” and got replies like, “It’s already over, leave it.”
I haven’t spoken to them in a few days. I’ve received messages asking if I’m “still crying” or if I’ve “grown up yet.” I haven’t replied, and now I’m wondering if I was wrong to assume I wouldn’t be paying.
The whole situation just felt off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but those are not your friends. Time to move on and find new friends. Friends don’t invite someone out on their birthday and stiff them with the bill. Friends don’t invite someone out on their birthday and start a fight…” My_friends_are_toys
Another User Comments:
“First of all – happy belated birthday! Second – I’m waiting for the part where you have friends – because these are not them. No, you are NTJ for assuming that people who invited you out for your bday would buy, and you even offered!
You even said they didn’t have to get you champagne and they didn’t correct you. These are NOT your friends. These are not good people. It sucks that you had to find out the depths of their suckiness on your birthday, but at least you found out now.
He was willing to terrorize a child over a French fry. They stuck you with the bill – and fully intended on doing so from the start. They were using you. These are not friends. You are not a jerk. I’m sorry you feel conflicted but you will find friends – true ones, not these dirt bags.” punnymama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You got played for a sucker on your birthday. That was 100% planned ahead of time. None of those people are your friends. I’m sorry OP. If you want revenge, take a copy of the bill and take them to small claims court for their portion.
Just to be a jerk lol.” Starscream4prez2024
