People Try Not Be Strange In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Losing My Cool Over Smoke In Our Kid's Room?
“My fiancé (31m) and his friend (31m) are both smokers. We’re all in a band together. The other member and I stayed inside because it was cold and we didn’t smoke. Our ventilation in the garage is screwed up somehow, and the smoke comes up into the rooms through the vents if you smoke at the back of the garage.
They both are aware of this issue. Smoking should occur right by the door of the garage or outside of the garage.
After band practice, they both went out to smoke before his friend left. The rooms above the garage belong to me and the kids.
Our 1-year-old and 3-year-old boys share a room. Our 3-year-old stays up until after practice, but our 1-year-old sleeps through practice. After the guys left, my fiancé and I went to put our 3-year-old to bed. I walked into the boys’ room, and all I could smell was smoke.
It smelled like an ashtray. Our 1-year-old was sleeping in there.
I called him into the room and immediately said, “Why does our kids’ room smell like an ashtray?” Yes, my tone was accusatory, and it was clear I was upset. I said, “You know nobody can smoke back into the garage.” Then he snapped at me and said, “I didn’t think about it; take a chill pill.” At that point, I got really upset and told him that our 1-year-old breathing in smoke is not something to take a chill pill about.
His defense was that it wasn’t even him who was outside the garage door; it was his friend. I don’t think that matters. That’s his kid, and he knows the smoke goes up through the vents. He told me it wasn’t smoke; it was just the smell.
He’s told me multiple times, that it’s just the smell coming through the vents, not the smoke. I told him that is not how it works. He thinks it’s just a smell, and it’s not that big of a deal.
I did jump down his throat and speak in an accusatory and upset manner immediately after walking in there, and I haven’t let it go; I told him it’s his responsibility to think about it.
AITJ for flipping out on him and accusing him? Or for believing it’s his fault and our kid was breathing in smoke? Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“Unless there is a return register in the garage, or there are gaping holes in the sheetrock, I can’t figure out how the smell is getting back up to the second floor.
I might want to have a reputable HVAC company come out to investigate. Note: I still think he should have the courtesy to take him and his smoker friends outside into the environment, so please don’t think I am condoning his actions.” whybothernow3737
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The moment you told him your child—HIS child—was breathing in smoke, in a room that smelled like ashes, the ONLY acceptable answer from him would be an immediate, heartfelt apology. I can’t imagine how you felt when he doubled down on his jerk behavior.
You had every right to snap at him. Children should never be exposed to or around any smoke of any kind. What is wrong with him?!” samxstone
Another User Comments:
“Buy some aluminum tape online with a squeegee for it (look up tape squeegee). Then get a damp washcloth.
Go to your ventilation unit and look for leaks on the side it sucks in (return side). Use the washcloth to clean the area around the leak and wait for it to dry. Then put the tape over the leak and use the squeegee to make sure it’s making full contact.
This should solve all your issues with the smoke in the vents.” NaturalTap9567
24. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Mom For Taking My Chicken Sandwich Without Asking?
“I (20F) live alone with my mom (48F). Yesterday, the two of us went out for dinner. I wasn’t very hungry, so I quite literally brought home an entire chicken sandwich since the only thing I ate was my fries and some of the appetizers.
It was a pretty big sandwich, so it was $12. I told her I was full, but that I would definitely be enjoying it for dinner tomorrow, and we laughed about it.
Today, I came home from work and went to heat up my chicken sandwich and noticed that more than half of it was gone.
I hadn’t touched it at all yet. I asked my mom, and she nonchalantly told me she gave it to my sister when she dropped off my nephew this morning. I asked her why, as I had planned on eating it for dinner, and she shrugged and said “She probably didn’t pack herself a lunch.”
Maybe I’m overreacting, but this really made me upset, especially because she’s done this multiple times before. She’s offered the leftover food that I PAID FOR to her partner and several of his friends and has also given my leftovers to my sister before without asking as well.
The last time this happened, I talked to my sister about it, and she told me that my mom had lied to her and told her that I was the one who told her to give it to her.
I snapped at my mom and told her she shouldn’t touch my food without asking unless she plans on getting something as a replacement or making something for dinner.
She told me it was just food and that I probably wouldn’t have eaten it anyway since I’ve forgotten about leftovers in the past, and to stop overreacting, but I don’t think I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s trivial, but it’s ridiculous. Would she have done the same if it was my sister’s food?”
Another User Comments:
“FYI, you are not overreacting at all. You had plans to eat it later when you were hungry… You had it in your head the whole time that you 100% had something to eat when you got the chance to, the minute you go to grab it and find it’s gone is a huge disappointment.
Your mom is gaslighting you and it’s not ok.” ClaraRamirez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Try doing this for a while. Order some cheap takeout, and add the hottest spices you have available. Make sure it is really spicy! Do it a few times and hopefully your mom will stop offering it to others and leave it alone.” sassychicwbrain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but at this point you only have yourself to blame for allowing this to continue. She has shown she doesn’t care at all about you; why continue living with her? She is literally stealing from you. Find a better roommate and move out.” [deleted]
23. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Laptop To My Mom?
“My mom (45F) and I (19F) don’t get along very well for a list of reasons too long for, and mostly irrelevant to, this post. My mom works as a front desk receptionist, and her job is currently moving locations.
For a few days, while they make the move, a couple of weeks from now, she and the other receptionist are being asked to work from home.
My mom, for whatever reason, doesn’t have a laptop of her own, despite having a need for one a few times in the past, which is where her asking to use mine comes in.
Every time she’s needed a laptop, she has asked me to use mine or asked me to do something for her on my laptop in my own time.
Yesterday, she asked me if she could borrow my laptop for a few days in a couple of weeks’ time to work from home.
I immediately and politely declined, stating that I needed my laptop to work on my book and that I would rather not lend it to another person.
When I was younger, and before I paid for my own phone, she used to force me to let her read my text messages, which I very clearly hated. I felt like I had zero privacy.
Since then, I have obviously had a job for a while, paid for my own phone, and also purchased my laptop. Because of this, I don’t trust her not to try to snoop through my laptop. I also don’t trust her not to accidentally download some sort of malware.
She will be unable to work for those couple of days if she doesn’t have a laptop to use. So, she got very upset with me for refusing, tried to guilt trip me into letting her, and made comments to my dad such as “Remember that next time she wants to borrow the car” (I do not have my own car but am currently saving up money for one).
I offered to factory reset my old laptop to make it faster so she could use it. This seems to have satisfied her, but she’s still sort of angry with me for saying no in the first place.
I’m pretty sure I’m in the right, but there’s no harm in asking strangers on the Internet, I guess.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. About time she learned to respect your privacy. You’re correct; also, an ignorant user on a PC is a perfect setup for malware and malware installation. Plus, exclusive use for days does not correspond to borrowing the car for a short time.
This is a business. If you’re working from home for their convenience, it behooves them to provide the necessary equipment. Has your mother even asked?” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to share your laptop with your mom. It should be obvious to your mom that asking to borrow someone’s laptop for days is not appropriate in this day and age.
It’s like going into a woman’s purse or a guy’s wallet without their consent… It is simply not done because it is intrusive and rude. However, some older people don’t really understand laptop and cell phone etiquette. Even so, her snarky comment to Dad was uncalled for.
Plus, you reset your old laptop for her exclusive use. Let her keep it. And, make sure you password protect your laptop because now Mom will be convinced that you are hiding something on your own personal laptop.” 11phoenix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This would be a hard no for me.
I would not allow my personal device to potentially connect to a work server for a company I don’t work for and am unfamiliar with. No way. This situation is also odd. Where I live, a company is responsible for providing work equipment. They should be sending a desktop or laptop home with your mom if she is required to work.” Slow-Show-3884
22. AITJ For Calling My Homophobic Grandad Out Over Excluding My Brother From Football?
“I’ve (16M) always adored and looked up to my older brother “Skylar” (19M).
He’s always just been authentically himself. Like he’s never let Dad push him into sports or to be more manly. He’s never been the most masculine guy, but he’s not really feminine either, other than painting his nails and dyeing his hair colors. He’s also hard of hearing/nearly deaf, and he’s never let that stop him from doing anything.
He’s mostly just really geeky and does ballet and a little soccer. He’s pretty much been out since the 6th grade. He’s always supportive of me, especially in non-football or wrestling-related stuff like cooking and being my guinea pig as I try out new recipes.
Dad had an affair with my mom which led to me. He promptly left my older brother Skylar’s mom after he found out my mom was pregnant. Skylar’s mom had substance problems at the time, and so Dad got full custody. This kind of made it weird with my mom’s folks because Dad came along with this 2, almost 3-year-old kid.
They didn’t really like that much. I didn’t notice as much as when I was a kid, but my grandparents, especially Grandad, always kind of excluded Skylar. I love my Grandad and all I have are happy memories of him, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed how he’s not as great with Skylar.
Grandad acts like Skylar is a girl and always thinks Skylar wouldn’t be interested in whatever my partner and I are doing.
Yesterday, Grandad came over and told me he got front-row tickets for Grandad and me to the next football game this weekend. I asked, “What about Skylar?” and he told me Skylar wouldn’t be interested and that it would be just between us “real men.” I don’t know why, but this was just the last straw.
I just got really angry. I was yelling at him that Skylar loves football; he watches it all the time, and his partner is a football player. He proceeds to tell me that’s not the same and that I’m being disrespectful. I tell him to go screw himself and that I didn’t care about the tickets, and I just stormed off.
Mom and Dad think I was way out of line and rude and should apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perhaps yelling wasn’t the best way to communicate, but having a nice steel spine and sticking up for your brother has my admiration. Go you!
Your grandfather assumes that you share his narrow-minded viewpoint, and while yelling isn’t usually the way to go, it’s totally valid to get upset at that assumption. If you are pushed to apologize, ask for an apology for the disrespect to your brother.
Considering your Grandad’s mindset, that is most unlikely. The conversation shouldn’t be about you getting upset and yelling—it should be about why you lost your temper.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“Putting it bluntly, your Grandad is homophobic & won’t ever treat Skylar as an equal. If your parents were going to do anything useful about that, they would have done it long before now.
I would say your reaction was perfect, even the yelling. Sometimes you need to yell to get your point heard. Homophobes love to ignore reasonable discussion. Have you alienated Grandad? Probably, but the kicker is—do you care that you’ve alienated a homophobe? Are you content to have the current situation continue?
These will determine your future course, but you get 100% NTJ from me for defending your brother—who sounds wonderful.” Dont-Blame-Me333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So it’s fine and dandy when Grandad insults your brother by attacking his manhood, but you’re way out of line when you tell Grandad off for said insult.
Yeah, he was asking for it at that point.” Chance-Contract-1290
21. AITJ For Deducting My Nephew's Birthday Money Over A Broken Scooter?
“My sister Eleanor (f40s) and her three children (f17, m14, m9) live with and are largely supported by my mother Susan and my step-father (m&F late 60s, early 70s).
The main conflict comes from something that happened recently between the two boys, Jeff (14) and Jimmy (9).
My sister was at work, so Jeff asked my mother if he could have a friend over. Sure, just that they had to go before dinner. Well, one friend turned into two, then three, until there were seven of them playing on their skateboards outside.
Jimmy (9) and his friend were also doing their own thing outside.
Eventually, the skateboards weren’t enough for the older boys, and they turned to other things, including Jimmy’s scooter. It started off okay enough, but then one of Jeff’s friends started to go a little nuts.
Things escalated, and this friend of Jeff’s lifted the scooter above his head and slammed it into the concrete, basically destroying it.
Obviously this made Jimmy upset, and he went inside. He told my mom what happened. My mom went outside to bring Jeff in and send the boys away, but they had taken off with Jimmy’s friend’s bike and my mom had no idea where they went.
So she texted Jeff that he needed to get home immediately with the bike in good condition, or there would be big problems. He comes back, the bike is fine, and his friends take off.
Well, my mom thinks that Jeff should pay for the replacement of his brother’s scooter.
My sister Eleanor says that Jeff didn’t do it, so he isn’t responsible. I was a teenager once, and I know my nephew Jeff. He invited the kids over, and probably laughed when the kid broke it (he’s a huge jerk to his little brother).
And if he didn’t laugh, he didn’t have the courage to tell his friend to knock it off as things were escalating. My mom already ordered a new scooter, and I was thinking I would pay my mom back for the scooter from the money I was going to give Jeff for his birthday coming up, since my sister is ADAMANT and Jeff is not responsible.
He’d still get some money, but he’d know he’s getting less than he would have, and he’d understand why.
Back in my day, this would have been a no-brainer, but I know times have changed. So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you invite a guest, then You’re responsible for that guest. Jeff is more than welcome to get the money back from his friend, but in the interim Jeff needs to make it right.
It’s not punishing him for another’s actions — it’s holding him responsible for his guest. It’s an important lesson to learn about who you should invite around.” Rtarara
Another User Comments:
“Hmm, that’s a tough situation. It sounds like Jeff definitely needs to learn how to treat his brother, but I’m not sure this is the way to go about it.
First off, it may come across as taking on something that should be his parents’ right/responsibility to do. And second, since Jeff wasn’t actually the one to break it, he may forever remember you as “punishing” him for someone else’s actions, even if it’s indirectly kinda his fault for allowing his friends to disrespect his brother’s property.
The actual lesson may go over his head since in THIS particular case he wasn’t the one to directly be cruel to Jimmy.” anonymom135
Another User Comments:
“Jeff messed up when he didn’t tell his friend to put the scooter down. He shouldn’t have let someone mess with his little brother like that.
Your sister sounds like she favors Jeff over Jimmy. Is that a fair assessment? Either way, it would be nice if you got Jimmy a new scooter if you can afford it because it sure doesn’t sound like his mom/your sister is going to step up.
As for Jeff, I don’t know what to say about whether or how big of a birthday gift he should get, but I would not judge you negatively if you declined to go as big as you have in the past.” Lux_Brumalis
20. AITJ For Telling My Criticizing Aunt Off Over Her Insecurities?
“I (19F) don’t see my aunt (38F) often, but when I do, it’s never pleasing.
She always has something to say about my clothes, my hair, the way I do this, the way I do that… So it’s safe to say I was not very happy when my mom told me she was coming for dinner, but whatever, she’s close to my mom, so I never complain.
Anyway, when she arrived, it did not last 10 minutes before she started criticizing me. When I went to say hi, she looked me up and down and said “I know someone who doesn’t go to the gym, ahah.” I didn’t want to start a scene, so I just let out a bitter laugh.
She made a bunch of comments about me during dinner, like “Wow, your plate’s really full,” with an emphasis on really. She also said, “So that’s how you got like that,” while pointing at my plate, then at my body. My mom told her to stop, and she did—for maybe 5 minutes.
My mom left the kitchen to bring the dessert, and my aunt took the opportunity to tell me “You really don’t have any issue with looking like that? I mean, no offense of course, just curious.” I got sick of hearing her make comments like that, so I replied “No offense taken, I actually understand, you know—being left for a 23-year-old when you’re getting close to being 40 must bring out a lot of insecurities, so I get it, no worries.” And it’s true, her last partner left her to marry a 23-year-old.
She teared up when I said that and left the table. When my mom came back, she asked me what had happened and where my aunt was, and I told her what happened. She got upset and told me that, even though she didn’t agree with my aunt’s comments, what I said was way meaner and should have been avoided.
She left to look for my aunt and found her crying in the bathroom. They both wanted me to apologize, and I said I would when my aunt was willing. They said I was the one who needed to apologize because I was way more out of line.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just gave her the taste of her own medicine. If she’s willing to give it, she should be willing to take it. You’re a savage for that reply and a bit out of line, but your aunt had to be taught a lesson to not pick on/bully someone over their weight/looks.” Single_Cookie_7915
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A brilliant response. Hopefully, she’ll take this as a stalemate and stop. No need to come back swinging another day. At least she knows you’re not going to take it. You should follow up with a private conversation with your mom, though, so her sister doesn’t put her in the middle of you two.” pamthewhip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know in what way your comment was meaner than your aunt constantly poking at you about your weight, your appearance, and how you eat. For one thing, she’s older and should know better but also has the weight of authority on her side.
Your mom’s a jerk for not putting a stop to all of your aunt’s nasty comments. If she’d stood up for you, you wouldn’t have had to defend yourself with your quip.” Regular_Boot_3540
19. AITJ For Canceling My Son's Fishing Trip Because I Don't Know His Friend's Parents?
“My son (12m), we’ll call him Mike, has a pretty normal friend group of about 4–5 kids with whom he regularly hangs out, has sleepovers, and goes on fishing trips, etc. I’ve met and know the parents and his friends come over to our house regularly, and my son goes to theirs.
He recently made a new friend (12m), we’ll call him Jacob, about four months ago, and I’ve never met the parents. I know that sounds odd, but they are either not home or sleeping, or they drop their son off in the driveway and leave.
On the very few times that I’ve let Mike go to their house, the parents are in the house or busy, etc., and there is zero communication. For example, my son is supposed to be playing putt-putt with their son and to be dropped off at 7 pm.
By 7:30, I called my son to figure out where he was, and they were at Walmart, and Mike wasn’t dropped off until 8:30 pm. This or something similar happens each time Mike is there.
Now, to be honest, if this were a parent I knew, I wouldn’t be bothered at all, but I would have also received a text that said, “Hey, we’re going to be late, is that alright?” Just as I have done if I’m going to be late dropping off someone else’s child.
Now, for tonight (a school night): Mike wanted to go fishing with Jacob this evening. Jacob’s older sister (16) (I’ve never met her) was going to drive them. I said I wasn’t comfortable with a 16-year-old driving them around town, and that I could either drive them or drop Mike off at the fishing spot and pick him up at 8 because it’s a school night.
Mike got upset; he said they didn’t know what fishing spot, and that Jacob’s dad was now going to drive. I said that I needed to know where he was going to be and that he had to be home or picked up by 8 pm.
I could still drop him off and pick him up to make this easier. Mike got further upset, and now he doesn’t want to go.
I could be the jerk because I’m uncomfortable about not knowing the parents, and this makes me reluctant to have Mike hang out there unsupervised. I don’t believe I’m a controlling parent, as he does things with all his other friends and their families all the time…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and Jacob’s father isn’t driving them. They made that up so you would say yes. The sister is probably taking them to some movie you don’t want them to see. I could be wrong but that’s easy to determine. Tell Mike you’ll drop him off at Jacob’s house and have a chat with his dad before they leave.
I’ve got a lot of money that says he says no and makes up some flimsy excuse. If I’m right (and I hope I’m not) you might look into what’s going on or ask around to see if some of the other parents know Jacob’s folks.
Good luck!” Ok-Profession-9372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t seem over-controlling for a 12-year-old to me. I’m old and was a pretty free-range kid, but I wouldn’t have been allowed to stay somewhere overnight unless my parents knew theirs and their house rules (especially about drinking, and pools/swimming) pretty well.
Do set the same rule for him if you let him drive at 16, though—don’t let him drive around his friends or his siblings’ friends. He’ll hate you for that, too, but he shouldn’t have any non-adult passengers for a year or two.” Meghanshadow
18. AITJ For Cutting Off My MIL Because She Believed My Ex's Lies?
“My soon-to-be ex wife and I separated a year ago due to her ongoing infidelity. However, she also suffers from vulnerable narcissism, so she had to spin stories to portray herself as the victim. We were together for over 20 years, and her mom had treated me like gold from the beginning.
We were teenagers when we first began seeing each other. My MIL is a sweet lady, always treats me like family, and will ask my advice on things because I am the eldest among her “kids”.
My ex spun stories to get my younger brother, with whom I was very close, to believe her, which led to him harassing me.
I put a stop to that by disconnecting from him. He was lied to, but he should be smarter than to believe that his sister suddenly began losing her mind and being unfaithful.
The issue in question is my MIL. She really wanted to maintain a relationship and would check in on me.
However, she also bought into the lies of her daughter, despite overwhelming evidence. (Her daughter has since come clean.) So, being bitter about the whole thing and not appreciating being told that I was making up stories about an unfaithful person, I started being resentful.
During our last phone call, I told her straight up that I did not think this was going to last because I was bitter that she believed her daughter and both her kids had treated me poorly over the past year. Right now, I just need space.
This really hurt her because she did not want to lose a son, and while I feel bad, I feel I’d rather separate and have her focus on her daughter. My ex told me that her mom has been crying for days because of my words, and she feels like a bad mom for raising a daughter who would do such things (she believes me now that her daughter has come clean).
I have called this woman “mom” for twenty years since I was 19, and she has been there for us. While I know I am looking out for my best interest, did I need to dig into her that much? Yes, as she was asking me to forgive her daughter, but that was not my issue.
Honestly, I want my ex’s mom to be there for her, and not complicate things with my involvement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on what you told us – you were honest and vulnerable with her about your feelings. I also wonder if your ex might be playing things up a little bit in what she’s telling you—narcissistic people will do that.
When you’re ready you can always reach back out to “mom” and see what kind of relationship you can have. But if your ex really wants to prevent that, she probably can, unfortunately.” hybridoctopus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s sad that she’s losing someone she cares about.
But that’s on her and her daughter. Keeping in touch with her will just continue to bring you into contact with your toxic ex, and it’s just not worth it when she hurts you too. The guilt tripping proves it. You didn’t make her cry.
The situation made her cry, her guilt made her cry, her loss made her cry. But not you.” Natural_Garbage7674
17. AITJ For Considering Taking My 8-Year-Old Sister From Her Abusive Stepmum?
“My (26F) stepmum (40F) has been divorced from my dad (59M) for a year, and I have two half-sisters from their marriage, middle sis (12) and little sis (8). My dad takes the kids 50/50 and lives next door to them. Little Sis has been “talking back” to stepmum a lot, and stepmum doesn’t deal with it well.
Dad told the stepmum not to use violence, which she has been struggling with as she’s used to getting the shoe out to whack the kids. Stepmum grew up in a strict Middle Eastern family overseas. Little sis can get distracted easily, but she’s 8. She is not naughty and doesn’t try to do the opposite of what she’s told; she just forgets.
Stepmum has recently: – Not only threatens little sis to send her back to (home country) but also waits until she knows little sis is eavesdropping and pretends to call relatives in (home country) and fake organizes with them that she’s going to take little sis on a plane, give her to them, and then leave her there.
– After an argument, told little sis to go stay at Dad’s for a week, told her to get her things and go (he lives next door), then sent her out the door to go to Dad. Little sis told me she doesn’t think her mum loves her as much as middle sis and that she’s scared of her mum.
After her mum kicked her out, she stayed with her dad and then with me for the rest of the week. She’s wetting the bed, she is scared, she keeps calling me 14 times a day to come and pick her up, and she is falling behind in school.
When I heard stepmum kicked her out, I wanted to call child services, but they’d know it was me, and they wouldn’t let me take little sis for sleepovers anymore.
At the moment, I take her once a week for a sleepover, but then the middle sis gets jealous and stepmum gets angry.
I tried to offer her mum a “break” by taking little sis for a week, but she said no.”
Another User Comments:
“Of course, you can’t do that. YWBTJ. No one can just take a kid, even if the situation might warrant it. Then we’re left with people just deciding who bad parents are on their own, and that would be disastrous.
Have you asked to have her stay with you for an extended period of time? I realize that this won’t have the same effect you’re going for, but maybe a break would at least help a little. I’m not entirely sure why child services would stop your sleepovers.
If you’re truly concerned and worried, you need to make that call as soon as possible. Putting it off and considering kidnapping her is not going to help anyone.” beentherealmostdid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are acting with your sister’s best interests at heart. However, I think you’re going about it wrong.
If possible, you might want to see if there is a free child service lawyer in your area; they may be able to advise you about whether you could apply to be a temporary guardian. You might also try talking to Dad to see if he will help you.
But in the end, if you end up doing this, it will come out one day and could end worse.” zippy_zaboo
Another User Comments:
“OP. I’m troubled by the fact you didn’t call child services. You don’t want to get involved because they would know it was you.
You are afraid of the consequences. How the heck do you think this 8 year old feels? Do you think she is going to muster up the courage to tell anyone else when her own adult sister dies, nothing? Why should she trust an adult who doesn’t even know her?
You would kidnap her but not go through the correct channels to obtain guardianship? Get it together and protect this child before so much damage is done that there is no going back. It is better for her to see you attempting and failing to protect her than to see you succeed at doing nothing at all.” Silver-Progress4938
16. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Fast Food Obsessed Brother?
“I (16f) have a younger sister (14f) and a younger brother (12m).
I have to babysit my brother regularly due to my parents working a lot. This is usually in the evening, so it becomes my responsibility to make dinner. I will make regular food for our household such as chicken, pasta, or soup, as well as a few cultural dishes.
My brother has always liked home-cooked meals and says my food is almost as good as our mom’s, which I agree with.
Recently, he has become completely obsessed with fast food and refuses to eat anything I make. I am not ordering fast food because I am saving up the money I make from my after-school job for university and am not going to waste it on McDonald’s when I can make perfectly good food.
I explained this to him and he still refused to eat what I made, and sometimes he will take a bite and then spit it out and be dramatic, which hurts me more than when he just straight up doesn’t eat it. R.
My sister agrees that this is becoming a problem (she helps with the meals).
We are both getting irritated because we are working hard and then the food we make is not being eaten. Eventually, we decided enough was enough and told our brother that he could either eat our food or make his own. He has decent cooking skills and can make his own food, and our mom told us not to make a separate meal for him so that there wouldn’t be as many dishes for me to wash.
Kudos to her for trying to make my life easier. He also earns money mowing lawns or shoveling driveways in the winter. (Makes good money in Canada)
My sister and I started making portions only big enough for the two of us and my brother got mad at me for not cooking for him.
I asked why he was mad I was not making anything for him if he didn’t like anything I made, and then he said I should start making food he likes. The only food he claims to like is fast food, which I told him I’m not going to waste my college money on.
My parents agree with what I did, but what do you guys think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. At 12, he’s old enough to feel some consequences for bad behavior. Having to manage his own food is a reasonable consequence. You might try saying to him, “Your options for dinner are option 1, option 2, option 3.
Which one do you want me to make?” Then if he refuses to eat it, you tell him that he’s on his own for dinner from now on. And stick to your gut. And good on your parents for backing you up.” doomspark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that your brother *can’t* eat your food. He made a choice not to eat it. And now he is suffering the consequences for it. There is absolutely no reason why you should have to pay for him to eat fast food, or to pay for any of his food.
Paying for his food is your parents’ job, and they have very clearly backed you on this. If he wants to eat fast food, he can find a way to earn money and pay for it himself. It’s that simple.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless he has some allergies or food intolerances you haven’t disclosed, he can eat what you make or he can cook. In fact, it might be a good idea to suggest that he should cook for all of you one night a week. I do agree with another comment that your parents need to take a more active role in managing this behavior.
You’re not his parent.” jsb16cc
15. AITJ For Lying To A Friend To Make Him Go To The Hospital?
“I (F, 23) recently lied to a friend (M, 23, named Jack in this story) in order to save his life. More accurately, I lied to get him to take his health seriously.
For a bit more context, I recently went on holiday with some friends (4 men) to an island. It was a great holiday, but, as the only woman in the group, I felt a bit like I was babysitting. Although they were very relaxed, they were often a little, if not a lot, irresponsible during the stay: 5 scooter accidents in 5 days, 4 of which were the same person’s fault, and there was no one to plan the shopping, so we had to go every day.
So, I was quite happy to be back from holiday, while the rest of the gang stayed on for a few more days.
Today they visited a monkey park. One thing led to another. After a confrontation with one of the monkeys, one of my friends was bitten.
I was very worried and tried to persuade him by phone to go to the hospital, especially as he hadn’t been immunized before going to this country. We have a good health system in our home country, so it wouldn’t have cost him anything.
Anyway, Jack refused to go to the hospital, claiming that it wasn’t very serious.
He didn’t seem to take the serious health risks (rabies at the very least) seriously. He preferred to go about his activities. I was determined to persuade him to go to the local hospital, so that’s when I told him a white lie: I told him that the monkey bite could cause circulation problems, so his manly limb could become necrotic and fall off.
I didn’t think this little lie would work, but Jack believed it.
He asked me how much longer he had to get to the hospital, and I told him it was in hours… He has just left for the hospital on his scooter, clearly very worried. I’m still waiting to hear from him.
On the one hand, I don’t blame myself at all for lying to him to get him to finally take his health seriously. But on the other, I’m still a bit worried about his state of health (both physical and mental), and I’m a bit dreading his appointment with the doctors when Jack tells them about the risks to his manhood.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You found the one thing that would make him seek the treatment he needs. While he might have been okay, there is no guarantee. Of course, you could make up a website that has that information so you could point him to it, but that is a bit overboard.” warlikeloki
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you may have saved his life (it may have been that it was fine; we will never know). I am not going to give a verdict as it is possible that this was the best thing to do, or it could be that you lied, manipulated him, and broke any trust he had in you while destroying your relationship with Jack for nothing.
We will never know. Just remember, if Jack does not forgive you, you only have yourself to blame. The road to heck is paved with good intentions and your “good intentions” were to lie and be manipulative.” FutureOk6751
14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Nephew With Behavioral Issues To My Sons Birthday Party?
“My sister and I both have eleven-year-olds turning twelve this school year. Things in our relationship became tense when her son was diagnosed with autism and behavioral issues. My son gets along with her other son (10), and they are close, but he doesn’t like his other cousin because he has destroyed his things and has been physically harsh with him.
At other parties and get-togethers, my older nephew has horrible tantrums and episodes, and it ruins the event for everyone. Just in June, my younger nephew had a birthday party and his brother ended up destroying the cake and sending his little brother to the ER… He was also chastised for saying that his brother ruined his birthday…
My son is turning twelve in two weeks, and I planned a party for him. He invited his school and football friends, and I know he’s very excited. He’s entering middle school, and I know he wants to seem “cool and mature” around the new friends he made on his team, so he specifically asked me not to invite his cousin.
He says he doesn’t want him to ruin his party and embarrass him. I told him that if he doesn’t want his cousin there, that means his younger cousin also can’t come, so maybe he should reconsider. He was bummed out but said it was worth it and he’ll save some cake for his younger cousin.
My husband supports our son and says it’s his party and he can invite whoever he wants or not, and that no kid wants their birthday party to have an unstable person there that will ruin it and make the party about them. And that I would be a jerk to go on and invite him after our son asked not to.
Why I feel like a jerk is because my sister is a struggling single mom to a special needs child and has already expressed to me she has no support system, and raising her oldest has stressed her beyond belief. She hates having him feel different, and he already has no friends, so not inviting him is such a hard conversation to have.
Especially since this means her other son can’t come, which sucks—he didn’t do anything. Would I be the jerk if I didn’t invite him? Or would I be the jerk if I do against my son’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. If the nephew’s behavioral issues are extreme enough to cause property damage and send another kid to the ER, then NO FREAKING WAY do you need to risk the sheer liability if someone else’s kid potentially could be injured. Also, your son is 12 and it’s HIS birthday.
One thing if your family chooses to do a private event some other time, but not for his party” WholeAd2742
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has a very autistic brother, I understand. While it can come off as insensitive, it’s your son’s day.
It shouldn’t have to be interrupted by tantrums and possibly your son getting hit by him. At the end of the day, you’re planning the party and it’s your choice to invite whoever you want.” vriskasserkets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not go against your son’s wishes.
If your nephew’s behavior is so bad that he sent a child to hospital, you absolutely can’t have him in attendance around other children. It’s tough, but you can’t sacrifice everyone else so your nephew feels included. I’d also explore when there is a way for the younger nephew to still come.
He will also be suffering if he’s being excluded from things due to his brother’s behavior.” Maximum-Ear1745
13. AITJ For Refusing To Tip On A 22% Service Charge That Was Meant For All Staff?
“I went to a restaurant tonight. I was informed by OpenTable that a 22% service charge would automatically be added to my bill.
Ok, fine, I thought. I mean, if they want to do it that way, I don’t know why they can’t just raise their prices, but whatever; at least I don’t have to stress over what to leave.
When I got to the restaurant, the menu stated the same thing (on the front page, no less).
Something like, “In order for our workers to earn a living wage, a 22% service charge will be added to your bill.” Again, I thought—I’m not sure why you can’t just raise the prices and then raise the employees’ salaries, but you do you.
Fine.
After our meal, our server brought the bill and explained that the service charge is split among all employees, not just the server, and if we wanted to add gratuity, we could still do that. She just wanted to let us know because “a lot of people are confused by it.”
So, after consideration, I thought to myself and discussed it with my party. Look, it’s not our fault the restaurant has decided to confound things this way. If 22% gives them a living wage, then they don’t need a gratuity on top, right? Furthermore, it wasn’t just our server who served us.
In fact, she did the least amount of work out of everyone. When we were seated, the hostess poured our water. Our server took our drink order, and someone else delivered the drinks to the table. The same applied to our appetizers and our main course.
The only thing our server did was to take our order and ask maybe one time if everything was okay. She didn’t deliver our drinks. Nor did she deliver our food. She didn’t clear out the plates. And she didn’t even bring our dessert menu.
So, why would she deserve a gratuity over the service charge, which she carefully explained was going to be split across all of the employees? You know, the ones that did all the work? The restaurant was careful to explain would ensure a living wage.
And we had no choice but to pay on top of our bill. So, I paid our bill and left a $0 gratuity. I still feel weird about it, which is why I asked if AITJ, but honestly, I just don’t see how a gratuity was deserved here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If they’re putting on a service fee and stating that it will be given to the employees, I don’t see a reason to give an additional tip, especially in this case when your assigned server did half or less than half of her job at your table.
I’m glad I don’t live in the US, where this stupid crap goes on and employees in all jobs are generally paid a decent wage.” Sajem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In some places, all tips go into the pool, and the waiters get a share of this pool, not what they personally get from customers.
Does that mean a customer should give two tips, one for the pool and one (against the restaurant’s policy) to the waiter? Of course not. A tip is a tip. You give it, and what happens after that is not your problem.” Garamon7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The automatic gratuity is the server’s tips, and yes, it does get split with the kitchen staff, bussers, and bartenders. That’s how it always works, though. It works the same way on a two-top versus a 30-person party. The server gets tips, but they still give a tip out.
They just said it to you that way to guilt you into tipping more.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Trying To Break My Lease Over Unlivable House Conditions?
“My roommate/brother (27m) his partner (24f) and I (29f) all share a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathroom townhouse.
With their 2 kids (7 and 2) and my 2 kids (7 and 5). The original agreement for us to all move in together was that my brother and I paid the rent, he paid for water, and I paid for the electricity, while she provided the food for the whole household with her food stamps.
It didn’t take long for them to take full control over the kitchen and the living room.
While she stayed home and did nothing all day but stay on her computer and phone, the house stayed trashed and neither of them took care of their dogs’ fur all through the house.
I have problems with my anger, so when I get to the breaking point I clean because it helps me get my anger out in a healthy way. With that being said, I’ve now quit cleaning for the past year (cleaning up after them, not me and my kids) after his partner said in front of me, “If you anger me, I will clean everything.” So now I don’t clean up after them.
They leave clothes in the washer and dryer for days, and I’m now forced to go to my mom’s or the laundromat to wash our clothes. I can’t cook anything at home because all the food is theirs and the dishes are theirs (and if I want to eat, I have to cook before they eat dinner).
Her food stamps are under the pretense that she is the only one living here with her kids.
Now bring us to the last two weeks. My brother and I got into an argument that led to them removing me from the phone plan, switching the electric to his name without telling me, shutting off the breaker to everything in the house beside the refrigerator, and leaving for Michigan for a week.
They left me, my kids, and his dog with no power and no AC in the TN heat. Now my ex could try to take my kids from me for unsuitable living conditions. AITJ for trying to break my lease over this.”
Another User Comments:
“If you live in the United States, the lease is in writing, and they own the house, you can actually sue them for ‘constructive eviction,’ which is when a landlord makes a house or apartment unlivable in an attempt to force a tenant out without having to go through the courts to get a proper eviction, and considering they shut off the power to your air conditioning in TN during the hottest summer in recorded history, I’d get a lawyer involved. NTJ, OP.
(I’m not a lawyer, and this does not constitute genuine legal advice) Edit: I am now aware that the brother does not own the house. Still really screwed him to turn off the power, though.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“That’s awful. Can you take your kids to your mom’s and stay there for a bit?
If your brother’s partner provides the ‘food’ with food stamps, but it’s only for 3 people, how are your kids and you getting food? I don’t think you’re the AH for wanting a better living situation for yourself and your children.” IntelligentGinger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Call and report her for food stamp fraud. Call your landlord and let them know you don’t have access to electricity; this could be a lease violation and your brother could be in trouble. Move out immediately. They are fraudsters and jerks. Seriously, report her.
I don’t even know how she gets by with that. They always wanted to know how I paid my bills, so how do they think she is paying the rent with no job???” JackedLilJill
11. AITJ For Telling Off Tourists For Photographing A Vulnerable Line?
“So this happened earlier today. For context, I live in an extremely poor country in Latin America. I won’t mention the name to avoid political discussions. I am what some people here might call “privileged” because I own a phone and can afford, to some extent, to have internet the whole month.
My parents pay most of my bills, and I am 22. I’m mortified about it, but my main goal is to save enough money to leave this place. This is not even close to an easy task.
To get to the point, today I was at a long line (about 100 people; keep in mind it was mostly the elderly, disabled, and people with extreme poverty conditions).
I had been there since 6 AM, and it was 11 AM at this point, so I was sleep-deprived and cranky. The line was to put my darned name in my father’s documents so I could receive subsidized food and toiletries. Without this document, I would struggle and would not be able to buy enough food for the month.
Now, you understand my frustration and why I felt extremely poor and unfortunate at that particular time.
So, out of nowhere, a bus full of tourists stopped right in front of the long line. Lo and behold, a few of them started taking pictures of us standing in line as if this were a freaking zoo and we were animals for their entertainment.
I felt incredibly insulted and disrespected, so I felt the need to call them out. As you can see, I can speak English, so I said rather loudly to a bunch of them, “Cut the crap.” I told them to stop taking pictures, that it was incredibly disrespectful, and that they should be ashamed to be amused by people’s suffering.
They quickly walked away, and I felt like I had done the right thing.
Nevertheless, multiple people in the line called me out for scolding them, claiming that tourism is one of the few sources of income in our country, that they were doing nothing new because tons of tourists do it all the time, and that I could be arrested (which is true, but I was so mad I wasn’t thinking straight; talking to tourists can, in fact, get me arrested).
I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but enough people were questioning me and I started doubting myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s totally understandable that you were frustrated and spoke harshly to the tourists. It’s possible that the tourists were just taking pictures of various things not realizing what the line was for or what was going on and didn’t mean to be disrespectful.
I hope at least they didn’t mean to be disrespectful. There must have been something of interest near where the line was, otherwise, why would the bus have stopped right there? Whatever the reason for the picture-taking, it’s understandable that you snapped at them.
I’m sorry that you were having such a crumby day. I hope things get better and your wish comes true.” laurasdiary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m glad someone was willing to call them out. It was disgusting and dehumanizing behavior that was far too normalized among affluent tourists.
These people think that just because their awful behavior is normalized they should be shielded from accountability and the consequences of their actions, good on you for bursting that bubble.” JustheBean
10. AITJ For Pressuring My Overprotective Husband To Let Our Son Sleep Alone?
“My husband Colin and I (both 27) have a 2-year-old son. My husband’s been a very loving and caring dad, our son follows him around like a shadow, and Colin is always happy to drop everything and cuddle and play with him. But ever since our son was born, my husband has never let him sleep in a separate room.
He’d put his cradle right next to our bed, which was fine when our son was little, but he’s more than old enough to sleep independently now. I’ve tried putting him in his own room with a baby monitor, but the second that child cries, Colin has to go in there to “check on him,” which basically turns into him staying in there the entire night.
(Our son will be in his toddler bed, and my husband will sit next to him and sometimes hold his hand.)
I’ve told my husband time and again that our son needs to learn to sleep on his own, but he’s only managed to let our son sleep by himself maybe two or three nights in a row.
There’s a reason for this. When my husband was 20, he lost his first child to SIDS. Our son has passed the major risk age for that, but I’m pretty sure this is where my husband’s anxiety stems from. He’s been in as much therapy as we can afford for it, for a number of years, but it doesn’t seem to have improved.
The other day, I finally told him point blank that he can’t keep sleeping in the room with our son, and if he persists, I’m going to have to draw a line in the sand (I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do, but I have some ideas).
Colin got really shaky and agitated and said that if something happened to our son while he wasn’t there, he could never ever forgive himself.
It’s definitely driven a wedge between us, and his nervousness and overprotectiveness have gotten even worse, I think, since then.
I don’t think it’s intentional; I can literally feel the anxiety radiating off of him if he’s trying to sleep without our son. But he’s irritated with me for making the ultimatum, and I’m starting to feel like I overstepped or was a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not only are you driving an unnecessary wedge between you two, because he is being a caring father, possibly driving one between you and the child as well. As you sound a bit jealous. It is bizarre to think anyone would not want a caring father figure for their child!
Giving ultimatums to someone you apparently love, for what he is doing (checking in on his child too often) is a really crappy thing to do. Even more so with what he has gone through with his first child! A very crappy person would have no compassion when this is obviously his way of coping with things.
So he checks in every time the baby cries. What is the worst that can happen? We did the same with our first child, as we were new parents. It felt natural. She is 17 now and turned out the same as our other two kids who were not checked on as much; you stop worrying a little less with the next child!
They are not little for long. Give the guy a break!” derinkooyou
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Give your poor husband a break. He lost his first child. He will never forget that, however much therapy he has. You’ve probably set his therapy back by issuing an actual ultimatum.
Keeping your son safe is the first priority, and helping your husband is the second. Stop complaining. Make it work better. You stay with your son, or let him come to you. My daughter only stopped coming to our room when she was 11. Some children need that.” CharmingCarmilla
Another User Comments:
“I’d say a soft YTJ because that kind of trauma would not be easy to get over, and putting an ultimatum on him isn’t going to help at all. If you can’t afford therapy, then this is something that will take time, and you need to work together to make a plan to slowly ease the transition.
A clean break will only be distressing for the child too, as that’s all they’re used to.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Crying During Forced Feminine Waxing?
“I’m a 15-year-old trans boy (AFAB), and I’m Portuguese. Yesterday, I went to a beauty salon under the pressure of my mum and grandma because on vacation we are going to be swimming a lot and they don’t want me to have hairy legs.
The lady who took me in was always mentioning that I had a “pretty face for a girl” and that I “should lose some weight, because no boys like fat girls, especially if they have short hair,” and telling me that people would be mean behind my back if I kept dressing and behaving the way I do.
My grandma also “helped” with this by saying that I, “had always been like this, but I just needed a good partner to put me in line to embrace my femininity,” and that was around when I started silently crying, although only a few tears fell.
Only when I turned back so the lady could finish waxing did I start crying, though quietly, almost like a whimper.
The lady thought that I was crying because of the hot wax and kept reassuring me that “it’s the price ladies like us have to pay to appear pretty” and that I “shouldn’t be crying, we leave that for the men,” in a sarcastic tone as if to joke that men don’t cry.
When we left, my grandmother pulled me aside while my mum paid to “whisper-yell” at me that I wasn’t really meant to cry about such a futile thing as wax, and that, “if a woman cries like that when being waxed, she would scream bloody murder when giving birth,” that I should just stay home and rot if I didn’t want to be pretty (she really emphasized that feminine), and I wouldn’t get any boys because nobody likes fat women.
She also made me come back later with her, but without my mum, to apologize to the lady for having cried like a baby in front of the entire salon, and then she said that I hadn’t done “a really good enough job apologizing” and that they would always remember me as the girl who cried and came back to apologize poorly and remember her as “the poor grandmother who had such an unpleasant crybaby as granddaughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ holy heck. You weren’t crying because you were getting waxed; you were crying likely because it was an incredibly dysphoric and invalidating experience. (And even if it was the pain, there is nothing wrong with that.) I take it you’re not out to them, then?
But if they reacted like this to someone they perceived as a female disliking getting waxed, I wouldn’t recommend saying anything. I hope you have some trusted people you feel you can be out to.” existential_chaos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sorry you ever had to have such a traumatic and horrible experience.
Not just transphobic and dysphoric, but so much internalized misogyny everywhere and fatphobia! Women treat each other like garbage and expect other women to do the same! Just awful! Even if you were a woman, none of that would have been okay on any level!
I’m just so sorry.” Strawberry_Sheep
Another User Comments:
“Big NTJ – so sorry to hear you had to go through that and that those around you aren’t supportive. It sounds like you were actually very brave under the circumstances and are being brave every day by dealing with this kind of stuff.
You won’t have to put up with it forever. Love and solidarity.” gothtacular
8. AITJ For Firing My Sister When She Disrupted My First Event?
“I (20f) have just come back from uni and have been interested in events and trialing some out in my hometown while I am here. My mum runs a cafe where we live and employs my 17-year-old sister Tia.
My mum let me use her cafe for my first event (an evening wine night) for a small venue fee. I was responsible for everything for the night—food/drink costs, licensing, and labor.
Tia, who is a very good baker, offered to make the treats for the event (with ingredients I paid for) on shift at the cafe the days before and after the event.
We cleared this with my mother, who said as long as she prioritized the cafe she could bake while it was quiet. I had also asked her ages ago to help me work the event (which I would be paying her for).
The day of the event happens and I am in the cafe sorting some last minute things, and my mother has stepped out for an hour.
The cafe is struggling at the moment and needs all the help it can get. Tia turns people away for food because “there wasn’t enough room to make toasties with the baking stuff out.” I question this immediately and then text my mum to let her know.
Cue all heck breaking loose. Tia is screaming at my mum down the phone, and then at me for being a “snitch.” My mum told her to go home and that she would get someone else to cover the rest of her shift. Tia refused. Tia then gave me the silent treatment and snapped at me for the rest of the shift before eventually walking out.
My mum then refused to work with Tia later at the event.
I was incredibly nervous about my first event and needed it to go smoothly. I decided that Tia was too much of a liability to have her work it, so I asked another girl to work it and then I let Tia know she wasn’t needed. She called me a jerk because I used her for baking and then didn’t let her work the event (but she was paid for baking as she was on shift).
She hasn’t spoken to me since. Am I really the jerk for firing her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were paying your sister for both baking and working the event, so you had every right to expect her to do her job properly and not jeopardize your mother’s cafe or your event.
She was unprofessional, disrespectful and immature. You did the right thing by letting her go and finding someone else who could help you. You didn’t use her for baking, you paid her for it.” DestinyCruz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister expecting nepotism over work ethic may need to be addressed. This isn’t a family bonding matter; this is work.
Maybe consider also that it might have been coming from a supportive place toward you to prioritise your baking over the cafe, however, it wasn’t the deal you all agreed on. So even if it was from a good place it wasn’t the agreement.” GrouchySteam
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you handled a really difficult situation as fairly as possible. You were already under a lot of pressure planning and executing your first event, and Tia’s actions—whether intentional or not—added to that stress. From what you described, Tia agreed to bake during her shift under the condition that the cafe would remain the priority.
But by turning customers away, she actively hurt the business, which was already struggling. That wasn’t just a minor misstep; it was a significant issue that you had to address immediately. Alerting your mum wasn’t “snitching”—it was a necessary step to prevent further damage.
If the cafe’s reputation or finances suffered, that would affect everyone, not just you. Her reaction, though, was way out of proportion. Screaming at your mum, then giving you the silent treatment and snapping at you throughout the shift, showed a lack of professionalism and maturity.
Given that she was already behaving this way, it makes complete sense that you wouldn’t feel comfortable having her work your event—especially when your priority was making sure everything ran smoothly. The fact that she claims you “used” her is also unfair. She was on shift, got paid for the baking, and even had prior agreement from your mum.
You didn’t shortchange her or exploit her labor. The only consequence she faced was missing out on an extra job that you no longer felt safe offering her, based on her own behavior.” User
7. AITJ For Not Ditching My Tournament To Support My Fiancé's New Sport?
“For starters, I am going to be a bit vague. I (29f) am a semi-pro in a sport. I have been playing for several years and have sponsors that support me. I usually do local smaller tournaments as I don’t have much time and PTO to travel to larger tournaments.
One of my sponsors is hosting a large tournament in my area as they have done for years. I go every year. It’s one of the only opportunities I get to play in an event where there is a large amount of money on the line.
Since it’s an event hosted by my sponsor, I have free entry. This tournament is really important to me and I have been looking forward to it all year.
My fiancé (30m) has recently started a different sport that he really loves. He signed up for his first tournament not knowing it was the same weekend as mine.
At first, he was disappointed but was fine going to his alone. He has since changed his mind and is mad at me for not dropping out of my tournament to support him. I told him that if it was any other weekend I would be more than happy to support him at it.
I explained to him how important this tournament is to me and I really don’t want to drop it. He called me selfish.
For more context, he has only come to a handful of my events over the years and I never expect him to go.
I try to only do tournaments on weekends he works so that we can have our time together on weekends he has off to do other things we enjoy. I feel awful. He is saying that because of my selfishness he just won’t go to his.
I feel like I should just drop my event and just go to his at this point. It’s a hard decision to make. I know my sponsor will be upset with me if I don’t go and I have the potential to do really well and make a good amount of money.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“How would you be T A?? He scheduled his AFTER yours, and yours is a long-standing annual event for which you have professional obligations to your sponsor. I don’t even understand how he expects this to be a choice that is fair to ask you to make.
How does he explain the double standard of expecting you to drop out of your event for him versus him dropping out of his event for you? You are definitely NTJ for maintaining your commitments. This doesn’t have to be his event versus your event – you may each prefer when you can be at one another’s but if there is a conflict, you should attend alone.
If he feels he NEEDS you there, he’d sure as heck better make sure it’s set for a time you can actually attend.” User
Another User Comments:
“So, if not dropping out of a tournament to attend the other’s event is “selfish,” what does this say about him?
You know the saying about relationships being give and take? It’s not meant to be one doing all the giving and the other doing all the taking. Sounds like a tough conversation about expectations in your relationship needs to take place.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’ve established a name for yourself in your sport big enough to get sponsored. That’d be like an NFL wife wanting her husband to not play certain games so he can come to see her do a new sport she just started… That’s crazy!!!
He’s being a very selfish partner seeing as how he’s only been to a handful of your events and EXPECTS you to drop everything and run to him. If you do that it will look very bad from your sponsor’s point of view. He’s potentially messing up your chance to move forward with your sport and messing with your reputation in the sport as well.
Please go to your sponsor’s event. He’ll get over it, and if he doesn’t that’s a bigger discussion.” User
6. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In My Friend's Ghost Removal Ritual?
“I (19m) have been living with a close friend (19f) for roughly six months now. We’ve known each other since we were toddlers, but her recent change in behavior is totally new to me. (She’s typically a rational person and doesn’t even believe in harmless stuff like astrology, let alone paranormal activity.)
A couple of months ago, she started claiming that a “bad spirit” moved into our place. This caused her to be scared, especially in the nighttime. I told her that I didn’t believe in ghosts, and she said that my opinion didn’t matter and that the ghost was with us every day.
Her first solution was to follow the advice she found online to get rid of bad entities. (Stuff like burning sage, etc.) Then her next idea was for us to share a room because she said that the bad spirit would not bother us this way.
Something about our “aura” repelling the negativity. I was okay with sharing a room, but she even wanted to share a bed, which we hadn’t done before, and I was honestly surprised by her (eventually I slept on the floor because I didn’t want her to feel awkward).
She told me about her latest ghost removal ritual a few days ago and wanted me to participate. Basically, she made a shampoo using natural ingredients and now wants both of us to use it every night. She claims that it has “light properties” (think she means good) and that it will disgust foul spirits.
I told her that I might use it once or twice, but definitely not every night. She got upset. She said that if I was a decent friend, I would show basic kindness and help her fight the spirits. She said that she’s doing it for both of us and that I should just suck it up and do it with her every night before we go to sleep.
We had a big argument, and she called me an unreliable, awful, hostile friend and a “snitch” (I don’t know how I’m a snitch, but ok). And guess what? She told ALL of her female friends who agreed that I was a jerk for not helping her out.
I can’t even describe how I was thrashed in their group chat. So who’s the jerk here? Am I really bad for not using the shampoo and dismissing her ghost ritual?”
Another User Comments:
“This is the ages that BP and schizophrenia can manifest. Talk to her about getting therapy for her anxiety and they should catch her irrational fixation.
Please be aware if she has increased agitation when you refuse to go along you may need to leave. If you are in college, student health centers often have therapy available. You may need to check with her parents if they have noticed any personality changes.
In both conditions I mentioned her delusions are real for her so arguing against what she perceives will not work and will upset her more.” No-Display-3729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’ll say this: the average age for people to start experiencing schizophrenia is the late teens to early 30s.
Women usually develop it later than men, but it’s not unheard of for women to get it earlier. Delusions and paranoia are usually some early warning signs. Not saying it’s what it is, but there’s a possibility. It also could be her friends are just some weird new age, crystals will fix this, and shampoo will get rid of ghost kind of people, which, since they all seem to agree with her, is definitely a possibility.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I think your friend is in need of seeking mental health help. Major changes in behavior, coupled with paranoia manifesting in the late teens, concern me; she could be starting to show signs of schizophrenia. Be gentle with her and see if you can get her to speak to a mental health professional. You’re NTJ, but I’m worried for your friend.” tootallblonde
5. AITJ For Taking His Amusement Park Tickets Because He Wouldn't Be Excited?
“My partner works at a company that annually gives him two free amusement park tickets for the local amusement park in our state. I am a huge amusement park lover and love roller coasters and rides, and I have been looking forward to this for a couple of weeks now.
My partner didn’t seem quite as thrilled as I was, even though we always have fun together when we go. Anyway, I had to work for a little while in the morning, and when I got off work and went back to our apartment to pick up my partner to see if he was ready to go, he was so rude to me about going.
He would sarcastically say, “Oh I’m soooo excited!” “Can’t wait to have my whole day eaten up by this!” He would not stop. He had a sourpuss look on his face and kept going on and on, and it seemed like he really didn’t want to go.
We got in the car to go, but he would not stop. I was on the verge of tears because he knew, as silly as this was, it was important to me, and he couldn’t even fake being excited or even neutral about it.
We drove for about one minute, and I stopped the car and told him to get out. If he was just going to drag me down the whole time, he didn’t have to go.
He finally said he did want to go, and I just was being sensitive, but I was having none of it.
I yelled at him to get out, took the tickets, called, asked my friend if they wanted to go and let my partner walk a few minutes home. He told me later, when I got home, that those were his tickets and that I didn’t have the right to take them and go without him.
Now we are in a fight, and he thinks I’m in the wrong. I may be the jerk because he is right, those were not my tickets. He was just so obnoxious that I could not even stomach going with him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He was being a baby and is legit trying to gaslight you if he thinks you were unjustified in being upset. But you did steal something that was his. He made comments about not wanting to go many times, during any one of which you could have said “If you don’t want to go, I can take so and so instead”.” Any_Profession7296
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, due to the edit, YTJ to yourself. Why are you with a person who does not value you? Do you treat your moments like trash? Honestly, I would have done the same; he didn’t want to be there because you were there, and he couldn’t be happy for you.
It is time you moved away, stood up for yourself, and got a happy life. Being negative over something you loved, was the last straw. Please move on.” CakePhool
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are an entitled thief. The tickets probably did matter to you more than your partner; he was being rude and sarcastic, but neither of those factors made it right for you to take his tickets and force him to get out of the vehicle and walk home.
Just because you are having a disagreement doesn’t give you the right to take tickets that belong to him and use them. Even if you apologized and offered to pay, it would be too little, too late. You said he was so obnoxious that you couldn’t go with him.
Okay, don’t go. That is a much different thing than stealing his tickets and using them. If this is your response to something small like tickets to an amusement park, God forbid what you might do if it is a big disagreement over something of greater value.
If I were in his position, I would end the relationship because of your actions.” Gladtobealive2020
4. AITJ For Redoing My Son's Room Shelves Despite His Dismissive Response?
“I have 2 children. My oldest (21, nonbinary) just graduated from college this summer, and so I offered to redo their room as a graduation gift. This involved getting some new furniture from IKEA. Their old furniture had to go somewhere, so we suggested upgrading our younger children’s shelves.
They’re the same color as the old ones, just a bit taller and sturdier.
Our youngest (19M) has a bit of a hoarding problem (as did I, admittedly, so he probably got it from me). This meant that his old shelves were stuffed full of random stuff that was never touched, seeing as it was coated in a generous amount of dust. They were also definitely bending under the weight.
Yesterday, when my younger kid went out with some friends, I took it upon myself to replace the shelves. I tried to keep everything the same, and I didn’t throw anything away. I just cleaned the dust off as best as I could. I mostly just replaced the shelves, but I did move the shelf at the front of his room to the back.
This was because the old shelf made it hard to even fully open the door and walk into his room. I use the walk-in closet in his room as storage, so I need to be able to get in, and my son did agree to this because it was the condition for having the larger room.
I told him that I would be doing this several times, but he brushed me off (basically said “Yeah, whatever, Mom, sure.”). Maybe he thought I was joking? Either way, when he came home and realized what I did, he freaked out at me. He screamed at me for hours and called me a jerk.
When I tried to apologize and explain what I did, he just covered his ears and ignored me. I told my oldest this, and they were convinced that their sibling was out of line.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They had plenty of heads up and opportunities to interject.
It sounds like your child may have issues with personal belongings/space. I don’t want to jump to anything or read too much into this, but such anger would be in line with a more serious hoarding problem.” Suitable-Addition341
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your younger son is a jerk.
You told him about it and he just brushed you off like he didn’t care. When you went ahead and got it done, he was disrespectful. 1) You are his mother; you don’t treat your mother like that! 2) He is an adult; he should act like one.
He really should have done the job himself but didn’t. 3) It’s your house! You didn’t even throw his junk out.” Seed_Planter72
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If I were your child and you did that to me, you would wish that my reaction was as mild as his was.” Dry-Structure-6231
3. AITA For Calling My Sister Out On Her Favoritism?
“I have an older sister, Tina37. Tina37 had extreme fertility issues, suffered through many miscarriages, and endured a premature stillbirth. I went to countless therapy sessions with her and to the cemetery with her, year after year, always completely supportive of her.
In her late 20s, she gave up trying after being told she wouldn’t be able to conceive and carry a child to term. She adopted my nieces, and two sisters who were toddlers at the time. Then, 6 years ago, my sister miraculously conceived and carried to almost full term.
She almost lost her during a traumatic premature birth, but she spent a few days in the NICU and is 5 today. Obviously, we celebrated a lot; everyone was overjoyed, gathering around to see my sister’s miracle baby, but I assumed this form of attention toward just the baby would calm over time, but it didn’t.
To this day, my youngest niece gets all the attention. She has hundreds of dolls, a toy chest full, and her own room, while her two sisters have to share doll house after doll house. She has a chest full of toys. Tia’s adopted daughters have to share all their toys together.
The youngest is in dance, and I watch my older nieces twice a week so that my sister can attend her practice. In the past few days, my sister told me that the youngest had a recital coming up, so practice was more frequent to watch the older two.
I believed her until my friend saw Tia and the youngest at an arcade. I asked my sister about this, and she confessed to lying by saying that she wanted some quality time with her youngest. I told her she gets that all the time, and her two other daughters need quality time too because they are with me more than with her.
She said I couldn’t say that because her youngest had a busy lifestyle, and I basically said, “Oh, really? Because it seems like favoritism.”
She got upset and said I had no right to say that because she was her miracle baby, and that I wouldn’t understand because I have no kids.
She told me I needed to keep my opinions to myself because I knew nothing. She dropped off my older nieces to me again today and said nothing to me the entire time. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Those poor children. If they don’t know already that their mother doesn’t love them as much they will very soon.
If you have the means to continue being in their life and showing them that they still are wonderful, valued, and loved by other family please continue doing so. Hopefully, it doesn’t create resentment towards their sibling but chances are it will, and when that happens hopefully younger sibling will be capable of seeing their mom as the monster instead of lashing out at the sisters or worse denying the golden child treatment.” KartlindWitch
2. AITJ For Buying Flowers For My Partner's Friend?
“My partner and I (25M&F) have been together for five years. She’s without a doubt the love of my life and I plan on proposing to my partner in the next year.
I’ve also always loved to treat and spoil her. One of my favorite things to do is surprise her with flowers. Most of the time I like to gift them to her at home, but sometimes I like to come by her work on my lunch break and drop off a bouquet for her with a little note.
It makes her so freaking happy. I love it.
Last Friday, I picked up a big bouquet of her favorite flowers, but then also decided to pick up a smaller bouquet for her good friend that she works with. I didn’t think much about it besides believing it’d be a nice sentiment.
I mean, c’mon, everyone loves flowers! And all women deserve to have surprise flowers once in a while.
I dropped them off with the receptionist at her work. My partner calls me on her way back from work and is ecstatic. She loved the flowers, the note, and said that she thought I was so thoughtful to include her friend too.
She said her friend was very happy and loved the little bouquet I got for her. Great, everyone’s happy! But nope.
All’s good until Sunday night I get an angry Instagram DM from her friend’s partner. He accused me of not knowing what boundaries are, of insulting him through my action of getting his partner flowers, and said I was being unfaithful to my own partner.
Sorry, what?! Made no sense to me. I told my partner and she agreed that it was ridiculous. I left him on seen.
I told this to a few of my coworkers yesterday, but surprisingly, a few of them said it was a nice sentiment but that I probably overstepped a boundary.
One told me he wouldn’t like it either if some random dude bought his partner flowers. Now I’m starting to second-guess myself, did I screw up here? Should I apologize to the other dude? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I don’t want to make light of you feeling bad but that dude’s reaction is hilarious.
Don’t worry. You didn’t do anything bad, that reaction says he’s feeling called out because he doesn’t do anything thoughtful and saw his partner come home with flowers. You could literally just ignore this dude, but I probably wouldn’t get the friend flowers a second time lol” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“It is a little weird to be fair. I know your heart is in the right place. But there are a lot of social politics involved in gifts so it’s best to not get involved. Think if your partner got flowers from someone and you got her a handbag, she wasn’t that pleased with it.
Then came home saying how sweet it was to get flowers. You’re just putting yourself in a super crapstorm of unnecessary.” AblokeonRedditt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong. But… The vast majority of people aren’t that nice, let alone partners. He probably took a little ego hit when his partner came home with flowers that the nice guy gave her.
I can understand it (That being said, I tried wording this in a way to give him the benefit of the doubt. Him teaching it to you is a total jerk move, and you probably just made him look bad because he doesn’t surprise her with sweet things…ever.)” jstnpotthoff
1. WIBTA If I Asked My Sister's Partner Not To Be In Family Pictures?
“I (29F) am getting married next week and am taking care of the last few details. In my immediate family, my mom, dad, 20-year-old sister, and her partner of 1 year, and 32-year-old brother and his partner of 4 years, will all be attending.
Myself, my fiance, and my mom were discussing photo details the other day, and “in-laws” came up. We have planned out photos with different “groups” of family like parents and grandparents, but decided we wanted to do a picture with all of our family members who were in attendance – which would be both sets of our parents, both sets of our grandparents, my 2 aunts and their 2 husbands, his uncle and cousin, my two siblings and their significant others, and his sister and her husband.
I tried not to make that too complicated, but wanted to illustrate how relatively small this photo will be. It will also be the most complete our family photo will ever be – we would only be missing my cousin and his aunt.
I really do not want my sister’s partner in our family photo.
They’ve been in a relationship for a substantial period of time, but they’re still in college and I feel there’s a huge chance it may not last. I don’t know her partner very well and have little interest in her being in my wedding photos in the first place, let alone if they break up.
My sister would be standing next to me and her partner next to her, with people standing behind them, so I feel she wouldn’t be easy to photoshop out if they broke up. This has nothing to do with them both being women. I am proudly bisexual and support my sister 100%.
I tried finding ways to explain it, but they all felt insufficient. “No partners under 2 years” feels arbitrary and mean-spirited. “No unserious partners” isn’t up to me to decide. “No people I’m not super familiar with” just comes across as targeted. I feel like if I can’t find a good excuse as to why she shouldn’t be in the pictures, then she has to be in them, but I don’t feel good about it.
WIBTJ to just outright ask my sister not to include her partner in our family photos?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you would be YTJ if you asked her not to be in the family photos. Regardless if they end up together or not, you are potentially ruining your relationship with your sister.
A BETTER option would be to take a picture with everyone, including her partner, then ask the spouses to leave and have one with just the family, take whatever pictures you want from there. And if you want a picture with your entire family plus your brother’s partner of 4 years minus your sister’s partner then take that picture, but it should also be fair and take a picture with your sister’s partner, minus your brother’s partner.
That way you’ll have pictures from the wedding regardless of which relationship works out.” Electrical-Beat-3724
