People Stir Up Drama In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Denying Overnight Visits To Protect My Infant From My Ex’s Negligent Parenting?
“My husband and I are separated because of adultery and emotional abuse on his part. I left when our baby girl was 2 months old.
She is now 6 months and he all of a sudden insists on picking her up for overnight visits. Now, the problem is he has children from a previous marriage, older than our daughter, and he has lost them in a restaurant or public place all at one point.
He is constantly glued to his phone, and one time his youngest swallowed a battery.
I have so many examples of him not paying attention and the kids getting hurt. Our baby is so young, I do not trust him to keep her safe. He thinks I am a terrible person for not trusting him with his own daughter.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but get a lawyer immediately. If you don’t, it won’t be difficult for him to legally force you to let him have the baby overnight. You still might wind up having to let him have the baby some of the time, but a lawyer is your best chance of avoiding that.
A lawyer will also be able to help you organize information you have about your ex’s dangerous “parenting.” You definitely want to get a lawyer before he gets one. Otherwise, he’ll blindside you and leave you scrambling.” SnowyLex
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Why do you not have a legal custody and child support agreement with someone who has already proven they do not have your best interests at heart?
You had a child with someone who you knew was an irresponsible parent to his existing kid, now you need to protect your own daughter from it. Please go through a lawyer and limit your communication through a childcare app so you can work around his emotional manipulation.
You can do it!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Oof, this one’s complicated because on the one hand, you want to make sure your daughter’s safe and if he has a history of being inattentive, that’s worrying. On the other hand, you want to foster a good relationship between your daughter and her father.
I’d say no jerks here, you just need to set some boundaries that you’re both comfortable with until you build up that trust. Perhaps just all-day visits where he picks her up in the morning and drops her off before bedtime? If you’re comfortable, maybe even let him come in to tuck her in.
As someone with a blended family, you want to make sure you and he have a healthy, trusting co-parent dynamic. Good luck to you.” chefboyardeejr
21. AITJ For Being Unfriendly To A Customer Past Closing Time?
“I work at a small outdoor diner in my hometown. Everyone from my town and surrounding areas knows it. We close at 8 and stop serving hot food at 7:50.
I had a lady come by today at around 8:05 with her son. (He was not a small child, he was at least 12.) My manager made me serve them and they only ordered ice cream, but I was tired and ready to go home so I wasn’t being extra friendly to them.
I threw together the ice cream after having to turn all the machines back on and went to hand it out. When I gave the ice cream to the woman, she told me how rude I was being for acting “hard done by.” I apologized and explained that we were actually closed when she arrived and she left in a huff.
She thought that I was being dramatic about serving her ice cream. I know I wasn’t being as friendly as I should have.
Nobody is upset with me other than this woman. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and for all you other commenters— don’t go to a closed/closing restaurant!
It’s a jerk move! The staff is still there because they’re cleaning not because they can just fire up the grill for someone who can’t be bothered to google up the business hours. This lady might just not have noticed but the manager should have a plan for this that doesn’t involve unexpected overtime, especially if everything is already turned off.
There are about a hundred things he could do— say no, have a limited menu that he serves in that case, give out a coupon. It’s literally the manager’s job to keep the vibes good and not disrespect the staff.” Wowwalex
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As someone who has worked in the service industry for years, these are the worst customers. I totally feel where you’re coming from. I think she’s a small jerk for not being considerate (and just returning the next day) and I don’t think you are for just showing signs that you’re tired after a long day.” abricotkisses
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sucks, but she pays your wages. It doesn’t matter that she came in late, you had to be polite and nice and not make it known you were upset. And then when you were told to serve them you do it with a smile.
I’ve been there, working fast food sucks, period, sometimes, but you have to suck it up when it comes to customers or you get written up.” korli74
20. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Grandmother's Silver Necklace At A Wedding?
“I am one of the bridesmaids at my cousin’s wedding and she had a strange and strict rule of no silver jewelry.
And only allowed us to wear gold, I was fine with this but I did not want to take off my necklace that had been melted together (so I couldn’t just unclasp it) and she wanted me to get it removed. I respectfully declined as my grandmother had given me this necklace before she died and we were very close.
She got mad and started to yell.
I left and my family was texting me, telling me that I was in the wrong and I don’t know if I will be attending the wedding at all at this point, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You literally wrote “strict rule of no silver jewelry. And only allowed us to wear gold, I was fine with this.” You weren’t fine with it. Did you agree to be a bridesmaid knowing the no silver jewelry rule? And just thought it wouldn’t count for you?
Cause that’s kind of jerk-ish. The correct thing would have been to say “Hey I would love to be your bridesmaid but I have this silver necklace from my grandmother that doesn’t come off. I know you have a no silver jewelry rule so if that’s not ok, I’ll have to respectfully decline to be in the wedding.” Simple as that and she could have just moved on to find someone else.
Also, bride sucks ’cause it’s a dumb rule, nobody is going to notice unless it’s a really weird necklace. In all the weddings I’ve attended I could maybe tell you a couple of pieces of jewelry the bride wore and only one bridal party because the bride bought everybody matching jewelry that stood out.
Otherwise nothing. Plus she didn’t have to yell and go off, she could have just kicked you out of the bridal party and moved on. It wasn’t like you were trying to keep on some random piece of jewelry.” Baby_Blue-Skies
Another User Comments:
“I really don’t understand people like this.
When I got married we did black and silver, so everyone had a choice as to what dress/dress shirt they wore. A lot of the guys wore white shirts, most of the girls wore black dresses. My sister-in-law found a super cute prom dress that was black and silver, she looked adorable!
I WANTED every girl and guy to feel they looked awesome, I did not care if they looked perfect, they needed to feel comfortable. If someone had shown up wearing a white dress I would have felt worse for them, honestly, because of the stigma our society places on the significance.
Why, why, why do we care so much about a single wedding day? Most people are going to get divorced anyway, and I guarantee the people who care so much about a necklace will not last in a long-term relationship. NTJ, but don’t subject yourself to this wedding or people like this, we only get to live once, don’t waste your precious hours on useless petty drama.” TacoT1000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You don’t coddle bridezillas; you ignore them and walk away, in my opinion. Are you supposed to possibly destroy something precious to you because your cousin thinks only gold is good enough during her wedding? You have a hard choice ahead of you, time to decide what means more to you, the necklace or your cousin’s wedding tantrums. You probably should explain to your family that the necklace can’t be removed without damaging it possibly beyond repair and how much that necklace means to you personally.
Last bit of advice is not to go to the wedding, but there will be consequences.” Flinx98
19. AITJ For Choosing A Healthy Meal Over The Family's Pizza Routine?
“I (14f) was out to lunch with my parents and two younger sisters (12f and 6f). A 12-year-old has high-needs autism and is nonverbal, so we have to eat at the exact same restaurant every single time (it’s a pizza place). I understand her need for routine, but I’m sick of pizza, plus I’m trying to watch my weight, and there’s nothing healthy to eat there.
There was a deli/bagel shop a few blocks away, so I asked my dad for money to go and get something there. It was no extra work for him (he’d been paying for my meal anyway). I was going to go get it myself.
He rolled his eyes at me and said, “You’re not being a team player!” Then he slammed the money into my hands. Then he started venting to the cashier about how “difficult” I am. He said, “It’s normal; I teach middle school (I assume during the weekdays).” I cried when I left, but I wasn’t sure what I did wrong.
I think I’m a pretty good kid; I don’t smoke, drink, nor do I use substances; I get good grades, but my parents think I’m so “difficult.”
I always hear parents of special needs kids are “stressed and busy,” but if he’s so stressed and busy, why does he have time to get mad over something so minuscule?
Did I commit some egregious offense? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that you did something wrong; it’s that your parents are already trying so hard to fit the needs of your sister, which takes a lot from them, so having something deviate from the effort they’re already putting in is probably exhausting.
Sorry about that, buddy. If no one has told you, well done for being a good kid. Your parents may not verbalize it, or even show it, but I’m sure they’re thankful for that. I don’t think they even know they are thankful for it, if that makes sense, but they are.
Also, congrats on trying to make some healthy decisions and watch out for yourself at a young age. While you shouldn’t have to, it’s an incredible feat that you do at a young age. It can be tough to be in this family dynamic, so good job with your grades and being responsible for yourself.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You were not being difficult. I can only imagine, but I assume your parents are probably exhausted and irritable and regularly take it out on you. It seems they really really really want to avoid a meltdown from your sister.
It is not fair to anyone, but there is really nothing you can do about it. Every time that happens, just take a deep breath and think that it won’t last forever! In a few years you’ll be living alone or with flatmates, and you’ll be able to eat whatever piece of pizza you want and be more relaxed about stuff.
Hang in there!” Ok-Raspberry8045
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s definitely upsetting how your dad acted. I have read so many posts here about teens living with special needs siblings having their interests and feelings put on the back burner. It definitely causes a lot of resentment.
Unfortunately, I don’t see your dad’s attitude changing since he thinks he is right. Keep getting good grades and stay out of trouble. Get a job and see if you can open a bank account with a trusted adult (not your parents). In this way, when you turn 18, you have the funds to move out.
Go to college and get a good job. In this way, you will have the life you deserve, and you can surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are.” Melodic-Yak7196
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Second Bridesmaid Dress?
“AITJ here for refusing to pay for a second bridesmaid dress when the bride approved my initial choice of colour and I already had my bridesmaid dress custom-made?
We were initially given two colour choices—burgundy and green.
I chose burgundy. Now the trouble is: the only other bridesmaid who was going to wear the same colour can no longer attend—so I’m the only one left wearing burgundy, while all the other bridesmaids are wearing green. The bride told me I’ll be ruining her wedding pics if I don’t get a green dress… When I offered to stay out of her “official” pics, she became very emotional, making me feel like I’m letting her down.
I’m typically not ok with being emotionally manipulated and this is a destination wedding, so already expensive—your thoughts might help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already took on the cost of the first dress. She obviously seems to be going through some entitled bridezilla stuff if she is making you buy a green dress.
I’d either be like ‘if it means that much to you, how about you pay for it? I’m not made of money since I’m already paying for so many things.’ Or just drop out as a bridesmaid. Don’t let her treat you like crap because she’s all up in her entitled feelings.” Plus_External1459
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The bride approved the dress. It’s not your fault someone else bailed. If she wants you to change the dress, she should pay. Is there any compromise that could be made? If you are not the maid of honor, could you trade your dress with hers (obviously only if you are happy doing so) so the different colour would make more sense and the best man could wear a tie to match here while the rest of the groomsmen wear ties to match the other bridesmaids?” Mallacht1952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was already nice of you to buy a dress you probably would not wear very often (if at all) after the wedding. You followed the instructions and shouldn’t be forced to pay again because of something that had nothing to do with you.
If I were the bride, I would feel very bad to ask you to wear a dress after you went through the trouble of finding one and paying for it. Asking you to pay for a second dress would never have crossed my mind.” Feisty-Cloud-1181
17. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Roommate Over Her Crass Dead Parents Joke?
“I (25f) have a roommate, “Betty” (26f) who’s a friend I’ve known for a long time.
Recently, she and her husband divorced and he kicked her out, and she doesn’t have anywhere else to go, so I’ve offered to let her stay with me.
Betty can be really insensitive at times, and she doesn’t see any problems with it. She’s made a girl cry before with what she’s said.
I’ve tried to tell her that she has to change and that she can’t be like this, but she refuses. Honestly, she has a lot of problems which make it kind of hard to live with her, but the final straw happened yesterday.
We were talking about our childhood, and I brought up how my mom and dad used to not like me staying out after a certain time.
I also mentioned that made me the way I am today since I don’t stay out late often. She then laughed and said, “Well, they’re dead now, so what does it matter?” For context, last year my mom and dad got into an accident with an intoxicated driver and didn’t make it.
I literally could not process what she said. I asked her if she was serious and she said it was just a joke. I got up from where we were sitting and left. It’s been a day and I still haven’t spoken to her, and she called me a jerk for taking the joke so seriously and to grow up.
All of our mural friends agree. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Betty” sounds like someone who has never experienced a sudden loss and she lacks empathy. (I am sorry for the loss of your parents. I cannot imagine the grief of losing someone so senselessly, let alone both of your parents simultaneously.
I know I would need more than a year to recover from that. It’s been nearly a year since my father passed from a prolonged illness we knew would take him, and I am still grieving.) “Betty” was a jerk to say that to you.
Giving her the cold shoulder seems a mild response to me.” cheekmo_52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m only 3-4 months out from losing my mom semi-suddenly (medical problems went crazy in January, late February she was gone). I make the jokes (actually, not great jokes, but more statements of the situation).
My dad and brother are welcome to make them too. But no one else. They don’t get to make the jokes. You set the rules when it comes to that stuff.” Bookworm3616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’ve told her she’s mean before and she does not care.
You’ve said she needs to change, she disagrees, which she’s allowed to do, fine. She said something really thoughtless and cruel and then attempted to absolve herself of responsibility by calling it a joke and shifting the blame to you. She knows she messed up because she claimed it was a joke right there and then.
Even if you haven’t told her why you’re upset, she’s still the jerk for not apologizing. You’re not required to explain yourself to someone who may not listen, but I do think telling her not to speak of your parents like that is a good idea.
Oh, and perhaps also kicking her out.” PMmeloveletters
16. AITJ For Attending My Cousin’s Wedding Despite My Sister’s Visa Issues?
“My cousin is getting married in Italy, but most of our family isn’t attending due to needing a visa, etc. She’s going to be having a second ceremony here as well, so it’s not a big deal.
My siblings and I were supposed to be going.
My older brother and I don’t need visas for Italy, but our younger sister does. There’s a good chance that she won’t get it in time.
She’s asked me and our older brother to not go if she can’t make it.
We tell her we’ve promised our cousin that we’d be there and that we were going to go.
She said that it sucked seeing us able to go wherever we like without having to worry about visas or anything. Simply because we “lucked out” with the country we were born in.
My brother and I were born in New Zealand, giving us citizenship. Our sister was born after our parents had already moved back home.
My parents said we were pretty insensitive towards her, and not going to the wedding if sister can’t go won’t be a big deal since cousin will have one here as well.
My sister isn’t currently speaking to me.”
Another User Comments:
“I never understand parents stating a child must give something up because the other didn’t luck out to have the same thing. Should the smartest child act stupid? Should the most talented stop because the others can’t keep up?
Your sister needs to grow up. The wedding is happening whether any of you attend or not. What does she want you two to do, sit at home and watch her nail polish dry? NTJ.” nextCosmicBuffoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like, having accepted the invitation, it would be more insensitive to now say you aren’t going – the couple getting married may have already made reservations & paid out for things for your places at the wedding & you not going now might be a real issue for them, as well as them presumably wanting you there as family.
Sucks for your sister, but it’s not your fault she hasn’t managed to get a visa organized in time.” Ducktanian
Another User Comments:
“You can’t live your life subject to another’s jealousy. Your sister COULD have been happy for you because you can go and be even happier for your cousin having more family there, but instead is playing the poor me card and trying to guilt you into staying home because she’s jealous.
Go to the wedding and tell your sister to grow some character and act like an adult instead of a child. What’s even MORE childish is not talking to you! You don’t appease a misbehaving child. Enjoy the trip.” FlexibleMorality1
15. AITJ For Choosing McDonald's Coffee Over My Office Vendor?
“At my work a third-party coffee guy drives around to different offices to take coffee orders. I’ve ordered through him once, asked about his prices, tasted it, and then next time I politely told him I wouldn’t be getting any drinks from him.
I’ve been coming in with coffee from McDonald’s. I prefer the taste, and it’s a lot cheaper. I also get points and free rewards like hash browns half the time.
Coffee guy has gone from talking to me and complimenting my clothes to completely ignoring me when I say hello.
My workers ask why I don’t just get coffee from him. I explain, but I still get the vibes people feel I’m the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you also can’t be irritated by the coffee guy not chatting with you. You were a customer/prospective customer and now you aren’t.
This is an absurd topic for office friction, and you shouldn’t have to explain your coffee, but people are such odd beasts… May I suggest that you put your McD’s coffee in a personal cup? It stays hot longer, anyway, and would remove (or at least reduce) the strange level of interest in your beverage choices by getting the logo out of the picture.
People might even assume that you’re bringing it from home.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your preference of coffee. This guy being a vendor does go out of the way to gain potential customers (such as chit-chat & compliments). Now that he knows you won’t be buying, then he simply isn’t going to waste his time entertaining you.
Time is money. I don’t think your coworkers would just keep pestering you about coffee unless you have talked to them about the coffee guy and why he doesn’t talk/compliment you anymore. Maybe you led things in this direction more than you realize. Just kick back and enjoy your coffee and try not to overthink things so much.” Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh boy, coffee tasting is a fine art. I personally know which type of drink to order from which Cafe to my taste. I refuse to get a flat white from McDonald’s, but love their coffee frappe and their caramel latte; another Cafe, I only order cappuccinos; at another, only iced coffee; another, I specialize in the type of bean and milk.
You know your personal tastes for coffee, and it takes a long time to get a decent coffee that isn’t legit bean water. Mind, my only view on this is: if it was me, I would have tried at least two different types of coffee from him to make sure it wasn’t my stupid preferences, and not that he burnt the milk, or beans, or it tastes like uncleanness/soapy.” OriginalDogeStar
14. AITJ For Bringing In My Neighbor's Cat Even After They Asked Me Not To?
“I’d been feeding and bringing in what I assumed was a stray cat because of how dirty and skinny he was. After we gave him a bath and everything, we started bringing him in and he’d sleep in my house every night for the past 5 weeks or more, and he got along fine with my other cats, but we’d still let him out whenever he’d walk up to the door because we assumed he wanted to go out and the weather was nice.
I put my number on a collar and put it on him to see if he did in fact have a home.
About an hour later, I get a call saying he does have a home and he’s taken care of, and they have 7 other cats, and I asked if he (the cat’s dad) wanted me to stop letting him come in my house (I’d only bring him in at night unless it was raining) and the guy’s wife said to stop bringing him inside.
But for the past 3 nights, he has sat outside on my car by my gate waiting for me to let him come inside, and this is at different hours of the night. I look out and he’s sitting there from 3 pm to 2 am just waiting, and it’s been getting cold at night.
Personally, I don’t think they care about him as much as they are saying (besides the fact that he’s been sleeping in my house for the past 5 weeks every single night) because if any of my cats went out to adventure and didn’t come home the first night, I’d be outside and knocking on doors to see if anyone has seen my cat.
I’ve also seen him outside for the past 4 years I’ve lived here, and we thought he was a stray. Even just now, I opened my door and he came running from a block away, and it’s currently 34 degrees and it’s almost 1 am; he ran right in, rubbed up on my leg, and went and got in his spot in my bed. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but – I would refrain from judging them. It’s easy to say ‘They don’t care about him’ when he’s outside. I HATE when people let their cats outside; however, I know from experience that sometimes a cat will just do what it wants to do.
We had a cat, Sadie, who was feral. We tried to bring her in, but she’d run out every chance she got. She’d NEVER stay in. If a door opened even a crack, she’d bulldoze through. I wouldn’t be mad if someone let her in to shelter her, but I would be upset if people tried to keep her, which might be what this family is afraid of given you put your number and a collar on the cat.
All in all, def not a jerk though.” MyPath2Follow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Won’t necessarily argue with the owners regarding this matter though. I have a feeling they won’t notice anyway. This cat is their wild kid. God knows who else might be taking care of him other than you.
I would just let the cat decide. If he wants to come in, I would let him in; if he wants to go out, he can wander around. If he seems dirty and I suggest a bath and he doesn’t hate it (they make their preferences quite clear), I’ll bathe him.
I will offer him food, and if he seems to enjoy it, I will give it to him occasionally. Legally, maybe you might not be on the right side as you are not their rightful owner, but I think they will not notice much given they were oblivious to the situation before you actively sought out to find them first. I’m having this opinion because it seems like you take good care of your own cats, have some knowledge of cat care, so I’m not too worried you might cause harm to someone else’s cat.” Different_Move_1497
Another User Comments:
“Cats will be cats. Patson decided he preferred the elderly woman a few doors away to living with a 5-year-old and a toddler. He was fine before our son started walking, but he would be out longer and longer until it became a week, then he just wouldn’t come in.
He would visit us when we were in the yard, let us pet him, give him treats, etc. But he was not coming in! We knew where he was now living. We knew the old lady adored him; we knew she was taking good care of him, so we accepted his decision to move out.
We almost gained a cat the same way. He was old, deaf, and had a misshapen face. It turned out his owner had a new partner. It was agreed that we would not let him stay overnight. Eventually, she moved away and Sprocket went with her.” Future_Direction5174
13. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend For Complimenting My Partner Inappropriately?
“I (33F) am in a serious relationship with my partner (39M) who will work remotely full-time so we can spend the Christmas season with my daughter (7F).
A friend of mine who we’ll call Mag (33F) is a nail artist and I paid her to come to my house and do my nails this morning, and during her work, I invited her to stay for lunch; my partner was working from home and didn’t come into the kitchen the whole morning.
But he did come around by lunchtime and considering he is working remotely, was only wearing a short-sleeved shirt – which is much more comfortable than wearing suits like he does at work.
My partner is the kind who always uses exercise as a way to cope with stress so let’s be honest: even though he is lean he does have some nice muscles.
And when he started moving around the kitchen Mag started to look at him like a piece of meat while making compliments like «you look so much better wearing tight-fitting clothes» «you must be so strong» «the way your biceps move makes me wish my partner would exercise more» … My partner of course was uncomfortable but didn’t say a thing and chose to go back to his desk with his plate instead of biting her head off.
I, on the other hand, was irritated and told her to get out of my house even if by then I was still cooking and we hadn’t had anything to eat. I told her that what just happened was not okay and that it was the last time she would be invited to my house.
She defended herself by saying that she was only complimenting my partner and that «I should be proud for landing a 10 when I was a barely decent 4 myself,» and I escorted her out.
Now Mag and her mother both involved everyone they know (my mother, common friends, my colleagues) and they are blowing my phone; I currently have 127 texts after I stopped responding at 5 pm and my head spins.
My partner and I talked about it over dinner. He believes it is at best flirting and at worst harassment and he told me that he wished for me to stop inviting Mag at home. I explained that she never behaved like that and that I was just as surprised and disappointed and of course, she is no longer welcome.
But I have 14 conversations in my phone all in contradiction with each other and I feel my head spin.
AITJ for kicking my friend out because she complimented my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“I join the chorus of NTJ, but in the interest of fairness, I want to say that a lot of the outrage specifically about “I should be proud for landing a 10 when I was a barely decent 4 myself” line is misplaced. According to the details of the story, that line came AFTER being told to leave and that she would never be welcome back, and I think a lot of people tend to lash out in that kind of situation.
Which is not to say that the comment was acceptable… just that it’s very different coming after “Get out and never come back” then it would be if it was stated before the conflict started as part of the “compliments”. I think the compliments were inappropriate.
Clearly, she let her thirst show. If the genders were reversed, there would be zero question about it, and nobody would ever think twice about a man saying, “Don’t talk to my partner like that – gtfo and don’t come back!” But because the genders aren’t reversed, and gender stereotypes and cultural expectations and whatnot are what they are, I do see how Mag could say those things without realizing how inappropriate they were, and feel blindsided by being criticized so strongly.
I think there was probably a lower-stakes version of this conversation where you say, “Hey, don’t do that, that’s not okay” without kicking her out, canceling lunch, or telling her she’s never welcome back, and that lower-stakes version is probably met with, “Okay, sorry, my bad” instead of the 10/4 comment.
You didn’t owe her that gentler rebuke, and again, you are NTJ. But sometimes it’s important to hear that a situation might not have been so volatile if you had handled it differently, and this sounds like one of those situations.” TheBadNewsBard
Another User Comments:
“The fact that the people in your life are even trying to take her side without even talking to you or S/O is baffling to me. I don’t understand these types of “friends” and “family” members. All mine would have to hear is that either of us were uncomfortable and they would be ready to go to war for us both!
Just ignore it all and if they persist, tell them that by taking her side without knowing any part of the actual situation shows you exactly what kind of friend/family member they are and you get better support from strangers on the internet. She was so out of line and the fact your S/O, because – let’s face it…who doesn’t love compliments, felt the same way is all the proof you need. Edit to add…who the heck does she think she is to call you “a 4 who landed a 10” and then expect to stay for lunch?!
What adult not only calls their mom, but then in turn has her mom call your mom? Who’s “4” here? Wonder how her partner feels about all this?” noshingwithnovels
Another User Comments:
“Obvious NTJ. You did your SO a solid by kicking her out. She was being way inappropriate.
“Now Mag and her mother both involved everyone they know (my mother, common friends, my colleagues) and they are blowing my phone.” She got her mother involved?? Wow. I guess when you can’t fight your own battles you go running to mommy. Probably told a distorted version of the truth to make her look better too.
You stuck up for your partner, that was the right thing to do. For those who are upset with you for that, ask them how they would feel if it was your partner’s friend making creepy remarks about you…how would they want your SO to respond?
Make them think about it.” IamIrene
12. AITJ For Refusing My Mother-In-Law's Timeshare Inheritance?
“My mother-in-law is “gifting” us 5 timeshares in her will in which the administrative amount will cost us $9500 annually. We are not interested in owning timeshares nor are we interested in paying that much in admin costs. We asked an attorney and he said it is expensive and a hassle to try to get rid of the timeshares; so we politely and respectfully asked MIL not to leave those to us in her will.
She absolutely lost it and was extremely upset saying we were ungrateful and that she is refusing to change her will; we asked if she would be willing to go ahead and transfer the timeshares to someone else before her death, but she refused. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless she is leaving you with enough money to cover the cost of the $9500 in perpetuity, this is in no way meaningful way a gift. Maybe a lawyer from the appropriate jurisdiction can weigh in but I can’t see how MIL can effectively transfer a debt to another person without their consent.
I am always suspicious when people get ‘extremely upset’ in situations like this. She knows this is BS and is upset that she’s being called out on it. I would be curious to find out what else is being gifted and to whom in her will.
It feels to me that MIL is trying to pull a fast one. There’s more going on here but OP has no obligation to dig deeper, all they have to do is refuse this ‘gift’ and shut down all future discussions. I’d just wait. Pretty sure the truth will come out at some point and it won’t be a pretty story.” borisslovechild
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, no. My parents were going to do the same. When my father passed away, I knew my mother was never going to use her three weeks a year. I tried to swap them out for closer locations etc… waiting lists for up to 5 years… they were paid off (only the annual fees needed to be paid, around $4.5K for three weeks a year) originally we paid the first three years, only went to one timeshare week, 22 (round trip) hour drive.
Not worth it for us. Tried to have them rent those weeks… who knows if they did. Tried to sell them, no luck. I just let it lapse, stopped paying the annual fees. Ignored all notices. It would have cost us over $15k to cancel through a timeshare cancellation company.
NOPE. Timeshares are not a gift. They are a true BURDEN.” Traditional-Bag-4508
Another User Comments:
“Timeshares are NOT a gift! They are burdensome financially and logistically. You are NTJ for not wanting to be bogged down by these boondoggles. She is wrong for foisting these things on you.
If she continues to insist on dumping them on you, perhaps contact one of those companies that help people extricate themselves from timeshares. I hear ads about those services all the time. Perhaps you can preemptively avoid the potential problems if you have an “escape” plan in place.
And you are NOT ungrateful for not wanting to be stuck paying all the administrative costs! Good luck!” GoatMom1998
11. AITJ For Not Answering My Mom's Work Call On My Graduation Day?
“I (18F) am a final-year high schooler. For context, the summer holidays began in November. For the past 3 weeks, I have been attending a University summer course. The graduation and final day of the course was last Friday, and this was when it happened.
I wait tables at a restaurant where my mother is the manager.
My mom has a habit where she sometimes chooses not to schedule anyone onto the work roster and call me in once the shifts begins because “there’s not enough staff”. I gave her a heads-up 2 weeks prior to graduation Friday, and a reminder when she made the roster (both she agreed).
However there was no one scheduled for work on Friday.
Thursday comes around, and I reminded her of the upcoming graduation. She reassured me that she won’t call me into work. On Friday morning, I went into university for graduation, and then for a beach walk with other graduated friends until about 5 pm.
Almost as soon as the clock struck 5, I was checking my phone for the bus route home when my mom called. I decided to let it ring out since I had already alerted her several times of my unavailability and did not feel like answering her call to pick up a shift that I had specifically told her I will not, and went on my merry way home.
Woke up Saturday morning to my mom giving me the silent treatment and side-eye. I looked at her during breakfast (just to gauge her reaction) and she started yelling at me. “I’m so sick of you looking at me that way, why did you not answer my call, don’t you know I needed you, you’re so ungrateful for the opportunities I keep providing you”, so I replied with “The ONE TIME I refused to be called into work because of your lack of preparation, which I had warned you many times about, you’re gonna get mad at me because I refuse to give up my time to help you out, don’t you think that you constantly taking advantage of my time is why I didn’t want to answer your call, do you think this is how you make your employees WANT to go to work?” This of course made her get even madder, and started telling me that “FINE, YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK WELL ME NEITHER.
WE WILL JUST BOTH NOT WORK. WE’LL LET YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS (12F and 8M) STARVE AT YOUR HANDS” before storming out of the kitchen and locking herself in her room.
It’s been a few days since the big argument, and she’s no longer mad at me however still not talking much, and still feeding my sibs.
I know I could’ve very well answered her call that day and this wouldn’t have happened, however I felt that given that I had given her plenty of notices AND she still chose to try and force my hand into answering her work call (my other coworkers were very much available) was unfair on me, just as blaming that my siblings will “starve at my hands”.
As much as I love my siblings, I think that they come first as my parent’s children, before they are my younger siblings and therefore my responsibility. AITJ for not picking up my mom’s phone call?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So Mom didn’t bother to come to your graduation?
Did I read that right? And then decided to try and blow up your plans by forcing you into work? When that didn’t work she just amps up the guilt trip, throws a tantrum and then uses the silent treatment to punish you. Mom has issues.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set clear boundaries, gave her multiple reminders, and she still tried to pull you into work last minute? Nah, you had every right to enjoy your day without being guilt-tripped into working. Your mom was being super unfair by expecting you to drop everything, especially after you communicated your availability.
The whole ‘starving at your hands’ thing? That’s an emotional manipulation low blow. You’re not responsible for her lack of planning, and you’re allowed to take care of yourself. Maybe she’ll understand when she cools off, but don’t feel bad for standing up for yourself!” Holliemic
10. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Partner About His Mother's Insensitive Comment?
“My partner and I are getting married next year. Invites out, RSVPs done etc.
In June my FIL went into the hospital with a stroke, he was in for about a month and is now home with extra care and support, a lot of that was put in place by us chasing adult social care and community nurses, etc – we are in the UK by the way so nothing covered by additional medical insurance.
In July following my FIL going home, my MIL phoned my partner for something…. We are not sure what as the conversation didn’t get far. MIL is meant to wear hearing aids but takes them out a lot. When she called she did not have them in, my partner raised his voice on the call, she snapped at him not to yell at her and then she hung up.
She has not been in touch until a few days ago to ask for our address to send a Christmas card.
Now this may seem petty from both sides that they haven’t spoken, but this is a pattern of behavior from my MIL, she does or says something nasty, won’t apologize or even acknowledge it, and then everyone is expected to move on.
During the football earlier this year, she made some racist and homophobic remarks in our house, I told her that we don’t use language like that and that if she continues she can leave. The day after she told my partner that I made her feel unwelcome and it’s not like she was saying things in front of other people…..
see the issue?
She also talks about people at work, and family friends in a derogatory way behind their backs. I’m pretty sure she does the same about us, but it’s not to us so I can’t say for sure.
Back to the point… my partner asked her not to send a card and instead would like to know why she hasn’t been in touch with us for 5 months… She replied, “fine… blame me for everything.”
He’s upset now because he feels like there is no resolution, and is also unsure about if she will turn up to the wedding and cause a scene, or not turn up at all.
Now, my question…. In May we had a mini housewarming party.
MIL was there with a few family friends and they were talking about how non-traditional we are (pets not kids, bought a house without seeing it, odd hobbies).
MIL said “well the wedding won’t be traditional. I’ll be the only mum there”
It’s an odd comment anyway, but add in that my mum passed away 8 years ago, and that she had a smirk on her face when she said it, and she thought I didn’t hear it!
So, WIBTJ if I told my partner this?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not at all be the jerk if you told your partner this. Seems like this comment is in line with your MIL’s behavior, which is not acceptable. I feel gaslit just having read this small part of your interactions with her.
This is my personal take, and may not resonate with you at all. But as someone with a mother with borderline personality disorder, I have learned to confide everything that upsets me about her with my partner. I want him to know that I don’t accept my mother’s behavior, and he has let me know it’s important to him that I share how she makes me feel so we can navigate it together.
It’s led to a happier life for both of us. I will still be there when my mother needs me, but I won’t engage with or play into her games when she plays with my emotions. It seems like you and your partner are on the same team here.
I would consider telling them your MIL’s comments and then work through it together for next steps, if any. Good luck, and I hope your wedding is magical. Edit to say I’m not assuming your MIL has BPD, sorry if it reads that way.” Down_Incognito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…But I would not say anything. He already knows how his mum is. My MIL is a bit better than yours, but what I tell my husband, which has helped him a lot in the last few years. “You cannot change her, but you can change how you react to her”.
She did the same thing. Would get a snit up her butt about something and then just start talking like nothing happened. My husband does not acknowledge whatever the incident was, but he no longer feels guilty, (he will not contact her, he used to contact her after something happened, but he no longer does that.
She wants to be silent. Go for it), nor feels guilty about not doing so. In fact. I will say she has gotten a wee bit better since the last major issue she did. Because my husband did not go back and cater to her.
(It was a holiday and we were going to pick her up to go to my BILs. I don’t think she really wanted to go. He went in to get her and she was screaming she could not find her darn keys. He walked out.
I asked him in the car, “What do YOU want to do? What will let YOU sleep at night? Did he want me or him to go back in and talk to her? Nope. He said, let’s just go). We did. And since then, we just do not play into her drama.
You and your partner need to decide what works for the both of you. What you will and will not deal with. MIL wants to say something nasty? Decide what you will and will not address. Otherwise, she wants to do the silent treatment? Enjoy the quiet.
Don’t question why she has not been in touch. She calls, you act as if nothing happened. Talk like it’s another day. Do not let her pull you into her drama.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ. It is fine for you to talk to your fiance about things that upset you, and about his own parents’ behavior.
In fact, I think you need to talk to your fiance in order for the two of you to decide what you want, moving forward. This might involve his having a one-off conversation with both his parents together, naming the pattern of behavior and explaining that that is why he feels increasingly uncomfortable spending time with them and that he has chosen not to reach out as he believes that the appropriate way forward is for his mother to accept responsibility for, and apologize for, her behavior, and therefore for her to reach out if and when she is ready to do that.
It might involve him (and you) accepting that she is not likely to change, and deciding how much and what kind of contact you are both willing to have moving forward – that might be anything from no contact, to only seeing them at their home or in public (so you can leave as soon as she behaves inappropriately) or limiting contact to events and situations where the contact will be for short periods or only in larger groups, or whatever you and he feel comfortable with.
You may also want to discuss with him whether this is both of his parents or whether he wants to try to maintain contact with his dad, separate from any contact with his mum (I know that’s hard and may not be possible) equally whether he wants to see his dad and therefore wants you both to tolerate his mum’s behavior if that is what’s necessary.” ProfessorYaffle1
9. AITJ For Not Immediately Returning A Misdelivered Package?
“I live in an apartment complex that has multiple buildings with 4-8 apartments in each one. Most of the time delivery drivers just leave packages outside the building or in the front entry area to each building, but every now and then they’ll actually leave things at our doors (these are my favorite delivery people).
I went a little crazy ordering during Black Friday/Cyber Monday and the packages have been rolling in steadily. On Tuesday I was on my way out the door and there was an Amazon package outside my door. I picked it up and put it inside to open later.
At the time I thought it was weird since I didn’t know what it was but I’d ordered so much stuff that I assumed it was something I’d forgotten about or an order that got split.
When I got home that night I took a look at the package and realized it had been delivered to the wrong building.
It was dark and cold so I put it by my door so I would remember to drop it at the right building the next morning.
I dropped it off outside the right building the next morning and a woman came out at the same time.
Apparently it was her package and she had been looking for it for a while the previous day. I explained what had happened, but she was pretty nasty about the situation. She said I should have delivered it to her straight away and kind of implied that I was actually planning to steal the package.
I kind of just shrugged it off and said I had to get to work, but was I in the wrong for not returning it as soon as I realized the error?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s lucky you delivered it at all. The audacity of her to demand you redeliver the package immediately is wild.
One time, I was on holiday, and my doorman put my black Friday packages in my apartment. One month later, I realized one of the packages is not mine. I put it on my neighbor’s mat with an explanatory note, and the next night, I found a pack of cookies at my door with a big thank you.” snarkness_monster
Another User Comments:
“I have a neighbor like that. FedEx in our area is terrible. They refuse to deliver to the correct address. So, let’s say there are packages for apt 8B and 5A, both packages will go to 5A because 5A orders more. We have called them, and talked to the driver, all to no avail.
Anyway, neighbor tracks it, and instead of walking 20′ to my door and getting her stuff… she calls the management office and tells them I’ve taken her stuff. But if my stuff goes to her, she’ll take it inside and keep it until the FedEx driver comes back to collect it.
(She won’t answer the door if I go), Now. Management has sent out memos to all the units informing us that if anyone has a package delivered to another unit or the office, we’ll be written up. Fun times.” Shelacia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing by delivering it at the soonest reasonable opportunity.
It happens to me all the time. My house number gets mixed up with another house in the neighborhood. I think we get each other’s packages on a regular basis. We have the same house number but different street names and the streets are connected to each other.
I always take the misdelivered package over to the other house drop it at their doorstep Wave at their doorbell camera and show them the package. Wish I could say that they showed me the same courtesy. They have returned a couple of packages to the post office for re-delivery.
I can tell because each time they circle or underline the street name in angry market One was misdelivered to them. Very clearly addressed to the correct street and house number – mine. Instead of delivering it to me, they left it with one of my neighbors across the road.
Put it on my neighbor to make sure I got it. Really?” Lizdance40
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Aunt Join Our City Trip After She Initially Declined?
“I am 35 and my mom(60) lives with me. We live out in the country and four and a half hours by car from the largest metropolitan area.
Every 3 months we head into town to shop at Costco. It’s not just Costco we spend 3 days in the city.
It’s a relatively new thing for us but I really enjoy the trips. This upcoming trip is our fourth trip. Every time we go we invite her sister, my aunt(55), and every time she says yes she will come with us and inevitably, two or three days before the trip, she cancels on us.
At first, I didn’t care but then I saw how bummed it would make my mom and I’d get bummed.
For this upcoming trip on Monday, we’ve been planning since September. As is tradition we invited her sister and she thankfully said no. I planned the trip accordingly and now that it’s 3 days out I’m sort of in that kid before Christmas headspace.
My mom just told me her sister is coming to the city with us. I blew up… I was so angry she didn’t consult with me and how quickly she forgives being disrespected by her. I said she’s not coming and when my mom asked why I said because we asked her in September and she said no.
She then told me that she already invited her sister and she’d have to uninvite her and I told her to do it and then she asked why I’m making such a big deal about this. I reminded her because she said no in September and then I reminded her of all the other times she’s cancelled on us two days before the trip.
Anyway, the moment my mom uninvited her my aunt calls us and there’s a big fight over speaker phone between me and my aunt and I tell her exactly what I told my mom.
Now my aunt is putting me on blast on social media and all my relatives are dogpiling me(did I mention my mom has 9 siblings and I have over 50 first cousins?).
I have half a mind to tell her she could come if she chips in for gas and lodgings and to makes sure she can pay her own meals but this would be a nuclear option because my aunt is on welfare and people will think I’m bullying her because all the other times we went on trips with her mom and I paid for everything.
AITJ for not allowing my aunt to go to the city with us?
I think what I may do is tell my mom her sister can come but invite her 15 minutes before we leave just so she knows how it feels.”
Another User Comments:
“You say your mom is bummed when her sister cancels.
Those may be your mom’s feelings (doesn’t say if the 2 of you have discussed the issue). You say your mom forgives people who are difficult too easily. That’s your feeling. Do you want your mom to be happy or do you want to impose your feelings, which may or may not be accurate?
YTJ for asking your mom to uninvite her sister. That’s what you wanted, not her, so you should have been the one to explain your reasoning. It doesn’t sound as though there was an understanding you were to approve all invitees. I’m a bit confused about why you are standing so firmly on something you want that your mom doesn’t appear to want.
You don’t have to stand on principle in defense of your mom, especially when she’s told you what she wants.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You love your mom. That much is obvious. It sounds like you’re trying to protect her and I really appreciate that.
Your Mom obviously wants to see her sister. You should let her have the moment and if your aunt turns into a massive jerk you will be able to reference it in the future. Make it clear that the next trip you want the trip to be just you and her.
Maybe even make a special trip one weekend outside of your standard 3 months. Regardless, you sort of put your mom in a crappy position making her uninvite your aunt. I’d eat the crow here. At the end of the day, this is not the hill to die on.
You sound like a good egg.” LostinLies1
Another User Comments:
“If your conscience is bothering you have a private conversation with your aunt and tell her how disappointed and hurt your mom is when she pulls out last minute and how that makes you feel.
She might have no idea it’s bothering anyone or you might find she’s having problems of her own that lead her to miss out on an anticipated social event. That said, NTJ it’s your car and your money. Send a group text to the busybodies in your family telling them to step up and bring Auntie to the city on their own dime or they can stay in their lane.
Their choice. You clearly treasure the time with your mom and Auntie keeps raising her hopes and then crushing them.” Amazing_Teaching2733
7. AITJ For Wanting To Recharge Instead Of Driving 11 Hours For A Family Christmas Visit?
“I put in for 2 days off before Christmas about a week ago, planning to have a much-needed rest from work.
My fiancé talked to her father last night and has now decided she wants to go see them for Christmas. We can’t afford to fly right now, so it would be an 11-hour drive one way. I have told her that it’s not really what I planned to do with my time off, and that I would think about it.
So I am wrestling with this in my head. I work very hard and make all the money in our relationship, and I allow her to kind of be a stay-at-home mom though we don’t have children yet. I don’t get much time to myself, and was really looking forward to this extra-long weekend, but I love her very much and don’t want to keep her from her family.
Would I be a jerk to tell her, “No, we’re not doing that?” If so, what do I do? Just suck it up and go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t blame you for not wanting to drive so far away. My question is, why can’t she fly by herself or drive herself there?
If she really wants to see them but you’re exhausted, she shouldn’t have a problem with it. One plane ticket is a lot less expensive than 2. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Our son and I just spent a week visiting my family from out of state.
My husband stayed home and took care of the cats. You don’t have to do everything together every time. Find a compromise that works for both of you. Another option, since she doesn’t work, would be to have her fly to visit him after Christmas is over.
Tickets may be a bit cheaper. I’ve never understood the obsession with seeing family on a specific day. The only reason my son and I went for Thanksgiving week is because he was out of school and his school is strict about absences.” butterflycole
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to drive 11 hours one way, but you are a jerk for telling her to quit her job. Unhappy or not, she should be working. Unless she is in serious physical danger, she should not have quit her job until she had another lined up.
Now is the time for both of you to work your butts off and get a healthy nest egg set aside. Save for the wedding, honeymoon, a home, or to make sure there is money for emergencies. Neither of you should want her to be totally dependent on you.
If the relationship fizzles out, especially if there are children involved, having a solid career will ensure she and any children are well cared for. Child support is never enough.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“Explain it to her exactly the way you did. We don’t have the money to fly.
I was looking forward to recharging my batteries, as work has been stressful and driving 22 hours is not your idea of relaxing. Also, this type of trip requires more planning than a couple of days’ notice. Tell her that we can plan to go see him later in the year, and that if she gets a job to help you save, it would make it much easier, but right now logistically it won’t work.
You are entitled to your peace as well, and it’s unfair of him to expect you to change your plans at the drop of a hat.” returningvideotapes9
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Visit My Kids Due To Travel Excuses?
“My mom (57) has bipolar. She has always been an incredibly anxious person, but it has gotten so much worse these past few years.
I know that her mental health has been in decline. She is a chronic news watcher who proudly proclaims that she’s “obsessed with CNN.”
We had plans for her to come up in January (6 weeks from now) for a visit, and yesterday she messaged me and said “The weather looks frightful, I will not be traveling and you shouldn’t either.”
So I pushed her on it and said that it’s not reasonable to make travel decisions based on weather we don’t know. Yet, she said “Thank you for understanding.”
I asked when she would see the girls again if she doesn’t want to travel when there’s snow on the ground (it snows till like April here), and she just kept repeating “I will not be traveling in January” over and over.
(This was all over text by the way.)
Then, instead of telling me when she would be willing to travel, she started saying she was “57 and too disabled to travel,” citing a bad back, a sore knee, and diabetes (type 2) as the source of her disability.
No one I know who knows her would ever consider her disabled. She has told me herself that she only walks with a cane to get priority seating on public transit.
Eventually, I said that she is going to disappear from the girls’ lives if she couldn’t make the effort to travel anymore, and she said “We shall see each other throughout our lives.
Each day takes us back to the time we see each other again.”
I feel like a jerk telling her that she can’t see the girls anymore, especially since it seems like she’s in a mental health crisis, but it doesn’t feel like she wants to make the effort to see them anymore.
I don’t feel like it’s fair for them to have a relationship with their grandma where they only see her for 2 hours at a mall every couple of months (this is how we got together a month ago, and she just sat in the food court the whole time while we walked around).”
Another User Comments:
“If I am understanding this correctly, I think YTJ. I don’t really understand the logic of ‘if she won’t visit us on our terms, then I will refuse to let her see the grandchildren.’ It honestly seems punitive. “I don’t feel like it’s fair for them to have a relationship with their grandma where they only see her for 2 hours at a mall every couple of months.” Like, I feel like getting to see Grandma for 2 hours at a mall every couple of months is better than no Grandma at all.
Again, you don’t HAVE to facilitate occasional mall visits, but if you’ve been willing to do them in the past, choosing not to do them anymore because she struggles to travel to you just seems punitive.” andromache97
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it seems really harsh to demand your mother visit on your terms. You said in a comment she doesn’t have a car, so she has to take a bus or train to see you for 2-3 hours plus a 90-minute car ride on top of that?
That’s a lot, and she may need a break if she’s having a mental health issue. She’s getting older and her health conditions could be affecting her more now than before, so yes, all those health conditions could be a factor. You’re just being dismissive of them.
People get older; you need to stop being so pushy and compromise instead of demanding. You can’t force her to do all that traveling all the time because it’s convenient for you.” SpaceAceCase
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She clearly has some anxiety issues around traveling, but that doesn’t make it okay to tell her she can’t see them.
Of course, OP is the mother and can make that decision, but don’t be surprised if your girls resent you slightly for this action. I also wanted to point out that you’re saying she is having a “mental health crisis” and citing her bipolar; however, at 57, in the world we live in now, I too would be anxious.
I have Bipolar disorder, and what you’re describing is nothing like a Bipolar episode (from the details you have given). I honestly think you don’t understand what Bipolar is, or have much empathy for your mother (given the context; you could have a reason).
But regardless, I think YTJ for making this a not allowing to see these girls thing and citing it as a “mental health crisis” when really it seems like you don’t want to put in effort for your 57-year-old mother.” No_Dimension9553
5. AITJ For Refusing My Aunt's Request To Loan My Address For A Cook's License?
“My aunt reached out on Thanksgiving and asked for a favor. My family was close with relatives when I was young. I haven’t seen them for 10 years and generally don’t keep any regular contact. This aunt sometimes texts/calls on holidays. She is hoping to buy out a small restaurant that she’s worked at for the past 7 years (the owner keeps going back and forth about selling because profits are good).
There is just 1 cook, so he’s an essential part of keeping the restaurant running smoothly.
The cook is in the process of getting a marriage green card, but the process is taking a while and his driver’s license is expiring next month. Aunt lives in TX.
I’m in WA. This cook paid a “broker” years ago to help him get a WA driver’s license (easier for non-citizens). So my aunt wants me to help renew this cook’s DL by letting him “borrow” my address because a valid WA address is required. The new license will be sent there by DMV and someone needs to forward the license to where the cook actually lives.
I asked why he can’t use the address he already has on his current license. She said it costs money (a couple thousand). I’m not sure why she’s concerned over this cook’s personal problems, but I am assuming from the circumstance that she thinks she needs to do him a favor as an incentive for him to continue working as the restaurant’s cook even after she buys out the business (still undetermined) or maybe the owner requested it.
She was overall pretty vague about the ‘why’, and just said that this favor is really important to her and her (potentially) future business.
I, in a roundabout way, told her I’m not sure about letting a stranger use my address to be put on his license (pretty sure this is illegal?), so it might be best for everyone to just have him figure it out on his own, even if it will cost money.
My aunt hasn’t responded to me since. I’m 200% sure she is calling me a cold, heartless jerk behind my back with the other aunts and my mom. Side note, I cut off communication with my mom completely a couple of years ago because I couldn’t handle her toxic, selfish, and judgmental presence in my life anymore.
I talked to my dad about the situation, hoping to get some support, but he doesn’t think that it’s a big deal and why not help out a family; but do what I want. His tone implied I’m overreacting. So now I’m second-guessing everything and thinking, Am I overreacting?
AITJ for not doing this for “family”?
I haven’t slept well all weekend, being anxious and overthinking. I truly need an outside perspective on this because my family uses “because we’re family” to excuse everything and my husband is the only one telling me your fam is not normal (I never discuss family stuff with friends).
Am I overreacting for thinking this is illegal and not agreeing to the favor? Is this really a not-a-big-deal kind of thing and was I not being considerate enough about my aunt’s situation? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you could be charged with fraud if you complied with your aunt’s request—what she’s asking for is illegal, full stop.
Do not get involved in this scheme unless you are willing to risk jail. And apparently, your aunt is willing for you to risk it, so I’m guessing that she’s the heartless one here. What she’s asking you to do is entirely self-serving and not out of compassion or care for this guy.
Chances are, she wants to keep him on because he’ll take a smaller paycheck than a citizen. Again, illegal on her part.” fernswordgirl432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s in the process of getting a marriage green card, then he should at the very least have a work visa or fiancé visa right now—both of which are enough to get a DL.
So it sounds like he doesn’t have any status right now if he can’t get a license without fraud. No shame in his hustle, but both you and he would be risking legal consequences, imo. Better for him to drive unlicensed than risk permanently losing his shot at a green card.
Not an immigration lawyer. This is just a guess based on vague knowledge.” tinyahjumma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the cook burns the restaurant down and somebody sues and lawyers start looking at assets, there’s your address! Cook gets arrested, nobody can find him; guess whose door is getting busted down and whose house is ransacked by police?
Good luck getting reimbursement for any damages or legal fees. Auntie Favor Asker won’t be helping, and neither will the family members pressuring you to do this illegal address borrowing.” BOOKjunkie000
4. AITJ For Retorting After My Friend's Partner Body Shamed Me?
“I (20 F) have a friend group of mostly guys, we talk about cars and playing video games. One of my friends, Chad (fake name) has recently started seeing his new partner.
They are the typical jock and cheerleader couple but as adults. He has a big ego and bigger muscles, and she dyed her hair blonde just to have a reason to be dumb (not joking she told me that is why she went blonde). This whole argument happened 2 days ago.
I was driving, Chad and his partner were in the back seat and another friend, John was in the front next to me. John and I were talking, we debate a lot but are still very close. We went from talking about politics to talking about how each gender sees each other.
When I made a joke that everyone has this mindset that guys and girls can’t be friends cause they’re just gonna hook up. John laughed and Chad’s partner bumped into the conversation and said, “good thing you look like… you”. I asked what she meant about that, Chad and John both know I went through a lot of nonsense growing up and used food as therapy (I’m better now, I went from 250 to 200 last 3 months).
Chad’s partner’s example was “well no guy wants a girl who looks like that tire guy from the commercials, so many rolls, ew.” Yes, a 23-year-old said “ew”.
I said something I shouldn’t have but I said “you shouldn’t be saying ew when you make my car smell like the fish market”.
Car went quiet for a good 5 minutes. When I finally dropped everyone off at their apartments I went home. Now here’s the big drama.
I woke up the next morning to a post about me, comparing me to famous fat people. Ex: Fat Albert, Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, etc…
and of course the accounts posting it were following Chad and his partner. I’m 100% sure it’s her cause other than the friends I have for video games and cars there’s only one other group and they are very anti-phones. So generally am I a jerk for telling my friend’s partner no one wants to hook up with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Chad’s partner insulted you, and in a very rude way, too. You fought back, and I say, good for you! If you are rude and insulting to someone, you shouldn’t be surprised to get a zinger back at you, like yours was; well done, you!
Chad didn’t defend you when his partner insulted you and tried to body shame you; he’s a jerk as a result; so is John, actually. Both of these guys should have shut her down when she started insulting you in the first place, because that’s how friends are supposed to act.
Doing the social media thing was a level beyond all that, though. That puts it over the top and you will be justified if you never speak to either Chad or his cheesy partner again. You didn’t exactly tell her no one wants her, just that she stinks, but that was the best response to such a comment ever.
It will live forever here on the internet.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“There are signs that you might be projecting your own insecurities as her desirability, if she has a partner, so why would she want everyone to sleep with her? And you can’t be referring to you?
While the partner’s behavior was cruel, your response and framing suggest jealousy or resentment may be underlying factors. Or I could have just gotten it supper wrong.” Unassumingido
Another User Comments:
“Well, in any case you are both wrong. No doubt there are guys who will sleep with any woman as long as she’s breathing and there will always be guys who look beyond how much a person weighs.
So, as far as both your statements go, you’re both wrong. Chad’s partner shouldn’t have commented upon your weight: it’s rude in general and even more so among friends. What’s more, she herself invited comments on what she said: she opened the door and you walked through it, that’s all.
You defended yourself, that’s all. What is odd is that those in the car did not go silent when partner insulted you, but they did when you commented: I wonder why is that? Why did no one tell her that you can’t say that? Or is this just guys lying low and waiting for it to blow over?
Of course the post is partner’s doing: that just shows her how much your comment stung. Not that that’s not her own fault, but it does show that she’s not used to being called out on what she says. You know, the so-called ‘privilege of beauty’.
From my end, you’re not a jerk at all. You’re working on yourself, you don’t let anyone walk all over you. Those are good characteristics to have, because they will last a lifetime, unlike beauty. That’s only skin-deep.” plantprinses
3. AITJ For Forcing My Daughter To Donate Her Toys To Charity?
“This year, my daughter wanted to participate in our country’s version of “Angel Tree.” I agreed with the condition that she would need to donate the amount of gifts from her toy collection that we would be buying for the child. The toys my child donated would NOT be going to the child whose list we picked, but to the local daycare that had asked the community for used toy donations for their playroom.
My daughter happily agreed to this condition and chose her 3 “least favorite” toys to donate. We purchased the toys and other asks on the child’s list and wrapped them together. We made a time of it and played carols, as well as had Christmas snacks.
I wanted this to be a positive experience for my daughter.
Yesterday, we had my family’s Christmas celebration. My daughter was telling my mother (52f) about her donating her toys and getting to buy toys for another child who needs them. My mother was outraged that I “forced” my daughter to donate toys and that I was being harmful to my child by instilling a dislike for charity in my daughter.
My sister piped up and agreed with my mother, saying I wasn’t being fair by forcing my child to donate her own things to participate in charity. I tried to explain to them that I was teaching my child that donation costs us personally, but the feeling of doing good for others is the payoff.
My child doesn’t want for anything. She has had more than 3 toys given to her already for Christmas, toys she preferred over the toys she gave away. I have left the family gathering feeling very emotional and upset.
My daughter is confused because she thought she was doing the right thing by donating her toys and is upset that I was crying on the way home.
I’m pretty sure I did the right thing, but I was berated by my mother and sister for nearly an hour about my parenting choices.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I love you for doing this. When I was a kid, my parents had us round up and donate all our old toys that we no longer wanted or played with.
We felt so good and purposeful and helpful, knowing that we were giving other kids toys and making them happy. It made us kids feel like such good little people. We were proud of ourselves. I remember that feeling vividly. One of my formative memories is selecting a spinning Mulan character top from a McDonald’s Happy Meal for the already-full donation box, and I still feel good about it when the memory pops up in my 30s.
Your daughter probably felt that same pride welling up in her. She made other kids happy! What a wonderful little girl she knows she is to share and be generous, and to get rid of old toys in a way that isn’t wasteful. I’m so sorry that your family spoiled that positive experience for you and your daughter.
If someone had taken that proud, good feeling away from me as a kid, I’d have been distraught. Seeing from both your and your child’s perspective, NTJ at all.” AnySubstance4642
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m a parent, years ago when my kids were like 6 & 12, on Easter, they were fighting in the back seat of the car over Easter candy.
I told them that if they didn’t stop fighting, we’d take their Easter baskets to the local women’s and children’s shelter and give them to the kids there. Both of my children said, “Oh! Mom, can we do that?” So we did. They willingly gave their candy to children that weren’t going to get any.
Since then (it’s been about 10 years) both of my children have gone on to become two of the most compassionate people I have met. Exposing your children to the spirit of giving is something that can help them learn empathy and teach them to care for people who aren’t in their immediate circle.
Giving away a few toys, especially before Christmas when they’re just going to get more, isn’t going to negatively affect your child.” Mullberries
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, it’s not the sentiment behind what you did; it’s the execution. Your daughter wanted to help another child from the angel tree; she wanted to do something out of the goodness of her heart.
You used the opportunity to take more from her than she offered, and this can cause huge problems in later life. You could have done both, but after donating, made it a game at another point further down the line. I am so proud of you for donating to people in need. We got so many new gifts for Christmas and the daycare is running out of toys.
Are there any old toys you would like to donate? And allowed her to make the decision and enjoy giving back.” Aroracherry
2. AITJ For Refusing To Contribute To A Group Gift For Executives And Accusing A Colleague Of Taking Credit?
“Every year since I (29F) started at this job (office job), there is one person (F56) that arranges an annual “Staff Christmas gift”, where they ask everyone to contribute $30 total per person towards gifts for the 3 top executives.
In the last two years that we’ve done this, the 3 people in management who have been given the gifts have come down to our office and thanked that one person (F56) profusely for her generosity and how sweet she was to do this, etc. Last year, I asked her if she gave something from just her as well and if that was why they thanked only her?
She said no, but since she was the one who handed the gift basket to them and wrote the card (there were 3 others inc. me who built the actual baskets, she just insisted on doing the card), they may have misunderstood (note that she always does this first thing in the morning and will take the basket from our office and go up by herself regardless if people say they’d like to join her, and just say she “forgot” they wanted to come with)…
Well, I checked with one of the assistants because I am petty. The assistant told me that while the card said that it was from the staff, it did say “*name of the lady* and the rest of the staff”, and that the same thing had happened the year before.
At the time, I did not say anything and just made a note of it for this year.
Now, here’s where I may have been a bit of a jerk: This year, this lady once again sent out an email asking everyone to contribute a minimum of $30/per person for these 3 people.
One of the owners retired earlier in the year, but she felt he’d still really appreciate a gift. I answered the email and said: “Dear *name*, thank you for reaching out regarding this. I have given a lot of thought to this throughout the year, and have decided to organize my own gift this year instead with a smaller amount as it’s been a tough year financially for me and many others.
Perhaps you can edit last year’s card to say: “Love from *her name* and the rest of the staff, except for *my name*? Thank you, and happy holidays!”
About 5 minutes after I sent the email, she came storming over and told me that I had no right to accuse her of taking credit for the gifts and not including everyone’s name.
I asked if it was untrue that that’s what her card said last year – to which she answered that that’s how she’s always written the card. Apparently, she’s currently scrambling, because a lot of other staff members are choosing not to join her gift this year, and her friend (F60) has told me that it was super petty and “not very much in the spirit of Christmas of me to ruin the gift to management this year” while grumbling about how selfish I and other younger staff members are who don’t want to contribute to the gift.
So, am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. There is no need to give gifts to superiors. 2. If a group gift is given, a card should be passed around for everyone to sign. And if people can’t sign, the organizer should sign on their behalf.
3. Even if a group gift is given, it is not a requirement. However, the company culture may make it feel like one, and it may lead to people contributing to go along. Seems to me that she is a brown noser who wants the execs to like her, and she is using the contributions of others to help her with that.
Her reaction is because she was “caught.”” Hello_JustSayin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m not spending my hard-earned money for someone to be a glory hound. People need to stop using the “Christmas spirit” for bad behavior. Tell her to buy a gift with her own money and nobody else’s.
I’d also be telling the friend to mind their business or to use their own money that she can claim is hers. Why are you buying bosses gifts anyway? They should be gifting their employees if anything.” Collielover1983
Another User Comments:
“I’m shocked by how many stories I’m seeing of people getting gifts for their bosses.
I’ve always been taught that gifts are given down, not up. Bosses should be buying gifts for the people who work hard for them. You should not be taking your hard-earned money and spending it on someone who makes 10x as much as you and also sets your salary.
Buy gifts for the secretary who always keeps up with your schedule and is always helping around the office, or the janitor who works their butt off to clean up after you. Your highest execs in the company don’t need a bunch of office workers stretching themselves thin trying to buy them a gift. I’m not judging or even saying this directly to you op, I’m just truly shocked with how many posts like this I’m seeing because I’ve always thought buying gifts for your boss was ridiculous.” treehuggerfroglover
1. AITJ For Forwarding My Ungrateful Stepson's School Emails To His Dad?
“I (43F) have traditionally done all things school and in between for both kids: 13M stepson and 6F daughter. I organize all the various dress-up days, concerts, sports, activities, clothing, back to school, grades, literally everything.
Recently my stepson has been really ungrateful and downright rude to me.
I missed a dress-down day and he asked me if “he could receive all the emails from now on because I didn’t get it right.” He regularly insinuates that I don’t have it together and he needs to micromanage me. In reality, I sign him up on time and I remember all of his practices and communicate with coaches, and do all his little extras at school like movie day, back-to-school shopping, EVERYTHING.
While doing this he “forgets” everything he’s asked to do or any regular chores like feeding the dogs and letting them out. He rarely does what is asked of him and when he does it is with a lot of complaining. Everything said to him brings arguments.
Whether they make sense or not he’s arguing. Typical teen stuff I know.
AITJ for forwarding all school emails etc to his dad, who 1000% WILL forget to sign him up for basketball or regularly pay any attention to dress codes or Secret Santas or wherever he has any socks or basketball shoes or a phone charger or school clothes or whatever while I focus on my 6 y/o?
I think he would learn to appreciate me pretty quickly. I’ll add that I only missed a dress-down day because we were closing, moving, and I was finishing a post-masters certificate, the end of a doctorate semester, and working full time!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but send it to both the 13-year-old AND dad (who may need to sign permission, etc.). The boy has asked for more responsibility for himself and said he doesn’t want you involved. Give him that–but do it directly. Let him take on the responsibility himself.
He can go ask his father. You are right that this is typical 13-year-old stuff (especially the complaining). However, whether he’s your stepson or biological son or other child in your care, giving him more responsibility for himself is the appropriate response. Don’t make it about him not being your bio son; make it about his age and attitude.
Children don’t have to be overly grateful for parents taking care of them; that is the parents’ responsibility. However, these really are extras, and can be handed over freely and without guilt. Of course you still handle the 6-year-old’s things, including any extras. She’s not old enough to take that on.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Forward the emails to your stepson and wash your hands of this. Why are you connecting this to chores etc. or what your husband does, which is a whole other problem in itself? Sit son and husband down and say that son has requested that all reminders be forwarded to him, and you will do so and NOT remind either of them.
Clarify whether he means to include signing up for after-school activities etc. As an aside, your HUSBAND SHOULD be signed up and receiving all of these emails too. Regarding the chores and attitude, you need to sit down with your husband and discuss the consequences for missed chores and discuss what your boundaries are regarding attitude/sass/disrespect.
My child will almost always apologize for being obnoxious shortly after, so I try to take a deep breath and not react in the moment. However, there are certain situations in which an immediate check is warranted and given.” Little_Loki918
Another User Comments:
“He wants more responsibility give it to him.
That is the bratty age where they have started thinking they know more than their parents/guardians, so put it on him and his dad and let them figure it out. If he tries to make it into something bigger (you take care of sissy but ignore me now) make it clear that he asked for this, you still love him but you won’t be disrespected because he is in a mood.
I remember being annoying as heck at this age and my mom basically let me figure it out. I was annoyed that we are leftovers so much? I know how to use the oven and the stove so Monday and Wednesday became my cooking days.
You have a problem, you find a solution. Lmao we had a lot of spaghetti, lasagna and baked chicken until I swallowed my pride and asked for help but I definitely learned how hard it is to actually figure out and get dinner done every single day.
NTJ.” Gigi-lily
