People Stay True To Themselves In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Hypocrisy On Welfare?
“A (now ex) friend (f47) I’ve (f46) known since high school is on food stamps. I have no issue with her being on food stamps.
The issue is that she posted on social media that she thinks people who are on welfare should have to pass substance tests to qualify for benefits. I private messaged her and asked her if she realized that food stamps are part of welfare and that she wouldn’t qualify for them if they substance tested her.
She FREAKED OUT and said I was a snob for judging her (but in many more words). I told her I didn’t care and was pointing out the hypocrisy. She continued to freak out, so I blocked her. I then started getting messages from other people we both knew in high school telling me what a judgmental jerk I am for saying that to her.
I then blocked those people, as I think they are all crazy. Am I missing something here? Was I actually being a judgmental jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“My best friend thanked me once for not judging her. I told her then, and I still believe it, I do judge you, I just don’t care.
If what you are doing makes you happy, I’m happy for you. We always judge people. You pointed out she was being pretty hypocritical taking food stamps/welfare and saying others should be substance tested. That’s judging her. She then told others what you had done and they jumped on board the judging train to judge you.
It’s a stupid cycle. Let her go and ignore it.” oberlinmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I say that as someone who would have to take my prescriptions to the welfare office because I’m fairly certain that the painkiller patch I’m on would make me fail a test for opioids.
I know the SR tablet they replaced would. I would support substance tests for welfare people IF they could cherry-pick out the prescriptions, but I don’t think the government can figure that out.” Morrighu87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People in poverty escape into substances.
And if she takes substances WHY is she judging others????? It is really hypocritical of her. I tell ya, there is ALWAYS one foul egg in the group that belittles others around them but acts as if they were saints themselves. I had one friend who stole from another friend some food in the fridge.
My friend could not afford to replace that food PLUS buying only groceries for the next week. That jerk never returned anything and is one of those jerks who glares at you if you take a 4th share in a round. NTJ NTJ NTJ !!!!! OP YOU ARE 100000% RIGHT AND DON’T YOU DARE FEEL BAD.” Plastic_Mango1929
21. AITJ For Not Inviting A Girl To My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“My 13-year-old had her birthday party today. Nothing big, just a few friends and family out for pizza and cake.
One hour prior to her party, I received a phone call from a very upset father that his daughter was not included in the party. My daughter handed her invites out discreetly during the day, and a few girls were discussing it at the lunch table.
Now, these 2 girls have not been close due to this family not respecting boundaries. I had to tell a 50-year-old man not to yell at me and speak to me like a child, which he refused to acknowledge. AITJ for not feeling bad that she wasn’t invited?”
Another User Comments:
“It isn’t your party. It’s your daughter’s. She chose who she wanted there. It wasn’t his kid. She’ll have to build a bridge and get over it. Maybe he should go buy his kid some pizza and ice cream instead of bugging people about inviting his child where they aren’t wanted. NTJ.” niennabobenna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter is 13, not 5. This isn’t still “all the girls from the class go to every girl’s party” age. They’re old enough, and have been for some time, to form social circles and friend groups. Sometimes that means someone or a few people get “left out” when social gatherings are planned. That’s life.” funnyflowers1321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but parents seriously need to stop handing out, or having their kids hand out, invitations to things at school if not everybody is invited. Doing that only opens the door to situations like this that are uncomfortable for everybody, especially if it’s at the beginning of the school year.
Now your elementary kid has to spend 6+ months with a kid giving them daggers over a birthday party.” RiddleUsThis
20. AITJ For Prioritising My Health Over Mum's White Tea?
“We’re British, and the tea drinker stereotype is true. However, my mum keeps making me cups of white tea despite me being lactose intolerant and there being no oat milk in the fridge (I ran out a couple of days ago). There’s plenty of fruit teas in the kitchen, and I’m willing to drink my tea black, but she keeps making white ones.
Sometimes I’ll drink them to be polite, but it makes me uncomfortable. I’m bloated, farting constantly, and get horrible reflux. When I don’t want to put up with this, I won’t drink it. I have lactase tablets, but they need to be taken half an hour before eating dairy and can only be taken twice a day.
I save them for planned meals and desserts.
I get flak off Mum either way. She complains about the smell if I do drink cow’s milk white tea, but she calls me rude if I don’t.
AITJ for prioritizing my comfort over politeness?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are lactose intolerant, and your mom is still giving you milk, SHE is honestly the jerk. I am also lactose intolerant, and also to the extreme that even the little bit used to flavor tea (because yes, I LOVE milk tea) makes me all kinds of uncomfortable.
However, might I suggest lactaid chewable tablets? They are taken with the first bite of dairy (it says 3 tablets but I only use 1 unless I’m having a lot) and you can use them… well however many times you eat dairy in the day lol. I am curious about the stuff you are taking… I’ve not taken anything that had a daily limit like that.
But that could be an over-the-pond thing.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not even British but I live in a Commonwealth country and absolutely believe in the power of a good cuppa on a tough day. But messing with the way someone prefers their tea is a huge nope.
You’re not saying you won’t have a cup of tea with your mum, you’re asking her not to prepare it in a way that will literally make you ill and give you an upset stomach. She’s deliberately ignoring you and that’s just mean. Remind her that you’re happy to have tea with her or that she makes, but only black, or with non-dairy milk please BECAUSE IT UPSETS YOUR STOMACH.
If she persists, you’re not rude to dump it, you’re protecting your health. NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“This is the British way…. Not wanting to be a bother. British guy here, and I grew up with that kind of mentality, and tea is the life source of all living things… Despite Ted Lasso not liking it.
You are NTJ, however, I have to say that you are being a jerk to yourself by putting yourself through so much discomfort to not upset your mum (Seriously OP, your health is more important than you give yourself credit for). Your mum is also being a jerk.
Growing up, we didn’t care how people wanted their tea. If you liked milk, sugar, no milk, no sugar, sweetener, strong, weak, it really didn’t matter. You ask how they would like it and then you would make it to that specification. I would have a clear conversation with your mum and let her know that you cannot have milk, not that you do not like it, but that it causes you stomach issues.
If she does not listen then do not accept her offers of tea, but be with her in the kitchen and make yours how you like it… And clearly be sure that she sees how it is made. Lastly… You can be the best child a mum could ever have and make tea for her as often as you can.
Making tea for a fellow Brit is a sure way to get someone to love you to the moon and back. Stay strong, fellow tea drinker.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Considering Telling A Kid's Parents About His Separation Anxiety?
“I work at a daycare as a floating assistant teacher (basically I go to whichever class they need me). This week, one teacher has been out sick so I’ve just been filling in there. There is one kid, ‘Jason’ who has pretty bad separation anxiety and will spend the whole day inconsolably crying for Mommy, including if he wakes up in the middle of nap time.
This is apparently a common occurrence. I’m not normally in this room.
I asked the other teacher in that class (the absent teacher’s assistant) if she’s talked to Jason’s parents about this and she said no, that she ‘just minds her business’.
To me, that felt like an inadequate response. I want to mention it gently to the parent at pickup (ex ‘he had a rough day, I think he has some separation anxiety’) but I don’t know the parents or how they’d respond. And it would only be the classroom teachers who would take the heat for it if something went wrong.
I also don’t know how our boss would respond. So WIBTJ for acting on my concern?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one, especially since you’re not the main teacher in that classroom and are unfamiliar with the child. It’s normal for toddlers to experience separation anxiety and likely something the parents already know.
No jerks here, but I would first talk to the lead teacher to find out info or the director about if it’s more than the average kid. If they say it’s ok for you to say something, then instead of saying “he had a rough day” say something like, “Jason really loves you both.
It takes him a while to adjust to the classroom once you leave. Is there something he loves to do that may help the transition go easier? I know I’m not his lead teacher, but I’ve enjoyed having him and would love to make his time here even better!” Something like that that’s framed as a problem solution shows you genuinely care and presents you as an ally instead of judgmental.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. If you have a concern and you aren’t the actual teacher for the class, go to management (or administration). They can take care of the issue and then you don’t worry about overstepping, or anyone getting the heat, etc. If they decide not to say anything, it’s still out of your hands and you did what needed to be done.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“I used to work in daycare/preschool and different places have different policies. Many prefer to have the main teacher address those types of things with the parents. If that is the case in this school, that would explain why the assistant hasn’t said anything.
You should talk to the director and find out what the procedures are and who is allowed to bring up those things to parents. If you go by what people here tell you, you may end up going against your school’s policies so please find out from them because that could either get you warnings or you could lose your job depending on how strictly they follow those rules.” cara1888
18. AITJ For Locking My Roommate's Cat In Her Room Because She Eats My Cat's Food?
“My roommate just recently moved in and brought her cat. I also have a cat as well. Her cat is much larger than mine and often comes into my room and takes my cat’s food even when her cat has food in her own bowl.
I’ve started locking her cat in her room so she can’t come into my room and eat my cat’s food.
After a few weeks of doing this, she asked why her cat is always locked in her room when she gets home, and I explained. She told me that if I’m so concerned with cats swapping food, then I should lock my own cats in my room.
I told her that’s not fair, since her cat is the problem. She brushed it off and said it’s really not such a big deal and her cat has just as much of a right to free rein of the house as mine. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t just decide unilaterally which cat is the problem and imprison them. What if the cats got together and decided together that you were the problem? Could they lock you in your room and leave the rest of the house for the roommate and two cats?
Having a roommate means talking. Once you talked, she said it’s not a big deal. You think it is a big deal because your cat’s food is at risk. So lock your cat in your room until it’s done eating. Or feed smaller portions more often.
Or convince your roommate to feed the same food so the allure is gone. Or do something other than locking up someone else’s pet, when it’s not a danger to you. But believe me: put it to a vote, and the three of them will choose to lock you up.” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Definitely. That is a very passive-aggressive and narrow-minded way to solve the problem. You didn’t even try to find a solution other than locking her cat away. You can feed the cats at a specific time rather than free feeding. You can put your cat in your bedroom.
You can close both bedroom doors unless the cats are eating, while the cats roam around the house. You can get a food dispenser that only releases food to your cat. You can have both cats eating the same type of food, accessible as free feeding from two separate bowls in a common space, and share the cost accordingly (50/50, 60/40 if one cat eats more, etc).
There’s a lot of choices here. But not discussing it and making a choice for her and her cat is not the appropriate solution.” Sounds_Gay_Im_In_93
Another User Comments:
“YTJ just for ‘her cat is the problem.’ Everything else is excusable—you picked up a roommate with a cat without giving a thought to how your two cats would get along.
That’s not very smart, but people make mistakes; you live and learn. But no, the animal is not the problem here. The problems are the humans who are failing to anticipate and protect the animals under their care. And you specifically, because you’re the one who noticed a problem and then didn’t make any effort to solve it.
No, arbitrarily locking up one of the cats is not solving the problem; it’s only displacing the problem, in a particularly cruel way. Get your head out of the butt and start working out a solution that does not harm either animal. You got plenty of good suggestions in the comments—which you also could have gotten on any of the animal-related subreddits weeks ago if you’d given this issue more than 5 seconds’ worth of brainpower.” Sr4f
17. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Sister Money Despite Her Miscarriage?
“I 17f am a senior in high school and I do have a job that pays about minimum wage.
My sister, 28F, recently went through a miscarriage, and when she had a miscarriage the father of the baby ghosted her. Ever since then, she has gone downhill. Doesn’t go out in public, takes meds, took a break from her job, and is on disability.
Disability hasn’t given her any money yet. So she’s been asking for money from everyone, including me.
It’s been 1 and a half months since the miscarriage, and I’ve given her $500 alone. She hasn’t paid her car note, so her car got repoed. Her birthday was a week ago, and my dad alone gave her $200, plus whatever else everyone gave her, and two days later she asked for more money.
So today, as I write this, she yet again, for the second time this week, asked me for money. I don’t want to say no, but I have things to pay for, like prom stuff and graduation, since my single father doesn’t. I don’t know, I feel bad, but I just can’t.
I’m sick of her relying on me for stuff. It stresses me out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is much older than you and needs to figure things out. The more you give, the more she will want. You are only enabling her at this point.
You can never save someone by drowning yourself. Do not let her stress you out anymore. Just tell her no. Make sure she doesn’t have access to bank cards or your cash. I am not saying she will do anything, but when people are desperate you never know.
She has a roof over her head and food. I taught my children the difference between a want and a need. You need shelter, food, and clothing. The basics, not fancy things. Anything else is a want. If she wants more, that is for her to figure out.
It is unfair of her to expect her sister to supply her with anything. Can you talk to your parents about her? Do they know she is taking so much from you?” crazycatlady45325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs therapy. She may have a substance problem if she’s constantly asking for money and she’s not paying bills.
May want to discuss this with your parents and let him have a conversation with her. I’d let her know that you don’t have any money to lend to her at this time.” Trice316
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 17, and you’re taking care of yourself when in an ideal world you’d be the one getting helped out by your parent.
It’s really sad that your sister is feeling awful. If she needs help, there are a lot of other ways to support someone other than giving money. If the baby’s father ghosted her like that, sounds like it wasn’t a really stable situation anyway. I feel for your sister, but never, ever, ever let people suck you down to nothing while you’re trying to help them.
It’s like being pulled under by someone who is drowning. Take care, OP.” msbeesy
16. AITJ For Refusing To Shave My Armpits For My Partner's Homophobic Mom?
“I (F22) have been with my partner (F22) for almost 6 months.
My partner is from a rural Midwest town where the opinion of LGBTQ couples is… less than ideal. Anyway, my partner came out to her parents before bringing me home months ago. I am the first person she’s ever brought home, and the reaction of her mom was not great.
She treats me kindly and never says anything to me directly about my relationship with her daughter, but I can tell that she isn’t crazy about my regular presence at her home.
My partner and I go back to her parents’ house (which is about an hour from the city we both live in) every weekend, and it’s just started getting warm out, so I have naturally started wearing tank tops and laying out by the pool in a swimsuit.
After the first time I was outside in a tank top, my partner told me that her mom mentioned my armpit hair, saying she didn’t understand “why a beautiful girl like me felt the need to get attention that way.” This made me scoff, as I have grown out my body hair for years because I a) like it and b) don’t care to shave.
My partner doesn’t want me to change anything about myself and is completely supportive of whatever I do. She basically just shrugged off her mom’s comments.
A week later, her mom sits down with my partner and asks her if I would shave my armpits if I am planning on being by the pool this summer.
She said, “Even if you can’t get her to shave it, at least try and get her to trim it down so it’s not so obvious.”
My partner is uncomfortable and told her mom that’s not going to happen. I am my own person and I will do what I want.
These comments have made me upset and I refuse to alter my appearance to make someone else comfortable. However, this is my partner’s mother and I am spending a lot of my time at her house, so I don’t want to be disrespectful.
AITJ for refusing to shave for the comfort of a homophobic mother?
Or should I swallow my pride and do what I know will make the summer less uncomfortable for everyone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I do want to point one key thing out. Going to the house to swim – is a luxury. It’s not something you need to do.
If that one thing would make the overall atmosphere better – is it worth it? I’m not talking about the mom – screw her. That’s not my point. But will it make you/your partner feel less stressed/happier? That would be the question I’d be trying to ask myself.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Tell her you’re growing it out to donate. Or, is she religious (I’m gonna take a wild guess and say yes..) Ask if God put it there, why you should spit in God’s face by shaving it off. Was his design wrong?
That’s a fun conversation. I thought of another one. Ask if she wants you to shave because she wants you to show more skin. (I think I’m the jerk) Mini story time, and why your post irritated me so much, to the point of being petty… When I was 14 or so, I decided to stop shaving.
I’m abnormally hairy, with super light skin, so it shows up really well. Anywho… my dad refused to look at me or talk to me until I shaved my armpits. He said women/girls don’t grow hair there. Nor do they fart, or poop. He thinks girls should be thin, blonde cheerleaders basically.
Well, boy oh boy – did I have news for him. I also ruined ALL the holiday photos that year. Screw people who want to control how you look or judge your body for doing what it naturally does. Life is hard enough. Good gravy..” wetcardboardsmell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your body, your choice; but you might want to rethink spending so much time there. You’re both old enough to be more independent now, and her parents will need to understand that if they make either of you uncomfortable, the end result is that you both spend less time with them and are less available to them.
You and your partner seeing them a little less and making alternative plans between yourselves a little more might give you and her parents the space you need to be able to tolerate the things you like least about one another more easily.” redcore4
15. AITJ For Voicing Concerns Over My Friend’s Engagement To A Former Abuser?
“I’ve known my friend, we’ll call him “Jay”, for about five years now. He announced that he’s engaged to “Kelly”, a woman he was in a previous relationship with before ending it. I’ve never met Kelly; I wasn’t there for that relationship, but I was there for the death threats and horrible messages she’d send him.
When I learned they were seeing each other again, I really wanted to express my concerns for Jay’s safety, both mentally and physically, but he’d lash out at anyone who tried to talk to him about it. So I stayed quiet in hopes it would be just a fling or something.
But now, he’s engaged to Kelly, and I, along with a couple of other mutual friends, don’t think this is a good idea. So, if I say something, will I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If what you are saying is out of true concern for Jay, which it sounds like it is.
Say it with great empathy and explain all your reasonings, and the last thing you want is to have to confront this situation, but you can’t sit by and watch it happen without expressing concern. Let him know you’ll be here for him, and if he hates you for it, that’s something you’re prepared to live with, but you can’t live with NOT telling him when you feel his safety is at stake.” notquiteright519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though it does depend on your approach. If you start with, ‘Break off your engagement,’ that’s kind of a jerk move. I’d recommend more of a sharing of your perspective. You never knew any good times with this woman, only a lot of alarming red flags from after they broke up.
How does he reconcile her post-breakup texts with being with her now? What would he tell a sibling or trusted friend in the same situation? How much of their reconciliation is based on this concern of what she’ll do without him? Abusers are REALLY good at turning victims against their support systems. Your approach has to make it clear you’re not judging him or issuing pronouncements; you just want to understand his motives.
Make it crystal clear you’re on this side, and totally willing to give “Kelly” the benefit of the doubt if he’s back with her for the right reasons.” alicethewriter
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here between you and Jay, the Matrix may well have him now.
You’re kind of stuck in a darned if you do, darned if you don’t situation. It’s generally considered that friends look out for each other, so I can totally understand your instinct to interject… It may even be the right move. It could also be the end of the friendship if you do.
Some people will just happily jump off the cliff regardless of how many friends go, ‘Dude, look! The cliff edge is RIGHT there; if you keep walking, it’s certain doom.’ Regardless of whether you say something or not (and it sounds like Jay isn’t receptive to that) your best hope might just be to stick around and be there to pick up the pieces.
Maybe a more subtle approach would work; if the abuse is still there then there are ways to point it out. Very much depends on your relationship with Jay and his relationship to Kelly.” Mr_Ham_Man80
14. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Choose Me Over Skateboarding On Christmas?
“My (26F) partner (26F) loves to go skateboarding. I support this hobby wholeheartedly and have never kept him from it. He has a lot of energy and loves to keep busy, and his abusive ex used to not allow him to go out. So I made a promise to never be that way and it’s never been a problem until today.
Today we are celebrating Christmas together, as every other day this week we have other plans. This morning we went to breakfast, went last-minute stocking shopping, and then exchanged gifts. Afterward, we spent a few hours on the couch doing individual activities (I was crocheting, and he was watching TikTok).
He says he’s going to go skateboarding with his friends soon. First, I say that’s not a great idea because he hurt his ankle pretty badly yesterday. He says he will just hang out. I say that I won’t tell him he can’t, but I’d prefer he didn’t, and this time together means a lot to me.
He chose to go out with friends. I told him this hurts my feelings a lot because he can go whenever he pleases, and I’m just asking for one day. He says, “We’ve spent all day together.” We’ve spent from breakfast until 3 pm together.
He then began using things against me, saying that we went to my favorite breakfast place and the gifts he bought me.
He also mentioned his friend’s wife and said, “Do you think ____ feels this way about him going skating?” He tossed a package into my lap and said, “Here’s your last present since I’m so inconsiderate.” As he was walking out of the door, I told him to just stay out for a while because I can’t be around him when he is like this.
I genuinely don’t know what to make of this. I’m just lying in bed trying to figure out where to go from here. Am I being inconsiderate and controlling?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve read the post and your comments and I think I would be a bit mad too.
If you two had plans for the whole day, it means that you didn’t make other plans with other people because you respected the plan you two had – which included spending the whole day together. Had the plan included ‘I might go skateboarding at some point during the day,’ you could have had something else planned for yourself.
So, to me, it reads as disrespectful to your time. At least that’s how I would feel about it. Plus, he didn’t consult with you about changing the plan; he just told you about the change he made himself. Plus, yes, if that’s the only day in the week with just the two of you, that adds another layer to the situation (nothing huge, but still).
Plus plus plus, the gift-throwing thing seems very freaking childish. NTJ. I hope he respects you on other fronts and that you’re normally satisfied with his treatment of you. (All of this said, assuming your plan for the day together was well communicated and agreed on.)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he may be reacting strongly because he’s had to get defensive over going out in the past, but that’s something he needs to work on. It’s fair to want to spend the day with someone you’re close to around the holidays, and it sounds like he’s already likely seeing friends/family every other day of the week.
Also not great that he was going out skateboarding with a hurt ankle, which could get more hurt if something goes wrong. I think the best thing to do would be to have a talk and make sure he understands that his comments about the friend’s wife + the breakfast place felt unfair and that you were worried about his ankle and just wanted to spend time with him during this busy week.
I don’t think he’s much of a jerk, but I do think y’all need to talk, and he needs to work through baggage from his ex.” ChaoticFaeGay
Another User Comments:
“I dunno. If I spend the better part of a day doing things with my wife and we’re just sitting on the couch and she’s crocheting and I’m literally just looking at my phone, it seems weird for her to get upset about me going to hang out for a bit with friends.
It’s good to have separate lives. Maybe this is a symptom of an issue that’s been building for you, maybe it’s not. If he is generally present and caring, I’d say you’re being very passive-aggressive and controlling. If he bails on you all the time and isn’t even really present when he’s with you, yeah I’d say he sucks.
Based on the info and the way you’ve responded to the couple of other people who have, in fact, called you controlling and a jerk, I’m voting YTJ. This isn’t how long-term, healthy relationships work. Happy to change my vote if this is an ongoing issue you communicate about and he just ignores you.” stmarystmike
13. AITJ For Letting My Cousin Play White Elephant Instead Of My Wife?
“My (30m) parents threw a Christmas party, and we always play white elephant/dirty Santa.
We brought two gifts for my wife (27f) and me. While my wife was feeding the baby, the game started. My little cousin said he forgot a gift, so I told him he could use one of ours. When my wife came out, I told her, and she seemed fine and we played together.
At the end, I picked a different gift to steal than she wanted, but again, she seemed fine.
We got home, and she told me she was really upset that she picked out the gifts to bring and then didn’t get a chance to play.
It’s just a game, and she didn’t say anything in the moment, so I’m confused why she’s mad now. All the gifts were just stuff that we could buy whenever. I really didn’t think she’d mind that I let my cousin play instead.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My guy, your wife isn’t upset that you let your cousin play the game. It’s that you took her completely out of the equation. How hard would it have been to consult with your wife on the initial decision to let your cousin play one of your gifts?
But since you didn’t ask and went ahead and “donated” one of your gifts, you should have acted like it was YOUR gift you donated and let your wife play (i.e. steal the gift your wife wanted). Instead, you stole the one YOU wanted. See what you did there?
You did it twice. That is what your wife is upset about. It’s not rocket science.” _iamstardust_
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ. You should have given your cousin your gift and played for your wife until she returned from FEEDING YOUR BABY, then turned it over to her to finish up.
Let’s count the ways in which you were the jerk: 1) Your cousin, so if you choose to surrender a gift, it’s YOURS, not YOUR WIFE’S. 2) Your wife wasn’t, and you made a decision on her behalf. 3) Your wife feels disregarded because she, likely not for the first nor last time, missed out because she was engaged in child care.
4) You made a second unilateral decision for the two of you when you stole the gift YOU wanted. 5) She had the grace to not express her anger and disappointment in front of your family and dismissed her very valid feelings. Going forward, how about you disengage from social events so as to take care of your child so your wife can continue participating and make the decisions on your behalf.” Mikey4You
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m a pretty abrasive jerk in most scenarios, and I can still agree that you’re the jerk here. Our family does white elephant in lieu of everyone buying gifts for everyone (and an insane amount of money and time wasted, just for show).
So now, the “show” of gift giving is the single-gift exchange/white elephant game. On a certain level, I’m sure she was hurt because her participation in it goes beyond choosing the end gift (that she also knows can be purchased separately), but is in fact tied to the act of playing with the rest of family, and “giving/receiving” the gifts amongst each other.
Our family waited till drinking age to let us participate in the adult’s white elephant, so we watched it as a tradition and then grew into it as our own. We’ve kept the same rules for younger cousins doing the same. Maybe this is why the mere suggestion that your young cousins would take your wife’s place (while also just… “forgetting” to bring a gift to your family Christmas party and gift exchange?) seems more of an overt transgression than you perceive.
Beyond that, your cousin seems stupid and crappy to be honest, and you should start pointing that out to them before they become a stupid and crappy adult we all have to deal with because their family wouldn’t raise them right. Being 15 isn’t an excuse.
Most 15-year-olds throughout history were already leaders of households. Start asking more of your own, and you’ll get it. Don’t reinforce laziness by bailing out an unprepared cousin with your wife’s gift and participation in the Christmas tradition. So again, yes YTJ, but you’re also pretty clueless for not foreseeing this, and more so for having to ask strangers.” PublicTrainingYVR
12. AITJ For Crying When My Mom Gave Me Presents I Didn't Want?
“Today I (15f) opened presents with my sister and mum. I asked for a very cheap (I don’t know maybe 100 euros in my currency) laptop or just some Steam money so I can buy some games, or maybe stuff for a cat, as I really want a kitten but don’t have any pocket money for cuvette (litter box), and I especially said I don’t want a watch or perfumes.
Guess what I got?
Grinch pajamas. That’s not even my size, and that has those weird text and pictures, so I won’t wear it anywhere.
2 cards: one from Empik (I don’t use Empik, or like it, and my mom knows, but maybe I will give it to my friend as a gift) and one for Rossmann that I will use maybe for presents for someone else, as I don’t use it also.
A watch.
Perfumes that will stand next to other perfumes that I get every year, but don’t use them.
And socks, pretty cool to be honest.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but the cost of that stuff is even more expensive than one game I was begging for literally years.
Mom said I don’t need a new laptop, as I have one already (it doesn’t really work, I can’t do anything on it, as it’s almost 7yo and she swore she would buy me a new one around a year ago) and that I don’t need games as I am too old for them and a girl so I should prefer cosmetics (I don’t use them).
I know that it’s nice to even get a gift and I should be glad I got anything, but those are stuff I don’t like or won’t use. I would prefer not to get a gift at this point. I was holding back tears as she bought my 5yo sister nails and cosmetic stuff and a darned Nintendo (I don’t know what she got for my 3yo sister but probably stuff like that too, and said that ‘Santa’ wanted to give them a PS4 but it didn’t get on time).
I obviously thanked her and excused myself to my room, but she said I ruined her day and she feels like a bad mom now, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing if you were mad your mom didn’t get you the exact model of laptop and only 50 bucks for Steam instead of 150.
That is being ungrateful and spoiled. Having your list completely disregarded and then told you’re too old for what you wanted is a fairly awful thing to do to someone. Now if money is really tight and it just can’t be done at all, then yeah, that’s completely fair.
You’re also old enough that your mom could have said as much or offered to help you buy one once you’ve saved up money of your own. No one wants to feel like they aren’t listened to and are guilted into not feeling disappointed.” Krugle_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reminds me of growing up with my stepmother, disregarded what I want for me and only gave what she thought I should want. She’s being selfish and condescending, trying to force you to be the type of woman she wants you to be instead of yourself.
I’m in my 30s and I play video games as my main hobby, and I can tell you that most laptops are pretty useless after 4 years, and can maybe last longer if they’re high-end ones, maybe. Parts fail after all. Of course you’re going to cry when your own wishes are denigrated and tossed to the side like your wants and needs aren’t important.
To this day I know I get LIVID if someone tells me what I think/want/feel/am saying. No one dictates what you can and cannot like except you, you’re never too old or the wrong gender for the things you enjoy. Unfortunately, you’ll have to lower your expectations until you can buy your own things.
Or you can try pulling her aside and articulating that she made Christmas about her, and not about love and sharing.” Ijimete
Another User Comments:
“Ah, I went through something similar with an aunt in my early 20s. She used to buy me these frilly, pastel blouses that were styles and colors that I’d never wear.
It’s hard when someone gets you gifts that are clearly what they want you to be, instead of honoring who you are. At that time I had a friend who enjoyed that style and the blouses fit her. She was thrilled to have them so I just passed them along to her – problem solved. It happened so often that every time a package arrived from my aunt, I wouldn’t even bother to open it; I just gave it to my friend and we both had a good laugh over it.
In your case, I think NTJ for crying and being disappointed, but in the future you should lower your expectations. Mom clearly doesn’t care what you want and did as she pleased. So next year if she asks what you want for your birthday or Xmas, just say money.
She’ll probably end up doing the opposite of what you want anyway, so do yourself a favor and don’t get your hopes up. The best thing for both scenarios is to kinda shrug it off in the moment, then sell the unopened stuff on social media or Craigslist, or give them to a friend who wants them.
It sucks but you aren’t going to change her. PS – Hopefully you aren’t as petty as I am, but in the future, you should match her energy when giving her gifts.” Ill_Star1906
11. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's House When He Tried To Dictate My Kids' Entertainment?
“I’m back in my hometown for Christmas with my wife and two boys 9 and 7.
Staying at my dad’s house, which is kinda cramped and uncomfortable, but he always insists we stay the night at least for a couple nights when in town.
He’s kinda lonely, but I have two sisters who live nearby to him. He downsized a few years ago and I’ve never liked the house as an overnight guest due to the size (cramped rooms, small backyard, and my boys love to be active and play sports, etc) and inevitable boredom setting in.
This morning, I took the boys to the local batting cages for a 2-hour lesson with my nephew (college player). When we get back, I let them watch TV and just lounge around because there’s nothing interesting to do there, and it was raining outside and it’s winter break.
They get bored with board games and stuff like that easily. After about two hours, my dad starts to make passive and negative comments about the shows they’re watching, which are mostly baseball-related YouTube videos (think top plays in MLB history, etc). He can’t hear well and can’t have conversations easily with them.
Then he starts telling them to turn off the TV and do something else. This irritates me because I know there’s not much else for them to do and he offers no alternative because he can’t interact with them easily due to hearing issues.
Also, I knew some of their cousins would arrive soon, which the boys were excited about. He basically expects me and my wife to entertain/interact/play with them while he just watches.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. After one of his comments to stop watching, I told him sternly I’d handle it—he shouldn’t be telling them what to do when I’m present.
He then made another annoying comment, and I got slightly loud telling him there’s nothing else for them to do and he’s offering no alternative. I was pretty heated, so I took the boys to the mall. I just wanted to get us out of there.
He asked if he could go with us, and I said no.
My wife in this whole situation is pretty much a saint trying to be neutral, respectful, and helpful. Although, I wish she would’ve sided with me more forcefully, but I see the awkward situation she’s in.
She has a good relationship with my dad and is always respectful to elders no matter what.
So we left for the mall for a couple of hours and I politely texted my wife to pack our stuff because I wanted to leave back home (only about a 1.5-hour drive).
She basically coerced me to just drop off the boys and said we could leave later tonight after the rest of the family left. I’m currently at a sports bar watching MNF by myself.
More info: My dad did text me to say he’s sorry for offending me and hopes we could work it out.
I haven’t replied to him because this is a pattern of what happens often, and I’m fed up with it. I’ve made it clear in the past to everyone involved that I really dislike staying there, and now I know I need to insist on alternative arrangements in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I guess I can see why you’re annoyed with your dad, but the language you use makes you seem like a jerk. I don’t understand why having to “entertain/interact/play” with your kids is irritating to you, or why you feel like your wife needs to side with you “forcefully.” The other thing that made me go to YTJ was you trying to unilaterally make the decision to go home knowing your kids were excited to see their cousins.” PsychologicalCow9107
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and it honestly is really sad to hear you talk as if helping your father and kids have a relationship is some huge inconvenience to you. Personally, I think it’s quite normal for your dad to feel offended if all the grandkids do during a visit that’s supposed to involve spending time together is watch YouTube videos – especially if his hearing issues mean he’s excluded. 9 and 7 are definitely old enough to understand the concept of compromising in order to spend quality family time- couldn’t you at least have found a show all three of them could watch together with subtitles or something?
With your negative attitude, it’s not really a surprise that your dad is struggling to bond with your kids given his hearing issues + the generational gap between him and the kids growing up in 2024. Helping bridge that gap and letting your kids have positive experiences with their grandparent is your job as a parent.
Clearly, the current setup is not very inclusive of your father with his hearing issues, so why not try and involve him in activities everyone can enjoy? He asked to go to the mall together, why not let him? Please try and find some more compassion.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I feel like YTJ for several reasons. Firstly, for getting so annoyed in the first place. You mention boredom, but at the end of the day, if you’re there to visit your dad. Shouldn’t you be wanting/planning to do stuff with him and your kids?
Ok, so he’s hard of hearing…work around that. Being HoH doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship with your grandkids, or your son shouldn’t be encouraging a relationship between his kids and his dad. Heck, the new AirPods have a hearing aid-type feature to them.
It seems YOU are the bored one. Then you take the huff and take your kids to the mall. And your dad wanted to go, yet you said no. Now you’re at a bar, your dad apologized and wants to work this out, but you don’t even have the decency to respond.
Now you want to cut your trip short and go home. It really just boils down to: “I’ve made it clear in the past to everyone involved that I really dislike staying there.” This is a you issue. And if you hate it so much, don’t stay there in the future.
But to go and be this rude seems kinda nuts to me.” Spare-Article-396
10. AITJ For Demanding My Money Back From My Mum And Stepdad?
“I (17f) will be 18 in a few days. My dad died when I was 7 and my mum married my stepdad a year later. He was never mean to me. He just never bothered about me until my mum had my half-sister (10).
My mum decided to stay at home with my sister.
She would do everything for her, buy her things, and take her places. I didn’t even get pocket money anymore. At first, it hurt so much, especially when the three of them went out and left me with neighbors or friends, but eventually, I stopped caring.
When I was 15 I got a part-time job that got me out of the house and I hardly saw any of them.
I started buying things I needed including hygiene products because those were limited. I also saved most of my money. I have been saving most of my money for three years.
My sister came into my room on Thursday while I wasn’t home. She said she was looking for a charger. She found the money I had been saving and took it to show it to my mum and her dad. When I got home they blew up at me.
They wanted to know where I had gotten so much money and if I was selling controlled substances. When I tried to explain, they wouldn’t listen to me. My stepdad said that’s why he wants me out when I’m 18 because I’m a degenerate who’s going to influence my sister.
They wouldn’t give me the money back because they aren’t sure where I got it and if it’s legal. I left to go stay with a friend. I didn’t even know my stepdad wanted me to leave when I turned 18.
I don’t blame my sister for any of this.
She’s young and doesn’t know any better. She’s not mean to me, she just doesn’t interact with me much. I’m like a roommate she sees every now and then.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are almost an adult. Now is the time to learn how to stand up for yourself because sometimes parents are wrong.
Tell them to give you back your money or you will call the police. Don’t bluff, do it. If they aren’t going to listen you need to force them to listen. The reason they’re not giving the money back is because it’s free for them to use as they please.
And try to get a noncustodial bank account. Some banks offer this to teens 16-17 years old. You’ll need to do some research. I AM TIRED of parents who steal their kids’ money. As a parent of four, I would never do such a thing no matter my financial state.
It does crack me up that a teen can get a job and pay income taxes and Social Security but they can’t open their own bank account in many places without their parents.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is responsible for buying everything you need until you’re 18 as a bare minimum.
I get people can struggle for money; life is hard in this day & age. I don’t get the sense that’s the case here though. And feminine hygiene products being ‘limited’/you have to buy your own? That redefines mean in act & spirit. As does not giving you pocket money until you’re able to work.
“When I was 15 I got a part-time job that got me out of the house and I hardly saw any of them. I have been saving most of my money for three years”. Unless they literally didn’t know you had a part job they’re a disgrace.
And for not listening to you. They stole your hard-earned money. As a parent, I am appalled. Seek legal redress via the police if you can. Your mom put your stepsister & sad excuse for a husband before you. Your attitude re your stepsister says a lot about your maturity & insight.
Be safe. I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s not fair at all. You’ve been so responsible for saving your own money for years, especially in such a tough environment.
Your stepdad accusing you of something illegal without even listening? That’s on him, not you. Honestly, it says more about how he sees you than anything else, and it’s not okay. You’re turning 18 soon, and it sounds like you’re already independent and capable.
Maybe focus on staying with your friend or finding a stable place while you figure things out. As for the money, it’s YOURS. If they don’t give it back, you might want to talk to someone you trust—maybe even get legal advice if it comes to that.
And just know, none of this makes you a “degenerate” or whatever he said. You’re clearly strong and smart, and this situation says way more about them than it does about you. You’ve got this.” LustyLittleNotes
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Invading My Privacy?
“I 16F went to live with my mom after my parents got divorced. I don’t really mind because I spend time with both of them, but sometimes my mom does things that annoy me. She works at a hospital, so when she comes home it’s early in the morning and I’m leaving for school.
The problem is, two days ago, she went into my room when I was at school and went through the entire place. I usually keep my room neat and organized, so when I came home, I knew she had gone through it by how disorganized it looked. I was completely tired of her doing it, but I didn’t mention it to her.
It turns out she found notes from someone that I’ve been seeing, and now she talks nonstop about him. She won’t stop asking me questions about “my secret lover” in her words. It is making me extremely mad because she would never have found out about him until she went through my things.
I don’t usually hide things from her, but she still goes through my things.
I finally gave up on trying to ignore her yesterday and asked her, “Can you please stop going through my things?” She looked visibly sad once I said that. She responded with “Well I’m your mother” and “And that’s what mothers do,” which really ticked me off.
I told her that I would’ve told her about him eventually if she didn’t overstep so much. She started getting angry at me, telling me that if I wasn’t so “closed off” and had “told her more about things,” then she wouldn’t have to overstep me.
I was genuinely in disbelief by that and responded, “What’d you expect me to do when you’re always pushing me to tell you things and take stuff from my room?” She started crying, and I immediately felt guilty for saying that to her. She started saying that “I never spend time with her,” “I’m growing up so fast and she feels like she doesn’t need me,” and that “she’s failing me as a mother.” I was feeling conflicted emotions, and I started to feel very bad for what I did once she started crying.
She started blaming herself for being such an “awful mother,” which confused me because she’s been great to me, and I tried to comfort her. She wouldn’t let me and just continued crying, and went away from me.
I feel like I am definitely the jerk because of the way I made her cry.
I feel crappy and feel I’m just horrible after the entire situation. My mom hasn’t spoken to me since then, and when she came home this morning, she still hasn’t spoken to me. I’ve texted my Dad about the situation, and he said that my mom’s being manipulative af, and he asked me if I wanted him to come and get me.
I don’t feel like my mom is being manipulative, and I dunno what I’m even feeling anymore. I feel trapped, and I really want to tell her that I’m sorry and apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your dad is on the money, your mother is DEEPLY manipulative.
She violated your privacy and your trust, and the minute you called her out on it, instead of admitting her fault and taking responsibility, apologizing, etc, she’s turning it all around on you. This is the manipulation. Instead of taking responsibility for her own actions, y’know like an adult should do, she’s trying to blame her actions on you and then crying and carrying on to make you feel sorry for her.
So it all becomes about poor mum instead of bad intrusive, lying, manipulative mum. I take it your parents are divorced. I’ll bet that this sort of crap is one of the reasons for the divorce.” pixie-ann
Another User Comments:
“Based on what you have said, your mother sounds like a narcissist. Not being able to take feedback and immediately saying (paraphrasing) ‘I must be such a terrible mother’ are classic signs.
I’m not saying this to bash or judge you or your mother. I’m saying it because you came for advice and recognizing this early on can save you a lot of heartache and self-blame. I recommend a podcast called In Sight. Start at the first episode.
Listen to them all. Or find another way to gain perspective and strategies to deal with her overbearing behavior. NTJ.” Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh2023
Another User Comments:
“So…. Your mom is making you feel guilty for setting boundaries….? Your mom went through your stuff and made it seem like it was YOUR fault she did it?
She is calling HERSELF names and making herself seem like the victim? And you said her occupation has to do with the health industry.. where she would be constantly needed and be considered a “hero” so to speak. Do you happen to know why your parents got divorced?
I get it you’re 16 and she wants to check in on you; HOWEVER, that’s not normal behavior…. And for her to react as drastically as she did after a small conversation? I would suggest having a full conversation with her and paying attention to how she acts and reacts and what she says.
Maybe see if you can spend more time with your dad … Also to add here your mother seems like a narcissist. I would highly suggest living with Dad; it will get worse before it gets better. Narcissists need people to depend on them, and soon you won’t.” X-x19Tilly93x-X
8. AITJ For Denying My Husband Access To Our Home Cameras While He’s Away?
“My husband works out of town 3 days a week. We have cameras in the living room (so I can put the baby down while the older 2 boys are up) and our bedrooms only I have access to because I’m home. I’ve been sick, and the meds are making me not sleep well.
I was up for what seemed like forever TRYING to sleep, and I forgot to text him that I was going to bed because I was trying to sleep, and he freaked out that I hadn’t messaged him and thought I was dead on the stairs or something.
He told me this is why he wants access to the cameras, “in case something happens to me.” Also, because when he’s homesick, he wants to check in on the family. I try to video him 3 times a day with the kids and text him pictures so he feels included.
However, I felt he was saying he didn’t trust me to act appropriately in an emergency. Besides the fact that he would be no help in an emergency since he’s a flight away. We only have the camera in our room because sometimes I let one of the kids sleep in our bed for a nap, but I unplug it when they aren’t in here.
AITJ for not wanting him to access the cameras while away?”
Another User Comments:
“I understand why he’s concerned, and if something did happen he could call the local authorities to alert them that an ambulance, etc was needed at your address and call family/friends to watch the kids if you were incapacitated. But I do feel he’s overreacting a bit.
It’s like there’s never been a single parent ever before. If you are uncomfortable with him watching you on the cameras then that’s your answer. NTJ.” MushroomRadiant4647
Another User Comments:
“The problem that I see here is if he can’t have access then neither can you.
There is no reason for him to not have access. You can watch him when he is at home on camera, but he can’t watch anything. So the solution is either you both have access or throw the cameras away. It’s not fair you get your way and tell him it’s fine for you but he is not allowed. You’re the one being controlling, not him.
So give him access or get rid of the cameras. You can’t have it one way. Marriage is a two-way street, and you’re having it only your way. The only reason you wouldn’t let him have access is if you’re doing something that would get you in trouble.
Be fair and give him access or throw them out.” TheBoss6200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t necessarily think he is either for asking for access, depending on his true reasoning and intent. Consider his perspective if his justification is true. What if he were home but YOU had to leave town for a few days?
Would you be comfortable letting him have control of the cameras and changing the password so you didn’t have access? What about when you’re home together? When you’re both home, are you the only one with access to the cameras? We have cameras in our home, but my wife doesn’t have access to them, despite the fact that I’ve offered to help her install the app and have equal access.
She’s just uninterested. So, I’m just trying to relate.” ldeweyjr
7. AITJ For Yelling At My In-Laws For Using My Car Without Permission To Move A Hay Bale?
“My husband (30s m) and I (30s f) bought a horse property shortly before the birth of our first child. We did not own horses but planned on getting them a few years later when we were established parents and more financially secure.
My in-laws (60ish) had horses that they boarded. They lost boarding unexpectedly and needed to find new accommodations for them. We agreed to take them to help them out, with the benefit to us being a way for us to have horses earlier than we would have been able to afford to do so on our own.
My in-laws were initially very helpful and supportive, but over time, as expense and responsibility rose, they pulled back and started telling us they were our responsibility now. They needed farrier visits, and medications daily, and, worst of all, their food costs increased dramatically. We were in a drought.
Food for them became very difficult to find, and what we could locate was very expensive.
We had many disagreements about this—both between my husband and me, and us with the in-laws. Eventually, the daily care and expense became too much. When we were expecting our second child, we told them we could no longer afford the time or the money to keep the horses.
They asked us to keep them until they could find an alternative and agreed to help us locate feed. They had an equally difficult time locating feed we could manage without farm machinery. They ended up bringing a large round hay bale weighing about 1500 lbs.
FIL planned to dump it off a trailer, then roll it into the paddock with an old ATV.
I was doubtful of the plan but left my husband and in-laws to deal with it while I, heavily pregnant, cared for our toddler. After some time, our toddler was napping, so I went to see how they were doing and help where I could.
I immediately heard loud engines, and when I rounded the corner and they came in sight, I saw that they had my car hooked up to pull the bale with the ATV.
This is where I might be the jerk. I called out to them and waved my arms, but they did not notice me.
I continued to try to get their attention, but by the time they noticed and stopped, I was upset. I yelled at them to stop and asked what they were doing with my car without my permission. My husband explained that it was the only vehicle that could fit through the gate into the paddock.
FIL said it was fine and wouldn’t be a problem for my car. I was still upset and yelling. I said I did not care, that it was my car, my way to work, and if something happened to the car it would be my problem.
They said there was no other way to move the bale and continued to use it, then left immediately after without saying anything to me.
I don’t think getting upset and yelling was ideal, but I think it was an understandable reaction to the situation.
However, my MIL says she was “triggered” by my yelling and that it was unacceptable. So I’m asking, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Is your car rated to pull 1500kg? Probably not. Does it have the capacity to do this on rough ground (I’d estimate double)?
Very likely not. It’s a good way of ruining the car, and you are NTJ for being utterly furious. They continued to use it. And they’ll use it again, as you get into mud season. Sooner or later, they’ll break your car, and they’ll shrug because that’s your problem, and your husband will shrug because what else were they supposed to do?
The peace cannot be kept; it was broken when they took your car for something it’s not suitable for. If you want to continue to keep horses, you’ll need a larger gate, a tractor, or both. Or a hay barn and a good supply of small bale hay.” allyearswift
Another User Comments:
“Although yelling may not constitute the most effective communication approach, it might serve as an instinctual reaction when one feels violated or disregarded. It may be beneficial to engage in a composed dialogue with your in-laws regarding boundaries and articulate how their actions have rendered you feeling disrespected.” AvaAuroraDream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but putting the round bale right in with horses is a terrible idea, I think they’re even worse for destroying (not eating) hay than cattle and, in a drought, a 30% loss is a horrible idea. My last mare used to lay ON TOP of the hay I threw in their pen AFTER peeing on it.
Your initial assumption of just giving some to them daily is exactly what should have happened. And it is total nonsense for them to use your car without asking you though, I do agree, I’m sure the car was fine to do the work it was doing.” tarahlynn
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Don't Want To Babysit Her Anymore?
“I (F18) have a sister (21). Four years ago, she started to have issues with her thyroid.
I don’t know the details, but I know that she often passed out in school as a result of her medical condition. She developed a deep depression, and even when her condition got better after surgery, her depression remained. Even when she got a therapist.
She graduated in 2023 and has been at home ever since. She doesn’t work and doesn’t seek further education. She just sits in her bed all day. She also refuses to do any chores, except for feeding some of our pets.
I graduated in July 2024. I am also still at home, but I work a part-time job and I am studying to get my driver’s license.
I plan on going to university in late spring. But even with my job, I spend more time at home than I used to. That’s why I took over most of the chores. My father works full-time and doesn’t come home before 7 pm. My mother used to work full-time but now reduced her hours to help out with my sister.
I also have to take care of her. I have to get her to wake up (that sometimes takes 2-3 hours). I have to make sure that she eats properly, I try to motivate her to do at least some chores, and I have to check on her frequently.
She also tries to get my attention for hours by stealing my things and running off, by jumping on my bed and refusing to leave, by smearing my door with soap and toothpaste, by waking up my hamster, etc. I normally react to all that calmly because I know how she really feels.
But I started to get more angry with time because it’s just incredibly childish, and I don’t know how to stop her. She also doesn’t leave the house alone. When she wants to go shopping, I have to go with her, and she constantly begs me to do things with her.
Most of the time I give in.
Her depression is very predictable. After a few weeks, everything goes great and then, after some time (mostly before doctors’ appointments/meetings with her therapist), she has a breakdown. She was sent to two clinics for that, and when it happened again a week ago, she was sent to a third.
Monday she got in, and Tuesday she was in tears, already demanding to leave. Not a week later, they are legally not allowed to keep her any longer.
This has happened before. She shows everyone how bad she has it, and then everyone moves earth and sun for her to get proper help, and there she refuses to get any help and just demands to leave as soon as possible.
My mom and I have to pick her up today from the last clinic. She called me earlier, telling me the news. And I told her that I don’t support her decision and that her behavior is unfair to anyone who worries about her and tries to help her.
She tells me that this time it won’t be like the other times, but she promised that multiple times already, and the next time she won’t get into a better clinic. We got into an argument, and a few minutes in, I got really angry and told her that I don’t want to babysit her anymore.
Now she’s calling me a jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…if your sister has the energy and determination to do the things to you that you described, she is using her condition, not managing it. If all those enabling her continue to do so, she will never be more or do more than what she does now.
2-3 hours to wake her up? Stop. She does not work. She does nothing. Why should you even bother to try and wake her up? Stop doing things for her/with her. If she wants to go shopping, she can beg until the moon comes up.
Find ways to tune her out, leave the house, and put headphones on. Get a lock for your door. The smearing of things in your space? Oh no. There would be heck to pay. I know you probably cannot move out yet, so you have to set your boundaries and stick to them.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ honestly, you should stop babysitting her. You should not be responsible for her at all. Before you go off to university, I would recommend trying to get more working hours. Like, if she has enough energy/will to be an annoyance—playing keep away, smearing toothpaste on doors, messing with your hamster, etc.—and only getting worse before professionals have a look at her … sounds a lot less like she has an issue and more that she had an issue, did get depressed, but liked being catered to and is now self-sabotaging/enfeebling herself.
It can be easy to get into that rut and stay there rather than pull yourself out. Your parents can support her as much as they like, though they shouldn’t, but you should pull away now. This is the opportunity to do so. Frankly, you need to plan long term to not be put into a position by her or by your parents to become her caretaker.
This means you should figure out your finances—work as much as you can, when you can.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“Sorry to hear that. Thyroid malfunction can become a nest for mental illnesses. When she’s ill, she needs to increase hormonal intake to not crash.
That being said, one in every 8 women have thyroid issues and don’t act like jerks. My mom had her thyroid completely removed, and she was fine for over 15 years (with a highly stressful and demanding job). This year, she burned out due to taking care of grandma and then being sick.
Thyroid hormones were low, she fell into a depression that progressed into psychosis and wouldn’t talk to anyone. She blamed herself for everything, and things got so bad she was hospitalized for a few months. They got her on the right medications and therapy, and slowly she started feeling like herself again.
Now she’s back working and living, and I couldn’t be more proud of her. In all that time, she never acted mean or spoiled towards anyone. So maybe your sister is just frustrated because she has to be “locked” at home or needs to have a babysitter.
The toothpaste is a clear scream for attention. Or maybe bipolar is there. But set your boundaries.” smoki_d_luffy
5. AITJ For Telling My Cousin To Appreciate Her Husband?
“I love my cousin but she’s a bit of a drama queen and hasn’t found a situation she doesn’t want to complain about. I usually let it go, but recently she was putting down her husband in front of me and a few others, and I just snapped, basically telling her that she should be grateful to have a husband who does so much for her and her daughter (not his child).
I might have even said that at family events when she talks down to him, I see the light in his eyes go out. I’ve never really spoken like this to her before, but I was just so frustrated, particularly as someone who is divorced and in the horrid app scene.
I was trying to get her to appreciate what she has, but I guess I also don’t know the whole story of their relationship behind closed doors.
Her response to my comments was that she deserves to be treated like a queen, and I thought, “Sure, but does that mean degrading your partner in front of others?””
Another User Comments:
“Maybe controversial, but I’m going to say ESH/NTJ. Does your cousin sound like an unappreciative jerk? Of course! I’m concerned her husband’s going to be the one that pays for your approach though, which is why I said ESH. At a minimum, she sounds emotionally abusive.
While I understand wanting to point out how often she puts him down, holding it in until it comes out like that isn’t the way to go about it. If anything, I would’ve found a moment during a get-together to speak with him. Just basic open-ended questions about how he’s doing these days can start the ball rolling.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“You’ve said your piece. NTJ. You’re looking out for someone that you love, and you’re trying to get her to see sense. But she refuses to do so. She wants to be treated like a queen, and obviously the way to do that is to insult your husband in front of others.
I wonder how long that is going to last, until the one time he snaps back? You’ve tried. Now all you can do is to take two steps back, and just make sure any of her business doesn’t interfere with yours.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“INFO: You don’t state any insults and in fact you state she complains… So how exactly is she degrading him? Could it possibly be that the degrading is simply her pointing out his mistakes or flaws, and that’s seen as an attack because in your mind she needs to STFU and be appreciative that he is with her when she is a single mom?
Such as, he gets her a carrot cake and she complains that it’s not chocolate cake. Maybe you think she should have no complaints because her kid is baggage, so she should be happy she has a man? Society likes to pretend it’s progressive, but there is still the notion that women need to be grateful for male attention, especially if she is seen as undesirable, i.e., fat, old, or a single mom.
Heck, there are threads every day telling women to be grateful her partner/husband got her a gift even if she hates it. There was even a thread where a woman was berated for being upset she was allergic to the coconut cake her partner got her.
I find society has ridiculous standards for women in regards to “respecting” a man, while there is no respect expected for a woman and there is a very low bar for men. Men get praise for parenting their own kids or washing a dish or two.
There’s a reason why stats show most couples are women paying half the bills and still doing all/most childcare and chores. It’s at the point that a man washing his butt is seen as extraordinary.” Maleficent-Bottle674
4. AITJ For Choosing To Name My Daughter After A Friend And Not My Family?
“My birth family was not so nice to me when I was younger, but they are decent now. I am expecting my first baby, a girl, who will arrive in April. My husband and I are planning to name her Lauren Hope Luna, with Lauren after our friend and Luna after Luna Lovegood.
We both love the name. However, my family is not particularly thrilled with the idea—- they think it’s wrong for me to only name her after friends but not family.
I moved to the US from Asia with my family as a teen and have lived there since.
When I got married I changed my surname to my husband’s and got rid of my foreign name on my birth certificate, and gave myself a middle name. It is mostly because my parents used our Asian heritage as an excuse to bully and control me when I was younger.
None of my kids will have a foreign name from my home country and will be raised American. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s definitely telling that they’re hung up on a beloved friend’s name and not a book character’s. I’m all for any of them, to be clear.
I’m a Lauren and I love the name Luna. My daughter is named after a movie character from my childhood. It’s just that your family’s reasoning seems to be more about disliking the fact that you have a newfound family that means more to you, and you seem to be aware of it.
I think you should trust your gut and keep the name you and your partner chose. Best of luck to you. NTJ.” PomegranateOk6767
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you give your kids a name they can wear with pride, but I wish I was more in touch with my culture.
My dad told my mom in America we speak English, and not to teach me our mother tongue. I didn’t get to learn my heritage other than the food consumed, and the ones who got to grow up with the culture are disappointed that I basically only speak English.
I’m too Asian on the outside among my peers, and they ask me where I am from(despite being born here), but in the eyes of the native Asians, I am an outsider. My cousins don’t even want to talk to me in English since I am a stupid American who is too self-absorbed to learn the mother tongue.
My parents robbed me of that opportunity, and I can’t help but be bitter about it. I was friends with an autistic Asian girl in high school, and she was always happy. Her parents were nice, and they didn’t yell at her when she acted odd or slow, she even spoke the native tongue and was their pride and joy.” Decent-Chemistry-427
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you and your husband decide what to name your child and how to raise her. I will just mention that I knew an immigrant family in which the parents decided to raise their children entirely in English because they were living in an English-speaking country.
The parents were surprised when one of the children decided when in her teens to learn the ancestral language. They didn’t oppose it; in fact, they helped her out, but they were surprised she wanted to. So your little girl may, when she’s older, do the same thing.” SavingsRhubarb8746
3. AITJ For Using The Word 'Consent' Against My Mother Over Hair Issues?
“I (14F) have wavy, frizzy hair that’s always been a pain to maintain whenever it’s short (let’s say above my shoulders). About 2 years ago now, my hair was at its longest and it was easier to maintain. I got it cut because my mom (44) didn’t want me to have longer hair.
Being 12 at the time, I didn’t care so much and got it done. (I was on vacation when this happened.)
Fast forward to around September 2024, after my sister (9) and I had just gotten haircuts, and I think it’s safe to say that we are both responsible when it comes to asking for the appropriate haircuts.
However, we noticed that our hairdresser had cut our hair shorter than requested. This was the second time that had happened and I asked my mom if she could ask the hairdresser to not cut off as much hair because both my sister and I didn’t want to come off as rude.
That’s when she admits that she tells the hairdresser to cut our hair shorter on purpose because she likes our short hair. My sister and I were both livid, and I told her that we were both old enough to ask for a simple trim.
Since then my mom has offered to plait my hair after I wash it, and I have politely declined the offer, yet she keeps asking me in particular if she could brush my hair, and I still say no. But she is still asking, and at this point I’m getting really sick of her requests despite me saying no, so the next time she asked me about her brushing my hair I say “no I don’t consent to that.” My mom gets upset that I used that kind of language against her.
I told her that I was only using strong language because she wasn’t listening to me at first and I said that I have to say what I really mean, but she still gets mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your body, your hair, your right to withhold consent to be touched in any way that you don’t welcome.
Perhaps if your mother hadn’t gone behind your back and given your hairdresser instructions that contradicted your stated wishes, you’d be less sensitive in this area. But as it stands, your sensitivity and strong, assertive language are completely justified. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve got two white parents, 4 white grandparents but have a genetic ‘quirk’ which means I’ve got afro hair (really, really afro).
My mum took me to a salon when I was 11 and they said if they cut it all off it would grow back straight – newsflash… It didn’t. After that, I refused to allow any hairdresser near my hair and I would physically walk out of the room if my mum came anywhere near me.
It was only when I went to University which had a much better mix of people (not 100% white in Southern UK) that I started getting my hair braided and finally, relaxed. I go to an amazing Afro-Carribbean salon and have done for over 20 years and my hair is in amazing condition.
It sounds as if your mum doesn’t know how to care for your type of hair? And maybe the salon doesn’t either? I don’t blame you for saying what you did and if you’re happy with how your hair is, that’s great. If not – might be worth having a look online or for local places that would be happy to talk to you about how they could tame your hair to a style/condition you’d like?” the_evilpenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may be young but you have a right to an opinion and you should have the right to tell people who try to exert control over your body without your consent that is what they are doing. “I don’t consent to that” does not sound at all rude or disrespectful.
It sounds like a young person making a point very, very clear to someone who hasn’t been listening to them. Maybe ask your mom to sit down and discuss it with you properly. You can probably get to a compromise that works ok for both of you and removes any need for the disagreement to escalate.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Banning My Son's Partner From Family Dinners?
“My (52f) son (22m) has started bringing his partner over a little over a month ago. The first time he brought her over, I took it quite formally and cooked up a feast, but it soon became obvious it’s becoming a daily thing and not just a one-time formal thing.
At the first meeting, she came quite a bit late and the food was cold by the time she arrived. No pardons or anything, and when we were done everyone helped to pack up. And we thought she would kind of get the notion, but since it was her first time here, we didn’t say anything.
As for desserts, I like to do this thing. For example, for cupcakes, I will prepare the icing and everyone would gather and decorate their dessert, but she made it quite clear from the get-go that she wasn’t interested in it and stuff.
So, for basically the last month, she’s here almost daily and she would request specific dishes with no thanks and stuff.
My other son (17m) has also verbally called him out on her not contributing anything gently, but she said something along the lines of “no ring, no wife duties.” I don’t see this as a wife duty? I would do this for my friends’ hangout, and everyone in my house puts a hand in—my daughters, my husband, and my sons.
So today, when my son told me that she requested a specific meat pie for dinner, I was quite done; however, I don’t want to affect my relationship with my son over this, especially since he really likes her a lot, but I’m really considering banning her from our dinners.”
Another User Comments:
“So this girl you barely know is showing up daily, requesting specific meals but not helping with prep, setting the table, participating in food rituals (decorating desserts), helping clean up, or even saying thanks? You should tell your son she needs to learn some manners and at minimum won’t be welcome to family meals until she learns some.
Also… the nerve to request a specific meal…. Jesus – I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and only ever requested something from my in-laws when they’ve wanted to cook me like a birthday dinner and they asked ME what I wanted….” Kinsleyturner
Another User Comments:
“Have a chat with your son. Ask him if he is happy with how his partner is treating the family dinners as a restaurant. Maybe set some guidelines of ‘max 3 x times per week, must assist with washing up or setting the table.’ What’s on the menu is the menu and you make this menu based on what’s on special, in season, etc. You could even start doing a rota of kids taking turns in cooking a meal once a week to set themselves up for living on their own, and this includes your son and his partner making dinner one night a week.” juniperginandtonic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but 1st, stop acting like her caterer &/or personal chef. Unless she has a food allergy, don’t make what she requests. Even then, she can be responsible for bringing her own sometimes food if it’s that big of an issue.
She really seems to be just leeching off of you. Make what you’d make anyway. She can eat what’s available or not. She can reheat her food or eat it cold instead of inconveniencing an entire group. The cupcake thing sounds dumb on her part because that’s part of a group activity & partially meant for fun for everyone.
The no wife duties should only be applied to the things done between them (unless of course your son never does anything to help or participate either at your house). The biggest thing is, why is your son okay with the entire rest of his family being treated this way by someone?
That’s your real problem.” Here_IGuess
1. AITJ For Parking Next To A Car That Was On The Line?
“Tonight, I drove to CVS to pick up popcorn for a Christmas movie with my kids. I parked in the closest open parking spot to the door.
When I got out, I noticed the car next to mine was very close. I had to squeeze through a cracked door just to get out (Note: I made sure I did not touch their car with my door at all).
I double-checked to see if I parked poorly, and I was right in the middle of the spot. However, the car next to me was on the line. Not over the line, but the wheels were touching the line.
For context, I have a Chevy Bolt, a small EV car.
The other car was a midsize SUV, like a Toyota RAV4.
I didn’t think much of it. My kids were waiting, and I wanted to get in and get out.
When I come back, the owner of the other car is checking for possible dings (presumably from my car door opening).
They were about to get in when they saw me walk up to them. Then, we had this interaction.
Them: Is this your car?
Me: Yes, it is.
Them: Why did you park next to me when there are so many other spots? (there were other open spots in the row behind our cars)
Me: I just parked in the closest spot to the store.
Them: You’re so close to my car when you could have parked anywhere else.
Me: I’m parked in the middle of the spot, and you’re on the line.
Them: If I ding your car with my door, “it’s more your fault than mine.”
Me: Your car is on the line.
Them: “That’s not really relevant,” says as she gets in her car.
Am I the jerk here? I never would have thought to check if the cars on the other side of me had parked well before I pulled in.”
Another User Comments:
“I once had a car park next to me over the line next to my driver’s door. I had to open my door and push in the side of their car door to get in. It was the only way to get in my car which was parked in a disabled spot.
I don’t feel in the wrong in any way.” Woodysteve65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also I always check for things like that, just due to the possibility of the other car dinging mine because of their bad parking job. I’ll walk a few extra steps to have a safer spot.
Wild that they’re blaming their bad parking job on you though.” pizzacatbrat
Another User Comments:
“Depends on if they parked this way because the car on the other side had been too close. You didn’t know how big they were or if they could get into the car.
ESH.” Sure_Flamingo_2792
