People Hope To Get Clarity About Their Status In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Exposing My Sister's Lie In Front Of Our Family?
“My (M19) sister Sara (F17) always says that she hates beetroot and celery. She makes it a big part of her personality, she practically introduces herself: ‘Hi, I’m Sara, I hate celery and beetroot.’ Except for these two things and broth she isn’t a picky eater at all, so nobody is making a big deal out of that.
In the last few months my sister was repeatedly buying hummus… with beetroot… and using it on her sandwiches. I called her on that, asking why she lies about hating beetroots when in reality she eats them daily. She told me that she still hates beetroots but their taste is not noticeable in hummus and that she thinks eating them in small portions is healthy for her as they contain iron (she recently had problems with anemia).
I let it go, even though I still thought that it was weird. Also, I tried this hummus of hers and yes, the beetroots were clearly noticeable in the taste. (Also, sometimes she adds celery to tomato juice when she tries to be on a diet, ’cause she thinks it helps her lose weight, so I think her ‘disliking’ these foods is just a lie.)
Fast forward to the weekend, our family visited my aunt and uncle (dad’s brother’s family) for dinner. Aunt made a roast with beetroots but told Sara that specifically for her she also had made a bit of another dish, so she doesn’t need to eat them.
Sara thanked our aunt but I thought that it is unfair that she had additional work even though my sister only pretends to hate beetroots. So I told my aunt openly that I saw Sara eating beetroots and she shouldn’t worry too much since she is alright about eating them.
Everybody got very silent and Sara was nervous and started saying that I’m lying. I called her on her beetroot hummus and she tried to tell me that it was not the same but for some time the mood during the dinner was very awkward.
Sara and my mum are really mad at me and say that I purposefully tried to make my sister look bad. My dad is on my side and says that she should get over her fussing anyway. I didn’t try to make her look bad, I only thought that it was unfair that the aunt made a different dish for her, even though she was only lying to make herself look more interesting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So basically, you saw your sister eating something she doesn’t like in a dish, and you decided it was your duty to report to the family? YTJ. That sounds like something an elementary school student would say, and the taste of the hummus might be helping her eat it.
Plus, it’s good for her, as she pointed out. Maybe she doesn’t like beetroots with anything else? I hate tomatoes in most dishes, but I still appreciate ketchup.
Also, you definitely tried to make her look bad. None of your points are relevant.” Era_or_smth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You might think she’s being high maintenance about not liking certain foods, but you never once mention why she doesn’t like them, which leaves a strong possibility that you don’t even know. As a person who ‘dislikes’ certain foods based on their texture, I’m here to tell you that I will literally vomit if I try to eat chickpeas straight, yet I love hummus because the texture is completely different.
So you called your sister a liar & humiliated her in front of your family when you don’t even know why she doesn’t like beetroot or celery, & you wonder if that makes you a jerk? Yes, it does, & an absolutely petty one at that.” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“What?! Did you really spend this entire story talking about calling your sister a liar because she ate hummus that had beetroot in it? Just in case you are not full-on trolling us, I will go ahead and say it – YTJ.
You are such a jerk and it is not even funny.
You are 19 years old and bullying your minor-aged sister. How do you not see that you are a jerk here? You called her a liar and then intentionally set out to humiliate her in front of the whole family.
The only reason you had to say anything was to make her look bad. So that makes you a bully on top of just being a straight-up jerk.
Here’s the thing, you don’t get to decide what someone likes or dislikes. You don’t get to call people liars because they don’t fit your perception of what they like and dislike.
Seriously, dude, you are going to be out in the real world soon (I hope) and you will see that commenting on other people’s eating habits is a really good way for you to be friendless. Grow up and let your sister live her life, jerk.” PaganCHICK720
18. AITJ For Confronting My Mom After She Left Out My Partner And The Kids From Our Tradition?
“I’ve (m23) been with my partner Ellie (f31) for almost a year.
Ellie has 2 kids (f6, m4) and we get along really well.
I have a big family and it’s pretty much impossible to have one Christmas event and expect everyone to make it, so my parents host their celebration the week before. My mom has a tradition with the ‘kids’ (us) where she gives mini snow globes.
The event was last Saturday, and as usual, mom pulled us aside and gave us this year’s snow globes.
Now the snow globe giving extends to partners and I was expecting Ellie and the kids to receive one. My brother’s wife Jane (f27-28) was there and mom gave her and her 5-year-old daughter snow globes.
Mom’s reasoning is that she doesn’t know Ellie well enough to be included, but I said being my partner should be enough and she should’ve at least included the kids. Ellie came to the event with me and she was upset when she saw mom didn’t get one for her or the kids.
I got kind of annoyed and told mom she gets snow globes for Jane and her daughter, considering my brother wasn’t her son (we’re half brothers). If that’s the case then she’s excluding Ellie for no reason.
Mom got defensive and started getting mad, and we ended up leaving early.
I just don’t think what mom did was right, these aren’t expensive and she could’ve got 3 more so Ellie and the kids could be included. I’d get it if it was just for us, but she gets them for partners and kids too. I got a few texts later from my sister, saying I’m creating issues and we disrespected my parents and Jane and should apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Jane is married to your brother. Ellie and you have only been together for a year. You’re not engaged or married. Even if you don’t plan on getting married, this isn’t a serious long-term relationship yet, and her kids are not your mother’s grandkids.
Mom gets to decide who her family is and who isn’t. Making that crack about your brother not really being her son was a low blow and does not make you look good. Show that you’re in it with Ellie for the long term, and let the relationship and closeness grow organically.
Forcing it like you did this time will just make mom and the family dislike Ellie and her kids. And you.” ArwenandEowyn
Another User Comments:
“The kids weren’t even there.
Your mom gave them chocolates as a substitute.
Your mom pointed out that you had only been together for not even a year and she didn’t feel comfortable including them in the tradition but still made sure they weren’t empty-handed.
You responded to your mom by saying your dead brother wasn’t really her son and that his widow and now fatherless child, therefore, have no right to be included in the tradition if your partner of around 9-10 months who is 10 years older than you with kids isn’t.
And just to repeat, your dead brother was married to his wife for 5 years (who knows how long they dated) before he died 2 years ago! Your sister-in-law has been in this family’s life for at least 8 years allowing for one year of relationship minimum and your response to your mom not knowing your partner well enough was to invalidate your widowed sister in laws connection by saying your dead brother wasn’t even part of your family.
Dude, YTJ, more than most people you are the jerk.” Boutros_The_Orc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mom has literally stated she doesn’t know Ellie well (which you don’t deny), and instead of recognizing that and making attempts to rectify it, like suggesting you and Ellie meet her more, you just demanded that she should have given Ellie and her children this gift that she clearly extends to family?
It sounds like literally every single other person you’ve made comparisons to are people your mom has known for longer, and I’m guessing is closer with than Ellie. Why would you expect her to treat Ellie like family if Ellie does not make the effort to get to know her, and you don’t try to make that happen?
If you want Ellie’s kids to be treated like grandkids, are you guys treating her like grandma? If not your expectations are unreasonable.” deadninbed
17. AITJ For Hiding My Roommate's Cleaning Supplies?
“I (22) am from a town and just moved to a big city because I dreamed of living here since I was little.
I don’t know anyone here so my older sister asked one of her HS friends Lucy (27) if I could stay with her while I get on my feet and my sister would send her $500/mo for 3 months until I get on my feet and find a job and my own place to live.
I knew Lucy from when we were all younger but not friends. But she agreed.
She has a really nice apartment and I had my own room, which is really tiny but that’s fine. She’s really nice but I picked up some concerning behaviors almost immediately.
She cleans a LOT. like way too much. She vacuums and mops literally daily, and she is always scrubbing or organizing something. Sometimes she cleans the floor by hand which is crazy to me because it’s already clean. she can’t leave any dishes at all in the sink, she ‘has’ to do them right away
She has one of those ‘cleantok’ accounts with 10000s of followers so she says it’s basically a ‘side hustle’ for her but it’s legit OCD that she’s hiding behind a really flimsy excuse. And it’s obviously bad for her and me to be breathing in cleaning chemicals every day.
I tried talking to her about it but she just told me to mind my business and that I could live in filth when I got my own place which was not a rational response.
I was really worried about her and myself so I took her supplies and hid them in my trunk.
I was going to throw them away but I thought that was maybe too much so I just hid them.
She freaked out at me when she got home and found them gone and that was just confirmation I did right so I told her I threw it all out and that she had to take a break for her own good.
She went into her room for a while and I thought she’d just process her feelings but she had called my sister and returned the money so that she could kick me out. I told her she couldn’t bc I had rights but she just laughed at me and said ‘prove you lived here’ and then kicked me out.
It’s totally illegal for her to do that but I don’t have anything to prove I had been staying there for 3 weeks unless my sister told them but she’s mad and won’t help me now. I still don’t have a job or any money and I’m going to have to move home so my dreams are dead now.
I was just trying to help her, no one needs to clean that much.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You stole her belongings after you made a decision about how she should live her life. You’re egocentric attitude needs some improvement.
You’re an even bigger jerk for assuming you can diagnose someone with OCD because she cleans a lot.
Before you use that acronym again, go and educate yourself on the disorder and stop assuming someone who likes things clean in OCD.” Little-Martha31204
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Extreme cleanliness does not equal OCD, you’re not an expert, don’t diagnose her.
‘that was just confirmation I did right’
Someone being upset because you took their things does not mean you’re right.
It sounds like cleaning is cathartic to her and you preventing her from doing so can do more harm than good. You get to live in a clean home, she’s not hurting anyone.
Also if she has a cleaning tiktok account she’s likely keeping her engagement up by regularly posting.
It’s her house.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
What is wrong with you?! Your sister’s friend so kindly offered a place to sleep and live at (and you didn’t even have to pay anything.
Your sister did!). And you’re going to steal her stuff like that?
At least she’s not dirty and makes YOU do all the dishes. Honestly, stop being entitled. This is not your place. You didn’t even pay for it in the end.
And also, be grateful that you have somewhere to live.
Also, why the heck does her being clean have anything to do with OCD? Of course, she panicked when she noticed something was missing. Who doesn’t? Like, stop trying to act like a know-it-all please.” onlyoneuseaccount
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Be Responsible For Cooking?
“My (40M) wife died two years ago and I live alone with my daughter (13F). The main logistical issue for me about taking care of her since her mom died is that I am totally useless at cooking.
I can’t do almost anything and I have burned myself many times trying to do the most simple stuff, so I mostly just order food for us. My sister also comes sometimes and cooks here. I have considered hiring a private chef but my daughter was against that.
She has been telling me that she wants to take on more responsibilities in the kitchen. I have only allowed that in small doses because I am afraid it would be a form of parentification. She likes watching cooking shows and videos on the internet to learn.
Last week was my birthday and she asked me to buy her ingredients to make me a big dinner. I decided to allow that.
She prepared some hors d’oeuvres, put out some smoked salmon and some prosciutto with melon, as well as some fresh berries.
She started baking some potatoes, took out some thick prime ribeye steaks, and put her own mixture of seasonings on them. She got together the ingredients for a genuine Caesar salad, trimmed some asparagus, and separated some eggs for hollandaise. When she was halfway done with the salads, she put the steaks on.
The baked potatoes were done and were staying warm in the oven. She had already squeezed lemons and measured out the butter for the Hollandaise. After whipping up the Hollandaise, she dropped the asparagus in boiling water and put out some butter and fresh thyme on the steaks.
She plated everything and served it to me. I didn’t finish everything but I ate at least a little of each thing and it was all very good. She got the steaks to a perfect medium rare.
After her success with that dinner, she asks me to send her to real cooking classes and allow her to cook for me more regularly.
I am against that, I don’t want a girl so young to assume these kid of responsibilities. She got really angry at me and had been ignoring me for the last few days. I have tried to reach an agreement with her, telling her she can take cooking classes but only cook at the house for special occasions.
She says that is not enough and that I am being too controlling.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but this is a hard one.
I get the concerns you have about forcing her into cooking, but it sounds like this is something she has a passion for doing at the same time.
I think one action you should take is to ask her why she wants to take on cooking more for the two of you; that to me is the central point that you should look at. Perhaps it’s something she wants to feel closer to her mother, or it could be something else.
The two of you should discuss it further and look more at the why than just the what in this situation.
One suggestion might be to be open to her cooking on a more regular basis than just ‘special occasions’, but maybe just once a month or every other week to start with.
And perhaps reducing some other chores around the house to balance it.
But definitely, I think you need to be more open to why your daughter is making the request, and not get too caught up in the content here.
As an aside, I’m a little jealous of your daughter’s cooking skills.” Inocain
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is a huge difference between learning to cook to get ready for adulthood, or just for sheer pleasure and as a hobby, or even a future career than being forced to cook night after night for the household as a minor.
I cannot believe that you cannot see the difference here. You are being controlling by denying your daughter the ability to learn new skills, I am not sure what you are trying to gain by it. Stopping her from being independent? All you are achieving is making her resentful and wanting to get away from you.” User
Another User Comments:
“I’m reluctant to say you’re a jerk because it sounds like you’re trying to do your best to make sure your daughter’s emotional needs are being met.
However, you are on the verge of denying her a genuine passion, one for which she has natural talent.
If it was boxing or piano or woodwork you probably wouldn’t have an issue – cooking is both a practical skill and also a form of creative expression.
I’d say don’t let your own hang-ups prevent your daughter from doing something she loves – and better yet, why don’t you find a way to make this a bonding activity?
I’d say there are no jerks here right now since it sounds like you’re willing to change your mind on this, but you will definitely be a jerk if you continue to deny her the chance to do something she enjoys.” Reasonable-Pen-88
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
OMG, she is ACHING to learn how to cook for real and this is something you should embrace. It’s NOT you forcing her to cook dinners, but this is something she clearly has a passion for, please don’t stifle her.
Why not take the classes together?
It would be a fun bonding experience for you both. I get you being worried, but trust me, in this, you are being too controlling and unreasonable about it. She’s also probably sick of eating takeout all the time and yearns for home-cooked meals, possibly even some favorite dishes her mother made.” Caspian4136
15. AITJ For Ruining My Partner's Birthday Celebration?
“My fiance (21f) dropped me off at work at 6:45 am I work a stressful 12-hour swing shift job and today is her birthday. She went to my mother’s and they decided to try to play a joke on me by making me think they went to a male club and got her first drink together when they both knew how important it was to me that I took her.
They send photos of her outside a building and a margarita (the drink she said she wanted to try first).
I told my mother over text it really meant a lot to me that I was gonna be the one to take her and that I was upset that they would do that to me.
She saw I was upset but continued the joke resulting in them after an hour and a half of us texting finally telling me it was a joke after they had already seen how upset it made me. We spoke over the phone and I told her it wasn’t funny and that she shouldn’t have taken it that far and it led to an argument.
Now my fiance and my mother are mad at me because I didn’t take the joke so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re 19, you can’t even legally get an adult beverage yourself with her. It’s HER milestone birthday, not yours. You don’t get to dictate who is with her or restrict her celebration to when it’s convenient for you.
You acted like a selfish child and made yourself the butt of their joke, they made a small laugh and you overreacted. Congratulations on making her birthday all about you and your unhealthy relationship with liquor.” Gullible_Ad_4653
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no one wants to work a 12-hour shift and come home to nonsense, they saw how upset it made you and instead of ending the joke they decided to continue with it.
However, I don’t understand how you’re supposed to take her for her first drink if you’re only 19 I don’t know where you’re from but I’m assuming America which means she’d have to wait 2 years in order for you to drink with her unless you just want to be there and not drink.” Lord_Kazekage_20
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was your partner’s birthday… it isn’t about you. It’s a bit odd the way you said ‘they both knew how important it was to me that I took her’. Again, her birthday shouldn’t be about what’s important to you.
Stop being so clingy and let your partner celebrate how she would like. Also, it was all a joke likely designed to poke fun at how ridiculous and controlling you were being about your partner’s bday. Let it go.” kenzie-k369
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – what even is the point of playing this joke?
To get a reaction out of him. Well, they got one. And they kept it going for 90 minutes, so clearly they enjoy making him unhappy.
I’m not sure what his obsession about being there for the first drink is about (which is where the judgment comes from), but working that hard at irritating him and then being upset at him when they succeeded makes them jerks.” avast2006
14. AITJ For Telling My Dad That I Do Not See Him As My Father?
“My father went to prison when I was about 3. He got out for a very short period of time when I was 9 (He and my mom got pregnant with my sister Camila during this time.) But then he chose to do something stupid and got sent back to prison.
He was incarcerated in a different state so we were rarely able to visit him.
I’m now 16. My father got out of prison last month and lives with us again. Camila is very excited, she calls him daddy and wants to spend as much time as possible with him.
I am neutral about him living with us. I see him more as a tenant who happens to live in the same house as us instead of my father.
My father is upset that I don’t call him dad. (I don’t call him by his first name or anything deliberately disrespectful.
I just do not initiate conversations with him.) He acts offended when he offers to do something for me and I tell him no thank you. He accuses me of insulting his skills/thinking he’s incapable when I just prefer doing things by myself.
We’ve been off school since last week and my father has a problem with me studying for the SAT and doing work for my school club (I’m the president) instead of hanging out with him. He told me that I should step down as club president because we ‘need to make up for lost time’ and ‘You should treat me with the respect I deserve instead of prioritizing these little assignments over having a bond with me.
I’m your dad!’
I told my father that he needs to accept the fact that I do not see him as my dad. He spent my childhood in prison because he chose to make stupid decisions. He didn’t act right so that he could be in my life, so I grew up and moved on without him.
I’m not suddenly going to need him now that he’s shown up again.
When things calmed down, I apologized to my father for being harsh and taking it too far in our argument. I told him that at the same time, he wasn’t around when I was a kid who needed a father and nothing is going to change that fact.
I told him to just focus on being a good dad to Camila and to focus on not screwing up so he’s able to be around for her.
My mom grounded me over this and told me that I am in the wrong for this situation.
She said that my father was trying his best to connect with me and that I should be more appreciative of his effort. Then she said how education will always be available but time with family is limited so I should prioritize that. Then she claimed that Camila would be happiest if we all got along as a happy family and spend time with each other and that I was taking away from my sister’s happiness.
But Camila honestly doesn’t seem to notice or care whether I’m spending time with my father or not. And I don’t understand why I’m expected to put the other parts of my life backburner for my father when he made stupid decisions and wasn’t around for me.
But am I actually the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You want respect, be respectful. His decisions separated him from his family.
He needs to meet you where you’re at. Be interested in you, not demand your time and attention, and priorities. You’ve been home all along.
Sounds like mom is more interested in having her husband back. Plan accordingly. I’m sorry neither parent understands that strangers have to build a relationship with teens not just demand one. Your dad is a stranger to you. Like mom gets a man.
If you want respect, you gotta be respectable, too.” elderoriens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your priorities are correct here. This is the moment when academic achievement lays the foundation for future success. Keep your eye on the prize.
You have explained your position on your father well, and tried to have a reasonable conversation. It sounds like your mother and father want to find a way to undo the damage caused by bad decisions in the past. You may want to pursue that bond later, but now is really not the moment to prioritize it.” DustySwordsman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re right – he can’t be absent for 90% of your life and then expect you to see him as a father figure. And I understand how important it is to them that you have a bond with him, but it feels really short-sighted and selfish of them to insist you put off your education to be his daughter.
Would it be cool of you to give him a chance to build a relationship with you? Sure. But you aren’t a jerk if you don’t.
He can’t force a relationship with you. It has to be a mutual choice, which means your terms need to be respected as well.” finallyinfinite
Also, what kind of mother tell you you should prioritize ANYTHING before school and education?? That's ludacris!!!!
13. AITJ For Not Defending My Partner From Her Parents' Mockery?
“I (30f) and my partner (38) have been together for almost two years now. Things have been moving very fast between us. She’s the love of my life!
However, I have to say that she doesn’t really help much around the house. She doesn’t cook, doesn’t wash the dishes, and doesn’t vacuum.
To her credit, she does clean the bathroom sink, toilet, and shower, but the rest pretty much falls on me. She also puts her laundry in the washer, but she either won’t take it out to dry or won’t fold it once it’s done. And even when I fold her stuff, she lets it sit on a chair or table for weeks without putting it away.
She has tons of qualities, but she’s a bit of a slob, and she knows it. She often jokes about how I have a lower tolerance for the mess around the place, which is why I do things before she does. The thing that hurts me is that, as a feminist, she likes to debate gender inequalities in the household with our friends and family.
She talks about how some men won’t take initiative, will feign incompetence at chores so they won’t be asked to do them again, or will say ‘I was about to do that’ when their wife actually gives up and does the task herself. But she does the exact same things!
Well, last year, we spent Christmas time at her parents’ place. Her family is a lot like mine, which means they are generally nice, but they can be controlling and belittling. Some of their jokes are more like jabs, which my partner really hates. One evening at dinner, her mother joked about how I surely did all the cooking at home, and I just laughed without answering.
Later that night, my partner told me I was a b******e for not defending her, and that I was supposed to stand up for her in situations like these. I apologized and agreed to step in the next time it would happen.
A couple of days later, we were both at my parents’ place, and they basically did the exact same thing for me, joking about how I surely was terrible at keeping the house clean.
My partner immediately stepped in and defended me, which I appreciate. However, I felt like this was only fair since I actually do keep the house clean!
I don’t know… AITJ for not defending my partner the first time?
Edit: My partner was diagnosed with ADHD before I met her, and I was diagnosed with autism.
She insists I should get checked for ADHD as well because I’m very unfocused and forgetful, but I haven’t yet.
I thought I had accepted that she simply couldn’t get past executive dysfunction, but I guess I was indeed building resentment. I also didn’t understand that the problem wasn’t about the veracity of the jab, the problem was that it was a jab.
A mean-spirited jab. One I shouldn’t have allowed, however sulky I felt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, really confused – she wants you to actively lie to her parents? Defending means you point out that she does stuff – so she wants you to lie to the people she loves?
Just flat out say you won’t lie. You will defend her if they say something wrong but not will not make something up.
As for your friends and when she goes on her feminist rants – tell her upfront now that if she repeats that you will ask her publicly why she behaves that.
Tell her to drop the topic. She can’t expect you to lie and she shouldn’t be a hypocrite.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because as much as I agree that your chore list isn’t distributed equally and your partner should step up, that has absolutely nothing to do with why your partner’s parents are jerks to her.
All she heard was her parents being mean, and you laughing at her parents being mean. You even described it as mocking in your title. You gotta understand, as justified as you feel about it because you think it’s the truth, they are entirely separate issues.
She defended you from your parents because she heard them being mean to you, and she didn’t care for it. Not because what they said was factually incorrect, even if it was.
You don’t have to lie to point out that they’re being needlessly mean, or to be supportive to your partner when she needs you.” Imnotawerewolf
Another User Comments:
“If she wants you to stick up and defend her she would have actually had to do some work too. Oh that’s not true she cooked… but if she didn’t then you’re NTJ. She has literally zero defense. If she wants you to defend her she actually has to compromise at least once in a blue moon and help out so you have relevant examples of when that wasn’t true and she did help.
Otherwise, she expects praise for doing zero.” applejax1012
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You don’t have to lie and pretend that she does all of the cooking and cleaning to defend her against parents who are, in your own words, ‘controlling and belittling’ and who like to take ‘jabs’ at her.
‘My partner does (other things) and she makes me very happy’ would have shut down the comments. If this is a bone of contention for you, though, that should be discussed openly, not relegated to something that you bicker about by proxy. She should pull her fair share around the house too!” definitely_zella
12. AITJ For Reporting My Coworker First?
“I am extremely sensitive to smells. I get headaches and nausea from regular stuff like colognes or deodorant when they’re a bit stronger. I am aware people have every right to smell however they want.
The problem was, a coworker got a new perfume as a gift from her partner and was showing it off.
Cool. The whole office had this sickly sweet smell that made me want to throw up. I pulled Mary (fake name) aside and said ‘Hi, I know you like your gift, but I’m sensitive to the smell, so if you could not use it as much, it would be great!’ She just said ‘Ok’ and went on about her day.
Later that day, she sprayed a bit on a friend of hers, right next to me, and I admit I reacted poorly, but I put my hand over my nose and walked out.
The next day, the smell was even stronger, so I told her ‘I know I talked to you yesterday about your perfume, I understand it sounds silly but I really feel nauseous.
Can we please talk?’ She brushed me off, and said there was no need to talk.
Later, another coworker came to me and asked what did I do to make Mary angry. He told me Mary was going off about how I told her she smelled bad, that I humiliated her in front of another coworker, that I was jealous because she got a nice gift, and that she was thinking of reporting me for harassment because I wouldn’t let go.
I thought ‘If she reports me, I won’t be able to fix this.’ So I went ahead and reported her for having a strong smell that was disturbing the workplace (not necessarily a bad odor, strong scents, in general, are also not allowed but nobody goes around reporting that).
I also added that I am autistic to let them know why I react differently and why the smell was bad for me when other people probably don’t think it’s bad.
Mary is, of course, mad at me. I expected that. But another coworker said I overreacted and shouldn’t have reported her, because now it looks like I’m even using HR as a way to harass her.
That got me. Could she actually think I got something against her? I just want to work without feeling sick.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your workplace has a scent policy and Mary isn’t following it, she’s inherently in the wrong. Spraying it aggressively around you, and wearing more of it to punish you for asking her to tone it down definitely takes this to a point where I would also escalate.
That being said, since you tried talking to Mary, the usual next step would be to either talk to your manager (to have them handle this with Mary’s manager) or to talk to Mary’s manager, if that’s how your workplace usually does things, who could handle it with Mary directly, and only then to escalate to HR.
Your coworker who said you overreacted is wrong, and I wouldn’t pay attention to anything else they have to say about this matter.” rainyreminder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Employers have scent policies for a reason. No one should have to feel nauseous or have a headache all day because Brenda wants to smell like a sweet vanilla baby’s breath.
Perfume is a very optional accessory and your physical well-being comes before their smelly choices. I don’t think you were wrong at all for going to HR. 1. You’re right; if she spun it as you told her she smelled bad it would have been harder to get your side across.
2. You have a right to not feel awful at work because your coworker is inconsiderate. You tried more than once to talk to her about it. She chose to be the jerk.” Justalieutell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to talk to your coworker and politely ask her to use less of the perfume, you didn’t even ask her to stop completely just less, and her response was to both use more and spray it on someone else in a place right where you were.
She was being petty and immature and if you’d waited for her to go to HR about it she would’ve made you seem like you had some personal vendetta against her.
Reporting her was the most reasonable option and she sounds like the sort of person that would’ve held a grudge against you forever whether you reported her or not anyway, because people like that can’t stand being told to be considerate of others.” ArielxLazarus
11. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Inheritance With My Cousins?
“When I (24M) was a kid, a young widow moved into the house next to us. She was only 19 then, now 36. She was no contact with her family, and my parents kind of took her in. Dad helped around her house, and mom always cooked extra for her.
She started attending college and my parents wanted to make her life a bit easier since she had no one.
To me, she was and is Aunty J. She babysat me, took me shopping, and gave me as many gifts as my parents. She was always there.
My paternal grandma also adored her and treated her like her own. So when she passed away, she made Aunt J her executor. J was pre-law but she switched to business management. My dad and his siblings got a few things, but the grandkids got everything else.
My grandma’s will was clear. She didn’t want any fighting between grandkids. So, her will stated to sell everything apart from what she left to her kids, and distribute the money evenly between all 7 grandkids even if it meant we will lose some chunk of money as a result.
I guess she saw something I was too stupid to see,
J did it as grandma requested, and she gave a cheque to all seven of us. We each got a little over 100k. My cousins were ecstatic. They were all older than me. They paid off their debts, or put deposits on houses, etc. That was 6 years ago.
I was 18 then.
I didn’t know what to do with my money as my parents saved up for my college. Aunt J suggested investing most of it and using a little bit to get something for myself. Since it was her actual job to invest other people’s money, I gave it to her, after discussing it with my parents.
I went to college and between my parents’ savings and mine, I had enough not to dip into the 100k.
Edit: J gave the same advice to all others, but after using some money to settle debts, etc., they blew the rest of it on cars, vacations, etc.
As we couldn’t do Christmas dinner this year, the whole family decided to meet early and relax for a day at my parents’ house. I got into the Harvard Business program, and I excitedly shared the news. After the congratulations, the topic naturally diverted to money and scholarships.
I said I am good and I don’t really need any scholarships.
They were confused and I explained to them Aunt J helped me invest and now I have more than enough to live the rest of my life comfortably. I guess I might be a bit of a jerk here.
I didn’t brag about the money but I praised J to high haven. How she was a genius etc. I mean, she turned 100k to 3 Million in six years.
Nothing happened that day but I started getting calls the next day for money. When I refused they started accusing J of being unfair, and that she gave me more money than others because she loved me.
They refuse to believe J turned 100k into 3 Million. They think part of it is still from grandma’s inheritance and J scammed them.
They said they’ll sue, and J said, go ahead. Mom wants me to give a little bit to others to avoid the drama but I don’t want to.
So, AITJ?
EDIT: J invested 80k of 100 along with her money in BTC, which was less than 1k at the end of 2016. When it started slipping J sold everything in March this year. We could’ve gotten more if she sold it in December 2022, but I am very happy with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no obligation to share that money with them and did nothing wrong by investing it.
BUT. You say you didn’t brag about the money, but you apparently told them you had 3 mil… which, let’s be real, is bragging about the money.
Bragging about your 3 mil was kind of a jerk move. Yes, they didn’t make good decisions, but it seems like you kinda rubbed their noses in it. I would have left it at ‘I invested the money and have enough to pay for my college and then some thanks to J!'” shaddowdemon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Mom wants me to give a little bit to others to avoid the drama’
This is a naive, short-sighted way of thinking and it never works out.
If a monkey learns that pressing a red button makes a banana shoot out, what is its next step after it has eaten the banana?
Being satisfied and so never pressing the button again?
If your cousins get that bit of money they will want more and will be convinced their claims have merit. I doubt that they would be satisfied if you gave them all an equal share of the money you have now, especially if your investments make more again in the future while they squander their money.
There is no easy escape where you avoid drama and stress. There is just a choice between going through the hassle of telling them all to back off as they’ve already had their share, and the stress of caving then being siphoned dry, with them coming back for more later.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not one penny. Not a single one. You have something most people never will – the opportunity to pursue your life as you want, rather than with the constant press of ‘need’. You could draw down a modest to good ‘salary’ from that and not work, or (which sounds like your plan) you can simply have the luxury of making choices without the need to feed and house yourself governing them.
That’s not something you should give up because your cousins are whining.” FloatingPencil
10. AITJ For Making A Backup Plan In Case My Husband Isn't Around When I Give Birth?
“I (27f) am 38 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. My husband and I have made plans for when I go into labor. This included our oldest going next door to my parents and a backup ride to the hospital depending on how quickly it goes.
My husband works 30 minutes away from town, so he will be able to make it in time on a normal day. He will be my only support person at the hospital with me until we can come home. This was all fine and carefully thought out to make sure things go smoothly.
The problem is this storm coming in. We are now expecting quite a bit of snow and sub-zero temps over the next few days.
We discussed that if things get too bad, he will stay in the town he works in instead of trying to make the drive home late at night after his shift. We don’t want him to call out unless 100% necessary because honestly, we need the money and he needs to save as much vacation time as possible for his unpaid paternity leave.
This morning, I talked to him about a backup plan in case I go into labor during this and he can’t safely make it to me. He said he wants me to call an ambulance instead of trying to drive or trying to find someone to drive in bad conditions.
No problem. Safety first. The problem began when I said I am going to message my best friend to see if she could be my backup support person so I don’t have to do it alone. This sparked a fight between us.
He said we agreed he would be the only one at the hospital with me.
I told him I’m not doing it alone and I don’t want to risk his life to get there. He relented a bit and said I could see if my sister could stay with me until he could get to me. I don’t want my sister there.
She’s not good in a crisis. He said his mom could come but I said no to that either because she also lives 30 minutes away so if he can’t drive it, neither could she.
We are now in a huge argument about this because he thinks it would be better for all of us if it’s either him or no one.
I don’t agree with that. Word has gotten back to both of our parents that we are fighting about this and everyone thinks I’m in the wrong because he needs to be there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the one giving birth. In no way does he have any right to decide who gets to be in the room with you.
That is not nor should it ever be his choice. He needs to get the f over it. Have who makes you comfortable and tell him to get a grip.
Also, it’s just incredibly selfish for him to expect you to do it alone if he can’t make it.
He’s never going to experience what you’re about to experience so he can just shut his trap and so can anyone who’s telling you you’re in the wrong. At no point did you tell him he wasn’t allowed to come, you simply have a backup person, OF YOUR CHOICE, in case he can’t.
That’s beyond reasonable and it’s controlling and selfish for him to say otherwise.” Justalieutell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I assume that you’d only call your friend if your husband couldn’t make it, and your friend would probably understand about leaving once your husband gets there.
You are the one in labor, so only you can choose who you are comfortable having with you.
It’s even your right to change your mind in the middle of labor and want another person to come in addition to your husband.
Parenting only becomes truly equal once the cord is cut.
Until the baby is born it’s mom’s body and mom’s choice.” Diligent-Activity-70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re both obviously intelligent people with a solid plan—and a backup plan! You should have whoever you want with you in the delivery room, and as you already pointed out, safety first. He should be glad that you have it all figured out and glad for the friend’s assistance if need be.
Maybe gently remind him that you’d rather have your friend if he can’t safely make it rather than possibly you and your children having to go to his funeral if he can’t safely make it—a bit morbid but it could remind him of exactly why you’re both carefully planning.” Elvtars426
9. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancé's Mom From My Wedding?
“I (f27) am engaged to my fiancé (m45) and we plan to get married in July. I have two kids with my late husband. My soon-to-be MIL (who I will refer to as MIL) does not know this full context as I am a private person and am not overly close with her.
He passed when I was 23 and I really only discuss his passing once I am incredibly close with someone (I have only spoken to MIL on a handful of holidays and never had a conversation that extended far beyond the basics).
Now to get into this, we recently hosted our first Thanksgiving!
I felt very accomplished and was excited to share this moment with my soon-to-be family. The only issue was that I had totally forgotten the mashed potatoes, which seemed to have MIL in a very bad mood. Thankfully, my fiancé’s sister offered to go to the store to buy some instant mashed potatoes for which I was very grateful.
She asked me to check in on her youngest daughter, who was in an upstairs bedroom with my kids and had been very quiet recently (moms of Reddit know this is never a good thing!). I, of course, agree. I go to check on them and find them fully engrossed in Encanto.
Left sitting at the table downstairs were my soon-to-be MIL, FIL, BIL, fiancé, and most importantly: SIL’s oldest daughter (F15). As I make my way downstairs I do note the silence at the table but don’t think much of it. After the dinner, however, while everyone is leaving SIL’s oldest daughter pulled me aside and asks to speak to me.
I ask her if everything is okay and she explains that while I was gone MIL made a comment something to the note of how she didn’t get why fiancé would get with someone who is already ‘used-up’ and that running around with someone like that would ruin his reputation among men, along with another comment that she said she wasn’t comfortable repeating, she said she wouldn’t have felt right if she hadn’t told me.
I thanked her profusely, honestly completely in shock at what I had just heard.
MIL had already left at this point, I am a very confrontational person because I believe it gets drama over with. I called her and asked her if it was true and she got really quiet before admitting that it was.
She said, something along the lines of, ‘I am glad you know how everyone feels now, I was getting tired of hiding it.’ When I started to cry she replied, and this is a direct quote, ‘You act like a dirty woman, you get treated like one.’ In a moment of anger, I uninvited her from my wedding.
My fiancé is very upset and is threatening to leave if I don’t fix this all now. He and our friends are all calling me the jerk, and many have been ostracizing me. I am open to criticism but I really don’t think I did anything wrong.
So, AITJ for uninviting my soon-to-be MIL from my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! Yes, his mother is a raging, misogynistic jerk. But your fiance is more of a problem because he’s not only comfortable with his comments, I get the distinct impression he shares a similar opinion.
You even mentioned how she implied this is a shared opinion, and NO ONE is defending you or ripping her a new one for what she said? This says EVERYTHING.
You’re literally the only person that isn’t the jerk in this situation (and the daughter that warned you).
This whole family is disgusting.
And I don’t think it’s a coincidence your husband went after someone twenty years younger than he is.
Also, you said ‘our friends’ but do your friends know the real story about what happened? I have a feeling your husband is lying to make himself and his mother look like the victims.” Alarmed_Jellyfish555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should dump this mama’s boy. He is obviously okay with his mother being awful to you, I would ask him why he doesn’t love you enough to defend you. Where is his outrage, why is he okay with the woman he claims to love being spoken about this way?
If he allows it now, he’ll allow it forever. He’s showing you that he expects you to let his mother call you a flirt and do all sorts of horrible things for the rest of your marriage with zero consequences and that he’s fine with you being hurt as long as his mother stays happy.
What a coward.
It doesn’t matter if you had those kids with your late husband, or if you had them out of wedlock, it’s still a horrible thing she said. Does he expect you to just move past this when mom finds out those kids were ‘legitimate’?
Will she even bother apologizing? Is this the grandma you want for your kids? What horrible things will she say to them when you aren’t around? Don’t marry this man. Cut your losses and in a few years you’ll look back and be so grateful you are free of him.” DoctorDoompants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honey get away from this because he’s not defending you against his mother’s nastiness. You have nothing to apologize for or fix. I’m a pretty confrontational person too and I’d have said more than an uninvite. Why would she want to come to the wedding anyway if she feels this way about you?
Look at what you have written and read it again as though it was your best friend/sister who was telling you this, what would your advice be? Be your own best friend and love yourself because you’re worth a thousand times this.
You deserve a man who puts you first and does not allow ANYONE to treat you negatively in any way.” 30ninjazinmybag
Dump the wrinkly old fart and his disgusting family.
8. AITJ For Telling My Roommate's Family The Truth?
“For the last year and a half, I (29f) have lived in a 2-bedroom apartment with a male roommate (27m). We met each other through a mutual friend (27f) who introduced us when I moved to her city and was looking for roommates.
He happens to be gay.
He is out to everyone except his parents/family, who he says would not accept him for it because they are from a socially conservative country.
A while ago he came to me and confessed that he had told his parents I was his SO who he was living with, and asked me if I was ok with that.
I was taken aback, but I know about his struggles with his family and he assured me that I would never meet them since they live in a faraway country. He said I wouldn’t even hear from them as his parents aren’t really on social media except for WhatsApp.
That was like 8 months ago. A couple of weeks ago he springs another surprise on me and tells me that his aunt (technically his father’s cousin not sister), uncle, and their son who live in his country of origin are on a trip and will be stopping by to visit him for a weekend.
He asks if I can tell them I’m his SO because that’s what they believe from his parents.
I was not okay with that. It was one thing when it was some far away strangers, but I didn’t want to lie to his relatives’ faces.
But he was really persistent about it and said I would only meet them briefly because they were staying in an Airbnb and he would spend most of the weekend taking them around the city.
So on the day they were arriving, he gives me directions on how to lie to them.
He asked me to tell them I’m swamped with work which is why I couldn’t accompany them over the weekend (because I refused to do that) and even to keep the door to my room shut so they wouldn’t know I had my own bedroom.
As he said, I only met them briefly on Saturday. And on Sunday I was out and didn’t see them again until 8 pm when they all unexpectedly came into the apartment to say goodbye to me. I was forced to sit with them in the living room and make conversation with them, which was incredibly uncomfortable.
Finally, after over an hour, they were ready to leave and his aunt suggested we take a group photo.
That was my breaking point. The idea of a picture of me as his ‘significant other’ being shared with his whole family just seemed so ridiculous and I couldn’t help myself.
I blurted out that I was really sorry for lying but I’m actually his roommate not his SO. They were very confused and asked why I said I was and I told them to ask him.
After they had left, he was so mad at me that he was literally shaking.
And since then, he’s been giving me the silent treatment and is totally ignoring me. Also, our mutual friend is mad at me too, accusing me of ‘outing’ him to his family. I did no such thing, all I did was stop the nonsense.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that he is angry at you when he is the one who repeatedly changed the rules is proof that he never intended to respect your boundaries.
It would have been the easiest thing in the world for him to say that his SO is mad at him because he didn’t warn her that his family was coming or that they were going through a rough patch and were taking a break from each other for a few weeks.
Heck, if he was worried about them realizing that he was gay, he could have blamed the rough patch on the fact that he had an affair with another girl and his SO was making him sleep on the couch until she decided if she would take him back.
And if those would have been a perfect excuse for him to refuse to let them meet you or to keep it to that initial meeting… but it would have required that he be the bad guy.
But at the end of the day, he wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he was gay, he was trying to prove to them that he was amazing.
And he didn’t care what impact his lies had on you.
Unless he profusely apologizes and seems genuinely ashamed about the position he put you in, you should probably look into changing your living situation: it’s a bad idea to live with someone who is willing to treat you that badly, especially when it was for something as stupid and meaningless as propping up a fake reputation.
Even if he does show remorse, he has a lot to do to make it up to you.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He for putting you in this position (especially having already lied about you without your knowledge), but also you a little bit for letting it get that far up until the picture.
You knew you weren’t comfortable, you probably should have said a flat-out no and stuck to it before the aunt even showed up. I’m sorry you had to deal with this, but I would consider finding someone else to live with if I were you.
His pestering of you demonstrates a clear lack of respect for your boundaries.” straubabi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it went beyond what you expected and what he had advised you it would be. He put you on the spot by bringing them back because he couldn’t handle them himself.
Being an abstract SO is one thing but family photos? I wouldn’t either.
You’re not the jerk for going along with the lie in the first place. Following the lead of your friend who wasn’t out to their family was a reasonable thing to do.
You also didn’t out him. If he wants to make something else up there’s still scope, for example, he has no intention to find a woman to date seriously at the moment and lied about you due to family pressure. Technically true.” lizfour
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He was wrong to use you as a beard without asking first, and for pushing you to lie even after you said you were uncomfortable. That’s a jerk thing to do, even if it was driven by fear for his safety.
But you were wrong to out everything like that with no warning.
If you had flat-out refuses to participate or even just excused yourself when things went beyond what you agreed to, you would not be the jerk. But you handled that in pretty much the worst way possible, and probably left him trying desperately to convince his family that he wasn’t trying to hide being gay, with some pretty serious potential consequences if he cannot.
I get not being okay with a ‘family’ photo being taken, but there are a dozen excuses you could have gone with that wouldn’t put him in such a bad spot. After you agreed to the lie, knowing how important it was, you had a responsibility to help maintain it.
You should apologize to your roommate and ask if he is okay. Hopefully, he’s been able to evade any dangerous fallout.” sci_fi_bi
7. AITJ For Sneezing?
“I (24m) admit that I have a very loud, startling, and potentially annoying sneeze, and for a while, my partner (24f) of three years has tolerated my sneezes.
Recently though, I mentioned off the cuff that I can stop my sneezes at will (I do this by touching the roof of my mouth with my tongue, it works every time), but I only do this while in public. I simply choose not to stop my sneezing when I’m at home because sneezing feels very good for me and the act of stopping it is uncomfortable for a few seconds.
Ever since learning this, she has complained every time I sneeze. I don’t sneeze much but it’s been a few weeks and I’ve sneezed a few times. I try to warn her by tapping on her shoulder if I’m nearby, but she doesn’t care so much that I startle her, moreso she just hates the noise which I can’t control.
And of course, I never sneeze on her, always into a tissue or my elbow, and her reasons aren’t for hygiene anyway.
She has asked me to stop sneezing around her. Her reasoning is that if I’m so considerate of strangers or coworkers, then I should also be considerate of her.
I live with her, and we spend a lot of time together. It’s not a huge issue, but I have made it clear that every time I feel a sneeze coming I’m not going to fight it, and she seems to get more and more agitated every time I do sneeze.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think it’s important to have a convo with your partner. Why is she annoyed by a bodily process of yours? When I have been annoyed by the mere presence of another person, usually there’s something else mentally going on.
Stopping your sneezes is actually not good for you. Your body is sneezing for a reason. I’d try to explain that to her. How would she feel if you told her you didn’t want her to ************** or do anything other than breathe quietly around her?
That’s not fair. That’s not a healthy way to live in a relationship.” Azurescensz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like she has misophonia or something like that. Which is entirely her responsibility to take care of. A reasonable accommodation for misophonia is doing things like not chewing food with your lips open or snapping gum.
An unreasonable accommodation is to suppress one of your most basic needs/urges. Sneezing is important. If she’s the one that’s uncomfortable then it’s her responsibility to not be that way. She can’t expect everyone in the world but her to change in order to accommodate whatever her problem is.” r2bl3nd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re doing something everyone does. It’s odd your partner would think this is a reasonable request for someone never to sneeze around her. I’m not sure this is the right fit if this is something you actually argue about. I’d hate to hear how she reacts when you do other bodily functions around her!” User
6. WIBTJ If I Take Away My Nephews' Christmas Gifts?
“I (25f) have two nephews, Cam (10) and Carson (7) who are normally pretty awesome kids but they’ve been through a lot. Their dad died in 2019 from a car accident, their mom isn’t in the picture so my dad and his wife (Kris) are raising them.
My dad recently lost his battle with cancer (November 2022) and they’ve had a hard time with it. They’ve both said it feels like they’ve lost to dads so I understand that they’re grieving like everyone else and we do have grief counseling set up in the new year.
So since my dad died, they’ve been acting out which I completely understand to a point but Carson has been fighting kids at school and calling them names. They’ve set up a private room where he can go calm down when he’s having a moment, neither of them is listening to Kris and being rude.
My dad was kinda the one that kept them in line. So after he died my dad’s wife was thinking she wanted to get them a game system for Christmas and I brought up getting them each a switch just to help make Christmas a little bit more exciting this year given what’s happened.
She and I ended up splitting on them and they were under the Christmas tree. Last night (20th) though when She was sleeping Cam and Carson opened all of the Christmas gifts and obviously found the switches. I’m really wanting to take them away when I go there Saturday, just because I don’t want them thinking they can act like total brats and still be rewarded for it but my best friend thinks I should just let it slide because their grieving too but, I don’t know, I just wanna try and help Kris get them under control before they’re completely off the walls.
So would I be the jerk if I took away my nephews’ big Christmas gift? Also open to suggestions.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wow. Do you think perhaps they opened the presents early because they were searching for a little glimmer of happiness and excitement?
They do not need punishment, they need SUPPORT. They’re little kids with no understanding of how to process all of these horrible things that have happened to them. They lost their dad, and now they’ve lost their other father figure (A MONTH AGO) and their only guardian left is locking herself in her room and leaving them to their own devices.
Of course, they’re acting out, they’re sad and scared and confused and bored. If Kris is not capable of taking care of them because she’s so consumed with her grief then I really think alternate arrangements need to be considered.” sunflowerads
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
I know your heart is in the right place, but I think you need to consider the impact any loss could have on them, right now. Yes, it’s a material object and nowhere near as devastating as losing a parent, but considering what they’ve been through, it can still rip up wounds.
It might be better to just say the present thing is over now, and spend Christmas doing stuff together. They won’t have anything to open when Christmas comes, and that will be a natural consequence of their own actions, where they don’t lose anything, but they’re also not really rewarded.” CheshireCat_1809
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
That seems like a really harsh punishment. They are kids that have had a rough life. This Christmas is going to be difficult enough for them after the recent loss (I am so very sorry for that). You should speak to them about what they did because they are old enough to know it was wrong, but taking it away completely is too much.
I am hoping they are in therapy because a lot of this sounds like they are dealing with their pain by acting out. They need a professional who can help them develop better coping mechanisms for their grief.” Legitimate-Tower-523
5. AITJ For Saying My Partner Is A Vain Witch?
“I (16M) had relatively long hair for a guy for quite a while, and my partner, Savannah (16F) always thought it was one of my best features and would joke occasionally saying that she’d break up with me if I ever cut my hair short (she was never serious about it, though.) My little sister, Caroline (4F) was diagnosed with cancer and recently lost her hair.
She was so upset about this and couldn’t understand what was happening to her.
I decided to shave my head for her, which made her very happy, and she was excited that she didn’t look different anymore. Savannah, however, was not happy with me about it, even after I explained I did it for Caroline.
She said it was such a waste for me to cut all my hair off when Caroline will eventually get over it anyway. I snapped at her and told her she was being a vain witch for getting upset over my hair when it would grow back anyways, and that she really should care more about Caroline’s feelings than my appearance.
She started crying and saying I was being unreasonably mean over her just having an opinion. I’m still really mad at Savannah, but I feel bad for calling her names. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your little sister is fortunate to have such a caring older brother.
Your partner, on the other hand, is seriously lacking in empathy, and her bursting into tears when you called her on her jerkery is just plain manipulative. No, it wasn’t nice of you to call her a witch, but she clearly wasn’t backing down, and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to make your point.
Also maybe you need a different (better) partner?” Dangerous_Number_685
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, it never helps to call someone a name in an argument, and I think you’ll probably learn from your feelings about this situation. The fact that you feel bad means you violated your own personal standards, and that’s a really good thing to know about yourself if someone behaves so badly to you again.
That said if someone had said to me when one of the kids I care about was going through cancer that I shouldn’t do something to help him because ‘he’ll eventually get over it anyway’… I would have lost it and said something awful because that’s an OBJECTIVELY AWFUL and INEXCUSABLE thing to say to someone who is worried about a little person they love.
Your self-awareness/self-reflection that name-calling is beneath you, even in a conversation like this, speaks to who you are. Which, again, is definitely NTJ.” Professional_Cut8458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, look up narcissism… she is a narcissist. I also think she needs to be an ex.
She really does value your hair more than your little sister and, in my opinion, she’s only been seeing your hair. She got upset because she was called out on her crap and to save herself had to herself into the victim. Kick it to the curb… Sending positive vibes to your whole family and I wish your sister a speedy remission.
It really baffles me how she said: ‘she’d get over it’. Who does she think she is? God? I pity this girl’s children should she ever have any… My mother is a narcissist and I was her scapegoat. She sounds like my mother. Three months after I had brain surgery I broke down and told her how crappy I really feel instead of the expected ‘I’m fine’… Her response was ‘anyways’.
She didn’t care about me just like your (God I hope) ex doesn’t care about your little sister. Run!” lynnharris3321
4. AITJ For Telling My Friends Whose Car Was Broken Into "I Told You So"?
“Some friends were in town yesterday doing Christmas shopping and they stayed the night. When I helped them with their bags, I saw that they left stuff in their car. I told them to bring it in, but they insisted it was fine. I told them again to just bring everything in because I read that there were some vehicles broken into at the mall this past week and they told me it was fine.
I convinced them to bring in a few of the bags from the backseat and they moved stuff out of the back window. I tried taking a few more bags inside, but they told me not to and then they laughed and told me I was “paranoid” because I live on a quiet street.
Later my friend’s husband told my husband about how I ‘pestered’ them and made jokes all night about me needing a ‘night patrol’ whatever that means. He seemed to find it hilarious, but it was annoying me.
When we got back home I told my friend that she should just bring everything in and I would help her.
She told me not to worry about it and then had the nerve to ask if I was ‘okay’ because I seemed ‘stressed’.
I woke up this morning to my friend’s husband yelling for her. Their car was broken into and everything is gone.
Luckily most of the stuff is replaceable, but his work laptop and phone were both taken.
When he got off the phone with the police he ranted about us not having security cameras and that we should have told them what the ‘situation’ was like in our neighborhood.
He went on and on all morning. My husband and I were both apologetic and I really do feel bad.
When they were leaving he said they wouldn’t be back until we got security cameras and that he ‘doesn’t know how’ we can ‘stand’ living somewhere so ‘risky’ and I just snapped. I told him we don’t need security cameras because we aren’t dumb enough to leave things in our cars overnight and that I told them to bring their stuff in and that they are lucky more stuff wasn’t stolen because I made them bring it inside.
He seemed shocked and just got into the car while my friend hugged me goodbye. Earlier I texted my friend to ask if they made it home alright and that I feel awful that their car was broken into. She responded that they made it home and that ‘these things happen’.
An hour later she texted me a long message about ‘kicking someone when they were down’ and that ‘real friends’ would have offered to replace their stuff.
I am stunned. I hadn’t even considered giving them money! We don’t live in an unsafe neighborhood, but it’s common sense not to leave stuff in your car.
I’m confused about how they think we are responsible. I do agree that I shouldn’t have snapped, but I felt like I was being blamed when I already warned them.
My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal and finds what I said ‘funny’, but my friends are clearly angry and am I angry too, so I’m having a hard time assessing if I am a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
These folks are ridiculous. If you suggested as many times as you did then they have no one to blame but themselves. Doesn’t matter how quiet a street seems, I never leave things in my car that are attractive enough to break in.
Then they have the audacity to try and blame you for all the problems when you tried to prevent the issue. If they don’t want to be your friends I’m not sure you lost a whole lot considering you tried to protect them, and when it backfired on them they still blamed you.” herkalurk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t break into their car and steal their stuff. And you did warn them not to leave things in the car. This kind of thing happens in every single neighborhood, the ‘riskiness’ of one’s neighborhood doesn’t matter. I’m a police dispatcher and I’ve taken just as many thefts from vehicle calls from our wealthiest neighborhoods as I have from our poorest. And to be totally honest, security cameras are pretty hit or miss on whether they actually help identify and catch suspects.
They can be a deterrent, but not leaving your valuables in your car is an even better preventative measure.” CanterCircles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty common knowledge that criminals ramp up theft around the holidays… pretty much because of people like your friends. It’s absolutely absurd that they would expect you to replace anything though.
Given the comments throughout the night and the insults toward your neighborhood in the morning, I think a little verbal smackdown was warranted.
Not sure of how much was stolen, but if you feel like trying to help them, the best advice is that their homeowners or renters insurance may cover the theft of items from their vehicle.
But, I think it has to be a pretty high dollar value to be worth it.” shaddowdemon
3. AITJ For Going Off At My Sick Sister?
“When I (34f) was growing up I would pass out occasionally. They never could figure out why. Cut to college and my Junior year it turned into full blow seizures/passing out. Senior year I went into cardiac arrest. The doctors were really bad in the state where I lived and put me on 20 pills a day, said it was anxiety and all sorts of crap.
Through all of this I finished college from home (my school does that for students), got a job that knew my issues and was cool, and met and moved in with my now husband to a different state. It would happen when I was driving, I’d not feel good and know I had like 5 minutes before a full-blown seizure.
So I’d pull over. Have one. Be tired. Go home. Went to the ER for one and went into cardiac arrest again. A doctor in the new state FINALLY figured it out after 5 years of that. I had heart surgery and have been fine since.
Turns out I had a genetic heart disorder/SVT. My heart could go from 86 beats to 264 in seconds while sitting.
Now here is where I want to know if I am the jerk. My sister (24) is going through the same thing. She saw my doctor and they said yeah you need the surgery.
She refuses to get it because she might die. Well, she will die without it too. What makes me so angry is she dropped out of college, lives with mom, doesn’t work, and does literally nothing! Mom wakes her up with breakfast in bed every morning.
She does no chores because they make her tired. Tried online college but it just ‘wasn’t for her.’ Mom tried to get her qualified for disability and my sister wouldn’t fill out the paperwork. She is wasting her youth just sitting at home and playing video games all day.
I’ve tried talking to her about it gently and she keeps saying she has to focus on her mental health first. She does see a therapist regularly and even they have begun telling her to look this won’t get better. My mother is getting older and should be enjoying her golden years, not taking care of an adult.
I just want to scream at her ‘If mum dies what’s your plan? You can’t support yourself and you won’t be living with me.’ I know that sounds cruel. I already essentially raised 3 babies (siblings 10, 11, and 12 years younger than me) and am not having kids for a reason.
So WIBTJ if we had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment? (not religious just can’t think of a better phrase)
Edit: I realized it was time to step away, go low contact for a while, and begin therapy again for the stress and childhood trauma. She will live how she sees fit and just because I ‘raised’ her doesn’t mean I can dictate any of that.
I just love her and am worried. It is what it is.
Edit again: Apparently I shouldn’t have to use the term seizure. They were cardiac events. I have been defibrillated two times. 1st time in Mississippi at age 21, and the second was at a hospital in Maine at age 25.
I was cleared by a doctor to drive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think a healthier response is to simply put some distance. This obviously hurts you, but ultimately you cannot control how two other adults decide to live their lives. Your mother is enabling your sister and doing her NO favors for the reason you said – what will happen to your sister when mom is gone?
Your sister’s excuse that she’s prioritizing her ‘mental health’ is absurd because playing video games all day is NOT how mental health prioritization works. Sounds like she’s actually doing the opposite of prioritizing mental health.” Oxfordcomma42
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
The fact is that it is your sister’s body and health. If she doesn’t want surgery then no one can or should force her. Your mom and sister are both content with how things are. They aren’t going to change because you want them to.
However nicely pointing out to your mother and sister that eventually your mother won’t be able to do everything for your sister is fair. Tell them you are concerned and tell them you suggest they develop a plan. Only if you are asked to become her caretaker do you point out that you won’t do it.
Just calmly say no and stick with it. If they don’t ask – don’t say anything about that.” RedditDK2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I feel your mom is enabling your sister to be lazy and not care if she dies by allowing her to live off of her.
Maybe some distance from your sister would be ok, she has made her choice to not care about her life. Don’t stress yourself out over it, it’s not your choice. Your sister is the jerk and your mom is an enabler. Let them deal with their mess.
Focus on yourself and living your life, there is not much you can do. You have already done so much for your family. I wish many blessings for you as you are such a strong and responsible person.
I know that your wanting to have it out with your sister comes from a place of love and wanting her to get better but with your mom enabling your sister’s laziness and selfishness, there isn’t much you can do.
Even if you had it out, your mom will just keep enabling your sister making it pointless and a waste of time on your end and making you seem like a jerk. All you can do is focus on yourself. Therapy for yourself to help you cope with the fact that your sister has given up and your mom allowing it.” _Birbie_
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, comparing yourself to your sister is never healthy and setting yourself and your sister up for problems. Your sister isn’t a jerk for being in a bad place because of these health issues. Just because you were able to push through in the way you have doesn’t make her a jerk for being depressed which clearly she is.
You’re not a jerk for wanting to push her to be more independent and take care of herself but the way you’re coming at it is very unsympathetic. Again, I get you’ve dealt with a similar situation but she is a different person.
Just because she’s not handling as well as you feel you did doesn’t make her a jerk.
Tempted to say YTJ because you’re driving while having problems with seizures/passing out but that’s not the point of this. Seriously though, don’t risk other people’s lives just so you can drive.
I have epilepsy and I know it’s frustrating but it is incredibly wrong for you to be driving if you’re still losing consciousness.” katerithegreat
2. AITJ For Reading My Fiancée's Mail?
“I (28M) and my fiance (31F) have been together for about 4 years, and we have been engaged for about 6 months. We met at a restaurant where we were both bartenders, and during this time, I was also working towards a graduate degree. My fiance continues to work in the service industry, and I have taken on a new role since graduating and do fairly well.
I have always had an idea about how much money my fiance makes since we had the same job. However, my fiance also sends money to her family, and I never knew the specifics (e.g. how much money was being sent and for what).
I have lent her money in the past when we were just partners, and she always paid me back quickly. I emphasize to her that if she ever needs any help financially to please ask me first. Because she has asked me in the past and paid me back when she said she would, I had no reason to believe she was in any financial trouble.
Now that we are planning a wedding and going to be spending the rest of our lives together, I am more curious about her financial situation. I ask her things like how much money she has saved, if she has any debt, etc. She hates having this conversation and really tries to avoid it.
Eventually, I get a rough ballpark estimate from her, but she will never show me proof if I ask for it. She is so uncomfortable with the conversation, and it always ends with me still not being sure how financially secure she is.
Fast forward to today.
I open our mailbox and see a letter from her bank that is addressed to her. I decide to open the letter, and the letter states that her recent credit request has been denied due to current or past delinquency on one or more of her accounts.
I text her and ask her if she applied for a credit increase and got denied and she said no. I then respond with a screenshot of the letter, and she gets really upset. She is accusing me of being disrespectful towards her for assuming she was in financial trouble when she has come to me for money in the past, and she said I never should have opened her mail since she never opens mine.
She says she isn’t in debt and everything is fine and she didn’t request anything from the bank. I asked her to send me a screenshot of her credit card statement to prove she wasn’t in debt, and she refused saying ‘I was already all up in her stuff.’ The conversation ended with me pretty much calling her a liar since the letter she got in the mail clearly states otherwise.
I know the letter was addressed to her, but since we are getting married, her financial situation affects me now too. I feel bad for hurting her feelings, but I believe this is information I need to know, and I feel like she is deliberately hiding something from me.
AITJ for opening my fiance’s mail and calling her a liar when she refuses to show me proof of her financial situation?
EDIT: Technically I broke the law, but she’s not calling the police for me opening her mail.
I apologized to her and we’re going to go over both of our finances together after the holidays.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re living together then the mail coming in is and can be opened by a mutual partner, with emphasis on mutual. Her getting defensive just throws up huge red flags for what you’re going to have to assume financially when you become legally bonded. Financial assets are a huge part of a partnership and there should be open and honest communication between both.
This is also often a deal breaker in marriages.
This is something that needs to be worked through quickly because it can lead to bearing the weight of someone who doesn’t know how to drop their own pride if they’re not good with money, which is what a partner can help with if it’s a mutual partnership.
You should be able to help each other balance out your strengths and weaknesses. I think it’s time for some couple’s therapy prior to sinking money into a wedding (if that’s where you’re headed).” Electronic-Try5645
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. YTJ for opening her mail.
You obviously have concerns about finances but opening her mail is both an invasion of her privacy and also shows that you are NOWHERE near ready to be married. When people get married, I agree with you, that your finances can be joined and one’s debt becomes the other’s and so you have a right to know.
But your right to know does not include opening her mail. You sit down, lay everything out for each other, and discuss. If you wanted to know and are so concerned, you talk to her about it, you do NOT open her mail. It’s like snooping through her phone looking for proof.
The fact you can’t see the indignation of ‘send me a screenshot of your bank account’ is appalling. She’s not your child and you’re treating her like one. And if you can’t treat her like an adult and trust her, you definitely should NOT get married.
She sucks too for not disclosing her financial situation. How does she expect to enter a marriage when there are clearly some things going on financially that she won’t divulge? If she is struggling and not paying her bills and is delinquent and also asking for a credit increase (I worry about advances and credit card withdrawals with high interest), then it sounds like she isn’t in a position to help out her family at the expense of herself.
Apologize for opening her mail and invading her privacy. Then ask if you could have a civil conversation about finances and how you see a future together. Some couples NEVER merge their finances. Some couples have a shared account for shared bills like rent, utilities, date night.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – highly illegal to open someone else’s mail.
With that being said, her behavior is extremely odd. How can you propose to someone and not know their financial situation, that’s a recipe for disaster! long term partners need to know each other’s financial information, it’s super important.
Can you imagine if you were to marry her and she has 50k of debts (credit card or other) or she is going bankrupt, etc? Huge red flag on her part for not being honest with you from the start about all this and also a huge red flag that you chose to open her mail.” Aves667
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because I do think it’s likely she’s hiding something. But also, I don’t know if you know this, but you two aren’t even a good match, let alone good candidates for marriage. You can’t even have conversations with each other without lying, hiding things, and snooping.
You shouldn’t have gone through her mail. If you felt insecure about her in any way that should have been handled before you put a ring on it.” User
1. AITJ For Arguing With The Person In Front Of Me On The Plane?
“I (26 female) just got off a ~4-hour flight. It was pretty packed with holiday travel, and my bag took up all the space under the seat in front of me, so I was sitting with my knees against the seat in front of me.
The older lady (60ish?) in front of me starts trying to recline her seat, and her seat kept hitting my knees. The first few times, she kind of peered and glared at me. Finally, she turns around and is like ‘Do you mind?!’ or something like that.
I said my knees were there, and she was crushing them every time she reclined, and when she tried to insist on reclining anyway, I added that it was rude to recline on planes anyway when there’s so little space.
I wasn’t trying to be rude or start an argument, but the seats were quite cramped, and I wasn’t kicking her on purpose or anything, that’s just where my knees were (I have long legs), and I had tried stretching them out in the aisle, but stopped because people kept nearly tripping and bumping into me.
Lady starts getting upset, and ends up telling me ‘You’re everything that’s wrong with the world these days’. I was pretty peeved at that and called her an ‘Entitled Witch’ in response.
She gets really mad and goes to complain to a flight attendant. I try to explain that I didn’t start any trouble, she got upset because my legs were in the way and she kept hitting them trying to recline, yet expected me to move somehow anyway.
The lady acts like I’m the problem, and like I’m the one who started it because I called her a name, even though she had prefaced that with her comment.
So wondering here… Was I the jerk? I thought it was typically plane etiquette to not recline, or minimize reclining, as there’s limited space IF it’s a shorter flight.
I do recline sometimes, BUT ONLY if I’m on a really long flight, but always check behind me first, and if I was literally hitting someone by reclining, I’d feel bad, but I don’t know. If it’s over 5 hours, I fully respect anyone’s urge to recline, as long as you’re not injuring the person behind you.
Thoughts?
Edit: I’m not so tall that I need extra room, I had plenty of room until the last started reclining. She was trying to recline pretty far back so it was getting pretty cramped and I had nowhere else to put my legs. I thought the space under the seat in front of you was for bags anyway?
My bag wasn’t so huge that it was cramped or anything. The seating had limited enough room that just sitting normally, my knees were not touching the seat in front of me, but when the person started to recline, it hit them. I didn’t have any choice here with booking, or what order to board in, this was a connecting flight, and my airline rebooked me on this flight (which was full) after a delay on their end caused me to miss my original connection.
I DID NOT HAVE A SAY OVER THE SEAT OR TICKET ON THIS FLIGHT. I could not have purchased additional space if I wanted to, this was a last-minute rebooking after the airline’s delay made me miss a connection. They put me on the next flight, which was packed and I had no say regarding seating, OR boarding order.
My bag was NOT overly large or overstuffed. It was just a regular purse, and lots of people store luggage under the seat in front of them. Just there was not a lot of space under the seat in front of me because said the purse was there.
The only other available bin space was in the back of the plane. I was one of the last to board because I was put on the flight last minute due to the aforementioned delay. I had another connection to make, and could not have waited for everyone else to deplane before getting my bag.
I also chose to pack several breakable items that were Christmas gifts in my purse, SPECIFICALLY so that I could put them under the seat in front of me, and not worry about them getting broken in the bins or checked baggage. Aren’t I also entitled to the space under the seat in front of me, since I purchased a ticket as well?
That’s where they always tell you to put your personal items, I’ve never had anyone tell me to put my feet there.
I was sitting normally and did not/do not require extra space. However, the seating was in a way where sitting normally, I fit just fine into the space, but when she started reclining ALL the way back, she hit them.
She did not ASK me to move or anything, just KEPT MASHING HER SEAT BACK INTO MY KNEES and glared at me, before turning and demanding I move. Not even a ‘please’ or an ‘explanation’. I was not doing anything to purposely stop her from reclining.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You created the issue for yourself because you have a false belief that its proper etiquette for no one to recline on planes. You thought someone was acting entitled for doing something they’re literally entitled to do. The older lady could’ve handled the situation with more patience, but they were justifiably upset, and you should’ve moved your bag to an overhead bin once they were, not doubled down on your bad choice.
You placed your convenience over others’ and thought they were obligated to accommodate you after you’d done so.” Sabotage101
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for a couple of reasons.
You are wrong. It is NOT airplane etiquette to refrain from reclining. It is airplane etiquette to avoid reclining during meal service.
Otherwise, it is the choice of the person who is sitting in their seat whether or not to recline. I was a frequent flyer with status on multiple airlines for 25 years before I retired and flew well over a million miles. You could have explained to her politely and she probably would have accommodated you.
Instead, you lectured her on airplane etiquette.
I have no idea why your bag taking up ‘all the space under the seat in front of you’ has anything to do with reclining. The only way it could is if your bag was so big that it extended into your foot space, forcing your knees up.
If that’s the case, bring a smaller carry-on or check your bag.
If you have long legs, then the problem is yours and not the person’s in front of you. Yours is a special need. Book business or first, or fly an airline that provides a better seat pitch.
Any conflict with another passenger should be addressed to the FAs. Confronting another passenger can never turn out well for anyone.
If you tried to lecture me about airplane etiquette, I would have put on my noise-canceling headphones, turned on some music, smiled at you, and reclined my seat as much as I wanted.” ptauger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you want extra space to make sure your legs aren’t crushed, God forbid the person who paid for their seats in front of you decided to recline, and you want to be comfortable through your flight – you pay for it.
You have a reclined seat as well. Just because you chose NOT to recline because you think it’ll cause disturbance to others does not mean the person in front of you should not. It’s their choice.
Seriously, just because you think it’s a short flight, doesn’t mean it’s a short enough flight for the person in front of you that they don’t need to adjust their seats.” 00mumsspaghetti00
asked her twice to move her hair after that i dipped it in the pudding attempting to eat til her hair got in it. pudding paints well on hair!
