People Are Just Getting Started In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Asking My Stepdaughter About Her Birthday Party Preference?
“My husband has 2 kids from a previous relationship, 14M and 11F. My husband’s previous relationship ended badly, to say the least. He was going through a lot when his ex left him.
His parents and grandmother were in a heavy drinker driver accident and both his parents were temporarily disabled. My husband had to take over their care and bills, and while this was happening his was happening his ex basically robbed him and left. Not going into too many details, but my mother and MIL have known each other since high school, and my family was supporting him and his siblings throughout all of this.
So my husband is very protective of my family, especially my mother. If I argue with my mom, 8/10 he’s on her side.
Now the kids have been with us since they were 4 and 1, and they’ve never been excluded from anything my family does.
My family is huge and very close, we often have multiple birthdays in the same week or on the same day. What we often do is have all the birthday parties on the same day and just make it one big party. My stepdaughter, sister’s daughter, and 3 other kids in our family have their birthday on the same day or week, so we’ve always had them all celebrate on the same day since her second birthday.
Now my husband’s ex has not been at any birthday party since she left. She is somewhat involved, but not really, it depends on her. I am in contact with her because my husband dislikes her, if she sends him an email his entire day is ruined. I was updating her on how the kids are doing, My (step)daughter’s birth is March 11 and I mentioned the big birthday party we’re planning.
She then called upset and expressed that she for once wanted to do the birthday parties. I told her she was welcome at our party or could do her own. She said no, she wanted to organize just one party for her and for us not to do a birthday party since it would overshadow hers because our birthday parties are a bit extravagant.
I told her I would discuss this with my husband.
I already knew my husband would not approve of this, so I decided to ask what my (step)daughter wanted. She told me she would like to have her birthday party with us. I of course told her that was okay and I would tell her mom that.
She didn’t seem upset when I asked her about it. She spent the weekend at my parents home and my mom scolded me for asking her and told me she was very upset. She said to my mother that she feels like I’ll send her away and that I don’t want them anymore.
I of course tried to explain why I asked, but my mother was not having it. She said I shouldn’t have asked in the first place. My husband of course is on my mother’s side. Everyone is upset, my husband, parents siblings, even my (step)son.
I honestly feel like they’re overreacting, because they feel a certain way about the ex. I feel like the question wasn’t unreasonable and they should be more reasonable, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused. So bio mom wanted to throw a party for her daughter who she barely is in contact with?
You ask your Stepdaughter where she wants her party. Stepdaughter says the regular party you throw. Sometimes later Stepdaughter is with Grandma and tells Grandma that you asked and someone that got turned around into Her(sd) saying you were trying to send her away to her bio mom’s.
Someone lied or turned an innocent question into something bad. If she doesn’t have a relationship with her bio mom then she doesn’t have a say in the birthday parties. And shouldn’t have asked in the first place. But if the family is bitter then they could have made the little girl feel bad when she possibly asked their opinion on the matter.” PancakeXCandy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but…Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Your husband is the biggest jerk here for foisting the burden of communication regarding his kids, onto you. If a simple email from the mother of his children can ruin his day, he needs individual therapy. Your stepkids are being used as manipulation tools by their bio mom.
It sounds like my stepdaughter has pretty big abandonment issues. They need individual and family therapy. You are shouldering the burden of being the only reasonable adult in the family and you might consider individual therapy but should at least look into couples therapy to help explain why you should never have had to handle any of this in the first place, let alone be castigated for it.” MaeveCarpenter
Another User Comments:
“ntj. the mom def is. but you shouldn’t have asked the birthday girl. the hardly involved parent has no right to insert her will and presence whenever she wants in the kids’ lives. it will just mess with the kids’ hearts and feelings.
why should your SD need to lose a birthday celebration just because bio mom suddenly wants to play happy family? She can have two. and if a bio mom feels inferior, then she is really not a mom. spending time with a child is more important than the money you throw at the kid.
you’re more a mom to the kids than their bio mom is.” residentcaprice
19. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Birthday Party Early Because I Felt Ignored?
“Basically I (21F) have been in a friend group of four (20-21 all F).
It was my friend’s, let’s call her A, surprise birthday party at her apartment. My two other friends let’s call them B and C. The original plan was would drive myself and C to A’s apartment and then back after since we live in the same complex.
B would distract A while C and I set up the apartment with A’s roommates.
On the day of the party, I got a text from C asking me to buy booze since it was a 21st birthday party. I asked C if she would like to go with me and also grab anything last minute for the party.
C said she couldn’t because she had just left Walmart with A and B. (Now again for context it’s not unusual for the three of them to do things and hang out without inviting me so I’m already insecure about where I stand with them.) I ask C if she’s going to need a ride still or if they’re hanging out and also if A knows about the party.
C says she doesn’t know if they’re hanging out or not but she’ll let me know C doesn’t know anything…she doesn’t text me again until I text her almost ten minutes before the time we agreed to set things up. She says I should head over immediately so I do.
When I get there all three of the roommates have their partners there and all the girls including C are cooking things I offer help and am ignored. This trend of me being ignored continues for almost the entire time I’m there. When the party actually starts I’m very obviously the outsider.
I’ve only been invited over to A’s apartment maybe once or twice but it’s VERY obvious B and C are over a lot. The roommates are pulling them away from me to dance, talking to them a bunch, and the partners are acting like they’re best friends.
I try to be in conversations as well and I’m not exaggerating when I say the roommates don’t even look at me or acknowledge I’ve said anything. So I put on my shoes, grabbed my bag, and just left.
After leaving A comes running out asking if I’m okay, I feel bad for making her chase after me and apologized for ruining the vibe in any way and told her to go have fun at her party and that I’m okay.
Then B and C start blowing up my phone. B is more angry that I left without saying anything and told me that if something happened I should have pulled them aside. C is more worried about me asking if I was okay because she noticed I seemed upset.
My response to all of them has been the same, don’t worry about me, enjoy the party. But now I’m starting to feel like an absolute jerk for being that girl who gets upset and leaves a party and everyone starts worrying about her taking the attention away from who the party was meant to be about.
I didn’t do it on purpose obviously but that was the outcome. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ as well. Would they ignore you if you said, “I’m heading out?” I feel like these girls are not genuine friends and I’m sorry you’re learning this.If I’m wrong and they are true friends, then maybe y’all can talk another day and you can present your side and they can listen, all with cool heads.” nope01928374
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What, their whipping girl left? They can get lost and be mean to each other. I’ve been to a lot of parties. Done a lot of Irish goodbyes. The only time YTJ for an Irish goodbye is when you leave people worried about you.
You were safe sober and fine. They can get bent.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Honestly NTJ, once you got home you could’ve easily explained how you feel leading to either A) a deep, heartfelt conversation where everyone feels understood or B) you get rejected in a conversation about your feelings, which should show you that you deserve better from your friendships and you leave them, either way there is a conversation that needs to take place about how you feel….
or you can just block and move on like you have no idea who they are” Fantastic_Paint6703
18. AITJ For Considering Dropping Out Of My 'Brother's' Wedding After Being Demoted From Best Man?
“Art, Ben, and Chad are brothers and I’ve been best friends with them for 15 years. They call me one of the brothers and we’ve lived together in the past. I got married as things were calming down and they were my groomsmen with my father standing in for my brother as best man because he lived in a heavily quarantined country.
A month before my wedding, my wife asked them if they were going to throw me a bachelor party to which they essentially responded that they weren’t because it’s the job of the best man, so it wasn’t on their radar despite knowing my brother more than likely couldn’t make it and wasn’t familiar with the area.
They threw a “bachelor party” the weekend before my wedding which turned out to be a hike with Me, Art, Ben, Chad, Art’s partner, and Chad’s wife, and they invited my wife who declined the invite. After, they took me to dinner where I paid for myself.
This rubbed my wife and a lot of our other friends the wrong way. Also, not that I was expecting it, but they didn’t get a wedding gift either.
2 years later Art and his partner are engaged. He invites me to lunch and asks me to be his best man, and I agree.
The wedding party is me as best man, Ben and Chad as groomsmen. 4 months later we try to get a final plan for the bachelor party (I’d offered ideas throughout). Chad offers to take over the plans because he has more time. He plans a bigger, more expensive party (300+ each) than I thought because he wanted to “make it special for his brother since it only happens once”.
I get that I’m not their brother by blood but we all consider ourselves family and I was a little hurt that they didn’t think about anything for me. Chad then says that even though he’s planning the bachelor party, he doesn’t want to step on the best man’s toes.
I was right about this until they both talked about Ben being the best man. I was confused and the party talk stopped and they talked about the three of them and a hangout they had planned called “bros night”.
I called Art after to confirm who was the best man.
There’s silence and then an immediate “darn” from Art. He said that between work and the wedding he forgot to tell me that I was not the best man, no reason was given. A week later he texted, apologizing. This has made me question where I stand with them.
It hurts like heck and sucks since I thought we were so close. Later, Ben tells us that the groomsmen are to get a custom-tailored suit costing $1k for the wedding that Art and Ben picked out (Chad might have also been there), previously Art told me it would only be a color requirement.
This has been weighing on me and I am now considering dropping out of the bachelor party and wedding party as I reevaluate everything. So, WIBTJ if I didn’t go to my brother’s bachelor party and dropped out of being in the wedding party as a groomsman?
Also, am I being too sensitive about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When it was you, things might have been a little more complex due to circumstances but the “party” you had was more of an “oops we forgot, let’s just do this quickly” thing.
He asked you directly to be his best man and later on you hear between conversations that someone else is. They make plans for an event they are planning that excludes you IN FRONT OF YOU. Not only this is rude but very disrespectful. But if your concern is more towards the financial cost of the suit, which wasn’t what was planned at first, you could just explain to your friend that you cannot afford that so you rather drop out of the wedding party as a groomsman and attend as a guest. But in my personal opinion, you are not very well considered and respected, so you should do what makes you feel better.
Maybe have a chat with them before making a final decision?” TheNiceAhole
Another User Comments:
“Seems you’re not their brother Op. You’re a convenient friend. You are the weird guy they let hang around with them. The easy 4th person when they need even numbers.
The wallet they can use to make their ends cost a bit cheaper. It seems time and time again you’re putting in more effort than they are. Did you make them buy their attire for your wedding? All that being said, no one knew what was happening when everything kicked off, job insecurity, possible death of you spoke to the wrong person.
The best suggestion is to talk to the groom (like you said you would in another comment) and gauge his response. Maybe talk to the others about the clear differences in your relationships Then go with your gut. If they have a good reason, then maybe jerk, but if your gut says they are wrong, then NTJ” Valon117
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but this may damage your friendships. I would just buy a suit in a similar color and forget to communicate that you aren’t buying the $1,000 one. It sounds like they’ve historically been fairly thoughtless and a bit careless with your feelings, but you seem to expect that they will miraculously adhere to a better standard for milestone events.
I think what you see is what you get with these guys. Which may have worked for a while for you, but now you find their behavior grating. Or even that it’s fine for less defining moments in life, but not when you’re anticipating something meaningful.
I think these guys are more drinking buddy material vs ride-or-die friends, so you may want to participate in this wedding (or not) as one last hurrah with them, and then move on to some more mature friends.” eightmarshmallows
17. AITJ For Not Making My Son Apologize To His Stepfather For False Accusations?
“I’m a divorced dad. My children live part-time with me and part-time with their mother, my ex-wife. My ex-wife is remarried and she and her husband, the stepfather to my children, live together. My three children ages 9 to 16 live with them part-time – the kids go back and forth every two or three days.
Recently, my eldest ran afoul of rules at his mother’s house; she disciplined him by taking away his phone and laptop. He is now back at my house and refusing to return to his mother’s house; he has been here for probably three weeks now while the younger children continue to go back and forth.
During this time, my son said some things to me about his stepfather: that his stepfather is a heavy drinker, that he stays up in his room all day drinking, and that he is afraid his stepfather will beat him. I didn’t put much credence into those accusations because I have met his stepfather and that didn’t ring true.
But, I had to follow up with his mom to ask if these things were true and if my son was safe. She said these things were not true and that my son was playing me. I have talked with the stepfather I know these things aren’t true.
And, my son has said that he was just being sarcastic and having fun because I was asking questions whether he was safe at his mom’s house.
Now, my ex-wife is demanding that my son apologize face to face to his stepfather (and to her) [whether he is sorry or not] for what he said to me about his stepfather.
She says that the accusations were serious and could have damaged her husband’s life and hers if taken seriously. While I agree that these were serious accusations, as I said above, my son recently admitted to me that he shouldn’t have said those things, that he said them in jest, and should have just called his stepfather an annoying lazy fat beer belly.
My ex-wife says it’s not enough for our son to say that to her and me and that he has to apologize to his stepfather face to face. And, she is saying that if this were any other scenario – like being called to account at the principal’s office at school or to a boss at work – she would expect me to demand our son to oblige.
So, she is demanding that my son apologize face-to-face to her husband. And, she is asking me to support her or back her up by also demanding an apology to her ex-husband from my son.
I think she’s wrong. I don’t think it’s my place as a father to demand that my son apologize to his stepfather.
And, I don’t think I should pull all the levers she’s suggesting I might have to to force him into an apology (like take his phone, or turn off wifi at my house until he agrees to come down and sit in front of his stepfather to apologize; right now he says he’ll stay in the bathroom and watch YouTube if they come over for an apology).
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“You acknowledge these were serious things to say and that he has admitted to now knowing he should not have said these things. Whether he is beefing with his mom and step-father or not, he needs to apologize and learn to be accountable and she needs your co-parenting support in helping him realize that.
YTJ.” fugly16
Another User Comments:
“You can’t physically make the words come out of his mouth, but yes, YTJ for not expecting accountability from your son. That is how you raise a horrible human being. Admitting to you that it was a bad move is *not* the same as admitting that to the wronged party.” undertherosetrellis
Another User Comments:
“Your son is making serious accusations, then misusing the term sarcasm when called on it. He was not joking – he was making statements that very easily could have lead to problems for his stepfather. Your son is a jerk. You have a chance here to show him how to not be a jerk, by not being one yourself.
You do that by making sure he is held accountable for the outrageous statements he has made. Since you are fighting against that, in this situation, YTJ.” DarthCredence
16. AITJ For Wanting More Notice Before My In-Laws Visit?
“My partner and I are both in our mid/late 30s (no kids). His parents travel back and forth between our home country and theirs. They have a house in another state here but obviously want to see their son as often as possible whenever they are in the country.
9 days ago my partner mentioned his parents might be “popping through” for a couple of days next week. I asked for the specific dates, already feeling this was late notice. He said he would find out. Today I check in with my partner as I am in the process of confirming reservations & plans for next week.
He reaches out to his parents who say they are coming in a week, for a week. I flip out. Partner implies I am overreacting as he can’t see what the big deal is. To be clear, I really like his parents. I have spent a bunch of time with them and get on with them well.
However, as someone in their late 30s, my work/life/wellbeing calendar is pretty organized. The majority of my social commitments are made in advance due to everyone’s busy schedules, and I like to keep a somewhat healthy routine during the week for my ongoing health and sanity.
Not only that, my home is my sanctuary and as an extroverted introvert, downtime is fundamental for recharging purposes. My partner and his family are more chaotic and prefer planning things on the fly and communicating loosely…the result of which are visits like this one which I just found out about this evening.
To make matters worse my partner works full-time in an office while I freelance from home…meaning I now have people in my personal space/workspace all day, without him there to help out. This is not a huge house with tonnes of space. It is a 3-bedroom apartment in a metropolitan city (aka a small space).
This also isn’t the first time this has happened. Partner went on to say his folks haven’t actually explicitly asked to stay (even though they always do) and if it’s “that much of an issue” he can ask them to stay in a hotel. I know this would hurt them which would leave me feeling guilty/ anxious…and therefore not worth it.
If they stay, I suffer. If they stay in a hotel, I am “the jerk”. It is a lose-lose.
When I express the above to my partner he implies I am being “neurotic” and “difficult” and says I always make a fuss when his family comes to stay (which is true…because they NEVER give adequate notice).
He then reverts to the hotel option when that very much ISN’T a viable solution as it’ll cause tension between his parents and me (they would never, for a second, assume that was his call) which is not something I want when I truly do like them.
AITJ for expecting them to give us more notice and for expecting my partner to communicate this to them in a way that doesn’t make me look like a jerk. Should I suck it up in the spirit of supporting him even though this style of doing things causes me tonnes of stress?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm NTJ but is this just how his family and friendship are very casual I’m in town will be round type of thing? I’m an introvert as well with a wonderful outgoing partner but this was a contentious part of our early relationship.
You might need to in a less confrontational tone tell him exactly why you need this, it’s a boundary YOU need to have in this relationship as it could be harmful to your mental health. I had to have this convo a couple of times before sunk in but it is something worthwhile to enforce and honestly, a little more specific warning never hurt.” WonderLate2808
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So maliciously comply – “Oh not a problem at all! But with only a week’s notice unfortunately my calendar is pretty full, and I can’t cancel my commitments. I have Wednesday night free for dinner – let’s go to XYZ.” Be busy all day and then be out of the house for your plans/commitments.
Do not prep or clean the house, do not food shop – nothing. Your partner is completely responsible for his family. Update us after the week is up lol. And if anyone complains “Oh I’m so sorry the house isn’t up to your standards!
The partner told me on Monday y’all were coming in five days, and I was so busy all week, Partner said he could handle everything no problem!” Nearby_Bake_3350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I deal with a similar problem – dates are loose, they stay too long, and I WFH.
It does not occur to my in-laws that this may not work for me or simply them being in the house makes it hard for me to concentrate on work. Your husband needs to politely share with them that you are a planner, and short notice causes anxiety.
Set the boundary – sooner the better.” Similar_Koala_5437
15. AITJ For Giving Vague Time Estimates To My Partner?
“Had a long (probably over an hour) argument with my partner about time estimates. For context, time estimates have come up in the past in the sense of “when will you be done with work” and I get it wrong frequently.
In my defense, I was working for a big 4 and at the cusp of a mental breakdown with sometimes 90-hour work weeks. Totally get that giving your partner some of your time is important for a healthy relationship, so after a lot of push and self-work + a new job I’ve gotten better over several months, and my partner has recognized it too at certain times (funnily enough during other unrelated arguments).
Today my partner was hot and curtains were covering the window so the breeze wasn’t really coming in. For context, we’ve had arguments around the curtain issue in the past. I have plants by the window and during summer the sun hits them directly in the morning – I close the curtains for a period of time to make sure they don’t burn and die.
(No, unfortunately, there’s literally no other place for the plants in the 400sq place). I’m a huge plant parent and have had some plants with me for 11 years now, so I do care to make sure they stay healthy. For the record, I certainly want as much sunlight coming in as possible, it’s not like I enjoy closing the curtains in the morning but again, I want the plants to continue living.
Our place only gets direct sunlight in the morning during summer and the afternoons during winter. I personally would love to get the sunlight on me in the pm during winter, but my partner doesn’t like it (hits our face when at the desk) so we close it (per the partner’s request).
Hence, the pm vs am curtain issue has come up and in a previous argument (so I had understood) it was agreed the time it took to keep curtains closed in the am was justified for the reasons mentioned before.
Considering all the above, we circle back to today’s argument; the partner was hot and curtains were closed blocking the breeze.
Partner complains about the curtain needing to be closed and the resulting hot. (No I was not hot, and we also have a fan on). I say give it “less than an hour”. Amid many other points, the argument ends in me being told this is not the way to give an estimate and saying “20-30 minutes” (for example) is better than what I should’ve done.
Yes, I could’ve said that absolutely, but didn’t at the time and thought “less than an hour” (in the context of the situation/outlined above) was sufficient. Turns out it’s not for the partner and I must be more specific “How is being vague better?”.
What do you think, is a partner in the right and AITJ for not being more specific? Ultimately, I think “less than an hour” is sufficient but my partner doesn’t see how so. I’m not saying I’ll be vague always but in this case, I can’t see the issue; what I think is that not every situation needs a more concrete estimate, but the partner doesn’t agree (more specific is important for them to plan their time).
Really looking forward to people’s thoughts on this – bring on your takes.”
Another User Comments:
“Yep. YTJ. Let’s play this through a different scenario. You’re going to meet a colleague for a coffee. You arrive and don’t see them. You ask them when you should expect them and they say it’ll be “less than an hour.” You could sit waiting for 1 or 59 minutes before they arrive.
While that’s an extreme example, “less than an hour” is a pretty wide timeframe. And some people prefer more specific information. You need to know your audience too. I don’t think this needed to escalate into a long argument. And it’s something you’re going to need to work together to figure out (that and the light/heat is you’re both working at home) to stay happy” fromthenorth97
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Now, in all honesty, this is a silly little thing to even have more than a 2-minute argument about. But, in her defense, if you said “Give it less than an hour” and left the room, and then she went and immediately opened the curtain, would you have been upset?
Because technically, she listened to you 100% and complied with what you requested? If you would even be remotely upset at that scenario, then you should generally be more specific than “less than an hour.” And honestly, if she asks you to be more specific, why would you even hesitate or turn it into an argument?
Just say “ok about 30 min.” It would honestly take 0 effort to be more specific and comply with her request but instead, you decided to argue about it. It’s kind of ridiculous on your part.” Cloud_King_15
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna venture to say that this argument is a trojan horse for other issues, namely, that you don’t communicate well and your partner is generally frustrated by it.
I have no idea if this is the case, but, for example, have you ever said “I’ll be home in less than an hour” and showed up three hours later? If so, your partner may just be aggravated by this turn of phrase. If there’s literally no other context, then you’re both kinda jerks to yourselves for wasting your time on this argument.
Otherwise, No jerks here.” Jjustingraham
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Estranged Father And His New Family At My Child's Birth?
“For context, I [M24] and my life partner [F28] are expecting our first child in February. Naturally, this has the entire family excited; including my father, who has repeatedly voiced his desire to come visit for the special occasion.
There are a couple of reasons that I’m resistant to the idea, though.
My father and I aren’t particularly close at the moment for a few reasons. The main reason is that he walked out on my mom and little brother under the guise that he was “traveling for work”, and none of us knew he was gone for good until he posted pictures on a social media platform with his new then-partner, their dog, and her teenage son (now his stepson).
I was 19 and moved out of the house already, but I still felt like it was extremely scummy of him, and it really affected my little brother emotionally.
After he ditched my mom and brother, I stopped talking to him regularly and almost stopped entirely.
We’d exchange a text or two on holidays, and that’s it. Our relationship is strained, and not just because of the reason above. Growing up we just didn’t always see eye to eye. I don’t despise him though, and I don’t think the relationship is unsalvageable.
If it was just him, I don’t think I would have the hesitancy I have to invite him.
On top of our strained relationship, though, is the fact that he now has a new wife and teenage son. I don’t know either of these people, and frankly, I dislike the idea of these strangers being around while my partner and I go through the stressful process of becoming new parents, and I don’t think the slight positive of having my father around would counteract the weirdness of having them around, too.
I grew up only with my mom’s side of the family since my dad’s family all lived in Montana while we lived in California, so all the family that I particularly wanted close to me at that time was on my mom’s side.
As you can imagine, my mom’s side of the family isn’t particularly happy with my dad after the way he left her and my brother. I feel bad denying my dad the ability to be present for the birth of his grandchild, but I feel like it would only cause problems; not just for me and my partner, but for the whole family.
I’ve only exchanged 4-5 texts with him since I and my partner found out she was pregnant, and he’s made it very clear that “we” would love to visit. He doesn’t have my address, and I live several states away from him (I moved to the PNW away from all my family about 2 years ago).
WIBTJ for disallowing him from visiting? Is my aversion to having his new family around a justified reaction? Should I let him be present for the birth of his grandchild, regardless of how I feel about it? I also have no desire to get to know his new family.
My partner has said she wants it to be my decision since I’m the one with a weird relationship with him. I’ll do my best to answer any questions with a comment or edit if there’s interest.”
Another User Comments:
“Your relationship with your father is strained. You are becoming new parents and that is a very stressful time for all involved. You get to set up boundaries, and you should.
Listen to your GF about who she wants actually present at the birth. She is the person in labor, this is one nonnegotiable thing. Visits after you come home with your little one should be short. You will both be tired and not ready to entertain others.
You and your partner get to make the call of when people can visit and who can actually visit. This is NOT the time for a visit to meet your father’s new family. This is a time for you, your partner, and your child. If the father insists on bringing his new family, tell him he can not visit.
He won’t be allowed to see the little one.” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you let him get close to your kid when he might break the kid’s heart by abandoning him the next time his selfish wants get in the way, as he did your brother?
And certainly, you have the right to tell him his new mistress is not welcome in your life. Maybe he’ll get to meet his replacement child’s kids if he hasn’t walked out on him too.” Katja1236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…As someone who had basically disowned members of my own family, I get it.
No need to get into my stuff but: Follow your gut. I would have serious questions about a “father” who dumped me, as well as Mom and the other kids is now on the scene showing interest in *your* first child. Especially when he has a replacement family and thinks it’s ok to include them in *your* big moment with your lady.
This whole thing is messed up and I would caution him to stay away, until you get through this on your own, with your lady, and get your stuff together. You don’t need this right now. Deep down, I think you know the answer. Follow your gut.
The heart can be soft sometimes.” OldManJeepin
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Mom Around My Newborn Unless I'm Present?
“To start things off I really do love my partner’s mom, she’s absolutely the sweetest. But the way she is with my daughter is weird. My partner is her only child and I totally understand the whole “oh that’s her first grandchild of course she’s going to act like that” but what I’m saying is she acts like my daughter is her child.
When we got back from the hospital after I gave birth, she was there soon after. I explained to my partner how I did not want anyone over for the first week of us being home because I wanted him and me to be able to bond with our daughter.
His mom would show up in the early morning and would leave by the time it was bedtime. Her excuse for being there was she just wanted to help. By help, she meant holding the baby the whole time while I, who had just had a baby, did the cleaning and laundry.
You’d think she would help with that kind of stuff while I rested with MY baby. She also made little remarks like “She looks just like me” or “She looks exactly like how I did when I was a baby” and so on, and just couldn’t stop bringing it up.
A week prior to me giving birth she had said “Oh I’ll be over every day even if you don’t want me here or even if it annoys you” which I just awkwardly laughed at. Not to mention she had to watch over my shoulder as I was breastfeeding my daughter, chest out and all.
Even if I stepped away to feed her she’d follow and watch. The same goes for when I would pump, she would watch me while I had my whole chest out (this was before I knew I was supposed to wear a hands-free pumping bra) and it made me super uncomfortable.
Anytime we would bottle feed the baby, she needed to be the one to feed the baby and hold the bottle up to her chest as if she were breastfeeding the baby. She needed to either be the one changing her or watching while we did.
She also brought up how excited she was to have my baby over at her house so she could give her baths and whatnot.
There were times she brought up how she was experiencing post-birth symptoms and it was almost like she was the one that gave birth so she understood my pain and feelings.
Anyway I had told my partner how I would appreciate it if she hadn’t come around our baby when I’m not around as I know he would let mom walk all over my boundaries and who knows how weird she is with my baby especially when I’m not around.
He made me feel like such a jerk for it, ex: fine I’ll just tell my mom she’s no longer welcome at our house, fine I just won’t talk to my mom anymore because I can’t tell her that and I don’t wanna lie to her.
Does it make me a jerk for not wanting her around unless I’m there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is VERY CREEPY OP. You need to find out if your state has any grandparent’s laws. Most do. Most of them hinge on a prior relationship with the child.
KEEP THIS WOMAN AWAY FROM YOUR BABY UNTIL SHE CHILLS OUT. If she builds enough of a bond with your child and you have to put up boundaries she could sue you for visitation and _win_. This is unhinged behavior. She is literally trying to take your child.
Forget that. If your partner can’t pull on his big boy pants and be a dad then do it yourself, or leave. This isn’t going to get better OP unless you do something.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is being super inappropriate and could use some therapy.
Your partner doesn’t want to see it, but boundaries and distance need to be established now. And by the way, if you are going into a room to have privacy to nurse, you *close the door and lock it in your MIL’s face* if she keeps hounding you.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reading about how she would full-on watch you breastfeed AND pump gave me the full-on creeps. You need to establish some clear and firm boundaries with this woman. You’ll likely need to approach this as a team with your partner.
Being on the same page as a team will be important.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of My Sister's Bridal Shower That I Can't Attend?
“I posted about 5 months ago about my sister excluding me from the bridal party because I’m not local and couldn’t throw her a hen night or shower, despite the fact that I was coming to the wedding and she knew I wanted to stand up there with her.
That post was deleted because I was asking about hurt feelings and hadn’t done anything worthy of judgment, but I think you’d still be able to read it for context if you wanted. Long story short, she backtracked and made me a bridesmaid. I’m interacting with everyone on the group chat, and I’m flying in the day before the wedding.
She’s been lovely to me since all of that, but I won’t lie, still hold a bit of resentment and hurt. I’m not letting that show in ANY way when I speak to her or the other bridesmaids.
My sister is sparing no expense with all things wedding.
She’s having a really lovely bridal shower in a few months, and in the group, they’ve been discussing what food and drinks there’ll be and where they’re having it, decorations, all the things. Money is no object. Looks lovely, and I’ve been saying so. I, of course, won’t be there for the bridal shower and have had absolutely no input in planning it.
She has 4 other bridesmaids, plus our mum and her mother-in-law helping her plan it.
Yesterday, our other sister asked if the bridesmaids were splitting the cost of everything for the bridal shower. They all said yes and had been under that assumption the whole time.
I began wondering if I was expected to contribute too, even though I wouldn’t be there.
Our mum messaged me this morning and asked if I would be. I was very open with her about how I felt about the initial “will I/ won’t I be a bridesmaid,” so I said to her that I wasn’t sure if I was expected to contribute, if I should, how much, etc. She said that my sister (the bride) expects all bridesmaids to contribute evenly.
When my mum raised the fact that I wouldn’t be there for the bridal shower and get none of the food, drink, or experience of attending, she said “Well she wanted to be a bridesmaid and all the bridesmaids have to contribute evenly.” I told Mum that I’d be happy to contribute something financially as a gift for the day, but I’m really not sure about paying an even split with the others, as I won’t be there and given the way I became a bridesmaid.
I’m not sure if I’m being really thick and snobby here. Is it normal for bridesmaids to pay for the bridal shower, and if one isn’t local and can’t attend they are part of splitting the cost? I’m also getting married soon, and my sisters will be my bridesmaids.
I’m having a much more low-key bridal experience, probably won’t even have a bridal shower, but I can’t imagine having one and then expecting my sisters to pay when they wouldn’t be attending because they aren’t local.
So, AITJ for saying I don’t want to be part of the even financial split for the bridal shower?”
Another User Comments:
“The entire ‘bridesmaids are expected to pay for stuff’ thing is very rude, and was completely invented by the wedding industry, and very recently, too. This is not tradition, and it is not an obligation. The OP is responsible for paying for nothing she did not personally agree to pay, in advance.
NTJ. If I were the Op, I’d say ‘Of course not!’ if asked to fork out for this. NO ONE has the right to spend other people’s money without asking them. No matter *what* some bridal mag or vendor told the bride.” south3y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is why. If I’m reading this correctly, your sister (the bride) arranged her own bridal shower and then dumped the cost on her bridesmaids. Did I get this right? If not, who organized this thing? And who decided afterward on the cost split?
This shouldn’t be done. Budgets should be discussed BEFORE anything is booked, not after. If you book something outside my budget, don’t consult me, then hand me a bill, and I’ll hand it right back.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m older (60F) but I would think if you’re not local you’re not expected to pay for a bridal shower you can’t attend.
When I was in my 20s, we did things very simply I didn’t have a bridal shower but instead went out on the night before (some of us came from out of state) and we had fun together, nothing formal. Weddings are so expensive now, not the wedding itself, but the gazillion showers before.” HorseygirlWH
11. AITJ For Reporting A Bully Who Broke My Locker Lock And Got Him Suspended?
“I (F17) have severe back and pelvis issues. Carrying a stack of textbooks landed me in a wheelchair and on bedrest for 2 weeks kind of issues lol. So when I returned to school, I started visiting my locker multiple times a day to switch out class materials and store personal items (keys, wallet, jacket, etc) to keep my backpack light.
I also changed my lock from the old dial combination master padlock that the school sold because it kept jamming to an easier $8 TSA luggage lock.
Halfway through the second semester, I saw three guys crowded around my locker and they had mangled my new lock trying to rip it open.
I asked them what they were doing and the main guy, Kyle (M18) said it’s HIS locker and he forgot the combination. This is crap because they hang out 5 feet away from us every break by their own lockers, and my lock isn’t the standard school-issued one anymore.
My lock looks flimsier than the normal ones so they probably wanted to break it and steal my stuff (I kept a designer wallet in there).
I called him out on his lie, and he got irritated and said that he didn’t even break it and told me to get lost. They returned to their normal spot a few feet away and laughed at me while I struggled to unlock it.
The lock was ruined and I told him he owes me money to replace my lock. He said no, and I told him that if he’s going to be stupid AND ugly, he should at least try to have a decent personality, and if I were him I would keep my mask on to cover up a face like that out of embarrassment (this was during times when masks were required and he wasn’t wearing one).
He said he’s not gonna wear a mask and that I’m the “Chinese one” (he’s white, I’m Korean). I took a picture of his face and told him I’d show it to the disciplinary office when I told them what happened. He shouted that I couldn’t take pictures of him without his permission and I said he can’t break people’s stuff either.
I reported him with his name, picture, and the lock, and filled out a form. They recognized him immediately so I guess he had a record. (Apparently, he dumped milk on LGBT kids). At the end of the day, I was leaving my locker by myself after putting on a new lock the school gave me when he approached me.
I got kind of scared because he’s a 6-foot-tall buff dude and I’m a 5ft 3 girl who couldn’t even lift a textbook, but he just muttered a “sorry” and handed me a 20 dollar bill. I guess the office made him do that. I found out today, a year later, that he got suspended and didn’t get to walk during graduation.
I’m feeling kind of guilty now that I think about it. Maybe I could’ve been more calm and handled it better. Maybe he was struggling at home or school. The lock was only 8 bucks so maybe I should have returned 12?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Play stupid games, get stupid prizes.
If one is going to be a thief or bully then they ought to be agile enough not to be seen stealing, or smart enough not to get caught. This guy made himself an easy mark, and he paid for it appropriately.” ilikerelish
10. AITJ For Not Compensating My Subletters For Laundry Issues?
“This summer my roommate and I are subletting the room in our place to three girls.
Before they moved in I showed them the place. When they asked about the laundry, I told them that the laundry was a huge con here (I remember using that wording), that it was expensive (I took them down to the laundry room so they saw it was 2.60 per wash & per dry), and that I often have to dry my clothing twice.
I remember one of the girls asking if I ever needed to wash twice and I said I had before but pretty rarely. I said though that I’ve been using it all year so it works and that they can still use it, and that honestly most times you just need to dry twice and it’s expensive but the washing machines aren’t as bad, and usually work the first time.
This was my experience doing laundry there all year. That being said, I hated doing laundry in my building, it was annoying having to always dry twice and spend over 7 dollars on cleaning a single load of laundry. Today one of my subletters texted and asked for my roommate and me to compensate a bit for how much they’ve spent on doing laundry here.
The three of them felt that I downplayed how bad the laundry situation was here. She said the washing machines ruined her clothing and that they have had to do laundry at another building instead which has resulted in more money and effort, and that they basically don’t have that amenity.
She’s upset that her clothing is ruined and says she alone has sunk $30 into doing her laundry. While I completely understand this frustration, I thought I was pretty clear about how bad and expensive the laundry was there. That being said, it has never ruined my clothing (or any of my roommates’ clothing for that matter) so I can’t really say if this is the machine’s doing or her own negligence in doing her laundry.
I told her we could talk about it later this week.
I emailed the building manager asking for a rent decrease because of the issue. She said she could look into it with the owner because two of the machines did have clogged pipes recently, but that a few weeks ago all of the machines were replaced as brand new and that she and others have been saying they love them.
She said to send proof of the damaged clothing. I asked my subletter for this proof and she said it was really only two articles of clothing, the main issue was that they can’t do their laundry here. I basically told her what she was complaining about was a maintenance issue that is out of my roommate’s and I’s control, that I remembered telling them that it was annoying/expensive doing laundry here a couple of months ago, and mentioned that the building manager stated the machines were recently replaced so they should work better now, but that we would still compensate it if the owner wouldn’t.
She hasn’t responded and now I’m wondering if I was too harsh over 30 or so bucks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I think you did your due diligence in informing them before they moved in and reaching out to the building manager about the problem.
They agreed to those terms, and while it may be more frustrating than they anticipated, they didn’t go into the agreement misinformed. If anything, they should be complaining to the building manager because their faulty machines ruined their clothes. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Unless you own the entire building, including the laundry room, then it’s not your responsibility or problem. If she spent that much money doing laundry then she not only didn’t heed your warning but failed to learn the lesson the first time it messed up her clothes.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were very clear explaining the issue, you then investigated to see whether there really was an additional issue that was as bad as they claimed and they’re causing this much fuss over $30. Honestly, I’d be suspicious she didn’t just screw up and put something in the laundry that needed hand washing or dry cleaning.” Remarkable-Intern-41
9. AITJ For Being Upset At My Friend For Taking Advantage Of My Time And Money?
“So I (23f) have a friend (24f) who just had a birthday. To preface this I had to step away from our friendship bc she was taking advantage of my time and was not being considerate about my days off and time that I set aside specifically for her.
Basically I made plans with her to get breakfast at a specific time because I wanted to get an early start to my day. She didn’t wake up. I tried texting her and calling. No response. A few hours go by and she finally responds and says “Hey what time do you wanna go”, so I give her a new time.
A couple more hours pass and I still don’t hear from her. Noon rolls around (this is the time we were supposed to meet) and she texts me “Hey sorry I just woke up again”, so I tell her we can reschedule. I ended up not texting her for 2 months bc this situation has happened too many times.
*side note* this is almost every single time we have plans. everything always gets pushed back for hours because she just thinks all time revolves around her. she always has to “smoke first” or she’ll take hours to get ready well past the scheduled time.
Fast forward, her birthday comes up and I text her a birthday message and tell her I’d love to take her out for dinner. She agrees. A few days later I pick her up and we go to dinner. We get to the restaurant and right off the bat, I start getting a little frustrated.
She knew I was gonna pay for dinner because I told her I would. Immediately she orders two of the more expensive appetizers, not even asking if I wanted to help choose since I’m eating this meal too. (Keep in mind I don’t make a ton of money but I wanted to treat her bc she was my longest-lasting friendship since middle school and I felt guilty about stepping away from our friendship because it stressed me out).
She then starts looking at the menu and wants to order the most expensive thing. Whatever. I talked her down to get what I got because tbh it was just better and the portion size was bigger.
The dinner continues and she’s just complaining about everything going on in her life and I’m listening bc I genuinely care about her, but then she starts complaining that she has no money because she has a spending problem.
Oh really? I couldn’t tell. Towards the end of the dinner, she tells me she wants dessert and she calls this really fancy steakhouse if they have a crème brûlée they can pack for her to go. This restaurant closes in 30 mins so she tells the waiter that we need the check and I pay all $130.
Then she makes me book it 20 mins to this restaurant so she can get her dessert before the place closes I just feel like a bank/chauffeur and I’m kind of upset that she just keeps taking advantage of my time and money. AITA for being upset about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is she inconsiderate, but she ordered you to dash to another restaurant to pick up a dessert for her to take home? That would be the last time I went out with that friend. She’s not a friend, she’s an Uber passenger who has you paying for her dinner.
People grow apart. And it sounds like this is a person that it would be good to leave in your past.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“I think I just feel bad complaining because I DID tell her I would pay and she suffers from depression and some other stuff which causes her to have no motivation to get up and out.
But so do I, and I never have a hard time keeping up with plans or just letting someone know in a timely manner that I can’t make it. Everyone is different I guess.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Spending More On My Daughter's Birthday Than My Sons'?
“I have six children: 5 sons ages 26, 17, 14, 11, and 2, and a 15-year-old daughter.
My daughter’s 15th birthday was two weeks ago, and I spent a fair amount more than I usual would for her birthday.
I ended up paying around $300 dollars for her birthday party alone with her mom giving me $100 and my daughter also spending around $50 on it as well. The main birthday gifts I got her cost just under $500 but I also spent $350 on a new iPad.
Although I gave her the iPad as a birthday gift it was more of an extra gift. She had an iPad mini that’s 8 years old and was handed down through multiple family members before it became hers.
It was already in bad shape but a few weeks before her birthday my grandson managed to completely break it. If this had happened at any other time of the year, I still would have bought her a new iPad.
My 17-year-old son’s birthday was back in March.
I gave him $200 cash, an old guitar of mine (I got it cheapish but could probably get more for it now, and then a pair of shoes, a video game and a wallet (maybe $150 all together). He didn’t really have a party, but I gave him some cash to get some food and drinks for his friends ($50).
My 14-year-old son’s birthday was a few days ago. I took him to the skate shop, and spent $200 on a new board, wheels, bearings, shoes and a hat. He also got a couple books, a video game and backpack (under $100). I took him and friends to see a movie ($50) and we had dinner at my friend’s restaurant ($30).
Yesterday my 17-year-old son brought up that I had spent a more on his sister’s birthday than I had his and his brothers. He argued with me that I always spend more on her than I do the boys, but this year has been the worse.
I brought up the fact the iPad wasn’t really a birthday present because she was going to get one either way and that she was the only one of them that wanted a proper party.
My boys also already have a lot of the expensive stuff they want that their sister doesn’t have.
17-year-old has a PlayStation and 14-year-old got a gaming computer last year for his birthday. I told them that not every year are they going to get equal presents. I got them all what they asked for.
However, my partner also agrees with him and thinks I spoil my daughter too much and she can see why the boys may consider it unfair.
I disagree with her and argue with her that she only has the one child to worry about (our son) and that it’s more difficult to balance what the kids think is fair when there’s more of them.
AITJ for spending different amount on my kids?
I really felt like spoiling my daughter this year. She’s done well at school and sports and has been really well behaved and helpful. I also think as my only daughter there’s no reason, she shouldn’t be spoiled a little more than my sons considering it feels to her our whole house revolves around boys.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I did some quick math: Daughter – party – 300 17yo – ‘party’ – 50 14yo – ‘party’ – 80 Daughter – gifts – 500 (or 850, I can’t tell if the Ipad mini was included in the $500 or not) 17yo – -gifts – 350 14yo – gifts – 300 Totals: Daughter 800 (or 1150) 17yo 400 14yo 380 So, if you don’t see that you spent *double* the amount on your daughter than on your sons and how unfair that is, I don’t know what else to say.
They’re at the age they notice. And they keep track. And they see how you ignored their hurt feelings about it.” rbrancher2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re going to face division and resentment if you don’t at least attempt to treat your children equally. You are treating your daughter like a golden child, and her brothers might grow to resent her.
It’s not a healthy dynamic to favour one child more than the others and you could end up pushing your other children away. Apologise to them.” Gertrudethecurious
Another User Comments:
” it’s difficult to reduce everything to money, and also weigh that against getting them what they ask for.
If you spend more on one than the others and keep it reasonably the same over time, that doesn’t make you a jerk. But what does kinda make you the jerk is you admittedly spent much more than you did in previous years and compared to everyone else.
If your partner and kids feel that way, it is on you to address it. Set an equal dollar amount (or if different, one your partner agrees on) if you want to be 100% fair, and get them stuff they ask for, and if there’s any left overs, give it to the kid to spend or save.
Soft YTJ.” offensivelypc
7. AITJ For Not Enforcing Cultural Time Differences With My Wife?
“I (27M) have been married to my wife (27F) for the last three years. We met while working in the US and stayed there for two and a half years after getting married. Six months ago I received a great business opportunity to shift back to my home country of India and took it.
Since then we’ve been living here and there has been a problem.
It’s a fairly cultural thing especially in my city Delhi, to just not be on time. It’s more of a system of communication everyone understands. Get called for dinner, better show up at least 45 minutes to an hour later, is there a party, don’t even think about showing your face before 2 hours.
If someone says 5 minutes, they mean 20 at least. It’s been hard for my wife who is originally from the UK to adjust and adapt to this.
I’ve told her repeatedly how it works and many times she has shown up to homes that were not ready or events where the host had not even shown up, she also consistently blew up at people for not being somewhere in 5 minutes when they told her five minutes.
She generally has not been listening. Thankfully because I often get caught up in work we usually get late with me coming home late for example I’ll tell the driver to take a slightly longer route or tell my wife a later time as the starting time, it’s been the only way to avoid awkwardness.
The problem happened yesterday when it was a dinner at my cousin’s house at 7:30 pm. This cousin dislikes my wife and she knows it, this was because a few years back my wife had caused me to break up with my then-partner. Something my cousin was still upset about.
My wife decided she would show up early with some gifts to help set up and smooth things over. I told her this was a terrible idea but she didn’t listen. At 7 pm I got a call from my driver telling me that “Madam was coming down to leave”.
With my cousin being fifteen minutes away, it was impossible for me to delay this. In short, my wife showed up incredibly early when my cousin’s spouse was not even home from the parlor, the maids were running around setting up the house and there would be no one else there for another hour and a half.
Later during the party, my wife overheard my cousin talking to another one of our relatives about how he felt “my wife had shown up early to try and show him up and that her behavior was always self-centered. When we got home my wife blew up and screamed at me as to why I had never corrected her behavior of showing up on time and why I had let her ruin her relationship with my cousin even more.
She stormed off into the bedroom and locked it and has not talked to me since. I thought I was doing my best to bridge a cultural gap but now I wonder whether I should’ve done more and whether this makes me the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She should clearly understand the cultural gap but this comment, just wow: ”This cousin dislikes my wife and she knows it, this was because a few years back my wife had caused me to break up with my then partner” The cause of breaking up with your partner is you as well, not only your wife.
You have an agency as well. Also, I’d not bring my spouse to a party where the host doesn’t like them and blames solely them for something we both did.” technounicorns
Another User Comments:
“What kind of culture values being late? NTJ. You made several attempts to explain that nobody means what they say when it comes to times.
If she’s going to fit in, she’ll have to learn that time is arbitrary. You just have to have some patience because that’s a very odd concept.” EvidenceOk7759
6. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Daughters See Their Father Who Hasn't Paid Child Support?
“I 39F have two daughters who love him dearly and yearn to see him soon. But I refuse to let them do so.
Their father has not paid child support since 202 and it’s been stressing me. After months of trying to get him to pay, he just parties and does not care for his children.
He didn’t even care to pay his daughter’s tuition fees. I was furious. Even more, since I was the one who made him the successful man he is now.
For context, he was a nice man. He was caring, genuine, respectful, obedient, and he had the perfect body.
He just wasn’t familiar with English speaking much. He and I started our life together in a small apartment since he only knew me as soon as he arrived in the country. He trusted me with all his heart and we shared expenses to get by.
He and I soon got into a relationship and planned ahead of what’d happen if we had a kid. We were preparing ahead to assure our child’s safety and happiness since both of us ever really had a well-off family and wanted our child to have anything they wanted. We then had the amazing idea to start a business, a spa, a restaurant, and a KTV.
We worked hard to start with the KTV first, spending every hour of our life planning ahead for our future.
We then had enough money to start building the KTV, finishing it, and promoting it. We soon had a ton of customers every night, making up to 100k per day.
We were ecstatic, happy that everything was going smoothly. We then continued making the other businesses as planned, and we finally had the idea of having a baby, as we thought we were ready.
When I was pregnant with my first daughter, he told me to rest and promised me he’d take care of the both of us, pay our taxes, our rent, and everything.
But then when I gave birth to my second daughter, he changed. My second daughter was born dark-skinned, and my ex is Korean. He was furious and he demanded a DNA test; I assured him he didn’t have to worry as she is his true blood daughter.
A few years later, he changed.
He partied every night and forgot about me and his business. He always forced me to give him money to give away to his friends. He then kicked me out of the business and sold the restaurant, as well as the spa.
I knew someday this would happen so I set up a savings account in case. It’s July, and not many people go to our country now, so he’s asking me for help. He’s been asking my eldest daughter to meet up with him so that he could talk to me, but I refuse to let her see him.
He has been bribing my daughters, giving the youngest a flip phone, the eldest a fold, as well as tons of money he never gave us before. He needs my help. Sales are going down and he needs more money to spend on his “parties”.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re going to ruin the relationship with your daughters doing this. You want child support and he won’t pay? Go to court because the route you’re going right now will ensure that your daughters will hate you for keep their father from them, especially given the fact that they miss him and they look forward to seeing him.
Go court ESH” Early-Tale-2578
Another User Comments:
“YTJ And tbh everything after the first 2 sentences doesn’t particularly matter Your 2 daughters love him and want to see him badly, don’t ruin your daughter’s opportunity to have a relationship with their dad. As much as their dad could be a deadbeat and a loser, he’s still their dad and they still want to have a relationship with him and you shouldn’t get in the way of that for your own selfish reasons.” fromdowntownn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your daughters want to see him and you’re depriving them of their dad which is effectively punishing them for his misdeeds. Regardless of what went on between you that’s cruel to the kids. If he won’t pay his child support take him to court and sort it properly.
You may be violating a legal custody agreement anyway. But like it or not he’s their dad, they want to see him and have a right to both parents, wtf is wrong with you? He’s also allowed to give them gifts etc and seeing as you’re preventing them from having one of their parents I would hardly call it bribery.” BenynRudh
5. AITJ For Being Upset About My Grandparents' Expectations Of Me?
“I was taken away by cps from my parents when I was 4 years old because both my mom and dad are substance users.
I got to live with my grandparents whom I love very much. But after I turned 13 everything started depending on me. I’m 16 now and I have a younger sister (11) and we both live with our grandparents. My grandpa works almost every day on construction while my grandma has some health issues, she can’t walk properly.
I have to take care of her and my sister when grandpa is not home and I’m honestly sick of it. Grandma doesn’t think I need time for myself and always expects me to do anything she needs the same second she requests it. Today I was watching some show on my TV and it really got my attention, it was about 5 minutes before it ended and my grandma asked me to do the laundry.
I told her to wait a few minutes till it ends because I really wanted to finish it to which she didn’t respond. After it ended I went downstairs to do the things she asked me to and I saw her doing it herself to which I got really mad.
She always says she can’t do anything and literally sleeps the whole day. The worst thing is she always sleeps in our living room making it impossible for me or anyone to go there since it’s always dirty and we don’t want to wake her up by cleaning it.
Anyway, after I told her that she couldn’t do those things because of her health she got mad at me and just went back to sleep. The day went on normally till my grandpa got back. As soon as he got home she started making a victim of herself saying I never do anything and that I’m always nervous and mad at everything she asks me to do.
The thing is she never asks, she demands I do it the same second she said it. My grandpa is a short-tempered man and gets mad easily so he just started yelling at me for being like that. Not gonna lie I never let anyone talk down to me so I started arguing with them until I started crying and then I just went to my room.
They don’t give me much attention anymore as they do to my sister and it also goes on my nerves so much since she never does anything and always makes a mess. They always forgive her but not me. She gets anything she wants while I have to deserve it with my behavior and such.
They rarely let me go to any sleepovers and I can’t tell them that I have a partner since they’re homophobic. I have to be home by 10:30 pm even though we live in a village not far from town. I understand it’s for my safety but I just wanna have fun with my friends.”
Another User Comments:
“Elderly are interesting. Make a list of chores your grandma makes you do, and put a number beside how often it needs to be done. Dishes every day, sweeping floors 2-3 times a week depending on how messy things get , laundry, etc. Then make a chart for a fridge that Grandma can see.
Then pick the days you will do laundry and time you’ll start …. I’ll throw clothes in the washer on Tuesday at 7 pm. That way Grandma can see exactly when things are being done. Hopefully, you’ll get an uninterrupted break. Grandma will think you are being responsible.
Make sure your sister is included in easy chores. This is working around old people and letting them think they are in control of the situation and winning. When hopefully you have simplified your life. I care for my elderly parents…. I feel your pain.
For example made pie they wanted, got compliments on the crust. Then Mom found out it was from the grocery freezer and got scolded. I laughed in my head and decided to consider her crazy. You are being a great person but I know it is difficult, you are very strong!” Slightlysanemomof5
4. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Spent My Rent Money On Unneeded Clothes?
“I’ve lived with my mom since I graduated from college.
During difficult times I didn’t really have steady work, but ever since I got a job I’ve paid my mom a monthly “rent” of a few hundred dollars. This year she asked for more money because she’s struggling to pay for heat while on a fixed income, so I’m paying her $400 now (way lower than the average rent in my area), and sometimes give extra to help pay for repairs on the house.
Last week, she told me she needed money earlier in the month because she’s struggling to make credit card bills. I was upset because I try to budget out my expenses consistently every week to make other payments (car loan, family phone bill, etc.), but I still paid her earlier, and also gave an extra $400 to cover half the cost of new windows we were getting.
4 days after the credit card conversation, I came home from work and she told me to go try on the new pants she bought me. It turns out she got me a bunch of clothes that I didn’t ask for or need, totaling about $300. When I asked how could she afford to spend so much on clothes if she couldn’t afford to pay her credit cards off, her only response was to say that I needed new clothes for work (I don’t), and that I was only mad because I wanted to keep all my money instead of helping her.
I kept trying to explain my feelings, but that made things worse. She went from ignoring me to telling me to try the clothes on (I even tried to “compromise” where I’d keep some of the clothes and she’d send the rest back, but that went nowhere).
Eventually she told me to shut up and asked when I’d be a real man, and I said something along the lines of “you have no friends because you’re so selfish and manipulative.” It was mean and I shouldn’t have said that, but the “be a real man” stuff always triggers me and at that point I was really frustrated with her.
I have since apologized for what I said, but when I ask for an apology she just ignores me.
I feel ungrateful because she spent the money on me, but I didn’t need or ask for new clothes. I’m an only child and most of her family lives in another state, so I think sometimes she focuses on doing things for me in a way that’s more for her than for me.
I understand it’s her money once I give it to her, and I’m still paying way less than I would if I moved out, but I can’t help but feel my trust has been broken. She asked for more help this year because she “didn’t have any money,” and part of the reason I stay at home is because I’m genuinely worried about what would happen to her if I moved.
I do want to support her after everything she’s done for me, but it feels like if she can drop $300 on clothes for ME, she doesn’t need my help, and I could have been saving money to get my own place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She spent $300 of your money to buy you stuff you neither wanted nor needed. And you were supposed to feel grateful for it! She takes your money and she regularly insults you. Don’t you think this a hint that it’s past time that you moved out?
She keeps asking when you’d be a “real man”. Be one and live on your own. Move out, stop giving her money, and let her be an adult and handle her own finances.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think if you’re paying a good amount of money to go towards rent or whatever bills to help out you want to also be able to budget to eventually start off your life too.
You won’t be living with her forever and what happens when you move out will she be able to pay bills or will she struggle? If she’s dropping $300 on clothes for you but struggling to pay bills there’s a problem there and I think trying to have a conversation about it isn’t a crime.” Infamous-Source-1684
Another User Comments:
“That sounds like financial enmeshment. I am not a fan of debt but I am more concerned that you feel financially compelled to be in a near spousal relationship with your mother when it comes to money. Helping her out is fine sure but it is time to disconnect from her with regards to her bank account and spending habits.
Let her be an adult and point her in the direction of and fee only financial advisor, then make the topic off limits.” Advanced_Mediocrity
3. AITJ For Not Telling My Ignorant Family About My Second Pregnancy Until I'm 7 Months Along?
“So, I (F26) and my husband (M29) just decided that we want to try for our 2nd kid. We already have 1 child (M1.5) who’s reached all the milestones we wanted him to before we gave him a sibling, plus we’re ready for more. Here’s the thing though, my side of the family ignores me pretty hard.
Any time I’m over at my dad’s house I feel like I have to fight for a spot in a conversation. If I don’t insert myself then no one will talk to me. The only time I’m invited over to my dad’s house is for holidays and normally scheduled family get-togethers (family reunions, birthday parties, Memorial Day/labor day, etc.).
When I’m not at my dad’s house for these get togethers no one talks to me. If I reach out to anyone it’s a 5-10 minute conversation that is completely one-sided. I lived out of state for a few years after highschool and didn’t have 1 visitor.
However, I have 2 sisters (F25 and F29) who live out of state and have for years. My father, mother, and sisters all visit each other once – twice a year. I have one sister (30F) who lives in town who never reaches out, but she knows everything going on in my other 2 sisters lives.
I’ve been back in the state (within 30 minutes of all family) for 4 years now and still no one wants to talk to me, visit me, invite me over, etc. My husband’s family on the other hand shows me so much love! They reach out to me to see how I’m doing.
They would stop by when we were seeing each other just to bring me cupcakes. If I’m ever trying to diet and we go over to their house for dinner, they make sure to make something that’s considered low calorie. I’ve never asked them to do that, they just do!
I never have to insert myself into a conversation, I’m always included. If someone notices that I haven’t spoken for a while then they’ll specifically ask me a question. The difference in how I’m treated between the two families is insane!
Anyway. My husband and I (mainly me but he’s onboard) have decided that for this pregnancy we’re not going to tell anyone in my family about the pregnancy either until they reach out outside of our normal get togethers or once I reach 7 months pregnant.
Unrelated, but we also don’t plan to spend the holidays with them this year either, which I think will make this experiment a little easier to monitor. Since it would be hard trying to hide a big belly while opening Christmas gifts. Again, not the reason we’re not going, but I thought I was relevant to the story.
I know that doing this is going to hurt some feelings. I can hear them now saying how “It’s a 2 way street” and “I could reach out to them more if I wanted to”. Which is all true, but I feel like I’ve been the one carrying my relationships with my family members my entire life without any help.
It’s been entirely one sided for as long as I can remember and I’m tired. So WIBTJ if I left them in that dark until either they show some interest in me or I reach the 7 month mark?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not gonna lie, my garden is completely barren at this point in my life so if this was me I would keep them in the dark permanently.
They will probably notice eventually that you have been MIA but I also think you would be happier if you just decided to give no more cares. Hope all goes well with you.” queltheicequeen
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTA. I’m sorry your family is so cold and distant, and you don’t have to tell them until/unless you want to.
It does kind of seem like you’re hoping that not telling them will provoke a particular reaction – either that they’ll decide to make more of an effort, or that there’ll be a fight and you’ll have a chance to air your grievances – so you should be honest with yourself about what you’re hoping for here, and whether this is the best way to go about it.” coffeemom23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can draw whatever boundaries you’d like. Keep in mind that this will likely have long-term ramifications on your relationships with all of them, and if one person finds out they will absolutely tell the others. So make sure you’re ready to be yelled at while pregnant – prepare yourself for the extra stress of the family drama that will almost surely occur.
I suggest talking to your parents before it gets to that point- let them know how you feel, that you are going to pull back on the efforts you put forward because you feel ignored, etc. give them the opportunity to improve and warn them about what will happen if they don’t.” SpicyTurtle38
2. AITJ For Disliking My Husband's Mom And Feeling Unappreciated During My Pregnancy?
“My (f30) husband(m30) and I had a disagreement last night. I told him I don’t like his mom. My mother-in-law lied about having her TDAP and she was going to risk our baby’s health. I told this to my husband and he kind of understood.
I asked him before bed, if he dislikes that I dislike his mom. He said yes, but he gets it. However, he wants me to be nicer to her. I explained to him how she hasn’t been respectful to me throughout this whole pregnancy, and he says, “Well you were disrespectful today when you were referring to her as ‘her’(improper way in our language) to your mom today.” I was upset.
I did apologize to him. But he did not let it go.
My mother-in-law feels lonely and wants me to call her often. It’s not easy and she says I’m SUPPOSED to. This stresses me out. I’ve told her several times it’s difficult, as we live on the opposite side of the world and I’m sleeping most of the time because this pregnancy has me tired. She never listens to me.
She’s clingy, pushy and being a financial burden, KNOWING we have a new baby on the way. She did help us buy some baby things with her money, but she’s spending a LOT more on herself with my husband’s card. She’s supposed to pay it back but instead making excuses and delaying payments.
She’s been disrespectful to me throughout the entire pregnancy. Even to my cats!
My husband. He’s not romantic. Nor do I ask for it. He’s never once gone out of his way to get me chips I’ve been craving. But he wants points for doing the dishes, cleaning the litter, taking the trash out, and for going with me to the ultrasound appointments.
I’m sorry but, I don’t live in this house alone, nor is this baby mine alone. I acknowledge he does these, but to say it’s “for me” as if it’s my duty if I wasn’t pregnant? He also argued that I was being disrespectful to him for not knowing the “things he does for me” and started making it about him.
We have two cats that fight at night. I’ve been getting up every night to stop them, while he sleeps away. I asked him to help me. He said he would on the weekends when he doesn’t work. He never did. He doesn’t help me walk when I’m having trouble walking due to big belly and back pain.
I can literally cry my eyes out and he just groans and says he’s tired of hearing the same thing. He knows how his mom stresses me out a lot, yet he’s never once stood up for me. He’s heard from our doctor during our ultrasound appointment that I could have prenatal depression, but nothing.
He’s only interested in talking to me if it’s about gaming or his work. Also, my husband has NEVER once called my mom to just say hi or check up on her.
We’ve been married for 10 months… Please do not say I brought this upon myself.
I’m not an idiot to marry someone like this, had I known he was like this from the beginning. He was nothing like this pre-marriage.
I know this post was a mess. I’m not the best writer and my head is everywhere. Sorry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry you’re going through this both your husband and his mom are jerks. I am not sure if you are looking for advice but I think therapy would be very helpful for you, not only personal therapy for you but also couples therapy to save the relationship(if that’s what you want).
He is setting up some seriously disturbing behaviors what happens if you need a c section and have to be on bed rest after and he refuses to change your baby’s diaper? I know this is a lot to deal with and I truly hope you have a support system to help you Also he doesn’t get points for helping take care of the place he lives, that is his responsibility and I’d be willing to bet that you do far far more around the house than he does, if these things get ‘points’ where are your points?” Giggle_interrupted
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry Hun that you have to go through this. You’re NTJ, and if you don’t like him anymore, I would just suggest divorce because he says he’ll help, he doesn’t. As a father, it’s also his duty to care for the child, but all he’s doing right now is not helping.
The prenatal depression may as well be his fault. And the mother isn’t helping either. If you want to still be with him maybe seek marriage counseling, because you shouldn’t have to go through this, especially alone. I hope It gets better!” Passion_fruit13123
1. AITJ For Expecting My Wealthy Parents To Help Pay For My Education?
“My (21F) parents got married and had me very young (18). They struggled for a while with financial issues but they’ve managed to move us to a really good area out of state and they now have an income of over 400k/year. When I was 13 for unrelated reasons my mom had a mental breakdown and prolonged anxiety and I became very depressed and started being interested in ill-advised substances.
At first, it was very normal teenager things, sneaking out, and experimenting. But I suppose my mom’s anxiety and my dad’s emotionally abusive tendencies made them give me extreme consequences, constantly grounded for months at a time. I was constantly berated, every simple decision I made was harshly scrutinized. They would say they hate me, they can’t wait until I move out, etc. But my mom would always apologize after screaming at me for an hour, say I’m smart, have so much potential etc. This gave me a really confused sense of self-worth, after a few years of them blaming me for it all and even denying that some things happened I’m pretty resentful.
I admit I scared them and I have an extreme opposition to authority. So whenever they would do these kinds of things I would react back, but I wouldn’t generally start it. It was such an intensely toxic environment, I made a few desperate attempts to get out, I bought a car and have paid for most of my expenses since 16.
but finally I got a really supportive significant other and a good job and was able to move out, and I found out I wanted to be a teacher. Which requires a masters degree in my state. But without their willingness to co-sign, I felt really hopeless.
And after years of them saying they will not under any circumstances help, my mom finally offered $100/month, I was very grateful for this and started taking classes.
Recently, knowing that I need a master’s degree, I decided to get a job at Starbucks because they pay for tuition.
I told my mom and she was excited for me, I asked her if she would still contribute because Starbucks doesn’t actually pay for everything and she replied back with “what?? No! We can’t pay everything for you! you know how much we’ve helped you?” Complete switch in tone.
I texted her later that I didn’t want her money, but the way she phrased it really hurt my feelings. She replied with telling me how much her parents didn’t help her and how I should just be grateful and telling me I’m acting entitled. Totally missed the point.
She does this all the time and I shouldn’t have even tried. But the fact that she was doing this again made me blow up at her over text, bringing up the principle of the fact that she’s willing to spend thousands of dollars a year on Botox, housecleaners but not help me at all then spit on me when I clarify whether she’d keep her promise.
She ended up blocking me then doubling down the next morning.
Through the years everyone I’ve told about how they treat me has been appalled, saying their parents would never. So am I acting entitled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your mom’s behavior is unacceptable and is no way for someone to act towards their child at any age.
I don’t want to diagnose/make assumptions but based on what you’ve said she’s been very much abusive to you through your life and comes off as very narcissistic behavior.” plastic-albatross5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking. YTJ if you expect your parents to pay for college.
You got a job at SB because they help with tuition. Were you steadily employed elsewhere before that?” iammeallthetime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you shouldn’t have been paying your way at 16. I’m sorry your parents are abysmal but now you know you’re on your own.
Some Starbucks locations seem great. Staff seems happy, remember my name when they see me, etc; note that I go to several locations and have favorite baristas but not often enough that I expect anyone to know my name before my account comes up. I hope it goes well for you.” Emotional_Bonus_934
