People Start Debates In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Ditching Shared Series Watching Because My Partner Won't Catch Up?
“Recently, I watched a series myself because my partner wasn’t interested. I recommended it to him, and he eventually watched it and loved it too. Now he’s invested and wants to watch the last season (s3) together.
I’m near the end of season 2, and he’s at the end of season 1. So for the past week, I haven’t watched a single episode to wait for him, only to find out he hasn’t been watching. I try asking him to watch it so I can keep watching too since I’m desperate to see the next episode.
He told me to stop pushing him. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I recall 3 series I’ve stopped watching for him because he won’t catch up but doesn’t want me to watch alone.
I got mad and said I don’t want to watch things together anymore, and he said I’m overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“Watch it alone but don’t tell him. Practice a few OMGs! And No Way! Along with a healthy sprinkling of I Did NOT See That Coming! in the mirror for when he gets around to watching it with you. Remember, you aren’t auditioning for the Royal Shakespeare Company, so don’t hold the remote like it’s Yoricks and screech “THY HAST SHOWN ME MANY UNEXPECTED THINGS, MAGIC BOX, WHAT OTHER SECRETS DOS THEE HOLD????” Good luck, NTJ.” Checkoutmawheeeeepit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being frustrated at him wanting you to watch it together then leaving you hanging; but instead of jumping to an extreme, tell him you will be watching the rest of this series yourself as he’s not watching it and you don’t want to wait longer or hassle him to catch up.
Also, tell him you’d like to work out some kind of mutual understanding on how long to wait in situations like these, as you’d prefer this to be stress-free. Either things match up and you watch together or you watch separately with no resentment on either side.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve tried watching shows with my SO but after being married for like 11 years, it just doesn’t work. There have been situations where we said we were going to watch a movie together, then he watched it on a plane because “there was nothing else good to watch,” so after that I said screw this, I’m watching what I want if he wants to watch he can join in and eventually catch up, or he won’t.
Some people aren’t as interested in the same series or like my SO, they’re just inconsiderate. Watch what you wanna watch when you wanna watch it OP. If he wants to join in and catch up cool, if not oh well.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Telling My Partner That His MKT Dish Was Too Pricey?
“My partner (22M) and I (22F) are in my hometown visiting my parents. My parents kindly took us out to dinner, and while they are upper-middle class, they certainly try to be frugal when they can and don’t splurge on meals unnecessarily.
At this restaurant, most items were in the $20-35 range. Everyone ordered in that range, except my partner, who ordered a MKT price item which ended up being pretty pricy (around $50). I saw this on the bill when checking something for my dad, and was a little embarrassed. I later politely told my partner that the MKT price is generally expensive and to be aware in the future.
AITJ for telling him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am assuming you mentioned this to him privately. It’s something a lot of people don’t know, so you might have saved him from overspending his own budget in the future by clueing him in. It is also kinda basic manners to either order “from the middle of the menu” or ask your host what they recommend, thereby giving them a chance to steer you towards the Chicken Marsala or tell you they have heard good things about the Surf & Turf… And that’s something more likely to be taught to girls because even now, there’s an expectation that women are guests and men are paying the bill.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“ESH a bit. Your parents are upper-middle class. A $25 a plate restaurant is not an expensive one. So this was not a splurge for them or anything, they are just cheap when it comes to food. That’s fine and it’s the environment you were raised in.
I was raised in an upper-middle class household too, but we’re foodies and splurge on taking people out to dinner. It’s gonna run $70+ a person before drinks. If you knew your parents were not the type to spend on food, you could have let your partner know beforehand, rather than chastising him afterward.
That said, as others have noted, the rule is that you always order something cheaper than the host. Your partner should know that rule (and also know what MKT means if that is new to him). So he’s a bit of the jerk too.” ForMyAngstyNonsense
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. $50 is not terrible, if the average dish is 20-30 bucks. If your parents couldn’t easily cover it, they would have steered the whole party to Applebee’s or similar, instead. It is kind of an odd choice to order a MKT item under the circumstances.
So I can’t blame you for having a little chat with him about it. I guarantee you there were at least 10 entrees 30 bucks or less that partner would have enjoyed at least as much as his MKT order. So again, it was OK for you to politely question this odd decision.
Having said that… It’s likely you were the only person present that night who gave any thought at all to the price of your partner’s order. I’m old enough to be your father. If I was covering the bill that night plus say, 25% tip… It wouldn’t even be a blip on my radar.
I might have less money than your parents do, too.” DistrictEquivalent79
20. AITJ For Opposing My Daughter's Weeklong Trip Overseas To See Her Online Partner?
“Daughter is 33. Her child is 6. She is taking herself off for a week to visit her online partner. I’m so annoyed about it; I have told her she shouldn’t go.
I couldn’t even speak to her about it when she first broke the news. She is just leaving her child, and she is going to a country about 6 hours away on a plane.
My other daughter is supposedly looking after the child, but I know I’ll be expected to help too.
She shouldn’t even be going anywhere, and she didn’t even ask me if it was okay. I think she’s selfish, as her child has additional needs, and she shouldn’t be leaving him. She just ignores me when I voice my concerns about it. But apparently I’m the one who’s being the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “She is taking herself off for a week to visit her online partner.” Why would you want your grandbaby to go to a different country and be around a man his momma has never even met in person yet? “My other daughter is supposedly looking after the child, but I know I’ll be expected to help too.” If you’re worried about your other daughter not taking care of her, then talk to your other daughter about that.
“She didn’t even ask me if it was okay.” Your daughter is 33. I’m not sure what country you’re from (I assume the US…) 15 years ago, she stopped needing your permission. “Her child has additional needs, and she shouldn’t be leaving him.” His aunt, your other daughter, knows his additional needs.
On another note, calling your grandson “the child” makes you a bit more of a jerk. He is your blood; stop speaking like he is a stranger.” krismis09
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The child is cared for, and so long as your daughter prepares the kiddo for her absence and takes appropriate precautions, traveling is 100% fine.
I went on my first weeklong child-free vacation this March and it’s a mental health LIFESAVER! You really just don’t seem to approve of your daughter’s choices, and unless there are legitimate red flags about the guy she’s planning on visiting, stop being a Bitter Betty and support her getting a well-deserved break from single mom-ing.” rpfuntimes86
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It really isn’t your business what your daughter chooses to do as long as she is keeping your grandchild comfortable and safe. She is entitled to time away from being a mom. She isn’t just dumping him off on someone. As long as her child is adequately prepared for her departure and has a good relationship with their aunt, this shouldn’t be an issue.
If you feel as strongly as you do, say you won’t help and set that boundary now. You can control your part in this, but you don’t get a say in how your daughter chooses to live her life. I can see why your daughter avoids going to you for anything.
You come off as very controlling and bitter based on this post.” kateluvsthe80s
19. AITJ For Telling My Cousin Her Partner Can’t Stay At Our House?
“Okay look, I know what you’re thinking.
“Probably another homophobic person.” No, it’s not that. In fact, my best friend is gay and I have several family members who are, so that’s not the problem. Here’s the story.
It all started a year back when my family moved into a new house.
I, 16f (15 at the time) and my cousin, 23f, moved into our house for $200 a month. For her moving into the house, not having to pay any bills or groceries, my mom asked her to stay home at night with my brother and me (my mom works the night shift at a hospital).
Not that we couldn’t do it by ourselves; it’s just my brother sleepwalks and has night terrors, and I’m an insomniac. Therefore she didn’t want me to be woken up if I had already (by some miracle) fallen asleep.
My cousin didn’t come through on that promise and started bringing home strange people to be intimate with.
She would stay out till one AM. And then, if I called her (at like 12 AM) asking if she was alright, she wouldn’t pick up. My mom ended up bringing my father into the house to watch us (my parents are divorced, but they can tolerate each other now since my dad is 6 years sober).
My mom still let my cousin live with us because she didn’t want her to be kicked out.
But then about 6 months ago, she started bringing home this girl. We were super excited at first for her because it was the first time we had seen her be happy (in a long time).
At first, she didn’t tell us much, and we were alright with that because we wanted her to take her time. But upon further discussion, we found out she has kids. At this point, we’re like, “Okay, I don’t know that she needs kids in her life, but whatever—it’s her life.”
Now wait, before you judge because we haven’t even got to the shell-shocking part. About a month after that, we found out that her partner is not only a mom but she’s MARRIED! So after we found that out, we asked the obvious question, “Are they getting a divorce?” The answer was, and I quote, “Yes, but they’re still engaging in intimacy because she needs to be satisfied.” Then we asked if her husband knew about them, and that’s when we found out that he still thinks my cousin and his wife are just friends.
They had been staying the night once a week in the beginning and now we’re up to four or five times a week. My mom is the only one bringing money in because my father mentally can’t work. And my mom really can’t afford for another person to be living in the house rent-free.
It’s causing my mom and dad to argue more and take it out on me more than usual. Because of all the arguing and my having extreme anxiety, this is causing my meds not to work as much and causing me to have more anxiety attacks.
So because of this, I told my cousin her partner can’t stay at our house in hopes of cutting down some of the tension in my house. My cousin thinks I’m just trying to get rid of her and that I hate her.
I feel really bad, but I’m at a loss on what to do. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I believe your cousin entered into an agreement, which she is not living up to. That agreement is $200 and be home in the evening in compensation for food and the additional cost of utilities.
On top of that, you essentially have a married woman with a husband and children living with you. That’s not part of the agreement. You’re being too kind. They both should go—the cousin and partner. Tell her now and give her a short period of time to find a new place to stay before she has to leave.
NTJ.” LDsailor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this whole situation is messed up. You shouldn’t be the one deciding any of the housing arrangements; your parents, specifically your mom, need to set clear boundaries and expectations for everyone living in and visiting the house. Your cousin needs to get her crap together, because she is going to quickly find her really sweet housing situation falling apart; she is paying next to nothing, and is not keeping up her end of the deal. Your dad needs to advocate for a safe, healthy household with your mom, and this situation needs to be stabilized fast. This has nothing to do with preferences and everything to do with providing a safe and open environment for you and your sibling to grow up in.” psmythhammond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you are trying to take control of a situation you shouldn’t be involved in. Your cousin’s agreement is with your mother. It is up to your mother whether or not to enforce it. If you have concerns, you should discuss them with your mother, not your cousin.
Your mother and father are divorced, so chances are that arguing is probably what happens when they spend too much time around each other. It is not your cousin’s doing. And as far as your cousin goes, you don’t have to approve of your cousin shacking up with a married woman (being a “homewrecker,” so to speak), but ultimately, she gets to decide for herself where her affections lie.
None of this is your fault or your responsibility. You’re 16. Let the four adults involved (your parents, cousin, and her partner) handle it.” cheekmo_52
18. AITJ For Telling My Roommate I Don't Care About Her Complaints Because She Owes Rent?
“A couple of months ago, a girl and I were looking for an apartment. I knew I made more money, so I asked her to set a rent range that she was comfortable with, and she said $1,800 – $2,000. I found an apartment for $1,765 + residential utilities each month and we applied for it and were approved. I made the 15-hour trip from one state to the state we live in now only to be told that she only had $299 of the $950 she needed to move in.
I ended up covering it upon the promise of repayment.
April came and I received $500 of the $930 owed. May came and I received $350 of the $942 owed. I received $0 for the other shared utilities (electric and internet). I received $0 of the late fee of $75 incurred each month because of late rent payment, that I ended up having to pay the balance of each month.
Excuse after excuse of why she’s not able to pay. When I told her to stop turning the heat up to sauna level and put on a sweatshirt if she’s cold, I was told to eat a bag of…
I started seeing a guy that works graveyard and he will occasionally stay over in the afternoon before work so we can cook and nap together before he leaves for work.
My roommate was yelling by my bedroom door at her dog and I said, “Hey, my guy is sleeping,” and went back to talking about the TV show I was previously talking about. She immediately left the house and sent me a text about how she’s entitled to be as loud as she wants in her house, to which I responded that you are not entitled to complain about anything as you don’t even pay for the home or any other expense related to the home.
I was called a privileged Karen playing white victim and she has been loudly telling people that reparations are owed.
To me, it’s just common sense not to yell in front of people’s bedroom doors. Or really, just not yell in a shared household, period.
Also, if you’re asked to be quiet nicely by someone paying your way to stay there, you should probably just quiet down a little.
Lots more ensued past this, including seeking legal avenues, but AITJ for telling her that I do not care what her complaints are since I am paying for the vast majority of the household rent and bills?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try to get some way to kick the parasite out of your house. If she’s not paying for anything and living rent-free, why did she move? She’ll be better leeching off her parents. Sue her.” CardMasterG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to be rid of this roommate asap.
Tell the apartment complex the situation and try to get them to move you to a different apartment. You said in replies that it got worse. What on earth did she do that was worse than this?” MeowGirly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time to have an honest and open talk.
Use her word. “Reparations” are definitely owed and they are owed now. Tell her she owes you $xx for her being short with the rent, utilities, etc. That you’re tired of her shooting off her mouth about you and her mooching butt.” gemma156
17. AITJ For Telling The Truth And Ruining My Neighbour's Puppy Chance?
“My neighbour (33 F) commented on a post I (27 M) shared from a friend enquiring about a litter of puppies going to good homes.
My friend (24 F) messaged me to do a quick background check on said neighbour, and I said pretty much all positive things and mentioned that her children are very well behaved, since I knew that could be an issue.
But I did mention that they had previously gotten rid of a dog after a few months.
This was enough of a red flag for my friend to say she didn’t feel comfortable giving my neighbour a puppy.
My neighbour was pretty upset that my friend ghosted her and asked why she stopped messaging back.
I felt bad, so I told her the truth. Now my neighbour is very angry with me for giving a “bad reference,” and her kids who used to be quite friendly, won’t even say hi to me.
I feel bad knowing I probably ruined something for the kids, but part of me does think it’s better than potentially enabling someone who would just throw the pup away after a few months.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend asked a question, you answered it truthfully. I think it might have been nice for your friend to have asked a few more questions to your neighbour, though. I have been forced to give up a dog before – for his safety and for the safety of my neighbours’ chickens.
If that was held against me by someone who knew nothing more than that I’d once given up a dog, I’d be pretty irritated too. People can learn from their mistakes. I have a new dog now that I rescued from the pound. (I say new – I’ve had her for 2 years now.) She’s amazing, and I love her so much.
I’d not have been able to experience this if someone had done this to me when I went to adopt her. You’re still NTJ, but maybe it would have been different this time.” Umbras_Cinerei
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told the truth. Also, please consider that she was interested in the puppies because she saw them posted via your page.
It sounds like she was being impulsive with this idea, and that is a red flag as well. If she is serious, there are plenty more opportunities to adopt. And she’d be smarter to adopt a trained adult dog while she’s raising young kids. Puppies are work!” YesterdaySimilar2069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t slander anyone, you told the truth. I know from experience that sometimes a dog is not a good fit; I once had to return a dog to the shelter because it viciously attacked my cat & seconds later went after my toddler (while I was trying to inspect my cat’s wounds!).
It’s a long story; the shelter said he was child/cat friendly, he came down with parvo the day we brought him home, he spent a week at the vet hospital, and when he came home & healed up, he was just mean. Don’t know if he was mean before he got sick & all we saw was a sick cuddly puppy, or if he started sweet & was so sick it affected his behavior permanently.
We had a dog trainer come work with him & us for two weeks before he attacked the cat & my kiddo. They both needed stitches. Sometimes you gotta call it. The same trainer helped us find our next dog, who was the best dog ever – he was with us for 14 years before he passed. The puppy owner, hopefully, quizzed your neighbour & got the back story on the previous dog.” RaqMountainMama
16. AITJ For Not Making An Easter Basket For My Partner?
“This morning, my partner (21F) of a year and a half told me she made me an Easter basket and was upset that I (29M) didn’t make one for her. My family is not religious (we still get together for Christmas and celebrate the season), so Easter has never been a particularly important holiday to me.
She did make me a basket last year, which I had completely forgotten about because it was the first time in 15–20 years that I had received one.
When I said that Easter isn’t typically a holiday where couples exchange gifts, she told me that she has always exchanged Easter baskets with her partners and that it’s a common thing.
In the past few weeks, she has mentioned nothing about exchanging gifts and said next to nothing about Easter in general, aside from which shifts we are working. AITJ for not making her a basket, or am I right in thinking that’s not common?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait, you’ve been together a year and a half, which means she was 19 and you were 27. And when she was 20 and you were 28, she gave you an Easter basket and told you she likes to do this with her partner. Keep in mind that any other partner she would have had would still have been in high school.
And you’re saying you don’t remember getting it because it’s only happened once in 20 years? Wouldn’t that make it more memorable? No matter how I put the pieces together, YTJ.” iwastobeasloth
Another User Comments:
“ESH. There are really two questions here. Is this a common thing people do?
And I would say no. Are you a jerk for not doing it? Kind of. Your partner established this as an expectation last year. You forgot. She is hurt. You’re in a relationship with a person who is very new to adulthood, and you’re not communicating well.
If meeting her expectations is not a priority of yours and communicating those expectations is not a priority of hers, then you both shouldn’t be in this relationship.” RainbowBright1982
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she doesn’t even know why she does it.
You shouldn’t be forced to partake in whatever tradition somebody does for a religious holiday if you hold no religious affiliation; that’s just absolute bonkers behavior to expect of somebody. We don’t expect that of people with Ramadan or Hanukkah, for example.
Easter isn’t a different story just because it’s the one that’s most marketed/white, lol.” TheFlabbs
15. AITJ For Refusing To Lend Money To My Wife's Uncle Who Never Pays Back?
“My wife’s uncle is in his 70s and still working; only lifestyle things I know of are because of a divorce (alimony) and he frequently changes what car he drives.
My FIL lives with him and helps out with rent, but he frequently isn’t working.
The uncle borrowed $40 off me a year ago, and we barely heard from them since then, with zero mention of paying the $40 back.
Get a call today where he’s asking me to pay his insurance ($500 for some reason), and he’ll pay me back.
I refused, because 1.
We don’t have $500 to spare, and 2. I know we’d never see it again given past experience and my familiarity with that whole segment of the family.
He then started talking about how he wouldn’t be able to work, and that he’s losing his job; it really set off my emotional manipulation alarms so my wife and I are standing our ground.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has a history of not paying money back (granted it was only $40), so why should you trust him with a larger “loan” that you will probably never get back? It’s the old saying, “Once bitten, twice shy.” He “bit you with the $40, so I would be hesitant (shy) about the loan.
More importantly, you can’t afford to do so makes the question moot.” The_wandering_ghost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s an adult and not your child. He makes his own choices. You aren’t his safety net. On the other hand, if he had paid you back the previous loan quickly and was in close contact with you, my answer would be different.
We make things work for family and friends who we know would do the same for us.” horsegrrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he keeps pressing say you have it to give to him. Use give very deliberately. If he picks up on that and says he only wants a loan, you have the opening to say “so was the $40, but we’ve never seen that again”.
You cannot lend or give him something you don’t have.” sharri70
14. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Parents Despite Their Childhood Contract?
“My (13F) parents are sort of big on compensation. I’m not sure how to explain what I mean, but it’s similar to the “I raised you and gave you shelter/clothes/food, therefore you owe me” mentality. Personally, the way I look at it is that I didn’t get a say whether I wanted to exist, so I shouldn’t owe my parents anything for caring for me.
I’m definitely appreciative, and I’d say I’m in a pretty lucky place, but I don’t feel I owe my parents anything major.
My parents always talk about how their “investment” (me) was a waste, since I probably won’t support them when I’m older (support as in buy them a house, get them food, etc.).
They always bring up the fact that they put me in a good place and that I should pay them back by supporting them once I turn 25-30. My mom made me sign a “contract” when I was 7 that ensures that I’ll buy her a home in Beverly Hills by the time I hit 25.
I don’t know whether she was joking, because she brings it up every now and then and asks where I’m going to get the money.
I don’t feel I’m obligated to support or pay them money in the future.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She coerced you into signing it as a 7-year-old, so it would never hold up in court. Your parents and especially your mum need help. As a mother myself to an almost 7-year-old, I’d never look at it as an investment or make them sign anything.
You don’t owe them anything. They are owed NOTHING. Some people should seriously not have children. Children are a blessing if you choose to have one, not a pocket for financial gain or blackmail. NTJ. Leave as soon as you possibly can, they will manipulate you to give in.
I am sorry you have awful parents, dude.” MsLollister
Another User Comments:
“Ummm, you’re 13. You have plenty of time to develop into who you want to be; no one should put you down or tell you otherwise. You also have zero financial obligations towards your parents, but they do have financial obligations towards raising you (legally, they do have to provide for you and you owe them nothing technically).
That contract sounds like some sick joke that might be used as some sort of manipulation, but if you’re worried about it, fear not; it isn’t legally binding anywhere. NTJ. Go on and do great things with your life, and if your parents are serious about these things and continue to act like this, move far away and do not support them.” Open-Possibility-723
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I really don’t mean to overwhelm you since you’re just 13, but I think it’s great that you’re already observing their problematic behaviour. You’re absolutely right in that you owe them NOTHING. Not now, not in the future.
But I would advise you not to say anything, since you’re still dependent on them. Just don’t let them convince you. This whole mentality some parents have about their children owing them is extremely toxic. I would say as soon as you’re an adult, go low contact or no contact with them.
The contract part when you were 7 (!!) is setting off major alarm bells.” bish612
13. AITJ For Keeping My Mom's Birthday Ring That Looks Like My Best Friend's Engagement Ring?
“My mom got me a birthstone ring for my birthday, and it looks the same as my best friend’s engagement ring. There’s nothing special about the design.
It’s literally a stone with a halo on a band. My mom loves giving me birthstone jewelry for my birthday. Last year it was earrings.
My friend is mad at me, and has given me the silent treatment for weeks, which feels emotionally abusive. I tried to call and text her multiple times.
No response. My mom didn’t even think of her and her ring, and would never intentionally hurt someone we consider family. It’s like I committed the world’s most atrocious crime. I didn’t even pick the ring or have any clue my mom would get it, nor did I ever think something like this would make my best friend or anyone THIS upset.
I love my best friend dearly and never could intentionally hurt her. I also don’t want to reject a gift my mom so lovingly gave me. What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have control over what other people do or how they respond.
You didn’t choose the ring and you can’t control what your friend thinks/feels about the ring. She is choosing to be butthurt over something that you had nothing to do with. Let her figure it out and either she comes around or she doesn’t… If she doesn’t, then you don’t need her as a friend.” FlamingBaconLips
Another User Comments:
“This is quite possibly one of the dumbest reasons I’ve ever heard to be mad at someone. Your friend needs to get a life in a hurry because this is ridiculous. Did she think her ring was somehow the only one of its kind in existence?
Does she imagine people wait for the two of you to walk by together so they can comment on how similar the rings are? Is this tragedy being reported on CNN? That’s the level of main character syndrome you’re dealing with here and if you allow her to spoil your gift from your mom because of her delusional insecurities, I don’t know what to tell you.
NTJ.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“I hate to say it, but if your “friend” will tank your relationship because of a gift you received from someone else, she was never your friend in the way you thought she was. She’s shown you the value she places on your friendship, and it’s tiny.
“I wish you all the best, friend’s name, and thank you for showing me the value you placed on our friendship. I’m sad to lose the friendship I thought we had, but I’m grateful for the clarity. Every blessing for your future endeavours.” Wipe hands.
Walk away.” MassiveApples
12. AITJ For Canceling Our Airbnb Over My MIL Bringing A Partner For The Holidays?
“My MIL Angie has a good heart, but she seems to have a problem with boundaries. Angie’s relationship with my husband’s brother Jake is tense, but Angie adores Jake’s kids.
Two years ago, my husband Paul and I flew to spend the holidays in Jake’s town. Angie booked an Airbnb for her, me, and Paul without asking us. It was a thoughtful gesture. Money is tight for Angie, so she booked a cheaper place with only one bed and said she would sleep on the couch.
Paul has a good job and we can afford to spend more. Paul asked Angie to cancel the reservation and he booked a different Airbnb with two bedrooms.
That trip was difficult. Angie’s relationship with Jake was deteriorating and she was stressed about it.
She said some unkind things to me, and I felt uncomfortable in the Airbnb.
This year, we are traveling to Jake’s town for the holidays. Angie offered to book the Airbnb. Paul and I had a long conversation about whether to stay with Angie.
Ultimately, we decided to do it and Paul booked an Airbnb early so that Angie wouldn’t book something else.
In July, Angie visited Jake and they had an argument. Jake told Angie that he needed a break. He still lets her talk to his kids, but Angie and Jake have stopped speaking.
About a month ago, Angie told Paul she was seeing someone and she was thinking about bringing him for the holidays. Paul said he was not comfortable with that because: (1) she said the relationship was not yet serious; (2) he was worried about having someone new around Jake’s kids; and (3) it did not seem like a good idea for the holidays.
Angie seemed to accept that.
Yesterday, Paul called Angie about something else. Angie said that things with her partner are now serious and she is planning to bring him for the holidays. Paul told Angie that he needed to think about it. Angie pressured Paul to talk about it until Paul had to say, “I do not want to have this discussion with you right now.”
Angie mentioned that she and her partner might be able to stay with her friend if Paul was not comfortable. Angie did not acknowledge the other reasons Paul had said he was uncomfortable or that Paul paid for the Airbnb.
I do not feel comfortable staying with a man I have never met, but I could make it work.
Honestly, it’s not even about that for me. I’m upset about how Angie has handled all of this.
We are still able to cancel the Airbnb to get a refund. However, if Angie can’t stay with her friend (which I think is very possible because it’s the holidays), she might not be able to afford a last-minute hotel.
Angie would not be able to come.
WIBTJ for canceling the Airbnb reservation a week before the trip? I want to cancel even if Angie says the partner won’t come.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. This is a complex situation, but here’s my take: Canceling the Airbnb feels like a nuclear option unless it’s the only way to set the boundary.
While Angie has overstepped in the past and is again disregarding Paul’s clearly expressed concerns, canceling could escalate tensions and potentially strain relationships with her long-term (although things already seem very tense, so I’m not sure if there is any hope to salvage a relationship).
Instead, firmly reiterate that Angie’s partner cannot stay in the Airbnb. Emphasize that this isn’t up for negotiation because Paul paid for the rental and they agreed to specific terms as a family. If Angie refuses to your terms and wants to bring her partner anyway, you’re within your rights to ask her to stay with this friend or rent her own AirBnB.
This sets a clear boundary while allowing her to attend the holiday without completely shutting her out. Canceling would only feel justified if Angie continues to disregard boundaries and you feel that her presence (with or without her partner) will make the trip unbearable. Ultimately though, this is about maintaining respect for yourself and your family while trying to minimize unnecessary drama.” Life-Sun-6386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Judging by her intent to bring a stranger to family Christmas without running it past anyone, I’d mistrust her if she says she won’t bring the partner. Do you think she would say he wasn’t coming and bring him anyway? If Angie and Jake aren’t speaking, why is Angie still visiting?
Is she invited to Jake’s? Was she planning to arrive at her estranged son’s home with a man he’s never heard of without informing him? That doesn’t seem like a good plan.” FairyCompetent
Another User Comments:
“ESH of course Angie is bringing her partner. The rest of you don’t like her.
She feels very alone. She is waiting for you as a group to welcome her partner and you’re not, which is why she is hesitating and not committing. Based on there being three generations, I’m going to guess Angie and her partner are in their 60s.
By the time you hit past 50, you don’t wait years to establish relationships. They happen in months and sometimes weeks. Something none of us understand at 30 is how little time is left in life at 60. It’s a different set of rules. I get you don’t want to stay in the same home with the partner without knowing him first. Why this fixation on an Airbnb?
Just book two rooms at the nearest Homewood Suites or similar and call it a day? The cost is probably the same, you each have a kitchen, and you each have a separate room to close the door on at the end of the day.
Problem solved. And honey? You may think you’re letting your husband solve his mother but you’re not. Back off.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Canceling Social Events To Avoid A Toxic Girl?
“I (25F) don’t like this girl Ellie (28F). I also work with her at one of my two jobs (important for later). I think she’s annoying and wayyyy too performative, and I’ve also caught her telling random lies to our coworkers. I don’t like being around her and only interact with her at work if I have to.
My group of friends and I were out at a bar a few months ago, and Ellie coincidentally was there. She walked over to me to say hi and is now part of my friendship group. All of my friends know how I feel about her, have heard about her crazy behaviour at work, and know why I don’t like to be around her.
However, the majority of them like her (we’re a group of 9), and she’s been embraced.
Ellie is a part of our group chat. Most of the time when we make plans, she comes too. I brushed it off the first couple of times, but now I’ve decided not to go to anything where she’s also coming.
Because I work two jobs, I only have 1 day off a week/fortnight; it varies depending on shift patterns. I really value that time and decided I don’t want to waste it being around someone I don’t like. I’ve never tried to play the hand of being in the group first or issuing an ultimatum to pick one of us; I just decline and sit at home.
As a result, I see my friends about once a month instead of a few times a week (after work when I have energy or on my day off) because I don’t want to see Ellie for 8 hours, where I can’t stand her, and then proceed to be in her presence for the rest of my evening.
Everyone in the friend group has picked up on it and constantly invites me to plans where Ellie is also attending, but I keep my stance firm and decline.
My two friends who like her the most, Grace and Jess, are calling me childish and saying I’m forcing them to choose between us, but I insist I’m not and I’m happy staying at home (I really am; I can’t stand Ellie).
They keep calling me to change my mind, even created a separate chat to talk about it, but I don’t budge, and they think I’m being a jerk about it and I should just be a bigger person and go anyway. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have an Ellie problem; you’ve already dealt with that effectively. You have a Grace and Jess problem. It’s time to start calling them out on it and making them feel uncomfortable for pushing your boundaries. “This isn’t about making you choose between us.
I’ve already told you it doesn’t bother me to stay home. It sounds like YOU’RE the ones with the problem right now. I’ve made my desire clear, so I would appreciate you not pushing my boundaries. Our relationship is none of your business.” Any further discussion about this, you should refer back to that conversation: “As per what I’ve already told you, please stop trying to meddle in my personal autonomy.” If they don’t get the “hint,” it may be time to consider putting distance between you and them, too.” OldPresentation3437
Another User Comments:
“Let’s look at the facts: 1) She’s your subordinate. 2) She frequently under-performs and will happily lie to place the blame on you. 3) She just generally lies about things, especially to ingratiate herself to people. 4) She “coincidentally” showed up where you and your friends were and has already embedded herself into your social circle in a way that’s borderline antagonistic and is causing you issues to the extent that you’re seeking outside opinions.
Not to be too tin-foil hat about things, but a lot of this behavior is classic manipulative narcissism in action. In all honesty, there are a number of really icky combined red flags across your post/comments in here. I have known (personally) exactly 1 person in my life who was like this, and they were a toxic miasma that insinuated their way into things they had no business being involved in.
They held grudges and went to disproportionate lengths to cause lasting harm in our group.” NotUniqueOrSpecial
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think anyone is a jerk here, Ellie is not a jerk for befriending your friends, but I think you’re being really stupid.
What’s your plan? Ellie isn’t going to disappear. The more absent you are, the more you’re going to miss things with your friends, the more things Ellie is going to experience with your friends, the closer your friends are going to become to Ellie, the more distant you are going to become to your friends.
Create the meetings at your house or at your bar and specifically tell them that you don’t want to see Ellie. If necessary, get everyone together at your house and explain: “Look, I work with Ellie, she lies about me at work and I dislike her.
OK, I’m forced to put up with her at work but not outside of work, so I’m going to avoid her as much as I can. I told you so and you all still decided to befriend her and include her in the group fully.
OK, that was your decision and the consequence is that I don’t get to hang out with you as often. Imagine working 8 hours with someone you dislike and then having to see that same person outside of work? Could you really get some rest or relaxation?
I’m not skipping meetings on a whim, I’m doing this for my own health.”” Schr00dinger
10. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Return Grandma's Knitting Needles?
“My grandmother taught my cousins and me how to knit when we were old enough to follow instructions—usually around 8 to 9 years of age. Out of 20+ grandchildren, I was the only one to stick with it.
When my grandmother passed away, all of the grandchildren were given an opportunity to request items from my grandmother’s possessions. I asked only for her knitting needle kit.
My other cousins asked for multiples of her jewelry, vintage perfume bottles, silver combs, etc.
My younger cousin, who doesn’t knit, not only requested some of the above but also the knitting needle kit.
Through some debate, my mom and my aunt were arguing over who “deserved” the needles. My mom relented because she didn’t want to fight during a difficult time. My cousin ended up getting the knitting needles.
I got a signature perfume my grandmother loved wearing.
My aunt swore they were the original glass bottles my grandmother had insisted on keeping and refilling. I knew they weren’t because the tops were plastic, not the beautiful frosted glass I remember growing up. Anyway, I was upset, but I let it go.
I also received a small inheritance, which I was grateful for. With it, I bought a knitting set and yarn.
Fast forward, it’s Thanksgiving, and my cousin brings up that she has been cleaning out her attic. She mentions she stumbled on some of our grandmother’s things, including said needles.
These SENTIMENTAL ITEMS are in her ATTIC.
Later on, I am helping her clean up. She’s wearing my grandmother’s wedding ring. I ask her if that was the other item she asked for. She explains everything she ended up receiving, which was a much larger inheritance ($10k) and far more valuables (including the perfume bottles I supposedly got).
I ask her if she’s using the knitting needles. She says no, and I ask her if she would be open to the idea of letting me have them and use them.
She said she’d think about it, and the rest of the night went on.
At some point during the night, my cousin must have talked to my aunt, who came out of left field when I was walking down the hallway and said how awful it was for me to ask my younger cousin, who is only 4 years younger and over the age of 30, and bully her into giving up a sentimental item like that.
I’m sober, by the way, because I’m the DD. I’m stunned. I explain that I simply asked and that my cousin said she’d think about it. My aunt starts raising her voice at me, to the point where my uncle comes out and asks what’s going on.
He immediately takes the side of my aunt, but tries his best to deescalate.
I’m driving my parents home, and I ask my mom about what actually happened when they were dividing everything up from my grandmother’s estate. She says she doesn’t want to talk about it, and now I’m being awfully weird about it.
How embarrassing it was that I’d even think to ask about the knitting needles and how it was NONE of my business what my cousin got, despite my cousin gleefully giving me details about all of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your cousin brought it up.
You’ve just been given proof that your family doesn’t love you. Your mom, especially, sounds like she decided it wasn’t worth getting the one item you wanted vs letting everyone walk all over you. You aren’t worth as much in their eyes.
Stop being around them. Go low contact.” Altruistic_Spirit542
Another User Comments:
“My dad and his siblings did some weird thing where they took turns choosing items after grandma passed. He asked if there was anything I wanted. She had a glass sculpture of an animal I love, so I said if it’s not too much to ask… I still have it many years later, prominently displayed. I would much prefer to think that everything everyone else got is being used, displayed, etc., than tossed in an attic.
I just went over and looked at it; now I have tears.” Simple_Guava_2628
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, it’s not always true that there’s no harm in asking, but in this instance, I cannot fathom what harm you could have done, at least with the information that you had.
I agree that there’s something hinky in how stuff got divided, and how incredibly and deeply offended your aunt appears to be by it even having been brought up. It might be some dramatic secret, something your aunt holds over your mom… or it might just be that your mom is embarrassed that she let her sister walk all over her (and you) so badly, leaving you without even the simplest item that literally only you would’ve cared about.
But that doesn’t explain your aunt’s anger. She clearly feels not only entitled but unquestionably so to the things that came to her and her daughter, and it does kind of feel like there’s something in the past that’s being triggered here. But even if so, none of that is your fault or responsibility, and if you don’t know about it you can’t be sensitive about it.
If you ever find out, I hope you’ll come back with an update. The nosy neighbor in me is curious and speculating away now. (You mention your grandmother wasn’t affectionate towards her children; maybe there was some kind of big incident between your grandmother and your aunt, and your aunt decided that taking everything she and her daughter wanted from grandma’s valuables was her rightful compensation/revenge, and your mom let it go?
Then her overreaction might be explained— not justified, mind— as an intrusion against her personal vendetta?) I’m literally just writing fanfic here, though, so don’t take me too seriously.” oliviamrow
9. AITJ For Calling My Friend The Only Good Mia?
“Despite how common it is, I’ve (16f) surprisingly only met three people who are named Mia. My SIL (24F) is a classic bully who talks trash about everyone else, but then cries crocodile tears whenever you say anything about her.
I literally have no idea what my brother (24M) sees in her. The second is my cousin (10F) on my dad’s side, who’s such a spoiled brat that even my grandma refuses to babysit her.
The third Mia I know is obviously my friend.
So I started calling her “The only good Mia.” My sister (13F) and friend both agreed it was funny. But my mom is not pleased and is saying that I shouldn’t say my friend is the only good Mia because it implies my SIL and cousin are bad, which is “rude and disrespectful” to my family.
I told her this was hypocritical, considering she complains about both my SIL and cousin to everyone in the family. She’s the one always saying what a bully SIL is and how my cousin has a meltdown whenever she doesn’t get her way.
It’s no secret that we don’t like each other. So if SIL and cousin want to talk trash about us, why should I have to bite my tongue about them?
My mom kept justifying it as her venting about family and that it was different from what I was doing.
She said I know how SIL is and my uncle’s karma will come when he keeps refusing to discipline my cousin, but that doesn’t make “stooping to their level” right, and what I say is still “rude and disrespectful” to family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, don’t do that. I don’t like that you are being a jerk to a 10-year-old; they are 10. Kids can be spoiled, but that’s much more on the parents than the kid. Also, I am sure you acted like a brat many times when you were around her age.
I don’t know how much moms’ vents are accurate because venting rarely is and usually makes the person they are venting about look like a monster when that is rarely the case. It doesn’t take much to be neutral; what you are doing is just mean.” Repulsive-Plane9429
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Believe it or not, I understand you. I would have done something similar at your age. For my part—and I’m guessing it’s the same for you—it was frustrating that I had to spend holidays and other events with nasty, terrible people in my extended family, and then listen to my parents complain about them later.
Then why are you making me hang out with them if none of us like it, Mom and Dad? If that’s the case for you, I imagine it feels good to vent to your friend, but to vent in a way that is publicly and passive-aggressively signaling to your parents how much you dislike the other Mias.
It also gets you validation from your sister.
A couple of things (setting aside that it is unkind because others have covered that): 1) I promise that in 5+ years, you are going to look back on this and cringe at your behavior. I’m literally doing it right now because this reminds me of crap I pulled at 15.
2) The fact that your 13-year-old sister thinks this is funny but your adult mother does not should probably tell you something about how mature this behavior is. 3) You’re pulling your poor friend Mia into family drama that has nothing to do with her. Sure, “the good Mia” is a compliment.
But every time you refer to her as that, you’re less talking about Mia and more referencing your personal family drama that has nothing to do with your friend at all. And if you ever refer to Mia as “the good Mia” to her face and in front of your mom and your mom gets upset, you will have just tossed Mia into the middle of a family fight.
You’re basically using Mia’s name to poke at family drama and signal your displeasure about it, and that’s unfair to Mia. Look, I’m sorry but you’re stuck in this situation for a while. Even if the other two Mias are the worst people in the world, you need to at least be polite while being forced to be around them.
If you want to cut them out of your life as an adult, do it. But being difficult about it will not change your parents’ minds. You can try to have a mature conversation with your parents about limiting your contact with these relatives, but taking the “good Mia” approach first probably injured your chances of that working.
For now, just cut it out—and good luck.” Harmcharm7777
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re immature for your age. If you don’t like someone, you can either talk it out with them or avoid being in situations with them if it bothers you so much.
Going and saying things behind their backs is childish and, to be honest, annoying. Your post makes you seem more like a 12-year-old than a 16-year-old, which I say as someone who has a female family member in both of those age groups. Also, if you don’t like how your SIL acts, then why are you acting like her?
Please grow up and act your age instead of being petty.” AccomplishedDirt1688
8. AITJ For Losing My Cool When My Mom Called My Brother Dumb And Useless?
“I (25F) had an argument with my mom (46F) after she called my brother (9M) “dumb and useless.”
For context, I’ve been living on my own for six years, and my mom and my brother live at my mom’s house.
She has had a rough life lately. Her mother passed away five years ago, and her partner (lil brother dad) broke up with her three years ago. She doesn’t work, so I financially support her and my brother when I can (500–600€ a month).
She hasn’t recovered from all of that at all (IMO she has severe depression), so I’ve offered to pay for therapy a lot of times, but she always refuses, saying “only crazy people go there.” We’ve had a lot of arguments related to me trying to help or give advice, and her complaining about it.
I’ve also tried the “Do you want to vent or want advice?” approach, but she complains about both options.
That brings us to our last argument, where I was probably the jerk:
My brother was failing his exams, and my mother started voicing her concerns and anger out loud.
I pointed out that maybe she could give my brother classes. She just said, “It’s not her fault he is dumb,” with him right next to her (it’s not the first time she’s done this). My brother obviously got sad, and I reassured him that he is NOT dumb.
So I offered myself as a teacher, saying I’d explain the exercises to him and do some practice (for each class, so like 8 different topics a week), but Mom and Dad needed to step up and help him do the homework I prepared and make sure he was doing it properly, which she agreed to.
We’ve been a few months under this dynamic. My brother is now passing his exams, but Mom and Dad refuse to do the homework. My brother is really happy so far. In his first days, he cried because, in his words, “he was not dumb and finally understood things,” and man, that made me happy but hurt so much to hear him say that.
Yesterday, I went to my mom’s house and my brother was excited because he got his first 8 out of 10 on his math exam. We did a happy dance and started jumping and celebrating.
All of a sudden, my mom stopped us and said, “What are you celebrating?
Don’t you see he is dumb? He can’t even get a good grade with your help. He is useless.”
I must admit, anger got the best of me once I saw my brother’s face, and I snapped, “And who are YOU to say so?
The worthless parent who can’t EVEN HELP her kid do homework? He is doing REALLY WELL, keeping in mind who his parents are. PLUS, an 8 is a good grade! It just seems you refuse to be proud of him.”
She obviously didn’t like that, so I took my brother out for a walk and then to have something for dinner.
When we came back, she was crying, saying that I was rude and that she is trying her best.
So, AITJ for shouting and being rude to my mom after she called my brother dumb and useless? I feel bad because I know she is in a bad place right now, but I’m tired of her insulting my brother because of that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because she has issues doesn’t give her the right to say these things to your brother. It’s bad enough if your brother was a little bit older, but saying that to a little kid is unforgivable. Her calling him these things and refusing to get help herself is not the best she is doing.” moonflower_meadow
Another User Comments:
“What does she think her words are doing to your brother? She is saying deeply hurtful things to this child. Then, when you fight back for him, she turns it around and is crying? Your brother is lucky to have you. It will make all the difference in the world in his life.
Also, it’s the strongest people in the world who go to therapy. They are willing to admit they need help managing and progress from there.” merishore25
Another User Comments:
“He got 8/10 on his test? That’s 80%, a B! That’s a pretty decent grade, and in a subject he’s had difficulty with.
I’d be very proud. I certainly was when I saw marks like that on tests in subjects I had difficulty with. If you’re concerned about pursuing custody of your brother, and I certainly would be based on the details you shared in your post, your mother clearly doesn’t respond to criticism very well and you would end up in a monumental fight where the odds are already stacked in favour of the parent rather than you as the sibling.
It would get very ugly very fast. Continue to help your brother with his studies, as it’s clearly having an impact, and continue to be there for him in general, as he clearly needs it. He’s going to be hitting puberty and his teenage years soon, and those years are brutal for everyone.
He’s going to need you.” JunkPileQueen
7. AITJ For Refusing To Shower Because My Brother Didn’t Flush The Toilet?
“I (19f) live with my mom (50sf) and my brother (17m). Our house has a main bathroom that I use to shower. My brother also uses it.
Last night, I got home from an evening shift at work (it’s part-time, so it was only 8 pm) and went to take a shower. I noticed then that my brother had pooped while I was gone and left it. I knew it was him because I would have remembered if I did it, and my mom uses her own bathroom.
I didn’t want to shower in a stinky room, and my brother has a pattern of forgetting to flush the toilet, so I reminded him that there was poop in there. He was short with me as soon as I got his attention, so I told him to flush it more directly.
When he didn’t, I raised my voice and told him again. He told me he had said that he needed a minute (which I didn’t hear and, at the time, didn’t believe, considering his attitude). He also told me not to get in his room, which I hadn’t.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I went to his doorway and told him again. I wouldn’t do things like that to bug him if he didn’t have a pattern of being rude, entitled, and not listening to reminders, but at that point I’d had enough.
I was tired.
So I stood in his doorway for a couple minutes. I saw that he was watching YouTube and playing Lego: Two non-urgent things he could put down for twenty seconds and come back to, but he didn’t budge. I then told him that it had been a lot more than a minute, and that he needed to flush.
He told me I was having a tantrum and to get out of his room (which I wasn’t in) before closing the door on me. I started banging on the door and screaming that I’d leave once he flushed the darn toilet.
At this point our mom heard it and asked what we were yelling about, and I told her that he’d forgotten to flush the toilet again and that he won’t do it now.
My brother tried to correct me, only telling her that I was screaming at him, and that I could’ve flushed the toilet and not had any problems.
But there was a problem: He thinks he can tell us to clean up after him, and we’re overdramatic if we don’t.
That’s the only reason why I said anything in the first place. Again, if he had just forgotten one time, or if he didn’t talk to us this way constantly, I would have flushed it myself. But I deserve better than to be contempted and gaslit on a daily basis for expecting my family to treat one another respectfully.
My mom started getting on my brother by asking him why he didn’t flush it when he went, but then when he started pushing back, she told me to flush it because it was easier. I said I wouldn’t, because it wasn’t mine, and she got mad at me.
I ended up not showering.
I feel like I’m going crazy. I know this is the stupidest thing to fight over, but I think that in a normal family, he would have flushed it after the first reminder, or said “no problem, just let me finish this” and let us troubleshoot from there, instead of expecting us to wait on him or do things when he wanted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I insist my toddler grandchildren flush the toilet and wash their hands. It’s pretty basic stuff that everyone should do as a matter of course. If a 3 year old can manage, there’s no excuse for a grown young adult. It’s a life skill.
One day he’s going to live with a partner and they’ll be a lot less tolerant.” BackgroundGate3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “She got mad at me. I ended up not showering.” Your brother has a lifetime of engineering these endings, where nothing happens to him, and you’re the one in trouble and you’re the one who gets screwed. You aren’t in a position to change this.
For your own sanity, I suggest handling it just a little longer. Flush the toilet, so you can have a shower. Bide your time. As soon as possible, leave for college or someplace else. And never live with him again.” pukui7
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to say not the jerk, but I understand where you’re coming from.
Yes, could have just flushed, taken a shower, and told the idiot he needs to learn HOW A TOILET OPERATES. Or you might just get a little revenge, like I, to get such pleasure. If you can get a squirt bottle, like for window cleaning, make sure it’s clean.
Put water in it, squirt it, so you know it’s a stream, and you know distance. Next time he leaves you a chode surprise, get your squirt gun, stand at a good distance from the target (in a room with his back turned), then squirt a couple times.
Tell him “it’s his crap water,” then turn and RUN LIKE HECK. If he is not going to act like an adult, courteous, 5-year-old kids know how to do that. Treat him like a child. Maybe he needs to be shown how to operate a toilet again.
Keep your squirt gun handy for other offenses. Just my opinion, don’t get hurt. Good luck.” KickinBIGdrum26
6. AITJ For Telling My Dad My Dogs Come Before His Comfort?
“I (30f) have two dogs, Taki and Poppy.
They’re both frenchies. For a little background info, I grew up with dogs but was never really a dog person. I always preferred cats. When I was 14, I started having horrific stomach pain and no one could figure out what was going on; all my tests came back normal. For the past 16 years, I’ve been going to see different doctors and having surgeries to try to help.
On top of that, my knees have been dislocating randomly. I could step out of my car wrong, and bam, my knee is out. My health got so bad with everything that I had to stop working.
In the past 2 years, I finally got a diagnosis and had my knees fixed. I’ve had 3 major surgeries, and everything took a toll on my mental health.
My therapist suggested maybe getting a dog as an emotional support animal, and my daughter (11) had been begging me to get a Frenchie since she was like 4. So I got my first dog, Taki, and I fell absolutely head over heels in love with her.
In September, my sister gifted me Poppy, so now I’m a dog mom to two very, very spoiled frenchies.
On to the issue. My dad lives on the other side of the country, but his company is still based in the state I live in.
He is not an animal person at all. He asked to come visit, but told me that he doesn’t want my dogs anywhere near him. I told him that’s fine; we can go out to dinner, or I could come see him at his office.
He is insisting on coming to my apartment and said I could drop them off at a doggy daycare or at my friend’s apartment. I told him that my dogs will be staying in their home and that their comfort comes before his. He’s upset, and my stepmom says I’m wrong because I make a room completely cat-free for one of my sisters, and I deep clean and remove all the gluten in my home for my other sister.
I do that for allergies, not because someone just doesn’t want a dog walking by them. So am AITJ for telling my dad my dogs’ comfort comes first?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad does not like my cat. He also thinks that I’m too lax and have let her scratch up couches and things.
He may not be wrong. However, when he visits, the only change we make is that the cat stays in my room overnight so she can’t walk on him in the middle of the night. It required putting a litter box in my room, which she almost never uses (but has stayed there permanently for convenience).
Otherwise, she has the run of the place all day, just like she normally would. My dad isn’t a huge fan, but the other option is a hotel for him, not the cat. Your dad is a grown-up. You have dogs; he can suck it up.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“It seems weird that he’s so adamant. If he went to a friend‘s home, I very much doubt he would be a jerk with them; he’d just accept it and either meet somewhere else or just put up with it.
Because he obviously wants privacy when he meets you, I wonder what he wants to say. I suspect it’s not something you want to hear, and this is a dominance power play thing that puts you onto a submissive back foot. It’s also not a good example to set for your kid, either – all hail the emperor.
Whatever the reason, you are an adult and parent. For him to expect you to kowtow to his demands in your own home is not something you should capitulate on. NTJ – good luck; I think you may need it (and don’t sign anything).” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have cats that have never been on the first floor of my house except in a carrier on the way to the vet (cats rule the 2nd floor, dogs have the 1st). I have a relative who claims to be allergic to cats (they owned a cat for over a decade).
This relative wanted to come over and see my house and asked about the cats. I was told they’ve never been downstairs. She said that didn’t matter and she would still be ‘allergic’ because they were in the house (not sure what she expected from me at this point).
My response? Then I guess you’re not coming over, huh? Your house, your dogs, your preference. Meet your father elsewhere.” Realistic_Sorbet2826
5. AITJ For Reporting My Flaky Group Member To The University Coordinators?
“I recently completed a university degree this year (in Australia) that involved multiple placements away from the university and was required to have weekly meetings with our coordinators.
During this time, we completed a group project where we had a flaky person. We were aware that they had some family issues during this time, so we tried to be as lenient as possible with them.
However, they only half contributed to our first document, with the other group members having to finish what had been started. During one of the weekly meetings with the coordinators, I made them aware of what was happening. They suggested I write an email to this person with a list of things they could please complete.
I made a list of easy-to-complete items for the person, and they agreed to it. None of the list got completed.
During our final presentation, they tried to take some of my slides that I had worked on so they would have something to present.
They didn’t end up showing up on the day.
The coordinators have contacted me and the other group members, and it seems like this person won’t pass the course as they can’t show they have met competencies. I’m now being called a jerk by some people for involving the coordinator in the situation and not just getting on with the project.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I had the same situation happening to me twice in my university. It was just me and another guy. He didn’t do anything—actually, I texted him multiple times, but he just wouldn’t do anything. A few days before the due date, I texted him and he said he was sick.
I didn’t believe him, of course, because of his social media story; he was out with his friends. We didn’t have a coordinator, so I explained the situation to my professor and told him I was going to submit my work under my name. The professor said yes, and the other guy texted me the night before the day we were supposed to present and asked me to send him the work so he would have an idea about the project.
I told him, ‘I’m not sending you my work.’ And, of course, he didn’t show up the next day.” Infamous_Penalty4861
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m doing Uni in Aust, and when someone flakes, the unit coordinators are very interested to know what’s going on.
You did the right thing by giving them a list, but they couldn’t even help themselves by trying to do some of it or even turning up. Everyone has stuff going on in their lives. Sometimes you do more in a group, sometimes less, but you have to communicate, which they didn’t do.
I once missed a residential, but I put in work before and after for the group, so they didn’t mind at all. If it helps, they may not fail but be given a chance to redo the work on their own to show competency—so don’t feel too bad.
Take it as a learning on future group/team work. Always list things and have tasks in writing, for yourself and for others. I always recap meetings in an email to confirm I fully understand what is needed and to give them a chance to respond if my understanding is incorrect.” Successful_Use_6422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, it’s really simple. If they didn’t pull their weight, then they risked your grade and the grade of everyone else in the group. Either part of the group project would go undone, or you and others in the group would have to invest extra time in the project (time which would be taken away from what you could spend on other work).
Both of those have the ability to harm your grade for the course and your eventual degree classification. And that could have long-term consequences for you. So, to be blunt, screw that person. You did absolutely the right thing in covering your own back against their laziness.” Phil_Oop_North
4. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Neighbors Loud Emotional Support Chickens?
“My neighbor (40sF) recently got 4 chickens. She claims they’re “emotional support animals” to help with her anxiety, but they’re incredibly loud. They cluck and squawk constantly, starting before dawn and going all day.
I’ve tried talking to her about it politely, but she insists they’re vital for her mental health and refuses to do anything about the noise.
I work from home and the constant racket is driving me crazy. I can’t concentrate, I’m getting headaches, and I’m starting to feel really resentful.
I finally snapped and called the non-emergency police line to report a noise violation.
Now my neighbor is furious, calling me heartless and ableist.
AITJ for calling the cops, even though it was disrupting my life and I had tried to resolve it peacefully?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone with chickens, I call nonsense on this. Chickens don’t yell all day long, they just don’t. Not even roosters. Not even Guinea Fowl (who aren’t chickens but are known for being loud). If you did, then YTJ for exaggerating. (Unless they are all roosters; I actually have a neighbor who harassed another neighbor by setting up a coop on the property line of about 10 roosters.)” Tigger7894
Another User Comments:
“Maybe YTJ. I’ve had plenty of chickens, and I don’t recall the hens doing anything but cooing and clucking. They’re actually very peaceful and sweet in my experience. The roosters were loud and obnoxious for the most part. If there’s no ordinance against it, you might have to learn to live with it.
Maybe go over and feed them or ask if you can help collect eggs. Cops make everything worse.” Clean-Experience-639
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I often think it is ironic how some people dub their animals as “emotional support” as a function and an excuse whenever their out-of-hand hobbies disrupt other people’s lives.
I have a neighbour whose excuse for DJing in his living room had also been up that street: “It helps me deal with life,” he said and meanwhile, I had to suffer for it. A lot of noise complaints and recordings were sent to the landlord later; he was given strict regulations because it was deemed too noisy and disruptive.
That said, I am not sure what the cops will be able to do about this. You can complain about the noise; you should definitely start recording moments where the noise is too much out of hand, but the cops might just say she’s allowed to keep animals, making this more of a civil case.
If she rents the place she’s living at, then you could send her landlord some of the recordings and a complaint to do something about this. Also, check in with the local municipality of your town to check if this is even allowed.” Blue_Waffled
3. AITJ For Refusing Leftovers At A BBQ And Causing A Breakup?
“I (37F) met my (now ex 38M) ex’s friends for the first time at a pre-drink/bbq he invited me to join him on. They seemed nice enough, but prior to getting there, my ex said that his friend messaged and said the host feels bad because they are having a bbq and there may not be enough food for everyone, so if we see food lying around, to not feel bad about it.
I said this is fine, of course! I assumed he meant they’d have already eaten and we were joining after.
We get there, and it’s clear they haven’t eaten yet. 8 people were invited out of the 12 guests for the dinner; 4 of us were not. When it came to meal time, the 8 of them sat around a nicely set table and CHOWED DOWN without making eye contact with us while we stood on the outside of the table, chatting.
I thought this was so weird. My ex did not, I guess? It was awkward because we were hungry (which is not the host’s fault, of course).
When the meal was done, the host got up and said “Guys, please help yourself!” to the leftovers, lol.
I know people are all raised differently, but this struck me as so odd. My ex went and got some food on a plate and said “Come eat,” and for some reason, I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I don’t even know these people, and it was so uncomfortable.
I politely said, “No thank you!” and carried on my conversation. Well, my ex was so bothered by this reaction from me; it ruined the whole evening for him, and we actually broke up after that (he broke up with me).
He had originally said we would just eat together at the street festival, so I was bothered that he put me in that position and then was mad at me for choosing not to eat and grabbing a snack on the street.
Is this culturally normal behaviour for some people? I live in Canada. I could NEVER eat in front of a guest in my home and not feed them, but is this normal behaviour for some? Was I rude or in the wrong for doing this?
Or was he gaslighting me by being mad and making me feel like the rude person for declining food?”
Another User Comments:
“No, this is SO WEIRD. To specifically single out guests to only get leftovers while the ‘first’ crew gets their pick?? I don’t know ANYONE who would do this.
I would have been appalled and acted just the way you did…’I’m good, I’ll eat what I planned on eating, I don’t need to pick through your leftover, cold food’. They all could have had a little less to be able to share with the four people not included, or asked you to bring a couple of burgers so you weren’t left out…especially if you were going somewhere where they had food!
NTJ…sounds like you dodged a bullet with that guy!” RockerStubbs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely rude but probably normalized in that group for some of them because of low resources within the group that created different norms than the rest of society.
I think it’s why some people are convinced it’s fine and common to not offer food to guests or be asked to pay as a guest in order to eat at a dinner party – or your ex partner wants so badly to be their friend that he overlooks bad treatment and was annoyed at you refusing because it calls out the bad behavior of the person he wants to be close to.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“Just for clarification, when you say leftovers, do you mean the leftovers on people’s plates? Like, literally, leftovers that everyone did not finish left on their plates? Because if so…Yeah, NTJ, in my opinion. That does sound so odd?? Especially eating after strangers like that without even personally knowing them??
What culture are these people if I may ask? I get it if it’s family (I do that with mine and we don’t mind because we trust each other – it makes sense. We’re family, after all), but never ever with strangers. Heck, I don’t even eat after my friends lol.
And for your partner to break up over something like that? It sounds like he’s not good at communicating since that is something so small that CAN be sat down and talked about. You even politely said “no, thank you” without stating explicitly why to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings (and you did not have to with strangers, honestly).
And the host telling you guys to help yourselves to the leftovers everyone made? Like, bro…” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Teenager Take The Car To His Dad?
“I have 50/50 custody of my son (m16), he stays at both houses for a week at a time.
Over a year ago, I started conversations with my ex-husband to figure out how we were going to purchase a car for our son to use. Both households are making good money, but there are 9 total kids after us both getting remarried.
My ex was not responsive.
He basically ignored me because he said, “if I buy our son a car, then I have to buy the step kids’ cars too.”
So after months of waiting, I decided just to buy my son a car. I own it outright. I gave his dad the opportunity to buy in by paying me half the vehicle’s value interest-free over 60 months.
That totaled $109 a month for 5 years.
I required him to sign a contract that detailed the payments and stated that the kid would own the car once it was paid off. My ex balked at that and said he wasn’t paying anything.
So, the car is staying at my house during the 15 days a month my son is at his dad’s.
My son is mad at me because I’m “being petty.”
Am I the jerk for not letting him take the car to his dad’s?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a parent and would make some kind of compromise with him where he can show you he’s responsible.
Something along the lines of the car being yours for him to use while with you while he is 16. Once he turns 17, he can show you he’s responsible by maintaining the car (keeping it clean, using it reasonably, etc.) and using it regardless of which home he’s at.
If he’s irresponsible, the consequence would be to only use the car at your place or it’s taken away. If he takes good care of the car, it’s his once he turns 18, if he pays the $109 a month, depending on your financial situation. This gives him a full year to show you he’s capable.
This will encourage him to be reasonable with you being less controlling.” Spirited-Hall-2805
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband didn’t want to buy a car because then he’d have to buy a car for the stepchildren, which tells me that he might have a hard time saying no to either stepkids, or wife, or both.
So, not only are you not there to sort of monitor the choices your son is making with his car (when he’s going out and who with), which matters to you because the car is not paid for and I’m assuming you also have him on your insurance, you don’t know if Dad will be driving it, or stepmom, or step siblings.
Sending it with him you are leaving him in the position of having to decide what you would be comfortable with in terms of car use and then sticking with it. It’s a lot for a kid. And there is legal liability if he is doing anything reckless.
You paid for and furnished the car so legally it could all be on you if something goes badly.” Ok_Strawberry_197
Another User Comments:
“I think all the comments about what fair or isn’t fair to OP’s son should not really be the focus.
The fact is this car is in the original poster’s name. That means any liability with this car falls on OP. Son accidentally hits a pedestrian?? OP is the one who will be named in the lawsuit, along with the insurance company. OP is the one who will have her insurance rates affected by anything negative the son or his step-siblings OR her ex does to the car or with the car (speeding, accidents, property damage, etc.).
OP, this is a huge liability to allow a car out of your supervision to your ex’s house when it seems like there is a lot of entitlement over there. If your ex forces your son to let his step-siblings drive the car, then you are also on the hook liability-wise for anything they do.
Step-sibling drives intoxicated and harms someone? You will also be on the hook for any lawsuits. Parking tickets that go unpaid because no one tells you? You have to pay or risk punishment/fines by your city, which could potentially be suspending YOUR license. Liability for a car follows whoever is on the title and on the insurance.
This isn’t about being petty; it’s about being a responsible adult and the consequences of being on the paperwork for a car that is being driven by other people, regardless if they’re family or not. NTJ. Maybe if your kid wants to take the car to his dad, then he has to pay for his own insurance and wait until he is old enough to be solo on a car title and car insurance (not sure what Texas law is on minors owning cars).” Specialist_Point1980
1. AITJ For Refusing To Invite My Fiancé's Toxic Childhood Friend?
“I (24F) recently got engaged to my fiancé, Matt (23M) and we are in the process of planning our wedding. When the topic of the guest list came up, I told him I would not be okay with inviting his friend Melissa (24F). To give some backstory, Melissa’s family and my fiancé’s family have been super close since they were toddlers.
And although I might sound like an insecure partner right now, I’d like to think I have a valid reason to dislike her.
To give some backstory, I met Matt and Melissa when we were teenagers working at a summer job. I became very close to both of them and eventually started falling for Matt.
Melissa was aware of this, as we would always discuss it, and she would say how cute she thinks it would be if we worked out. Melissa eventually moved away for college, and Matt and I became official shortly after she left. Whenever we would post on social media, she would be quick to comment and like everything, and whenever she was back in town we would have dinners with both of their families and she would always say how happy she is for us.
Upon recent events, I discovered from several credible sources that she has been saying things about me. “Matt could do better, she’s ugly, they won’t last, I bet she’s fooling around (because I went on a ski trip with my girl friends).”
When I told my fiancé all of this, he cut her off, but did not confront her. He said it was for the sake of their parents and siblings, to not cause any drama. I was hurt that he didn’t stand up for me, but I also chose to respect his wishes and keep it away from everyone else.
But for my wedding, I think I have an excuse to be a little selfish, since it is half about me. Why would I invite someone who secretly spites our relationship?
When his mom found out about all of this, she didn’t outwardly say she wanted me to change my mind, but she did try and persuade me by saying “Be the bigger person and show them that her words mean nothing to you,” and she does have a point that Melissa’s absence will be noticed by many and will raise questions.
I don’t want drama, and I don’t want gossip, but at the same time, it hurts my morals to invite someone just to please others. Am I the jerk for not wanting to invite her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds like she’d make a stink if she wasn’t invited, and if the families aren’t aware of why she wasn’t invited, she’d have free reign to make up reasons why.
Might be best to invite her, rub your happiness in her face. And for a bit of petty revenge, make sure she’s sat near the most annoying family members, or is placed where she’d be last in line for the reception’s food.” Zorbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I will say, as someone who is currently planning a wedding, there are definitely people that I’m inviting that I’d rather not. The way I’m going about it is potential problem people are giving them essentially a chaperone. For example, I don’t expect my dad to be civil, so I’m having my mom and best friend’s mom babysit him for the wedding.
I also have other people that my bridesmaids know to watch out for, and keep on a tight leash. So, you would definitely not be in the wrong if you decided not to invite her, but if you decide to for the sake of peace, there are options for making sure she doesn’t cause problems.” L-Gray
Another User Comments:
“I’m genuinely confused on why people assume allowing personal attacks & abuse is being the bigger person?? Someone has spread hateful things about you & your relationship, & you did not engage nor publicly bash them, post to your socials how evil she is, have set a healthy boundary by not engaging with them, had a conversation with your partner where they rightly chose to support you by cutting off contact (healthy communication) – all the very adult thing to do.
You ARE being the bigger person in how you’re handling avoiding toxicity in your upcoming nuptials. NTJ, & if someone comments on her absence, you can simply state she had personal reasons/conflict that kept her from attending.” BoysenberryPicker
