People Spoil Us By Telling Their Interesting “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Invading My Bathroom Privacy?
“I’ve been seeing my partner for 8 months now, she comes over a few times a week. We’ve yet to get into a fight until recently. Whenever I go to the washroom she more often than not seems to love letting herself into the washroom for no reason other than to talk.
The bathroom door doesn’t have a lock but it will soon. I’ve communicated to her in the past on 2 occasions I don’t like it.
The first time I was pretty cool about it, the second time a little more stern.
She has done this plenty of times though. Too many to count, but this time I was about 2 minutes into taking a dump and she flew in and started talking about work, I told her to get out calmly but sternly, and she then later in the day did it again.
Before she could speak I yelled pretty loudly “GET THE HECK OUT.” To which she jumped at and slammed the door and walked away. By the time I’d wiped myself and got out she’d left. She called me later on and explained that “I’d scared her really bad” and that “there is never a reason to raise my voice like that.”
I feel like I kind of messed up letting my temper go like that but I don’t think I’m in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“”There is never a reason to raise my voice like that.” She’s literally only saying this because she was on the receiving end.
What she was doing is a huge violation of privacy for some, and it goes against several layers of manners and basic etiquette. Was it…great? That you yelled? Maybe not, but it wasn’t like you hadn’t clearly communicated to her previously, or calmly told her to leave before, and she was still doing it like it wasn’t blatantly obvious what she was intruding upon.
Honestly, this seems like a weird problem to even have. Most people know to leave well enough alone, but like a cat trying to find mommy she’s barging in because she “wants to talk”? I don’t buy the genuine oblivious innocence of this.
Girl’s got some issues she hasn’t seen a therapist about. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The only living beings allowed in the bathroom while I’m using it are the cats. They guard the door. My husband has opened the bathroom door on me ONCE and it was because I forgot to bring in the toilet paper and he came to the rescue.
He’s seen me without clothes lots of times. The difference is that he respects my privacy, and expects me to respect his. NTJ and you can do better than a partner who doesn’t respect your request for privacy and stomps all over your boundaries.” MariContrary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was absolutely a reason to raise your voice like that, and that reason is that she has proven herself incapable of abiding by a boundary when you set it in a normal voice. I would not apologize to her and would remind her that you’ve told her multiple times that you don’t like it when she does that and by continuing to do it, she has repeatedly violated your privacy and a clearly stated boundary and that you didn’t know another way to get through to her when she has shown she doesn’t listen or care about what you want.” ProfPlumDidIt
20. AITJ For Wanting To Grieve Before Cleaning Out My Late Family's Belongings?
“I (24f) had a unique living situation growing up. My father and I escaped my mother when I was young and we moved across the country and moved in with my uncle, my uncle’s son, and my step-grandfather (is that the term?).
My father’s side of the family is very much rural and appreciates the little things. As a result, our house felt like a movie set – there was clutter EVERYWHERE from all around the world (step-grandad) traveled a lot in his youth).
When my step-grandad died, I was given a lot of his old stuff. Some of it is priceless and some of it is pricey. I currently live in the house where I grew up with my partner (24m), and we’ve been combing through a lot of the stuff (my uncle died and his son took his stuff and left the house).
My partner wants to get rid of a lot of stuff, but I said that I’m grieving right now and want to wait a few weeks so I’m in a good state of mind to start getting rid of things.
He’s not ok with that. He says the house is ‘disgusting’ and causes him to have panic attacks. I don’t want to discredit him, but the way he said it felt super fake.
I eventually caved and said I’d go through papers and documents and throw obvious rubbish away (I was always going to do that anyway) but anything else will have to wait.
He got really mad and stormed out. He’s currently in a hotel room and says he won’t come back until the house is cleaned. I will clean it all, but all I’m asking is to grieve first.
AITJ for choosing knick-knacks over my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry for your losses, OP I can understand SO’s view of your treasures as overwhelming, but he didn’t just start feeling that way. He chose to confront you and make this ultimatum while you’re vulnerable and grieving.
You’re right, now isn’t the time to go through this overwhelming exercise while your loss is still so raw. Take your time and choose what treasures you want to keep that your step-grandpa and uncle left you – or choose to keep them all and display some, and pack up the rest. Maybe you can rotate them out like seasonal decor so that you can enjoy them and have more open space if you want to have it.
Regardless, NTJ and SO certainly is. I’m sorry that he isn’t supporting you and is trying to take advantage of your loss to make your home into what he wants.” its_carrie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ presumably the things have been there long before the partner moved in, had he ever made reference to the stuff before your uncle passed?
(My condolences to you) – does he pay rent/contribute in a way that would give him any input as to decor? I’m in a similar position in relation to going through relatives’ possessions after they’ve passed, it’s not an easy job as everything aside from the obvious papers has memories, and can be extremely overwhelming to make decisions on what to keep and what to do with things that you no longer want.
Can your dad help at all? Just take your time and if your partner wants to throw his toys out the pram instead of supporting you during a very emotional time, maybe he needs to be asking himself whether he’s the jerk instead.” Sorry_Raspberry9870
Another User Comments:
“Honey. You’re not choosing knick-knacks over your partner. You are grieving and not ready to face the emotions of going through your grandpa’s things. Let your partner stay gone. His attitude is selfish and it is hurting you.
Take your time and go through things at your pace and when your grieving will allow you to. Change the locks on the house, and tell your ex-partner he can live elsewhere. NTJ.” Beck2010
19. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of Our Room After She Ruined My Expensive Knives?
“I’m 16f, my sister is 15f.
We share a room, have our whole lives. She’s constantly ruining my stuff, regardless of where it’s left, the room is a mess and she’s intolerable.
I got promoted in work the other day, from kitchen porter to Commis Chef and to celebrate, I bought myself a new knife set that I’ve been saving for for a while.
It wasn’t cheap, good knives never are but it’ll save me in the long run and I’m in love with them.
My sister likes knives too. The kind you throw. My parents set up an area in the shed for her and she has a few designed for that but they’re old and not so great at their purpose.
She wanted to use mine, but I said no since they’re not designed for that, but gave her a knife from my old set that I can’t use at work.
Anyway, I was off for the weekend, so I took my knives home with me and left them in my work bag, which my sister never goes near so I thought they’d be fine before I went out.
I came home yesterday morning and went to work.
Two of my knives are ruined. Like unusable ruined. One is literally snapped in half, and it was one I used multiple times a day every day. I texted my sister and she admitted to it.
I got home and told her don’t even come near me, and to say out of the room, so she’s been sleeping in our 4-year-old brother’s room. She thinks I was wrong to kick her out of the room over that but my dad thinks I’m right because he’s a chef and knows how expensive my knives were.
My mom thinks I’m being a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make her pay for your knives. That should teach her not to play with other people’s expensive work equipment. Or make your mom pay for them since she’s so intent on calling you a jerk.
The only jerk here is your sister, and she should be punished for endangering your livelihood. (I will say — come on, dude. You said right at the beginning the kind of person she is, you should have known better than to give her any possible kind of access to your knives.
That was naive.)” BogwitchOfTheBog
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are jerks. Why aren’t they parenting you and your sister instead of letting this nonsense continue? They, her guardians, need to replace your knives, they need to punish her for destroying them, and then need to make sure she has access to her room because it is ridiculous she’s sleeping in her four-year-old brother’s room.
Is there even a bed for her there? If you are angry at your sister rather than your negligent parents you’re upset at the wrong person. NTJ.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/maybe everyone’s a jerk here. Her for the obvious reason.
But you, as much as you’d like to, can’t kick her out of what is as much her room as it is yours. Expect her/your parents to pay you back for the knives damaged? Sure, that’s fine. But you can’t kick her out.” RecommendsMalazan
18. AITJ For Refusing My MIL's Offer To Buy Us A House With Strings Attached?
“I married a financially stable guy in the trades, who already had his own house while I was bringing nothing to the marriage but $12k in student loan debt and two kids.
12 years later, that house is paid off and we have three more kids. We aren’t in the greatest school district in the area, but our younger kids are in a fantastic (cheap) private school, and the remaining older kid still at home is in a cyber charter school, so we make the best of it.
It’s big enough for our family.
His parents have… Some money. Numbers are never discussed, but they own a few rental properties.
About 10 years ago, before SIL had her second baby/first of the younger set, she and BIL were living in an awful, water-logged apartment with mold setting in.
MIL went to bat and bought them a modest house. But, because SIL had a history of poor financial decisions, MIL kept the title to the house to make sure the grandkids would have a nice place to grow up, even if they fell behind on, say, property taxes or something.
I know it pricked SIL’s pride, but it was an opportunity she wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Recently, SIL’s family outgrew that house, and MIL bought them a different house (same deal with the title), and is selling their old house.
It’s a nice place and should work for them until they’re empty nesters.
But now, MIL is looking at our family and feeling like it isn’t quite fair, and she wants to offer to help US buy a bigger house in a nicer school district.
Nice, right? Depending on what we could sell our house for, she would possibly contribute 2/3 to 1/2 of the cost of a new house for us.
But in order to keep it fair, she would want the same deal she has with SIL – MIL keeps the title, and it goes to my hubby on her death.
Small sting to our pride as adults, but whatever. Then she also adds that I would need to sign a post-nup saying I have no claim on the house since it’s meant as his inheritance. I do understand her wanting to protect her son and his inheritance.
Really. But geez.
Here’s the issue. What if hubby dies first? Would I be kicked out with the kids still to raise? What if HE leaves ME? I’ve been a SAHM most of our marriage, which brings its own kind of value to the world, but it’s nothing I can bank on.
It’s not like I have material assets or anything (the student loans are paid off).
AITJ if I tell MIL “no thanks, we’re fine, don’t help us”? I don’t want to mess up hubby’s inheritance (though he would get the cash value in the will someday), and I don’t want to prevent the kids from living in a larger home with better schools because of my pride, but this arrangement feels very insecure for me.
Hubby feels weird about it too, and is planning to make sure no matter what, if he gets hit by a bus, I get the house. But even beyond that, it feels weird, as fully functional adults, to have mommy buy us a house when we already are doing OK, and then hold onto the title like we’re kids who would blow the equity on soda and gum.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The money from the sale of your house would be marital assets that you’re then putting into a house that is owned by someone else entirely. Even if not all the money if hubby already owned it when you got married, any increase in equity since then should be partly yours.
This is a bad deal for you. There’s no way you should sign a post-nup stating you have no claim, if funds from the sale of your current house would be going into purchase. And no lawyer should let you do that.
If you’re even considering this, YOU need your own representation, separate from that of either your MIL or husband. A lawyer that is in this process just to review the post-nup for you, and represent your interests.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL is suggesting a very unfair setup. You and your husband would use the equity in your house to pay for half or more of the new house, yet she would want to retain the title? That’s untenable.
Even though you’ve been a SAHP, in most states your contribution in that role gives you a stake in the house you’re currently living in, even though it was purchased before you married your husband. In the setup your MIL is proposing, you are totally screwed, and to a lesser extent so is your husband.
It’s a situation that’s bound to cause strife and instability for years to come. And even if you weren’t throwing away your money into a property wholly owned by your MIL, you’re right to be concerned about what would happen if you and your spouse divorce or if he dies before you do.
If MIL is feeling like she wants to do something to equalize her financial gifts to both of her children, she can set up a special trust for your husband or for your children’s education.” puppyfarts99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m in a similar situation.
I brought debt and a child into my relationship and I’m a SAHM. My in-laws are on the deed, along with my husband. They helped him buy the house when the market crashed and he’s paying them back the mortgage.
They have a written agreement. I finally had to run for my HOA board in order to be added to the deed. We’ve been married for five years, and I’ve been told on several occasions that they won’t collect the remaining mortgage from me, should something happen to my husband.
I want to trust them, but I don’t and I worry I’ll be homeless or owe them the remaining debt, especially since MIL waits forever to cash the checks (She’ll wait forever and cash 6 checks at once). She’s made several “He needs life insurance” remarks, along with “Well I just hope to get back what I paid for the house”.
I should also mention she’s horrible at bookkeeping and I don’t actually know what is owed on the house. The post-nup is a huge red flag as well. You’ve given her no indication to mistrust you or your husband, and it’s not right in my mind to protect an investment that’s ethically and legally half yours.” Jennabear82
17. AITJ For Banning My Partner's Friend From My Apartment After She Crossed A Line?
“For the longest time, my partner and her friend have kind of used my apartment as like their little clubhouse.
They’ve used it because it’s the closest to the bars and restaurants that they like to go to, then they come to sleep at my place and it’s the biggest out of myself, my partner, or her friend’s places. I never really cared, they come in, they scroll through phones, watch YouTube, it’s not a big inconvenience.
That being said, her friend and I have never really meshed. I think that she oftentimes sticks her nose in things she doesn’t need to. How this works is I’ll tell my partner something, she’ll then tell her friend, and then her friend will bring it up in some snarky way to me.
Last Friday was the final straw. I’ve not been seeing eye to eye with my dad, and in the past, I’ve had issues with my mom too. He wants to literally monitor my finances for no other reason than to be a control freak.
That’s just how he is. I’m exhausted by him and relayed that to my partner. She then told her friend, who, while over at my place hanging out with my partner, turned to me and said “I’ve heard you and your dad are fighting, geez, you just can’t get along with anyone can you?”
I didn’t want to stand there in my apartment and start a screaming match, so, I said nothing. The friend eventually left and I told my partner that her friend was banned from my apartment. My partner argued that I was being unfair, and asked what this friend was supposed to do when she needs a place to crash after they’ve been out drinking.
I told her I didn’t give a darn and that she can sleep on the ground. My partner now thinks I’m a jerk for such a “quick, harsh banishment.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. INFO: why are you still with this tattletale?
What does she bring into this… relationship… that makes her gossiping acceptable? You tell her something and next you know the whole family/friends/neighborhood/town knows your business. I for myself would take a step back to reflect if I would be able to live with the surety that whatever I tell her, whenever we would have a disagreement, she would spill the beans.
maybe only to her bff, maybe only to her mom, maybe only to the whole universe. Then in the end it would be a threesome kind of relationship, you, her, and whomever she tells your secrets, your arguments. This whoever can be a decent person and says nothing to you.
Or it can be a bff#2 who feels entitled to mess around in your life. All the while your partner is excusing her bff’s behavior, calling you mean, insecure, harsh.
Also, your apartment is not a hostel/hotel/crashing place.
Maybe revoke your partner’s access to it, take back the keys, or change the locks. Otherwise, you come home and oopsie, we went out and here we are, crashing. What do you mean she has to leave, can’t you see she is intoxicated???” Tessa_Kamoda
Another User Comments:
“Op, you need to break up. She tells her friend your private business you have not mentioned not ONCE your partner shutting down her friend when she does make those comments. She prioritizes the relationship with her friend more than you you should never feel disrespected in your own darn home.
You should’ve kicked her out on the first comment she ever made in your house NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand wanting to share everything with a best friend. However, the best friend is going back to you with her snarky comments and uninvited opinions.
Your relationship is with your partner, not her friend. I’m appalled that your partner feels this is acceptable. I would’ve been mortified if my best friend went to my partner like that.
“Asked what this friend was supposed to do when she needs a place to crash after they’ve been out drinking.” Uber home or get a motel/hotel room.” FrumpyHedgehog
16. AITJ For Setting Expectations With My Coworker About Carpool Timing?
“I (30M) work in an office where we have time clocks and I have been able to adjust my schedule by coming in 15-20 minutes early every day so I can leave 90 min early on Friday.
I recently have been taking a coworker (25F) into work because she doesn’t have a car and she is on the way so it’s not like I’m going out of my way to do so.
However, every day this week I have texted her to be outside ready for me to pick her up at a certain time, the same time, she constantly doesn’t do this, sometimes making me wait 5-10 minutes. I have explained why I am doing this and how I have been able to adjust my schedule.
I have even tried one of the days to come earlier but I’ve waited longer.
I admit to feeling frustrated with her (but have not shown it) because this honestly feels like it has somewhat defeated the purpose of adjusting my schedule if I have to wait for her.
WIBTJ by having a talk with her expecting her to be ready when I arrive, further explaining if she can’t be ready she needs to find another ride? I feel like I won’t be (because of my time here defining what is and isn’t a jerk) but one of my coworkers said it would be a jerk move.
So WIBTJ by talking to my coworker? (Is there a better term than guideline? Would this be a rule?)”
Another User Comments:
“Talking with her would not be a jerk move. You’re doing her a great favor and you have every right to tack on reasonable conditions, such as no smoking or drinking in the car, or “Hey, I am happy to give you a ride, but it is important for me to leave at X o’clock.
So if you cannot also leave by X o’clock, then you will have to find another ride.” Perfectly reasonable. Anyone who tells you otherwise can give her a ride from now on.” OkHistory3944
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she cannot be ready by the time you get there, text her letting her know you have to leave and she needs to find another ride.
Usually, when you are doing a favor for someone, they should follow your schedule and respect your time. Just let her know that since she cannot be available when you are ready, it is probably better to find another ride.
But I would tell her – otherwise not saying anything you are basically affirming that it is OK for you to wait in your vehicle for 10 minutes.” crbryant1972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I wouldn’t say if you’re not out by blank time I’m leaving because then it leaves room for different times depending on clocks and you looking like a jerk for leaving when your clock said that time but hers doesn’t.
I would simply end the arrangement. Hey coworker, I am unable to drive you to work anymore as it conflicts with my schedule too much. Please find your own way to work from now on. If anyone asks you can just say that you had an arrangement with work to arrive x amount early and driving her constantly made you unable to keep up your end of the arrangement.” jizzy_lizzie
15. AITJ For Not Going To My Ex-Stepdad's Father's Day Cookout After Being Forgotten?
“My (44f) mother and stepdad divorced in 2012 and she passed away in 2016, but he’s been in my life since I was 4 so he’s still family. I’m close to my brother (33) and sisters (31 and 30) from their marriage; we 3 girls got matching sister tattoos just last weekend.
They all made a point of telling me after the divorce that I was still a part of my stepdad’s extensive family. (My mother’s family mostly has nothing to do with me thanks to her and I’m not really close to my real dad or brothers from his second marriage anymore.)
But there are a lot of times that they’ll plan things that I can’t participate in, mostly because of work/scheduling conflicts, and it’s disappointing but it is what it is. I don’t expect their lives to revolve around mine.
Today my sis (30) called me at 12:30 saying oh my gosh she feels so bad, but they forgot to invite me to a cookout at my stepdad’s today for Father’s Day. But they were all still there and would save me some food, I didn’t have to bring a dish, and to please come out.
I live on a small farmette and had been outside most of the morning working, I was hot and sweaty and tired, and by the time I would shower and get ready and drive the thirty minutes to get there I know they would all be leaving.
I got choked up and I knew she could tell I was starting to cry, but I declined and told her to just tell Dad Happy Father’s Day for me and got off the phone.
Within a few minutes, my other sis (31) called me and sent several text messages, saying how sis (30) felt really bad and was “super upset”, but I didn’t answer or respond.
And knowing my family, I’m sure they sat around talking about how childish I’m acting, and I’m definitely the bad guy for not going or responding. The thing is, my feelings are really hurt and I feel childish because I’ve had so many family members (including my mother) turn their backs on me over the years; and my relationship with my stepdad and brother has gotten shaky since 2017.
(For context and without going into details, that’s mainly because of political differences of opinion.) I’ve been the “black sheep” on all sides of the family for several years now so I’m used to it… but I’m not.
And it really hurts to be forgotten.
Usually, I can just brush this stuff off and minimize it for their sake but today I knew I was/am too emotional to really discuss it rationally, and I didn’t want to take away from his day by making it all about me.
But should I have sucked it up as usual and just gone regardless, or AITJ for handling (or not handling) it the way that I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And Miss Manner would be absolutely appalled that they thought it was appropriate to call you in the middle of an event to say they forgot all about you and would be gracious enough to save you some scraps if you came right away.
This almost feels to me like they were trying to make you feel bad and didn’t think they achieved it by neglecting to invite you, so they pumped up the volume a tad to make sure you got the message.
It seems both unnecessary and intentionally hurtful.” theloveburts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t decide how much something is going to upset you, and you weren’t mean about it. I’m sure they didn’t do it intentionally (because if they had why call you at all), but that particular insecurity of yours is legitimate and rooted in things that have happened to you in the past, which is why this hit a nerve.
Sounds like you need some time to get past it, and I think forcing yourself to go may have had an even worse outcome, but just make sure you stay open to them because it sounds like they do feel bad, and guilt is an awful feeling too.” Feral_Feminine3811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t feel bad about it. No idea how your typical contact and meetings are, but this smells EXTREMELY like “Someone asked and now we felt bad and want to make it look like we were willing, but OP was being stupid and childish again, so we’re not at fault” or some nonsense like that.
If you’re so “You’re still part of our family though” you can’t tell me that you didn’t notice that one person was missing plus it was already pretty much towards the end as it seems, so why bother if it wasn’t just trying to save face?” Lotex_Style
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Visit This Summer To Avoid Conflict With My Husband?
“My husband (30) and I (33) have always had a good relationship; we’ve been together for 12 years and now have a baby (17 months).
Lately, we’ve been arguing a lot about little things and I find myself resentful and impatient with him.
The bulk of our fights are about his parents (who live out of town). I admit, a lot of it should be water under the bridge when it comes to them, but they’ve caused me so much grief in the past that I have a hard time moving on from things that happened 5+ years ago (big things like trying to stop us from moving in together, threatening to not come to our wedding unless they planned it, and other things regarding our baby – like using an unwanted nickname instead of his name and my mother-in-law calling him (despite us asking her to stop) her son).
I think part of it is that things keep accumulating without ever really being resolved on top of what already exists. This said, my husband does take my side when things need to be sorted out, but I find that I have to push him to do so a lot of the time.
The true problem is my in-laws’ lack of respect for my boundaries and having to repeat things constantly in the hopes that they’ll hear what we say one day.
Every time we go visit, we come home only to disagree.
We also fight before going there. We see them often enough (every few months, we travel there), but the fighting has been especially worse with the baby being born since everyone has a new role. I’m especially concerned because we used to never argue and now this has somehow bled into other areas of our marriage – it always somehow comes down to them.
The last year has been hard for us and I feel like we’re both walking on eggshells.
His parents are set to visit this summer. I’m not thrilled about it but I also understand that they want to see the baby and us.
But I’m concerned about the conflict it could (most likely will) cause between my husband and me. I have to say, I’ve reached a point where I am definitely over-sensitive about them and everything they say or do.
I’ve come to expect the worst and I feel overwhelmed by them.
WIBTJ if I told my husband they shouldn’t come this summer (he’s looking forward to their visit) because I think we need space and time to sort things out.
I feel like I’d be the jerk because, ultimately, I don’t want them over because I just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (neither is your husband, it’s his parents that suck).
I think what will matter is how you frame the conversation, maybe not approaching the conversation as they CAN’T come visit because that could come off as you unilaterally making a decision, where it should be the two of you making a decision together.
Talk to him about your concerns, and see what solutions you two can come up with together – maybe it’s a shorter visit, maybe it’s they need to stay at a hotel not at your house, maybe it’s your husband needs to speak with them and set clear boundaries with them before the visit, and maybe it is that they don’t come at all this summer because your son is still so young and its already a stressful time, just focus on it being a conversation between you and your husband and finding a solution that works for your family” lbw12345
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think you need a different solution other than refusing to ever see his parents. For example, could you be tied up with “an important project at work” during their visit so you have an excuse to not be available for extended periods of time?
Maybe have pre-existing plans with friends? Have a local relative who really needs your help on a household project? Suddenly get enthusiastic about working out so between gym and showering and getting dressed you’re busy for like 3 hours in the middle of the day?
I will say having been through the early toddler years twice myself, at least some of the tension between you and your husband is likely due to the fact that you have a very young child. Just the responsibility load and continued sleep deprivation is enough to make anyone edgy, and I think it’s important to train yourself to recognize when your irritation may be due to being tired, hungry, annoyed with something the toddler just did, or some other source that isn’t necessarily your husband.
That’s when it’s good to say, “I’m sorry, honey, I’m not really upset at you, I’m grumpy because he woke us up twice last night and I’m tired today.” If you can both learn to do that, plus also learn how to extend each other some grace, it helps de-escalate a lot of disagreements.” AccessibleBeige
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you’ve evaluated this well. You’re not cutting them off entirely but you’ve recognized right now things need fixing up and one of the primary triggers being in the house or on the horizon is going to not help that one bit.
By all accounts, you guys need to sit them down and sort the stuff out. You need to move on eventually as they’ll always be there. It’s good your husbands got your back too but I can understand why it bothers you.
My mother is … difficult and while we’ve patched things up, when things are rough I don’t want her visiting because past events will make things worse. That said as I’ve mentioned you two need to address the issues and work through them.
It’s easy to hide from them but it doesn’t sort anything longer term.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Friends Around Anymore?
“For the past 3 years, I (19f) have been the reason my five friends and I have been able to hang out together. I pick them up, take us where we need to go, and return them home.
Now that a couple of years have gone by, 4 out of the 5 of them established that they most likely will not ever drive. I am not so sure about the fifth. I am starting to get sick of driving them to our hang-out spots.
Especially knowing that I will likely end up being the sole driver forever. I love them dearly, they are great people. In fact, they are the only friends I really have, but it would be nice to have someone else do the driving for a change.
They are aware of how much effort I am putting in for them and I know they appreciate it to an extent. I am grateful for that, but they don’t reimburse me for gas money, and picking them all up/returning them home can take 1-3 hours.
Time aside, with gas prices going up, this is taking a toll on my wallet as well. They can’t reimburse for gas money (at least with their own money) because most of them don’t have jobs. Going out of my way this much for this long without anything in return is starting to take its toll and cause rifts between me and them.
From this point on, I’d like them to rely on others to drive them to our meeting points whether it is their parents or an Uber or something. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – do they pay for gas?
If not, they need to and are taking advantage of your goodwill (knowingly or unknowingly). Realize your time and effort is worth something. Sometimes it is emotional satisfaction, other times it is financial satisfaction. It might be good to assess the amount of time/money you spend as their driver vs.
the amount of emotional gratification you get hanging out with them.” Bri83oct
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When you were 16 yeah you were the kid that could drive but now you are all adults and if your friends can’t get themselves around without you then maybe you should branch out and make some friends with people who can.
It’s ok if friendships change over time as you grow and change throughout your life. Doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with them, just meet somewhere accessible by bus/public transport so they can get themselves there and ask for gas money from now on if you end up doing the driving.
At 19 they should all have jobs so they can afford the bus, an Uber, or gas money. I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 23 but moved out on my own at 18. I had to walk or take the bus if I needed to go anywhere.
Eventually, that became a hassle and I got my license.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“Let me guess they are all in school and their parents take them everywhere aside from you. Yeah, their delusion will run out when they graduate.
There is a lot of anxiety, especially with women in learning to drive, but it’s pretty much a requirement as an adult if you want to do anything at any time. For now, it fits their needs to not drive as they are busy with school, etc., but eventually, when they decide to further their careers or commit to any long-term relationship they are going to need to step up and put effort into transporting themselves to and from places.
NTJ you may want to hang out with your friends but they aren’t putting in the necessary effort to show that they appreciate what you do and ultimately they aren’t helping to pay for your bills.” Medium_Sleep9524
12. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Leave After She Made Comments About My Financial Situation?
“I (F22) have a 7-month-old daughter (Jane) with Nick (M37).
We are not together in any way, shape, or form. We were friends with benefits and that’s how I got pregnant. Throughout my whole pregnancy, Nick has been absolutely amazing. Nick comes from a more wealthy background than myself. I got pregnant as a broke college student and was not financially in a position to raise a child.
Nick offered to pay off my student debt and financially support me until I am in a position to support myself. I said yes.
I just graduated college and had a job lined up waiting for me. Nick set me up with a financial advisor so that I can manage my money well.
Even though I am making good money, there is a stark contrast between my and Nick’s lifestyles. Nick doesn’t want our daughter to be able to see and feel the difference as she grows up. So, in order to minimize the visible contrast, Nick bought us a house in a very nice neighborhood.
He paid for the house, but it’s in my name.
Recently, I decided to have some of my friends over because Jane was with her dad for the weekend. While at my house, one of my friends was constantly making comments about my situation.
She would say things like “Must be nice to have a rich baby daddy”, “Where can I find myself a Nick”, “You’re so lucky to be able to mooch off someone for at least the next eighteen years”, etc. These comments rubbed me the wrong way and made me deeply uncomfortable.
I didn’t want someone in my house who was making me uncomfortable, so I decided to politely ask her to leave. She left and the night continued without a problem.
I told my mom about the situation and she said I should have been nicer because not everyone is as lucky as me or fortunate to be in such a good situation.
Nick, who I told the situation about whenever he dropped Jane off, and my friends are saying I did the right thing and nothing I did was wrong.
AITJ for getting financial help from the father of my child?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I really don’t see any conflict here to resolve. You didn’t like her comments and she left without issue. Your other friends, your mom, and Nick all were OK with your situation and how you handled the one person.
I don’t know why the comments bothered you–she was just jealous. Your unexpected pregnancy has been resolved in a much better way than most. Are you feeling guilty about something?” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the considerations that many courts look at in determining child support is that the child is taken care of at the level that they would be if they were staying with the parent paying support.
That’s why you see celebs paying exorbitant amounts of CS. Of course no child needs $30k a month or whatever, but if they were staying with the celeb parent they would live in a lavish house, attend fancy private school, etc. A higher CS payment allows them to live at that standard with their custodial parent.
Nick’s intentions completely align with the courts’ goals, how can I support my child to the standard that she would have if she lived with me. Your so-called friend is just jealous.” Legally_Blonde_258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you are honest with yourself that you’re not taking advantage of him.
He sounds like such a nice, respected guy. Your other “friend” is just jealous of you. Be careful around her. I won’t be surprised if she starts to make up lies and manipulate people around you. Or perhaps even manipulate Nick, but I doubt Nick is that naive and he actually cares about you.
Can’t you just marry him already? Haha.” anon_asby0101
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Dad's New Partner And Her Son?
“My (13F) dad (42M) met K (54F) about a month and a half ago at his work. He has been staying over there often and some of his clothes/belongings are there.
My brother (12m) and I have been getting along with K since we met her. We have been considering living there and have spent multiple nights at K’s house and I thought I wanted to move in.
Recently her son (15M) came back to her house after being at his dad’s house during the summer.
I thought I might get along with him since we are close in age but after meeting him and staying at his house I don’t think I want to move in anymore. He is annoying and constantly talks and he wouldn’t leave me alone the whole time I was at his house( I was not there to hang out).
My brother and I even hid in their guest room when we were there. He screams at the top of his lungs a lot (for no reason). When I stayed over my dad got me food and he ate my food (my dad refuses to punish him because we are family, not roommates).
I was in the store yesterday with my dad, my brother, K, and her son. Shopping for camping/bike supplies with them was a nightmare. Some stuff happened in the store and I told my dad I don’t think I want to move in with them anymore.
He got upset and said “I never get anything I want, I give you everything you want, and I’m the parent, I’m the adult so it’s up to me” (paraphrasing). This among other instances with the son, K and my dad is why I do not want to move in with them.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to move into their house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – is your dad really considering moving in together after only knowing her for 1 and a half months? And you are already calling her a stepmother?
I don’t think either of my parents even introduced me or my sisters that early in a relationship with their new partners. Is this just weird to me? Ask your dad to just get to know them better first and then discuss moving in together again.
But also keep in mind that her son might have been excited to meet you and that you would probably get used to being around each other more and he would not feel like he needed to constantly talk.” Emergency_Finish4556
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you talk with your dad? Explain that you want him to be happy, but you and your brother deserve to be happy too. Explain to him that when he took your food and your father refused to do anything, it made you feel that your father prefers his stepson’s happiness to yours.
It made you feel that none of your possessions would be safe from the stepson if you moved in together, because your dad would always let his stepson get his own way. That it made you feel as if your own father did not care if you went hungry, as long as his stepson got fed. That your dad doesn’t mind punishing you, but can’t punish his stepson for stealing?
How is that fair to you and your brother? Tell him that with his stepson in the house, you don’t feel safe and have to hide from him. Go over whatever it was that happened at the store and repeat that you don’t want to put up with that every time you go shopping.
Tell your dad that there are family therapists who specialize in blended families and you’d like everyone to have a couple of sessions so that everyone starts off on the right foot. The therapist can also help work out a good timeline for moving in together.” krankykitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously not the jerk. He is a nightmare and anyone who has a choice would not want to live with him. But, you are 13 and you can’t live alone and make those decisions for yourself yet.
If your dad decides to not take your feelings into consideration and move in, you will have no choice but to do so. I was in your shoes at your age. I know what it feels like. I don’t know your dad, so I don’t know if he would be inclined to listen to you seriously or if he would just dismiss you.
But if you think he can listen to you, when you both have time and it’s just the two of you, I would suggest telling him that you know you don’t have the power to decide if you move in or not.
But if the decision was yours, you wouldn’t. That you really think his stepson would make life very difficult for you and your brother. If he still decides to move in with them, you really need him to team up with stepmom and set boundaries so stepson will be respectful of both of you.
If he doesn’t, there’s no doubt this will have an impact long-term on your relationship with him. Because it will. When your needs are dismissed by the person who’s supposed to take care of you, you hold resentment for the rest of your life.
I’m not close to my parents in my adult life because of this. I hope he will listen and not “you’re the child. I hold all the power. You will do as I say.” Best of luck.” RamsesAndCannelle
10. AITJ For Saying My Husband Is A Better Father Than My Brother-In-Law?
“I (38F) am married to my husband (39M). We have two kids together (5F, 6M).
My husband works as a mechanic and I work as a teacher. My husband loves cars and motorcycles. He has a few tattoos and is growing out a beard. My family goes out of their way to always talk horribly about him.
It did bother my husband when we first got together, but now he just ignores everything and tries to avoid any conflict. My sister will also compare BIL to my husband.
My sister is married to BIL, who everyone loves in the family.
He is a lawyer and she is currently a SAHM. Sister will always make excuses for him as to why he isn’t at holidays/birthdays. He missed his daughter’s first birthday and my sister just played it off. He didn’t come to my mother’s funeral a few years ago.
When he does show up, he acts like we are the inconvenience and will be on his phone.
We had a barbecue to celebrate my husband’s promotion. My sister, father, BIL, and niece show up. My husband goes off to play with the kids and I’m chatting with my sister.
She starts making jokes about my husband and asking if my husband is a good father. She hears niece start crying and sees my husband with her. She storms over and picks up niece. She starts screaming at my husband, putting the blame on him.
Meanwhile, BIL is on the phone not paying attention.
I have my husband take the kids inside and say, Sis, after all the comments you make about my husband, I can say that my husband is a better father than BIL.
My sister stands there shocked and starts yelling at BIL to get in the car. She reached out to me asking for an apology and to keep my husband away from my niece.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. There is no reason to play this compare-husbands game.
It’s gross. Stop. BIL is who he is, and you don’t need to like him. You judge him for prioritizing work over time with family, but you have no right to do that. Sister and BIL judge you and your husband for his priorities and choices, and they have no right to do that.
Stop it. Have less contact with them or be the better person and stop judging. But either way, you’re being just as bad as she is by playing this team rivalry nonsense of family against family. Other people’s choices are valid.
That goes for all four of you.” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“I read the title and thought YTJ. Boy was I freaking wrong! NTJ! NTJ! NTJ! No way! This is hilarious. Your sister had it coming. My husband would be a good man and a remarkable father no matter what profession he had.
And so Captain Lawyer is inadequate because he chooses to be absent. And you should note to your sister that she might have married a lawyer, but her status hasn’t changed. She’s still mean, petty, spiteful, and rather unintelligent if she believes a Ph.D.
makes anyone a better human being than someone else. Your husband stepped up and helped out an unhappy kid? He’s a dad and a king in my book. My mom was the one with the advanced education. My father was a well-trained and highly-paid laborer, though.
We were well provided for and even better attended to because his real job in his heart was to be our dad. Your sister is a joke to me. I’m cracking up at her asinine logic.” Traditional-Corgi223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for answering her question I get the ESH in general because you come off as a bit of a judgemental Janice but you said that you were answering a question that your sister specifically asked, correct? More importantly, you and your sister obviously have different priorities for your families.
Replaying the sibling rivalry that your family obviously fosters (treating BIL more favorably than your hubby) will only continue to bring misery and pain into your life. Bloodline doesn’t grant someone an automatic right to be in your life, no matter what cruel people try to tell you.
Would you be friends with your sister if you didn’t share DNA? If not, quit subjecting yourselves to each other. You can have a polite but very distant relationship if you choose. However, regular contact doesn’t sound pleasant for anyone.
Life is too short for this competition. And why are you subjecting your sweet hubby to your family treating him as less than?? Stop it!! He deserves to be around people who celebrate him, not tolerate him – as we all do!!
Joy and kindness instead of condescension and competitiveness. YUCK!! Oh, and don’t apologize. She bad-mouthed your husband in your home, as a guest. You bad-mouthed her husband to internet strangers. Much better.” RedForTheWin
9. AITJ For Enforcing Strict Meal Rules And Respect For My Home On My Son's Family?
“My grown son, his fiance, and their two, now three children moved into my house temporarily. I have rules that have been in place all of his life, one is that you eat three meals a day, a snack, and sometimes dessert.
My son and his family refuse to follow this rule and will fix whole plates of food in between meals. If this was their own home, I would not have an issue with it, but my daughter who is still living at home and is around the same age as my son’s stepson is not able to do this as it is a house rule and just not something that is needed, you do not need to eat whole meals in between meals, I have stated that if they are still hungry to eat an apple.
They will also invite friends over when I am not home to have a big cookout and do not make their friends treat my house with respect. They will sit two to three people in my recliner, let their friends’ teenage kids put the smaller kids through the basketball hoop I got for my grandson, their friends spill drinks and leave empty food wrappers lying around.
When I say something, I’m told I am overreacting or that he does not want to have a fight about it.
Am I the jerk for wanting to be treated with respect in my home?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Under just about any other circumstance, I would say that people staying with you should respect the rules of your house, but a rule governing how much and when people are allowed to eat is weirdly controlling at best, really unhealthy at worst. You don’t say how old your daughter who still has to follow this rule is, but making really strict rules like this for kids and teens while they’re young can lead to eating disorders or extremely unhealthy relationships with food.
And adults don’t need to be told how many meals they’re “allowed” to eat in a day, because that’s just weird, and they should be able to determine on their own, by listening to their body’s cues, how much and when they should eat – unless, of course, they grew up in a house with super weird rules about eating… like yours.
Not respecting your property and not cleaning up after their friends is a different issue, and that’s why they’re the jerks too.” BeJane759
Another User Comments:
“ESH but your son and his family are the worst. Your rule is weird IMO.
Why can’t your son and his family eat when and what they want? However, him letting his friends disrespect your house, leaving a mess behind, and ignoring rules such as no multiple people on the recliner (I’m assuming you’re worried it breaks), etc makes him the main jerk here.
Obviously, the situation isn’t working out for you guys. Son and family should find somewhere different to stay asap.” Pumpernickelbrot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for how they treat your house. For other things, there is not enough info. Was there a discussion about what the house rules are?
What they need to respect? BUT – if you allowed them to live in your house, those are your rules. What is different from not having your shoes on, or cleaning after yourself? Your house, your rules. And they need to respect them.
We have the same rule at home. We have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Big meals. And then we have snack time in the middle. It is not about controlling someone, but to make good eating habits for us. We know how much we eat, what we eat, we can sit together and have a decent meal together, spend family time… It is about learning good eating habits and to not eat too much food, so we can stay healthy.
This situation doesn’t have a good solution. The best thing is to say, this is my rule at home and you are a guest here, please respect it- if they do not pay rent.. If they do pay rent, then you can not force this rule on them, they need their own kitchen, or part of the house, where they can have their rules, but they need to stay away from the main part of the house if they are not respecting your rule (for the time of eating for example).
Truly, the best solution for resecting your rules is not to let them live with you. Still, not enough info to say who is or is not the jerk.” shuracv
8. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Parents He Played Soccer Despite His Medical Condition?
“My (15M) partner Leo (15M) was born with CIPA so he can’t feel pain. He constantly has to be checked for injuries and has regularly scheduled doctor’s appointments just to make sure nothing’s wrong. His parents pretty much forbid him from contact sports even though he’s always wanted to play one.
We had tryouts for boys soccer a few days ago and Leo decided to go behind his parents’ back. He swore me not to tell and I didn’t. Yesterday while I was over his I noticed a pretty bad scar on his right lower back when his shirt rode up as he was bending over looking for something.
I asked him about it and he told me there was a pile up on the field and someone must have nicked him with their cleats and again told me not to say anything because he’d found it the day before and been trying to hide it.
I kind of got scared knowing he’d just hide injuries like that and thinking he could possibly get seriously hurt without realizing it.
When I went downstairs to go home I quietly told his dad about him going to the soccer tryouts and the scar on his back.
I got an angry call from Leo later that night saying I betrayed his trust and he couldn’t believe I told on him. I tried to explain why, but he just got more mad and told me he needed some time to cool down and hung up… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with no jerks here. At 15, people are going through a lot; with their emotions, how they view the world, how they interact with family and others, etc. It makes sense that Leo wants to feel the freedom of playing a sport he’s both interested in and excited about.
It makes sense that if his parents forbade him from doing something, he’d want to try it even more because he’s always been denied the experience. But it also makes sense as to why you felt you needed to break that promise to him.
There came a point where you were rightfully concerned about his health and safety. He was aware of possible damage, but because he is currently blinded by his excitement over playing a sport he’s grown to love, he decided that it was inconsequential. Telling his dad may not have been the best option in the world, but it was the way that you felt you could keep him safe.
If I may offer a possible compromise: since he needs to be checked over for injuries due to his lack of feeling pain, is there a school nurse he could visit after each practice? Would his parents consider allowing him to continue playing as long as the coach kept his condition in mind?
Would Leo be willing to go along with something like that to keep enjoying soccer? I don’t think he should be completely forbidden from it, as it will only make him want it more. Soccer can get a bit rough at times, yes, but taking a bit of extra care and making sure to confirm his health and safety after each practice or game might be something to look into.
Whether it’s you and Leo together, or you speak with his parents about it, I would find it an annoying, but worthwhile compromise if it were me at 15.” requiem-of-the-gods
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I feel like I see all sides of this and don’t blame anyone.
You just want what’s best for your friend which I think is good. You probably should have been upfront with your friend that you were uncomfortable with keeping this secret and that he should talk to his parents in a mature way.
Your friend just wants to feel like a normal kid and play sports but needs to probably try to understand his condition in the bigger picture and determine if soccer is worth his health. Wounds don’t always show on the outside.
Could damage an organ and never know. You also don’t sweat as much with CIPA which is obviously not great for sports. His parents just want him to be safe. If anyone is a jerk it would be the parents for being too overprotective.
If they just talked to their son and had good communication they could come to some agreement where this would work for all parties. Like he plays and gets checked for any wounds afterward and maybe only plays a bit.
Just something to help him feel like he is in control of his life. But I think they are trying to do what they think is best and not sure that makes them jerks.” Azure_Allure23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I really don’t think many are judging this correctly. If we put ourselves in the context of this relationship, he trusted you, you made a promise to him and then broke that promise. Obviously, you care for him and were worried about his health, and you morally did the right thing by telling the adults that take care of him and hopefully, they can find a way to deal with his medical condition while allowing him to participate in activities that he enjoys.
That doesn’t change the fact that you made him a promise and then broke that promise within minutes. He has every right to be upset, but hopefully, he will get over it and understand that you did it because you care about him.” raidersfan18
7. AITJ For Keeping The Gaming Tower My Ex Bought With My Credit Card?
“I was with my spouse for three years and I supported him because he wouldn’t keep a job. He wouldn’t watch the kids and played games all day long ignoring us most days.
So recently he got it set up so he could go back to DOC.
He didn’t want to watch the kids while I worked so I stayed home and gave up the job I loved. He was throwing fits about a new gaming tower and used my card to buy one spending the rest of my taxes.
We agreed he would pay half and I pay half but it was supposed to be $1700, instead he spent $2200. He is not on my card.
We split up last Sunday because he was telling a woman all our problems and was lying to me about it.
Said woman was also flirty to him at work during our relationship. I wouldn’t let him take it. Neither would the cops. Now he wants to take me to civil court for it. He left me with two kids and $200 to get all utilities in my name.
We have $34 until I figure out if I got the job I applied for. Am I the jerk for keeping the tower in case I needed to sell it for my kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He used your card without permission to buy an almost $2500 machine.
By all accounts that is your computer. Do what others have said, post the specs on a computer sub and post it as for sale, don’t look back, and don’t worry about court. I don’t think he’ll pay court fees to take you to court for something he purchased with your money.
In no way let him make payments to you unless you keep the machine until it’s totally paid off.” Geekrock84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and report the purchase as fraud while offering to return the products for a refund. Using your cc without permission entitles you to legally do a chargeback on your card, especially if you offer to return the items. As a double whammy, this implicates him in theft if you notify the police.” uberwookie
Another User Comments:
“If there are any groups local for abused women, give them a call and see if they can give you access to free diapers & food. Check out food pantries in your area, as they have been very active.
If you can call the utilities, they will often give you a grace period & payment plan as you sound like you have very young children & thus have some level of protection – but being proactive is key. Once you get a bit of money, a new lock costs like $20 and can be replaced with a Phillips screwdriver in less than 5 minutes.
If there are two doors, life is easier if they have the same key – the key code is on each package & is generally an alpha-numeric string. If it’s less than 30 days since the tower was purchased, then return it and get your money back.
If it’s been longer than that, then there are some ideas on where best to get the most money for it by reselling it.” 2dogslife
6. AITJ For Telling My Cousin Her Partner Is Old Enough To Be Her Dad?
“My cousin (22) and I used to be best friends growing up until about the winter of 2020.
She has a pattern of when she gets a partner she drops everyone else. We have some tension between us still from when she was seeing her previous partner.
She started seeing this new guy (37) shortly after the new year this year and didn’t tell me a lot about him.
After she changed her profile picture on social media to the both of them I did some of my own research on this guy. This is when I found out how old he was and that he has kids from a previous relationship.
His oldest I believe is 14 and his youngest looks to be around 10. At the end of January, it was our first time seeing each other since last summer. I knew she was going to talk about him and I planned to just keep my mouth shut because I figured she wouldn’t exactly like what I would have to say.
This is until she finally asked me what I thought. I began telling her that she probably didn’t want to hear what I had to say and that it wasn’t the right time or place as we were at a child’s birthday party with the rest of our family.
But nonetheless, she persisted. So I told her “well he’s old enough to be your dad”. While I know this is insensitive to say, it’s true and she asked. She began fighting me on it and telling me that he wasn’t.
When I mean scientifically…yes he is. I dropped the argument but figured she was probably a little heated.
Four days later I got a message from her telling me that she didn’t appreciate me saying that especially in front of our family, that it was uncalled for, and that if I wasn’t going to support her relationship she wasn’t going to support ours.
I’m genuinely concerned for her. She is deeply insecure and I know that all she wants in life is love and a family but I feel like it’s not really safe. We haven’t talked since except for when I told her happy birthday on her birthday.
We used to be so so close and I know people grow apart but I do miss her a lot, after all, she was my best friend. I don’t want to see her get hurt again like I have in the past and he’s already promising her forever.
So…am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did she ask, but she persisted you tell her right at that moment. As people often say, “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” No matter what you say, it isn’t going to convince her to magically break things off with him.
If it isn’t right, she’ll eventually figure it out herself. It’s her choice, but you’ve also got the right to be uncomfortable with it. A large majority of age-gap relationships have predatory vibes or undertones, and if she gets close to the kids and they break up, that’s going to be messy and quite painful for everybody involved. Ultimately, I’d say let it play out by itself, and only get involved if she expresses she’s in danger and needs your help.” Bobalish_tea
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She did ask, she must have suspected you might have an issue with the age difference. Don’t pretend that you weren’t chomping at the bit to go there, though. Saying, “You don’t want to hear what I say,” is classic mind manipulation.
Of course she wants to hear what you think because she asked you about it. You just wanted to be able to say, “I was only a judgmental jerk because you asked” How about finding more info before you start blasting her with your “Scientific” examination of their relationship?
I agree, the age difference is a bit odd… but you never know… It wouldn’t be the first time.” LockSea8204
Another User Comments:
“Well first of all, 37 minus 22 equals 15. And while there are some kids who are parents at 15 I don’t think it was appropriate to say that he could be her father.
But aside from that, everyone’s a jerk here. You have no right to judge her relationship on just their age and the fact he had kids. Just because there is an age gap does not mean this is a bad relationship and you should have kept your mouth shut unless you saw something actually bad like signs of abuse or being unfaithful or whatever.
In the future, if you have thoughts like this just say “I’m happy if you’re happy.” But on the other hand, she should not have asked or persisted if she was not ready for the truth. Especially in front of people.
This is the kind of question you ask in private if asked at all and if you ask someone a question then you have to be prepared for what they say. So she should have just left it alone when you said something.
Everyone’s a jerk here.” pfghost
5. AITJ For Being Upset When My Mom Prioritized My Step-Sister Over Me For An Art Pallet?
“My mom (F36) is getting married to Stepdad (M41) who has 3 kids ages 8, 10, and 14. I have no objections about their marriage other than moving in with the guy.
He and his family are good people and he treats my mom well. Lately, he and his kids have been coming over for dinners, lunches, or just for fun and my mom has been spending a lot of her time with his daughter (8).
She took her out for dinner and dessert, bought her art supplies and things to keep her busy, and made her a fresh batch of cookies when she wanted something sweet. I had no problem with this until recently. My mom has stopped paying as much attention to me and my sister and is busy with talking to him or his children.
I love art, I have been drawing painting, making sculptures, and everything that has to do with art since I was little. I am very artistic and everyone in my family knows this. For the past three years, I have been mentioning the same paint pallet over and over again and there’s always been a reason why I could not get this.
1. After my parents’ divorce everyone was broke and couldn’t afford to get it. 2. We didn’t have an Amazon account and so forth. Now I am working and have been saving money for it. In front of my mom and his family, I asked my mom for the pallet.
My mom agreed and I felt so happy. I bought the pallet and the next day in the mail it came. My soon-to-be step-sister FaceTimed me and because she likes art too I showed her my new pallet. It’s $80 Canadian by the way.
We bonded over it and a couple hours later my mom tells me that stepdad thinks that my mom bought the pallet for his daughter and because of that my mom said in a “sorry not sorry” tone “I’ll give this one to her and buy you another one later.” I refused. I told my mom that she was prioritizing his daughter’s needs over mine and that I’ve been mentioning this pallet for the longest time.
She looked at me and said, “no, you just mentioned this now.” I got angry because just the other day I was talking to her about it. I stormed off and my mom came to me later on and said some half-hearted sorry.
She went out and bought her a new paint pallet and some cool markers which upset me more because whenever she wants something my mom is at her beck and call and I can’t even sit and talk to my mom for five minutes without getting interrupted or without her being annoyed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought it yourself and it’s $80, how does your mother rationalize giving that to an 8-year-old?! She seems to be desperate to be liked and it’s making her nutty. I would strongly recommend the next thing you get is a locking storage box to keep your supplies.
My 7-year-old is a fantastic and diligent art student, she has sat still and been careful and thoughtful about supply usage when we have practiced together. But my supplies still go on a high shelf and she is forbidden from using them even under someone else’s supervision.
With your mom treating your money and supplies as fair game for an 8-year-old, my trust in her would be gone. At 8, she needs a broad selection of Crayola paints, markers, crayons, and colored pencils, maybe some chalk or oil pastels, cheap paint, and enormous amounts of paper.
But your mom was going to just do WHAT? Hand over an $80 paint pallet?! That her own child saved and bought themselves?! Coo coo banana pants stuff right there.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to have a serious talk with your ASAP before she full-on starts treating you like a second-class citizen, because she’s prioritizing someone’s child and her new relationship, at the expense of her own children.
Her soon-to-husband thought (doubt it) that something she bought for YOU was for his daughter so she just straight up tried to take it from you to give to her. Like, what?! Plus, the way she “apologized” “my mom came to me later on and said some half-hearted sorry.” It won’t be long until she won’t even give half-hearted apologies anymore and will just start blaming you for her (or god forbid, her soon-to-be husband) for being mean and neglectful to you in favor of his daughter.
I would know, my mother did this to me when I was a child, but it was with my older cousin who was favored instead.” Careful-Listen2277
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How old are you? If you feel you can handle this I would say talk to your mom and soon-to-be step-dad together.
Ask to speak to them alone. Say how happy you are they are getting married and how great the blended family is going to be, but say hey you guys need to set boundaries. Explain how you are feeling about not being prioritized and about the 80-dollar palette being suggested for the 8-year-old.
Tell them they need to work together to make a balance for the family so everything runs smoothly and everyone feels loved. Keep level-headed, don’t get angry, don’t raise your voice. And include your step-dad.” MacaronDeep1014
4. AITJ For Asking My Freeloading Father-In-Law To Leave Our Home?
“I have been with my husband for ten years. We are the financially stable ones in the family who get hit up when times get rough… my husband’s stepfather who raised him broke off his engagement with a woman he was living with.
We all felt it was more of a companionship thing but kept to ourselves about it. Well, all of their differences boiled over and 6 months ago he left her. He left with nothing to his name. She kept the home, the furniture, etc….
He is a proud man that didn’t tell us this happened until we tried to hang out only to find out he was living in his car in the dead of winter.
My husband practically had to beg him to come sleep in a real bed. He said it would only be through the holidays… well now 6 months later he began posting about poker winnings and told us about a decent 16k inheritance he got.
This is when it started rubbing me the wrong way, yes we are stable but we never signed up to permanently take care of him. Mind you he has not given us a cent in rent nor contributed anything to the home.
He is even back online seeing people while sleeping on our pull-out sofa.
My husband keeps saying we need to talk to him but FIL shuts down every attempt, buries his face in his phone, or waits for us to go to bed before using the common areas.
So today I caught him on the way out the door and very firmly told him that it had been 6 months and we needed a plan for our living arrangement as we did not intend to make this permanent. He got visibly upset and lashed out that he would be out by the 1st and angrily apologized for being such a burden and inconvenience… feels manipulative but I can’t help feeling bad, especially for causing a wedge in their relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As someone who’s had various family members and friends live with him throughout his life, I can definitely say that there always comes a time when that conversation has to be had. It’s usually never easy, and it usually ends up in some hurt feelings.” RenoeTheNinja
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband tried to have the conversation: what’s up, what are the plans, are you okay for income, can you pay your share, etc. He wouldn’t have the conversation. Glad you caught him while he was sneaking out.
His reaction is immature and not your problem. The questions are: what is your plan, how are you set for income, can you pay your share while you’re here? His answer is he’ll be out by the first. K. Thanks.
Bye.” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s the one who caused the wedge. He didn’t offer to pay rent, help around the house, or even take you out for a nice dinner. He avoided all conversations about his plans. You very graciously provided support and a sanctuary for him in a crisis, and his response is to try to take advantage of you.
He probably feels angry and humiliated that you called him out on it, but that’s his problem to solve.” Arbor_Arabicae
3. AITJ For Refusing To Make A Large Order For My Ex At My Bakery?
“I own a bakery and my ex decided to make a huge order for a party he’s hosting.
He made the order through my co-owner, who tried to hide it from me. When I first heard about the order I was excited because it was huge but then when I found out it was from my ex I said I wouldn’t make the cakes for him and I ended up cancelling his order against the wishes of my co-owner.
Now both my ex and co-owner are upset with me. My co-owner is upset because it was a bad business decision in her eyes and his order was huge for us, both in terms of size and the exposure it would’ve given us.
My ex is upset because he claims he ordered those cakes for our daughter and I was being selfish for not making them for her.
I told him I would make her cakes at my house so I didn’t need him to buy any from me which just made him angrier.
The reason I’m refusing is because when we were together, my ex was unsupportive of my dreams of owning a bakery. He made it seem like it wasn’t something his wife should be doing professionally and that I should’ve just been happy with baking as a hobby.
My former mother-in-law told me that ordering the cakes was him trying to give me a peace offering.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ And….. You proved him right with your lack of good business sense! You lost your business a big opportunity because of your ego.
Baking at home for your kid has nothing to do with your orders at work. Basically your ex said, let me support her in her biz, give her an order, good opportunity. And you said…. nooooo, I don’t want to make cakes professionally.
I wanna remain an at-home baker like you told me all those years ago. Stop defining yourself due to your bad memories. This is your job now. Think about it differently. Show everyone how great you are at your job.
Wouldn’t it be great to prove him wrong by doing a great job with the order? It seems he’s understanding he was in the wrong… why are you still holding on to the past and limiting your future?” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“Personally? NTJ. If it truly was a peace offering he wouldn’t have hidden it from you and spoken to you directly. Probably wanted to use access to you (being your kid’s father and your ex) without really engaging you/being rejected by you if he asked directly.
Like you said, you would have made a cake for her for free… wouldn’t that have been a better alternative? He didn’t wanna deal with you. Regardless, I think both he and the co-owner were very inconsiderate of your feelings in this.
Whatever they think about it, they at least knew you would not feel comfortable with the transaction and should have chosen somewhere else to do business no matter how lucrative it may be.” Dansn_lawlipop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your co-owner hid it from you.
She knew how you would feel and was deceitful about it. If she wanted the order she could have spoken to you about it and tried to compromise (maybe she does the whole order and you don’t have to touch it).
He also could’ve spoken to you. Instead, he went behind your back and ordered it knowing how you would feel about making anything for him. Good for business or not, you don’t have to make an order for anybody you don’t want to especially if you’re the one doing all the work.
I personally wouldn’t be making anything ever for anybody that didn’t support me in the early stages” Puzzled_Explorer5837
2. AITJ For Taking A Late Client's Dogs To The Shelter?
“I work as a dog groomer and I am usually pretty flexible with pick-up times. I have this one client though who has been getting later and later with pick-up times and for the past three times they have shown up over an hour past closing time to pick up their dogs.
The first time they said it was because they forgot, the second time it was because of their kids, and the third an undisclosed emergency. I let it slide all three times but the third time I warned them I wouldn’t let it go this next time.
Well the fourth time rolled around and the shop closes, the dogs have been at the shop all day and the owner is nowhere in sight. I sent them a message saying I will give them an extra 15 minutes before I leave and they didn’t respond.
After 15 minutes I told them the dogs would be at the local shelter, sent the address and the contact details of the woman in charge, and took the dogs there.
Well about 2 hours later I get an angry phone call from this woman screaming down the phone because she has to pay to get her dogs back (I think it’s like $30) and she wants to know why I took them to a shelter claiming her dogs are traumatized and I must have abused them during their groom.
She slandered me over the internet and left bad reviews. I am not a pet sitter I gave her multiple chances but it seems like a lot of people are on her side.”
Another User Comments:
“The fact that it took her 2 hours after your call (which was 15 minutes after closing) to pick up her dogs, is just shocking.
She was expecting you to stay at your shop that long? Uh, no. And, it sounds like she is more mad that she had to pay to get them than the fact that you took them there to begin with.
NTJ. You warned her this would happen. She called your bluff. The dogs were safe. Add a policy to your contract to emphasize this is the process going forward, so clients are aware. Take steps to keep her from slandering you.” Emotional_Fan_7011
Another User Comments:
“Suggestion. Bring in a late pickup fee. If they haven’t already arranged something with you then incorporate a set amount for every 15min late they are. You can choose to waive this fee on a one-off or if there is a legitimate proven reason, but that would be at your own discretion.
My suggestion would be $10 for every 15 minutes, you can guarantee they won’t be 2 hours late again. If doing this just make it clear when they book that this is the policy.” Mediocre-General-654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, while you probably shouldn’t have taken them on as a client after the second no-show, you did and that’s done.
YOU are not responsible for what happens to HER dogs (outside the scope of safely grooming them). If she truly cared about HER dogs she would be on time, every time, period. She forgot about them? Who forgets their dogs?
What did she expect you to do, watch them for hours unpaid? No. She abandoned her dogs and abandoned dogs are taken to the shelter. It was the smartest option on your part because if you: A) Paid to board them and charged her, you wouldn’t have seen a DIME.
And on the slightest chance you did, she would expect you to just deal with her dogs anytime she’s late. B) Just left them on the street you’d be abandoning them and putting them in far more danger.
C) Took them home, you know she would’ve accused you of stealing. Take this as a lesson learned and implement a clear policy for all future customers who also “forget” about their dogs (whether that be charging a fee or considering forgotten dogs as abandoned after a certain time).” Reddit User
1. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Fiancée We Got Married On His Family's Estate?
“My ex and his fiancée are planning their wedding and there’s been a lot of drama because she wants to get married on their family estate but his parents are saying no.
When I went to pick my son up, she asked me where we had gotten married. She said she saw pictures from our wedding and the venue was beautiful and since she was struggling to find a venue, she was interested in using the same one.
If she had seen pictures, it would’ve been very obvious to her where we got married so I didn’t want to lie. I told her the truth, that we got married on his family’s estate.
She had a huge fight with my ex’s family because they told her nobody had ever been allowed to get married on the estate, which I proved was a lie.
Now my ex is angry at me for causing drama. He thinks I should’ve lied to her because our circumstances were different which is why we got married there. According to his sister, she accused them of favoring me, trying to sabotage her wedding, and wanting us to get back together.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did this woman a favor by being the only one in her orbit being honest with her. Of course your ex is upset. He has been called out on a lie. His sister also sounds like an excellent female ally.
I am very pleased you put loyalty to the truth before the dishonest cruelty that the fiancée has experienced at the hands of her future in-laws. Your duty is done. Best walk away now.” LongNectarine3
Another User Comments:
“You’re nicer than a lot of people would be.
I was trying to figure out during this post why she would even want to get married in the same place until I read the replies that she is an ex-friend. Was she at the wedding? You’re NTJ. But you might have to try and remove yourself from the whole situation.
If it does not concern your son then try not to deal with the father and his situation. If you can.. Good luck OP!!” cuddlemonster000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see why your EX is your EX. Sounds like he’s getting his new marriage off to a stellar start if he’s expecting people to lie to his future wife.
Not your job to do that for him. Plus, it sounds like the fiancée knew exactly how to ask so that she’d get an honest answer from you. Also, however beautiful the venue is, why get married in the place where your soon-to-be husband’s failed marriage happened??
Not sure what the fiancée is thinking but someone should try describing the venue that way to her. And by someone, I don’t mean you OP. In my opinion, you should just steer clear of them and their drama.” AnimeFanatic_9000
