People Get Spirited In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting To Move In With My Partner Instead Of Helping My Brother With His Daughter?
“In March I (28F) moved across the country back home with my brother (26M) who just bought a house. He was in a custody battle for his daughter (8F) and just won. I’ve been paying him $500 a month. In May, I started seeing my new partner (34M).
My brother made it clear he did not want my partner to stay over, as he didn’t know him very well. My partner and I have moved very quickly and spend nearly every night together. Now they’ve met a few times but I stay with my partner’s parents (where he lives) most of the time.
Now that school is starting, my brother still will not let my partner stay over and expects me to get her to school all 5 days a week. Brother works 4 am-2 pm so he’s out of the house early. I work nights and if my partner were to come over, my niece would not even see him.
That was part of the agreement since I moved up to help, but now that my lifestyle has changed and I do not want to put a strain on my relationship, would I be a jerk if I took my partner’s parents up on the offer to move in with them?
My brother has blatantly told me once I move out his partner (28F) is ready to move in. I just don’t feel that it’s fair I’m paying him, have to follow extreme rules, and no one can bend at all for me.
However, I feel bad that I won’t be helping my family and if I were to move it would cause a rift between me and my mom, my brother and I have never been super close.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you and your brother are super close because he benefits from this relationship. You said that if you change the terms of your relationship the closeness will change. That tells me he is close to you only because he benefits.
You can’t sacrifice your life because another person benefits. NTJ If he loves you for you he’ll be happy you have a caring partner and you have happiness in your life.” _Indiana_J0nes_
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here While your brother’s rules are strict, they are also prudent.
His child is in the home, and he’s just been through a custody battle to get her in the home. He has a valid reason for being strict about who spends the night in the home with his daughter. He shouldn’t risk her safety or his custody situation by allowing a person he doesn’t know well to stay in the home, and it takes most parents far more than a few meetings to be comfortable enough with a person to allow them to stay in their home with their child.
But this situation no longer works for you. And that’s valid too. Not only that, you have another place you can live that would work better for you, AND he has someone else ready to move in should you move out.
So honestly, it sounds like it’s just time for you to move out. You can live in a place that works better for you, and your brother can move in with his partner for help with the bills/his daughter.
No one’s getting left in the lurch here. No one should be upset. Everyone gets what they need.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your brother doesn’t seem bothered by the idea of you moving out and already has a plan for that inevitability (like, it’s not like this was intended to be a permanent arrangement), so I don’t see how that would cause a rift between you and your family; unless something is missing here.
If you stay there, you agreed to help get her to school. That agreement doesn’t change because your lifestyle does. There’s no point in you staying there if you don’t want to stick to your end of the agreement. You moved up there to help; if you keep living there, but want to cut back on helping; then just move out so the GF can move in and they can make their arrangements.
However, just want to add… Your brother is completely valid as a parent for not wanting your partner in his home with his child staying the night. Your partner is probably a lovely person and you’re a very responsible carer for your niece, but child mistreatment is statistically 40 times more likely in homes with partners who stay overnight.
I can understand how meeting “a few times” isn’t enough of a qualifier of trust for a partner to be in the home with his child; potentially unsupervised for hours at a time while you sleep. Not to mention, if his ex wants custody back “he allows ‘strange’ men to stay the night in his home with the 8-year-old daughter” wouldn’t look great if she took him back to court.
That’s not him “not bending” for you, that’s being proactive in protecting his child and his parental rights.” SupermarketNeat4033
20. AITJ For Wanting To Pursue My Own Career Path Instead Of My Parents' Plan?
“I (22F) recently graduated from university (BSc in Medical science) and am aiming to go into the medical field. I plan to work an entry-level NHS Job to gain clinical experience and then apply for an MSc in Clinical Science in 2025 or 2026 with/ the NHS.
Last week I found out that I’d been successful in landing one of these jobs, and I was super excited because it is the perfect stepping stone to help me get to where I want to be. However, it is around 5 hours away from where I currently live, meaning I will have to relocate.
(The job is in Newcastle, but I am in Cambridge)
I haven’t told my family about this yet as I know they will not be supportive.
My home situation is very relevant:
I still live at home with my parents, (Dad = electrician, StepMom = social worker), my twin, and my younger brothers (11y & 9y).
I grew up very sheltered and pretty obedient. Up to this point, I have almost always followed my parent’s direction, even if it was something I was absolutely against doing.
My parents do not agree with my career plans. I have laid out their plans ‘life plan’ for me below to make things a bit clearer.
PARENTS PLAN: They wanted me to apply for an MSc Physician Associate degree straight out of uni, with the view that I would finish in two years and begin work. Following this, I am supposed to aid our family in buying a new house and continue to live at home until I get married.
I want none of these things.
I have upset my parents because I didn’t apply for the Physician Associate MSc. And they are totally against the Master’s that I would eventually like to pursue.
Below is a conversation I had with my dad a few days ago:
CONVERSATION: My dad expressed his disappointment in me and my actions. He believes that the interviews I’ve been attending are too far away, and it would be selfish of me to accept a job offer and move out when I should stay, to help with household bills and take care of my younger brothers.
He pointed out that a lot of our family’s friends have bought new houses, and that we should be able to do the same.
So for the next year, he wants me to continue in my current job to help with bills, (I am working part-time in a warehouse, and pay for electric and water utilities).
Then when the Physician Associate MSc programme opens up again in Feb, he wants me to apply for the September 2025 intake.
During this conversation, I couldn’t speak and just cried. I couldn’t tell him about my job offer, or the things that I would like to do with my life, because I felt, and do still feel so incredibly guilty.
But also angry, because this just IS NOT what I want.
I know if I don’t accept this job opportunity, and instead do as my parents want I will forever be struggling with ‘what-if?’. But I also feel as though I owe it to my dad to try and support him and my younger siblings as much as I can, especially now that my dad’s health is not great.
I have layers and layers of guilt and frustration that I don’t know how to deal with.
Due to all the guilt I feel, I’m unable to have an adult conversation with my parents without bursting into tears. Which makes me look like a child.
This is another big part of my issue. I don’t even know how to have the conversation.
So I would like to know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A person is supposed to grow up, leave the family home, and pursue the life that they want.
You shouldn’t be beholden to your parents’ desires for your life. They built a life for themselves and should be responsible for themselves and any minor children. Go. Take the job. Your parents will be disappointed but you will be more fulfilled. They will adapt and so will you.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are responsible for raising your siblings. You are responsible for working toward a career where you can support yourself. Contributing to the household when you live there as an adult is good. But expecting you to live your life for what they want rather than what you want is wrong.
Expecting you to work so they can get a bigger house that they can’t afford to “keep up with the Jones” is major jerk territory on your parent’s part. Go live your dream. Stand up to your parents.” Icy_Department_1423
Another User Comments:
“You are not responsible for raising your siblings or helping your parents keep up with the Joneses. You have your starting employment lined up–do it. Your parents need to tend to their responsibilities. It is your father’s and your mother’s job to see to his health.
However they chose their careers, chose to have children, and chose their home, they do not get to make your choices. You sound like you have a solid plan for your professional development. With one less child at home, maybe they won’t need a new house anyway, although it sounds as if that is a vanity purchase for them.
Good luck to you, sweetie!” Acreage26
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Parents To My Fiancé's Birthday Party?
“Last weekend my fiance (Emma 26F) had a birthday party at our house, it was a small garden party and BBQ with close friends and family.
Backstory: My parents are kinda jerks. They complain about food in restaurants, like arguing with strangers, and request refunds on like everything they buy. My partner’s parents are kinda similar.
I love Emma, she is the love of my life.
We had a son (Theo 1M) a year ago. We met 4 years ago and started seeing each other soon after.
Here’s the problem, our parents hate each other. My mother and father argue with her mother and they argue back.
Almost every family gathering has ended in chaos.
So, I decided not to tell my parents about this party. I invited my brother, as he gets along well with Emma, and he has a daughter the same age as our son.
But I didn’t invite my parents, as I knew it would end up in a big drama. Emma supported this.
Now fast forward to Saturday, everything is going great, and just when we are sitting down to eat, my parents show up.
My brother had accidentally mentioned it (he’s very chatty and can’t shut up). I am shocked. They start yelling at me saying “Didn’t you want us to see your fiance on her special day?” And “I hardly see Theo anymore, don’t you want him to see his grandparents?” They argued that if my brother could come why couldn’t they?
My partner was upset and went away with our son. She wasn’t upset with me but rather upset at our parents, and the situation.
My parents are convinced I am being a jerk, and some relatives agree. So, Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents have no right to show up at your house or a party uninvited and then create a scene. That is why they were not invited in the first place. You need to set boundaries and let them know that if they do not change their behavior then they will continue to not be invited to events or to visit their grandson.
In addition, this event was for your partner so it makes sense her parents should be invited. Though it seems you need to set up boundaries for both sets of parents” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you didn’t shut the door on your parents when they showed up uninvited. You knew they were going to act up.
They did act up. And you allowed your fiancée to absorb to brunt of it rather than standing up like an adult. You allowed it. You are a PARTICIPANT in what happened. You are at a crossroads. Are you someone who cares so little for your partner and child that you’re going to let this continue?” BombshellJamboree
18. AITJ For Wanting Alone Time With My Brother After 6 Months?
“To start my younger brother (18M) and his partner (19F) are great people. I (26F) moved out before my 18th birthday.
My childhood is a different subject but I got out of there as fast as I could. I essentially raised my little brother. During his early development to high school, I was in charge. This has led to us having more of a maternal bond rather than a sibling bond.
After I moved out my baby brother started seeing a girl. During this time my parents let her move in. I did not know of it. On this particular night, I slept over at my parent’s house my baby brother was a sophomore.
His partner said she was going to bed and I assumed her parents were picking her up. That wasn’t the case and she walked into my baby brother’s room and closed the door. I was shocked given the fact my parents were strict with my older siblings and me.
My brother continued to play house with his partner and my parents allowed it. I had concerns about how this would affect his development and his ability to be a kid. Of course, they’ll let me raise their kid but God forbid I have input or worries about his wellbeing.
Fast forward from 2020 and her moving in to now. My parents have since moved back to our home state. I’m alone in the state they moved us to besides my brother. He moved into her mom’s house with her (that is a whole other story).
They’re having a baby. I cried and I was in shock. I just wanted him to have more of an opportunity to be an adult and live life. He is an adult now and this is the path he chose.
I’m excited yet nervous. I think since he was the baby he doesn’t realize the reason none of his oldest siblings have kids is because we were busy raising him.
Forward to me asking my baby brother for an afternoon alone with him.
I haven’t seen him in 6 months. During our last interaction, we saw one another for about an hour because his partner was texting him constantly asking when he’d be back. It hurt me a bit but I understand happy wife happy life.
2 weeks ago I took an entire day off to hang out with him. Well, the day before our planned day she wasn’t going to let him come without her. I messaged her very kindly letting her know I don’t get to see him often and she sees him every day.
I realize she’s early in her pregnancy and my brother doesn’t want to rock the boat. She sent me back a text telling me I disrespected her by not letting her come with him to lunch. I suggested to her that we have a girl’s day just her and I.
I don’t want her to feel not included. My parents have a close relationship with her because she lives with them. I was grown and moved out but I have made an effort to create a relationship with her.
Overall I’m feeling emotional that I can’t just see my brother by himself. I haven’t seen him since he called to tell me he’s having a baby. I just wanted a moment between us to talk and process the emotions of it all.
AITJ for wanting alone time with him after 6 months of not seeing him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are NTJ for wanting alone time with your brother. You helped raise him, and now he’s ghosting you for his partner.
That’s messed up. It’s normal to want to catch up after six months. His partner’s reaction is way over the top. You suggested a girls’ day, which is more than fair. You’re just trying to keep that sibling bond alive while they’re starting a family.” cool_popular_person
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your brother because you come off as a boy mom. You cried when you found out his partner was pregnant, but how did your bro feel? Was he excited about being a dad?
Does he see himself marrying this girl? Does he love her? Your parents seem to like her, you’re the only one with the issue. They’ve been together for 4 years now, they’re having a baby together. If your brother is happy that’s what matters you haven’t said one word about how he feels in your entire post. What emotions need to be processed?
Do you want him alone so you can try to talk him out of being a father at his age? What difference does it make if his partner tags along, especially if you want a good relationship with her too.” SpaceAceCase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother’s partner is pregnant, but that doesn’t mean she has to be unreasonable. I will say this. You need to let your brother make his own mistakes. Let him know you’re there, and you’ll always be there for him.
That kind of reassurance is never forgotten. There may (I suspect soon), when your brother will reach out to you for help. Be kind and mindful, and be a steady presence. If you feel he’s being isolated by her, make sure you check in semi-regularly, and again, let him know you’ve got his family’s back.” Srvntgrrl_789
17. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Therapy If My Mom Doesn't Start Listening?
“My mom and I (16f) are in therapy together. She wanted it to include my sister (18) but my sister told her she had nothing she wanted to work on in therapy. I didn’t get a choice at first but I was okay with going to therapy with Mom.
I know we have a lot of stuff to address and some of it has been addressed already but my mom keeps shutting down the therapist while refusing to listen and it’s getting harder to see the point of family therapy.
Mom refuses to meet with the therapist 1:1 and since a session where we spilled our guts, she’s talking over the therapist a lot and trying to make me feel the way she does. She wants my sister to feel the way she does too.
I should explain stuff. My dad’s dead. My mom got married again. I was 7 and my sister was 9 when we lost dad and we were 10 and 12 when mom got married again. In the weeks before the wedding Mom said she’d never been happier, she’d never been really in love before, how she found her true love, her soul mate, how he was perfect and the best partner and father ever.
Her husband has no kids just so you guys know. My sister and I didn’t like hearing her talk like dad because dad. She was still married to him when he died and we thought they were happy. Mom talked like her husband was the best person to ever exist. She always talks about him in such a positive light.
Nobody can think he has flaws. We don’t agree and we’re not close to him.
Mom didn’t like us not getting closer to her husband and she always called him our dad. We fought with her a lot and we rejected him when he’d reach out to get closer to us.
I try to stay nice or whatever when I talk to him. But I also don’t try to make him someone I’m close to or trust or would confide in. I guess it’s an issue for him and Mom’s marriage and with my sister not speaking to either of them since she moved out in May, Mom went into “save my marriage” mode.
During the spill your guts session I admitted that it hurt to hear mom talk about her husband like he was better than dad, that she calls him my dad. That part of why I refuse to let him in is because I feel like someone needs to stay loyal to Dad and love him the best. Mom said her husband is a better man than Dad.
He’s older, dad was young and never got a great job, made her work and they were together for us. But her husband is so much better and can offer us more. That he’s better for her because he’s a real man.
She also said we shouldn’t care so much about Dad’s feelings because he’s dead or some weird loyalty to him. She said he didn’t need it. But she wouldn’t answer when asked to put herself in those shoes.
Mom pushes more than ever now to get me to love her husband and to think he’s better than Dad.
And with her ignoring the therapist I told her she needs to start listening or I won’t go anymore. Mom said it’s not my call and only children run away like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you may not have a choice, and there are options for you to benefit from going.
The problem with “group therapy” is that most people go with the intent of changing the other person. That’s why so much marriage counseling fails. People aren’t there to learn how to behave better, they go to have the therapist tell the other person they’re wrong, and it just doesn’t work like that.
Rather than expect your mom to change or be better, use your time in therapy to ask how you can productively manage your mother’s hurtful behavior. If she is insulting your dad or trying to force an unwanted relationship, what are techniques you can use to diffuse the situation?
BAD therapy example: “My mom told me we have to spend time with new daddy and talk about our day, tell her that’s not fair.” GOOD therapy example: “Help me understand how to react in that situation to avoid escalating conflict and minimize time spent with new daddy.” RandomizedNameSystem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Next therapy session, tell the therapist “Since my mother is refusing to listen to you and was expecting you to somehow force me to magically change my mind regarding my father and her new husband, I will come to future sessions because the mother is not giving me a choice but I see no purpose and will no longer participate in the sessions.
As soon as I turn 18, our relationship will be over.” Then just sit there. You have every right to feel as you do.” bookworm-1960
Another User Comments:
“She can make you go but she can’t make you speak. I wouldn’t talk anymore as it is falling on deaf ears.
Maybe she and your dad didn’t have the best relationship, but that’s separate from your relationship with your father. At this point, she can wish all she wants but she can’t force a relationship with her husband. I don’t get what the issue is, if you’re not being rude and disrespectful to him, it shouldn’t be a big deal. She can love her husband all she wants but that doesn’t mean you have to look at him like a father figure.
She’s going to end up not having a relationship with you or your sister if she keeps pushing.” Embarrassed-Car6161
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Wishes I Was Overweight Again?
“I ’21F’ have been seeing my partner Adam ’28M’ for almost 3 years now. I feel like some context is needed to accurately describe our situation. When I was 15 my older brother passed away in a car accident and it threw me into a depression where I became very overweight.
He was my best friend and meant the world to me, losing him led me into the worst years of my life.
A few months after I turned 18 I met Adam, he was one of my friend’s older brothers and we hit it off.
He’s smart and charismatic and I loved his sense of humor. Adam is also heavy but he was so comfortable in his skin that it made me admire his confidence. I couldn’t stand to even look at myself in a mirror so this last year I buckled down and lost a very significant amount of weight and now I’m even below my high school weight.
I’ve never been this fit in my life and I feel so good about myself.
My 21st birthday was this last Saturday and Adam and my friends had planned a party for me. Unfortunately, Adam had a family emergency so he wasn’t going to be around for my birthday.
I was okay with this and reassured him that it was fine when I drove him to the airport. My friend Andrea recommended that we should instead go to a gentlemen’s club and I thought that was an amazing idea.
The next time I talked to Adam I told him about the change in plans and he was very adamant that he didn’t want me to go. He said it wasn’t that he didn’t trust me it was that he didn’t trust my friends.
I ended up dropping the subject to not cause him further stress and we ended up just having the party they originally planned.
Adam arrived today and I felt something was off, something has been off since I lost weight.
I kept badgering him until he finally opened up. We talked and he eventually told me that we don’t even look like we belong together anymore. He brought up an instance where we were at the grocery store a week ago and a guy was asking me questions about watermelons in the fruit section.
It was a casual conversation but he referred to my partner as my brother and I quickly corrected him. The guy apologized said we looked similar and walked off, at the time my partner just laughed it off.
He then said something that made me angry.
He said, “Sometimes I wish you were still big so no one else would want you.” I lost all sympathy and quickly corrected him. I told him even when I was a big girl guys hit on me all the time and just like I always do I told them I have a partner that I love.
He looked dumbfounded. I told him how wrong it was that he wished that I was back at the size where I was depressed and hated myself. He said he misspoke and I’m blowing things out of proportion. We argued more and he ended up leaving to his brothers to give me space.
I’ve been sitting here just making myself angry about what he said. Did he think I was that unattractive when I was bigger? If so why did he date me?”
Another User Comments:
“You being smaller is probably affecting his self-image and esteem, especially since he didn’t think people got on you before.
That all being said, he doesn’t trust you. Between the gentlemen’s club and the store? He doesn’t trust you and is better off as your ex, so NTJ” Dismal-Wallaby-9694.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy is a creep. Look a 25-year-old going after an 18-year-old is weird enough.
But now he’s projecting his insecurity onto you. That’s why guys like him go after younger women in the first place. He said exactly what he meant to he’s just backtracking because you’re asserting yourself.” honeybadger1591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He sounds a bit inexperienced in relationships and had a bout of insecurity/jealousy. If he has been a good guy to you and this has come out of the blue, then maybe give him the benefit of the doubt if he said that he didn’t mean it.
If this fits a pattern of behaviour then you should be more concerned. This isn’t something to destroy a relationship in isolation but it could be the straw that broke the camel’s back.” Dnipra
15. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Is Going Out My Old Friend?
“My parents divorced when I was 15.
I am 25 and female. My dad and (Brenda) started texting back in January of 2024, but they’ve known one another since I first moved in with my friend at 19. She used to clean his house. Last year, she lost her job and moved in with her parents in a different state.
She came to town in March and wanted to see me, I had no clue that she planned to see my dad that whole weekend. She left me early on in the night. My little sisters were with Dad and saw him hugging and kissing someone in the backyard, they told my mom.
The next time I saw my mom, she informed me of this and mentioned that the girls thought it might be Brenda. I told her that was a coincidence because Brenda was just in town. My mom decided to text my dad and get information, and he confirmed it was Brenda.
But not to tell me until they were ready.
In May he asked to chat with me. I made it a point to tell him that I do want to hear him out. All I got was how happy Brenda makes him, how cool it would be if I were to be on board with this.
The conversation went nowhere, I had to call him an hour after I talked with him, to tell him I didn’t want him to continue seeing Brenda. He ended it with “I understand” I still feel like I didn’t get proper closure from him, so I texted him asking when he plans to end it, and he said he would let me know.
This brings us to today, since then he hasn’t tried to end it.
Last week my sisters caught him lying about his whereabouts. They spotted that he had a new tattoo, of a bad-looking grilled cheese. (They posted nonstop about grilled cheese on social media, and she also sported a new tattoo).
Somehow, one of his exes finds my TikTok and rips him a new one, he still doesn’t care. Even his mother. His siblings and their SOs support him. I got an email at 9 pm from my dad about how I should’ve given Brenda a chance since I had blocked her the moment everything surfaced. That I need to take the TikTok down, for her.
He told me I shouldn’t listen to Mom or my sisters because they are “unreliable” sources. He’s the happiest ever. He wanted to have a face-to-face conversation again, either him and I, me Brenda and him. I don’t want to hear him out again.
He said he’d walk through fire for me. I did respond to the email, but I didn’t hold anything back on my feelings. He’s an adult and can make selfish decisions, but if he continues, I won’t be in either of their lives.
I truly fear that I will lose my relationship with my dad, I know he’s going to choose her. And if by some miracle he ends the relationship, what then? How can we fix this? He could be seeing any random 25-year-old, the part that hurts the most is if it’s an old friend, roommate, or coworker.
I’ll never want to rekindle anything with her, I can’t cut Dad off. It feels really sad that a grown man has to rely on a partner for his happiness when family should come first.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YUCK on this one. Oh and NTJ. He’s seeing your friend. Got matching tattoos. It’s so not ok. Is so far from ok it’s in another world from it. Yes, yes they’re both adults. But he’s still old enough to be her father.
And he was scoping his daughter’s friends. How long was he doing that? How long were they seeing each other? How many more did he put the moves on? He’s a total jerk. I don’t think I could have a relationship with him.
Poor Brenda. She won’t be 25 forever. Soon she’ll be 30 and too old for him and he’ll need a new young person to be with. So, he’ll call up his daughter or check out his younger daughter’s friends. As I said before.
He’s a jerk.” Country-girl7053
Another User Comments:
“My dad liked girls my age. Asked me to dinner to meet his latest partner. I bought a date. He was my dad’s age. Problem solved. I think I was the only one enjoying myself that night.
Dad was freaking out, my date felt a little creeped out (I think he realized he was gross too), and dad’s partner just couldn’t figure out what was happening. Unfortunately, I don’t think you can tell your dad who to be with.
I suspect he’s a bit of a narcissist and she’s feeding his ego. He seems to be willing to lose you over this. You’ll have to decide to accept this or cut them off. If she gives up her youth to him that’s on her.
He’ll be in a retirement home and she’ll wonder why she doesn’t have kids. Not your problem.” Obvious-Block6979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because the main thing you have done is tell your dad how you feel about the relationship. You both went off the rails equally when you asked that he break it off and he asked that you bless it. Drop that part. But if you are locked out by your dad being with your former friend, then you are allowed to be picked out. Quietly avoid them. Or, as a friend of mine did, see them during family gatherings and make many jokes about how Brenda has relieved you of your dad’s elder care.
So great that he’ll have such a strong young nurse for his heart attacks, prostate troubles, cancers, etc. ” dontlikebeige
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host The Holidays After Helping My Parents Move?
“My parents decided to sell the family home where we (my two siblings and me) would have family gatherings, particularly Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I am one of the three kids who has helped my parents navigate: realtors, financing, cleaning, packing, donating, movers, storage unit, and buying new items for their new condo.
To top it off…completion of their condo is delayed by two months. My other two siblings had weak reasons to not have my parents temporarily stay with them, so now they are with me.
I work two jobs, about 100 hours (give or take) every two weeks, and have 50/50 custody of four kids as a single mom, a dog, and two cats.
I also do the majority of the house and yard work as the kids have their own things going on. Not to mention all of the kid’s physicals, eye, dental, and church activities. Neither of them have minor children and own homes where my parents could have stayed.
To be clear, I love my parents and wouldn’t dare let them be without someplace to stay. They have done a lot for me!
I am honestly physically and emotionally spent.
I texted my 2 siblings and said, I would not be hosting holidays this year.
AITJ for not wanting to host the holidays??”
Another User Comments:
“Are they upset? Where is the conflict? Of course, you are NTJ for not hosting any holiday activities, this year or any year in the future. You are a jerk for accepting to do everything in your home on your own.
Your children need to do chores, they are not busy 24/7. They can help in the house, in the yard, and with the pets. Learn to delegate. Your parents are in your home. Ask them to help as well. Also, give yourself time to breathe.
No cooking on the weekends, and groceries get delivered. Take care of yourself for a change.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but will say that allowing yourself to take on unnecessary responsibility is an issue. I would look at the situation objectively and determine what works best for my situation.
Whether it’s helping parents or holidays. Learn to create boundaries. As your parents age this will be very important to prevent you from getting overwhelmed and burning yourself out. As far as holidays create a low-stress plan for yourself and don’t be putting ridiculous expectations on the holiday itself.
A stress-free holiday is all anyone wants. Simplify! If you get an invite you can always adjust your plans. Also, if you are going anywhere and want to bring something make it a simple inexpensive store-bought item.” Equivalent-Roll-3321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like you’re juggling a lot of responsibilities and doing your best to support your parents during a challenging time. It’s completely reasonable to need a break from hosting the holidays, especially given your heavy workload and personal commitments.
Your siblings might need to step up this year, and hopefully, they’ll understand the immense effort you’ve already put in. Taking care of yourself is important, and it’s okay to set boundaries for your well-being…..” clairemonas147
13. AITJ For Wanting To Evict My Roommate Who Can't Respect Boundaries And Doesn't Contribute Equally?
“Ok, so, I have been having this dilemma for about a month or so– but let me explain how I got here.
My partner: Danny
Roommate: Pat
Danny (21) and I (20F) decided to get an apartment with our friend Pat (23), who I met last October. We had been planning ever since we met– because hey! We had a lot in common, and all three of us had living situations we wanted to move on from.
We started with sleepovers, and more often than not I would drive Pat home from work, given that they’d help with gas money as their house was a bit out of the way.
As months continued, Danny and I picked up on some things.
Like, whenever Danny does an everyday task, Pat cheers for them– Like “Yayyy you’re washing dishes!” Or “You did so great!”. While it sounds nice, it makes Danny feel belittled, which they have made sure to inform Pat (has not stopped doing it).
Granted, my partner and I struggle with these tasks. But still, given that fact, it feels patronizing. Pat also has this need to walk Danny through everything. Mundane. Task. Refer to our struggles, but also keep in mind that it’s not like we don’t know how to do these things.
It is a result of unstable backgrounds that we’ve been working through.
Pat is also incredibly strict with boundaries. This is not a bad thing, and we respect their boundaries– however, there have been a few times when we accidentally brush up against them, resulting in them panicking.
But when we have boundaries, he never takes them into account. The difference between us is that while it takes us a few slip-ups for us to get it down, they don’t get it at all. Often when we try to bring these up, they either stare blankly at us or panickly defend themselves.
In spring we started looking at apartments and touring a few places before settling on one, and then starting to save for the down deposit. Pat was having some financial problems, so when the time came to put the deposit down, Danny and I paid for it in full.
Then, a week later, Pat dropped the fact that they had bought themselves a tablet. Mind you, they had told us the reason they didn’t give us the down deposit was because… They had to save money. We had a talk with them about how that upset us.
Pat had apologized and agreed with us that it wasn’t a very smart decision.
Pat has also offered to buy groceries on multiple occasions! Pat has only done so twice, as every other time they spent hundreds. Don’t get me wrong, Pat sends us rent/bill money on time.
The biggest issue I have with them is that a few months ago I lost my car and a lot of hours at both of my jobs. In fact, my partner was experiencing the same at work. And as Danny and I weren’t even able to feed ourselves… Pat was buying action figures and video games.
I feel like I would be the jerk because I’m not sure where they’d go, as they have no savings… But I also know that that isn’t my fault. WIBTJ for evicting them?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk if you give Pat enough warning that you will not be allowing him to move in with y’all at the end of the lease.
If he doesn’t care enough to put down part of the deposit, he must not have been serious enough about the place.” neotic_sky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Either create a written understanding of what everyone’s portion of the expenses will be that everyone agrees to, and then start making sure Pat contributes their fair share (possibly including their share of the deposit, which they should still pay you for), or explain that they simply can’t live there anymore.” gordonf23
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister Over Her Disregard For Our Sister-In-Law's Allergy And Pregnancy?
“I’ll try to keep it as short as I can. I promise I’ll clarify things if there is confusion and sorry about them in advance!
I’m 21F and I have 2 siblings. My sister is 24 and engaged. My brother is 28 and married to my sister-in-law who is 25.
My parents hosted a family luncheon to celebrate my sister’s engagement at their house. I went early to help them set up, my brother and sister-in-law arrived a little bit later than everyone else. My sister and her fiancé arrived last.
Everything was going well and everyone was happy until my sister got a text and pulled me aside. She asked me if I could go outside and meet a friend of hers who was going to drop off something for her.
I did. The ‘something’ was a big ball of pure happiness, a Saint Bernard dog with a cute little formal tie around his neck.
As adorable as he was, I couldn’t bring him in because my sister-in-law is allergic. Her allergy is not severe but still.
Everyone in the family knows of it. I told the friend to please wait while I talked to my sister, but she did not. I texted my sister that I couldn’t bring him inside. She texted that it was fine, to bring it in because it’s a surprise and he’s the newest addition to the family.
I insisted that I couldn’t then I texted my brother about it because it had been 10 minutes, I was standing in the driveway with a big doggie that would not stop licking my legs, not knowing what to do.
From what I was told, inside, my brother pulled my sister aside and asked her not to bring the dog in.
She knows his wife is allergic. She refused, saying that it was an open space and that her sister-in-law would be fine. He then told her the news that sister in law is pregnant. (I already knew and they were waiting until she passed her first trimester.)
My sister then went outside, dragged the dog, and then me in when I resisted. My brother, seeing this, excused himself and left with sister in law.
We tried resuming the lunch after that but it was awkward at best. When my sister and her fiancé cut the cake, she grabbed her glass of champagne to make a toast. The ‘toast’ was her rambling about how selfish my brother and his wife were, that they couldn’t let her have one day to herself and had to ruin and overshadow it.
That they were not the first or last couple to get pregnant. Both of my parents tried to shush her but she was on a roll and went on to call her sister-in-law an attention seeker who just had to give the family the first grandchild.
I finally had enough and told her that green wasn’t a good look on her and that she was going to choke on her jealousy one day. Then I got up and left.
She called me a jerk on my way out.
My mom called me after and told me that it was a bit harsh even if she was harsher. She also suggested that the three of us (siblings) talk it out after things settle a bit. My dad is staying neutral. I haven’t heard from relatives that were at the luncheon.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She didn’t even treat the poor puppy well! The last thing a new puppy needs to deal with is the chaos and overstimulation of a family party. And what did they do with the poor wee bugger while they were cutting the cake and making their angry speeches?
Just leave it outside? Inside to piddle in a corner (cos the first few weeks with my pups they piddled with gay abandon every few minutes).” SeparateProblem3029
Another User Comments:
“Your brother and SIL are complete jerks in this, as are you.
What’s a bit of illness on your sister’s “special day”? Also, how dare your brother get SIL pregnant before your sister! Even if the child is longed for, loved, and wanted they should get rid of the baby, and not have one until she has one first. (Remember that goes for you as well).
If for some reason your sister can’t have one, then that means neither of you can have one either. If she wants one of each gender, say she has a boy and wants a girl, you and your brother may have a boy(not together obviously, that would be weird and illegal), but it would be selfish and unfair to your sister to have a girl before her.
Also, make sure your kids won’t outshine their kids in any way. S/Although nobody should need it. Please don’t apologize. Your sister is nuts.” mad2109
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. But just like your sister, your father is a jerk too.
He is conveniently staying neutral as he hates his responsibility of educating his children. Tell him in his face too to start being a man and do his job as a parent. Not just doing it when it is fun and happy, but also when it is painful.
Sorry, I just hate this kind of father who always be neutral all the time cause he can’t be bothered. You were sure harsh, but I won’t be playing around about the health of a pregnant woman.” Cloud9_Forest
11. AITJ For Not Adding My Ex's Surname To My Child's Name After He Abandoned Us?
“Long story short, when my child A (5F) was born, we gave her my ex’s (38M) surname. I wanted to double barrel, but he talked me out of it because we were engaged and I “have a crap surname” (his words, not mine)
We split and he later went AWOL 3 months before her 2nd birthday. Because he has abandoned his 2 other kids, I assumed we would likely never see him again and legally changed her surname to mine. But because he’s on the birth cert, I legally needed his consent, so technically the change wasn’t valid.
1 year ago, he emailed out of the blue, saying he wanted to be in A’s life. Bearing in mind, that we had heard NOTHING for 2&half years, I agreed to meet and talk through his reasoning, why now, etc. I agreed to supervised visits, building up to him having her on his own and we made a plan and discussed my expectations about contact and consistency, etc.
After we agreed on everything, I asked him to sign a letter giving consent for the name change, as I was trying to get her passport to go abroad. This is where I may be the jerk.
I heavily implied that I would CONSIDER adding his surname back to her name in the future and my words were “We can talk about it after a year”.
I made no promises but honestly, I had no intention of doing this. We were in an emotionally abusive relationship and then he left me alone with a 21-month-old, unemployed due to unforeseen circumstances, with debt and I’ve been in therapy since because of him.
I changed her name for practical reasons, but also because I wanted us to share the same surname, especially if he wasn’t going to be around. And I saw an opportunity to make the change legally valid.
To be clear, if he had said no, I wouldn’t have kept A from him and I only asked him AFTER we had agreed on how to re-establish contact.
I also made this clear before he signed, so I did not pressure him into signing.
Since then, he has made more of an effort and she adores him. He rings most nights but sees her every 6-8 weeks as he works away and he refused to take a week off during the summer holidays to have her because “he didn’t want to lose out on a grand”
On Monday he mentioned it’s coming up to a year and we can change her name and I outright admitted that I don’t want to. That I had lied when I said I’d consider it and unless she asked me to add his name in the future, I don’t see a need to.
Changing it to mine had practical benefits, adding his is for his own wants.
He was very angry and called me toxic, petty, selfish, and manipulative… Said I was controlling and that I treated him like a second-class parent. I asked what the benefit would be to add it and he said because he wanted the same name as her, so I called him a hypocrite because he was happy for me to not have the same name when she was born, but he justified that by saying I would have changed my name when we married anyway.
I’ve tried to be as upfront as possible, and happy to answer any questions. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like calling this a justified YTJ. As in YTJ but I’m on your side. The guy left you hanging and didn’t give a darn about you for years.
At the very minimum, it would be “You disappeared for 2.5 years, we can discuss a name change in another 2.5 years.” But honestly, he should bite his tongue, he’s getting the important things like being in his daughter’s life again and not getting something that *doesn’t even really matter.* it should be the price he pays for walking out.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but dude why did you tell him all that? It would have been simpler for everyone to just say you reflected on it and didn’t feel comfortable changing it back after everything that happened, but you’re happy to continue encouraging their relationship.
Rubbing it in his face that you “tricked” him just created unnecessary conflict.” Fine-Bit-7537
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So he plays Dad a little more than he did when he left you in the lurch 2 years ago, he doesn’t deserve to share a name with her yet because of that.
Being a single parent is SO hard, and he thinks he can just be in and out of her life when he feels like it, and that deserves a name!?! I probably would have laughed and said, “It sucks when someone makes a promise and then completely abandons it with no remorse, doesn’t it?” LookAwayPlease510
10. AITJ For Not Being Able To Move My Overweight Friend From A Falling Beam's Path?
“I need advice since I’ve fallen out with a friend and I feel really bad. I only use Reddit for tech help or to find niche stuff like movies but here goes.
Last week, on Thursday I was going to university and something bad happened. But to understand, here is some back story. I take a train and then a bus to get to my university, but recently I haven’t taken the bus since it is unreliable and never comes on time.
So, I just walk. It’s a good thing too because road work and construction have popped up on the route the Bus takes and it won’t be completed for a long while. Sometimes my friends join me on my walk to school, there are three of them.
But one of the three rarely walks. Amma is the one who doesn’t like to walk. She’s kinda on the heavier side. I’m not exactly the slimmest and neither are my other two friends, but Amma is the heaviest. No big deal though, it doesn’t get in the way of anything.
Now you have backstory let me tell you what happened. Last Thursday, I got off at the train station and made my way to the traffic light across the street. I began walking and a few minutes later I heard someone call my name, it was Amma.
I stopped so we could walk together and talk. We began to talk, and she told me she couldn’t take the bus today because of the construction. I offered to walk with her until the buses could return to their usual route.
As we were walking we passed the construction area that buses can’t go through but people can. We were laughing when we heard a couple of tradies yelling at us from a few stories above to move and get out of the way.
I was the first to look up and I saw one of those steel beam things falling in our direction. I got scared and I yanked Amma by her backpack but it was a little hard to move her since she is a bit heavy and I think she was paralyzed with fear.
I tried a few more times, but she didn’t budge and the beam fell. Luckily it wasn’t anywhere close to us and the tradies had been off about their assessment of the beam falling on us, still, the area was closed off and we had to find a new route to walk.
Me and Amma were a bit shaken up but we got to class safely. I walked her to her class and told her to meet at the entrance of the campus at the end of the day so we could figure out a new route to walk.
She didn’t meet me at the end of the day and I had to walk to the train station alone. When I got home, Amma texted me. I thought it would be a reel or message about how crazy what had happened in the morning was but instead, it was a message about how bad I had made her feel for being overweight and how I wasn’t pulling hard enough.
She waited for me to see the message before she blocked me and I couldn’t respond. I started to panic and I felt guilty. I’ve tried to get in contact with her but she’s blocked me on everything. I feel so bad, I didn’t mean for this to happen.
If I am the jerk, please tell me. I won’t react badly, I just want my friend back.”
Another User Comments:
“Amma has just had a wake-up call about how her weight might impact her life. Instead of dealing with that new reality, she’s displacing her anxiety and getting mad at you for “not being strong enough/trying hard enough” to heave her out of the way.
This is Amma’s mental issue to muscle through, and she’s going to have to do the heavy lifting. That doesn’t mean your friendship will survive though. NTJ” GenerousWithFaults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did try to move her out of the falling beam’s way.
There is nothing else you could have done. Amma is not upset with you. She’s mad at herself, but it’s easier for Amma to blame someone else than to acknowledge that she froze during a critical life moment where she could have been injured or killed. Sometimes people don’t react or respond in some situations in a way that we would hope they would.
Yes, you lost a friend and it’s disappointing, but you learned something about yourself: You can react quickly during dangerous situations.” WickedThickness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe No jerks here if Amma comes around. Amma is reacting to a close brush with death, as well as reckoning with herself about her weight.
You didn’t do anything wrong, it was admirable that you tried (several times even) to help move your friend to safety. I think Amma knows you didn’t do anything wrong and is lashing out at the wrong person because she’s struggling to process all her feelings around this incident.
None of this is your fault and the burden of fixing this also isn’t your responsibility. However, since you say you want your friend back, let’s talk about what you can do if you choose to (even though you’re not under any moral obligation to do so).
I think your best bet is to give Amma a little space before trying to reach out. Be patient, be sensitive, understand that Amma is probably embarrassed, offer her the opportunity to move past it, and let her know you miss her.” Nerdy-Babygirl
9. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Slow Down With His Controlling Partner?
“We recently moved 3.5 hours away and my son (16) thinks he needs to spend all his free time with his partner of 5 months. This is his first steady relationship and they are already talking about how they are going to spend their lives together and planning on going to colleges together.
His partner (17) is a senior at his old school and my son is only a sophomore at his new school. My husband and I have had a talk with our son about spending all this time either on the phone or texting his partner when he should be out hanging with his friends and strengthening those friendships and maybe cool things down with the partner.
My son thought about it and agreed that it was a good idea, as he was still figuring himself out. Since school started in August, my son has hung out with his partner one time. Since then, he’s been withdrawn and constantly on his phone texting/calling his partner.
If my son doesn’t answer a call or message from her soon enough she gets ‘mad’ at him. I feel like she’s very controlling and even needs to be part of his football chat group so ‘she knows what’s going on’.
Next week is our homecoming and our son just asked us this evening that since his partner and her mom are coming here on Friday (her mom took off work and let her daughter miss a day of school) and are spending the night at a hotel if he can spend the day with them and show them around town.
We weren’t very happy that these plans were made without our knowledge and our son just asked us after they booked everything. Our son has a tendency to make plans and get everything in place before asking permission and we have addressed him about this and he said he’d do better with communication with us.
That conversation happened on Friday. Now it’s Sunday and he is pulling this. AITJ for thinking that he needs to pump the breaks on this controlling partner and go enjoy things without her.”
Another User Comments:
“You both come off a little controlling to me.
He’s 16 and love is one of those things you have to make mistakes and learn for yourself. Even if you are right, pushing your way on him might not be the best way to get through. Keep suggesting alternative options/people for him to enjoy life with but let him make the end decision in how/who he spends his free time.
Edit: They are young and live a far distance apart, the likelihood this lasts long isn’t too high anyway.” OkraEither2528
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It’s good you suggest to him that he should also spend time with his friends, not only his partner.
And yes, she does sound controlling, and it’s also good that you’re mentioning those red flags to him (her getting mad if he doesn’t answer fast enough etc) But… You are more controlling than her. LET HIM MAKE HIS OWN MISTAKES.
That’s the only way he will learn. He’s a teen, and he’s “in love”. Let him enjoy it ffs. He’s very young, and love at this age tends to die away after some time. What you need to do, is try to coach him on what a healthy relationship should be like.
But preventing him from seeing her as much as he wants?? That’s a very bad thing to do.” youshallneverlearn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is typical behaviour for a 16 year old “in love” for the first time. Let him enjoy it and figure things out for himself.
Of course he wants to spend time with his girl while she is in town. Why does he need to ask you for permission? At this age, he should let you know, but not have to ask permission, since they will be in town.
It is not as if he wants to attend a concert 3 hours away.” Maximum-Swan-1009
8. AITJ For Using Lottery Tickets For A Date Night Instead Of Giving Them To My Wife's Friend?
“Last week, my wife (F 30s) asked me (F 30s) to enter a lottery-style drawing to get tickets for a popular event in our area.
The tickets are free, but most are allocated by random drawing to people who pre-register. You can only pre-register for a max of 2 tickets. Some tickets are also available at the door on a “first come, first served” basis. My wife, her friend B [F 30s], and B’s friend C [F 30s], usually all register for the drawing hoping that at least one of them can snag 2 tickets.
If B gets tickets, she usually gives my wife the first choice if she wants to go, but if C gets tickets she takes B. If my wife gets tickets, she takes B.
A handful of times, they snagged 4 tickets and invited me.
I always declined because it’s not an event that really excites me and my wife is perfectly happy to enjoy the night with her friends.
Last week, my wife asked me to enter for tickets because this month’s theme is uniquely interesting to her.
I’ll admit I was slightly annoyed. We’re in the middle of a very chaotic couple of weeks where we’ve had very little time for us to connect as a couple. I was a little put off by the thought of entering a drawing to win tickets for my wife to use with her friends on one of the few nights we will have free in three weeks, and I [gently] said as much.
But I also love my wife and recognize that this event brings her joy, I made an entry and promptly forgot about it.
Lo and behold, I was the only one to be selected for tickets. Just 2 tickets.
Now, I want to take my wife on a date night.
I immediately told my wife that if she’d rather go with B for any reason, that’s fine. But she also wants a date night, and I think this is a great opportunity for us to spend time together in a way that she has always wanted. B asked my wife about the entries and was upset with the update because she thought my winning the tickets meant she’d be going with my wife.
We reminded B that she and C could get there early for tickets at the door, which are usually pretty readily available but never a 100% certainty. B’s response was salty. She and C won’t go if they don’t have confirmed tickets.
She also reminded my wife about one time she entered an unrelated drawing for us [which none of us won].
I knew B would be disappointed and reasonably expected to be my wife’s +1. I’ve never wanted to go in the past. And the last time they spoke about it, my wife had told B that I was entering the lottery but that if we won 4 tickets I had a scheduling conflict [which at the time was true].
I’m fully aware that it was perfectly reasonable for B to think that if I won the tickets, it would be the same as if my wife won them – the two of them would go.
But the sharpness of her reaction has me questioning whether I’m the jerk.
So AITJ for wanting to use tickets I won on a date night with my wife, even though I didn’t initially want to go and her friend was under the impression she’d be my wife’s plus 1?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like they all have gone several times, you are going once with your wife using the tickets you got in the drawing. If a friend can’t step aside once for you two to have a much-needed date night then that tells you how much they value event tickets over the friendship.” verminiusrex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re your tickets; B has no expectations of going as your wife’s plus one when she didn’t win, therefore has no plus one B is pretty entitled here to expect she has priority over you when you won the tickets.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You won the tickets so you are free to do what you want, but, understandably, B is mad about it. It is silly they won’t try for at-the-door tickets, but that is on them.” MistressLiliana
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin Wear Our Family Heirloom Dress To Her Sister's Prom?
“I [24F] own a dress that was passed down from my grandmother to my mother (her only daughter to 4 boys) and then to myself. It was a gift from my grandfather for their first anniversary.
She loved it so much that she had only worn it once before she put it away, preserving it.
By the time my mother’s prom came around, Grandma had passed away. Mom wore the dress as an homage to her.
To clarify, all the cousins mentioned are from my maternal side and I’m the oldest of them.
When the time came for my prom, I asked and wore the dress as well. It’s a timeless piece imo, and I love the sentiment behind it.
One of my cousins, Cara, wanted to join in on the tradition when her prom happened. Back then, I asked my mom who told me that the dress belonged to me now, I’m free to do whatever I want with it as long as I take care of it.
And so, I said yes to Cara and then another cousin named Maddie.
All of us are similarly sized and we each had the dress professionally altered to fit our styles and trends, nothing permanent and easily reversible for the next person who might want to wear it.
My cousin, Ava [20F], and her sister Zoe [18F] are the focus of my post.
When Ava was in her junior year, my uncle and his wife went through a nasty, brutal divorce and it affected her deeply and she dropped out of school.
We all knew she wanted to join in on the tradition, so when she got her GED, all of us cousins decided to throw her a surprise photoshoot with the dress/ celebration so she didn’t feel left out.
That was that or so we thought.
Zoe had her prom this year and had asked for the dress at the beginning of the year. Months passed and she hadn’t told me anything or even mentioned her prom which I found weird. (Yes, we’re that type of family.)
Zoe was in a relationship with a senior guy last year and she had been his date to his prom. She got a dress for it and was saving our family dress for hers.
A few months ago, I got a call from Ava asking when she could pick up the dress to take to the shop and get it altered to her liking.
I asked her what she meant and she gleefully revealed that she’s going to Zoe’s prom instead of Zoe because she never got a ‘real’ experience and Zoe got hers last year by going to her partner’s.
I got upset because I knew Zoe wouldn’t give up her prom unless she was guilt-tripped. I immediately said no which turned into a screaming match I’m not proud of.
My uncle and his ex-wife called and berated me.
My mom and other cousins are on my side. Zoe ended up going to her prom in the dress but felt guilty. Ava, of course, thinks I’m the wicked witch of the west, even now, and tried to confront me again at a family event yesterday which I managed to shut down real quick.
Relatives are telling me to make it better. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is so weird. I feel bad for Zoe, seems like Ava has some sort of main-character fantasy going on. But I’ve seen all the bad 90s prom movies, and can’t think of a single time an adult would go to a high school prom unless they were in a relationship with someone maybe?
(Honestly, I would watch a 90s-style movie of The Traveling Prom Dress) The real jerks seem to be your aunt and uncle. Even if they had a nasty divorce, is no excuse to neglect your children. You’re NTJ. I hope the dress is safely back in your possession and getting ready for the next generation.” ManaKitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the adult 20-year-old woman who tried to steal her sister’s prom is. Also, can you imagine how uncomfortable that would’ve been? The only people Ava would’ve known at the prom are Zoe’s friends they would’ve been bummed their friend wasn’t there and weirded out by an adult dancing with teenage boys.
The night would’ve ended in one of two ways 1) with Ava complaining to Zoe that her friends are lame, how boys are less cute than when she was in high school, or 2) with Ava going on about what a fun night she had to Zoe.
Either way, Zoe would’ve missed out on her prom and she would go on knowing her sister took that night from her even though Ava should know how bad it is to miss your prom.” MustangTheLionheart
Another User Comments:
“What kind’ve school allows a random 20-year-old to crash the prom? If she went to the school, at least some people on staff would know she was a student and was too old to be at prom. Your photoshoot idea was the best. What is someone the age of a college sophomore or junior going to do at prom with a bunch of high school kids?
Why would she even want to go to this? I have several questions, but NTJ” fancyandfab
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Delusional About Her Co-Worker's Feelings?
“So my friend and I (both 27F) have been friends since our freshman year of college, and even after graduation, we still keep in touch.
Despite being of the same age, she told me she considered me an older sister figure rather than just a friend (I’m a couple of months older than her) and often comes to me for advice, or just to rant about life.
Recently, we met up for a coffee, and she told me about this guy at work who she believed had feelings for her. My friend didn’t have a good childhood, and she always dreamed of having a happy family. She wishes to find the love of her life, marry him, and just have her happily ever after, so when she told me about this guy, I congratulated her at first. Then I asked how she knew the guy had feelings for her, and she showed me her proofs, but all of them just looked to me like she was making a big deal out of it, while in reality, they were not romantic gestures like she seemed to think:
– First, she told me how the guy helped her pick up her things after he bumped into her in the hallway and she dropped all her papers and folders on the ground. All I saw from this was a nice guy helping a co-worker instead of ignoring her.
– Then, she told me that one time he asked if she had eaten anything. The context of this incident was that: they both had to work OT, and according to her, after he asked and she said she would eat later, he went back to his work, so again, I just saw this as her co-worker being nice.
– According to her, this guy does digital art in his free time, so she showed me one of the drawings he made that she said was about her. Mind you, we are Asians, we live in an Asian country, so the majority of women here have dark hair and dark eyes, which were the two characteristics the girl in the drawing had.
My friend asked me if I could see the resemblances between the drawing and her, and to be honest? I saw none. Imagine those generic AI drawings of dark hair and dark-eyed women. His drawing was kind of like that, so all I saw was something probably AI-generated. No resemblances whatsoever to my friend.
– She also showed me a tweet that he wrote. It was just a generic emotional speech, ending with a flower emoji at the end. Apparently, the tweet was made on the same day she wore a flower hairclip to work, so according to my friend, the tweet was meant for her.
She was all happy and gleeful about these proofs, and she asked me what I thought. I told her the guy probably just saw her as another co-worker, that every “sign” she noticed so far was just her trying to convince herself they had deeper meanings.
My friend got mad at me, telling me I was too inexperienced about romantic matters (I’m aromantic) to see what she saw, and that I was insensitive and jealous. She now has all her forms of contact with me blocked, but not after sending me a text saying she needed time to think about our friendship.
AITJ for telling my friend she might be delusional?”
Another User Comments:
“Kinda. You did pee in her cornflakes. She has a crush on this dude and is enjoying it. I don’t see any evidence that she is dangerously unhinged. You don’t know if this guy has noticed her or not.
You might be wrong. Why did you need to insist on your interpretation instead of gently cautioning her against disappointment? YTJ” Dwinxx2000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What’s so wrong with thinking your crush might like you? Why must you snap her out of that thought immediately?
Besides, who’s to say she’s not right? Her evidence isn’t strong but she spends time with the guy and has experienced whatever chemistry there is” shoeshine
Another User Comments:
“While I agree with your assessment, I’ll say No jerks here.
That’s what friends are for….keeping you honest!! However, I can see how “delusional” can be upsetting IF you know her dream is to have a happy family. So instead I would encourage her to maybe “explore” and see if the guy has feelings for her.
Then she knows for sure OR maybe she just likes her “delusion”…” SuperWomanUSA
5. AITJ For Making My Friend Pay For A Hotel Room She Didn't Use?
“In college, my five friends and I went to a music festival (a total of 6 of us). We booked two hotel rooms and split 3 in each. This was all booked about 6 months before the festival so we could lock in good rates.
Important note: the hotel rooms were nonrefundable! We did it this way because we all felt confident we could go and this way it would be much cheaper.
About a month before the festival one of my friends Kat got cast in a play.
Because of this, she decided she couldn’t go to the festival anymore. The festival was two weeks before opening night so she would’ve only missed rehearsals, not any performances. Important note: when casting they give you a conflict sheet to write potential conflicts and she did not write down the festival.
Anyway, because Kat was no longer going she requested that me and my other friend Taylor pay for the entire hotel room. Kat’s argument was she wasn’t using it anyway. Why would she pay for something she’s not using?
Taylor and I felt like she should still pay for her portion of the room because why were we being punished for Kat’s decision to change plans? If we had known we might have had the entire friend group split in 1 hotel room (which we had done in the past when it was only 5 of us).
Kat was super upset with Taylor and me for this but ended up paying her share. We remained friends and I thought we had moved past it. However, she brought it up just the other day about how that was a bad thing for us to do.
So now I don’t know what to think. Are Taylor and I the jerks for making Kat pay for her portion of the room?
Edited to add a note about the hotel rooms being nonrefundable”
Another User Comments:
“Did you contact the hotel to see if they could adjust the rate from triple to double occupancy as soon as you found out she wasn’t going?
If you did, or if you checked online and saw there were no other rooms available anywhere, then not the jerk. Rooms get booked up earlier when events are announced. This is the exact reason, I no longer plan, important-to-me stuff with others.
I would rather go it alone than have someone mess it up. It’s much harder when it’s a friend. Sorry you may have lost a friend over it, but I don’t think you guys are the jerks for making her pay her share.” TheNOORTHRemembers
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, no. NTJ at all, She made an obligation to you, then made another obligation later and decided that one was more important to her. All is well and good, but that doesn’t get her out of the obligation that she made to you, which is paying her share of the room.
Doesn’t matter if she’s there or not. She booked it with you, it’s her responsibility to pay for it. Does she get to stop paying rent on her home because she doesn’t stay there for a few nights? Nope. Same situation here.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Part of being an adult, is understanding consequences. Kat made what is essentially a contract between Taylor and yourself. Her conflict with schedule had no bearing on it. She is still legally responsible for the contract in which she agreed to.
Now Kat could have made a conscious effort to essentially find a “sub leaser” take her place. However, with it likely being a single, double bed, room, she would have to find a replacement you two were comfortable with. It would be different if this was a renting an apartment issue, but this is travel, I would think.
But I’m not a lawyer either. So who knows legally what implications of getting a replacement to cover her costs is.” Jaded-Guess4897
4. AITJ For Not Encouraging My Kids To Celebrate Father's Day For Their Emotionally Distant Dad?
“My ex (M38) and I (F36) have four kids 19,17, 11, and 6.
(One is not biologically his but raised the same as the others. We are all ND in one way or another). Tomorrow is Father’s Day in the UK. For 19 years I’ve bought him something or got the kids to sign a card, just something small but it’s always been to help build their bond and help the kids feel closer to him.
This year I just can’t. Our Eldest just moved out and blocked his Dad and said he’d rather he didn’t visit him. For 19 years I’ve tried to bridge the gap between them. Being Mum and Dad, doing all the appointments, School things, playmates.
Dad tried. He is just unable to meet these needs because he has no coping mechanisms to deal with neurotic social norms. He has Zero executive function skills and a lack of empathy which means he struggles to connect with the kids on what they enjoy, rather than trying to push his interests on them than ignoring anything else.
Buying presents he’d like and is unable to commit to anything that puts pressure on him. I don’t say this to villainize him. He has a heart of gold but he just doesn’t have the emotional skills to be a good, present father.
19 years I made excuses and tried to protect the kids from the damage of this. Yet our eldest still blocked him so now I feel like, why bother, if the younger kids ask to do something for him, I will but AITJ if I don’t.
The reason I think I am the jerk is that I fear that if I don’t bridge the gap like I did with the eldest will it be fair or worse for the younger ones?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s had years to get into therapy to learn these things and I feel he’s using it as an excuse (you know him better, so take that with a pinch of salt), especially if you had four kids.
It’s not on you to bridge the gap, it’s on the kids’ father if he wants to. This ‘he tried’ is absolute nonsense IMO because from your post it sounds like he’s tried Jack all. The oldest kid has just had enough, and I don’t blame them, wouldn’t be surprised if the seventeen-year-old is on the way out of blocking their dad—and I use that term loosely—too.” existential_chaos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s your ex now and it’s no longer your responsibility to manage his relationships with your children. You have your hands full with just your own as a single mother. Let it play out on its own and put your energy into what you can control. You’ll be a lot happier in the long run.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You shouldn’t have been enabling an emotionally neglectful father for two decades and are now just seeing the results of that. Your children deserved better. But no, you shouldn’t be forcing your kids to do something for their father.” mmavcanuck
3. AITJ For Skipping The Wedding Ceremony But Attending The Reception?
“So I had what felt like a real-life Larry David moment.
My partner of 3 years was maid of honor at a catholic wedding in a very hot church. I had met the couple a handful of times, but since my partner and I lived in a different city, I never became close with them and I didn’t know anyone else at the wedding.
Come the day of the wedding, I told my partner I didn’t want to go to the ceremony since I didn’t know anyone there, she was going to be up with them anyway (and was riding to/from with them), I wasn’t friends with them anyway so they wouldn’t care, I’m not religious, and it was going to be an hour in a hot church.
She got mad at me and told me it’d be a jerk move to only go to the reception. I told her nobody else is impacted by me not going. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“HARD YTJ You’re willing to get a free dinner and drinks, but unwilling to attend the ceremony being celebrated?
You should never be invited to anything ever again, because you are the worst kind of guest. You’re a +1 on the invite; not knowing anyone at the wedding is common. Not knowing anyone and skipping out on the ceremony but showing up to the dinner is… Who does that?
What kind of person thinks that’s Ok?” OaktownPirate
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not sure if this is a troll or not, but since you keep asking a specific reason for WHY this may be rude – think of any other major life event.
It would be really weird to skip a college graduation ceremony but still attend the celebration dinner. Will they see you in the crowd? Most likely not. But skipping the actual moment to only attend the party for said moment is bizarre.
As for WHY, the actual event is the thing that you got invited to witness. The reception is to celebrate the first part. That’s quite literally the whole point of the entire event.” TehCrazyDuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up Catholic and went to plenty of Catholic weddings.
They usually involve mass. I don’t have the patience for that. No one is going to notice you missing in during the ceremony. Also, you’re still attending the reception, which is still celebrating them. And anyone who has gotten married knows that the headcount at the reception is really where the rubber hits the road.
Also, maybe people should get married in spaces with air-conditioning? I live in Texas. After the summer we just had, there’s no way you could get me in a space without AC for more than an hour.” Maximum-Access3627
2. AITJ For Not Charging My Phone Before My Friend's Party And Making My Parents Late For Work?
“Yesterday I (F17) went out to a friend’s (F17) birthday party. We’ll name her Maddy.
My mom(F42) took me to her house and dropped me off at around 6:10 pm. Me and Maddy went to the back and there was a really nice and comfortable shack that looked really nice and cluttered.
Her family welcomed me and offered me food, it was nice and I enjoyed being out of the house for a while because I never go out or even leave my room much so this was an experience I didn’t want to miss by being on my phone so I left it on a table somewhere so I wouldn’t go on it.
At around 7:30, they started karaoke, and it was loud but really fun and funny because they would play songs that I never heard of but there were tipsy old people singing.
I had a blast and forgot all about time and my phone.
Maddy offered for me to sing and I declined because I didn’t want to sing in front of people I didn’t know as I’m still a teen and have voice cracks here and there. They were understanding and kept joking about how they’d make me sing and everyone was free to shout and sing regardless of skill, I really laughed and it felt welcoming and I got comfortable.
At around 8:30 I began to realize that the sun was down and I didn’t know if my mom had to work so I went further back and grabbed my phone, realizing that I forgot to charge it before this party so it was at 9%, I asked my mom if she had work and she did.
I knew she was tired, and I didn’t want to bother her, so she had my stepfather (M29) pick me up. With my phone being at 1% I asked him to honk when he gets here and just as I sent him the address, my phone died so I have zero ways of communicating with him now.
At 9:14 he honked and Maddy heard it. They were doing karaoke so it was harder for me to hear but I’m glad they did.
As we were walking on the wet grass because it just rained and it was really dark, we saw his truck and he was telling me to hurry up and basically run to the truck because they had work at 10 and it takes them 15 minutes to get there.
I tried to walk faster and almost slipped but I got in the truck and we drove off. No hug no goodbyes.
As we were driving, he started to yell at me that I should’ve been faster and should’ve responded to my mom faster and that just because I “like” being late doesn’t mean they don’t and that I’ll never go out like this again.
(This was my 3rd time going to a birthday party in my life and I never had this until now) and that I’m a jerk because I wasted their time to come get me.
I held my composure for the whole ride and felt a little scared for my life because he was speeding to get home but when I got home and into my room, I broke down.
I just wanted to have fun and not be on my phone at the party because I wanted to spend time with my friend so AITJ for going to a friend’s birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for framing the question this way.
Nobody is mad that you weren’t on your phone the whole party. They are annoyed that you were not responsible enough to charge your phone before you left the house and keep in touch about a ride home. Any parent would be annoyed about being made late to work because their kid didn’t plan how they were getting home from a party.” BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t about you not being on your phone enough. This is because you left your phone in another room so if your parents had to contact you you wouldn’t know. Then when you knew your stepdad was on his way you went to the backyard where you couldn’t hear if he honked knowing your phone was dead.
You’re minimizing what you did as if you had your phone on you and you didn’t hear it but in reality, you consistently put yourself in positions where you couldn’t be contacted. While not the worst person in the world in the particular situation you were in the wrong.” Apart-Scene-9059
Another User Comments:
“You weren’t NTJ for going to a party, but you were by bringing your phone that wasn’t charged 100% and not having it near and checking once every so often to see if your mother needed to contact you.
She is your mother and your ride after all, you would think you would want to make sure you would be able to answer her. And be able to call her back. You were irresponsible in your actions and you got yelled at for it.” PumpkinPowerful3292
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister-In-Law To My Wife's Birthday After She Disrespected Us And Our Dog?
“I (34M) and my wife (29F) have decided not to invite her sister H and her sister’s husband C to my wife’s birthday.
H for years has condescended to us often giving backhanded comments about my job not being good enough, not saving money, or other insults in regard to my family during the holidays. During Mother’s Day, we visited my wife’s mom and took our new puppy to the party to become accustomed to people.
This was fine however H’s son, a rowdy 3-year-old, was rough with the dog yanking his fur & leash and even hitting him with a stick at one point. Each time I had to step in and stop the child from harming my dog.
After dinner on the lawn, the nephew went over to begin tormenting the dog. At this point, I raised my voice, due to everyone around being loud, and commanded him to stop. At this point, H got upset and began screaming saying, “Just move the darn dog!
Just move it if it’s such a problem.” I was mad but I held it together and went to move the dog while my wife argued with H who was saying that she was tired of hearing us telling her kid to stop all day.
After this, the nephew immediately went over to the dog again and my wife pointed it out to H who began yelling saying, “Leave the dog alone. They don’t want you near their dog because it’s a little princess.” I immediately began to pack up our things and the rest of the family went inside as H, C, and my wife and I argued. They began yelling at us that we weren’t allowed to parent their child, that we were choosing the dog over their child, and that they didn’t know why we even bothered visiting the family anymore.
We left and talked things over. I made the decision that I wouldn’t be going to any family functions nor would they be welcome to any of ours until they apologized. My wife agreed. My wife’s birthday is coming up and I had made a social media group to plan it.
Nobody gave input so after a talk with my wife we made plans for her birthday that she wanted. I posted this in the group and her mom contacted me saying she had wanted to do a party near them.
I asked my wife what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to do the plans we’d made. I informed her mother of this and she then asked about why H and C hadn’t been invited to the social media group.
I explained to her that due to their behavior on Mother’s Day, they weren’t invited. Immediately they called me and her mother began yelling at me that I wasn’t allowed not to invite H and C because they’re family and I had to forgive them for how they’d acted. I told her that it was our choice to make and that until the situation was rectified they wouldn’t be attending.
She continued to try to argue with me bringing God into the conversation, demanding that I was being controlling and trying to keep my wife from my family, and then breaking down into tears. In the end, I held my resolve and ensured that they knew that our decision stayed until they reached out to us and apologized. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. H&C are jerks, and your wife agrees they shouldn’t be at any family functions. This qualifies. The fact that they immediately called to yell at you just solidifies the decision. They’re acting like children.
This is the consequences of their actions and they can deal with it. Tantrums shouldn’t change that.” Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you are a Snowplow Husband; sweeping away problems with her family so that she doesn’t have to deal with them.
I will point out that statistically, you aren’t going to always be there to ‘protect’ your wife when conflicts arise, and if she does not learn how to use her voice, she will be a victim and a doormat time and time again in her future.
I’m watching that play out with my mother right now. She and Dad had an amazing life together, but he was always the leader and she never cared about many of the things he ‘handled’ so she never developed those skills.
He’s gone now and her passive nature is just really causing a lot of problems. I’m tired of fixing the problems that she’s not assertive enough to deal with, and I’m dreading what the next one will be. I shouldn’t have to parent my mother, and she’s too stubborn to change now anyway.
I’m stressed out, frustrated, and angry at my father for being so shortsighted about what her life would look like without him, and not preparing her for it while he was there to guide, coach, and train her. Maybe instead of ‘complimenting’ each other’s skills, you TEACH each other those skills so that you’re *both well-rounded, capable people.*” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Esh, you absolutely should not have had the puppy and toddler together, and as a huge dog person, I believe it’s your responsibility to keep the dog created and brought out in controlled situations, or have it tethered to you.
Three-year-olds are too young to be trusted to stay away from a puppy. You are lucky the puppy wasn’t hurt, or got so scared it will always be nervous. SIL expressed that in a terrible jerk way, but she’s not wrong, you needed to keep the dog away caused this escalating situation, and continued to let it escalate all day long.
You also are wrong to raise your voice to a 3-year-old, and deserve to be called out on that.” deepwood41
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