People Want Us To Speak Our Opinion On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ Because This Woman's Daughter Peed On Her?
“I was at the movie theater, and I needed to use the restroom. I went into the ‘family’ restroom since I feel more comfortable using it than the women’s or men’s restroom. And I was in there for 5 minutes tops.
When I come out, there’s a woman standing at the door, calling me a jerk for using the family room when I don’t have any kids.
Apparently, her toddler daughter wasn’t well potty-trained and had a few-minute window of time to get a toilet, and ended up peeing through her mom’s shirt because I was in there.
I walked off, but then after using the bathroom, she found me in the concessions line and decided to call me a jerk again. I told her it was her own decisions that led to this and not mine, and she told me ‘screw you’ and walked off.
AITJ for using the family restroom?”
Another User Comments:
“How many times do you see someone who isn’t handicapped use the handicapped stall? It’s the first one filled. No one complains there. Why complain that someone who could have been accused of physical used the bathroom that wouldn’t have put him or her in danger. You are not a jerk. She got some pee on her because she didn’t go to the regular bathroom.
You avoided danger. You made the right choice in a situation where you didn’t have a suitable option. Hopefully, soon there will be a safe option for nature’s calling for everyone where all sort of harassment can be avoided.” Kellbelll
Another User Comments:
“I guess I’ll be the minority opinion. I used to work at a place that had family restrooms and while it’s offered as a courtesy, they were never strictly to be used by just people with kids.
When she found the family restroom occupied she should have done what she always does with the child when there isn’t a family restroom and taken them to a normal one. She chose to get peed on by being stubborn; she had no idea who was in there. If it was someone with a kid I suspect it would have taken longer than it took you to use the restroom.
You are not the jerk here.” bradaltf4
Another User Comments:
“I think ‘jerk’ is a strong term for you in this situation. Mildly irritating? Maybe. But some places don’t have family bathrooms, so what does this lady do when that’s the case? Just get peed on in every establishment that doesn’t have a family restroom? If it was a handicap stall, then yes, you’d be the jerk.
But children are not handicapped, and if YOUR child pees on YOU, then it’s YOUR problem for having a kid. Sometimes they pee on things that shouldn’t get peed on. You should have thrown a contraceptive at her. But then, you might’ve really been the jerk.” TheAndrogynousPYT
23. AITJ For Getting Rid Of A Birthday Present?
“I’m REALLY into music, and I’ve been told I’m a really hot-tempered listener, and it’s quite true. (btw, excuse the side-rant about this album here haha) If the album is highly acclaimed and it isn’t ‘clicking’ with me after a few listens, sometimes I lose control and break them. I’ve lost a nice handful of supposedly ‘classic’ records because of this.
My most recent ‘episode’ was with The Queen is Dead by The Smiths.
Everyone dumps their pants over that overrated piece of crap and I’ve tried to listen to it several times on my computer, but I hated it (usually I just slam my fist on the desk if a digital album annoys).
Anyway, my cousin got me The Queen is Dead on vinyl for my birthday a few weeks ago and I decided to give it one more try.
After like 2 1/2 listens I took it out into my backyard and threw it as hard as I could into the woods like a Frisbie.
My aunt said I was being petty, and my cousin threw a hissy fit about it. And my aunt told my mom about it and she took my turntable away for a month, so now I won’t be able to keep up with my blog posts for a while.
The thing is, they already know how I am about my music and I feel like they were overreacting. It was my gift and I can do what I want with it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are the jerk.
‘If the album is highly acclaimed and it isn’t ‘clicking’ with me after a few listens sometimes I lose control and break them.’
So let me get this straight.
Your thought process is that if you don’t like something, you freak out and destroy it? I hope that you don’t apply that logic to other people/things in your life, but honestly given your story, I suspect that may not be the case.
‘It was my gift and I can do what I want with it.’
Technically, yes, you could do what you wanted with it, but your entitled whining when people are offended by your rudeness is incredibly hypocritical. You destroy things that don’t live up to your personal, music snobbish taste, but you think you are the martyr when other people’s opinions about your rude behavior aren’t to your liking.
Your cousin tried to be kind and give you a gift. You responded by destroying that gift. Your opinion on the album is really not relevant here. Your cousin probably didn’t throw a ‘hissy fit,’ your cousin probably was upset and offended that you showed such a complete lack of gratitude for the gift. You should be glad in the future if anyone in your family gives you a gift because you have shown that you don’t appreciate them and don’t deserve them.” dgwingert
Another User Comments:
“Yes. If you didn’t like it you didn’t have to listen to it. You could have quietly sold it or given it to someone who enjoyed it. Or you could have hung onto it for a bit. To throw it like a Frisbee because you don’t like it is childish. It shows a lack of control and that you care more about your opinion than the feelings of the people around you.
Your cousin tried to do something nice for you and you threw it in his face. That is a very thing to do. I agree with your mom’s punishment. If you can’t respect a record just because it isn’t your taste and you think that entitles you to destroy it then you need to take some time away from being able to play records until you can be respectful.
If you want to make things right, you should apologize to your cousin. But only if you can be sincere. Don’t do it to get your record player back (you won’t). Do it because you were careless and hurt him. Do it because you care about him and it’s the right thing to do. Show you can be a compassionate human being.
While you’re at it, apologize to your mom.
She took your record player away because she is trying to teach you how to behave like an adult. Your behavior is embarrassing to her because she expects more of you.
You don’t sound like a music enthusiast. You sound like a teenage hipster who thinks you are really deep for appreciating the sound of vinyl over digital. It’s great you like the medium. But you clearly don’t respect it enough to take care of it unless you are 100% happy with it.
I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to hear it. I’m sure you won’t listen to your mom if she tried explaining it to you because you don’t think she could possibly remember what it’s like to be your age. The truth is, she can. So many of us remember what it’s like because it was not that long ago.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“I agree with the consensus here, you’re definitely the jerk. I understand what it’s like to be passionate about things. Everyone has a burning passion for something. Mine is history. I also understand what it’s like to have a hot temper. You’re obviously quite young if you’re still at home and your mother can punish you by taking things. You need to change your behavior, through therapy or a psychiatrist if necessary.
If you lash out at an inanimate object when it doesn’t appeal to you, how will you react when a partner, child, or pet angers you? Because they will occasionally make you angrier than a piece of the vinyl can. If you want any meaningful relationship you need to learn to act right. Even if you don’t want a family or companion, you will almost certainly have colleagues and neighbors.
I’m concerned for people who come into contact with you unless you seriously change your behavior.” callievic
22. AITJ For Not Taking My Boss's Shift On My Night Off?
“I woke up earlier from a long nap @ ~11:10 PM (our shifts start at 12:00 AM) to my boss texting me asking me to cover his shift due to an injury and that he is in the hospital. Now, my boss calls into work at least once a week or once every two weeks, especially on Saturday nights once a while — like earlier tonight. There have been times when I had to come in and cover for him and times when he didn’t come in when I’m already coming in (causing me to have overtime).
I’ve been always saying, ‘Yes, I’ll cover you.’ Also, I always have doubts and never have good faith in call-outs. I mean, if you’re in the hospital, why wouldn’t have he given me more notice time? Despite all my doubts, my boss is actually a pretty cool and funny guy and we get along great.
I did not want to come in because he texted/called me on such short notice, I don’t like my job, I accepted a promotion ~4 months ago and haven’t received any sort of pay rate increase, makes me depressed, I contemplate putting my two weeks notice almost every day, and I just wanted to enjoy my night off by sleeping, playing Minecraft, and mainly not working.
Anyways, I was sitting on my computer ignoring his texts/calls deciding whether or not I wanted to cover his shift. Then @ ~11:30 PM, he texts me, ‘Screw it, don’t worry, man.’ I guess it only took him ~20 minutes to get out of the hospital to work the shift he’s supposed to. I haven’t responded to his texts or calls at all tonight after he sent me that.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk at all. If he really has a frequent history of just flaking on his own job and dumping that on you, and he’s never rewarded you for all the extra effort you put in, you have every right to be fed up.
However, I should note that you will become an if you don’t have a talk with your boss.
You’ve go to explain to him that you’re not just waiting at home hoping for more hours. Tell him that you had to cancel things and have people give you a ride –or whatever — rearrange their schedules to make work happen when he couldn’t come in. You should tell him that making yourself available for all these late notices “cover me” sessions, means you deserve some kind of recognition more than just paid hours as agreed. You go above and beyond, and if that doesn’t earn you a standard raise, then it’s not worth it to you.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your obligation to cover him and it seems as though your boss has been pulling this on you far too often already to warrant some cynicism. Not the jerk here.
But you might want to tell your boss that you were busy and couldn’t respond to his requests at the time and tell him that you can’t cover for him every week.” YvonnePewPew
21. AITJ For Wanting To Split The Bill 3-Ways?
“I’m in a 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate. Our lease is up in 2 days and his plan was to move out and find a place with his partner. My plan was to move out and find another roommate. Last week, he sends me a text saying he’s staying another month. This is ok for me since I hadn’t nailed down a new roommate or place yet either.
Monday night (2 days ago) I come home from work to find our place chock full of moving boxes and new furniture. His partner, who got evicted from her other place, is suddenly here living in his room with the rest of her stuff strewn out throughout the apartment. AND her dog. He didn’t tell me because he, ‘didn’t think I’d care.’
Today, nearing the end of the month, I wanted to confirm we’re splitting the rent 3 ways.
They can both afford it; she’s actually the one with the job in the relationship (he has GI bill military income each month). He told me there was no way on earth that was happening because she’s his guest and not a tenant. I surveyed the massive piles of boxes and gestured but that only set him off further. Anyway, apparently, that’s the end of the discussion.
Am I the jerk here?
Update – She just got home and said the same thing he did. Visit the leasing office first thing tomorrow.
Update 2:
I asked the leasing office to please send me a copy of the contract as they weren’t open yet this morning when they stopped by. The lovely lady very quickly accommodated and sent over the fine print. I mucked through the legalese and found these two exciting clauses:
’34. PETS: No pets are permitted without the prior written consent of the Landlord. Any such consent may be revoked at any time, with or without cause, by giving ten (10) days’ written notice. Except to the extent written permission is given, pets may not be brought upon the Premises, whether such pets belong to Resident(s) or any other person. The presence of any pets as to which written permission has not been given and is not currently in force, even if such pets are ‘just visiting’, shall be deemed a material and incurable breach of this Lease and shall be cause for the service of a three-day notice terminating the tenancy.
This policy does not apply to service animals.’
‘Visitors
The tenant acknowledges that his guests are his responsibility that they will park in only designated parking areas and that they will adhere to all the apartment rules. Visitors are limited to a 5 days day stay. Visitors staying longer than 5 days must notify Management in writing.’
Checkmate.
Update 3:
My roommate obviously noticed the signs of me packing up and asked if I was moving out.
I said I had nothing to say to him. I plan on talking to the leasing people tomorrow. He came back an hour later and said, ‘Just so you know if you don’t pay August rent I will sue you in Small Claims Court.’
I told him to have a nice day.
Update 4:
I have completely moved out. The leasing people, who I talked with for an hour, were exceedingly unhelpful.
If I ever want to be able to legally move out of there I have to have him co-sign a ‘roommate separation agreement’ and he. will. not. sign. it.
They tell me that I wouldn’t even be able to be eligible to get my deposit back until both of us move out. I asked what that meant if he stayed there for 5 years and the woman shrugged at me.
They say also that anything problematic with the apartment while she’s there is my responsibility too because my name is on the lease. ‘You’re telling me that my roommate brings an uninvited guest and her dog against my wishes, I report it, and I’ll get in trouble for having an unauthorized pet?’
‘Your name is on the lease.’ the woman said and stared blankly.
Later, in an unfortunate fit of rage while loading/packing, her stupid dog walked past me in the hallway while the front door was open because I was carrying things. I yelled, ‘GET OUT!’ at it.
Looking worried it ran outside and she chased it. I closed the door and locked it. Not like she has a key. Anyway, he threatened to call the cops.
I told him to go ahead, but he backed down. After talking with my parents they suggested, ‘Oh why don’t you talk to a dear family friend, the attorney who specializes in real estate whose husband is a realtor and they are our neighbors and you practically were an older brother to their daughter?’
Facepalm because I completely forgot about that wonderful woman ‘Yes, please, dad.
Would you please call her and ask if it’s ok for me to get her advice?’
He sent off a voicemail and an email. Hopefully, I will get in touch tomorrow. I am exhausted and going to bed.
FINAL UPDATE:
On Friday I wrote a formal letter and sent it to the leasing office and CCed the roommate stating I had moved out, a new person had moved in with the dog, I wish to give notice, he won’t let me off-lease, etc. I also stated I would be pursuing small claims court action.
I did. Then I went to the local small claims court and submitted California SC-100 form for 3 months’ rent, my deposit, and an extra $1000 for potential pet damages against the roommate. 3 months is because court dates can take a while and if I wasn’t allowed off the lease I would have to be compensated. I had no expectation of getting this money; what I wanted was to be able to walk away free and clear.
That was the alternative I planned to present to him.
I received a text on Friday evening from the roommate that I had been released from the lease. I know he had not received the paperwork yet, so this was likely a response to the text I sent him that said, ‘Hey I need you to pay me $4200’ as required by law (I have to ask for it before taking legal action).
The leasing company made it clear I still had to give 30 days’ notice so today being the 3rd I had to visit the office and pay my half of the $1875 rent so I could walk away. I was prepared for that outcome.
I asked for my copy of the release form he signed and then inquired about the rent I had to pay. Apparently, he added his and her dog to the lease.
She is on the lease. Their names are on the lease. ‘Wait,’ I said, ‘does this mean I don’t have to pay for August?’
In true bureaucratic form, they answered, ‘Your name is not on the lease.’
I blinked and stared. ‘I’m… free?’
‘Your name is not on the lease.’
‘Can I get that in writing?’ I inquired, starting to feel a twinge of hope.
‘That’s what this release form is. It was signed on the 31st. You claim to have moved out. Your name is not on the lease.’
‘Would you like my keys?’ I asked
‘We can take them or you can give them to your old roommate.’
‘Thanks I’d like to never see him again. Here is the door key and here is the postal box key.
You have been wonderful. Goodbye’.
Then I left. I am now on my 3rd beer and happy as a clam. I will call off the lawsuit ASAP. They are paying the full rent for August and the foreseeable future. All is right with the world.”
Another User Comments:
“No, screw him and his girl, they are power playing you because they think they will be gone soon and it won’t matter.
At the very least they could split the bills 3 ways. If it’s just a month and she was crashing there but all her stuff and her mutt were elsewhere they would have a point about her being a guest. This seems like you guys should talk this out but you’re no jerk.” MrDub72off
20. AITJ For Pretending To Video People Being Jerks?
“Say I see someone engaging in what I consider antisocial behavior (smoking in front of a hospital, parking in front of a wheelchair ramp, throwing trash out of a car window, starting a fight), and take out my phone and point it at them, and pretend like I’m trying to get their identity on video.
How bad is that?
To be clear, I would never actually post a video like this if you could tell the person’s identity. I think that public shaming is wrong: the ‘punishment’ should fit the ‘crime’, and posting it publicly invites overreaction. But I think these people could stand to be a bit more introspective about their actions that impact other people, and yeah maybe even a little ashamed.
I know ideally, I should be less passive-aggressive and talk to them. But that’s not always possible, like if they’re driving off at the time, and it certainly doesn’t feel as effective.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, man, I think it’s kind of a lousy way to address the problem. You say you’re against public shaming and wouldn’t post a video, but the person you’re pointing the phone at would think the exact opposite.
And there’s a safety concern, I mean, if someone’s jerkhead enough to do those things, then they’re probably not above starting some with someone they believe is recording them. And yeah, it is passive aggressive. It’s a one-sided gesture that doesn’t leave any room for discussion.
But, on the other hand, all the things you listed are jerk things to do, and they do them on a regular basis because they think nobody cares, or because they can get away with it.
Maybe passive-aggressive isn’t the worst choice. I’m just not sure your action is going to change anyone’s behavior.
Are you a jerk? Nah, I don’t think so. But if you try to be a social vigilante, it’s going to be kind of a hard road.” User
Another User Comments:
“Whether you’re filming or not those are all stupid reasons to confront someone about something petty.
I’m not saying they’re right to do so, but it’s just a no-win situation to confront people over petty stuff. Just accept you’re the jerk here, and if another problem comes up that isn’t affecting your well-being just leave it be.” User
Another User Comments:
“I like it. I don’t think you’ll ever make a single friend doing this, and you’re going to have a lot of time proving you didn’t take a picture or get a video if someone responds to you.
But it reminds people who are in public that there are other people around them, who are affected by or witness their rudeness… and maybe they should act like it. Not the jerk.” flignir
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Play The Improv Game The Birthday Boy Wanted?
“So my partner, Frank, and I drove down for his best friend’s birthday celebrations. I genuinely like the best friend, he’s my favorite of Frank’s buddies. Let’s call him Mike.
Mike was pretty ambivalent about his birthday, was down to do whatever.
He was open to suggestions and we all kept making him choose things like dinner locations and such.
For this birthday, after dinner and cake, he wanted us all to do an improv acting game. It was pretty much doing improved reenactments of stories friends told. Nobody in the group (all of which were people I hadn’t met prior to today) besides Frank and Mike had ever done improv classes or shown interest in being in theatre.
I felt collective discomfort with how the group wasn’t into doing scenes, some were quite vocal about it. We all did it anyway. I wanted to be supportive of what Mike wanted to do but at the same time felt like it was tune death to having fun.
This was seriously the only thing he wanted to do so I felt extra bad for feeling so negative.
I tried really hard to be a good sport but at the same time was getting really annoyed with this being pushed on me. I stayed quiet for most of it.
I’m probably more bothered by this than usual because when Frank and I hang with Mike, we usually end up doing improved skits and plays they write on the spot. It’s just not my cup of tea.
But then again, it’s the guy’s birthday and the only real thing he wanted to do! Is it really bad that I was a spoilsport? Apparently with how bad at acting and improv, it probably wasn’t very hard to figure out I wasn’t having a good time.
So AITJ?
Edit: If it helps with context, we are all recent college grads.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk.
Neither is Mike. It’s just a shame that your sensibilities didn’t line up. I think most people have been on one side or another of this scenario, often both. It’s not restricted to improv.
If you’ve got the right personality, those games are hilarious and will spawn a bunch of new in-jokes and stories, bringing the group closer together. You come away feeling like you’ve discovered the secret formula to having a good time and you want to share it with all your other friends and can’t tell why it isn’t working this time.
If you’re not that type, you can’t understand why a friend would ask you to publicly humiliate yourself in the name of having a good time.
See also: team sports and karaoke.” ceelo_purple
Another User Comments:
“When you’ve hung out with them before, did you try to act enthusiastic about the improv, or did they already know it wasn’t your thing? I’m just curious whether Mike had any idea that other people might not think improv was crazy fun.
It’s really not that important, though. Either way, maybe you were doing some extra complaining at the party you left out? Because it’s hard to see how from what you wrote here that you could be construed as the jerk. Improv’s not your thing, but like a good guy, you played along anyway. It’s hard to fake having a good time when you’re really not and no one else is either.
I don’t think anyone can blame you for that, as long as you weren’t doing a lot of complaining, and you at least tried to put on your game face.
And it’s not really even Mike’s fault that no one but he and Frank like improv, it just kind of sucks that he chose something for his birthday that no one else could really get into.
Maybe if you don’t really like it, you could have let him in on that earlier, and he might not have chosen so disastrously for his birthday. But I still don’t think it makes you a jerk. Hopefully, Mike learned a life lesson from that.
I have to call no jerks here. Unless, like I said, you left something out.” csonnich
Another User Comments:
“Mike’s a little bit of a jerk.
By the time you’re over the age of ten, you’re supposed to have figured out that the fact that it’s your birthday doesn’t mean you get to have everything your way. If you want to spend your day doing a particular activity, you get together with friends who like doing that. You don’t try to rope all your friends into doing stuff they don’t like doing and use your birthday as an excuse.” KarlaQat
18. AITJ For Speaking Up At A Bar?
“So last night I was out at a bar with my partner, had a couple of drinks but nothing crazy.
To set the stage this bar is very small, there’s a bar down the one side (like the physical bar with the taps and bar stools), a small one-person wide lane to walk through, and two-person tables along the wall. Pretty tight space, so seating is at a premium.
Towards the end of the night, we were ready to go and my went to the washroom while I got up to pay the bill.
We both left our coats on the backs of our chairs, and our empty glasses were on the table.
I come back from paying the tab and my chair is gone and my coat has been thrown (or placed nicely, I don’t know I wasn’t there) onto the table. The table behind us now has the third chair, with a new person sitting in it.
Presumably the friend of the people already sitting there.
Now, we were leaving at this point anyway but I was annoyed that my coat had been moved and the chair had been taken because it could have been just as likely that I had gone to get another drink instead of paying to leave. bar service only. So I got the guy’s attention and told him that I happened to be leaving but in the future, he probably shouldn’t take chairs that have coats on them because they’re clearly taken.
He tried to give the chair back, and I told him not to worry about it because I didn’t need it anymore I was leaving, just that he probably shouldn’t take chairs from tables that are clearly in use. He then told me that if I didn’t want the chair back that I should have just left him alone, and that I was being a jerk.
I didn’t want to start a confrontation so I just told him to be sure next time, at which point he flipped me off so I blew him a kiss. At that point, I left with my and he yelled at her that her was a jerk.
Maybe I didn’t need to say anything, but I still think he needed to know it’s not cool to just move the belongings of strangers to get a chair.
Maybe I’m the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“If you were staying and were therefore inconvenienced by his actions, then you would not have been the jerk. Based on your description, he didn’t get annoyed at you for pointing out that it was your chair, so the situation would have been resolved calmly and you would have had your chair back.
But you weren’t inconvenienced, you just wanted to tell him that he was rude.
He’s not a member of your family or a friend of yours, so he’s not going to react well to a stranger giving him a life lesson. These situations can very quickly escalate.
So whilst you were technically correct (in that he shouldn’t have taken your chair), you didn’t need to publicly shame him. You weren’t harmed or inconvenienced, so better to say nothing.” sandra_nz
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. You don’t touch other peoples’ belongings in public places without good reasons, such as you notice a coat’s been sitting there for hours so you bring it to the establishment’s lost-and-found. Guy’s an impatient, unobservant jerk.” missshrimptoast
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk, if your personal belongings were there then the table was ‘taken’. He had to physically move them which I think is inappropriate.
I’m surprised you left your coats unattended though, maybe I’m just paranoid but I hate leaving my things at a table when I go to the bathroom!” ananaBannA
17. AITJ For Wanting To Be Liked?
“My friend of 3 years hasn’t been speaking to me a lot lately. I’ve been trying to keep in touch and hang out but have gotten almost no response. Finally today, after a comment thread on social media with other people as well, he tells me we can’t hang out one on one bc he’s a guy and I’m a girl and he doesn’t want to hurt his new female significant other.
He says it in a condescending way that implies he doesn’t want to see me at all anymore so I replied a little snarkily that I had been wanting to hang out in a group and that if he didn’t want to be friends anymore, I would have appreciated prior notice before he started acting like this and ignoring my texts. I thought he was just being a little rude and it would blow over in five minutes.
Then he proceeded to tell me that in fact, he didn’t want to be friends anymore because I’m a bad influence on him. He says I am a flirt and that I enjoy the social influence that buys me. He also says I am manipulative and play mind games with people and have hurt a lot of my friends, and that it feels like I’ve been trying to keep him and his SO apart.
He gave me no specific examples of who I had hurt or what I had specifically said. I have been told that I come across as a flirt before, but my personality is just to be friendly with people and joke around and tease them — I’m not being touchy-feely with them or complimenting their appearance, or anything like that, just trying to be friendly and banter.
But nobody except him has accused me of doing that on purpose to have more power over people or to hurt them. As for his relationship, I’ve let him literally cry on my shoulder about this girl. I’ve suggested before when they were broken up that maybe he should move on but told him that it was his decision to make and that I would support him no matter what.
I will admit that I do work really hard to try and be a charming and well-liked person. I have tried to become better friends with ‘cool’ people because I’m tired of being seen as a super weird girl and a loser. I don’t think that I’m better than other people who are nerdy and stuff– I freely admit I’m a huge nerd and most of my friends are as well.
And those are the people I still spend the vast majority of my time with. I just really want to be liked, and honestly, sometimes it feels like a break to be away from some of my friends who attract attention with their awkwardness. I know it’s shallow of me. Sometimes when I do nice things I don’t do them just because I want to be helpful, but because I want a better relationship with the person or because I want to be a good person and want to be known for that.
And I’m really afraid that that makes me a manipulator, or that I really am hurting everybody I know all the time and they just don’t tell me. I have been confronted before when I have done something specific to someone and immediately apologized and worked to fix things, but it has not been for anything this guy is talking about. I asked other friends about this situation and they all said that no, I’m not manipulative and that this guy is being mean, but I really just want an outside perspective.
I’m losing our entire friendship over this until he decides I’m a better person (yes, he said that). We have the same friend groups, we’re on the same quiz team, and we’re in the same social club, so all of this is going to be messy and awkward and I don’t know what to do now. Am I the jerk or is he?”
Another User Comments:
“So, there is nothing so wrong about being nice just to win points with people. It’s manipulative, which is worse than you just doing it for fully genuine reasons, but it doesn’t hurt anyone directly. If your friends are being honest this seems like it’s actually the case. Everyone wants to be liked, that’s not a jerk trait, it’s normal.
The wild guess here – is this guy’s SO is the jealous type and more or less forced him to say all this stuff.
He values intercourse (or the nearest approximation he’s getting) more than your friendship. In that case, she’s the jerk, and he’s the jerk for not putting a stop to the crazy-jealous train. I had an ex who flat-out demanded I not only go no-contact with previous partners but also get rid of anything they’d given me. Other girls have been really nuts about girls who I was friends with because they saw them as threats.
Like coming home weeping about how awful this person was, who I had not even spoken to within months and months. The crazy is strong with some people.
The girl probably sees you as a threat and gave him an ultimatum. I would bet decent money that she’s basically putting ideas in his head. I wouldn’t take it TOO personally.
I say: Not the jerk based on testimony provided.” the-incredible-ape
Another User Comments:
“I would wager he felt that you ‘friend-zoned’ him and now his partner is insecure about him having female friends and has badmouthed you and he is picking up what she is laying down.
You are not the jerk.” patchgrrl
Another User Comments:
“If I was prone to speculation, I’d say his partner is the jerk, based on what you say. A flirty female friend can be very intimidating, and his reasoning and timing are a giveaway.
Guys don’t lose friends because they’re flirty, and generally, if someone comes to the realization that you’re manipulative without warning, there’s probably someone whispering in his ear.
But, it’s his choice, not his partner’s, and it’s always been a policy of mine not to waste time on people who want to cast me aside.
As far as the manipulation thing? Who knows. Maybe. I mean, you did come here posting a scenario when you clearly weren’t the jerk, and I always wonder what head games people are playing when they do that.
Maybe you’re insecure. I don’t know.” User
16. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Landlord?
“I live with two other roommates in a three-bedroom house. Our landlord is one of my roommate’s uncles. My landlord has been roofing the house for the past two weeks. He has been here every single day. He gets here at 8 am and sometimes doesn’t leave until 7 pm. There is a massive dumpster in our driveway, so my roommate and I have to park in the street.
I work early mornings (4 am) and so I take a nap after I get off work. He is always here slamming on the roof, and it keeps me up. The only rationale I have for him is it IS HIS HOUSE but I DO PAY RENT to him every month. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk, because you haven’t actually done or said anything yet.
Quietly fuming at him from your bed isn’t being a jerk.
Now, an action that wouldn’t be jerk-ish would just be to have a chat with him and let him know you have funny hours. If it’s possible for him to finish a little earlier, or whatever depending on when you finish work, he’ll probably be happy enough, and if he can’t, you might just have to get some earplugs and play some white noise.” Lamenardo
Another User Comments:
“For me, this hinges on whether you’ve politely asked him to not hammer/work while you are taking your nap. Needing a nap is reasonable but getting annoyed at someone for something they haven’t even been asked not to do is not.
Obviously, he’s got to do the roof sometime and it simply requires that he make a lot of noise. No way around it.
But, you guys could agree that he takes a (say) 1h break so you could nap.
So, you’re the jerk for being annoyed if you haven’t actually talked to him about it.
If he refuses to make even a small accommodation for your nap then maybe he’s the jerk, unless he has a good reason.
So based on the testimony given I say inconclusive.” the-incredible-ape
Another User Comments:
“You’re kinda the jerk. If the house needs a new roof, what is he supposed to do? Wait until you’re done with your nap? Get some earplugs. It won’t be for too much longer.” etherama1
15. AITJ For Insisting On Talking About A Personal Topic?
“MONDAY
Sam: Here’s a new one: the homeless guy at Frozen Yogurt Place pulling the handles and eating the froyo out of his hand
Taylor: It’s sort of brilliant. What flavor was he getting?
Sam: Birthday cake of course. I was disgusted.
Taylor: There is a homeless man who always hangs out outside of my bagel shop. He just stands there looking completely catatonic and I want to buy him a bagel every day but I’m scared of him. Like I don’t want him to follow me. But I also think it would probably do him wonders to know someone cares about him.
Sam: I’m so disgusted by them all. I have no sympathy whatsoever. Just too many around the city
Taylor: Most of them are very sick
Sam: Yes, that’s true and a problem. I just can’t stand the one per day at least on my train asking for money.
Sam: (sends a picture of a man sleeping in the breezeway of the bank where ATMs are) This was last week: someone sleeping inside the bank across the street.
Taylor: I’d rather not have homeless people all about. It makes me feel unsafe because I know they are likely mentally ill, but also very desperate. But I think as human beings, we’re called to have a little compassion.
Sam: Have you ever run into a hostile one on the train? Not pleasant
Taylor: I know it’s not. I don’t want to deal with it any more than you do.
But I don’t know, to hear that you feel no sympathy and that you’re disgusted makes me sad.
Sam: Not true of the mentally ill ones. That’s a sickness. But a large portion seems to be just fine asking for money on the same train multiple times a week with the same sob story.
Sam: Anyway, do you like Indian food?
Taylor: I’ve never really had Indian food
Sam: Neither have I but I’m curious
Sam: Would you want to try it sometime? It’s got to be vegetarian-friendly
Taylor: I would try it… if you’ll try volunteering at the homeless shelter with me some weekend
Sam: I’m not opposed to it. How are they related though?
Taylor: Because how the poor are treated is important to me. We both want the same thing… fewer people on the streets, less begging… so why not be proactive about it?
Do something good to help people?
Sam: I feel the poor & working are much different than the poor and refusing to work. And again, mentally ill notwithstanding.
Taylor: I agree, but it’s a pretty strong statement to say you have zero sympathies and all disgust you. I sincerely doubt that guy sleeping in a bank is just refusing to work. I also think just think a lot of the time people have issues that we don’t understand.
Anyway, all I’m saying is I have felt strongly compelled to help the poor lately. I actually was planning on calling the shelter to set up a time to volunteer anyway this week. So let’s do something nice for others bc both of us are pretty fortunate
Sam: Part of me does want to always help those who are less fortunate. But another part says, ‘get a job.’ That’s the no sympathy part.
If millions of immigrants can come here illegally and work hard selling fruit along the highway, so can the dummy on the train
Taylor: We just don’t know the circumstances of these people. Plenty of people take advantage of the system. And that, in my opinion, is gross. But there are plenty of people who seem fine who truly can’t get a job (redacted because of a personal story).
I’m not saying every person is a sob story, and there are definitely gross, horrible people out there, but defaulting to a place of no compassion isn’t a good look for anyone.
Sam: I was very clear that any mental disability is notwithstanding. You’re giving a free pass to too many who just refuse to work. Ride the train with me some time and we’ll count how many are qualified to sell fruit on the highway.
It’ll be 9 out of 10.
Taylor: I’m not giving a free pass to anyone. I am saying that it’s our job to be compassionate human beings and do what we can take make sure our fellow humans are treated with dignity. I’m not saying handouts, I’m just advocating for not judging and not looking at people we don’t know with disgust because we don’t know their story.
That’s all.
Sam: Well I bet your compassion level would be much different if you rode 4 trains a day in the city, lived on the street that the guy peed in the middle of on the front of the Post yesterday, or needed to use that ATM in the picture I sent. Much different when it’s in your face every day.
Taylor: Do you think those people are mentally sound?
I would guess those people need a lot of help.
Sam: There are definitely two different categories. I just have no sympathy for the large group that refuses to help themselves. And they are everywhere.
THURSDAY
Sam: Saw the BAND NAME at Venue last night with _______. The only other time I’ve seen them was with you at Another Venue.
Taylor: Nice
Sam: Off to Italy right now.
See you in a couple of weeks?
Taylor: Have fun
Sam: Those aren’t your normal enthusiastic texts. Why?
Taylor: You wouldn’t be asking the question if you didn’t have some idea why. Honestly, those things you said really bothered me. I’m sure I’ll be over it by the time you get back. I’m just not over it right now.
Sam: It’s a difference of opinion on a social issue.
You’ve never had that happen before? I’ve got good friends who think Obama is the equivalent of Satan and was born in Kenya.
Taylor: I don’t think it’s a social issue. I think it’s a deeply rooted value. We could disagree all day long on abortion, politics, criminalizing substance use… whatever. But a lack of empathy for fellow humans is way deeper than any of that.
And I’m trying not to be brash, but I think your Italy trip is well-timed and I can cool off before saying anything stupid
Sam: So you think I have no empathy for fellow humans? That’s beyond stupid. Where are you getting that from?
Taylor: I’m so disgusted by them all. I have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever.
Sam: So you take one half-serious text and accuse me of having no empathy for fellow humans?
I then explained my ACTUAL opinions quite thoroughly. You either misread that or need to get off your pedestal. We have the EXACT same level of caring for others.
Taylor: I’m not on any pedestal. But your comments hurled you off the one I had you on. I don’t want to fight, I just need time to cool off because if you were joking it was still extremely offensive
Sam: So what’s more offensive? A simple joke or accusing a friend of lack of character? You tell me.
Taylor: This is why I didn’t want to talk about this now
Sam: Why not? It’s how you feel. And when I said I wasn’t opposed to joining you at the shelter (I actually like the idea), did you just choose to ignore that part when you were passing judgment on my character?
Taylor: Because I wanted time to cool off.
Sam: Haha, cool off from what? We were discussing a social issue like adults do and you turned it into a moral issue. So what’s next? I’m pro-choice, so I have no empathy for babies?
Taylor: This is why I wanted to take a step back, so I could better discern emotion and logic. Do you REALLY want to have this out right now?
Sam: I’ve already stated my case several times. I’m good as long as you realize how offensive that is to judge someone’s entire character like that. Luckily, I have very thick skin.
Taylor: Do you realize it’s offensive to call people disgusting without understanding their life situation and where they came from?
Sam: What part of ‘joke’ did you not get? I’ve stated my true opinions.
If I had known that you couldn’t take a joke and were the moral defender of all less fortunate, I wouldn’t have joked. You have to admit, to say I have no empathy for fellow humans is a ridiculous statement.
Taylor: Ok. It was a joke. I’ll accept it. Have a good trip.”
Another User Comments:
“Full disclosure: I work in a homeless shelter and volunteer at homeless prevention, and I did that stuff 18 hours today, so if you want to completely disregard my comments as biased, that’s a-ok, and I completely understand.
Part of my job is to accept people who make comments like Sam did without judgment, and give them an opportunity to present another perspective. Another part is taking people like Taylor and restraining them from alienating those who could possibly offer support. It’s nuanced. It would be easy to judge Sam’s comments because he says some insensitive and factually incorrect things, and presents a worldview that absolves society of responsibility for the homeless, but his personal knowledge base is laced with fear and disgust, and more often than not, those are things that come from fear.
Taylor has every right to be upset by insensitive comments. He tried to present his view about something he felt passionate about, and I don’t think Sam is aware even know how important an issue that is. I think Taylor missed one turning point. When Sam said he wasn’t opposed to volunteering at a shelter, then it was a good time to shift the conversation from which perspective was right, because Sam was amenable to broadening his perspective.
Who’s the jerk? In social services, we don’t use net-negative words like that. We say nonsense like this: both of you missed an opportunity for growth and dialogue.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drink scotch out of a bowl until I pass out.
Edit: if Sam and Taylor aren’t male, then I’m sorry, but if it makes you feel better, I have a gender identity training class next week.” User
Another User Comments:
“Oh. My. God. This started as a simple disagreement that turned into a complete train wreck. Sam clearly offended Taylor with his comment. Taylor was EXTREMELY diplomatic about it. She even acknowledged that her emotions were at least partially her responsibility and something she would ‘probably get over’ once she had time to cool off.
Rather than being concerned he offended Taylor or respecting her desire for time to work through her personal feelings and back off as she politely requested, Sam jumps on the defensive, keeps hounding her, and actually tries to TURN IT AROUND on her.
Which of course, only further confirms Sam’s lack of empathy…
Also how on earth was saying you’re disgusted by homeless people a joke?
Yikes.
If you’re Sam, I highly recommend doing some damage control. Let me know if you want any help with that. If you’re Taylor, don’t worry about it. Sam is definitely the jerk.” starryeyedq
Another User Comments:
“Sam is a jerk. Doesn’t like being told that he/she is wrong, wanted to get the last word in on the homeless argument, then, upon realizing that they were just wrong, and had caused offense resorted to the old ‘it was a joke all along, hahaha, didn’t you get my joke?
No? Well, then YOU are in the wrong!’
Taylor was diplomatic, even to the point of shutting the conversation down at the end with the ‘Ok. It was a joke. I’ll accept it. Have a good trip.’
If you are Sam, reconsider what you joke about over text, it’s far too easy to be misinterpreted, and lead to situations like this.
that being said it takes a certain type of jerk to persevere with an opinion that strongly contrasts that of their friend who they are obviously trying to date.
That says ‘I’m smarter than you and I know better about this thing, so listen to what I’m telling you and shut up.’ – not very attractive.
If you’re Taylor, get shot of this creep. You’re better than that.” ICanSeeYourFuture
14. AITJ For Refusing To Get Dressed In Defiance?
“This happened quite a long time ago, probably my first semester of university when I roomed with several European transfer students. I hated them all. They were noisy and excessive. Two of the three were bi and tried to get me to hook up with them on more than one occasion, but that’s just so you know who I was dealing with.
They partied a lot and listened to techno and invited me to do weird expensive stuff, you know European stuff.
So I was cool with them but I made it a point that they can’t just keep bringing random people back to the room any time they feel like it. This would not have been a problem if they didn’t do it constantly. So one morning I get out of the shower and I throw on my towel, turn on the TV and eat breakfast. Norway walks in with the resident assistant who he’s seeing while I’m in a towel and I’m like screw it.
I told him to knock first anyway. This is his fault. If they are uncomfortable they can leave. So I’m sitting there and they act like I am now invading their space but I refuse and the next day I get called to the resident manager (or whatever you call it) to say I was harassing the RA. I never got in trouble but I was always annoyed about the situation.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Both jerks. You’re being very petty and jerk-ish about the situation as you could have got dressed and been done with it.
However, this Norway chap of whom you speak sounds like an inconsiderate jerk who doesn’t care for anyone else, being told on to the resident manager wasn’t needed, so he’s probably the bigger jerk on a count of his inconsiderateness.
But you’re still a jerk here, too.” I_Hate_John_Loads
Another User Comments:
“This is an important point of detail. Did you (despite only wearing a towel) still make sure to cover your naughty bits, or did you intentionally (passive-aggressively) flash them? In the former case, I’d have to come down on ‘not jerk’ and in the latter case, I’d have to say you were a jerk.
Either way, you’re so close to being a jerk in this situation. From the sound of it, they were jerks in general but in this particular case you might have been the jerk.” the-incredible-ape
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk. If you were in a towel and they previously tried to sleep with you, they probably enjoyed it.
I mean, I would.” kreshh
13. AITJ For Texting "Screw You" To My Friend Due To His Constant Excuses?
“So a group of 4 of us guys has been friends since kindergarten, we are all going off to college next month. I’m possibly moving in 2nd semester with the friend to who I texted this too.
We 4 guys had a lot of built-up anger about things that have very little to do with this post, so I’ll skip most of it. Due to our anger and lack of communication with all of us, we organized a meeting a couple of weeks ago to talk about our issues with each other.
At this ‘meeting’ I told my friend that it’s annoying that I can’t talk to him when he is constantly texting his girl, because it’s in one ear and out the other.
Every single time I am with him he is texting his girl, and whatever she has to say is always more important that the people he is with. She’s a junior in high school and to me, is very clingy. I wish I could communicate just HOW OFTEN HE TEXTS HER, even when he is with me and the rest of our group. Anyways, at this meeting, he agreed with me and promised to stop and that he would live in the moment with his friends, and not constantly be texting her.
I guess that went in one ear and out the other because last night we went to see the movie Southpaw (one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, might I add) and he was texting her the whole time! Every 5 seconds I would see his screen light up, and he would tap away texting her back. I called him out on it after the movie and he claimed that he only did it during the boring parts.
I was especially bothered because I paid for his movie ticket. I always buy for him because he can’t afford the things we do, and I can. His constant texting of her, even after we have spoken about it, annoys me.
So today he texted me asking if I wanted to go to dinner tonight. I told him sure. Five minutes later he texted back saying that his partner’s parents thought he was going with them tonight, so he told me that he couldn’t have dinner tonight, and tried to make it funny.
I replied with a ‘Screw you’ and ‘You’re a jerk’. and he replied with two texts, one saying ‘Okay’ and the other saying ‘My bad, I’m sorry I thought I wasn’t going to.’ Perhaps I was being too hard but it might be part of this built-up anger that his partner takes priority over everything that is happening at a given time. Asked him after the movie what he was doing this weekend, he’s going to hang out with his every night this weekend.
It’s annoying me. He always says ‘If it’s a real relationship, then it will last.’ And every time I want to reply ‘If it’s a real relationship, she’ll understand when you’re hanging out with your friends and neither of you will text each other.’
Anyways, am I the Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I kind of think everyone sucks. Your friend isn’t in the right but probably didn’t realize how hard you’ve been taking this.
I’m guessing he’s bewildered that saying ‘I can’t make it to dinner, lol’ brought such a harsh reaction. We know it’s not just about dinner, and you know it, but he doesn’t.
If you’re going to possibly be roommates, and don’t want to leave bad b***d in the meantime, you gotta talk it over with your friend. Again. Google ‘I feel’ statements and stuff like that on how to confront someone in a neutral way.
Don’t say ‘I hate you/your partner’s behavior’ or ‘it’s so annoying when you do ___.’ Instead, try less aggressive stuff like ‘I feel like you’re often distracted when we hang out, and I want to hang out with just you, not you and your phone.’ Or try asking questions about the stuff that you don’t understand and has started to annoy you. On a similar note, y’all need to hang out without your phones.
Both of you, to make it seem fair. He might not be able to handle it for long time periods, but try at least an hour of straight-up guy time. I don’t think he realizes you feel rejected and replaced, and that you feel he doesn’t care about your efforts to improve your relationship together.
Also, if your friend’s really into his girl, they might be seeing each other a ton now because soon he’ll have to leave (IDK how far away the college is) and they’ll both have busy schedules.
Basically, they’re squeezing in all the time they can before they presumably have to be apart and see each other a lot less for months. There might be some freakouts happening about long (?) distance and whatnot putting a strain on their relationship. So, your friend isn’t being a jerk on purpose and you need to work harder on understanding his perspective without tinting it with your own feelings.” 5edgy
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk, but you could be more tactful. I was/am your friend when I’m in a relationship. So, my friend would call me out, justifiably so, but was a about it. I ignored him. Looking back on it, along with my other friends saying similar things afterward, he was right. I was being a poor friend.
The best thing you can do is ride it out.
Speaking from experience he’ll need you around if/when it ends. A lot of younger guys can behave this way in relationships. Is it one of his first relationships? It is an awful thing for your friend to do, but be the bigger person. Hopefully, he figures it out at some point.
Also, I hope you work/worked things out with your friends! I have some close friends like that and we keep in contact still after college and moving across the country.
Their friendship is invaluable and I’m lucky to have them. I realized that when it was almost too late.” Dinamoehum
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Your friend is showing blatant disrespect to his friends with his behavior and lack of follow-through to correct it. If you had said ‘Screw you’ right off the bat, I’d say you were a jerk, but you expressed your concerns, allowed him the chance to adjust his behavior, and he let you down.
Besides, there’s nothing to say he can’t text his girl. Just not every minute of the day. I can’t say I’m surprised at this co-dependent behavior, though. High school girls are often extremely lacking in the self-esteem department, and certain ones need constant reassurance.” missshrimptoast
12. AITJ For Wanting The Front Door To Be Locked Less Often?
“My roommate wants to keep the front door locked a lot more often than I do and I think it is excessive, really inconvenient, and annoying.
Here is all the relevant information:
We live in a city with a population of about 42,000. In 2013, the burglary rate was 0.85%.
We live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building that has three apartments per floor. (Passers-by are much less likely to climb several flights of stairs to burglarize us.)
We know all of the neighbors on our floor.
Our apartment has a gate that has a lock on it, but the lock on the gate is currently disabled so the mailman can deliver mail.
(But to a passerby, they can’t really tell if it is locked or unlocked. We have a security camera that faces the front door from inside the apartment that records upon motion detection and stores the video offsite. To the apartment next door.)
We have an alarm system that detects when the door is opened and sounds an alarm and notifies the apartment occupants’ mobile devices when the door has been opened. The alarm has to be armed for it to do this.
My roommate has a computer setup which I’ll generously estimate the value at $2,000 and a bike which I’ll also generously value at $500.
I’ve offered to reimburse him for the value of anything that would get stolen if we were to get robbed. (I’m confident this would never happen.)
My philosophy on locking the door? Appropriate times to lock the door: No one is in the apartment and we are not next door in the neighbor’s apartment.
(Note: our neighbor’s apartment door is literally 1 step from our front door.)
Everyone in the apartment is sleeping.
My roommate’s philosophy on locking the door?? Appropriate times to lock the door: If you’re going to leave the apartment for more than two minutes, even just to go next door to our neighbor’s apartment, lock the door. Everyone in the apartment is sleeping.
I do not want to have to lock the door every time I need to go borrow a cup of sugar from our neighbors.
It is excessive and annoying.
My roommate says this about why he wants to lock the door so much:
The time and effort it takes me to lock the door are much less costly in terms of time and if we were to get robbed.
The security system doesn’t matter, because someone could still walk in and damage something.
People shouldn’t let fear dictate their habits to this degree.
Am I justified in being annoyed and is my door locking schema appropriate?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re being a little bit of a jerk. Locking the door is such a minor inconvenience, and it barely takes any time. I personally came home to my incredibly safe house in the suburbs one day to find our glass door smashed and the house burgled. It totally freaked me out and I am very picky about locking doors now, even when I know it’s ‘safe.’ I think unless you have three locks or something, your roommate’s request isn’t totally unreasonable.” catwhisperer550
Another User Comments:
“I’d say you’re the jerk here, sorry.
By no means a big jerk, but in general I’d say someone’s concerns/fears of being burgled outweigh the inconvenience of locking a door when you go next door.
Also in the Jerk column is the fact (unconfirmed) that you Googled your town’s burglary rate for the purpose of arguing the point. If you already knew that statistic then I redact this, though.” ColonelHerro
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the jerk, but neither is your roommate. Personally, I am more of a ‘leave it unlocked’ kind of person, but I think your slightly more cautious roommate should get a little peace of mind on this one. It is not like he is asking you to keep it locked 100% of the time, just when somebody isn’t physically in the apartment.” dgwingert
11. AITJ For Walking Away From Our Project?
“I began developing software with my best friend (who I live with) around a year ago. We put lots of time and effort in and are now at a critical point. We have only a few weeks of budget for rent and food and the software isn’t ready. I don’t think we have time to finish it (and it may never be finished) but my partner thinks we do.
I believe that our views have diverged significantly because of one thing: My partner does not believe he has any options other than getting this to work… he doesn’t want a ‘real’ job nor believes that he could get one. I, on the other hand, am fairly sure I could find a decent job if I dedicated the next month or so to applying rather than working on this software.
My decision to walk away essentially ruins him, which is why I have hesitated to make what I believe is clearly the right decision for me. He is working extra hard and I am losing the motivation to put in work at all.
I know I am the jerk here… I’m just not sure how big. I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are a jerk. It comes down to what is realistic. Is it really possible to get this done or is your friend living on a dream and a prayer? If you truly believe you are not going to be able to finish then getting another job is the responsible thing to do. You need a budget for rent and food.
It won’t just materialize. I would look for a job and maybe work on this as a side project. A lot of people do things like this. My husband is a programmer. He works a 9-5 and also does contracting on the side. It is possible you have to do what you think is best for you. If your friend can’t see that you need to be a responsible adult it is his problem.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your friend kinda needs you and that you’re just being a jerk because you’re tired of dreaming. You should probably just follow through with what you planned and then figure it out from there.” CapnSalty
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think there is a jerk in this situation. He’s just trying to pursue his dreams and is working hard at it.
Maybe you’re realizing it isn’t your dream? Do what makes you happy.” risaxis
10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom Because Of Her Attitude?
“My (16f) parents (40m) (40f) had a fight last night.. Obviously they were not talking today but I had an interview with a school today so I went there with my father..the interview went okay and when I came home.
I find out that the school had contacted my mother. They had called 2 times but she did not pick up as she was angry that I didn’t tell her where I was going. It was morning and I honestly forgot to tell her, moreover I was nervous as it is very important for me and not exactly in the mood to talk. I asked her why she didn’t pick up and she said to me in a rude tone that when nobody tells her what’s going on why should she pick up.
I was furious as it could have been something important and she might have to confirm something about me or herself to the school. I asked her to pick up the next time they called and she said she didn’t care and she wouldn’t pick up. I was so angry I ended up shouting and slamming the door… now all I’m hearing is about how shameful I am and whatnot.
I really want to know if I am the wrong one for getting mad over this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just not very wise in how you’re dealing with your infantile mother. If you need her you have to be more pragmatic and appeal to her in such a way that she won’t stymie your progress. It’s absurdly self-centered to be a parent who lets a marital spat derail a child’s education.
But this is the hand the fates dealt you as a mother. Sometimes we have to work with what we’ve got. Your mom’s a nut, but if she has to sign off on this academic opportunity you’re going to have to find a way to cajole her into doing the right thing. This is all stupid crazy. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s acting like the child rather than the parent.
No wonder why she is arguing with your dad, she seems like a piece of work.” DifficultAd7429
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear you learned this strategy from your mum.
This is not a healthy way to deal with conflict. Your mum could have apologized and explained she didn’t know what the call was. That opens the conversation for you to say that in the future you’ll let her know and could she please call back tomorrow to see if it was important.
There’s no need for drama or the silent treatment here.” OutlandishnessIcy577
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Pay For My College?
“My partner and I have been making many plans for our future life for a long time and in one of these conversations the subject of my studies came up. He said that he would like to pay for my university studies, something to which I refused because I would not like him to complain about how much he spent on my studies if we broke up or had a fight.
He said that he shouldn’t worry about it, but I just refuse to be a victim and be manipulated.
After that little argument, we’re supposed to be fine, but I really don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for refusing him to pay per se, but because your reason for refusing is automatically assuming he’ll complain about it during a fight, and also making baseless assumptions he’s doing it to manipulate you.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I would just ask him to put it in writing.
It needs to say something akin to him being fully okay with paying for your degree and that he expects nothing in return for it.
Obviously, he can back out at any point without needing to explain himself, but he needs to understand that he doesn’t get to use this as leverage.
If he accepts then you’re Gucci and I wish you both well in any case.” JimmiRustle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just pragmatic. You’re clearly with someone who’s either much older or from a very different walk of life than you are. You’re smart to see that eventually, you won’t be together and you don’t want anything he can hold over your head (or even sue you for, depending on where you live).” DplusLplusKplusM
8. AITJ For Not Having My Dog On A Leash?
“I live in an area where it’s very common to not have your dog on a leash, especially so if said dog is well trained. My dog is not only well trained, but also very old (she’s 15 and moves as fast as a turtle), so naturally I don’t want, nor need to put a leash on her.
Now, I was walking my old, slow dog down the street when we begin approaching another person with a dog not on a leash. This dog was a Doberman, about twice as big as my retriever. As we were walking, the Doberman begins barking and running at me and my dog, its owner having no control over it. At this point, I begin getting concerned. As the dog gets closer, he does not slow and jumps on my dog.
My dog, in response, begins stumbling away down the nearest driveway, obviously hurt, and yet the Doberman continues his assault. Eventually, the lady who owned the Doberman strolled onto the scene. As she opens her mouth ,I expect some sort of apology but all she says is ‘You should probably get a leash for your dog’, in an extremely petty tone. At the time I was appalled because neither dog was on a leash.
It seemed completely her fault. So I just kind of left without saying anything.
However, I looked back on the situation a few days later and realized it all could have been avoided if I had my dog on a leash. Also, the lady did have a leash with her, and my dog did bark at the other dog when he began barking at her.
I really don’t know who’s to blame, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Assuming the street you’re on has no leash law, she’s an enormous jerk. You’re fine as long as you can control your dog by command, (which means you can stop him by voice even when something really interesting is motivating him to go… this is rare). She’s completely wrong for saying your dog should be on a leash when hers did the attacking.
Hers was the problem. If she were controlling her dog, then she’d be right to say yours should be on a leash only if you failed to get your dog out of her space once it was clear hers was aggressive.
Every time you walk your dog in public without a leash, unless you can control your dog by command, you are deciding that everyone who has a dog that needs to be leashed cannot take him out in public.
I think that’s a jerk move.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to pull my dog-reactive shepherd back from biting a friendly dog who wouldn’t stay out of our space only to have a stupid leashless owner stroll up from 20+ feet back saying ‘Don’t worry, he’s friendly.’ Jerk, my dog is not friendly and I can only make sure he stays still or gets pulled away from your dog.
YOU need to make sure your dog doesn’t keep chasing us out of curiosity.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“Look at it this way.
If that other dog had really hurt your dog, you would probably not be able to sue the woman and win because BOTH dogs were off-leash.
If the law got involved, you would both get tickets for uncontrolled animals.
I think it’s fine to walk your well-trained dog without a leash, but have one ready for instances like this.” awhq
Another User Comments:
“Please get a leash for your dog. She’ll live longer. You also may be violating the law by having her out without one, depending on where you live. ‘Everyone else does it’ isn’t a legal excuse.
As you just saw, leash laws aren’t just there to protect others from your dog. They’re also to protect your dog from others. Be kind to your pet and buy a leash for her.
To answer your question, because neither you nor the other lady had your dog on a leash, you’re both the jerk. Sorry.” flippy77
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Friend For Stealing From Me?
“This is actually a mutual friend who was in town visiting. She had recently been laid off (the trip was booked before) so my partner and I had agreed to cover some costs for her while she was here.
We picked up meals, transportation costs, tickets to whatever we were doing… etc…
We also let her crash at my place, which meant no alone time with the girl.
I live in a big city and sold my car a couple of months ago. This friend knew it was going to be mostly public transit and walking during our adventures, yet she complained every time.
Eventually, she started to suggest taking a Lyft ride because she had free rides with them.
On two different occasions after we had used her Lyft, I handed her moolah forgetting that she had the free rides. She took the money on both occasions.
My partner claims that’s on me for forgetting and the friend just took the moolah when offered.
I think it’s really low to accept moolah from someone when you didn’t pay for anything, and you’re putting them up and covering costs for things.
Am I the jerk???
EDIT This was more of a morals question for me. Not so much about whether she is a thief, or what word to use to describe her or the actions (not ‘stealing’ because I handed her the moolah). Also, there was never a face-to-face confrontation with the friend. I pointed it out to the girl later and it started the fight.
I honestly didn’t know so much importance was put on the definition of the word stealing, or thief. Let me phrase it like this…
Is it a jerk move to accept the moolah???”
Another User Comments:
“Do you know what stealing is? Because when someone hands you moolah, that’s not stealing.
Look at it from her point of view. She lost her job and is probably scrounging for cash.
I’m sure she doesn’t feel awesome about being a mooch. When you handed her moolah, she probably thought you were smart enough to remember the words that she said, and the cash was a sly way of helping out someone in need without her losing pride.
Saying someone is a thief because you gave them something is stupid, and while she might be inconsiderate, you’re the jerk.” User
Another User Comments:
“I would say that she is the jerk. To the people saying she is not a thief, I disagree. If she knew she was taking coins for something free, that is just pure dishonesty.
OP is trying to be nice but simply forgot about the situation at hand. Now it’s awkward to ask for the money back because she is in a tough spot and he feels bad asking for it.
I guess it’s not right to judge because she is desperate, but if she is desperate enough to throw away her morals, she is the jerk, not OP.” RickyBuck
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk, I don’t think. Especially not for simply pointing it out to your partner and being a little peeved about it. Now, if you were obnoxiously complaining about it to the friend who took the money and demanded to get it back, that might be a different story.
As for the friend who accepted the moolah, it sounds like a pretty crappy thing to do, to me. I don’t like to accept people’s money when it makes sense for me to take it, I can’t imagine accepting it in a situation like this.” hokyshmokes9710
6. AITJ For Refusing To Get Paid Early?
“I am doing a little side work cleaning a garage and moving the stuff from the other garage to the one I’ve been cleaning. It’s a straight cash-for-hours-worked deal. Ive finished cleaning and am waiting for the electrician can come and wire in the lights so I can begin moving stuff in, so this week I won’t be working at all. On Friday, I asked if I could get paid tomorrow.
My boss said that’s not how real jobs work, you can’t just get paid early and you should wait till you finished the job. Am I the jerk for wanting to get paid before the jobs are done or am I in the right?
Keep in mind this man owes me a fair share of already since Ive worked approximately 50 hours at 10 dollars an hour and I’m waiting for him to call me once these lights are wired to finish working.”
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, but I think it’s fair for him to only pay you what he currently owes you and then pay you for the job after it’s done. The fact that he currently owes you for what I’m assuming are previous completed jobs makes it messed up on his part.” zjbird
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, and I think since it’s based on hours, not the project, and there is a delay that is not of your making, you could reasonably ask for 50% unless you had a set arrangement that you would get paid for the whole job at the end.” Bayou13
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, necessarily, but your boss is right. His business has an established payday. It’s an arrangement. Just like you have a schedule, so does he.
Most likely, you get money when he gets money.” User
5. AITJ For Not Sharing?
“I live in a house with 3 other siblings (only one above 18) and a single mum. Everyone has pretty much grown up enough to take care of themselves or at least help each other, we cook our own food, get ourselves around (when we can), wash our clothes, and even buy our own food sometimes.
I’m a fairly heavy guy and like to eat a lot so when I buy/make my own food, I generally hog it and don’t want to share it with anyone, even if I’m with friends. I can usually tell when someone thinks I’m being selfish. In my defense, I don’t have a job so when I do get funds to buy my own things or when I cook my own dinner, that’s what I eat for pretty much the next day.
Edit: I don’t give them nothing, I’ll share when asked but I get obviously annoyed.”
Another User Comments:
“You are not a jerk. I was in a similar situation but no one ever questioned me or asked me to share. There were problems when they ate my food without asking and then I didn’t have food for lunch but after talking it out it never happened again.
If someone does confront you about it explain your situation in a gentle way. Food is a necessity. If you are under 18 and the parent isn’t buying the groceries you are forced to get your own and you can’t afford to share or buy other people’s groceries. It’s not your responsibility to do that and you shouldn’t even have to buy your own groceries.
You’re not a jerk unless you are asking other siblings for food and then not sharing your own.
Also, if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t eat in front of friends you are hosting if you don’t have food available for them. What you are doing isn’t a jerk move but just don’t be a jerk about it.” Kellbelll
Another User Comments:
“If they are buying some of your food some of the time, then you are an for not sharing some of your food some of the time.
Otherwise, you are just kind of rude. I don’t think you need to share all of it always, but some of it sometimes is a polite family-member, house-sharing thing to do.” Bayou13
Another User Comments:
“I’d say no, you’re not 100% obligated to share, especially if you are the one to buy it. However, when you live with anyone, you should share at least somewhat with them.
This is a toughy, but I’ll give you a very light Jerk label. I could easily be swayed though, provided a replier argues effectively.” Iccutreb
4. AITJ For Not Talking To My Partner?
“So yesterday my partner texted me and asked what I was doing. I replied and asked what she was doing. She said hanging out with a friend. I ask who, and she says her ex. Now a little backstory. She has only told me bad things about this ex he is supposedly disgusting and she would never talk to him.
We have also talked about if we are going to meet or talk with any of our exes we would tell the other one which she didn’t. So I ask her why she is talking to him when he is so bad. She says because he wanted to (btw my partner is not the type of person that would talk to someone if she didn’t want to).
Later I get a message where she asks if I am okay I say no and I mention what she had said about him before. She then says that’s what they are sorting out. She wants to talk and I say I don’t feel like doing it right now and that we should do it some other day. Because I was hurt and didn’t what to do.
She calls me childish and gets angry. I haven’t talked to her since that was about 12 hours ago. Am I a jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, you’re not really a jerk if there’s nothing more to the story. Her ex is a jerk, she’s talked him down a lot, and now all of a sudden she’s talking to him. I’m sure it’s nothing serious, but I can understand being a bit annoyed. She’s doing something that she knows upsets you and isn’t really explaining why she’s doing it.
And you didn’t just stop talking to her, you told her that you want to discuss it when you’re not upset. That seems like a pretty smart move.
I wouldn’t delay it for very long. You have to be the better person. There’s a good reason that she dumped her ex and there’s a good reason she’s with you, and if you become bitter or insecure over this then it’s just going to hurt her more.
I understand your anger, to be honest, I had something similar and I got a bit miffed, and after explaining and talking it out we both felt better. I didn’t mind her talking to him as much (even though he’s still a jerk), and after that day she never even talked to him anyway. It sounds like your partner just wants closure, and if she doesn’t get it then it’ll eat at her and eventually maybe even affect you.
This is just something that she may need to do. But you won’t know that unless you talk to her, so just calm down, try to see it from her possible perspectives, and then try to talk it out.” Ultra-ChronicMonstah
3. AITJ For Expecting A Full Drink When I Ordered One With No Ice?
“Starbucks has a tea I like a lot, and I have been ordering it with no ice. Every time I’ve done this, I have gotten a full cup in the size I ordered of the tea. Today, however, the person behind the counter actually ended up giving me a 2/3-full cup in the next size down, so ‘it doesn’t look so bad.’ In other words, only the (approximate) amount of tea I would otherwise get, minus the ice.
If he put it in the Trenta-sized cup, it would have been less than half full.
AITJ for thinking I should get a full cup of tea if I order it with no ice? This stuff isn’t made of unicorn pee, is it?”
Another User Comments:
“What sucks is that the person behind the counter today was probably doing what they were supposed to and the people before weren’t.
I hate the half-empty cup thing, though. I ordered a large cup filled with that beverage. If it costs more to fill it all the way up, then charge me. Don’t have a passive-aggressive discussion about ice displacement.
Are you the jerk? Generally, you’re never a jerk for wanting something. I guess if you had a yelling match with the minimum wager behind the counter or threw your drink across the cafe, that would be stuff.
You’re just irritated.” User
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re a jerk, but as a Starbucks barista if I got this order I would make an iced drink with the ice and then just pour the liquid into the cup if you asked for no ice. Partly because the ice is part of the recipe and partly because I’m just not gonna give you more tea for the price of less.
It’s sort of like a free upsize which I can’t do.
If you want my unsolicited advice, get light ice and you’ll get a full cup because we aren’t supposed to give you more with no ice but we are with light ice.” almoore417
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the jerk for thinking you should get a full cup. You would be a jerk if you made a fuss.
I understand your frustration, but I think the poor barista is also not the jerk, because he is just doing his job the way he is supposed to. It sucks, but if the difference in the volume of tea is important enough to you that you would order iced tea without ice, then I’d suggest you buy iced tea by the half-gallon.” dgwingert
2. AITJ For Wanting To Screw Over Someone Because I Got Fooled First?
“So about a month ago I bought a used PS4 off Craigslist for $200 which I thought was a steal at the time (50% off retail value), but boy was I wrong.
After hours of messing around with TV settings, resolution quality, hertz refresh rates, and trying a different TV, I can’t seem to get the thing to run at 1080p on my bedroom TV. So I give Playstation a call and they basically tell me my PS4 was purchased in the UK and is not compatible with US TVs. So I decided to give the CL guy a call to get my payment back, but the number has been disconnected. So my friend gets the brilliant idea to just go to Walmart, buy a PS4 in full and switch it out and then return it.
I do just that and don’t get caught or ID’d so now my local Walmart has an incompatible PS4 sitting on their shelf just waiting for some innocent person to get screwed over, am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are clearly a jerk, and I don’t see how you could possibly not know that. Just because someone may have been a jerk to you does not give you an excuse to be a jerk to someone else, even if it’s the hated Wal-Mart.
You could seriously screw over some innocent person.
On the off chance that it actually goes on the shelf unnoticed, a guy buys it and has to go through even worse frustration than you because to him it’s not something shady thing he got off CL. Or, if he tries to return it, perhaps they will ID him and question him about it and accuse him of fooling someone?” Diarygirl
Another User Comments:
“Yes. Of course, you’re the jerk. The only charitable interpretation would be to say that you’re not being a jerk if someone’s just been a jerk to you, like some sort of side-scroller character who flashes invulnerable after being hit, or that it’s okay to be a jerk as long as you aren’t the biggest jerk in the transaction (trust in Wal-Mart hate!).
Neither of these is true, and letting your definition of ‘jerk’ be defined by someone else’s actions does little but keep you in the weasely position of ‘second to worst, but not worst’. There’s no medal for that.” SuperFLEB
Another User Comments:
“You’re a jerk, I think, but you’re only doing this because someone else was a bigger jerk. The lesson here is to never buy electronics off Craigslist. I worked at a video game resale shop last summer and I couldn’t tell you how many times someone came in with something from Craigslist that was broken in a way that we couldn’t fix or would be missing a serial number and I couldn’t even look at the thing for them on the chance it was stolen.
I helped a kid who was probably fourteen get a Craigslist 360 in working condition because my manager wasn’t around and the kid said something about his foster dad being in the car. Broke some rules for that kid because he was a kid and got my sympathy the second I heard the word ‘foster.’ Told him that when he was ready for the next generation to come to our store directly, cause getting the 360 from us would have been about the same price after the couple of repairs we had to do on the CL one, which he’ll never be able to resell because of a missing serial number.” TheOutrageousClaire
1. AITJ For Making Change In A Tip Jar?
“Today I went to Cold Stone ice cream located in a food court with several other food vendors with my coworker and a ‘buy one get one free’ coupon (yay!!!).
There was only one person working the counter when we got there, but no line so we decided to have a couple of samples. While we were, the line grew and my anxiety at holding up the line with it. So we order our ice creams and pay, the total was less than four dollars and I paid with a 20 and received 3 fives. The guy at the counter immediately started helping the next customer so I didn’t have the chance to ask him to make a change.
My coworker didn’t have change either but I’m insane about tipping so I couldn’t really let that lie. I saw there were a couple of ones in the jar already so figured, hey, $3 is a generous tip, but it makes me feel better than no dollars, so I threw a five in and grabbed the two ones, and walked out of the Cold Stone area.
What’s this? A wild do-gooder eating at a different place across the food court appears! ‘Excuse me; you wanna put those bills you took back in the jar?’ I tried to explain to him that I made change because the guy was busy but he wouldn’t listen and over and over kept telling me to put the back. I tried to show him the contents of my purse and I asked him if he wanted to go talk to the Cold Stone guy with me and he said no, just for me to put the ‘wad’ of cashback.
Looking back I should have just walked away, but I was pretty mad. I walked back into the Cold Stone area just so that the Cold Stone guy would know that I did in fact tip him and he looked in the tip jar and said he trusted me and I walked back out. As I walked out it was to people congratulating this Good Samaritan and I kid you not, light applause.
Now I can appreciate what it may have looked like I was doing, but it really bothers me that he would accuse me and then do no further investigation even though I was ready and willing to provide him with evidence and that he gets to go home thinking that he won the day for the good and the righteous and I get to go home hoping that he got into a terrible accident that left him disfigured, but alive (though what kind of quality of life he can expect I’m not willing to speculate).
So, in all my efforts to not be a jerk, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk; you’re a dummy. Don’t put your hand in someone else’s tip jar without asking. That’s their money, not yours. They might not even want you to make the change from it. The person butting in? They saw you putting your hand where it didn’t belong and taking something out.
It was a misunderstanding, but you have to take most of the hit here. Learn your lesson: keep your hand off of other people’s cash.” User
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk.
If a bystander saw you talk to the ice cream server afterward and had the same reaction, I don’t think he would have comprehended you were making change whether you got permission before or after.
Even if you did ask the ice cream barista beforehand, he probably wouldn’t have had the time to do it. A barista myself, it’s a pretty common occurrence and yes, I generally trust people.” UserLymm
Another User Comments:
“200% yes. How do they know you made the right amount of change? True story: If everyone around you is looking at you like you’re a jerk, and claps when you get called out, you’re probably being a jerk.” iamaneviltaco
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