People Want Space After Telling These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Criticizing My Sister's Car Choice?
“I (34M) have a younger sister (28F).
She is a single mom and has a son (6M). My sister was a very brilliant and beautiful person but has a history of making poor decisions. I was more mediocre but became a lot more successful than her financially, and sometimes I feel like she resents me for this.
She was a computer engineering major and a star student but then started seeing a loser, kept making excuses about how amazing he was despite her grades dropping the moment they moved in together, and then she had a kid with him, dropped out of school, and he left and became a deadbeat dad.
Her kid does not even like her and, now at 6, calls her names and tells her she is a loser—even in front of guests—blames her for his dad leaving and not being in his life, and she shelters him by not telling him the things his dad actually did to both of them.
He is young but seems to lack any interest in school and is a troubled child.
She was working crap jobs for a while, but she recently got really lucky. A small tech company decided to hire her as a part-time junior software developer on the condition that she go back to school part-time, and she got readmitted to her old university startingin September.
It is quite a good university too, but she needed a car now to cut her commute time.
I own multiple cars and was looking to get rid of one, which is a good car but 12 years old. It is a Hyundai and has some minor gasket issues, but runs great and is fixable.
I talked to her about this, and she seemed happy, but for some reason thought I was giving it for free; her expression changed when I told her the price. She said she would think about it.
A few weeks later, she called me all excited, saying she had bought a brand new car and told me to come over for the surprise.
I did not really believe her, as I know her finances, but indeed, when I went there, she had a new Mitsubishi Mirage. I laughed and told her she had made a terrible mistake and that it was a really crap car and that she could get something much nicer used for that money (I feel like she might have even taken a loan for it, but I don’t know).
Her son was also laughing at it.
She did not answer me and kept talking about her car, but then later told me she had reliability concerns about mine. This was not about her not buying my car; she could have found another used car.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First off, the misogyny that drips from this is palpable. Your sister fell in love with someone and had a kid. From what it seems, you think it’s wholly appropriate for you, your nephew, and possibly her child’s father to disrespect her.
She’s doing all of that on her own without another person present. Where are you? You’re sitting on your perceived high horse. You’re not caring for a six-year-old child by yourself on a severely fixed income; she is. She’s a rider, she’s a mother, and she’s trying to become a successful human being.
Also, maybe start checking your nephew on his lack of respect for the woman who provides what she can for him. He’s learning to disrespect his mother from jerks like you and his father.” Ecstatic-Product-69
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was her decision to buy the car that SHE liked, NOT YOU.
Plus, since you’re a lot more financially successful, why didn’t you just give her the 12-year-old car? Since you’re the older brother, how about trying to talk to your nephew about his behavior since his dad is not around? That’s no way a young boy should talk to his mother.” FewZookeepergame1083
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The car your sister chose is a decent car. The condescending and rude way you treat your sister is neither decent nor appropriate. If her son is learning his disrespectful and mean behavior from you, your sister needs to take a good look at how much your negativity affects her and her son.” NanaLeonie
21. AITJ For Skipping A Flirty Coworkers Goodbye Dinner To Protect My Engagement?
“I (26m) work at a mental health center at the front desk. I met a therapist (A) who has a crush on me. But I’m engaged. A has MET my fiancée (C).
I didn’t notice it all at first. C calls me a golden retriever because I never realized these things. Some things that A has done: consistently called me into her office to hang out (we’re the same age with the same sense of humor, so I figured she was being friendly), always wanted to sit by me during events (there’s not a lot of people our age here), and any time she needs the front desk to get something she always asked me.
I finally saw it when A wanted me to walk her to the McDonald’s next door. There’s a shady hotel next door, so I thought, no big deal, but then I thought she has a car and can drive around it. A was upset that I didn’t go, and another therapist took her.
I told C these things, and she told me that A has a crush on me. After that, things only got worse. A started talking to me about romance, but it always ended up badly and hinted at wanting someone like me by saying I’m funny and am loving to C and that she would “love to have that.” She started doing the helpless girl thing by asking me for help with things like opening up a bottle of bubbles (and blowing them at me) and asking me for help with easy puzzles in her puzzle book.
She also asked me to help her lift a small box and “two-hand” it with her, which would all but cause us to hold hands through the campus.
I needed other opinions. My mom, 3 coworkers, and my SUPERVISOR said A has a crush on me.
It seemed to stop for a bit, and I thought it was done. A is leaving the center, and the therapists are throwing a goodbye dinner. I was in the kitchen today, and she cornered me. She was very nervous and giddy. She asked me if I could go because she “always liked me” and she would “love it if I was there.” She said I could invite C, but didn’t sound happy about it.
I didn’t know what to do in the situation I was in, so I just said ok.
I don’t want to go, though. I have social anxiety and am a people pleaser, and I think she knows this being a therapist and seeing how I act around people, which is why she asked me in the way that she did.
I tell C everything that A does around me, and C knows she can trust me because I love her so much. Do I come up with an excuse? WIBTJ if I said yes, then no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- This person has been inappropriately harassing you for a while now.
Thank God she’s leaving, you don’t owe her or anyone that makes you uncomfortable anything, much less a nice goodbye. Ignore all those people saying to go and “show her you’re taken.” She knows and has been trampling all over that. Celebrate her departure with a nice dinner (in or out) with your s/o and don’t give that woman another thought.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ. You don’t owe anyone your time. If you really don’t want to go, then don’t go. You can be honest, dishonest, or just vague when you decline. Whatever you are comfortable with. If you want a bit of advice: If you do end up going, only go with your fiancée and just stay by her the whole time.
If your fiancée can’t/doesn’t want to go, then there is an easy reason why you can’t.” Dragon2439
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Here’s the simple reason not to go. “A” was disrespectful to your fiancée by continuing to pursue you even though you were in a relationship with her.
C shouldn’t have to accompany you to a goodbye dinner for someone who completely disrespected her. You should stay home to support C, because respect and trust are two of the most important things in a relationship.” Signal_Wall_8445
20. AITJ For Wanting To Be Left Alone And Forcing A Friend To Respect My Space?
“I went through some problems. Heck, I’m still going through them. I have a friend who’s been listening to my problems since the beginning, though sometimes he can be a jerk. The problem I’m facing right now, though, is too big.
I just want to be left alone, but he hasn’t really been making it easy.
A while ago, after I went silent for about two weeks, he said, “I thought about giving you some time to yourself, but it seems you’ve had more than enough time.” Who is he to decide how much time I need or want?
Sometimes he would message me things like, “Hey, I just finished my semester” or “Hey, I just got a PS5.” I’m not in the mood for happiness or video games, which he knows because he’d say, “I know you probably don’t care.” But I don’t want to be a jerk and just leave him on read, so I’d congratulate him or, if I’m too down to type, I’d just react with a Heart emoji.
Then he would overanalyze it and ask, “Is that a genuine congratulations or more of a ‘screw you’?”
On top of that, he’d accuse me of things like, “What’s your deal? What did I do to deserve this?” or “Is this how you cope?
By becoming an arrogant jerk?” I’ve already made it clear that I want to be left alone, and this isn’t about him. He knows what I’m going through, and he knows who has been hurting me. But for some reason, he’s convinced that he’s the one who hurt me.
He didn’t think that before, but seeing his true colors now is starting to make me feel different.
He also said, “You never explicitly said you wanted to be left alone.” So now I’m supposed to write out a whole paragraph to explain myself?
He’s already sent me messages saying, “OK, I’ll leave you alone,” before.
Then he said, “Wow you’re kinda pathetic now, seeing as how ‘Leave me alone’ is your only argument. You used to argue better.” He thinks I’m arguing with him? I thought “Leave me alone” is the exact thing someone says when they DON’T want to argue.
There’s more, but you get the idea. I don’t know. From my perspective, it’s clear. I’m hurt. I want to be left alone. I’m not in the mood to play video games together. If he’s sad about it, that’s understandable, but saying, “I understand you want to be left alone,” and then not respecting that?
Overanalyzing my common courtesy as me wanting to be a jerk? Calling me a jerk for wanting to be alone? Saying I “never explicitly mentioned I wanted to be alone”? Calling me PATHETIC? That’s not helping me want to get back out there. Every time he’s being a jerk to me, it just makes me not want to interact with anyone.
So yeah, am I the jerk here or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to be left alone right now and he’s not doing that. I’ve had a now ex do similar when I was in college (kept contacting me over Yahoo messenger when that was still active even when I would tell him I was busy with schoolwork.
He kept promising to stop the behavior when I called him on it but didn’t. 3 guess as to why he’s my ex, or part of why), so I know how frustrating it gets. Do as I did with my ex and block your friend right now.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I think you’re just incompatible.” SilverMoonSpring
Another User Comments::
“It sounds like you’re dealing with a tough situation where you’re trying to set boundaries, but your friend isn’t respecting them. It’s really important to acknowledge how you’re feeling and communicate that clearly to others, and it seems like you’ve done your best to express that you need space right now.
From what you’ve described, you’ve told him that you want to be left alone, and it seems like he’s not respecting that request. It’s understandable that you’re feeling frustrated—especially when someone keeps pushing against your boundaries and overanalyzing your actions, even when you’re trying to be kind or just get through the day.
The part where he’s accusing you of being a jerk or “pathetic” because you’re setting a boundary is particularly concerning. You’re allowed to say you need space and to not be in the mood to engage in things like video games or small talk.
It seems like he’s making your desire for space about him, which isn’t fair. You’re not obligated to explain your emotional state in great detail to anyone, especially when you’ve already told him you need space. His response to your silence and need for distance doesn’t seem to acknowledge your feelings at all, and it’s natural to feel hurt and frustrated by that.” User
19. AITJ For Demanding To Only Pay For My Own Expenses At A Bachelorette Party?
“So I (32f) just got home from my soon-to-be SIL’s (28f) bachelorette party.
It was a destination bachelorette that required renting an Airbnb and airfare. Including the bride, 7 total girls were going. It was agreed upon by us bridesmaids that we would cover the costs of the bride for the house and the MOH (bride’s sister) paid for her airfare as a gift. The other half of the agreement was that the bride would cover all her expenses while there.
When we got there Friday, it was decided amongst 2 of the bride’s friends that they were not going to let her pay for anything and the rest of us would split ALL costs. This was never discussed, and Tbh the rest of us weren’t given a choice.
It was also decided, without any real input from everyone, that everywhere we went one person would pay the tab and we’d all divide it up later. The 2 friends who decided to pay for the bride always put their cards down so that no one else could let the bride pay for herself like she was fighting to do.
Now that the trip’s over, the girls are posting what everyone owes and I’m mad. They divided everything evenly between 6 people no matter what the expense was. They placed several Instacart orders without telling anybody, yet now we all have to split it. There are several bars where I did not have a single drink but I’m being told I need to split the overall tab.
There are Ubers that I didn’t take and I’m being charged for – and I left early yesterday morning while the others flew out at night, but I’m still being “charged” for everything they did yesterday.
I told the group that I 100% would not be paying for things that happened yesterday since I was not even there.
A few rolled their eyes, but others agreed that I shouldn’t have to. I also complained about how things were being split because a lot of things were bought without our knowledge, and there just should have been a discussion about budget because I had one for the trip and the way they’re splitting it up, I’m being charged almost twice what my budget was.
I also went against the group and bought my own stuff a lot of the time because I knew there was a number I wasn’t comfortable spending over. But now I’m being called selfish and stingy and a jerk because I don’t agree with how things are split.
I’m going to pay the way it is, and I never said I wouldn’t because my SIL was upset she wasn’t being allowed to contribute and I don’t want her to feel guilty because her friends are crappy. But AITJ for pointing out that this wasn’t a fair deal and saying I was unhappy about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t pay towards any of those ‘shared expenses’ that those others racked up. You did not agree to it. I would tell them all again that you agreed to cover 1/6th of the accommodation for the bride’s share so that the bride would not have to pay for the accommodation.
Transfer that amount. Then tell them again that persons A and B offered to pay for the bride’s drinks during the trip, which is generous, but has nothing to do with you so you will not contribute to those expenses, and the same goes for all other expenses made that you weren’t asked about and did not agree to (you can even highlight that you didn’t even make use of most of those services or weren’t even present to make use of them, and you were never asked).
Just say that you can’t afford it. And keep repeating that.” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is financial mistreatment in some way. The people who decide without consulting everyone are welcome to pay for the bride. Why should you pay if you didn’t even drink somewhere or when you left early?
That’s just insane! Moreover, when budget and plan was made prior to the bachelorette!” Gullible_Bar_7019
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can just tell them that the 2 people decided to cover everything for the bride. If you want, you can send them some symbolic amount if some of your expenses are in there as well but if not, don’t send them anything.
They made a unilateral decision to do that so they can pay.” KingAlastor
18. AITJ For Telling My Partner He Can't Move In At Five Months?
“I (30F) have been seeing my partner, (32M) for about five months now.
I own my home as I purchased it this February and it is my second home. I made a good amount on my first home and put most of that money towards this house. I have a good career making about 80K and my mortgage is $1500.
My partner rents a room from his friend who owns a townhouse. His friend travels a lot for work and is hardly ever home. Maybe 1 week out of the month or so. My partner pays $800 a month, which includes utilities. It’s a nice place and my partner makes good money as well, probably around 60-70k.
So recently, his friend was thinking about selling his townhouse and just moving in with his partner. He told my partner this, who then came over one night and sort of sprung all of it on me and told me that he should move in with me.
I was really shocked as we have only been seeing each other for five months and I really don’t think that is long enough time for me to think about letting him move in. I tried talking about it with him and told him I needed some time to think it over.
He was visibly annoyed, but let it go.
So yesterday, I got a text from him stating that his friend plans to list his townhouse in Oct and my partner needs to be out by the end of Oct. My partner doesn’t have a lease or anything, but he texted me and said he needs to move in with me short term as that’s not enough time to find an apartment.
I texted him back and said we could talk that night. When he came over last night, he was ranting/begging me to let him move in. About how he didn’t make enough money to get an apartment, and that it would just be less stressful for him to move in with me.
That if he could help pay half, then it would be good for me too, etc, etc. I shut down that idea and told him we had not been together long enough for me to want to take that step. He got upset and called me heartless, and then left.
He texted me today and apologized, but still asked that I think about it for a few more days. I told my friend and coworker today about everything, and he said that I’m a jerk for not letting him move in. I was really shocked, but my coworker kept going, saying that in this economy people can’t afford to live by themselves and that five months is long enough to move in together.
I didn’t say anything but just remained quiet.
So AITJ for telling my partner that he can’t move in with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 5 months is not long enough. If things go south how do you get him out? Will he have a rental agreement?
Then you have to follow tenant law. If not, and he receives mail at your house, then it’s a whole different issue. His pushy nature and not respecting your clear boundaries is concerning, too. He can find a room for rent on Craigslist, he’s just looking for an easy way out.
Hold your ground.” OGMikeGyver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Don’t listen to your co-workers (and don’t take relationship advice from them again). You’re not obligated to take in your partner. And his ranting, annoyed response speaks volumes about his character – like he can’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
Also, if you let him in for the ‘short term’, he’s not going to leave.” Schopenhauer_Down
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not let him push you around. His behavior about this is a series of red flags. You earn more and are a responsible homeowner.
You’re still in the vetting stage of the relationship, and he should still be courting you. He also has 2 months to find a place, which should be enough time. He can likely find someone with a place looking for a roommate. Let him do that and then observe how he navigates being a new roommate.
If he’s smart, and is interested in an LTR w/you, he’ll respect your position, live elsewhere, save money, and down the line you can decide together if you have a future together.” Psychological_Name28
17. AITJ For Expecting My Brother To Drive My Son Despite His Off Day?
“I had a fight with my brother at work today. I’m 38 and he’s 26. I asked him to drive my son to wrestling practice, which would take 40 minutes round trip. I needed this favor so that my wife could stay at the scouts with our daughter, as it was a special family day event.
My brother initially declined, saying he didn’t want to because he has had a few off days recently.
When he refused my request, I made a light-hearted comment, suggesting that it was no big deal and joking that my daughter could just be alone at the scouts.
But instead of defusing the situation, it didn’t sit well with him. He got upset and said that now he is definitely not going to do it. This argument escalated further when he compared my comment to how our mom has guilt-tripped him throughout his life, which seemed to be a sore point for him and made the situation even tenser.
At this point, feeling frustrated and seeing the argument was escalating, I brought up that we had lent him our car over a dozen times without complaint. I mentioned that if I had wanted to use something against him, it could have been this car lending, but I hadn’t brought it up until this point because of his refusal and his reaction to my joke.
After our argument, I called my mom to see if she could help with the driving, and she agreed. I also told her about the argument with my brother. He had called her as well, in a very emotional state and crying, but the argument between us wasn’t more severe than what I have described here.
My mom was upset that we argued at work and she consistently sided with him during our conversation, without fully listening to my perspective. She also made a generalization about how my brother and I supposedly reacted when asked for help, which didn’t feel relevant or fair to me.
Given the significant support I’ve provided to my younger brother, especially during this challenging time when my family is living in temporary conditions due to house issues, I felt that his response over a relatively small favor was unfair, considering our circumstances and the history of how often I’ve helped him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, he’s not your co-parent. I understand that you have helped and sacrificed for him, bending over backward and every which way. The trouble here is, he’s an adult and instead of telling you ‘Sorry brother, I can’t – have you asked mom’, he was transparent and instead said ‘I’m tired I don’t wanna.’ They aren’t his kids.
They are your kids and any help you do get outside of normal boundaries is something to be grateful for. Most uncles don’t cart around their nieces or nephews like a soccer mom. Would it have been nice if he said yes, of course… but he didn’t and it’s not his responsibility.” SkepticalPoptarts
Another User Comments:
“YTJ once you argue when someone refuses to do you a favor, and all the more for being disruptive at work. It doesn’t matter what that person got from you or not, as the parent you are responsible for seeing to the needs of your children.” Redditactron
Another User Comments:
“Careful YTJ here as there is one thing here that I find a bit ignored. Your brother was already telling you that he had ‘a few off days’/’a bad day’, but you don’t go further into detail on this. Still, you think it was the time for jokes and practically calling in favors from him.
You probably want to make sure his life is okay before asking him to support yours.” ImpulsVisuals
16. AITJ For Demanding A New Internet Contract After Moving Into My Grandparents' House?
“My partner and I are moving to a house owned by my grandparents. We are going to live in a basement apartment, while my grandparents live on the first floor. Our decision to move in has not been met with support from my uncle and his wife, who lived in the basement apartment until ca.
5 years ago when they moved to their own newly built house. My grandparents offered my uncle to stay and make a home for his family in the same house; however, he ultimately decided to move out and build a new house elsewhere. He admittedly regrets this decision very much.
Now, after 5 years, I am moving in to save money from not paying rent in order to be hopefully someday able to buy my own home. I am not claiming ownership of the house in any way (it belongs to my grandparents) and my grandparents are very happy about my decision because they won’t be alone in the big house.
My uncle is still paying for the TVs and the internet in the house, which he mentioned when I first told him about my decision. Now that I am moving in, I saw no reason for him to keep paying, so I offered to pay instead of him (also for my grandparents’ TV and internet, as a way of thanking them, as I do not need to pay rent).
I suggested he transfer the TV and internet package to my name, which he declined. He wants to keep the package in his name and send me the bills to pay for him instead. His reasoning is that he still wants to use the function to watch TV from a computer (he has a TV package in his new house but apparently it does not provide that function).
He also just extended the contract with the TV provider (without my knowledge) so he can’t (and doesn’t want to) cancel it. I would have agreed to this option as a way of having a shared account, but he didn’t want to share the password for his user profile, stating that there was no reason for me to have it.
Note that he doesn’t even live in the house anymore but still visits often to park the car because the house is in a very central location. He has been very hostile about the whole “me moving in” situation and at this point, I do not want to have anything to do with him and pay my internet bills through him.
I would want to have my own contract written in my name. We had a fight about it and now my whole family is mad at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can call the internet/cable company yourself, inform them the _uncle_ no longer lives at the address and all services are being moved into your name and billing.
DO NOT give him the password. Ever. Keep your account to just you and your grandparents. Or, let him keep paying for your grandparents and just call to get a separate account set up for the basement apartment. Either way, do not start giving your uncle money.
It’s super sketchy that he’s trying to demand you do things this way. My guess would be that he’s watching _certain things_ on his computer that he doesn’t want his wife and kids to find out about and knows his parents don’t look at the bill or account/watch history.
Btw, he’s also lying. All streaming services can be watched via computer. Most don’t even have an extra fee unless you want to watch on multiple devices at once. So there is no way that he can’t watch something via his own account that he has access to via your grandparents’ account.
At most there might be a minimal added cost to add a service onto his home account, but that would still be less than paying for a full package for your grandparents. So again…he’s doing something sketchy.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stop fighting.
You tried to reason with him, and now you have no other choices. Go look up tenant contracts online and print one out for your grandparents to sign. Go in person to your internet/cable store and explain that a non-tenent still has a contract with them at that address, but you want your own contract, as you are the new tenant.
Present the contract, any mail you get there, and any evidence of other utilities if you are getting any bills. Even a cell phone bill mailed to your new address would help. Supply them with uncle’s address if you have it.” proud_didi
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Her 53-Slide PowerPoint Won't Win Her Students' Respect?
“I (27) have a friend, let’s call her Jaime (29) who will be starting her third term of teaching at our old college. She’s taking her second MBA right now, and was offered to teach a gimme class.
She enjoys the income and discount from her tuition, but she noticed that her students weren’t as interested as she would’ve liked them to be. And by that, I mean not interested at all. While she hasn’t outright failed anyone (because they still do the work), she put a lot of emphasis on attendance and class participation.
This gave her a bit of a reputation as one of the more unreasonable professors for the class.
While frustrated, Jaime just took this as the regular hazing that young, new professors always deal with. She thought that all she needed to get her students’ respect and attention was to prove that she wasn’t some amateur who didn’t know what she was talking about.
So she decided to more extensively introduce herself to her class next term. So she decided to make a powerpoint.
A 53-slide PowerPoint detailing her academic and extra-curricular achievements from college onward. She asked me to look it over and give my honest opinion. I put myself in the place of a college student and gave my honest reaction.
And I did. I told her that the only thing the powerpoint would do is make her worse in their eyes. If I had a professor who took a whole class to give me a presentation on why they should be respected, then I’d only respect them less.
53 slides is far too much; heck, 10 slides would be too much. I told her that I understood that she was frustrated by the situation, but presenting this powerpoint wouldn’t be improving her situation at all.
Jaime wasn’t happy with me at all. She said I was just as immature as her students if I couldn’t take her honest effort seriously.
She took to our group chat with our mutual friend group and asked if there was an adult that could look over something for her because asking me was a bad decision. While no one in the group has responded to her, I’ve gotten private DMs from all our other friends about what happened. I’ve explained the situation to them, and they’re on my side.
They talked to Jaime too, but they didn’t really want to repeat what she said about me.
I appreciate them siding with me, but I do feel like I did something wrong. While Jaime asked me to be honest, I think I should have responded more tactfully.
Based on her stories, her students haven’t been all that good to her, and me saying her powerpoint wouldn’t help might have made her more upset about the situation. I’ve tried contacting her again, but she says she doesn’t want to talk to a child right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve taught college classes before. Here’s what she’s doing wrong: expecting way too freaking much. There are usually 1-4 students in a class that give a crap about what you’re teaching if it’s not very specific to their major. Just 1-4.
The rest are just tired. Her class is 1 of several that they’re taking, and who knows what else they have going on. They’ll respect her if she respects them. Respect that they’re tired, that her class is not the most important thing in their lives – it doesn’t even make the list. Sometimes they have other places to be, or they can come to class but they aren’t participating.
And if they still learn the material – who gives a crap? Not them. You were absolutely right, that powerpoint is going to be weird, and it’s not going to help her reputation.” AMadManWithAPlan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only were you honest, you were spot-on.
You gave honest feedback in good faith, at her explicit request. What she does with it is up to her. Oh, to be a fly on her wall, as she gives the 50+ slide PowerPoint. The worst-case scenario is her reviews will be savage enough she won’t get another class — but that’s not something you can prevent.
You tried.” ggcc789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are completely right. Presenting that won’t just make her students respect her less – she will become a laughing stock to the entire campus. I can’t help wondering how much respect she shows her students, because it’s a two way street.
If she’s calling you a child for giving her an honest opinion, I wonder if she thinks of her students as children too? Also, I would be willing to bet she’s not a great teacher. It’s a skill, and while everyone can do it to some degree, some are better than others.” Front_Rip4064
14. AITJ For Requiring My Disagreeable FIL To Pay His Share Of Our Mortgage?
“My father-in-law (73) lives with my wife and me. He is generally VERY disagreeable… And that is putting it mildly. Recently (with inflation) we have asked for him to pay the mortgage payment to live with us. He hasn’t had to pay anything for the last year.
Mortgage payment is $1500. He receives $2100 per month SSA. So that would leave him $600 per month plus his investments of about $500K.
Additionally, our mortgage (we refinanced) includes about $120K in debt we paid off for him and home improvements that we made to benefit him.
He does not need to pay for anything else. We pay for taxes, insurance, cars (including his), food, power, water, sewer, trash, vet care for his epileptic dog, buying a new phone, iPad, etc., when he needs something. Cleaning ladies biweekly and aides 3 days a week help with his diabetic stockings and other things.
He has his own room, of course, and his own office. We installed an 86-inch TV in the living room for him. Subscribed to DirecTV for MLB extra innings and to have had the Sunday Ticket every year for him. He has a 65-inch TV on the back porch, a 43-inch TV in his bedroom, and a 43-inch TV in his office.
We also set up Alexa so he can use all the modern smart house automation: lights, door locks, TV channels, etc. We also have his tablet on our phone plan so he has internet anywhere he takes it.
The issue is that he constantly complains about how we’re “using him” for his money now.
ALL THE TIME. When we remind him of what we’re paying for, his normal response is “Well, I didn’t ask for that.” Even though he uses it all and never hesitates to tell us when the internet, or Alexa, or the TV, or whatever he’s using has an issue, nor does he hesitate to monopolize the living room about 10 hours a day to watch TV, except for the days he goes on the back porch.
Relegating me to my office or my wife to our bedroom if we want to watch something or listen to music.
Property taxes and school taxes are high in our area. We spend about $2500/month on everything else, including cleaning ladies to come in and clean biweekly.
I feel like the $1500 is a fair ask. He still has $600/mo. to “play” with and doesn’t have to pay for anything else.
Also, my wife (his daughter) was just diagnosed with a terminal neurological disorder, so we have had more expenses there, and his nastiness and general meanness toward her have made me angry at him too.
So with all of that being said, I just want to make sure his general nastiness and disagreeableness hasn’t clouded my judgment and that we’re being fair in what we’re asking him to pay… Or are we being the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That 1500 covers his rent, power, water, TV/internet services, lawn care, house cleaning, laundry, food preparation, vehicle upkeep, gas for said vehicle, and more.
If he doesn’t like it, he can move out. He will have $0 left at the end of the month and won’t be nearly as comfortable.” SoloSweets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe phrase it differently. Instead of having him pay the mortgage entirely, add up all the living expenses and show him the total. Divide by 3.
Based on all your comments, it seems to be the same amount but might sit better with him if it’s living expenses. If he wants to pay less, have him look at the numbers and see where he can cut or how he can pitch in more to lessen expenses.” crazyfamily321
Another User Comments:
“Getting your FIL to understand that his financial contribution is fair is not going to fix your problem. He has taken over your home and has bullied the pair of you. He only has himself to blame when you inform him that he needs to move out.
I would suggest you do it before your marriage fails rather than after.” Monday0987
13. AITJ For Refusing To Drop My Sister Off And Prioritizing My Own Commitments?
“I (21M) refused to drop off my sister (18F) to school this morning even though I was urged to by my parents. For the record, when I was her age and from the age of 14 I had to take the bus and train to school for most days of the week, and since we lived in a different area at the time, it took one hour back and forth.
My sister, however, has always been dropped off despite the distance between her school and home being far shorter (a 10-minute drive as opposed to my 30-minute drive), and ever since she got her driver’s license she’s been able to drive and take the car assigned to me to school or get dropped off.
The initial reasons I gave as to why I couldn’t drop her off was that I would have come late to uni (which I would have) and missed attendance for a mandatory class, as well as me refusing to give in to the unfair treatment I’ve gotten from my parents compared to her, as I had to take public transport so often whilst she gets brought everywhere.
This has enraged my parents, calling me spoiled and acting as if I get everything put on a platter by them.
Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything they’ve done for me, such as cooking, cleaning, etc., and yeah, I might not show it often, but I just want to feel a bit of equality and fairness in regards to the way I’m treated. They also don’t seem to understand that I didn’t want to drop her off because of the fact that it’s basically me giving in to this unfair treatment, not because I’m selfish or something.
My parents call me selfish because now they have to drop her off instead of me doing it since the school is on the way to my uni. But that would have cost me an extra 10 minutes, which would have made me come late, and again, why couldn’t they just tell her to take the bus?
They didn’t have an answer for that question.
It’s also as if they’re never happy regarding what I do, and considering I’ve turned my life around in a lot of positive aspects in the last year or two, I don’t ever get that appreciation from them.
I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, I play football, tennis, and volleyball once per week, and I go to uni and work at the same time, whilst maintaining a social life—all of which I didn’t really have a couple of years back, so it took a lot of work to get where I’m at.
And for them to just call me spoiled and lazy just because I want to feel a bit of equality between my sister and me did enrage me quite a bit.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think the issue was that you would be late – you clearly are sick of the classic “eldest child responsibility” where parents expect the eldest child to parent their younger sibling by doing things like driving them places.
I think you should set a clear boundary of “Hey, I’m not the parent, I didn’t have this child, and I’m not going to drive her around.” And if they don’t like it, too bad. If they have something over you (e.g. car, housing), then you might just have to go your own way and do things on your own.
Either way, you don’t drive her around anymore.” Routine_Action_121
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ because it’s reasonable to say no because you don’t wanna be late. However, your complaint about her being dropped off by your parents with the 30 minutes vs 10 minutes doesn’t really make sense.
Maybe they drop her off because it’s easy to make a 10-minute drive without disrupting their schedule, whereas 30 minutes each way is an hour out of their day that they may not want to or be able to afford. Obviously, I don’t have the full context on your claims of slight favouritism, but I would say NTJ for saying no because of uni, but maybe try to be a bit more understanding of the fact that siblings won’t always be treated the same and that it’s not always preferential treatment when that happens (though it may be like I said, context is important).” Gummy_Bears_11
Another User Comments:
“I almost went with NTJ, until I read this “ever since she got her driver’s license she’s been able to drive and take the car assigned to me to school or get dropped off”. Basically, you share a car, and if you want it you have to drop her off; that seems fair to me.
Your parents provide you with a car for transport, food, and more. I am guessing that you only work a few hours a week considering all your other commitments. So I believe that your parents are helping with the costs of uni. You want the shared car; you drop her off, that is the deal. So YTJ.” Illustrious-Bat-8245
12. AITJ For Letting My Cousin Escape Her Narcissistic Ex And Facing Family Backlash?
“My cousin 29f is wife number four of her ex. He’s currently engaged to number 7. The guy comes across as the coolest and world’s most pleasant person. He’s so fun to be around, he’s helpful, and is super good-looking.
Also, according to my cousin, he’s a narcissist, a jerk, and a controlling jerk. For example, she had to walk 3 miles to work every day and wasn’t allowed to drive her own car, because she’d then be able to do stuff without him.
By “stuff” he didn’t mean fooling around or shady business, he meant, go grocery shopping, go to the post office, get gas, or buy clothes for herself. He would literally flip out if she bought gum from a vending machine at work without asking him first. I actually witnessed this firsthand.
Apparently, gum causes your hair to fall out.
Eventually, he started putting on pressure for her to quit her job, even though they wouldn’t be able to afford it. My cousin decided that she already felt like she was a prisoner in her own life and left him.
Initially, she moved back in with her parents, but her ex convinced them to kick her out so she wouldn’t have any choice but to go back to him. He also did this with her brothers and grandmother. She was desperate and a wreck by the time she came to me for help.
Two days after she moved in, he was on my doorstep with a sob story. He was so good I almost believed him and came close to kicking her myself. But my cousin and I had a long talk and I reluctantly allowed her to stay.
Once the ex found out I wasn’t kicking her out, he went to the family and turned them into flying monkeys. In fact, her mother, my aunt, was so upset with me that she called the police to do a wellness check because I was holding her daughter prisoner.
Six months later, ex was engaged to wife #5 and asked for a divorce. My family descended on me like a ton of bricks because it was my fault that such a nice guy got away. Wife #6 and now #7 is somehow also my fault. Mr. Nice Guy is still trying to control my cousin by using her family to stop her from driving her own car, living in her own apartment, and buying her own groceries.
Because no man will want such a feminist!
While I’m persona non grata for allowing my cousin to let such a gem of a human getaway. I’m 99% certain that I was in the right, but with so many people berating me, even grandma, that there’s a niggling doubt skulking around in my brain.
And for some reason, Mr. Nice Guy is now desperately trying to get me to become internet friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s attempting to use your family to mistreat and control you, the same way he mistreats and controls your cousin. He views the two of you as possessions, to be moved around and to act the way he pleases.
He wants to be “friends” so he can keep track of you, and control you the way he controls everyone else in his life. If you give him anything he wants he will feel justified in his actions. If you comply it will get worse.
Lots of people throw around the No Contact thing. It’s easy to cut off the people you love. Heck, I’ve done it to. It will be hard. But anyone who is on his side, who is talking to him about you? That person is not safe for you.
It’s not fair that you have to live with the consequences of his actions. Doubly so because you’re a third party that got pulled into someone else’s abusive relationship and you’re caught in the fallout. But it doesn’t matter about fairness, it’s your reality, and it’s what you need to stay safe and sane.” Natural_Garbage7674
11. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit Because My Coworker Demanded Permission For Discipline?
“I, 18F, work at a small family-owned restaurant with six other people. I work 4 out of seven days a week, and on my off days, I babysit kids ages 2+ for extra cash. I babysit most of my coworkers’ kids and even my manager’s son. My coworker, Dylan (36M), has twin 9-year-old boys, Eric and Mark, who I have watched since Dylan and I have alternating schedules.
Lately, Eric has been acting out more—like pushing/hitting the other kids and breaking toys—which results in a time-out.
On Sunday, I babysat the twins and a little girl named Bella. I took them to the park. While at the park, Bella managed to get on the swings before Eric ended up pushing her off into the pebbled ground, resulting in a couple of palm scrapes and a cut on her knee.
I ended up cutting our trip early after putting bandages on Bella’s cuts and taking them back home, where I then put Eric in the corner for 15 minutes while Mark and Bella did other activities I had for at-home days. This led to Eric throwing a tantrum and throwing the stool he was sitting on, adding another 15 minutes to his time.
The problem happened on Monday. While at work, Dylan came in angry and began questioning me about why I was disciplining his son. This struck me as odd because, before I accept offers to watch over someone’s child, I hand out printed copies of what I do with their child.
For example, trips to the park, movies, outdoor activities, and disciplinary methods such as time-outs and restriction of certain snacks are written on it. I could tell he was upset, so I decided to take a break—since the restaurant was relatively empty—and discuss this with him to find out what he was so upset about.
He proceeded to tell me that Eric was upset that he was excluded during activity time and that I had no right to punish his son without his explicit permission. I then told him that I wouldn’t watch children that I couldn’t discipline since that would result in them thinking they could act out without consequences.
He then told me that he still wanted me to babysit, but he also wanted me to call him every time I felt the need to discipline his children and explain to him why they were being punished and what the punishment was. I told him I would rather just not babysit his children at all.
I guess he complained to my other coworkers at some point because one of them told me I was being selfish and that taking 3 minutes to alert him wouldn’t have hurt the situation. So am I the jerk? I’m just a little confused”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Daycares and schools don’t call parents every time they have to discipline kids. That’s ridiculous. Just because you’re 18, he thinks he can push you around. If he didn’t read the paper saying you would discipline children, that’s his fault.” AgentAlpo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing him a favor. It’s not like you’re beating them, and as a parent myself, yes, I’d want to know if you’re disciplining them—but only to know about their day, as obviously it’s a behavior that needs addressing. You can’t pick and choose when someone’s doing you a favor.” Selmo20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this just time-out? Yikes. That big of a reaction for being put in time-out is wild. Acting like you pushed the kid against the wall. You gave them your printout of what you do and what happens. I would not watch those kids again if you need to call to get approval for even just a time-out.
Unnecessary stress.” User
10. AITJ For Prioritizing My Mental Health Over My Family's Expectations?
“I’m 36F, unmarried, and I fear I may have hurt my only family, mother, and sister, deeply over leaving my job.
I am presently in a very prestigious job with a lot of freebies. It’s influential, and while the pay is good, not great, it’s societally immensely respected. My mother has worked hard her entire life so that me and my sister have the education and support to reach here.
We lost my dad when I was 3, and my sister a few years older. She has been like another parent to me since. It’s only due to my mom’s focus on us and our education that we’ve reached anywhere in life.
My job has put enough money on the table that I can pay my mom’s bills, but she won’t accept any of it.
So I just gift her things every once in a while that I can easily afford due to my job. However, for the past 5 years, I’ve been through ups and downs at work, which I now realize may be due to undiagnosed ADHD and depression.
I don’t have any real talent for it; it’s just my hard work and sincerity that’s been keeping my boat afloat. I don’t enjoy it, and I never have.
A few months ago, I was involved in a bad situation at work where my boss’s boss made me the scapegoat and penalized me for something one of my team had done.
I took responsibility and saved my boss’s ass in front of higher-ups. As a ‘reward,’ he posted me three hours away to a city I’ve never lived in, in a role where I have more pay, but a heavier workload and increased pressure.
I cry twice or thrice a week since. What happened made me lose all trust in the organization. I want to either take a sabbatical or leave. I discussed this with my family. I was taken aback because they just went quiet. It was like they were internally calculating something.
Then my mother said I should get some of the perks with the new position, then only leave.
I’m afraid this infuriated me. I told her that she wanted me to stick it out no matter what, because that’s been her motto in life, that I’ve become obese, unhappy, and left behind everything for my job, but still she didn’t support me leaving it, that she was selfish.
I’ve been telling her and my sister for a long time about the stress I was under and taking anti-anxiety medication. I go on and on about it because I can’t see any way out. My sister said that she had worked so hard to make me reach there and that she was irritated at the sight of me, that I was self-pitying.
Anyway, so my mother and sister are not talking to me now, and I am distraught. Am I the jerk? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m an attorney myself and made the conscious decision to not work at large firms because while it may be prestigious and pay a lot, time with my wife and kids is more important to me.
Wasn’t gonna work 60+ hour weeks and miss the important things. Work/life balance should be kept in perspective, and your happiness should take priority here, I think. Good luck, and I wish you the best.” offensivelypc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t about them.
This is about your life. If your family is pressuring you this hard to stay somewhere that is making you miserable, then all the sacrifices they made weren’t for your benefit, were they? Unless your work being miserable is a short-term thing and there’s light at the end of the tunnel, there’s no point in drawing it out; just get out of there.” XianglingBeyBlade
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Mind Her Own Business?
“My husband, Nikita [38M], and I [37F] have been together 17 years, married for 12, and have been best friends for 19. A few months ago, I found out that Nikita used to mildly stalk me before we started seeing each other and at the very beginning of our relationship.
I’ve forgiven him for this (helped by the fact that he is genuinely deeply remorseful for it and has been working on his obsessive tendencies – which I absolutely did know about, in general – in therapy, among other things, for years) and we’ve been to couple’s counseling for this, to be crystal clear (in addition to individual therapy for me, as I had a lot of complex emotions about this, some of which I found a bit concerning).
We love each other very dearly and have worked through this.
When I first found out, I told my brother, Jonathan [38M], about it and told him about working through this too. He’s the only person I told. Recently, Nikita and I, Jonathan and his husband, and our sister, Lizzie [34F], and her wife all visited my parents.
We’re due to stay about 10 days, and while I know family vacations are notorious here, we all are quite close and get along very well.
Now, I did not tell Lizzie about the issue with Nikita for good reason. While I’m very close to her and love her, Lizzie is a lot more judgmental than Jonathan, and all I wanted was support, not for anyone to be vocal about any ill thoughts or feelings about Nikita.
Jonathan let it slip to Lizzie recently that Nikita used to stalk me, and Lizzie was very upset upon finding this out (Jonathan has since apologized for telling her, he thought that she already knew).
Lizzie then confronted me and essentially expressed that she wished I had told her and that she thought Nikita was a horrible person for this.
I apologized for not telling her while also telling her not to say rude things about Nikita in front of me, and I emphasized that we had worked things out, that he was sorry, and that I had forgiven him. She doubled down and said that it was freaking messed up that I even considered forgiving him and that he must be a worthless person for this.
I was a lot firmer and told her again that I didn’t want to hear anything from her about Nikita, and that it was not any of her business.
She essentially repeated her point in different, but still aggressive, language, and this really made me irate.
I told her to mind her business and that if I wanted her opinion, I’d ask for it. She then called me a jerk and said she was just trying to look out for me, but I told her that I’d already told her to shut up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody had the right to interfere in your business unless you directly asked them for input. You are right to put Lizzie in her place. Even though it may not have been her intention, she overstepped her boundaries. Please ensure that Lizzie does not go to Nikita and embarrass him for something he already sorted out with you.” InternationalLeek967
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister does have judgmental tendencies. The phrase, “I’m only looking out for you” is the biggest cop-out when trying to justify unwanted and unwarranted opinions of the sort that she voiced. And, it seems, she just doesn’t know when to quit.
You are well within your rights to be very selective in the people with whom you decide to share personal information. Next time, though, swear that person to secrecy.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“Esh. Lizzie as what she said is wrong, but she gets to have an opinion.
Jonathan for blabbing. And you most of all. Why say anything to anyone? Most people would react to this kind of disturbing news. You knew it was potentially polarizing, and once that information was passed along from you you lost control of it.” MushroomItchy7180
8. AITJ For Accusing My SO Of Hidden Savings And Financial Mistreatment?
“My SO and I have been together for 3.5 years. I have always paid for everything—all the bills, trips, and vacations—because I make more than he does.
I was laid off from my job last September. I have only been back to work since February. Unemployment in my state is nothing basically, and I only received what I was owed in May. During my time of being unemployed, I borrowed from my family to pay for my bills and everything, as I knew how much my SO made and he always told me he didn’t have much.
Well, a month ago I learned that since he has been living with me, he managed to save $14k. I was speechless. Though it’s his money and we are not married, I couldn’t help but feel betrayed. I borrowed from my family to pay for everything, and I owe them all, while he could have paid for things.
Many said I should have broken up with him. And I guess I know I should have, but I’m already divorced once, and aside from that, our relationship was good. I’m slowly getting back on my feet, but my kindness has come to bite me again.
My dad is recently retired and living with me while he buys a house. I’ve had to support him as he’s been waiting for his 401k payout for too long. He finally got it today, but because of the amount, it’s on hold for 7 days.
My dad promised to help me pay back my relatives, and I’ve given him money here and there. But my SO and our kids are going back to my home for my brother’s wedding. Everything is paid for except the car rental and food when we are at the beach.
I asked if he could pay for everything we needed, and I would pay him back. I’m guessing it will be around $1500. He told me that he could do $1000. The issue is I need to pay my mortgage. I said I would pay him back everything on the 8th, which is the day we return, but he said no. I don’t know what to do.
I understand his side, but I can’t help but feel betrayed again. I have changed a lot based on feedback from him, but he says that he isn’t going to risk himself financially because I’m irresponsible and let my dad borrow and live off of me.
I understand his point, but I guess I’m just stupid. But now I told him just to stay and I would lose out on the Airbnb I paid for and just stay with my mom. He says I’m being a jerk. And maybe I am.
But I’m hurt. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“So sorry to break it to you: Your SO is financially abusive, and manipulative, and you now have victim issues. He is not the victim. He is not in the right here. HE is clearly a leech.
He is the one who’s manipulated you into thinking you’re no good. I don’t often advocate for breaking up relationships, but this needs to end. YOU need your self-esteem back. NTJ” GungHoStocks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO doesn’t seem interested in paying his fair share.
You’re the one who makes more money and pays for everything, and yet you’re irresponsible? And he’s putting himself at risk? If anyone can make that argument, it’s definitely you. This sounds like manipulation and deflection. You’ve been very generous and he should be willing to do the same in a partnership.
You guys should discuss your financial contributions and get to an agreement on what’s fair.” soysauceg1rl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the way you handled finances was that you paid for everything when you were earning more than it is, in keeping that he should have been supporting you when you were unemployed, he’s playing ‘what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is ours’.” Baldricks_Turnip
7. AITJ For Expecting My Guests To Ask Permission Before Eating And Then Demanding Reimbursement?
“My wife’s family is staying with us for the past week – my in-laws, and their kids (21 year olds). I think we are very accommodating – we offer up our home, cars (picking them up from the “cheaper” airport an hour away rather than the international airport 10 minutes away), and essentially plan activities all throughout their trip to keep them busy.
I’ve bought groceries for them twice now, spending over $100 to make multiple breakfasts and dinners, buy waters, kcups, etc. They never went grocery shopping for their trip, so they have just been eating/using what we have in the house. We noticed that the kids (age 21) have been snacking all throughout the day – grabbing anything they want out of our cabinet.
They also have been cooking their own food with our ingredients. I have no problem with this whatsoever, but I do have a problem with the fact they have never once asked “do you mind if I open up this brand new bag of chips” or “do you mind if I make myself a grilled cheese.” I would say yes if they asked, because I am not counting chips or pieces of bread.
But I was raised to ask for permission if I am a guest in someone’s home.
There have been other issues of the group not being excited or very grateful about activities we put thought into planning, or some of them choosing to eat dinner even though I said I was going to cook dinner for everybody.
My wife brought this up with her parents (my wife and I are on the same page about the whole situation) – and they apparently were apologetic and offered to replace all of the snacks. We tried to explain that we don’t need the food replaced; it was more the fact that they (mostly their kids) never asked before eating it.
But they are still hung up on going to Costco (it’s just two of us, we don’t need Costco-sized items) and replacing food, which tells me they aren’t understanding our true reason for bringing it up. And on top of all of this, my wife’s parents are now putting receipts on the counter of the times they bought food (i.e., bagels for breakfast for everyone) and asking us to reimburse.
I find that rude and petty, considering we have hosted them and their 2 dogs for 6 days. I’m at the point where I want to tally up every dollar I’ve spent and only pay back what we truly owe (example, I paid for her parents to go golfing with us as a kind gesture, but now since we are laying receipts out I want to ask for that money back).
I can’t tell if I am used to being spoiled by my own parents offering to pay for food/activities when they stay with us, or if my in-laws are acting cheap and petty?”
Another User Comments:
“So you are mad when they cook, but then mad that they go out.
You are mad they didn’t buy food, but upset when they offer to go shopping. You don’t mention that they WERE buying food until you are upset about the receipts. I am getting that you are going to be mad no matter what.
YTJ” Sea_Yesterday_8888
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I mean…personally, the first thing I say when hosting a guest is ‘please help yourself to anything in the kitchen’ (unless maybe there’s something I’m saving to cook for a meal). And I hate visiting people who don’t have the same ‘make yourself at home’ attitude while hosting.
So it was a bit of a faux pas for them to realize you aren’t like that, but when you rejected their offer to make it right, at that point you’re being silly. And I’m pretty sure they’re bringing out their receipts because you’re acting like they haven’t contributed anything the whole trip and that isn’t true.
You are all being petty when you should just apologize for the poor communication on all sides and move on.” Outrageously_Penguin
6. AITJ For Gifting My Handcrafted Teddy Bear To My Rich Partner?
“Me and my partner were in a healthy relationship. If we got into an argument we’d talk things out and we set boundaries with each other and stuff like that. My partner grew up comfortably; his parents had a well-paying job and so does he.
It was a few days before our anniversary and usually I’d just buy him gifts from the store, but I decided on crocheting him a teddy bear to show him how much I really love him and appreciated him. So I spent days making the teddy bear before our anniversary, trying to make it as perfect as possible.
I even bought him flowers.
It was the day of our anniversary. As usual, we had dinner and surprised each other with gifts. My partner went first; he got me a watch and a necklace. And then it was my turn. I showed him the teddy bear and I saw his face morph from excitement to disappointment and shock.
I asked him “What’s wrong? You don’t like it?” I was nervous at the time, but what I didn’t expect from my usual calm partner was to look at the gift with disgust written all over his face. He asked me “This is a joke, right?” and I told him “No, it isn’t.
I made you this!” I said, hoping him to be happy, but instead he got angry and screamed at me. He yelled at me as he threw the teddy bear on the ground, “The gift I gave you was worth more than this freaking bear!” He was furious.
At the time, I was nervous and confused as to why he was angry; he hadn’t reacted like this before. Was it because the gifts I usually gave him were expensive?
What made things worse was when he stood up and started stomping on the teddy bear I made him.
The look of horror on my face when he did it was unbelievable. This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. After what felt like hours, I saw him finally stop the mistreatment he did to the teddy bear and instead look at me with disgust and hatred. He said to me, “I’m leaving,” before leaving my condo and slamming the door hard.
He didn’t say anything else, just that. I cried all night that day as I hugged the teddy bear I made; I barely cared if it was dirty. The next couple of days he didn’t even show his face to me, nor did he text or call me.
I was absolutely devastated. After a week, he texted me, “Let’s take a break from our relationship. I can’t handle this,” before blocking my number. This event happened a month ago. To this day he still hasn’t contacted me or anything. So, am I really in the wrong for gifting him that teddy bear?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s behaving like a spoiled brat. Handmade gifts are expensive and thoughtful. If he was only interested in expensive stuff from you, it’s a good thing you found out now – what happens if your financial situation changes? Will he abandon you or get violent?
Who knows, with him behaving like this over a bear? Block him and move on.” AbsyntheMindedly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and move on from this insane jerk. He is so obsessed with money that it’s the only thing he cares about. I don’t know him but I have known many of his type.
Also, getting that angry and stomping on something someone made for you is just a psycho move. This screams future issues to me. Call it a learning experience and move on to better, less materialistic, relationships.” Monster_Cookie420
Another User Comments:
“I know it may feel like your world is ending, and I’m so so sorry for that.
What you did was kind and thoughtful. The teddy bear is not the problem. This is actually a blessing in disguise, because what if it had been you that he took his anger out on instead of the teddy bear? His reaction is over the top and violent.
I am confident you are much better off without him. Sending love to you & your adorable teddy bear” Snoopitysnoop8264
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Groomsman's Wife After He Excluded Our Partners?
“I (M30) have a group of childhood friends which includes Steve and John. I have been with my partner for three years, Steve has been with his partner for two years, and John has been with his partner, Sandy, for a number of years.
John and Sandy got engaged sometime last year. Recently, Steve and his partner got engaged, and shortly after, my partner and I got engaged.
John’s partner, Sandy, is a friend/acquaintance of ours from high school, who Steve and I have grown to dislike.
The impression we get from Sandy is that she is happy to do things that only she wants to do and will not participate in most group activities—even if John may want to. Sandy has not come to any group catch-ups as she is always “sick.”
Fast forward a few months, and John is planning his wedding, having asked both myself and Steve to be groomsmen. John asked Steve to be his groomsman over dinner, and then later texted Steve, informing him that his fiancée isn’t invited to the wedding.
John asked me to be his groomsman over the phone, and when I asked if my partner (now fiancée) was invited, he informed me that they couldn’t fit her in the budget, and therefore, she wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Fast forward to the wedding, and there doesn’t appear to be an issue with the budget, as there were approximately 80 guests at the wedding with the traditional full multi-course meal, drinks, live band, etc. There were friends of Sandy’s who had their respective partners with them, and the other two groomsmen were also with their partners.
It was very obvious to us that it wasn’t so much a budget issue, but rather that our partners had been intentionally removed.
John’s sister queried us as to where our fiancées were and was astounded that they hadn’t been invited. Sandy’s mother was with us when we were taking photos after the ceremony and made a comment such as, “Oh, are you the two that didn’t get a plus one…?”
Now bring it back to today. Steve, our fiancées, and I are discussing our wedding plans. John will be a groomsman for both of us. A big topic of conversation is whether Sandy gets invited to our weddings.
Our fiancées understandably do not want her at their weddings.
It is their big day, and Sandy made her stance clear when they weren’t invited to their wedding.
My partner and I (and Steve and his fiancée) are torn as to whether we invite Sandy to our weddings or not. It feels wrong not to invite a groomsman’s wife to our weddings, but also freaking that jerk she made her decision, and John should have known it was wrong not to include our partners at his wedding, especially being such close friends and all being each other’s groomsmen.”
Another User Comments:
“Why is Sandy getting all the blame here? John was also equally responsible for that invite list. You’re NTJ for deciding on your wedding guest list, but this all seems incredibly petty. Have an adult conversation with your friend and make a decision from there.” kratzicorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting her, but you are for inviting HIM after he did that to both of your spouses. He lied to you, he is the one who did it. You should have walked out when you found out you were the only ones he did that to.
You went along with it when you did find out.” SubarcticFarmer
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Why are you inviting John? I wouldn’t. ‘But also freaking that jerk she made her decision and John should have known it was wrong not to include our partners at his wedding’ How about blaming John?
It was his wedding too; he absolutely could have put his foot down here. Stop avoiding the actual issue here: your friendship with John. Sandy doesn’t like y’all. Is she a jerk? I have no idea. All I know is that you can’t blame Sandy 100% when John was absolutely complicit in this.” happybanana134
4. AITJ For Telling My Cousin There’s More To Asia Than Just China?
“My step-sister (M) is 6, and my cousin (R) is 9. I myself am 16. I’ve lived in southern Mississippi for my entire life, so growing up, racism was very around me. Until about age 12, I said racist things almost weekly around my family, and so did all of my grandparents and pretty much my entire family.
After moving to a public high school, I realized exactly how stupid the idea of racism is, and had a big change in my thoughts and so on. Anyways, back to the actual point of this. So, for 2 weeks or so, my cousins have been staying over for the summer at my mom and stepdad’s house.
Yesterday, I made some ramen for us to eat because I’ve been exploring other cultures’ food and enjoy cooking very much. While eating, my cousin, R, said how much she loves Chinese food. I chimed in just a little and said something along the lines of, “Actually, ramen is a Japanese dish!” Both of them looked super confused, and at this point, I found out, somehow, that neither of them had heard of pretty much any other cultures and referred to all Asian people and things as Chinese.
I didn’t really get into anything deep, but was just kind of like, “Oh yeah, there’s a whole bunch of different cultures in Asia—Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc.” While doing this, my aunt came in and looked pretty upset. She pulled me aside, with my uncle, and lectured me on how I shouldn’t be telling them things like that at such a young age, and that they’ll find out when they’re older.
This honestly shocked me, as the only people I had been around in the past year who were even close to being racist in some way were my grandparents. Later that night, I told my mom and stepdad about it, and they were both about as dumbfounded as me.
They decided to have a chat with my aunt and uncle, and when I woke up today, my cousin was gone. Just to provide some info, I live in the center of Mississippi, and they live in the tip-top of Tennessee. These people took their kid out of a fun summer vacation and drove nearly 4 hours back home during the night because I told a freaking 9-year-old that there’s more to Asia than just China.
I’m really only posting this because I received a very angry text from my aunt while I was asleep, telling me that their daughter will no longer be allowed to visit if I expose them to things like this without their approval.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was wondering where you lived, and, uh, yeah, Mississippi says it all. Your aunt is genuine trash to think that telling your cousins that there isn’t just China in Asia is a bad thing. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At 12, you have the intelligence and openness to think critically while sadly it seems many of the adults in your orbit do not.
Your aunt and uncle are acting out of fear. They probably don’t even know what they’re afraid of. Carry on, you’re doing awesome.” kat_ingabogovinanana
Another User Comments:
“Bet they’re also scared of LGBTQIA+ and support women unliving due to preventable medical outcomes vs safe terminations.
Don’t listen to those types of people. Those are the voices that need to be drowned out. Your cousins will learn from your words or be taught in a peer environment like you were. There’s not much tolerance for intolerance left. Especially not in the youth.
Don’t apologize for not recognizing such illogical intolerance. NTJ.” TrixIx
3. AITJ For Refusing To Be Upsold By A Pushy Sales Assistant?
“The other day, I (30sF) and my Friend (30sF) went shopping. We were passing an electronics store, and I remembered that my mouse was dying, so we went in to buy a new one. My requirements were just this: wireless, decent size. I only ever watch movies/podcasts from my laptop; I need a mouse to just scroll and click.
I’ve picked up a mouse that fits my needs. But things were wired to the display in that store and a key was needed to get it. I asked for an assistant, and a guy in his early twenties came with the most obvious “I don’t want to be here” expression on his face, which I get.
I asked the guy to get me the mouse, and he just said in a very bored, unenthusiastic voice, “You should get a more expensive one because the battery will last longer.” That kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Who starts advising a customer to buy something by just bluntly saying to get the more expensive thing?
But I just shrugged it off. The mouse he pointed at was twice as expensive but also twice as small; I needed a bigger one. I explained it to the assistant. Then he stated, “That would be even more expensive,” and pointed at the mouse that costs 3.5x more than the one I originally asked for.
Again, who does that? I have been very poor for a good chunk of my life. I know how embarrassing and humiliating it is to be put on the spot for going for the cheaper option. So I think it is very unacceptable for a shop assistant to blatantly insist a customer pays more.
I get that it might be a store policy to try to sell the more expensive products, but then just try to promote the advantages, qualities, etc., and don’t just bring up the price over and over again—especially with such a bad attitude.
I am at a better place financially now, but the next person might not be. Comments like that can seriously affect your mental health. Besides, I just genuinely didn’t need a more expensive mouse.
At that point, I didn’t want to buy anything from that store anymore.
I just told the shop assistant, “Please give the customer what they are asking for next time,” turned around, and left. I didn’t raise my voice or even say it angrily. I might have sounded annoyed and tired, though.
Anyway, when we exited the store, my Friend started to lecture me about how what I did was rude and might get that guy in trouble because his manager was watching.
I honestly don’t care; I think he was doing a very bad job. I later told the story to my mom, and she fully agreed with my Friend.
Now I have my doubts. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the worker really didn’t seem to enjoy his job, I doubt he would be worried about losing it.
Plus, that is definitely a strange way of advertising your products… Usually, they avoid saying the price and express its magnificence in comparison to the others.” goregrindgirly
Another User Comments:
“Ewww to your friend!!! No matter what your financial situation is, you as a customer should be able to spend YOUR money on whatever YOU want.
You tried to voice that to the worker, and he was belittling you—basically trying to convince you to get something that didn’t fit your needs. You chose to set your boundaries and not buy anything. Your friend should be fired as a friend.” hapakitty808
2. AITJ For Refusing To Replace My Car Despite Family Pressure?
“I (M48) grew up in a low-income family. My parents worked very hard to provide for me and my siblings, and while we were always well-fed and clothed, we definitely felt our economic situation growing up.
Because of this, I feel that I am financially wise and I try to live a bit frugally when possible (despite making a very good income).
For the past year, I have come under increasing pressure from my wife (F46) and our three kids (F19, M15, F13) to replace my old car.
For reference, I drive a 2008 Hyundai Sonata with almost 200,000 miles. While cosmetically the car has a few scratches and dings, mechanically it is essentially in perfect condition and costs very little to operate.
My wife and kids, however, view the car as a source of family shame.
They continually point out how it looks completely out of place in our area and that, considering my income, I should be driving something far nicer. I’ve always maintained with my children that they shouldn’t place too much emphasis on material things and that people should be investing in more important aspects of life, but I feel that these messages are partially ignored.
Last week, my eldest daughter borrowed the car to hang out with her friends and mentioned to me how they joked about how outdated her dad’s car is. I told her that she shouldn’t worry too much about what other people think and that we should be grateful that the car works.
However, she told me that this was irrelevant in our particular context since all her friends arrived in much nicer cars and since we lived in a nice area.
Last night, my wife and I planned on attending a social event with some of our friends and co-workers.
As I was grabbing my keys, my wife stopped me and told me that we would be taking her car since mine had become too embarrassing.
During the drive, she told me I was being unreasonable for holding on to my car for so long and that I needed to get rid of it.
She mentioned that I should consider that our youngest daughter just started high school and that she might feel uncomfortable getting dropped off and picked up in the car in front of her peers.
My wife then went on to say how people within our own social circle found it odd for me to drive such a car and brought up how my friends and co-workers have made jokes about the car in the past.
I told her that I wasn’t going to replace my car since it worked fine and getting a new one would be an unnecessary expense. I mentioned how it was an important lesson for our kids to learn, but she then accused me of being stubborn and stingy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are comfortable in your car, and they are comfortable in their car, then they don’t need to worry about what you are driving. Being so concerned about the opinions of others is rarely a helpful thing. However, you may want to consider how safe your current vehicle is.
Are the airbags still good? Does it have appropriate and updated safety features? I would consider replacing it more for safety reasons and less for appearance reasons.” newfriend836639
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Die on this hill. Your wife is supporting the kids’ keeping up with the Joneses’ mentality, and even if unwelcome now, it is a lesson in financial responsibility that they can look back on.
And maybe they will be less tempted to take on debt to get nicer cars. Work on teaching the kids that having money and appearing to have money are often 2 different things.” guardlamamama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I relate to you Op! And I share your sense of not caring what people think about the kind of car I drive despite “being able to afford” something fancier.
I have a 2009 Toyota hatchback with 235k miles. It’s got my hitch bike rack installed and it purrs like a kitten. Think of all the $ we are saving not having a new car. Next time I see a Sonata rolling deep, I will tip my cap, sir!
NEVER CHANGE!” User
1. AITJ For Not Responding To My Best Friends Wedding Invite?
“As a background, I (26F) am friends with Mel and Rica (both F) from when I was in high school. We were all in the same class for 3 years and attended the same university. Rica and I took the same major while Mel took a business major.
But ever since, when we have plans, most of the time, only Mel and I are able to do them. I can’t remember any plans with Rica aside from the projects we made when we were in high school. I would say I am closer to Mel than Rica, but I love and care for them both.
When we went to university, we barely had time with each other. I understood because we’re so busy and all.
I can’t remember when was the last time we all talked to each other, but I think it’s been about 3+ years now since we lost contact.
A couple of months ago, I saw a post of Rica on social media that she’s engaged with her fiance. I’m happy for her. But it’s not really my thing to comment or send messages of congratulations (I’m working on it tbh). Then recently, I saw a post of her, trying out a wedding dress.
A few minutes after that, I think she saw me look into it. She sent me a message. She was inviting me to her wedding next month. To be honest, I don’t feel any excitement for it. I am happy for her, yes. But I don’t feel that the invitation is genuine.
I guess she just remembered me because I saw her post. The next day, I saw Mel sending me a message. A typical one-word message that she usually uses whenever she wants to get a reply from me (similar to “hey” but in our language).
I didn’t reply to both of them. I didn’t see their message at all. I was planning to just send a congratulations message to Rica and just see Mel’s message.
I always think positively about them since they’re a huge part of my teenage years.
They’re my best friends. I love them. But I think I fell out of love because I didn’t feel loved by them. They say that real friends will always care for you, no matter how long you have lost contact with them. I don’t really have many friends.
But when I do have one, I cherish them and care for them. I guess I just got tired of not receiving the same level of love I give them.
I am starting to believe as I am writing this that maybe I really am a jerk for not giving freaking anymore and not giving an effort to reconcile our relationship.
I don’t have any courage to talk with them anymore. I am also feeling bitter because I feel like they only remember me when it’s convenient. AITJ for not responding to my friends?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You don’t have to go to the wedding.
You don’t have to maintain a relationship with either of them if you don’t want to. But why did you ignore the invite? Just reply back ‘Thank you for the invite. I wish you all the best but I won’t be able to attend. I hope you have a very nice day or something of the sort.
Ignoring them is a jerk move.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ *(if the question is not replying to the invitation)* You just spent I don’t know how long typing all that out. Respond back and say Congratulations, so sorry I will not be able to make it, and best wishes.
Less than 20 words and you are done. You are not TA for not giving a freaking anymore. People grow in different directions, they grow apart, and that is just a POL (as my husband says, “part of life”).” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – simply based on the question of not responding.
Just mark that you will not attend and send it back. One of this sub’s favorite lines for weddings is it’s an invite, not a summons. There’s no problem if you don’t want to go or try to reconnect, but not responding is just bad form.” shaffe04gt
