People Get Slammed In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Being Upset That My Fiancé's Sister Chose The Same Wedding Date And Details As Us?
“I, a 28-year-old female, and my fiancé, a 30-year-old male, got engaged in August 2022. We began planning and thinking of dates. As I tend to overheat in the summer, we decided on a fall (September) wedding. We have been together for a long time and chose 2024 to coincide with our 10-year anniversary, so our date fell into place.
However, my fiancé’s sister got engaged in December of 2022. Everyone was thrilled for them, and we all gathered at their house to celebrate. They began discussing their date, and it was the exact same as ours – same year, same month. I was heartbroken.
I didn’t voice my feelings at the time because I didn’t want to spoil the mood. In hindsight, I wish I had spoken up.
We discussed the issue, and my fiancé and I ended up giving them our preferred date as we were planning to use my family’s property and didn’t need to schedule around a venue.
A few months later, my grandfather sadly passed away, and we were no longer able to use the barn as intended. We made the tough decision to book a wedding venue, and our date was pushed back to October 12th.
This was a bit disappointing as the weather significantly changes further into October.
However, we love our venue and it has everything we wanted. Their wedding is now two weeks before ours. I can’t understand why they couldn’t have chosen a different year. They could have gotten married the previous year or the year after ours. Nevertheless, I remind myself that I’m marrying my best friend and we are going to have a beautiful life together.
We will be surrounded by family and friends who are thrilled for us, and that brings me comfort.
However, they refuse to discuss their wedding with us. They don’t share any details; we find out everything through other people. I discovered they have the same colors as us, they are getting married in a barn, they have chosen the same bridesmaids’ dresses as us, and they are now planning the same kind of bachelorette party.
I’m at a point where it feels like a blatant disregard for our wedding. Should I say something? Would I be the jerk if I do? If I do speak up, what should I say at this point?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why would they have to change their date for you?
You moving your date is just as good. Also, you should have communicated about your date; they did that first. As for how they plan their wedding – don’t be jealous. They are fine with having their wedding the way they want. Understandably, they don’t discuss anything with you – a good way to avoid your drama.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would advise pushing your wedding back. Don’t tell her anything else other than you’re changing things up. Let her have this year. You don’t see it now, but you’re in the fight of the rest of your lives with a sister-in-law who wants to be better than you.
She doesn’t need to know anything about the wedding, other than here is a dress and show up.” jsbleez
23. AITJ For Not Changing My Son's Birthday Party Date To Accommodate My Partner's Sister's Party?
“A little backstory: I (30f) have been with my partner “Matt” (28m) for 12 years, with four beautiful children (8m, 4f, 3m, and 4 months old F), so we might as well be married. Most of the time, I get along with his father “Jerry” (50m) and stepmother “Martha” (42f), but we have had a very rocky road over the years.
Martha is always trying to spread lies and cause me and Matt to get into some arguments. Jerry has tried to control Matt’s life since I’ve known him. Matt does not have the best relationship with either of them but tries to keep the “peace.” But back to WIBTJ.
My oldest son (8m) and his aunt, Matt’s sister (15f), who will be 15 on this coming birthday, will have a birthday on the same week of the month. Matt and I have had his party planned for almost three weeks now, and it’s coming up on the 18th.
I made a post about it on my social media yesterday. Matt had told his father Jerry when the party was going to be and where, which I had already done when I talked to Matt with Jerry standing right there about when we should have it.
Jerry told Matt they didn’t know what they were doing for his sister’s birthday yet, as they always wait until the day before or the day of the party to say something. (They have done it for years, so it’s nothing new.) They expect us to drop everything and just show up, which most of the time we do because he loves his sister and tries not to “disappoint” Jerry.
They did not have a party for her last year because nobody planned anything for her, so we assumed they were not going to have one this year. Hours after I made the event on social media, Jerry texted Matt saying, “Your sister’s party is on the same day too,” expecting us to change our son’s party so we can attend hers or make it an excuse to not show up to my son’s party (which they have done in the past).
Matt and I have decided not to change his party, as I already ordered his cake (because I cannot bake for the life of me, and he wanted a special cake). I’m starting to feel like I’m the jerk for not changing my son’s party.
I purposely picked that day because Matt usually only has that day off. So, people, WIBTJ for not going to Matt’s sister party or not changing my son’s party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son deserves a birthday party, and Matt’s sister deserves one too.
Since you cannot be there for her, explain that your son’s birthday party was already scheduled for then, and while you are talking to her, you can invite her to do something with just your family to celebrate her birthday. Please don’t trash her parents when you tell her you can’t be there because she is already well aware that they don’t plan ahead for her birthday.” International-Lab847
Another User Comments:
“You already know the answer to this. NTJ. You told them your plans, and they claimed nothing was decided yet. Then they came back and said it’s the same day. Nobody needs to change their plans, you guys just won’t attend each other’s parties.
If his sister or anyone is upset, then you just say, “We’ve had these plans for weeks, and you just told us AFTER we told you our plans. We can’t change it.”” manonaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Jerry planned the party on purpose on the same day.
I am sorry for the niece, but you can let her know that this had been discussed, and you are unsure why Jerry decided to have her party on the same day. You cannot make it, but you will take her out alone and do something special.” Worth-Season3645
22. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Coworker's Shifts Frequently?
“I have recently started a part-time restaurant job. I am beginning as a host, but hoping to get promoted to server by summer time. (I have plenty of experience, but have been out of the industry for 1.5 years.) I have a job and a research fellowship that covers my bills and rent, but I took this part-time job so I can pad my savings and have some “fun” money.
On top of working full-time, I am helping care for my grandmother while she recovers from a broken tailbone, managing my own chronic health issues, and applying for PhD programs. When I onboarded the restaurant job, I was told it would be 2-3 nights per week, which is perfect.
It has been closer to 3-4 nights a week, but the shifts aren’t long, and having an extra bit of money is nice.
Here’s where things get complicated. The other hostess is a college freshman who is really enjoying her first year and has an active social calendar.
I have been working at this restaurant for a month, and since I have started, she has asked me to cover her shifts 8 times so she could go to social events. I have agreed on two occasions, when I had other family members around that could help pick up the slack with my grandma, work at my other job wasn’t piling up, and I was given ample notice.
However, she has started to give me minimal notice, and the next 3 weeks at my full-time job are pretty stacked.
This morning, she texted me asking if I could cover tonight’s shift for her so she could go to an ASB event. I texted back saying “hey (name), I’m sorry, but I can’t make tonight work.
I am happy to cover the odd shift when I can, but my plate is pretty full right now, so I need at least some advance so I can move my schedule around.” She texted back “K thanks.” Later in the afternoon, I get a message from one of the managers telling me a “team player” would cover more of her shifts, and I won’t get promoted to server unless I show my dedication to the restaurant.
I don’t think I am in the wrong because I am punctual, give my all while on the clock, and pick up my coworker’s shifts when I can. I may be the jerk because I know how fun of a time freshman year can be, and being short staffed makes work more difficult.
(Also, I would like to get promoted to server and make more money.) Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Compile the statistics. For whatever reason, your coworker has managed to get to your manager first and present the situation in her favour. You need to make sure your manager sees that you are doing your job and some of the other hostess’s job, and that if there is a slacker on the team it is the one who calls out late and often.
I think this is a situation where quietly getting on with the job is not going to go in your favour, although it should. Stand up for yourself, not confrontationally, but presenting the truth to show the manager that you are doing a greater share of the work.
Manager ought to have noticed this, of course, but sometimes you need to ‘manage up’ and I think you’ll find it a useful skill in the future. Good luck. And NTJ, of course.” YourLittleRuth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you’re not scheduled you are not obligated to work the shift. They can ask you to cover, but if you can’t you just can’t.
Don’t let anybody, coworkers or management alike, guilt you into being a “team player” and “taking one for the team.” I guarantee you when you need them to do the same, they’ll be long gone with their phones on mute.” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The manager is out of line, but perhaps you should explain your home situation as you do here so there is better understanding. You shouldn’t have to. Your manager should be grateful for you. Why would they risk alienating the harder working employee for the sake of a less hard working one is beyond me.
21. AITJ For Letting My Biological Son Call Me 'Dad'?
“When I (FTM34) gave birth to my son, Lennon (M17), I was pressured by pretty much everyone to give him up for adoption.
He went into care almost immediately after birth, and I’ve regretted it ever since. He was adopted by a couple (F58 & M59) not long after. I only ever tried to contact them once afterwards, but they shut it down straight away. I respected their choice (even though I was upset with them) and haven’t attempted it since that time.
My older brother, Neave (M40), used to encourage me to send Lennon gifts and such though, so that in the future, Lennon would know that he wasn’t just abandoned and treated like a mistake, but to know that there is someone out there who also loves the heck out of the lad.
About a year ago, Lennon reached out to me, wanting a relationship. Of course, I supported him with that. Initially, we had only ever texted and Facetimed each other, then after a few months, his parents allowed him to get the train up North to meet me.
From the minute we met, it felt like we had a massive bond, despite being separated for the last 16 years. He’s come up here quite a few times after that first trip.
Recently, his trips up to my place have become even more frequent and lasting longer than they had before.
From what I can gather, his relationship with his adoptive parents isn’t going too well, they’re not exactly sympathetic to him and quite restrictive of his self-expression. It’s gotten to the point that he has even started calling me ‘dad’.
Last week he stayed 4 days at my place, and understandably, his parents were worried and wanted him to come back home.
I tried to convince him to get the train back but he refused, I had to drive him back home myself, I even walked him straight to his door.
After his mum opened the door to let him in, we were forced to make small talk with each other, which was awkward.
As I said bye to Lennon, he hugged me and said, ‘Bye, dad’. It has unnerved his parents and angered them to a degree, since then, they have been calling to berate me about allowing Lennon to do that and for not enforcing boundaries. I’ve argued back that I never encouraged him to call me dad, and that Lennon is a young adult, he can call whoever he wants ‘dad’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are his dad. People can have more than one. Personally, I have my dad and then I have my bio dad. They are both my dad. It’s not confusing to anyone. I have empathy for them though, they are coming from a place of absolute fear that you supplant or replace them.
But you can’t parent from fear and insecurity, you parent from a place of “what is best for my kid” and they aren’t doing that right now. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was Lennon’s choice to call you “dad”. However, I would advise moving with caution where he’s concerned. A 16-year-old having issues with his parents is a tale as old as time.
It doesn’t mean they’re bad parents. They just have rules Lennon doesn’t like. It’s very possible that Lennon called you dad to get under his parents’ skin. He might view his bond with you as an act of rebellion against his parents.
Protect your heart. You should also protect yourself from a legal standpoint. Until Lennon becomes a legal adult, make sure his parents know when he comes to see you and find out in advance when they expect him to come home. I wouldn’t put it past this couple to send a cop to your house.” Mother_Tradition_774
20. AITJ For Not Sending My Kids To Family Gatherings With Their Half-Siblings?
“My late husband and I were married for 10 years and have two children together who are 9 and 7. We lost him a little over a year ago.
When I met my husband, he was divorced and had two children with his ex-wife, who were both under 4. There were tensions between my husband and his ex. They had been officially divorced for 7 months at the time but had been separated for close to 2 years at that point.
She did not like me despite being remarried herself at the time. She negatively influenced their children against me, and it was a very difficult dynamic. But I loved my husband; he was a good man, and I did love his children despite it not being reciprocated and a bond never forming due to their mother’s behavior and alienation of me.
When my husband passed away, it was hard on everyone. My stepchildren said they would not come over to see their younger siblings and didn’t have an interest in the relationship. They also did not want any contact with me, which didn’t surprise me because of how they felt about me before my husband passed away, but it still hurt.
My husband’s parents did not like this and asked me if I would allow them to facilitate contact between their grandchildren. I said of course. So they had a family BBQ and the older kids were there and my mother-in-law came to pick up my kids.
They did three of those kinds of family gatherings so the kids would see each other but the last two times my kids were not happy and the last time my kids were miserable coming back because their siblings made it clear they did not want to be around them and they heard the older kids arguing with their grandparents over them and saying they weren’t even their siblings.
My kids said they really didn’t like going and so I decided, for my kids’ sake, that would be it. This past weekend my in-laws arranged for another family gathering and I did not send my kids. When asked why I was honest and told them it had not been good for my children to face that rejection.
My in-laws said it might take time, but at least there would be some hope with continued contact between them. I told them I needed to protect my children. But my in-laws were angry with me.
Kids ages now are: 16, 15 (stepchildren), 9, and 7 (biological children). AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Teenagers don’t want to hang out with elementary school kids. You also can’t force people into relationships. Be clear that, in the (unlikely) event that the older two change their minds and want to have a relationship with your kids, you’re open to that, but for now, it’s much better for their mental health to stay home when the older kids are at their grandparents’ house.” Rredhead926
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, No jerks here. Teenagers are not in the most compassionate headspace. Younger kids can’t understand being rejected like that. Basically no one is set up for success here. You’re not going to ask your kids to accept being treated poorly.
The teens are not going to pull their crap together and be kind to the little kids. You gave it a shot, but you can’t let your kids learn that they aren’t worthwhile, which they will if they feel like their constantly being rejected by “family”.
Tell your in-laws you appreciate what they are trying to do, but you’ll try it again in a few years when everyone has grown up a bit more and has a better shot at working through it.” KindCompetence
19. AITJ For Wanting To Move For A Job Despite My Family's And Partner's Resistance?
“I received a job offer in a new city that is a plane ride away from where I currently reside (Chicago).
I’ve lived in the Chicago area my whole life. My friends, family, and partner are all here. My partner and I met when we were 19 in college, we are 25 now and live together here. For years we’ve talked about relocating to western parts of the US where we can access climbing and skiing since those were both of our passions when we met.
This hasn’t changed for me at all, but my partner has lost interest in this. We both ended up with jobs in Chicago after college and have been living together here for two years.
Well now, I finally got the opportunity I have been waiting for in a city I’ve wanted to live in.
I want to take this job and move. My partner is saying the timing isn’t good for her. Is the timing ever “good” to pack everything up and move? She likes living close to family. I can respect her reason for wanting to stay close to family but it feels like her goal has changed whereas mine has remained. My partner is sad but understands.
She isn’t going to move with me but we are both in agreement to try long distance, have her visit, and hopefully get her to move out with me after a few months.
Beyond that, my mom and entire family seem to be against me on this move.
This is a really good job too, not like I’m moving out west to become a ski enthusiast without a real job. This would be a huge pay increase, company car, full benefits, full relocation assistance, industry-leading company, and align with my career goals. I feel like even though my mom and dad want to keep me close, they should be happy for me and support me.
My mom won’t even pretend to be happy. She’s trying to tell me my dad might have Parkinson’s and make me feel bad about leaving. Just not true at all, my dad works full time and runs every day. It feels like my mom is trying to manipulate me from moving to keep me close even though she knows I am unhappy here.
I guess this feels like a huge next step in my career and life and no one seems to be happy for me except for my friends. I feel like I am being gaslighted and made out to be a selfish jerk who’s abandoning everything to play in the mountains.
I genuinely don’t think that is the case and my intuition is telling me to do this despite everyone else disagreeing with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m happy for you. You worked hard and earned this opportunity If you don’t move you will regret it the rest of your life.
Their motives sound personally driven and they think their view is most important. If you get there and hate it, log in a year or so which improves your marketability, take the next higher paying job. Thousands of medical students do a residency for a year.
There’s a saying, “You can do and go through anything for a year to reach a goal.” Life is to be explored. Best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trust yourself, and trust your gut. Move. Your mom is being ridiculous. I was very lucky–I too grew up in Chicago, and I left for college but came back.
Then I had the chance to move to San Diego to go to graduate school. You better believe I took that opportunity! Your mom will get over it, and there’s always the chance that you will wind up moving back some day. I didn’t but I did get back to the Midwest finally.
Take the opportunity and enjoy your life!” anthroid9246
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your life. Will you regret not taking this opportunity? You don’t have to stay near your family to make them happy. That’s pretty selfish of them to even think that way and not be happy for you for achieving the goals you have set out for.
As far as the partner issue. Yep, try long distance. Hopefully, she wants to move soon too because long distances usually don’t work for long.” Knowitmall
18. AITJ For Going On A Pre-Planned Trip And Leaving My Parents To Arrange Childcare?
“I, a 19-year-old female, am the oldest of four. My parents had me early in their marriage and then waited six years before having another child. La la la la la. I’m not listening. I have been helping with my siblings for as long as I can remember.
I love them very much and I know our folks are working hard to provide for us. This summer was the first time I planned to spend time away from my family by myself for an extended period of time, other than one school trip in middle school and one in high school.
My partner and I planned to spend nine days doing some backcountry hiking on Crown Land. That is publicly owned land that isn’t a national park or anything. It’s just wilderness. I asked my parents’ permission back in June when we started planning the trip.
They said yes and that they would arrange for childcare for that week. I had a big countdown calendar on my bedroom door with the leave date circled in red. I crossed out every day as it got closer. My siblings all knew I was going away and the oldest teased me about going away “to get some”.
My partner picked me up on Saturday at 4 AM so we could make the place by 9 AM. My parents didn’t notice I was gone until about noon when they were going shopping and wanted to wake me up to watch the kids. By that time, we were already in a cellular dead zone.
When we came out to civilization again, I had dozens of texts and missed calls from Saturday. A few on Sunday, then they tapered off.
I called home last Sunday on my way home as soon as I read a few messages. My parents were upset that I left without telling them goodbye and more upset when they remembered that I would be gone until last Sunday.
They forgot to arrange for childcare. My oldest brother is almost 13 but he isn’t ready to be left alone and in charge of getting the little ones to their summer camps and stuff. My parents are mad at me for leaving them in the lurch.
They said I’m irresponsible for making them scramble for childcare help. I literally gave them two months of notice and asked permission. It was pretty much all I talked about for the two weeks before I left.
I feel bad that they had to do that but I think I did my part.
And I didn’t “sneak out in the middle of the night”. We left at that time because it’s a long drive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and this is clear manipulation on their parts to make you feel guilty so you’ll be easier to manipulate in the future.
I’d be interested to hear your plans for college and your future and whether they will try to get you to continue raising their other kids.” cat_on_windowsill
Another User Comments:
“Is it just me, or did anyone else notice that the 13-year-old BOY isn’t ready to ‘babysit?’ While I’m not condoning parentification by any means, I really do think that the author was more than likely looking after her siblings long before the age of 13.
NTJ. It’s time mom and dad got off their ‘lazy butts’ to use their words, and start looking after the children they produced.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Not Adapting To My In-Laws' Cultural Expectations?
“I, a 22-year-old female, got married to my husband, a 26-year-old male, earlier this year. Due to financial constraints and the current state of the economy, we couldn’t afford to move out together immediately.
We decided to stay with his parents temporarily so I could find a better job in a bigger city to save up. For context, my in-laws are from the Middle East and don’t speak much English.
From the first month I started living with them, my mother-in-law kept insisting I cook with her for a house of six, even though I cook for myself (I’m vegetarian and they eat only meat dishes).
I decided to cook for myself because, whenever she claimed to cook vegetarian dishes, I noticed she would use bones for broth or little bits of meat ‘for flavor’ which goes against my principles completely. I would always decline her offers and she would get upset because I wasn’t eating her food.
My husband used to come home from work at 1/2 am, depending on traffic, and I would usually be sleepy or asleep. However, my mother-in-law would be upset I wasn’t cooking dinner for him at that time, and she would tell the family that I wasn’t a good partner, etc (I found out from my brother-in-law).
Another thing she did was constantly tell me to learn how to speak her language, which is a very difficult language, and honestly, I had no interest and no time. I did learn a few simple phrases to please her but it wasn’t enough.
It also got to the point that she would walk into my room without knocking and then slam my door without saying anything if she saw I was doing anything remotely fun (watching TV for example).
I have pretty bad mental health and my anxiety and depression were getting worse so I started to lock myself in my room and not go out even to eat unless my husband was there out of fear she would shout at me about something (once she told her son to tell me to not eat any food from her kitchen and that stuck with me).
My husband’s oldest brother confronted me about it with my mother-in-law present and I argued my side but they told me I had to start acting like they do in their culture such as cooking and cleaning up after everyone as I’m a woman. I found that incredibly unfair because I would always clean after myself as I was self-sufficient in the way I would cook for myself etc. My husband’s family thinks I’m rude and dislike my mother-in-law (I can’t lie, I do hold a grudge over the way I have been treated).
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So the problem you have is that your husband’s family ascribes to a traditional culture, in which women are expected to serve men, and you live in their house. In their framework, you don’t even come close to the minimum expected standards of behavior for a wife.
You might reasonably argue that this is because their culture is a jerk. I wouldn’t disagree, but it’s what it is. Realistically, with the significant difference in cultural expectations between you and your in-laws, I don’t think it’s realistic for you to live in their home.
You need to talk to your husband about this – he needs to be on your side, and you both need to move out. NTJ” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The family doesn’t sound accepting of you. I’m curious what your husband thinks also. Listen to him and make your decision with his input.
If he expects you to do this also then you have a decision to make about if you want to remain married to this person. I would’ve expected this to be talked about before marriage but hey, you’re 22. Probably didn’t think too much about it.” RsHoneyBadger
Another User Comments:
“Your verbiage tells me you’re in England. And probably in the North-Central or Northern England. None of this should be a cultural shock to you. It’s been this way for decades. You married earlier this year, both working, but still don’t have enough money for a rental, where’s the money going?
The fact that your husband doesn’t recognize his mother by not speaking to her, should ring loud alarm bells as to how he treats women. Clean-up. Then get out while you can and before babies arrive. Go back home, get another job, and maybe a flatmate deal, until he smartens up and flies right, if ever.
You’re not a concubine.” LogicalTexts
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Disabled Brother To Live With Us?
“My (30F) husband (32M) has a sibling who is disabled and entirely dependent on 24/7 care. Before we got married, his family would tell me that he usually kept to himself and stayed in his room most of the day, but they did not let me see him at all.
Whenever I would come over, he would be sent somewhere out of the house, and my husband did not show me any photos. I met him for the first time a few days before the wedding and a few days before I moved in.
He spends a good chunk of the day screaming at the top of his lungs and banging on any door or wall that is close by as hard as humanly possible, no matter what time of day.
I have been awoken many times by the sound of him banging on the door at like 3 a.m. He will attempt to crawl on top of any nearby table or counter and also loves throwing anything he can get his hands on. He scratches and hits anyone who is near so hard it leaves marks or bleeds.
We moved out after buying our own place a few months later, and he brought up his plan to have him move in with us once his parents reach an age where they cannot take care of him anymore or cannot afford to pay the care staff that come over.
That is honestly not too far in the future. He does not trust care homes at all and doesn’t even like the workers that come to look after him. He is older than my husband, so he basically grew up caring for him, and he is very attached to his brother naturally.
I find it sweet, but it does seem like he is a third parent at times.
I am concerned about having him live with us as we are planning to have kids in the next three years, and I don’t want to raise them in a house where there will be constant noise and making sure my brother-in-law does not injure them.
I have a lot of sympathy for the situation, and I encourage my husband to financially contribute to the care, but I really don’t want to have him live with us permanently. I expressed these feelings to my husband when he first proposed the idea, and I rejected it right away.
He called me selfish and said that his brother will have nowhere else to go if we don’t step up. I get very nervous bringing up the topic. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your in-laws are very much aware of how extreme your brother-in-law’s behavior is.
That is why they hid him until you were married. Were your parents aware of your brother-in-law and the plans for him to live with you when they arranged the marriage? I read your other posts about your husband and his family prioritizing their desires over yours.
I don’t think that you are wrong for not wanting your brother-in-law living with you, but I suspect that your desires will not matter to your in-laws. You might want to postpone starting a family until you see if it will be safe with your brother-in-law around.
Good luck. NTJ” theoldman-1313
Another User Comments:
“So it was a bait and switch. Let’s hide the brother until you’ve married your husband. And then spring on you that a very disabled person will be moving in with you. And, if you don’t agree, YOU are the selfish one.
You got bamboozled. I would not have kids with this man, and I would not be agreeing to become the caregiver – which you don’t seem to recognize IS the plan since he doesn’t ‘trust’ the caregivers. Who do you think that is going to fall to?
You should be reconsidering what your options are. NTJ” facinationstreet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ get marriage counseling now and DO NOT have children until you resolve this issue. You probably would be better off getting a divorce than trying to change your husband’s mind. There is a reason they never let you meet him until right before the wedding.
Just because your husband wants to sacrifice his life caring for his brother doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice yours as well.” dncrmom
15. AITJ For Buying My Son's Engagement Ring Without Consulting My Wife?
“When the children were growing up, the girls obviously preferred their mother and my son preferred me, so we’re extremely close. My wife is very traditional and believes in practices of the past, so when my son came out as bisexual back in ’14, my wife wasn’t too pleased with that.
She actually spoke of disowning him, but I persuaded her not to. I too was disappointed, but it wasn’t until my son was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma that I accepted him for who he was. He made a recovery and while my wife isn’t 100% okay with his sexuality, it’s not as bad.
My son started a relationship with his childhood best friend in 2020, and everyone was pretty happy about this because he was someone we could trust to keep our son happy. A few days ago, my son told me he wanted to propose to his best friend turned partner, and because of our closeness, I was probably more excited than him and bought him the engagement ring as he told me he hadn’t bought one yet.
He was extremely grateful and told his mother. Boom.
His mother was in the kitchen with our daughters when he told her and she started shouting because I wasn’t letting him “be a man”. I told her it’s not about that and it’s purely about our close bond as father and son and that’s when his sisters got into it too.
They called favoritism because I bought my son a ring and not them, which was pretty damaging to me for obvious reasons. That’s when I cut their visit short and asked them to leave. I reminded them both that they were closer with their mother than with me, so I don’t know why it’s so upsetting that I got my son a ring.
My wife forced my son to give me the ring back (which he did) and she told me to return it (which I haven’t). Since then, she hasn’t spoken to me because apparently this has been going on for so long and it has reached its boiling point.
I spoke with my brother about it and he said I’m babying my son way too much and it’s not going to help him when I’m no longer around and I’m being a jerk to my wife, when in my mind, my son and I are just really close.
My wife hasn’t spoken to me in two days so I’m beginning to wonder, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think it’s honestly embarrassing, I wouldn’t want my father purchasing an engagement ring for me. You seem so dismissive of your daughters as well. Who cares who was closer to you?
Are you trying to buy their love? And why not discuss it with your wife first?” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. You shouldn’t favor any of your children, and if you do, certainly don’t point that out to the others. Your wife is a bigot and needs to get over her conservative views on sexuality if you want your son in your lives.
And you need to make an effort to get to know your daughters more. As for buying a ring for your son to propose with, I think that’s your way of telling him you support him and are happy for him and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not sure why you would say “obviously” you’re closer to your son and your wife is closer to your daughters. This isn’t some rule that is written in stone. It would be wonderful if you were close to all of your children.
But even if you have a special bond with your son, it is weird for you to buy the engagement ring for your adult son, he should do that himself. And very weird that you were more excited than your son about his own engagement.
Finally, it’s not clear how you and your wife manage finances – would this amount of expense be something one of you would typically do unilaterally? If your wife bought your daughter each an equivalently valued necklace, would you be ok with that or expect that she run it by you first?
Your brother is right. Let your son become a man in his own right, and focus on your marriage.” Ok_Remote_1036
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Sister's Mortgage And Vacation Despite My Wealth?
“I, a 31-year-old woman, did not cover my sister’s, a 34-year-old woman, mortgage despite paying off my parents’ mortgage and financially assisting my friend. I earn significantly more than my sister and I already cover her children’s school expenses, extracurricular activities, and have established college funds for them.
I also won a substantial amount in a lottery recently. My partner and I keep our finances private, including the lottery winnings. After my parents’ house was destroyed by a hurricane, I paid for a new one for them because they didn’t have the funds.
My friend had her finances stolen from her, but she had no evidence. I helped her get back on her feet and covered her rent for 2 years.
My sister and I have never been close as I have been more academically inclined while she was more into athletics and the arts.
She would always bully me as I was the favored child. Once, she even abandoned me at a park overnight because, her words here, “I don’t love you and hope you get kidnapped.” It was a miracle I didn’t. Of course, my parents dealt with her harshly, which made her resent me more.
One night, my partner and I were out with friends enjoying some drinks, and I became inebriated and inadvertently mentioned something about our finances, and my friend informed my family. My parents said nothing but my sister started going out of her way to do nice things.
I covered the cost for a vacation for my parents, my partner’s parents, me, my partner, our kids, my sister’s partner’s parents, her, her partner, and her kids. It was short but it was a pleasant gathering.
One day, my sister calls me asking if I could pay off her mortgage and cover a vacation for her and her family to 4 different places over the summer, totaling around 100K or more.
I told her I couldn’t do it, as it was a lot of money. She then yelled at me, saying she knows I have the funds. Although I do, I am saving my money for retirement and emergencies and not spending it recklessly. I am already covering ALL of her children’s school expenses.
She tells me she has always loved me and been so kind. I reminded her of several events in our childhood which she denies.
She’s complained to my parents. A lot of extended family members are siding with her. Now my extended family knows I have money and have started being really kind and sometimes asking me for things.
I am not covering any of their expenses and definitely not my sister’s. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, only to yourself though. DO NOT talk about finances with anyone. ANYONE. And since she has no shame biting the hand that feeds her like the snake she is, cut her off.
Don’t cover her vacations, kids’ schooling, extracurriculars, and college. It was nice of you to help your friend and parents (I wouldn’t have; that’s their responsibility), but by flashing a bit of money, they know. Any flying monkeys can open their wallets and bank accounts to your bully sister.
Or maybe they’re just as bad as her. Sad as it is to say, be ready to cut people off. If you end up picking up everybody’s tab until the money runs dry, are they going to do the same when they hit the lotto or get a job that pays big money?
Don’t hold your breath.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. The thing about your money is that it’s YOURS. No one can tell you how to spend it. Regardless of the reasons, you are under absolutely no obligation — moral, ethical, or otherwise — to pay off any of your sister’s debts and even less to fund her vacations.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for not meeting your sister’s screaming demands. In what world is that okay? You’re not responsible for supporting her children either, but that is a kind thing to do and she should appreciate it. No one else is entitled to YOUR money.
Be quiet about it and keep your wallet closed except when you choose to open it.” Realistic_Head4279
13. AITJ For Asking A Customer For ID When Selling Drinks?
“I (19F) work at a grocery store. We have a rule for the sale of booze that we need to ID anyone who looks 35 or younger, and almost every person I’ve ever asked for ID from has been super nice and encouraging.
I’ve had a few people get a little annoyed but no one has ever gotten angry at me before. A few weeks ago, I was ringing up a lady’s stuff, and I saw she was buying a pack of beer, so I rang it up and the ID info popped up on the screen.
I looked at her for a second, and to me she looked young, obviously over 21 but I still need to ask, so I asked to see her ID. She got offended and started lecturing me, saying how she was old enough to be my mother, and how I shouldn’t be asking to see her ID.
We get in trouble if we don’t ID people, and we have people from a company test us to see if we are asking to see IDs, so I am always cautious when it comes to people buying booze. She ended up not having her ID on her, and asked me to save her order and she went back to her house to get it.
I didn’t see her for a while, but I didn’t know she complained to my store manager about me, calling me disrespectful and immature. Surprisingly, he defended me, saying I was just doing my job, and we’re supposed to ID people. When she came back, the FEC (Front-end Coordinator) at the time was a friend of mine, and he knew what was going on so he tried to get me away from the lady before she saw me, but she was looking for me and yelled at me to come over to her.
I reluctantly did because I didn’t want to make the situation a bigger deal, and she showed me her ID.
She was 40, so I just said thank you and confirmed the ID info. She then asked my age, and when I told her, she laughed and said I shouldn’t even be selling booze, let alone asking for her ID.
I just responded by saying it was my job to ask for ID, and that we had people who tested us to make sure we were asking for IDs. She just continued to be rude to me, and eventually she left, saying something else to my manager about me being disrespectful.
My manager made it clear that I wasn’t in trouble, and that I should just move on, but I want to make sure I wasn’t in the wrong. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re absolutely not in the wrong. I made the mistake of not carding someone at a gas station job, and it turned out to be a police sting so I got fired. I had previously passed a police sting just a couple of months before that.
It’s absolutely not worth your job and if people have a problem your manager can take care of it.” bmoviescreamqueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. a person wants booze then they show ID if asked. If they don’t have it, then no drink. My husband got carded the other day.
He’s 59. Cashier said he doesn’t look his age. He keeps telling everyone. Lol. He was thrilled. That dingbat should be happy someone thinks she’s young.” Background_Buy7052
Another User Comments:
“I was one of those who worked testing cashiers to ensure they asked for IDs.
The company doesn’t usually send out testers who look inordinately young in order to trap you, but they possibly could, and they usually don’t make the tester argue with the cashier, although it is theoretically possible they could. I’m glad you insisted on doing your job because, as a tester, if I saw this go on while I’m waiting behind her line, or in a different line, I’m definitely writing it in my report and praising the cashier who stood his ground.
NTJ” oracvlvm21
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bail My Best Friend Out Of Jail?
“My (36M) best friend of 15 years (41M) was arrested in Texas last night for two serious offenses and a minor offense, all related to illicit substances. Apparently, he attempted to destroy/consume evidence during a traffic stop where he was a passenger.
His partner was arrested for two charges and released on a PR bond. My best friend was issued a $2500 bond for the two serious charges.
He and I have been best friends for 15 years due to being musicians. We both moved from FL to Texas back in the day to be musicians, and while I have moved on to a career in tech, he’s still been a full-time musician.
Over the years, as we’ve each been in various crises due to poverty and a semi-transient lifestyle, we’ve always been each other’s right hand to help out without question. Financial support, food, gigs, place to crash, it’s always been both ways.
But I’m now engaged with a baby on the way, and I’m doing well in life.
He, however, in the last six months, has self-destructed pretty severely. He recently ended a six-year relationship (with a female, he’s always been with women) prior to his last stint of being a cruise ship musician, in order to be with a man. I’m an ally and have no issue with this and don’t consider this to be a destructive decision, just that this person is also transient and prone to dramatic behavior and is generally unstable in life.
In addition to this, he’s developed a pretty significant stimulant habit, other than the recreational and occasional usage I’ve seen. His decision making has been erratic and he’s been basically couch surfing or staying at weekly hotels while picking up the occasional gig and day labor.
He has 8 more weeks until his next cruise gig, but that’s in doubt now.
When he called me from jail, he was like “this is one of those times I need your help.” And I called around and no bail companies will bail him out because he’s semi-transient.
So it’s either his mother and I come up with $5K, or he stays in jail until trial. It’s Hays County, which is notorious for 2-year sentences for these charges.
After the initial shock set in, and I realized I was on the hook to lose the bail if he skipped town or missed a court appearance, I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that I’m not going to help him this time.
It’s time to grow up. I did 5 years ago, and it’s now time for him. I haven’t told him yet, but will tomorrow. I just keep feeling like I will lose this long-term friendship by not helping.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Your priorities lie elsewhere nowadays. Your old friend does not seem to be a good risk. He got himself into this with his bad choices and he’ll drag you down with him. This may be just what he needs to straighten out and grow up.
Time to face the consequences of his actions. Edit to add, I doubt when you’ve had to reach out to your friend for help, that it was anything of this magnitude.” Seed_Planter72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As you said yourself, you grew up and at the age of 41 your friend has not.
That’s depressing. He needs to realize he is going down a rabbit hole and he may never come out. You have a fiancé and a baby on the way, your family should be your priority now. Your family can use that money. Take care of them.
As difficult as it may be, time to let your friend grow up and let him sort his own life out.” sunset-tx-armadillo
11. AITJ For Insisting My Stepson Stays With Us For One Night During Our Family Vacation?
“Hopefully, I can convey all the relevant information. My (41m) wife (41f) and I rented a house a block from the beach in a nearby (45 minutes from home) beach town with our three kids.
My stepsons, Ryan (17m), Jordan (13M), and our biological son Ben (5m). We’re currently here for one week, Saturday to Saturday.
We drove two cars, mine and my wife’s, down on Saturday morning and unpacked to begin our vacation. Before we left, we all sat down and discussed a loose schedule of what the trip would look like.
Since Ryan has work on Tuesday and Wednesday, he would have to take a car to go back to our home on those days. The plan was that he would come back on Thursday, possibly with a friend, and enjoy the rest of the trip.
He would go back Friday for his last shift of the week and return Saturday morning to help us pack to go home. (We needed the extra car for space.)
Everything went smoothly until today, Thursday. Most of the trip, we spent at the beach with Ryan taking the car and going surfing in another spot on the beach in the early hours.
He spent Saturday late evening after dinner with us, but the rest of the time he slept and relaxed on his own. We didn’t see him on Sunday or on Monday because he woke up early to surf, then came home and went to sleep.
He woke up on Tuesday and left without saying goodbye.
This is where we need to know if I’m the jerk. Thursday morning rolls around, and he tells us he’s on his way back to the island. Instead of coming home, he drives right to his surfing spot, and a few hours later, he calls us to say he’s going to go back home.
He wanted to go home for the night because all he wants to do is sleep and there’s nothing else to do here. Then he would go to work on Friday and not come back on Saturday. My wife and I told him that he does not have permission to take the car, and now we are “forcing him” to stay on vacation with us.
We want to give him as much freedom as we can, but we asked that he hang with us on Thursday. He’s now back at the beach house (while we’re at the beach) sulking that he can’t go back home.
Hopefully, that fully explains it!
So…Am I the jerk for wanting to spend one night on a family vacation with all the members of the family?”
Another User Comments:
“I am going to say you’re the jerk. You are essentially trapping him on vacation just because you want to feel like you had a family vacation.
If you trust him to pretty much stay by himself, drive to work, do “adult” things, then why treat him like a child. He is almost an adult and has shown he is responsible. No one wants to hang out with a 5-year-old all the time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get being 17 and wanting to do exactly what you want to do, but having to stick around for 1 out of 8 days so your parents can have the whole family together hardly seems like the end of the world.
Although 17-year-old me might disagree with 32-year-old me.” Aves_HomoSapien
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. You’re the one using his car, and you say that he’s not allowed to take his own car for work tomorrow? You and your wife already knew the schedule he was on.
You don’t get to change it because Ryan wants to head back home early. He has his priorities, and it now has to include staying at the beach because you don’t want to work it out with him. Edit: YES, I know I put Ryan’s car and not the WIFE’S car.
Read my previous replies.” RaineMist
10. AITJ For Grounding My Brother Who Refuses To Go To School?
“For the past few weeks, I’ve been residing with and looking after my younger brother due to a family emergency that necessitated our mom to be away.
He (M11) has a history of disliking school and commenced middle school last Thursday.
From the first day, he has strived to avoid school, including refusing to get out of the car and throwing a tantrum, causing me to seek assistance at the front office to get him out.
On Monday, he fell ill, so I took him to urgent care Tuesday morning. They conducted some tests and deduced that he had nothing serious, just a common cold, and should return to school on Thursday (today).
Last night, I told him several times to brush his teeth and go to bed because he had school the next day.
This went on for about an hour and a half, so I confiscated his computer. He still declined to do it, so I decided to stop arguing and let him face the consequences of inadequate sleep, but at this point, he was already upset with me.
This morning, he outright refused to get out of bed, and he is too heavy for me to physically remove him from the bed. Moreover, our grandma (who also lives here) decided that I was being too harsh and that he was still too ill to go to school.
He is not, he just has a stuffy nose but hasn’t had a fever or any other symptoms for over a day, and I’m following the doctor’s orders.
The thing is, if this wasn’t a pattern, maybe I’d let it slide. However, my mom already received a warning last school year because he was absent too often (unexcused absence at least once a week), and he has a pattern of feigning illness or exaggerating his symptoms just to avoid school.
With no support, I was at a loss and decided to take away his phone and leave the house to clear my mind. Now everyone is upset with me, saying I’m being too strict.
I genuinely try to provide him all the tools he needs to succeed. I’ve been endeavoring to get him a therapist, but insurance has been a problem, and I haven’t been able to reach the school counselor because he hasn’t been to school for the last 3 days.
I think grounding him is reasonable, given his behavior, and I left him with an adult, so I don’t think this is so outrageous, but my family disagrees.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d say that long term he needs counseling and maybe a deep dive into why he doesn’t want to go to school so those issues can be addressed, but short term while you’re watching him no this is not too harsh kids need to go to school and get an education.
Plus, you’re not the one that’s responsible for fixing or changing the situation so that it’s not a fight. Even for kids who like school and do well, it’s a struggle to get them to go to school, but he should not get electronics if he’s not doing the basics of going to school.” pinkey_sue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, confiscating his electronics is the least you can do. Shame on your mother and grandmother for enabling him. Even if he has a disorder, behaving like this is not acceptable. If the situation worsens, please call for help. Not just for your brother but also for yourself.
Wishing you good luck!” Glam_SpaceTime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not your responsibility, when it comes down to it. If your family gets upset with the way you care for him, it’s best to let your parents know that you’re done with it and it’s entirely their problem, now.
Let him stay home as he wants and don’t bother to inform the school. Your grandma or mother or father or somebody so concerned about you being harsh can deal with it.” Pladohs_Ghost
9. AITJ For Not Contacting The Original Owners Of My Adopted Cat?
“About three years ago, I discovered a cat on my porch in the middle of winter. He was incredibly thin and cold, and he didn’t have a collar.
He had some scratches on his body and generally looked completely forlorn. It was sub-zero outside, so naturally, he came straight into the living room and immediately went to sit on the heater vent. I adore cats, I had two before he arrived, and he fit right into the family.
A couple of vet visits and a lot of cuddles later, he’s now the official chubby cat of the house (not so chubby that it’s unhealthy, don’t worry.) He loves watching TV and takes up more space on the couch than I do, at this point.
Anyway, recently I went to get him microchipped because we are planning to move internationally, and one of the requirements is that your pet be microchipped. The vet said since he was a stray, we should check for an existing microchip first. I honestly never thought of this when we got him, because it seemed like he’d been on the streets for a while.
But anyway, the vet checked for a microchip and it turns out he has one.
The address listed is about 10 miles away from my house. I know I should call them, but I’m really terrified that they will want him back and I will lose him.
He was less than a year old when I found him, so he’s spent most of his life with me. I also instinctively want to dislike his old people for letting him get lost in the winter (I’m assuming he got lost and wasn’t abandoned), but I know that isn’t really their fault.
Hopefully. Carelessness can be part of it, but I’ve lost one of my cats once too, so I don’t want to blame too quickly. (I found her in a few days though.)
My cat is legally theirs and they can definitely demand I give him back, but if I just don’t do anything, I’ll be halfway across the world in a few months.
I can call them then, and say I just found out. Just to let them know that he is safe. But I also want what’s best for my cat, and I’m worried that my feelings are really clouding my judgement. Normally I’m not the lying, tricking type at all.
But it scares me that I’ll be so selfish just to keep my cat. Would I be the jerk for not calling them now?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ selfish .. my sister lost her dog. They were out of town, and MIL lost her leaving door open too long bringing in groceries.
THEY ARE DEVASTATED!!! And incredibly worried. They’ve tried everything to find her. Their hope is someone finds her and gets her checked for a chip that shows her as lost.” SpecialistAfter511
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ for doing that, yes. Fact is? You took a cat and didn’t even bother to go through proper channels to find his proper owners.
That’s a horrible move on your part. Speak to the previous owners and ACCEPT whatever they want to do. That is the only way you wouldn’t be the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not taking that starving stray cat to the vet immediately after you found it and telling them that you *found* it.
Of course, I’m assuming this was a failure on your part, because if you had done this, the vet would know to check for a microchip. If you did take the animal immediately to the vet and told them you found it, then your vet is the jerk for not checking for a microchip.
Because the cat is already chipped, does the vet that found the chip have any obligation to contact the previous owner? If this happened to me and the vet just re-chipped my cat to whomever brought him in, I would be threatening litigation by whatever means necessary to hold them accountable.
You must know in your heart of hearts that this is wrong and you *cannot* seriously be thinking your actions are okay. You took that cat.” str4wberrymilkshak3
8. AITJ For Expecting Reimbursement From My Father-In-Law After Renovating His Property?
“There’s a lot to cover here, so please bear with me. My wife’s dad is from Cuba. He’s been here for over 30 years but has never really adapted or “Americanized” himself, if you will. For example, after being here for over 30 years, he hasn’t made any attempt to learn English.
Therefore, he still can’t speak any, so I’m unable to have conversations with him, and he’s unable to communicate with his granddaughter (my wife’s and my daughter). He claims we should teach her Spanish. He’s not here entirely legitimately, so he’s never been able to hold a “regular job”.
He doesn’t have a driver’s license yet drives every day, etc.
He owns multiple unsightly, run-down properties around Detroit. He always has a “plan” for everything but never executes anything, leaving everything to just sit and fall apart. (For example, the backyard of the house he lives in is full of broken-down jeeps, trucks, and construction equipment, etc.) One of the properties he owns, he completely gutted the interior and renovated it.
My wife and I moved into it and put several thousand dollars into finishing the interior, fixing up the exterior, adding a privacy fence all around the lot, etc. He originally purchased this house for $25K.
Fast forward to now, my wife and I have a baby, and the area this house in Detroit is in is very unsafe.
So we no longer felt comfortable there and bought a house in a much safer area. My wife’s dad fought her on this the entire time and dislikes me for it. He currently won’t speak to me or even be in the same room as me, all because I’m wanting to better our situation.
We did all the legwork of selling the Detroit house for him, and we managed to get $130K for it. Considering we put tons and tons of time and money into it, and he only purchased it for $25K, we obviously anticipated getting some of that money back.
But due to him being spiteful over us moving and bettering our life, he’s refusing to reimburse us even a penny of all the money we put into the house, that he made $105K on.
AITJ for despising him for this, wanting nothing to do with him, and wanting him to be absolutely zero part of our move?
He claims without this Detroit property he doesn’t know what he’s going to do for money (even though he made $105K off of it and was making absolutely zero off of it before that?) and he claims he needs money to send his family back in Cuba every month (that he’ll never see again).
Am I the jerk for being upset over not being reimbursed all of the money I have dumped into his property?”
Another User Comments:
“Hot take. It kind of sounds like you guys lived there rent-free. In that case, your improvements could be considered rent and YTJ.
Also, considering the house market, I would guess that property would have increased quite a lot either way, and you have no right to the return on his initial investment. He could be nicer about it but you sound entitled. Folkistan
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Dress Conservatively For My Grandparents' Anniversary?
“So, a little backstory.
I (19F) have been going steady with my partner (also 19F) for five years now, though we’ve known each other and been best friends since kindergarten. We discovered we were into each other when we were 14 and have been together since, and intend to get married next year.
We’ve been living together for 6 months now in a small apartment, we share rent on.
Growing up, I had an amazing bond with my grandparents, especially my grandfather. We’d often go on little outings (going out in the middle of nowhere with a telescope to watch the stars is still one of the best memories I have).
However, when I came out at 15, things changed. My grandparents were raised in a different time after all, and weren’t able to accept that I was in a relationship with a girl. So my contact with my grandparents pretty much disappeared, but I kept hoping to reconnect because I know they are good people, just having trouble with changes, I guess?
My parents (and my partner’s parents) were not as strongly against it, but definitely thought it was just a phase we’d grow out of. I think they still think so, but at least they’re not actively going against us and still include us in the family.
Anyway! Two weeks ago, I got a card from my grandparents out of nowhere. It was a pretty simple card that said “Sorry” at the front, and a small message on the back. It was an invitation to their wedding anniversary, and they included my partner in the invitation too.
I was really happy since it seems like my grandparents are finally coming around to the idea of me being with a girl.
Here’s the part that may make me the jerk though. My partner is rather well-endowed in the chest department, and always wears very low cut, form-fitting tops that really accentuate her chest. Because I really want everything at the anniversary party to go well, I asked her if she could wear something a bit more subdued this time.
It’s a big step for my grandparents to even reach out to us, so I want to make it as comfortable for them as possible.
My partner, however, accused me of being controlling and of catering to homophobe’s wills, and that I never had an issue with the way she dressed before (which I don’t, I think she looks stunning).
But I also think that there are some times and places where certain clothing styles are less appropriate, like you wouldn’t go to a high-class restaurant in hot-pants and a crop-top either.
AITJ for asking my partner to wear something different for my grandparents’ anniversary?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Out of respect for your grandparents, this is a reasonable thing to ask. I don’t agree with your partner when she says that it’s catering to their homophobia. First, the issue would have been the same with a heterosexual couple visiting elderly people.
Secondly, they seem to make an effort to change their mind about your couple, which is a nice thing.” rifain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your grandparents are making an effort to change their ingrained beliefs and values. This is probably a big step for them.
It’s not like you’re telling your partner what to wear, you’re just giving a dress code that will make it more comfortable for your grandparents. Even if you were in a heterosexual relationship, it wouldn’t be abnormal to ask your partner to dress a bit more smartly and conservatively if they were meeting grandparents for the first time.” Altruistic-Soup7829
6. AITJ For Choosing To Live With My Dad After My Mom Threw A Party And Used Substances?
“My dad (47M) and my mom (47F) have been together since I was born and, as far as I (14M) know, they had a good relationship until August 4th, on a Saturday. The day went by perfectly normal. The plan was for my dad to bring my brothers, my cousin, and me to a family friend’s house, and in the afternoon, my grandma would pick us up.
My dad’s plan was to stay there that night and come back to our house in the morning. While my cousins and I were at my grandma’s pool all day, now being Sunday, the night went by fast. We made a fire, looked at the stars, talked about futures and beliefs, but besides that.
Sunday morning strolls by. Unbeknownst to me, my dad at home stumbled into bags of illicit substances, beers everywhere, and, by my uncle-in-law, he found out my mom had two unknown men and a man he had met, which my dad cannot recall. There was also broken glass everywhere.
We have four dogs, and my mom threw a party at 2 AM when I was looking at the stars, and my dad was asleep. So, my dad, my uncle, and my aunt cleaned, organized, and my grandma was going to have us stay another day because of the issue I still knew nothing about.
But we convinced our grandma to bring us home to freshen up and hear the story.
The illicit substances were claimably not hers, but even I know she probably took a whiff. Well, after hearing that gunshot to the chest, I cried it out because it was just normal days before, and now I don’t even know.
That same night, I spoke to my sister (25F) who went through that exact thing, and I got better, as well as my 8-year-old brother. Not much happened this Monday morning. My mom came back to pack while my dad was filing the divorce. Around 12:30 in the afternoon, my mom came in (the day before, I made it clear that I didn’t want to go with my mom, and by Florida law, I have that choice).
She said she hated me, and I’m an unforgivable being. I basically told her that I love her so much, but I didn’t want her to take care of me without her having a job because I’m expensive, I’ll say that much. I want to be with my dad also.
I feel 100% safe with my dad, and I feel like I won’t have a good life living on child support with no safety. So what do you think, am I the jerk? (I’ll update if anything comes up)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That mother has demonstrated poor judgment and instability twice already.
Once by what she did that night and again by what she called her own child, simply because she did not agree with their decision. She needs therapy. You need a stable environment.” Pristine_Resource_10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first, I am sorry, it sounds like you love them both and this is a lot to process.
Please be kind to yourself. I am impressed that you understand what you need and are advocating for it. This is a skill that many adults are not capable of. Choosing to live with your father doesn’t mean you do not love your mother.
You have a right to feel safe, to live in a stable environment where you are most likely to succeed.” Puzzled452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t realize this yet, but you’ve had a hard life. I didn’t realize it at your age because chaos was normal, but I’ve had a hard life, and your response is something that would have come out of my mouth at your age.
I’m sad for you but I think you’ll do just fine in life because you’re a mix of logical, analytical and most importantly, kind. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You can’t save your mom but you can save yourself.” BrightImagination931
5. AITJ For Wanting To Separate Finances From My Husband To Save For Our Children's Future?
“I’ve always believed it was normal to spend almost all the money from every paycheck. Everyone in my family does it, and I remember one of the first lessons I got from my mother was when I was a teen. She told me to go ahead and spend my entire first paycheck because ‘You don’t know what will happen tomorrow.’ My husband and I are similar in many ways, including our spending habits.
We both work full time, make decent money, and share finances, but we have less than $500 saved between us.
My sister is married to John, who’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. I could go on about his qualities, but we’re here because of my financial issues.
John works in finance, so he’s very good with his money. He’s a couple of years older than me but owns several commercial and housing rental properties, while my husband and I are still renting because we don’t have enough saved for a down payment on a house.
When they married, he took over my sister’s finances and within five years, paid off all of her debt and increased her savings to almost $10,000. Last month, I spoke to her about her first pregnancy and was shocked to learn she’ll be staying home with their child until they’re in preschool.
I asked how they could afford to do that, and she explained it to me. She went into more details about John’s financial plan and how he planned for them to retire at 50, have money set aside for their children’s colleges, and travel.
I was speechless afterward and thought about it for several days.
My husband and I are talking about having children, yet we can’t do anything fun until we get our paycheck. I called John, and we had a good conversation about our finances, but when I told my husband, he became visibly upset. He thinks it was inappropriate for me to talk to John about our finances, but I argued that it’s obvious we don’t know as much as he does.
That argument lasted for days until I told him I want to separate our finances if he’s not willing to draw up and stick to a financial plan. Although I said it in the heat of the moment, I think it’s the only path for me to save for our children’s future if my husband doesn’t want to.
My husband told his family, so they’re pressuring me about sticking to our shared finances because that’s what married people do.
The thing is, I don’t want to continue living from paycheck to paycheck when there’s another option.”
Another User Comments:
“Separate finances won’t fix the real problem.
You should not have children with a man who refuses to work on issues. You will work on being more responsible, and he continues the same way. That won’t help your family. You should become more financially savvy, but I am afraid it will be for you being a single person.
If you stay with your husband, you will have to bail him out. You will get resentful. NTJ. I wish you luck. Maybe if someone unrelated to you provided financial guidance, he might be more receptive. He could be jealous of the BIL.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“You obviously don’t have much money saved that you have to ‘separate.’ So go open an account at a bank your husband does not use and deposit your next paycheck there. You will obviously have to pay your share of the rent, etc., from there.
But your husband can’t withdraw from it, willy nilly. But you know your newfound responsibility isn’t going to sit well with your husband. Unless he gets on board, or at least doesn’t actively hinder you, this is going to be an ongoing conflict. Make sure some of the money you tuck aside is available for an exit plan.
At least you don’t have children. If you separate, it will be so much easier. At least you didn’t start having children you can’t afford. That right there shows you have some innate idea of how to deal with your finances. NTJ for being a grownup about your money.
Good for you.” YouthNAsia63
4. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend Who Demanded I Get Rid Of My Child?
“Half a year ago, my friend, let’s call her Jessica, fell on hard times and was looking for a place to stay. My husband (Matt) and I offered her to stay at our house while she looked for a job and a place to live.
Almost immediately, her cat started wrecking our furniture, scratching the couch and chairs and pushing things off tables and shelves. Matt and I are normally careful about where we put things, but Jessica would put glasses and other fragile things close to the ledge and, of course, her cat would knock them off.
Her cat even ruined a nice blanket my grandma made for me, to which Jessica shrugged it off, saying her cat needed something to play with.
Matt and I asked her to prevent her cat from doing that as it was costing us money, or at least to train her cat or use a spray or anything to stop it from destroying our things.
She refused, saying that scratching couches and pushing things off the counter were just a quirky thing cats do and we just had to get used to it. I complained to her enough that she eventually relented, though she accused me and Matt of disliking cats.
Of course, she only tried this for a couple of weeks before deciding she didn’t want to do it anymore. Honestly, Matt and I like the cat, but we’re sick of her letting it have free rein over our house. But I could handle that for the most part, especially when she finally got a job and started paying us for the damage her cat did, though made sure to comment on how unfair we were.
The final straw came when I got pregnant. Jessica was furious, saying she disliked children and didn’t want any kids around her or her cat. She demanded I either terminate the pregnancy or adopt the child. Of course, this infuriated Matt and I and we asked her to leave.
Jessica called us heartless, crying that she had nowhere else to go, but honestly, we both had enough of her at this point. I do feel bad as she only has her car to stay in, but asking me to terminate the pregnancy was way too far.
She got in contact with two of our mutual friends, Lauren and Emma. Both took my side, though Lauren said Matt and I should have at least helped her find a hotel.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The entire cat story is completely irrelevant here. It’s your house, your rules and you can decide how you live your life.
If she doesn’t agree, she can leave. Just because she’s staying with you, does not give her the right to demand things from you, especially not something like getting rid of an unborn child.” vraetzught
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Jessica is a *guest* in your house.
Allowing her cat free range of your house, and to not ask for compensation for the ruined things was already a kindness that you extended. A favor that you did not need to give. And her attitude about that, brushing off the destruction of sentimental items and expensive furniture, that was already out of line.
But to demand you, *as a guest*, to terminate your pregnancy? That is so freaking out of line that I would have asked her to leave and gone NC with her instantly. I would have shoved her out of that door and never talked to her again.
She, a guest, asking you to give up your child to accommodate her? I would also have asked Lauren if she would be willing to help a guest who suggested that she terminate her pregnancy. Chances are, she wouldn’t. And neither should you. You already gave Jessica more than she deserved, further kindness should in no way be expected of you.” annoyinghamster51
3. AITJ For Not Thanking My Parents In My Valedictorian Speech?
“I am a 17-year-old female and just graduated from high school. Growing up, I was always top of my class and always in the running to become valedictorian, so when I found out, it was anything but a surprise.
My parents are both immigrants, and while my mom does not work, my father is an engineer. Every time I was awarded anything, like an A on an assignment, my parents would ALWAYS take the credit. As I grew up, I was able to see how bad of an environment my house was.
I am the oldest child and have two younger sisters. One of my younger sisters is just one year younger than me, so we constantly got compared. Of course, anyone with siblings will know that this was the most annoying thing EVER. It was always ‘why can’t you be more like B?’ Or ‘she’s so much better than you!’ And this did a lot of sociological damage to me.
It was evident that my parents both loved her more.
I knew this, but it really started getting bad during high school. I did track and had a lot of meets throughout the season, while my sister did volleyball, and keep in mind that she was on the JV team and was benched in almost EVERY GAME.
On my championship game, which I won, my parents were at my sister’s volleyball game, WHICH SHE WASN’T EVEN PLAYING IN!! I was very upset about this because that game, there were college scouts that came, and when they asked me if they could talk to my parents, I had to say no. The main reason why I won the spot of Valedictorian was because I won the state final in the 400-meter dash.
So when it came to my speech, I decided that I would not include my parents or any of my family for that matter. I thanked my coaches and said, “thank you to everyone who had anything to do with my success,” and I assumed that my parents would think that included them, but I was VERY wrong.
After I concluded my speech, I saw my whole family walk out looking very dissatisfied. They weren’t even there for my walk. My partner’s family were the only people there cheering for me in the crowd. I was very disappointed after and repeatedly called and texted my family, but they have not responded. When I went home, all the doors were locked, and no one was home.
It’s been four days, and at this point, I am getting concerned about their treatment of me. So, tell me, was I the jerk, or is my family in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Appreciation is earned, not a given. The fact they were so upset as to walk out on your graduation shows just how much they put their own egos over your well-being.
Crappy parents. And crappy parents don’t deserve public praise. I just hope you have your own plans for the future, because I don’t think you can expect much help from them.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hopefully your grades and track have scored you financial aid, scholarships, and admission to the college of your dreams, or you have a plan mapped out to get you away from your parents.
I am absolutely aghast they did this to you. Move away from them and don’t look back. They hold nothing but pain.” Psychological_Tap187
2. AITJ For Making My Little Sister Pay Rent To Live With Us?
“My little sister (26 F) was accepted into law school, and we are all so excited. She applied to several, but getting into her top three choices was what she wanted because they were close to family.
Also, she’s engaged, so the closer she can stay to her fiancé, the better. One of those schools is in the city where my partner and I live. She called and asked me if, should she choose school A, could she possibly move in with me (30 F) and my wife, Carly (33 F).
I told her I would need to discuss it with Carly and would let her know. My little sister offered to pay us some rent, $300 if that’s okay. I assured her that sounded completely doable, but again, I needed to discuss it with Carly. Carly agreed that she could move in, especially since she would be contributing rent.
After my little sister officially moved in, she told me, “Look, Mom is upset that you are making me pay rent, so please don’t feed into it and just ignore her. I’ll get you my portion as soon as my loan comes in. I just don’t want you to be blindsided if she says something to you.”
Growing up, I wasn’t the easiest kid. I partied hard my last two years in high school and all the way through college. I was terrible with money, but I always made sure everything was paid because I didn’t want my stuff to be taken from me.
Here’s a small rundown of my parents and life growing up: My mom cares 100% about how she looks in our community because we are from a very small town. My dad was the town’s heavy drinker; he would physically and verbally mistreat us, but only behind closed doors, of course.
I moved out when I was 16 to live with family because I just couldn’t handle it anymore (hence the partying in high school). I met my wife and got my life in order. Now, my wife and I are finally in a good spot in life, but the reason we don’t have a child or even thought about adopting one is because we literally cannot afford to feed three mouths.
But now, Carly is upset that my mom is saying what she’s saying about my little sister paying rent. So, she got a second job, and my little sister has yet to pay me rent, even though her loan has already come in. My parents are coming in to talk to us about why my little sister is paying rent.
Carly told me to stand my ground and let them know they didn’t raise freeloaders. Things don’t come free in life, especially to my little sister because she got into law school. That means we should just work ourselves to the bone for her? Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the whole family drama backstory shows there’s a general lack of boundaries. It’s none of their business how you “look” to the community. Take the modest rent money and continue to support your sister. And Carly sounds awesome! Listen to her!!
Edited to add: set up a lease agreement with your sister, so it’s in writing, and you are all clear on the obligations.” frandiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is a case for strong boundaries with the mother. First of all, it is incredibly generous to take your sibling in for only 300$ while she studies!
This decision is only for you and your wife to make. If your sister is okay with this arrangement, then you are good to go. Parents love to butt in and it seems there is some history there, all of that aside, you are grown, independent, and that old life is behind you.
Make that decision to put it behind you too and move on for yourself. If your mother brings it up a lot, make it a boundary, and tell her to move on too. High school was a lifetime ago for you. And don’t discuss the living arrangement in detail with your mother.
Her opinions are her own, but the decision is solely between you, your wife, and your sister. Shut down any future comments with a simple: “we already sorted it between us, let’s move on” and change the subject. You got this!” Igs_Isle_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My little sister offered to pay rent, you made that part of this deal. Your mom needs to accept she’s not a part of this conversation. Set a date, like the 1st, and tell your sister she needs to pay that day. I’d be furious if my partner got a second job because my sibling wasn’t paying their part (which realistically doesn’t even cover everything she’s using and eating).
This can and probably will be detrimental to your marriage if this doesn’t get sorted ASAP.” Cookies_2
1. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom Over Her Disapproval Of My College Major?
“I, 18 (f), am going to be a first-generation college student this fall. I have been hesitant to discuss my major and career plans with my family out of fear that I will not have their support.
For context, after exploring my options, I chose to study political science. When I told my parents, they were noticeably disappointed and encouraged me to change my major to biology in hopes that I’ll attend med school, something I used to talk about as a child.
Their reactions hurt me as they assured me throughout my childhood that they would support me no matter what career I chose.
A few days ago, my mother and I went dorm shopping. Once again, the topic of my major came up, and my mother asked me why I chose political science.
She expressed that I would have to be intimate with men to advance my career and she didn’t see me making any income in the field since I’m not that type of girl. When she asked me what I could even do with my degree, I replied with the first thing that came to mind, “Well, what did you do with no degree?”
For the next few days, I didn’t see anything wrong with my actions. My statement was true, and she had made a life with no degree work. My perspective changed when I saw an episode of a TV show where the daughter said something similar to her mother who, in reality, wanted to attend college but couldn’t due to her teenage pregnancy.
This instantly made me think of my own mom. She did attend a semester of college before she realized she couldn’t afford the tuition. My mom soon found out she was pregnant with my sister and found herself in a rushed marriage. For the next five years, she struggled to raise my sister alone after her husband left them for another woman.
My mother attended a vocational school to become a nurse.
My father and I often joke that she could’ve been a doctor if she never had my sister because she’s incredibly intelligent and passionate about her job. I know that I’m prone to say things I regret.
I feel that comment was uncalled for and hurt my mother, who’s always looked out and provided for me, unnecessarily. She has always said she wants to go back to school to become an RN, but I know my siblings and I have stopped her.
I didn’t consider this then, but now I wonder, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ depending on how you said it. Even so, it might’ve hurt her feelings. Tell her that you didn’t mean it that way and that you just meant she was able to make a life without a degree.
Some advice I wish I had, college is very expensive, and becoming less and less important. Lots of careers don’t require a degree. I wish I had a better idea of what I wanted to do before spending all that money. Or gone to a cheap school while I figured out what I wanted to do, or traveled instead.
You can learn a lot that way too and spend a lot less, plus you enter the job market earlier, college will still be there.” sammers101
Another User Comments:
“Everyone was in the wrong here. You both said something horrible and one of you is going to have to be the bigger person and apologize.
That being said, don’t be pressured into doing a course and following a career path that you know is not right for you, else you’ll be miserable and may live with regret. The choice is yours at the end of the day. However, I would also suggest that your family know you well and are trying to make sure you do choose the right career path for you.
Maybe at least carefully take into consideration their opinions on the matter.” LousView
