People Wonder If They Should Apologize In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Trust Her After She Tried To Get Rid Of My Dog For Her Fiancé?
“My (20) mom told me that her fiance is allergic to dogs and said that we are taking my dog to the shelter so that he can move in. No negotiation. I had no say.
Now the age of majority of our country is 20 so up until two weeks ago I was still a minor. My mom didn’t know that I’m already 20 though. She forgot my birthday. When I took my dog and went to my dad’s yesterday, she came over, saying I can’t just leave like that.
Even threatened to take my dad to court if he didn’t return me. So I told her I’m already 20.
She was very embarrassed. Then she said that maybe her fiance could try getting those pills to deal with the allergy. I said no and she asked me why, so I told her I don’t trust her not to take my dog to the shelter behind my back.
She was very upset to hear it and my sister told me that while she agrees with not trusting her, some things are better left unsaid and that telling Mom I no longer trust her didn’t do anything other than hurt her feelings.
I’m still firm in my resolve to not go back there.
I really don’t trust her. But was I wrong for telling her so?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not only did she choose her fiancé over you, she forgot your birthday. She gave birth to you! She was there! Good job making a smart decision not to put your dog at risk by moving back in.
I wouldn’t blame you if you cut off contact with her entirely. She’s made clear that she sees you as her property, not as a separate human being with your own feelings and needs. Your sister will probably eventually see this side of her too and come around to your point of view.” Boysenberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s appalling that she would choose her fiancé’s allergies over a dog that is a member of her family! Not only is that cruel to the animal, but it’s cruel to the kids, too, who obviously care about your pet.
It’s also absolutely absurd that a mother would have to be told how old her own child is. Good on you for being upfront.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother ….
- forgot your birthday
- is more concerned about her fiance than your feelings
- does not care for your dog who she’s known for a while
- makes unilateral decisions affecting the family with no consultation (dog to pound, allergic fiance moving in)
You are entitled to have hurt feelings. Mother is entitled to a relationship and a life outside of being a parent. However, she can’t negate the other people in her life and their feelings.
There’s no way I would suggest my child’s pet was given away to suit a partner. The fiance shouldn’t want this either. Mother has seen the consequences of her selfishness. She needs to discuss and negotiate, not deliver ultimatums. Maybe you could have been more diplomatic but I’m not sure that besotted mama will be listening to anything other than herself right now.
She’s obsessed/besotted with the guy, lost sense of being a responsible and loving parent, and should be ignored for a while. Hope your dad is more reasonable.” au5000
21. AITJ For Leaving My Schizoaffective Sister Behind When I Move?
“I (25F) am the mother of two girls (8&5) currently pregnant with my third. I’ve been taking care of my sister (34F) who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder about 3 years ago. She’s been unmediated & refuses to seek treatment no matter what & I’ve tried everything from calling the police (several times), judges, and legal aid to get a medical power of attorney.
She’s been committed 3 times, the first two times didn’t do much, they only kept her a week & the last time seemed pretty promising but we’ll circle back to that.
We have had a pretty rocky relationship just these past few years, her episodes are pretty intense.
It’s constant yelling & screaming, harassing people & just saying horrible disgusting things 24/7 that my kids shouldn’t be hearing. We’ve had issues with her harassing neighbors, literally going outside & screaming in the middle of the night, banging on people’s doors saying that she’s gonna cut their heads off & all kinds of other stuff.
I’ve had to move 3 times in 1 year because of the things she does & I’m just at the point where I’m starting to resent her for it & hate her because she’s making my life so miserable. I’m at a point in my life where I want to move forward & be happy, I deserve it & so do my kids.
The last time she was committed was by force because I did leave her behind the last time I moved & while she was on the streets she ended up getting committed somehow. When she got out she contacted me & I let her come stay with me because at the end of the day, she’s my sister you know..
she was actually medicated & I thought she was making progress but it didn’t last long & now we’re just right back where we started.
My partner of 3 years and I got approved for a place together & we’ll be moving in together so we can be more of a family & my sister just doesn’t fit into that.
She says horrible things about my partner that aren’t true & could never be true. My sister says that I’m choosing a man over my family but that’s just not the case. He’s an amazing man & he loves me & my kids & has done nothing but help us (even her) even though she does nothing but treat him like trash.
I know it’s the illness but I’m just tired of trying to help her when she clearly doesn’t want to be helped. AITJ for leaving her behind & cutting all ties when we move?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner and children ARE your family and their welfare has to take priority over someone who will not help themselves.
Schizo-affective disorders can often be really well controlled with meds (some are more resistant) – IF the person stays on their meds. Unfortunately, some people think that they don’t need the meds because they are fine, and will not accept that they are fine BECAUSE they are taking their meds.
No jerks here, as your sister is so clearly unwell so can’t really call her a jerk even though the behaviors are – just a sad situation and you have my sympathy.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t causing your sister to become homeless.
The old saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink,” applies here. Not only have you led her to water, but you’ve been putting the water into a bucket and holding it directly in front of her mouth 24/7 for YEARS now.
Stop holding that water bucket up. She isn’t going to drink out of it. I know it’s your sister and this sucks to hear, but you’ve done everything you can for her and it’s just not working. It’s not getting better.
I hope you can get some good recommendations or guidance from the other commenters that might lead to getting her some help. NTJ.” TAforScranton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are NOT: her parent, her mental health team, a halfway house, a motel, or a monster.
You are a woman who has been doing her best and unfortunately — sorry, this is going to hurt — you’ve allowed her to dominate your children’s lives. She is harming them. Damaging them. This is so above your pay grade that you will never earn that much!
Look, if you were all on a boat and the boat sank, would you save your children, or would you save her? I hope to God you’d save the children you are responsible for. What if you were saving her from drowning but she refused to drop the boulder she was carrying?
How long would you keep trying to save her? I’m so sorry for you both. Her diagnosis is horrible and, unfortunately, so resistant to help. Nevertheless, it isn’t your diagnosis. Please, allow yourself to have a life. You literally cannot do this anymore. Give your children a life that isn’t steeped in this horror show.” Fredsundertheblanket
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Awful Dad To My Wedding?
“I (30F) am getting married next year and am not inviting my dad to my wedding.
My parents divorced when I was in college but my dad moved out when I was in high school, so after junior high, I didn’t see him often.
He’s inflicted a lot of financial trauma on me (as a 22-year-old, he drove me to an ATM and told me I had to give him all of my savings so his car wouldn’t get repossessed, he forged my signature on loan documents, the list goes on and on), he was unfaithful to my mom and forced her to live without electricity while he embezzled funds from his job to live in Dubai.
For years, I tried to repair our relationship but when he got remarried in 2018 and I went to the wedding, he sprang a last-minute dinner on Friday night (even after I asked him if we should keep that night free). He and his wife got upset that I went to a baseball game with my now fiancé that night that we already had tickets for when he told us there wasn’t anything to keep the night open for.
I was 24 so admittedly, I should have probably gone to the dinner, but I wanted to do something nice for my now fiancé who came with me to the wedding. Fast forward six years, my dad and his wife have never forgiven me for that night and continue to hold it over my head even though I have apologized both in person and via letter.
In the years since my parents’ divorce, my dad has skipped out on divorce court dates and refuses to speak to my mother or her family. My mom is my best friend and her brother is contributing to our wedding as he knows my dad isn’t a positive figure in my life.
In December when I got engaged, my dad saw on social media. He’s never made an effort to get to know my fiancé or visit us so I didn’t bother telling him first. He texted me and said, “saw you got engaged on social media, wow…” and that was all.
His stepdaughter, who I only met once at his wedding, then proceeded to send me scathing messages on social media to make sure I knew how much my dad loves her and how he would be walking her down the aisle at her wedding one day and that everything I’ve done to my dad in my life (who knows what he told her that is – haha) would come back to get me.
Recently, my dad has tried to “repair” our relationship but refuses to ask his stepdaughter to apologize for what she said to me and his wife still has no interest in forgiving me for #baseballgate 2018. In my eyes, I don’t want him there, or his wife and stepdaughter, as he has alienated my fiancé and my maternal family for years.
I think it would just cast a dark cloud over the whole experience and don’t think he’s owed an invitation just because he’s my birth father. At the same time, he is my dad and I hope to only get married once, haha.
My fiancé says it’s totally up to me and what I’m comfortable with but I get pangs of guilt on and off.
AITJ for not inviting him?”
Another User Comments:
“Ooft. NTJ. Your wedding day is a day filled with joy and light and wonder. You invite the people who have and continue to surround you with love and want to share that joy with you. Sadly, your dad isn’t one of those people.
Even if you did want him there after all of this, the conditions you would have to set (an apology from his step-daughter, his wife not attending, him not being the typical “father of the bride”) would make it difficult for him to attend. Inevitably, he would still consider you a jerk.
I hope you are able to reconcile this with yourself and have a beautiful joy-filled wedding day. A wedding is a day, marriage is a lifetime. If your dad sincerely wants to recover your relationship, he has years to do it and will have lots of opportunities to celebrate your marriage without the pressure of the wedding.” CottontailSchuyler
Another User Comments:
“Think about this. The man financially abused you. He used you. He forged your signature. He was unfaithful to your mom. I’m not hearing any reason to forgive him or to be guilty. He’s manipulating your feelings and trying to rewrite your history so you’ll think he was a dad.
You even call him Dad, but was he? Or was he a sperm donor who made your life miserable? Why would you want him to be at your wedding? Or the wife or stepdaughter? No. Don’t do it. Put him out of your mind. He has not and will not change.
Do not believe what he says; believe what he does. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father’s behaviour has been unacceptable to say the least. It is a parent’s job to love, protect, and cherish their child, and he has been traumatizing you and abusing your love and faith in him.
It would be safe to say, please keep as much distance from him as possible because from the way your step-sister is spewing nonsense at you, it seems like he has lied to her about your relationship and is playing the victim. Forcing a 22-year-old you to go to the ATM, taking all your money, and disrespecting your mom after having kids with her, all of these are huge red flags about him as a person.
Why have such a toxic person around on your special day to ruin it?” SoftNefariousness975
19. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Discuss My Pregnancy With Her Sister?
“I (30s, f) am not on speaking terms with my aunt (60s, f), who happens to be an ob-gyn.
When I fell pregnant, I asked my mom to not share the news with her sister.
My mom didn’t listen to me.
I then asked my mom to not share information about my life and pregnancy with her sister. She’s ignored my request thus far. I tolerated this because I know my mom is anxious about my pregnancy and is used to sharing everything with her sister.
My mom and I don’t have the best relationship either, and I just wanted to maintain the peace.
I’m now 39 weeks pregnant, have a short fuse, and recently snapped badly at my mom when she called me in a state of anxiety saying “I was just talking to your aunt and she thinks XYZ about your baby size”.
I told her that I already have an ob-gyn, don’t need a second one and she needs to stop bringing up her sister to me. Mom got super angry saying all she is doing is speaking to her sister, slammed the phone, and hasn’t spoken to me since (I sent her a message apologizing and saying that at this point, I need her support and let’s leave the medical stuff to my ob-gyn).
AITJ for asking my mom to not discuss me with her sister? Is it expecting too much from an anxious grandmother who only wants the best for me?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. A phrase that has to be said during a lot of pregnancies for a lot of reasons: I know you mean well, but if you won’t respect my wishes with the information I give, Imma have to stop giving you information.
Not giving her jerk cause if she’s anxious, makes sense she would turn to someone she trusts/has access to but you don’t want her to do that, and if her anxiety doesn’t let her respect that, you just gotta cut her out of the loop.
It’s not punishment, it’s protection. And you got enough on your mind to have to worry about this any longer.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if you put your mama on a strict information diet, nobody could blame you. Sure, you want your mama’s support, especially now.
But you asked your mama not to discuss your pregnancy with anybody and that includes your aunt. The least your mama could do is not tell you, but obviously, your mama sees nothing wrong with going against your wishes and essentially rubbing it in your face.
And then getting huffy about it when you call her on it. This sounds like a pattern of your mama not listening to or respecting you. You should think about that. And you should try to build yourself a support system of people who do listen to you and respect you because having that kind of relationship is important to you.
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom has proven she can’t be trusted to keep things private, so I personally wouldn’t tell her anything that you wouldn’t feel comfortable putting on a publicly viewable social media page of any kind. And she wasn’t just “speaking to her sister”, she was, once again, violating your boundaries.
You need to reinforce them, OP, because this behavior will only get worse once the baby is here. Stop apologizing to her. She needs to quit spilling the beans everywhere, and also apologize to you. I know it’s hard, but you need to grow a shiny spine and reinforce it with adamantium.
Otherwise, she will completely sabotage any part of your parenting she disagrees with, and she’ll demonize you to everyone on top of it all.” NotAFloorTank
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Young Cousins Play With My Childhood Stuffed Animal?
“Yesterday, my (F15) aunt (F42) asked me and my family to take care of my younger cousins (F2 & M3) while she and my uncle (M47) were going on a trip for 1 week for I don’t know what reason.
I was fine with the idea because I love spending time with those two.
Yesterday I was doing my homework in my room and my mom (F39) suddenly came into my room and told me that “they wanted to see me.” I was like “yeah sure that’s fine.” So they spent about 15 minutes in my room crawling around and I was hanging out with them, trying to entertain them as best as I could.
As I’m playing peekaboo with my 2-year-old cousin, I see the other little rascal (I’m not saying that to be mean) trying to reach for one of my shelves. I was confused, so I asked him “what are you doing?” and he told me he wanted to play with the bunny stuffed animal that was on that shelf.
I said no, as that was my childhood stuffed animal and I don’t want a kid slobbering on it and playing with it (again, not to be rude).
My mom was in the room supervising us just in case something wrong had happened and told me not to be so mean because he’s just a little kid but I told her again that I didn’t want them touching it as it’s mine and I shouldn’t have to let them play with it just because they’re my younger cousins.
She told me I was overreacting and being a total jerk because it’s “just a stuffed animal” and gave them it. I got mad at her because she can’t just do that?? Again, it’s MINE and I have the right to not want to share it with them.
I immediately took it back and placed it back on the shelf. My 4-year-old cousin started breaking down when I did so and I just shrugged it off. I did apologize, saying “sorry guys but I just don’t want you playing with that toy, but I have others for you” because I didn’t want to worsen the problem.
Everybody in my family is mad at me for what I did but I don’t think personally what I did was wrong. AITJ? Was I overreacting or am I in the right?”
Another User Comments:
“That stuffed bunny should probably go live with one of your trusted friends for the week the little kids are staying at your house, or you are gonna come home from school one day and they will have your stuffed toy in their grubby little hands.
Your mama should let the kids go play in her room. Mom isn’t doing homework. NTJ for saying “no” to a kid and directing their attention elsewhere. You should be allowed to keep your things safe without your family getting mad at you.” myglasswasbigger
Another User Comments:
“If you have things in your room that you don’t want them to play with, that is fine. Maybe put those things out of sight until they go home. That way you don’t have to say no, and your mom won’t see them so she won’t be able to tell you to let them play with your items. As a mum, I have made this mistake with my kids.
I didn’t realize things were so important or just thought my kids were being difficult. But if it’s yours, it’s yours!” SheOfRedIsle
Another User Comments:
“Parent here. NTJ. Your mom made the classic parent mistake of not valuing something that is important to you and not seeing that you have the right to safeguard something important to you.
She’s also making the mistake of – in trying to be kind and generous to little guests – not letting the kids experience being told ‘no’ or respecting someone else’s belongings. Your mom hit jerk territory when she got vulgar, insulted you, and got mad at you (and apparently got the rest of the family mad at you).
Honestly, the wording you used with your cousins was very appropriate.” swillshop
17. AITJ For Using The Full Bathroom Toilet While Clean Laundry Was In The Dryer?
“My fiancée and I recently moved into a 1.5-bathroom townhome where the washer and dryer are in the full bathroom. This has become an unexpected source of conflict. When we first moved in, she insisted that I never use the toilet in the full bathroom, as she thinks it is very unsanitary to have a toilet in the place where we wash our clothes.
I disagreed, but only used the half bathroom anyway to avoid conflict. After a week or so she relented and said it was ok to use the full bathroom toilet as long as the washer and dryer are not running. I still felt that this was unnecessary, but I considered it to be tolerable.
An hour or so ago, I used the toilet in the full bathroom while both machines were not running. Apparently, the dryer was full of freshly cleaned clothes though, and now she’s furious with me. She said the clothes were brand new clothes she was very excited about, and now she has to wash them again, which she claims is a big deal because “every time you wash clothes you ruin them a little”.
She also claims that the dryer should still be considered “running” if the clothes haven’t been taken out yet.
I feel that I am not the jerk because
1. No one else would reasonably interpret “running” to include a full dryer that has completed its cycle and turned off.
2. It’s ridiculous in the first place that we can’t use an entire bathroom just because it’s also the laundry room.
3. She was the one who picked out the house in the first place and didn’t tell me about this rule until it was too late to back out.
Now she wants to ban the use of the full bathroom toilet entirely. I feel that I’m solidly in the right, but I’ve come to ask anyway just in case there’s something I haven’t considered. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve never heard of anything like this.
My sense is that your fiancee has some bizarre phobia. I mean, not just the fear of clothes being dirty, but also this thing about every wash “ruining clothes a little”. I mean, that’s probably true to some extent, but I’ve never heard of anyone worrying about it before.
I wonder if your wife has some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder or something like that. In any case, the challenge at this point is not whether using the bathroom pollutes the clothes. The challenge is how you and your fiancee can get along. Perhaps you could agree that you won’t use the bathroom for as long as she is getting therapy.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancée is being irrational. If the clothes are in the machine with the door closed, and you close the lid of the toilet before you flush, then the problem exists nowhere besides her own head. While nobody here can (or should) armchair diagnose your fiancée, there’s obviously something going on here that is driving this behavior and she needs to get to the bottom of it.
Meanwhile, you need to make it clear that you’re not going to bend to her demands because she doesn’t get to unilaterally ban the use of the facilities in a house you both pay to live in. You’ve already made concessions for her, so now she needs to return the favor by figuring out what’s going on and committing to overcoming it.” ImStealingTheTowels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve never known anyone who has such a rule; never heard of anyone making a big deal out of using a toilet near the laundry machines. Many homes have such a setup, like even my apartment has a full bath where the laundry is located. If used properly and cleaned regularly, a toilet is a necessary piece of sanitation equipment, as are the laundry machines.
The toilet seat should be closed immediately when you stand up, but that’s the only thing I’ve ever heard of being necessary. Maybe she is germ-phobic? Some people are just very, very phobic about “germs.” The problem with that is, that bacteria and fungi are everywhere we live, everywhere we sleep, everywhere we shower, everywhere we use the toilet, in our cars, in our living rooms, in our kitchens, and yes, even in our laundry rooms. It’s impossible to completely eradicate all of these and not even desirable because some of them help keep the really bad ones under control by competing with them.
If your fiancee is really phobic about this, she could maybe benefit from some counseling to help her learn to cope with it in ways that aren’t quite so restricting of what is, in reality, also your space as well as hers.” TabbieAbbie
16. AITJ For Drinking The Beer A Stranger Bought For My Wife?
“I was out with my wife and another couple.
We decided to stop at one more spot before calling it a night. We are sitting at the bar drinking and talking all normal. My wife says she wants a snack maybe something sweet. I see across the street they are selling stuff so I go to get something.
When I come back the other couple is looking at me weird and my wife come closer to me and says that the older inebriated guy sitting at the corner got her that beer as soon as I left. She wanted to get one for him and I said no and drank the beer he got her.
He stood up and left. The other couple said that was awesome because what was he thinking, that she would leave me for him because he got her a beer. My wife got mad because I drank the beer and said no to getting him one in return.
It was a local bar in a semi-tourist area. We were staying in the area for the weekend. The beer was in a can for 1.50$. I opened it and took 2 sips.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are bar etiquette rules. You can send a drink, and it may be accepted or refused. Accepting the drink used to imply that you could politely start a conversation.
Sending the drink back meant no thank you. Sending a drink to a person who is with someone and the partner drinks it means back off because you’re trying to start trouble. I’ve seen bar fights over less. Walk behind someone who just thought you were making eyes, and they’d swing.
Ignore the inebriated jerk when he’s ranting, they take a swing because you “disrespected” them.” Chubbs6977
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was shooting his shot with a woman he saw was with another man. She wanted to return the gesture with a beer back to him?
I bet your wife thinks people are far nicer than they really are. She should have declined the drink but she didn’t so your move was absolutely gangster and sent the message that she should have sent. Bravo.” iHaveACatDog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for many reasons: No one should buy a drink for a visibly intoxicated person in a bar, regardless of how many beers they’ve bought for others.
Unless people decide ahead of time that they’ll be alternating buying a round or something like that, no one should assume that buying someone a drink will get them one in return later. Yes, it’s courteous to do so, but for various reasons, it might not happen, especially if you don’t even know the person.
Buying a drink for someone who is obviously there with a partner is rude. No courtesy is deserved in that situation. Once someone receives a gift, that person can do whatever they want with it, including give it to someone else.” aloofman75
15. AITJ For Calling A Mom Stupid After She Continually Questioned My Kids' Ethnicity?
“My husband is Dominican and I’m Irish. Our kids look like him in terms of f****l features but they inherited my pale skin.
Our son has his father’s dark hair but my daughter’s is borderline dark blonde. Genes are weird, what are you gonna do?
Both my kids and myself have my husband’s last name, which is a popular Dominican last name. There have been times we get looks when people hear our last name and my husband isn’t around.
But it’s never been too bad and usually, I shrug it off.
Due to my husband’s work schedule, he’s rarely at school events. So, most people just know me. There’s another little girl in my daughter’s class with the same last name as us. Her mom also volunteers often.
When we met, she flat-out said “You’re not Dominican.” I said, “No. My husband and kids are.” She said, “but your last name is (x)”. I said yeah…because it’s my husband’s. She pointed out how pale they are. I just said genes are weird.
But almost every time we see each other, she brings it up somehow. Making comments about how pale the kids are. Finding it weird they don’t know Spanish (my husband didn’t learn growing up so they don’t know it either). I just let it roll off because while it’s weird, I’m not about to get into a contest.
The teacher asked the kids to make collages about their cultures. My daughter’s had stuff related to being a Dominican and stuff related to being Irish. They had a whole culture day where parents were invited. The mom of the other little girl saw my daughter’s collage and rolled her eyes, thankfully not in front of my daughter.
There were no other kids around at the time as they were getting food. It was just parents looking at the collages. I asked what her problem is. She said I’m not a real Dominican. I said I never claimed to be. She said my kids aren’t either and that my husband is probably only a little Dominican and we’re claiming a culture that’s not ours.
I was dumbfounded. All I could ask was “are you stupid?” She said there was no need to be defensive. Finally, I had enough, pulled out my phone, and showed her pictures of myself with my husband and the kids. She stared at it for a moment and mumbled an apology.
I said “yeah, maybe research how genes work so you don’t make yourself look stupid in front of a bunch of 3rd graders”. She got teary-eyed and walked away.
I got the stink eye from some other parents which I ignored. When I told my husband later, he said calling her stupid repeatedly, when she already apologized, was a jerk move.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would she be so pressed about someone else’s culture (or culture they claim to be)? She was rude and basically harassing you on more occasions than one. She wasn’t entitled to an explanation, let alone having to show her a picture of your family for her to be convinced. I think you were more than patient with her and DEFINITELY NTJ.
Hate to break it to her but she isn’t the only Dominican to walk this earth and not all Dominicans are gonna look like what her mind accepts as one.” islasdiary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She kept badgering you about this and her behavior was atrocious.
If you never called her out, it would have continued. She created the situation and it is pretty bold of her to act like she is the victim. Side note: I am a multicultural person of color. I look “ethnic”, but it can be hard to tell my exact ethnicity.
I have had to deal with people like this lady my entire life (even “educated” people who should know better). I have gotten to a point where it no longer bothers me, but there were many years where it was hurtful to always be “othered” and exhausting to convince people that I was not lying.
The moral of the story: You putting her in her place may make her think twice about pulling this garbage on someone else. So you not only helped yourself and kids, but possibly others as well.” Hello_JustSayin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My daughter is part Jamaican, doesn’t look it, and I’ve had someone try to school me on ‘you can’t call her Jamaican only people who grow up there can call themselves Jamaican’ blah blah blah.
Idk why people are so touchy on the subject. In my case, it wasn’t about me calling my daughter Jamaican just acknowledging she has Jamaican ancestry based on her bio father’s side to someone who is Jamaican. She had an issue with it, which I can’t understand, because she looks more white I’m supposed to act like that other side of her isn’t a part of her genetics?
It’s just a fact that your kids are part Dominican, anybody trying to make it a bigger issue or into something it’s not is their problem. She couldn’t let it go and you don’t have to be nice to everyone or prove anything to anyone.” Silly-Billy-Nilly
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Bring His Wife To My House?
“For starters, I (19F) just want to give a backstory. I am no contact with my mom. I refer to her as my dad’s wife because she was everything but a mother to me. Yes, she birthed me, but birthing someone does not make you a mother.
The only thing she did for me was the legal requirements so she wouldn’t go to jail. My dad’s wife has called me names, and treated me less than my siblings. I spent my life arguing with her about how she doesn’t love me like my siblings.
My sister got whatever she wanted and my brother never did anything wrong. I was always in trouble for things my siblings did and had to work for what my siblings were handed. I was the only one who cleaned and took care of everyone in the household.
I have been no contact with her since January 2024. Off and on no contact since December 2023. I finally went no contact after she once again blamed me for a situation between me and my brother.
To the AITJ: A few months ago I borrowed my dad’s sander from him.
He said I could keep it, but last week asked for it back. I had no problem since it was originally his and I only needed it for two projects that I completed. I told him he can pick it up the following day but to not bring his wife.
I don’t want her to know where I live. My dad said I need to talk to my mom and quit being a jerk to her. That I shouldn’t tell him who he can and can’t bring over to my home. Where I finally feel free and safe from her.
I don’t think I’m the jerk for having boundaries. My dad’s wife will definitely be the one to just show up whenever she wants to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Similar situation different reason, only 2 people in my family know where I live. Word of advice, if you have a good relationship with your father, don’t put him in a situation where he has to choose between upsetting you or his wife.
Instead of saying come pick up the sander but don’t bring your wife, try meeting him for lunch/coffee/whatever and giving the sander at a neutral location.” zarethor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s clear she caused you a lot of pain and treated you unfairly compared to your siblings.
Your request for your dad to come alone to pick up the sander is reasonable. Your home should be your safe space, and you’re within your rights to decide who gets to know where you live. It seems your dad doesn’t fully understand or respect your need for this boundary, which makes things challenging.
It’s important to stand firm in your decision and communicate clearly that your well-being depends on keeping certain distances. Maybe explain to him again, calmly and firmly, why it’s crucial for you that she doesn’t know where you live. Ultimately, your mental health and sense of safety are what matter most. Stick to your boundaries; you’re doing the right thing for yourself.” Confident_Catch_1096
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is where you just tell him you’re going to have someone drop it off for him or will ship it to him. He’s also a serious jerk for thinking he has the right to invite whoever he wants to your home.
Tell him that you’re dead serious about her not knowing where you live and if he tells her and/or brings her you will be calling the police for trespassing and will be cutting any further contact with him. You need to set your boundaries down hard here.” Blondebabe2002
13. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Autistic Brother Without Pay?
“I (15F) have an autistic brother (7M) who has terrible behavioral issues. In addition, he just hates me and doesn’t respect my authority. The other day, I had to watch him all day (along with my 10-year-old sister) and he had 5 tantrums for 30+ minutes each.
He kicked and screamed and hit and flailed around like a toddler for each of his tantrums. I had to lay on top of him so he wouldn’t throw things or hurt me or my sister.
I was so done by his 4th tantrum, but then my stepdad came home for a short period of time and demanded that my sister and I clean the kitchen.
He said he was leaving to go pick up dinner and I requested that he bring my brother with him so we could get stuff done. He refused and said he didn’t want to deal with him. He told me to make sure my brother cleaned up his art supplies and then left. My brother threw another tantrum about this and was hurting my sister, so I spent the whole time my stepdad was gone trying to keep him away from my sister.
Obviously, we didn’t get the kitchen clean. My stepdad was upset and yelled at us saying that “just once he would like to come home to a clean house” and told us what lazy brats we were. I told him that he left us home with our brother and that he threw a tantrum the whole time so there was no way for us to get anything done.
He continued to yell and made my sister cry.
This is the 3rd time this summer I’ve had to watch him for long periods of time. The first time, I got paid 40 dollars (after watching him for a whole night), and the second and third time I received no payment.
I was told it was my responsibility because I lived in this house. My stepdad has been especially crabby and mean lately, and I really want to put my foot down and tell him that I won’t watch my brother anymore because it shouldn’t be my responsibility.
WIBTJ if I refuse?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s bad parenting that you are being asked to watch your brother for long stretches without pay. It’s downright abusive that you are being yelled at for failing to clean the house when your brother’s very predictable behavior prevented you from doing so.
Where is your mom in all this and does she usually side with your stepdad? If so, you need to get another trusted adult involved, like a school counselor or a friend’s parent who works in the medical, counseling, or social work fields.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I worked in an autism center designed for kids with extreme aggressive behaviors like these. No 15-year-old should be handling this. I’ve had concussions, broken ribs, and bite marks that broke skin, all because I, a trained adult, didn’t react soon enough. Your parents should be hiring an adult to help you.
School systems usually have referrals and lists of people who have experience handling this. Some insurances will cover therapists who work in managing meltdowns. Do not agree to do this anymore. This is not the same as occasionally watching your baby sister over summer break or helping clean the house and cook dinner.
This is not a normal chore. Severe meltdowns like this can be very dangerous for both you and him.” littlestgoldfish
Another User Comments:
“Okay, here’s what I would do. This is coming from the lens of an adult, so it might be harder for you, but here it is.
I would sit down and talk with them. Text them and say I would like to speak with both of you before I babysit again so you’re not blindsiding them. Explain that they need to be available when you are watching them because you fear for your sister’s safety when he is throwing a temper tantrum.
Ask them how they deal with it. Tell them they NEED to answer the phones while you are by yourself at the VERY LEAST in case there is an actual emergency. Let them know that the next time they don’t answer the phone you are calling the police because you fear for their safety.
The hope is if you’re sitting there talking to them CALMLY they will take you seriously. The next time they do this (because I doubt the conversation will work but you have to try) call them each several times. Then I would text them and say “since I cannot get ahold of you I am calling 911.” Then CALL.
You have to call or they won’t take you seriously. I guarantee that it will only take one time before something changes. Side note: do you have grandparents or other family members who you can speak to? A trusted neighbor?” tubbycustarrrd
12. AITJ For Logging Out My Partner From My Netflix Account?
“So my partner is using my Netflix account. We don’t live together. I set up his profile separately from mine. I suddenly keep seeing TV shows on my profile that I don’t watch, I think he might’ve accidentally switched to my profile without realizing it.
He’s not very techie. The shows/movies shown on my profile are shows I know he doesn’t watch. I know because they’re English and he hates English movies.
I started having doubts that it wasn’t him who was watching, just the other night, the same thing happened. He was actively on my Netflix at 1 AM watching a movie he doesn’t normally watch.
I called him he didn’t pick up. Kept calling 3 more times, he didn’t pick up still. I messaged him asking who he was with and why he was still awake at 1 AM.. no reply.
I was so annoyed I logged him out. He messaged me the next day saying I had no right to judge him, he was just busy watching a movie that’s why he didn’t answer my call, and telling me that what I did was very rude for logging him out mid-movie…so AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He messaged you the next day? He wasn’t watching the movie; he’s given the information to someone else. Whether it’s someone he’s being unfaithful with, I can’t tell you, but he’s definitely lying to you and a jerk in this situation.
He loses Netflix privileges, and if he’s a jerk in general, maybe more.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s lying to you. He’s shared your account with someone else. If he was actively watching the movie HIMSELF when he was kicked out – then he would’ve responded to your messages at that moment.
That he waited until the next day was because of the back & forth that went on between him and the other person.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Log out from this relationship ASAP as well, this is a big red flag and can get even worse!
Life is too short to waste it with the wrong person! Change your password as well and never share any of your accounts again with anyone (because if you decide to cancel the subscription, but don’t change the password, anyone who had it logged into their devices can activate it again and you are the one paying, and you will only know when the payment is charged).” EvilWata
11. AITJ For Preferring To Wear A Different Necklace Over The One My Partner Gave Me?
“On one of our first anniversaries, my partner gave me a silver necklace with the first letter of his name. It was really sweet, and I wore it for years. Now, I wear a different necklace a friend gave me as a gift. She has great taste and I really like this one.
My partner often asks why I don’t wear his necklace anymore. I usually say I forget to switch, which is partly true, but I just prefer the new one now. Tonight he got very upset about the necklace. We got into a fight.
Honestly, I don’t understand why it is such a big deal. He also got me a cute bracelet and a very nice ring, which I always wear.
It’s just the necklace that’s kind of out of the rotation.
I wear his necklace on special dates, but otherwise, I prefer the new one. This caused a big fight tonight. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to him.
AITJ for not wearing the necklace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
1. You don’t need to wear everything at once
2. Your body, your clothes, your choice. Don’t let others tell you what to wear. This applies to jewelry, too.
3. It’s kind of creeping me out that the necklace has his initials on it: like he’s marking his possessions/ ike he’s tagging you or something.
Not cool. Don’t get into a fight about this, but he’s being ridiculous. I hate it when dudes think they can tell us how to dress.” F******************6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just tell him your real reason for not wearing it anymore, saying you forgot is an unnecessary half-truth.
If he’s a good partner he should understand that not wearing the necklace doesn’t mean anything about the relationship and you’re free to wear whatever you want. Maybe because you wore it so much it took on a type of “promise ring” meaning for him so the sudden change makes him think something’s going on when in reality nothing’s changed but your preference for jewelry.” EntertainmentMuch401
Another User Comments:
“So you have to wear this necklace forever and forego any other jewelry you like and are given or buy yourself because he did a nice thing once? This is very silly. Jewelry is like clothes, you can be into a look for a while and then switch it up and sometimes you go back to an old piece for a bit and then do something else.
I don’t wear the same clothes or jewelry now that I did 5 or 10 years ago, and when I was younger I switched up looks a lot more often. People change. My husband and I replaced our wedding bands for our 10-year anniversary because we were tired of the look of the originals.
Maybe he’s one of those people who imbue certain objects or actions with a load of meaning but maybe you aren’t. You need to talk this out, be honest with him about how you view jewelry and how he can expect you to show him the meaning he seems to be attaching to this particular item, which may not be the way he wants you to show it, but it’s how you want to show it.
Talk about how he feels and how you feel and find a way to show each other your commitment you can both get behind.” ziptagg
10. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Neighbor Who Was Yelling At Her Kids?
“I (17) have this neighbor (F 37). My neighbor has been yelling at her son (M 16) since 8 am (it is now 11 am), it woke me up since their house is near my room’s window.
She’s been screaming things such as “what did I do to deserve a son like you” and many other degrading things. I originally wanted to stay out of it since parents yell at their kids but then these 3 kids between ages 4-7 came out yelling crying and screaming, I have never seen these kids before.
I called the cops for just a wellness check and to make sure they were ok, the police showed up 5 minutes later and checked in on her and she seemed upset and was crying. They left a few minutes later.
I feel bad for calling the police since it seems it wasn’t a big deal since the police were only at her house for 10 minutes..so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When it comes to kids and their safety there’s no such thing as being a jerk. Better safe than sorry, always. Plus you never know if she was having some sort of mental health episode. More than an hour of yelling is more than the regular “ticked off”.
And if the yelling stopped after the cop visit, it rightfully checked her into place. those kids did not ask to be put on this planet.” EnvironmentalYak1378
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the neighbor just got a reality check, people can hear her being awful and won’t stand for it.
Maybe she got comfortable mistreating her kid, maybe she’s babysitting these younger kids, either way, what you did ensured she got a reminder that people care about those children and won’t tolerate her actions. For those kids, that’s incredibly important. It’s proof someone cares, that if their mom/babysitter/aunt escalates then someone WILL care enough to try and save them.
That could be enough to encourage the 16 yo to open up to others to seek help. You did good. How long the police were present is irrelevant as they can only act when there’s clear evidence of a crime, but if they’re decent then they would have made a note to pass over to child services.
It’s the start of a possible intervention if needed.” I_wanna_be_anemone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because the police visit was brief, that doesn’t mean it didn’t do any good. It stopped the mistreatment that had gone on for hours. It showed Mom that her behavior would have consequences when the neighbors observed it.
It showed the kids that mom’s behavior IS NOT okay, and the community would respond to protect them. That is a better outcome than the “don’t get involved” alternative. If mistreatment is ignored by the community, the targets can feel powerless, trapped, and vulnerable, and the abuser DOES have the right to treat them that way.
This event showed the family that the community recognizes emotional mistreatment as a problem that won’t be tolerated.” curiousity60
9. AITJ For Telling My Skinny Friend She Looks Fatter Than Me?
“I’m (17F) obese, nearly morbidly obese according to the internet. I don’t really care about that stuff because I think self-love is more important and I’m happy with my weight, but it’s kind of an important part.
My friend Maria (17F) is average, if not quite skinny. She’s made fun of my weight before, but she always says it’s just a joke.
She constantly asks everyone in her friend group if she’s fat, I understand being insecure but it’s genuinely really excessive and it’s weekly while we’re eating lunch at this point.
She never eats her lunch and always throws it away, then points to mine and tells me that I’m eating so much and that even half of that would fill her up. She’s said this every day for the past 3 or 4 months. I don’t think she’s on a diet or anything either she just makes weird comments like that a lot.
Today she asked to try my jacket on because she was cold, I thought she was actually cold but after she said “oh my god this is so huge on me … does this actually fit you.” Obviously, I’m paraphrasing I don’t remember exactly, but my other friends started to laugh.
I told her that she does look fat, and she looks fatter than me. And that my jacket fits her really well.
She got quiet and changed the subject, but tonight she messaged me and asked me why I would say that when I know she’s insecure.
I told her that I’m tired of her fishing for compliments and being rude to me because of my weight. She said that I’m just jealous of her and she left me on seen. I asked my parents for advice but they agree with her and think I was very rude, but I don’t know how else I would’ve made it stop.”
Another User Comments:
“A couple of things – 1. get a new friend, this one’s broken. 2. “self-love” is about so much more than being happy with yourself. It’s about loving yourself enough to make sacrifices and decisions that are hard, like eating healthier and getting good exercise, and if you need to, finding out if there’s a medical reason for your weight.
Those things are self-love. Love yourself enough to do those things, they’re important. 3. sounds like she had it coming. Gonna be snarky, better be able to take snarky. NTJ.” dessertkiller
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend’s insecurities are not your problem. And using you as someone she can make demeaning comments about your weight to make her feel better about herself is beyond annoying.
You put up with her ridiculing you long enough. The opportunity to shut her down occurred and you took it. Oh well, maybe she’ll think twice before she tries to disparage someone else to make herself feel better.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“From what you’ve said, it sounds like she may have an eating disorder.
She’s constantly body-checking, she’s obsessed with how much she eats, and eating a little bit of food causes her to feel full. I understand your frustration with her because if she’s going to make “jokes” about your body, she’s gotta be okay with it too.
That said, sounds like she needs to see someone about her issues. NTJ.” myguitarplaysit
8. AITJ For Telling My Slim Sister She Might Have Body Dysmorphia?
“So my sister “Lea” and I were chatting and she brings up the fact that she’s been working out.
I said that’s great and I’d like to join her in the gym sometime as we have memberships at the same place, but don’t go together. Then she says she feels fat from her tummy and that’s also why she’s working out a lot and eating less/better.
I tell her she looks fine, that she’s not fat at all. (For context, she’s 5’5, 110 pounds, so she really is slim and has an athletic build. I’m the opposite, 5’2 and 160 pounds, pear build, slightly overweight.)
Lea continues by saying that when she sits down she gets a tummy, that she hates that and wants to lose it.
I told her that’s totally normal, that we have organs and that’s why we have a small pouch sometimes when we sit.
At this point, her face is all scrunched up and she’s holding her belly reiterating what was said before, I kind of snapped because I’m a little sensitive about my weight and I do think I’m a little overweight right now, and told her she’s gotta stop, if she thinks she’s fat she’s got body dysmorphia and has got to check that out.
She got upset and left.
I think I might be the jerk because after I thought I should have bit my lip but I had said it already and I know my words hurt her but in the end, she needs to know to take it easy and not overdo it as she’s already slim.
However, in the moment I know I didn’t say that with those thoughts in mind, I said it because I felt insulted that she was calling herself fat and I’m much bigger than her so I felt as if I was also getting called fat.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/No jerks here. I say this as someone currently technically obese, who has been amazingly fit and skinny and never knew or appreciated it at the time because of dysmorphia. It’s a bit scary when people look at the fact that flesh folds over because of bending and organs and they immediately think that that makes them fat.
It’s weird. It just is. Even at the height of my dysmorphia I didn’t think like that but knew people who did. I told them more or less what you told her: they would still have that with no body fat at all because of skin and organs.
In a sense, I think you did her a favor by highlighting that she’s not focused on what’s important about her health. She needs her health goals to be achievable and based in reality, so that she doesn’t do herself harm through her exercise, and to more broadly address the fact that her perception is skewed so she can ponder the roots of that and feel good in herself.
Still, on a less positive note… if she has some serious baggage to shift mentally, she’s gotta choose to get on with that on her own. You can’t force her, and telling her not so gently that she’s basically delusional may not have helped. Doesn’t make you the jerk though, it just means you might not be able to help her and should be ready for that eventuality.
Best of luck and I hope you both end up happy.” Egloblag
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get that you’re sensitive about this and I do think you’ve got a point as someone with body dysmorphia. I don’t honestly think she was insulting you.
More like sharing her insecurities with you. I’ve got body dysmorphia, I work out and eat right constantly and according to my husband and coworkers, I’m skinny and look amazing. When I share how I feel they look at me like I’m crazy. It’s hard work.
But my brain won’t let me see what they see. I see myself and I see all the problems and areas that are too pudgy and feel terrible.” Alternative-Gur-6208
Another User Comments:
“I have body dysmorphia. Couldn’t understand why people were so worried about me.
I ate very little. Until I noticed I could see all the muscles in my neck when I swallowed. It was an ugly sight. I still worry about gaining weight 50 years later, I think I’m getting fat but when I see long-view pictures of my body I look thin.
I like what I see. Be very careful how you speak to your sister. Some anorexics get really excited when people tell them they’re skinny. If they’ve been skinny and they have gained weight, don’t tell them they look so healthy. They might interpret that as getting fat.
Good luck to you both.” michelina27
7. AITJ For Telling My Absentee Father He's Not Invited To My Daughters' Birthday Party?
“I (25M) am a father of two adorable twin girls.
They are turning 3 soon, so my wife (24F) and I are working on planning a small party for them. Nothing big since neither of us is a fan of big parties so it’s just going to be some close family and a few families from our daughter’s daycare.
Recently, my own father moved back into our city (he moved away for just over 10 years for work) and he’s been trying to insert himself into my life again, through my daughters. Including trying to pick them up from daycare (my wife and I have asked him multiple times not to), stopping by for surprise visits without calling first to see if we were even home, or buying them gifts without talking to us first to see if it would be okay.
Now, my father and I aren’t close. Far from it. There had been a lot of complications with my mother’s health when I was born, and she passed away not too long after. Afterward, my father practically dumped me off onto his father, my grandfather, who raised me instead.
My father moved away when I was 14, but even before that, he rarely visited outside of holidays or birthdays, and when he was around, he would always try to avoid me if possible. And after he moved, it would be a rare occasion to even get a phone call from him.
It caused me a lot of issues that I’m honestly still going to therapy for and that I’m trying to work out. Thankfully, my grandfather has been an amazing role model for me and has been giving me advice for my girls so that way I can be a good dad for them.
It was my drop-off day today, and when I was leaving the daycare and was heading back to my car to get to work, my father showed up to try and talk to me. I tried to get out of the conversation as fast as I could, saying that I was going to be running late, but he didn’t seem to get the message, and instead kept asking me about my daughter’s birthday since it was coming up, what we had planned, and where the party would be.
Eventually, I snapped at him and told him that I didn’t even want him at their party and that he never earned the right to spend time with them as a grandfather since he never put in the time to be an actual father in the first place.
At that point I was already at my car, so I pulled out and got on the road, but it’s been bugging me all morning. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad sounds like he only wants to be a dad when it’s convenient for him, including the event that started this entire post here.
I think you 100% did the right thing, he needs to learn that his actions (or lack thereof) have consequences and that he just doesn’t get to automatically be involved in your lives after several years of him clearly showing that he could care less. Maybe he feels some guilt now that it’s later in life, but that’s his own problem that he’s created for himself.
Good on you for setting a boundary.” B*************a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hate to ask, but have you discussed any of this with your father? I mean straight up tell him to stay away or are you dancing around the issue, I only ask, because the ambush on his part would have set me off, but you seemed to just ignore and deflect?
It only seemed to garner the proper reaction when he seemingly was going over your head. I understand it is hard to talk to parents, even absent ones, but I think you have to get your point across to him, granted I might have missed the mark here too.” Kooky-Situation3059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it may have sounded (and felt) harsh to you, perhaps, but you’re completely right. Based on the description, he has done nothing to earn the privilege (it’s a privilege, NOT a right, to see and spend time with you and/or your kids).
As the saying goes, he made this bed, he needs to lie in it. Maybe he genuinely DOES want to make amends with you, I can see that being possible based on the little you’ve described, but he’s going about it completely wrong, and forcing himself into your girls’ lives isn’t going to help his case one bit, as he just found out.
Out of curiosity, why did he really leave? Are you in Asia or other places where sometimes parents DO leave for other countries for work to send money back to the family? Is that the case here and you’re bitter (rightfully or not) about being left behind?
What is the rest of the story there? It doesn’t, IMO, change the outcome, but could be useful detail for context.” TheDreadPirateJeff
6. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Absentee Father After He Abandoned Me During My Miscarriage?
“I (29F) have a tumultuous relationship with my dad. He hasn’t taken a part in raising me since he and my mom divorced when I was 2 and we moved away, but we’ve been in and out of contact my whole life.
He would send letters and then move, change his number, set up visits to us, and never show up, quit paying child support, etc. We’ve talked on and off throughout the years but it always ends in arguments.
I can be pretty stubborn and argumentative, so I don’t tend to let things go if I don’t feel like I have closure.
This is where I’m starting to feel like the jerk. A few years ago in the Fall, I got pregnant and was stoked. I told him the news after being out of contact with him, and he was very excited too, and booked a trip to come visit me around Christmas.
Unfortunately, it was an extremely rough pregnancy for me. I got hyperemesis, lost 20 pounds, and had a miscarriage. I miscarried about a month before he was scheduled to come visit.
When I told him the news, he seemed sad at first, but then he stopped talking to me for about a week.
About a week after I told him, he canceled his trip to visit, saying he had an illness. (The trip wasn’t for another 4 weeks, so I was confused but didn’t push it). When the time for him to visit rolled around and I hadn’t heard from him much, I saw him partying with his new partner at a bar.
I got extremely upset and blocked him on everything without saying a word to him. My miscarriage was also complicated and I had to have two surgeries to avoid getting sepsis. The whole thing was incredibly traumatic, and I was very hurt by him not showing up.
Fast forward to today, I’ve established contact with him again. He reached out to me on LinkedIn of all places, so I got worried something was up. Nothing was up, he just wanted to talk. He didn’t ask how I was doing, he didn’t ask if I’m okay, he just wanted to “talk to his daughter”.
We made small talk over a few weeks until he brought up my miscarriage off-handedly and I kind of went off on him.
He keeps saying he can’t fix the past and he made mistakes, and he also tells me he was working a lot and that he had it really rough.
He keeps saying he doesn’t want to argue and he just wants to talk to his daughter, and that makes me feel a bit bad.
My dad has also told me that I am a jerk and no explanation he gives me will ever be good enough for me.
Am I the jerk for refusing to forgive my dad for abandoning me?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to paint your dad as a narcissist, that is a word thrown around entirely too much and it is not always true or appropriate. He is however seemingly self-centered and selfish.
Not maliciously, but definitely darn near close. You need to make peace with the fact that he will never ever ever be the dad you want or even need him to be. If you’re not in therapy, please talk to someone to help you navigate this process and set appropriate boundaries with your dad, and set proper expectations for yourself.
NTJ.” Winter_Raisin_591
Another User Comments:
“Your deadbeat dad called you a jerk just because you called him out for being consistently bad to you and playing an awful role in a traumatizing miscarriage and you’re here asking us to confirm that? I’m so sorry that he wormed his way into your brain and convinced you that you could possibly be a jerk.
Baby please do yourself a favor and keep him blocked everywhere. That man doesn’t genuinely care about you because if he did, he’d be able to communicate like an adult. Someone who is truly regretful will apologize to you in a meaningful manner without making dumb excuses and without insulting you or your intelligence.
Take care.” LesbiansonNeptune
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is easy to understand your reluctance at being disappointed again, but as others have said he may not be dad material in the way you want. However, something you wrote leads me to other questions. You stated, “and we moved away, but we’ve been in and out of contact my whole life.” Does this mean your mom moved away from your dad?
How far away and under what circumstances? Were there problems between your parents? Did your mom talk down and bad mouth your dad? These answers are pertinent because they could help explain his not being more involved when you were a kid. I know a few exes who had to step away because a former partner created a bad situation and made it near impossible to co-parent.
The other thing is you don’t mention your mom comforting you during the miscarriage – was she in the picture? If so, were you expecting the same level of attention from your dad (if true very unrealistic expectation)? I assume you had other people around to help you through the miscarriage (SO, friends, extended family, etc) so why was your dad not being around so important?
Was it you longing for something you never had and haven’t come to grips with? I think there are some things to explore before declaring how much of a jerk dad was/is before making a judgment on him, and how your “relationship” with him proceeds.
You may be a bit of a jerk in what you expect.” Random-OldGuy
5. AITJ For Telling My Daughter That The Sour Cream Was Marshmallow Fluff?
“Earlier this week, we were at a Mexican restaurant, and I ordered an extra side of sour cream. When it arrived, my daughter asked what it was.
I laughed and told her it was marshmallow fluff as I put it on my burrito. She gave me a skeptical look, laughed, and said, “You’re lying, Mom. There’s no way.” We went back and forth for a while, with me encouraging her to try it if she didn’t believe me.
She kept laughing and insisting she knew I was lying. Finally, she grabbed the container, dipped her finger in, tasted it, and immediately gagged and spit it into her napkin. She exclaimed that she knew I was lying and scolded me for deceiving her before we continued with our meal.
My mom kept giving me disapproving looks, and yesterday she told me it was wrong to prank my daughter like that. She said my daughter should be able to trust me 100% and that it was mean. I explained that we had been laughing the whole time and that my daughter has been telling her friends how I pranked her and how funny it was.
I don’t think it’s a big deal-it was just family fun-but my mom is making a huge fuss over it. I asked her dad if he thought it was mean, and he said she should have known better than to think there was marshmallow fluff on a burrito.”
Another User Comments:
“When my dad took me & my siblings for walks in the countryside he used to warn about “neck-biting sheep” which would make a b****y mess of us if we went too far away from him. I remember feeling safe from the neck-biting sheep because I was with Dad, which was a good and cozy feeling, but I also remember feeling really terrified of neck-biting sheep haha.
Children have puny minds and it is tempting to mess with them. I read that, up to the age of four, they are mostly in a brain-wave state akin to somebody in a hypnotic trance, with the implication that they are potentially very responsive to suggestion.
We should be wary of this but dad jokes don’t really feel like an abuse of the situation, IMO. The trickster archetype is present throughout recorded human history and this seems to arise in dads as a primordial force. It must be teaching us something.
Is the child-father space a safe space for learning about the contested nature of reality? Maybe. Gonna go with NTJ for now I think, no harm no foul.” GoOut2TheMeadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! My mom did something similar with me when I was small and it’s one of my fondest memories.
She was baking something and had vanilla essence with her. It smelt so good and I kept smelling around her till she asked if I wanted a taste. I of course said yes, and she took a tiny droplet and let me taste it. I gagged, she laughed. She to this day asks if I want to have a taste whenever she bakes.
It’s one of my favorite stories to share.” AmphibianWaste5205
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am pretty anti-prank in general and firmly against lying to children and I would consider this neither. It seemed like a clear case of joking around, with your daughter laughing and saying she knows you’re lying.
While your daughter doesn’t seem to like sour cream (I didn’t either when I was a kid), it doesn’t seem like this was mean-spirited where you were trying to trick her into eating something she hates. Rather, the joke was on you and trying to get your daughter to believe something ridiculous like you like marshmallow fluff on a burrito.
This seems like the sort of thing you’ll both laugh about as you get older.” zzzzarf
4. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Visit My Shared Apartment?
“So I (20F) am living with my roommate (20F). I’m in a relationship with (20M). We’re all in the same college and I was looking for places to move out from the dorms. When I met my now roommate, I told her one of the main reasons I’m moving out is for my partner so I can spend more time with him.
We move in tomorrow to our house and we both have our own separate bedrooms. I asked her today if it’s okay to have my partner over at night. We don’t cook and we get our food from outside so we wouldn’t even be using the kitchen.
I told her he would come in and come straight to my room. We wouldn’t use any shared living spaces except for the bathroom.
She said “no, I wouldn’t feel comfortable having him over, even to get to the bathroom or kitchen, I’d need to cross your room so no.”
AITJ if I’m upset over this?”
Another User Comments:
“What neither of you is doing is coming to a compromise. You are comfortable with it, she is not. She has an equal say in the matter as you. Now seeing as you are both on opposite ends of the matter.
A compromise has to be made. You think she is being unfair to you but did you consider you are unfair to her? You are invalidating her feelings about the matter. So are most people here actually. Sit down and discuss with her a way to deal with this.
Maybe weekends or when she is not there. Come up with something both of are OK with. If you are insisting on going ahead with your plan then YTJ for not trying or respecting your roommate.” Famous_Insect
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Honestly, her concerns are valid.
You just moved in together and she doesn’t know your partner. I do understand that spending more time with your SO is why you moved out of the dorms but if she’s uncomfortable I’d say slow it down a bit at least in the first couple of weeks.
The only situation that would make you the jerk is if you’re planning on moving him to your apartment. However, if she keeps doubling down refer to your lease and act accordingly. Although I find it a bit off that she doesn’t even wanna cross your bedroom door while he’s inside.
Feels a bit like a power thing but it could also be trauma-related. Either way, you need to have a conversation about this to avoid issues in the future.” Legal-Heart-4182
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have a ROOMMATE. Get your own place without a ROOMMATE.
Some words of wisdom. Even if your name is on the lease and you can technically do anything you want… Keep in mind your lease probably has a guest policy limiting how much a guest can stay over. You don’t want to break that or you could be evicted. Also, anyone telling you to do what you want despite your roommate saying no is a bad roommate.
If you want to be a bad roommate do it at your own discretion. Your roommate could get fed up and leave, anything could happen. Don’t be a bad roommate unless you can pay the price. Your roommate is making a reasonable request. For whatever reason she isn’t comfortable and her request IS reasonable.
She never agreed to live with your partner, she only agreed to live with you. Just because you don’t get your way doesn’t mean you have any right to be upset about this. Again, if you want to do whatever you want get your own place or a place with your partner.
Having roommates is never simple and you have to compromise.” Adept-Meaning-7688
3. AITJ For Sharing Dashcam Videos Of A Coworker's Bad Driving?
“I (32M) work at a corporate office and this girl fresh out of college joined my company a few months ago.
We have assigned parking spots in the underground parking lot of the building and hers happens to be right in front of mine.
She is a terrible driver and her spot is in a bit of an unconventional angle with the placement of pillars and she always struggles to park.
I have a dashcam and in addition to her struggling, I’ve caught her on video scraping the back of her car on a pillar causing some nasty damage, turning too early when leaving, scraping the car beside her, and backing into my car (she was very apologetic and claimed her foot slipped off the brake and then she accidentally accelerated).
In addition to that on 3 more occasions I spotted her car had some new dents or scratches probably from elsewhere.
I’m not too mad about the car as she paid me for the damage but I have to admit I’ve been finding this a little funny.
I’ve saved these videos and others where she takes time to park and I’ve always shown them to some of the coworkers I’m more friendly with.
The other day 3 of them asked me to share the videos with them and I did.
However, somehow it seems like the videos have spread around and everyone at the office has seen them and started to joke and tease her about her driving all the time.
She confronted me last week and was a bit upset and ever since has been acting cold towards me.
AITJ here? Driving doesn’t relate to our work skillset so I don’t see why this would be a problem or hold her back in any way.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Since she pays restitution, you keep the videos for…what? Entertainment? And you include videos where your car isn’t even involved and share that with HER coworkers for fun or just to humiliate her? Because no matter how much your intent is the former, the result is the latter.
This is not a good look in a work setting, especially when you’re a more established, older employee. Best case for you, she simply carries on being embarrassed and being silent. But, considering she’s already approached you: worst case for you is she goes to her superiors and HR about the bullying and hostile work environment you’re creating.
Maybe she could even make a case that this is harassment or even maybe gender-motivated. It’s time to apologize in person and stop. It hurts you not at all to treat her with basic decency, and it might even cover your butt at work.” Alternative-Job-288
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said it yourself, you didn’t mind the damage and it was taken care of. No, you sharing those videos isn’t going to affect her work or hold her back in any way professionally, but nonetheless, it’s obviously affecting her and how she views her colleague relationships.
We all have faults, and if hers is being a bad driver, I’m sure she doesn’t care to have her coworkers see videos you saved to your phone of her driving poorly, especially in her first few months at this company. It’s embarrassing and was low of you.” Longjumping-Smoke300
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Having dashcam footage is good in general, as you can prove what happened and hold someone accountable for the damage they cause you. No video should be circulating in a social way without the person’s permission, though, when it has nothing to do with the damage they’ve caused you or any pending legal/insurance issue.
There is NO reason other than you poking fun at/bullying her that these videos were ever even shown, never mind shared, with your coworkers. Your actions are pretty gross. They are also impacting her reputation and treatment at work which could make it a hostile workplace!
You’ll be lucky if you don’t face some penalties at work for this. You better try to fix it.” owls_and_cardinals
2. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Husband Not To Bring His Partner To Our Daughter's School Event?
“So, my (F) ex-husband and I have been separated for about a year.
He has a male partner, which I don’t really mind, it wasn’t a surprise as we have always known that we are both bisexual. What I do mind is that he lives far away and only sees his kids a few times a year. He’s gonna come soon to see them, and as it is the end of the year there are gonna be some events at my youngest daughter’s (10F) school.
He decided he’s gonna go to this event with his partner. My daughter says she doesn’t mind (my kids know the partner, like him, and don’t mind the situation) but she would like him to say he’s a friend of the family. She’s been bullied a lot this year and it only got better lately.
It’s a small community, and some kids and families would most probably be gossiping about it… But she doesn’t feel comfortable telling her dad. Also, it would be different if we had shared custody, but as I said, they see their dad and his partner only a few times a year, it’s not like he’s a part of their everyday life or plays a parent’s role.
So, WIBTJ if I told my ex-husband to not bring his partner to the school event?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if her dad is aware of the bullying that she’s endured then explain the situation and simply say that she’s been afraid of telling him herself.
If he truly does care for her then he’ll understand that it’s best to avoid any potential piling on since she’ll have to endure a lot more if they find out about his situation since she’s going to be dealing with her classmates for a long time.
However, if the partner has a meltdown over it, hopefully, it’ll be an eye-opener for everyone involved that in the end it’s all about putting your daughter’s needs first and he needs to be kicked to the curb.” NumbersGuy22
Another User Comments:
“From my perspective, it’s pretty early in the relationship to be introducing new relationships to your kids.
And really too early to be bringing them along to kids’ school events. Kids’ school events are for long-term significant partners. I mean why would the partner even want to go? I go to my kid’s events because I love them and popped them from my hoo-ha otherwise you couldn’t drag me to those things.
This isn’t about the ex having a partner. It’s about the ex dragging a very new person into these kids’ lives and making this about them and the new person rather than about the kid. Dad needs to go and focus on the kid and allow the focus to be on the kid.
Source? I’m a mom. My kids used to go to a private school and I’ve seen the dads bringing their flavor of the month to their kid’s events. It’s very often weird and uncomfortable. Long-term SOs who have been a consistent and loved presence in that child’s life – awesome.” Salt-Lavishness-7560
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You should absolutely tell your ex about this situation gently and then ask him if he can help in some way or has an idea. Then propose the idea that his partner either doesn’t attend the specific event or does so as a family friend.
You could also say that the kid would prefer to spend her time with her dad solo because she gets so little time with him, and having her dad’s partner there might take away from the attention she deserves. Your ex deserves to live his life publicly, and your daughter will need to learn to ignore what people say, but neither of them deserves to be harassed or made to feel bad for who they are if they aren’t hurting someone else directly.” Ok-Classroom5548
1. AITJ For Calling A Girl Overdramatic After She Hit My Car?
“Last weekend, I attended my brother’s college graduation. After the ceremony, I found the rear of my truck had been hit. The other driver was still there. She was an 18-year-old who was crying hysterically while her mom tried to calm her down.
The girl apologized profusely and said she had overestimated how much room she had to back out and hit my car. I wasn’t upset because mistakes happen. I asked if she had insurance and she was too worked up to answer. So, I turned to her mom and she said yes, they’d go get it as well as call the police so there could be an official report for the insurance company.
Cool. The girl was still really worked up. I told her, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset and accidents happen.
She’s still a mess when the cops show up. I found this a little overdramatic and admittedly rolled my eyes.
I obviously don’t know this girl but it was beginning to feel like she was trying to manipulate her way out of trouble though the cop and I both said these things happen and that the insurance would likely take care of it. Eventually, the police left. I told the girl to calm down, it’s over and stop being dramatic.
Then, I got in my car and was ready to leave.
My sister was with me the whole time. She told me I was unnecessarily mean to the girl. I said she was being overdramatic for no reason, especially as no one yelled at her the entire time.
My sister pointed out this girl is likely a new driver, probably worried she ruined the day of whoever she was there to celebrate, etc. Plus, she’s probably worried about her rates going up. Or maybe she has anxiety or whatever. Even if she was trying to manipulate with tears, I didn’t “have to be a jerk”.
I shrugged it off and let it go. So far, her insurance has been cooperative and it seems this will all be resolved rather quickly.
The subject came up at the party we had for my brother. Most of my family thought I was being a jerk.
Though some agreed she needed to calm down. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I got into my first fender bender around this age and, as someone who struggles with anxiety, was hysterical for a few minutes trying to process the sheer amount of stimuli that comes from a car accident and the steps you have to take after.
Things going through my head:
1) My parents are going to be so mad at me
2) the financial burden of repairs and insurance will make my parents mad at me
3) holy crap I just hit someone and THEY’RE going to be mad at me
4) (even though I knew it wasn’t a huge accident) this is scary and cars hitting cars is violent and I’m scared
5) Police are here = I’m in trouble
6) embarrassment at how I’m reacting and also at having caused all this drama in the first place
7) I’m late for work and now work is also going to be mad at me.
I won’t straight-up call you the jerk, but you’re close to it.
Anxiety isn’t rational and an 18-year-old probably wouldn’t react rationally to this on a good day.” TomBombaDaleJr
Another User Comments:
“So someone you don’t know was having an emotional reaction to something you weren’t present for (you only saw the aftermath). You don’t know what else may have been going on in her life, you don’t know what her prior history was that could be contributing to her emotional state, and you don’t know what the consequences to her might be.
So knowing nothing else about her other than she was upset but was still doing exactly what she was supposed to do (in terms of admitting responsibility, calling the police, and sharing her insurance information), you still decided that her emotional reaction must be some attempt to manipulate the situation.
Even though you have absolutely zero basis for that extremely unkind assumption. YTJ. Literally all you had to do was not say anything, and you couldn’t even manage that.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. Like you said, you don’t know her. She could have an anxiety disorder.
She could have a lot of fear around driving. She could have abusive parents, who were putting up a front for you and the cop until they got home. She could be upset at the price hike this is going to cause on her parent’s insurance.
Maybe they can’t afford that. It could be so many things that you have no way of knowing. All you had to do was nothing. You just had to be quiet and leave. For what reason did you feel the need to criticize her and tell her she was being too much?
I grew up autistic and with anxiety disorders and I absolutely loathed and dreaded having to interact with people who talked to me the way you talked to her.” shiny-baby-cheetah
