People Are Shameless In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Trusting My Stealing Sister With My Spare Room?
“I (19f) live with my partner (19M) and his parents.
We live upstairs, which consists of two bedrooms and a bathroom. My partner and I use one bedroom and use the other for our snacks and drinks. My older sister (23f) recently came out of rehab and asked if my partner and I would be willing to let her use our spare room for her and my niece.
I told her no.
For some background, I have always had a soft spot for her and my niece, and she knows it. I gave her money before that she said she was going to use for my niece, but I actually found out she was using the money for pills and booze.
Also, not too long before she left for rehab, I found out she had been stealing money from my partner and me. When confronted, she denied it, but I know it was her. So, when she asked me to let her and my niece stay with her, I wasn’t comfortable.
Only because she would be here by herself during the day, and that means she would be alone with all my valuable items.
So anyways, when some family and friends found out that I wasn’t letting her stay here, they said I was being selfish and rude, but when I asked them if she could stay with them, they never got back to me.
I feel terrible for not being able to provide my niece with somewhere to stay, but I’m not at a place where I can trust my sister just yet. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’ve already tried to help and she’s already stolen.
Sadly, you’ve crossed your line. Some junkies never get better and keep messing with family until there’s no one left to help them. At some point, they need to take responsibility. Also, you stay with your partner’s parents, so you can’t put that on them” tipareth1978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your house; you don’t have the right to invite anyone to stay there. Good thing the parents don’t want her there either. Easy out for you. Don’t feel guilty about it in the least, and don’t let her manipulate you using her daughter.
Perfect response to family who are sticking their nose in it—it’s funny how you are condemned for not taking her in, but they don’t want her either. Rest easy, you are in the clear.” Safe_Competition_671
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only way to find out if it’s a terrible idea is if you let her move in and she relapses.
It’s just too risky, not only because she’ll steal from you but because of the chaos she’ll bring to your household when she’s using. Your sister really does need to figure out how to make a life for herself. If it means government housing and food stamps, at least it’s a start.
The problem with providing housing is that she’ll get it in her head that you’ll be the one to keep her butt off the bottom. It’s a terrible idea.” diskebbin
20. AITJ For Allowing A Side Hug In An Influencer's Gym Video?
“I (29m) belong to a gym that has very lax filming rules. As long as people are respectful of others, anyone can film. There’s one influencer Clare (mid-20s f), who works out there and is incredibly nice. She’s always asking if people are okay with her filming angles, if they’re okay with being in the background, or if they would prefer her to wait to film until they are done.
She makes a point to say hello and make people feel welcome. When my fiance, Jen (28), started coming with me, she went out of her way to introduce herself and offer to work out with Jen if she wanted a female lifting buddy. Clare is well-liked, and my fiance became a fan of hers as a result.
Recently, I have been going to the gym without Jen since she doesn’t feel as motivated to come. A couple of weeks ago, Clare asked if I could spot her for a chest press PR. It was being filmed and she disclosed it would be on her channel.
I was okay with this and spotted her. The video was posted yesterday and Jen saw that I gave Clare a side hug after her set. She was upset that I was in the video and thought that it looked like I was too close to Clare.
She has argued that it would give viewers the impression that I might be with or into Clare. I watched the video and did not get the impression at all. To me, it simply looks like a mini-celebration after a particularly hard lift. Jen wants me to ask Clare to remove the video, but I don’t want to.
It’s harmless. Jen is now mad at me and is giving me the silent treatment. Am I the jerk for allowing myself to be in the video?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously, it seems like your fiancée’s reaction is rooted in insecurity rather than anything else.
You didn’t do anything you shouldn’t have done — you were asked to assist, you agreed, and the side hug appeared to be a typical “nice job” gym moment and not anything intimate. If you didn’t perceive it as inappropriate and Clare was considerate enough to ask and reveal everything in advance, then there’s no nefarious motive here.
All that being said, your fiancée’s hurt is still legitimate — even if the reaction comes across as a bit over-the-top. The silent treatment doesn’t fix anything, however. Rather than demanding that Clare remove the video (which seems like a move too far), it would perhaps be more advisable to have a sit down with Jen and explain why she was hurt and attempt to placate her without groveling to someone who, quite honestly, wasn’t in the wrong.” Impossible_Ring_1640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was once sitting with a guy a foot apart outside, not touching, and someone thought we were going to have intimacy later. We didn’t have that sort of relationship. People see whatever they want to see. You don’t have to touch Clare or give what could be perceived as goo-goo eyes for people to assume you’re romantically involved with her.
Your fiance’s body has probably changed since she’s not going to the gym. I’m sure Clare is super fit. If she’s an influencer, probably conventionally attractive too. Regardless of what you do, I think she’d be insecure about you being around Clare. Not because of anything you did but because she feels self-conscious over her looks.” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“I noticed some people on here calling OP’s fiancée insecure. They’re probably right. She did stop going to the gym after all, and OP provides zero context for why that is. However, her insecurity doesn’t necessarily make her feelings wrong. I don’t see anywhere the suggestion that OP’s fiancée is making accusations or even believes anything inappropriate is going on.
She admitted it’s the appearance of it that makes her uncomfortable. My guess is these are clues as to what’s really going on with OP’s fiancée —such as why she feels this way—and either OP is blissfully unaware or deliberately chose to withhold the information in his post. OP may believe there’s nothing wrong with the video, and he may very well be right by popular opinion.
We can’t really judge the actual content of the video because he hasn’t posted it. Ultimately, it comes down to OP choosing between prioritizing his fiancée’s feelings (even if he believes those feelings are unfounded) or his desire to be in a gym video with a female influencer.
When it comes to stuff like this, you can either be right or you can be compassionate. If you don’t care about being in the video, then there really shouldn’t be any harm in politely asking your ‘gym buddy’ if she would consider taking it down.
Once the request is made, it’s entirely out of your hands anyway. If, however, you would rather stand on principle… well, then I don’t expect your fiancé to find her motivation to go back to the gym with you any time soon.” MuffledFarts
19. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancé To Step Up As A Parent?
“My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years. We have an 8-month-old son together (both first-time parents). I have our son full time while he goes to work.
My fiancé just started a new job 3 days ago (a super easygoing job).
Last night, after I had picked him up from work, he completely ignored our son. He said he needed to relax and sat down on the couch, scrolling on TikTok for hours, saying that he was too tired to spend time with our son and me.
Around midnight, I asked if he could turn the living room light off so I could save money on electricity since I am the one paying the bills (I work from home), and he completely ignored me again.
I get up with our son in the middle of the night, take care of him all day, and basically do everything for him.
Doctor’s appointments, basic needs, feedings, etc., all while doing everything around the house. My fiancé has been acting like this for 2 months after our son was born. He comes home from work, says he’s tired, ignores our son and me, and then goes to bed. My C-section was very hard on me as I have a few major health issues, which took me longer to heal from.
I am absolutely drained mentally and physically. I truly am at the end of my rope, feeling like he wants nothing to do with our son. He says I’m overreacting, and we got into an argument for over half an hour.
In the heat of the moment, I yelled at him that if he doesn’t care about our son or me, then why is he even here.
Am I the jerk for wanting him to spend time with our son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that having a newborn in the house is hard. First-time parents are usually pretty miserable until a routine is established. Unfortunately, it sounds like one has been – of him coming home and ignoring the both of you.
From the perspective of someone who works in family law, this sounds like the start of almost every divorce case I’ve worked on. You need to do some hard looking at his behavior before you legally bind yourself to this man. Counseling and a complete show of effort on his part are a bare minimum to turning this around.
He’s tired from work? Cool – what about all the work you’ve done with the child you BOTH made all day? Does he not think you might want a break? OP, for your sake and the sake of your child, don’t marry this person until some massive changes happen and stay happening.
Don’t fall for a short uptick in care; this needs to be a long-term commitment or you need to worry about providing for your child and yourself without this dead weight.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but girl, leave him. I can’t even describe how nauseating this was to read.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, he seems so checked out and he’s probably a red flag but got too tired to keep his “green flag” mask on. But playing devil’s advocate, maybe ask why he’s so disinterested in your guys’ child?
See if something is bothering him or going on in his life. If he gives vague answers or says nothing about it, then… are there possibly signs (even ignored ones) of infidelity? It’s a hard question and I’m sorry for asking, but it’s sometimes the case in these situations.
How has he reacted to milestones in your child’s life? If they’re no big deal to him or you get lackluster “wow” or “yay” (bland) kind of responses, then he’s not interested in being a part of the child’s life, which will only hurt your child if you keep him in that kind of environment.” Cherophobia_a
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re not NTJ for wanting him to spend time with his son – you’re being a good mother in that you’re wanting what is best for your son. Whether his job is easy or not is really irrelevant when it comes to your fiancé’s neglect of his child.
He has a responsibility as a parent to be a safe place for his son by demonstrating loving care and involvement, no matter how tired he might be. Your post raises questions about how old you both are, whether he wanted to be a father, and how he feels about being in any committed adult relationship.
It might be worth considering whether changing your relationship to whatever co-parenting arrangement you two can manage while you move on to find a real-life partner for your sake and that of your son. Growing up with a neglectful father is probably going to inflict unseen wounds on your son on which having a loving, involved father figure could have a positive effect.” felice60
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Stay The Night?
“I am 34, married to my husband, 39, and we have 2 sons, 11 and 15. So, long story short, my mom is controlling and manipulative. My whole life, she has used my sister and me as her slaves while she drank, did substances and was unfaithful to my father.
My sister is 5 years older than me and got out when she was 15. I, on the other hand, lived by her rules; I got a job babysitting at 12 because I was very mature for my age. I grew up taking care of my dad when he got really sick (cancer).
I was 11.
Anyway, fast forward many years, we moved to VA, and I found an amazing man. We were friends for years, then got married. My mom lived with us for a while, but I had to make her leave because she almost got us evicted due to her being a slob and letting her dogs destroy her room with ewww poo everywhere.
Anyway, now she says I abandoned her (side note: she lives 14 minutes from us; she lives with my aunt). I do visit her and take her grocery shopping, etc. I make sure she has her meds, gets her baths, etc. I bring her to the house to see the kids and hang out.
But she says that I am a jerk because I won’t let her stay the night anymore (my kids don’t like her; she attacked my oldest son, she calls me fat, and makes me wait on her hand and foot). I promised my dad when he was dying that I would take care of her, but he knew what kind of person she was, so I took care of her as long as I could.
I have been in therapy for years because of this woman. AITJ for not letting her stay with us anymore, and am I a horrible daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother sounds like an awful person. I appreciate that you promised your dad you’d look after her, but you were a child when you made that promise.
That should never have been put on you, and you have done more than enough. Ultimately, you need to protect yourself and your family. I’m surprised you have any contact with her at all. You can’t help someone who won’t help themself, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for that.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“You shouldn’t be letting this woman into your house anymore at all, not just barring her from spending the night. She abuses you, and she abuses your children. You all deserve better than being abused in your own home. As a parent, your highest duty is protecting your kids, and right now, you aren’t.
You aren’t a horrible daughter. You are a victim of the abuse of your horrible mother. Your father should never have extracted that promise from you, and he was failing you as a father when he did it. Yes, I know, he failed you because he was also her victim, and you’re failing your kids because you are her victim, but you can break this chain and stop the abuse.
If anyone else starts giving you trouble over cutting her off, you can tell them that they are welcome to choose to be her victim, but for your children’s sake, you cannot be her victim anymore. I’m not voting because I know you did not choose to be born to such a piece of work.
You deserve to escape her for your own sake, but you owe it to your children to protect them.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not the jerk. I know she’s your mom and deep down you’d like to have a good relationship with her.
You have to just accept that she’s an awful person. She’s miserable because if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t behave that way. From your story, it also sounds like she did it to herself. On a very serious note, you are NOT a horrible daughter.
In fact, you’re quite the opposite. You go above and beyond for her even though she’s awful to you. You have been loyal and done exactly what a good daughter does. Unfortunately, she was ungrateful and didn’t deserve it. But your side of the street is clean.
Don’t let her make you feel otherwise. I know I’m just an internet stranger, but I carried a mother wound for a very long time. It does get better. If you can ever get to a point where her words no longer hurt you, she will have no power over you anymore.
Just know you have nothing to feel bad or guilty for. Good luck to you.” Crawfama6
17. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Bringing Up My Sister?
“Last year, I (37f) went no contact with my younger sister (35f). She has bipolar and is a heavy drinker and will message me randomly at all hours of the night complaining about her life or other members of our family. Well, in all this, she has a tendency to forget factual memories and insert made-up ones.
Currently, she believes that our father is dead, that he was amazing, that she misses him, and that she thinks my mother and I are awful people for not caring about him (he was also a heavy drinker and my mother’s abuser).
I went no contact because, while intoxicated, she contacted me and left a wall of texts about how she hated me, how I was a goody two shoes, grimy, and disloyal, called my son (5m) (my miracle Rainbow child) a jerk, and said she couldn’t wait to laugh when my husband leaves me like the last one.
I went low contact a few months prior due to her previous bad behavior and refusal to listen to any advice offered to her.
So, today, my mother brought her up during lunch and mentioned that she was blocked again by my sister because they got into a disagreement last week.
She then told me how my sister sounded intoxicated while they spoke. I interrupted her and asked her to repeat herself, so she did. I lost it and started bawling. Two weeks ago, she told me my sister is currently pregnant with her 4th child.
I am struggling to get pregnant and stay that way; I’ve had fertility issues my whole adult life. Once I calmed down, I said I was sorry, but I could no longer talk about my sister with her or hear about her. It hurts me too much to learn about her mistreatment of my mother, her own children, or anyone else.
I just couldn’t do it anymore. She got quiet and changed the subject, but I could tell it hurt her a bit.
So AITJ to my mom here?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk, it creates a lot of resentment and parents also forget that this puts a strain on the relationship with the child that is the “support system”.
It may hurt your mom, but she cannot run to you every time. What you can do is set boundaries; perhaps she does not have to tell you everything or wait until you ask. If you have no contact, she has to respect that as well.
Talking about her counteracts that.” PureBlackberryy
Another User Comments:
“Put her on indefinite hold while you hope and wait. I have bipolar I disorder. Having been through many delusional episodes and having made a mess of my life, I fully recognize that my friends and loved ones had every right to tune me out when I was manic.
That includes when I was in the grips of substance use disorder and booze use disorder. That said, human beings can only tolerate so much. They had the right to tune out my mania, but they showed their love for me by not disowning me.
When I came to my senses (and when I demonstrated, over a long period of time, that I had come back to my senses), they were there to accept me back into their lives. That is all that can be expected of you. She cannot expect you to endure the pain of her abuse or the abuse that she inflicts on others around her.
She cannot expect you to stand by and watch her self-destruct. She can only hope that you will be there to welcome her with open arms if she ever decides to stick to her meds and get better. Do not feel guilty. That is not your obligation.” G1Gestalt
Another User Comments:
“I went no contact with my brother because he was a heavy drinker who would get intoxicated and verbally abuse our whole family. At one point, he died, but they brought him back just shy of giving up. His blood booze level was .81!
They told him no more booze or he’d die. He still drank. I would largely ignore his calls because I got fed up trying to save him only to watch him abuse my hospitality (treatment, airfare to leave his situation, etc.). Then one day, my nephew called and told me his dad had passed away.
That’s when I listened to the messages and found the last one. He was sober and wanted to make amends because he was dying. That was two weeks prior to his death. I have huge regrets now and cannot delete that last message. You have a real reason to want to avoid hearing about her, as did I.
Just ask yourself how you’d feel if she died. If you honestly feel you’d be fine with it, continue no contact. If you’re not sure, just hold off until after the baby is born. And I pray you can have the child you desire.” CarmenDeeJay
16. AITJ For Denying A Homeless Person Her Requested Sandwich Customizations?
“My family owns a deli, and we have been in the same location for almost 40 years.
We are in good standing with the community and do a lot to help out those in need, as well as many organisations in the community.
There are homeless people in the area, as the train tracks and freeway on ramps are in pretty close proximity to the business.
If a homeless person who doesn’t seem to be high or intoxicated passes by, looks hungry, or asks for help with food, we don’t hesitate to feed them.
Today, during the early dinner rush, a lady walked in who didn’t look homeless but appeared to be living on the streets.
She was decently dressed and had pretty good hygiene. She stood at the counter and asked for help with food.
I told the staff to make her a turkey sandwich and I’d give it to her free of charge. When I got back to the counter, she asked what we were going to make her and I replied that it was a turkey sandwich.
She got kind of abrasive and said, “Can I have pastrami instead?” I got a little annoyed and told her that I was giving her the sandwich, so she wasn’t in a position to be making choices. She said, “Okay, but I don’t eat mayo or mustard, so make sure you make it the way I want.” I told her, “Don’t make demands, and when you decide to pay for it, I’ll make what you want how you want.” She then started saying, “I’m telling you how I want it.” So I replied, “How about you get nothing instead?” Then she started yelling and threatening, and I just said, “Okay, I’d like to see you try,” and a customer just closed the door on her, and she went on her way.
AITJ for not letting her choose what and how she wanted her meal when she wasn’t going to pay for it? I thought it was a kind enough gesture to feed her, but then I got quickly annoyed when she tried to order like a paying customer, so I essentially kicked her out hungry.”
Another User Comments:
“Softest ESH. She was being too demanding in trying to ask for different meat. She’s a jerk for trying to fight you over not getting free food. She already gave you attitude, so you didn’t have to give her anything. However, on the principle of the idea that a homeless person should feel like they aren’t allowed to ask for something like no mayo or mustard, I disagree.
You’d be using less product. All it would cost you is the 60 seconds of effort to tell your staff not to put mayo or mustard on it. At that point, your gesture isn’t in kindness; it’s coming from a place of pity and looking down on others.
It comes off as your pride being wounded that someone lesser than you would have the balls to ask you for an accommodation, as if they’re not good enough to be allowed to express wants. Even if it’s free food, a simple ask like no mayo can be the difference between just stuffing something in your mouth so you’re not starving and having a few minutes of desperately needed joy in your life with a meal you’re happy to eat.” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“YTJ maybe she’s picky or ungrateful, but you’re self-righteous. Her not liking or not being able to eat those condiments wasn’t a problem and wouldn’t hurt anyone to leave them off. Maybe beggars can’t be choosers, but you felt entitled to treat her less than because she’s a beggar, which makes you way worse than an abrasive, hungry person.
She is a fellow human being and has the right to like things a certain way (even without the means to get it herself), and you had the ability to fulfill some of that with no additional cost to you, yet you decided to berate her instead.
Maybe examine how you view these people you help and why you were so quick to annoyance.” PlutoCastle369
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Put yourself in her shoes. Is it really that hard not to put something she doesn’t like in her sandwich? Does it make you feel better to determine what someone else can eat just because they can’t pay for it?
She wasn’t asking for much, just for a little adjustment to her taste. If you ever go hungry (I hope not), I wish someone would treat you with dignity and respect and not just offer you whatever to make themselves feel superior. Kindness can also come with regard for what is important to others.” CardiologistNo8766
15. AITJ For Stopping Calling Him Dad After His Insulting "Not My Child" Comment?
“I, a 15-year-old female, have a 13-year-old sister.
We have different dads. My dad left before I was born, and my sister’s dad has always been here, so I started calling him Dad.
When I was 7, I noticed the changes—she would get special treatment—and I thought, “I know that’s her dad,” so I pulled myself back.
He wasn’t the best dad either. He was unfaithful to my mom with his new wife, who hates me and treats me very badly even though I’m nice to her. He pays child support late and makes empty promises.
But recently, his family had a big falling out about how he wasn’t taking care of his kids (meaning my sister and me), even though I’m not his kid.
Then he said something that made me just freeze: “That’s not my child; I don’t care about her.” Years of my life wasted; all the Father’s Day cards and gifts meant nothing.
Then recently, he wanted to take us out, and my mom told me he said, “I know she doesn’t see me as a father figure anymore, but tell her I’m here.” I stopped calling him dad since then.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry that happened. It’s one of my greatest fears. I don’t speak to my biological father (been 20 years) and I’ve called my stepdad dad ever since. I can’t imagine finding out he never loved me. You never need to go near that loser again.
Protect your heart. Give that love to those who deserve it. Good luck.” kurogabae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That was an extremely hurtful thing to hear, and you will need time to process and maybe get over it. Maybe it could be that he said it in haste or anger, didn’t mean it, and wants to make amends.
It’s also possible he simply let the veil slip and showed his true face. I’m sorry he hurt you; he’s definitely the jerk here. If it feels right at some point to forgive and move on, do so. If it never feels right, it’s okay if you can’t get past his words.” Better_Implement_973
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ. I can’t imagine how hurtful that revelation must have been for you. Did he actually tell you that he doesn’t care about you, or is this just hearsay that an angry family member told you? If he’s struggling to pay child support, he could have just been frustrated in the moment and afraid that admitting he wanted to take care of you could double the amount he would have to pay.
Regardless, if he’s never treated you and your sister the same way, even after all these years, it would be incredibly tough for you to feel charitably toward him.” Vikingrae-Writer
14. AITJ For Prioritizing My Pre-Planned Vacation Over My Bridesmaid Duties?
“My friend (21f) is getting married in October. She asked me (21f) to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She told me she wanted her wedding to be in October, and I mentioned that my family has a vacation planned early in October.
From the beginning, I didn’t want this to be an issue. She said she wanted her wedding to be later in the month, so it wouldn’t be an issue.
I received my invitation in the mail today and the date was changed to October 11, which is when I will be on vacation with my family.
I told her I would do my best to fly to her wedding, but I couldn’t commit to being a bridesmaid. I explained that I couldn’t bail on my family, but I couldn’t bail on her, either. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Here’s some advice that I wish someone had given me much sooner in life. If you already have plans with people you care about, keep them, and don’t try to diminish them for other events. You told your friend that you would be on vacation during the time that she wants to have her wedding.
Don’t tell her that you’re going to fly to her wedding; don’t tell her that you will make an extra effort to be there. Let her know that you have a vacation planned and you will not be able to attend. I stressed myself out so much trying to be a people pleaser and make everyone else’s events, and it ruined my own vacations.
I felt like I had to fit everyone into the limited time that I had. When I stopped doing it and just took things one at a time, my life became much better. I get that this is someone you value, but you gave her your boundaries and her wedding will go on without you.
Your family planned this vacation, and they deserve to have your full attention and your full word… which was that you will be attending the vacation with them and not cutting it short. I’ve had people invite me to weddings and then get upset when I had other things going on… and I let them be upset.
I didn’t move things around for their wedding.” AGirlCalledPearl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a heads-up about your vacation from the beginning, and she initially reassured you that it wouldn’t be a conflict. Now that she’s chosen a date that directly overlaps, it’s completely reasonable for you to step back from being a bridesmaid.
Weddings are important, but so is your family and the commitment you have already made to them. You even offered to fly in for the wedding, which shows that you do care and are making an effort. If she’s upset, that’s understandable, but she can’t expect you to rearrange your life for a date she changed after knowing your situation.
You’re being fair, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for prioritizing a pre-planned trip.” berzerk_999
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with no jerks here because you had plans and are never obligated to be in a bridal party. I think you’re making the right choice to not be a bridesmaid because you need to be 100% sure you can be there—ready and available; if you can’t, it’s best to decline.
But the bride is also not a jerk because, to be honest, she doesn’t have to schedule her wedding date around you, and it doesn’t sound like she’s made a scene about you declining. The date of the wedding might have been what worked best with her and her fiancé’s schedules, what the venue had available, and how available other friends and families are.
I don’t know what country you’re in, but if it’s around a bank holiday or a school holiday, it could be a good date because more guests will be able to attend.” The_Death_Flower
13. AITJ For Giving My Father-In-Law An Ultimatum Over Moving In?
“My MIL has PPA (primary partial aphasia) and her health is declining quickly. Not only is she losing her speech and communication ability, but she’s also showing signs of dementia. Both my in-laws are in their 70s and retired. My FIL is very involved in his local parish, and being close to the church is very important to him.
My wife and I have been hinting that they should get a place with us for the last few years, but unfortunately, in the Midwest, houses with in-law suites are incredibly rare. Living in Madison means that the housing market is stupid and insane. We left our apartment and moved into a condo until we could find something more family-friendly.
Yesterday, I found a house that has two separate living spaces and would be perfect for us to be close to the in-laws to be able to help out when they inevitably need it, but not sharing the same living space. However, my stubborn Italian boomer (who is incapable of taking care of himself) FIL is refusing to even consider it.
So I told my wife that this is it. This is the last offer and that when it comes time for them to downsize and move, they can’t come to us and ask. We’re going to find a house that suits our needs and not worry about them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Listen, I get where you’re coming from. You’re frustrated that your good intentions to support your in-laws as they enter the twilight years are being met with a stonewall and you’re probably feeling like they aren’t grateful. But at the same time, these are still adults who perhaps aren’t ready for the kind of care you and your wife want to give them.
Neither of you is wrong or right in this situation. Helping a senior in your life age gracefully does need to be done and met on their terms, even if it frustrates you.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“Are you talking about buying a house? If you’re renting, you could still choose to rent with them sometime in the future.
Why does it have to be on your schedule? This is like someone offering me a ride to work, but they’ll have to drop me off the night before. At that point, the ride is no longer helpful for me. What you’re offering isn’t helpful for them.
Have you sat down and asked them what kind of support they actually need? Or asked your wife what kind of support she would like from you regarding her aging parents?” MyTh0ughtsExactly
Another User Comments:
“I might get downvoted to heck for this, but NTJ.
It sounds like your MIL is declining quickly in her health and if your FIL is like most men his age, he relies on her to manage their daily lives (cooking, cleaning, etc). Moving in with you and your wife would be admitting that they’re aging and can’t be as independent as they were, which is a tough thing to accept.
I sympathize, but if your MIL’s health is as bad as you think, the objective fact is that a new living situation is gonna have to happen whether he likes it or not. You’re right to be frustrated, but you can lead a horse to water, yadda yadda yadda.
When the time inevitably comes for your in-laws to need new living arrangements, try to swallow your annoyance as much as you can and be there to emotionally support your wife. I’m dealing with a mom who refuses to accept that she needs more help and won’t think of giving up her independence; I just have to grin and bear it until she finally comes to the obvious conclusion in her own time.
Best of luck to you and your wife, OP.” Reddit User
12. AITJ For Demanding My Partner Stop Sharing Streaming Passwords With His Exes?
“I have been with my partner for 18 months. He wants to get engaged (and so do I at some point).
He continues to share passwords to streaming platforms with past lovers, saying it’s no big deal – we are fighting the man.
This past weekend, one of his exes texted him at 11:30 at night, saying she needed the new password to his Prime account, and he gave it.
He genuinely sees no issue with this. I can’t imagine combining our lives and incomes while continuing to subsidize streaming services for people I don’t know. Am I being unreasonable to demand that this behavior should stop?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a very good sign when someone is friends with multiple exes.
Someone who can go through a breakup and remain civil and not badmouth the other person is a rare treasure. To me, this suggests he’s a good dude. A keeper. But it’s 100% reasonable to not want your own information or accounts shared, and it sounds like this is a great time to talk to your partner about it.
If your credit card info is on it, it’s a solid boundary that he doesn’t add anyone to it without your consent and that you don’t consent if you don’t know and trust the other person completely. It’s good to discuss what will happen when your finances are more commingled as well.
Right now, his credit cards are on these things and he has ongoing agreements, and that’s his business and his right, but when you have combined finances, then it becomes reasonable for you to be concerned about other people having this kind of access to his info.
Until then, though, if this is working for him, it’s his prerogative. No jerks here.” SquirrellyGrrly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is weird. You definitely need to sit down and have a more serious conversation about it rather than the casual comments, as that is not working, it seems. Let him know why you’re not comfortable and explain it to him.
Give him a chance to share his side, and there should be an agreement from there that you’re both comfortable with. Good luck!” NonsenseText
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the issue here has less to do with the sharing of the password and more to do with him brushing off your feelings.
From what you have shared, it sounds like you have brought up your concerns before and he diminished your feelings by saying that it was no big deal. Maybe there is genuinely nothing going on between him and his exes, but in that case, he is still putting their needs/wants over your feelings about the situation, which I think should give you pause about continuing to commingle your lives further until you have a serious discussion with each other.” GoldenTopaz27
11. AITJ For My Mother Trading My Laptop For Loan Money Without Permission?
“I (17F, turning 18 in June) live with my mother, and she and my father are not together. My father and his wife bought me a laptop for Christmas since I’m going to Grade 12 and they think it will make school easier. I went back, and the first thing my mom asked me to do was trade in my laptop for loan money, which I didn’t agree to, but she didn’t care and did it anyway.
After a few days, she paid back the loan, and I got my laptop back.
Fast forward to a month later, I go to a school event. She texts me asking for my laptop password to download movies, and I agree; then, 10 minutes later, she sends me a voice note about how sorry she is, but she traded in my laptop AGAIN without my permission for loan money, but she will get it back.
It’s been a week, and I haven’t gotten my laptop back. I have a project due, and I had 20 pages on my laptop that she expects me to try and do in the 2 days before it’s due. I think it’s selfish of her to do it while I’m not there because if I was there, then I would have at least been able to save the work to my phone.
I’m debating if I should pull all-nighters to finish it, or should I just let myself get a zero for it.”
Another User Comments:
“Does your mom have a substance problem? What the heck? What kind of low life steals from their child? Talk to your dad.
Ask if he can help you with the money to get your laptop back so you can finish your work. Your mom can pay him back or he can deduct it from child support. If you are able to get the laptop back, leave it at school from now on or always keep it with you.
Any other valuables need to stay at your dad’s house. Your mom can’t be trusted.” rialtolido
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get your dad involved. He is an adult who cares about you and will try to fix this for you. Also, he can explain to your school why you didn’t finish your assignment on time.
He bought the laptop and gave it to you. Your mum stole it twice, maybe for substance money. You are not in a safe environment. If you get a job, don’t tell her and don’t give her any “rent”. Call the police. Your mum is a user and abuser.” AmmoSetsFire
Another User Comments:
“You could inform your teacher about what’s going on and try to get an extension. Some professors will give some sort of leniency in these cases. Aside from this, I would hide your laptop from her moving forward and change your passwords.
If she wants to use a computer, she can borrow a friend’s or walk to the library. Don’t give her any opportunities to steal from you again.” Upbeat-Height-5849
10. AITJ For Resenting My Wife's Plan To Exclude My Son From Our Vacation?
“My wife is my son’s stepmom. Her preferred method of traveling is without him (I won’t get started on my thoughts about that).
My birthday is in the middle of January and hers is five days later. Last November, she decided she wanted to go on a trip for her birthday.
Conveniently, it was “for our birthdays,” even though I went along with what she wanted to do and we traveled all day on my birthday.
When she brought up the trip in the beginning, I mentioned my son going and that he would be really interested. She gave 100 reasons for him not to go and asked if I still wanted to take him… “Ummm, yeah…” She flipped out.
She said if he comes, she wants to go to Hawaii for three weeks without him. I tossed it back at her and said if he doesn’t come, can we do a family vacation for three weeks to Hawaii with him, yeah—it didn’t go over well.
Well, we got home and she came up with the idea of going on a trip with him (omg) for spring break. It blew my mind. It was also interesting how quickly she wanted to go on vacation when her trip cost three times as much as we had expected.
So today, I had shots in my shoulder because of some severe pain; one side effect is that it makes it hard to sleep (I had a shot on Monday and Tuesday—I woke up at 4, and today I woke up at 5). I’ve also been sleeping on the couch because it’s more comfortable with my shoulder.
So tonight, I had been sleeping and at midnight, she scared me really badly because she just plopped down next to me. I jumped and opened my eyes and her face was a foot away, staring right at me. I was like, “Darn, you scared me!” She said she didn’t mean to and went straight into talking about a hotel she found and how much it is per night, blah blah blah.
She asked what I thought, and being super tired with my heart still pounding, all I could think of was, “I was sleeping.”
She jumped up, stomped off swearing at me, and yelled that she’ll never want to do a family vacation again…
Now I’m lying here wide awake wondering AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner doesn’t like your son and she’s showing it to your face, and you don’t seem to be phased about it. Your wife wants to exclude your son on your birthday and provided 100 reasons on why he shouldn’t go.
How is this behavior okay? Why is she still your wife? The trip is for THREE WEEKS? What next? Is she gonna find a boarding school for him? She chose a weird time to come to you about finding cheap accommodation for a family vacation, probably knowing how you’d react and manipulated the situation so that she can be mad about her plans being “ruined.” She didn’t seem concerned at all about physically harming you, by the way.
She wants to spend lavish money on a trip for just you and her but wants to cheap out on a family vacation. OP, why are you still with this woman? YTJ.
I took a peek at your post history and one of your posts said that your wife has been critical of your son, from the way he behaves in public to how he walks in his own home.
You even commented that your wife’s family has stated that she needs therapy but she hasn’t gone. Again, why are you with this woman when her own family can’t tolerate her??” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you handled being woken up at midnight by her comment about the hotel.
ESH for everything else. Your son needs to know that the adult caregivers in his life love him and respect him. It’s fine to want some alone time for just the two of you, but she married you knowing you have a son and thus knowing that there would be trips you all take together.
Her unwillingness to welcome him on a trip is unacceptable and your tolerance of her doing it is as well. I think you know that. So act on the core issue, not the tangential side issue of being woken up at midnight.” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“I’m on my second marriage, and if my husband treated my son the way your wife treats yours, I’d have two ex-husbands by now. And then, when she finds a spring break holiday that includes your son, you act differently and aren’t enthusiastic. Talk about mixed messages heading her way.
As for holiday planning, my husband’s idea of helping plan holidays is, ‘I don’t care as long as we go away.’ It’s annoying as heck. So I’m going with YTJ. Admittedly, she shouldn’t have ambushed you there, but really, you couldn’t muster ‘Sounds great’ or similar.” dragonetta123
9. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Mother-In-Law Over Our Cats?
“I’m 26 F and my husband is 25 M.
We got married 3 months ago. After we got married, we moved out of his parents’ house, where we stayed for a short amount of time. I have 2 cats and my husband has 3; obviously, when we moved, we took all our cats with us. Well, this was very difficult for my MIL because she was very close to our cats, helped us take care of them, and treated them like her babies.
This isn’t the issue, though.
The issue now is that every time we see her or when she comes over, she criticizes us about how we care for the cats. At first, it wasn’t a big deal; she would suggest we get more toys or leave the TV on while we’re not home (we both work full time), etc. We built an outdoor catio and filled it with toys for them so they wouldn’t get bored. But recently, she has accused us of not taking care of the cats well.
She’ll say they look like they have lost weight, accuse us of not feeding them enough, and criticize the brand of food we buy, even though we buy exactly what she told us to. We treat our cats better than anyone I know; they are spoiled. Well, clearly she doesn’t think so.
My husband has had enough of the insults, and the last time we were at her house, she started going at him about this issue. He got upset and told her to stop the constant nagging about the cats. Then he stormed out, and we left.
We thought it wasn’t a huge deal and that we had all gotten over it until now. It’s been a week since the incident. We messaged her the link to our wedding photos from our photographer, along with a disclaimer not to send them to anyone because we want to be the first ones to post our photos.
She responds, “Ok, no problem,” but 20 minutes later sends a nasty text to my husband basically saying, “Why would you ask me this? It’s so uncalled for, as if you can’t trust me not to share your pictures with the world. Remove me from having access; I never even wanted to see your pictures.
Also, I’m still mad about how you got upset when I was telling you about the cats. You got mad about something you are wrong about. You don’t take good care of the cats, and I was just telling you what you need to do.
But from now on, I will stay away.” At this point, we realized we had taken it too far and really upset her. I have never seen this behavior from her in all the time I’ve known my husband. My husband tried to call her and apologize, but she is giving him the silent treatment.
We’re giving her space and hoping it blows over.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Um… no, you didn’t take it too far. SHE DID. And how she’s having a temper tantrum over it. Honestly, let her have her tantrum. Back off, stop trying to apologize (for what???).
You KNOW you’re taking care of your cats. You KNOW that. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but it’s weird – like really weird. Is his dad still around? Can he talk to his dad to get his dad’s perspective on all of this?
But really – I wouldn’t bend over backwards to apologize to her. Maybe – MAYBE – your husband could have handled things in the moment a little better. MAYBE. But outside of that, don’t let her think she isn’t in the wrong!!!” Fresh_Caramel8148
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You absolutely didn’t take anything too far. Your husband’s comment about not talking about the cats was perfectly reasonable, as was the request not to share the pictures. I’m not sure if it’s an aging thing or what, but I’ve seen some of this with my mom lately too.
Any attempt at setting a mild boundary is met with a complete overreaction with threats of moving away or never speaking again. It’s honestly a bit concerning from a mental health perspective, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s a symptom of something bigger.” Top-Specialist-2981
Another User Comments:
“You did nothing wrong. Stop apologizing. Stop chasing her. It sounds like she’s put you guys in a time-out to punish you. Then she’s suddenly going to contact you again and try to rug-sweep the whole thing. Don’t let her.
You need to establish healthy boundaries before you even think of having kids. When she reaches out to you eventually, leave her on read or let her go to voicemail. Take as long to respond to her as she gave you the silent treatment. When you do resume contact with her, tell her that you are adults and her criticism is not welcome.
If she can’t stop running her mouth, do not invite her to your home, ever. Always meet her out somewhere. If she doesn’t see the cats, she shouldn’t have anything to criticize you about. But I’m sure she’ll think of something because this isn’t even remotely about the cats.” jahubb062
8. AITJ For Using Peanut Butter To Defend My Breakfast Against My Mooching Brother-In-Law?
“My brother-in-law (35m) lives a block away from my husband John (22m) and myself (22f). We will call the brother-in-law Billy. Billy is financially very stable. My husband John and I are not. Billy is John’s half-sibling who was raised by his mother’s side of the family.
Billy’s mom passed away 5 years ago and left him a substantial inheritance. Billy didn’t have a lot of contact with his dad’s side of the family. Once his mother passed away, he reached out to be closer to his dad and brother John.
John and I have known each other since 4th grade.
We started becoming romantically involved around the 9th grade and got married last year. Billy has never liked that John and I are a couple. He feels like we should have waited to get married until we were more financially stable, finished college, and been romantically involved with other people.
John and I think he is projecting since he is the child of a broken home.
So, Billy is constantly involving himself in our marriage. One way he does this is to stop by unannounced every day. He eats our food and tells me I am a horrible wife and a terrible woman for choosing school over being a wife and mother.
He also constantly questions why we have no children yet. (Because we can barely feed ourselves and are still in school.) Anyway, you get the idea; Billy is not a nice person to us, but he is family.
The reason I may be the jerk is that before Winter Break, I was up early and desperately searching for something to eat—like I said, we are starving college students.
Billy knows we are struggling and does nothing to help us out, yet he continues to show up for every meal. On this particular morning, I found a half jar of peanut butter and some old packages of instant oatmeal in the cabinet. Like clockwork, here comes Billy, waddling in for a free meal. I was stressed, about to take my finals that day, and worried my husband and I would not have enough nourishment to get through them.
So I grabbed the jar of peanut butter and dumped two heaping spoonfuls into the pot. Billy is allergic to peanuts, and he freaked out, yelling that I was trying to kill him. Now he has the whole family believing that I hate him and tried to murder him on purpose.
Even John is saying it would have been a rough day, but it would have been easier than dealing with this backlash. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to start asking him for money for every meal. It would not matter whether you were single or married, you two would be in the same place financially.
So don’t let him being family allow him to continue to eat for free. Tell him you are both starving students and can’t afford to feed anyone else. Tell him to cough up the cash for money. At least $20 per meal – if in the US.” kiriel62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re in your own home eating peanut butter. You should be able to have whatever you like in your home. If Billy hadn’t dropped by unannounced to mooch, he would have never been around. Normal people call before just dropping by unannounced. Billy also, if he knows he’s allergic, can simply abstain from eating it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“This may have been addressed in the comments, but I need to stress that Billy has no business calling you ANYTHING nor commenting on your life choices. Secondly, and more importantly, you are not being defended by your husband at all. He does not even appear in this story.
He is the one who has to say to Billy “don’t insult my wife/or don’t comment on her choices/her/our life,” and he needs to keep him out. It seems that you are all alone fighting a bully, and no one has your back.
Yes, it is not nice to be “mean” (as with the peanut butter), but I understand you wanted to fend him off. Maybe be more direct with your husband about him doing some of the fending!” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Rooms With My Pregnant Sister?
“I am 16f and I live with my older sister, 21f, and both of my parents. My sister is currently pregnant with twins and is due in April.
Before my sister got pregnant, we switched rooms, which was a huge mistake on my part because I had to spend 4 hours cleaning her room after we switched. Even though she told me to clean mine because she was “going to clean hers.” Now, I should’ve known better because I know her, but you have to understand I am not being dramatic; with 2 people, it took my friend and me a little over 4 hours to make it livable for my standards.
I had to shampoo the carpet 3 times for it to smell decent. Sorry, I just need to get it across for this story to make sense.
Now the room I’m in has a bathroom that was previously broken because, you’ll never guess, my sister broke it!
About 3 months ago, we got it fixed. And 3 months ago, suddenly she’s not going to be able to raise her babies upstairs because there’s not enough room. Now, my room is a little bigger than hers, but not by much. I have a smaller bed than she does, so she would take up more space in this room than I would; that could also be why she feels her space is not big enough.
Now here’s my issue: her carpet upstairs is badly stained. The carpet is mostly freaking hard and it reeks of mold, not to mention I’m going to have to clean it. I’m sorry, but why should I be punished? I’m not pregnant.
I didn’t do anything to deserve this. I know my parents won’t clean it or ask her to. Why should I have to clean up her mess again for a room I don’t even want? There are stains all over the walls and trash stashed in every corner because it’s “clean.”
Now, I understand that after she gives birth, it most definitely will affect her ability to walk upstairs where her room is, which is her new reason for us needing to switch rooms. But not even two months ago, she was sleeping in the living room because she couldn’t walk upstairs, which was weird because she switched back to her room upstairs.
I’m not going to say anything because, you know, I’m 16. I’ve never been freaking pregnant before, but that was just a little odd to me. However, I really like my room. I’ve put a lot of money, time, and effort into it, and I don’t really want to have to do it again.
My mom tells me that she won’t make us switch, but I’m worried my sister will guilt-trip her into doing what she wants like always, but where I might have been the jerk is when she asked me for the second time; she said I had already agreed to switch rooms, which was not true.
So, I got angry and told her I never agreed to that, to stop making crap up, and that she’d have to kill me to get this room from me. That caused her to get angry and we started arguing. So, am I the jerk for refusing to switch rooms?”
Another User Comments:
“Is she going to find a reason to switch rooms with you whenever she’s trashed hers and you’ve fixed up yours? Stay in your room. Enjoy the fruits of your labor. Start thinking about what happens when the twins arrive.
Will she demand babysitting in the name of “family”? Plan boundaries now. “No, I will not give up my afterschool activities/sports/clubs/friends.” “No, I can’t babysit overnight—I have school tomorrow.” “No, I’m not giving up my weekend so you can party.”” QuietCelery7850
Another User Comments:
“The bigger issue is your sister’s lack of hygiene and bringing babies into that environment. I predict that your mum is going to be responsible for 90% of the parenting. If your sister can’t even keep a bedroom to an appropriate standard, how is she going to manage the babies?
Where is the father in all this? Also, having a baby does not impact a woman’s ability to walk up a flight of stairs. It might be annoying doing it repeatedly to fetch things or tend to babies if she is downstairs when they are sleeping, but women have managed that as long as they’ve been having babies.
No is a complete sentence. Don’t buy into the drama; that will only inflame the situation more and give her more ammo to argue with. NTJ.” pleasekidsbequiet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already tried to help once and did all the dirty work. She wants to act like she owns the house, but she doesn’t… so the decision isn’t hers.
It ultimately comes down to the homeowner. If they tell you to move, give your case; if it fails, you’re moving anyway, so no reason to argue about it. If that happens and your sister does you wrong again with the dirty room thing, just distance yourself from her.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Buying Affordable Food And Skipping The Meat?
“I’m 20. My friend is 24M. I do not know my friend’s husband’s age… For context, we are all living together. I am living with them because of a toxic family.
My friend is helping me learn to fully take care of myself as well as to understand that not everything is my fault.
We are getting low on food. My friend’s husband was complaining on Friday about there not being any food besides mac and cheese and potatoes.
My friend mentioned to him that he was only buying his work lunches and eating whatever his dad brought into the house that was actually meant for them because he had not been helping with groceries. He claimed that he didn’t make enough to buy food (he makes 400-ish a week).
I recommended the food bank since it was the second Tuesday of every month. He said he didn’t want to eat that.
My friend and I tried recommending food stamps, but he shut that down. My friend can’t file without him, and I have no idea how to file.
I gave up on talking to him and used my whole paycheck on stocking the house with as much food as I could, instead of saving as I was supposed to. I even cut down on the quality of dog food I was grabbing so I could buy more food.
My friend’s dad picked me up from the store, and we brought the food home, and I had a good amount of food and drinks to last a while. He got upset when he saw the food and complained about how I didn’t get any “real food”.
I’m mostly vegetarian, and my friend has eating issues related to textures, so I bought all safe foods and no real meat because meat was frankly way too expensive. I brought this up, but he said I was being selfish and should have bought the meat anyway and cut out some of my stuff.
He wouldn’t listen when I explained that there was no way I could get meat and provide for everyone with the money I had.
I only had 250 to get food for 2 weeks and food for the animals. I hadn’t planned on spending the whole 250; I had originally planned on 100 on groceries and 70 on the dogs so I would have enough to fix some of them.
I didn’t have enough to cater to everyone, but I did what I could.
He’s making me feel like a jerk. He sold 2 of his consoles and got himself more food, but he keeps pouting about how little he could buy with what he got and the fact that he only has 1 console left. I feel bad for him having to sell his stuff to get meat.
My friend is mad at their husband, telling him to be grateful; my brain is saying I messed up again. I feel like a jerk with how he’s acting.
Additionally, I don’t care if you eat meat! I just feel sick after eating a lot of it, so I gave up and went on a mostly veg diet.
I do not care that he eats meat; I just care about the fact that he threw a fit and acts as though I did something wrong by not buying the meat when I hadn’t even planned to spend that much.
I am not asking for money.
I have a job I am happy with. I don’t make a lot of money, but I make enough to take care of mine and my friend’s pups and enough so that I can eat and afford my share of the bills.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You generously bought food to share. It’s not your responsibility to cater to your friend’s husband’s taste. If he wants to eat meat, he should do whatever he needs to do to make it happen. He is deliberately playing on your insecurities, hoping you’ll give in and accommodate him.
You should be angry rather than questioning yourself. He is a manipulative sack of crap. Save your money and get out of there ASAP.” Born_Significance691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m sorry to say, from this post, I feel like maybe you went from a toxic family to another toxic environment… I think you need to look after yourself first and foremost. If he doesn’t want to get food from a food bank, you can go and get food yourself from there?
You can apply for financial support? Google how to do it; you will find someone online who has been through a similar situation. I don’t understand why everything has to be agreed upon by the three of you? If he doesn’t want something, then he’s open to not wanting it and not being involved. Why does that have to affect your plans as well?
How long is this living setup supposed to last?” Tomiie_Kawakami
Another User Comments:
“ESH – What even is this situation? Not the jerk because you didn’t buy meat, but because of how you are all interacting. First, find out how to apply for food stamps in your state.
Google it. ‘I don’t know how’ is hardly an excuse these days. Two, tell him that if he wants meat, then he and his spouse can apply for FS too; you can all use the food bank for nonperishables and then pool some cash to supplement the rest. You don’t mention the financial division here, but there are definitely solutions if you all took the time to try.
Make some agreements and shopping lists/meal plans. Set budgets. Apply for assistance.” Unimaginativename9
5. AITJ For Ordering Hearty Food At My In-Laws' When My Husband Objected?
“We’ve been staying with my in-laws through the holiday. During Christmas and NYE, we, of course, ate a lot and really overindulged. Since Jan 1st, they’ve said they want to fast, eat lighter, etc., which I completely get, and I have been joining them in this.
We’ve been eating things like salads, prosciutto, fruit, etc.
However, yesterday I was really hungry after we had soup. I told my partner that I was going to head out to the shop near the house to pick up some ground beef and a bread roll to make a burger.
We’ve both been sick, and he said he thought it was a bad idea to go out in the cold while recovering. I said that I was alright going, and he said I was being irresponsible about my health. I said, “Okay, thank you, but I am still hungry and I don’t want to trouble your parents to cook again, so I will order some food.” He said there was plenty of food in the house, and when I told him I was just in the mood for something hearty, he asked me why I couldn’t just be happy with what we have.
I said that I wasn’t unhappy, just hungry. He got really upset with me and said I didn’t appreciate him. He also reminded me that there is a lot of packaging associated with delivery services (we try to live a low-waste lifestyle). He suggested a piece of parmigiano (which I’m not a big fan of) or pineapple (yummy, but not satiating for me).
I did thank him, but I said again that I would really just like to have something.
I was surprised at him reacting like this because I didn’t accuse him, I wasn’t upset at all, and I wasn’t asking anything from him; I was more than happy to feed myself.
But he was very distressed, so I apologised and said, “Alright, I won’t order anything.” But I remained hungry, and thinking about it again makes me very frustrated. I feel like I stayed hungry for no reason.
Is my hunger blinding me here? It seems like no matter what option I suggested for food, he was angry that I didn’t want to eat what was in the house, even though I was willing to provide everything for myself.
Was this inconsiderate of me?”
Another User Comments:
“Please just put on your coat, go out, say you’re going for some fresh air, if you feel you must tell a white lie. And go and get something hearty to eat. If you want to avoid drama, eat out.
And enjoy. You’re an adult. You’re hungry. There’s nothing to eat in the type of food you’re hungry for. You’re going for the passive-aggressive ‘fine, I’ll just starve, then.’ But you really don’t have to suffer in silence when the solution is so simple.
(No judgment. I would totally have done the same when I was younger.) If your partner makes this any bigger than he’s already blowing this WAY out of proportion, you have bigger partner issues. NTJ (Edit to clarify that I think OP is in no way wrong.
She’s just making it harder on herself than it needs to be. You’re hungry, there’s nothing to eat… go get food)” Special_Lychee_6847
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband’s behavior sounds a little manipulative. It is clear he was against you getting outside food (maybe even substantial food altogether), but instead of saying that and accepting your decision, he seemed to opt for shame and guilt to make you back down.
No thanks. You were not judging anyone else’s eating or asking him or his family to go out of their way for you. If they are insulted, you may not enjoy or tolerate eating the exact same nourishment as them multiple days straight—that’s on them to work through.
I honestly wonder if your husband doesn’t have some kind of issue with your eating in general. Who recommends a slice of cheese or some pineapple when someone’s hankering for hearty things like a burger?” OkraEither2528
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wanted to use your time and your money to eat, and it had no impact on anyone at all.
I am going to assume that if you had gone ahead and ordered something, you would have asked others in the home if they wanted something too, but you didn’t get that far, and also that they aren’t like vegans where bringing a burger home would have been rude.
Barring my getting that wrong, you are not a jerk for being an adult who gets to eat when they want to eat. This was between meals, and you were hungry, and pineapple and a piece of cheese are not going to cut it. You offered to go out, you offered to order in, and your husband was “distressed” over your desire for food, it seems. Your husband’s response is so weird here.
It was as if he threw everything, including the book, at you to deny you from getting food—saying you were too sick to go out (weird, because you are in a home with other people who probably don’t want to get sick, and trust me, service workers are exposed to a lot of germs, and you can interact with the public in a respectful way even when sick or getting better).
Then he said that ordering in was wasteful and that there was other food, but he didn’t give you any substantive options. And also, his level of distress or anger over this is the weird cherry on the weird sundae.” mfruitfly
4. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Spouse's Family's Dinner Tab Every Time?
“I have a spouse I’ve been with for three years, whom I love very much.
Occasionally, we are asked to go out for dinners with her family, including her mother (late 60s), brother (30), cousin (approx 40), the cousin’s three kids (approx 8, 3, and 1), and her mother’s sister/cousin’s mom.
Whenever we go out, the expectation is that I (35) grab the bill for everybody present. This feels unreasonable to me to always have to pick up for nine people. Her cousin claims to be reasonably successful herself and receives a multitude of child support payments from the two fathers of her three children (although they are not part of the family life).
She always says thank you and “I’ll get you back next time,” but never offers when the time comes around again.
My spouse (28) and her family are of Chinese descent but are longtime residents of the U.S., with my spouse, her brother, and the three youngest all being American-born.
Her brother does not work and lives with her mom, while her mom works low-income jobs to support herself and her son.
I do pretty well myself and understand the notion that the man pays is more prevalent in Chinese culture; however, this feels unreasonable to me as it isn’t even demanded by my own parents or siblings, and this is money I could be using for my own dinners or trips with my spouse.
For further context, these dinners are frustrating to me because most of the group just scrolls through their phones, or the majority of the discussion quickly shifts to Chinese between the mom, aunt, and cousin.
I don’t even mind terribly covering her mom and brother, but the extra family of five irritates me a bit.
My spouse is telling me I’m being a jerk by complaining about this in advance of an upcoming dinner, but I find this scenario uncomfortable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being regularly asked to a dinner that you’re not really included in – so you can pay the bill.
Go over your 2024 expenses and list all of these dinners, the dates & costs, and add it up, then show that list & total to your wife. If she still insists, then it’s time to have a conversation about personal spending money. Sometimes spouses need to agree to disagree and set aside a monthly $ of their disposable income to divide between them so that each can choose how to spend their own fun money.
Then you can bow out of these dinners, and she can choose how much of her fun money she wants to spend on her family dinners out. If that doesn’t work for her – it’s time for marriage counseling – because expecting you to foot the entire bill for her family for years at the expense of your marriage is not ok.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“They chose to join a culture where the person who invites people is the person who is expected to pay. I suggest you don’t attend at the last minute and see how it goes without you there. By their logic, the 30-year-old with no visible income should be on the hook.
Unless he has a severe handicap, there is no reason he isn’t supporting his mother. You don’t mention it, but it looks like they’ve accepted U.S. customs enough that the oldest son is not having to behave as an oldest son should. NTJ, I think I’d be super rude if I were living through the pattern you describe.
They speak in a way they know you can’t understand, they ignore you, and they expect you to pay for the disrespect? Nope. NTJ.” GrumpyGirl426
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, start with a conversation with your partner. While I do not understand the nuances of the Chinese culture impact here, it is generally rude to invite someone else out to dinner and then expect that person to treat the full group.
This is also a recurring thing, essentially a trend. The icing on the cake is that the outing isn’t even pleasant for you if everyone is pretty much ignoring one another, and holding a lengthy private conversation in a language not shared by your group is SUPER rude.
If it were me, I’d stop doing this. Whether that means you decline the invitations moving forward, ask the server to split the check so that you and your partner are separate, or let your partner help this situation change – any of these are reasonable to me.
It may be that no one else is really equipped to pay for the group, but that doesn’t mean they should be doing a dinner out on someone else’s dime. Maybe you could turn the regular dinner into a potluck hosted at one of the homes of those who attend, ideally on a rotating basis.” owls_and_cardinals
3. AITJ For Letting My Rottweiler Chase Trespassing Neighbors?
“I (30f) have 4 dogs, but the one this story is about is a 4f rottie named Bella.
A few months ago, new renters moved next door, and things have been unpleasant, to say the least. The neighbors are always screaming and fighting late into the night, and the men in the home have a habit of always trying to talk to, or just watch, me when I’m outside.
This is not done in a friendly way, and it has made me feel very uncomfortable. I’m a single female living alone, and our police force isn’t the best, so I just keep my head down, hoping they’ll move out soon.
The other night, around 11 pm, I was outside with my dogs in the backyard.
My neighbors have a chain fence, but I have no fence along my property except for the part that separates their property from mine. One of my dogs is on a leash, but the other three are completely trained off-leash and do not leave the yard.
I know some people may not agree with that, but I live in the countryside, and also my dogs have NEVER run off.
One of the women who lives next door, for some reason, decided to enter my yard because she wanted to “just play with my puppies.” Bella growled and walked closer to me, and I asked the woman to please leave, but she just kept telling me it was fine and ignored what I was saying.
One of the men decided to join her, and they moved further onto my property, which then led to Bella barking, and after a few moments of them continuing, she chased after them. She stopped running the second she hit the property line and went inside with me immediately after.
Now, these neighbors keep making comments about not feeling safe with their kids and about how I should have called my dog back because they weren’t a threat. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, but I also don’t want the area to think that my dogs are dangerous, especially with the stigma against rotties.
I also don’t want to stir up unnecessary drama when it’s already difficult living next to these people. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor came onto your property without permission and thought she could just pet your dogs. Bella had every right to chase someone who wasn’t invited off.
If you’re worried about your neighbors, get cameras and place them in the front and backyard.” RaineMist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like if your neighbors had just stayed on their side of the property, there would be no problems. Hopefully now they do just that.
How dumb can they be to continue encroaching when your dog is giving warning growls and barks? That said, I would keep an eye out for those neighbors. Probably put up a few cameras to watch your property, consider a better fence, and put up a couple ‘beware of dogs’ and ‘no trespassing’ signs for good measure.” _iamstardust_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They crossed onto your property and ignored your warning not to. Bella protected you—too bad for them. As far as cameras, I saw you say you live paycheck to paycheck. If you have a webcam, set that up if possible at any window facing out that lets you see their fence to your yard.
You can even use a tablet and a freeware program: OBS. (Do not use Streamlabs—they aren’t actually partnered, unlike what they told everyone. It’s a mess.) If you can set up a tablet or webcam with a laptop or tablet, you can have a makeshift setup until you’re able to buy something better.
Something is better than nothing. I also second the other commenter who said to check your yard. We had kids get busted messing with my rottie, who just barked, never charged them or crossed our line, stayed closer to the house by his side, and they threw chocolate over the fence.
It only took me one instance of them doing it before their grandmother took care of their actions.” WitchinIl
2. AITJ For Keeping The Stone Carved Elephant That Was A Gift From My Ex's Grandmother?
“I (23F) and my ex (22M) have been broken up for just about three years now.
(For context, we had a child together during our relationship and we are both currently in new relationships.
His new partner is pregnant with his second child.)
Recently, I received a message from my ex asking for a stone-carved pregnant elephant that was gifted to me by his great-grandmother five years ago. His grandmother sadly passed away a year ago, and he is currently asking for it back.
I asked him, firstly, why he wanted it back as it was a gift to me during my pregnancy.
For additional context, we visited his family, and his grandmother had elephants everywhere in her home. I made a comment about how beautiful her collection was, as some of them were very unique.
She lit up and insisted that I take one as a “welcome to the family” present. I tried to politely tell her that I would feel horrible about disrupting her collection, but she kept insisting. At that point, I didn’t want to be rude, so I agreed and walked around with her as she told me stories of how she acquired some of the elephants.
Anyway, we stumbled upon the stone-carved elephant with a carved-out tummy containing a baby inside. She heavily implied that my choice should be that specific elephant, as it fit the situation perfectly (with me being pregnant at that time). I smiled, accepted, and thanked her for letting me carry a part of her collection with me.
She gave me a hug and welcomed me into her family. My ex (who, I guess, got a bit jealous) wanted to pick out an elephant of his own, so he did.
Back to the present day. He told me that, due to the passing of his grandmother, he wanted to have the elephant to accompany a gift he had received from his great-grandfather so that they could both be together.
When I asked him why he specifically wanted mine, he kept dodging the question and said that it belonged to his grandmother and that, as a gift from her to me, it held no value. I reminded him that he got to choose his own that day, but he dodged that too, calling me selfish and a lowlife.
Part of me is more than willing to give it back to him, but part of me knows that he is going to gift this elephant to his new partner because of her pregnancy. (I say this because I know his narcissistic and manipulative personality.) Why would he ask me now and not a year ago following her passing?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“One of two things: 1) He wants to give it to his new squeeze. 2) He found out it’s actually worth money and wants to sell it. NO is a complete sentence. Cut him off anytime ‘elephant’ comes across in conversation. I realize you can’t block him because you share a child (good luck with that).
If you think about it, that elephant would be something you can gift to your child to let him know he was loved before he was born. NTJ.” Greedy_Literature_54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was gifted to you when you became a part of the family.
No matter what, with him moving on with his life, you will always be a part of that family in some capacity as his child’s mother. I would say it was different if it was something for him, in a situation where it was the only thing of hers he would have.
But even then, it wouldn’t be something you had to do, just a nice gesture.” Possible-Exam-8770
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a gift to you, as you say, he got his own elephant at the same time so he has a meaningful keepsake from his grandmother, and of course you have a child, and may choose to pass the elephant on to them in time along with the story of how their great-grandmother gave it to you to welcome you, and them, into her family.
It doesn’t really matter whether or not he is planning to give it to his partner; if you don’t want to give it to him for any reason, then you are NTJ for keeping it. (It might be different if he had been very close to his grandma and had nothing of hers, or if it had been given to you as a couple, but it sounds as though it was explicitly given to you personally.)” ProfessorYaffle1
1. AITJ For Refusing To Swap My Window Seat For Entitled Parents?
“I (29M) boarded my short flight (70 min) which has a 2-2 seating arrangement.
I had booked myself a window seat, and when I got there, I saw a maybe 7-year-old boy sitting there, next to his father (about 50 y/o) in the aisle seat. The opposite row also had his mother and his sister sitting there.
Although this happened less than 24 hours ago, I was exhausted, so I don’t remember the conversation word for word.
I pointed towards my seat, and the father asked me if I would mind swapping so they could sit together, mentioning that their seat was in the row behind it. I said that I would only swap if it was a window seat, but he said it was an aisle seat.
Then I said I wouldn’t swap, and the following conversation happened:
Him: So do you want to sit next to my son?
Me: I don’t care, I just want the window seat.
Him: (standing up and getting his son up) You are a very nice person.
I mean, not a very nice person.
Me: It’s none of your business, and be polite.
Him: I am not. (referring to polite)
Me: (I said something I don’t remember) and behave yourself.
I just stood there looking at him seriously. I think he was trying to shame me initially, but he didn’t respond to that.
His wife was watching this the whole time. When somebody in the row behind saw it, he offered to swap and sat next to me, so they eventually sat next to each other.
For all I care, they could have sat 20 rows apart or even booked a new flight.
I had zero investment in this or their reasons. They can ask; I can say no, and that should be the end of it, in my opinion.
I didn’t like that they basically pulled a fait accompli when trying to swap with me. If they care that much, they can book their seats in advance like everyone else.
I didn’t have a good reason why I need the window seat, except that I like it and don’t like the aisle seat, lol.”
Another User Comments:
“I fly 40-50 flights a year, and I see this ALL the time… and it is ALWAYS entitled parents with kids.
Just because they don’t know how to book a flight doesn’t give them a license to inconvenience anyone else on the plane. I used to give in to these requests… but then a few years ago I simply stopped, and now I do exactly as you did and just tell them to follow the rules like everyone else.
You are definitely NOT the jerk… you are just another tired traveler who did everything the right way, and you should be rewarded for that by getting your window seat.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I earnestly believe that airlines are jerks for not putting passengers together who book together.
It makes absolutely no sense to me. Passengers should not have to pay for the privilege of sitting next to each other when they book and pay under the same reservation. If you book and pay separately, then sure. I also think passengers should not have to pay to sit together when they are clearly a carer.
Whether it be for the young, elderly, or infirm, airlines need to allow carers to sit with their dependents. When did we as the public allow airlines to start doing this? Why do we allow them to take this right from us and sell it back as a perk?” Over-Distance8726
Another User Comments:
“I just don’t humor the discussion anymore. While holding up my ticket: That’s my seat. Can we switch? No. Any further comments and I just hail the cabin stewards to deal with it because they get paid to interact with people, and I do not.
I get myself the seat that I want, and I won’t have any discussions about seating, period. If they can’t pay the added fee to pick the seat that they want, then that’s too bad; their poverty is none of my concern.
If this is the hill I must die on, then so be it.” Ill_Reading_5290
