People Are Seething In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Calling A Grieving Widow A Greedy, Heartless Jerk?
“My grandpa had stage 4 lung cancer, and we were waiting for the ambulance to take him to hospice when he suddenly passed away in front of us.
We were devastated, and everyone was crying. They eventually took his body away, and we all stayed at his and his wife’s house (she’s our step-grandmother).
We start to go through photos and mementos of him to remember him by, and the step-grandmother starts listing prices for pictures and other things because he willed everything to her.
We were a bit shocked because most of what we were looking at were photos. Then, we found that quite a few family items were missing, and it turns out she let her in-laws (who didn’t know our grandfather well at all) pick through his stuff for free.
I could see red, and I yelled she was a cruel, heartless jerk for giving away family items and charging us, and I stormed out of the house.
Later, I got messages from her side of the family that I was a terrible person, and deserved to go to heck.
I feel bad about hurting her feelings, but I feel like she had no right to give those special things away, even if he had willed it all to her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Death brings the vulture out in people. Did she just say it was all willed to her?
Or did anyone else read the will? From personal experience, get eyes on his will and anything he may have signed or written down. You can’t trust people like her. They will find any reason to be sneaky and will use the ‘grieving widow’ card as an excuse.
Now that Grandpa’s gone, she doesn’t have to put up the facade to you all. Make sure if you can, to get someone legally competent to see if she coerced or made him sign things when he wasn’t conscious. Check dates of signatures, everything. Good luck, Op.” OsaBear92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My grandpa’s wife abused him, let her children and grandchildren abuse him, and there was nothing we could do but watch and pick up the pieces when she’d abandoned him. She gave the house (that he paid for) to HER kids.
Only two of my grandpa’s surviving children were invited to his funeral, and those were the two that kissed her butt. When he was lucid enough to give his things away, I chose a couple of pieces that I remembered in his old house, the one I grew up in.
My mom got a couple of his flannel shirts. Your grandpa’s wife is a monster. A greedy, money-grubbing monster. Start playing fire with fire. All those texts from her family, start putting them up so the whole world knows that that woman wants to charge you for memories of him.” notastepfordwife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was gonna say maybe she panicked because now she’s all alone, but you claim she gave her family some items for free. Just keep in mind that while it’s not okay, your grandfather did leave all of his stuff to her and it’s hers to do with as she pleases.” cinnamongrits
20. AITJ For Letting My Nephew Stay With Me After His Parents' Ultimatum?
“I’m a 28F. I’m the cool aunt with no kids that’s used to having a house full of children. I come and take your kids every weekend if possible and bring them back with their hair all over their heads and tuckered out from the fun we’ve had.
I have an exceptionally incredible relationship with my nieces and nephews. My nephew Jayson (18) confided in me about wanting to take the ‘next step’ with his partner (18) about three weeks ago. I gave him a brutally honest perception of what could be if he didn’t take the necessary precautions and what it should be if it’s consensual. That no means no and if she or he is uncomfortable in any way then it’s okay to not follow through with it or to stop.
Be respectful of her temple and she should do the same unless that’s their thing. We talked about protection and ST- you know the last letter.
Fast forward to about a week ago. I get a visit from my brother and my irate jerk SIL.
She blamed me for ‘encouraging’ Jayson to take the next step. I told her I didn’t. She told me that I had no place talking to their child about such. I pointed out to her that he’s grown and there’s a reason he came to me and not them.
That honestly, I was surprised but proud that he’s waited this long to take the next step and that this was a talk they should have had with him years ago. Not saying it’s not possible but I seriously doubt if he would have been a ‘v’ until marriage as she hoped. My brother was very cool about it, saying he just wished that I would have given him the heads up about it, instead of him finding out after.
I could have told him, but I didn’t, and his wife’s reaction is why. I love my brother, but he has no backbone when it comes to his wife. They left with her screaming that she would never forgive me for this. I thought that was the end of it, but nope.
SIL gave my nephew an ultimatum. Leave his partner or get out of their home. Guess where he is? In my spare bedroom knocked out as I type this. He’s been here for about five days. My mother has called and told me that I should have stayed out of their household.
I kindly explained to her that this was my household, and my nephew came to me because he wasn’t comfortable talking to his parents. My mother thinks I owe them an apology for starting all of this. I honestly don’t think so, but what do you guys think?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mad kudos to you for teaching him not only about safe intimacy, but responsibility, consent, and respect as well! He came to you with adult questions, and you gave him adult answers. You don’t owe anyone apologies for his parents dropping the ball and being jerks about it.
It’s sad that he wasn’t comfortable talking to your brother or his wife about this, and absolutely pathetic that they threw him out of their house over what should have been a basic common sense ‘talk to your kid about responsible intimacy’ conversation.” sharkarmycrafts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A grown legal adult asked you for information and advice about a potentially life-altering choice he was making with his life, and you gave him the safe, sane, and consensual talk. Then when his mom told him, ‘ditch his partner or get out,’ he got out, and you were kind enough to offer a place for him to land where he has at least some stable adult supervision and a place where, hopefully, when she stops being so angry, she can try to repair things with her kid if he’s amenable.” gdex86
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes I feel, as a society, we’ve taken 1 step forward and 300 steps backward into the Victorian age where intimacy is a dirty secret. Kids are going to experiment and do other things, especially if it’s ‘forbidden’. The mum has just shown her son that her love is conditional. You’re NTJ.
You gave your nephew a safe place where he felt comfortable to express himself. Your brother also needs a kick up his butt too because one day he’ll wake up and wonder why his kids don’t like him either.” CrazyFanGeek
19. AITJ For Declaring A Cleaning Strike Against My Partner's Slob Behavior?
“I’m (21F) a neat freak and my partner (20M) is an absolute slob.
I grew up with a hoarder, which he knows, so the mess really, really stresses me out. When he first moved in, I was on top of it; I was frustrated, but I followed behind him and cleaned up his mess. My partner isn’t just a little messy, though; he’s an absolute slob.
His parents have jokingly apologized for how bad he is, and he’s fully aware of it. I’ve now burnt out completely, and my mental health has been on the decline.
WIBTJ if I went on strike and didn’t clean up after him, so he could see how messy he really is when the mess doesn’t magically clean itself up?”
Another User Comments:
“Morally, no, you would be NTJ, but this isn’t going to work. Going on strike might be an effective strategy if he wanted to live in a tidy place but just not do the tidying; but if he’s genuinely happy to live in a mess, then your ‘strike’ isn’t going to trouble him at all.
It’ll make things better because he’ll be living as he wants and without you constantly moving his stuff.” _ewan_
Another User Comments:
“My dear OP, NTJ, but it won’t help, and it will bother you more than it bothers him. He doesn’t care about the mess.
He doesn’t care that it bothers you. More importantly, it sounds like he doesn’t care that you are burnt out and exhausted. You should never have followed behind him cleaning up his mess in the first place. Set a (reasonable) standard for him to meet—what he needs to clean in the house and when.
If he doesn’t meet it, kick him out. Spend enough time on here, or talking to married people, or better yet divorced people, and you’ll find that this housework stuff isn’t just a minor thing compared to the ‘important’ things in a relationship. It’s absolutely central to relationships.
Because it’s about basic respect for your partner, and whether you see your partner as a servant to care for your needs at no cost to them or an actual partner whose happiness you care about and with whom you share responsibility for life. A dude who won’t pick up his own crap like an adult is seriously not going to be a good partner in anything else.
If you don’t act on this, you’re signing up for a future of stress, fights, and picking up the slack for a slob who doesn’t respect you enough to lift a finger. So yeah, if he can’t clean up after himself, send him out of your house until he gets house-trained.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s not going to work. He’s fine with being a slob and you’re not. If you stop cleaning, then he will be fine living in the mess and you won’t. You aren’t compatible. You can sit him down and tell him that cleanliness is a dealbreaker for you, and so either he needs to change or the relationship is over.
But be prepared for an argument over ‘Why should I be the one who has to change?’ The answer, of course, is that it’s not healthy to live in squalor. But if living in squalor is more important to him than you are, then you have to move on.” CalamityClambake
18. AITJ For Cutting Off My Parents Over A Broken Retirement Gift Promise?
“I (32/M) have never had the greatest relationship with my family. My mother made me homeless several times as a teen for things like accidentally bringing mud into the house, dirtying a floor she had just mopped, or forgetting my travel pass.
My father has always just let her get on with it and just seemed tuned out for most of my life. He once told me he had seriously considered leaving her several times but couldn’t be bothered to deal with the fallout. Most meetings with them end in screaming, and I had to stop letting my son go over there without me as they couldn’t stop screaming at each other long enough to actually spend time with him.
I’ve been trying, though, for the last few years to be civil. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s my parents. I should have cut them out long ago, but I have always thought I could get things to a better place.
Last year, my father told me he was retiring and planned to help me out with a bit of money.
At this time, I mentioned I would put it towards my debt of around 30,000 and, as I was out of work at the time, this was a huge relief. My father told me he would give me enough to pay my debts and some left over to take my wife & son on holiday.
I contacted some creditors and asked them to pause for several months while I waited.
Skip to this year, when he finally retires: 500. I would have been so grateful if I had not been promised 30k plus, but I was crushed. He didn’t even give me a reason, just that he didn’t need to give us anything and to be grateful.
He works in financial services, so I do not believe he would make the mistake of expecting to have 30k left over and then only having 500. He didn’t even want to discuss it, so when my mother called a week later, I told them I never wanted to see them again, and the money thing would be the last time they could disappoint me.
Since then, my sister has been blowing up my phone saying I’m an ungrateful pig, but I feel like they promised me the world and then gave me a marble. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for expecting what you were promised. Repeatedly. I understand that even when promised, circumstances can change, the financial markets are fickle, inflation, etc. But the fact that they won’t even discuss it with you is what firmly clears you as NTJ.
If they explained, “oh we had to pay more in taxes than expected/made a bad financial move/decided to buy a bungalow in Cancun, etc” it might be a place to repair from, but they aren’t even giving you that. Sorry for your situation.
As a person who has a lot of debt of their own, ouch. What a letdown.” weedwench33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I got married, I did a small destination wedding, and my grandma said she would gift the money she saved on plane tickets, etc, to us.
She gave us $100… I wasn’t owed anything, but I was sure as heck mad that she gifted us less than my individual ticket to come back and have a family reception nearby specifically for her and the family. Your dad didn’t have to give you 30k, but he absolutely is the jerk for lying and saying he was going to.” satr3d
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your dad sucks for telling you about his idea in advance. He should have kept his mouth shut until he was handing you a check for whatever amount it was. You suck for counting on a gift you had not yet received. As an adult, you should live your life knowing that you and your wife are responsible for your own financial situation and that windfalls aren’t real until they are in your bank account.
Many of us have been promised things that never materialized. Sometimes people forget, or their circumstances change, or they just change their mind. It’s their money and their life. And, by the way, retiring and then discovering inflation jumps to almost double digits – a 40-year high – and the value of your nest egg has dropped by 30% – would be terrifying.
You’re financially foolish if you think retired people aren’t feeling rather anxious and uncomfortable right now. Many are adjusting their plans and behavior. You both blew it. The sad thing is that this was so easily avoidable by either one of you.” throwaway20698059
17. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Grandma For Skipping My Brother's Graduation?
“I (20f) have never had a great relationship with my dad’s mom. From the time I was little, my cousins always seemed more important to her, because they went to church while my family didn’t.
I get along with my grandparents when my dad’s siblings and their families aren’t around because we don’t have to compete for any attention and my sibling (18m) and I don’t get compared to our cousins. However that has changed recently.
My brother is graduating this year, and my grandparents are skipping the ceremony to go to a wedding for their nephew whom they haven’t seen in over 3 years, though their nephew lives locally.
My brother is usually the tough, doesn’t give a crap, type of person, but was very upset that my grandparents are skipping his ceremony because it’s a big deal to him and they have gone to all of our cousins’ graduations.
This is part of what makes us feel like we don’t matter as much as their other grandchildren. When I told my grandparents this, my grandma got upset and said that it’s not true. My grandpa didn’t say anything but tilted his head as if questioning whether they actually did that or not, but didn’t say anything.
My brother and I left after speaking with my grandparents and haven’t spoken to them since.
My aunt called me last week and said I need to apologize to my grandmother because I really hurt her feelings.
Part of me feels like I might have been the jerk because my grandma had been sick lately and she has always been indecisive when making decisions, but she really hurt my brother’s feelings by deciding to skip his graduation and they already booked their hotel for the wedding so what’s done is done.
So AITJ for not apologizing to my grandma?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were honest. Also, your grandparents made a choice that hurt your and your brother’s feelings. If their feelings are hurt by what you said, maybe they should consider how their actions hurt you and your brother and not just consider themselves.
They made a choice, and now they are facing the consequences of that choice. The mature thing for them to do is to suck it up and accept it, not to complain and force the people hurt by their decisions to pretend they aren’t hurt.
As far as choices that were made, if both events were so important, one grandparent could have gone to one and the other to the other event. There is nothing that says the grandparents have to go to everything as a couple.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s good that you let them know how you feel and you weren’t rude to your grandma. They had, however, already booked a hotel and it was for a wedding – it’s not like she isn’t coming so she can do something random with the nephew that could be done any other time.
Do you really want them to cancel attending the wedding so they can come to your brother’s graduation or is the real issue that you and your brother have been feeling ‘second best’ pretty much all your lives?” Coffeeandcrimeglobal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is an adult and should be aware of how her actions make you feel.
Apparently, she is ‘clueless’ about her behaviors towards you guys, so letting her know in a clear manner is appropriate. It is her problem now. But now that you all have acknowledged that they really do treat you as second-class citizens in comparison to your other family, maybe you should love yourselves more by continuing to limit your contact with people who don’t value you as much as they should.
You guys are as special and wonderful as any other grandchild and should be just as loved and cherished. They should be apologizing to you.” KittKatt7179
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Friends At My Sweet 16?
“I (F) turn 16 in two months.
I don’t want to do anything for my birthday, which offends my mom majorly because she had a huge Sweet 16 party in the 80s and thinks that I should have the same.
I don’t like being the center of attention, and I don’t have any close friends, so I have no one to invite.
My mom decided to have a “party” at my aunt’s house for me. I thought it would be just family, so it would be fine.
But my mom decided to invite a bunch of her annoying friends, who I barely know. I should have said something about it at the beginning, but I was too scared. My mom’s exact words were, “If you’re not going to invite your friends, I’m going to invite mine!”
The topic came up again recently. I asked my mom whose birthday party it is, hers or mine? She said that I was being an ungrateful brat. She’s probably right, but I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“Ahh classic tale of parent not realizing their child is an individual person, not a clone or extension of themselves.
NTJ. And Mom is a master manipulator and put you in a no-win situation – you go to the party, are sad on the inside. If you act sad you’re ungrateful. She gets to play the victim with all her friends who will comfort her and tell her she was just trying to make her child happy.
If you act happy on the outside, she gets to gloat and say “See I’m right.” Did Mom ever ask you what YOU want for your birthday?” ZeldLurr
Another User Comments:
“Your mom needs to celebrate the kid she has and quit trying to relive her youth through you.
But that’s not a message that she will receive well. So this is a pick-your-battle situation. If you choose to pick this battle, just tell her that this doesn’t feel like a party that is about what you’d enjoy and that you’d rather cancel it.
Otherwise, grin and bear it, enjoy the gifts, and put this in the files of “things you won’t do to your kids if you ever have them.”” SlinkyMalinky20
Another User Comments:
“My mum invited her friends and their children to my 18th birthday party, a party I didn’t want.
None of my friends were invited to my supposed party, and some of the family friend’s children were real jerks on the day. Her friends had the through lounge while I was stuck with the family friends in a small room. It’s still an unpleasant memory all these years later, and my resentment towards my mum hasn’t dimmed even though she’s dead.
Before anyone judges me, my mum was very abusive, and this was probably one of the least worst things she did to me. At least you have the good sense to object at 16. I just let it happen because I didn’t know any better.
Years later my mum acknowledged that she was selfish, but by then the unrelenting childhood abuse had destroyed my life, so I was less inclined to let it go. NTJ.” FloppyEaredDog
15. AITJ For Excluding My Manipulative Aunt From My Graduation?
“I (22F) am graduating college tomorrow and I’ve invited my immediate family and my grandpa. Here’s a little background on that:
My grandma was my biggest supporter for my entire life.
She unfortunately passed away last year and my grandpa didn’t handle it well. This is where my aunt comes into the picture, let’s call her Annie (late 50s).
Annie spent YEARS hating my grandparents, blaming them for her substance addiction (even though her other siblings went through the same things and all turned out great).
She hated my grandma with a passion but had a sudden epiphany when my grandma was on her deathbed. After my grandma died, she would always make comments like “I still feel her with me”, “we really connected at the end of her life”, “I helped to raise her kids”, and the icing on the cake “She lives on through me”.
She doesn’t mention she was actively stealing medicine from my dying grandma while apparently “connecting” to her.
We can’t even go through a single holiday without her blubbering and making it about her. She’s been trying to move in with my grandpa and has begun calling him things only my grandma did and trying to replace her.
It upsets me because I know my grandma wouldn’t have wanted it.
Here’s where I feel like a jerk. My grandpa doesn’t listen to anything I or my family tell him (my grandma was always on top of it, not him). Months ago, we told him he was invited to graduation, but Annie wasn’t (we lied and said we didn’t have enough tickets).
He said ok.
Last night he called and asked if Annie could come. We told him no, but I’m afraid he still won’t listen. He’s done this before where he invites her to things like dinner when we explicitly only invite him.
I was talking to my mom about it and I said if he shows up to the house with her, he isn’t allowed to come to my graduation. My mom argued that he’s old and senile, but he’s been told at least five times not to bring her.
I feel like I’m being cold, but I don’t want MY graduation to be all about her when she was never there for all my milestones, and when she disrespects the memory of my grandma.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Whoever’s in charge of your grandfather’s affairs (house, money, assets, etc) needs to get a will made and have someone have POA.
Annie is trying to usurp your grandma’s position and possibly lay claim of ownership and coerce your grandfather into giving her everything. Your parents etc need to ensure he is protected and won’t be kicked out of his home, and that he gets help for his conditions.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel for you and your family over the loss of your grandmother. I was raised by my grandparents so I have a special place in my heart for them. Especially since my mom acted just as your aunt has been.
There were times when growing up, I asked to make sure that my mother wouldn’t just show up randomly at parties and such, and my grandparents understood why. They raised my mom and uncle and my brother and I, and my grandmother used to always mumble, “at least we raised three of the four kids right,” every time my mother would leave after showing up randomly.
Some days, you’re entitled to have all the attention on you instead of someone else and that means leaving some people out of it.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it wouldn’t be punishing the wrong person. It’s punishing the exact right person.
Because he keeps disrespecting the boundary of no aunt. And no one says he’s senile until it’s convenient to use as an excuse. He knows what he’s doing. And he’s ignoring you. And you all allow it to happen so he does it again and again and again.
And will always do it until you make it clear that no means freaking no. He is violating a boundary. You are laying a consequence. But I would tell him the consequence. That’s only fair.” TashiaNicole1
14. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Ride Without Proper Safety Gear?
“I am a female motorcycle rider. I have been riding for many years. I have a Yamaha R3, which is small and I love it!!!! One of the rules is if someone wants to ride on the back, I make them wear a helmet and proper riding gear.
I wear a helmet all the time, along with a riding jacket, gloves, and proper footwear.
Everyone at work knows I ride, and a coworker approached me and asked if I could give her a ride on the back. I said, “Sure, as long as you wear the appropriate attire and helmet.” She was MAD!!!!!
I mean, not the storm off whatever attitude, she yelled at me at the top of her lungs, “How dare you freaking make me wear that crap! I got my hair done, screw you!” I just shrugged it off, thinking, “My bike, my rules.”
I was approached by several coworkers that I was wrong and should have given her a ride because she’s never been on one; it’s only around in a parking lot.
So, am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like you said, your bike, your rules. I got into a huge fight with a partner many many years ago. She wanted to drink a couple of glasses of wine while we were out at dinner, and I told her no, because we were on the bike.
I didn’t want anyone who had been drinking as a passenger on the bike. If we had been in the car, not a problem, but a passenger on the bike can cause all kinds of mess to break out.” bikergeekx
Another User Comments:
“Your bike, your rules.
As a paramedic—thank you. People are so freaking stupid when it comes to bike safety. Not just helmets but the proper jackets and such. Road rash, head trauma, it’s insane what can happen from anything as simple as the bike hitting a pothole, let alone bad drivers.” Fianna9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if local laws allow no helmet (they definitely don’t in the UK), your bike, your rules. If she’s never been on a bike before there’s a good chance she has zero understanding of the physics of bike control (and the associated requirement for pillion passengers to sit still) and would be a pain anyway.
I avoid the whole argument by informing people that I don’t have insurance for pillions.” Aprilia850MM
13. AITJ For Not Giving A Chicken Thigh When A Homeless Man Chased Me?
“I live in Brazil. I have to mention this so that you take the environment into account.
I (15F) was buying chicken thighs (10 chicken thighs) for my family. As I was on my way home, a homeless man in a miserable and poor state called out to me and asked for a chicken thigh from behind me.
I was kind of scared and lied, telling him that they were not mine; they were for a friend. He begged me for a thigh, but I continued declining. I then started walking away from him; only to look behind and see him running after me.
I then kept running until I got to a populated area, which made him stop following me.
I reached home safely. I told Mom what happened, and she said that it wouldn’t have hurt me if I had given him one of my thighs, since he was too poor.
I told her that he was acting pretty insane and started running after me afterward. She excused me a bit but still said that I acted like a jerk for not being kind enough. Dad said that my reaction was perfect and told me to always run from people, even if they were poor.
Mom keeps telling me that I should be more compassionate and sympathize with poor people. Ok, sure, but I was scared, okay? And how would I know if they would be okay with 1 missing chicken thigh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He stopped chasing you because he knew the crowd would protect you.
Maybe he was desperate for a chicken thigh; maybe he would have taken more than that. Long-term malnutrition starts affecting the mind. If he’s desperate enough to try and take from you, why doesn’t he go door to door, offering to work for food or make some other arrangement?
Your dad is right; if you aren’t confident in your ability to defend yourself, keep your distance from strangers. If they don’t take no for an answer, then definitely get to somewhere safe. If you want to help someone, do it somewhere that you feel safe.” kriegmonster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never know people’s true intentions, even when the individual looks like they need help. As well, given that you were alone, young, and a girl, this individual could have easily taken advantage. On a side note and an odd question to ask, were the chicken thighs raw or cooked?
Grocery stores in my country usually sell them raw, and I feel like it would’ve been weirder for him to ask if they were raw.” Jayskull27
Another User Comments:
“Your English is very good! Overall, NTJ. I see where your mom is coming from, and I’m the type who always wants to give food or money or, when I used to smoke, a spare cig to homeless people.
But you didn’t buy ten thighs expecting to give one away—you bought all 10 for you. The only way you’d be a jerk, at least in my opinion, would be if you bought food intentionally to give away to homeless people and decided he wasn’t “worthy” of them.
If you (or your mom) feel very guilty, I’m sure there is an organization or church that feeds homeless people you could donate your time or money to. But you are a person, not an organization or part of the government, so it’s not really your job to give your food to homeless people.” tcdjcfo314
12. AITJ For Skipping A No Kids Wedding Because Of Parenting And Travel Challenges?
“My friend who I have known since I was 8 is getting married in mid-June about three hours away from me. I’m currently pregnant with my second boy. Baby is due in early April. At the time of her wedding, I will have a 3.5-year-old and a 2-month-old.
Of course the wedding is no kids. I don’t blame her for this and actually wanted a no-kids wedding myself. Love the concept, but I wasn’t able to do that in the end because half the people wouldn’t have shown. But I totally understand doing a kids-free wedding.
I support her on this and I’m not going to ask if I can bring my kids as an exception.
But am I the jerk if I don’t go to her wedding? I love her dearly and she came to my wedding. But logistically, I would be driving three hours with a toddler and infant, staying in a hotel that is $600 a night (she is uber rich or maybe inflation is just nuts), just so I can watch her walk down the aisle by myself for an hour or two.
My husband will have to watch the kids as we don’t have a sitter. And we can’t stay at a different hotel, as I will need to be close by given I will be breastfeeding. Also, leaving the hubby and kids home is not an option because of the breastfeeding.
I might be able to get my mom to fly out to watch the kids, but that is a long shot. And I would have to pay for her hotel and flight as well. Now I’m looking at potential costs of 3k-4k if not more when you include a wedding gift.
To top it off, my first didn’t start sleeping through the night until 12 weeks, so I’m probably going to be exhausted.
I want to support my friend and I’m so happy for her, but it’s really difficult when it’s a no-kids wedding that is out of town.
I could send her a nice gift and not go, but I for some reason feel terrible. Help!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, make it easy for yourself and don’t go. Invite her over for lunch afterward and get all the gos’. Friend made the choice to have a kids-free wedding.
It’s your choice whether or not this works for you, and clearly it doesn’t. Spending so much money just to attend a party is insane.” pixie-ann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my fiance and I are having a kids-free wedding and we know this decision will impact people’s ability to come to the wedding.
If they do not, that’s WILD to us. A kids-free wedding means some of the most cherished people will be unable to attend, and while in an ideal world, we could have it all, the decision comes with consequences. Just reach out and explain with the new babe it’s not possible; they should graciously accept that.
If they don’t, that’s a reflection on them, not you.” Remote_Badger_8841
Another User Comments:
“Clearly you don’t want to go, so don’t. People who set restrictions on their weddings should expect some no-shows. I’m not sure why you couldn’t pump breast milk, drive over in the morning, and drive back after the wedding.
Would that be hard, sure, but is it important or not? A 3-hour drive, 1-hour wedding, 1-hour at the reception—you could skip dinner if there is one, and 3 hours back home. That’s an 8-hour work day that could run into 10 or 11 hours if you choose.
Would I do that for my closest friend? Yeah, I would. Would I do that for someone that I used to be close friends with and am no longer? No. No jerks here, simply explain the situation to your friend and wish her the best.” joe_eddie_13
11. AITJ For Putting Up A Dual Language No Clean Sign?
“I live in South Florida, which across the board of general people and workers has a large percentage of Spanish speakers.
I live with my father and he had informed me that there were cleaners coming by tomorrow that would be going room to room tasked with cleaning the whole house. I had no prior knowledge given to me about the business, workers, etc., and we have had plenty of cleaners and general workers in the past who were and were not Hispanic.
My room was not to be cleaned in the job, so I put up a little paper sign on my door saying “Do not clean” and the same in Spanish, which I had specifically verified as proper because Google Translate tends to mess up.
I met the cleaners briefly and treated them politely and respectfully, and they spoke no word of the sign, nor did they have any seeming issue with me.
But then I was informed by my father the next day that the boss of the cleaning service business had called him and accused the sign of being racist because I had assumed cleaners would speak Spanish. I won’t be hanging any more signs because of this incident, but I fail to see how this applies.
Sure, if the Spanish part of the sign was present in an area where Spanish is rarely found, I could see it as possibly assuming. However, as previously mentioned, I had no information on the workers at all, and we have had people working in the house before that did not speak English but did in fact speak Spanish.
If it matters, the boss and workers were white and Portuguese.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think it’s racist to put a sign in English and Spanish. When I lived in Hawaii, many locations had signs or menus in both English and Japanese because of all the Japanese tourists.
Is that racist? What about the people traveling from other countries? I think they are just trying to accommodate to the best of their ability like you were doing. Like you said, there is a large population of Spanish speakers in the area.” MushroomRadiant4647
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes, people look for reasons to be offended. We had a sign in our kitchen at work about something. It was in English, then we added it in Spanish; still having the problem, we added French, Chinese, and Russian. Basically, it became funny in a way and every few days, someone would add to the sign in a language they spoke.
Finally, the boss caught the cleaner doing the bad thing red-handed and corrected the problem then and there. We left the signs up for years.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/ This is a very specific issue, mostly for older Portuguese people. Portugal is essentially very similar to Spain.
Our culture is very similar, our climate is very similar, our socio-economical situation, our history (both ancient and modern). And we are neighbors too. The issue is, that Portugal is a smaller country than Spain in everything. Size, population, mediatic importance. You name it. So people (Not in Europe though) very often confuse us as part of Spain, and also just assume we speak Spanish (we do btw, but it is not our mother tongue.
Just a bonus from living next door). Older, or more conservative Portuguese people tend to take issue with this specific misconception. You couldn’t have known this, though. Also, good for you that you took that extra step to provide your sign in both English and Spanish.” Fierylatino69
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom For Choosing Her Husband Over Her Children?
“I (23F) and my husband (22M) moved in with my mom over the summer to help my mom with her bills and to help take care of my three younger siblings. The main reason for this move was that I did not want her to get back with her “partner” that she had been seeing on and off for the past 7-8 years.
Not long after we moved in, she started talking to him again after repeatedly telling me she was never going to get back together with him. She then goes on to marry him, and since then has taken on this mentality that she is his wife and has responsibilities towards him, so she has to be with him 24/7.
Which, in turn, meant to me and my siblings that we would see her less because he does not live with us. Ever since she got married, she goes directly to him after work. The only time my siblings see her is in the mornings when she takes them to school; she’s not even home during the weekends.
Recently, this past weekend, she and I ended up arguing over text because my siblings miss their mom and wanted to see her. She then chooses, instead of coming to see her kids, to call them and tell them that she is too busy to see them and that when she was there, all they did was play video games; but now that she’s with her husband, they suddenly “miss her” and want to “spend time with her.” This made my siblings sad, which naturally made me step in and tell her off.
I told her she can’t be serious right now and that obviously her children are going to miss her. Even though they might have a roof over their heads and food, that doesn’t mean they still need their mother’s presence for more than just a few minutes in the morning when they’re going to school.
I told her she can’t seriously be picking a man who has literally shown he does not care about her over her children who do love her.
She responded by telling me the same thing she told my siblings—that when she was with us, my siblings didn’t appreciate her and that they just spent their time playing games.
I’m like, “Be so for real: you’re resenting them as if they’re not literally children. Where’s that energy with that man who has literally done nothing good for us?” She’s like, “Oh, so I’m a bad mom? Okay, that’s fine—you’ll regret your words one day.” She then hangs up on me, refuses my calls and texts, and tells my sister she’s not going to talk to me.
So I texted her and told her that the one who’s going to regret her words is you, and you’ll be sorry for picking a man over your children. The day you learn to not put a man on a pedestal is the day you’ll get your blessings.
It’s a serious mental problem to be so attached to a man. I love her, but I know she’s not okay by doing what she’s doing. She’s now no longer talking to me and only contacts my siblings.
AITJ or was this a reality check my mom needed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like mom planned this all out, the fake ‘breaking up’ to get you/husband to move back in and take care of her home and her minor-aged children; now she can freely go live with her new husband, cause YOU are now running everything.
You should not be helping take care of bills AND raising siblings with YOUR money. She should be paying you. If this were me? I’d tell dear ole mom that you/husband are moving back out, you have sent all of her communications between you and the children to Child Protective Agency, and she needs to handle however this all falls out.
How were these minor-aged (ages, please!) being taken care of before you moved back in? Who was watching them, food, needs, homework, doc appts, etc then? Or tell her that you are taking her to court, using this history and her communication texts as a LEGAL Primary Caregiver for those 3 underage siblings, you will be taking her to court for general home costs, utilities, child support, etc. Makes me wonder what kind of home life these kids had before you moved in, sounds like Child Neglect to me.
WHERE is the bio dad of these children?????” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d say that her husband made it clear that he didn’t want her kids living with them, so she got you to move in so she could move out. She’s at least going to have to pay you child support if you choose to bring up your siblings in the long term.
As you and your husband are so young, is he okay suddenly being a dad to 3 kids? If he’s not, I’d be asking your mom’s sister or other family members to step in and either convince your mom that child abandonment is illegal or take the kids themselves if they can.” Themarchsisters1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, practically you can’t MAKE your mom be a better parent. You either 1) call the kids’ dad and tell him that he needs to come get them. I’m not defending the mom, but why is it ok for him to be gallivanting with his new partner and only seeing them a couple of times a week?
He needs to step up. The kids have 2 parents. Parent 1 failed, it’s his turn. 2) accept that you’ll be the kids’ primary caretaker and do that – no, it’s not fair but fair doesn’t have anything to do with it. It is what it is.
3) prepare to take legal custody of the kids and hire a lawyer. 4) move out and hope that she reverts back to what she did before you moved in (be at home with her kids). 5) call CPS and prepare for the kids to be placed with other family or in foster care.
That’s it. Mom coming to get senses and choosing her kids over her husband (which the kids’ dad hasn’t done) isn’t anything you have control over and isn’t going to happen. Invest your energy in what you can change.” yellowcoffee01
9. AITJ For Insisting On My Ashes Being Sent To Space?
“I (26M) have been battling leukemia which has recently metastasized to other organs. It’s been a tough journey, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my final wishes.
One of the most important things to me is that I want my burial (or lack thereof) to reflect my personal beliefs, which are not religious.
My family, however, is religious. They’ve made it clear that they expect me to be buried in a religious cemetery.
I love them, and I understand this is coming from a place of tradition and their beliefs about what happens after death, but this doesn’t align with how I feel.
To avoid any conflict after I’m gone, I’ve put it in my will that I don’t want to be buried in a religious cemetery.
Instead, I’ve chosen to be cremated and my ashes launched into space (always been a dream of mine to go to space). I’ve also made sure this is legally binding and that my wishes are clear to my executor.
When I brought this up to my family to prepare them, they were deeply saddened. They were confused as to why I wouldn’t let them bury me in a way that aligns with their faith.
My siblings went on to say that since I have no beliefs it shouldn’t matter where my body ends up, which I somewhat agree with. My mom broke down into tears, saying she doesn’t care what happens to my body (burial, cremation, etc.) so long as she has a physical location to visit (grave site, location where ashes are spread, etc.).
My wife has the same sentiment, explaining that she won’t have somewhere to take our daughter to visit me. I explained all they have to do is look up to see me, but seeing everyone so hurt is tearing me apart.
I tried to explain that this will be the final decision of my life.
I’ve compromised on a lot of things during my life to make them happy, but I feel like this is the only way I’ll complete my dream of going to space. Still, their reactions and my own feelings has made me second-guess if I’m doing the right thing, especially before it’s too late to change anything.
So AITJ for sticking to my personal beliefs and refusing to be buried in a religious cemetery, even if it goes against my family’s wishes.”
Another User Comments:
“Depending on where you live, your instructions or wishes for your funeral, burial, or wishes for your body are not legally binding.
They could just be how you state your preference for your remains, but your executor makes the ultimate decision. The money/property part of a will is different. An executor may be able to do what they want for the funeral or cave to your family’s wishes.
Have you spoken to a lawyer? I ask because all of this drama may be for nothing in the end depending on the law where you live.” Tea_Earl_Grey_Black
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go no jerks here. I get not wanting a religious burial. I’m Christian, but I don’t plan on having a religious burial when my time comes.
It’s up to you to decide how you want to be handled in death. But I also understand your family. My dad passed and is cremated. His ashes sit in a box of his favorite wood carved with his ‘49 Ford truck on my mom’s mantle.
Everything was to his wishes, but sometimes I feel bad that there’s nowhere special I can go to visit him. It doesn’t feel sacred (for lack of a better term) to just pop into my mom’s room to visit him. Maybe you can suggest something like planting a tree in your honor or having a bench placed in a park with your name engraved?
That would remove the religious aspect but still give them a place to go. A park bench might be nice because they can visit and look into the sky for you, just like you said.” Curlycue1412
Another User Comments:
“They’re wrong for not supporting a dying person in their wishes.
But it’s also kind of wrong to disregard the wishes of the people who will witness your death and have to continue living after. Not wanting a religious funeral is fine. Your family can still have a service or blessing without your body or permission.
But you have a young wife and child who have expressed wanting a place to go to help them. It sounds like you’ve tried giving suggestions, and I know you’re not doing well, but this is something you should figure out for them. Going to space maybe brings you some kind of comfort for the rest of your life, but in the end, you won’t experience it.
Having a place to go sounds like it will bring many people comfort for the rest of their lives and they will experience it. Space and a diamond maybe could work. Maybe a headstone with no body. Or a nonreligious ceremony and non-denominational cemetery. Maybe go to a special place and have a special day and that’s somewhere people could visit.
Maybe have a celebration of life while you’re here and plant a tree or place a bench together. I really don’t know. But imo it would be a jerk move to leave your wife without something she thinks would help her and your daughter in the wake of your death.
I know you need help too, but they’ll need it for longer.” Loose-Zebra435
8. AITJ For Refusing To Hang Out With My Best Friend's Partner Who Is Attracted To Me?
“My best friend Melony and I have known each other our whole lives. She feels more like a sister than a bestie. We are now adults in our thirties who call each other regularly and often grab drinks or cook each other dinner.
Melony was single for a very long time. She has a five-year-old son and had not gone out with anyone since she left her son’s father. I had occasionally encouraged Melony to get out there and she just wasn’t excited about anyone……until Caleb came around.
She fell for Caleb very quickly – they took kayaking trips and spent all the time they could together until they officially began seeing each other after 6 months. They went out for about a year and things were pretty normal with the occasional argument or disagreement about their future (Caleb is 40 years old and lives with his mother and doesn’t have long-term relationship goals).
Things were going well, we all met up at our local county fair one night for fun. We grew up in a small town and the county fair is just a novelty event we go to to drink a pint and watch the demolition derby or a rodeo.
The fair was fun until Melony called me in tears and said that she was leaving her partner behind and heading home. I don’t know what changed – we were all having a nice evening. She was able to talk through her tears and told me she caught Caleb checking me out at the fair and that he has been attracted to me for a long time.
I had never got these hints before and things always seemed neutral between us. I am in a monogamous relationship with my partner and we pair well together – he is a competitive skateboarder and I love motorcycles – we both share interests in tattoos and somewhat of an alternative lifestyle.
I don’t have anything in common with Caleb and I’m not sure why he would be attracted to me. He has kind of a bland personality. He’s an environmentalist and an outdoorsy type. I was shocked to hear that. I think Melony was also shocked, I’ve always felt like there was an unspoken understanding between us that “she’s the pretty one”.
That could be in my head but, these are some things felt from childhood. It was an awkward situation for everyone involved.
Fast forward, Caleb and Melony rekindled things again. I have voiced over and over it’s a bad idea. I don’t like Caleb. She wants us to all hang out together.
I told her that I never want to be around him and I’m going to avoid the situation. She wants him to call me and apologize so that we can all move on. I have the creeps and just the thought of us hanging out gives me the ick.
I told her no and could tell that made Melony upset because she wants to continue a relationship with Caleb and is torn because I’m her best friend. I think it’s a waste of time for her and she should move on. AITJ for not wanting to forgive my best friend’s partner because he has an open crush on me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, is Melony typically an insecure type? Are we sure he actually was checking you out excessively, or did Melony maybe misread and blow up? I think keeping a distance for now is good. I wouldn’t refuse indefinitely to hang in groups with Caleb – arrange it when your partner can be there as well and if he senses anything off then you can avoid them for the rest of time.” Apprehensive_Tart955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sucks to see your friend going back to somebody who is openly attracted to you, but avoiding this situation is your best option I think. You can still reassure Melony that you are in her corner and her friend, but if you’re uncomfortable around this guy then you have every right not to want to hang out around him.
If she’s like a sister then she should be more considerate of how you’re feeling and shouldn’t put you in this situation to begin with.” JuiceLordIrving
Another User Comments:
“Yeah the fact that he was attracted to you makes for an uneasy situation.
There’s nothing you can do about him people like/are attracted to who they like/are attracted to. I would just be honest with your friend and tell her that you seriously doubt that he’s no longer attracted to you and you’re uncomfortable being around him.
But unless you want to end a perfectly good friendship I would just make sure you are in neutral situations with them. NTJ.” notgrrrrrlgamer
7. AITJ For Not Attending Thanksgiving Because My Stepsister's Mother Is A Toxic Presence?
“I was told two months ago that myself, my mother, my stepfather, my stepsister and her two children, seven and two, and possibly my cousin will be going to a restaurant for Thanksgiving.
So today, I was just told by my mother that my stepsister’s mother, who is raising my stepsister’s seven-year-old, will be joining.
Now, there’s a long history; in short, she’s a narcissist and had caused my stepsister to develop Borderline Personality disorder.
The issue I have is that I turned 18 one year after the seven-year-old was born. I had made a clear boundary that I do not want to go to social settings that include my stepsister’s mother, which my mother agreed is perfectly fine.
Now for Thanksgiving, she is telling me that I need to be an adult and put aside my boundaries of not wanting to be involved with my stepsister’s mother because it is also the seven-year-old’s birthday.
Now, I had explained to her that I will make it still a happy day and a happy occasion, and we’ll celebrate before the dinner; and they can go to dinner and when they come back, everyone can tell me how it was, and I will still be happy and polite.
For context to that, when I am around my stepsister’s mother, I am miserable. It doesn’t matter if she’s being polite or if she’s being rude. I am just miserable in her presence, and I tend to make other people miserable while I’m in her presence.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to go to Thanksgiving dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, and it’s pretty ironic that your mom is telling you to ‘be an adult and put aside (your) boundaries.’ Having and enforcing boundaries is one of the most adult things you can do, and as long as you’re doing it respectfully and maturely (which it sounds like you are doing), you’re not in the wrong at all.
You’re not trying to dictate other people’s actions, or trying to rain on anyone’s parade, you’re simply standing by your boundary that you will not be interacting with this woman. You didn’t invite her, and you even came up with an alternative plan for you to celebrate with everyone else, without inconveniencing anyone.
I’d say you’re showing much more maturity than most people here. NTJ at all.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“I have that problem with one of my sisters. Have avoided seeing her for quite a while. However, my dad is dying and this weekend other siblings are coming from out of town.
Received a text that on Sunday morning he wants to do a breakfast because it will probably be the last time all the siblings will be together before he passes. Gonna pull up my big girl pants and attend. But I have an exit plan.
If she is too much, I will cut the visit short. You are right in your plan.” Feeling_Lead_8587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not going to get on with certain people in your adult life, but in a professional setting, you need to be civil or face losing your position.
So, consider this gathering a great way to brush up on your skills, diplomacy skills. Sit furthest away and engage with others at the table. Give a small polite reply if she asks you a question or reply ‘I hadn’t really thought about it in that way,’ then talk to someone else.
At 18 you are a young adult, but not going to the dinner, making others miserable, or giving her headspace that makes you unhappy, can be seen as immature. Use her as an opportunity to increase your people skills with dealing with difficult people.” Longjumping_Win4291
6. AITJ For Charging My Roommate And Their Friends For Stolen Liquor?
“I was a bartender for 2 years so I know a bit about my liquor and the differences. I moved into a college apartment with my friend I’ve known for a while, we’ll call Q, and another one of my friends while my partner lives with 4 of his friends, one who we’ll call P.
I love mixing cocktails and shots for friends when they come over or just making a nice little drink for myself when I’m eating dinner, so I splurged a bit when I first moved in and spent around $300 USD on booze, (all handles aka 1.75 liters of gin, rum, Malibu, and 4 handles of Titos and like 6 bottles of liquor to mix with).
I do use these liquors from time to time but I don’t go crazy with it. We have another handle of Titos which Q had gotten from P’s parents (they used to be an item but broke up quite recently and a lot of other drama that is its whole thing).
So last night was halloweekend and I live in a college town so of course we’re all gonna be partying. I went out to the club with my partner and a couple of my coworkers and before hitting the club, we put some of my liquor into bottles for us to drink when we went back to my coworker’s place so I know for certain I had my liquor where it was when we left.
On the way to the club, P calls my partner telling him they were gonna take 1 bottle of liquor. I said if it’s the bottle of Tito’s, that’s Q’s so that’s up to her. Night goes by, my partner and I are having a great time at the club then we went back to my co-worker’s place and played some Mario Party.
As we’re leaving, P calls my partner again and tells him that they took half of my bottles but said they didn’t really drink any of it which for me is hard to believe because Q’s Tito bottle was very low. I, intoxicated and having some mental issues, got mad and was saying “Why didn’t you ask me directly if you could have them?” and “You literally lied to us; you said you’d only take one.” My partner and I got back to my apartment around 4 am and all my hard liquor is gone.
My gin, my rum, and my Malibu with Q’s Tito bottle, leaving just the mixer liquors. I checked Q’s location and she got home around the time we did and P told us she had brought the liquor back but it wasn’t anywhere to be found.
Now here comes the question. I left for work today around 6 pm and the liquor still wasn’t back so I don’t know how much they drank of it. The liquor they took from me would be around $90 USD. Would I be the jerk if I charged them money for taking the liquor from me?
If they simply would have asked me if they could have some, this wouldn’t be a big deal because I wouldn’t have minded at all. It’s the fact that they lied to me and stole it from me without my knowledge. If it seems full, should I take a bit and freeze it to see if there’s water?
What do I do in this kind of situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but I agree with the other person, this could be a friendship ender if you lead with ‘Give me money for the goods you stole’. If that’s what you want then that’s fine, I think it’s an acceptable thing to stop being friends with someone over them taking a bunch of crap from your house without asking.
If you do want to maintain the friendships, I’d say start with ‘Hey here’s what actually upset me, I’d like to know what happened and talk it out’ and then get to ‘Can you get me back for $90 of liquor’ as an afterthought. If the friendship is worth more than $90 then it’s worth it.” kharmatika
Another User Comments:
“OK NTJ for asking to be compensated for anything that has been taken without permission, but seriously, did you need all those words? I mean, who cares WHY you have the liquor? Or WHERE you went? Just tl;dr this and say, roommates took my expensive handles of booze and would I be the jerk if I demanded they pay me back?
But I give you props for freezing whatever gets returned to see if they watered it down. Tell them you’re going to do that after they return the bottles or they might fill it with some rot gut and you can’t prove it.
Next time, keep your booze under lock and key, though, or this will happen again. Your handles are an “attractive nuisance” to your friend group, lol.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ if you go into the conversation about this starting off with charging them.
If they were intoxicated when they grabbed it then they may admit it now and work something out with you to make up for it. If they won’t work with you on this then go for charging them. Might be hard to collect if they are claiming no responsibility.
Having that much booze in a college apartment might be a bad plan.” NoRazzmatazz564
5. AITJ For Going To A Concert That My Cousin Couldn’t Attend?
“I (22F) got invited to a concert by some friends, but here’s the issue. My cousin, (18F) absolutely adores this specific band for as long as I can remember and was devastated because she failed to secure tickets to the show. (I didn’t realize this at the time.) I don’t care much for this type of genre, but my friends had secured tickets and I was looking forward to a night out, and I didn’t want to be rude and refuse as they spent a lot of money on them.
When I excitedly tried to tell my cousin about my plans, hoping we could catch up after the show, she seemed visibly upset and disappointed. Even though she hasn’t directly stated it nor has she said anything, her reaction made it evident that this news had deeply affected her.
My aunt also weighed in, suggesting that I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it and that it made me somewhat of a jerk.
Furthermore, my friends and I shared videos online afterward, which only added salt to the wound, as my cousin probably felt left out and likely felt like I was bragging about attending the concert she desperately wanted to go to after looking at social media.
It wasn’t my intention to rub it in her face because I love my cousin dearly and didn’t want to hurt her. I also tried to give her a T-shirt I got for her, but she refused it and walked into her room.
That’s the part that makes me feel most like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – now if you knew she loved this band and you went out and bought tickets yourself and then went to her saying I have tickets to see so and so but you can’t come cause I invited other people instead, then you’d be the jerk.
But that’s not what happened. Someone else bought them, then invited you. You were seemingly just talking about your day with a close friend (cousin) with no malicious intent, and she took it the wrong way. She’ll either get over it or she won’t. Not much else you can do about it except maybe say I’m sorry you didn’t get to go, and maybe next time they are around we can go together.
Getting her a t-shirt was a nice try at patching things up, and I’m sorry that didn’t work. Hope she comes to her senses and y’all can work this out, OP.” Exotic_Help_168
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to enjoy, celebrate, and even share any nice thing that happens to you WITHOUT SHAME, if you choose to do so.
Does it suck that your cousin couldn’t go? Yes. Does that mean you can’t be happy and enjoy the event? Absolutely not. Tis be life. It’s full of disappointments. And there is no need to dim yourself down so others can feel comfortable. It’s not like you purposefully went to her and gloated and rubbed it in her face to bring her down.
If that had been your goal, then yeah, you’d be the jerk.” Lucidless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin is old enough to be disappointed she didn’t get to go to the concert without trying to make everyone else not even mention that they’re going, or that they went, or that they enjoyed it.
You even bought her a souvenir! You didn’t go to the concert for her; you went to hear the music, not to make her feel bad, just like all the hundreds or thousands of other people at the concert. She needs to learn to manage her own emotions, including being disappointed at missing a concert that others attended. NTJ.” SavingsRhubarb8746
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Changed My Eulogy?
“I 19F moved across the country a year ago & told my family I wasn’t returning. I’ve never had a good relationship with them, always outcasted and never seen as part of the family. The only person besides my parents who saw me as part of it was my grandfather, I was closest with him & was the favorite grandchild.
In July my grandfather passed, he was on life support & my aunt offered to fly me to my home (as I had no money), so I could say goodbye before they pulled the plug. During my travel, I got stuck in Houston & wouldn’t be able to be back until 10 the next day.
While in my hotel room, I got a call, they were going to pull the plug and I was forced to say my goodbyes in about 20 secs with an audience, everyone else including friends got to say goodbye in person. When I arrived in the morning I was upset but let it go.
Before he died he asked me to write a eulogy to read at the funeral which I wrote that week. After a week, no funeral was set. I asked my aunt to send me back as I had a dogsitter & a job. She told me no, it was too expensive & the earliest flight she would get me would be in a month.
Shocked, I spent the next day looking at flights out the next week for under 200. I found one, sent it to her expecting her to book it. She sent me flight info for one leaving in a month and said that the flight she booked was 90 and that’s what I was getting.
I freaked out, my dogsitter now forced to watch my dog for the next while & the job I had lined up now fell through. Again, I brushed it off and spent time grieving and with friends who I hadn’t seen in a year. Days after the flight was booked my aunt texts me upset that I hadn’t seen her, confused, I said I was unsure if she wanted to see me as the last time I saw her a year ago ended in a nasty fight and she ghosted me until a week ago.
She then called me immature & told me to not talk to her till I fix myself.
It’s been a few months now, they planned the funeral, didn’t tell me until 3 days prior, mind you I live across the country & work full time. I wasn’t able to get off work, but still I wanted my eulogy read.
I reached out to my cousin who was orchestrating the thing and she agreed. I sent her my eulogy as well as a mp4 of it, I asked to be played on the speakers as my grandfather wanted ME to read it.
I was video-called in for the funeral today.
First, the recording was not played over the speakers, okay, not a big deal. Second. the person they had read it I had zero clue who she was. Finally, they changed my eulogy. They added parts that were not necessary, made it religious (I’m an atheist) and the most messed up part, they took out the section that included me in the eulogy.
everyone else got a part in it but me, and I’m the one who wrote it. Livid, I hung up the call & cried, my own eulogy got altered to fit their wants. They don’t see anything wrong with changing the eulogy. Am I the jerk in thinking it’s wrong they changed my eulogy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — They disrespected you and your grandfather by attempting to undermine your relationship with each other, going as far as to distort his final wishes. They also showed absolutely no regard to your well-being by going out of their way to harm your job prospects and finances while you were in a very vulnerable position dealing with loss and being around unsupportive family.
While on its face, your aunt buying you a flight can be seen as an act of kindness—it is clear from her actions that it was just a manipulation tactic. It was merely a way to exert control over you. I am so sorry that you lost a loved one and were robbed of the ability to be with him at the time of his death and follow his wish of delivering a eulogy at his funeral. I hope you can find closure and your own space to remember, grieve, and celebrate your grandfather’s life.” technobotanica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your family have shown incredible levels of selfishness, disregard, cruelty…the list goes on. Be mad, rage cry, cut them all off, be petty, mourn, etc. But when you think you have the ability to do so calmly, I would suggest doing it right on your own terms. See if you can find a spot near you that your grandfather would enjoy, and give him your eulogy, with or without some company or special treats (his favorite foods/drinks, perhaps?).
You can read your eulogy while sitting on a bench in a park, or throw a party on the beach with friends when you give it. I’m also not religious, but the ceremony feels nice and important, ya know? Any which way, it’ll hopefully be good for you and bring some peace or closure.
Your family absolutely screwed up, but this eulogy is for you and your grandfather, period.” Neature_Nerd
Another User Comments:
“ESH. They shouldn’t have changed the eulogy as long as there was nothing offensive to other mourners such as mentions of you being the favorite grandchild.
It does kind of sound like you made his death about yourself a bit which is why I think you were the jerk too. Remember that funerals are for the living, the dead are dead, they don’t need to grieve and move on with their lives.
You separated yourself from the family and they did what they felt would help the people there the most.” catwithafishtail
3. AITJ For Excluding My Neglectful Mom From My Wedding?
“I (26M) am getting married to my fiancée (let’s call her Sarah (25F)) in a few months, and I’m super excited about it. But there’s one big issue with all the planning—my mom.
A little background: My parents divorced when I was 8, and my mom (let’s call her Layla) remarried pretty quickly after that.
She married this guy, Dave, who had two kids of his own. Ever since it’s like I was no longer a priority in her life. She focused all her attention on Dave and his kids. Like, I’m not exaggerating when I say she treated them way better than me.
They’d go on trips, she’d go to all their sports events, and they’d get everything they wanted. Meanwhile, I felt like I was invisible. She didn’t ask about my school, didn’t care about my friends, or even my mental health.
I started to feel like I wasn’t even her kid anymore.
When I turned 18, I moved out. I thought maybe she’d care and try to stay in touch, but nope—she didn’t. I’d text her once in a while just to check in, and she’d either not respond or say she was busy with Dave and his kids.
I figured if she didn’t care, why should I? So, I just stopped trying to reach out.
Fast forward to now. I’m planning my wedding, and out of nowhere, my mom starts texting me like we’re super close. She wants to know all the details, saying how excited she is, and even saying things like, “I can’t wait to see you start this new chapter.” Like… seriously?
I haven’t heard from her in years, and now she expects to be front and center for my wedding?
I told her straight up that I didn’t want her there. I said I’m not comfortable with her coming after everything that’s happened, and that if she really wants to have a relationship, we can talk about it after the wedding, but not before.
She started crying and saying I’m holding a grudge and that “I’m her son” and “she deserves to be there.” But I don’t know how I’m supposed to just forget the fact that she ignored me my whole childhood in favor of Dave’s kids.
Now, my family is split. Some of them think I’m right and that I shouldn’t just let her show up when she never showed up for me. Others think I should just let it go, and “it’s just one day” and that I should let her come to the wedding to keep the peace.
So… AITJ for not letting my mom come to my wedding after everything that happened?”
Another User Comments:
“”She started crying and saying I’m holding a grudge and that “I’m her son” and “she deserves to be there.”” And you’re her son who deserved to have a mother who cared and prioritized you at least occasionally, but here you are.
You’re well within your rights to hold that grudge until you feel comfortable letting her back into your life, which is not now. “Others think I should just let it go, and “it’s just one day” and that I should let her come to the wedding to keep the peace.” I hate this sentiment with a passion.
What peace? You would not be at peace if you had your mom at your wedding. Childhood neglect is not something you forgive and forget for most people, especially when you’ve come to terms with not having a relationship with your parent. She doesn’t get to waltz back in to ruin what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.
NTJ.” Bo_O58
Another User Comments:
“”Now, my family is split. Some of them think I’m right and that I shouldn’t just let her show up when she never showed up for me. Others think I should just let it go, and “it’s just one day” and that I should let her come to the wedding to keep the peace.” But it’s not.
It’s your wedding and a major milestone event in your life, which she has barely been a part of since she remarried. You are keeping the peace. It’s just your own peace you are keeping. Where were the family members speaking up when you were a child?
Because before they start with ‘but she’s family/your mum/you only get one,’ you need to shut them down on it because they were all more than happy to turn a blind eye to her missing your events, taking trips, and pretty much ignoring your existence.
Make sure Sarah is completely on board with your decision (as there have been many, many posts where the S/O decided to try and “fix” things by inviting people their partner is NC with) and stand firm. If your mum truly wants a relationship with you, she will wait until all the glory of the wedding has passed and get to know you and Sarah at a more appropriate time.
NTJ.” maleficentwasright
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it isn’t just one day. It’s one very very important day that will send the message to her that she can show up whenever it’s convenient for her. She only has to be your mom for the fun parts.
You let her show up I guarantee you she’s going to be waltzing around talking out of her butt making herself look like mom of the year so everyone will congratulate her. And the second it’s over she’ll disappear until your kid is on the way (if you and your wife are having kids) then “grammy” will show up so she can be grandmother of the year for a week and a half before she splits again.
She says you’re holding a grudge? You bet your butt you are! Kids aren’t supposed to make an effort to see their parents. They’re supposed to reciprocate the efforts parents make towards them. This isn’t like you’re refusing to invite her because she missed a soccer game back in the dizzle.
She missed ALL the games. Does she even know who your fiance is? Who your friends are? Can she mention anything from your life that can’t be gleaned from a social media post? You can’t show up for the fun parts of parenting without doing the unfun parts.
And if talking to your kid and asking how their day was falls under “unfun” then you need to question who you are as a person. Tell people that your never has never made any consideration towards your feelings so why should you consider hers?
Or don’t and tell them to stay out of it and go live your best life.” Razzlesndazzles
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Entitled Sister Steal My Only Car And Ruin My Future?
“I am a first-year college student. I’m a pre-nursing student who finished with good grades. If me saying I’m a first-generation student helps then there it is. I have been home for about 2 weeks and have absolutely hated it. I’m back here with my fiancée, but other than that I’ve had no real reason to feel happy being here.
My family is very poor. I am fortunate enough to have a car because I am in college and live hours away. I have earned this car by respecting my parents and keeping up great grades while doing nearly every extracurricular activity offered in high school.
My sister, on the other hand, has had two cars. The first one wasn’t very nice so it has some mechanical issues; the second one she crashed and it is now totaled. Since then, she has not stopped talking about getting a new car.
I worked my entire high school career and believe it helped me in many ways. She has yet to get a single job and I can see how different me and her are. After she talked about the brand new expensive car she wanted for “college”, I told her it was unrealistic.
I told her our family is poor, and we can’t afford brand-new cars. I told her you will need to get a job and earn a car, and also get your license. This made her go ballistic. She called me many names such as narcissistic, spoiled, and unworthy of life.
My heart actually shattered. I have never done anything in my life to make her say these things to me. I have driven hours and spent so much money on my sister to only get this back. I have tried so hard to love her.
I just began crying after she told me these things outside of my grandparents’ house.
Later in the day, she has my car. I begin to panic because I do not trust her with my car. It’s a 2017 Ford Escape and it is my only source of transportation to college.
If she wrecked my car, I’d have to buy a new one myself. I text her and ask her to come home, please, very politely. She then tells me she is busy and will not return my car. I continue to text her and politely tell her to return my car.
The only thing she says next is, “I really wish you were dead.”
This happened around 30 minutes ago and I still feel like I got shot in the heart. I’ve never felt so much internal pain in my life. It’s also Christmas Eve, and my parents have done nothing to calm the situation.
She talks to me, and my parents, in the same way, and I can’t do it anymore. I left the house to spend the night at my MIL’s house because I can’t stand to see her after this. How am I going to open presents and give presents in the morning knowing that my sister thinks of me this way?
I just wish I lived a different life at this moment and don’t know what to do. She has not tried in school, she has done nearly nothing to respect my parents and has done nothing to prepare for her future. I just don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. It sounds to me that she may be jealous of you and is doing things to hurt you. I wasn’t sure from your post if you gave her permission or how she got your keys. I noticed others suggested reporting the car stolen.
That could have severe backlash – but there is also real potential that she may damage your car or even someone else’s. That may end up back on you if the car isn’t reported stolen. Talk to your parents. If you can’t get their support, then you need to decide how to proceed. You can let her get away with this or not.
I’d suggest putting some distance between you and your sister. Not only does it sound as though she lacks respect for the whole family, she seems devoid of any sense of responsibility and is willfully hurting you. She needs therapy. You need space. In any family I have known, there would be severe consequences for her actions and the hurt she is causing.
I’d suggest some action rather than waiting to see if or how much damage she does to your car or in general. Please update … as new details emerge. Best of luck. Merry Christmas. Wishing you the best.” photoguynj1
Another User Comments:
“Oh for the love of Pete!
CALM DOWN! Text or call your sister. Inform her she has 30 minutes to get the car to you undamaged and in one piece, or you will call the cops. Tell your parents the same thing. She is their Golden Child, obviously, and will do everything possible to get your car back to avoid that happening.
Unless I misread that, she does not have a license? That’s even worse! She is probably not covered under your insurance either. If she wrecks the car, you are going to be liable for any damage and any injuries she causes. Call the cops! That is your only protection!
And stop ruminating about how rude she is. Stop letting her ruin your Christmas. She is spoiled, entitled, and in for a world of hurt when she goes off to college and she finds out the world doesn’t revolve around her sorry butt! You are under-reacting to the theft of your car – and it is a theft – and over-reacting to her word vomit.
Give her one chance to bring the car back. Call the cops. Let your parents deal with the aftermath. As far as tomorrow, do not give her anything you brought for her. Take every. single. present and lock it in your car. Keep your keys on you so she can’t steal them.
Take them into the shower with you if you have to, but do not let them out of your sight for the remainder of your visit. When she asks about her presents from you, you tell her that, “I am not giving you anything again.
I worked hard to be able to afford to buy you things only for you to crap on me and steal my car. I will not reward that behavior. And if you have a problem with that, you can shove it up your butt!” You are being a jerk to yourself if you don’t call the cops.” Valuable-Release-868
Another User Comments:
“OP, worry about yourself, worry about your education, and quit worrying about your sister because, in the end, she’s not going to have any influence on making your life any better. Make your own choices and accept those consequences, as she will her own.
Above all else, do not let your engagement interfere with getting your education finished on time and at the top of your class, too, as well as getting your career started. It’s not an option for an escape – that’s what your school is for, which will lay the groundwork for the rest of your life to take care of you.” NumbersGuy22
1. AITJ For Changing The Locks On My Home After My MIL Reentered Without Permission?
“My MIL had previously moved in with us, and we had to kick her out due to her behavior. Then she moved in with her partner and he kicked her out too. She had been staying with a friend temporarily but had to leave because the friend’s daughter is coming home from college and needs her room back.
I came home from work yesterday to find that MIL had moved herself back into my house without permission from my wife or me. We had left the garage door partly open to charge a car (we can’t get the car inside the garage because MIL has stuff stored in there), so she somehow got it all the way open and found the spare key we hid in the garage to let herself in the house.
She had moved some things back into the guest room and was sitting in bed watching TV.
MIL will be at work all day tomorrow while I have the day off. I’m thinking about putting all her stuff outside on the curb or renting a pod to put it in and changing the locks.
WIBTJ for moving her out? She really doesn’t have anywhere to go besides her car, and her stuff might get stolen or messed up (people have seen bears around).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a squatter. Don’t do a pod because you will pay for it forever.
Spend a little extra now and move it to a storage unit, prepay for a month or two, and tell her she can figure it out after that. If she comes back call the police. Breaking in is not magically okay because they’re related. She has nowhere to go because of her own choices, and it’s no one’s responsibility to take care of her.
She has a job and transportation, she can figure out a shelter, hotel, or apartment.” -cheeks
Another User Comments:
“Go for it. NTJ. How rude and entitled she must be to literally break into your home and take up residence. Especially since you’ve kicked her out before.
I’d put all her stuff out, and change the locks. She must be heck to live with and, from the sounds of it, has made herself unwelcome in more than just one place. Might be time she does some self-reflection on why people don’t want her around.” OkPsychology2376
Another User Comments:
“Change the locks and put her stuff outside. File a trespassing and breaking and enter report. Say you don’t want to press charges this time, depending on how she reacts. Don’t leave the garage door open, at all, and install cameras in front and back.
Hang up a ‘Trespassers will be charged’ sign. Call her at work and tell her what you’re doing. After making sure your wife doesn’t want her there, make sure your wife knows that if you let her stay, at all, it’ll cost time and money to evict her.
Have fun.” Mulewrangler
