People Share The Worst Screw Up They’ve Seen In Court

Some court cases are like a difficult game of chess. After careful calculation and assessment of the situation, moves are made to forward the position of each team. Depending on the preparation and each individual’s tact, you could either win or lose the game.

Like chess, some people are better than others during court cases. Their previous legwork, copious notes and sometimes obvious hatred for the opposing side make them an enemy to be reckoned with. Sometimes these people are lawyers. Other times, it is the client themselves who want to get back at their adversary at whatever cost necessary. And unfortunately, sometimes it is the defendant who sticks their foot in their own mouths, landing themselves in even deeper water.

Below is a collection of stories chronicling clients who have done some serious damage to the other side of the table or blundered themselves into a world of hurt.

52. This Legal Situation Got A Little Sticky After The Defendant Spilled The Beans

“This wasn’t a court case, but it is legal adjacent.

My dad is an executive safety officer at the company he works at, and one of the company’s truck drivers got into an accident.

The driver wasn’t at fault but it is company policy anytime a driver gets into an accident they drug test them that same day, and when the results came back the guy failed the test.

The guy disputed the results so they had him retake it. When he finishes up in the testing facilities bathroom, the sample he gives them isn’t warm at all, clearly hadn’t just come out of a person. And in the bathroom, which they meticulously clean between each test, they find a strip of tape and like a little vile and cap thing that would have gone onto a small vile kind of container.

So my dad has to be on a conference call with the driver and his manager and some other relevant parties and the guy maintain his innocence.

They can’t conclusively prove the tape or cap means he cheated the test, so they’re kind of at an impasse.

As they’re getting off the call my father just kind of takes a shot and asks the driver really nonchalantly and in passing. ‘Say, doesn’t taping the vile to your leg hurt? Like how do you get it off?’ and this imbecile replies without missing a beat: ‘Oh no, it was just painters tape, comes off easy didn’t hurt at all.’

There was like five seconds of dead air after that before the guy scrambled and tried to put the toothpaste back in the tube. The company was able to fire him without any trouble.” 123hig

51. This Witness Broke The Lawyer’s Entire Plan Because With Three Simple Words

“I’m not a lawyer, but my dad is a physician and is sometimes called as a professional witness in cases of malpractice.

In one memorable case, a family was suing a doctor for something fairly frivolous, and my dad was a witness for the defence.

The lawyer representing the family was cross-examining my dad, and brought up a chapter in a medical textbook and asked my dad to read a highlighted paragraph.

He does, and the lawyer says something to the effect of, ‘So, what you just read means blah, blah and blah .’

My dad confidently replied, ‘No, it does not mean that.’

Lawyer: ‘No but if you read xyz, the author clearly states.’

Dad: ‘No, really, that’s not what the author means.’

Lawyer: ‘How do you know that’s not what the author meant?’

Dad: ‘Well, because I wrote it.’

The judge basically facepalmed while the lawyer mimicked a goldfish and stared at the author’s name on the chapter.

It was basically the best moment of my dad’s professional life. (Yes, the ruling was in the defendant’s favor.)” likececum

Another User Comments:

“I did computer support for a surgeon who no longer practiced but was an academic, fundraiser, and expert witness. He had a large office setup for depositions.

He was confronted by a passage from a medical text and asked if that demonstrated he was wrong. He pointed out he had corresponded with the author, convinced him he was wrong, and collaborated with a revision that would be published in the next textbook. He offered to pull the correspondence from his files.” NightMgr

50. This Young Lawyer Took On A Very Experienced Attorney Head-On…And Won

“I have too many criminal client situations to count of them messing themselves over.

One of the very few family law cases I handled as a young attorney sticks out to me though.

A young woman and a young man have a child. The young woman seeks divorce from the young man because he enjoys the ‘thug life’, he had recently been arrested and charged for possession with the intention to distribute ***** (which is a felony) and in possession of a firearm (unlawful carry).

The young man doesn’t like her leaving him, so he hires a local big-name top divorce attorney (granted, very rural area). He gets temporary divorce order entered saying she cannot have overnight guests of the opposite *** (common in rural conservative areas, think it’s mostly a thing of the past in more urban places).

The young woman starts seeing someone new. The young man is very upset about this. The man has his fancy lawyer ask for a hearing accusing her of violating the court order and seeking full custody as well as attorney fees.

The young woman, on advice from a mutual friend, hires me for this hearing. I sit down with opposing counsel, a female attorney, and she basically tries to strong-arm me with her experience and lays out egregious terms that the mother must not only give up primary custody but must have visitation with a supervisor and pay child support and attorney fees. She knows I’m a new baby attorney in town (I’m fairly certain I had been licensed for less than a year).

I balk and she says she’ll see us in court.

I go into hearing with a copy of his probation arrangement on his possession with intent to sell and unlawful carry. He hasn’t told his attorney about this, and she is unaware. She calls him up and establishes how my client had her new bf over on ‘x,y,z’ nights. The judge is VERY conservative and therefore, is not pleased.

Then, opposing counsel passes the witness. I ask him if he has a job. He answers ‘No.’

I ask: ‘What do you do for money?’

He said, ‘Things here and there.’

I asked, ‘Oh really? Ms. opposing counsel is awfully expensive…Do you sell ******?*******************’

He is shocked and asks ‘…What?’

I ask again, ‘Have you ever sold ****** to make ends meet?’

He said no.

Then, I introduce a copy of his guilty plea and straight probation sentencing. The judge is now staring daggers at him. I lean over to my client sitting next to me, and whisper, ‘If you took a drug test today, be honest, would you be completely clean?’ She said yes.

I ask the young man, ‘When was the last time you did ******?’

His attorney objects, but the judge overrules…I know this judge will drug test people on the spot, as he is also the misdemeanor drug court judge.

The man says, ‘It’s been years, I’m clean.’

I ask, ‘So if you were tested, you’d be clean?’ and he said yes.

Opposing counsel asks the same of my client and we agree. The judge has them both tested.

He tests positive for ***** in his system while my client is clean.

The judge denies his motion and asks me to send in new temporary orders where the young man is required to maintain employment and start paying child support and places him on supervised visits.

The icing on the cake: the opposing counsel actually calls me and leaves me a voicemail congratulating me on, and I quote, ‘handing her *ss to her for the first time in a long time.'”gr33nm4n

49. This Sexist Defendant Got On The Judge’s Bad Side And Was Promptly Punished

“One time, I saw an indigent defendant who was in custody tell the judge his public defender wasn’t working hard enough and he wanted the judge to appoint different counsel.

The judge asked him what specifically was the problem and he said, ‘I don’t want a female lawyer. I need a man who can take charge and fight for me.’

The judge (also female) said that’s not how it works. The defendant then starting yelling and getting into specifics about his public defender, just mainly how he doesn’t don’t like her, how she won’t visit him, etc. The judge is annoyed and looks at him and is like, ‘Fine, I’ll appoint another attorney for you, but because you are not satisfied with your attorney and I need time to appoint you new counsel, I am not going to hear any other issues today and will reset your case.’

A few days later the judge sends the defendant notice of his newly-appointed attorney, who happens to also be female, and a notice of the case reset for six weeks.

The case was originally set for a bond hearing and the DA and his PD had agreed to release him on an unsecured bond meaning he would have gotten out that day if he hadn’t thrown his temper tantrum. Instead, he waited another six weeks in jail just to have another female attorney represent.” vayaconburgers

Another User Comments:

“Makes me think of sneaky Pete, where the guy gets himself thrown in jail by attempting to hold up a gun store to avoid being killed. Maybe the defendant wanted to be in jail.” freecain 

48. This So-Called Mother Used Her Own Children To Gain The Upper Hand In A Custody Battle…And Still Lost

“When I was four years old, I had three older siblings. My brothers were 10 and 13, my sister was seven.

My dad was fighting for custody of all of us as we currently only spent weekends at his – but during that time, we would all complain about what bad things would happen during the week with our mother.

Ultimately, the judge ruled that the kids were old enough to decide where they wanted to be (my sister would make my choice for me). My mum knew for a fact she would lose all of us this way, she was aware all of us preferred our dad. It’s at this point she stands up in court and says: ‘You can have all of them but (me) isn’t even yours, so you can’t have her.’

My entire family was there. Nobody had any idea why she would say such a thing and a lot of people are crying.

My dad is in a state of shock. Because of this, the judge orders a DNA test to be done, but either way, the kids still get to choose at the next court date as his name is present on all of our birth certificates. I guess she forgot that part, eh? The judge gives us extra time due to the state my dad is in, just in case this changes anything for him, and whether he will still want custody of me under these new circumstances.

Now it should be noted that my mum was not fond of any of us, especially the boys, to which she already knew they were a lost cause. But she would no longer receive benefits or money from my dad, so she needed some kids around at least.

She took this time to convince my sister that with her brothers gone, she would be able to afford all of the things she wanted. Ice cream, toys, later bedtimes, you name it.

My brothers chose my dad, my sister chose my mum. I had a pretty rough upbringing because of her decision, and to this day she regrets it. She was never treated differently: no treats, no toys as my mother said. It turns out my mum wasn’t lying though, my dad wasn’t my biological father. According to my family, this was a huge weight on him for a very long time. He remained an incredible father in my life but sometimes something would happen that would cause an odd or upsetting reaction out of him, and that’s the sole reason why.

It really changed his and my life.” yoodoll

Another User Comments:

“I just hope you have a good relationship with your dad. You were both victims in this situation. Wish you and him all good fortune and happiness someone can endure in a lifetime.” Ultra-Pulse

47. This Public Server and Defender Watched As The Defendant Corrected The Charges…And Made Himself Look Guiltier

“I work as a public servant in a criminal law judge’s office. Since I have a law degree, I don’t normally do administrative work, though I get to be with the judge in some of the hearings.

Last month, we had a huge drug trafficking case (I’m talking about 20 or more people involved, months of investigation, undercover agents, videos, audio, the whole ordeal).

The hearing lasted three days.

Then it was time for one of the defendants to be on the stand so the prosecutor could read the charges he was accusing him of. He was pleading not guilty, as he very loudly stated from the majority of the hearing, up until my boss -the judge- told him to shut up or he would be admonished, to which he replied: ‘What are you gonna do, arrest me?’ Which, to be honest, was actually a bit funny.

The prosecutor, as part of the facts of his case, told him that he was ‘being accused of selling, trafficking and carrying x amount of x *****, with the base of his operation being his house, where he lived with his partner.’

Mind you, said partner wasn’t even in the hearing, she wasn’t arrested or anything as there was nothing tying her to the case.

But then he said: ‘Wait up…I was the one selling the *****, she didn’t do anything’.

His lawyer (a state assigned public lawyer) facepalmed so hard it’s actually recorded in the audio of the hearing.

He still pleaded not guilty.” mildepan

46. She Lied And Abused The Judicial System Into Making The Ex-Boyfriend The Villain

“I know a girl who had a kid with someone. When he decided he didn’t want to be with her (and just co-parent instead), she went ballistic with fake abuse, assault, drug accusations, etc. She was even able to get his new girlfriend to dump him. But she made the mistake of texting about how she was lying and it was all revenge about 200 times. Saying things like ‘Hey, you should get a protective order on him too.

They can’t prove if you’re lying and just say you think your life is in danger. They always give it to women.’

45. The Mother Dug Her Own Grave With Just A Handful Of Words And Lost The Entire Case

“My wife is a lawyer.

44. This Submariner Was Snubbed Out Of A Trial, But Got Revenge In The End

“So, this Submariner gets divorced from his wife.

The ex-wife originally gets custody of their son, due to the nature of the Submariner’s operation schedule. The ex-wife later loses custody due to being convicted of child abuse/neglect. The ex-wife wasn’t having this, because now there was no more free money for her.

The Submariner gets a girlfriend and gives her guardian rights over his son while on deployment. They live in California due to orders, and the ex-wife lives in Michigan (if I recall). The ex-wife waits until submariner goes on deployment and ‘serves’ him papers for a custody battle, again on the grounds of his schedule. The trial is set for the next month in Michigan.

The problem with being stationed onboard a sub is that you only surface every couple of months and almost never have comms off-ship.

The submarine guys give their family or significant other’s Power of Attorney all the time because of this. The court papers were sent and the trial occurred when he had no communication. The female judge who presided over the case sympathized with the ex-wife and decided that children belonged with their mother and not in the care of some random woman and that the abuse conviction was likely false. The ex-wife was granted custody by default, and the judge tried to get the submariner on Contempt of Court for not showing up. Until his Chain of Command heard about it.

See, it’s illegal in the US to punish a service member for missing a court date due to military operations or deployments.

The Submariner’s Chain of Command called a Judge Advocate General (JAG), who assigned the Submariner a lawyer. His lawyer took the appeal to the Michigan State Supreme Court. The original judge isn’t a judge anymore, and the ex-wife is now permanently labeled unfit to care for children.” 5468726f77_61776179

Another User Comments:

“You don’t mess with SCRA, and JAG loves taking those cases to court. I had a friend who dealt with cases where landlords wouldn’t allow service members to breaks leases when they received orders to move. He regularly won damages of $15,000 plus.” wolfram1224

43. Although This Poor Ex Caught A Break In The End, It Was Too Little Too Late

“Here’s a nasty custody fight.

The ex-wife was a lawyer and represented herself. The ex-husband had a pretty crummy lawyer.

The ex-wife kept hauling things back to court trying to get more benefits from the ex-husband and the ex-husband’s lawyer just let it keep happening and it was destroying his life – allegations of child abuse, and claims that he was making so little money that he could barely afford a shoddy apartment and couldn’t afford a car (both of which both figured in later for custody).

Finally, the ex-wife’s father (also a lawyer) asked to meet with the judge and mentioned a few things that he knew were going on…

One of the children was manic-depressive and the ex-wife would take him off his meds before it was the ex-husband’s turn for custody. The child abuse allegations were from the ex-husband trying to restrain the child during a manic episode because he wasn’t medicated.

The ex-wife had intentionally timed the child abuse allegation to fall just before the holidays so the ex-husband couldn’t see the kids for Halloween – Thanksgiving – Christmas. She bragged to the family that it would do the maximum emotional damage possible doing it then.

The ex-wife had forged documents to overstate the ex-husband’s income when alimony was being determined.

Oh… and the ex-wife was sleeping with the ex-husband’s lawyer.

The ex-husband’s lawyer was reported to the bar (not sure what happened there). The judge ordered a review of everything and arranged for a new lawyer for the ex-husband. It was looking like the alimony would be vastly reduced and the ex-husband was going to get custody. But then the ex-husband died (***** clot) two months later.

After years of being messed with, he finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel, but ended up being the wrong light at the end of the wrong tunnel.” varthalon

Another User Comments:

“She would face ethical investigations and might even be disbarred if this was found to be true. Say bye-bye to a career.” RedScouse

42. This Guilty Party Defended Himself And Dug His Own Demise

“This was not my case, but still my favorite story. Some dude messed himself over when he went to a jury trial for a burglary charge and wore the same, distinct sweatshirt he wore the night he committed the crime. It is kind of hard to argue the guy in the video isn’t your client at that point.

Needless to say, he was convicted and spent a few years in DOC.” Seinfeldologist

Another User Comments:

“Man, it sucks when you only have one good sweatshirt…” passivelyaggressive1

41. This Lawyer’s Defendant Was The Toughest One Of All: Himself

“There’s a lawyer in my town who has a reputation for being a real ***. He left a very successful firm to go off on his own. He and the firm negotiated which clients he would take, and how eventual fees from those clients would be divided. It all seemed fine and dandy.

As soon as he’s out the door, he sues his old firm saying the deal is unenforceable and that he should receive 100% of the fees from the clients who came with him. He lost, and appealed, lost again and appealed to the state Supreme Court where they shut him down and, in extremely diplomatic language, pretty much called him a ***.” Thirty_Helens_Agree

Another User Comments:

“Sounds to me like justice was served.” thecptnswagg

40. One Woman’s Greedy Nature Spelled Disaster For Her Entire Family

“A wife filed for a restraining order because she wanted the house during the divorce.

The husband had a good job, like $200,000 per year. The employer finds out about restraining order and the husband is fired. He was a very specialized employee so the only job he can find close to the house, ex-wife, and daughter pays $50,000 per year.

The house gets foreclosed. He pays child support at less than $500 per month. The wife has to get a job as a waitress, and four cars get repossessed.” Thencewasit

Another User Comments:

“What a dumb*ss. She played stupid games and won stupid prizes. Poor ex-husband and children.” silentlyrunning94

39. Lying All Those Years Ago Made Divorce A Very Tricky And Costly Process Today

“I was involved in a custody case where a wife cheated on her husband and had a child as a result.

She let her husband believe the child was his until the baby girl was about five years old and they were divorcing.
To stop him from getting custody, she convinced the biological father to try to get custody, thinking that if he won the court case, she would wind up with the child.

Instead, it became a huge three-way fight. Multiple sets of grandparents were involved and attorney fees skyrocketed because the case would have been pretty quick otherwise. She couldn’t pay her attorney, tried to get the bio dad to pay and it got even messier. Basically, there still isn’t an agreement all parties will follow. They are in and out of court every year or so. She messed herself up.” Carcharodons

Another User Comments:

“Both fathers – one who found out his child isn’t his and another who found out he has a 5-year-old – fighting to stay in that child’s life.

Unfortunately, a mother who is manipulative enough to try and steal away her kid from both men and stupid enough to try it like this… I feel bad for everyone but the mom. She sounds like the only one not fit to raise a kid.” Lemon_Hound

38. After Taking A Look At The Big Picture, The Judge Made The Right Call

“I’m not a lawyer, but this story always gets me. My biological grandmother died 20 years ago of ovarian cancer, she left all her money, trusts, bonds to my grandfather to use (while alive) and disperse (after death). My grandfather remarried something like 15 years ago to my step-grandma. My grandfather ended up dying first a few years back.

My step-aunt is a greedy woman who lives on the opposite side of the country.

She has lived off of her mother and my grandfather for all of her life. She would come over and take them on ‘vacation’ where she’d use their money to buy herself things and get a free skiing trip about 8 times a year.

After my grandfather passed, my step-grandma had to move where her children live to get care for dementia. My step-aunt has access to not only her own mother’s estate but my grandfather’s as well to take care of her needs.

That wasn’t enough.

She decided to try and sue my dad and uncle for their dead biological mother’s estate.

My dad is bilaterally paralyzed and in a wheelchair. My uncle is a triple bypass survivor with a pacemaker and multiple stints. Both are on fixed disability income.

When the court date came,  I literally wheeled my dad in while my uncle walked with a cane.

My step-aunt is entirely able-bodied and rolling in the millions my step-grandma and grandfather worked their whole lives to earn.

The judge took one look at the whole picture and she was absolutely denied access to my biological grandmother’s estate. We were there for less than an hour.” soselections

Another User Comments:

“I have a similar story with my family, my greedy aunt (not blood-related) gave Valium without prescription to my wealthy grandma and made her sign a will to her favor. My grandma had two sons: my father who is in a vegetative state and my uncle who took his own life.

Long story short, we ended up having a court hearing where my grandma couldn’t say a word on her own without my aunt telling her what to say.

So pretty much my grandma testified with my aunt having an ASMR session without covering her mouth besides her (which was very creepy). The judge obviously ended up asking for a medic to determine whether my grandma was in full possession of her faculties or not.

The medic said he was fully booked and couldn’t visit her for six months and well…my grandma died.

So now my father owns half of our home and me and my brother have to take care of him while working as interns, and my cousin who happens to be our neighbor just bought a German sports car with the money his mother stole.” Bobrian

37. She Ignored Him, Cheated On Him…And Ended Up Taking Property That Was In Arrears

“This wasn’t my case, but I followed it closely because it was an acquaintance’s divorce proceedings.

He and his now ex-wife shared some commercial property that was worth some dough. They were both on the paperwork and had access to the same info.

Well, some *** hit the fan and the property was in arrears and I think some lien was filed. The husband would try to talk to his then-wife about the whole thing and she would blow him off. Not only would she ignore him and the finances, but she also started cheating on him.

Fast forward to divorce. It’s contentious and they get down to fighting for the primary residence whose market value (unencumbered) is much less than the commercial building. She demanded the house and the husband effectively offered to give her the commercial building if he could keep the residence.

She never paid attention to how bad off the commercial building was and for some strange reason her lawyer didn’t do any due diligence…so they took the deal.

I don’t know if the asset allocation included any saving conditions or caveats for the ex-wife, but I did like to see that her own disinterest may have led to bargaining for an underwater property instead of a paid-off house.” TacoDoc

36. This Lawyer Saved His Client From Jail Time Because Of His Due Diligence

“I am being sparse on details here due to confidentiality, but I had a client who was accused of a very nasty ****** offense. He had an alibi: he was at work, where he was the boss. He had an employee who could absolutely vouch for his being there.

I talked to the employee and the employee confirmed this.

It gets closer to the trial, and around the time when I need to send in an ‘alibi notice’, which is advance notice to the Crown so that they can investigate the alibi and determine whether or not it’s true. But, I am being careful…so I call the employee up again.

It turns out my client fired him in the interim, and so the employee quite candidly tells me, ‘Oh, yeah, he was definitely at work. But that’s not what I’ll say in court. Eff that guy, he is going down.’

I did not call him as a witness, or file the alibi notice.

I still won the trial, but if I hadn’t thought to call the guy, or if he’d been less candid, my client would have been f*cked hard.

*** offender registry, jail time, the works… even though he was completely innocent.” varsil

Another User Comments:

“It is scary to think that someone would lie on the stand for getting fired, especially for something so serious.” LookOnTheDarkSide 

35. While She Didn’t Admit To The Crime, She Did Stick Her Foot In Her Mouth In Other Ways

“I’m not a lawyer, but a legal assistant. My attorney is pretty old so he needs me to help him find papers in the courtroom, so I go over for all domestic and criminal cases. We had a custody case where the mom was already pretty guilty because she was literally picked up by a bounty hunter while the dad was there getting their daughter for visitation.

Anyway, dad’s new wife gets on the stand and testifies that the mom, the defendant, threatened to blow their house up.

The mom gets on stands and says, ‘I didn’t threaten to blow your house up. I threatened to blow you up.’

The judge was shocked.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“I went to court today for a domestic violence restraining order against my very abusive and controlling ex. The judge asked him: ‘So, did you or did you not hit her?’

My ex: ‘Yeah, it just wasn’t in a violent way. And I only backed her into corners aggressively. I didn’t shove her.’

Order granted. His narcissism will be his undoing.” pancreative2

34. This Defendant Never Showed Up, So The Verdict Was Passed Without Him

“This guy and his lawyer missed court appearances: sometimes one of them, sometimes both, with little or no warning and with suspect excuses. It started getting ridiculous and we kept pointing out holes in his story.

For instance, he said he left for another country without knowing about the appearance, but his lawyer stood in court and said he told him beforehand.

Or all of a sudden, he was in a former Soviet Bloc country for fertility treatments and it would ruin everything if he came back now. Or when he was visiting dying relatives on another continent. Or he was going to the airport when he had to rush to the hospital and showed us an admitting form in another language that we translated – it showed he was there but also that he was discharged. He also tried firing his attorney and saying he needed more time to brief a new attorney – who, at the next appearance, would say he hasn’t been able to talk to his client so he needs to adjourn.

Or that he hasn’t been paid and his client is basically an ***** and he needs to be relieved.

We kept saying to the judge he was doing it to stall but the judge kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. We even showed him other cases where he skipped appearances, the judge threatened sanctions. Until finally, he didn’t show up for an appearance where the judge had specifically told him: ‘I don’t care if you’re meeting with the Pope, I’m ordering you to be here.’

Boom, his answer was stricken, default judgment in full was granted to our side. Neither he nor his lawyer showed up for the hearing where the judge determined exactly how much of a judgment we should get.

But he then had the nerve to file a motion that the judgment was unfair because he didn’t get a chance to dispute anything!” carriegood

33. After Years Of Hardship, This Father Said Something That Broke The Silence And Ruled Judgement In His Favour

“I’m not a lawyer, but this happened to my family. My husbands’ kids asked us to fight for full custody after years of systematic abuse from their mom.

My stepdaughter was ******** assaulted and her mom decided to marry a guy who was best friends with the guy who assaulted her. Her mom never told us what happened, never got her counselling, and never reported it to the police.

In mediation, she brought up a conversation I had with her which she denied ever happening until then.

She started saying lie after lie and all my husband had to say was, ‘My wife had that conversation with you to explain how uncomfortable my daughter is living with this man because he is connected to her ****** assault.’

The mediator was not amused. She said, ‘You have someone living in your house who is connected to your daughter’s assault. Your relationship with your children is broken.’

She spent the rest of the session sobbing and signed away custody because this was just the tip of the iceberg that we had on her and she knew it.

Hearing her sobbing made me so happy after all she put these kids through. I had to walk my stepdaughter into the police station to report her ****** assault.

I usually don’t want people to suffer but after warning her this guy was coming between her and her kids and then her lying about the context of that conversation, I’ll make an exception. I tried to stop her from the chain of events that lead us to court and she tried to use it against me.” phoenixrising8580

Another User Comments:

“It’s so sad that adults will put other people before their own children it disgusts me. Good on you guys for getting the kids and that poor girl out of that environment.” thecptnswagg

32. When You’re A Chronic Liar, Eventually Everyone Sees Through Your Nonsense…Like This Judge Did

“It wasn’t my case, but my dad’s. He was the equivalent of a Public Defender decades ago.

There was this guy who would get caught for being drunk in public, public lewdness, etc. EVERY weekend. He seemed to draw the same judges and was pretty well known to everyone in the courthouse as an absolute lost cause. One of the ‘regular’ judges had him appear in his court again. This time, the judge is ready to give him a prison sentence because he was driving a car this time, but the guy starts crying that he finally got a job out of town and was trying to turn his life around. The judge tells him as long as he never makes a mistake ‘in my town again’, he would just drop the charges.

Well, sure as heck, the guy shows up the following Monday.

Same judge. Driving drunk AGAIN. My dad now has his case. The judge tells him he gave him his final chance, to which the guy sobs and replies: ‘I was leaving town, your Honour. But my friends decided to throw me a going-away party.’

The judge was not amused. My dad had to do everything he could to not laugh.” ZAWolfie

31. This Kid Was Not Remorseful, But After Hearing The Tough Truth, He Would Be Soon

“Well, not my story, but a prior boss’s story:

They had a drunk-driver-kills-a-car-worth-of-people case at the time when they were a general practitioner. My boss was representing the family that got hit (one where the two kids and the wife had died, but the father had not) and wanted the college guy’s drunk-driving skin to be mounted on a wall.

This was back before Facebook was commonly used in court proceedings and before tons of people realized that website is too great for any attorney worth their weight in salt to pass up.

So, the kid (drunk driving college kid) had managed to get the judge’s sympathy during the first part of the hearing by saying he was sorry, haunted, never going to drink again, this was going to ruin his life, etc. The judge seemed to really be eating it up.

Then comes my boss and immediately burns this kid’s remorse to the ground by showing numerous Facebook statuses and photos of them binge drinking, partying, and even joking about driving drunk from the date of the accident up until a night ago.

The kid looked like he was being forced to swallow hot coals and the judge was absolutely livid.

Needless to say, the kid had to do way more than just apologize and be remorseful after that.” rivlet

30. An Anti-Story For Balance

 “My marriage with my ex-wife fell apart a while back and she probably cheated on me and I probably drank too much to be a good husband and we argued and separated. It could have gotten messy at this point if either of us decided to be vindictive but at this point, we knew it was over and our main priority was the kids.

Custody was never an issue because the older kids could choose where they wanted to stay at any given time (they chose to stay with me most of the time) and although we arranged a timetable for the younger kids they could come and go as they pleased if they were staying with friends in the neighborhood etc.

Child support was also not an issue as I’m not a *** and am happy to pay my share towards giving them a decent life. I don’t count what it costs when they’re with me and I pay half towards school costs, clothes, outings, etc.

On the morning of the divorce proceedings, we met for coffee before going before the judge. The judge proceeded to ask us what contracts we had signed for the mortgage, custody, child support, etc. and we just said none – we had it worked out. The judge was incredulous and asked several times, “Are you sure? This is highly irregular!”

We still have occasional arguments on the details that we have to work out as adults but yeah, tomorrow I might get in from work to find one of the younger kids in front of the TV in an unscheduled visit or I might get a text for half the cost of a school outing next week and that’s all fine by me.” Psypherus

29. This Must Have Been Awkward And Funny To Be A Part Of

 “I had this one moment that is my favorite to share.

I was litigating a custody dispute on behalf of the mother in an incredibly conservative jurisdiction. One of the most common ways to get custody was to allege *** or **** addiction because the threshold for it was basically nonexistent.

For this hearing, however, we lucked out with the judge, who I knew from other cases. Opposing counsel tried to “gotcha!” Me into settling before the hearing by showing me surprise ***ts between mom and her new boyfriend. This is, of course, not law and order and you can’t introduce surprise evidence. So we go through with the hearing, I object to the ***ts, but say I would allow them to be ready into the record, in their entirety.

So the uptight very conservative local attorney gets to spend the next twenty-five minutes or so reading ***ts in open court occasionally asking if she could gloss over parts but no, I didn’t feel it would be appropriate.

I’ll never forget hearing her struggle with the word ******. It’s not even a dirty word!

But this was like the third hearing we had to amend custody because this guy felt hi***-wife having a boyfriend meant she was a *** addict. They alleged the ***ts happened while the kid was in Mom’s custody. But they based that on the timestamp of the screenshots. The timestamp on the texts was clearly at a time when the kid was not even around and mom was safe to get freaky over the phone.

The judge had heard enough of his ******* and awarded attorney fees and put in the order, consistent with the vexatious litigant statute, that if dad would continue to be liable for her attorney fees if he kept pushing this ***.

It was the only joy I got from practicing family law.” Utahraptor

28. No? That’s Not Your Name? Ok You’re Getting Locked Up

 “Defendant was unrepresented and in-custody (being held waiting to see the Judge) and kept insisting to the court officers that he was “sovereign” and he can drive without a valid driver’s license because his freedom of travel cannot be restricted by the government.

When he comes out of the holding cell and to the podium, Judge immediately asks him to state his name for the record, but he would not. The Judge asked him “(his name), is that you? “And he responds that he doesn’t go by any name other than the name he has given himself (can’t recall) and that the government issued name on his birth certificate is not him.

Judge says, “Okay, no problem. since (defendant’s name) isn’t here we will issue a warrant for his arrest, you will be taken back to lock-up until we can figure out who you are.”

CLASSIC MOVE!” alreadyredditin1987

27. When You’re Colluding With The Judge, Things Get Messy

 “When I was young my parents got divorced and my father had an attorney who was in cahoots with the judge. They purposefully drew out the case as long as possible to *** with my mom. The judge was very rude to my mom and treated her like *** in court. She lost custody even though I told the judge I wanted to live with her. So she:

Represented herself throughout the entire process after she came to the conclusion that her attorney wasn’t doing enough to stop the collusion

Documented every single way in which they broke the rules of custody procedures (aka intentionally drawing the case out and the collusion and whatnot) and appealed to the higher courts, forcing a do-over on the last hearing.

She spent hours in the courthouse researching the laws and reading old cases (case law) to find similarities. This forced my dad’s original attorney to resign from the case to avoid trouble.

Found several people on the street to accompany her to the hearing to bear witness if the judge chose to act inappropriately

After she brought the extra people with the judge remembered how to do his job and properly treat people and he finally gave her custody back.” 4_Better_Or_Worse

26. Won’t Get Rid Of The Cat? See You In Court

“I had to take a roommate to small claims court. This happened because I asked them to get rid of the cat they found and brought into the apartment; it had fleas and they were EVERYWHERE and no pets were allowed.

I went to a concert and came home to a letter taped to my door saying they were moving out, not paying their share of the rent, and not paying their share of utilities.

I walked out to where they were sitting in the living room and said thanks for putting it in writing that you owe me money! At that point, they tried to grab the letter back.

They called the cops on me and filed fake claims saying I was harassing them and threatening them. This was BS. They were a married couple (the husband standing 6’5″) and I was a single 5’3” woman.

They left the apartment. I had them served at work for back rent and utilities. I put my case together using my brother’s law school books.

Filed a claim, and they failed to appear in court. So next I had them served with a debtors exam.

Come court, they show up with an attorney that was representing them pro bono because of all the “mental anguish” they went through. They were all wearing black. It was so amusing.

Anyway, I ended up winning because I had all the proof for a judge. He was also p*ssed they didn’t appear in court the first time.

They refused to give me information to collect my settlement. They even refused in front of the judge. He held them in contempt of court and said I could petition to get their bail money.

As soon as the bailiff put the cuffs on them, the woman started crying and screaming that “she couldn’t go to jail because she was pregnant!!!!”

It was a whole show.

I’ll never forget it. I also got their bail money which one of their mom’s posted. I’ll never forget them being driven away in the cop car.

The joke in my family is I won a case before my brother even finished law school.” itschmells

25. This Is A Sad Case That Goes From Bad To Worse

“I’m not sure how often trigger warnings apply here, but: triggers. It’s long (I’m exhausted and get wordy when I’m tired), but I think our client’s story needs to be heard so that maybe something good can come of it somehow.

We had this absolutely amazing, sweet, kind, well off older gentleman as a divorce client. One of our very favorite clients ever. He actually lived in the subdivision I grew up in (and my mom still lives in).

Upper middle class, huge houses, average, etc. Adult children from prior marriage only.

We’ll call him C.

He married this woman from the country north of us, a medical professional (not a doctor, but not giving many details bc confidentiality). Maybe a couple of years younger than him but not much, not terribly attractive – essentially, not a trophy wife/golddigger.

We’ll call her V.

They were married for several years. This man would do literally anything and everything for this woman was just madly in love with her.

She starts being sketchy. He eventually finds out she’s having an affair, confronts her, she doesn’t really give a ***. He tries to fix things and eventually retains us for divorce.

We get the ball rolling – filed case, etc.

Get V served.

Well, V doesn’t like that C actually filed. She does the usual *** people like her do – begs, promises to break off the affair, swears she loves C, and that everything can be perfect from now on. He falls for it and takes her back. Insists he wants the divorce dismissed, so we dismissed it.

Several months go by, and he catches her in the same ***. Now she’s becoming extremely emotionally/psychologically abusive and physically threatening. At one point, when he tells her he’s thinking about filing again, she injures herself (superficially), calls the police, and has him arrested for DV. He gets charged and pleas out because he’s having some pretty severe health issues (in his late 60s/early 70s) and she begs him to just “get it over with” so they can move on and rebuild their marriage.

The only offense he’s ever had in his life – literally a model citizen and overall great guy. Eventually, she goes back to her norm – a heinous, abusive ****** ****.

He retains again. We file again. She manipulates him back into it again because apparently love truly is blind. We tell him we need him to come in and talk to us for a while before dismissing it, and try to talk some sense into him. Try to get him to see a therapist. We get permission from him to speak to his adult daughter about our concerns. Ask him to think it over, maybe discuss it with his daughter and a counselor, and get back to us in a week or two.

I have a psych degree as well, which helps when trying to talk with people about things like abuse in relationships, getting out safely, etc.

SIDE NOTE: The most dangerous time for an abused person is when they try to leave. And it takes many, many attempts before one can leave – IF they can leave. I’m not getting into the whole cycle of domestic violence here, but don’t ever tell anyone “why don’t you just leave?” or pass judgment because it is never, ever that easy, and is highly dangerous.

Well, two weeks later he came in, and we had another hours long sit down. Discussed everything, and he swears “she’s changed.” An absolute fool in love. But, our hands are tied, and we have to respect our client’s wishes and dismiss.

About 6 months later, his daughter calls to inform us he had a stroke. Apparently C caught V with yet another guy and C & V got into an argument that was enough to exacerbate his HBP. Now, remember V is a trained and licensed medical professional. While C is having a stroke in front of V, V decides to just laugh. Hours after the stroke, she calls 911 and plays it off like she just found him.

Complications from the stroke left C with very slurred speech, awkward gate, weakness throughout his body, and some other issues. He became very physically vulnerable. On the advice of his daughter, he came in again and we filed divorce attempt number 3.

You already know where this is headed.

Eventually, despite my husband and I literally begging and pleading with him, offering to do the entire divorce free of charge, bringing his daughter in (she was a full POA at this point and we had waivers from him on everything – he was still competent though, so no conservatorship or guardianship), offering any and everything we could, and he adamantly insisted on dismissing it. We asked him to think about it for a week.

I can still remember him coming into our reception area while I had him sign the papers to dismiss. He was a completely different man than we had met years before for divorce no. 1. He’d grown older, sure, but also pale. Physically smaller. Weaker, difficult to understand.

He was so energetic, with such a bright light in his eyes, despite the pain of ending his marriage, when we had first met.

It was heartbreaking. I asked him to please, please reconsider – for his kids, for his daughter who was pregnant with his first grandchild, for that baby. I told him that I knew he loved her more than anything, but what he loved wasn’t her, it was only the manipulative personality she deployed stood over him laughing and ignoring his crisis while he had a stroke – That if he stayed with her, she would kill him one day. He looked in my eyes and said he knows, but he loves her too much, and “she promised” to do better and try counseling.

So, we dismissed for the third time. Reminded him we will always be there for anything he needs, especially if he wants to try leaving (we live near him and my husband is a big guy, plus we know many LEOs). We’ve become friends with several of our clients after their cases; him, we considered family.

About a month later I was watching TV and there was a “breaking news” headline – domestic violence murder in my (very small) hometown. No identifiable information at that point, but I knew. I texted my husband – he was on the phone with the daughter already.

V called 911 after a bit. A friend of ours was the lead LEO on it and was first on the scene.

V was standing in the middle of the road, speaking in tongues and behaving erratically. Tried building an NGRI or GBMI defense that thank God nobody bought.

V had flipped on C over nothing, and while and his dog was in the living room, she snuck up behind him and beat him and the dog with a cast iron fireplace poker. The dog had surgery but was ultimately put down. C was life-flighted and operated on, put into a coma for about a week, then passed away.

She pleaded out, no trial. I hope she rots in ****.

That’s the most heartbreaking case we’ve had, and we’ve had a lot of heartbreaking cases. And absolutely one of the worst ways we’ve seen a party get “screwed over.'” mrsesquire

24. Dressed Or Undressed, You Still Gotta Show Up In Court

“Not my case but happened to a friend.

A criminal defendant freaked out in jail and did not want to appear at a sentencing hearing. I guess he did not want the bad news of how many years in prison he was going to get. So he took off his clothes in the jail cell and refused to get dressed. He apparently thought that this would delay his sentencing. The judge had him hauled into court naked, and sentenced him. I don’t think the defendant received the benefit of any doubts….” Grundy9999

23. Married With A Life Sentence

“2+ decades ago I worked as an Assistant District Attorney (Prosecutor). I was covering a sentencing hearing for another ADA. The defendant had already pleaded guilty to a felony and his bond was revoked so he appeared in court in an orange jumpsuit and was shackled (both feet and hands) because he was an inmate in the county jail.

The judge imposes a sentence of a few months (maybe 18 months – he would be out in 15 months). As I was leaving the courtroom, the Defendant was being taken back to the county jail to be processed and sent to the Department of Corrections. This young girl (18 at the oldest) stopped the judge and said: “Judge, that is my boyfriend (meaning the defendant), could you marry us?”

The Judge was a bigger guy, he hiked up his pants and told the girl that she had to have a marriage license and it takes 3 days to get one. The girl pulls one out of her purse and said that she already had one.

The judge then told her, “Well, you have to have two witnesses (mind you, the only people in the courtroom were the judge, the defense attorney, me (prosecutor), the sheriff’s deputy, the defendant, and the girlfriend).

The Defense attorney immediately grabbed my arm and said we would be the witnesses.

So, for the next 5 minutes, I sat and watched the Defendant get married and then hauled off to prison. He could not even kiss the bride. It was incredibly uncomfortable. The only one happy was the girl.

The poor guy ended up getting life for a small-time felony…” AdAstra_Beer

22. The Question That Defended The Case

 “I’m not a lawyer, but a recent case in my country that went viral happened. A 17-year-old guy with multiple run-ins with the law was being stopped by a policeman on a motorbike. The young guy fled away, and when the police tried to go in front of his car to stop him the guy literally ran the police over.

The policeman lost his arm.

In court, the guy driving the car had literally the best lawyer in the country. The lawyer defended his case by asking the policeman “but why did you go in front of him?”

The case had been going on for a while, and finally, the guy was given 3 years in jail….. 3 YEARS for what was basically attempted murder.

And to make matters even worse, his dad is very rich and bailed him out by paying a huge sum of money.” brovnic

21. She Tried To Back Peddle And It Didn’t Work In Her Favor

“My girlfriend is going through school to be a legal assistant (Canada). One of her class requirements was she had to go sit in on court hearings.

I went along with her as anyone from the public can attend (so please don’t crucify me if I describe things poorly I’m an electrician). The first few people were all debts etc. Last was a hearing for something to do with child support. The mother was looking for $3,000 a month instead of the $1,200 the father was paying. The father didn’t look like he had a lot of money. Could tell he worked with his hands and he didn’t have the newest of suits. Nice guy it seemed. The mother was in all fancy clothes, a big designer brand bag, designer sunglasses on her head, a good watch, bracelets, etc.

The mother said she needed the extra money every month to support her as she didn’t “trust” child daycare or babysitters.

So she pretty much wanted the father to pay for her to stay at home. The judge commented on all the accessories the mother had and said she was denying it as it was unreasonable and it looked like the mother wasn’t using the current child support as intended (she was also referring to all the financial documents, not just her flair). The mother quickly interjects with “oh no! This is all fake!! My friends and I all made these to save money and to try to sell them to make ends meet.” In the end, she admitted to counterfeiting in front of a full courtroom and didn’t even know what she did.” jkelly76

20. He Didn’t Realize 180 Days Is The Same As 6 Months

“While I was a public defender in superior court in Trenton, New Jersey, back in 2007, I had a client who’d been charged with shoplifting.

A multiple repeat shoplifter, he’d hit this particular supermarket a couple of times before. In New Jersey, the value of the stolen items must be more than $400 to make the charge a crime. Below that and it’s a municipal offense. In this particular case, the alleged value of the stolen items was about $450. The difference between a municipal offense and a fourth-degree crime is a max of six months versus eighteen months. My client was indicted for fourth-degree shoplifting and the prosecutor’s offer was a max sentence of eighteen months.

My investigator and I went to the supermarket, spoke with the manager and I explained what I intended to do, which was to get a cart, put all of the items allegedly stolen and photograph them.

After putting all of the items in the cart, it was obvious that the supermarket had tossed in extra items to raise the amount to a criminal charge. The items, almost exclusively women’s makeup and ****** cleaning items, filled the entire bottom of a decently sized cart. There was no way that my client could have secreted all of these items in his coat as alleged.

As the case progressed with status conferences before the judge, I finally convinced the prosecutor that there was no way he could have hidden all of these products in his coat, which put the veracity of the supermarket’s version of events in question. There was no doubt about the shoplifting, just the level of the offense.

The prosecutor finally agreed to a six-month sentence for municipal shoplifting.

At this point, my client had been in the county jail for nearly four months. Realistically, with time off the sentence for jail credits, all he had to do was plead guilty and he’d be released within days. I explained the offer to my client. He balked and refused. I kept explaining to him that there couldn’t really be a better offer than six months. He was adamant in his refusal.
Finally, after numerous discussions in court with my client, I had to tell the judge that he was refusing the offer of pleading to a disorderly person’s offense for a six-month sentence. The judge and prosecutor were mystified, as was I.

The judge then turned to my client and again explained the offer. My client said, “no.” In exasperation, the judge told him that he needed to realize that if he went go to trial and was convicted of a fourth-degree offense, he could be sentenced to three to five years in prison (the range of sentence for a third-degree crime) as a repeat offender. Still, my client refused. The judge then said, “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t accept a sentence of 180 days, since you’ve almost completed that sentence as of today.”

My client then said, “180 days? I’ll take 180 days.” Facepalm. My client didn’t know that six months was 180 days. God, give me patience.” John M.

19. She Tried To Rationalize Her Logic Only To Fail Even More

“I was in traffic court once, and a defendant was in front of the judge for a littering and reckless driving ticket.

She seemed to be really focused on the reckless driving part, not realizing (I guess) that the littering ticket had a much higher fine.

Her defense was that she was smoking in her car, and she accidentally dropped her cigarette when she was trying to put it out. She said that caused her to turn the wheel quickly to pick it up, as she was afraid her car seat was going to catch on fire. The officer even admitted she didn’t seem intoxicated or under the influence of anything, she was just going 8 mph over the speed limit (he didn’t give her a speeding citation) and she weaved into another lane cutting off another vehicle.

She couldn’t stop talking, though. She kept going on and on about how she burned her seat once years ago, and something about how the ashtray in her car wouldn’t smolder the cigarette sometimes and it would make the car smell…so she rolled her window down to “flick the ashes” and the cigarette flew out of her hand.

The whole place pretty much did a facepalm. The judge looked at her and said: “You rolled down the window and stuck a lit cigarette out of it, on a freeway, and are stating that the wind was so strong it pulled it out of your fingers?” She said yes. Guess she didn’t realize that still made her guilty of littering.

The judge was going to drop the reckless driving charge and stuck her with the littering ticket.

$500.

She kept fighting it, saying she didn’t understand…she was trying to avoid a car fire, and that it was “the only way to save my car and prevent a fire on the freeway.”

More facepalms.

The judge then told her that she obviously doesn’t realize swerving into other lanes is just as dangerous, and she was more concerned about getting a burn mark in her seat than the safety of others.

Reckless driving charge upheld as well as the littering ticket.

Then..it happened.

“That’s f**kin ridiculous”

Add on a contempt fine. And more facepalms.

She left the court, slamming everything she could, and the place erupted in laughter when she left. Even the judge was chuckling.

This was back before YouTube and camera phones…but it would have been a great video to watch.” Michael H.

18. The Defendant Really Spilled His Honest Guts Out – And It Wasn’t Expected

“It was a sentencing hearing. At a sentencing hearing, the defendant has already been found guilty. At this hearing, the judge considers aggravating and mitigating factors in determining how long the defendant’s sentence should be. I was sitting with my client waiting for our turn to appear for a kind of different matter when a young man, maybe 17 or 18 years old, gets called to the stand.

Apparently it is his father who was being sentenced.

Now normally, you expect the defendant’s family to speak up for them and try to persuade the judge to give a light sentence. However, in this case, the young man proceeded to explain in detail to the judge how his father beat his mother before he finally pulled him off her. How his father, after being stopped from beating the woman, then proceeded to try and burn the house down with everyone inside. And by “everyone” I mean the mother, the young man, and his two sisters both of whom had to be younger than 13 years old. The young man then tells the court that prior to the sentencing hearing his father called the house and threatened that if the family did not show up and speak on his behalf they would be ruining his life and their family, and he would get out and make them pay.

This young man then looked the judge dead in the eye and told him he hopes his father goes away for as long as possible. He said that he was going to boot camp to join the Marines in a couple of months and didn’t want his father to get out and hurt his mother and sisters while he was away. He said he was joining up to protect people from people like his father. He told the judge how his father had ruined his family’s life and hoped he never saw him again.

Everyone was dead quiet in the courtroom except for the young man’s mother and sisters who were quietly sniffly and stifling sobs in the row of seats behind me.

The entire time the young man was on the stand his father was staring at him, but not once did the young man look over and even acknowledge him. The entire time he either looked straight ahead, at the judge, or at the prosecutor.

Personally, I wouldn’t say he “screwed over” his father. More like he protected his family after his father turned out to be a self-centered psychopath.” ColdStare

17. Kids Really Do Say The Darndest Things At The Totally Wrong Time

“Not a lawyer but when I was in high school I had the opportunity to observe in a courtroom. I was behind the judge’s bench, so I wasn’t visible to the rest of the room but there was a defendant that got screwed over by her own KID (9 yr old).

The judge had just issued her ruling and told the mom “this is your last chance and final warning. If you are back in front of me for the same reason you will get the fine!”

Before she brings the gavel down the kid blurts out: “WOW, mom the last judge you had said the same thing!”

The defendant pales and tries to get the kid to shut up but the damage was done. Since the judge hadn’t brought the gavel down she was able to reverse her ruling and what do ya know the mom was in her courtroom for the same darn charge. She got fine.

Judge and I left the courtroom and absolutely lost it.” naranghim

16. When A Victim Totally Sabotages The Prosecutor’s Case At Trial

“Criminal defense attorney here.

Had a jury trial a few years ago representing a guy charged with felony domestic violence. My client fervently denied ever striking his wife as the prosecutor alleged and if convicted he very realistically was looking at prison time.

We go to trial. Just as we’re returning from recessing after jury selection, the prosecutor pulls me aside and offers a new plea deal: a plea to a misdemeanor, credit jail time served, non-active probation. Sensing that the prosecutor was having a serious issue with her evidence, I advised my client to reject the offer, and he agreed.

“Victim” takes the stand and — holy ***, was I right — testifies unequivocally that my client in fact never hit her, that she punched him first (multiple times), that she lied to the police in her original statement, that she was drunk as *** at the time, AND — here’s the kicker — that she revealed ALL of this to prosecutor just that morning, and was urged by the prosecutor to stick to her original statement to the police.

After her testimony, the prosecutor requested a recess in chambers. She tells me and the judge she’s thinking of dismissing the case. We wait for 10 minutes, STUNNINGLY she decides to continue the trial.

The jury deliberated for half an hour. I think it only took that long so they finish their lunch. I don’t know if the victim was ever charged for filing a false police report. And that prosecutor was immediately fired by the new county prosecutor when he was elected a few months later.” fcinterprofezionale

15. One Of The Worst Days To Get Served A Subpoena

 “I practice in the Detroit area and in my second job out of law school I worked for a well known and “colorful” business litigation attorney.

My first week on the job I learned my paralegal and my boss had a subsection of the Court Rule about sanctions carved out about them. But I digress…

My boss was known for suing and aggressively going after former clients that owed him fees. One particular client owed him about $35,000 in fees, so he sued the client and received a Judgment for the full amount. He then scheduled a Creditor’s Exam and had the subpoena served on the former client. The former client never showed so he received a Bench Warrant from the Court for the former client. About a year goes by and he finds out the son of the client is getting married in Northern Michigan on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend.

The attorney contacts the County Sheriff for the area where the wedding is taking place and informs him of the Bench Warrant. Sheriff agrees to arrest the guy that Saturday morning. And the Sheriff does. And because it’s a Saturday of a holiday weekend, and it’s 4 hours to Detroit, the client can’t post the bond to get released on the Warrant and can’t get transported to the Detroit area to have an immediate hearing until the following Tuesday. So he spent his son’s wedding and the next three days in the County jail.” 8MileAllStars

14. He Tried To Keep Pushing Back The Court Dates Until His Lawyer Had To Step In And Call The Shots

“My aunt’s ex was trying to keep her from moving herself and their teenage son out of the state to find a better job (that she already had lined up).

The ex was a huge *********, and my aunt divorced him because he 1. spent my other cousin’s college fund on a MA in Lit for himself; 2. I couldn’t keep a job, so my aunt had to work 2 jobs to make ends meet. And after the divorce, he never paid a penny in child support for the cousin I first mentioned. He also remarried almost immediately, and my cousin was no longer allowed into his own house because his new step-mother hated him.

Anyway, my aunt’s ex keeps pushing back court dates and pushing them back and pushing them back, knowing that my aunt’s new job was on the line. He was trying to get her fired before she even got a chance to start.

For 4 months this dragged on. Finally, HIS lawyer stepped in and told the judge that my aunt’s ex was just playing games to *** over my aunt. The judge immediately ruled in favor of my aunt.” Damn_Dog_Inapropes

13. These Attorneys Hated Each Other So much, One Of The Mopped The Floor With The Other’s Case

“I was a very new lawyer with no bankruptcy experience. A partner sent me to the bankruptcy court to try to make a claim as a creditor related to a $50 million building that was being sold.

The court handled my client’s claim very quickly and easily at first. The court ruled we were not a creditor because our claim was against a tenant, which was correct. Note: we had purchased the claim from someone merely to try to somehow wedge our way into buying the property – which was very transparent to the Court.

So, I could just sit back for the remainder of the hearing and watch the two premier bankruptcy attorneys go at it. One represented the debtor and the owner of the building; the other represented a secured creditor with a lien against the building.

They absolutely hated each other on a personal level and were arguing with great venom about the plan to sell the real estate.

There was a small break in the action while the judge took care of another matter.

When we came back, the secured creditor attorney told the Court the following:

His client (the creditor) had purchased a controlling interest in the debtor (the owner of the building).

He had been directed to fire the other attorney.

He had been directed to withdraw the motion to sell the real estate.

He then did both there in the courtroom.

I have practiced for almost three decades. It was the most bad*ss thing I had ever seen and was particularly noteworthy because the courtroom was packed with other attorneys watching and those two attorneys absolutely hated each other.” FpuntainofR

Another User Comments:

“To summarize, the property is worth 50million. I am paying very expensive lawyers a lot of money to keep that property to settle the funds you owe me as a creditor. I don’t want you to sell it a give me cash as I think I can do more with the building itself.

Instead of fighting your lawyer, I offer you something like 10 million for controlling interest in your company and will assume your debt….which you owe me anyway.

I get a building worth 50 million for 10 million and forgive the remaining debt I now owe myself as the property settles it. Then, I gut the bankrupt company.
Profit.” JEDD_MASON

12. The Attorney Instructed The Client Not To Speak, But After One Question, He Convicted Himself

“Someone I knew had a pro-Bono case where she had to defend a person who had been charged with a criminal offense (I don’t know what they were accused of, it was confidential and whatnot).

Even though the police and district attorney (DA) could pretty much pinpoint the crime to her client, there was no evidence to tie him to the crime, and it was circumstantial at best.

She had instructed him to shut up and let her do the talking during the trial, as from experience the client sometimes does not know how to answer a question properly.

She pleads and can show that the court has nothing on her client. She feels that for once, the pro-Bono case is going her way.

After her plea, the judge thanks her for her plea and turns to her client. He asks if the client had something to add to the plea. The client looks at her, back at the judge, tears well up in his eyes and he blurts out: ‘I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again!’

She threw her notes and everything else she had in her hands at the client (now convict). She basically got suckered by her own client, who messed himself up even worse.” ILoveLactateAcid

11.  The Judge and Child Protective Services Both Failed This Woman Protect A Child From Her Ex

“My client was in a custody battle with her ex.

I was a support person, not her lawyer. They told her the wrong time to arrive, so I was unable to stay until the afternoon. My client hadn’t been letting the baby go on visits with the guy for a couple of weeks (violated custody order) because she was worried he was mistreating the child (bruises, fearful, etc.), but she couldn’t get a hearing in family court right away. CPS was in the process of investigating. The judge gave the guy, who was a bad dude and had been arrested for domestic violence recently, full custody of the baby and supervised visits for my client.

Visits took awhile to set up and a couple of months passed. My client called me crying after the first visit and told me the baby looked skinny.

The next visit was in a couple of days, so I told her to take some pictures of the baby just wearing a diaper and send them to me. She sends me the picture on the next visit. You know pictures of children when they have gone through a famine? That’s how he looked: swollen stomach, skinny arms and legs, listless eyes, hair falling out, etc. He was a little healthy baby since he was born, so clearly something was wrong.

It turns out the guy had been starving him because the baby was ‘too fat’, but we all knew it was because he hated my client. I was so angry at the family court judge because the man never should have had custody.

Also, she never had him do a paternity test. CPS got involved and it turns out this guy wasn’t even the biological father!

I regret to this day not being able to stay for that hearing because maybe it would have been different if I had been there. The baby ended up being okay.” thesheba

Another User Comments:

“This is just sad and awful. So, the judge gave custody to this abusive and violent guy, just to punish the mother? I can’t fathom how anyone could think that was a good idea.

I always wonder, when a judge makes an egregious error in judgement like this, one that results in real harm to an innocent child, is there any consequences whatsoever? Do they even get confronted with the information at all? Did the judge still preside over this case when the starvation and abuse was substantiated by CPS? I’m guessing no, they never learn about it and if they do, they don’t accept any responsibility.

It seems to be the pattern.” FTThrowAway123

10. With One Sentence, This Man Was Arrested When He Was So Close To Freedom From His Ex

“I am in court for one of the first times after passing the bar exam and handling a routine child support case. The events that transpire do not involve my client from that day.

When one party is unrepresented in the family court (in Massachusetts), there is a pre-trial meeting with the probation officers so they can assist the judge in framing the case. These probation officers are trained social workers who act as mediators in these instances, so nothing like criminal probation officers.

So these two parties are meeting. You can see the guy is just angry over everything but they are making progress working out the divorce.

Then, all of sudden, he stands up and throws his chair over and yells: ‘Eff you Kim, you took my house, you took my kids, you even took my freaking dog. I will freaking kill you if you think you are keeping my name too you freaking wh*re!’

Within seconds, he is restrained by court guards and escorted to a private room. He ended up being arrested for threatening to kill her. All because she wanted to keep his last name instead of going back to her maiden name to make it easier on the kids.” GenXStonerDad

Another User Comments:

“I imagine he was trying to suppress the outburst the whole time, silently brooding over how suckered he got.

John Wick killed a lot of people because they killed his dog and took his car.

This guy makes one threat after losing that, his kids, and his house. We’re lucky he isn’t Keanu Reaves.” frozen_tuna

9. When The Judge Is On A Violent Defendant’s Side, You Know The So-Called Victim Was In The Wrong

“My brother was beaten by a group of guys outside a bar because one of them lived in a place my mom rented out and tried to evict him for numerous reasons (and it doesn’t stick cause in British Columbia the rules always side with the tenant).

One day, after this beating, they were lipping off to my mom and my brother called him out on it, so he and another guy came charging.

My brother had a baseball bat nearby and smacked his buddy with it, and got charged with assault with a weapon.

In court, the guy who got hit came in drunk and called the judge a c*cks*cker or ***** or something like that. The Judge told my brother ‘I have to give you something cause you used a weapon so you get probation.'” mattcruise

8. In An Effort To Keep His Children, This Man Kept Records Everyday For Three Entire Years

“I’m not a lawyer, but…

A friend kept meticulous records of how much time his estranged wife spent with their daughter. He used a pink highlighter for Mom and a blue highlighter for himself.

The mom sailed into arbitration demanding full custody and handsome child support and the house. But dad pulled out three years’ worth of year-long calendars and in the end, mom had spent less than a full month with the child in three years.

Mom was not happy with the outcome.” Omars_daughter

Another User Comments:

“People are bad at staying unemotional when presented with evidence against them, even when they aren’t verifiable.

I had kept a record of every time my stalker had contacted me through the years. He had used a different number/social media/email every time. I literally just copy-pasted it into a word doc.

I presented this word document when requesting a restraining order, he could’ve easily said,’prove it’, as it is just a word document. But he broke down crying and started saying it wasn’t his fault. I was granted the restraining order.” boopity_schmooples

7. This Poor Woman Had To Deal With A Greedy Neighbour, Legal Fees, And Risk Being Homeless

“I’m currently representing a sweet old lady on a case.

I’ll be sparse in the details in case anyone figures out who I am.

Long story short, this lady’s neighbor convinced her that her house is basically unsellable, that her house requires all sorts of repairs, the repairs to the house would bankrupt her, and that she should just sell the house. To him.

He shows up at her house the next day with documents to sign. She has no idea what’s going on, doesn’t read anything (actually has an eye condition) and signs everything.

When she finally sees a lawyer to close the deal, he says, ‘***, you can’t do this’. You see, the price of the transaction was about 36% of what the house is actually worth and there weren’t any repairs that needed to be done that would justify the price.

Not kidding, it was stuff like fixing a faucet in the bathroom.

Also, she didn’t understand that she would have nowhere to live afterward. This old lady thought she could just stay in the house until she died.

To make matters worse, she’s living off a modest pension and the other side is suing for the house. They’re essentially trying to get her to cave because her legal fees are getting exorbitant.

I hate people.

To answer a few questions, I thought I’d provide a quick update – we literally just settled this afternoon, so my client can live in peace. In a little more debt than before, but nothing that will bankrupt her.” bloated-penguins

Another User Comments:

“Depending on the state there are definitely laws in place to prevent financial predation on the elderly.” xdrakennx

6. This Child Wanted To Emancipate Herself But Ended Up Tripping Over Her Own Feet And Failed

“I’m a child protective investigator.

I had a client who wanted to emancipate herself from her family (she was an entitled brat). She wanted to live with her drug-dealing boyfriend.

The judge began asking her for her pay stubs, plans, documents for said plans, access to transportation, etc. The brat had none of that figured out. The court ordered her to give up her phone to prevent access to the drug dealers. Then, the court ordered her to get a job, make plans to rent an apartment on her own. If not, she would be housed in DJJ (department of juvenile justice) as her parents could no longer take care of her after she beat and attempted to hurt them multiple times.

She didn’t last five minutes under her court order after telling the judge he didn’t understand and he was being mean.

Upon her release from DJJ, she was still in court-ordered to do everything in order to emancipate herself. The judge was not having it that day.” AncientGarbanzo

5. These Questions Sound Ridiculous

“Before I went to law school I interned with a district attorney’s office and helped with *** crime prosecution. This guy was on trial for jerking off in front of two high school girls at a park. His *** up was that he went to the same school as the girls so they immediately went home, found him in the yearbook and had him arrested.

Now the two victims were high school seniors on their way home from Bible study. Very sweet girls. The defense attorney starts going way too hard when questioning them.

Some of the questions included:

– How do you know it was his p*nis?
– Have you ever seen a p*nis outside of a textbook?
– If you’ve never seen a p*nis then how do you know what he was holding?
– Do you know was a d*ldo is?
– Have you ever seen a d*ldo in real life, how do you know what you saw wasn’t a naughty toy?

Basically the whole defense argument sounded like p*nis p*nis p*nis p*nis  d*ldo p*nis p*nis p*nis p*nis,

We polled the jury afterward and they were appalled at how many times the defense attorney yelled the word p*nisto these two church-going virgin girls who had done absolutely nothing wrong. Of course, p*nis isn’t a bad word but there’s a way to respectfully talk about such things and what wasn’t it.

He tried to shame and discredit them for not having seen other p*nises before. ***???

The defendant is a registered *** offender now.” ItsMinnieYall

4. After Taking Her Ex’s Social Security Number, The Judge Tore Her To Shreds

“I took my ex-girlfriend to court because she had used my social security number to sign up for cable. I found out about it when she stopped paying for the service.

We show up to court and I turn in the contract from the cable company showing my social security number…and her own name signed on the contract. She didn’t even try to forge my signature, she signed her own name in and tried to deny that she had any part of it. She messed herself over by just being herself.

The judge tore her apart and it was really nice.” Hardly_at_Work

Another User Comments:

“This must have been a long time ago. I haven’t signed anything for utilities in 10-15 years – it’s all ************* or a phone call.” SporkTheDork

3. This Couple Pointed The Finger At Each Other, But Only One Had Conclusive Evidence

“I’m not a lawyer, but a friend properly suckered his ex-wife over. He thought things were not going well and she seemed off. He did a little digging and saw enough to prove she was cheating, so he hired a private detective.

The detective got pictures of her kissing a dude, going to his house, plus the cell phone call log, credit card statements, etc. Then…SHE asks for a divorce and claims he is being unfaithful.

She claims she has been nothing but a loving wife, yet provides no proof he is cheating.

On the court day, he pulls out a three-inch binder with a couple of months’ log of photos showing her going into restaurants with her boyfriend, pictures kissing him in the parking lot, pictures of her car at his place, text log, etc.

Both married people had equally high-paying jobs. She wanted to take him to the ringer. He threw out some offer like $25,000 cash, and nothing else. No retirement funds, no house, to child support, plus he wanted the kids. Basically, he was saying to take $25,000 and walk ****! Her lawyer told her she better take it, and she did.” somedude456

Another User Comments:

“My mom pulled similar on my dad.

Said she wouldn’t ask for child support if she got sole physical custody.

Daddy dearest signed me away, even though my mom earned almost three times what he did (she’s a software developer while he was managing a 7-11), and he probably wouldn’t even have had to pay child support anyway, or if he did it probably would’ve been $100 or less.” PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET

2. Because He Couldn’t Keep His Own mouth Shut, This Defendant Got What He Deserved

“My dad was a judge and had someone on trial for DUI. This guy would not stop running his mouth and was trash-talking everyone in the room. My dad instructed him to stop, but he did not stop. My dad then placed him in contempt of court for 90 days.

The dude gets out and goes back to trial. The very first thing he does is run his mouth again. Boom: another 90 days in jail for contempt. 180 days in jail when a DUI in our state is only 60 days for his level of DUI.” notjawn

1. This Lawyer Had A Win In The Bag…And Then His Client Opened His Mouth

“My client messed themselves up.

I’m doing landlord/tenant stuff and my client was facing eviction over non-payment. But the client was withholding rent payments because of habitability issues in the apartment: no heat, high lead levels, vermin. So I’m thinking this is going to be an easy win for me.

I told my client continues to make sure they don’t spend the money, keep it but don’t spend it.

Because if you show the judge you still have the money, it looks really good for you in terms of making the judge believe that you’re withholding for good reasons.

We get up in front of the judge, and the landlord doesn’t have an attorney. So I’m dancing inside, as there’s no way I can lose.

I make my arguments and the landlord makes his. The judge asks my client if they still have the money.

Client says, ‘Nah, I blew that all at the casino last week.'” [deleted]

If these stories have taught us anything, it is to first, get a lawyer! And second, let that lawyer do all the talking because if not, you may misspeak and get yourself into even more trouble!

Do you or anyone you know ever messed with another person in court so badly, it made you gasp in surprise or delight? Let us know in the comment section below!