People Want Us To Review Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Rubbing It In My Partner's Face How Much I Make In Front Of Our Friends?
“We’ve been together for 2 years, living together for 1. When we first went out, he asked if I pursued higher education after high school, which I didn’t. I explained that I failed high school and he couldn’t believe it. He was a high achiever and couldn’t possibly understand how somebody could fail high school.
He finds it amusing to tease me about it and truthfully it doesn’t bother me.
I have a good job and I’ve done great things despite not having a traditional education. At the very worst it’s a little annoying but I refuse to lose sleep over it.
Tonight we had friends over and the conversation turned towards high school and what subjects we did. I listed off what I studied in my final year and he began to laugh, saying that it didn’t matter because I failed anyway.
Then since he’d had too much to drink he took it a little far and started poking fun at how only idiots fail high school. I tried to play it off but the booze got the better of me as well and I snapped, responding,
‘That’s why I earn $48 per hour and you earn $26, right?
Because you did so well in high school and that set you up for success?’
He and one of his friends said that I’d ruined the night, but a couple of my friends said he had it coming.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s just mad because he’s no longer the bully and you called him out on his nonsense.
He’s emotionally immature, it’s one thing to tease your significant other about that subject, and to go that far as to do it in front of friends, just shows his lack of maturity. You’re not wrong, but you two need to sit and talk about that in a sober and serious manner. He needs to know that he has to cut that out.
If he wants to continue with that type of rhetoric, then he better be prepared to face the same type and be a man and go along with it. Otherwise, he needs to shut his trap and find something else to joke about with you.” Ponchovilla18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He absolutely had it coming.
I hate that kind of person who doesn’t understand that there are many ways to be smart and all kinds of reasons why high school doesn’t work for many learners. Sometimes it is just that some people can’t wait to get out and make money, sometimes it’s a need for self-guided learning or hands-on experiences, sometimes it is LDs or ADHD, and sometimes it has to do with what else is going on in a person’s life, or the social anxieties and pressures.
Here is the important thing: You made yourself vulnerable to your partner and he used it to embarra*s you and make you small in front of others! I’d be highly annoyed with him. He owes YOU an apology. Honestly, you can do better.
BTW: My spouse was similar in that he barely pa*sed HS, but he excelled in the culinary arts vocational program, and he eventually went on to become an executive for a high-end food company.
His work ethic cannot be beaten. I have a Master’s degree but he makes more.” maypopfop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Plain and simple your man is a tool who is willing to ridicule you to get a laugh. Get rid of him. He has shown you exactly who he is. I mean, he already ridiculed you about it for the first 2 years of your relationship.
Why you stuck around is hard to understand, but since I wasn’t there I will accept that for the most part it really didn’t bother you. But when he ridiculed you in front of friends, that was a cheap shot that deserves no forgiveness.
I have a law degree. I have gone out with women who had MDs, MFA’s, MBA’s, BA’s, BS’s, AA’s, AS’s high school diplomas, GED, and no degree at all.
None of them were stupid, because I will not suffer stupid. The addition or lack of a degree did not matter. If anyone had ridiculed a woman I was with based on level of education, my highly educated tongue would lash out and my highly educated fists might fly. He spent two years with you and still finds the need to insult and denigrate you.
Screw him. You deserve better. Not because you make more money than him, but because you deserve someone that sees you for the human being you are. Someone who values you and respects you. If his love is not kind, if it is proud and boastful, if it dishonors others then it is not love and does not deserve reciprocation.” Socrtea5e
16. AITJ For Filing A Police Report Against My Nephew?
“My mom has late-stage Alzheimer’s and has been unable to manage her finances and needs around-the-clock care. It probably would be safer to put her in a nursing home but she made us promise to only do that as a last resort. Thankfully she had a lot of investments and savings from my dad before he passed so we can get her a hired personal carer in her own home.
My sister is the one who lives the closest and visits her often so she handles mom’s finances. We give my sister $200/month each for her to run errands and help look after mom since we both live out of state.
My other sister called me to tell me there’s been a lot of cash withdrawals recently on my mom’s card.
I check and there’s nearly a year’s worth of $3-400s withdrawn. We call my sister who is handling finances and she is confused and says she never takes out anything, she only pays bills with the bank card and uses cc for the groceries, etc. She freezes the bank card and I take a red-eye over.
Long story short we asked the bank where the atm withdrawal happened. My sister looks shocked when she Googles the location and realizes it’s close to her son’s school.
We waited until the son got home and asked him where he worked and he said a local restaurant. We said we would like to go with him to the restaurant to confirm he works there and he got really panicked and said the management just changed so they wouldn’t know him.
I ask for his paycheck and finally, he gives up and admits he doesn’t have a job. My sister asked him where the funds for the new stuff he bought home came from and he admits he steals the bank card to make withdrawals. I asked him where he got the pin and my sister confessed she writes her pins on sticky notes so she doesn’t forget them.
I take the bank statements and calculate that he owes $14,308. I told him he has to pay it back now or I’m filing a police report on him for theft and my sister begs me not to, saying if he has anything on his record he might not get into college. I told her I won’t if she pays it but she said she’s struggling and doesn’t have enough (she’s a single mother).
I told her that isn’t good enough and she complains her son is only 16 and doesn’t know any better. I told her they won’t put a 16-year-old in jail but he might do it again when he’s older so it’s better to learn his lesson now. She said we can just take that out of what her son’s inheritance would be from our mom and I yell at her that if our mom was in a state to judge she would write him out of her will for this.
I call up my lawyer and ask what I should do and he suggests filing a police report but not including my nephew’s name just yet. I did just that and my sister is screaming at me that I’m ruining her son’s life by involving the police and he’s only a kid.
I’m not happy about it but at 16 if he’s stealing from his own grandma who looked after him when his mom was sick I can’t imagine what he’s going to do when he’s older.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You will be if you continue to leave your sister in charge of your mother or her finances.
Now is the time for your mother to go into a home. If you leave her there, you will be an idiot.
Your sister fails to understand that her son has committed a felony. This is not a small amount, this is a large amount and the CC needs to be canceled fully and a hold placed on the account until a full audit can be done to determine how much.
And as much as your sister does not want this, how is he not getting punished going to make this right? No op, you need to turn him in, and let the police deal with him fully.” JCWa50
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ.
You ‘can’t imagine what he’s going to do when he’s older’?
Can he ride a bike? Are you expecting him to go pro as a BMX rider after high school? He’s not doing a fast climb up the ladder towards being a bank robber. He’s an idiot who stole from his grandmother and kept going when he didn’t get caught. Involving the police isn’t going to get the funds back any faster.
If anything, it’s just going to make it a lot harder in the short run, as your sister now has to hire a lawyer and spend time going back and forth to court. It’s going to make life harder applying to college or finding a job for your nephew, who should be the one ultimately paying your mom back.
You don’t need the police to get him in serious trouble. You can do that on your own.
Also, you need to take a hard look in the mirror, and all of you need to step back and sigh in shame at the way you’re handling your mother’s money. There was theft on one sibling’s part, a second sibling noticed it, and you were blissfully unaware that anything was going on.
Three of you all missed $14,000 of your mom’s funds disappearing right in front of you. What would you have done if someone HAD stolen the card information, and made a withdrawal? There was theft going on for 35 WEEKS before any of you noticed!” Graflex01867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is your nephew old enough to know what he’s doing is wrong this qualifies as elder abuse which is a felony.
You did the right thing and don’t you dare second guess yourself. Your sister trying to guilt you into not doing this makes me wonder how she hasn’t noticed her son buying $14000 worth of stuff. She is either a trashy parent who’s a snowflake who ‘never does anything wrong’ or she knew more than she’s letting on.
If her son can’t get into college it’s not because of you it’s because of his actions, he did this to himself. If you didn’t file a police report that just reinforces his bad behavior because mommy makes everything go away.
Also, I’d follow up with your lawyer to find out what needs to be done to remove her from the role of handling your mom’s finances.
She has shown that she is not worthy of that role because she lost $14,000 without even noticing. You may even want to consider a forensic accountant to dig deeper, this may have been going on a lot longer than what you originally found out.” Glitter_is_a_neutral
15. AITJ For Supporting My Son In Wanting To Go Non-Contact With My Ex?
“My wife (39f) and I (39m) are going through an admittedly pretty messy divorce. I thought everything was fine with our relationship until my son (14m) told me that he walked in on her having an affair with our next-door neighbor’s son (20ish I think) – it’s been going on for a year now.
Obviously, I do the expected thing and move out and file for divorce since she’ll probably end up with the house.
The thing is my son wanted to come with me. I made him stay with her till I got a place lined up but ever since he’s been living with me and is refusing to spend time with her or even speak with her.
The entire time I’ve been supportive of this. She’s awful as far as I’m concerned and I don’t see why I should try to convince him otherwise. Custody came up in the divorce, we’re both requesting primary, and when it came to asking my son what he wanted he said that he didn’t want anything to do with my wife.
Ever since then my wife has been plastering all over social media that I’ve been poisoning him against her which is causing a lot of other family members and others I know to get on my butt about it. While I wouldn’t say that I’ve been poisoning him, I haven’t exactly been trying to get him to think better of her, which is what some of my family members and friends are angry at me for doing.
My sister especially has been on my butt about it. She tells me that I should be telling my son off whenever he expresses how he feels about his mother and that I should be encouraging him to sort things out with her and to see things from her perspective. While I understand that this is something that would help him get some form of relationship back with her, I honestly don’t see how it’s my place to do that.
My wife left me for a college kid and threw me and our son away for it, I don’t get why I should be helping her to get away with this regarding our son and his feelings about the situation.
My sister and everyone else I’ve shared my thoughts with are calling me a major jerk for it.
So I’d like to see if others who don’t know either of us agree with them or whether or not it’s just a microcosm of our social group and family.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is who caught her being unfaithful, so it’s no surprise he is angry at her for breaking up his family unit.
At 14, he is more than able to make the decision as to whether he would want to have contact with her or not. In court, a judge would also take his wishes into consideration, whether the soon-to-be-ex likes it or not.
While you haven’t expressly ranted about his mum to him, I think it’s important you let him know that while your relationship with her is over, theirs doesn’t have to be and she will always be his mum and love him.
While you probably agree with any nasty comments he comes out with, in this situation it is always better to take the moral high road and not allow him to become a pawn between you during your divorce proceedings.
He’s obviously very angry and like others have said, sounds like he would benefit from some therapy to help deal with these emotions.” MysteriousRaisin266
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is important that he feels heard, and not just told to behave as other people want.
However, I think you need to look at the long game here – if you want primary custody, then you need to have a really positive story for the court, that shows why you’re the best option for your son.
It sounds like family members are weighing in unhelpfully with all their unasked for opinions – but I think you need to emphasize that whatever has happened between you and your ex, you both love your son, and you are not expecting him to pick sides (Granted, your ex might be playing that game, but you shouldn’t, because it will just screw him up).
It may be that there are days that it makes a lot of sense for him to be with his mother – perhaps she is better placed to support him in certain activities? – so don’t encourage him to cut his nose off to spite his face, in some sort of misguided show of support for you.
It sounds a very sad situation, but you have a vulnerable boy here, and he needs you to be a highly responsible adult, which is hard when you are hurting so much, and the relatives are talking trash.” Ok_Smell_8260
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Forcing your son to talk to his mother is NOT the correct choice!
His mother didn’t throw him away, but she did breach his trust and your trust. She doesn’t get to force him into working through those emotions because SHE is ready! He needs time and the ability to center himself. His mother just turned his world upside down and upended everything safe and secure that he knew.
That isn’t easy to go through and it CERTAINLY isn’t easy to see! The fact that your soon-to-be ex-wife fought for PRIMARY custody is also very revealing, as that shows that she doesn’t understand how traumatized her son is from seeing her sleeping with a person who is not much older than him AND lying to his dad!
Tell your family that you CAN NOT and WILL NOT force your son to tackle something he isn’t ready to tackle! His mother made her bed, literally, and now she has to lay in it until your son is ready to talk to her again. He has lost respect for her, and no amount of explaining is going to give him any comfort.
THIS situation can change the entire trajectory of his life, so you need to get him in counseling ASAP! I don’t care who you are or how tough you are, seeing your mom sleeping with a man who isn’t your dad AND having an affair is going to give you some mental & emotional issues!
He NEEDS counseling!
As for your ex, tell her that she needs to get counseling herself so she can get the tools she is going to need to be able to communicate effectively with her son without trying to make him ‘get over it’, see her side, or ‘understand’ her feelings! He doesn’t need to hear ANY of those things!
There is no way she is going to make herself a victim in his mind and, the moment she tries, he is going to write her off. I don’t know if your ex-wife has narcissistic tendencies, but it certainly sounds like it. Protect your son at all costs and get him the support he needs.
Also, you need counseling too so you don’t become angry and bitter and feed into your son’s attitude. I wish you both the best. Don’t forget that his mother is part of who he is. How he gets through this will chart the course of how he deals with relationships. If he doesn’t get help, he likely will never trust another woman and there are plenty of good women out there in the world!
Don’t let him go down that dark road!” _RealityTV_
14. AITJ For Dropping My Sister's Kids Off At A Daycare And Making Her Pay For It?
“My (19F) sister (25F) asked me to babysit for her (kids are 4&6) so she could go to a friend’s party. I told her I can’t do that day, I had an exam so I had to be at college. (I can follow some classes online, and have occasionally babysat while listening to lectures).
The day for which she needed a babysitter came. I answered the door in the morning and the freaking kids were on my doorstep and my sister was driving off. She just left them with me after I said I couldn’t stay home that day!
I called a friend that owns a small daycare, she told me I could drop them off there.
Thank god. I gave her my sister’s contact info and told her to keep me updated, and I texted my sister about what happened and gave her the address and the phone number.
I picked the kids up from daycare since my sister wasn’t answering her phone, and fed them. She picked them up at 9ish pm and was absolutely livid that I left them with a stranger, that it was irresponsible, that something could have happened, etc. I told her that she knew I couldn’t babysit that day and that she could have picked them up if she wasn’t comfortable with that since I texted the address.
She told me I should have just skipped the exam to retake it later.
I thought this was a reasonable thing to do when someone leaves kids on your doorstep without warning and you can’t take care of them, but my parents are on her side. My mom told me my sister already has so much on her plate, and that I should help out when I can.
I guess babysitting at least one day a week for free isn’t good enough.
AITJ?
Edit: She and her friends went to an escape room or something, it wasn’t a regular party. My parents weren’t home that day to babysit. And you can retake exams here, but it’s a hassle and it means that if I fail I can’t retake it.
Just to clear some things up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Stop helping your sister. She is irresponsible. You’ve got your study and you should be prioritizing your future.
You aren’t encouraging her to be a better parent and you should refuse to provide regular childcare unless you get paid for it. You should be reporting her to child protection every time she pulls this stunt where she leaves children without a prior agreement for payment.
Think about it – what would have happened to the children if you weren’t home when she dropped them off? They are small and vulnerable and could have been hurt because your sister was too selfish to make other plans. A good mother does not leave her children in an uncertain or dangerous situation.
You might really love your sister’s kids, but your sister doesn’t get to sabotage your life because she made the choice to have children.
She might have a lot going on, but that’s her problem she doesn’t get to outsource it to you. Look after your future OP and use this as the opportunity to make it clear that free childcare is no longer on the table as you’ve got your study and intend to work part-time. Your hands are full.” Bringintheclowns1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You actually did your sister a favor. You very well could have called the police, and she would have been charged with child abandonment – but you took them to daycare instead (owned by someone you know, no less), where you knew they would be taken care of.
Your sister and your parents putting your sister being able to go to a party above your education is absolutely ridiculous.
If your sister has so much on her plate, then she shouldn’t be going to parties.
You are under zero obligation to babysit her kids (for free or even for a fee) just because you’re her sister. She made the decision to have kids, she has to deal with the obligations that come along with that.
If she has so much on her plate, she needs to figure out what things to take off her plate to properly care for her kids.” DoAndroidsDrmOfSheep
Another User Comments:
“She is the jerk, not you. Unfortunately, parents can get blinkered and take sides for their favorite or for the child who is the one not thriving at the time.
But the fact that she was gone until 9 pm because she went to an escape room, in my eyes, was ridiculous. Especially if she didn’t have childcare sorted. They need to remove those rose-tinted glasses and see that the situation was her fault, not yours.
You have your own life and your name is not on those birth certificates, therefore you have no legal obligation to watch those kids.
She chose to be a mother, and yes she has the right to take a break and regain her own identity, but not at the cost of your life. Just because you could miss the exam, doesn’t mean you should.
I would tell her the exact dates that you have set aside for watching her kids over the next month.
Then she can plan her free time around you. I’d also include a leaflet from your friend’s daycare with a price list and say that the kids loved it there so feel free to contact her if she needs someone but you and your parents are unavailable.
I’m a parent and some situations you can’t plan for, but I would never just dump my child and run.
She didn’t answer her phone, what if there was an emergency. In my eyes she is irresponsible and you did the right thing and handled it like an adult.” DonutWant2GrowUp
13. AITJ For Getting Mad That My Daughter Uninvited Me From Her Engagement Dinner?
“My daughter (30F) is a successful engineer.
She cut contact with me the minute she turned 18 and only began talking two years ago. This has obviously hurt me a lot and made a lot of my family members disappointed in her. Nowadays, whenever I have to talk to her I’ve to tiptoe around her and not comment on her dresses or makeup or career or lifestyle otherwise she simply reminds me that she can and will stop talking to me, the only reason why she started was her father’s death.
I only commented on those things during her teen years because she had a lot of potential and I didn’t want it to go to waste. I wasn’t harsh at all like she claims.
Recently, she got engaged to her partner (31M) of 8 years and decided to throw a dinner party for her near and dear ones at their own house.
She let me invite a couple of my relations (she told me around 5-6 people only) but since I have a lot of people I’d like to share this milestone with I did go a little overboard in inviting (10-13). This clearly was an issue, apparently, because the restaurant in their apartment and the poolside allow only 18-20 people max at such events and my relatives were the majority of them, leaving no room for their friends or partner’s family.
She sat down and made me uninvite everyone instead of giving a simple excuse as to why they couldn’t come and this experience was very humiliating for me. I told her that she was being rude and she told me that she’d specified how many people from my side were allowed and that she was ‘very generous’ that she even let ‘such’ people share something joyous with her.
After this, she told me not to come to the party and told me to stop ignoring her ‘instructions’. I feel disrespected that someone younger made me lose face and acted as if I didn’t know how all these places worked. They would’ve accommodated, worst case.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A different perspective for you OP:
You criticized your daughter too much, whether bluntly or in small, passive-aggressive ways. The teen years are hard enough without your family making you feel that what you like and how you look is not good enough. What you thought you were doing and how you came across to a teenager are two different things.
Millennials and Gen Z place more importance on mental health than Boomers and Gen Xers do. If you make your kid feel like crap, they will get rid of you. Parents no longer get to treat their children however they want without consequences.
It’s an important and valuable skill to watch what you say around people.
If you wouldn’t make negative comments about what your boss wears to their face, then you can learn to respect your daughter the same way.
You completely ignored her wishes when you invited more people than you were allowed, so the shame you feel is your fault. If I’m allergic to peanuts and you warn me the chicken dish has peanuts in it, but I eat it anyway – who’s to blame?
You were warned not to invite more than 6 people and now you have to deal with the consequences.
Last one! Your daughter and her partner had people they personally wanted to invite that wouldn’t have been able to come if you had got your way. Why exactly do you think you – someone who broke the rules – should have your way and everyone else be in trouble?
Do better OP. YTJ.” shestammie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ YTJ YTJ. I’ll sum this up for you: ‘My daughter cut me out of her life because I was a micromanaging mother who doesn’t see the big deal about crossing boundaries. Now that she’s talking to me again, I deliberately crossed a boundary she set and I don’t see why she won’t talk to me anymore.’
Lady, it’s not about saving face with your friends. It’s about respecting your daughter, which you did not do here in order to show her off to your friends. Respect goes 2 ways. Just because you’re an entitled old woman doesn’t make you deserving of respect from her and she is smart to cut this nonsense out of her life.
Also, she did not humiliate you. You humiliated yourself by not learning how to count.
Narcissistic parents are far too common. My parents are not as bad as this but I cut them out for a while for my own mental health. They are the ‘I’m doing what’s best for you’ type by giving unsolicited and often negative feedback.
If this lady doesn’t get her head out of her butt, her daughter will cut her out for good and good riddance. She might also want to consider that what she’s doing for her is not the best for her and that she knows best at 30yo.” AltruisticHapa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If this is you painting yourself in the best light possible, I hate to imagine how your daughter would describe things!
You’ve literally described here how you criticized your daughter throughout her teens so badly that she had to break contact with you for the sake of her mental health, how she has repeatedly had to ask you to respect her boundaries, which you’ve clearly ignored enough for her to reach the point of considering going no contact again, then when she was considerate enough to allow you to invite some of YOUR friends to HER AND HER FIANCÉ’S event, instead of being grateful and appreciative, you disrespectfully stomped all over both of their perfectly reasonable boundaries and took it upon yourself to invite double the number of people they had accounted for to a party and home that isn’t even yours!
Whose money were you expecting to pay for these extra people? Because I’m willing to bet that it wasn’t coming out of your pocket, was it?
Take a good look at your behavior. Would you treat any other adult with so little respect? Would you accept anyone else treating you with such little respect?
I highly doubt it!
So how do you justify doing so to your own daughter?” SeePerspectives
12. AITJ For Ruining Dinner With My Joke?
“So my husband and I recently moved back to his hometown and bought a house near his parents.
So we decided to host his family for dinner.
I cooked up a few dishes, including French onion soup. The soup was a hit. His mom asked me for a recipe, and I jokingly said that the secret ingredient is my tears (because of onions). His mom stopped eating and stared at me. I tried to ease the tension by explaining that it was a joke, but she didn’t respond.
After a few minutes, they got up and left.
I knew she was strict about knowing where her food came from, making sure that they were organic and non-GMO and such. We actually went grocery shopping with her before dinner as reassurance. But I didn’t realize an obvious onion joke would set her off.
My husband has been trying to get her to talk to me but she refuses.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. OMG, you must be completely exhausted dealing with in-laws like this. I say in-laws because it is obvious to me that not only are you NTJ, both of them could take home jerk awards for their behavior. And to think you moved back to your husband’s hometown and are closer to them now!
So you bend over backward to make your husband’s mother more comfortable, even humoring her mental issues about food by allowing her to go grocery shopping with you. Then, during dinner conversation, you are asked for the recipe for your wonderful onion soup and a joke so tame it could be told during the sermon at church comes out of your mouth, and what?
Your MIL and FIL get up, offended, and leave? And since then, your MIL refuses to speak to you?
I hope I am not the first person to tell you this because your in-laws’ behavior is so offensive in every sort of way that I have difficulty even believing this happened. You are NTJ. This issue is so much your in-law’s problem that you need to stop trying to fix this.
Your in-laws need to fix this, not you. And, as a husband myself, I can’t help but add that your grown-up husband needs to man up and march over to his parents’ house and scold them about their behavior like the 5-year-old children they are behaving like. He’s been ‘trying’ to get her to talk to you but she refuses?
He needs to let her and his father know that the next thing that comes out of their mouths to either of you is a heartfelt apology for their inappropriate behavior toward his wife and then leave and wait for it to come. This is not normal and you have humored this woman enough. Let her make the next move and if it was me, that move had better be an apology.
I don’t even know how that joke could reasonably trigger any behavior like you are experiencing. Also, next time, if there is a next time, don’t take her shopping with you. She can trust you to get good ingredients for food preparation or she can bring a meal for herself.” Policecom
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but in fairness, I didn’t get it until you explained either lol.
I think she took it as you didn’t like cooking for her like you put your ‘b***d sweat and tears’ into the effort required… or if she’s really strict about her food like you say (taking her shopping is majorly excessive so there are some red flags here for that) she may have actually been terrified you did put tears in (she might be dealing with some mental health issues that make this a huge insurmountable deal, hence why she got up and left without resuming eating – there’s a lot of conditions that could cause this exact thing).
I think you should definitely patch this up and see where she was coming from and how she understood it and why it affected her in this way. What you’ve described to me sounds like a huge mental health issue she’s dealing with, and it was a HUGE effort to trust you and she may be feeling like that trust was broken (I know it was not, but she might be dealing with something that makes that hard to grasp and reason with).
I think the whole Non-GMO Organic stuff could be a cover for what she’s really worried about, which could be germs or anything.” Zygomaticus
Another User Comments:
“Seriously?? So much NTJ that I’m surprised you’re not more upset about her making such a scene over a harmless joke and ruining your dinner. No one would seriously believe you made the soup from your tears.
She must be an extremely sensitive and not so bright soul if that’s what upset her.
I get it, one wants to keep peace in the family and get the in-law’s approval. I had a rather contentious relationship with my MIL to start with. It wasn’t until I separated and eventually divorced her son that we became friends.
No one defended me and rooted for me more than her. She actually called me, I was in Canada, and she was in Mexico, on the day she died. She wanted me to know I was the best daughter-in-law ever and how much she loved me. She passed a couple of hours later. That was one of the most heartbreaking and touching things I’ve ever experienced.
The point is MILS can be a real pain but give it a bit of time and things will sort themselves out. I wouldn’t be rushing to apologize to her though, show her some grit. She’s the one who overreacted, not you, and she owes you an apology. Show her you’re a strong woman deserving of respect.
Best of luck.” Tobywillygal
11. AITJ For Calling My Coworker A Hypocrite For Giving Her Baby A "Nerdy" Name?
“I (32F) am pregnant with a baby girl. My husband and I haven’t locked down a name we like until she is born.
We’re leaning towards Minerva. My husband is a mythology buff, I like Harry Potter, and we first met and bonded over our shared love of Adventure Time. It’s a win/win/win.
Again, we haven’t fully decided on a name. But Minerva is the current front-runner.
Well, my coworkers and I were talking about my upcoming maternity leave when it got to names. I said we hadn’t decided but like Minerva.
It should be noted that it is a well-known fact in my office that I am a huge Harry Potter fan.
Well, there’s this coworker of mine named Gwen (23F). Gwen started interrupting me and telling me that I shouldn’t ‘force my fandom’ on my baby by giving her a Harry Potter name. I get what she means, but then I said this.
‘Okay, but you named your daughter after Harley Quinn, right? Isn’t that the same thing?’
Gwen is a big comics girl and often compares her and her partner to Harley Quinn and Joker. I don’t know what she’s like at home, but naming your baby after a comic character is no better than if it’s from another fandom?
Gwen stormed off and has been giving me the cold shoulder since then.
While everyone else agrees that she had no right to criticize my name since it’s not her baby, I shouldn’t have embarrassed her in front of everyone else.
I say different. If you name your baby after a fictional character, then you shouldn’t criticize others for doing the same thing. Even if you hate the other fandom.
I brought this up later to some other family. Everyone is split on the matter, with my own brother saying that Gwen is right and I shouldn’t force my fandom on my daughter.
Things are starting to repeat themselves when I reminded him that he named his own son Ben (like Ben Kenobi) and took him to Galaxy’s Edge for his first birthday.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and sounds like you’re surrounded by a lot of hypocrites.
You have no way of knowing how your child will feel about her name. You can give your child the most normal name in the world and they might hate it. My name is nice and I like it, but it’s also extremely common.
Back when I was in school, 6 other girls in my year shared my first name. My name isn’t very nickname-able so there’s not much I can do to tailor it to me. I don’t hate it so I won’t change it.
At least Minerva is the name of a strong and wise female character. Also, a Roman goddess.
‘often compares her and her partner to Harley Quinn and Joker.’
…. are you sure she’s actually picked up a comic? I’m not here to gatekeep comic books (especially since I don’t read DC comics much) but having a relationship like Harley and Joker isn’t a good thing. He’s extremely manipulative and awful to her.
In fact, I believe there’s a comic (correct me if I’m wrong anyone) set in an alternate universe where Harley does have Joker’s kid but hides it from him for the baby’s safety.
Fair enough if she just liked the name, but I don’t think I’d be taking advice from someone who thinks Joker and Harley are relationship goals.
And if she’s going to criticize you publicly then she should expect a response. If she doesn’t like it, she can stay silent next time.” maybemaybo
Another User Comments:
“This is hilarious! It’s so funny that people feel so free to criticize you when they have done the exact same thing. You are definitely NTJ but you really are surrounded by nerds.
The reality is, that ALL names are forced on babies. Nobody picks their own name. I’m fine with my own name but I wouldn’t have chosen it. That’s why we get all excited about naming our babies because it’s our do-over, our chance to really do it right. Who knows if our babies will agree?
Every young kid is also surrounded by their parents’ cultural interests and hobbies, whether it is HP fandom, fly fishing, surfing, or heavy metal. Once they are teens, they find their own things. Don’t worry about it. I would be more concerned that you know so many hypocrites with no self-awareness. Gwen could have kept her mouth shut and not tried to yuck your yum.
NTJ.” maypopfop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You asked her a fair question in a conversation I think most people would ask if they knew the context.
At least your kid can just say I was named after the Roman version of the Greek God if she doesn’t want to say she was named after a fandom.
And it’s pretty common to name kids after gods (talk about high hope).
I think it’s one thing to name your kid after a character but entirely another to ‘push fandoms’ on them. Does the name carry a sort of stigma, perhaps but I’d say it’s harder to shake that with Khaleesi than it is Minerva or Percy?
No one assumes when they meet a Luke, they are named after a Jedi. And much like your husband, even though I know McGonagall’s first name, I also know Roman mythology and would probably go there before Harry Potter if I did think about it.
And as long as you don’t make them love Harry Potter and don’t force reading the books or watching the movies on your kids, I wouldn’t call this forcing any fandom on anyone.” PettyHonestThrowaway
10. AITJ For Being Gone After Finding Out My Son Isn't Biologically Mine?
“I (48m) found out about three months ago that my son (18m) isn’t biologically mine. This was completely shocking and devastating to me, as I had never suspected my wife of having an affair. When I found out, I didn’t really know how to react and just up and drove away to process things for a few days.
I told both my wife and son that I needed some time and didn’t answer any of their calls or messages.
I realized how awful it was of me to do that to my son who had done nothing wrong, and as soon as I got back, I apologized profusely, telling him he was absolutely without a doubt my son and there was no excuse for me to behave that way.
But the damage had been done. He told me he couldn’t believe I would just abandon him if I truly saw him as his son. He wasn’t sure if he could live with that knowledge. It was winter break for him (his first year in college), and when he went back to school, he pretty much never calls or answers my calls unless it was something logistics-related.
Yesterday, he called me to let me know that during spring break he planned to move the rest of his stuff out of the house, and that’s breaking me. I begged him to talk it out, crying, asking for forgiveness, telling him I’ll do anything to make it up to him, but he won’t have it.
I know that as his father, I should have accepted him unconditionally, and there was no excuse for me to ignore him for those four days. At the moment, I didn’t think I could handle all the new information that was coming at me. AITJ for ignoring him for four days when I first found out he wasn’t biologically mine?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’ve got a big monumental parenting hurdle in front of you to repair this. I would really stress to him that your disappearing wasn’t a reflection of your feelings towards him or your rejection of him. Really drill in you were traumatized by the betrayal of your wife having an affair and it gave you a mini break down and you isolated yourself from the entire world or however you would word it accurately.
Try to separate his existence from that information. Stay away from focusing on him not being biologically yours, don’t share that with him. Focus on her betrayal. I’m sure you can imagine what all he may be reeling from? Beg if you need to and tell him you can’t lose your son too. He’s needing intense validation.
Don’t stop reaching out and hopefully, this is his version of temporarily handling everything. Wishing you the best possible outcome.” LeileiBG
Another User Comments:
“While I’m very sympathetic, I judge YTJ.
Ever read Speaker for the Dead? I’ll try not to bore you, but suffice to say the main character is in a kind of protector-protegee relationship.
He cuts off contact with her for what is to him a short duration. But she has no way of knowing when or if he will ever be back, so by the time he does return, she’s rebuilt her personality not to need him anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how your son spent those four days you were gone.
I can’t exactly blame you for needing time to yourself after discovering a lie at the heart of your marriage. But your son discovered a lie at the heart of his existence and had no one to turn to. He’s officially an adult, but most 18-year-olds have longer to adjust to not needing parents. Most parents have longer to adjust to not being needed, but you forced the issue.” Equal-Comprehensive
Another User Comments:
“You did not ‘abandon’ him. You took time out to process shocking information. Your wife was not who you thought she was. Your son is biologically not your son. You were betrayed. You were roped into raising another man’s child.
That was major league heavy crap that hit the fan of your life.
And yet… you cleared and came home to your son. You raised him, he’s your son. You see that. He’s 18. 18-year-olds aren’t good at empathy and males develop more slowly than females and so their pre-frontal cortex hasn’t caught up to be adult enough to handle the situation. He doesn’t realize you went through the dark night and still, STILL came home to him.
You are NTJ. I cry nonsense to anyone who would insist you are. That information is one of the biggest bumps in the road of life, only medical things such as stage III or IV cancer, becoming disabled, losing a loved one, etc match this… and medical problems/passing away aren’t predicated on your partner presenting you with another man’s child to raise.
Woof. That’s a lot to process. I am sorry you are going through this.
NTJ.” TimeSovereign
Another User Comments:
“While I’m incredibly sympathetic I’m split between YTJ and ‘no jerks here’. I understand why you did it, I can’t even say I wouldn’t do something similar, but I can also imagine every second of those 4 days for your kid.
Not knowing if you were OK, not knowing if he was still loved, not knowing how to process this bomb that had been dropped on his whole life. 4 hours can feel like years in that kind of situation let alone 4 days. I honestly don’t know if I could forgive a parent for doing that or really trust them to be there for me in a crisis.
I don’t say this because I want you to feel worse, I really do understand why you did it, I just want you to understand exactly why he reacted so strongly to you leaving.
The only thing I think you could do is have an honest conversation with him, treat him as an adult, explain what you were feeling, why you did it, and emphasize the betrayal you felt for your wife for lying and feeling like you couldn’t cope with all this new information, not wanting to leave him, tell him you love him, that you’re happy you got to raise him and you wouldn’t change being his father (if that’s true).
Ask if you can begin building your trust again and if he’s OK with that tell him you hope he’ll leave his stuff. There isn’t a magic fix for these things but I hope your bond and love from those 18 years raising him shines through and you can make up.” ViSaph
9. AITJ For Refusing To Work From Home?
“I’m a 32f. For everyone working in the office, dogs were never even an option.
Health crisis, shut down, working from home.
People trickle back in, and they are allowed to bring their dogs to ease the transition.
My group stays back for another year.
Everyone’s finally called back to the office.
I’m allergic to dogs, and the smell gives me migraines. Huge bummer, because I do like dogs, but it explains why in one foster home I was always feeling sick.
Boss says we’ll figure something out.
People with their own offices are not willing to give them up.
Boss tells me that maybe it’s best if I work from home.
I live in a tiny studio that barely fits my bed, and I have to sit on it or on my floor to have a workspace. I have one window. It’s suffocating and I was starting to go crazy living there and WFH.
So, I say that if I can negotiate a raise that will be enough to help me move to a larger place, I will consider WFH.
Boss takes that to their boss, comes back, and says unfortunately it’s not in the budget.
I say I’m not going back to WFH.
Boss insists it couldn’t be as bad as I’m saying and that everyone had to make adjustments.
Mind you, my boss and most of my other coworkers live in houses that they own, most have huge backyards, entire rooms to dedicate as an office, etc. So of course they don’t think it’s a big deal.
I stand firm and remind them that someone can give me an office, but no one would.
So, unfortunately, everyone has to stop bringing the dogs to the office. Coworkers and other people in the building are saying I’m selfish for not just taking the deal and going back to WFH because they’d all love to be allowed to.
When I’ve told people about the tiny apartment and how I can’t afford more, they say things like ‘just move back in with your parents’ ‘just stop buying Starbucks’ and ‘start doing uber/uber eats after work’ and ‘move to X suburb’ even as though I’m CHOOSING to be in this position just to spite them.
Others have been like ‘why can’t you just take a Claritin’ and tell me I’m making up the smell causing migraines.
Each of them has a suggestion about how I should go out of my way to make all these changes (some of which I can’t even do!) just because people want to bring their dogs to an office.
Am I really the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered two workarounds: pay raise so that you can afford a space that functions for WFH, or you get an office at work so you have a dog-free space to be. Both were shot down. If they can come up with a different compromise that works for everyone they should speak up.
Otherwise, it’s back to the old normal where the office is accessible to all employees.
If folks are giving you the ‘give up Starbucks’ advice, I’m going to bet they’re making significantly more than you and aren’t aware of it. I’m also guessing these coworkers didn’t need to move during the global crisis, which has caused rents and home prices to skyrocket far in excess of other forms of inflation.
Saving $10 a day is only $280 a month. That’s not going to meet rising rents, nor does it get you a mortgage. Nor does it pay for a car to commute in from a suburb if you’re currently on public transportation.
I’d be super petty and make a spreadsheet with what I made now, how much my current living expenses were, and my projected expenses for both a better apartment and suburban life.
Include a value for time lost in a longer commute. Then I’d post it at my desk and hand it over to those who are giving unrealistic advice. Also, I’d ask if their fairy godmother was open to new clients, maybe she could help make up the gap?” Cryptographer_Alone
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here….
and here’s why…
Yes, a medical allergy trumps all for workplace accommodations most of the time; your boss should’ve tried harder to accommodate your need for an office or the pay increase.
Your employer also sucks because clearly your job and those of your co-workers can be done from home and should’ve stayed that way; no one should’ve been brought back to the office.
And lastly, your countless coworkers are also very much entitled to their mental health too; never mind that it’s a dog they’re asking to bring; clearly, the global crisis had an effect on them as well and frankly just as equally as your sanity is important to you, theirs is important to them. Should your health be compromised?
No, but neither should their mental health and it’s neither here nor there as to the legitimacy of that need.
Should you have to compromise? No… but given your need is being put ahead of the needs of countless others then that’s a problem. It’s not just one person your need contradicts; as an employer, I would rather counter the needs of the one vs the needs of the many.
Unfortunately, it’s really a no-win situation and without a medical accommodation on record; the company would run better when the majority is happy.
Neither side is wrong, but both sides suck.” censormenow2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were hired to work in an office without pets, now they want to add pets to the mix and you have an allergy, so it is up to the office to make accommodations, and they won’t.
I love working from home, and your colleagues are probably going to keep resenting you, but I think you did the right thing. If you worked from home while everyone else was in the office, you would lose ground in your career because you’d miss out on a lot of team building. Plus, you don’t want to work from home and so shouldn’t have to.
You presented compromises and your boss wasn’t willing to do any of them – getting an office or a raise is reasonable, especially getting an office. That’s up to management to sort out, and they don’t have to ‘ask’ their staff to give up an office, they can tell someone they are losing their office but they don’t want to do that, just like you don’t want to work from home.
Tell your colleagues that you are sorry, but you are allergic to dogs and offered a compromise to management that they weren’t willing to do, and that’s why they can’t have dogs in the office. It isn’t your fault, it was a decision by management – either no dogs or you get an office, and they decided on no dogs rather than evict someone from an office.” mfruitfly
8. AITJ For Giving My Husband A Fake Key When He Demanded To Drive My Car?
“I (f31) became the only income earner after my husband Jeff (m35) lost his job about 9 months ago. He doesn’t have a car anymore because he sold it to be able to pay off debts.
He started asking to drive my car with the excuse of wanting to look for a job.
There are 2 problems with this… first is that I’m a nurse. I work odd hours and need my car most of the time and he literally takes it all day and comes back late in the evening. The second is that every time he comes home the car either has a busted taillight, damaged front, flat tires, etc, etc, etc.
So far I had to spend nearly $300 bucks to get it back in good shape. I told him I no longer want him to take my car but he said I had to let him drive it so he could continue to look for a job. I told him he could search online but he said something about scammers trying to pose as potential employers just to get his personal info (never had this happen to us).
Days ago, he went out with my car and I ended up being late for my shift. I called a friend to cover for me and tried to call him but he returned home at midnight. I had a fight with him after he said he was with friends and time passed by. I took the key to the car and put it under my pillow then went to sleep.
The next morning I saw him standing near the bed wanting me to give him the car key so he could go ‘lOoK fOr A jOb.’ I said no but he got mad and started demanding I hand it over. I told him FINE and pointed towards the sock drawer where we had lots of junk and told him it was there.
I lied and he got some old key that looked like it. Once he walked out I locked the door and got in bed. A few minutes later he came back and started pounding on the door asking if I gave him a fake key. I said I did just to get him off of my back..he started yelling at me saying I was being childish and demanded I open the door and give him the real key.
I remained in bed while he kept yelling outside saying I’m giving him a hard time for not working YET not willing to let him effectively look for a job. He also said that I’d been testing his patience several times and he’s had about enough. He yelled some more then left.
I was so infuriated and just maddened about the whole situation.
I had a shift to cover and I knew that if he took the car then he won’t bring it back in time. I got to my work and we haven’t talked. He was in full sulking mode after I returned and kept ranting about how unsupportive and childish I was to pull this stunt.”
Another User Comments:
“First I want to say NTJ. It’s yours, not his. If his name were on the title then it’d be a different story. And even then with his clearly reckless behavior I still wouldn’t let him drive.
Next, I wanted to say that it could be possible OP’s husband could be stepping out and the sidepiece is destroying the car to get back at OP.
Take a bat to the taillights, slitting your tires. He could be at the sidepiece’s place all day helping her out with your car. Even loaning it to them. It’s crazy but it happens.
But he lost his job 9 mths ago and hasn’t found one yet? During a workforce shortage? He’s sitting in someone’s home all day doing illegal stuff or drinking either on the couch or stoop.
He’s probably unconscious for a great portion which is why he’s always gone for hours. You get wasted then sleep it off wherever you are for a bit. But can you prove he sold his car to pay debts? Because my addicted relative used to pawn the title to our family cars to buy more booze.
After a while, you can’t pay the loan and the car gets repossessed. I also had a sibling who would borrow cars and then keep them for days or return them with broken lights. Once, they let slip that they kept a family member’s car for so long because they had to replace the door because of bullet holes.
This person does illegal stuff and hangs out on the streets.
Honestly, I agree with others that this is what it sounds like. OP’s husband might be about the life. And if that’s the case OP don’t let him borrow your car anymore. You never know if someone he might owe money to might recognize your plates and try to light your car up.
People catch stray bullets all the time because of association. I’m talking drive-bys that are after targets’ partners, and even siblings all because the target MIGHT be there. Or because of unpaid debt or theft or slighting during a deal. The list is endless.
Lastly, it could be a mental disorder. Like maybe he’s going through the emergence of something and it’s creating the strange behavior.
Or it could be a mix of them. Whatever it is I hope you get to the bottom of it for both your sakes. But as others have said, if it is illegal substances, get a safe and be careful. I can’t tell you how many game stations I had as a kid that just vanished.” Mysterious_Ebb5229
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Idk what he’s doing with your car, but it’s not looking for a job, so you will want to dig into that. It also definitely does not sound like he’s responsible enough to be driving anything right now if he’s causing damage to your own (not to mention presumably others’) vehicles almost every time he drives.
He needs to take some driver’s education classes or something to improve his skills before he can be trusted on the road. He’s a problem right now and being a jerk.
So why ‘everyone sucks here’? You said you believe you could be the jerk for not just telling him no and giving him the fake key instead.
I do think that was petty and not helpful in this case. Especially locking him outside and going back to bed; that was just unnecessary and brought you down to his level of immaturity.
You two need to talk about the issues at hand. Get to the bottom of what he’s actually doing with his time if you can, but either way, get him to agree that he clearly shouldn’t be driving right now.
He can look for leads online, his excuse is ridiculous. Any person with even a modicum of common sense (which maybe he doesn’t have based on this story, idk) can tell the difference between a scam and an actual job posting. He doesn’t need transportation until he actually gets an interview. Public transportation or rideshare or taxi or you driving him can get him to that.
He has no excuse.” parkranger16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband doesn’t want to work, and probably has a serious drinking and/or substance problem that played a role in why he’s unemployed now. If he were really looking for work he would have found it by now in this job market, assuming he’s actually employable.
In 2022, even most blue-collar and service industry jobs want you to apply online first and for most office jobs, online application is literally the only option. I would be very tempted to bring home a substance test and tell him you won’t even consider any further discussion about the car unless he passes it. But regardless, the needs of the person who is supporting the family trump the needs of the guy who is off for most of the day doing who knows what with nothing to show for it except a damaged vehicle.” SaturniinaeActias
7. WIBTJ If I Revoked My Offer To Let My (Now Ex) Partner Move In With Me?
“I (20NB) have been planning over the past year to move to another state to live with one of my partners (‘M’). Originally my other two partners (‘K’ and now ex ‘D’) were going to move with me. (K was having a hard time with the idea of leaving his family so he decided not to move and we’re going to try an LDR instead.)
D broke up with me back in Feb after a few months of hardly any contact from her. Her reason was that she felt like she wasn’t able to devote enough time to me due to her busy work life, which hurt but I understood. She asked that we remain friends and still spend time together and I agreed. She also asked if she’d still be able to move in with us when her current lease was up and I also agreed at the time.
I’ve heard from her only twice in the past few months and when we talked it was very distant on her part. I’ve been very hurt by this and was thinking over our past relationship and how one-sided it had always been. Lately, I’ve been considering revoking my offer and telling her that I don’t want her to move in with me and M anymore, but I feel like I’d be a jerk because I know she’s relying on us to have a place for her once her lease is up.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Feelings are valid and it sounds like you’re all trying to do your best. You’re all young, and still learning.
You should tell her you want to sit down and openly discuss the issue, and see if you can work it out. See what’s going on. Communication is key, nonjudgmental communication is gold, good boundaries are healthy, and balancing all this is difficult stuff.
Talk to her about this, be honest – but remember that more folks mean less cost, and a good roommate can be tough to find. If she’s clean, responsible, financially secure, respects boundaries, and doesn’t hurt animals, you might want to see if you can get along with her because your alternative roommates might not be as nice.” AltDogBarkBarkBark
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you got to separate financial decisions from emotional decisions. You basically made a contract with her that she would move in with you. Your view of her being ‘one-sided’ is based on your emotions from your relationship with her. Now that it is over, you are no longer tied to her emotionally so that is irrelevant.
You will put her in financial trouble and probably make her homeless.
Nobody can force you to live together if no contracts are signed but it is a jerk move and no way to treat a friend.” ChewyRib
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I’m not sure why she’d want to share a place with an ex-partner.
It’s not unreasonable for you to not want to share a place with an ex. It’ll probably cause issues in your future relationships. You should have talked about it much sooner.” DangerousDave303
Another User Comments;
“NTJ – things change, feelings and circumstances included. You don’t have to do anything if it doesn’t feel right.
At this point it sounds like she is not bothered about you and just needs somewhere to stay, she can find somewhere else I’m sure, it is not your responsibility to make sure she has somewhere to live. Maybe have an honest conversation with her about it and how you feel and what your concerns are, then see how you feel again after that.” Common-Potential791
6. AITJ For Not Giving My Ex Updates About Our Kids?
“Before we separated, I used to keep my ex updated about our kids constantly whenever he wasn’t home.
I’d give him daily updates, share videos, and pictures with him constantly and if any firsts happened while he was away I would immediately tell him about them. Now that we’re separated, I don’t do any of that anymore. The only time my ex and I really talk is when it comes to finances or if he tells me he’s going to visit/call the kids.
Our daughter is only 10 months so she’s having a lot of firsts very quickly. The big one is her starting to walk. My ex hadn’t seen the kids in 2 months, although he has a video call with our oldest once a week. He came to see them yesterday so he noticed all of the changes with our daughter.
He’s angry at me for not telling him and is accusing me of trying to shut him out of their lives.
He’s threatening to have the kids live with him and now I’m wondering if I’ve messed up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It doesn’t seem like you’re purposefully excluding him, you just need to find new schedules of communication.
He’s not used to asking so it doesn’t occur to him to do so and communicating with him probably feels emotionally charged. You probably need to sit down and work out an actual schedule of check-ins and information transfer.
Some people have an update group where they’ll send pictures to the group and thus make the act of sharing less charged. I’m sure you have other people in your life who also want updates on your daughter.
Or maybe you might have to remind him to ask a few times before he starts doing it on his own. Or have him set up a reminder on his phone. Whatever works for you two.” KyliaSkydancer
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. He has held a travel job the entire time, and while that is a rough life for the spouse stuck at home, you made sure he was able to still be a part of the children’s development with these updates.
Functionally nothing has changed with his relationship with the children; it seems obvious that you are withholding the updates on the children to punish him for the failure of the marriage.
Even if you end up with primary custody, chances are he will want that regular communication in the agreement because he clearly is invested in his children.
I wanted to go ‘everyone sucks here’ because how does he not ask about the baby for that long… but I feel like we aren’t getting the full story.” therealangrytourist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope, no babysitting his emotional needs anymore. That’s one of the things that we do in marriages with kids, don’t worry.
We hand-deliver all the stuff so that they don’t have to do the work and they can just get the info. Well, all that gets cut off as soon as you’re exes. He just has to figure this out. He asked to see the kids and asked to spend time with the kids and asked to build a relationship with them in order to know what is going on in their lives.
No more hand-feeding the ex. He has to pull his own weight.” mcclgwe
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Have My Son's Room?
“We are in the process of moving into a new home.
The house is more spacious than the old one but has limited rooms. It only has 3 rooms.
My wife and I have 3 daughters 16yo/14yo/12yo and one son 10yo. The problem that’s been tearing the family apart right now is that my 16yo daughter is refusing to share a room with her 2 sisters. She wants her 10yo brother’s room.
Her argument is that her brother is too young to have his own room and that she deserves more privacy and space since she’s the eldest. The thing is, as a family, we always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be working cause girls naturally share while boys don’t and they fight a lot.
My daughter threw a rage fit and got my wife involved. My wife called me unreasonable for thinking it’s fair to make the 3 girls share one room while our son gets an entire room for himself, and he’s the youngest!! So he’s the one with the ‘least’ privacy. I told her that it’s been like this for years and just cause we’re moving into a new home doesn’t mean things have to change.
To be honest part of me is thinking that my 16yo is doing this simply because she’s against the idea of moving in the first place and is looking for excuses to not move into the new home, my wife argued that moving our 12yo daughter with our 10yo is the best compromise, but my son won’t accept this and I already know that.
All I’m looking for is for everyone to be happy and comfortable and to my understanding, my daughter was fine with sharing a room with her sisters then, why change her mind now? My wife still sided with her and said that I should be careful because the girls are beginning to sense some sort of favoritism towards my son which isn’t true at all.
but it’s all about what we’re used to and what is the norm in the family,
They’re both not speaking to me and are acting somewhat hostile towards me.
ETA for those who are saying I was in the wrong for buying a 3bedroom house, well our financial situation isn’t the best right now with everything happening in the world and real-estate prices getting higher and whatnot.
Also, those who are saying I’m favoring my son, I’m not, I treat him the same as his sisters in pretty much everything, and I 100% guarantee it. I accept my verdict nonetheless but still wanted to make a few points clear.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for choosing a house that cannot meet your family’s needs.
Did you not count up your children when you were looking at houses?
Of course, adolescent girls shouldn’t have to share a room with a boy.
Of course, your oldest, at 16, wants some privacy.
Of course, she’s annoyed that her brother gets his own room while all 3 girls are crammed into one room.
You created this situation.
Is there a basement, covered porch, attic space, or den that could be converted into a 4th bedroom?
And since so many people seem to think I don’t understand what a budget is, I’m not necessarily talking about a larger or significantly more expensive house. I am talking about a decision like settling for potentially smaller rooms and a less convenient location or something with less curb appeal in exchange for that 4th bedroom.
‘More spacious’ isn’t worth it if it doesn’t meet the family’s needs. I am not assuming a limitless budget, I am saying that he picked the wrong trade-offs.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Three in one room, one in the other? Huge favoritism is on display here.
Either buy a house with enough rooms to house the children you have known about for more than enough years already or make the sharing fair.
There’s no excuse for forcing three older teens to share a room when the child gets his own.
And it’s absolute nonsense that he gets the room because he’s a boy or that he won’t stand for it. Here’s the kicker; your eldest daughter isn’t standing for being forced to share a room with two siblings whilst her younger brother gets a room to himself.
Your eldest will be going to college/university in a couple of years, I assume. You can re-think the room distribution then if you have to buy a property that simply isn’t large enough for your family.” SneezlesForNeezles
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, YTJ. It’s really not fair that your three girls must share ONE room and your one son gets his own, simply because he’s a boy.
Your reasoning that boys need their own rooms to prevent fighting, while girls share because they’re more social, is blatantly discriminating. Not only that, it disregards the specific needs and personalities of your actual children and relies on gendered stereotypes.
Based on what you’ve described, I think it would be appropriate for your oldest daughter to have her own room, and either the two middle girls share, or the youngest two children (boy and girl) share.
I understand that setup is not possible in your new home, which unfortunately makes you the jerk – why would you move into a house that lacks sufficient bedrooms for your children? What exactly is more spacious in this house? The parts that you enjoy, while your children have do deal with an unfair and inequitable rooming situation?” aethelflead
4. AITJ For Taking My Kids On A Vacation And Leaving My Stepkids Behind?
“My parents are planning a family vacation to Mexico at Christmas. My brothers are well off and can afford to pay for their own families to go. I cannot afford it so my parents offered to pay for me, my partner, and my two kids to go for a week.
My partner has 5 kids from previous relationships.
They range in age from 13-23. We cannot afford to bring them all with us on this vacation. They will stay at home with their mom. AITJ for taking my parents up on their offer to pay for us to go on the vacation and leave my step kids at home?
EDIT: the three younger kids (13, 15, and 17) live with their mom full time in another city about 2 hours away.
We see them about once a month and sometimes they spend holidays with us, but not often. There is no formal visitation schedule.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. When you married your partner, his kids became part of your family. Your parents and you are excluding them for no fault of their own and it’s grossly unfair.
They will never forget it and resent you and their step-siblings. How many of his kids are under 18? They should get a ticket, too. The adult kids can decide if they want to join on their dime.” gintonic321
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… for even thinking of doing this. If you’re not married and the two kids you have aren’t his, leave your partner at home so there won’t be any hurt feelings from his 5 kids.
If that doesn’t work and you share children, you need to decline the invite… it sucks but your parents suck more for excluding the other kids knowing you couldn’t afford to go otherwise. I understand they are not your bio kids but your parents are drawing a line in the sand and telling you what they really think of the other kids by only paying for the two children that are yours.
SAY THANKS BUT NO THANKS AND DECLINE THE INVITATION.” tiredlittlepigeon
3. AITJ For Buying My Partner A Blender For Our Anniversary?
“My partner and I are both women. We are lesbians.
This happened last month but my best friend and hers are still giving me a hard time about it.
We had our first anniversary. I asked what she wanted and she told me just something romantic, a little necklace or something cute. While browsing around on Amazon I found an emulsion blender and it pinged in my head. My partner loves cooking and always talks about all the gadgets she wants. Plus she made homemade tomato sauce and I remember her complaining how hard it was to make the sauce smooth cause she didn’t have an emulsion blender.
I’m a very practical gift giver, I like to give things people will use so I bought it and was super excited to give it to her.
The day rolls around and she gives me a bottle of whiskey I’ve had my eye on for ages but could never justify the cost. I was so hyped and encouraged my partner to open hers.
She opened it and her face kinda falls and she goes ‘oh… an emulsion blender…?’ And I told her I remembered her talking about all the kitchen gadgets she wanted and was so excited to give them to her. She kept her cool but told me while she appreciated the thought she was a little upset that it wasn’t jewelry.
I was confused so she explained that she felt anniversaries should be more about romantic/sentimental gifts versus practical, that she appreciated it greatly but couldn’t lie to me that she wished it had been the necklace she pointed out to me online (it was nothing fancy, a $30 mushroom necklace).
I shared my woes with my friend and my friend thought it was hilarious that I was so inept, and that he understood why my partner was upset with her gift. My partner’s best friend also got wind of the situation and has been ribbing me by telling my partner ‘get back to the kitchen’ jokes etc. My partner and I are fine but I know she was disappointed, and she ended up buying the necklace herself a week after I gave her the blender.
So AITJ for giving my partner a practical gift versus the necklace she wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You asked her what she wanted and you got the answer. You went out of your way because that’s not your style of giving. Do you even read your post before posting? Do you still not see how you’re not the jerk?
An anniversary is a date where she wanted something romantic. Heck, she put so much effort into your gift. Something you had been eyeing for. Something she knew you would be beaming for. You couldn’t do the same for her, especially when she told you what she wanted? What’s so romantic about a kitchen gadget?
Oh god… How can a person be so clueless as you… she even waited for you to buy the necklace for her, probably even hoped for you to buy it for her and you didn’t. I get why she’s disappointed. It sucks having to buy your own romantic gifts.
Massive YTJ.” Playful-Mastodon-872
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Fellow lesbian, this is difficult. I think that the fact that you saw something you thought she would like and would use and would be practical is actually really sweet. I generally agree with you on practical gift-giving, and the element of surprise/showing that you listen and know your partner’s likes and dislikes can be really important.
However, the fact that she pointed out a specific necklace online to you should have been a clue that she was expecting you to get her that – anything else could have been an additional surprise. Given that she told you a specific item she wanted, it’s hard to fault her for being a little let down when she opened the blender.
I’m going with ‘no jerks here’ because your gift was indeed thoughtful and practical, but her expectations and disappointment were not misplaced. Just a learning point to go forward from and next time you can save the practical gifts for birthdays or other holidays and go romantic for anniversaries if that’s what she prefers.
But I don’t think you violated an untold social norm here.” spacecat02138
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You bought a kitchen appliance for her on your anniversary. Have you also bought her a vacuum cleaner for her birthday or Christmas, because you ‘know’ she likes to clean? She specifically bought you something that she knew you’d enjoy.
She took the time to find that out and gave you a thoughtful gift. You bought her a kitchen appliance because you ‘know’ she likes to cook. She pointed out the necklace that she wanted. Which was probably a lot cheaper than that whiskey she bought you. But, you didn’t even pay attention to her, as an individual, to know what she likes outside of cooking.
You can use the excuse that you’re a ‘practical gift giver’ in order to justify this crap, but at the end of the day, you’re just a trashy gift giver. If it’s not ‘practical’ you don’t see the point in it for other people, but I bet you see the point of people giving you gifts that aren’t ‘practical’, like that whiskey that I’m sure you have already enjoyed thanks to your girl.
WOMEN DO NOT WANT HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AS GIFTS UNLESS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED!!
If she asks, and only if she asks, for a KitchenAid mixer or a Vitamix blender, THEN you can buy that specific item.” Catri
Another User Comments:
“I think the main point here is just miscommunication. Clearly, OP started off on the right foot asking what her partner wanted, and then while she was searching she found this blender that her partner had talked about wanting.
So again, OP does listen to her partner, she just misstepped on this one. Going forward, OP knows that a practical gift isn’t the way to go, at least for anniversaries. There has been clear communication now and OP can do better next time. If they still choose to ignore their partner’s preferences and get practical gifts in the future, then sure that would make them kind of a jerk but I think this one was a genuine attempt at a gift they thought she would really enjoy and appreciate, and her partner did appreciate it, but it just wasn’t what they were expecting or wanting for this particular occasion.
And I think a lot of y’all are projecting your own issues into this and being really harsh to OP who really didn’t do anything terrible.” crazykatlady44
2. AITJ For Not Scheduling The New Hire's Vacation?
“I’m the manager of a small team at a large company. Each manager does their team’s schedule. I hired Lacey last week.
Lacey told me when she accepted the job that she already had non-refundable vacation plans for the end of May. I told her that I did the schedule and would try to accommodate her.
I couldn’t accommodate her at all. There’s already another team member out. I put up the schedule and was very surprised at an e-mail from Lacey regarding her vacation not being scheduled. I informed her we didn’t have the flexibility and that she was expected to work.
When I went to my lunch break, I walked by Lacey’s desk and was surprised to see it packed. She handed me her lanyard and told me she quit.
She said that she wasn’t losing out on $2500 and that she already had an offer from one of the jobs she turned down that promised her vacation was safe.
I’m now being called into my boss’ office because she quit so fast, but in my experience, if you start a new job, you understand that you are last for vacation.
My fiancee says that I’m an idiot and she was telling me, not asking me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she made it clear when accepting the job that she had plans and they were non-refundable. This isn’t the same as being new and putting in a vacation request, you hired her knowing it, and based on that, I would leave too because it would seem like the manager (you) have no morals when making deals.
If you already had someone apply for vacation before that, you should have told her it was not possible and asked if she still wanted the job. Even with more seniority, if the other person asks for a vacation after Lacey, you should have told them that there was a conflict that week.” teanailpolish
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and literally the worst kind of manager in the world. You ASKED her about vacations when you hired her and she told you she had plans she made before she got hired and agreed to work for your probably terrible company. You literally heard her out and then ignored her? Why did you ask?
You’re such a jerk it’s not even funny. ‘When you start a new job you understand you are last for vacation.’
Hey smart guy, THE WHOLE REASON THEY ASK ABOUT PLANS/VACATIONS WHEN HIRING NEW PEOPLE IS BECAUSE MOST COMPANIES REALIZE THOSE PEOPLE HAVE LIVES AND MAY HAVE MADE PLANS WELL BEFORE ACCEPTING YOUR JOB OFFER AND YOU NEED TO ACCOMMODATE THOSE PLANS.
YOUR FIANCE IS RIGHT, IT WAS NOT AN ASK IT WAS A TELL BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY ASKED HER IF SHE HAD PRE-MADE PLANS. THERE IS NO PERMISSION NEEDED FROM YOU OF ALL PEOPLE FOR HER TO TAKE THE VACATION SHE MADE BEFORE YOU CAME INTO HER LIFE. JESUS H JONES HOW DAFT CAN YOU BE?
If I was your boss I would have fired you so hard and fast.” IcyAdvantage1768
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
No one is going to walk away from a non-refundable trip.
She’s a new hire, so apparently, you were getting along without her for some time.
She’s been there one week, she’s probably not super capable with all the processes yet anyway, so you can’t cover her stuff for one week?
Either she is the best worker in the world, or you and your team are the slowest, most incompetent workers in the world. Although, with this post, I can kind of believe the incompetent part.
She WAS telling you, not asking you and you are an idiot.
Read the room here, Michael Scott. This is the age of the Great Resignation, and people are resigning and looking for jobs for a lot less.
And finding them, as Lacey did. She literally did it on your lunch break, need I say more? People don’t need to work for petty little despots who lure you in with ‘I’ll try to accommodate,’ by which you mean ‘I will glance at a schedule and make no other effort to make it work.’
Lacey has now had a bad experience with your team, and if anyone in your field asks about your company (and you), she will probably bad mouth you all over town, making it hard for you to find quality help. Good luck with that.” FleurDeCLE
1. AITJ For Refusing To Walk My Step-Daughter Down The Aisle?
“My wife and I married 15 years ago, she was a daughter from a previous marriage (Sonia, 26F) while I have two kids (Levi, 32M and Juno, 20F).
I love the three of them a lot, but problems have arisen when in 2019 Levi married his husband, Roberto (33M). My wife and daughter were nothing but supporting and loving toward him, but Sonia got influenced by her homophobic father and told Levi that he was ridiculous if he thought his marriage meant something.
I had a long talk with my wife and I said that I wasn’t comfortable with Sonia being around my youngest anymore with that type of behavior and that Sonia insulting and hurting my son (and Roberto) was unacceptable too. She tried to defend her daughter, of course, blaming her ex and everything, but Sonia was already an adult and at one point, it’s really her choice and fault.
We decided to go LC with my children going NC.
Three months after that, she apologized to my son (sincerely). I really don’t know how it went because she reached Levi and Roberto, they talked privately and she began therapy soon after. I know they agreed to make amends with her agreeing to still not being invited to their wedding.
Things are normal now, they’re close again and Levi and Roberto join us all the time for family activities.
Sonia’s father died in 2021 (almost at the same time she got engaged), it was a hard time for her, she had already cut contact with him so she has admitted to feeling guilty too. My wife and I invited her to stay in the outhouse for a while so she’s not alone and she stayed here for 6 months before finally moving with her fiancé.
Recently, Sonia and her mom approached me and said that she would really appreciate it if I walk her down the aisle. My wife was encouraging me to accept because it would mean a lot to both of them. I said thanks and commented on how flattered I felt. I did ask for a few days to think about it (which was not received well) and when I ultimately said no, my wife said that I was a jerk because it’s harmless.
Truth is, that’s my problem. I don’t feel comfortable walking her down for what she did and said. While I don’t hold anything, I can’t help but feel bad when I think about walking her down. Levi looked so sad when she interrupted his announcement to call him a slur and I can’t take that picture out of my head.
I don’t think I’m the most appropriate person to walk her down with these feelings in the middle.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have put a lot of thought into this. It’s not a reaction to our anger, but sadness, and you are completely entitled to feel that way. If you would feel inappropriate doing it, then they should respect that.
But be sure that you explain it is YOUR feelings, do not let the blame fall on Levi. It is an antiquated tradition, not a requirement. Many brides walk themselves down the aisle. If she insists on someone handing over the ‘responsibility’ of having her to another family, then maybe she can ask someone else.
Maybe she can ask her mother, or better yet, her step-brother Levi if they truly have made amends. No rule that it has to be a father.
Maybe you can offer to do another role if you are comfortable. Perhaps, a reading or a small speech.
Good luck and thank you for supporting Levi and Roberto.” wheeziecat6369
Another User Comments:
“I’ll preface what I’m going to say by stating I think it’s your choice and if you don’t want to that’s that.
That out of the way, you can’t really say you don’t hold anything against her when you’re obviously still holding this against her.
She did and said awful things and she was a grown woman behaving in that way.
She has now made obvious steps to improve; she attended therapy, she made her apology, and she is even included in other family events.
I think it’s a bit mean and spiteful to deny her this when she has no other father figure and she has seen the error of her ways. If your son forgives her and he accepts and believes her apology then I think you should really consider that.
I don’t want to call you a jerk because you were protecting your child but I think you should reconsider.
Everyone sucks here a bit. Her for previous behavior, you for now.” snowwhitesludge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is a difficult one, but I think in the end you’re not the jerk for a very simple reason: you are not obligated to walk her down the aisle.
It’s 2022 and if she wants to walk down the aisle without anyone, with her mom, or with a different family member she can. Having a father or father figure is traditional but not required.
With that said, I think this is a little difficult because you are essentially entering an interpersonal conflict between three adults: your step-daughter, your son, and your son-in-law.
She didn’t call you a slur; she called your son a slur. They both have put the work in to amend their relationship. You aren’t the aggrieved party, so holding a grudge for something that didn’t happen directly to you is a little jerkish.
Obviously, I recognize that you were a parent figure in this woman’s life from the age of 11.
I can see how acting in a bigoted manner can hurt you if you did a lot of work trying to raise your children in an accepting and tolerant way. You are allowed to be hurt by that.
Generally, this is a messy situation, but I think at the end of the day you are not obligated to walk her down the aisle.
Saying no is fully within your rights and not a jerk move.” blankfacesemptypages
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, I’m gonna disagree and go with YTJ. I’m gay and have been the target of many a slur and painful family arguments as well.
But here’s my reasoning :
She apologized to your son. You even acknowledged it was private.
So if you want to know how your son feels—ask him. You can even ask if he’s ok with you walking her down the aisle. My guess is she apologized for what she did and they honestly worked it out, that he would want you to do it too.
It is her wedding day and her bio father passed away.
Her reaching out to you is BIG. It shows she is trying to have an emotional connection with you. She’s trying to be vulnerable. And if you don’t do this, it will impact your relationship with her and may be one of the biggest regrets you have.
When we are older, it can be easier to hold on to grudges.
Children and younger adults often forgive easier. It’s partially biological. But regardless, it sounds like you also may feel like you want her to apologize to you for something — or that you may need to find a way to forgive her. Ultimately, that may be on you — not her.
But I would slow down, this isn’t something for a forum to decide right or wrong.
There isn’t a ‘moral high ground’ here.
Having been married for over ten years myself, your wife is talking to you about this for a reason. I hope you’re able to slow down and consider another angle.” Avatorn01
