People Want To Know If We Resent Them In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Going Off On My Husband For Being Reckless With Our Finances?
“So we have a stock account that indiscriminate amount of money in it.
Almost all of the funds in this account came from my inheritance. Our rule was, after we got married, that we would split our picks in half. He would get to play with half the amount and I would pick the other half.
He basically hobbies watching videos on investing and he’s a bit obsessed. He’ll talk with his brother and his friends for hours every night about markets and investments. I also recently found him sneaking moolah out of our spending account into crypto, even though our budget is very strict.
I knew that my husband had pulled several stocks in December. I knew that he was pulling some of my stocks, but I assumed that he was going to wait for a market swing and then reinvest into my stock picks.
Found out today that he has invested our entire portfolio in tech. He invested about a third of it in crypto, and the other 2/3 in tech companies. So basically right now, our entire investment portfolio is split between our house and tech.
My investments always included retail, finance, food, and entertainment to balance out his tech-heavy picks. I was upset with him because he really should know better, we’re trying to have a baby, and it puts us in a very dangerous position.
Here’s where I think I might be the jerk. I didn’t notice until today. It’s pretty obvious that he’s spending a lot more time focusing on this stuff than I am. This money has been invested for 3 months.
I chewed his head off today.
I wanted him to pull his stocks and switch but he insisted that he wouldn’t invest in any tech until half our stock portfolio was not tech.
So AITJ?
Edit: While it is my inheritance in stocks, I should also mention that his income is worth double what my job and my annual inheritance amount to.
He pays most of our living base cost.”
Another User Comments:
“Massively NTJ. He broke your agreement to the extent that he’s basically stealing from you. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t paying attention because you should have been able to trust that he wasn’t stealing funds you’d agree would stay in your stock picks.
This is a huge betrayal of trust and given that the money is from your inheritance, I’d talk to a lawyer about revoking his access to as much as possible.” Temporary_Badger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not keeping a tighter rein on your husband.
I can’t believe you gave half your inheritance to your spouse-and he still oversteps your largesse. That moolah is yours.
I hope this marriage is strong because he will get half of YOUR inheritance based on your statements when it would have been all yours in a divorce.
And this is a 1st world problem. Tighten your life up and quit letting your husband run roughshod over you.” tanhauser_gates_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband isn’t investing; he’s gambling. And he’s gambling with your inheritance and your grocery allowance.
That basically tells me that he’s not in control.
You need to seriously consider severing all joint finances, sell off your portion of the stocks and crypto and put those funds in investments you choose that are only in your name/control.
Also, start keeping a better eye on overall finances. It wouldn’t surprise me if your husband has actually lost large sums of moolah.” teresajs
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Take Care Of Our Son For A Day?
“I (27F) have been sick this week, and early the other morning my throat started closing up and it was causing me to have difficulty breathing. This has happened to me before when having strep throat so I knew I needed to go to the doctor ASAP before it got worse.
My son and I live with my mother, and my partner/son’s father (30m) lives less than 10 minutes away. I called him early that morning and asked him if he could ask for the morning off of work to watch our baby for a few hours so I could go to Urgent Care.
My mom has already used up her vacation days this year helping me out with various things so she couldn’t take the day without getting in trouble. I don’t have any other family or friends to help.
I understand that calling out of work can be difficult, but I was legitimately having a medical emergency.
I was having difficulty breathing to the point I would have called an ambulance, but I had my son. BF said he tried to call others in for him, but they wouldn’t answer their phones. I thought that’s what supervisors were for in cases of emergency, which this was.
He said there wasn’t anything he could do.
It’s worth mentioning I never ask him for help, even when it comes to our child. So it wasn’t like I was crying wolf. I really needed help.
I ended up having to take my 7-month-old to Urgent Care with me, (when I probably shouldn’t have been driving), where there was a very sick child next to us, then we were in the hot patient room for almost an hour.
Seeing as how it was a doctor’s office, I didn’t feel comfortable taking him out of the stroller because I didn’t want him to touch anything, so he fussed the whole time.
My partner doesn’t understand why I’m still upset with him.
I just feel that he is my significant other and father to our child. It disappoints me that I can’t depend on him in an emergency. He thinks I’m just holding a grudge to be dramatic. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He sucks. It was an emergency. You and your little one deserve better than this guy. He needs to step up emotionally and financially or you need to break up. NTJ.” Just-Fix-2657
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s his kid too and these types of things happen.
I had to go to ER today and my husband just said ‘taking my wife to ER’ and left.
If you have a good work ethic and your job knows you don’t call in a lot, they’re pretty forgiving.
He needs to decide if the family is important or only when convenient for him.
Are you okay now?” SpaceCrazyArtist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, last time I checked, it takes 2 people to have a kid and he’s just as much responsible as you are.
And taking an infant to urgent care is risky. Maybe talk to your bf about stepping up with things like this. It shouldn’t all be on you especially when you are sick.
YTJ to yourself if you let this become a pattern, he’s too old to not know how awful that was.” Dry-Gas6973
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host My Partner's Drinking Buddies?
“I am (37F) married to my partner (38F) for 15 years together for 20. I am very much an introvert who does not drink at all. My husband is an extrovert who drinks probably more than he should (5 days a week, 8-15 beers a night).
Both my parents were heavy drinkers, my mom passed away at 57, 3 years ago due to drinking-related issues. I have had no relationship with my father since I was 9, due to substance issues. So I fully admit I am no fan of being around intoxicated people.
Most weeks my husband hangs out with his work buddies, drinking… a lot.
I do not enjoy these gatherings as one I am the only one not drinking, and I am normally left with the only other wife, who is a heavy drinker and every emotional and argumentative while drinking.
If I do not attend I happily drive and pick up my husband. This week, I have had a rough week. This weekend is also packed and is going to be stressful. So when my husband called me during his lunch break, I asked for a week off from his Friday night parties.
I’m in a terrible mood and just didn’t want to deal with a bunch of woozy people. He agreed and said no problem, so I thought that was the end.
When he was off, he called me and told me everyone is coming to our place tonight.
I asked, why, I explained I didn’t want to do this tonight and he agreed. He said, that he agreed to me not driving and got very upset that I was upset because he has a right to his social life.
I agreed, fair enough take an Uber to your friends then. I am working late from home, the house is a mess and I already explained I was having a very bad day, week, and upcoming weekend. He exploded on me for being an introvert, and how I don’t like anyone and I always want to just stay at home with the kids or read or something else boring.
And that I make him miserable because I won’t be more social.
I explained that was unfair and I do go to these gatherings about once a month and drive him the rest of the time. He says that is exactly it, he always has to make excuses for me.
I asked why would he make an excuse, and explained I’m introverted and just didn’t want to go. At which point he told me he is embarrassed I am an introvert and he wouldn’t tell anyone that. And he is not going to say his wife would rather read than be social. This hurts and confuses me.
We have always been different but I don’t understand why this would embarrass him at all. I thought u were a good wife for driving him and not getting upset at how wasted he gets. Why should I have to go?
Especially when he knows how much I hate it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I have to tell you, it’s incredibly ironic that you’re the one asking if you’re the jerk here when your husband is a raging heavy drinker, and there’s literally absolutely nothing wrong with you, your preferences, or your behavior.
Dear OP, when you say that you’re confused about why any of this would embarrass him, that’s because it shouldn’t. Being an introvert is not something to be ashamed of. It’s a perfectly normal character trait. And frankly, the fact that he’s ’embarrassed’ that you enjoy spending a quiet evening at home reading instead of needing to party constantly likely speaks to his own subconscious need to validate his own lousy behavior.
He’s embarrassed because somewhere way back in his deepest brain he understands that it’s HIS behavior that is embarrassing. It’s the same reason peer pressure exists. If you can be happy not doing the self-destructive, obnoxious things that he needs to do in order to ‘have fun’ then some part of him understands that maybe he’s doing it wrong… and that’s intolerable.
He’s mistaking his feeling of discomfort over his own crappy behavior as ’embarrassment’ that you’re mature, self-possessed, and not in need of the constant validation of other people that he needs, so he’s taking it out on you.
Your husband is a raging heavy drinker, and I’m not sure if you’re in denial about this or you just can’t recognize it because heavy drinking has become so normalized for you, but no healthy, well-adjusted person drinks ‘8-15 beers, 5 nights a week’.
And that’s without pressuring you to participate in drinking parties that he knows make you uncomfortable, where it seems the sole point is to get soused.
Please, after 15 years together, give yourself some compassion and stop investing any more time in this man.
Take whatever you have left and invest it in yourself and your children (who deserve better than a wasted father), and walk away. I guarantee you’ll be happier. No matter what, though, you are NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband has a problem whether he admits it or not and should have gotten help once he knew he can’t stop. You can be social without drinking but I guess that would also embarrass him. So he wants a heavy drinker as a wife?
I hope you’re seeing a counselor or will, they’re very helpful with maneuvering in life. You are being taken advantage of. How much backward can he be?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand that you have kids, can you pack them up and go to a motel with an indoor pool or something?
You can read and keep an eye on them. They can have fun, plus swimming tires kids out quickly. Once they dry off boom they’re basically asleep so you could have your quiet time too. They also won’t have to grow up thinking what their dad does is normal, the amount of liquor he consumes.
Children see and understand things more than we know. Or they understand something is amiss but just haven’t figured it out (such as hiding the use of illegal stuff). I would definitely lock myself up in a room while they’re there and screw the house cleaning.” Hetaria-ad-scientiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there was a minor lack of communication between the two of you when you stated you didn’t want to participate. One way for future instances is to be more specific in your request and make sure your husband understands your request
However, for someone who seems to hold some trauma and resentment around drinking, you ended up marrying a heavy drinker. Even if his drinking is only social, it is still an excess amount. Based on what you wrote, it does seem to bother you and may influence why you don’t want to hang out with your husband’s work friends more than once a month.
It’s also something that you should consider going to couples counseling for as well because it’s also unfair of your husband to blame your personality for not wanting to be social.
After 20 years, I would assume that someone should realize you are introverted and respect that.” Stat_Sock
20. AITJ For Causing Trouble Between My Dad And His Boss?
“I am a girl in my early teens. I’ve always had more acne than everyone else around me but it didn’t bother me much until it started getting really bad in 2021.
I know a lot of people say acne is normal during puberty, but when I say my acne was bad, it was baaad. I had at least 25 big (very) pimples on my face at all times and it affected my self-esteem a lot.
Every time I looked in the mirror, I would just cry. And since mirrors are everywhere, I just cried a lot. I used to be quite social before but I ended up losing all my friends as I stopped interacting with them in fear of them finding out about my acne.
Now since that’s done, after the global situation started to improve, my family started meeting up with friends again. This included family, friends, coworkers, and just hanging out in public with each other. I did not include myself in these activities which made my parents (understandably) embarrassed. I mean they had to go to public family events with a member missing which caused a lot of people to ask questions.
However, they never made me feel bad about not going because they understood that I felt insecure which I am incredibly grateful for. The situation in the title started with a coworker’s family meetup. I, of course, didn’t attend.
Many coworker family meetups occurred, and I missed all of them. My parents gave the excuse that ‘I was going through that moody, rebellious puberty phase’ and didn’t want to force me to go but this started to annoy the other coworkers as they had kids my age and they attended. It only got worse when I didn’t attend the party for a coworker leaving for another branch at the company and the party for a new coworker arriving.
One day, my dad’s boss was having a bad day and took it out on my dad. My dad’s boss was getting mad at him for not bringing me along when his kids didn’t want to go either but still came.
My dad defended me saying things like, ‘She doesn’t even work here so why is it required for her to attend?!’ Obviously, my dad eventually backed down as it was his boss and my dad getting fired is not exactly an ideal situation.
To end this, I came here to vent about this because I just found out about all this today. My mom exploded and told me this. My acne has settled a lot compared to the past, but I’m still incredibly insecure.
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t cause your dad’s boss to blow up at him; your dad’s boss just didn’t like seeing another father engaging in responsible, respectful parenting that has almost certainly resulted in his own children asking why they were forced to attend these work gatherings if another parent’s child didn’t have to.
Neither you nor your father is at fault for his boss’ parenting insecurities.
And there’s nothing you should do. If you still want to stay home when these gatherings happen, you have every right to. And when anyone questions it, your parents should be saying nothing more than ‘my daughter didn’t want to come and there was no harm in letting her stay home, so we did.
You worry about your kids and I’ll worry about mine, thank you’.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve never heard of any business having so many parties and family get-togethers from a professional standpoint like why are the kids of these people meant to welcome a new employee?
I mean this can’t be in the United States, is it? And sounds crazy to me and just like too much and I don’t think you should have to go if you don’t want to. I feel like your dad‘s boss is criticizing your dad because of his parenting and he’s just being judgmental but none of this has to do with work at all so what you should do is… I don’t know but you’re not the jerk for sure.
And I like that your dad stuck up for you and your mom did too until the very end but I understand being frustrated because it’s a crazy situation. It’s your dad’s job but I feel like it’s being made into your whole family’s job and that doesn’t make any sense to me at all.” Orphan_Izzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All your parents have to say to explain your absence is that you are not feeling well. You’re not. At all. In between parties, get in to see a board-certified dermatologist (skin doctor.) I’m sure your mom will help you with this.
You are certainly not the first person, adults included, to suffer from severe acne or other major skin problems. There are lots of medications that help skin conditions that many people find embarrassing. You can certainly handle this with the support of your folks.
I’m sure they will be happy to help you with this situation. Good luck and take care of yourself. Enjoy your teens. You’re only young once!!!!!!!” unlikely_crab712
19. WIBTJ If I Get A Tattoo For My Sibling?
“I have four siblings (two teens, two in the early years of adulthood, I’m the oldest). All of us have interesting/uncommon names and the meanings behind those names have always been of interest if not important to my parents.
So, in honor of that and our relationship, I wanted to get a tattoo with a symbol representing each of them, based on their names. I like to keep it simple (think of the symbols in a card game – clubs and spades etc), so for example my sister is called ‘spring’ in our language, which I’m getting a flower for.
My youngest brother is the most difficult for several reasons. My parents have always told me his name means one thing, but when I Google it, I get VASTLY different results. I have no idea where my parents have theirs from as I can’t find it anywhere.
The thing is, with my parents’ definition there is simply no way of figuring out a simple symbol. With Google’s definition, it was incredibly hard as well, but after many brainstorming sessions with several friends, I managed to find one I liked.
When I went to visit my family a short while ago, I sat down with all my siblings to tell them of my idea and ask their permission. In particular, my youngest brother, to who I explained the situation and asked for his opinion.
He agreed with me and was actually quite happy, both with the symbol and the fact I asked for his input.
What worries me about my being a jerk, is my parents. They already disapprove of tattoos (I have several already and they are quite clear though polite about their opinion) and I am basically undermining them as I’m picking a different meaning to what they have always associated with my brother.
It’s a lovely one, but nonetheless. That said, I feel in a way this isn’t about them. It’s my brother’s name after all, and he’s cool with it.
Shall I go ahead and get it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother is the best judge of his own name.
You did a good thing by clearing the symbols and tattoo ideas with the people you would be getting tattoos for. Your parents don’t factor into this because they do not control your body, and they are not the subject of your tattoo.” Background-Aioli4709
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, get the tats. This is for you and your siblings, and your parents don’t get to control what symbolic talismans you create between you. It seems like if you don’t tell them what the tattoos mean, they likely won’t ask and thus likely won’t ever know that you’re ‘undermining’ their naming choice.
Get the tats, let your siblings know that it’s between you and them, and enjoy the healthy bonds you’re fostering with them. Hope they turn out rad!!” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Do it! Your siblings are on board with it, so go for it.
I understand your parents picked a name for your sibling before they were born – but your sibling is now a living, breathing person that “inhabits” that name. If they’re okay with your symbolism, that’s mostly all that matters.” Graflex01867
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My Aunt And Uncle?
“My aunt and uncle came to stay with me in September. They approached my mom in early August looking to stay somewhere for a little til they could move.
She said yes. In September my mother passed, and at the funeral, I was asked if the deal was still on (red flag #1). I agreed because the original deal was only until my cousin was married in October. It’s now April and I’ve seen no attempt to do anything, I barely get any help with bills, especially after being in the hospital the last two months, and their animals have destroyed my floors.
Twice I attempted to say something, and was met either with ‘I’m working on it’ or something about ‘but your mom said…’ My fiancee and I want to move on with our lives and begin building our home, and they won’t leave.
I feel bad because I don’t want them homeless, but at the same time it’s not my problem nor should it have ever been my problem. So, AITJ?
An edit for a little extra clarity: I’m 23, and they are both pushing 60.
Also, I live in Pennsylvania, and the trailer park I live in doesn’t have them listed officially as tenants, so they have no legal residency here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You not only have to deal with the grief of your mother’s passing but the nonsense antics of a couple who seem incapable of getting themselves together?
No, screw that – you don’t have to deal with them. Bummer if they end up homeless, but does it actually seem like they’re doing anything to make sure that doesn’t happen? Doesn’t sound like it.” KorEssos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Take those legal steps to kick them out because if you don’t, they will never leave. They aren’t going to look or fix anything they just want to mooch off of you. Kick them out and move on.
If they are homeless then that’s because they didn’t stick to the agreement. Don’t let family take advantage of you or make you feel bad for letting them destroy your house and then kick them out.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They’ve been leeching off you for months, especially after your mother’s death. Literally bringing it up at your mother’s funeral to take advantage of you when you’re grieving! They’re not going to move out until you evict them, so the sooner you get started the better.” Absolut_Iceland
17. AITJ For Leaving My Ex At The Mall?
“I recently got into my first-ever relationship. I wasn’t looking for it and don’t get me wrong the girl is beautiful and nice it’s just that some of her actions aren’t the greatest.
Since she is pretty well known in my town. Many people gave me advice and the majority was to run. Many of my friends and strangers said that she likes to make out with random guys, that she has many backups and she is known to be very toxic to other guys.
Of course, I didn’t want to listen and I stayed with her. She would occasionally ghost me. After about a month of going out, she just randomly texted me ‘Hey, I think it’s better for us to stay friends’. She also added that she likes me just that I lack the experience, but that didn’t bother her and she even liked it.
She also said she will now be romantically free AS SHE WAS FROM THE START I couldn’t stop thinking about her but I had many good friends that gave me advice, and since I was an overthinker I knew there was something off about the sudden change of heart and I eventually moved on.
A few weeks forward, we plus a couple of my friends go out. I moved on so I didn’t really give her much attention, but she seemed to like it. And showed signs of liking me again. One of my friends knowing the way she was annoyed her with childish jokes such as Who?
pause Asked? My ex also couldn’t have stayed with us for long since she had to go to a concert soon. Near us was a group of guys our age that I knew. About half an hour before she had to leave, they invited us to play basketball in the park nearby.
They left with no second thoughts and were now waiting for me in the elevator with other people and I was choosing whether to stay or to leave which I tried to hint at by being very slow to put on my jacket.
I asked her if she would like to go with us but she said no and instead called her friend asking where they should meet up. I asked if she would like a hug before we leave as we usually hug, and she said no visibly annoyed. That same night, I had my friend sleep over and I made him apologize but it made it worse since she thought I wasn’t going to do the same but I did about an hour later and she didn’t accept the apology, saying I was a jerk and that she will get me the gifts I gave her back.
She also said she’s not mad at my friend because she expected it from him and had the audacity to say I could’ve gotten my second chance which if I did get, she would leave again. We talked a few times since then and it is obvious we still both care.
She texted my friends a few times and said she was not mad anymore. Her birthday is tomorrow, I don’t think she’ll invite me to the party. I think the L was deserved…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She dumped you.
Your heart is free to play basketball, as it was from the start.” Early-Light-864
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is playing games so you should just stick with basketball.” temp0rarystatus
16. AITJ For Getting A DoorDash Driver Banned From Our Restaurant?
“I (23F) deliver for a pretty popular pizza restaurant in my area.
We have plenty of DoorDash drivers come in and definitely have some regulars. I consider myself pretty friendly (now I’m thinking too friendly) and will strike up conversations with the other drivers while they’re waiting for their orders. Last week, I was discussing with a driver about what sodas we like.
Today I saw that same driver as I was walking into the store to grab a delivery and he was walking out. When I went back to my car, that same soda was sitting on my front seat. I had completely forgotten that conversation with him and I started calling my fiancé, dad, mom, and brother to see if someone had left me a soda.
When none of them did, I started to panic until I remembered that driver.
When I returned from my delivery, he was still in the parking lot and asked me if I saw what he left me. I said yes, I did, and please don’t do that again.
I said I don’t know if I sent the wrong message but I am engaged. He said it wasn’t like that and he has a partner. Where I may have made the mistake is I went into the store (after another delivery or two) and was talking about the incident with another coworker because it really shook me up that someone felt comfortable going into my car.
I didn’t realize the dd driver was also in the store and he tried to explain again that it wasn’t meant to be like that. I responded that I’ve been made uncomfortable by other customers and I really don’t take those things lightly.
I also said I keep a weapon on me for a reason. His response is that maybe I should start with locking my car.
I went into the bathroom after that until he left and asked my manager to please ban him from the store and said if he comes back I will be going home.
But I felt bad because he comes in regularly and I know he probably makes a good amount of moolah from our store. I’m home now (he did come into the parking lot again so I went home) and am wondering if maybe I took it too far and he really didn’t mean any harm.
Was this just a misunderstanding? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The right and reasonable non-creepy thing would be to hand you the soda and tell you to have a good day. Opening your car and putting the soda in there was absolutely NOT ok and frankly, I’m gonna suggest if someone hasn’t already that you check your car for a tracker.
You are not the jerk for having him banned from picking up orders from your store. What he did was beyond not ok and the fact that rather than apologizing he told you to lock your door. That is a man who should NOT be trusted. At this point, it really doesn’t matter if he meant to harm or not, because he was unwilling to take responsibility for his actions and blamed you.
Losing one store is not going to overly hurt his wallet so don’t even concern yourself with that.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“This one is tough cause I can see where both sides are coming from. You’re NTJ because he never should have gone into your car.
He definitely crossed the line there. I also can understand where he, in trying to do something nice, made an error in judgment and took it too far. I know I myself have been guilty of that, not going into someone’s car per say, but being caught up in the gesture and perhaps not fully thinking through the delivery of it.
Though banning him from the store was well within your right, I think I would have given him the chance to show he learned from his mistake while still being cautious of him.
Any further mistakes would definitely be grounds for banning him though.
Like I said, it’s a tough call cause we don’t really know his intent, and your definitely not the jerk for erring on the side of caution but I personally would have given him another chance.” WittyResource2329
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He went into your car without your knowledge or permission. No one in their right mind would think that’s okay. He could’ve just given you the soda directly. He could’ve told you ahead of time he was planning to do that.
Instead, he went into your car without your knowledge or permission, something that would be upsetting for anyone. Most people would assume someone broke in and perhaps did more than just leave a soda. At best, he didn’t consider the implications of his actions, but regardless there should be consequences.” WildAphrodite
15. AITJ For Making My Partner Move His Computer Setup To Another Room?
“My partner (20M) & I (20F) have been together for four years & have recently moved into a friend’s house to split rent. I’ve recently started having problems concerning my health & have been unemployed since August of last year so I turned to gaming and streaming as a coping mechanism and (hopefully) a career.
My desk is L shaped & the right half from where I sit is hardly ever used so I let him use that space to put his monitor & ps4 & we usually game together. He, however, has anger impulses.
Hitting the desk with his controller, screaming & flipping chairs are just some of the examples of what happens when he games. I like to think I’m my partner’s biggest supporter, I’m always there when he’s angry & do my best to calm him down.
But streaming became impossible with his screaming & raging.
Almost every day I was streaming, he was screaming at his game right next to me & it would pick up on my mic, disrupting my stream & distracting me from talking to friends & chat.
I would usually mute my mic & ask politely if he could quiet down & he’d always agree, as he never intentionally tries to disrupt my stream. But recently, he had been disrespectful when I’d ask him to quiet down.
‘Baby I can’t control it’, ‘please stop’, ‘I’m not being rude just stop’, etc. I didn’t exactly make him move either, I think he just got annoyed that I kept asking him to quiet down & moved into the other bedroom a few days ago.
Today, I finish my stream & go in there to lay on the bed with our roommate’s dog while he’s at work & my partner is playing a game with his friends. He’s loud when he gets excited as well, which never bothers me unless I’m relaxing, which is what I was trying to do, as it was 12:00 am & I wanted to start winding down.
I asked him nicely a few times to just lower his voice because I couldn’t hear my phone & to no surprise, he agreed. But the fourth or fifth time I had asked, he yelled something along the lines of ‘why don’t you just go relax on the couch?
You drove me out of our room so you could stream, where am I supposed to go so you’re happy?’ I never intended to make him feel like I was driving him out. Am I the jerk for asking him to be quieter while he games?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds like he has things he needs to get under control. You sound like you’re doing your best to be polite which is all you can do. Good on you for not being a doormat when he turns his anger towards you.” MyChemicalWomance
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: only because you followed him to the other bedroom and then complained that he was being too loud for you to hear your phone when you could’ve very well stayed in the room you use to stream or gone elsewhere in the house.
His cursing and raging while you stream would def be annoying, but in this instance, he was playing away from where you were, you weren’t streaming, and you still asked him to be quiet.” BeauseISaidSo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
THE BIGGEST ISSUE here is his anger problem. Another commenter pointed out that people should be allowed to be themselves in their own homes. And for the most part, I think that is true. However, individuals should strive to be healthy for their own benefit, people in relationships should strive to be healthy for each other’s benefit, and when you care about someone, it makes sense to encourage that person to be healthy for their own benefit because you care about them.
I play video games sometimes too, and sometimes I’ll yell out, ‘Come on! Are you kidding me?!’ So I get it. But I think in gaming culture the cursing and the anger are out of control. I don’t know if your partner has this problem, but I’ve noticed people using racial slurs and gender-based slurs left and right, whereas they wouldn’t do it to that degree or at all during in-person interactions.
The anger just isn’t healthy. ‘It is not your job to fix him.’ But if you want to continue this relationship, you should tell him how the anger makes you feel and encourage him to work on it. It sounds like you two have limited resources, but he should go to therapy, counseling, or an anger management class.
It’s not an acceptable excuse to say he can’t control it. I believe that it might be hard to stop because he has made it a habit. Maybe buy him the Atomic Habits book and work on setting goals and tracking his progress on breaking the habit.
Also, it might be hard for him to break the habit, because… He – does – not – want – to. He gets to lean into his rage, and then the cherry on top is that he gets your attention.
His anger is not your responsibility to deal with, but if you want to stay in the relationship, for your own benefit, you have to address it.
In answer to your question: It ‘would be reasonable’ for you to ask him to permanently move his set-up to a different space.
Since you have the space, and you have different needs, it makes sense to take advantage of the separate rooms
You probably could have done your winding down in the living room or your own bedroom though. So that was unnecessary.
But, it’s not like you did something terrible. I like to spend time near my partner, but sometimes I ask him to turn down the t.v. or talk a little less loud, and he’s usually cool with it. But I could see why he might have said, ‘I’m not ready to quiet down, why don’t you go relax on the couch,’ in a mostly calm and nice voice, maybe with just a tinge of quelled frustration.
Just because you weren’t 100% perfect in this specific situation, its is not a reason for you to back down in being assertive. He needs to get his anger problem under control.” Blue-Cuttle
14. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Want To Go To Hawaii?
“I’m pretty spoiled I’ll be honest. Especially from my siblings’ perspectives since my mom wasn’t financially stable when we were young and now she is but I’m the only one still living with her since I’m also the youngest.
I’m turning 18 in July and my mom just surprised me with some news that she wants to take me to Hawaii for my birthday since it’s the big 18. Usually, people would be excited to hear they’re going to Hawaii, I mean it’s Hawaii.
Plus I’ve never been before so it does sound like a fun trip for a normal person. But I don’t want to go to Hawaii, traveling during my birthday sounds so exhausting and honestly, I don’t think I would enjoy it even if it wasn’t on my birthday.
I’m a homebody and enjoy my time at home or with friends, I’ve never been the type of person who wants to see the world (that’s more of my sister). Even with road trips I didn’t like it and getting to the state we were traveling to never seemed any interesting unless we were meeting with friends of my mom’s.
I told my mom I didn’t want to go to Hawaii for my birthday and she said that that’s fine we can just change the dates and then I clarified that I didn’t want to go at all.
My mom got sad and upset because she saw this as a family trip since my brother would be coming as well and she’s always wanted to do a family vacation.
I told her I would be down for a family vacation I just didn’t want to travel for my birthday and then she got happy again saying that she’ll just have us go to Hawaii the week after… then I clarified again that I wouldn’t be going to Hawaii with them.
(Another reason I don’t want to go to Hawaii right now is that I always see native Hawaiians telling people not to come for vacation bc its hurting them so… no matter what I won’t be going but I know if I tell my mom this she’d be upset with me) (also I’m pretty insecure about my body since I’m female-to-male and people go to Hawaii for the beaches and being forced to wear a bathing suit will cause all types of dysphoria that I don’t need more of).
After telling my mom this. she got upset with me again and was honestly kinda guilty trippy with her words saying how she just wanted a family trip and she won’t even try anymore and so much for wanting to spend time with my family, things like that.
I kinda feel bad, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom had no issue not traveling during your birthday after you told her you didn’t want to and instead offered to travel at a later date since you said you would be okay with the family vacation.
But you just don’t want to go to Hawaii. If everyone else wants to go to Hawaii, maybe you should******* up and go. Don’t let your issues with your body prevent you from enjoying your family or your life. You will look back and regret that one day.” Ivyblueberryhill
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you are turning something down that I imagine she saved for. She planned thinking you would be so excited. The family is there to enjoy your birthday, and just enjoy HAWAII.
She compromised the week after, and you still said no because of bathing suit insecurity.
People come in all shapes and sizes, let that go and enjoy yourself. Or wear a sun dress. Get out of your comfort zone, and go have fun!
I suppose you are NTJ cause you are simply expressing your wants.
Sure you’ll miss out on an amazing vacation with your loved ones. You’re 18, and these types of family trips will be harder and harder to come by. In my opinion, you are NTJ, but you’re missing a great opportunity. You may really regret not taking this family vacation (assuming your family is great).” vegetable-trainer23
Another User Comments:
“I would say ‘no jerks here’ except maybe for how you are saying your mom is guilt-tripping you. I think you honestly just need to be open and honest with all the reasons that you don’t want to do the trip for your birthday.
And explain why you don’t want to go to Hawaii specifically. It sounds like you are okay with a family vacation, so maybe just suggest a different, but still equally interesting and extravagant vacation destination.” I_Have-A_Secret
Another User Comments:
“NTA sounds like she bought herself a present…while well-meaning (and you’re lucky to have a mom willing to foot the bill for travel like that) it’s disrespectful to schedule travel for someone else’s special day without consulting them. It’s your birthday.
Celebrate how you want. You’re going to be an adult soon she should get used to you making decisions on how you spend your time.” HR_Here_to_Help
13. AITJ For Staying In The Same Room With My Partner?
“I (20 M) am studying in a city 2 hours away from my hometown, I’m also living with my dad there.
I met this guy in the city half a year ago and we got along quickly. We’ve been a couple since Valentine’s day.
Anyway, I spent spring break in my hometown because I like my mom’s house, my family, and the calm of the town.
I invited my partner to stay here the last weekend because he wanted to see the mountains. It’s also a good opportunity to do it because my mom is out of town traveling with her husband (not my dad).
The problem happenes when my sister (22 F) got angry and said we can’t rest in the same room.
I know my mom wouldn’t allow so I didn’t even bother to ask her. My sister knows it BUT she’s been sleeping in her room with her partner LAST TWO WEEKS, and several times before spring break when my mom was out.
This is not her house, she’s not giving me an allowance and she does the same thing almost every day so I think she has no right to make that kind of decision on my behalf, but she said ‘he can sleep on the couch, you can ask mom or tell him he can’t come’ with a very arrogant tone.
If I ask mom she would say no to me and her, so she would be angrier with me. My dad said I should obey her to avoid problems. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not your house and you are doing something you know your mom wouldn’t allow.
Doesn’t matter if your sister is a jerk too in my opinion because you’re still wrong regardless of whether your sister is too.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sister sounds homophobic, that or she’s 2 years older she still thinks the older kid getting to do stuff the younger one can’t still apply to adults, (it’s doesn’t.)” Final-Mail-6959
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you’re not telling your mom because you know she wouldn’t approve. Don’t be disrespectful to someone else’s house. Get a hotel if you wanna spend the night with each other.
Your sister is a hypocrite.” Ok_Job_9417
12. WIBTJ If I Still Go To The Club With My Friend?
“My partner and I got into an argument and tried to talk about it last night but he was being very dismissive and every time I brought up something that bothered me, he would say ‘well you do it too’ and it was feeling very dismissive so I ended the conversation.
I’ve had plans for 2 days to go out with my friend, she is going through a lot and just wants a night out, and I reminded my partner today that I have plans tonight but we can talk, he kept saying my plans depend on how long we talk for but that feels pretty unfair considering I’ve already had these plans before we had plans to talk.
He said he’d be at my house when I got home from work, but it’s been over an hour and he isn’t on his way yet. I told him that I’m going to go out with my friend, and that if he isn’t here to talk I’m going to my friend’s house because it feels like he is intentionally waiting until it was late so that I have no choice but to cancel (maybe I am just assuming), anyway, I told myself I’d like to be at my friend’s house by 10 which is just in 2 hours, and that if he isn’t here by 9 then we just need to talk another time.
He is upset and says I’m putting my friend before him when this conversation is important to us, but I feel as though I shouldn’t have to cancel already made plans because he wants to wait to come talk, WIBTJ if I just went out with my friend instead of canceling and talking to my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He felt like dismissing you last night, so now your plans tonight depend on how long he wants to talk. NO! You are a free woman who already had plans. What you do tonight is completely up to you, not how long he wants to fight.
If he decides that you keeping your plans tonight and going out with your friend is some kind of relationship deal-breaker, then that’s his right too, but I really hope you don’t set the precedent that he can tell you what to do and when to do it based entirely on his feelings.” JennnnnP
Another User Comments:
“You had a fight last night and he put off talking about it. Now, when he knows you already had plans to go out with a friend, he wants to talk and is trying to guilt-trip you into not going out.
Does he interfere with your plans with friends often?
NTJ. You had these plans before the argument. He doesn’t get to choose a time that doesn’t work for you and then blame you. Huge red flag.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lemme tell you why.
If you have some free time go on to Google images and look up the psychological power and control wheel. On this wheel, it’s going to have a bunch of types of mistreatment or control and what actions the other person is doing that qualify for that type of abuse.
No typical domestic violence case starts on the first date with a black eye. It starts with months of control and gaslighting. It starts with him giving you an inch. And then one day you give two inches when he’s still only giving you one.
But you love him and you want to keep the relationship so you continue to do it and eventually it gets so bad you’re giving miles and he won’t even give you the inch.
So realistically you have three options.
You can give in to his ridiculous request and allow this power cycle to start or even continue (as I’m guessing this might be a pattern).
You can set a boundary and tell him that this behavior is unacceptable and wait for him to change.
But understand one thing – people don’t change for other people. People only change for themselves and if he doesn’t want to change he’s not going to change permanently and these issues are going to be a constant fight.
Recognize that the relationship was fun while it lasted but you are worth more than this kind of petty nonsense, dump him and move on after you feel you’re ready.
No one ever wants to start again but everyone wants to feel like they’re worth something.” Lilly_Otter
11. AITJ For Saying That My Wife Is Overreacting Over Finances?
“My (40M) wife (42F) grew up extremely poor, she has financial trauma because ever since she was little, she had to help her parents to provide for their family.
It has affected her deeply, always looking too much into our finances all the time (we make good money and have a good household), always tracking every penny, unwilling to go on vacation until our son leaves for college, no ‘fun money’, always on a budget even when we don’t need to.
We have a 16 yo son, my wife has never wanted him to work until he graduates college, we have made sure that he has everything he needs, but you know how teens are, they want to be independent and self-sufficient, he wanted to get a job and I saw nothing bad with that.
He has been working at a cafeteria for 6 months now.
My wife, however, has gone crazy, I think that our minor son working has triggered her and she’s trying to act cool but I know that she’s not. My wife told me that he had to divide his paycheck into 3, 2 parts will be for him and 1 for the household, I didn’t like it because there was no need, we don’t need his money, but my wife didn’t give in, so my son agreed.
I guess my wife expected him to back out, but he hasn’t, I’ve been noticing that she snatches the moolah from his hand and I find that very distasteful and rude, my son seems a little sad every time she does it, so yesterday, when she tried it again, he kinda moved his hand before and let her grab air.
Oh my god, she acted like he raised his hand at her, she went full-mad, berating him and telling him that he needs to quit, that he doesn’t need to work, he only sighed and went to his room. My wife wanted to follow him but I didn’t let her, we fought until I said she was acting crazy fnd she went silent.
She began to cry, tried to say sorry, and locked herself in our room. I’m not sure if I was a jerk for saying that, she was acting really rude towards our son only because he wanted some independence, so…?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife may not be aware of it but it sounds like she’s parenting the way her parents parented her – abusively.
She’s hurting your son, she’s being overbearing, and she’s taking his hard-earned money for the house when it’s not even necessary.
And she’s snatching the moolah as if it’s owed to her – all without a single ounce of gratitude.
She’s killing the relationship between her and her son for money and that is not okay. What you said was harsh – but it did something, it made her stop in her tracks, and then it made her cry.
Now is the time to have a good long talk with her about all of this and maybe even suggest an individual or even family therapy.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes people need a wake-up call to recognize their own bad behavior, especially when they’re perpetuating a cycle of childhood trauma.
Your son does not need to be contributing financially to the household at all unless it’s a condition that he proposed, not your wife. By having a kid, y’all made an unspoken agreement to manage to raise and take care of him financially until he’s at least 18 years old, so any amount he’s earning right now should be for him to make judgment calls on.
You’re welcome to speak to him and make suggestions with regards to being smart with finances, just so he doesn’t enter adulthood completely blindsided, but taking a third of his paycheck right now is just overkill.
Your wife is offloading her own trauma onto your son and it’s your responsibility as someone who is witnessing this happening to step in and put a stop to it.
Calling her out on it wasn’t a jerk move; it’s exactly what she needs to hear.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she has a lot of trauma and triggers tied to finances and her son working. I don’t think you were a jerk for checking her on it because it definitely sounds like she’s not handling it well, but it also sounds like she knows it too.
You both deserve empathy and maybe some therapy to work through it. Like it’s healthy for your kid to want independence! It’s healthy for your kid to contribute to the household! But your wife was traumatized by having to worry about finances in her childhood.
Y’all just need a little therapy to help her sort through it. I genuinely think that would do wonders to have someone talk through it with her, her triggers, what is reasonable for your son, and how to interact with him about it in a healthy way.” tiannatorres
10. AITJ For Disobeying My Brother?
“I (20 nonbinary) have an older brother (26 male) who tends to be very pessimistic and discouraging and plays it off as ‘realistic’. He’s been extra discouraging and dragging me down a lot recently. Saying things about my weight, my interests, me spending a lot on things like clothes, food, and plushies.
He also used to be like this when I was a kid/teen, degrading my art skills and giving unwanted ‘criticism’ until I just gave it up. Something he probably wanted me to do out of spite, but that’s a different story.
Anyways back to the main point. I decided to try and stop listening to his stupid opinions and discouragement on pretty much everything I do. It’s hard, but I decided to use it to my advantage. Now when I ask for his opinion, if he actively discourages it, then I know it’s a good idea simply because he disproves of it.
Like buying a hoodie, getting snacks, and more. I did this last night.
I’m unhappy with how my current college career is going despite it being just the start, so I decided to look into some more careers I could get into.
The most average one that I really like being a park ranger that has a wide range of majors I could choose to become. I thought it was a great idea, but I needed confirmation so I went downstairs and asked my brother about what he thought of me being a park ranger.
Nothing else. Just working and living in a state or national park. He went off about how it was a bad idea, how I’m so out of shape and chubby, and how I’m not an outdoorsy person who’s not fit for it.
I knew it. This was the perfect backup in case my current major and career plan didn’t work out. The only thing he was even right about was that I need to work out, which I already used to do before.
Anyways, after that, I talked to my parents. We had a discussion that I won’t get into, but in the end, I mentioned that the only reason I even considered being a park ranger in my list of careers was because my brother disproved it.
And if he thinks something is a bad idea, I already know it’s a great idea. They understood but I could tell they seemed upset and didn’t like that I valued my brother’s opinions so lowly now. But I have no choice.
After how he’s reacted to everything I do I might as well just start doing the opposite of what he thinks.
But just to be sure that I’m not being dumb. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds awful. Sibling abuse is a real thing, read up on it.
I would avoid engaging with him, and use the ‘grey rock’ method if you can. He is basically trying to form low self-esteem and intentionally sabotage your future by making you feel smaller and worse about yourself and your life prospects.
Nothing good can come of a long-term relationship with someone who treats you like this.
It sounds like your parents support and enable his mistreatment of you and you should heavily consider their role in even causing him to be that way in the first place, or at least allowing it to persist. Their opinions may not be the healthiest for you to trust, either, if they are disappointed in you filtering out and ignoring his mistreatment of you.
You will have to go your own way and form your own life goals without this kind of sabotage.
I’m guessing that they might view you as a girl? Despite the NB part. I am not kidding when I say that this is a very old learned behavior, for families to treat (those they view as) daughters this way.
In the past, it was to coerce them to give up college and a career, only go to ‘get a husband’ and nothing else, etc. What we now see with this kind of discouragement is that it’s a kind of cultural hangover from that time, which has been made irrelevant.
People don’t know how to encourage their daughters as much as their sons and it sucks but at some point, you have to tune it out and just do you.” KeyDragonfruit9
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you are going out of your way to ask your brother for his opinion because you want to spite him and do against what he thinks.
If he was giving you his opinion randomly, this would either be not the jerk or ‘everyone sucks here’, but you are purposefully asking him. You’re as bad as you think he is here in my opinion.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“I understand why you do that, it’s your way to find positivity in his mean comments. That way, when he is, it means you translate it into something helpful. But you already know what you want, so I suggest you have more faith in yourself and your own judgment.
And if he tries to comment on one of your decision, stop him right away and tell him if he has nothing nice to say, you don’t care and don’t want to hear what he thinks. After a few times, he may stop.
Your brother probably needs professional help for depression. So don’t let him take you down, and explain to him that his mean comments are affecting you and you don’t want that in your life. And if he says it’s for your good, tell him it’s ok to make mistakes, and you have to experience different things to learn what you want and what is good for you.” charlotte_rami
9. AITJ For Brushing My Hair?
“I (18f) have kind of curly hair.
It’s like halfway I guess. The bottom curls a lot but near my scalp, it doesn’t curl nearly as much. Because of my curls, if I brush my hair it turns into a giant poofy lion’s mane basically. It’s all frizzy and static-y and just looks bad.
However, I didn’t really discover this until I was about 14. My hair was wild growing up.
Well, growing up, my grandma always made a fuss over my hair. No matter what you did, it’d be frizzy when dry. So every time I was at her house, she’d have me brush my hair because she never believed that I had already brushed it.
I hope you can see where this is going.
(Some additional context: I haven’t seen my grandma in a few years due to going to a ‘boarding’ school in a different country. I stayed there for about two years, but on breaks, I’d only see my parents and friends, not my grandparents.
When I returned home for good, my grandparents moved away and I didn’t get the chance to see them.)
Well, I finally got the chance to see my grandparents again, and we went to their house for the weekend. With the way my hair is now, it’s a bit frizzy as it’s drying, but when it’s completely dry the frizz becomes a lot less noticeable due to the curls.
I also finger brush to minimize the frizz. My grandma saw me while my hair was drying and told me to ‘go brush my hair’ and that ‘by this age, I should already know how to brush my hair.’
I told her that brushing my hair so much is what made my hair so frizzy, so I refused. She told me that was nonsense, and that I’d better brush it before our special brunch.
I just ignored her for the most part, and then into the guest room to do homework.
That was until our ‘special brunch’ when I came out of the room to leave. My grandma saw me and my curls and said ‘look at how much better your hair looks when it’s brushed. I told you so!’
I was literally dumbfounded. Did she seriously think my hair was brushed? I told her it wasn’t brushed and she didn’t believe me, so I went and got a brush, walked up to her, and brushed my hair. Wouldn’t you know it, it was a disaster.
The look on her face was priceless.
She got all angry at me saying that I just ruined her family photos (guess that’s why the brunch was so special) and that I needed to fix my hair. I told her there was nothing I could do now, and she was the one who told me to brush my hair anyway.
My mom said I was a jerk for this but my dad said that it was hilarious (away from my mom of course).
Though, I do kinda see why I’m a jerk, because she paid for a professional photographer (which I didn’t know until she told me after the fact), and she already told me my hair looked good and I ruined it on purpose to spite her.
So, yeah, AITJ?
Edit: While my grandma is stubborn and stuck in her ways I still love her, she’s usually good to be around, it’s just me needing to ‘look presentable’. Also, my mom and grandma both have straight hair, for those wondering.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the one who controls your own body, not someone else. She has no right to try to exercise this kind of control over your appearance or get angry that she’s not being allowed to.
Dealt with this a lot in my life, and the answer is just to deny them every time. It’s your life. There will never be an amount of bending over backward and losing dignity by letting them control your hair, face, clothes, etc that ever satisfies them.
If you give people an inch about that stuff they will take a mile, and it’ll be your happiness or comfort with your own body image that you eventually lose in the process. Cut off their demands to do so and ignore the entitled childish whining that follows.
Keeping your bodily autonomy is important, even with supposedly ‘little’ things like this, because it sets a precedent that they can have a say in bigger things, too. Is it ‘the family hair’? Nah, it’s your hair.” KeyDragonfruit9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly. Your grandma sounds like she’s been very passive-aggressive about your hair. Also, why your parents didn’t realize you had curls is beyond me.
Although I, too, didn’t discover I had curls until middle school even though my whole family has curly hair whoop.
She pushed the issue and was very rude. You were right to prove a point. And frizzy hair is not bad hair.
I dunno if you’re black or not but there’s this whole thing about black hair being seen as inappropriate or unprofessional in its natural state.
Even if you aren’t, don’t let people shame your hair for existing as is.” nature_f00l
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your grandma is the jerk for making you brush your hair and for not telling you about the family photo shoot.
It’s on her, not you. You tried your best to keep your hair under control but you couldn’t seem to because that is what your hair is like when it’s dry to make it frizzy. So you showed her that you brushed your hair right in front of her.
A couple of friends’ hair is just like yours. So I do get you. Mine is just thick but no curls. It does frizz sometimes depends on certain weather.” MischievousBish
8. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband About Spending?
“I (25F) am married to Jack (25M), and we’ve been arguing about finances for a while. He constantly wants to spend any and all, but then gets loud and angry when we’re out of funds. I’ve tried multiple ways and times to explain we don’t have the extra funds for expenditures, but then he yells at me for telling him no. I do want to throw out there, that he is the breadwinner.
He works about 30-35 hours a week, and I cook and clean the house. I’m usually stuck at home, and maybe that’s why I’m so upset about this.
A little bit ago, my family sent us funds, around $300, to go to a festival for a day.
I’ve been so excited, as I was gonna get to meet one of my long-time favorite actors and get his autograph. They paid for our tickets and sent us spending money. Here’s my issue. My husband spent ALL of the spending money they sent.
The whole time I’m asking him how we were gonna afford to do anything if he spends all our moolah, and he said ‘don’t worry, we’ll have it.’ Well, the event is in two days, and we have absolutely no money.
I mentioned it to him, asking how he was going to figure it out, and that started a fight. Him saying they didn’t send us enough to actually do anything (they also didn’t ask us to pay it back, their words were actually ‘just have fun, we love you kids’) and now he has to stress about how to pay for it.
And last night, I was told, not asked, but told he’s put in a refund for our tickets, and we’re not going. I’m devastated. I wanted to go so bad, and it really broke my heart. But to me, it seems like he doesn’t care.
So, AITJ? I’m also considering telling him he’s explaining to them why we didn’t go and have him return the moolah since it wasn’t used for what it was sent for.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to get this handled or figure out another solution.
If therapy or the like don’t work, this won’t be a good situation.
This is an out-of-the-book example of how abusive power dynamics form. Unfortunately, the reality is a stay-at-home spouse is much more susceptible to financial or other financially related forms of mistreatment.
Can even be as simple as denying you access to the vehicle because you don’t pay for gas, for example. The justification is x, but the effect is you don’t have the freedom to travel, socialize, act for your own need like doctor appointments, etc, making you reliant on them and their whim to accomplish tasks.” Maine04330
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I honestly believe it’s time for him to go to therapy and if he’s unwilling to go then just divorce him. Do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with a narcissistic person who just took the gift YOUR parents gave YOU and spent it on just himself with no remorse?
Especially when he saw how much you wanted to go and he didn’t even try to return the funds AND sold the tickets he didn’t even buy to spend the moolah on himself again. There’s no doubt he has a huge problem with both spending the moolah and empathy.
I also wonder why are you unemployed, was it your choice or did he make you become a housewife to maybe have full financial control of you? Considering he doesn’t work that many hours and apparently makes hardly enough to cover the bills, you could get a job too and you would split the chores in your free time like other couples do.
You can both have your personal accounts and only send half of the bills to a joint account. Everything else can be your own fun money so if he spends his fun money it won’t be your problem anymore.
Definitely at least try bringing this up to him as a possibility and see how he reacts. He seems angry about it, skip the therapy part and go straight to the divorce as that’s clearly abuse from his side.
If he’s fine with it give it a try and see how it goes but still make sure he gets therapy both for himself and in case you ever have children and you need to be financially dependent on him again.
Also definitely let your parents know both about the situation with the festival and his problems and tell them to not send you any more gifts before you resolve the situation. It will all go to waste anyway when he spends it on god knows what.” tinka-bx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You need to separate your finances so what he can blow is limited. Personally, I agree he should have to be the one to tell them and offer to send the funds back as well.
It sounds like y’all might also benefit from some couples counseling to address communication difficulties and as well as his compulsive spending.” SmallTownAttorney
7. WIBTJ If I Move Out Of My Foster Mom's House?
“I’m a 16, almost 17-year-old boy. I am planning to move out of my aunt’s, who is my foster mom’s house. I am currently waiting to sign a rental agreement with one of my friends, who’s an adult.
When I first told my aunt that I was going to move out, she pulled me aside after I got home from school and told me that she ‘uprooted her family for me, how she’s tried to treat me as one of her own, how I’ve shown her massive disrespect, I’m leaving her with a lot of work and uncertainty, how my past isn’t my fault but it is my fault for how I let it continue to affect my life’ and these are just some of the things she’s said.
Another important fact is we are quite a bit below the poverty line in my country, and the moolah she gets for me each month goes to bills and other stuff like that.
So, even though she’s said all those things, I feel guilty.
So, WIBTJ for moving out of my aunt’s house?
Update: I moved out! I moved out on May 14th and it’s been absolutely amazing! My roommates are so kind and understanding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is trying to guilt you into staying so she can keep getting the moolah.
Remember to let the agency that put you there know you are no longer there or they will keep sending her the funds – which is what she really wants. And if you feel you did do any of the things she mentioned, tell her you’re sorry and this is the best thing for everyone then.” User
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk for wanting to move out, lots of kids your age want independence but advice from someone older… unless there’s a bigger reason for you wanting to move such as abuse, etc stay at home and make sure you have your feet under you before you move out.
Having your own place comes with a ton of responsibility and stress.” Eviejo2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents or foster parents/aunts take care of us so that we can move on to taking care of ourselves. It’s right for you to want to move out and be independent, and she appears to not want to let you go due to money.” AffectionateMine2220
6. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister?
“So yesterday my step-sister (20F) texted me (22M) asking for some budget for gas so she could leave my dad and stepmom’s house. Apparently, a few days ago my step-sister and stepmom got into a pretty bad argument (very common).
She texted me asking for $20 for 1-2 gallons and I was confused since we’re in the US and 1 gallon is about 4 dollars so it should be more and I wanted to know where my funds were going because she has an addiction problem and my funds won’t be going to her addictions.
She said the rest was going to milk and eggs and that seemed odd, regardless, I let it go intending to lend her the money but then she said: ‘nevermind sorry I asked’. She does this a lot through conversations like this where she keeps saying sorry forget it or nevermind it was stupid to ask regardless of how I handle the conversation.
I’ve been constantly reassuring and helping her for the last 8 years in every situation that I’ve needed to console her which is a lot since she has some mental problems. After so long I finally just decided I’m not going to play along and said okay.
After about ten minutes she responded that I didn’t need to be so rude and I didn’t respond because I know her and any response is a bad response. Now I’m unsure if I’m the jerk.
So, am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is being passive-aggressive. I would direct her to a County Mental Health clinic and tell her that your not in the piggy bank and that she needs to either move out or deal with the family.
You are not responsible for her and you honestly don’t know who is starting the arguments. It’s time for my little sister to spread her wings and fly. And yeah, $20 gets about 5 gallons of gas.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
$20 is just the right amount to get a fix.
Never give an addict money or anything that can be easily sold, pawned, or traded for moolah. If you gave your stepsister $20 and she used it to buy illegal stuff that ended up being cut with who knows what, you wouldn’t have helped her at all.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
‘Nevermind, sorry I asked,’ ‘I shouldn’t have bothered you with this,’ ‘forget it’ manipulation to get what she wants.
She pulls on the guilt, basically saying ‘I knew you would say no’ and then you feel bad like, wow if she already thinks I won’t help, I don’t care.
Etc let your 20-year-old sister take care of herself.” Final-Mail-6959
5. AITJ For Refusing To Take Pictures With My Family?
“I’m not really confident and more on the quiet side, and my sister is the opposite. We are just in general really different (but only 2 years apart). The problem is that my mom and her really want to take pictures, especially when we are with the family and for example, go to a restaurant.
I am just really uncomfortable with it and feel like I’m ruining the mood for them when I tell them I don’t want to be in a picture with my sister and her partner or with my mom because I simply don’t like myself in pictures and just don’t feel the need. I’m pretty sure they know I’m uncomfortable and don’t seem to care but just push me to finally give in.
My mom is a person who can get really sulky, so when I refuse, she just repeats ‘please!’ over and over again in her baby voice. Note how she puts the pictures in which I was forced to be in as her profile picture on WhatsApp without consent.
I know that her intentions are good. She just wants me to also be present and have pictures with me. But I really don’t know what to do. I mean, I still feel uncomfortable.
My sister is a little harsher with her words (I have many… well, bad?
experiences with her, we are not really that close. We had arguments in which she acts like the victim sometimes and doesn’t listen to me but I don’t know if this is relevant right now/I don’t even know if I’m just exaggerating and too sensitive, I hear that a lot, or just simply wrong).
For example, every time we happen to talk about me not wanting to be in pictures she’s like: ‘do it for mom, you’re not respecting her wishes, etc.’ With her passive-aggressive tone and that judging facial expression, I feel very small talking against her.
She recently said: ‘No one will know you in 50 years’ and it hurt me, especially since I have problems with feeling invisible, and irrelevant. I was like, ‘Are you serious right now?’ and then she did her typical ‘sigh and disregard’ thing.
She avoids my confrontation and doesn’t seem to take them seriously.
I feel like she’s talking to me like I’m a child as if I wouldn’t understand her anyway. She also says stuff like, ‘Look, it looks much better when you just show your face instead of always looking away.’ I know that this may sound comforting, but she just has that weird and judging tone that ruins her words for me, as if she was trying to give attention to my insecurities in front of our family, which we are not that close to.
I know for a fact that my mom was the same as me when she was younger, so I can’t quite understand why she does that when she should know how uncomfortable it is. I understand that she probably doesn’t want me to feel sad about not having any pictures from my teens.
I can also understand that she wants me to feel included, and I want that as well, but not in the form of a selfie. However, I don’t know if I would even want to remember when looking at the pictures, because I just connect the awkward and uncomfortable feeling with it.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to say YTJ but, you need to remember that memories with family are special. It does damper the mood, I won’t lie. Maybe you can meet them in the middle, whatever you’re most self-conscious about hiding.
If it’s your body, get in the back, if it’s your face, squeeze in between people so you are not seen well.. at least you will be in the picture and you can look back in years to come and have memories.” User
Another User Comments:
“A sad YTJ from me, sorry to say so but these are memories and really special. Family pictures.. the ones you look back and think about how was that day, how was your mum, and maybe even the things you guys laughed at together.
It’s not how you look but how you spent that time. When years pass, those years gonna look better on your eyes, life is mortal. You might love to see memories together because even when you try your hardest, your brain doesn’t let you remember all times but pics can be reminders.
Can give you closure when you need it later.
Also, I think all of us have insecurities but I am one to try and make my peace with them. Therapy can do good. Your mum was the same and insist on this should be a link for your understanding tbh.
She went through similar.” No_Medium_7205
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The picture is for your mom, not you. I hate taking pictures, especially in my traditional cultural outfits but my mom loves it. I do it for her. If you ever receive those pictures and you hate them, you can just burn them later.
Just compromise and say one picture only. That way, she has a picture and you don’t have to constantly be dragged into 20+ pictures.” IRanYouOver221
(I will also note that extreme discomfort with being photographed can be a symptom of dysphoria - not going to assume anything, but you may wish to look into it if you have other feelings or thoughts that might be symptomatic. A lot of people hate photographs a lot less once their outsides reflect their insides better!)
4. AITJ For Declining To Be A Bridesmaid?
“My (F19) brother (M22) is getting married to his partner (F23) of 7 years.
I have a lot of opinions about this, to be honest, and they aren’t very positive.
For background, my brother and I are extremely close. I know that I am a person he can confide in and vice-versa. With that being said, over the last 7 or so years when he would have relationship problems with his now fiancée, he would often call me and we would talk it out.
From my point of view, the problems really came to a head when 2020 started. That’s when he expressed to me that he very much feels indebted to her due to things that transpired at the beginning of their relationship and overwhelmingly feels unappreciated. There are also other problems, including her refusal to go to therapy, but mainly that one is the big one.
A couple of months pass by and my brother tells me he was planning on proposing and I was taken aback a little. They had been having what seemed to be pretty major problems to me and I was honestly getting the indication that they were going to break up soon.
I had been pretty tight-lipped on my opinions on my brother’s relationship, but at this point, I felt like I had to say something. So I did. I expressed my concerns about the fact that he has never been with another person and her mistreatment of him and how I thought that was a really big decision to make.
Nevertheless, I ended it by saying I just want what’s best for him and if that’s her, then go for it. We ended that conversation on a good note but I later found out he told his fiancée what I said and now she’s not the biggest fan of me.
That brings us to today. My brother did propose and they are engaged. The wedding is coming up and my brother’s fiancée asked me if I wanted to be a bridesmaid. This shocked me because I thought she wasn’t the biggest fan of mine given the fact that I wasn’t the number one supporter of this wedding.
So I thought about it after a while and then declined. My reasoning was that I did not think it would be appropriate to be her bridesmaid when I truly did not support her marriage to my brother. She should be surrounded by people that want that for her and that is simply not me.
I want to support my brother because I love him and am there for him so being only a guest seems like the more appropriate option to me.
This did not go over well. My brother’s fiancée was really upset and so were my mom and grandma.
They basically told me to get over it because it isn’t my relationship. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like your brother made the mistake of coming to you only for the negative experiences in his relationship, and not for any of the positive ones.
You’re not the jerk for standing up for what you think is right, and you shouldn’t be a bridesmaid if you don’t support the marriage, but I don’t think you’ve thought about the long-term impact on your relationship with your family or her family as a result of this.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, NTJ, but your brother is.
It sounds to me like he’s been using you to complain about his fiance for the past 7 years. So essentially you’ve been given all of the bad things she does and probably very little of the good.
So now you have a very skewed perspective of their relationship. And that is not your fault.
The problem is what the truth is about his relationship is unclear because we only know your perspective which is secondhand.
But I think you’re making the right move.
You made your feelings known and you’ve decided what is comfortable for you morally and ethically. They’re not going to agree with that but that’s okay.
You’re not harming anybody by not being a bridesmaid.
But I would recommend that you try to spend some time with your brother and his fianceé together.
See if their relationship has matured and if perhaps it’s not as bad as your brother has made it seem.
If it is bad, there’s nothing you can do. He’s an adult and is making his own choices. But you might be surprised.” DarcyKnits
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and so is your brother for continuously complaining about his fiancée.
Everyone has issues. You either work through them as a team, work through them with a professional counselor, or you don’t work then.
You don’t run to your biased family members to tattle on your supposed partner.
Sounds like your future SIL is the one who deserves better here.” RissaRay113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your brother is, I don’t care, there is a code to these things.
First of all, you don’t use your siblings as relationship mediators. Second, you surely don’t tell your spouse, or anyone for that matter, during private conversations, especially one as serious as this that goes on between siblings. That’s how you lose trust. It was very clear, to me at least that this conversation was NOT supposed to go anywhere.
Just the two of you. RIGHT? Plus honestly, it would be really fake of you to sit there taking pictures all cute knowing well you’ve got bets on the divorce time period. Understand I mean that metaphorically.
I do feel like she asked as a manipulation tactic though, almost like she knows at the end of the day her marriage will more than likely fail if YOU aren’t on board.
So, of course, she’ll ask you… The woman she does NOT like and possibly despises… To make her future husband happy. Yes YOU, because even though he STILL proposed to her knowing how you felt, it’s possible that this more than likely will be a marriage made out of convenience sadly.
7 years and all… That extra baggage and whatnot. But anyway, just know that this is a learning experience, you just have to keep bro on an information diet., which may cause his marriage to implode, if it hasn’t already… Which is NOT and NEVER will be your problem.
BUT this is why you are more than likely getting pressure from the fam. I’m sorry.” Glenn_Coco69
3. AITJ For Not Adopting A Cat?
“I (F22) and my partner (M22) decided to get a dog from the humane society (dream dog, Alaskan husky mix with one blue one brown eye). My roommate (F21) is so upset to the point of moving out. Long story short, we hosted her sister’s 2 cats for 2 weeks while she was in the process of moving (both trained to scratch furniture (all furniture in our apartment is mine)) her sister informed us she was unable to keep one cat and asked if we wanted to, my roommate has had three+ jobs (off and on for several months).
In the past 4/5 months, she has come to owe me $1500+ in rent and utilities. I said No to keeping the cat because I fully knew I would be financially responsible for the cat, said roommate also cannot drive and has no car therefore any vet visits would be on me.
She told me not to get the dog. At first I said I would move out but after some consideration, it makes no sense for the person who has been solely paying for the apartment to be the one to move.
I like cats but I am not a cat person and do not wish to provide for an animal that is not mine especially being I am owed so much money. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think… your post really needs fleshing out.
Anyhoo… if you want a pet and your roommate doesn’t and you still get a pet that makes you a jerk. If you think your roommate owing you something means you can do whatever you want, makes you a jerk.
If you want your roommate to move instead of you, you should have started eviction proceedings a while ago. It would make more sense for the person who can afford the place to keep it. Also, since you work there, it makes for a short commute.” Thart85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By the way, if she is so in the hole to you for moolah, how is she going to move, since she is so upset to the point of moving out? Guess she’ll just have to get used to having a dog in the apartment.” ChapSteve711
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Sounds like you got a dog without consulting your roommate. That makes you a jerk. Granted the whole cat thing and owing you money makes her one as well.” GreekAmericanDom
2. AITJ For Prohibiting My Sister From Getting In My Car?
“My sister and cousin go to donate plasma to get money to put gas in my car so we can get to class during the week since we have no job.
When I sent my sister a text, I asked her if she was up and ready to go but then she told me that she had ‘accidentally’ fallen asleep and stayed the night at this guy’s house who was supposed to take her home the other day.
I was calm at first and just asked if she could give me his address and I can just pick her up to go donate as planned but then she said that she ‘wasn’t gonna donate today.’ I was literally on my last line of gas.
We had school that day and I had no gas to get us there and back safely. By the next donating day, she finally showed up at home and we were able to get gas in the car. I then told her that she could not miss another donation or stay at a guy’s house through the night without warning me at least a few hours before.
That’s when I thought it was over. It wasn’t.
Today, I took them out to donate and I decided to let my sister drive as I was a bit too tired to drive all the way there myself and ended up taking a nap while they were inside.
Things were going well and we went to the gas station to refill the tank. The only reason why I don’t donate is I have major Trypanophobia (Fear of needles) and pass out every time I get a shot of any kind due to anxiety and fear.
Well, once we leave the gas station, we start going in the opposite direction from home so I ask my sister where we were going. APPARENTLY, she decided to make plans to go to some other unknown guy’s house to spend the night and didn’t even tell me about it till now.
Saying that I was annoyed wasn’t even half of how I felt.
I kinda felt betrayed and lied to. She even promised she would tell me whenever she wanted to make plans to see a ‘friend.’ Even our cousin had no idea she made plans either.
I had enough and I instantly told her to pull over. She didn’t listen and just kept driving. We made it to the guy’s house shortly after and once she was out of the car, I got in the driver’s seat and sped off.
I dropped our cousin off at her house and went directly home. I then called my sister and straight up told her that she was banned from using the car and would only get to ride in it to get to and from school.
She obviously didn’t take it seriously at first but then about two hours later she called me, crying. She just went on about how ‘unfair it was that she can’t hang out with her friends and that it shouldn’t be my business where she goes or who she is with during the weekends.’ I told her that it WAS my business because it’s MY car and it’s in MY name.
I told her that she can either find herself a ride or send me his address so I can pick her up tomorrow. I told her no more going to random guys’ houses. I will not deal with any more of her nonsense.
So.. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. But info: why can’t either of you get a job? Why does the responsibility for gas money fall on your cousin and sister? Sister was wrong to stay over at a guy’s house with the communal car, but you were also the jerk to ban her.
Even if the car is in your name, without them you couldn’t even drive it. If you don’t want that kind of situation to happen again, you could find some other way to get gas money like getting a job or being more considerate of each other since it is a shared car.
Also, is there a city bus you could ride for free as students or?” nature_f00l
Another User Comments:
“YTJ or ‘no jerks here’. It would be better to work on a compromise that allowed her to have some personal freedom, at an age where it is very healthy for her to want that.
Some mutual respect and flexibility would help everyone involved here.” KeyDragonfruit9
1. AITJ For Getting Mad When My Mom Didn't Allow Me To Go To The Mall?
“I (17) asked my mom if I could go to the mall with my friend, who she knows and trusts. It rained very heavily an hour before and the roads have no history of dangerous flooding. After I called her ,she said I couldn’t go because ‘the weather was bad’ and she thought it would close soon.
After I calmly explained to her that the rain was over and the sun was out and that the mall didn’t close for another two and a half hours, she still said I couldn’t go without hesitation. I’ve had my license for almost a year and I’ve been driving for more than three years.
I’ve never been pulled over or gotten in any kind of incident. I’m a minor and don’t have my own car so I don’t get a say in any of it. Just to be clear, I’m not mad that she didn’t let me go, I’m mad because her reasoning is invalid.
AITJ or does my mom just have a stick up her butt?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your mom is making sure that you stay safe and keep a clean driving record. Wet roads can cause hydroplaning easily. I was 18 when I figured that out the hard way and I was going the speed limit, coming to a stop at a red light.
Thank God I didn’t hit anything or anyone but it scared me and I remember it clearly over 21 years later.” Albuquicky
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are 17 and want to go hang out with your friend. There is nothing wrong with that.
At 17, I also thought I’d live forever and nothing would happen to me. Your mom isn’t the jerk because rain makes the roads a hot mess and if it rained a lot, there is likely standing water. She’s just looking out for you.
Heavy rains mix with the oil and other stuff on the roads and they can be super slippery. I get it.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She is taking care of you. You are an inexperienced driver. The conditions were bad.
There was no emergency. I would have done the same if I were her. And in your mid-20s you will understand her better.
It’s ok. You are ok. She loves you.” aroundhereforaseason
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