People Are Repulsed By Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Support My Fiancé's Family Indefinitely?
“I (21m) am currently in the military and attending university. I am slated to graduate at the end of May and then leave for training over the summer.
My fiance(21f) is a refugee who arrived with her mother and younger brother. When they arrived, they all lived with her uncle. We were a long-distance couple until last year, when she moved to the town where I am currently stationed. We currently rent a one-bedroom apartment.
It has reached the point where her uncle is pressuring her mother and brother to move out. Since I am leaving for the summer and don’t want my fiance to be alone the whole summer, I have agreed to let her mother and brother move in.
After I return from my training, I will be posted out to another town, and I am not so keen on bringing my mother-in-law and brother-in-law everywhere with me. The problem is that they would not be able to support themselves without me nor my fiance.
Her dad is currently back home, and unable to leave the country. It is not safe there, and her mother doesn’t want to go back right now. They also applied for a permanent residence.
I feel that having my MIL and BIL around, I wouldn’t feel comfortable in my own house.
I also don’t want to become another father figure to my BIL. Finally, I make substantially more than my fiance, and I don’t want to have to support her mother and brother to get in the way of our relationship.
Am I just being selfish?
So WIBTJ for not wanting to have my MIL and BIL become attached to us as we move around?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you had better reconsider this relationship. This is not a good situation for you. My recommendation is that the partner move out and get her own place, with her family or not.
If you leave, I guarantee that her family will move in whether you want them to do so or not. When that happens, you will have a difficult time evicting them. Do not do this.” OldestCrone
Another User Comments:
“Can you set parameters? Has your MIL applied for a visa, and if so, has she applied for work?
If she’s just sitting around and letting you support her, that’s not a good thing, if there is no plan for her/them to move out. I sure wouldn’t have wanted my MIL to move in, especially at your young age. You’re NTJ but you need to discuss with your future wife since if uncle won’t let her live there, where else would they live?” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, in her situation, there’s no way she’s leaving her mom and kid brother on the streets. I wouldn’t sign up for a relationship at 21, where I had to support two other people financially. That’s just not reasonable or a smart move on your part.
They’re a package deal. You can’t get it the way you want it. It’s okay to say that this is too much for you at 21. Most of us would.” aaseandersen
22. AITJ For Not Greeting My In-Laws After An Accident?
“My In-laws were in the city for the first time after my wedding and I had to call them to insist they leave the hotel and come live at my place while my husband works out of the city.
We had a fine week given we haven’t been close and they have created a lot of hurdles in their son marrying me so I kept it courteous but not too friendly. I cooked for them and engaged where I could. They continued speaking among each other in their native language I hardly understood so high-engaging conversations weren’t on the table.
They go out of the city for a week, to my husband. Meanwhile, I get hit by a hatchback car going at 40 mph in reverse. I rush to the hospital with a badly hurt knee and go on 2 days of bed rest before returning to a demanding task on the very first day of rejoining.
The same night, without any prior information, they came home very late to a heavily sleepy me opening the garage for their car parking and going back to bed to sleep without saying hi. I left the next morning for an out-of-city travel to meet my parents, a plan I made and purchased my ticket without knowing they were to return in the night.
I come back 3 days later to them having left the house, go to a mutual friend’s instead, and tell the tales of how I have been very rude, based on this one instance. They refused to acknowledge that I was reeling from the accident injuries and was too sleepy to think of formalities at that point.
It wasn’t as if they had come for the first time and I refused to welcome them. This incident has put a lot of strain on my marriage as my husband continues to believe I disrespected his parents despite all the earlier efforts I put into hosting them.
The mother-in-law sent me really rude responses to my explanation and questioned how I was raised by my parents and whatnot. Is this that big a deal, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bent over backward to accommodate and they’ve shown the entire time they don’t care, not including you in language/ conversation, waking you up to come in late, and then throwing a fit because you didn’t say enough?” anonymom135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They had already made up their minds you were going to fail their expectations. They just needed an opening to prove in their minds they were correct. These people won’t accept you for their own reasons, nothing to do with your actions.
But stop trying to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. They aren’t worth it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, this is a mostly American/Western audience. You’re Desi, and from one Desi Muslim to another, I’d say: be unflinchingly polite but slightly distant going forward.
If your relationship with your own family is good, cultivate it and do not try to integrate with your in-laws, it’s not gonna happen. The way you write, it sounds like a love marriage, so I’m guessing you didn’t pay as much *cough* dowry *cough* as they wanted, plus the inherent shame of losing a son to a love marriage in desi situations is paramount.
Protect yourself, from your in-laws. Your husband cannot and will not do anything ” egg_with_a_butt
21. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Estranged Brother's Wedding With My Disowning Father?
“My(30) brother (29) is getting married in two weeks. We have had a non-existent relationship for most of our lives, attended different schools, and generally did not speak to each other.
Growing up in an immigrant household where gender norms are exploited (I did all of the cooking and had to literally serve my brother meals), I’ll admit I grew to resent him by the time I hit my early teens. While he was encouraged to follow his dreams and spoiled by my parents our entire childhood, I was told that I’d have an arranged marriage by the time I turned 20.
Thankfully, I got a full ride to a state university and attained a job abroad shortly after. By the time I graduated from university my father disowned me (I turned down a marriage proposal that his ENTIRE family pushed for). My brother while not agreeing with me getting disowned basically told me that I should have said yes anyway.
During my time abroad my brother and I would check in every few months. These check-ins were no longer than 5-10 minutes and consisted of him updating me about our parents and younger siblings (they are a decade plus younger than us and I call them separately).
Two years ago I went back home and planned to stay for a few months to take care of our mom (my father actually went on vacation) and was shocked to see that my brother had moved back in with them (he told me he moved to a town nearby).
When I asked our mom why she needed me home when her adult son (who was not paying any bills and worked with our father) was at home, she said she couldn’t trust him to take her to her appointments. My brother and I got into a huge argument about how he wasn’t able to take care of our mom WHILE HE WAS LIVING AT THE HOUSE and had me fly for two days.
I ended up leaving after a month.
Cut to a month ago, my mother called to tell me that my brother was engaged and that I would need to fly home to attend the wedding with her. She said that she would NEED me to attend because my father’s side has been invited as well and would like to have someone she trusts sit with her.
I refused because 1) while my brother told me about his engagement we are barely on speaking terms 2) my father would be in attendance and I have not spoken to him since he disowned me nine years ago. My mother called again last night in tears about how she cannot attend without me, I reiterated that I have no intention of going and the thought alone makes me itch with anxiety.
Minutes after the phone call I get a voice note from my mother stating that she’d miss her son’s wedding if I don’t show up. While my father’s family is terrible, I also genuinely dislike her son. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum wants you there as her crutch.
Why can’t she go without you when she has a husband and other family there? You’re not stopping her. Don’t let her guilt trip you. If she needs medical type assistance, she can ask her freeloading son to pay someone to attend to her. Congratulations on getting away from that repressive situation.
Wash your hands clean of them using you as their free slave and subject. Let yourself be free of them and their expectations as they’ve never had your interests at heart, only their own self-interest in what you can do for them.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re free to do what you want if you don’t want to attend the wedding, then you don’t have to. And based on how your family has treated you before, they’re the jerk. But I don’t understand this, why is your mom suddenly so freaked out by your father and their side of the family being present when she was doing fine for the last 9 years?
How can your attendance at the wedding help her?” Single_Cookie_7915
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should probably consider no contact. 1.) Pretty sure it’s your wedding and not your brothers. It’s a trap. 2.) Why do you have to give all this support when your family has never lifted a finger to support you?
3.) You weren’t invited and even said yourself that it would turn hostile if you went. Why would you go and why would your mother want you to go if this was the case?” Wizardinred
20. AITJ For Making A Joke About My Wife Opening A Jar?
“My wife (50sF) and I (50sM) had my daughter (27F), my son (M25), and his wife (25F) over for dinner.
We ran out of green chile and my wife got a new jar. These jars are usually rather difficult to open, so I kind of expected her to hand the jar to me or my son to open. Instead, she set it on the table and used the blunt end of a table knife to whack around its lid a few times.
She then picked it up and opened it, no problem. We’d all watched this deft performance, and I said (at least, this is what I remember saying) “You see, son, this is a woman’s way to open the jar. Worked great. If you or I had tried that, we probably would have broken it.” (you have to understand, her whacks weren’t simple taps).
I was going to say more, but my daughter immediately got offended. She claimed my remark was misogynistic. Surprised, I said it certainly wasn’t, and that I was picturing my son or myself straining to open the jar — our manhood on the line!
This was all supposed to be a joke at my son’s and my expense (and the time I’d tried tapping the lid to open it, it didn’t work, so I’d tapped harder until by the time I could get it open, the mouth of the jar had actually cracked).
But my daughter said my remark sure sounded misogynistic. “Who here thinks that sounded misogynistic?” she asked. All four of them raised their hands.
This hurt, because I felt they should all know me well enough not to interpret it that way, and it immediately made me wonder if I’d said it differently than I’d thought, or worse, that even knowing me, they thought I was a misogynist. I tried to explain more, but I was a little flustered because I was pretty surprised at how the conversation was going and felt defensive.
No good. My daughter expected an apology.
At this point, I was annoyed and a bit offended. “Apologize for what? For you misinterpreting what I said? Don’t you think you should have let me finish what I was saying before assuming the worst? It seems to me that’s your problem, not mine.
Who’s more at fault, people who say things badly or people who don’t work hard enough to try to understand what they’re trying to say?”
She said “See, that’s what’s wrong with people these days, they say or do something wrong, and instead of apologizing they double down and blame everybody else”, and got up and left the table.
I can see her point, but I can see mine too. I see public figures bending over backward to apologize for things they said that others interpreted in the worst possible way, and it bothers me that they should be held hostage that way. On the other hand, I see public figures (one in particular) who say offensive things and when called on it, double down to make it even more offensive, and that bothers me just as much or more.
What do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So. Your wife had to open a jar. Instead of asking you, like you supposed she would do, she managed to open it herself. And you… needed to make a joke about “woman’s way”? Since it seems you don’t understand what you implied, here it is in plain words: – your wife’s way of opening the jar was different, hence “incorrect” (since that’s not how you would have done it) (seriously – you even explained it in a mocking way here, using “deft” ironically) – you and your son are obviously stronger since you’re Men, and that’s good.
Yes. It was misogynistic. Think hard about what you were trying to say there, and especially why you felt the need to make a joke about something as simple as *opening a jar*. (additional question: what is it about whacking the lid? I’m French and I learned to use a teaspoon as a lever under the lid of the jar, to get a little bit of air inside.
It works well!)” Booky_Cat
Another User Comments:
“I think this is stupid. I can see both of your sides. If you really want this to settle down just apologize. Am I sorry goes a really long way? And if 4 people you’re close with are telling you your joke was offensive don’t double down just say “Oh my I’m sorry I didn’t even realize my joke could’ve been taken like that” It’s not always about who’s right and who’s wrong.
But whether or not you want to talk to that person again. There’s a correct way to come to an understanding here.” Notlivengood
Another User Comments:
“I think this situation is stupid. You are clearly just making a stupid joke. Yes, it was slightly sexist, but it’s a freaking joke that was actually putting men down rather than the reverse.
But then the second half of your story, you’re definitely the jerk who can’t admit he messed up. Dude, just apologize, what you said absolutely can be offensive, like most jokes…” sadpanda597
19. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Neighbors' Packages While Working From Home?
“I don’t know if this is relevant, but I (Late 20s) am a private person and probably an “extreme introvert.” I’m also a minimalist. I’ve never done online shopping and don’t do social media.
I work in IT and make a comfortable salary. Although I do like being alone, I don’t like being lonely, so I will interact with some people; I know when I go to town to get food for the day daily. I also work seven days a week.
I have two and a part-time job by choice, as I wouldn’t say I like relaxing most of the day. Both positions work from home, so any packages I receive are from work, and I have a PO box set up with all my mail and any packages directed to my address.
My home is located in a cul-de-sac where there are 16 houses on my street; 1-10 is on a straight line which I’m located in between the numbers and then there’s a gap for parking, then it goes from 11 to 16 on the left side of the street.
A while back, I started noticing I was getting a lot of knocks on my door during the day. I was frequently asked if I could take a parcel for myself as they were at work, and at first, I decided to do it, but then it got to the point where I had up to 10 packages a day being dropped off at my residents.
Because I don’t go out, I often work 10/12 hours a day even though I’m contracted for 8 hours, five days a week.
A few months ago I started getting sick and tired of it, so I decided to put a stop to it for good and refuse to take in my neighbor’s packages which often meant the neighbors had to rearrange a delivery or it was automatically redelivered the next day if another neighbor wasn’t in.
I decided to stop accepting my neighbor’s packages as I work and regularly have one or two Zoom meetings a day, and a doorbell often went off, causing people to be distracted. To stop delivery drivers from ringing my doorbell, I wrote on paper that I was working from home but not accepting any deliveries.
A few days later, someone ripped it off my door. I didn’t think of it initially, but I rewrote the note and stuck it inside my kitchen window so people could see.
My neighbors were coming up to me and arguing with me saying I was home at the time doing nothing even though they know I work from home and it’s difficult for not to take their packages.
A few days later, my siblings called me, and they told me that someone got in touch with them and thought I was a bit of a jerk for not accepting packages as I was home all day.
This is where I may be a jerk; I am home all day and I could take in the packages if I wanted to but I decided to not take the packages anymore as the constant doorbell going off was doing my heading.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone wants a perpetually available person to handle deliveries, they can live in an apartment building with a doorman. Placing the expectation on you to be the cul-de-sac’s doorman is not only unfair on the part of your neighbors, it’s also unfair on the part of the delivery companies (who are likely also trying to use you for free to combat package theft).
Good fences make good neighbors.” queshav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re not your packages. You’re not going to accept them because when you accept them, there could be liability for damages inside those packages that you sign off on. Also, last I checked (from your post), you’re not a mail delivery center!
You don’t owe anyone parcel pickup. I also don’t understand why they would drop off ALL the deliveries at your house. I just don’t understand these people. I also think that if they approached this better, you might consider receiving parcels! Like if they dropped off a $50 gift card for coffee or Amazon or something, or bought you a case of beer or something every month, you might be more amenable.
But to be annoyed at you for refusing to do something for free that is bothersome up to 10 times a day is ridiculous!!!” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their parcels aren’t your concern. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing with your time; even if you were just sitting around browsing the internet, it wouldn’t be your responsibility.
If they keep pestering you to receive parcels for them, you could offer to draw up a contract where they pay you for your time, if not also per parcel. Say $100/hr plus $5/package, paid in advance …” judgy_mcjudgypants
18. AITJ For Calling My Twin Sister's Partner Manipulative?
“My twin sister (F18) told me (F18) that she can’t hang out with me because her partner (F19) is mad that I called her manipulative.
My sister has been in a relationship with her partner for almost 2 years and they love each other very much. I actually really like the partner and I think she is a nice person and she clearly cares about my sister. However, it is really hard to ignore that they are very co-dependent on one another and that there is a pretty uneven power dynamic.
A couple of weeks ago, I took my sister into therapy with me and I talked to her about how I was resentful of how often she disregards me in favor of her partner. I talked about how I felt like their dynamic was unhealthy and that the partner was manipulative.
I did not mean it as a personal attack but as an observation hoping that by pointing it out they would be able to work on it together. The session ended well however when my sister told her partner about it, the partner was very hurt and said that my sister should be mad at me.
When I heard about this I said that I would love to talk to the partner, apologize for hurting her feelings, and explain what I meant however she was reluctant to talk to me because she felt like I would “bully” her by throwing at her the ways she was manipulative.
I maintained that I wanted to talk to her and would do so in whatever scenario would make her the most comfortable. Recently, my sister and I were going to make plans to go to the mall and she said she needed to check on some things first. After a bit, she came back and said that because her partner was still upset with me she probably shouldn’t “do anything drastic like hanging out” with me.
She said she could probably drive me to the mall but not go inside with me.
Honestly, I am not surprised. I understand that the partner is hurt. I understand that my sister is trying to please everyone and protect her partner. However, I do not think that I can invest any more time or energy into a person who won’t hang out with me because her partner said so.
I know I should probably talk to my sister and her partner. I am sure we can make up. But the problem stands that this just feels like too much.
My sister and I are meant to take a gap year and travel together but I am really not sure if I can do that now.
She clearly needs to figure out her own stuff with her partner and they are in couples therapy but I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. Do I just try to forget about it and go on the gap year and hope that by being separated things will get better between them or do I make new plans and go on my own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s partner is hurt because she probably knows there’s some truth in what you’re saying. I think you’ve been really mature in telling your sister your concerns and compassionate by saying that you’re willing to discuss what you meant and offer an apology for any feelings hurt.
Your sister needs to find her backbone hopefully therapy will help with this. In the meantime, you’d be justified in making plans to travel alone and enjoy seeing the world. How long away is the trip supposed to start?” trinabillibob
17. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Wealthy Aunt's Behavior During Her Visit?
“I moved to EU years ago, and was thrilled when my aunt, cousin, and mom planned on visiting, as my aunt and cousin have never met my husband yet.
We traveled to different cities. There were a few awkward moments and I don’t have enough characters to explain. But basically, it’s expected of us as hosts to plan everything, while aunt, who is well-off after moving/working in the US and recently remarrying to a billionaire, insisted on paying for everything and staying at luxury hotels where she booked separate rooms and gifted us a $2,000 check when she found out we were saving up to build a vacation house.
As the trip went on, we noticed behavior from my aunt, we didn’t approve of – speaking a bit passive-aggressively to/about service workers (in our opinion), interrupting people, laughing at a woman’s afro (after my mom made a racist joke), etc. Plus she babies my cousin so much.
If a cousin is hungry, we all have to find a restaurant for her and go with her there. We hid our irritation to ourselves. Second to last day of the trip, a relative and his wife were coincidentally vacationing in the same city, so we agreed to meet up at our hotel.
My husband and I were taking a shower after swimming. Everyone knew this as my cousin was with us and we went back to our rooms together. 15 minutes later, the hotel phone, and my mobile rang, and there were knocks on the door. By this point we were tired and annoyed considering we had waited on them when they were late, especially my cousin, without complaining, so we pretended not to hear and finished showering.
Afterward, my mom scolded me for not answering. My cousin was hungry and wanted ice cream. She had asked for ice cream yesterday, but we forgot, and once we remembered, the shop was closed, so she got ice cream from the hotel restaurant instead. Now another ice cream place she wanted to go close to the hotel was closed and her cousin was a bit annoyed, though she insisted it was fine.
I found a Ben Jerry’s 300m away. Aunt says, “No, we have that in the US”. We found a gelato place 800m away. They asked me to text a relative to meet us there instead. We got there, they didn’t find a bar, so they asked me to ask a relative to meet by the hotel again.
My husband and I got angry and stressed. We vented to each other in my husband’s language while walking back to the hotel. They probably picked up on us being annoyed and overheard me complain to our relative when he arrived. We had drinks and it was fine.
Today, Mom came by with some of my aunt’s clothes she didn’t want anymore. I politely declined. Mom tore into me for being “ungrateful and unappreciative” of my aunt, and now my aunt was probably disappointed in and angry at me, especially I gave her incomplete directions for the train to her airport (which she let me know via passive-aggressive text once she was in the US).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just don’t plan on hosting them anymore or let anyone guilt you into it. Pretty straightforward.” Ok-Context1168
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having tons of $ does not forgive one’s atrocious behavior.” martintoconnell
16. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Leave My Autistic Older Sibling Behind?
“I just graduated from high school and recently turned 18. Me and my older sibling are both adopted (separate families).
My older sibling (let’s call them Alex) is seven years older than me (25).
He was adopted because my parents were desperate after multiple failed attempts at carrying a biological child. Alex’s bio mom was a teen mom struggling with booze addiction during pregnancy. This struggle likely is the reason that Alex is autistic and has ADHD. My parents knew this was a possibility when deciding to adopt Alex.
They struggled a lot because getting a diagnosis and handling a first child with neurological differences was very challenging for them.
Despite our age difference, helping Alex with things like ordering food in public places, talking to store employees, etc became my responsibility. As we got older, my parents became less and less understanding of things like Alex’s comfort foods or texture aversions, so I ended up shopping for their clothes and cooking for them a lot of the time.
In many ways, I became the older sibling. In school, Alex finished with minimum requirements and then dropped out of college a few months in due to disinterest.
Since dropping out of college, my parents have let Alex stay at home, play video games, and buy Lego sets because the last time they argued with Alex about it, all three of them had outbursts and it got very ugly.
I was 12 and hid in my room for the entire night. The next day, my parents took me out of school for the day acting like nothing happened. Alex never mentioned it, but it clearly affected them.
In recent years, my parents have emotionally manipulated me, and multiple professionals have described their behavior as emotional mistreament.
This has mostly been unrelated to Alex, but the mental toll led me to pull away from my entire family (Alex included). They haven’t emotionally mistreated Alex to my knowledge like they treat me, but they sure don’t treat Alex with respect or love. There seems to be no patience or understanding left for their first child.
I’m attending a University in our home city, but when discussing my plans to move out, Alex looked at me with half-seriousness half-joking sadness, and said “So you’re gonna leave me behind?” I had wanted to put some distance between me and my parents and haven’t explicitly mentioned moving out to them, but whenever they talk about me living at home in the future I don’t reply.
Alex has no income or personal savings; and no driver’s license either. They only have their personal belongings (most of which were paid for by my parents).
They looked so hurt and sad when they said I was leaving them behind, and it hurt so much.
I feel like a real jerk for not figuring out a way to take them with me or just to try and figure out boundaries in our home and stick around for Alex. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s very understandable the fact that you wanna leave, and I understand that you feel bad for leaving them behind but you are very young and you need to think about making things right for yourself, maybe in the future when you will have a stable income you will be able to take care of your sibling.
I’m so sorry for what is happening to you and for the fact that you have to worry about all of this at such a young age. Please whatever you do, don’t blame yourself for things that don’t depend on you.” Dear_Painter_3415
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Alex needs to make changes for themselves. It is not your responsibility to care for a sibling of any age. You should move out and get space for yourself. If you don’t, both of you will be stuck there. Maybe this will be the push Alex needs to motivate them to start making changes for them.
A lot of cities have support groups or job training for young adults on the spectrum. Perhaps you could help Alex explore those options so they also have something to do.” Froggie949
15. AITJ For Asking A Creepy Customer To Leave My Workplace?
“I’ve (27f) been objectified my whole life. From my uncle singling me out for my body because I developed early, to rumors being spread around school that I was easy, to being SA’d.
Now that I’m entering my late twenties I’m learning how to speak up for myself and eliminate nonrespectful people from my life. I was on disability for a while because of my mental health but I decided that I wasn’t going to let it control my life anymore.
I decided to get a job at my favorite place in the world, a bookstore.
So far I’ve loved working here, but recently a guy has been coming in and reading books just about every day. He sits in a chair in line of sight at the register looks at me constantly, and kinda does a half-grin thing.
The definition of creepy is ‘causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease’ and that’s what it was to me. I knew logically in my head that he wasn’t doing anything wrong but I would have mini panic attacks when I’d be checking people out at the register and he’d look up at me.
I felt like a mouse that couldn’t do anything about the cat that was watching me.
Finally, I summed up my courage and decided to approach him. My hands were literally shaking and I’m sure my voice broke but I asked him politely to leave because he was creeping me out.
He looked surprised but put his book away and left. I sagged against the bookshelf as he walked away, I was so relieved. I felt powerful and proud for being able to speak up for myself for the first time.
I walked back to my counter and the manager asked me what I did.
Once I told him he went off on me, raising his voice and scaring me even more. He said it was probably just some high school kid who wanted to read after school and a paying customer. I hadn’t connected those dots, all I saw was what looked like a young man, and noticed that he came in often.
I brought up the fact that he’s been coming for a few weeks and he hasn’t bought anything and that seemed to pacify the manager somewhat.
I left early and cried the whole way home. I’m worried that now my job is in danger.
But on the other hand, I’m still proud of myself. I don’t *feel* like a jerk, but Mom did tell me I probably shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know, I’ll accept that I was if it’s true, but I’m really hoping not.”
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ Yes, stand up for yourself and listen to your gut, always. But this wasn’t you in a dark alley, or totally alone. You are at a bookstore, with many other people around. There are options before “Please leave and never return because I am creeped out by you!”, but maybe like “Hi sir, I have noticed you in here many times, is there something I can help you with?” Maybe communicate and seek to understand before throwing him out?
Did you ask any other coworkers if they have had issues with him before?” makethatnoise
Another User Comments:
“YTJ As a former bookseller and retail manager, I can say that what you did was inappropriate. If the customer made you feel uncomfortable, you should have let the manager on duty know and have them address the situation.
The customer may indeed be a creeper, but he may not be. What’s done is done, and I hope that you aren’t fired over this. You will need to review policies and procedures at your store if they allow you to stay on staff.
I understand that you have issues that stem from your past and that they will affect you for your entire life. However, you do need to understand that the entire world is not out to get you. If you are in therapy, perhaps you can dedicate some time to learning coping skills for that specific issue.” effie-sue
Another User Comments:
“Very tough situation. You may have projected some of your past onto someone who did nothing wrong…. or the guy may have been a creep. What I will say is that going to a bookstore to read is not a weird thing to do.
He may have just been reading and then noticed you looking at him constantly and smiled back to be polite. It sounds like you were hyper-aware of his presence, and may have been staring at him. On the other hand, you can be 100% correct in your assumptions.
He might have been a creep who knows? At the end of the day if you were uncomfortable and said something you’re NTJ.” ngroat
14. AITJ For Wanting To Eat My Lunch After 12 PM?
“Around 11.30 am today my dad (53) called out for me that I should prepare my lunch. That there were spaghetti leftovers in the refrigerator I could heat up.
I simply told him that I thought it was a bit early for lunch and that I preferred to eat mine past 12 pm.
This set my mom (56) into a rage. She told me that we have always eaten our lunch at 11 and I’ve done it for the past 10 years.
I told her no, in school I haven’t. I put up the points that in 7th grade I ate at 11.50, in 8th grade I ate at 12.00, and in 9th grade I ate at 12.10. And I’ve done the same at home for the past 3 years. She had none of it and said that I always eat when she cooks food and puts it on the table.
I pointed out that yes, I eat the food because I can’t just refuse to eat it when it’s put in front of me and made from scratch but when the lunch is reheated leftovers from yesterday’s dinner, I think I can eat it whenever I want to.
I really stepped on a sore toe when I told her this and she plainly told me I either eat now or I can skip lunch entirely which I did since it’s too early for me to eat and I’m not really hungry. I left for my room to get away from her screaming at me.
When I reached my room I heard her through the walls telling my dad how disrespectful and lazy I am and I think it’s just such an unnecessary argument over food. But again, I don’t know if I might have had a bad attitude against my parents or if my arguments are straight-up just unreasonable.
My mom does like to have us eat at 11 am and I can imagine that I really annoyed her? I would appreciate any criticism and/or support. I really need help understanding what went wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The problem goes way deeper than when you eat lunch.
Your mother is a narcissistic control freak, at least when it comes to you. You showed a sliver of independent thought. She’s having none of it. You will eat when she tells you to eat. Furthermore, never uses facts and reason to prove her wrong in anything.
She is your mother. You are to **always** do as she says and are to **never** disagree with her. You need to keep your head down and try to get through the next few years until you can move out. Good luck. I would suggest you check out r/raisedbynarcissists.
You will find that your story is all too common.” DeciduousEmu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re preparing your own lunch, it’s reasonable to eat when it suits you. If your parents are preparing lunch themselves, or if they need you to eat at a certain time because of other items in the schedule, then you might need to respect their timing.
But in these circumstances, I don’t see why that’s necessary. Just tell them you mean no disrespect, and you’re grateful there’s food, but that you often aren’t hungry for lunch until after noon.” Goodlake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are 15 years old.
You are old enough to make/get your own food at your own time. Your mom sounds like she likes to control when someone does something, including eating lunch. She can’t immediately call you “lazy” for not heating up the leftovers and pointing out you have a set lunchtime you have adapted to in school.
Sadly, I do have to say that as a kid in a parent’s house, you do have to obey most of the wishes. Some parents might actually kick you out for “disobeying” them even though you are talking to them in a respectful manner. Do talk with your mom again or maybe come up with an alternative like making your own lunch.
If she still acts like that, then there is nothing you can really do since you are too young to move out and have a stable job.” unoquatros
13. AITJ For Yelling At My Immature Coworker In Our Cramped Pizza Kitchen?
“We work in a cramped pizza kitchen with a brick oven to our left, pizza paddles and boxes over our heads, service rails on the wall behind us with ingredient and personal belongings, and knives on magnet strips on the wall.
I am 32, which is on the older side so I have adopted a sort of fatherly role. There is this one kid, except he’s actually like 25, who I regularly have to stop from horse playing with other coworkers. It’s a variety of physical touching from simple pokes to the side or taps on the shoulder, but it always progresses to grabbing wrists, shoving, I’ve even seen kicking.
I always tell them to stop, but never really take it too seriously. Well today the first thing I see is this kid shoving another coworker by the dishwasher. There were dough trays lined up along the wall waiting to be cleaned and he tripped over them and caught himself on his way down.
I yelled at this kid to “Knock it off” except he was already around the corner and either didn’t hear me or ignored me and what he did. Later on after the early dinner rush we’re cleaning and restocking. Well I look to my left and see him again with his hands on our coworker’s shoulders.
He was giggling and I knew that it was only going to escalate so I stepped between them and laid into him with some words. I don’t exactly remember what all I said, but it was along the lines of “keep your hands to yourself.
I tell you every day. If you don’t like me holding you accountable then start doing it yourself, etc.”
Anyway, I feel like I kinda snapped, but also he’s a little jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Where is the owner in all this?
Whoever it is, they’re gonna have to step up and address this before someone gets hurt and he gets sued.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“A 25 yo goofing off in a kitchen? How did he get so far in life? NTJ; that’s a safety hazard. Appliances and surfaces are metal, there’s hot ovens, things can spill (the owner would get angry about any wasted ingredients; that’s money out of their pocket).
Did I forget there are knives in kitchens? Oh boy. Most employers I’ve worked for would fire him for a lot less. Don’t forget the legal liability.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Taking 'Grams' Seat At A Graduation Party?
“I was at a graduation party a couple of weeks ago for a friend’s daughter.
A few of my friends were there, and of course all of their family, a few of which I knew. I (52M) am a leg amputee. I have a prosthetic, but I can’t stand on it for more than 15 minutes or so without a lot of pain.
I am also a big guy (375 lbs, over 6′).
There were more people than chairs at the event. After about 20 minutes, I had reached my breaking point. I flagged down my friend, who was extremely busy, and asked if there were any spare chairs around I could sit on.
He scrambled around, and the best he could do was some very cheap looking folding chair. I thanked him, and gave it a shot. As soon as I sat on it, it sank down to the grass and dumped me. People rushed over to help me, but I told them I was OK sitting there for a minute.
As I wallowed in my own humiliations, I happened to notice there was a metal stool sitting in the garage unoccupied. I know someone had been in it before. So, after about 5 more minutes of rest (and lots of uncomfortable glances), I got up and made my way to the still empty stool.
There was no one close to ask about it because they were all over getting food, so I sat myself down.
As people started to mill around again, I started getting the evil eye, and no one was coming over to talk to me. My friend’s wife wandered over to chit chat because she saw I was alone, and I asked what was up.
I figured maybe they were still talking about my leg or my wipeout. She told me ‘oh, Grams was using that stool earlier’. I apologized, and said I would be happy to give it back if I could find someplace else to sit. But I was told it was OK, she was sitting with the kids.
Now, one piece to fill in here. ‘Grams’ is not some 90 y.o. white-haired lady with a walker. She the 67 y.o. ‘Grams’ that swims at the ‘Y’ twice a week, and does power walks with her retirement friends. I don’t know her well, but apparently she knows everything she needs to know about me now.
After a few more minutes of being shunned, I finally got up, dropped my card on the gift table, and managed to corner my friend. I again apologized, and he apologized they hadn’t expected so many people at once. I said goodbye to a few people I knew.
As I left I saw that Grams had reclaimed her ‘throne’ and was holding court.
So, AITJ for screwing with the family ‘laws’? Maybe since I needed ‘special seating’, in the future I guess I’ll bring my own chair, although just making it there solo was a lot of effort and planning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have one leg, and standing for a period of time is difficult/painful/uncomfortable. Grams was out and about, socializing, on both (presumably healthy) legs. You needed a place to rest, there was a stool available, you took advantage of it as someone who has physical disabilities and was in pain.
You clearly didn’t intend to overthrow Grams’ throne, you just needed it for a few minutes while she wasn’t using it. To prevent future conflicts, may I suggest a portable telescoping stool you can bring to gatherings? They’re fairly inexpensive, and can help avoid a multitude of family arguments.” CheeseMakingMom
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think your idea of bringing a solid chair is a good one. My son is only 23 and about 280, and the last time he was here the couch sounded like it was about to crack. He has to use the more solid chairs now.
Honestly and you probably don’t want to hear this, but you need to buy them a new folding chair. At least offer.” Message_Bottle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- the host is though. Assuming the host knows about your disability, it was on him to provide accommodations or to assist you in finding appropriate accommodations once you explained the situation.
It’s totally reasonable to claim seating that no one is using, and when the host saw it was causing an issue, he again should have stepped in to find alternative seating for you or grandma.” MuppetJonBonJovi
11. AITJ For Telling My Nephew I Hate Working Out But Still Do It For The Benefits?
“I [18m] work out 6 days a week, and have what’s generally considered an attractive physique. Despite this, I genuinely hate lifting weights, because it’s dull and makes me sore. I started because I figured it would make me more attractive to girls, and once I actually gained some mass, I knew if I gave up now all my hard work would wither away.
That’s a sunk cost fallacy, I know, but it motivates me, so why not?
Anyhow, my nephew is a couple years younger than me, and wants to start working out. He asked me if I enjoyed it, and I answered him honestly and said it really sucks, but the benefits— having an attractive physique, filling out clothes well, greater attraction from girls (or guys if he’s into that— is worth it in my opinion.
My older brother overhead this conversation and confronted me, saying I’m an jerk for promoting ‘unhealthy’ ideas to his son by presenting that idea I hate working out and still do it, which to him ties into bad body image and such. I don’t think it’s that deep.
He asked a question about my experiences, and I answered. Plus, in life you’ll have to do plenty of stuff you don’t like in order to attain the greater benefits you do want.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Working out, for most of us, is necessary and horribly boring.
Some people love it. I hate it. You’re modeling perseverance, diligence and responsibility. By being honest that you don’t enjoy it, but still do it is actually a more useful and applicable message. Life is full of stuff that we don’t enjoy, but have to do.
Your nephew understands that and honestly it may be the best lesson to learn.” WielderOfAphorisms
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people get really into it, you don’t. You’re not promoting “unhealthy ideas” (whatever that means) by giving an honest response. Your nephew may love working out, and he’ll work that out for himself like we all do.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think that’s a great, honest, and age-appropriate answer from an older teen to a younger one. Parents can tout all the health benefits they want, but you are completely right that looking good and feeling good about your image are more important to most 16 year olds.
It’s better that you didn’t make it seem like you love it because then if he tried it and hated it he’d be like “wtf is wrong with me??”” Unusual-Elevator-956
10. AITJ For Prioritizing My Health And Exercising Regularly Despite My Wife's Discontent?
“My wife (34F) and I (34M) have a 3yr girl and my wife is 20 weeks pregnant. My wife and I have been married for 10yrs and together for 16.
We both have professional degrees and work full time in our chosen career fields. We have our ups and downs but are generally happy.
After several years of chronic illness, I’ve achieved remission. My doctors have been discussing my weight, as I became obese.
Along with some recent blood work showing some high cholesterol, tired of being in clothes that don’t fit, I’ve decided to begin exercising and eating better. I’ve lost 15lbs in 12wks. I feel much better and want to continue the trend. My goal is to exercise 3-4 times a week.
I have been mountain biking on a trail system 10 min from our house. I really enjoy it and I think this is a big part of why I’ve been successful in being consistent. Including travel time, I’m gone for 70-90 minutes.
My wife wants to be supportive, but often isn’t.
She is often passive aggressive, or standoffish. She will make comments like, “yeah just go and enjoy your life, leaving me and your daughter here”. Her biggest issue is the lack of reciprocation. She doesn’t really have any hobbies that would really facilitate reciprocation.
I’d be super happy to reciprocate if I could. (My wife works every other weekend and my daughter and I spend a lot of time alone together. I am not the dad that cannot be alone with his kid by any means.) We’ve talked about her rejoining orange theory, but being pregnant, this isn’t the time for her to take up a new (and intense) workout regimen.
She has gone out to get her nails done a few times, but she can’t do this several times a week. Sometimes she will go shop. We are also a bit codependent. Aside from when the other spouse is working, we hardly do any activities separately.
I’m really trying to capitalize on my new found motivation to get fit, as it can be hard to come by. However, my wife’s annoyance at me being out of the house 3-4 nights a week is really becoming an issue.
I’ve been trying to cook and clean every night before I ride, to help address the time alone my wife spends with our daughter when I ride.
We have our house cleaned every couple of weeks, so neither of us is doing any deep cleaning on a regular basis. It’s just cleaning up after meals and our toddler, which still feels like we are constantly cleaning. I also take on the majority of the mental burden.
I plan our vacations, keep track of family events, doctor’s and dentist appointments for our daughter, manage the bills, plan, cook, and shop for family meals hosted at our home, etc. I feel I am an equal partner in parenting our daughter, not a helper husband.
My wife makes me feel as if I am being selfish for going on my bike rides. Logically, I feel like I am prioritizing my longterm health. I can’t even imagine how we will come to a compromise when our baby arrives later this year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe try to find a compromise? Would it be possible to ride harder for a shorter period of time? Would investing in a standing bike help so you can cut down on travel time? It’s reasonable to want to prioritize your help, but 90 minutes away 4 times a week is a lot” ratya48
Another User Comments:
“Info, how much time awake do you get with your daughter on weekdays? My wife and I are the same age as you, our daughter is the same age as yours, and we have a 1mo son. Our daughter comes home from daycare at 6 and goes to bed at 8.
So if I was gone 70-90 minutes of that 2 hours (and I assume you take a shower so may be more like 80-100 minutes)…I would be the jerk. But maybe your situation is different than ours.” ryjack3232
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, staying healthy makes you a better husband/dad, even pregnant she can walk, maybe suggest her taking a walk every day and listening to a book or podcast, I do this every night and it’s great for you mentally” SnooRadishes8848
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend Who Didn't Want To Hear Her Partner's Problems?
“I have a friend (F24) who has a significant other (M19). They’ve been together for three months now.
As far as I know, I don’t think she knew him before he was 19. So no, she didn’t groom him. At least, I hope not. Anyway, from what I saw, their relationship was fine. My friend would tell me about how nice he was, how he listened to her struggles, and how great… Other things are.
But around a week ago, she came over to my house and told me about how she was starting to feel weird about her relationship. When I asked her why, he told me what I thought (and still think) was the stupidest reason ever.
She told me that she didn’t feel the relationship was right because her significant other vented to her.
In a basic sense, he has been having family problems and it’s been making him feel… Well, it’s been making him not want to be alive anymore. She said that she wanted a relationship where the man would pay attention to her, listen to her, and help her through hard times.
She didn’t want to listen to their problems since it made her remember her own problems. I still think she was hypocritical, but I feel like my reaction was too much.
I started off with passive-aggressive comments, trying to hint at her that I found her troubles really, really stupid.
But she didn’t take a hint. She just continued on and I got more and more irritated at her audacity. So I yelled at her. I told her that she was being a hypocritical jerk and that she didn’t deserve the type of significant other she wanted if she wasn’t going to put in the love she expected. I called her an idiot, and a jerk, I even called her abusive and toxic.
I got so irritated off that I ended up breaking one of my glass bowls by throwing it on the floor in anger. I didn’t get the bowl just to throw it, I was already holding it.
She got really scared when I threw it on the ground.
She was quick to leave. We haven’t talked since until this morning when she sent me a text saying that I didn’t understand her problems because I was Aromantic and that I would never get into a relationship. Because I wouldn’t ever get in a relationship, I didn’t have standards like she did so I was obviously going to be so prissy from an outside perspective.
She said that she forgave me.
This whole week, I thought I was in the right. That she was the one in the wrong and that her significant other deserved better. But she felt the need to forgive me. Now I am not sure if I am even in the right anymore because of how immature I acted. And it is true, I have never been and never will be in a romantic relationship so I am not one to know what good standards are.
I am playing baseball while only having experience with sewing. I don’t know if I am in the right or wrong anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your friend clearly sucks. The age gap is sketchy, and her expectation that relationships should center solely around her needs is egotistical and immature.
But you shouldn’t have resorted to name-calling and breaking things. That was mean and unnecessary.” DisneyFoodie20
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here her view on what a relationship should be is crazy. A relationship ship is give and take that includes support, understanding and help when one party is going through a hard time.
It’s not just one-sided. You shouldn’t be throwing and breaking anything.” LaG1122
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here you for scaring your friend like that and her for expecting something she won’t give back. Everyone is going to have some sort of problem or issue, so she needs to realize that.
And you sound like you need to go to anger management if that is how you react towards people.” Wild-Home-4337
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend To My Wedding After He Caused My Injury?
“My friends and I share a deep bond. We’ve known each other for over 20 years since our freshman year at Penn State. Our group consists of 7 guys and we’ve managed to stay in each other’s lives over these two decades.
Peter, in particular, has always been the liveliest among us, and honestly, the adhesive that kept us together, be it by organizing fishing trips or hosting Thanksgiving dinners at his place.
Peter is a big man, 6’6″, an ex D1-footballer, although he now works as a consultant for one of those big-name consulting firms with 3-4 letter acronyms, but he still hits the gym like we were in college.
Every Thanksgiving, we gather together with our partners at one of our homes. Last Thanksgiving, however, something unfortunate happened. We were playing backyard baseball. I was catcher, and Peter was on third. As he was tagging up, he ran into me full force. Now, I’m not a small guy myself (6’2″, 195 lbs.), but Peter knocked the wind out of me and caused a herniated disc in my lower back.
I was pretty mad then, but even more so as I work in pharmaceutical sales and a lot of my life in this area is golfing with doctors (the memes are true). It really caused a huge dent in my ability to do my job and honestly, while I don’t directly blame him for this, it’s cost me a lot of money both on money spent on the recovery and in terms of my ability to work.
As you enter your 40s, our bodies don’t recover as easily as they did when we were in our 20s. Not to mention, it’s pretty darn unnecessary to play that hard in backyard baseball (although he’s always been that way).
While I don’t think he meant to cause harm, Peter never apologized, insisting he was just playing the game.
The rest of the guys think that’s just the way he is and that it was an unfortunate injury (and hey, I got what I signed up for playing any sport with him at this age), but months later, I still find myself holding a grudge.
When I sought an apology, he held his ground, reiterating he was just playing the game and refused to talk about it.
So, here’s my dilemma. Last month, I proposed to my partner of five years and I find myself not wanting to invite Peter to the bachelor party or the wedding.
My mere thought of him triggers a twinge in my back, and while I accept he’ll be in my life forever, I’ve confided in my fiancée that I simply don’t want him at our celebration.
She and my best man (who’s one of the 7) thinks I’m overreacting, being too sensitive, and that it would be a wrong move not to invite Peter.
But is it really so wrong? AITJ to not invite him to the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say Everyone is a jerk. Your friend: An apology is warranted. You: Holding a grudge against someone you’ve known for 20 years and are supposedly friends with to the extent you’re banning him from your wedding is excessive.
You need to accept some accountability for being in the game as a 40ish man where anything can happen to sideline you. Play stupid games win stupid prizes! And congrats on your wedding” frandiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here. It was Thanksgiving and y’all were assume all around 40 years of age?
In a fun game of backyard baseball you don’t run over the catcher. That’s a dirty move in my opinion and him being 6’6” and a former D1 footballer what good did he think was going to happen if he ran into you like that?
Is he really that competitive to run you over to try and score at home? I’ve played backyard football with my buddies and someone blindsided me and knocked the wind out of me and they immediately apologized. And this wasn’t even on purpose. we just happened to be crossing paths.
He knew what he was doing I guarantee it. I personally wouldn’t invite him to my wedding.” uptown_josh
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go against the grain here and say NTJ. The guy was “just playing a game” and changed your life forever with his overly physical play in a pick up game.
And has never apologized. Not even a simple apology at all from a supposedly good friend. Why is this guy still in your life? Will you lose your other friends? I am usually a forgiving person, but this one makes me think twice. Adding edit here – I also have a herniated disc (from head on auto accident 30 years ago).
It really does affect you physically (i have a constant pain). You can have surgery to repair it, but there are some major risks with that. I can’t imagine what kind of force this had to be to cause a herniated disk. It really is a life changing injury.” Comfortable-Focus123
7. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Be Quieter During Intimacy?
“Before I start I would like to make it known that I am a god awful story teller and that this is my first post, so if it isn’t super well written I apologize in advance.
I tried to make it as easy to read as possible but again I apologize if I use any wrong word English isn’t my first language.
I (19F) have a roommate (also 19F) who we’ll call Sam. She’s lesbian and I am a very tolerant person and my mother is bi as well so I was raised to believe that there is nothing wrong with people loving who they want to love and I totally agree with that.
My problem is not that she is a lesbian, it is the fact that she and her partner is very loud when they are intimate. This normally wouldn’t bother me as their private life is literally none of my business, but I like to go to bed early so I get a good amount of rest so I’m not grumpy in the morning and our walls are paper thin.
I am well aware that adults have private moments and I’m not at all surprised that they do but they are SO DARN LOUD. Like I genuinely thought someone was getting beat up for a bit until I realized they were just extremely into it.
I did not say anything for the first 3-4 months that this was going on but I finally brought it up as nicely as I could on Tuesday and she did not take it well. She yelled for around and hour after I initially started the conversation about how homophobic I am and how she knows I wouldn’t have brought it up if she was being intimate with a man, and how weird it is that I’m worried about her private life.
I apologized and said I did not mean for it to come off that way, and I was going to drop the convo but she continued yelling for awhile after that. I’m generally a patient person but after an hour of her screaming I finally yelled back that I didn’t give a darn if she was straight, lesbian or purple that I did not want to hear her being intimate every other day.
She left and hasn’t come back since and is apparently staying with her partner and I’ve been getting calls and texts from our mutual friends who are either saying that I was valid in bring it up or that I’m being a jerk and I should’ve just not said anything.
I think I might be the jerk as I’m not gay and I don’t know what its like to have a straight person comment on my private life in a way that might come off as homophobic and it is entirely possible that the way i worded the initial comment came off as weird.
I didn’t mean for it to at all but I’m starting to think I am the jerk for even bringing it up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start playing loud sounds as loudly as you can while she’s trying to sleep. Then when she complains, tell her she’s being heterophobic and wouldn’t be complaining if you were being intimate with a woman.
ETA: point being, no one likes to hear other people being intimate all the time while they’re trying to sleep, regardless or who or what it’s with.” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What’s with everybody on here are having friends and relatives blowing up their phones after arguments?
I have NEVER had anyone meddle in other people’s fights like that, not have I ever done it. When spouses or friends or siblings have an argument, the normal thing to do is to say “whoah, leave me out of that buddy, I am not getting involved”.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You roommate would be inconsiderate for being so loud and frequently that you can’t sleep regardless of who she’s engaging with. Sharing a space with a roommate means making some reasonable concessions for everyone’s overall comfort. You didn’t tell her not to be intimate at all, or not to have lesbian moments, you were just asking for some volume moderation.
That reasonable and not “phobic.”” tootallblonde
6. AITJ For Disciplining My Nephew At A Family BBQ?
“Yesterday my wife (29) and I (30M) went to a small BBQ and pool get-together at my parent’s house with my siblings and their kids.
2 other siblings showed up who don’t have children and my sister (29 F) with her husband 31M) came with their 2 children (almost 5M and almost 2M). My wife and I have 2 children also (almost 4M and almost 2F).
So we are swimming in the pool and there is a big lounge chair floaty which my son is sitting on, his 5yo cousin climbs on and they sit there together for a minute and then my son gets off, swims to the edge of the pool, climbs out and goes to jump from the ledge back onto the floaty with his cousin for fun (the chair floaty is pretty big and fits them both with ease).
So my son jumps and in mid-air, the 5-year-old kicks my son in the chest so he can’t make it back onto the floaty and my son starts crying. My wife is sitting right next to what happened and in a stern voice tells the 5yo that wasn’t nice and to not do that again.
Later, my son is sitting on the same lounge chair floaty and the 5yo decides he wants to sit on it so he grabs my son’s arm and pulls him off, dunking him under the water in the process. So my son freaked out and my wife was right next to the situation so told the 5yo again the same thing in the same tone.
So my son told us he wanted to leave because his cousin was being mean, we packed up our things, said goodbye (my mom was inside the house, and asked why we were leaving so I told her what happened), and then left.
About 1 hr later I got a text from my sister saying she had to defend her kid and that it was disrespectful to yell at her kid and say he was mean and always starting things (which we did not say).
I respond that my wife did not yell and if my child doesn’t want to be around a cousin who is being mean to him, we aren’t going to force that. The reality is that I know kids especially boys like to be a little rough when playing and I get that, but we have tried hard to teach our son playing too physically, throwing, etc is not okay, but my sister’s children love watching wrestling like WWE and things like that and they love playing really rough, throwing, hitting and kicking.
Tonight, we have a birthday dinner for one of my brothers who was there yesterday and my wife refuses to go and our son says he doesn’t want to go either. I’m still going since I don’t want to not be there for my brother because of something that didn’t involve him or anything and that wouldn’t be fair.
But we will see if anything more is said tonight.
So, AITJ (or are my wife and I) for parenting my sister’s kid and not backing down when being confronted about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife didn’t scream or yell or cause a scene.
In fact, no one even knew what had happened because the admonishment was so discreet. Sure, children roughhouse, but chest kicking someone in a pool and then dragging them off (and inadvertently under) is not only mean, it’s dangerous. Your brother and sister were clearly not watching their children in the pool.
The actual responsible adult who handled the situation.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your nephew was behaving inappropriately. You and your wife have every right to tell him to stop behaving this way to protect your own child from harm. If you stood back and said nothing, and then someone got injured, how would you feel?
Your wife was being a responsible adult. I have a 2-year-old and his 6-year-old cousin can be a bit rough with him sometimes. There’s absolutely no way I’m just going to stand back and let her think that behavior is okay!” Bertbee90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, it sounds like the little cousin got scared/embarrassed by being disciplined by your wife, and probably hysterically explained it to his mom…and she hysterically relayed that back. None of that needed to escalate. The kid acts like a jerk, and gets called out…fine.
Pool safety is real. Since this is like a back-to-back socializing weekend…I think it’s reasonable for wife and kid to sit this one out and a good time for you to explain that your household has a lower tolerance for roughhousing.” mlmgurlboss
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife Say Goodbye To My Daughter?
“My wife (30F) and I (29M) are getting divorced after 3 years together. I have a daughter (8) from a prior relationship that I co-parent; alternating weeks, and holidays, pretty 50/50.
When she is with me, I “have to” share my time with my family as they were a BIG part in helping to raise her since I had her when I was young & co-parenting (setting boundaries with my family but that’s a different story).
With that information, my daughter spends 1 or 2 days with my parents, 1 or 2 days with my sister; depending on the week my daughter only sleeps at our home 2-3 days sometimes. I do see her every day she’s with me, she just spends the night or the day with her parents/sister while I work.
(We have had up to 4-5 days now at home since mid-May) My ex-wife, unfortunately, would not be able to see her sometimes due to her work having her go out of town or working late or due to my “shared custody” with my family.
It wasn’t the case before, she worked normal-ish hours (80-90) up until about Mid-2022, before they saw each other more but afterward it became less and less. Back to the issue.
I’ve been able to keep my daughter in the “dark” regarding our separation by telling my daughter that my wife left to take care of her younger siblings while her parents went out of the country for a family emergency to try and cover up my wife’s absence.
With the alternating weeks and the already established sharing my daughter, she’s been unfazed up until mid-June when she did begin asking when we were going to see my wife again and I dug myself a deeper hole by saying she had to also leave the country because of the family emergency, that it was due to a grandparents’ health failing.
We left it at that, and she hasn’t asked for her since. Sometimes if my wife is brought up in the conversation but we avoid it in front of her. During this time, of trying to make things work my wife didn’t make attempts to reach out or talk with my daughter; because she felt that she “can’t fake it” in front of her and we both were okay with the lie to try and “protect her” from the separation on the chance we got back together and my wife was only away for “family emergency” instead of “my parents were fighting and on the verge of divorce”
The issue now is that my wife wants to say goodbye to my daughter, but it’s been almost 3 months separated with no contact, minimal contact when we were together due to “sharing custody.” In the beginning of our separation, I didn’t have an issue with communicating our divorce and I wanted us to tell her together but as time has gone by and I see that my daughter is “getting adjusted” to not seeing my wife, that I’m having a hard time of letting her come say goodbye for a moment and then to disappear again from her life.
I also don’t want to rob my daughter of the opportunity to say goodbye if she needs it for herself. I thought about telling her by myself and asking her if she’d like to say bye to her stepmom.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
That’s a cruel thing to do to everyone. Divorce is difficult but letting your daughter think that her stepmom just left, she will hold that pain and insecurity forever. She won’t be able to trust or form strong bonds with people she loves for fear of the pain.” NotYourMutha
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This is something that impacts more than you. It would be very callous and unkind to not allow your soon to be ex-wife say her goodbyes. She was a parental figure to your daughter and your daughter deserves a chance to say goodbye and determine if she might reach out to your ex in the future.
Regardless, if you take this opportunity away from them you are being very selfish. I know this isn’t a black and white decision, but you shouldn’t be making these choices without their input or consent” BerrixandBeyond
4. AITJ For Reporting My Co-Worker's Poor Hygiene And Strange Habits To Management?
“For some background, I am a 24-year-old female working in a corporate office and I am one of the youngest people in the company besides interns. So I usually keep to myself, I have one work friend that’s it. I’ve been with the company since 2019 and we worked from home for a year.
There is an older woman who works on a separate team from mine but our desks are near each other. She is a sweet woman but has bad body odor and very stranger habits. She doesn’t have an old lady smell or a cat lady smell.
It’s like an old garbage and mildew type of smell. I feel bad for her because some people can’t help it and it’s difficult to talk to someone about personal hygiene. But it just radiates through the office. Other coworkers talk bad about her and make fun of her.
And I feel bad for her because she has to know. But she also CLIPS HER TOENAILS AT HER DESK AND LET THEM FLY ALL OVER THE PLACE. I’m three desks away from her and had a toenail LAND ON MY DESK! We all thought she would stop doing it when we came back to the office but she didn’t.
I think she does it out of spite because people talk about her. But bro come on! Like that is so disgusting and you are working in an office with a ton of people around you. And it’s not like she has a cubicle to hide in.
This is just in plain sight for everyone to see. We had a new hire start a while ago and he audibly gagged when he saw her do it for the first time.
Anyway, it’s gotten to the point that wherever she goes in the building people know who she is and can smell her coming.
So I talked to my one work friend about it and she said something needs to be done and I should talk to my supervisor about it and share people’s concerns since I sit near her. So I did. He was aware of her smell and habits but wasn’t able to do anything until a formal complaint was made because she wasn’t in his department.
So he made her supervisor aware. A day later an email was sent out advising people to care for themselves and the importance of personal hygiene. As well as habits that are appropriate and inappropriate for the workplace. She was pulled for a meeting with her supervisor prior to this email and it lasted a good 30 minutes.
She came out with red, puffy eyes but also looked upset.
Since then she’s smelled better and we have had no toenail incidents. But she also requested to have her desk moved to a more secluded area. People also caught wind that I spoke to a supervisor about her and have made me out to be the bad guy for making her feel targeted and exposed. But everyone was complaining about her and talking bad about her behind her back.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Poor hygiene can affect a person’s health and the health of those around them, and if your coworkers are actually happier badmouthing someone silently instead of addressing an issue that’s affecting the entire workplace, you work with a bunch of jerks.” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – bad hygiene is actually gross misconduct in a lot of businesses and a sackable offense. Most work contracts have in them that you have to be presentable. The toenail thing is terrible, maybe it’s my age but I’d have had to say something there and then.
Learn from this experience though, in work people will often be righteous about something and discuss it and then let a poor lamb be slaughtered. That was you. You were thrown under the bus and everyone denied any responsibility. As a positive to take away, I’d be devastated if I found out I smelt and no one had addressed it and people had been discussing it, It would be embarrassing but it would be worse if it had been causing a problem months on and no one said.” RebeccaCheeseburger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her behavior was so far over the line. Some people can’t control the smell thing, but since it went away when someone talked to her clearly she’s someone who can be in control of it. This makes the spite nail clipping even weirder because she could have fixed the problem!
Good god that whole situation sounds vile. Good on you for saying something so the situation could be resolved.” JustheBean
3. AITJ For Calling My Partner Lazy Over Dinner Arrangements?
“My partner and I both work. I work full time and she works part-time. Usually, she works one or two days a week but this week she was working 4 days so we agreed to take turns to make dinner. She made dinner on Monday and Wednesday.
I made dinner on Tuesday and Thursday. However, on Tuesday when she got in from work she was really upset from having to work that day. So even though I offered to make her whatever she wanted, she refused to have anything, so I just made dinner for myself.
I warned her at the time she would be hungry later and a few hours later she complained she was hungry so I took her to McDonald’s because I wanted her to eat.
On Thursday we had a small argument because I snapped at her (my fault and I apologize for it) so she kept on insisting she wasn’t hungry because she was mad at me.
I offered to make whatever she wanted but again she refused. So after we made up I took us to Pizza Hut to make sure she ate. Today was her turn to make food, it’s the first day she was scheduled to make food on a day she had been to work.
She messaged me asking if it was ok if she could bring Greggs home because she didn’t want to make anything.
I wasn’t happy with that because I had been looking forward to having jacket potato, which was all pre-prepared, she just had to put it in the oven for 40 minutes and heat a tin of tikka masala.
But I said I was fine with it. While I was waiting for her to get home, I fell asleep watching YouTube videos on my phone. She got home when I was sleeping, put a pizza square on my desk, didn’t wake me or anything, and just went to bed. When I woke up the pizza was all gross and dry.
So I asked her if could she fix something else for dinner. She refused, she said she’d got take away, like I had, and it wasn’t her problem I wasn’t awake to eat it. I told her that I got takeaway as a last resort because I didn’t want her to be hungry after she’d refused everything I offered to make for her and I made sure she was awake when we got it.
She still refused to make dinner so I told her she was lazy and being a bad partner because I cared enough about her to make sure she ate when it was my turn to make dinner but she couldn’t be bothered to extend the same courtesy.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This really seems like it’s on you. You could have made dinner for both of you on Tuesday and put leftovers away for her. Her bringing you pizza home is perfectly fine – you didn’t cook for her at all either.
She could have fed herself if she ended up hungry and you don’t get to use feeding her those nights against her since it seems like that was *your* doing, right?” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“Let’s be clear- you were already home, just watching YouTube, waiting for your partner to come home and cook for you.
A dinner that was as simple as putting it in the oven. She checked with you to see if you were okay with takeout and you agreed. And when she held up her end of the deal, you asked her to make you food because your pizza was cold.
Come on dude, YTJ” Tough-Celebration298
Another User Comments:
“YTJ–being in a relationship isn’t supposed to be tit for tat like this. When it becomes that way it leads to resentment. Sometimes one partner is going to have to do more in order to support the other.
You do it because you love them. You take care of each other. You don’t pick fights, hold favors overheads, and resort to name-calling.” Livid_Let_Die
2. AITJ For Inviting My Ex-Daughter-In-Law Over My Son's Current Partner To My Birthday?
“I (56f) have a son “Jack” (30m), he is my eldest. For over 10 years (together for 4 and married for 6) he has been together with “Katie” (29f).
Katie is a lovely girl and I was happy to have her as my DIL. From the beginning of their relationship Katie told Jack that she doesn’t want children and if he feels different they should separate. Jack was fine with it, however some years into marriage thought she might change her mind.
Katie didn’t and mentioned again if he wants children, they should separate as it is not something she wants in her life. Jack assured her he is fine with it again.
Back during 2020 he started being unfaithful to her with a girl from the team he manages.
I found out about it the same time as Katie did as he called me to “confess” when me and Katie were having tea. I could not stop apologising to her about my son’s behaviour and said she will always be my DIL. They divorced, but I kept in contact with Katie and we spend time together.
After about a year Katie has also moved on with her life, but we still keep in touch
Jack is still with the girl he was unfaithful to Katie with, “Elly”. I have honestly tried my best to get to know Elly, but she would never show the same enthusiasm.
Whenever someone is a center of attention, she feels she has to interrupt and talk about herself and shuts down my every attempt to get to know her (I do not talk or mention Katie when she is around).
Now where I can be a jerk?
It is my birthday at the end of the month and I have invited Katie alongside with my other children and their partners to celebrate. I have asked Jack not to bring Elly as I would prefer Katie to be there since it has been 3 years and Elly made no attempt to connect with me or the family.
She can still come for Christmas and other big holidays, but I want people who I’m close with on my birthday. Jack didn’t like it and called me a jerk and accused me for doing it because I want him to get back with Katie (I don’t due to how he treated her) and I shouldn’t be that close with her and try harder with Elly since Elly feels I’m hostile towards her (I’m not).
Jack said he will either come with Elly or not show up at all unless I change my mind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a “family holiday.” It’s *your* birthday. You can invite and disinvite whoever you want. That being said, if you did this at Christmas, I would also vote you NTJ.
The reasoning being that “When one party has severely wronged another, ‘not taking a side’ is taking a side.”” blanketstatement5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can choose to invite who you want to your party. Relationships are a two-way street, having a relationship with your son does not necessitate a relationship with you.
If his current partner seems uninterested in a relationship with her partner’s mother (you) that isn’t your fault.” Narrow-Moose-2565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- It’s not a holiday or family event. It’s your birthday. You are absolutely allowed to decide who you invite and who you don’t.
He’s allowed to decline the invite for his reasons but it’s on him to bridge the gap between y’all. In that same breath, if you value your son being in your life, after your birthday, maybe invite them over and have a heart to heart and a redo.
A tabla rasa. Start over and maybe take some pressure off of everyone.” ThatHellaHighHobbit
1. AITJ For Not Liking The Baby Name My Wife Chose?
“My wife and I are having our second child, and two weeks ago tomorrow, we found out the gender.
My wife immediately wanted to discuss baby names and quickly latched on to X (real name omitted). When she said it, I told her I wasn’t in love with that, and that we should keep thinking of names. She smiled and replied, “no, it’s X.”
I assumed she was joking but shortly after she began referring to the baby as X. As soon as she did, I told her not to call the baby that because I definitely wasn’t sold on it. I also told her not to get too attached, and that we should continue to think of names.
She asked me to suggest some, but I told her we have many months to figure it out, and I have to hear or see a name to know how I feel about it and wanted to take my time.
Well, she continued to refer to the baby as X while I kept calling the name “Number Two.” I eventually stopped telling her not to call Baby X because I thought she knew my opinion and was just trying to wear me down.
Two days ago I even sarcastically referred to the baby as X saying “Since you’ve already decided on the name.“
Tonight we got into an argument because she wanted to discuss names and mentioned X. I said I could maybe grow to love it but that I didn’t currently love it.
She actually seemed understanding, saying “No, you should love the name too.” We then moved on to middle names and she suggested Y. I felt a flash and said “I love it!” But then when she said XY together, she said that Y was out because it didn’t fit with X.
I said, “Well, you’re right that we should both love it and it doesn’t seem like you love Y and I have to be honest, I don’t love X either. So maybe it shouldn’t be either of them and we should keep plugging away.”
She got upset saying that I was punishing her by taking X off the table because she didn’t like Y. I told her that it was more that I found a name I loved (and I’m sure there are plenty more out there) and agreed with her point that we should both love it.
Loving Y made it all the more pronounced that I truly didn’t love X. She got very upset, and said she was heartbroken since I made her believe that I loved X for months. I said “We just found out the gender two weeks ago, and I was clear from the beginning that I wasn’t in love with X.” She said she thought I loved X too since I’ve been using the name and since I haven’t come up with any alternatives.
I said I used X once or twice in a way that I thought was clearly sarcastic and I hadn’t come up with any alternatives since it was only two weeks so far.
Now she’s in bed crying and heartbroken because I don’t love her baby name and thinks I’ve led her on.
AITJ for being so direct about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I’m not really going to hold this against your wife, pregnancy hormones are absolutely insane and I do not envy her situation with that. You were clear with your communication, you haven’t been leading her on.
It sucks to fall in love with a name your partner doesn’t like, but that’s something a lot of expectant parents go through. It’s disappointing but certainly not the end of the world. Baby names are a two yeses one no situation, and I’m sure she understands that cognitively.
I would just give it a little time. A lot of the emotional intensity will probably pass after she’s slept on it.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should both love the names you choose for your children. You could apologize for the misunderstanding of her thinking you grew to like the name more and not realizing your sarcasm, but you definitely aren’t in the wrong for simply not liking the name.
How did you come up with your firstborn’s name? Maybe if there is something specific about her name that you like, work with that.” Murky-Map3659
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wife’s hormones are all over the place at the moment. She’s not hearing and is in her own little world, and only goes by her own wishes, not taking your feelings into consideration.
Was she always like this or is it only since being pregnant? You have to be direct. Even with that, she’s still not getting it. Maybe you could each write your own list of names you love, then have a get-together and discuss both lists and see if you find common names you both love (and won’t get your kid bullied in school).
Good luck, I hope you find a name you’re both happy with.” MajorAd2679
