People Get Relentless In These 'Am I The Jerk' Stories
20. AITJ For Planning To Call My Leasing Agent On My Smelly, Noisy Neighbors?
I’ve been living in the same apartment with my family for 4 years now. In this time we’ve had 4 different neighbors that live above us. We’ve had an old couple that we barely noticed, a family with young kids that jumped around a ton, a couple that may have gotten a bit loud at times and constantly parked on our reserved spot, and now a new family that has gotten under our skin in the 2 months they’ve been here.
This new family is loud at all hours of the day and night, has guests over quite often that run up and down the stairs to the point it’s rattling our door, and they smoke so much that our house is starting to reek of it.
Honestly, I can’t even walk into my laundry room because of how bad it is and the smell is starting to linger on my clothes. We don’t smoke, and I don’t really hold it against anyone who does so reasonably. I just don’t want my house smelling like it.
The amount of things we are doing to try and keep the air fresh is headache-inducing. Is it wrong to want your home to smell fresh?
Any time I’ve talked to this new neighbor, they’ve been short with me and I figured they weren’t the talkative sort, so I figured I would just stop greeting them.
I like to try and be civil to those around me because who knows what could happen. This came to a head today when we were getting home from celebrating my son’s birthday. As we were bringing things in, they opened their door to yell down to us to please stop the doors from slamming.
We have 3 kids and sometimes it happens, but we try to keep them from playing that rough. We said we would do our best to stop it and apologized. I figured this would be the end of it, but then he had to cop an attitude with us and say that it better stop because he’s tired of the noise.
Granted, I understand it can be annoying, but we have already talked to our children about it and would look to see what we could do about our doors sticking and being hard to shut without trying to force it.
The whole interaction got me upset because not only are they causing my apartment to smell foul, they constantly start to get loud around 3am by vacuuming or stomping about, and they’ve had their guest park in our spot several times for hours on end.
The thing is, we live in a state that is not friendly and a clause in our lease states that illicit substances is cause for termination of lease. I don’t want to have to call the leasing agent about this, and I am willing to try to talk to my neighbor about this, but if it goes south and they just keep acting rude, WIBTJ for calling my leasing agent to speak to them?
Another User Comments:
NTJ. You should feel comfortable and relaxed in the place you’re literally paying for. This neighbor is inconsiderate and a massive hypocrite to be telling you to control your children, when they’re grown adults but can’t even get their head out of their behind to realize they’re disturbing others.
I would call, I don’t pay for my place to reek like crap and be annoyed over loudness at all times of day. [deleted]
Another User Comments:
NTJ. You tried to be civil. Now it’s time to let the leasing agent take care of it.
I’d caution you to contact the leasing agent anonymously. The last thing you need is to have them think that you got them evicted. Just send the leasing agent a typed letter informing them that they have a tenant using substances at such and such address.
After that, let the chips fall where they may. inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
I wouldn’t talk to the neighbor. You already know they’re hostile towards you, and it would be futile for you to try the nice way of talking to them first. You will also tell on yourself, that you are the one that called the leasing agent.
Which you absolutely should do. NTJ. Embarrassed-Math-699
19. AITJ For Sticking To My Deadline On Mum's Hoarded Stuff?
I (M25) have a mother (F44) who is a hoarder, plain and simple. She’s a drama teacher who has always been heavily invested in theatre, and as a result, consistently acquires costumes, props, set items, and teaching resources.
Whether via shows she’s done, or social media posts where she thinks “oooh, that might come in handy.” This has been ongoing since I was about 3, when my parents split up. For context, she already has a standard 40-foot shipping container and a 125m storage locker in a storage complex about a 15-minute drive out of our small town; both of these are full of stuff.
Over the years, our family have slightly taken advantage, and probably 5-10% of her stored belongings are heirlooms, old furniture, etc.—stuff no one wants but she doesn’t necessarily want to get rid of. About 5 years ago, my mother got a job working at a school on the other end of the country (we live in New Zealand in the north island; this job was in the south Island), approximately 1110 km away.
However, when the job ended, she moved back north, filled a 20ft container, and left it with my grandfather at the bottom of the north island (still about 450 km away). Her total storage costs are approximately $400 per fortnight. Cut to a year ago, my grandfather has been burning bridges with our entire family, and so Mum wanted to get her stuff closer to home so as not to worry that my grandfather would hold it ransom.
I proposed a solution.
In June 2022, I offered for her 20ft container to be moved onto my front yard, with the stipulation that it would be gone by July of this year. She agreed, and the truck arrived as planned. Mum lives alone, and earlier this year I helped her move house into a much larger house—from a two-bedroom with a single garage to a three-bedroom and double garage.
She assured me that this would help her be able to empty her rented storage, saving her money and reducing her stress.
This evening, she called me and asked that I give some leniency because her garage is full, but she could shuffle some things in her other storage to make room for what is left in the container.
I politely told her that I understood her situation, but I’ve been clear that the first trailer load she took was 6 months after the container first arrived at my house. The deadline will not change, and the container will be gone by the end of the month.
She told me that talking to me now makes her feel like crap and hung up on me. She’s been told that I will donate or otherwise remove what is left at the deadline, and, genuinely, I’ve been respectful and kind about this situation for years now.
I’ve told her she needs some hard love to get rid of some stuff at this point. So, AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were clear about the deadline and you are just being consistent. It would be kind to offer leniency, but it sounds like your Mum is the sort of person who would take advantage of it.
Her hoarding needs to be her problem, not yours!” cakelin99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She will not pick up her stuff even if you give her an extension. She will continue to fill every space she has, and that includes the container on your property.
She could pay to have the container moved to her own yard if she has the space. She still has a week to do that. Otherwise, just get rid of the stuff. You had an agreement. She had plenty of time. She chose to spend that time on things that apparently are more important to her than retrieving these belongings.
I don’t understand why she would wait this long if she genuinely had a good reason why she hasn’t emptied it yet. If she feels like crap, that’s too bad, but she’s done this to herself. You could offer to help her empty the container into a storage unit she rents if she wants to keep all the stuff.
If it’s worth the money for a storage unit to her, then fine.” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not responsible for her hoarding problem, and you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own yard or peace of mind for her sake. She is the one who needs to deal with her stuff, and she can’t expect you to keep enabling her or storing her stuff indefinitely.
She is being unreasonable and manipulative by making you feel guilty or bad for enforcing a reasonable boundary. You are not doing anything wrong, and you should follow through with your plan to donate or remove what is left in the container by the end of the month.” DannSteeler
18. AITJ For Ending My Relationship With My Mom Over My Abusive Brother's Actions?
Both my parents growing up have been generally neglectful. Not to the extent that I recognized it as mistreatment straight away, but they frequently forgot to feed us, never showed up for any school events or check-ins, and severely emotionally neglected me (f18) as they focused their attention on my brother (m20) who was a bit of a problem child.
Recently, my relationship with my mother has drastically improved. My dad has been in and out of my life and is currently out, and due to some very bad luck in life I had to depend on my mom a lot during my senior year of high school and she stepped up.
My brother is a horrendous person. He’s immature, he steals from both my parents and me (including taking my car keys by force), he has a tendency of using his size and strength to get what he wants, he berates my mom constantly, and he’s very much substance dependent (I know he’s mistreated other substances as well).
He’s also incredibly controlling, specifically about the men in my life. This is wild because if we have any relationship at all it’s certainly not amicable. His number is blocked from my phone and I intend to go no contact as soon as possible, even letting my parents know I will not visit them if he’s present in the future.
Recently, he stole my car again. He forgot to fill it up with gas, and when he returned, I screamed at him until he agreed to do so (I was running late for plans). I accidentally left my bag in the car and he looked through it, finding a man’s shirt (mine, not that it matters).
He immediately called my mom and demanded I answer why I had a man’s shirt in my bag. I told my mom outright not to tell him why and left it at that. He has no right to know. Well, she told him as soon as I left the house.
She enables every single one of his bad behaviors. Today, after another heated argument between me and my brother, I went up to my mom to ask her never to do that again. Immediately, she began to scream at me for cursing while arguing with my brother.
I’m furious. He invades my privacy and belittles me every chance he gets and you’re mad at me for cursing at 18? I decided that if she wanted to toe the line between supporting me or her abusive son, and not taking sides, then she was about to get the worst of both worlds.
Her son will keep living with her, abusing her, stealing her money, insulting her day in and day out, and I’ll simply leave. She’s been really trying lately and we’ve become quite close, and I know it really hurts her to see how her son’s become.
If I cut her off, it’d just be him and her; she doesn’t have many friends and my dad’s out of the country. Am I the jerk for destroying my relationship with my mother because of my brother’s actions?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and frankly you’re right to want to get as far away from him as possible.
His behaviors, as you describe them, are indicative of a capacity for great violence. I understand why you feel guilt for leaving your mother in his path of destruction, but it sounds like you’ve tried to get through to her and she’s refused to listen, so she made that choice herself.
Run.” Chromatic-Phil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is willing to throw you under the bus to salvage her relationship with your brother. If you leave, you will NOT be destroying a relationship; you will be fighting to preserve your mental well-being. I’m not going to tell you to go no contact, but I think you need to distance yourself from that toxic environment at least for a while.
The future will tell how it goes from there.” OrcaMum23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My sister and I have been at this for a few years now. Our brother has destroyed any possibility of a relationship unless we agree to be mistreated; he’s 50 and has been like this since he was a teenager.
The decision to walk away has brought us a lot of peace. I wish you well.” Italianita
17. AITJ For Kicking My Brother Out Of My Wedding For Bringing His 3-Year-Old Twins?
I (31F) have 2 older brothers: Joshua (41M) and Jason (35M). For some context, I have always been closer to Josh than I have with Jason. It may be because I had the typical brother-sister dynamic with Jason, whereas Josh I saw as another parent.
Josh has 2 kids, my nephew Darren (17M) and my niece Darcy (9F). Jason also has kids of his own, twin 3-year-old boys, Carter and Aaron. I love my niece and nephews equally, but since Josh and his wife had Darren so young and when I was a teenager, I always felt like Darren was like a little brother to me.
When my husband and I sent out our wedding invitations a few months ago, we were both very adamant about not having kids at the wedding. When Josh got the invite, he called immediately and asked if Darren could still come. Since Darren would only be a week away from turning 18 on my wedding day and given that he is practically a young adult, I said, “Of course.” My husband even told Josh that he wanted both him and Darren to be groomsmen.
Josh confirmed that Darcy would be staying at a friend’s house the night of the wedding, which would be more fun for her anyway.
In the weeks before the wedding, I heard nothing from Jason or his wife about the boys and assumed we were all on the same page.
In July, the wedding comes. Josh, Jason, and Darren are all groomsmen. I see everyone getting seated before the ceremony and I see my sister-in-law, Jason’s wife, putting the boys in seats next to her. I’m fuming. I asked one of my bridesmaids to bring Jason and his wife over to my changing room.
I asked them why they brought the boys when we stated this would be a child-free event on the invite. Jason argued that Darren got to come, to which I said: 1. Darren is not a child; 2. He is in the wedding party; and 3. Josh asked us weeks ago if we were okay with Darren coming.
Jason’s wife added that they can’t get a sitter since they live in a remote area and anyone who could’ve watched the boys was already coming to this wedding. I told her that if she or Jason had talked to me about this at any point before the wedding, we could’ve worked something out.
But since they decided to say nothing to me, bring the kids, and just have me deal with it, it was disrespectful to me and my husband, and now they’d have to leave. Jason was angry; he tried to reason with my husband, who also shot them down, and eventually he and his wife took the boys and stormed out.
My parents are beyond angry at me; both told me they think I should’ve just let them stay. My dad almost didn’t walk me down the aisle because he was so angry. My mom hasn’t talked to me since the wedding, nor has Jason or his wife.
Josh is staying out of it, but my husband thinks we made the right call. Am I a jerk?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They completely disregarded and disrespected your wishes for YOUR wedding! And they should have absolutely talked to you about this way before the day of the wedding!
Your parents are acting ridiculous too. It was not their wedding to make these decisions. And there is a huge difference between an 18-year-old nephew and a 3-year-old nephew. Who knows what kind of interruption or chaos two 3-year olds could cause during the day/evening.” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Comparing a three-year-old to an (almost) 18-year-old is balls to the wall insane. Almost as insane as ambushing someone on their wedding day and expecting them to cope with it and then playing the victim when you get called on your crap.” VogonShakespeare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. And the fact your husband agrees with you means you did in fact make the right call. Because it was both of your wedding, not your parents or other family. Your brother totally blew your wishes off. I’m assuming you remark about having a more traditional brother/sister relationship with Jason is a polite way of saying he isn’t as respectful of you and your feelings as Josh is?
Knowing he would probably give a big pffft when he read the child-free part of the invite – you should have asked him directly about what their plans for the twins were. And your parents probably knew he was bringing the kids. They all need to respect you as an adult and your boundaries.” okmustardman
16. AITJ For Telling A Mother Her Martyrdom Was Over?
On Friday, I went into the breakroom at work to find 3 women who work there. I’ll call Annie, Bertha, and Cathy. Cathy was very upset. I asked her why. She cares for her mother, who has dementia, and had had an awful day with her the day before, and was coming to the conclusion she’ll have to put her in a home.
Cathy has dealt with a number of medical issues in her life, often very unwell, and had two miscarriages before her husband’s death when she was in her thirties. She hasn’t remarried. This is relevant, although I don’t know for sure that Bertha is aware of it.
(It’s not something Cathy hides.)
I said something like, “I know it’s difficult, but I think it’s the right choice for both of you.” Annie made a sort of snorting sound. Bertha said, “Oh please, nothing in her life has ever been difficult. She doesn’t even have children.” Cathy burst into tears.
I admit I got angry. Context: Annie has 1 child, and Bertha has 2. Bertha’s daughter is a good friend of mine, but Bertha doesn’t know this because her daughter is no-contact. I said, “Don’t you think the martyrdom is a little over the top? Maybe if motherhood is such a struggle for you, it’s because you’re bad at it.”
Also context: They know I have three children. Bertha flipped out. She screamed at me and smashed three coffee mugs. She was sent home; Cathy was offered the rest of the day off, but she refused. Bertha is protesting that it’s unfair for her to face disciplinary action (exactly what is still being decided, but if HR concludes it falls under “gross misconduct”, she could be fired) because I “started it.” She and Annie have both filed complaints with HR.
HR is in a tricky position because they can’t really discipline me. Bertha thinks I’m the admin float; I do whatever needs doing, and cover for any staff who call in sick or take leave. I sometimes do two people’s jobs at once, but I’m very efficient because I’ve worked here for as long as the business has existed. This is because I worked two jobs while my husband got his qualifications, so we could afford to open the practice, then did everything while we got it off the ground.
We’ve expanded significantly over the years and brought on other partners. I’m the only partner in the business who isn’t also in practice offering the services we do. It’s not hidden information, but we also don’t make a big deal of ensuring people know.
For what it’s worth, I also have three children.
Bertha has been blowing up my phone with angry texts. Annie was stomping around the office all day today (the office manager had to have a word with her about it because she was doing it in front of people who came to use our services).
I also heard her making pointed comments about people with “rich husbands” (we’re well off now, but we weren’t, at ALL, when the children were born; we put all our savings and quite a lot of debt into starting the practice).
Was I wrong to say what I said?
Another User Comments:
“She smashed three mugs. Wow. She loosed the proverbial arrow over the bow, but she can’t receive the returning fire, apparently. Her comment that Cathy hasn’t ever had any difficulties because she doesn’t have kids, while the conversation was about Cathy having to put her parent with dementia in a home, is vile.
I can’t even figure out what she would gain by making it seem like her life was harder than Cathy’s at that moment. Makes Cathy feel even worse about herself. What an awful person, and Annie is acting like a teen whose bestie got sent to detention by the teacher.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because as an actual partner in this company, you should have dealt with Bertha’s snide remark calmly and, if necessary, through official channels. It’s not appropriate for someone who’s essentially Bertha’s boss to get involved in snippy arguments like this.” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“ESH except Cathy. Also, you’re in a position of ownership/management (I guess??) and you fraternize with the staff? Dafuq is wrong with you? Both of those women definitely seem wicked and nasty, but that doesn’t make your comment okay.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Confronting My Aunt About Her Language?
“I (18 male) have a large family with lots of aunts & uncles and lots more of nieces and nephews. We originate from a European country that I’ll keep secret for privacy reasons.
My family consists of lots of (white) households but only 6 households are here in another country in Europe.
My family consists of lots of old people, especially because I am the youngest of the grandchildren. We were all sitting outside, drinking a bit, and suddenly my aunt used the n-word. In our country, that word is still used quite a bit, but lots of times by educating those people they stop using it.
It’s mostly a lack of education. So in the middle of a sentence one of my aunts uses the n-word to describe a lady she thought was nice. One of my nieces said to me, knowing I am really against using the n-word, what do you think about your aunt using bad words?
So I start explaining that the n-word shouldn’t be used (of course without fully pronouncing the n-word), also explaining that I’ll get that she used it 40 years ago, but that it really shouldn’t be used today. I’m a bit of a historical geek so I know exactly all of the history, especially the European history, of why we shouldn’t be using the n-word.
My aunt says that she doesn’t care, she meant it in a good way. So I say that the way you mean something sometimes doesn’t care. The discussion starts and some of my other family members begin to mingle in the discussion.
One of my nieces said for example: ‘I’m white, my school was mostly not-white, so I am the one really being discriminated.’ I couldn’t help laughing and started telling her that that was really sad for her, but that can not be the reason for using a word that hurts a lot of people.
This type of comment was made a lot more and I was there the only one saying to just stop using that one word. There were more people there who taught you can’t use that word, but they stayed silent. It felt a bit like they left me in the middle of a fighting pit.
But it’s okay, I am studying political science so debating is kind of my thing. Most of the time my sister is there, she is really against using the n-word too but she is just arriving in a few days. My parents know how heated arguments can get in our family and don’t wanna ruin things with their brothers and sisters (my uncle and aunts) so they stayed also silent.
It went on and at the end, everyone left kind of mad. I know, especially the aunt who started it is just uneducated. But she shouldn’t use that word. I also think some nieces are just racist. Our vacation is still going on for 2 weeks.
We are all very close to each other in our own tiny houses. I think I ruined the family vacation. AITJ? And what should I do, I want to have a nice family holiday after all?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Complicity is one major way hatred and ignorance thrive.
If people who know say nothing, there’s no use in them knowing. “Evil thrives when good men do nothing,” is the line that no one can accurately attribute. You might upset people or make family gatherings awkward, but compared to the damage that word has done, that’s nothing.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and let’s be clear, that word is vile, uneducated, and anyone that uses it should be shuttled off to some remote island where they can live alone with their ugliness. Anyone who uses it is giving me an open invitation to screw off forever.
THEY ruined the vacation when they decided to be racist. The fact that you didn’t start pushing tables and people over is honestly pretty admirable.” slackerchic
14. AITJ For Questioning My SIL's Decision To Open Her Food Truck Only On Weekdays?
“I (36F) was elementary school friends with my husband Dave and we started going out when we were 15. So I’m extremely close with his family and I truly think of his little sister Ana (28F) as my own sister, not just an in-law.
This is why I feel confused about the situation because I thought we were close enough for me to express this kind of concern.
Ana has been cooking since she was tiny. My MIL is a great cook, but Ana is next level. She’s just gifted. Everything she makes is incredible.
She’s worked in kitchens since high school and has spent the last few years working as a sous chef/assistant kitchen manager. And she loves cooking, but anyone who’s worked in a restaurant can tell you about the burnout. So a while ago, she got her heart set on opening her own place, and she made it happen!
My husband and I, their parents, and their older brother all contributed, as well as her savings. It’s a food truck which I love, but she also landed a sweet rental spot outside of a very popular (literally world-famous) tourist attraction. She’s doing breakfast, her favorite, and also her best game.
And she’s not going to be serving on weekends or opening before 10 am. I didn’t understand when she told me. She says she’s burnt out from years of early restaurant mornings and weekend rushes, which I fully get from my serving days, but then why breakfast?
Just do lunches? I love brinner as much as the next girl, but why would you close during your meal’s designated hours? That attraction is packed on weekends, brimming with people, but less on weekdays. Not being open during the times when most people are actually there seems like the top way to hurt your business.
It wasn’t supposed to be a confrontation; I was just expressing concern, but she got defensive. I wanted to stay neutral-toned because my intent wasn’t to upset her, so I said, “I just don’t think it’s a wise choice, and I really hope you reconsider.” Later on, I brought up the money in private with my husband because we didn’t exactly need it right now, but that could have been our replacement washer/dryer, the trip we’ve been talking about for 3 years, or extra padding in our emergency fund.
It didn’t hurt us, and we want to see her succeed, but we want to see her give it the best chance of success with that money because 7k isn’t exactly nothing to us either. But I do want to be clear that I didn’t say anything to her about the money.
This was a few days ago, and I thought it would blow over in a few hours, but I’m still getting sporadic texts from Ana telling me that I’ve ruined her confidence and she’s doubting all of her decisions now, since “even a simple thing like her hours” could be criticized. That was never my intent.
My husband agreed with me that it’s a poorly thought-out choice, but this is really out of character for her. She’s not thin-skinned at all, and I’m wondering if I really did step too far out of line.”
Another User Comments:
NTJ.
She should be questioning her decision on hours. There are reasonable expectations for a “breakfast” restaurant/food truck to be open for… breakfast time. Also, as an investor, you should be able to raise concerns as long as you’re kind about it. If her confidence is THIS hurt, it sounds like she already knew it was a questionable decision.
Another User Comments:
NTJ – what you said came from a place of love. It sounds like she’s under a lot of stress, and this is how it’s manifesting. She’s probably anxious because she knows everyone lent her money to make this happen, and I’m guessing it may not be as successful as she hoped it would be.
I can see why she’s burned out from early mornings and weekends, but that’s part of the restaurant game. Can you and your husband sit down with her and remind her that you have all the faith in the world in her; that’s why you helped her?
You know she’s an amazing chef and wants to help in any way that you can, and you never meant to sound critical. You love her, which is why you felt comfortable talking to her about ways she could be even more successful. DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
NTJ. Your hours are not a simple thing. That and location are THE THING. You can’t be in a tourist area and not open on weekends. You don’t see restaurants not open on Saturday. It’s your busiest day. Being a sous chef, and working in kitchens, doesn’t necessarily translate to understanding business.
But thinking you can serve breakfast on weekdays only and not during breakfast hours is ridiculous and a recipe for disaster. Pardon the pun. DaphneMoon-Crane
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Abusive Mother's House?
“I (15F) have had a difficult relationship with my mother throughout my life. I was removed by CPS when I was a baby due to neglect and her instability towards the people around her, which made her a danger to me.
They even had to keep me in the NICU when I was born under pretense of a heart condition that I didn’t have in order to delay our release from the hospital because of their concerns. There have been plenty of issues since then, including her taking me during one of our visits and running across the province for several months where I was improperly cared for.
I hadn’t seen her consistently until I was nine when she finally decided she wanted to be in my life. In recent years, I’ve gone to her house every week from Wednesday to Friday. Although I do want to have a relationship, I feel incredibly uncomfortable at her house.
Since I started seeing her again, she has made numerous comments about my diet and weight. I’m not even overweight, but she goes on about how horrible my diet is and judges every food preference I have, always bringing it back to my father and grandmother who raised me.
She even has cameras in her kitchen to monitor whether I or my step-sister take any food, which makes me so uncomfortable that I usually just go without at her house. I have some variation of insomnia, and often struggle to sleep at night. If I fall asleep after school, she makes comments about it.
As of now, I’m in anticipation of a fight in the next few weeks as my birthday is coming up, and it seems to be a trend that she starts a fight around that time. My grandmother sometimes says she thinks it’s so she doesn’t have to get me anything.
The biggest problem I have is how when she drinks, which is often, she always talks down about my father and my grandmother. She lies to make herself seem better. She’ll insult my father’s appearance and stuff, and then make direct comparisons to my appearance.
Even with something as small as my eyelashes, she’ll make a comment like how ugly and straight his are, and then follow it up with saying that I have his eyelashes. I’m even scared to tell her I’m not going when I’m feeling too uncomfortable to even suck it up and go that week because she always makes a big deal out of it.
Since it’s summer I haven’t really been motivated to go, because I know that the only meal I’ll be eating is supper and I have nothing to do there. It’s just super stressful, and I work as well so I have little energy to work with.
Sometimes she talks about how I should want to go, and I should spend more time with her because she’s my mother and she gave birth to me. My cousin also says that I need to love her and want to go because she’s my mother.
So I’m wondering, AITJ for not wanting to go to her house?”
Another User Comments:
NTJ. She still sounds abusive and neglectful, just in more subtle ways. That sounds like a very toxic environment. Kudos to you for still wanting to have a relationship with your mom, but I hope your dad and grandma and maybe social services can help find ways where you can see her without the opportunity for her to be so toxic to you.
Hugs. PurpleVermont
Another User Comments:
NTJ. You don’t have to go just because she’s your mother. Not all parents are good. I had no contact with my father for years when he was drinking since he behaved pretty much like your mother. That is abusive and you don’t have to take it.
Good luck and hugs. Stay strong and follow your heart. WeirdCreepyReader
Another User Comments:
NTJ. I’m an adult and I wouldn’t put up with that. It’s cruel and abusive behavior. Why would you want to be around someone like that? If she wants to see you, she needs to treat you properly!
Until then, if you need to avoid her for your mental health and well-being, then that’s what you do. You don’t owe her anything. It’s up to her to take care of you, not the other way around. YoujumpIjump-jack
12. AITJ For Expecting My BF To Tell Me I Was Being Rude In Front Of His Family?
My partner (26 M) and I (32 F) have been together for three years. I know his parents and his sisters, and we used to spend some weeks at his parents’ place during holidays.
My partner and I had a big disagreement a few days ago, and we couldn’t really go through it as I was crying for days, and he was avoiding discussion. We had planned to visit his parents for a week, then travel a few days to another country, and then come back to see his parents.
He asked me if I still wanted to join, and I said yes, as I was hoping for things to get better together and I didn’t want his family to think I was avoiding them when I really liked them. Once at their family place, things went worse as my partner and I tried to discuss the previous fight.
He told me I was not able to move on and that I should have, as he told me he was sorry. I was really hurt that he couldn’t just hear my feelings without telling me I’m unable to move on.
Because we were with his family and because I was struggling with my feelings, I decided to step back and spend a lot of time on my own.
My idea was to not ruin the family gathering with my red eyes and my sad mood. I joined for dinners, I offered my help with the cleaning, and I joined for family activities, but I was really quiet. I was not in a sulk, and I smiled every time someone was talking to me.
Yesterday, my partner’s family left for a trip. After their departure, my partner told me I acted like a spoiled child with his family and that I made them feel like I was living in a hotel. I feel very bad for how I acted. I really like his family, and I was very worried about breaking up, financial stuff, job loss, etc. In addition, I feel very stupid for not realizing I was rude, and I feel even more stupid that no one told me so, as we spent 5 days together, and when everybody had left, everyone was acting like everything was fine…
This morning, I sent a text message to my partner’s mother and sister to apologize. As the family is very important to my partner, I am worried they will not forgive me (even if I know they owe me nothing; I meant my apologies, and I accept the fact that it may not be accepted).
Still, I don’t understand why my partner hasn’t told me anything, like, “Hey, my parents will think you don’t appreciate being here if you stay alone.” I don’t even know why he didn’t try to explain to his family, like, “She really appreciates you; she may not realize it—let me talk to her.” It seems he just watched and waited until it was too late.
AITJ for thinking my partner could have told me I was acting rude instead of letting me spoil the family event for 5 days?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Come on now, you are 32 years old. You had to know how it was going to come off if you weren’t hanging out with the family most of the time you were there to visit them.
You are taking no responsibility and are acting like it was his job to tell another adult how bad their actions come off. And it sounds like if he did try to tell you that, that you wouldn’t have taken it well” cuervoguy2002
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Look, I’m so sorry he cares more about appearances than your emotions. And that he can’t properly communicate and deal with conflict. While you were correct to keep some distance given your state, insisting on going when your relationship was so rocky was a bad call.
I doubt that you truly acted like a spoiled child or that you really made them feel that way. It sounds like your partner is emotionally manipulating you. None of this seemed intentional, and it sucks it happened, but, woof. Your relationship needs some work.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hard to know. What was the fight about? That would help provide context about your reaction. It doesn’t sound to me like you were being overly rude, though, especially if you were considering whether this was a breakup-level fight. Sure it would have been great to appear that everything was perfect.
But it wasn’t. I’m honestly curious how the text landed with his mom and sister. That might have come out of left field to them, in fact. But part of being in a family is knowing that people sometimes are going through something and need some time to themselves.” fromthenorth97
11. AITJ For Protecting My Mom Despite Her Outbursts Affecting My Marriage?
So, my (30M) mother (63F) has had a really tough life till now. She got married to my dad (70M) when she was 23. From that time, all her in-laws have been hounding her like wolves.
They didn’t treat her respectfully, always criticized what she did, and many more things.
Even though now, many in-laws reached out and apologized for their behavior, my mom has had trauma due to that and has been diagnosed with depression. It is so intense that, at times, she gets triggered by the smallest of things and shouts at the nearest person.
She hates doing that a lot, but most of the time, it is involuntary. She is getting therapy regularly, and it helps, but there is still a long way to go.
When I got married, my dad and I had a talk with my mom and requested that she not put all that on my wife.
She can shout at me and him however she wants, but let’s keep my wife out of this. She agreed without any question and again got very emotional about what she was putting us through.
Before the wedding, my wife knew all about this, and she even said that if my mom got triggered around her, she wouldn’t mind it.
But that has never happened till now. Actually, post my wedding, for over 3 years, she has gotten triggered only like 5 times, and all the time, either on my father or on me. She would treat my wife with the utmost respect, regardless of what she was going through.
Now coming to the incident, it happened yesterday. During dinner, something happened, and my mom lost it again. She took it all out on me. For me, it was like any other time. I tried to console her, trying to apologize, and trying to calm her down.
She eventually did and felt pathetic all over. She shut herself in the bathroom and sobbed heavily. When she came out, she apologized over and over again for behaving that way. Once she calmed down, we came back to our house.
There, my wife started berating me for letting my mother run over me like that.
She said that if I kept letting her do this, the time wouldn’t be far when she treats my wife like how she treats me. I tried explaining to her that my mother was in a bad condition, and we were all just going by what the psychiatrist had suggested. But she wasn’t ready to listen to anything.
I also know that normally a person shouldn’t have to go through all this, but that person is my mother, and I want to do anything I can to help her from it.
For this, my wife is calling me a jerk. Unable to understand the situation, I want to ask you guys, am I really a jerk?
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk at all, but I also don’t think it’s fair to you or your partner. It might not be your mum’s fault, but it is her responsibility, particularly as it affects the people around her.
Verbal mistreatment isn’t ok. She has a responsibility to seek professional help and support.” kiwifruit598
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mom’s mental health is not an excuse for her to “uncontrollably” (which I highly doubt) scream at others. Her mental health is not her fault, but it is her responsibility.
Stop enabling her terrible behavior and tell her to get some help, or you won’t see her anymore. You have a family (your wife!) to protect now.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is not “in a bad condition”. She’s a bad person. She’s a jerk who, like most jerks, plays the victim.
You have spent your whole life walking on eggshells for fear of triggering her mistreatment. You need a therapist to help you break out of this pattern. Your dad is also a victim of mistreatment. He needs help, and he needs to leave. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be telling their mother to leave her abusive husband.
Mistreatment is mistreatment. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Stop making excuses for her. Focus on your family with your wife and helping your dad.” SpookyReadingGirl
10. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Family For Ruining My Concert Poster?
“We’re in Vegas for my 21st birthday and one of the things we did was go to MJ Live, a Michael Jackson impersonator concert.
The guy was spot on and added comedy to it. I had a great time (shout out to Jalles Franca, the impersonator). We (my mother and two younger brothers, 19 and 15) paid for a meet and greet. I bought a super nice poster from the merch store to have the impersonator sign.
While I handed off my items to my family members so I could take photos with the impersonator, I made sure to tell my mother and brothers to handle the poster with extreme care since I wanted to get it laminated at a print shop the next day before it became creased and damaged. They didn’t damage it at the store, but I want to make it a point that I voiced to all of them how much I cared for it.
The disaster struck in the car. I went with my two brothers and mother. My father stayed behind to take care of my baby sister who couldn’t attend. So when our father picked us up on the strip, we had to get in the car quickly since there was a ton of traffic and the car was parked awkwardly.
Because we were in a rush, I ended up sitting next to my baby sister and her giant car seat. My two brothers, who were in the back row, had a ton of space, so I entrusted them with the bag with the poster in it.
By the end of the car ride, the entire poster was creased to heck, and since it was rolled, when I unrolled it, there ended up being 5 or 6 creases going across it. That poster meant a lot to me, and they knew that. They kept saying “It wasn’t me!
It was him!”, but I honestly didn’t care. The creases were bad enough that even if I managed to flatten the poster and completely get rid of the creases, there would still be a ton of white cracks in the poster for how badly creased it was.
To be clear, it was a large poster, so if I had room in the 2nd row, I would have held on to it, but holding it horizontally would have had it right above my sister, and she’s at an age where she grabs everything, so I had no choice but to entrust it with my brothers.
I lashed out a bit when we got out of the car and then apologized for my reaction, even though before all this happened I told them in the store how much it meant to me that it’d stay in good condition. Am I the jerk for overreacting or was I justified in being angry?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like it was accidental, but you didn’t react too badly either. I don’t see a jerk here. Maybe they could have been more careful; maybe there was something you could have done to protect it if it was valuable. Better luck next time.” GruverMax
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because you had this delicate thing that was precious to you, and you put it in the back seat of the car with two teenage boys. Put it in the trunk away from the humans. (You’ve got three rows of seating in this vehicle.
It must be a minivan or an SUV. Surely you could have handed the poster to a brother, and asked him to slip it over his shoulder and into the trunk space?)” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to be upset. You made it crystal clear how much the poster meant to you, and your brothers were fully aware that they needed to handle it with care.
Instead, they were careless, and now something sentimental to you is ruined. What’s frustrating is that instead of owning up to it, they immediately started pointing fingers at each other. That kind of response just makes the situation worse because it shows they weren’t taking your feelings seriously.
If they had just apologized and admitted they messed up, you might’ve still been upset, but at least you wouldn’t have had to deal with the added frustration of them trying to dodge responsibility. That said, it’s understandable that accidents happen—especially in a rushed situation like getting into a packed car on the Vegas Strip.
But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong for reacting emotionally in the moment. You clearly did care a lot about that poster, and they disregarded that. You even apologized afterward for lashing out, which is more than fair. At the end of the day, it’s not about the poster itself—it’s about feeling like the people close to you don’t respect the things you care about.
Your frustration was valid. Hopefully, your brothers realize that and learn to be more considerate in the future.” User
9. AITJ For Prioritizing My Mental Health Over Work Pressure While On Sick Leave?
“So I (32M) have been working at my current job for almost 5 years, and due to circumstances both private and work-related, I am now seeing a therapist due to PTSD, burnout, and depression.
I was mistreated at the age of 20 by my ex for 2 years straight and never dealt with it emotionally or mentally, and after losing friends (car crash) and being overworked, I just kind of crashed and burned. My manager is aware of the situation and has accepted that I’m going to be home for quite some time.
My wife is amazing and is spoiling me rotten, lots of love, cuddles, and positive affirmation, but also understands when I need rest.
Well, after being home for about 5 weeks (the current week being the 7th), I started getting messages about picking up tickets and why I wasn’t processing them.
I replied saying I was on sick leave and haven’t been in for over 5 weeks, so of course I’m not picking up anything. I followed it up with the question: Who would even assign tickets to me when it should have been general knowledge that I was not there?
I got no answer, and this started happening every morning. It was the same passive-aggressive text from said colleague (27F), and she would never respond to my counter questions. At one point, I decided to block her because it was just stressing me out and she wasn’t responding anyway.
I informed the manager, and he said he’d handle it.
That was last Friday. This Monday, it quite literally exploded when she directly called me via someone else’s phone and began to yell at me for being lazy and not doing my job, and that they were severely behind because I wasn’t picking up my share of the tickets.
For the first time in 7 weeks, I got angry and yelled at her that I was on sick leave and I was not working. I said, “Reassign the tickets and have them be worked on by someone who is working.” She said they are understaffed due to the holiday period.
I told her that was not my problem and hung up on her.
Right after, I had a breakdown, and it took me roughly 1.5 hours to calm down, while also attempting my best to stop my wife from “giving her a visit.” I think she was more livid than I was.
Well, this has caused quite the drama at work. People are really upset that I’m not working and refuse to work despite being home for “7 weeks already.” My manager is fed up with it all, stating “We can’t force someone with a burnout to work; leave him alone and do your job.”
I’m receiving quite some backlash via text and social media. I’ve done as much as I can to not see them, but it’s really stressing me out. AITJ for refusing to work? Should I try to do some easy tasks I can do from home?
I’ve never had a burnout before and was told by doctors it could take months and I need to take it easy. Did I take it too much to heart? I’m really worried I’m burning bridges here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ–if your sick time got approved by HR/your boss, it is NOT your responsibility to pick up work until your sick time is over.
It may be frustrating for your coworkers, but that anger should be directed at the company that apparently approved too much vacation for one time. Hope you are healing OP!” justhangingout420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are allowed to be on sick leave and they are not allowed to give you work whilst you are.
Not sure what country you’re in, but in the UK this would be illegal and you could sue the company for a significant amount. Unfortunately, this behavior can happen when you are off work with a mental illness and is literally the last thing you need. If you had cancer and they behaved in this way, they would be fired and really, it’s no different.
Please don’t worry about this. Look after yourself. Also, your wife sounds ace. It’s great that you have that support from home. Good luck” lorweden_dyndyl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you use your sm to keep in touch with family, tell them you’re taking a break from it and either logging out or deactivating.
You need to focus on your healing, and your coworkers are not letting you do that. HR needs to be contacted, and those colleagues harassing you need to be reported. If you cannot do that with your current mental state, that’s ok. Schedule an emergency counseling session if you can because this can set you back.
Remember, your mental health and well-being is your priority.” RocketteP
8. AITJ For Shrugging Off My Dad's Wife Claiming To Be My Mom?
“My dad and Rebecca have been married since I (16m) was 7 and my sister (15f) was 6.
Quick background: My parents were not divorced when my mom died, but they were going through a divorce. When they first separated, it was because my mom had changed a lot and was undiagnosed with brain cancer at the time, which had caused a lot of behavioral changes.
I still remember how big those changes were. The diagnosis came just before she died. While my parents were separated, Dad met Rebecca and they got married 3 months after Mom died. They had postponed the wedding since they were no longer waiting for the divorce.
Rebecca had always had a very negative perception of Mom because dad had told her about her behavior before they separated. She said our mom was a bad parent, and she would make sure we knew what a good mom looks like. From almost the beginning of their marriage, she has called herself our mom.
Years later, I found out she knew back when she married my dad that she couldn’t have kids of her own.
My sister and I have never liked Rebecca because of the stuff she says about Mom. Dad knows how we feel, and after he did some therapy, he would tell her to stop.
But he also told us that we should understand that Rebecca loves us and feels like we deserve the best, and she might say the wrong thing because of that sometimes.
With all that out of the way, I can explain the problem. I have a pretty big friend group.
Six of the moms of my friends have made their little mom group, where they can get together, vent, and hang out. I think sometimes they use it to plan who’ll host something or volunteer to chaperone some things. The moms in the group all know my sister and I do not consider Rebecca our mom and that we dislike her.
My sister is also part of the friend group, so they know her feelings too. Rebecca wanted to join the group so many times over the years and was always kept out.
Then a month ago Rebecca approached the moms when she saw them out for coffee together and asked why she was never welcomed in.
They told her she was not a mom, and so they weren’t going to include her. She argued back that she was mine and my sister’s mom. They said we say differently, and that our opinion matters more. They also told her that they were never going to make things uncomfortable for the kids by including her, since it would mean she would be around the friend group for certain group stuff we’ve done together.
Rebecca vented over dinner to us about it, and I shrugged her off when she asked what I had to say. The truth is I don’t feel the tiniest bit bad that she’s been excluded. But she was upset and Dad told me I should be kinder.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends’ mothers get to choose who is in their group and who they keep out of it. Since you and your sister, even after nine years of her being married to your father, continue to dislike your stepmom, that is an important consideration for them.
No one can force you to like someone who bad-mouthed your biological mother; that is between you and her.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When it comes down to it, Rebecca is being excluded as a result of her own behavior, not yours. Had she given you space and not pushed herself onto you and your sister, maybe you’d have a good relationship with her, and the other parents would have included her.
But insulting your mother – who was ill and is no longer here to defend herself – is remarkably low behavior on her part. You are absolutely not responsible for her social life.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think the other moms are putting your feelings first in this which, generally, is what parents should do.
Your stepmom’s behavior is what caused your feelings towards her. I’m sure it was difficult to handle what your mom was going through before she was diagnosed, but at the end of the day badmouthing her hurts YOU, and she should recognize that and not do it.” According_Ad6364
7. AITJ For Being Mad That My Dad Spent Money On My Cousin's Tuition Instead Of Supporting Me?
“I (24M) got into an argument with my father (51) 3 days ago. After my final exams, I started a new job 3 months ago. The pay is good, but my working hours are usually from 17 to 01, so I haven’t been able to spend time with my family for the last 3 months.
3 days ago was my day off. During breakfast, my sister sarcastically talked to my dad. I didn’t understand at first, so I asked her what was about. She told me, “Dad won the lottery. He’s planning to pay for our cousin’s (18) tuition.” I asked my dad if this was true.
He said that he wasn’t going to pay for my cousin’s tuition directly; he had offered to use his credit card to pay the tuition, and my aunt and uncle were going to pay him monthly because their credit card limit wasn’t enough for the whole amount.
(Which I don’t believe). I was shocked to hear it because there is a history behind it.
The deal is, that my uncle and my aunt aren’t the most responsible people when it comes to paying their debts. My father owns the house they live in and he doesn’t charge them rent.
He’s been covering their bills and taxes for over 10 years because all of them are in his name. He hasn’t pushed them to pay, and they’re taking advantage of it. I still don’t understand why my dad is spending his family’s money on his sister and her family.
Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t poor or anything like that. Both of them have well-paying jobs. Essentially, they’re using my father’s compassionate nature.
So back at breakfast, I lost it. I told him that he was being foolish and couldn’t see that they would never pay back that money.
He got angry and told me to mind my own business, emphasizing that they were our family. I snapped and said, “I don’t care about your family’ because they aren’t my family. Your responsibility should be taking care of us, not the children of 2 grown adults and them.
I really haven’t idea why you doing this. Over the years, you’ve spent thousands on them, and they’ve never repaid a dime to you.”
After that, he hit below the belt by saying, “The only reason you’re against it is because I didn’t give you the money to buy that car.” (I found a great deal on a car I wanted 4 months ago and needed a little money, so I asked him for a loan.) “He’s your cousin.
Don’t be such a selfish snob. I didn’t raise you like that.”
I didn’t expect such a low blow from my dad. I left the table and stormed out. We haven’t spoken for 3 days. I’m currently staying at a friend’s house. On top of that, my sister couldn’t keep the situation to herself and told another family member what happened, which eventually spread to other family members.
Now, on my father’s side of the family, I’m seen as a jerk who trying to ruin his cousin’s life. Several family members have messaged me, accusing me of being selfish, etc. I am asking you now AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s definitely frustrating I’ve had a similar situation but in all honesty, that’s his life his money, if he wants to go downhill and go broke let him.
You need to focus on you. Grind get stacked work hard and be in successful and when they come for you for money or your dad has no more money and is in the lows because he gave it all away that’s in him.
Your dad could use it for retirement or make house improvements invest or something. But that’s him. It annoyed me when my dad did the same thing and now me and my dad don’t have a relationship. I see him now working himself to death and being unhappy.
But it is what it is NTJ for how you feel and see things you know your aunt and uncle are jerks. But just let him find out even with family you can’t always be too lenient.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ..you have no right telling your dad how to spend HIS money, it’s none of your business.
And by the way, he didn’t hit you below the belt. He stated the truth…and sometimes the truth hurts. You are selfish and entitled and in no way a victim. You started this but didn’t expect your dad to hit you with facts.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re selfish and childish. It’s not your money, so mind your own business. You clearly feel entitled to your dad’s money and think that if he helps YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY, you won’t get as much for yourself. Grow up. You don’t mention why you’re eating breakfast at your dad’s, so assumably you live at home with your parents, and the whole I-haven’t-seen-my-family-in-3-months-cause-I-work-nights line sounds like some lies.” User
6. AITJ For Getting Angry After My Partner Was Disrespectful To My Products?
“My partner (21M) and I (21F) have been together for almost four years and have been living together for one. Overall, things are great—we just graduated from university and are settling into our lives together.
Recently, I decided to try a menstrual cup after hearing from friends that it’s a more sustainable and cost-effective option.
I usually use pads, so the idea was a bit intimidating, but I wanted to give it a shot. I bought the cup along with a small sanitizing container to clean it.
After a few attempts, I realized it wasn’t for me. My partner was really surprised and kept encouraging me to try again.
I eventually told him he wouldn’t really understand what it feels like. In hindsight, maybe not the best choice of words.
The next day, after a long shift at work, I came home to find my partner had spent the day off relaxing. As soon as I got in, he asked if I was going to change my pad—and then suggested I try the cup again.
I repeated that I wasn’t comfortable with it, and that’s when he said, “Well, I tried it today, so I don’t know what the big deal is.”
At first, I thought he was joking and just said, “Wait, what?” But then he explained, “Yeah!
I tried it, and it was fine. If it worked for me, I’m sure it’s fine for you.” I was completely shocked. I ran to the washroom and saw the cup sitting in its sanitizing container. I turned around and lost it. I told him that was completely inappropriate and unsanitary.
He insisted he had cleaned it, but I was so overwhelmed that I left the house to cool down.
While I was out at a café, he kept texting and calling, saying I was overreacting. I just told him I was safe and would be home late, then put my phone on Do Not Disturb.
When I got home, he was already asleep.
Am I overreacting? I feel like this is such a strange thing to do. It’s not about what he did, but the fact that he used something meant for me in that way without asking. I wanted to ask my friends for their opinion, but I didn’t want to embarrass him if he later realized why this was an issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yes, your partner is the jerk for putting your cup in his jerk. That’s disgusting and could cause an infection. I don’t care that he cleaned it. That is still gross. B. He shouldn’t be meddling that far or pushing you to use a cup.
Periods are personal. He needs to back up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Super weird behavior. Why does he care, why is he not taking your answer and moving on, and why would he do something so invasive? Is this a money thing, is he making more and figuring longer term he can save money by having a cup instead of buying you pads, is he a generally very cheap person who is weird about things like that?
Honestly, I think the best way to reason with him is to say you did the same back to him. Something he owns spent the day in your butt, you’re sure you clean it well but you never know. Let that stew in his mind and let him realize how bizarre and invasive it is to take something of someone else’s and shove it in your behind.
He’ll spend a good while trying to figure out what it is and won’t ever know if you’re joking or not.” User
Another User Comments:
“Your reaction is completely understandable. The issue here isn’t just about hygiene (though that’s a valid concern) but also about boundaries, respect, and communication.
A menstrual cup is a personal hygiene product, specifically for your body. Your partner using it without your knowledge or consent—especially after you had already expressed discomfort with it—is a significant breach of trust. The fact that he didn’t acknowledge why this upset you and instead turned it into a debate about whether it “should” be fine is also concerning.
It’s not about whether the cup can technically be sanitized afterward; it’s about the principle. The item was meant for you, and he disregarded that. Even if he was genuinely curious, he should have had the awareness to either ask you first or buy his own.
Beyond the physical aspect, the emotional impact of this situation is important. You had already told him you weren’t comfortable using the cup, and instead of respecting your decision, he kept pushing. Then, he escalated the situation by using it himself and expecting you to see that as proof you were wrong.
That’s not how a supportive partner should behave. The way he handled your response is also a red flag. Instead of recognizing that he had crossed a boundary, he dismissed your feelings and made you feel like you were being unreasonable. The fact that you felt the need to leave the house to calm down says a lot about how invalidated you felt in the moment.
You’re not overreacting at all. This is about more than just the cup—it’s about respect, bodily autonomy, and your partner’s ability to listen and understand your boundaries. You have every right to be upset, and he owes you a sincere apology.” User
5. AITJ For Calling My Cousin Out On Her Delusional Woo Thinking?
“I am a crisis interventionist, but this was not a professional setting.
My (47m) cousin (44f) has always had a great relationship. Both being kind of dirty hippies, we have connected a lot about music, philosophy, religion, and any number of topics. She has a history of mental problems and had always been a bit off. She’s my cousin, though, so it’s all whatever.
We’re family.
She had a psychotic break about six years ago and has been doing relatively well since then. Relatively, of course, being the keyword. The last two years have been really, really good. She moved far away from home, got a real professional job, was doing OK with her side job, and was trying to start work in the “light work” industry.
Recently, she has given up all substances because a company that she works for demands purity when you’re working with the products. Her partner, also a friend of mine, called me recently to discuss her work. It was really causing a problem in the relationship because she expected him to not drink, even when he wasn’t around her because it was affecting the product.
Read this: “His drinking, no matter where he was, where she was, and if they were days away from seeing each other again, still had a negative impact on the product that my cousin packages.” That, in no way, shape, or form makes sense to me.
It’s not even remotely logical. It’s not something he does on his own time away from her that can impact a product. This is also a product that she is simply moving from one bag to another, putting a stamp on, and throwing in a final bag.
It’s not something she had to process, work with, or bless, really. He eventually came around to ask for my help.
I told him, “Sure, I’d be part of a mediation.” Well, he called me up one night, and we were talking about the whole situation when, all of a sudden, he says, “Oh, here she is,” and it rings in a third party.
He says, “All right, man, go ahead, tell her about her mental health problems.”
At this point, my instinct is to hang up the phone. But my cousin started screaming at me, saying that I couldn’t have a moment to say my peace, because I would never be at her level of vibration.
I couldn’t know what it’s like to vibrate that high, about the demons that she’s had to battle. She’s talking about real demons attacking her here, I should point out, in another realm. So I finally lost what modicum of professionalism I have left. I said what I said.
“Girl, you need to get some mental health help. You need to see a doctor. You’re having delusions of grandeur and magical thinking. These are signs of mental illness, not to mention you’re getting ripped off by at least three different scams at any given moment.” I think she’s been involved in no less than four multilevel marketing schemes, and I’ve helped her dodge a thousand Craigslist and social media marketplace scams. She hung up on me.
We haven’t spoken since. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you can’t expect to talk reason into a person in that state of mind. The relationship with my former partner went down for precisely this reason, i.e., her getting into weird crystal/manifesting/create-your-own-reality and foregoing rational thinking despite coming from, and working in, a STEM field.
I can relate to your poor delivery because I too have felt like shouting “Snap out of it!” That’s how I know it doesn’t work. Good luck.” pippi2424
Another User Comments:
“A lot of my friends are also dirty hippies, and while I respect that ‘magic thinking’ and ‘vibrational levels’ can help people navigate the world, everyone involved really needs to be aware that stuff is just spicy psychology.
If you go into the world with a positive mindset you’re more likely to have positive interactions and outcomes. If you try and ‘manifest joy and opportunity’ you’ll subconsciously be more open to those experiences. That said, I don’t tolerate any of the extreme woo-woo crap.
If you’re telling me the magic crystals are absorbing negative energy and you can’t be around me during that time, I’m going to call you out. If you think that time you did opened your third eye and now you can communicate across dimensions, then no, I will not tolerate or support that crap.
I think you did the right thing with your cousin although perhaps a bit harshly, but it sounds like it was a long time overdue. Not being able to take substances (I mean a lot of works overuse substances anyway, but separate issue) because the negativity will compromise the product?
I would have been calling that out immediately, along with all this talk about demons etc.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Partner's Pheromone Perfume Wasn't Manipulative?
“I, M23, and my best friend since middle school, M24, have recently been talking about a falling out he had with his partner (F24). He called me in the middle of the night asking to stay with me and my wife for a while with no context.
I, of course, said yes. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong for a few days because he was still “struggling to cope” in his words. A little backstory: His current partner is a girl he actually bullied in middle school. They never got along, and anytime she ever got an answer wrong, misspoke, or made bad wardrobe choices, he was always the first to belittle and degrade her for it.
In freshman year, this changed; he asked her to a dance, and after this they soon began being together. Obviously, they stayed together after high school and even GRADUATED together from the same university. They are inseparable. If I can’t reach my buddy, I always call his partner.
They even have an apartment together and soon planned on buying a house.
So, when I got this call out of the blue, I thought it had to be something terribly wrong. A few days ago he finally told me what happened. He started by saying, “You know how I randomly fell in love with her?” And then went silent.
Apparently, he was helping her unpack some things from their storage unit (these boxes are from our early high school years) and found a “pheromone perfume”. Apparently, his partner made a joke like, “Yep! This is how I won you over!” And he didn’t like it.
They had a big long argument lasting into the night, and he finally decided to call me and see if he could crash for a while. He claims she was obsessed with him in middle school and used chemicals to manipulate him into a relationship.
I think this idea is outlandish and stupid because pheromone perfume is a scam for people who think it will attract romantic partners.
I contacted his partner since she and my wife are pretty close and asked her about it, and she said she didn’t even know it was pheromone perfume and bought it because it smelled similar to her late grandmother’s perfume and only used it in her early high school years.
My friend is threatening to break up with her because he claims to feel manipulated. I told him he would seriously regret a choice like this and that he wasn’t manipulated at all. I love him, but he tends to play the victim more often than not.
I told him he was being irrational and overreacting. This caused him to yell at me, then my wife for “enabling my foul words” and storm out to his parent’s house. He’s blocked his partner’s phone number and mine as well. He told my wife he would talk to his partner, but wanted a break from me for a while.
AITJ? I didn’t mean to belittle him, but I think it’s a little silly that all this drama is over a perfume from almost a decade ago.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His partner deserves better tho. Seems like he never grew up… Also, he thinks a perfume made him fall in love.
Does that mean he cannot name one single attribute of hers that made him like her?? She should dump him tbh” badxcookie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Sorry but his partner is better off without him. I’m not sure I could forgive someone for such outlandish and abusive behavior.
Does he have mental health issues?” Hadtosignuptofothis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend needs to read some real, scientific papers on the subject and learn for himself that he was not manipulated. That said, there is so much BS information on the internet these days, I’m sure he will be able to find “support” for whatever conclusion he really wants to reach.” warp-and-woof
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is spiraling over something that isn’t even remotely rational. Pheromone his reaction is completely over the top. Even if his partner had knowingly bought it for its intended (but ineffective) purpose, it still wouldn’t constitute manipulation—at worst, it would just be a cringey teenage attempt at attraction, which is something most people have done in one way or another.
It honestly sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to blow up his relationship, whether consciously or not. The fact that he jumped straight to “I was manipulated into loving her” instead of, I don’t know, laughing it off is bizarre. He’s rewriting history to paint himself as a victim rather than confronting whatever actual issues might exist in their relationship (or within himself).
You were right to push back against his irrationality. A real friend doesn’t just nod along when someone is being ridiculous; they help them see reason, even if they don’t want to hear it. His reaction—yelling at you, your wife, blocking you both, and cutting off his partner—isn’t normal behavior for someone in a stable mindset.
If I had to guess, something else is going on with him, and he’s using this as a scapegoat to justify his feelings. Maybe he’s been unhappy in the relationship for a while and doesn’t know how to handle it. Maybe he’s struggling with something personal and latching onto this as a way to externalize his emotions.
Either way, you didn’t do anything wrong by calling him out. Give him space, but don’t feel guilty. He’ll either realize how absurd he’s being or double down—either way, that’s on him.” User
3. AITJ For Refusing To Rekindle A Friendship That Betrayed My Trust?
“I am a 19(m) year old college student, entering my sophomore year this fall. I have dealt with a lot of dumb people in high-school, and because of it my tolerance levels have dropped considerably. I’ve come to live by the idea that people don’t change easily, and if they snake you once, surely they’d do it again.
With this in mind, in hopes of not making the story too long I’m going to focus on one friendship in particular. For confidentiality purposes, let’s call him Steve. Steve and I met in the summer leading up to freshman year, and at the beginning we connected very easily.
We hung out all the time and confided in each other with nearly everything, until the first of two main problems arose.
One night I was on the dance floor of a bar, dancing with a girl having a good time. Steve’s ex from high school comes up to me and whispers in my ear “you’re too good for her”, and motions for me to step away.
(Now keep in mind, I am well aware of who this is). I step away and we begin making casual conversation before my friends motion to me that we are leaving the bar. As I’m leaving I attempt to call Steve to tell him about the strange interaction, but he didn’t answer, and because it was late at night I assumed he was asleep.
The next day, he calls me upset, accusing me of trying to get with his ex. Apparently she texted him and claimed that I came up to her in the bar and that Steve should be wary of me. This was complete nonsense, but he wasn’t hearing any of it, and instead remained mad at me.
Knowing that I didn’t do anything wrong, I accepted this and went on about my life. Weeks later, he attempts to salvage our relationship, but at this point I have already distanced myself somewhat.
Now for the second problem; me and Steve both skate, and because our dorm rooms are not very big, we usually left our boards right outside our doors.
After coming back from the dining hall, I noticed my board was missing, so I texted Steve asking if he took it. Lo and behold, he did, saying that mine rides smoother and he wanted to get to his destination quicker. This annoyed me, as I couldn’t understand why he didn’t simply ask for my permission, and I told him this.
He then blew up on me, saying not to make a big deal out of it and that I “didn’t ask for permission to talk to his ex”. This absolutely blew my mind, and at that point I was done with him. Fast forward to a couple days ago, he sends me a text saying that “you and me both made mistakes” and that he was interested in starting fresh.
To me, I have no desire to maintain a relationship with him and I don’t trust him anymore to be a genuine friend; AITJ for wanting to tell him to get lost?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t tell him to get lost, but do tell him you’ve no interest in rekindling the friendship.
You haven’t been yelling at him or making leaps of illogic in your interactions, and your experience with him suggests that he will do all this again. NTJ, and I hope you’ve got your board back.” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A friendship, like all relationships, is based on trust and respect.
Steve is not your friend. He made false accusations against you, and borrowed your skateboard without asking. You need to cut him off completely and stop hanging around him. He sounds like he is very insecure and entitled.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for deciding who you want to be friends with but none of this is deal breaking stuff.
You put yourself in a situation with your friend’s ex that invited a misunderstanding. Leaving a girl you were dancing with to talk to his ex, and then not telling him about it afterwards is kind of shady. Even if it was 100% innocent on your end, you have to understand why he would have a hard time believing you.
Secondly he borrowed you board without asking, inconsiderate yes. Snake move, no. Sometimes when you’ve been burned badly by people in the past, it skews how you view normal conflicts in relationships. If you want any of your friendships to last you have to learn how to navigate these situations and not have bailing on people as your go to move.” the_harlinator
2. AITJ For Telling My Manipulative Mother To Mind Her Own Business?
“Without getting into it too deeply, my wife (24F) and I (26M) have been going through a rough patch, and it’s beginning to look like we’re going to separate.
I was talking about the situation with my older brother, who I am very close to. I was explaining that while we are in counselling and we’re doing everything we can, the passion is gone, the love is gone; we’re just roommates.
Which immediately made me roll my eyes.
Because of course, she said that. For context, my parents had an unhealthy relationship, to put it extremely lightly. My father had more than 10 years of my mother’s age; they were married and divorced 3 times, and seen and separated more times than I can count.
Growing up, my siblings and I would just say “Again” when we noticed Dad around the house again. My father was a heavy drinker and angry. My mother has been diagnosed with, but untreated, Bipolar Disorder, and was also angry.
We never knew why she would let him into the house.
I mean, I wish I could say “When they were good, they were great.” But they were really never good. I have a very strained relationship with my mom, which I only began to rebuild after my father died. Anyway, my mother was talking about how I needed to “act right.” I needed to step up and be a good husband because I hadn’t done a very good job of it so far.
I just smiled a little and nodded, which my mother did not like, and said that she “knew it” and that I was just like my father, which I rolled my eyes at and said something like, “Mom, stop. We go to couples counseling, and if you think we haven’t tried everything, I can tell you that you’re wrong; we just aren’t very compatible anymore.
And I really don’t want to discuss my marriage with you.” She waved me off, scoffed, and said, “You want my advice?” And opened her mouth to speak.
Before she could say anything, I said something like, “No. Frankly, Mom, I grew up around what you considered a good relationship to be in, and I’d rather not force myself to be around that kind of crap again, thanks.” She was visibly holding back tears at this point, but was angry, and started ranting at me.
Stuff like, “You’re right. I must be a moron to think I could ever know anything you don’t!” Which felt very manipulative, and like she was trying to guilt-trip when she was the one who came out swinging. Eventually, she left. Immediately after, my brother said I was a jerk for my tone alone, but my sisters are more undecided; they are in very low contact with our mother, if that’s important.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes you have to be brutally blunt, or people like your mother think they can say whatever floats into their mind: “No mom, you’re just a buttinsky who can’t be bothered to actually listen to what anyone who disagrees with you has to say, and thinks you know everything about everything when you really are making things up out of whole cloth.
Now you can take yourself out of here and kindly keep your slanderous accusations to yourself and never ever insert yourself into discussions I am having with other people again because next time I won’t bother being polite.”” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, being unfaithful is a pretty serious accusation to throw at her own child without proof and she was eavesdropping.
If she didn’t want to hear what you said, she shouldn’t have butted in.” Entire_Hope6175
1. AITJ For Expecting Money From My Grandparents And Holding A Grudge Against My Uncle?
“Everyone’s on my mum’s side of the family: me (19F), grandparents “GPs” (75), uncle (43), cousin (3F), and sister (22). Background: A year ago my auntie passed away, leaving my family to look after my cousin. My GPs instantly decided that she was my mum’s responsibility without discussion.
My cousin’s been living with me, mum, and dad since. My parents watch her as much as they can but I’ve helped every weekday whilst they work. I’ve had to take a gap year prior to uni so I offered to babysit after having no experience with children.
She sees me as another child so rarely listens to me, but does for my parents and GPs. When frustrated she takes it out on me (and on a few occasions my mum). She sometimes repeatedly hits, kicks and scratches me (usually aiming for my face) and feeding her can be very challenging.
Everyone is very aware that I’ve been struggling with her behaviour and trying to save for uni. I’ve worked Sundays and some extra shifts when my GPs watch her. I’ve had no luck finding a job that fits the hours I need and I watched multiple full-time positions open at my current job.
I think it’s unfair for me to ask my parents to help pay more towards uni as they’re struggling enough. I’ll be able to scrape by as it stands.
Uncle: He stayed with me, my parents, and cousin for the first 2 months as he lives a 4.5 hour drive away.
He’d watch her when I did extra shifts (which he complained about). He’d sit around and act like a guest, rather than trying to help us adjust. Despite my GPs having spare rooms and him being unemployed, he hasn’t offered to watch her at all since and plays video games while his lifestyle is partially funded by them.
GPs:
My GPs drive and live 20 mins away from me. They aren’t very mobile but are otherwise okay. In just over a year they’ve watched her for a total of approx 15 days. They repeatedly offered to pay for childcare but rescinded when they saw the cost. This past Christmas they gave my sister (who has moved out and is doing well) a large chunk of cash in front of me, whilst I received gifts that weren’t worth nearly as much.
Mum mentioned that I’m going to struggle to afford uni and they quickly exited the conversation. (Their net-worth is approx 1 mil).
I know no one is responsible for the situation and people are grieving. However, I thought they’d do more. I can’t emphasise how difficult it has been.
I’m not sure if I’d be the A since I offered to help. I know that if I didn’t she would have most likely been in foster care. I don’t pay rent but if I worked full-time and paid, I’d have saved way more and would be nowhere near as stressed struggling to babysit.
Neither my GPs nor my uncle have thanked me once and it feels like I’m asking my GPs for a big favor when they watch her, like she’s my child. AITJ if I hold a grudge against my uncle and expect a contribution towards uni from my GPs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a job with the hours you want. Let your parents know the hours you will be working. Let them deal with their parents (your GPs). Live your life. This is not your kid nor is it your responsibility. If GPs fuss, tell them you will watch the kid for $X.
If you want to. If you don’t want to watch her at all, don’t. Not your garden, not your flowers (stole form another Redditor).” justcelia13
Another User Comments:
“Honestly NTJ. Even I can see your point of view. No one is looking out for you so you need to look out for yourself.
I’m not saying drop the kids but limit helping your parents as much as you can. If you need to save up for college, save up for college. Get a full-time job if you need it. Drop it off at your grandparents or your uncle and let him know if the kid or if you have a friend or someone who can babysit the kid for a while for free or maybe for less money looking to that.” User
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YWBTJ if you expect your grandparents to pay you. They never said you have to watch this child, so they don’t owe you anything. The same cannot be said for your uncle, as this is his child. He needs to take care of her, not you and your parents.
And look, I know your GPs decided your parents had to raise your cousin. If your parents had a problem with that, that would have been between them and your GPs to work out. You never should have been involved, but you involved yourself here.
Had you not, your parents had to have spoken with your GPs.” StoneAgePrue
