People Try To Reduce The Harm In These ‘Am I The Jerk?’ Stories
22. AITJ For Insisting I Am Not A Taxi For My Stepdaughter?
“Husband and I just got married three months ago. I have had a really good relationship with his daughter since meeting her.
In fact, it’s been really good to where she actually moved in with us! I have no issue with that at all. I really do love her. When she moved in, I did have a conversation with her and told her some rules I have for me.
One: I am not a taxi (she’s 15, so being with her friends is a must, lol). I told her I could either pick her up or drop her off, but I will not do both. Two: I told her going to school is a must, and three: if she has any issues, to come and talk to her dad or me.
We will not judge her; we have both been in high school and know a few things, haha. Everything was going well until school started. Her dad and I both work well past the time she gets off of school, and we aren’t able to leave to go pick her up, so we told her she can go to one friend’s house or her aunt’s house—her choice.
She just needs to let us know which one she is at and we will pick her up when we are off work. Well, the other day she went to her friend’s house and, well before I was supposed to get off, she texted and asked if I could go pick her up right away because her friend was leaving.
I told her there was no way I could leave right then and there as someone had already left and I needed to stay. I felt really bad for not being able to go pick her up but also annoyed because her friend was leaving.
Her aunt was able to go pick her up from her friend’s house and also brought her home. Now today I got a text that she is with her friend, but they are going to the friend’s mom’s house, which is twenty-five minutes away from where we live.
I’m annoyed now because, one, she did not ask if she could go; she just said that’s where she was, and two, I still have to go home and cook dinner and now, from an already exhausting day, I have to drive 25 mins there and 25 mins back.
So, almost a whole hour of driving.
For those wondering about her background and why the aunt is in the picture, she lived with her aunt for most of her life. Her mom gave up custody of her and has no contact with her at all!
My husband was fighting for her, but she wasn’t ready to leave her aunt and sisters until now!”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. 15 is a tricky time; kids are gonna want rides, but they’re not old enough to get their own car. It’s just something you guys have to work through.
But you’re totally not a jerk for not wanting to leave work early to chauffeur her around her social events. Is an Uber or bus a safe option here?” hybridoctopus
Another User Comments:
“Are we sure either of those situations were things she could control?
There are bound to be growing pains in this situation. 15 is old enough to have a conversation with when you aren’t irritated and to set ground rules—good luck! She obviously wants a relationship, which at 15 is not the norm.” Tegee2
Another User Comments:
“Why are you even annoyed that her friend left? They’re not a free babysitting service. I love my friends, but I’d be annoyed at the expectation of them coming over every day after school. Did you even talk to their parents to see if that was ok?
They also have things they want to do after school that don’t include your stepdaughter. As for this whole ordeal, being inconvenienced comes with being a parent. You gotta step up and figure out a permanent solution. YTJ for now.” slow_poke00
21. AITJ For Betraying My Best Friend By Reporting Her Mom To CPS?
“My friend confided in me that she has had difficulties at home. Her mom is really neglectful and doesn’t take good care of her. Has been like this since she was born, basically. I never knew that. I immediately felt bad because I would give her a hard time when she didn’t give her mom anything on Mother’s Day, as would the rest of my friends, but now I know her mom doesn’t deserve anything.
She’s my closest friend, and we’ve been best friends for almost our entire lives, and I didn’t know this. Her mom is verbally rude to her, calls her a failure, horrible, etc., even though she makes all As and is a good kid, and refuses to have anything to do with her, and won’t even touch her without having gloves on.
It really rubbed me the wrong way, and she takes care of herself for the most part. Her mom gives her money, so she buys and makes her own food and takes care of what she needs. She’s 16 now, and really close to graduating.
Just two more years.
She says she doesn’t mind for the most part. She has her friends and just does her best to completely ignore her mom. She said she never told anyone besides me because she was scared someone would call CPS, and she thinks that would be much worse for her, at least she is getting taken care of financially and she doesn’t mind her living situation for the most part.
She has more freedom than other kids, at least. She told me this to explain why she never told me. She was scared of CPS. I was heartbroken for her. So many of our friends called her rude for not liking her mom, and now I know.
I guess you shouldn’t just assume someone is a spoiled brat. But we all have good parents, so obviously we assumed her mom would be good too.
So I told my parents and we called CPS for her. The result has been. She refuses to speak to me.
She lied to CPS too, so that went nowhere. I told her I was doing what was best for her, and she said she told me she was fine, she didn’t want CPS involved, and then I betrayed her trust after all our years of friendship.
She sent me articles on the amount of kids that have been hurt in foster care, horrible statistics, and then blocked me. I try to talk to her in school, but she immediately avoids me or leaves the situation. Was I in the wrong? I was only trying to help her.
I can’t imagine not having a loving home to go to, and I thought CPS would put her with caring parents like I have. It just seemed like the thing to do because I knew her mom was the worst. I wanted to help her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your friend is right, foster homes are horrible and completely uproot kids’ lives. Especially for teenagers. She only has 2 years left and told you that she was afraid of CPS and you completely disregarded her feelings. You messed up and lost a friend over it and probably gave her trust issues if we’re being honest.” Thick-Inspection-726
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t call CPS unless the children are in imminent danger. The CPS standard for neglect isn’t ‘her Mom is mean to her’; it’s ‘I know or strongly suspect crimes are being committed or about to be committed in that house.’ You’re 16.
Everyone hates their parents and your friend spelled out they were scared of CPS. Your friend likely has therapy in the future, but it does not sound like they are in physical danger. YTJ.” Vast-Treat-9677
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. I hope you enjoyed your friendship because I doubt it’s lasting after you called freaking CPS on the person who was supposed to be your closest friend when you literally have no idea what happens to kids in foster care.
This post actually annoys me because of how extremely reckless of a decision that was.” DeeperBrush
20. AITJ For Only Buying Cheap Candy Boxes For My Partner’s Grandmother?
“I (F25) have a partner, Adrian (M29). We aren’t married but live together and have been seeing each other since 2016. I get along with his parents and siblings very well, and I’d say that I am closer to them than with my own family.
However, I have a problem with Adrian’s Grandmother (F83). She strongly dislikes me and she has done so ever since she first set her eyes on me. I don’t know why exactly she dislikes me, as – at least in the first few years – I did my best to be nice and courteous toward her.
I guess she has a problem with my style, as I am rather a fit woman with many tattoos and prefer bright clothes, while my partner’s family mostly wears smart casual and is more inclined toward academic studies than toward sports. However, the rest of the family has no problem with my style, only her.
It isn’t only in my head, as Adrian’s parents repeatedly asked his grandma to treat me nicer or apologize on her behalf if she was insulting me in their presence (she tends to make rather cruel remarks about my tattoos, figure, and overall presence). Also, she has a problem only with me; she rather likes the partners of Adrian’s siblings.
Despite everything, I always did my best to give the Grandmother gifts on Christmas, Name Days, and Birthdays. At first, I was trying to really give her something she would enjoy – things connected to her hobbies or at least some good quality sweets or flowers.
However, she was always complaining and openly saying that I was cheap (things weren’t from the higher shelf as I am relatively poor, but weren’t bad quality, too) or that I didn’t care about her at all.
Last year, when she threw away cosmetics I gave her (which were to her taste, as I had seen her using the same product and even commenting that she liked it before), I snapped. Since then I only give her cheap, off-brand chocolates, reasoning that if she’s going to throw them or give them away, I don’t want to lose money.
I got away with only a few comments on the first two occasions. However, last week was Grandmother’s birthday and after I gave her the pralines, she started screaming at me that I was disrespecting her, didn’t care about her at all, and was a cheapskate.
Well, I guess I am, but I don’t feel inclined to give her nice things if she is not going to at least pretend to appreciate them.
Opinions of my Adrian’s family differ. Some of them, especially Adrian and his father, say that I don’t have to give Grandmother nice gifts as it is obvious that she is biased toward me.
But some of them say that I am childish and I shouldn’t mind her and give her nice things because “she is old so I should be more patient toward her.” She doesn’t have any kind of mental problems and is quite healthy given her age.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why on earth should you give her nice things if she’s going to just throw them away?! You can certainly tell her just that. She doesn’t seem to want or keep anything from you, not even the things she has used and professed to enjoy, so why waste money purchasing something she is just going to toss?
That’s just being smart (of you). I mean, if someone in his family knows it’s just bluster and she doesn’t actually throw it away, I’d say it’s up to you if you want to humor her. But if she really does just throw it away, why should you throw away your hard-earned money?
If his family wants to buy her something nice they know she loves and give it to you to give to her and they can test it.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would not give gifts to this woman anymore. You don’t like her, and her opinion of you isn’t going to change.
I’m so tired of old people being dumb and “they are old” as an excuse for it. There is no magic cut-off age that your poor behavior becomes acceptable.” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do yourself a favor and stop spending your hard-earned money on her.
If it’s cheap chocolates or expensive To’ak, that classless bint has neither the manners nor knowledge to deserve any present from you. Going forward, Adrian can buy the presents for his family from the two of you, and you buy the presents for your family from you and him.” WhatAWagon
19. AITJ For Calling My SIL An Attention Seeker At My Mother's Memorial Dinner?
“About a week ago, me (24f), my brother Jack (26m), my dad, and some other close family members went on a trip to Tunisia, where my mother, who died in a car accident about two years ago, was from, to discover a little more about her life and our ancestors.
On this trip, my brother decided to bring his wife, Julie (26f), and I brought my husband. Up till now, I had not had any issues with Julie as I don’t know her very well (she and my brother met and got married and live quite far away, so I had only seen her 2 or 3 times before this trip).
So, the incident occurred on the second to last day of the trip when we all went out to dinner. I think that it is important to note that this whole trip was to remember and celebrate my mother (she died around the beginning, where I live, so we didn’t get a proper funeral for her), and the day we went out to dinner was her birthday.
At the beginning of the dinner, my dad gave a short speech, basically thanking everyone for coming and honoring my mother’s life. Before he even got the chance to sit down, Julie stood up and announced that she and Jack were expecting a baby! The entire table went silent, with only a few quiet congratulations.
Instead of reading the room and sitting back down, Julie ran up to me with a big obnoxious grin and asked me if I was excited to be an auntie. I stayed silent, trying not to ruin what was left of this trainwreck of a dinner, and she said that she was just trying to lighten the mood with some good news.
This is when I cracked and yelled at her that she wasn’t trying to benefit anyone but herself and that she was a selfish attention seeker. I walked out, followed by my husband and then my dad. From what I gather, the dinner was pretty much ruined after that, and the whole family had left before they ordered any food.
Now, I do understand that she could have seen it as a good opportunity, as the entire family was all together, but after talking with my brother, I found out that they had known for a month before the trip, so they could easily have announced it before.
My dad is staying neutral on this, and my brother is angry at me for ’embarrassing’ his wife, but he understands my point of view. Some family members and Julie’s mom are now calling me a jerk over text for ruining an important moment for her.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Was Julie aware that this trip was to be a memorial one for your mother? If she was very well aware, then definitely you showed her the mirror. There is a time and place for everything. She could’ve announced before or after the trip too; say, on the way home.
I know everyone has gathered, so it’s easier, but as a 26-year-old, I expect more maturity. Her announcement didn’t make people jump in joy and excitement. So, obviously, everyone wasn’t looking for something to lighten the mood. I am glad your brother understands, but what else did Julie expect after announcing pregnancy during a memorial dinner?” Straight-Example9126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother died. This was the first chance your whole family had to come together and mourn. It was a memorial. Your father had barely finished a speech memorializing his wife — practically a eulogy — and your SIL immediately leaped up. At the very least, she is utterly inept at reading social cues.
I can’t understand what possible part of her thought this was the perfect time to announce a pregnancy. At worst, she is what you said: selfish and desperate for attention. You don’t owe her an apology. You were quiet until she targeted you specifically with demands of excitement.
She precipitated every part of this interaction, and the fact that it backfired so spectacularly is on her, not you. She ruined your mother’s memorial. She owes you an apology. Tell your brother exactly that, and warn him about how his in-laws are bullying you for shutting down her disgraceful behavior.
Their callous attitude doesn’t bode well for his future.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“No, you didn’t get a funeral for your mom. This was it. All family was there to remember her, to love her. You don’t go to someone’s funeral and, right in the middle, stand up and say you’re pregnant; it’s rude.
She wasn’t considerate of everyone; she wanted the attention. And now that grieving that everyone was trying to do is ruined.” Direct-Pipe6802
18. AITJ For Refusing To Wear My MIL's Heirloom Wedding Dress?
“My future MIL “Bea” has a vintage wedding dress that is a family heirloom. Both her grandmother and her mother wore it to their weddings. She was planning on wearing it to hers, but there was a family emergency the day before, so the wedding had to be postponed. Not wanting to wait, Bea and her husband eloped as soon as possible, and while she got to wear the dress, she didn’t get to have a big ceremony with all her friends and family like she had wanted. She had passed it on to her only daughter, but it didn’t fit her.
I didn’t realize this was going to be an issue, but the dress fit me like a glove, and now Bea is pushing me to wear it to my wedding.
First, I want to say that Bea is not a stereotypical MIL. We are actually quite close, and she is a cool, fun person.
This is the first instance of her being the type of pushy MIL that you see portrayed in the media. The dress is not ugly or stereotypically vintage looking, but it has long sleeves, which will be uncomfortable in the Texas heat, and a floral pattern, which I’m not a fan of.
The dress clashes with the overall aesthetic of the wedding too, which is a more modern/industrial vibe, and the dress I had picked out fit that perfectly.
I know that it would mean a lot to Bea if I wore the dress, but I only get one wedding (hopefully) and I’ve been planning it for almost a year.
I will look back on the photos for the rest of my life, so it’s important to me that everything is as close as possible to my and my fiancée’s vision. Additionally, I have a large-ish (~15k) Instagram following, and while I’m not going to make decisions based on my followers’ opinions, I want to make sure the photos I post on my account are reflective of what I want and who I am.
My parents think I’m being overdramatic and I should just wear the dress. They had originally given me $1500 to choose a dress, and said if I didn’t buy a dress they would still give me the $1500 to spend however I pleased. This was pretty tempting, but I don’t really need the money, and would prefer to have my dream dress.
My fiancé’s sister, who I always thought was my friend, flipped out on me, told me it was just a stupid [redacted] dress, and called me a Bridezilla. My fiancé told me I should wear whatever I want and just let everyone else deal, but now, especially after his sister’s reaction, I’m worried I’m going to upset and alienate his entire side of the family and that it will take me a long time to live it down.
I just wanted my wedding dress to be perfect, but now I’m not sure what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not your tradition but your MIL’s tradition. Tough cookies that SIL couldn’t fit into the dress but that doesn’t mean you need to wear it.
Wear the dress you want. They need to learn that they can have wishes but that doesn’t entitle them to make your decisions. Tell them it is better saved for a granddaughter (if you are willing to suggest that to any future daughters).” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“Tell your MIL everything you spelled out here. Tell her how much you love the idea of doing a special photo shoot wearing the dress sometime before the wedding (include fiancé and his family) and use the framed pictures from the shoot in your decor at the wedding.
Hopefully she’ll think it’s enough. NTJ” laurelblossom
Another User Comments:
“You’re absolutely positively NTJ. This is YOUR wedding and you should wear the dress that YOU want and no one else! Your fiancé is right, let them freaking deal with it; it’s not their wedding.
SiL may just be jealous because sir doesn’t fit her and she feels like you’re “wasting” the opportunity she should of had. Go find your dream dress girl!! Congrats!! Edit to add: I’d let FMIL know that I very much appreciate the sentiment and all that but it’s just not the dress for you!” jacksonlove3
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Partner To Work At My New Job?
“For background, my sister (26) has been with her partner (25) for the past 9 years.
She and her partner and their 1-year-old son live with my family. Her partner has always been a sore spot for the family, but he’s been tolerated for my sister’s sake. Over the past 2 years, his character has changed a lot. He’s been verbally abusive to my sister, downright rude and disrespectful to and my mom, and always acts like my family is a burden even though he’s living with us and has shown a lack of concern for anyone except himself and always puts himself in competition with everyone in my family, but especially me.
If something bad happens to me or my brother, he either laughs or is smug about it. When there is good news, he gets bitter. Like when I came home excited about the raise I got, he immediately jumps in to say that he makes at LEAST $3/hr more, which my sister has told me in private that isn’t true.
I (23F) have recently decided to leave my long-term job due to conflicts with my employer and started applying for jobs. Out of nowhere, he decides he’s going to start looking for jobs too, despite having only been with his current employer for around 4 months.
He had made snide remarks to my family about how I’m expecting too much and I’m going to have to start at the bottom and I should just accept that because he had to start at the bottom.
I got an interview at a job that I was really excited about and got a job offer the following week.
They are starting me out at the same rate as my last employer, which is more than he thought I deserved, based on his conversations with my sister. This past Saturday he came to me and said, “Hey, I just want to let you know I got two job offers and one of them is at your new job.”
I try to tread lightly in situations like these for my sister’s and my nephew’s sake. I told him that I don’t really feel comfortable with this since it is such a small company and we see each other so much at home, and I think it could cause conflict for both of us.
I also mentioned that I had seen how much the starting pay is listed for this role, and I know that doesn’t align with what he’s looking for. He gets this smug look on his face and says, “They offered me way more than that.
You know, since I have so much experience.” I don’t want to sound like a brat, but this was supposed to be my fresh start, and thinking about having that negative energy there is making me lose that excitement about the new job. AITJ for not wanting him to take the job and not wanting to work with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like lies, op. Even if he did get the job offer, he isn’t getting the salary he is claiming to get. This is to make you feel inferior. Just watch, in a week he’ll have turned it down to accept a way better (imaginary) offer and you’ll get to hear how beneath him your new company is.
Also, stop telling this clown any personal info like your salary, etc. it’s just giving him fuel.” the_harlinator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, probably better to keep good news or bad closer to your vest from now on. And, if he used you as a reference (many employers frown upon family working together) without asking you first then you know who the A is.
He sounds like a real jerk.” 3more_T
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But start playing your cards closer to your vest. Don’t tell anyone so much info. You know it will get back to him and he will try to use it against you.
He may just be lying to anger you, same as he did about making more than you. Can you ask your employer if they hire close family? If you have the job and they don’t hire that way, then you KNOW he is lying.
Good luck!!” justcelia13
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Stepdad For Breaking His Promise To Mikey?
“I (22F) live with my Mom (50F) stepdad Daniel (48M) sister Kate (16F) and our stepbrother Mikey (12M) lives part-time at our house. Daniel’s marriage to Mikey’s mom Jocelyn (also 48 I think) was very tumultuous and unstable. They constantly got into screaming matches and they didn’t shield Mikey from their arguments.
Daniel and Jocelyn divorced when Mikey was 8 so obviously he has some issues with it. Daniel deals with it (or rather doesn’t) through avoidance. He’s barely there for Mikey. He makes excuses and tells lies for why he can’t pick up Mikey for the weekend or call him on the phone.
Daniel’s neglect makes Jocelyn feel bad so she overcompensates by being lenient with Mikey, then gets frustrated when Mikey doesn’t take her rules seriously. Mikey and Jocelyn BOTH lose their cool with each other constantly. Instead of trying to improve her temper and be a positive example, Jocelyn keeps dragging Mikey to different psychiatrists.
She thinks there’s some magic pill that’s gonna fix all Mikey’s issues. Jocelyn doesn’t want to admit that she is part of the problem. Mikey’s been to over a dozen different doctors in the last two years. They’ve apparently all tried explaining that medication won’t change anything when the environment isn’t healthy (basically telling Jocelyn and Daniel to step up as parents) but Jocelyn doesn’t want to hear it.
Why I’m Posting: Mikey took summer school this year and Daniel promised Mikey that if he got good grades then he would take him to a water park. Mikey worked really hard and (except for a B in math) ended up getting all A’s!
I asked Daniel when he was picking Mikey up and Daniel told me he wasn’t. I asked if it was because he had work and offered to pick up Mikey instead. Daniel told me that when told Mikey he needed to get good grades, didn’t think Mikey would actually do it and that he had no intentions of taking Mikey to the water park and was hoping Jocelyn would break the news to him.
I was mad. I snapped at Daniel that he and Jocelyn aren’t together anymore but Mikey’s still his child and he needs to start acting like a parent. There’s no excuse to lead Mikey on with an empty promise and neglect him in general. Daniel called me entitled and he and Mom threatened to kick me out of the house and shut off my phone.
I told them to do whatever they wanted. If they want me to move out and pay for my own phone, I’ll do so gladly. But I won’t apologize for calling Daniel out when he acted crappy. Daniel and Mom ended up dropping it.
I think I rattled Daniel because he ended up buying Mikey’s ticket and re-booked our hotel room to include Mikey. Mom later told me that I was entitled because Daniel pays extensive child support and it’s not my place to say how he parents Mikey.
But Kate agreed with me saying money doesn’t make you immune to criticism.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Mikey is 12, the way they’re treating him is cruel. Empty promises, broken words, and nonsense like this are how you get all of your kids to go no contact with you and feel good about the fact they don’t talk to you.
He worked his butt off to get good grades, kid deserves to go to the water park as promised!!!” annexei
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Daniel doesn’t want to be a parent but doesn’t want Jocelyn to “win” full custody of his son. Daniel called you entitled and threatened you because he doesn’t like being faced with what an awful father he is.
Attack the person who has the temerity to hold up a mirror to him, because he doesn’t like what he sees in it. What I find hard to believe is your Mom saying you’re entitled to call out Daniel for breaking a promise to his own son.
Doesn’t say much for her own integrity.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re looking out for your younger brother. I had to do the same for my sister when I still lived with my parents. Word from the wise: you can get an unlimited plan for only $20 a month.
If you put your mind to it you can get yourself into a Craigslist apartment soon enough, build a rental history, and be in a nicer place in no time. Also, AirBNB has monthly rates.” MarsGirl24
15. AITJ For Presenting Three Ultimatums To Resolve My MIL's Invasion Of Our Home?
“I’ve seen many AITJ about MILs here but my situation is slightly different. When I got married 3 years ago, I accepted my wife and her mother as a “package deal.” Everything was discussed upfront.
Her ask was that her mother (68) live with us (her health was declining due to kidney failure). I agreed as long as we bought a big enough house that we would not interfere with each other. We have a large house with an attached in-law suite.
MIL has a private entrance, separate utilities (that we pay for), her own kitchen, washer/dryer, and bathroom. Her side of the house is a 2,200 sqft loft and is immaculate. We really rolled out the red carpet for her.
Fast forward 3 years, and even with the separation, she has become unbearable and criticizes me on how I have the grass cut, how the garden is kept, and even interferes with the contractors that I have come to my home to perform work.
I have asked for established boundaries, but she refuses to respect them. We MIL and I fight constantly as I fight to establish peace in my home without her interference.
She now is in great health (due to a successful kidney transplant) and is as spry as ever.
However, she has grown mean and has told me “I want to break you two up, and get you out of this house.” This is a house that she pays no bills for and is neither financially responsible nor on the deed. When she said that to me, I was livid and yelled at her, so she called the police and accused me of “elderly mistreatment” in my own home.
The police arrived and did nothing because no crime was committed. I no longer find peace in my home, and I have asked my wife if she is more interested in being a wife or a husband… She can be both, but she shouldn’t have to live with us.
She hasn’t worked in 15 years and my wife is her retirement fund. She constantly encroaches upon our space, and we can’t even have dinner without her interfering. Over the past three years, we have not been able to enjoy an evening without her physical interference.
For example, when she gets home from work, my wife gets an immediate phone call and has to race over to the MIL side to cater to her needs as opposed to our bonding. I have made an ultimatum. Someone needs to leave. AITJ for giving 3 options?
My wife and I split our mortgage 50/50 and I have proposed a 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 split (but my wife says she cannot afford that). The second option is for her to move into a separate apartment not underneath our roof, and the third option is we sell the house, which would make us all miserable.
I’m currently miserable, so all of these options work for me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is marriage-destroying stuff. NTJ. If your wife is unwilling to act or to decide, then it’s down to you. The initial agreement (“as long as we bought a big enough house that we would not interfere with each other”) has been well and truly broken.
Myself, I think getting her into her own flat is the idea. Financed by your wife. Get the old woman out and change the locks. NTJ” Ma-Hu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But what about option 4? Your MIL moves out and you rent out the in-law suite.
Then you give her the rent money so she can afford an apartment. If your wife wants to support her mother further she can pay for it with her income. If your MIL already called the police on you and is trying to interfere in your marriage, you are right that your living situation needs to change as soon as possible.” Villain-in-Training
14. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Son's Birthday With My Sister's BBQ?
“So me (36M) and my wife’s (34F) son turns one on Saturday. We had originally decided we would do our presents in the morning and then have a day of fun activities (play center and farm), with an evening bit of cake for anyone who wants to join us.
My sister (38F) passed her 10 years in remission last year in March. She wanted to celebrate this by having a family get-together. Unfortunately, things got in the way and the year slipped by until we got to the start of July. She sent an email to my side of the family offering 2 weekends to have a family BBQ to celebrate her remission.
One of these was my son’s birthday with the advice “I don’t mind sharing.”
My wife and I were upset as she not only didn’t ask us first, but it’s not her place to say she is willing to share (it’s not her anniversary of remission; she CHOSE those dates).
Anyway, the rest of the family chose his birthday and I advised we would not be attending. It’s important to note we live on the other side of the country, so returning would involve expensive train tickets or a long 6-hour car drive with the little one.
My mother called and attempted to guilt-trip me into coming down. I said that while nothing is booked, we still had plans and also didn’t want to subject our son to a long journey (we did it previously and it was not a good experience for him or us).
She acted very upset with me and was cold when we ended the call, with her saying she was disappointed in me as not everyone could make other dates and that day was suitable for everyone.
I then spoke to my sister, who advised my mum that we didn’t want to share his birthday we had no plans and we were going to be at home all day.
Needless to say, my sister was also mad with us after that and also said she was disappointed in us. I was fuming: the guilt trips, the drama, and the fact of choosing a day to hold a party on my son’s birthday without even speaking to us.
Now my son’s birthday will only involve me, his mother, plus her family, and no one from my side of the family as they are all going to this BBQ. I know he won’t realize it, but I still think this was unfair and worse to expect us to travel and have to book a holiday to make it.
My mum and sister have been cold to me recently, but I haven’t really cared as much and I’m still pretty angry over the whole situation.
So AITJ for thinking it wasn’t her day to share and for being the one that’s annoyed that no one is coming to my son’s first birthday because she took the day and made it something else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister had three months to plan a BBQ to celebrate, and she waits, then picks the weekend of your son’s birthday? Since it’s clear that her celebration isn’t restricted by a specific date, it was thoughtless of her to suggest your son’s birthday without checking with you privately first. It was even worse of her and your mother to guilt you for wanting to be able to celebrate your son’s birthday, especially since it sounds like celebrating with your family would leave out your wife’s family.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while your son will not remember the day, it’s important to set boundaries with family, and if you are going to make birthdays a big deal for the birthday person, then set that standard early and often. Your Mum involving herself, and then painting an untrue narrative for the day is the kind of B.S.
that should earn her a period of NC. As for your sister, you can tell her you are excited for her, but you are not going to attend due to the date she picked, as well as the distance you’d have to travel with a 1-year-old in order to do it.” psmythhammond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, I know your son won’t remember this day, but it is his day. The date your sister chose is arbitrary. The date you chose is not. Your son’s party would not exclude anyone. Your sister’s will. She expects your wife’s family to travel to celebrate her thing on a random date she chose because she doesn’t mind sharing?
No. And your family has decided she is more important than you. Have your son’s party with your in-laws. You know your true family.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Telling My Brother He’s Wrong For Declining A Lifelong Friend’s Birthday Dinner?
“My best friend is coming back to town at the end of August for her birthday celebration.
It’s been a long time since we were all together since she moved across the country and she wanted to see me and the family. Keep in mind we have all known her since we were little kids. We even grew up in the same neighborhood together.
My brother and I are 4 years apart, and we’ve all been pretty close and tight-knit. We consider her family. I’m 31 now, and my brother is in his 20’s. My best friend is married now, and so is my brother, so it’s not anything weird going on.
My best friend has always considered my brother to be her brother as we were all that close. I talk to her on the phone frequently, and FaceTime her often, and she’s been asking me how my family is doing.
She invited my mom, dad, and brother, and sister to her birthday dinner along with her family.
Everybody said they would love to come except for my brother. My brother said, “No, I’m a married man. It’s not appropriate,” and I asked, “How is that appropriate? She’s a part of our family. You’re being weird, mean, and fake towards someone who has been nothing but nice to you and our family.” My brother goes, “It’s some things married men don’t do.
We don’t even allow each other to go to the bar or clubs.” I was like, “This is NOT the same thing. We are having a birthday dinner with a longtime family friend that you’ve known since you were in diapers. You can even bring your wife.” Then she said, “Oh, my wife is shy… she wouldn’t wanna go to that.”
I don’t even know how to explain to my BFF why he doesn’t wanna go. I know it will hurt her feelings because she considers him family, and everybody else is going except him.
My brother is pretty straight-laced between the two of us and a very goody-two-shoes, follow-the-rules-all-of-the-time kind of person.
He didn’t even wanna have a bachelor party when they got engaged, but going to a dinner party with someone we’ve known our entire life seems harmless, and, the family will be there. They are not having dinner one on one. It’s just weird to me, and I would hope my sister-in-law wouldn’t be controlling.
I don’t have anything against my sis-in-law. I don’t know too much about my sister-in-law, though; she seems incredibly private, so I don’t know much about her. The only thing I know is she’s high maintenance when it comes to her appearance and very hyper-feminine and girly.
They’ve been married for like 3 years, and I still don’t know much about her at all. The whole situation seems sketchy, though, and I don’t know why I have a bad feeling she’s controlling my brother and he won’t outright say it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He doesn’t have to go. It’s not that weird from what you described. This seems to be a boundary set in the brother’s relationship, and that is ok. It’s also not rude. Not everyone can make it to everything. You mentioned in a comment that they are really close, but she wasn’t even at his wedding, so… how close is he really to her?
As for the ‘I don’t know how to explain it’ part: you don’t. A simple, ‘Brother can’t make it’ is more than enough. And finally, I get she’s your BFF, and your families are close, but that doesn’t mean HE’s close to her, nor is he obligated to attend her birthday.” StevieB85
Another User Comments:
“Wow… This all went south real quick. So you went from telling us your brother is pretty straight-laced and goody-goody to assuming he’s being emotionally mistreated and controlled because he isn’t interested in going to a birthday dinner for someone he hasn’t seen in years and doesn’t even have contact with.
You’re thinking of one big happy reunion… he doesn’t care. Instead of accepting his choice, you’ve created this whole narrative of control, but you offer no other evidence of how he’s being isolated and controlled. So YTJ. The only person trying to control anything is you.” cachalker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Just because she’s your best friend doesn’t make her his friend at all. If he sees the situation as something that makes him uncomfortable, then he has every right to decline. Also, you’re blaming your SIL and judging her because you don’t get your way?
You’re the one who’s being fake.” cinderella3-drizella
12. AITJ For Reporting My Sister For Animal Neglect And Disgusting Living Conditions?
“My sister (26) went on vacation with my two nieces, partner, and grandmother. She had asked me (24) to feed her two dogs and let them out at night, and her friend would do the same in the morning. Of course, I agreed to help. I have not been in my sister’s home for a long time due to her lack of cleanliness and her no longer inviting anyone over (which I assumed was because her home was not very clean).
The first day I went to feed the dogs, there was an overflowing amount of dishes and food on the countertop with mold. The house also smelled so bad that I had to wear Vicks to mask the scent. Both dogs were separated from each other and had no food or water.
I tried not to look around much and left after taking care of the dogs, but I was not happy about the state of the home, especially with my two nieces living like that and a nephew that’s on the way.
The next day, my sister’s friend (we’ll call her Sam) texted me asking if I’d fed the guinea pigs.
I assumed she was having Sam feed them since my sister didn’t tell me anything about it. I told Sam this, and she wasn’t told to feed them either. That night, Sam goes to the house to feed the dogs and guinea pigs but calls me to say there are dead animals and to get over to the house ASAP.
When I entered my sister’s home and went downstairs where she keeps her 40+ guinea pigs, rabbits, and rats, I was appalled. We found four dead rats, two dead guinea pigs, and two dead rabbits. They had no food or water, and the rabbits were free roaming so there was poop everywhere.
Sam and I bought food, filled their water, and took the dead animals out of the cages. We were both disgusted and decided we needed to contact animal control.
My sister got a call from animal control the next day and was furious at Sam and me.
They came back from their trip early since animal control and CPS were coming the following day. I called her trying to explain, and she was very upset, so I went over to help her clean her home so she wouldn’t be as stressed. Well, CPS comes and the home is in a much better state.
But when they asked my sister about the dead animals, she lied and said there were only two dead rabbits. She texted me telling me to lie for her and say I didn’t see other dead animals. I told her no; I was not going to lie to her because it was not right.
Also, I work in healthcare, and I’m a mandatory reporter along with my husband. She is now no longer talking to me, and it has been two weeks since this happened.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing by reporting the situation to animal control and CPS.
The state of your sister’s home and the neglect of the animals were serious concerns, especially considering the well-being of your nieces and the baby on the way. It’s important to prioritize the safety and welfare of both humans and animals. Your sister’s reaction, asking you to lie for her, shows a lack of responsibility and accountability for her actions.
As a mandatory reporter in healthcare, it was your duty to report the situation honestly. Unfortunately, your sister is not talking to you, but remember that you acted in the best interest of everyone involved. Hopefully, with time, she will come to understand the gravity of the situation and work towards making positive changes.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s not safe for children, and cruel for the animals. Especially since you’re a mandated reporter, you didn’t have a choice. The worst that can happen to your sister is she loses her kids and gets prosecuted for animal cruelty. Honestly, neither of these is likely to happen (she’s not the biggest for CPS or animal welfare and the DA to fry), but if they did, it would be solely her doing.” SwimmingCritical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This actually gives me the creeps that you found all those poor animals in the basement, I presume? She didn’t mention taking care of them to you, so as you discovered, she doesn’t take care of them either. The biggest question is: How does she have all those animals in the house with children?
Is she an animal hoarder? You had every right to call CPS as you found dead animals in her home, and considering their living conditions, it could have been much more. I’m glad you didn’t lie to her, as it sounds like something she would just do again.
No wonder she didn’t want anyone going to her house. How did her partner allow it? Or do they not live in the same house?” Duckie_plantmom
11. AITJ For Demanding Payment From A Last-Minute Friend For A First Class Upgrade?
“My friends and I live in Hawaii and decided to see a concert in LA. I booked our tickets and paid for everything months in advance. I informed other friends as well an invited them to come with us. Others declined or did not like the same concert as us.
About 5 days before the trip, our friend decides he wants to go with us, which we have no problem with. All we asked was that he split the rental car and AIRBNB cost with us as planned. He then asked what seats we had on the plane so that he could try to sit next to us.
I was trying to hide the fact that we were in first class as I wanted to surprise my friends. We are co-workers as well as really good friends and I wanted to treat them to something special for their hard work as I am their manager.
I decided to let the cat out of the bag and inform them that I had used mileage points to upgrade our whole ticket to first class. And that unless he paid for a first-class seat, he would, unfortunately, be sitting by himself in economy class.
As my friends were excited about me announcing our first-class tickets, he asked why I couldn’t have used points to upgrade his ticket. I explained due to supply and demand, the airline gouges prices in first class. I used 35k miles per person totaling 140k to upgrade our tickets right after purchasing our economy tickets and it would be unlikely that they would have seats left or that they would be far more expensive than what I paid.
I did humor him and called the call center to inquire about the upgrade and just as I expected, they had indeed jumped the upgrade price from 35k points to 80k points as there were no first-class seats left on our departure day and only 1 first-class seat left on the return day.
I told him I was sorry and that I wasn’t going to dish out 80k points for a 1-way first-class upgrade. I told him that if he was willing to pay me the equivalent of the miles in cash, I would upgrade his ticket as it would be far cheaper that way than using only cash to upgrade his ticket.
He got mad at me and started to raise his voice as he is another co-worker of ours and felt entitled to something special from me. I informed him that I tried to invite him 4 months prior and again 2 months prior. I told him it was his fault for waiting till the last 5 days to decide whether he wanted to go or not.
We got back from the trip and he has been silent with me and I do feel a little bad for having the ability to upgrade him. But not willing to pay the crazy price. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: He had the opportunity for it 2 times.
He didn’t take it and now acts like a child. Shrugs. Can’t help him. Also, first class is fun sure… but it is nothing so amazing that someone will tell their children of it. Some people are seriously ridiculous….” Both-Fudge1866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think of it as a special deal from the airline that you took and now that deal has timed out.
If there was a discount on something else and your friend chose not to act to use that discount and later demands you to essentially recreate that discount by paying out of your pocket, it would be silly, no? What makes it a bit murkier is that you also frame it as a special perk in your role as their manager and that creates a bit of an inequitable situation in the team.
If you wanted to make it completely fair, you could offer to cover as much for him as you did for the others in miles. If they want the upgrade then can give you the cash equivalent of the difference in how many miles you need now vs when the deal was on.” Positive-Chipmunk
10. AITJ For Setting Boundaries In My Marriage And Keeping My Husband Out Of Our Bed?
“I (44F) and my husband (43M) are in a rough patch in our relationship. We have been here before.
He refused to say he loved me for about 17 months, but now we’re about two years past that and I’ve put in a lot of hard work to do better by him and not annoy him. He has had all of the control in that time, and since then, he’s been pretty emotionally distant.
It’s just not something I can bring up with him. Anyway, here we are again. He says he doesn’t love me and I guess never did, which hurts (21 years of marriage). I told him that I’m not comfortable with him sleeping in our bed with me right now, and I’ve told him that I am willing to talk anytime he’s ready.
We’ve had a couple of talks; maybe made progress. I don’t know. But then he got on me last night about not wanting him in the bed. This was like the fifth night of it. I repeated that I wasn’t comfortable and I would stand my ground.
He didn’t ask me why or if we could talk about what it is that’s making me uncomfortable. He just accused me of “weaponizing” the bed, doing it to punish him, and being cruel because he’s not sleeping well. That’s why I see him groaning and moaning; it’s making him grumpy because his back hurts.
At one point, he just said “Screw you!” and walked out of the room.
He came back about 5 minutes later and said he’ll never agree to talk to me or work on our marriage if I keep him out. And he won’t be nice; he’ll let this be “the hill I die on.” I think I would be comfortable with telling him what my reason is, but he doesn’t ask.
I feel like he just accuses, threatens, and bullies to get his way, and he won’t respect me or my boundaries.
My reason is this: After those 17 months, he admitted to me that he did petty things in his anger/hurt at me. Examples were that he wouldn’t enter my phone number to get points for discounts at the coffee place we both go to because he’d be like “Jerk her and her stupid points.” He talked with his friend about changing the locks on our house one day (knowing he couldn’t do that legally), just so that it would annoy me and scare me.
He also admitted that he would come up to bed when I was already asleep, flip me off, and be like “Grrr, screw you!” and also do that randomly behind my back. During that time, I also had terrible nightmares and slept horribly. It was upsetting to hear that he would do that.
I forgave him at the time, but now I don’t trust him.
So that’s it, that’s my story. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but ask yourself what positive things are you getting from your relationship with this person. He does sound pretty petty with what little you have described. He also sounds pretty immature in his actions.
Personally, if someone told me they didn’t love me, I would believe them. You cannot make somebody change their mind. It’s time for you to believe, ‘When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.'” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This doesn’t sound like a relationship or a functional marriage.
He’s told you that he doesn’t love you and likes to mess with you mentally. Why would you want to sleep in the same bed as this person and vice versa? Do you have friends/family you can reach out to? I would advise couples therapy, but it doesn’t sound like he’s interested and that ship has long sailed. You need to be apart.
And you would likely benefit from some support/therapy/counseling. Reach out to a women’s shelter if you need to at least for guidance resources. Best of luck.” Starfish-1982
Another User Comments:
“It really sounds like you might need some sort of couple’s therapy; I can’t really make any judgments because you both seem to be weirdly antagonistic towards one another.
It comes across as vague antagonism as well; is there just bitterness for having been together so long? If you’ve already had professional help, maybe it’d be best to consider breaking up. Neither one of you sounds particularly happy, and it sounds as if you’re both committing to pettiness to generate constant problems. 21 years is a lot of time and there’s a lot of missing information with that.” NotaGoodper5on
9. AITJ For Taking Away My Daughter's Gaming Gadgets Because Of Her Addiction?
“My daughter asked me to post here to get an opinion as I don’t think I have done anything wrong.
I (55f) have a daughter (29f) “Alex”. Alex has been in a relationship with her partner for 5 years and they live together; however, recently Alex moved in with us as the roof in their old place collapsed, and due to this, they have ended their rent agreement early and are now looking for a new place.
Alex is also paying a portion of our rent and bills and has her own room, but works in the dining room as her own room doesn’t have space for a desk.
Since she has been living with us, she moved all her toys (gaming consoles and a laptop) with her, and on more than one occasion I have noticed her gaming instead of working.
I have made comments about it, but she said her work is really quiet at the moment and she has nothing to do while she is waiting, plus it helps her to relax. She would also take ages to come to the dining room for dinner, and when I asked her what she was doing, Alex would say she was playing a game and she didn’t see a problem in her delay since the food was still not ready (I don’t like Alex in the kitchen as she always makes too much of a mess and makes very smelly food, so I have told her that while she is under my roof, I will handle the cooking).
All of this has been bothering me, and it makes me think she is addicted to gaming, all her toys are taking away too much space.
So yesterday, while Alex was on a cinema outing and at the gym with her partner, I collected all her consoles, games, and laptop and gave them to my other daughter and her son since she can’t afford to buy a lot of nice things for my grandchild.
Alex came home before me, and after I returned, I saw her in tears with her partner trying to calm her down. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she believed we were robbed as all her tech was missing. That’s when I told her I gave it away as she was spending too much time gaming instead of working and was an addict.
Alex ended up shouting at me, calling me a jerk, saying I didn’t understand what I had done and that if I didn’t return her “toys,” she would file for theft since it cost more than 5k to replace it all, and she doesn’t have that kind of money.
She has also mentioned it helps her with her depression and anxiety, but I can’t remember her being diagnosed with any of it. She has also packed all her things and left to stay with her partner and his mother.”
Another User Comments:
“Um, you are a super giant jerk.
Your ADULT daughter is PAYING to live with you while trying to find another place to live, and you give away her stuff because you don’t like how much time your ADULT daughter is spending on her electronics instead of jumping to do whatever it is you want her to do when you want her to do it.
Yeah, I would file a police report, and I would tell everyone who wanted to know why I did if I were her. You are currently in a “landlord/tenant” relationship since your ADULT daughter is PAYING “rent” and you STOLE her stuff and GAVE it away.” Thiccckthighs87
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You stole more than $5k of technology from a grown adult who helps pay your rent. Get everything back, apologize profusely, and pray she doesn’t press charges. Your adult daughter can do as she pleases with her time. Calling her down to dinner before food is on the table is rude.
Telling a grown adult who helps you pay rent that they aren’t allowed to cook because the smell is “icky” is childish and condescending. If you didn’t want your daughter to stay with you, you should have said something. Being this controlling is going to ensure she doesn’t speak to you.” lostalldoubt86
8. AITJ For Calling Amy’s Partner After She Blocked My Friend Over A Loan?
“I (29F) have a friend since high school, Samantha (30F) who’s one of the kindest souls I know.
I had a friend in college, Amy (30F) who is really crappy with finances. Now, Sam and I come from quite middle-class households and, though we don’t earn a lot, we have a good amount of savings. Amy’s parents are pretty well off; some of her aunts and cousins are in the film industry and live in luxurious bungalows and such.
(This is relevant because if she hits a financial snag, her parents can afford to pay for it.)
Despite this, Amy is notorious for asking for money from friends. When it comes time to repay, she delays as much as possible and borrows from another to repay the former.
She was never clear what she needed the money for. It wasn’t a small amount either—anywhere from 100 to 1k dollars, which is a huge amount for so many of us. She asked me to direct her to someone who’d give a loan of $6k to help with her grandma’s surgery last December.
Then she posted a WhatsApp status, and my friend Sam (she went to the same school as Amy and then switched to my school for middle grade) genuinely thought Amy needed help and gave her 1k. Afterwards, Amy told me they pawned her mom’s jewels for the rest of the amount and she’ll repay Sam in April.
April comes around. Amy makes up some excuse like her granny is still recovering. Sam agreed to wait till May’s end which, with more of Amy’s excuses, got postponed to June’s end when she said her granny passed away and again asked for grace time until July 12, which she said is the day she’ll get a loan from the bank to repay Sam.
Even a softie like Sam was beyond furious and hurt at that time and understood Amy was lying. On July 12, Sam contacted Amy; it turns out Amy blocked her everywhere. Sam panicked and called me for help. I first called Amy, and when she didn’t pick up, I texted her that Sam might consider legal action if she didn’t respond.
Then I tried to call Amy’s mom, who didn’t pick up my call, but I left a detailed message about what was owed and about her daughter’s behavior. I was heartbroken for Sam, so I called up Amy’s partner and explained everything. She immediately called me, furious that I told her partner, and said I was a jerk for being a trustless jerk.
She then contacted Sam, saying that the bank previously approved her loan but called up to say they needed the current month’s pay slip to sanction the loan, and she needed another month. At this point, we knew it was all a lie, so Sam told her that she was currently at a police station to file charges against her if she didn’t send the money, and miraculously, in the next ten minutes, Amy transferred back the 1k to Sam.
I do realize now she had been using our love for her, but I feel a little guilty for bringing her partner into this. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friendship with Amy is probably over, that is the consequence of you acting as an informal debt collector.
Debt collectors are somewhat ruthless; I see nothing wrong with anything you did, especially if Amy sought the money under false pretences. I imagine by now you have proof she lied if police action is a threat.” atmasabr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you had to do to find a solution for your friend.
It worked, and that’s all that counts. I hope you two will now steer clear of Amy forever. And I’ll add one thing: back when I was your age and had many friends from school, etc., somehow or other, all of us knew who would pay back the money they borrowed and who would stall with lies.
We always knew.” RealbadtheBandit
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. Mostly, because it wasn’t your money. If it had been, then calling multiple people to get the money back is NTJ. And Amy’s family has money, so why did she need the loan for grandma’s surgery?
That doesn’t add up, and Sam should have known better, which also makes you slightly YTJ since you are helping Sam, even though she made a bad choice.” CaptainMalForever
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Avoid Diet Talk Around My Mom?
“My (30F) partner (29F) and my mom (65) have both been dieting. And by dieting I mean my partner has been drinking more protein shakes and exercising, and my mother has been eating 1 measuring cup of fruit and drinking juice exclusively while sitting on the couch all day.
Both are losing weight, but one is being healthy about it.
My mom has reached the point that her clothes hang off of her, but she won’t buy new ones because she’s terrified she’ll gain weight back again and they’ll stop fitting.
She refuses to walk the dogs or bike around the neighborhood because she thinks the neighbors are judging her. She won’t step foot in a gym because she thinks everyone there is judging her. She has no energy, she sleeps literally until noon most days and doesn’t go anywhere unless she has to.
In short, she’s developing/has an eating disorder. It reached a point last month where I had to take her to the hospital because she was so low on sodium that she could barely stand. After that she will now eat a handful of chips a day as well, and ‘immune boosting flavored water’.
My sister and I have tried to talk to her. I’ve talked about body dysmorphia, the metabolic process, and the dangers of being underweight; she’s told our mom how frail she looks. Mom insists she doesn’t have a problem. We were talking about my sister-in-law’s recovery from bulimia and the weight she’s gained, and my mom said she’d rather be bulimic than get that big.
After the hospital incident, I told my partner no one was going to talk about dieting or weight around my mom anymore, but my sister and I were going to try to get her to eat more by taking turns going to my parent’s house to make family dinners for her and my dad.
It had been working, although getting her to be at all active is still a work in progress. Then yesterday my partner came home from dropping something off at my parent’s house and started telling me about the conversation she’d had with my mother.
A conversation exclusively around dieting and caloric intake. My mom had brought it up, and instead of keeping it brief or changing the subject, my partner started to tell her about eating 1200 calories a day and ignoring water weight and muscle mass. I didn’t react outwardly to this besides telling her that Mom wouldn’t listen.
However, I’m very angry. I don’t want to be the overbearing partner, and I know I can’t ‘forbid’ her from talking about certain subjects, but I want to tell her to stop talking about how well her diet is working around my mom.
It’s making things worse, and I’m mad she ignored me the first time. WIBTJ for reiterating that I don’t want her to talk about losing weight around my mother?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! Having a sit-down with your partner to talk about how she approaches the subject with your mom is a smart move.
Communication is key, and if you’ve already expressed your concerns, she should definitely respect that. It’s essential for everyone involved to be understanding and supportive of your mom rn.” tenderon_ee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a boundary you need to set and she needs to respect.
Even if she’s your partner and even if you two were married, she needs to understand that sometimes there will be things your partner and their family do that you just don’t butt in on, especially after a boundary has been set. You can revisit said boundary with your partner, but not ignore said boundary and go stomping all over it.
First of all, is your partner a doctor, nurse, nutritionist, etc.? If not, then she needs to stay out of it. You and your siblings are taking care of your mom in the best possible way that you all see fit. As someone who was anorexic as an adolescent, all the things your partner said, especially eating 1200 calories a day, is so problematic.
That’s a very low daily caloric intake to tell a person with an eating disorder because they’re going to see that number and then think that it’s okay to restrict even more. You also don’t want the person with the eating disorder to get fixated on numbers.
It doesn’t promote a healthy relationship with food.” mochi_icecream1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, in normal cases trying to police someone’s speech is a no-go—but this is a very specific and serious issue. As someone who has previously had an ED, I can confirm it absolutely gets much worse when these conversations happen around you.
Your partner is risking your mother’s well-being and that is not okay at all.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Changing When My Sister Failed To Warn Me About Her Fiancé?
“My parents raised my siblings and me to be at home in our comfortable clothes when we were chilling. So it’s not a big deal to watch my family in oversized t-shirts and short shorts around the house.
It’s been like that since we were kids and it’s normal for us. My (22F) sister (28F) and my brother-in-law (29M) have been together for almost a year and I really don’t like him. He is too bossy with her and I think he’s taking advantage of the money she earns (she’s a doctor, he is unemployed and never finished college).
The thing is that because of his unemployment, he’s always around her; they see each other every day and talk all the time.
He’s always at family events even when most of my extended family doesn’t like him and it’s annoying (it’s not a secret to my sister either, we’ve been really open about our dislike with her but we’ve never been anything but nice with him).
Sundays for my family are relaxing days, especially with the last really hot days; we don’t feel like going out or anything. Last Sunday my brother-in-law came to the house and my sister didn’t tell us before, so I was in the kitchen when he entered the house and I had to run to my bedroom because I was in my oversized T.
When he left I asked my sister to let me know before he got here so I can change. She said yes and we didn’t talk about it since then.
Today I was in the living room when he got into the house (no, he doesn’t ring the bell or anything; he just walked in) and saw me lying on the couch wearing just a t-shirt and shorts.
I was so mad that I yelled at my sister. She came downstairs and yelled at me for being dressed like that in front of him (My parents were out). I told her that I didn’t mind staying like that all day long, that I asked her to let me know before he came, and that it wasn’t my fault.
Of course, I wasn’t comfortable being dressed like that in front of him, but my pride was bigger and apparently hers too because they didn’t leave until it was time for him to go.
Once he was out my sister started arguing because apparently, he didn’t stop watching me all day.
She said it was inappropriate (which I know) and that I needed to apologize to him for being a distraction. I said I’m not going to apologize and that she has to let me know when he’s coming into the house or else I’m going to continue dressing like that no matter what.
To clarify, my sister does have her own house, but it’s being repaired so she has been living here for a little over a month.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked her to give you a warning if he was coming over so you could change.
She failed to do that. I’d also argue that YOU live there, not him, so if you want to be sprawled out in a tee when you’re not expecting company, you should be able to. If they don’t like that, and they don’t warn you about him coming over, then they don’t have to be there.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should have warned you ahead of time as she agreed. And even still, he should have knocked to give a warning that he was entering. You said that they don’t own the place. You can’t control your sister’s fiancé’s eyes; if he was staring, it’s his own fault.
You were uncomfortable so obviously it wasn’t for his attention. Your sister is stupid for thinking it was. You were just chilling the way you were raised how to.” SnowyRein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I wear no pants in my own house too – but will put on pants if someone is coming over!
You asked to be warned and your sister didn’t tell you… Are you supposed to dress for guests 24/7 just in case? Also, your sister is mad at YOU because her fiancé is leering at you like a creep?” Agreeable_Metal7342
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Father-In-Law For Endangering My Pregnant Wife And Dogs?
“Me(30m) and my pregnant wife(26f) were recently approached by her father. He was moving out of his leased trailer to pursue some restaurant deal out of town, and he wanted to know if he could stay with us for a few days because his vehicle had some problems and needed to go to the mechanic before he left town.
Of course, we obliged.
Shame on us for not asking, but come to find out he needed a place to stay for himself and his boy dog who isn’t neutered. This is only important because we have 2 dogs, one of which is a female not spayed. Anyways, I’ve tried a few times over the last few weeks trying to get a departure time out of him regarding when he would be leaving, but to no avail.
He kind of just gave me some non-answers about the mechanic not getting to his vehicle yet. During the last 2 weeks he’s been with us, we had a pregnancy appointment in which the doctors told my wife that she should avoid stairs because she’s now 34 weeks pregnant and experiencing potential cholestasis.
This is important because the room he’s staying in is our only bedroom downstairs.
Fast forward to today, my wife called me frantically, telling me that her father is going to forward his mail to our address and the earliest he can see a mechanic is in another 2 weeks.
With this information and my wife’s blessing from day one, I sent him a message while I was working, telling him we were in an uncomfortable position, but I had to put my foot down and he had to find somewhere else to stay come Monday for a multitude of reasons ranging from his dog not being neutered, to breaking our lease agreement by him staying here, to being told it was only a few days, to needing the downstairs bedroom—pretty much everything I’ve already said above.
Anyway, after I sent that message, her father and I had a face-to-face conversation about it, and he understood that we were being kind of imposed on her, and it was genuinely a good conversation. However, after that, we got a text message from my wife’s sister chastising us for kicking him out and stating how she couldn’t believe we would do such a thing.
We told her maybe she should have taken him in since my wife is 34 weeks pregnant. She proceeded to try and guilt-trip my wife and said the only reason she couldn’t house him was because she owns 5 cats who wouldn’t get along with his dog.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His presence is not only your unspayed dog but also your very pregnant wife. He clearly wasn’t planning on leaving any time soon. If you didn’t kick him out, you would be the jerk. If your SIL is so upset, she can endanger her cats with his presence.” Sentient-Octopus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s always the people that refuse to step up who criticize you. He didn’t intend to leave. Forwarding mail is not something you do when you’ll be there for a few weeks. It’s smart you got him out before he could claim residency or rights to the space, and good on you for standing up to him for your wife.” busigirl21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for putting up with his BS. Every act of his points to his moving in with you permanently whether you like it or not. Come Monday, when you say he’s supposed to leave, he’ll have some other ridiculous excuse and you’ll no doubt be standing there not knowing what to do.
Call the cops and have him out for trespassing. They should arrest his dog, too, along with your SIL. This whole story is ridiculous. And all he needs to do is keep up the lies and BS till he’s legally a tenant, and then you won’t be able to get rid of him unless you spend the money and time to evict him in court.
That is what you get for being afraid to say no.” RealbadtheBandit
4. AITJ For Not Leaving The Concert And Changing Movie Plans That Got My Mom To Take My Car?
“So, two things happened over the past few days and my parents went nuclear and are making me (f20) get out and take my car.
A few days ago, my mom, sisters (12 and 17), and I went to a concert.
My 17-year-old sister has an autoimmune disease and had her IV treatment the day before the concert. The concert started at 7, the person we actually went there to see came on at 9:30, and my mom tried to get us to leave at 10 because my sisters were tired and had work the next morning.
It just started though so I said no, all of the good songs are at the end, and I wouldn’t give her the keys (she was supposed to drive). At 10:30, she and my sisters left to take the last bus to the train station to get home.
They refused to wait another 30 or 45 minutes. The thing is, I was drinking so I couldn’t drive home. I had to get an Uber to take me home (really freaking expensive), then my partner had to drive me back the next day and my car was towed because the parking lot we parked in doesn’t do overnight parking.
They refused to pay to get it out even though they were the ones that caused this by leaving me there knowing I couldn’t drive home. Then I checked my bank account and they charged me for my ticket and parking (it’s a joint account so she can transfer money in and out of my account).
The second thing happened yesterday. My sisters and I made plans to see the Barbie movie on Tuesday. I invited my partner and he couldn’t do Tuesday so we made plans to see it on Saturday. My mom and sisters threw a big fit because Tuesdays are half price and that’s why they chose it; so if my partner wants to do Saturday so bad, they will only be paying for half of the tickets and he’ll have to cover the rest. I told them it’s not his responsibility to pay for their tickets and it’s only an extra $9 so it’s not even that big of a deal, but my mom lost it on me and said I always do this and if I won’t do crap for them they won’t do crap for me.
She gave me 30 days to get out of her house and took my car (I paid like 40ish percent of it but it’s in her name). I tried to tell her I can’t find a place that I can afford that fast and she told me to see if my partner would let me stay with him.
She sent me what I paid for the car and really isn’t changing her mind.
The family is split. Some are saying I had it coming but others are saying she’s crazy and she’s being too harsh. AITJ for not leaving the concert and changing the movie?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ what on earth, why didn’t you just give them the keys??? You ended up being home anyway, Jesus Christ. Also, you could have let them go to the movie on Tuesday and gone with your partner Saturday. Your mom might be being harsh but if this is a pattern for you then you earned it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are unbelievably selfish and don’t have consideration for anyone but yourself and YTJ on both counts. The Concert: You were drinking and couldn’t drive, but refused to give them the keys? Huge jerk move. You absolutely should pay for the tow charge, for parking, the ticket, as well as their transportation home.
Barbie Movie: You changed the plans you had with three other people to accommodate your partner’s schedule. Another jerk move. You must be obnoxious to live with. No wonder your mother is kicking you out.” MysticYoYo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You weren’t alone. There were 3 people there with you and they relied on you as their means of transportation.
Your child’s sister and sick sister were tired and wanted to go home before you did, but you didn’t give a crap and made them take the bus. Then you have the gall to expect your mom to reimburse you for the consequences of your own choice to stay without them?
There is so much wrong here. Your car wasn’t yours; it was hers. She let you use it. Yes, you paid a good portion of it, but she paid for the majority of it. She has paid back what you owed, so you really have no legitimate claim to the car at all.
You had already made plans with your sisters. You changed your plans and then expect them to pay for the difference. Now, maybe she’s overreacting. If it is just those 2 instances, yeah, she’s overreacting and just taking back the car would likely be more appropriate.
However, you are behaving like a self-centered jerk here.” AShatteredKing
3. AITJ For Asking To See My Dad Without His Fiancé?
“So this could be long and complicated but I’m hoping it will make sense. I won’t be giving specific details as I don’t want to give out too much information. Also, try to be kind as I am very young. Here goes, I (child) and my sibling have recently decided to go no contact with our father on a temporary basis and are now considering our options in restarting a relationship.
Recently, our dad’s fiancé (F) ended up raising her voice to me, and in return, I shouted and was quite rude. This came about as our dad was confirming that we’d like to return home to our mom sooner that day, as we’d be out all day the following day and we wanted to spend some time at home with our mom, stepdad and siblings.
My dad’s fiancé started huffing, and when my dad asked her what was wrong, she began raising her voice and saying our mom was manipulative and was forcing us to do this. She went on a two-hour rant about how bad our mother is and accused her of being narcissistic.
She kept storming in and out of the room, adding further insults to our mother each time. When I shouted back, I simply said, “You don’t know her at all.” My dad even asked her to stop as I’d begun to have a panic attack.
This didn’t stop her.
I should have called my mom to collect us, but I was scared to make things worse. This rant about our mother is not an isolated case, as she frequently makes comments about our mother even down to her weight.
She often calls it “family meetings” where we must sit at a table and cannot have our own voice or opinion, as she says it’s “our mother talking.” She has stopped many things, such as seeing certain family on my dad’s side, to the point where my mom arranges it with her ex-in-laws to ensure we spend time with them.
We’ve previously asked that our mom be brought up, but this has never been maintained. I will also add that conversations about my dad don’t occur with my mom unless we bring something like this up, and she doesn’t add her opinion; she just kinda listens and says she will support what we choose.
We stopped going to our dad’s because we didn’t want another sit-down rant, and I asked him to stop contacting us, as it was just continuous long messages stating I’ve upset HER and it’s mine and my mom’s fault. There has never been an attempt at apology, and I’m not sure I’d believe it.
She also blocked us on all social media. I’m unsure why, as we don’t have much contact.
I do know that this will cause conflict between her and my dad, and he will say this will upset her, but I just don’t want her around me.
So, WIBTJ if I asked to see my dad without her?”
Another User Comments:
“Seeing the toxicity, I would say that’s the best resolution. And what’s up with your dad not curbing this bad behavior? He just sits there and listens to her bad mouth your mom and doesn’t intervene or reprimand her?
Regardless of the state of his current relationship with your mom, that’s some waste of man crap. Your dad is the common denominator in this equation, and as far as I’m concerned, he’s the primary jerk for allowing this to reach this stage. I could go on about a father’s role to protect and secure blah blah blah.
Sorry, love, your dad isn’t all the way dad-ing.” melaninmonroeja1111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t agree with the other commentators that your dad is necessarily responsible for her bad behavior (‘filling her with hate’), but he’s definitely responsible for allowing you to be exposed to it.
If you can’t see him without her, then not seeing him for a while makes sense. Don’t start hating on him, though. That probably won’t do you any favors.” Goodfaithful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe when things calm down you can have an outing with your dad without the fiancé and express your concerns.
Especially the part about her isolating him from his side of the family. Perhaps your dad doesn’t see it, but his eyes may open when you all can talk to him without her looming over him.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Family And Friends To Overstay In Our Tiny Apartment?
“I am going to make this as concise as possible. My husband and I live in a tiny two-bedroom apartment with our toddler. The baby’s room is hardly a room, and our master bedroom doubles as my office since I work from home. We only have one bathroom.
We’ve got a good amount of outdoor space, but it is extremely hot here in the summer so that space is useless right now. We also have a detached studio space, but it does not have air conditioning, and the internet is spotty out there, so it’s not ideal for working long hours.
When I say our apartment is small, I mean I can be in our bedroom talking on the phone, and whoever’s in the living room will be able to hear me. There isn’t much privacy if people are over.
With that said, my husband seems to think it is perfectly reasonable for his mom, brother, friends, etc to stay over at our place.
He grew up in a big family, and they are all used to sharing small spaces. We also live in an expensive city, and hotels can get pricey. I can kind of wrap my head around my MIL staying, but she is financially comfortable and can afford a hotel room.
I honestly can’t imagine being her age and wanting to rough it in an extremely cramped and uncomfortably hot apartment (we don’t have central air, and window units can only do so much). When my MIL does come to visit, I actually end up spending way more time with her than he does because he leaves for work, and I have to entertain and share my space with her (which would be fine if she could eventually go to a hotel room or a separate room in the house and I could recoup, but she would be sleeping in the living room).
I have had countless conversations with my husband explaining that visitors staying overnight is rough for me since I work from home, we have an extremely active kid, and I am a woman and need my space. I am not against family visiting, and I spend a lot of time with his family and have a good relationship with them.
I just don’t feel like our space is ideal for hosting guests. He seems to think that we should be able to suck it up and make it easy for people to visit us. I told him if we could afford a larger apartment or had a guest room, it would be a completely different story.
I would even be more open to it if there was some sort of space between our room and the living room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband needs to get PTO when his family is visiting. And cook. And clean. And entertain. If you can afford it, do yourself a favor and go to a coworking space during the days when they visit.
You must have awful cabin fever being stuck in a tiny flat day and night. You deserve peace.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has to stop. There is no reason for you to be so stressed. Why are these people visiting this way? If they can’t afford a hotel or impose on someone else, they can stay home.
Here’s the wonderful truth of it: THEY DON’T HAVE TO VISIT YOU. You don’t have the room, and that’s it. If your husband fights you on this, take your toddler and move out till the guests are gone. No one will be happy, but the visiting will be over, and that’s what matters.” RealbadtheBandit
1. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé That She Is Solely Responsible For Her Downfall?
“I (29M) have been with my fiancé (29F) for around 15 years. We are pretty much inseparable in EVERY aspect, except for when it comes to academic dedication and career planning/development.
I grew up poor. So my only goal growing up was to have financial security.
This naturally led to me always being hungry for academic achievements. My fiancé’s family did not have any financial troubles. She was always a party-goer, so she never wanted to utilize her potential. She always said that “Your whole life is not about studying, you should have fun while you’re young.” And I really try to match up that lifestyle.
We’d spend days doing stuff together, doing whatever she felt like doing. This, as exhaustive as it was (I was running on <4h of sleep), kept her happy, and I was having fun with her, so I didn't mind. There’d come a time where I’d decline going out or doing stuff for prolonged amounts of time (usually while crushing deadlines were quickly approaching and I was becoming overwhelmed), and she’d get irritated. I even tried to arrange study sessions, but that failed miserably because she’d always do the bare minimum and then move on (which was considerably faster than what I was able to do).
This became an everyday reason to fight.
I’ve completed all my degrees (including my master’s) with the highest distinction, have landed a high-paying job, and mainly work from home. You can say that I achieved my goal, and it took a lot of crying to get here, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
She, on the other hand, never got accepted for my master’s, graduated late, did not get to work in her own field, and struggled to make ends meet on her own to cover her own half of the bills. I’ve been trying to be comforting, offer her solutions, and reassure her that I don’t mind covering up for us because I truly love her and I know she’d do the same for me.
For the past couple of weeks, she has been blaming everyone for the impasse she has hit—her teachers for her bad grades, employers for requiring prior relevant work experience (which she has none), her friends for tempting her to go out, her parents for not giving her their will/sustaining her (they are both like the mid-50s), and me for not pressuring her to study enough.
I usually shrug it off, understand that she is just frustrated and disappointed, and try to be a good partner for her. Lately, she is also nagging me for not spending time with her (we spend everyday afternoon together after my shift).
So, in the culmination of a series of intense discussions, I told her that she is the sole person responsible for her current situation and that she wasted her potential and ultimately rendered herself below average, now facing the consequences.
She called me a jerk and left the house. It’s been eating me away since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t say that she “wasted” her potential, per se; however, she should not be blaming everyone else for her problems. That’s just unrealistic. There are a lot of people who change their minds about possible careers, work in one field for 20 years, and decide to do something else, etc. There’s no shame in her trying to make these decisions now, but she needs to take responsibility that she waited until now to do so.
That is no one’s fault but hers, and it’s nice that she has someone like you to support and comfort her.” lovelightsol
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also … Dude, she’s only 29. She’s still got time to reinvent herself, given the average U.S. lifespan. I was a late-start student.
Most of my siblings took the well-trodden path and went to college right after high school (one joined the military), but I went and got married. Then I started community college when I was 27, so my kid could be in the free daycare program they offered. I finished my AA when I was 29, my BA when I was 34, and my MA when I was 42 (after my kid graduated high school).
I worked part-time and studied hard the whole time, and I found a career I loved. Along the way, I found many mentors. One of my professors had started out working in the post office, then gone to college in their 30s and became a professor in their 40s.
They became Dean after I met them. A lot of my inspirations and mentors reinvented themselves and found new careers in their 30s and 40s. You’re never too old to decide what your future will look like. Your partner can still change her narrative if she decides to.” Intelligent-Apple840
Another User Comments:
“You were on the money here: I told her that she is the sole person responsible for her current situation. But this is negative and serves no purpose: she wasted her potential and ultimately rendered herself below average. She still has potential. That would be better substituted with some caring advice on where to go from here, and how to recover things so she can get to where she wants to be.
If you truly love her as you claim, you should be thinking of those things. NTJ because she needs to hear it.” Main_Damage_7717
