People Rebel In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Taking A Job Against My Mom’s Wishes?
“I recently lost my job and have been applying to various positions. A former coworker of mine was also fired at about the same time, and he recently got a job working at an adult store.
He and I have become good buddies, and when he told me about the job, how much fun it is, and that they’re still hiring, I was like, “Awesome!” I went and applied, and while it’s not official yet, it does look like I’ll get the job.
The problem is, when I told my mom about the job, she flipped. She says she doesn’t want me working at an adult store, claiming there are too many “seedy people.” We’ve been arguing about it. I think it’s super unfair for her to dictate where I can and can’t work.
I’m an adult (24f), and I feel perfectly comfortable working at an adult store. Also, my parents have given me a few months to move out, and this job is closer to where I plan to be living when I move. Not to mention that I think it will be fun working with that coworker again, as we had a lot of fun together at our previous job.
We’ve been butting heads about this, and I’ve basically been telling her, “No, I’m going to take this job, and you can’t tell me not to.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Her concerns are valid according to her point of view. There was a time, heck, in some places it still is, where intimacy is a taboo in society.
Something that has to be within the walls of the house. Hence, anything related to enjoying intimacy is hushed up. Also, due to this being a taboo, the only people who visited such places were termed to be sleazy or seedy people. This can be the mindset that your mom carries, and she is concerned that you can get hurt working in such a place.
But now the times have changed; people have become more accepting of such places. So she is not the jerk for caring, and you definitely are not one wanting to work there. It’s just a bit of a communication issue and also some time needed by your parents to understand your line of work.” lenin-sagar
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Perfectly within your rights to work where you choose. You’re an adult and responsible for supporting yourself, and you outlined the reasonable upsides of this job. That said, I went with no jerks here over NTJ because it sounds like your mom is concerned for your well-being and safety, as opposed to a jerk reason (“What will the neighbors think?!” etc.).
Whether or not those concerns are valid, it sounds like they’re coming from a good place. Have you tried deescalating the conversation and having more of a heart-to-heart with her? ‘Mom, I love you and understand that you’re concerned about my safety with this new job.
I heard your concerns and talked to the coworker who recommended it. He assured me that the customers are chill and respectful, albeit a little quirky, and that if anyone is making us uncomfortable, our managers have no problem kicking them out. There are a lot of upsides to the job and location, and quite frankly, I need the work.
Any job can have creeps, but I feel better knowing my coworkers have my back and that I won’t have a problem reporting any bad seeds.'” jbillinois
19. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit A Litter Of Puppies During Finals?
“This month, my (26F) family is going to California for ten days while I have to stay home because it’s during finals week for my college semester.
I’m not too bothered by this as I’ll have the house to myself and I’m looking forward to it.
We have three adult dogs (2 female & 1 male) that are outside dogs that I would be responsible for. They are Labradors. I wasn’t super happy about this, but I wasn’t too bothered because I’ve done it before.
I don’t usually take care of them; my dad or my siblings do because I am very allergic to them.
Anyway, this trip was decided a few months ago, so I figured I had plenty of time to figure out how best to do it without causing myself to have an allergic reaction every day.
But near the end of April one of our female dogs went into heat and my dad decided to breed her. She had her puppies two weeks ago. You see where I’m going with this?
When I found out, I was very upset. I told my parents I wasn’t okay with having to take care of four-week-old puppies (at the time of the trip) by myself for ten days.
I was reluctant to even take care of the three adult dogs in the first place, but a litter of puppies too?!?
My mom was a little understanding, but my dad was upset with me. He hasn’t said it directly to my face, but I overheard him venting about it to my mom one day.
I’ve stood my ground and said I’m still not okay with it.
My issue is, my dad KNEW the family was going on vacation this summer, so WHY DID HE BREED HER knowing that HE WOULD BE GONE??? For reference, these dogs are technically the family pets, but they’re really my dad’s.
He’s the one who takes care of them, takes them hunting, etc.
Another thing is that these are big dogs with a lot of energy that sometimes don’t know their own strength. I had a bad experience a few months ago with the female dog who just had puppies, where she was jumping around and head butted me in the nose when I tried to calm her down.
Since then, I’ve avoided her.
My parents have discussed “hiring” my sister’s partner to take care of the dogs while they’re gone. I feel guilty for saying no, but I really don’t want to say yes!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have some studying to do and you’re allergic.
I can’t understand why the heck your dad acts like this. He should be available for the puppies every day in case something happens.” vignoniana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Don’t forget that allergies can be cumulative, so exposing yourself to the allergens of an entire nest of puppies and a hormoned-out mama may render you unable to care for adult dogs in the future.
Best of luck.” Vegetable-Swimming73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brand new pups are so much work! We have a fantastic dog and my husband was like, “Let’s get a girl (breed) and have a litter of pups!” His parents raised multiple dogs and litters of the same breed, so to him it’s totally normal. But I read up on what is entailed and decided there’s no way that we can accommodate that kind of time commitment in our lives right now.
It’s not something you can just be like, “Oh, well, you handle managing the litter for a week!”” justmaybemaggie
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother's Contact Info To A Demanding Baby Mama?
“I (21f) have three siblings, an older sister (24), an older brother (22) and my twin brother (21). My brothers were always chased after by girls, my older brother specifically. He took full advantage of this. He had so many partners in his teenage years.
It was so annoying that they would constantly talk to me just to know about my brother or for some kind of gain. These girls would have serious beef with each other over my brother. They would seriously fight over him. The things they did to get his attention were all just so ridiculous.
I’m not even going to go into it, just that his love life is unnecessarily dramatic.
I recently discovered via social media that a woman is looking for my brother. A friend DM’d me a story with my brother’s full name, picture, and all, stating that she was looking for the father of her child.
He’s in Barcelona, so that’s probably why she can’t find him anywhere. I called him immediately to ask what this was. He explained that he had been harassed by this woman for months; he said he didn’t know her. It’s her Instagram picture.
He’s never even met her, he said. I just said, “Okay,” and left it at that.
My brother was being harassed. I’m not sure if it was by this woman, but he has evidence; I believe him 100%. Whether the baby is his or not, I do not know.
People constantly DM me about this woman, and it’s frustrating. It’s not my mess; why was it sent to me? I don’t want to be involved. She contacted me on Instagram and wrote that she knew I was his sister and that she needed his contact info regarding their supposedly sick baby.
I’ve asked my best friend and my siblings about this woman and her baby. They’ve all been contacted by her, and my brother told them the same thing. They’ve refrained from giving out his personal info because of what he said.
At this point, I feel like I shouldn’t intrude on his problems any more than I already have; he should solve them.
I feel really bad for the situation she’s in, but I don’t want to be involved in this situation in particular because I don’t know who’s telling the truth. It’s a sensitive issue, and I feel they should solve it themselves.
So I didn’t give her his contact info and blocked her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I’d also suggest telling your brother (if he’s telling the truth) to get a paternity test when he gets back from Barcelona. It’s an easy thing to close the chapter or own up to the responsibility” auntvic11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but tell your brother to get a darn lawyer and refer any further questions/demands there already so the rest of you don’t have to deal with it. (Anyone who harasses you despite having a valid option for trying to sort out their issues with him is clearly not someone you can have a reasonable conversation with anyway, and you can feel free to keep them out of your life with zero guilt.)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Here’s the thing – You are right, your brother is an adult and should solve his own problem. He should not run away and leave you, your friends, and siblings to get contacted online by older brother’s potential baby mamas because your brother doesn’t want to take potential responsibility.
Is it his kid? Who knows. Heck, this is all happening on Instagram. You don’t know if there’s an actual child. But there is an easy solution. Your brother gets an attorney and files to get a paternity test done.” rak1882
17. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Sister Over My Childhood Memories Being Ruined?
“My (24f) older sister (29f) has two little girls aged 1 year and 3 months.
She bought our childhood home from our parents, and they left her all of the stuff that was in the basement.
Growing up, my family took care of our six cousins on and off, and they would stay with us for a while. For some reason, my mother would allow my sister to hide her toys but not me.
My toys were always played with and subsequently broken because our cousins were horribly behaved.
My toys and other possessions were always the ones that got broken or messed up. My mother even took my cat that I had raised and bottle-fed since birth and gave her to a woman with cancer.
I was devastated about this as a child.
Now, back to the present. I had a doll as a child called Squeaky Doll. I loved her more than anything, and she was my favorite. I thought I had lost her years ago, but much to my surprise, my sister found it and gave the doll to her oldest daughter.
She has also given a lot of my old stuffed animals and other toys to her children.
I won’t lie and say I’m okay with this. I am, in fact, furious. All of my sister’s old toys are in a special display case, locked so no one can get in it, and mine are being drooled on by a toddler.
I have asked to pick up an old dollhouse that my dad and I built together by hand, and my sister told me that her daughter had it and had “redecorated” it. She scribbled all over it with markers and ruined it. I was furious and told my sister that she was doing this on purpose by once again ruining my things and taking away my childhood memories.
AITJ for being rude to my sister and making a big deal over toys.”
Another User Comments:
“Weird as heck of your sister to keep her toys in a display case. And completely inappropriate of your mom to take your cat away from you when you were a child.
Sorry that happened to you. It seems like you have a lot of issues stemming from this so no one can call you a jerk, exactly. You are clearly going through it. Your desire to not share your toys as a 24-year-old adult is probably coming from a (justified) place of resentment towards your sister more than from anything else.
It seems like she’s giving her kids your old toys just to push your buttons, but you don’t have to let it bother you.” Awkward_Ad_9466
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a weirdly opposite situation. I ended up being able to keep most of my special childhood toys, even after they had been lost for over 15 years.
(My daughters have them all but my baby doll.) My brother had the chance to keep his old toys but decided against it even though he had a toddler at the time. Fast forward to when our kids were a bit older (before I cut off my family) and every time he sees my kids with my old toys he berates me about how his daughter never got any of MY old toys.
It was one of the many, many things that led to me cutting them off. He did steal all the vintage game consoles, though. Sold all my stuff and kept his.” KhajiitNeedSkooma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe what you said is a little rude, but the emotional suffering they put you through is so much worse, so screw them.
Why do you subject yourself to your family when they treat you like that? Grab everything that’s yours from the house and don’t spend time with people who don’t show you any basic kindness or decency. Is there any way you could just paint over the scribbles or remove them?
The dollhouse might still be salvageable.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad For Neglecting My Mum On Her Birthday?
“My mum and dad have been together forever. My mum left a lucrative job to join my dad’s small company. Dad is a heavy drinker.
I live in a different country from my parents.
My mum and dad are both over to help with the kids. I pay my mum the market rate. My dad does literally nothing; he has his every whim catered for. Even in our house on weekends, when I look after two kids, he has the audacity to come downstairs and ask me if I’m going to cook.
It was my mum’s birthday and I got her some flowers, a card, a present, and a cake. They were all out when she came downstairs in the morning. She was super happy. Dad came downstairs, looked surprised, and wished her a happy birthday. You could see he had clearly forgotten; he got her nothing.
In the evening, we went to a restaurant. My mum has trouble walking, but my dad had a mobility scooter. In the end, she was tired and asked to use the scooter, and he refused her. This really infuriated me.
When we got back home, I lost it with him.
I said he was ungrateful and didn’t appreciate mum.
It occurred to me that for years, no one had done any nice things for my mum on her birthday. She does all the work in my dad’s company, and he just spends it. He won a contract years ago that is now just getting renewed by my mum.
He gambled away $10,000 last year. I am so sick of seeing my mum being walked over by my dad and my brother, who worships the ground my dad walks on, yet literally doesn’t have a kind word to say about my mum. She does everything for them.
I tried to talk to her about it, but she got upset. She says it’s still Dad’s company even though she makes all the money. She says she doesn’t mind looking after Dad because otherwise he would literally drink himself to death and I should mind my own business.
AITJ for getting involved?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but you’re not going to get anywhere either. The most you can do for your mum is provide help and support, and make it clear you appreciate her. Anything else will have to come from her.” Parsimonycake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may not be able to prevent a disaster from happening, but if you have the resources to spare maybe you can prepare to help your mother when things go wrong for her.” Advanced_Law3507
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and judging by the wording of this post, you kinda already knew that.
It’s unfortunate that your mom doesn’t think she deserves better. She’s probably been manipulated by dad into believing that, and that’s a really difficult mindset to break out of. She might also be scared of retaliation from Dad, which is why she’s trying to shut down the conversation.
I don’t think you’ll make much progress on this front, sadly. You did a really nice thing for her and made her happy, so take solace in that, and keep showing your appreciation whenever you have an opportunity.” sleepyfox1312
15. AITJ For Calling My MIL Manipulative For Interfering In My Private Conversation?
“I (25M) was laid off a few months ago. The area is flooded with people who have way more experience, so it has been pretty hard finding a new job.
Yesterday, I suggested to my partner Alisa (21F) that we move to a different city a few hours away from where we are now.
I know a guy who owns a company looking to fill 3-4 positions that pay decently, and he’d give me a shot if I asked.
Alisa said NO. She likes the job that she has in town here, plus her parents live nearby and watch our son (0.5M) while she is at work.
I was hoping she’d be a bit more receptive and at least entertain the idea a little bit before immediately shooting it down, so I was disappointed but not mad. I figured that was that, so I sucked it up and went back to applying for jobs.
The thing is, my mother-in-law Agnes (64F) rang me a few hours later and told me I was under no uncertain circumstances to “steal” her daughter away from her. I was understandably pretty upset that A) she felt like I was “stealing” her daughter from her, and B) she knew about this information at all in the first place, since it was a private and very brief conversation between me and Alisa.
I told her as much, and she began calling me lazy, no-good, and unable to provide for my family. I told her I was actively searching for a new job, and Alisa was doing a great job providing for us in the meantime. That’s when she told me I should feel emasculated because HER husband (Rory, 69M, deceased) had provided for her, and she had never worked a day in her life.
I told her she was being manipulative for bringing up her dead husband and using antiquated standards of “chivalry”. She SCREAMED (no words, just a scream) and hung up immediately.
Alisa is now mad at me. She said Agnes thinks I’m a jerk for calling her manipulative and using Rory’s name.
My defense is that Agnes was the first one to bring up Rory, and she was calling me all sorts of names. Also, I’m upset because NONE of this would have happened in the first place if Alisa hadn’t brought up our passing conversation to her mother, who doesn’t really like me anyway.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So your partner called her mother about a PRIVATE conversation between you two and then the mother decides to take it upon herself to belittle you for seeking to provide for your family. Albeit in another city. This woman actually stated that she never worked a day in her life, so she has NO IDEA how tough a job market can be.
Must be nice to be so entitled. The dead husband was a nice touch of emasculation to show your inferiority. (Lucky it wasn’t me; I would have told her that her husband probably worked himself to death trying to provide for her spoiled fool. Maybe he was just trying to get away from HER.) One side question: When you “steal” your own child, are you going to pick a lock or climb through an open window?” tbear714
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately when you get the girl you get the family too! You need to talk with your partner and put boundaries, and you cannot let your MIL decide for your couple! She needs to back up and be respectful of you and your choice.
And plus, stand up more for what you want; you are two to decide, not just her.” Mountain_Somewhere78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has absolutely no moral high ground to berate you for not providing for your family when she’s been leeching on her husband her whole life.
Those days are over, and I hope those old-school sexist attitudes will die off with her generation.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up The Mess My Ex Left Behind?
“My (27 F) ex-partner (28 M) and I broke up about 6 months ago. We co-own a house that had to be sold. While the house has been for sale, I have been living at my parents’ house, while he still stays at our house. A few weeks ago, he announced that he was moving to another country and would then move all of his stuff out of the house.
Finally, the house has been sold, and the new owner has agreed to take some of our old furniture (but just the furniture).
I went to the house yesterday to take a look at how things were and to collect some of my furniture that I still wanted to keep.
While I was there, I noticed how dirty and messy the house looked. Garbage hadn’t been thrown out, old food crumbs and stuff were stuck in the cabinets in the kitchen, and some of my ex-partner’s stuff was still there. I wrote him a message explaining that he would have to get rid of the stuff he left behind, since it was some of his personal belongings (like a bike helmet, pictures, clothes, etc.).
He then told me that he did not feel attached to any of those things, which is why he left them. I explained to him that we could not just leave the house a mess for the new owner to take care of.
He then proceeded to tell me that I could just clean it all out.
But honestly, I just don’t feel like that is my responsibility. I know that it’s also my house, but I haven’t been living there for the past 6 months. He has. While I still paid my share of the house until it could be sold, he was living there all by himself, having a blast. So, AITJ for not wanting to clean the house after he stayed there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Find the rates for house cleaners, charge him double that rate, invoice him, and have it deducted from any share that he is getting from the sale. Do not deduct it from the profits prior to splitting it; he needs to pay you for this.
He will either have it taken care of OR he will pay you, but make sure it goes through your lawyer so he cannot weasel out of it.” MonkeyWrench
Another User Comments:
“You shouldn’t have to clean after him, but it’s a bit tricky—the buyer probably wants the house clean and doesn’t care who cleans it.
You can’t physically make your ex clean the house; you can’t exactly put the blame on him from the “official” or legal point of view because your name was still on the house (I assume). You can’t really give a messy house to the new owners.
Your ex is the jerk, but leaving the mess for the new owners to deal with is also a jerk move.” National-Priority729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Save your text messages with him and take plenty of pictures as proof of his messiness, and if he turns around and demands compensation for you throwing out the remainder of his stuff—when he explicitly told you he had no attachments to them and that’s why he left them—then you can throw them out, sell, or donate.” Amarain14
13. AITJ For Wanting To Fire Our Au Pair For Lying About A Police Officer Visit?
“My (M35) wife (F33) and I have 2 young boys (M4, M1). We live in a US city without family nearby, and we both work. We investigated childcare options and decided on getting an au pair.
“Julia” (26F) is from Brazil and has been with us for a month.
She is nice and speaks English rather decently. Communication has been good.
Among other house rules, we don’t want Julia to
– Leave our children unattended while she’s working.
– Have guests over to our house while she’s working, and not without asking us first.
– Open the door for strangers, ever.
These rules were covered and agreed to at the start, even before we matched.
Once a week, Julia is scheduled for 4 hours in the evening so that my wife and I can go out. During this shift, the boys are both asleep, and her only responsibility is to be present in case of an emergency.
Julia was scheduled to work tonight. My wife and I were out visiting friends when I got a notification from my doorbell camera of an unfamiliar face at the front door. I checked the preview and saw a police officer. I was concerned, and I opened the app to see Julia outside talking with the police officer.
My level of concern increased, thinking something terrible might have happened.
So I closed the app and called Julia on the phone. She answered, and I asked, “Are the police at the house?” She said, “Yes,” and I asked why. She replied, “I’m trying to understand, just a moment,” and then there was silence.
At this point, I told my wife that we needed to go home. As we got to the car, Julia came back on the phone and said, “Everything is OK, the police are leaving now.” I asked, “Why were they there?” She said, “They said they heard a noise but they’re leaving now; the car is already gone.”
This seemed very strange, so my wife and I sat in the car and watched the doorbell video. The officer arrived and was still walking up when Julia came outside, and he gave her a hug. She said, “I told you my clothes look terrible,” and he said, “Nah.” He asked what she does; she tried to explain what an au pair is and what she is studying online, and then her phone rang (it was me calling).
She answered, looked super embarrassed, talked to me briefly, and then put the phone down. She told the guy, “It’s my host family; he’s asking why you’re here,” and then he said he would go and that he would text her, and she said, “OK.” Then she unmuted my call and told me the lie, “They said they heard a noise.”
It is clear that this was a personal visit from someone she obviously does not know well. She gave him our address. She not only opened the door but also went outside our house while she was responsible for our children who were sleeping inside, and then she lied to me about it.
All of this was captured on camera.
So I want her to go. And while I’m like 95% certain I’m NTJ, I’m having difficulty articulating succinctly why I feel like our trust has been betrayed. That’s why I’m asking WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m conflicted on a judgment for this one.
Yes, she lied – there is no question about that. The circumstances, though, are a little less clear. I’m not entirely sure I’d say she left the children “unattended.” She stepped onto the front porch for a couple of minutes. She didn’t open the door for a stranger – it sure sounds like she knows this guy who happens to be a police officer.
I am also not clear if she invited him over or if he just showed up. If she had to explain to him what she did for a living, he might quite have understood that he should not be there. (If she knew that, that might also be why she went outside to talk to him – she knew she was not allowed to let him in.) Plus, now she knows you have a doorbell camera and can tell if she is trying to break your rules.
I do not know if it is enough of a problem to fire her over or not. I think a lot would depend on what happened when you ask her to explain, given that you have a doorbell camera.” Graflex01867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would first listen to her.
It doesn’t seem that she invited him. It seems more that she tried not to let him come over (her clothes looked bad). He is also a police officer, and she might be intimidated because of this. I don’t know how it is in Brazil, but he is a police officer who can make her life hard.
Opening up the door for a little small talk does not seem appropriate. It doesn’t seem like they really know each other since he does not know what she does. If she was a good au pair before and the children liked her, I would have had a calm discussion with her.
She is in a new country and does not know whom to trust. If she comes clean, then I would give her a second chance. But in the end, it is your home and your children. You need to trust this person. And if you cannot do it anymore, you are not the jerk for letting her go.
In the end, she lied to you. And who knows what happened when you did not make the call.” Sheeps_n_Birds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gave this guy your address; he came over while in uniform, so he is either on duty or just finished/just about to start his shift. She then lied to you about what was going on.
If she had said ‘a friend just came by briefly, sorry for worrying you but he isn’t on official business, and he’s gone now,’ that would be more reasonable, but she lied to you instead. What would have happened if you hadn’t noticed?
She’d have invited him in? Stayed outside chatting? Had a quick intimate encounter in the garden with an on-duty cop? She was on duty, on the clock, and this isn’t her home, and she knows the rules. She shouldn’t be letting strangers come to her place of work without permission from her employer, especially with small children there.
Besides, can you trust her now, knowing she lied? I could not. When it comes to your kids, you have every right to make the reasonable rules you have made, and she has broken them, and you have proof. If she wants to be an au pair, then she needs to realize that she cannot mess around with her employer’s home or children.” Lulubelle__007
12. AITJ For Wanting To Escape My Parents' Helicopter Ways And Live Independently?
“I (F18) got accepted to college sometime last year, the time came to choose what school I wanted to go to and decided on one about 2.5 hours away. (Important note: I got a full ride to the school.)
Small backstory: My parents aren’t as strict as other people’s parents, but when I ask to go places with my friends, I either get lectured or have to argue with them in order for me to go.
So I eventually just stopped asking to go places and do things with my friends. I did lose so many friends because of this.
My parents started mentioning how much they wanted to move from the city we are currently in. They asked me specifically what I thought about them wanting to move and I told them that we can move (but never specified where).
They eventually started looking for houses in the city where I would be moving to college. It didn’t click in my mind that they wanted to live near me so I could stay in the house with them. Eventually they found one and we are set to move in a month before I start my first semester.
Throughout the semester, I continued making friends and learning about what they do after classes. While I just head home, they hang out with friends and make fun college memories while I sit at home under supervision. My friends would ask me to go out at like 8 pm but of course I can’t go because my parents wouldn’t even allow me.
If I ask why I can’t go, I usually say “Do you not trust me or something?” They would always say “It’s not you we don’t trust, it’s other people.” Like, okay?? Am I not allowed to have a life? How am I ever going to do anything with that kind of mentality?
I saw an opening for an RA job on campus which gives free housing, food, and pay, so I applied so I could get away without seeming like I want to get away. They ended up giving me an alternate position, which means I got the job if someone else fails to succeed in theirs.
Which is disappointing with my experience, but I’m over it. I love my parents and they aren’t abusive; every household has its problems, but honestly I feel like a child. I have to lie to hang out with my friends or even go out. I feel trapped. Now I’m in the process of applying for another job that would require me to move on campus.
PS: I always get the excuse of “You can’t drive that far” or “That’s such a dangerous highway” as a reason for me not to go.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is called helicopter parenting. Your parents have no business treating you this way.
They are only damaging their relationship with you. That is extremely weird that they would buy a house and even move to the place where you are going to college. Roof over your head, food, etc. is a bunch of crap just to make you feel guilty.
If you are a good student and responsible, they should have already cut the cord. Definitely do not feel guilty about wanting out of their house. Do whatever you have to do. Your parents need therapy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. College is supposed to be where you learn to operate as an adult.
You need to live on your own and figure out the ins and outs of being an adult. Hopefully, your alternate position opens up and you can get out. Your parents seem to be having trouble letting go. You are an adult now and can, maybe you don’t know, do as you wish.
Just know that decisions have consequences, and you have to deal with them when they arise.” TechnicalConclusion6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m a mom and I totally understand that fear (that your parents have) HOWEVER I had to let go of that fear when my child went away to college because I knew that I raised him to be a Responsible Person and that he needed to continue to grow and have experiences as an adult.
My biggest fear was of the “unknown factor” – the people who look to prey on others by slipping something in their drink when they’re out with friends – or being mugged/attacked at a club or walking at night back to campus. His 1st year didn’t go well because his roommates were a nightmare.
This was not the experience I pictured when he went away to college. My fear was that he might want to quit, so I encouraged him to seek out students in his field who were looking for roommates for his 2nd year of college. He did – and I am forever grateful that they chose him to be their roommate!!!!
Years later (after college) they are all still close friends – even though they live in different part of the States – and vacation together a few times a year!
You need to start pushing the boundaries and start living your life. You have a cell phone.
So your parents are able to contact you. For your own safety, make sure it’s always charged. Start off with: “Oh just to let you know, some of my friends are getting together after class today – but I’ll be home in time for dinner at 7:30.” And once they see that you’re fine – and you are still being responsible with your time – start staying out a little later and have dinner with your friends.
“Oh just to let you know, I’m going to be with my friends after classes and then going out to dinner with them. I should be home by 11:30 or so. I’ll text you if it ends up being later than that.” This lets them know you will not be home the rest of the night.
You will not be having dinner with them. It gives a reasonable time for you to be home and lets them know that you are only a “text away” if something comes up. Once you’ve established this routine, you can change the time to “midnight or so”.
But you are an adult. You live in their home, and you do need to be courteous so they don’t worry. But you need to start living your life and having these life experiences.
I used to tell my child that “nothing good happens after midnight.” Most stories about violence happen after midnight at clubs cause people who have been drinking might get angry and start stuff and you can get in the crossfire of that.
Or the walk to campus late at night as not too many people are around. “Be aware of your surroundings.” “Always keep one ear free to HEAR what is happening around you.” Which means only put ONE earbud in your ear – whether you are walking or on public transportation- or sitting somewhere.
With both earbuds in, you might not hear that others are trying to warn you or alert you to something that’s happening. You might not hear someone with bad intentions walking up to you. You might not hear that a commotion has started. “Your eyes and your ears are your first defense to keeping yourself safe.” But as an adult, you need to be able to make decisions FOR YOURSELF in order to grow.
And your parents NEED to let you start doing that! They need to TRUST that they have raised you to make responsible decisions for yourself. Yes, the unknown factor is scary for them. But in order for you to grow, they need to let go.” Southern_Hamster_338
11. AITJ For Excluding My Brother And His Wife From Our Family Trip?
“We are a family of 13 people and three generations. Our family is very close, and we love family reunions. However, my brother often relies on our father to pay for his family’s travel expenses, which has become an expectation.
My husband and I always pay our own way, and my sister also pays for herself and sometimes for her nieces and nephews. My brother and his wife, on the other hand, expect the best accommodations and meals without contributing financially. They also tend to make plans with other friends and ditch us during vacations.
My brother and his wife earn about the same as my husband and me, and our parents are retired school teachers living on a fixed income. Due to financial limitations, our family reunions have become less frequent. My husband and I still go on vacation with our kids every year, sometimes joined by my sister and mom.
My dad has physical limitations and only travels when he is well enough.
My kids have been requesting a trip to my homeland, where we have many distant relatives. We decided to keep our plans quiet to avoid being hijacked by the family. We booked an Airbnb and only told my sister, who decided to join us.
This created an issue with my parents, as they expected her to visit them. My mom eventually bought plane tickets for herself and dad using air miles without telling dad. So, it’s now the eight of us going, and we decided not to invite anyone else due to financial constraints.
I recently learned that my brother and his wife were also planning the same trip but with her friends. When they saw the cost, my brother called Dad, hoping he would pay for it. However, my parents have faced financial hardships recently. Dad did not fund my brother’s trip, and Mom secretly told my brother about our plans, asking him to reach out to me.
He never called and canceled his plans.
My sister accidentally told one of our nieces about the trip, who then informed her parents. My sister-in-law was furious. She told me she would have invited us if they were planning a trip. I told her I knew of her travel plans and that we were not included. I then suggested we all go on a family cruise, and I would be happy to plan it.
I reached out twice with the suggestion, but she has not responded.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother and SIL are users, and your parents seem more afraid of losing the relationship with their kids than worrying about their finances. The problem is you’ll likely have to support your parents if they put themselves in a bad financial position by helping your brother.
You need to get on the same page as your sister and have a frank discussion with your parents. As long as your brother is allowed to take advantage of your parents, this will continue.” giantbrownguy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… You can always invite them, but that does not mean anyone else has to pay for them.
“Brother, just wanted to let you know we are planning trip XYZ, if you want to plan as well. Everyone is paying their own family’s costs.” But, we cannot afford to go then. “Well, I am sorry. But we all save up for these trips, and we are not working and saving for your families’ costs as well when you can do the same.”” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother and SIL have taken advantage of your parents’ generosity in the past and apparently see no reason to stop doing so now, even though your parents aren’t as well off as they once were. Why should he have his vacation trips paid for when no one else expects that or gets it?
He’s acting like an entitled brat who is throwing a tantrum now that he finds out about something that didn’t include him. If he wants to come along, he and SIL should pay their own way. It’s not your responsibility, or your parents’ responsibility, to pay his way, even though they have done so before.
The news was bound to get back to them sooner or later. Now you and the rest of your family have to deal with the fallout. The main concern should be to try to keep your parents from caving in and paying for their trip because they are talked into it by your brother and/or SIL.
That said, however, you can’t really stop them from paying for him if they choose to do so, but it would be a good idea to give them your opinion if at all possible. You should try to enlist your sister in this cause, too.” LonelyOwl68
10. AITJ For Using Community Parking Despite A Neighbor's Complaint?
“I live in a cul-de-sac and there are no entitled parking spots for residents. There are spaces available within the cul-de-sac, but it’s community parking—essentially first come, first served. The parking is limited. I’m guessing that because the houses are older, the builders did not anticipate that some houses might own multiple cars over the years.
However, I own one car. I’m not picky about where I park. I find a spot and park there. Recently, I found a spot available and started parking there when it was open. I have been parking there for a few months, but only when available.
Today, I had a neighbour (let’s call her Neighbour A) knock on my door, angry and aggressive, saying that my parking is nasty and entitled. Neighbour A said that the spot is another neighbour’s (Neighbour B) spot, as she has parked there for years before I moved in.
I explained that I understood the frustration, but it’s community parking. This did little to soothe her anger. Neighbour A doesn’t even drive; she was arguing with me, I guess, on behalf of the other neighbour.
Anyway, once angry Neighbour A withdrew back to her home, I noticed that the neighbour (Neighbour B) who had supposedly usually parked in the spot I had been using had returned home.
She did not come to my door to express any frustration.
I did notice, however, that Neighbour A came out of her home and approached her. I was looking out my window. Neighbour A was pointing around the cul-de-sac and at my car. I stayed watching just in case anything was done to my car.
I went to Neighbour B’s house to politely ask if she had issues with my parking, but she didn’t answer. This was after the conversation I had seen between Neighbour A and Neighbour B, once Neighbour A had returned home again. I left a note asking if she had any problems and to come talk to me to resolve it if she felt she needed to.
I’m just confused. Usually, Neighbour B parked next to me often, and when we came home at the same time and exchanged pleasantries, there were no remarks about me parking in ‘her’ spot.
In the grand scheme of things, I have more to worry about than parking, but I hate the thought of making enemies with my neighbours.
AITJ? Also, having sent a note to Neighbour B asking if she had issues with my parking, if she decides not to come and speak to me regarding the issue, would you take this as a free pass to park there without earache?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What are we talking about here? Community parking is community parking. It doesn’t consider seniority, proximity, and property value. You can’t be sour because you used to park in a spot for years, and now it is taken because that is based on pure luck and chance.
Your efforts to defuse the situation and the unrealistic anger are admirable, but people need to understand that you are not doing anything wrong or illegal here. If you feel this specific spot suits you the best and this spot is available, then by all means, park there.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only real problem here is that while you have more to worry about than parking, Neighbour A clearly doesn’t. They’ve developed a major bug up their behind about something that doesn’t practically impact them, just because they were used to looking out their window and seeing a certain car in a spot and now they see a different one.
That’s very much a them problem, even if they would like to make it yours. Meanwhile, Neighbour B is apparently unbothered. I mean, maybe they’re not, maybe they’re mildly irritated and have mentioned such to Neighbour A, or maybe they’re completely enraged. Whatever, that’s not your problem either.
However Neighbour B feels about it, they haven’t mentioned it to you despite having every opportunity to do so. Even if they are annoyed about it, they, like you, no doubt understand the concept of unallocated parking and accept that it’s the luck of the draw.
By saying nothing, they are endorsing your right to park wherever you can get a spot. Even if they do say something to you, you are under no obligation to change your ways. Sure, you can concede the spot if you want, but you don’t need to.
You’re playing the game the way it’s meant to be played, and Neighbour B, who no doubt also has more to worry about than parking, is doing the same alongside you. Neighbour A doesn’t make the rules, and their opinion is therefore invalid.” Outrageous-Ad-9635
Another User Comments:
“Many people are creatures of habit. We tend to sit in the same spot in theaters, churches, and park in the same area at malls and grocery stores, etc. We are like Sheldon Cooper in our own homes. We have preferred seating spots there.
That being said, you are NTJ. Neighbour B seems to have adjusted, and you are kind to even care about her feelings in the matter. Neighbour A needs to get over herself. She is not the parking spot monitor. The only time you are a jerk when parking in a communal spot is when someone has shoveled the ice and snow out of it.
Everyone should be responsible for clearing their own spot unless they are disabled. Once the snow and ice have melted, it’s back to first-come.” pinekneedle
9. AITJ For Refusing To Follow My Aunt’s Adults-Only Bathroom And Pool Rules?
“I (17F) and my younger sister (15F) are going on vacation with my aunt (33F) this summer. The three of us, along with my parents, other aunts, cousins and grandparents (basically the whole of my dad’s side of the family), are all staying in the same villa that my grandparents are paying for.
By the time we go on vacation, I will be about 2 months away from 18, and my sister will be 16. However, my aunt has said that she wants an adults-only bathroom and that the bathroom will not include my sister and me. I was naturally annoyed by this, especially as it meant that my sister and I would be grouped together with my younger cousins, (4M) and (6F).
She also said that she considers an adult to be anyone above the age of 21, but I know for sure that if I wasn’t this close to being 18, she would have said an adult is anyone 18+.
When I asked her why this was, she said it was because we aren’t hygienic.
I could understand this argument in relation to my younger cousins, seeing as they are both only recently potty trained, but I can’t understand how she can apply this argument toward me, given that I am probably the biggest clean freak I know. Additionally, I can’t even remember the last time I shared a bathroom with her, and I have never given her any reason to believe that I am in any way unhygienic.
She has also said that she wants adults-only pool time, again not including my sister and me. If I were young enough that I required supervision or inconvenienced her in some way, I would understand, but all I am doing is sharing the same common space as her, most likely without even interacting with her.
Also, this is a family holiday with my parents and grandparents; it’s not like she is going to be doing anything inappropriate or unsuitable for a 16-year-old and a 17-year-old.
I’ve told her to her face that I have no intention of following any of these rules, but she seems insistent that I will.
She is very stubborn, but I am also extremely stubborn, and I know for a fact that I could argue about this for as long as it takes.
AITJ for telling her I won’t follow these rules, and WIBTJ if I didn’t follow them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop arguing. She can make whatever rules she wants. You don’t have to follow them. If she brings it up before the vacation, be noncommittal: I know your wishes. I understand. We don’t need to keep talking about it. I’m not worried about it.
Then, just do your business where convenient. Don’t go out of your way to exclusively use her bathroom antagonistically, but don’t avoid it either. It’s a bathroom, not a battle. Do your business and move on. Same with the pool. If she confronts you, be noncommittal and baffled at her appalling manners and do what you want anyway.
You can’t use the pool now! Yes I can, I am here in a bathing suit. It’s adults-only time! No it isn’t, I am here and would like to swim. You can’t. I can, but I understand if you want to leave.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think as they are paying for it your grandparents are the ones who call the shots about who can/can’t use what facilities and when. I’m wondering though, is the real reason why your aunt wants you to share the bathroom with the children not because either of you are unhygienic but instead because you’re on the cusp of adulthood and she sees you as potential babysitters for your young cousins.
I think you need to ask your aunt this outright – do it very politely, calmly, and do it in the presence of your parents. If there’s a lot of stuttering and protesting, chances are you’ve hit the nail square on the head.” Wooden_Opportunity65
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk. Kids are annoying. They are. All ages of kids have a different sense of comprehension and prioritization – adults are a different kind of annoying but they’ll all be grouped and annoying together. Your aunt is a jerk for telling you where you can use the bathroom – you’re old enough to clean up after yourself, so that just doesn’t make any sense.
She’s trying to throw her weight around – definitely secretly use her bathroom whenever you can. But for the pool time (past 10 or 11 p.m.?), there is a clear distinction between adult topics and all-ages topics like work stress, bills, intimacy, and relationships. Adults want to cut loose and not worry about impressionable people listening to everything they say.
Two months from 18 is not 18 – you will be 17. No judgment, but you shouldn’t be drinking at this age; you shouldn’t be engaging in intimate relations; your brain isn’t fully developed in critical thinking areas yet. Lumping your even younger sister in doesn’t change that fact.
It’s impossible to see from your perspective because yours is the only one you have, but when you’re older, you can look back to when you were a teenager and admit how generally annoying and clueless you were at that age. I’m sure you’re lovely, but adults on vacation do not want to be mindful of coddling you when they could be drinking irresponsibly and making inappropriate jokes – one is simply more fun than the other.
Let them have their pool time and make your aunt watch your kids when you want to de-stress ten years from now.” CalligrapherLocal521
8. AITJ For Not Checking The Lock Even When My Wife Forgot To Secure The Door?
“I (34m) had a brief period a few months ago when my wife (32f) discovered that our front door had been left unlocked overnight on a couple of occasions (we were home).
She said this made her uncomfortable. Who left it unlocked? Who’s to say? Maybe me. I can own up to that. So I started making a strong habit of ensuring I always lock the door when I come in the house, even if I’m going to be going back outside quickly.
Problem solved, right?
Well, fast forward to now and all of a sudden my wife comes to me and says, “What can we do to make sure you check to see if the door is locked at the end of the night? This is like three times now that I’ve brought it up.
I go to bed before you, so it should be your responsibility.” Now, I know she was the last one home yesterday. Neither of us left the house after she got home. So she left the door unlocked last night and is mad at me for not checking behind her.
I explained my perspective and the change in habit I had made. But she keeps saying that since I am usually the last one awake, I should be checking the door, and she is now being terse with me.
I can see the logic in both our rationales, but am I being unreasonable to think that she’s being a touch ridiculous about this?
She left the door unlocked, didn’t say that she did, and got mad at me for not checking behind her.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk, but whoever is up last should do the final check. There’s always a chance someone could have stepped outside for some reason after both of you got home from work.
You should both make a concerted effort to lock the door when you come in, but if you’re the last person up, is it really that hard to take 90 seconds to make sure doors and windows are locked up? I’m assuming you don’t live in a mansion where there are numerous entrances to the property.
Check the front door, back door, make sure the garage is closed and windows shut. Easy peasy.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, our house is always locked, every time we enter or leave, it’s locked. Both parties are responsible. Take care of your own actions.
I’m sure there are other circumstances for which she doesn’t take responsibility. My wife knows when she forgets. She’s left doors unlocked or unlatched. It’s unacceptable. Pay attention and protect your assets. We had a substance abuser show up on our property trying to enter.
If it hadn’t been locked, who knows what could’ve happened? My cameras caught him swaying and talking nonsense. Her negligence can be costly.” Bubbly8136
Another User Comments:
“”I can see logic to both our rationales …” I’m glad you can, because I think your wife is being absolutely, totally ridiculous, not a ‘touch’ ridiculous.
She’s not a child, nor (I assume) is she incompetent. All she has to do is learn to lock the door when she enters the house; that should be a normal habit without all this nonsense. I assume she can be trained to handle that huge responsibility.
If she’s so very worried about it, then she should be happy to check the door and put her mind at rest before she goes to bed instead of forcing the responsibility on you. This is all manipulation and a power play. Either that or you married a crazy person.” uTop-Artichoke5020
7. AITJ For Wanting To Break My Lease Over My Roommate's Cat Care Negligence?
“My roommate Mia (24F) and I (22F) are both grad students living in a 2-bedroom apartment. She has a dog and a cat, and this winter break we both flew home to see our families. Before we left, she mentioned that she was taking her dog with her but leaving the cat for approximately three weeks, and a cat sitter would come by to empty the litter box and give the cat clean water.
I didn’t really like the idea of a stranger having the keys to our apartment since she wasn’t very clear about who the cat sitter would be, but I agreed.
Anyway, right as she was leaving for her flight, she got a delivery of an automatic feeder with a camera so she could watch the cat.
Since she had no time to set it up, I put it together and also set out another bowl of water because she asked me to. I’m not heading back to the apartment for another week, but Mia flew back today and sent me a text.
Mia: “Hey! So my cat sitters never showed up while I was gone. The cat is fine because she had plenty of water and food, but she did take out her anger on my shoes. Most of your shoes by the door are absolutely fine, but your white sneakers got some gross stuff from my surrounding shoes.
I figure you’d prefer if I just replace them as opposed to trying to save them, so if you send me the link and the size, I’ll get them here by the time you get back.”
I really appreciate her offering to replace my shoes, but I feel like she would have known early in the three-week break that her cat sitter wasn’t going to come?
Also, I can’t imagine how the apartment smells if the cat only had one litter box and dirty water for nearly three weeks? It’s a little suspicious that she got the automatic feeder and asked me to put out more water, so I think there’s a possibility there was never a cat sitter.
In that case, it seems like animal abuse to knowingly leave your cat alone for all that time. My friends said I’m overreacting and that it’s nice of her to make things right by replacing my shoes, but after this, I don’t want to live with her.
WIBTJ to want to break my lease early (it’s meant to end in August) and leave her to find different living arrangements? Unlike me, she has loans and inconsistent work while I get a fixed stipend for TAing. Other than this, she’s an alright roommate, and I know it would put her in a really bad spot financially to move again.
In the four months we lived together before this, she cared for her pets really well, so am I making a big deal out of nothing?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s sadly pretty normal for pet sitters to flake and owners to not know until they get back.
Though it makes me wonder if she checked the feeder’s camera at all while she was away, and what kind of pet owner wouldn’t check that at least a few times. If this is her first cat, it is possible that this really is just a mistake.
I would have a conversation with your roommate and mention your concerns without mentioning that you’re thinking of leaving. NTJ, because you shouldn’t force yourself to stay somewhere that makes you feel uncomfortable, and that cat smell lingering is very possible!” Professional-Scar628
Another User Comments:
“I agree that she never had a cat sitter, and it was not a good idea to leave the cat for three weeks. But I don’t think it’s worth breaking your lease over, really. I would not renew with her, but breaking the lease early is pretty extreme.
She is replacing your shoes and doesn’t do anything else horrendous. You don’t mesh, but we can all manage politeness with those we don’t mesh perfectly. I haven’t heard anything that can’t be lived with until August, and it gives you more time to find another roommate and decide who stays in this apartment and who goes.
Cats aren’t like dogs. Some cats are more social than others. One college friend of mine had a VERY unsociable cat. He loved her from afar and didn’t put up with anyone else. In our years of friendship, I saw that cat less than six times.
And several of those times, he was trapped in a carrier as we drove home for holidays. She regularly left him home for a week or two. Automatic feeder and water, extra litter boxes, etc. He was actually happier to be left at home than put in a carrier and driven to her parents for six hours.
His behavior proved this. So it’s possible the cat was completely fine with this, except for the litter situation. I think you should stick the contract out. You signed a lease contract. You shouldn’t break it unless the situation is untenable. Also, why pay the fine?” RazzmatazzOk2129
Another User Comments:
“I assume if you break the lease, she’s got to move out with her dog and cat. I would also assume that if she can’t find a place to stay that accepts pets, she’s likely to dump them at a shelter.
If you’re upset at her for how she treated the cat (fair – I’m mad about that too), this does not help that issue. I agree that she neglected the cat horribly. I agree that she probably planned on no cat-sitter, given the suspicious automatic feeder and request to put out extra water.
I can only imagine how bad the apartment smelled after three weeks of no litter box maintenance and how anxious and upset the cat was. You say she has been good to the pets before this. Breaking the lease does nothing to help her learn why what she did was wrong.
But a hard conversation about expectations and animal care might help. I’m going to say soft YTJ if you break the lease, only because it further punishes the animals involved. Personally, I’d look at someone differently if I knew they left their cat alone for three weeks.
I would definitely choose not to renew the lease with them, but I’d see the current lease out as a kindness to the animals.” JennyM8675309
6. AITJ For Pushing My Sister To Move Out And Reclaim Our Home?
“My husband (28M) and I (31M) bought a fixer-upper in 2020 and have renovated most of the entire house ourselves. In 2023, my sister (36F) let me know that she was struggling to find a place to move to that she could afford and that her lease was going to be ending in April 2023.
My husband and I talked and decided we could finish a portion of our walkout basement. She made it well known that she only wanted to stay 6 months until she could find a place. Of course, this was not written down and no contract was signed (I know, live and learn).
She lived with us in the past for a year in a house we rented and we didn’t have any issues. We hurried and spent every ounce of free time finishing a space for her.
It has now been 1 year and 8 months and she is still here with no sign or plan of leaving.
7 months into living here she had a mental breakdown and ended up in the hospital for a week; she quit her job and really lost herself for a while – they diagnosed her with manic bipolar. She got the help she needed and has been doing great for over 1 year now and has gotten back on her feet – but we recently found out she stopped taking her meds.
She got a new job in a management position and makes decent money (50K/yr), but now she is talking about how much she hates the job.
In the midst of all this, we found out a large part of her mental health issues are due to a mountain of credit card debt – and found out that since she moved in she consolidated all the debt and pays one lump sum of $900/mo and will have to continue doing that for 5 years.
Here is where the issue lies – she has grown extremely comfortable here, and we don’t see any sign of an exit and don’t know if she can even afford to move out with the consolidated debt. While we love her, we really want to start our family through surrogacy or adoption, but can’t see that happening with her here.
My husband and I get very little alone time as she works a similar schedule to ours, her bedroom is directly below ours, making it hard to be intimate unless she is not here (very seldom), and it has really started to affect our life.
It feels like we are living with a grown child and don’t see a way out without us seeming like the bad guys.
Suggestions are welcome, but here was our plan – take the $350 she gives us every month and set it aside for the next 4–6 months, and in 3 months or so have the conversation with her that we are saving money for her so she can move out and find her own place.
That said, finding a place with rent even close to what she pays is going to be impossible, and I’m worried she will be living uncomfortably, paycheck to paycheck, and that this may send her into a spiral of depression or a manic episode.”
Another User Comments:
“First of all, freak when you want to freak. Why does it matter if she’s there or not for you guys to hook up? She knows you do. It’s not like she thinks that you guys are celibate. So what’s the big deal?
You’re too embarrassed to hook up with your spouses. Heck, maybe it makes her uncomfortable to hear you guys and she’ll hurry her butt up to leave. Kill two birds with one stone.” BreastObsessedMess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she can do a month-to-month with Airbnb.
She has overstayed her welcome, and you and your husband are going above and beyond. With that being said, people need to get a cold splash of reality sometimes to motivate them. Also, she needs to be responsible for her mental health, especially with the resources to manage it.
Your plan will work, but after that you need a hard boundary with her for the sake of the future goals you have in your marriage.” Diligent-File-4662
Another User Comments:
“You’re telling me that you are only charging her $350 for rent? She is probably netting $3,000 a month!
Her consolidation is $900, giving her $2,000 remaining? What the heck? She can get a roommate! Or she could up that payment to pay off faster. Of course she’s going to want to live with you FOREVER. Tell her she either needs to move in 3 months (she won’t – no meds?
She’ll have another breakdown) or you’re going to need to increase the rent to $1,000 as you’re looking at fair market value. You need the money for soundproofing and having a baby. She’s essentially had a free ride for a year and a half. Be prepared to be called greedy, a monster, etc. It’s always OK for her to take advantage of you to hoard her money, but if you want your home back, you will become evil.
My guess is that this is going to be emotionally stressful. 1. Your sister is not keeping her word. 2. Your sister is not taking her medication. 3. Your sister is not doing anything to move forward in her promise. 4. Your sister is not even paying a fair amount in rent!
I would know—I was blatantly using my family, especially since I had stayed way beyond the 6 months. 5. Now she is feeling entitled to stay for however long I decide… No end in sight… You owe it to her now. Oh my word, she makes $50k; she’s not a pauper.” Spiritual-Concert363
5. AITJ For Demanding My In-Laws End Their Relationship With My Husband's Ex?
“I (27f) and my husband (27m) have been in a relationship for 2 years and have been married for a year.
His ex is still secretly meeting his family and giving gifts to them. This has been happening behind our backs for a while now. We confronted his family and explained that we’re offended by this and will not tolerate this kind of behavior anymore.
My MIL told us that there’s nothing wrong with having the ex visit them and I shouldn’t be worried because we’re already married.
I was hurt because I felt disrespected in front of everybody. My husband and I walked out. I told my husband that I don’t want to see them.
I am 8 weeks pregnant and this has been bothering me and stressing me out. What should I do?
By the way, his ex already has a new partner and it seems like he’s okay with her visiting her ex’s family. Is it really acceptable?”
Another User Comments:
“The ex divorced (broke up with) him, not his family. It would seem as if she had and continues to have a good relationship with your MIL. From what it sounds like, she is not crashing holidays or infringing on you and your husband’s time with his family.
I am assuming that your in-laws are adults, therefore they are capable of choosing who they host in their home and spend their time with. Being insecure and controlling with your husband’s family is not going to shine a favorable light on you. YTJ.” WaywardMarauder
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I had an ex whose mom absolutely adored me. When we broke up, I kept in contact with her and still maintained a relationship because she was like a second mother to me. If your MIL was bringing her to events, making comments about the past relationship, etc., then maybe it would be wrong.
It sounds like you may be feeling some type of way because she has a good relationship with your MIL and you might not. But making statements like this about someone she has known and has had a relationship with longer than she has with you is absurd.
I don’t know why this is stressing you out since it has nothing to do with you, but I recommend you find a hobby or something to keep your mind occupied other than a relationship that you have no bearing or right to dismantle. Get over yourself.” Ok-Imagination2322
Another User Comments:
“You’ve made your feelings known so that the cat is already out of the bag. The reality is that they keep their friendship with the ex under wraps. It’s time to let it go. As long as she’s not present at family gatherings, you really shouldn’t care.
Once the child is born, you’ll be way too busy to care who your in-laws are friends with. Depending on how and why the marriage failed, your husband might have cause to be upset with his family but not you. Keeping up the drumbeat on this will only make you look immature and small-minded. Having said that, you can choose to limit your interaction to family gatherings, but that will be really hard once the grandchild exists.
The grandchild may inadvertently help to distance the ex, depending on how doting your in-laws are.” ProgramNo3361
4. AITJ For Not Attending My Husband's Grandmother's Funeral?
“My husband’s grandmother passed away recently. I am sad for him and his family and have been checking in and asking how they’re doing and if they need anything. The only people I have seen in person since it happened are my husband and SIL.
Both of them have been operating “like normal” (as in, back to work the day after it happened) and have said they’re okay. But I know grief isn’t always immediate so I’m continuing to check in.
My MIL decided she wanted to wait until the spring to have the funeral because of all the upcoming holidays.
Today she told us that the funeral will be in another state (husband’s grandmother lived locally and will be buried here, but other family members live in this other state) over mine and my husband’s anniversary weekend. I felt an initial twinge of, “Why our anniversary, of all possible dates?” when she told us but I’m over that now.
However, I am still hesitant to attend this funeral, for the following reasons:
1. We have two autistic children (ages 3 & 5). The idea of pulling them out of school and disrupting their routine, flying to another state, and then trying to keep them well-behaved at a funeral sounds like a recipe for disaster.
My husband will want to comfort his mother and other family members and I’m afraid he won’t be able to do that if our children are present. Just him and me going to the funeral and leaving our children behind isn’t an option, as we haven’t found reliable childcare that is able to handle two autistic young children.
2. I don’t receive PTO at my current job or bereavement leave of any kind. I’m on a temporary contract (that I would like to become permanent) and I’m afraid that taking time off to travel and attend this funeral could jeopardize my ability to keep my job.
My husband is pretty angry with me over this. He says he will need my support at the funeral and his kids are part of the family and should be there to grieve with the rest of the extended family. I absolutely understand where he’s coming from, but I also know there’s a 100% chance of at least one of our kids (if not both) losing their crap and having a meltdown at the funeral (and probably many times throughout the travel process) that will just add stress to the situation.
If you’ve never experienced an autistic child meltdown – it’s not like a regular tantrum. You can Google if you need an example.
I feel that overall, it would be better for both our kids and everyone else who is attending the funeral if the kids and I stay home and don’t attend.
But I am also feeling a bit like a jerk because who argues with their spouse over attending their grandmother’s funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“I thought I wasn’t going to be on your side here, but I’m totally with you. Regardless of it being your anniversary, it isn’t going to be very practical to attend, especially since this is less funeral, more wake.
I’m guessing the only way grandma can be there is in an urn; if she isn’t cremated her remains won’t even be there. I would personally suggest waiting to make the plans official until it’s a little closer to the day of, maybe your husband’s emotions will be a little less fresh and he’ll see your side once it doesn’t feel so insensitive for him.
For now, just be as supportive as you can. I hope it works itself out. NTJ.” Netflickingthebean
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If it’s not until spring, you have time. Things are still fresh for your husband, so give him some time to cool down before working out the details.
For now, let him know the job situation is out of your control and you need time to sort it out. It also gives you extra time to look into childcare options. Suggestion: If possible, maybe communicate with relatives about finding a babysitter local to the funeral location who can meet you at the venue.
A sitter only needs to be prepared to handle them for a few hours instead of days, so it will be easier to find someone up for the job. If a relative is willing to help out, even better! You can have them video call with the sitter beforehand to get them more comfortable, too.
That way the kids can attend, but they have someone who can take them aside or play with them while you support your husband.” Aromatic-Piglet-9987
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think a few more conversations need to be had with not only your husband but your MIL as well.
Regardless of timing (but seriously WTH), it’s her grandchildren, his children, there needs to be a come-to-Jesus conversation about the logistics of taking both kids on a flight, what to do in the case of meltdowns during the ceremonies and other funeral-related activities. If he wants the kids there, is your husband willing to step out with them when that meltdown inevitably occurs?
Because this can’t be all on you and he needs to realize even if you are there, he’s not going to receive 100% of your attention, beyond that his attention will have to divert from the ceremony to the kids as well. I’d say you go in with… “Okay, let’s say we all go, how do WE handle the airport, how do WE handle the plane ride, how do WE handle the funeral?” Approach it like, “Okay, we’re gonna do this, let’s make a plan.” And if at any point he’s like… “Well, you’ll just have to walk out with them…” stop him right there and say, “No, WE will have to step out as a group.” Make sure he knows that those kids will end up taking priority for him too, in the event that happens and maybe that will start to dawn on him that it won’t be whatever he’s currently picturing in his head.
I’d also make sure you emphasize that you would love nothing more than to be there with him, but you are also not trying to take anything away from him being able to say goodbye to his grandmother.” gabbagooly
3. AITJ For Winning A Hot-Dog Eating Contest And Becoming The New Doggler?
“The hot-dog eating contest happened about 6 months ago during the summer, and I had no idea that I did anything wrong. My partner and I were arguing about something else when she brought the contest up and said I had acted childishly. I wanted to know if there was anything that I had to apologize for.
So, basically, six months ago, my partner invited me to a food festival in her hometown. The day I arrived, I learned that there was a hot-dog eating contest and the prize would be a $100 gift card to a large tech retail store. Being a casual competitive eater in college, I decided it would be a fun idea to enter and signed up on the website.
When I told my partner’s family I had entered the contest, my partner’s dad good-naturedly clapped me on the back and said, “Let the best man win.” Apparently, my partner’s dad had won the hot-dog eating contest for the last four years and was somewhat expecting to win again.
Wanting the gift card, I decided to give the contest my all. I ate a bunch of hot dogs; I wasn’t even paying attention to what I was doing, but by the time I was done, I had eaten 16 hot dogs in five minutes, beating my partner’s dad, who only ate 12 hot dogs.
When I was done, my partner’s brother Liam (14M) and a bunch of his friends mobbed me, calling me “The Doggler”, giving me high-fives and clapping me on the back. They said that I had dethroned “The Doggler”, pointing to my partner’s dad, and that I was the new “Doggler”, that I was a real “glizzied rizzler” (or something like that) and that I was just shoving “glizzy after glizzy down my gullet”.
They posed for pictures with me. It was weird but kind of fun.
Later, my partner’s dad came up to me, shook my hand, and said I was good competition. He went home to do something in his woodshop, so I hung out with my partner, Liam, and his friends, going around to various food stalls and games.
When we all ate dinner that night, the hot-dog contest didn’t come up at all, except for when Liam kept referring to me as The Doggler and saying that he wanted to make a special Doggler shirt for me. We had a nice breakfast the next morning.
No sign that anything was wrong.
Today, though, my partner brought up in our argument that her dad was actually really wounded by losing the hot-eating contest, but just didn’t say anything to me. I said if I wasn’t supposed to enter the contest, then was it really a contest at all?
And she said that it was less about the contest and more about the special Doggler shirt (Liam made his dad a Doggler shirt for the years he won the contest, but I got the Doggler 2024 shirt). She said that her dad only wanted to win the contest to connect with Liam and, if anything, I should be able to understand the masculine ego.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner should’ve told you all this stuff before the hot-dog eating contest (if at all) so you could respond accordingly. It certainly wasn’t your responsibility to figure it all out. For all either of you know, her dad let you win to make you feel part of the family.
If this is the worst she can throw at you in a heated argument, then you guys probably have a good relationship and you are a reasonable person.” cynical_overlord1979
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ solely because how were you supposed to know any of this?
From your experience, nobody had any issue with you signing up for the contest; her dad even seemed to welcome a new challenger and gave no indication of being upset when he lost. According to everything you knew, it was all fine until half a year later.
Your partner, on the other hand, is a jerk for sure. Saving this as ammo to hurt you in a future argument is a really crappy thing to do. Especially over such a nothing event (I get that it might be hard for her dad to connect with his teenage son, but not getting called “The Doggler” for a few days probably didn’t have a huge impact on their relationship).” elevenohnoes
Another User Comments:
“No one deciding to tell you that it was a secret special father-son bonding thing lets me know one of two things. 1. She has mentioned things that would make you connect those dots if you put them all together but never made them clear enough to notice because she just EXPECTED you to remember something this small OR YOU forgot.
2. She was sure she directly told you and thinks you ignored it just to win a gift card, which you thought was more valuable than her dad and brother’s relationship. Either way, it’s a stupid thing to bring up now, and I’d directly ask her why she knew it mattered so much, but she didn’t think it would be important to mention and unpack from there.” ogoextreme
2. AITJ For Refusing To Trade My Mother's Wedding Ring For My Brother's Necklace?
“My brother and I are the only siblings in my family, so when my mother was terminal with cancer, she sat us both down to give us each some jewelry that meant something to her.
I got her wedding ring that once belonged to her mother (my grandmother). I was to pass it down to my daughter. My brother got a necklace to be passed down to his daughter.
Years later, my brother asked if we could trade the pieces so he could give it to his soon-to-be fiance.
I said no. Mom would want me to hold on to it for when my daughter gets married. After going back and forth with him, he made the choice to stop communicating with me. He is getting married and did not invite me to his wedding.
When I tried to call him, his fiance told me that it would be best to not call anymore and that my brother was really hurt. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“He is the one who is being hurtful. Honoring a loved one’s wishes can sometimes put us in a difficult position.
You’re between a rock and a hard place here and your brother could have stepped up and tried to understand. He’s being selfish and petty. He had his future wife do the communicating because he knows he’s wrong. I would respect the boundary and not contact him.” 0neHumanPeolple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The biggest issue that I see is that he doesn’t have any way to guarantee that it will stay in the family. If his fiance later divorces him, she will keep it and it will be lost to your family.
If your daughter wears it when she gets married, it remains in the family. Clearly this was important to your mother, which is why she specified that she wanted the items to be given to your daughters, not your wives or partners.” Arietis24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your ring, and your mother’s wish that you give it to your daughter. You are respecting this, but the more important idea is that the ring is yours to do what YOU want with it, not your brother’s. You don’t want to make the trade, so that should be the end of it if your brother has any respect for you or your wishes.
If he wants to remove himself from your life to punish you, he should understand that you might decide that you’re better off without him and his drama and not let him back into your life when he wants to come back or needs something from you.” No_Philosopher_1870
1. AITJ For Objecting To My Mom's Preference For Honey Instead Of Grandma?
“I (29F) have been thinking about starting a family recently. My mother (50f) recently stated she does not want her grandchildren to call her grandma but wants them to call her “honey”. She says she wants something uniquely different, thinks it’s endearing, and says she will be as sweet as honey to her grandkids.
She and her husband call each other honey, and I consider it a romantic pet name and think it is odd as a grandparent name. My siblings agree with me. My husband thinks we should just let her choose whatever name she wants, but I cringe every time I think about it and want us to come up with something else we all like.
She thinks I’m being a jerk, and since it will be her grandchildren, she gets to decide. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m really surprised at the NTJ takes. Honey is absolutely not only romantic. It is very common for a parent or grandparent to call a child honey.
So it would not be creepy at all for a child to call a grandparent honey in return. I say no jerks here. If you really hate it, then ultimately, it’s not a good choice. You need to sit down and come up with another option.
Do you have a heritage that has a non-English name for grandparent that could be a good fit?” mauibetty
Another User Comments:
“My MIL wanted to be called Fancy. The first grandchild started calling her Hennie, which was a nickname for a sister of MIL who passed away years before my nephew was even conceived. He had never heard of this person’s nickname and just announced that was what he was going to call her.
She couldn’t argue with that. I called my maternal partner Popo for some reason. He died when I was in college, and that was still what I called him. No idea where I got it… Grandparents don’t really choose…” PedsILdoc
Another User Comments:
“Alright, it depends on where you live. (And that is a maybe.) In the US, I have only ever heard someone either say “oh honey” like “Oh bless your heart” as a term of endearment, or sometimes, calling people dumb. I have heard it used for children of parents on some occasions, but it falls into the “oh honey” category.
They don’t just say “Hey honey, can you do this?” I have never once heard a kid or child call their parents honey. Not ever. In every other instance when it is not used in a food-based context, honey is a romantic term. NTJ. It’s really weird.
And because people are “going, it’s not that weird…” She and her husband call each other honey; Grandma and her husband call each other honey, and that’s all you need to know. She’s already using it in a romantic context, so there you go. Grandma is freaking weird.
Also, it’s practically unspoken and unwritten law that the grandkids decide the name.” asmallman
