People Want Reassurance Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Being Mad When My Partner Didn't Want To Join Our Cruise?
“My partner (23f) and I (24m) have gotten into an argument because my sister wants to go on a cruise for her 35th birthday that both my partner and I are invited to. Let me preface by saying I recently went on a cruise with my two sisters (21f) and (33f) back in January that my older sister paid for entirely.
She explained she was doing this since we never got to go anywhere as children. No vacations, never went out to eat, etc.
It was meant to be a siblings-only trip. My older sister’s husband did not even go, which he was completely fine with and happy we got to bond.
Well, my partner did not take well to this and was very mad she was not invited. I tried to explain to her it was meant for my two sisters and me and that my older sister’s husband and younger sister’s partner were not coming either, per my sister’s request. My partner was pretty passive-aggressive to me and left subtle comments about how she wished she could go on a cruise.
Eventually, this subsided, and I thought she understood now.
Fast forward to now, and my sister just returned from a cruise with her husband (they love cruises and go frequently) and is talking about going on one for her birthday in 2024 that our significant others are invited to as long as they pay for themselves.
My younger sister and I are also responsible for paying for ourselves this time as well, which I understand. Well, my partner saw a text from my sister saying, ‘start saving up lol’. My partner immediately swiped to my texts and saw the cruise link and stormed off.
I explained to her this was a cruise for everyone and she said, ‘oh, so I see I’m invited this time’. I said, ‘yes this isn’t a siblings-only cruise’. She scoffed and glared at me and said, ‘okay well maybe I don’t want to go’.
This got me pretty mad, and I said, ‘fine, then don’t come. I’d like you to but I’m not forcing you’. I let it go but then came back around to it and asked her why she reacted like that and thought she would be happy.
She then said, ‘that cruise is two years away from now. I don’t know where I’ll be in two years, and I don’t know why I wasn’t invited to the last one but can be invited to one two years away’.
I should have left it alone because at this point I’m even angrier. I said, ‘I don’t know any other way to explain to you that the last one was just my sisters and me so we could bond and have a vacation.
We never had that as you and your sister had. I thought we were past that and you understood but I guess not. And there’s nothing you can’t plan around something you know about two years in advance’.
At this point, I just walked away. Part of me is mad she assumed and just stormed away after one text, but I am starting to wonder if I was insensitive to how she was feeling about the whole thing and how she may have felt left out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you clearly explained that it was a siblings-only bonding cruise that your sister was gifting to make up for the fact that you all didn’t get those things when you were younger.
It’s a wonderful gesture and was very thoughtful of your sister.
Your partner is just an immature, jealous, and or insecure person and you can probably do much better.
I’d say don’t worry about it. If you’re even still with this chick in 2 years, just go without her.
Really though, she sounds exhausting..” Snoo_7492
Another User Comments:
“My perception is pretty skewed, because if my sister (my only sibling, well half-sibling) asked me to go on a siblings-only cruise without my husband… I would run away screaming.
That said, my husband grew up going on cruises since his parents love cruising.
His parents are absolutely wonderful, but he takes them for granted a lot and he sort of keeps them at arm’s length. His parents have suggested the four of us go on a family cruise together (without his sister, the black sheep of the family).
I wouldn’t mind going, because I know them and they wouldn’t expect us to be attached at the hip 24/7, probably just meet up for dinner and that’s it. But if we’re spending a lot on a cruise, I think we’d both prefer to spend it on a romantic cruise just the two of us, you know?
Anyway, NTJ. She’s being petty. She has no right to be upset about a sibling’s cruise to reconnect. That said, the last cruise was about reconnecting with your 2 sisters. This cruise is about your sister’s birthday. You think maybe she’s jealous you’re doing these things for your sister/s and feels overlooked and is being petty about it?” bee102019
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a man that is very close to my sister, I can absolutely understand the sibling-only thing. You weren’t going with college classmates only, it was your freaking siblings… what is your girl implying here?
Honestly, her comment about not knowing where she’ll be in 2 years can easily be translated to, ‘I don’t know if in 2 years I’ll still be with you.’ I’d not worry about it. She’s insecure, anyone that wants to bicker over siblings bonding has issues.” harverbovey
20. WIBTJ If Move The Basketball Hoop?
“Recently moved into a new home. Right in front of my house is a basketball hoop on the street.
It is in a culdesac. I have been here for a couple of weeks now and I tried to ignore it, but the noise is bothering me as well as its location. I asked another neighbor whose it was. I didn’t know which neighbor it belonged to but I saw one of my neighbors outside and asked him.
I introduced myself and asked if the hoop was his and if he didn’t mind I moved it in front of his house instead. This was an older gentleman who spoke broken English.
So there was some confusion. He seemed to indicate it was his and he didn’t mind me moving it in front of his house.
So I did. Then after talking to him some more I came to understand it wasn’t his hoop but another neighbor’s a few doors down. I went to that neighbor’s house and a teenage kid answered. I introduced myself as his new neighbor and asked if he didn’t mind if I moved the hoop in front of his house.
He didn’t seem bothered by it but said he would speak to his parents. I told him that his hoop was just a few doors down in front of the other neighbor’s house and that it would need to be moved soon.
An hour or so later the owner of the hoop and parent of the kid came to me (my garage was open and I was out working on my car) and aggressively got out (stopped his car in the middle of the street and hopped out) and said ‘where’s my hoop’.
I explained the situation and again asked if he didn’t mind not having it in front of my house. He said ‘it’s for the kids. This is a culdesac’ and immediately moved it back to its original spot.
I told him that’s where I intend to park and it’s in front of my house. He moved it about 5 feet over and said no it isn’t (it is) and got back in his car and left. There were some more words said on both ends but that’s the gist. His overall demeanor was jerkish.
Would I be the jerk if I have a junk removal come to throw it out? I tried to be civil and kindly ask him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an unspoken rule that the curbside in front of your residence is yours to control.
Even parking in front of someone else’s house is generally frowned upon. You tried to resolve it diplomatically and he was a jerk about it. I wouldn’t even think twice about removing it under the circumstances.” tysontysontyson1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Of course, you are, here’s why:
You moved into a community with a cul de sac. Common sense would dictate that these kinds of communities tend to draw in young families with children.
Are children loud, obnoxious, and annoying?
Yes. Is it annoying having a basketball net, kids, and the sound of a bouncing ball all day? Also Yes.
Are you technically in the right? Sure, still a jerk though.” No_Half_Measures709
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to be courteous and respectful with this, and it’s not an unreasonable request when it’s your property.
He escalated with entitled, rude behavior, and turned this into a conflict it didn’t need to be. I agree with the person who suggested turning to the city for recourse, and asking about the relevant laws re: whether or not he’s even allowed to do that.” ColloidalSylver
19. AITJ For Complaining About My Fiancé's Drinking?
“My (F27) fiancé (M30) and I have been together for almost 11 years now and we’re currently doing long distance and preparing for a wedding in a few months. I don’t really like smoking and drinking because I have asthma and I have seen a few close relatives of mine turn into demons after drinking so I’m basically scared of it.
When I met my fiance, he had been an occasional drinker and smoker and I have never said anything since it’s occasionally done and I’ve always let him know about the past trauma and health issue associated with it.
It’s been a few months since he has increased his drinking and smoking and it started being unsettling to me and I voiced it out to him and we came to an agreement that he’ll again go back to drinking occasionally but obviously, it didn’t go that way.
His ‘weekend’ drinking means Fri, Sat, and Sun which makes half a week, how is that less?
For a month he has misbehaved and disrespected me so many times under the influence which proves my stance against it. We had 2 huge fights in the last month where he became someone I don’t know after drinking yet I gave him another chance each time to work on it and us.
Last week again we had an argument that he was drinking and he just laughed in my face. His mother heard our conversation and when she asked me about the matter in front of him, I told her how this habit is a nuisance.
She sided with me and scolded him but he was just laughing and I hung up.
This last Friday he was again drinking and I very calmly told him that it’s a very bad habit and will create more problems between us now and after marriage.
I asked him why it feels like he is ready to give up on me instead of drinking, and he said yes he is ready to give up on me. I immediately called his mother and very calmly told her how hurt I am by this habit.
She went to talk to him and I don’t know what conversation they had but later he messaged me that the wedding is off because I involved his mother. Then he messaged my mom about the same.
Yesterday I spoke to him and genuinely apologized for involving his mother in our fight.
But he just doesn’t want to have the wedding and made so many personal attacks on me and was plain disrespectful again. I listened because I thought I might have really offended him. But I’m genuinely apologizing. I had given him another chance after the last 2 huge fights after he was super duper mean to me while wasted, so why don’t I get one?
I asked him the same but he called me names, more abuse, and said I’m a jerk. Am I really? And I don’t know why I’m still referring to him as Fiancé, he has called off the wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“This is an entire forest of red flags. And from the way you’re framing this, you can’t see that forest for the trees.
This man does not want to be with you. It doesn’t matter what you do or say, he doesn’t want to be with you and he’s going so far as to hurt you intentionally in order to make that clear.
That is not your fault; that is not something you have to apologize for. It’s just something you need to turn your back on and get far, far away from.
NTJ. Absolutely NTJ. But your relationship is over. Don’t waste your time or energy trying to repair something that isn’t worth salvaging, when you don’t deserve to be treated this way and this is not a man anyone should want to keep.
Let his mother get him together since she wants to be involved. He clearly needs some parenting since he never grew up in the first place.” ColloidalSylver
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Trying to involve third parties in your relationship makes it evident that you might not be ready for a relationship.
He’s clearly not ready for a relationship because he seemingly doesn’t care about your feelings. Still, if you don’t have the wherewithal to confront him independently and state yourself without tugging at the sleeves of his family members – that’s kinda sad.
The fact that he ‘hit back’ by contacting your mom makes it clear how you two came together in the first place. Yeeaaahhhh… Just… Be better and you’ll deserve better.” redlegion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why do you even WANT the wedding to be back on?
He has a drinking issue. He has zero respect for you as a human being and he has zero respect for your boundaries. He argues with you instead of seeking out help. He argues with his mom about the same exact issue and still can’t seem to see that he has a problem.
He called off the wedding so clearly, you are not the most important thing in his life.
The most important thing in a heavy drinker’s life will always be their drink.” RissaRay113
18. AITJ For Competing With My Brother-In-Law?
“I (23F) am tall, 6’5, and have an ok weight. I’m not very muscular, but I go to the gym 3x a week to stay in shape.
My BIL, Kenny, is 5’3. He does CrossFit and calisthenics and has a muscular body.
Yesterday was his birthday and I was invited by my sister to go to the party that would be at their house.
Kenny, after a few drinks, started a stupid arm wrestling contest. He won them all, some with difficulty and others easily and one of his friends challenged him to call me for it, and, after so much nudging from a bunch of wasted men, I accepted.
No kidding, my hand almost covered his hand and it almost didn’t happen, they had to make some adjustments. It wasn’t that hard to keep me steady, and I put in an unextraordinary force while he was about to burst a vein of strength.
I wasn’t trying hard to win, just keeping up. I’ll have to confess that it was a little funny and I was having fun after all.
After 1 minute (at most), he stopped with the excuse that he was tired after so many ‘opponents’ and I had the advantage.
I went to the table, but I knew very well that Kenny was in a bad mood. Nothing much happened during the night. But I received several messages today from friends and even from my own sister that I should have made it easy for him on his birthday and that I embarrassed him in front of everyone.
I replied with just ‘Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.’
Even my parents were involved in this and they said I caused an unnecessary moment.
AITJ?
Extra: my sister is not that tall (5’1), as we don’t have the same father.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, it is not a nonsense excuse to say your arm is tired after several arm wrestling matches especially if some of them were difficult. That’s how muscle works, I would go for a PR in the gym after a long workout.
It could be that he was lying about his arm being tired, but it could’ve also very easily be true. It is still an immature thing to do to just quit so you don’t lose though. You should offer a rematch with fresh arms, though with the leverage advantage you will probably still win.
At least that way there is no excuse remaining.
I remember back in middle school I used to play ‘mercy’ all the time. The only people to beat me were a guy a grade above me that was undefeated, and this small 90-pound girl who I have convinced myself must’ve been double-jointed in the wrists or something (I don’t think she actually was, she was just really good.)
No shame in losing to a girl on my part. I know I was good and beat 95% of the people I played, she just happened to beat 96%.” User
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ because it was his birthday and it was his friends pushing the match-up.
I don’t respect masculine pride that causes them to not want to lose to women or not wanting to be shorter than a woman, but I know that these kinds of neuroses exist and would be conscious of them when my actions might trigger a person’s insecurities.
Had he been the one to challenge you, I’d say to destroy him at will! But he didn’t, probably because he wasn’t sure he’d win, but he couldn’t face backing out once his friends set up the match.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like he’s got that short man complex. I knew a guy like this, he was always trying to prove himself even when people just wanted to hang out. For example, he was known to walk around the bar and challenge any male bigger than them to some type of physical competition.
I’m guessing that if you tried to opt out then he would have tried to instigate you to arm wrestle anyways.” TypicalAd3575
17. AITJ For Being Mad When My Best Friend Got The Same Tattoo As Me?
“I don’t have any other tattoos but my siblings and I decided to get a tiny sailboat (about an inch in size) tattooed together as both a sibling tattoo and to honor our late grandfather. My best friend has wanted to get a matching tattoo and I’ve always said no because I don’t want tattoos.
This tattoo was the exception because it was with my siblings. I got it back home and sent my friend a picture. When I got back she had gotten the same tattoo herself based on the picture I had sent.
I was immediately so annoyed because I felt like she had violated the tattoo I got but she said it was her body and she could get a tattoo of whatever she wanted. I told her she’s my friend but will never be my family.
Now she’s not talking to me. So AITJ? I feel like I have a right to be upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it is her body and she can do what she wants, it is very strange and intrusive to commandeer a family tattoo.
Just because you CAN do things doesn’t mean you SHOULD. And you have every right to feel like your boundaries were stepped on because they were.” PreggoBride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Matching is when you get it together or with the intent of all having the same tattoo, your friend COPIED.
You had meaning behind the tattoo and your friend hijacked your tattoo and now is trying to blame you because you are rightly annoyed.
Your friend should be embarrassed. Honestly, they didn’t tell you beforehand bc you would have told them not to.
Yes, it’s their body they can do what they want… but still, it’s weird. They were so obsessed with getting a matching tattoo with you that they hijacked your family one. I’d be reconsidering this friendship if this was me.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because she CAN get the tattoo, doesn’t mean she should, especially with the meaning behind it. It’s not a matching tattoo, it’s a COPIED tattoo. If I were you I would feel completely differently about her after she did that.
I feel like she didn’t tell you beforehand because she knew you’d be against it.” MoonMacabre
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Cousin Drive My Car?
“I (23f) attended a family gathering earlier today. My cousin (24f) had her car break down unexpectedly after arriving in town and had plans to make a day trip 45 minutes away to visit a friend.
We wouldn’t be able to get it fixed in time to go see her friend and her friend does not drive so she wouldn’t have been able to come and pick her up/come down to visit.
I was the only member of my family who attended that drives a car – the other 3 members of the family who drove had trucks or minivans that she is unable/unwilling to drive.
She asked me if she could borrow my car to make the trip, and I said no. I have a 2008 BMW M3 that I adore, and it’s on its last legs and I’m trying to take as good of care of it as I can, as I really love the car – it was a hand-me-down from my mom for my sixteenth birthday so it has sentimental value for me, and when it breaks down I know I will not be able to afford another BMW, so I’m trying to keep it as long as I can.
I know my cousin isn’t the worst driver in the world, but her judgment while driving isn’t the best (she’s totaled one car that was her fault), and is a smoker. I didn’t tell her that was the reason, just that my car isn’t the most reliable and that I wouldn’t want her and my car stranded 45 minutes away.
I feel like any reason to tell someone they can’t use your property is valid, but my family disagreed. They said I should’ve just let her use my car, that it’s not that far of a drive, and nothing bad would’ve happened, and she hadn’t seen her friend in a long time so I was being selfish and only thinking of myself.
I started to feel bad, as she wasn’t able to see her friend, but my car is my most prized possession. I don’t like anyone but me, my dad, or my mechanic being in control of it, and I would’ve said no to anyone, it’s just that on top of my feelings toward my car I also don’t trust my cousin.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your car so you get to decide who uses it and who doesn’t. Like so many like to say NO is a complete sentence. You don’t have to have a reason and her problems are not your problems. She can reschedule after her car gets fixed, life happens and people need to learn to roll with it instead of trying to make their problems other people’s problems.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bad things happen sometimes and you’re not obligated to let her drive your most loved possession just so she can see a friend. Her friend could find a ride. She could drive the minivan or truck.
She could reschedule another trip to spend a weekend with her friend.
Especially because she has totaled a car already. And what happened to her car that broke down? How do you know it didn’t break down because she didn’t maintain it well?
None of this matters though, as all that’s required is a simple ‘because it’s my car and I said no.'” UghhWhy_NoMorePlease
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 100% correct – any reason you want to not lend someone your car is a valid reason.
Add to the fact that your cousin is a smoker, and you have a rock-solid case for not lending them your car. And, despite what your family says, a 45-minute drive is not ‘not that far of a drive.’
Your cousin was asking you for a favor. They were not entitled to use your car. It sucks that their car broke down, but stuff like that happens. Honestly, I like and trust my cousins, and my car is in good shape, but I wouldn’t let them borrow my car for a trip 45 minutes away.” bamf1701
15. AITJ For Getting Upset When The Restaurant Threw Away Our Leftovers?
“My husband and I went to dinner tonight at a steakhouse. We ordered 2 sides (creamed spinach and sautéed mushrooms) and a ribeye for two to share (the rib eye was 149).
The meal was great but it was 32oz steak so we couldn’t finish it. Our end bill without tip was 200. We asked that they pack the 1/3 steak we had left to go.
More context than you probably need, but it was a bone in steak that they cut into 7 pieces + the bone.
We ate 4.5 pieces and were excited to save the rest for another meal. We asked them to pack it to go and that we get the check. We waited and after five minutes or so we asked that they check on our leftovers so we could head out.
They then told us they mistakenly threw out our leftovers and when we asked what they could do about it they said they could give us half off an appetizer for our next visit.
For reference, their most expensive appetizer was 25 dollars.
We didn’t feel that was equivalent to our meal so we asked to speak to the manager. The manager came and said he was sorry but all he could do was give us a discount on an appetizer on our next visit.
Again we didn’t think that was equivalent so my husband asked for a comp on a steak (not our entire steak but steak over appetizer for a future meal).
The manager became irritated and said that he had 20 years of experience.
He finally said he could go look at what was left over and give us comp for that (based on his 20-year expertise). He ended up giving us 50 dollars cash but we were just so embarrassed by the whole situation and felt so gaslit for our reaction.
Were we jerks in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly I would have made a scene, call me a Karen or whatever you want, but if I’m spending $200+ at a restaurant then I want what I paid for.
Either they make a whole new steak and pack it to go or they give you half off your order. That manager can take his 20yrs exp and pound sand, why would you want a tiny discount on a future visit forcing you to pay more when half of what you already paid for is in the trash because of a staff member’s negligence?
OP, I hope you also write an honest yelp review detailing everything, saying that the food was delicious but the negligence of the staff and lack of customer service is why you would not recommend anybody going.” ThatBrownGuy120
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Half off an appetizer? That’s just insulting. If they were any good, they’d have treated you so generously (comp, or cook you another, or a free meal or whatever) that you’d be feeling good about the whole situation.
You’d feel that you’d come back to this place where they treated you so well in making up for their mistake.
20 years of experience and he didn’t know anything about how to retain customers? I guess it goes to show that skills don’t necessarily come with time. He likely could have turned you into a loyal customer with a sincere apology and by surprising you with his generosity in making it right.
Instead, he argued about his years of experience. What a moron.” techienate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I guess they made the mistake and ‘hoped’ you would forget about the leftovers and leave. Then instead of genuinely apologizing for the mistake, they picked the lowest offer that they could comp to try and keep you happy.
I would have been really upset too. A perfectly cooked steak is definitely something I would be finishing off later if I couldn’t finish it at the restaurant.
I actually had leftovers with my Mother on Friday and the way they handled it was to provide us cardboard take-out boxes to package what we wanted to take ourselves and then we placed empty plates at the end of the table.
However, this wasn’t a fancy restaurant.” SuperIpanemagirl
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Daughter's Other Classmates To Her Party?
“My daughter is turning 9 next week, on Friday I told her to give invitations to her friends in class to the birthday party we’re holding for her. She is very excited about this as this is a new School after I left her father who was terrible towards me and we moved away seven months ago.
She’d never had a proper birthday party because of our home situation so I was eager to give her one now. When I picked her up her teacher asked for a moment to speak to me. I thought something was wrong but when we spoke she told me that my daughter had only invited three of her classmates to her birthday party.
I will be honest I was confused and said yeah I figured it’d be three as I know who her friends are and asked what the issue was.
The teacher was a bit thrown off that I knew about this and told me it was unfair on the other students to see invitations to a party given out and be excluded, she told me I should ensure that all the children are invited to the party so my daughter learns to treat people fairly and equally.
My daughter’s class has 26 students including her there is a big difference between inviting her three best friends and inviting her entire class and I won’t lie I laughed a bit at this and told her that wasn’t happening and it was really inappropriate of her to even ask this as it wasn’t a party on school premises but in my own home.
The teacher was clearly displeased with me laughing about this and has said to me that the School enforces that even private birthday parties include the entire class so no child is left out as it can be a form of bullying.
I was getting annoyed at this is the first I’d heard of such a thing and told her that my daughter hadn’t invited a huge group singling out some people to bully but just her three friends in class, I then told her if there was nothing else I had to get home and left.
Now I’ve had time to think about this I admit I’m feeling guilty, I want my daughter to have the perfect birthday party with just her friends but I’ve never thrown a proper child’s birthday party before. Is this really a thing I should have considered?
I thought it fully appropriate for it to just be her friends. Why should I invite a huge group of kids she didn’t personally want there, am I the jerk in this scenario?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is such a stupid ‘rule’.
What if you could only afford a certain number of kids? What if your kid was bullied or didn’t get along with some of her classmates because they just weren’t, as Anne of Green Gables would say, kindred spirits? Is she supposed to be miserable on her birthday so someone didn’t potentially feel left out?
Not every person gets to go to every party. Just like not every person will get the exact job they want or promotion or whatever. And as others have pointed out, you only invited 3 kids, not 20 of the 26 or whatever.
That teacher is the jerk, not you or your kid. Hope she has a happy happy day and a wicked party!” Strmtrprinstilletos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t hand out public invitations at school. Now all the people saying oh kids need to learn this that it’s not ABOUT THEM.
Can you imagine how difficult it is to manage and teach in an environment with 22 upset kids? It’s the teacher’s headache. Now she will be dealing with other parents complaining their kid was excluded. This is a blanket rule made to protect the teacher (and other parents) from the wrath this kind of thing can bring.
The invitation should be sent privately to their home or the parents of the kids invited. Now if this was done this way and the teacher would still complain then I change my answer.” Silent-Top
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is one of those participation trophy things to me.
It would be one thing if your daughter brought cupcakes to share and only brought 3 and they were eating them in front of everyone. But, in my honest opinion, it’s wrong for a school to say what happens at private parties.
Talk to your daughter and tell her that she’s not allowed to talk about the party at school since not everyone was invited. And go talk to the school about how trashy that rule is.
Heck, I’d even say you are not the jerk if you lie and tell the teacher that you can’t afford to have 26 kids at a party so you canceled it.
And please don’t say anything to your daughter because she’d be very upset about the whole thing.
And next year don’t give out invitations during class. Send them to homes or give them to the other parents at the pickup lane.” Annual-Contract-115
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You shouldn’t be forced to invite the whole class to a private party.
But it’s also incredibly tactless to hand out invites to an event in front of others who are not invited. Imagine the poor kid in that class who always sees their classmates get invited to parties but never gets one themself.
You’re also asking for drama from others who might have thought they were better friends with your daughter than they are. Why be a problem-stirrer?
It’s called empathy. Please learn it and start teaching it to your kids.” P**********r
13. AITJ For Being Angry At My College Roommate?
“I (23f) and my roommate (20f) have been living together for about nine months now. We did not know each other, we were assigned the same university apartment. We got along great, we have a lot in common and everything was going smoothly.
As with any roommate we’ve had disagreements and got on each other’s nerves but everything seemed friendly and pleasant.
This afternoon while I was out with friends I got a very nasty email from her, she basically admitted she had been disappointed and frustrated with me for the entire school year and decided to dump every single thing I did that bothered her on me all at once, via email of all things.
I wasn’t super surprised by most of the things she complained about. I knew I could be doing a better job with chores and overall just being on my own stuff but, our place has never ever been ‘unsanitary’ like she claims.
I leave the occasional dish in the sink, maybe don’t take the recycle out as much as I should, I could be better at wiping down counters, etc. But by no means am I a dirty and disgusting person like she claims. I clean the entire apartment MYSELF top to bottom once a week.
I’m in college, I have classwork, and a job. I can’t be cleaning 24/7 so yeah sometimes things pile up. But she’s acting as if I leave literal trash and moldy dishes everywhere.
I feel this is very important to mention, she’s never here.
She is in our apartment for about five days a month. She has never once cleaned the bathroom, mopped the floors, or wiped down the counters. She just does her own dishes and sometimes sweeps. So for her to be telling me that this whole year she’s been disgusted, why haven’t you cleaned?
She’s never here, and I understand that which is why I never once complained about cleaning the apartment including common spaces. But, I am not her maid. She expects what is basically my apartment at this point to be perfectly spotless, not a spec of dust or a crumb when she’s here for a few hours a week.
Her emails to me this afternoon were in such a nasty tone that was completely uncalled for. If she had approached me in person calmly I would have apologized and come to a solution with her to avoid conflict. But this is getting ridiculous.
I’ve made myself pleasant and approachable all year so in case there were issues they could be solved civilly. But personally, I feel like she’s asking too much. She’s upset I’ve had friends stay overnight, upset I have a cat (even though before we moved in she said it was fine), my level of cleaning doesn’t match her standards (which I am a clean person), and she talked to me in the most disrespectful way.
AITJ for being angry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Just ignore her in my opinion. She sounds like the type to repress her issues until she explodes which is very immature and not worth feeding into.” _clumsykay__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She’s just a person who blames others for everything that is wrong. DO NOT even engage with her behavior. Simply part ways without argument. Your ‘friendship’ is over and not worth saving.” Silent-Top
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Update My Dad About My Whereabouts?
“About a year and a half ago my partner and I were about to take the next step.
We were discussing a home together as I was also secretly in the very early stages of ring shopping. Sadly things didn’t work out. Almost immediately after I was in a pretty severe car accident, then my father had a massive heart attack requiring quadruple bypass surgery.
This all happened in rapid succession.
It became clear pretty quickly that I wasn’t going to be able to stay at my place alone as I couldn’t do anything on my own for months. So I came home.
Given everything that was happening (the heart attack still hadn’t) I was obviously pretty depressed about it but at first, it was fine. It was actually kind of nice. Just as I was preparing to leave he had his heart attack so with that and the stack of medical bills I began receiving I’m still here despite being healed completely from my accident as well as he from his open heart surgery.
All of this is to say that I can’t take it anymore. I can’t even walk outside to get something out of my car or check the mail without ‘where are you going?’ ‘You going somewhere?’ If I’m later than usual getting home from work I get a call or a text ‘where are you?’ ‘You ok?’ And it’s really starting to frustrate me.
He’ll even ask the following day. Like if I go somewhere kind of late (he doesn’t seem to ever sleep) the following day ‘where’d you go last night?’ So no matter what I pretty much just always say I’m going to the store, when I’m late getting in from work I just flat out don’t answer.
I’ve begun trying to stop giving answers to get him to just stop asking. Last week he mentioned something about how he wished I would check in when I was going to be late from work to which I responded by telling him that ‘I don’t need to check in, I’m fine’.
And last weekend I went out pretty late to go see this girl I used to be close to and of course the following day I’m being asked persistently so I just frustratingly said ‘I just went out’.
I can tell he’s getting visibly irritated/frustrated by my answers but I’m sick of it.
I turn 30 next month and given my circumstances and everything that’s happened over the last two years I’m already completely on edge and I don’t need to check in or notify anyone of my every move.
It isn’t so much as it was when I was younger where I’m having to constantly check in and kinda ask permission but more so just being really nosy.
He always has been. One of his favorite things to say is ‘I’m not trying to be nosy but… proceeds to be nosy’.
How can I get the point across that A) I’m an adult and don’t need to check in with him and B) it’s none of his or anyone else’s business what I’m doing/where I’m going without being aggressive about it?
AITJ for refusing to answer him?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You don’t have to go into detail but, yeah, it’s common courtesy when you are living with family or a romantic partner to announce your comings and goings & let people know when you are going to be late.
I agree that getting quizzed every time you touch the doorknob, even to check the mail or get something from the car is a little much (to put it mildly) but it’s not unreasonable to say ‘Having dinner with friends tonight, might be kinda late’ or to text ‘working a little late, home by 9 or so’.
A certain loss of privacy is one of the downsides of living with your family and, since your family has recently endured some seriously scary medical emergencies, it is not surprising that your dad is a bit over-invested.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re in his house, it’s reasonable for him to want to know a general idea of what you’re doing or where you’re going if you’re going in and out of his house.
He’s not trying to control what you’re doing, just wants to know.
You’re an adult, but so is he. Maybe he’s asking in case he wants someone over. Maybe he enjoys his alone time and wants to know how long he’s going to get.
Maybe he wants to know, considering the fact that the entire reason you’re at his house is bc you were in a severe car accident and he had to take care of you. It probably gives him some peace of mind.
Cut the guy some slack. We don’t stop being parents just bc our kids are grown. We still want you safe. I always let someone know where I’m going, you never know what’s going to happen.” TheMudbloodSlytherin
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I completely understand your frustration since I also have to notify my mom almost every hour where I am and what I do, which is pretty fair since we live in a country where crime rates are pretty high and she had been traumatized once and doesn’t want the same thing to happen to me.
Just understand that your father is traumatized by your accident and every day he probably thinks it might be the last day with you. He does it out of love.
Are you also an only child by the way? Because you only mentioned your father and you and I think it might add to his paranoia because there are only the two of you left.
In all honesty, your father should see a therapist to get over your accident and other unresolved issues which lead him to always wanting to know where you’re at, even before your accident as you mentioned in another comment.” Jdyram
Another User Comments:
“The coming home late from work and wanting a heads up for it, I can understand as you already stated you were in a severe car accident. I would be worried for you as well if you normally get home at X time but are more than an hour late.
(also when living with someone it’s a respectful thing as well to give them the heads up you’re running late.)
The constant asking of where you’re going, makes me wonder. Has he shown any signs of memory problems now? Since the heart attack that is?
When my mother had her big heart attack, it messed with her head some for a while. Then she was hit with a stroke and the head problems increased. Though everything had started from the heart attack.
I get that it makes you angry, him always asking and pushing, but perhaps for a period of time be observant of him, pay attention to how he’s asking, how often he’s asking, and maybe even give him a plan of what your day will be something like ‘I’m going to this store at this time, heading to work, will be home x time will let you know if I’m running late.’ If he questions you before leaving, see what he remembers about that day’s plan.
I’m honestly feeling like it’s more of a health thing for this part. I know not everyone’s heart attacks are the same but it’s something to look into.
Semi everyone sucks here if there is more going on than meets the eye.
NTJ if there is no health problem at all and he’s honestly just being nosey.” Mlady_gemstone
11. AITJ For Thinking My Mom Is Inconsiderate?
“So, my (17f) friend (17f) came over to spend the night on a Saturday. She lives out of town and has a tough home life. I am a Christian, and my entire family is, meaning we have church on Sunday.
I attend a different church than my parents. I serve at my church, meaning for about 90 minutes, I am occupied in the nursery. My friend has social anxiety and I didn’t want to leave her alone in an unfamiliar place for that long of a time.
I asked my mom if my friend could stay at our house alone for a few hours, and my mom said yes.
Then tonight, after my friend is already here, my mom decided to change her mind. My mom said that my little brother (14) would also be staying home from church and it wasn’t a good look for 2 teenagers to stay home alone together.
I asked who would be seeing, to which mom replied ‘God sees everything.’ And I said, ‘wouldn’t that mean He saw that nothing took place between them too?’ My little brother also said that he would go to church with my mom so that they wouldn’t be alone, but that was not enough for her.
Then she said that church attendance was a good discipline to have. I said that I agreed, but there are going to be exceptions to every rule. Then my mom asked me to stay home from church tomorrow, even though I had already committed to serving.
I agreed because I felt it was the only option that would be considerate of my friend while also placating my mom. But that then contradicted her reason for wanting us to go to church in the first place. My mom said that she was willing to let one of the reasons go, but the other reason was resolved when my brother offered to go to church.
Then she said that my friend wouldn’t know what to do in case of an emergency, like our house burning down. My friend said, ‘leave the burning house?’ I also said that arguments should not be based on the 1%.
My friend has also been staying the night for over 5 years.
She then called my dad, who is out of town. My dad, whom she rants about for hours. My dad, who might be clinically insane. He backed her up and said that circumstances had changed, and I needed to adapt.
She thought that would strengthen her argument – it didn’t.
I got upset with my mom and asked her to leave me alone. I was rather rude with my words and my responses. She thinks that as her child I should obey her even when I disagree.
I was open with the fact that my friend has anxiety, she has panic attacks frequently due to it. I feel it was inconsiderate to change an answer that she gave before my friend came over, especially with the knowledge of my friend’s anxiety.
And my friend has had bad experiences at churches in the past, exacerbating her anxiety surrounding them. I feel as though my mom was inconsiderate.
AITJ for reacting like this?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom is just crazy weird for going back on her word like that.
It SUCKS when a parent says yes to something but changes their mind for no reason!” dbele97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This honestly didn’t go the way I was expecting it to as I read, lol. I admire you for trying so hard to make reasonable accommodations for your friend while also trying to be responsible for honoring your commitments.
Your mother is being unreasonable and putting you in a bad position where no matter what you do, you’re going to have to either abandon your commitment to your friend or abandon your commitment to your church service. That’s unfair of her to put you in that position, and you had every right to try to stand your ground and reason with her.
At your age, you need some level of autonomy, and you also need to know that you can trust your parents not to go back on their word. Being rude might not have been wise since she still has authority over you, but it wasn’t necessarily wrong.” ColloidalSylver
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ and you’re a good and caring friend.
Of course, you can and should question your parents if you disagree with them or if they’re being unreasonable (they clearly are, as you pointed out). And you should follow your conscience over adhering to obedience.
Also, this is a brilliant response
‘God sees everything.’ And I said, ‘wouldn’t that mean He saw that nothing took place between them too?'” mxcrnt2
10. AITJ For Not Buying My Partner A New Phone?
“So my (27M) partner (22F) recently broke her phone and she’s now saying she wants to move back into her mom’s house for a couple of months to save up funds to purchase a new phone.
A little background: My partner has a low-paying job, has little concept of saving and not spending money, has a serious shopping addiction, and generally doesn’t have the skills to do anything that most adults have to face.
I pretty much have to do everything that requires ‘adulting’. (Think: Making phone calls, finding out answers to questions, being reminded to pay things, etc)
My background: I grew up rather quickly, learned the concept of making sacrifices, and saving funds, and I have a moderately high-paying job.
I like to save up and don’t like to spend a lot on things that we don’t need, unnecessary things. Generally, I make all the decisions that require high-level thinking.
Problem: Recently my partner’s phone screen broke and because she has no concept of saving or making rational decisions, had a meltdown and said she will have to spend a couple of months at her mom’s to save up to buy a new phone.
I offered to give her half of the repair cost so her phone can be fixed. She says no and that she wants a new phone because she doesn’t want to invest more in a new screen (the current phone case doesn’t protect anything, self-induced) and she wanted me to buy her a new top-of-the-line phone (iPhone 13) and she doesn’t want an old phone because of the ‘camera quality’.
I said I couldn’t put that financial burden on myself because I have rent to pay and we have to be reasonable. She then proceeded to tell me that I have a high-paying job, I have the budget and I’m being ‘cheap’ because I don’t feel like shelling out that kind of money.
And is essentially blaming me for this situation and that it’s my fault that I’m not supporting her and in essence is holding the relationship hostage because she has to ‘leave’. She also mentioned if she can hold off 2 months from paying rent so she can buy a new phone.
I declined.
Why does she feel entitled to a brand new phone, put me in financial burden, and threaten to leave our house to live with her moms when I have a reasonable solution to the problem? Mind you most of our issues are related to money and to be honest, most of the financial burden is skewed to my side because she likes to bring up the ‘you make money to spend on me’ trope constantly.
What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t pay for her phone. She doesn’t seem practical and wants you to pay for something that’s her fault with no sacrifice/compromise on her side.
I think you two are at different stages of your life.
She seems immature and possibly thinks you’re her bank account. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem like you think she’s an adult either. You’ve infantilized her. She seems more like a child or little sister, with how you’re taking over pretty much all the responsibilities.
Or she’s taking advantage of you. I think either she has to grow up, you have to stop doing everything for her, or you leave. I’m not sure why you’re staying, really. You’re her parent more than her partner.” artemisinvu
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She sucks for not accepting the compromise and lording it over your relationship. You suck for pretending to respect her as an equal while talking about her so poorly behind her back. You very clearly have no respect for her.
It seems like you’re staying with her so you can feel better about yourself in comparison to her, just to then complain about her on the internet. Be honest with yourself and admit that she’s not a bad person—your values and expectations are just incompatible.
I kinda hope she does see this. You both deserve to move on.” UghhWhy_NoMorePlease
Another User Comments:
“She feels entitled to do that because she’s a jerk. She could easily get a cheap burner non-smartphone to hold her over until she saves enough to get her phone repaired or buy a new one (the fact that she doesn’t want to protect her screen properly while simultaneously demanding a new phone instead of just repairing her phone and buying a better screen/phone protector is bonkers by the way).
But she doesn’t want to do that. Why? She doesn’t respect the time, work, and sacrifice it takes for you to earn/save the money you do.
Why WOULDN’T she demand more money from you when she doesn’t even respect how you got it in the first place?
She sucks, and I highly doubt she will improve while she has you to financially bail her out of her terrible choices. NTJ but I would seriously reassess this relationship.” Legitimate_Essay_221
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Seriously, if you can’t see that staying in a relationship where you’re being emotionally blackmailed you’re just asking for pain.
Obviously, you know her more than we could possibly guess, but from everything you’ve said so far, this doesn’t sound like ‘the one’ you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with in love and understanding. If I were you I’d take a hard, long think about what it is you want in life and whether this relationship is right for you and indeed her.
Please don’t put yourself in a position where you spend your life being treated like garbage and a bank.” MaxieWestie
9. AITJ For Going Out Of My Way To Ignore My Dad?
“My (29F) dad (60M) and my mom haven’t been together since I was a young kid so he would really only see me on the weekends.
As I grew up, he’d interact less and less with me and become less and less of a father.
The straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when I asked my dad to be my patient for school.
I was in dental hygiene school and everyone had family come in to help me progress through the semester. Now my father’s house to my school is maybe 40-45 mins. I had friends whose parents drove hours to be their patients twice for two separate semesters.
I asked my father (who hadn’t even said hi to me when I arrived that day) and his response was: ‘well if I come it doesn’t guarantee your graduation’ HUH? Then he mentioned if he gets work (he’s a drywaller) in the neighboring city he’ll consider it…
So after this exchange, I was extremely hurt and realized my father doesn’t love me properly, perfect. So I decided what’s the point in pretending he’s my father and interacting with him? So at every niece/nephew/nibling bday, every holiday, and bbq, I’d ignore him.
He’ll be with my nephew or in a group of family and I’ll say hi to everyone BUT him. I’ve even ducked under his arm when he was in front of a doorway just so I wouldn’t have to say excuse me.
Now, the kicker is, he’s never asked me why I’m ignoring him, and he’s never said anything or acted interested in my actions. He hasn’t even asked about school. He’s basically ignoring me too… A big man of 60…
So, am I the jerk for treating my ‘father’ this way?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards NTJ but we’re very close to ‘everyone sucks here’. This is like an extended silent treatment for both of you and it isn’t healthy.
Even if you will never like each other you should at least be able to do basic interaction.” sucksatchess666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
It’s really saddening to hear that you couldn’t rely on your own father when you needed him the most. While I do think some context might be missing here, I think it’s safe to conclude your ‘father’ has put little to no effort into having a relationship with you.
As such, feel free to carry on ignoring him. He probably isn’t losing sleep over it, or he might have… I dunno, taken the time to apologize for being a dead-beat?” gochujhong
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex To Take Over My Role?
“I was cast as a minor character in my local theater’s production. My ex (let’s call her Alice) was cast in the ensemble.
At that point, we were still in a relationship. She and I had no real issues except with her family. They were horrible people and had hated me since the day we met. They, of course, got involved in behind-the-scenes stuff.
And of course, they couldn’t leave me alone. From going through my bag to ‘moving’ my clothing, everything went wrong when they were involved. It got so bad that I had to report them to the director, who did nothing because I didn’t have ‘real proof’ that they had violated my property.
I started getting texts from them, threatening me. So I broke things off with Alice and she threw a fit. She said that her family would never do anything like that and I was being dramatic. Then, she said that if I disrespected her family like that she would cut contact with me and bring this to the director.
The director, again, did nothing.
Fast forward to performance week. We get through one performance before I got the news that one of my family members who I had been in close contact with got sick. I did a test, it was negative.
As per the rules of the theater, I was not allowed to perform for a week or until they tested negative. Then I got the news that since Alice was the only one who had any idea of the lines, she would get my part.
I am not happy with this, as the only reason she knew my part was because she wanted it from the start. As soon as I got cast, she had to have it. However, I cannot do anything as the director is refusing to get involved with this situation.
AITJ for being angry at her for getting to replace me until I am able to perform again?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
And here’s why; As an actor who has also worked backstage let me tell you why, the performance/production is scheduled already, as you are not able to attend and perform they NEED to replace you as crappy as that may sound, it’s life.
Your ex may have wanted your part, therefore, knew the lines, but you still had it, unfortunately, you can’t attend but it’s not your ex’s fault nor the director’s.
So basically, get over it, there’s more to life than one theatre production.” CandyFlossOfficial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course this makes you feel awful; she allowed her family to mistreat you and then invalidated that mistreatment when you finally wanted to leave, she sucks. Now she has your part for a week because someone else got sick.
I’d be mad too. But unfortunately, there doesn’t really seem to be anything to do about it, so what I recommend is: let yourself acknowledge that this sucks, you have every right to be completely miffed about the situation, Alice sucks and FOR THE MOMENT she’s getting exactly what she wants, but it is out of your control and most important, it is TEMPORARY.
The week will end and she will go back to being a trashy background character in your life.
A little confused about why people are calling you a jerk for having feelings. Feelings aren’t usually something you can control and these are very valid ones at that; it’s not like you’ve walked up to Alice and popped her in the mouth for doing the part.
Very strange judgments here.” Legitimate_Essay_221
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like your ex is the only person who knows the role. If that’s the case, then it’s best for the show if Alice steps in. The rest of the cast shouldn’t be penalized with a lower-quality show because of relationship problems between you and Alice.
The most prepared/best person for the role should step in.” LawGrad001
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (almost).
It’s okay to be somewhat upset, but you shouldn’t be like outright angry about it as that’s part of the theater’s rules of being sick.
It’s essentially being an understudy. The OP, however, is not COMPLETELY excused from the jerk territory.
As for Alice and her family, they’re pretty much the jerks in this. So they are not out of the woods either.
The director is not obligated to intervene in the personal relationships of the cast & crew.” FatalDegree47
7. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Throw Away My Gift?
“My wife and I have been together for 12 or so years married for 5.
We met while we were in our early 20s when we were students and didn’t have much money. I gave her a ring at the time, akin to a promise ring.
Presently, we have been doing very well financially. My wife misplaced her wedding ring and wanted to wear something in its stead.
She pulled out the old ring to wear and called it ’embarrassing’ and said, ‘how much was it, 200?’
She later apologized, saying it was meant as a joke, and admitted she was being insensitive but I told her to throw away the ring because I said she didn’t deserve it.
AITJ?
Edit: By saying she didn’t deserve it, I mean that she didn’t deserve to have the gift she disparaged. Not suggesting we’re getting divorced over something like this.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with YTJ. What she said was super trashy, but she did eventually come to that conclusion herself and apologized. She’s likely upset she lost her ring, going back to this one is a reminder that she lost something important to her.
Like others have pointed out, even if she laments how ‘cheap’ it is – she’s kept it all these years, somewhere safe where she knew to find it again. That shows some level of care. She spoke in anger and frustration – as I’m sure you did when you told her to throw it out.
However, doubling down on that is childish. You two should be over this phase by now.” LaikasLastStand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Anyone who’s saying you are is absolutely blowing my mind. You gave her a promise ring as a symbol of your love and commitment when you probably didn’t have all that much money to blow on her.
Yet you spent $200 as a symbol of your fidelity and promise to last. And then she shows her true colors calling it cheap and asking about the price?
Anyone who is calling you the jerk would lose their mind if they bought their s/o a sentimental gift like say a promise or engagement ring, and their s/o was too embarrassed to wear it because of the price.
What a disgusting mindset.” RissaRay113
Another User Comments:
“YTJ only because after she apologized not realizing how it sounded, (it sounded horrid, yes) but you responded with ‘throw it away because she didn’t deserve it.’ Way to make your wife doubt her whole relationship if she’s been bad.” Final-Mail-6959
6. WIBTJ If I Buy My Dream Car?
“I wanted to buy my dream sports car, and when I told my wife she said that I could, but only if I can come up with the extra $800-1000 a month this would cost in insurance, gas, and payments because we are not in a position to sacrifice that amount with a family and normal middle-class income.
I figured that was totally fair. So in my quest to find extra work, I challenged myself to think big. I am now going to make around $10-12,000 a month… every month, which is nearly double what I used to make and is actually a bit difficult to fathom.
Naturally, I now want to buy the car and we’re even discussing her not working as much, etc.
My wife is supportive, although she’s worried I won’t sustain the work or it’s too good to be true, but my parents and friends feel I’m being irresponsible buying such a car and think I should at least get something more practical (we already have a family SUV), should help the family/save for kids’ futures more, etc. I feel guilty now but on the other hand, I feel like I seriously earned this and over-delivered, to say the least. Can’t I do both?
Obviously, I’m not going to spend all the new money on the car, and while it still is an extravagance I feel like it was earned…
WIBTJ (and a bad father) if I buy the car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, treating yourself is something everyone should be able to do because everyone deserves it in some way, shape, or form.
If you’re thinking about getting this car and are worried about not being able to sustain this extra income, then how about you open a separate bank account and start saving till you have saved enough to fully or close to almost fully pay off that car.
Yea it’s pushing buying the car back but at least then you have no excuse not to, it will be an account dedicated for that, and in the event of a family emergency then you have a backup source of income.
I’m sure by the time you save up, a newer model of the same car or a different sports car you like will also be available. You could even save some funds by buying a used one from the dealership rather than a new one.
You can even look at rental companies like enterprise and hertz, they sell a lot of sporty and well-maintained cars that are only a year or two old with very low mileage.” ThatBrownGuy120
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But seriously hold off a while.
This side hustle may be a lot less stable than you think.
Depending on if we are talking tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars – wait. A few months for one, or a year at least for the other.
Say the car is $50k. If you save every extra dollar you make for 3 months, that is $15k. A huge chunk of the purchase price. You have equity, all other costs are lower and you have proved that the money is stable and you can live on the original amount.
Don’t be a jerk though. As soon as the car is bought or payments are stable, give her the same opportunity for her ‘dream.'” saran1111
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, technically, you’re earning the money, but you’re spending it on a rapidly depreciating toy–I think you’ll kick yourself if you ever look back and think what that extra 1k a month could have done with compound interest.
It’s kind of a juvenile thing to have a family and be thinking that, above all the other stuff (paying down a mortgage, saving, emergency fund, college fund, home repairs, insurance!) you deserve a toy that only benefits you, and is a huge sunk cost in repairs, upkeep, storage.
If you find that your drive for extra income is unsustainable, this goes bust. My prediction is that you end up selling it at a loss anyway when you need a more practical car.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Non-car enthusiasts will never understand.
Go buy your dream car and drive the snot out of it. There is never a good time to own a sports car. If you’re young, you are too immature to own one. If you are starting a family, you are supposed to put them first.
Once the kids move out, you are suffering from a ‘middle-age crisis’ and only getting one to relive your youth. If you wait too long, you might be too old to get in and out of a low-slung vehicle easily.
So yeah, enjoy one while you can and screw the haters.” Windermyr
5. AITJ For Not Listening To My Partner?
“I (17nb) and my partner (17m) went on a hike with our church to a waterfall in a canyon. I saw our pastor and his son (both really athletic guys), as well as my partner (more athletic than me), climbing a steep-ish cliff to get to the top of a waterfall.
I told him I was gonna try to do it and he told me I couldn’t because there’s a part of the climb that’s almost vertical and because my shoes don’t have good traction (both true).
I did anyway, and he went up the easy part with me, all the while telling me I shouldn’t keep going.
I went up the steep part, and he stayed at the bottom with some other kids, and I heard him telling other kids that I was crazy and stupid for doing it.
I tried to brush it off, but he kept doing it.
It was really steep, but I was able to get up. Every time I paused to find a better handhold, or retraced my movements, he asked how I was gonna get any farther.
It seemed like he was implying that I couldn’t. He also kept saying that he was going to have to call an ambulance, although it was to the other kids, and softer, and he was far away, so I might have misheard him.
I told him several times that his saying that I couldn’t do it only meant that I had to, and he kept saying that he hadn’t said I couldn’t, just that I ‘shouldn’t’. When I got to the top I shouted to him in a bragging way.
When I got down (with the help of a kind man named Luís) my mom told me that my partner had been really worried about me. He was gone by then because he already couldn’t stay long.
I do think my partner was a bit of a turd.
AITJ for reacting in the way I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But he is for being so negative.
You are immature if you have to do something because someone tells you that you can’t. Learn to make decisions for yourself.” ssssinder
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are one of those that does stupid things without proper gear that winds up requiring rescue after getting injured making others risk their lives. There is no way you aren’t a jerk. You also set a terrible example for others.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He could have said he was afraid for your safety and left it at that. Constantly haranguing and discouraging you WHILE you were climbing was just crappy behavior on his part.” Suitable-Cod-1381
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
He was telling a bunch of kids that what you were doing was reckless so they didn’t see you doing something dangerous and think they should do it too.
And you took it as a challenge. That’s 100% your choice to see it that way.” Unicornsuperfan
4. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I’ve had a friend that I’ve known for close to 12 years now that I met in high school. Our friendship has, in my opinion, always served her better than it has me. It’s been a weird dynamic in which it became toxic, and I cut the friendship off from 2018-2020.
During that time she got married and had her first ceremony (I was clearly not invited as we were not talking at the time). Fast forward to now, she is engaged to be married a second time and I’m due to attend/be in the wedding come October.
A month ago my significant other and I went on a Caribbean cruise and met a multitude of people including a couple that subsequently invited us on a 9-night cruise in October and we hastily made a decision to book it as well.
While cooking one evening I took note of our ‘save the date’ on the fridge and alerted my SO of the coincidental date, much to my alarm that it was over the wedding. It was a genuine mistake that we made… How do we tell this friend we won’t make it to her wedding?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“IF she asks about the RSVP being a no simply say you guys have another engagement. Odds are good given that her wedding is 6 months out that she’s going to be too busy to notice or be curious about it until after the fact.
As you guys haven’t actually RSVP’d from the sounds of it you’re in the clear.
NTJ.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for agreeing to be in the wedding of someone you like so little that you’ll bail on their wedding for a new friend you met last month.
Why were you even going to be at the wedding of a ‘friend’ who you cut off 4 years ago, who you say has not been a good friend for twelve years anyway?
You need to make up your mind about who this person is to you.
Don’t go to the wedding if you don’t want to, but understand that it is signaling how you feel, which is that you are not, in fact, friends. That is fine but it’s time to be clear about it.” Left-Car6520
3. AITJ For Enforcing A House Rule Regarding Food?
“In our home, we all agreed that if our son (he has autism, and so do we even tho we are late in life diagnosed) wants to order outside food, he has until 7:00 pm to do so.
So, tonight, right as my clock marked 7:00 pm CST, my son knocked on my door asking for outside food.
Since it was already the prescribed deadline, I said a very plain and simple NO. My son (in typically stubborn fashion) tried to haggle with:
It was 6:59 pm when I left my bedroom.
I was not keeping track of time.
Neither of those reasons is/were my problem since said rule has been laid down many times. It has been even shown to him in writing in the past (via SMS, for example).
It devolved into a verbal argument, and his dad suddenly came from across the hallway to intervene.
We both told him what happened, but he had also heard most of it. Here’s how it gets worse:
Husband claims that:
Son came to the room at 6:59 pm… even tho my phone clearly read 7:00 pm when the door was opened.
The rule says until 7:00 pm, not before 7 pm. Not like in the past semantics and/or grammar have even made a difference. He got LIVID when I tried to point this out. Like, it was horrible.
Because of the before vs until semantics nonsense, my husband tried to force me an apology to my son for telling him no. I remained firm the whole time about not giving in.
I have not done anything wrong this time. However, there ARE times when I had been in the wrong and I had given apologies to my son.
However, this is not one of those times. The rule is that after 7 pm, he can’t request any outside food and that’s the end.
He did just that, I said no, he kept pestering for it, I refused to give in… yet my husband says I’m the bad guy?!
All of this got really bad.
Edit: The before 7 pm is to order takeout, not for prepared IN-HOUSE meals.
He did not have his takeout… but about 15 minutes later (7:20 pm +/-), I watched him cook spaghetti. He boils the pasta in the microwave, and when it’s done I ensure the water doesn’t splash him (the cover also doubles as a strainer).
Yes, there are two other adults… who are as weird and particular about food as him. It is common that several dishes are cooked at the same time: today I’m still eating the leftovers of a crockpot I made yesterday.
Hubs ate random things he either put together a part of what I cooked yesterday for lunch mixed with other things, or whatever.
VERY IMPORTANT!! Some of you are under the impression that I either force or make my son cook his own food because I’m lazy.
No, that is his preference and his insistence. When he was eight, I began to teach him how to cook all sorts of simple meals: so I replaced all pots and got different special microwave resistance containers for cooking.
It is not uncommon for him to cook whenever he wants or whatever he wants, and this has been a commonality for the last eight months.
However, every so often he’d crave junk food (like tonight). The by-seven rule is ALSO (aside from the shower time mentioned in the comments) because you know how delivery services, pizzerias, Chinese restaurants, and even just plain traffic and/or weather can delay the food that should come minutes before his shower.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I hate to say it but this sounds like a typical spectrum thing. You’re stuck on the time and rule, the Husband is stuck on the grammar and interpretation, and Son is stuck on the time he left the room as being valid.
You’re all having an Autism moment. You’re all hitting that one wall where you all believe your own truths to be the one truth and you can’t let it go because it feels so wrong to you (I hate that wall too).
The funny thing here though is you’re all right… and it doesn’t matter. What does it matter if you order food at 7 pm instead of 6:59 pm? I say this as someone who has been all of you, in fact, this was like reading what happens inside my own head haha.
From the outside, it’s super small and doesn’t matter. From the inside I know it doesn’t feel this way, it feels like an injustice.
I don’t have any advice for you other than you should reach out to a therapist, he can maybe help you all ease these things so you don’t butt heads so much.
Or maybe even just work on some communication and compromise stuff with you all so you can come to resolutions together. Mine helped me with a lot of stuff, especially when I was struggling with school because of my autism.
Good luck!” Zygomaticus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your husband is right about you being too inflexible in this situation. You need to be able to factor in a ‘grace’ period to your timing demands. And you need to make reasonable exceptions for human error.
Your son will make mistakes just like every other person. But your reactions to his mistakes are just as important as the rules and consequences that you put in place.
Answer these questions to yourself.
If you had been indisposed (using the bathroom, talking on the phone, out walking the dog, etc) and he had to wait 5 minutes to be polite for you to finish, would you still have ordered him food?
If he had first approached your husband, but your husband was indisposed and told him to check to see if you were free, would you still have ordered him food?
If he had asked for food delivery and something went wrong with the order and you had to resubmit the order after 7, would you reorder his food?
If your son was being dropped off by another adult (completely dependent on someone else being on time) and arrived home one minute late, would he be punished for breaking curfew?
You and your husband need to sit down and talk about these types of situations.
If you set a rule, also decide what types of exceptions are allowed and what type of punishment would be appropriate.” Llyndreth
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say everyone sucks here except for your kid. Y’all got into a huge argument over the semantics of a very simple rule.
I understand that if he’s on the spectrum, keeping a specific schedule can be important. But like… it wasn’t after 7. So I get the other side as well. But that’s just not something to argue over? Since you already told him no, why didn’t you and your SO just decide together for next time if it needed to be before 7 or by 7?
Why did neither of you budge on an easy-to-understand miscommunication?
Everyone sucks here because in the long run kids will get over stuff like not getting the takeout they want, but it’s gonna be really trashy of you two if you don’t give him a clear answer of when he needs to ask for the food.
You have to be clear with children. And you two need to stop acting like children yourselves.” Princess_Strawbs
Another User Comments:
“As an autistic mother, YTJ. He came to you just as the clock rolled over, and was trying to adhere to the rules.
I understand that maintaining a rigid routine can keep life from spiraling out of control but you do need to incorporate some flexibility, as I’m sure at least at one point or another task inertia has kept you from getting up to do something by a specific time.
From your son’s perspective, he came to you before the deadline, and you checked your clock (which might be fast, cell phone clocks can also be inaccurate) saw that it was 7:00, and told him ‘no’ quite possibly without any conciliatory statements added which might have softened the disappointment.
Which probably felt rather unfair to him. Then, your husband joins in the conversation and the two of you devolve into an argument, which turns this disappointing, unfair feeling situation into an emotional nightmare where his parents are getting into an argument because he made a request just a smidge too late.
There are two ways you can handle this going forward, either be willing to order takeout if your son asks at 7 or be willing to sympathetically smile and say ‘Sorry kiddo, we don’t order out this late. Maybe we can get takeout tomorrow/next weekend.’ Either way, don’t argue about it with your husband where your son can hear.” girzim232
2. AITJ For Not Sharing My Passwords With My Sister?
“My (F18) sister (F21) used to use her friend’s HBO Max previously, but she didn’t want to give me the password at all because it was her friend’s, even though she used my friend’s Disney+ without any problem. At our house, my mom paid for Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Spotify, and last month I subscribed to TeleCine, Star+, Hulu, and HBO Max as she wouldn’t let me use the one she used. She didn’t ask for the passwords so I didn’t make a point of giving them.
These days my sister’s friend apologized, but she couldn’t continue subscribing to the service for whatever reason. My sister didn’t tell me. Now, with a more placid face, she came to ask me for the HBO Max passwords I subscribed to and the other streams since she would have some time off from college and would like to catch up on the series.
And I know it might seem very petty of me but I said I wouldn’t do it. She had her friend’s HBO Max for about three years and never let me use it, I feel kind of settling down that way.
But she said it was silly to make a fuss about it and it was just easier for me to give them the passwords and make them both happy. I didn’t, and while she doesn’t openly discuss this matter, she casually mentions it and pins me somehow.
I don’t know, I know it’s a silly subject, but I don’t think it’s fair for me to pay for something for her when she wouldn’t let me enjoy something she had for free. I don’t know. Can someone tell me if I was the jerk or not?
Context: my sister lives with me and my mother. In my country, it’s almost natural for someone to finish college and have a steady job before leaving their parent’s house. You are not expected to leave home at 18 as in the US or to pay rent to live with your parents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as they’re your passwords to share as you choose, but you’re doing it for jerk reasons.
Her friend shared the password with her, not anyone who she chooses to share with and it’s not her place to share it around.
I don’t know what agreement you had with your friend when you shared their password with people, but you should never expect something shared with your sister to be shared with you.” pculley
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say YTJ even though nobody is ever obligated to share the passwords for streaming services that they pay for themselves, because you are refusing to share only for petty reasons and your sister was right not to share her friend’s password with you (I’m assuming you are not yourself friends with your sister’s friend or you could have just gotten the password directly from the source).
Also, did you have your friend’s permission to share their Disney+ password with your sister? If not, YTJ there as well.” quichelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a hypocrite. She wouldn’t give you the password to her friend Jenny’s HBO Max because it’s Jenny’s account but she’s okay with using your friend Tina’s Disney Plus.
Ugh.
You are paying the bills so it’s totally your call to give her the passwords or not. Demanding you do something to ‘keep the peace’ is terrible. And I bet she isn’t offering to help pay is she?
If she is then sure, give her the password. And be clear about what day she has to give you the next months or you’ll change the password and she doesn’t get the new one.” Annual-Contract-115
Another User Comments:
“I can’t justify being upset because my sister won’t share her friend’s account. If it was my sister’s fine, but this wasn’t even her account to share with. Now onto your account if you don’t want to share it you don’t have to.
Your sister is not entitled to the password so you’re not really being petty on that. I’m going with YTJ for expecting to get access to someone else’s account and NTJ for not wanting to share your account with your sister.” blacksparrow16
1. AITJ For Going Off On My Mom For Removing The Doors Of The Jeep?
“I was finishing up my shift at my job and was heading out to meet my mom and stepdad (I can’t drive yet, so they drop me off and pick me up).
I stepped out to find my stepdad’s jeep without any doors on it.
Keep in mind that I have bad anxiety when it comes to dangerous situations. Be it rides, cars, etc. So when I saw the car like that, my heart rate shot up.
I got in and buckled up, and was absolutely terrified coming back home. I’m okay obviously, but my anxiety and stress levels were not. My mom was making fun of me cause I was freaking out, and was recording me (she ended up posting them on her social media).
I was trying to distract myself from the whole thing, but the wind in my face was not helping.
Here are two snippets I remember from talking with my mom, the first one was in the car and the second was when we got back home:
‘Everyone who has jeeps takes the doors off.’ and ‘They (jeeps) aren’t meant to have doors.’
My responses were: ‘Well, those people are idiots.’
(Edit: I apologize to all Jeep owners for my rude comment (the one above) and I regret it the more I think back on it.
I said it spur of the moment, which doesn’t make it right, but it was not meant to hurt anyone specifically. When I said it, I was just thinking about the jeep owners who have no-door Jeeps for everyday use – doesn’t excuse what I said– recreational use is different.
I just didn’t find it safe to ride on everyday roads because of all the dangers, other people and all that jazz. I have also decided to educate myself on a Jeep’s safety feature, especially when it’s doorless)
And: ‘They are meant to have doors, they were made with them on.’
I know some people take doors off of their cars, however, it is extremely unsafe and shouldn’t be used when you have a kid in the car (I’m a minor, so technically a kid by law).
When we got home I left the car and went straight inside, wanting to separate myself from them. My mom came to my room and started laughing and scolding me for being overdramatic. I responded poorly, yelling at her, however, I think I had the slight right to, especially in this situation.
(No way am I saying it’s okay to yell at your parents, however when they put you in an unsafe situation, I think you have the right to voice your opinion).
Addition: I know it’s not my car, however, if I am going to be picked up in it, I would like it to be safe.
So, AITJ?
IMPORTANT ADDITIONS: I have had some people ask if I can get another ride to work and one person said to call/alert cps.
One, my parents now know I will never ride in that car again (when it’s like that).
They have also taken me to work several times and I absolutely trust them to take me to work again, in a normal car with doors.
Two, they have never done anything to endanger me (not counting this situation), so I still trust them.
They both are just carefree and don’t think some things through/don’t think through them enough.
Not saying what they did was right, however, they aren’t bad parents and I still feel safe around them.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG. NTJ.
Who do your parents think they are?! I’m an avid jeep driver and a Harley rider, but I have ADHD and Autism. I have anxieties about being in control. So I 100% understand not wanting to be in an open door with someone else driving you.
(I do not drive with anyone with open doors and I only passenger on my husband’s bike.)
Them making fun of you makes them the jerk. They obviously don’t care/understand mental illness. They are literally laughing at you while you are terrified, and they purposefully put you in that position.
I hope you can find someone else to give you rides because it sounds like your family is emotionally tormenting you on purpose.” guessmyageidareyou
Another User Comments:
“Jeep owner here: YTJ for the sole reason that you are very judgmental. Don’t tell other people what to do with their vehicles.
Jeeps have literal roll cages on them for a reason and the absence of doors and windows usually minimizes injury due to the absence of side glass and metal shrapnel. I actually use mine as my ‘minivan’ because I carry my kids around in it daily.
Your parents probably knew this and that is why they recorded you. Don’t get me wrong; they definitely should not have recorded you but your reaction was horrid.” StopSignSass
Another User Comments:
“Ok, NTJ, you have a right to feel safe in a motor vehicle.
It’s definitely common for Jeep owners to take the doors off, I don’t know the legalities of it, and probably depends on exactly where you’re from but generally legal from what I understand. Personally, I wouldn’t as I feel it is a bit unsafe and unnecessary to take them off.
This NTJ comes with a caveat though, you decided to go with the ‘Well, those people are idiots’, you can disagree if you want to but this is straight-out rude. I’d say right now you need to go apologize for being rude and then calmly explain that it makes you very anxious riding in this Jeep and don’t want to ride in it in the future which is entirely your call.
If they continue to make fun of you tell them that this isn’t called for and you don’t appreciate it, if they continue then I’d suggest walking away from the situation until things cool down, don’t let yourself get dragged down.
Some parents get this idea that it’s ok to belittle their kids for having anxiety about certain things, that it’s because they’re just being a ‘wimp’ or something which is honestly just not cool and they need to remember they have their own set of anxieties and things they don’t enjoy and whilst it’s perfectly acceptable to help people get over these things, it is not ok to make them feel crap about it.” Ixixly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your mom shouldn’t have been mocking you and definitely shouldn’t be posting videos. OP was definitely being dramatic. Jeeps meet safety standards with the doors off. Assuming you are wearing your seatbelt.” AJWordsmith
