People Ask Us To Give Reasonable Judgments Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Removing The Garbage Disposals?
“As a landlord, I absolutely hate under-sink garbage disposals. In my opinion, they’re a sizable source of service tickets my tenants open up. Many times, it’s because they’re overworked beyond the normal capabilities of what a disposal should.
I’ve argued many times with tenants for jamming/clogging them.
E.g. a guy tried to grind an entire turkey carcass from thanksgiving, jamming it on the thick leg bones. Another tenant called reporting a jam. I found a spoon in there. She tried to back out of the service charge but I know the disposal worked. The spoon came from her obviously but no, someone else put it in there & she shouldn’t pay!
We had a disposal growing up & never took advantage of it. I thought it was common sense to grind small items, never bones. As far as a turkey carcass, why grind that when it can just be put into the garbage straight away?
So when I can, I remove them between tenancies.
I had my plumber over for an unrelated repair & the last remaining disposal in the building belonged to one lady’s apartment. Her lease was up for renewal so we’d start a new cycle. I told her beforehand I’d scheduled a plumber visit to remove the disposal. My intention was to offer her a renewal lease but minus the disposal as an included amenity.
I thought it was the cleanest way to remove such an amenity & start a new lease without it.
She is mad. She likes the disposal. I told her I planned to remove it since even before her tenancy. I have the plumber here & this is the time to do it.
I explain my reasoning & she thinks I am punishing her for the mistakes of others. I explained there will be other tenants after her who will misuse the disposal & make me regret leaving it in so now is the time to remove it.
It’s also 20+ years old so a matter of when it will break. Then I’ll be forced to replace it & have to support disposal for another 20 years… I told her the switch on the backsplash controlling the disposal will be repurposed to control a string of under cabinet lights in the kitchen.
In my opinion, it’s a nice touch. She was unmoved.
Understandably, I have long-term visions driving my choice & she has short-term goals as a tenant in mind so we won’t see eye to eye on this. I have to do what is right for my business & to make supporting my properties easier.
Removing disposals has reduced my plumbing repairs & decreased the overall water consumption. In my opinion, it’s a no-brainer.
Fed up, I finally & calmly explained to her that this is the lease I am offering her for renewal. If you don’t like the terms or ofe leasehold anymore, you don’t have to renew.
But if you do need disposal, then go find a rental with one. Other tenants took this my decision without much comment but her reaction has me wondering if I am the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re right, disposals are just problems waiting to happen.
It’s a hassle for both you and the tenants when they break. I’ve never personally seen anything it would have been reasonable to use a disposal on which would not be better off in the garbage outright. And the things people tend to grind up in them are not great for a city’s plumbing system, either.
You offered to both reduce her rent for the lost amenity and upgrade her kitchen lighting. This is actually fair. Man, I’d have jumped at that offer. But then I don’t like disposals and would have been someone who was pleased just to see you remove it.
I’ve never understood why they’re so popular here in the US.
You seem to have preferred to keep her, so it seems she’s overall been a good tenant. Give her a good referral if this is something that’s a dealbreaker for her (fair enough on her part), and let her go.” PinkNGreenFluoride
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Which is easier to get, a plumber to replace later after she leaves, or a good new tenant? Presumably, this lady has never taken advantage of her garbage disposal and is otherwise a good tenant that you are willing to renew the lease.
Unless you want her to leave so you can hike up the rent, it doesn’t make business sense to risk losing a good tenant just so you can remove the disposal now rather than later. Just put it in the lease that you will not be replacing or maintaining the disposal going forward and when it dies, it will be removed or she can replace it at her own expense.” Aunt_Anne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that is not an expected amenity. They sound like something best used by the person who is reasonable for fixing them, so I’m not surprised they are such a headache in rentals. There are a lot of dumb people, lazy people, slobs, and any combination of the above.
You’re being straight up with your tenant and swapping it out for a decent amenity. If this is the hill she wants to die on – and move out over – that’s her choice.” knapen50
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It seems more like you are trying to get rid of her, likely to increase rent further with a new tenant.
‘She can move out if she wants to renew’, you say. Maybe she can’t move easily, it does cost a lot to move or she has other limitations. Maybe her current location is best for her. Maybe she simply doesn’t want to move since she is stable at her current home.
There may be lots of reasons why she would not want to move but you are taking advantage of her at this time for a lease renewal to remove something that is not a problem with her. Wait until or if she moves out and adds into the lease that she is responsible for any issues with the disposal. Stop being one of the bad landlords and jerk everyone hates by punishing her for other people’s mistakes.” Environmental-Pen556
18. WIBTJ If I Give My Sister-In-Law An Ultimatum About Moving Out?
“My husband (35M) and I (33F) have been housing our SIL (28F) for 6 months. She did not have a job nor had ever had one previously to moving in with us. We require her to pay $400 in rent plus contribute $50 per week in groceries, totaling $600 per month.
We also set her up in YNAB (budgeting software) to help her save money and get her finances in order. The agreement upon moving in was that she would be able to stay with us until she was able to afford to share an apartment with friends.
We have had a few speed bumps along the road with her being resistant to getting a job or helping clean around the house.
Last week, she told us she was moving out and relocating states to live with her father. We had no issue with this.
The day before she was supposed to move out, she told us her father said she is not welcome to stay and asked if she can continue staying with us. We told her that was fine under certain conditions, including continuing to pay rent, continuing to work on her budget, getting out of the house a few days a week outside of work, learning to drive, and not sleeping all day between shifts.
When she called and spoke to her mother about this plan (my MIL), MIL said I brainwashed her into staying.
On Sunday night, MIL called me and profusely apologized for the negative comments because SIL had been lying to her the whole time. Apparently, SIL called MIL 3 weeks ago crying saying we were being manipulative and mean.
We were forcing her to walk to work every day, even if she was working until 2 or 3 am (her work is 1 mile away). We were taking all her money and not allowing her to eat out of our groceries. MIL was the one who suggested she move out and SIL agreed, but then when she changed her mind at the last minute, MIL was confused as to how that could be if she was so miserable with us.
FIL also never said she couldn’t stay with him. He told her she would need to help around the house, work, pay rent, and not sleep all day.
My husband and I hate drama and are on the same page with this. I am planning on going no contact after she moves out as she caused issues between my in-laws and me for the last 6 months.
I also don’t want her having contact with my children (7m, 4m, and 2f). I don’t want her living with us anymore, but she has no other options currently. We do not live close to MIL or FIL and there is no other family nearby.
WIBTJ if I gave her 60 days to move out?”
Another User Comments:
“The SIL – she’s a lying, manipulative person who tried to drive a wedge between you and your in-laws. She’s trying to create dissension in the family and use it to her advantage.
I fail to see how you might be wrong to get her out of the house, to prevent any further manipulation or dissension in the family. Therefore, you are NTJ. Clearly, definitely and completely NTJ.
This SIL, though, is an outright disgraceful, treacherous, and vile being.
She is absolutely the jerk in this.” MC_Hans84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve given your SIL an opportunity. And opportunity which she chose to squander. You would not be the jerk for giving her notice (assuming you do so with proper notifications under your local law).
Indeed, if you were to allow the current situation to continue indefinitely, you would likely be the jerk, on account of enabling her behavior and (although you don’t say it explicitly) likely diverting attention and resources from your own children.” Illuminator007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Not your responsibility, not your problem. If she is lying to you about what her parents said and lying to them about what was going on, then I feel certain she is not above lying to your children about you and leading them astray. I think 60 days is more than generous, 30 days is reasonable.
I will predict now that she will cry, say she doesn’t have money saved up, and that she didn’t say those things to her parents.” Gladtobealive2020
17. AITJ For Throwing Away My Brother's Expensive Gift?
“I’m 40M, just turned forty last week. I’m divorced and have 2 teenage kids with my ex-wife, 17M, and 14F.
My whole family came to my and my partner’s apartment last Saturday for my birthday party: my parents, some aunts, and uncles, some cousins, my 3 brothers with their families, my two kids (and my partner’s 15-year-old son who lives with us).
I am a recovered heavy drinker, and I’ve been sober for 6 years now. Drinking absolutely ruined my life, it destroyed my marriage and nuked my relationship with my kids for years. I don’t allow booze in my home now, for anyone. It just isn’t served or tolerated here.
My entire family knows this very well, as they know my entire history of drinking.
For my 40th, my brother bought me a very expensive bottle of whiskey, it had writing on it, was a very heavy bottle, and was very old whiskey, so it probably cost him a couple of hundred bucks.
When he gave me the bottle, I was shocked and said I don’t drink, but thanks for the gift. He then opened the bottle and started pouring shots into plastic cups for everyone. My daughter had a panic attack at the smell of the liquor (which I am painfully aware is my fault and I will never forgive myself for it), so I told my brother to take the booze out on the balcony and just leave it there.
He wouldn’t do it and took a shot of the whiskey.
I told him to seriously stop it and he proceeded to pour the whiskey. He then said I am acting like a sober saint now when I ruined everyone’s birthdays for years with my drinking.
I told him to come to the hallway with me and talk it out. He refused and put a glass of whiskey in my hand.
I took the trash can, threw the whiskey bottle in it and the plastic cups in, and took the trash out.
My brother then stormed off and my mom followed him. She later called me, demanding an apology for disrespecting my brother like that. My dad said I was being overly sensitive, and some of my other family members also agree.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother clearly has some lingering resentment and issues about your past but instead of talking to you about it like an adult, he chose the pettiest, most passive-aggressive, and most inappropriate way to address it. You don’t do that crap in front of the whole family and especially not the kids, who as you said, suffered enough already.
Your brother is a jerk and your family is insane for supporting that behavior.” Select_UserName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I know it’s hard to understand, it’s probably some sort of cathartic payback for your brother to ruin an event for you.
I don’t know what the full history is here, nor what it was like to be around you when you were drinking, but in his own way, he was probably expressing his anger for wrongs he perceives you’ve committed due to your drinking.
I would wholeheartedly suggest allowing things to simmer down, but not for too long, and try to have a conversation about how his actions made you feel. It’s often too hard for us to see reason or the other side in the heat of the moment, but on later reflection, it tends to be a little easier.
Talk to him, talk it out, and whatever the outcome, you will both probably feel a little better, though I cannot guarantee it.” bobsled624
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but wow.. .your brother sure is. I would NEVER imagine doing something like that to someone who was recovering.
This was unacceptable on so many levels, especially when he put a glass in YOUR hand. This was NOT you being ‘overly sensitive’ this was your brother choosing to make a scene and not respect your choices or boundaries, in your own home nonetheless, because he wanted to be petty.
Please OP, I hope you know you did nothing wrong in this situation and should not feel guilty for any of it. You tried to de-escalate the situation by offering to step outside and talk. HE’S the one who forced the issue.” LarchStreet
16. AITJ For Not Taking My Husband's Dog Out This Morning?
“I (31f) have been married to my husband (34m) for 6 years. We have 3 kids. All school-aged and younger than 11. We live in the city and I have to walk my kids to the bus stop every morning while my husband gets ready for work. He got himself a dog last year and while I wasn’t too fond of having even more responsibility thrown at me, I agreed to let him have one with established ground rules.
I take care of the dog when he is gone to work, obviously, but he is in charge of her when he is home.
Now on to the issue. I have developed quite the case of a head cold. I have had a constant migraine for going on a week and a cough that I simply cannot shake, that’s been going on for almost 2 weeks.
I feel like absolute garbage. And apparently, my cough has been keeping up my husband at night, though he would never say that to me. He does look tired though, I will say that. I cannot bring his dog with me to the bus stop.
Not only is one of the families terrified of dogs (I can’t remember what country they are from but somewhere where dingos are a big issue and they’ve expressed their discomfort to me directly because my husband’s dog resembles one and I would NEVER make them uncomfortable or scared by bringing the dog out there with me after they communicated this to me) but the dog also isn’t good around strangers.
She is an anxious dog with predatory reflexes and often ‘stalks’ people. She is in specialized training but I’m simply not taking my chances. So no, I won’t bring her out there with me and by the time I get back upstairs, my husband is getting ready to leave for work.
For the past 3 days, he has asked me to bring the dog out after he leaves, instead of bringing her out before he leaves like we agreed on. He said he is too tired and generally he leaves the house with barely any time to get to work.
He has been snoozing all his alarms and has only been giving himself about 20 minutes to get out of the house. The first couple of days I did bring the dog down after he left like I was asked but today my headache was much worse and I feel like he is going against his agreed-upon responsibilities.
So he reminds me this morning to bring his dog out after he left and I said no. He was supposed to be bringing the dog out before he leaves for work and since he REMINDED me to versus asking me to, I now realize that he has shifted his expectations and I didn’t agree to it.
That and I feel terrible and should be resting and can’t do it anyways because I have to bring the dog out several times a day already, while not even owning a winter jacket and getting even mosickerHe was mad and said I’m unhelpful and that he is tired too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A dog is a big responsibility and I know you already have it. But you should have talked about it more and different situations when they come up. What happens if the kids are home sick and you can’t walk the dog?
What happens if he has to work late and you don’t want to take the dog out at night? Is the dog getting enough energy out in the walks? The current situation with you and your cold? What if husband is hungover and doesn’t feel like walking the dog?
A dog walker would help with this and may ease some of the stress. If you can afford one, it may be a solution.
Getting any animal that one person isn’t really on board with isn’t fair to the animal. He shouldn’t have pushed for it.
He wore you down, you agreed and now you are all dealing with the outcome.
When your husband hit snooze he made a decision that he wasn’t going to take care of the dog and leave it to you. He isn’t a responsible dog owner.
He is pawning it off on you.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
When one partner wants a dog and the other doesn’t, it’s best not to get one because families don’t exactly work with clear delineations of responsibility. There are times, like now, when you are sick and keeping him up at night; both of you are now impaired in your ability to carry out responsibilities.
Not sure if it’s an option, but why don’t you or your husband sleep in another room for the duration of your illness?
Anyway, that aside, he sucks for making you do this while you’re sick, and you suck for not just taking the thing out to the bus if you have to go anyway.
Screw other people’s fears. Seeing people breastfeed makes me uncomfortable for some unknown reason, but I don’t expect anyone to stop doing it just because of me; we all share public spaces, and when someone has a fear, trigger, or what have you the onus is on them to learn how to deal with it in public spaces, not on everyone else.
Just tell the family that the circumstances right now are that your husband can’t take the dog out in the morning right now, they’ll have to deal with it until you aren’t sick anymore. It’s just also important that your husband understands that right after this, everything goes back to normal and he has to start getting his butt up for this hairy responsibility he wanted so badly.” Nibmaster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It seemed like it could have leaned into jerkness but your explanations made sense – that this isn’t a good dog to have around strangers esp families with small children, you are ill at the moment.
This may not seem like a dog problem solution – but speaking as somebody currently dealing with ‘the plague’ and living on the couch – one of you should be sleeping in a different room until your cough is under control.
Plus he may be coming down with the same cold (have you tested yourself for something more?) as you have made him not only tired but extra cranky.
Your husband wanted the dog, he made an arrangement with you he should stick with it.” CarrieCat62
15. WIBTJ If I Ask My Neighbors Not To Let Their Dogs Out During My Daughter's Nap Time?
“I’m a 28F with a 16m old daughter. For those who understand how baby naps work, she’s been on a one-nap schedule from 12-2 pm since she was about 13.5-14m old. For context, my neighbors have 2 adult German Shepard dogs who every time they are let outside bark and bark and, you guessed it, bark.
The issue lies in when they let their dogs out. Now I understand fully that they need to be let out to use the bathroom or to run around and burn some energy. The problem is, they tend to let their dogs out right in the middle of my daughter’s nap, right when she’s transitioning sleep cycles.
As such, the barking always wakes her cutting her nap short. This causes her to get overtired and be unruly at night, especially before bed.
My fiancé (her father) and I have tried a handful of times to put her to bed earlier but it never works.
She’s used to her bedtime being when it is and if we try to get her down even 15 minutes earlier she fights going to sleep. It’s even worse when she’s getting overtired.
I feel like I would be a jerk because they can’t control when their dogs need to be let out.
But at the same time, we’ve had issues before with the barking and while they did some training they didn’t stick with it, to my knowledge. Also, they rarely walk the dogs.
I really don’t want to come across as an insensitive jerk to their animals but it would help so much if they just didn’t let them outside between those two hours.
Also to add: my fiancé puts her to bed 5 nights a week and it’s just in his personality that he doesn’t have my saintly patience so when she gets unruly it causes him tremendous stress.
So WIBTJ if I talked with them and asked them to not let their dogs out between 12-2?
Just to clarify: this isn’t a daily occurrence, it happens maybe once every two weeks. We’ve been working on her sleep, in general, to help with transitioning sleep cycles and some days are great while others are not. I personally am not comfortable asking my neighbors this, but my fiancé is the one saying I should at least talk with them.
I absolutely want to avoid bringing this up. I know it’s not a fight worth fighting. And if I were to ask on behalf of my fiancé and they said no, I wouldn’t judge them at all for that answer. They have their schedules and routines like we have ours.
I do not expect them to change their lives to make ours easier. I know this is something we have to deal with.
We’ll find ways to make my daughter’s sleep better in time. I absolutely do not expect anyone to accommodate my life. That’s ridiculous and stupid and if I had a dog who did this and someone asked me to fix my schedule to accommodate their child I would say that’s not my problem to solve.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. As a parent, you are going to have to work extremely hard to examine your entitlement.
This sort of thing happens with some parents. You know, the kind of parents that get mad at airplane passengers that won’t give up their seats for them.
The kind of parents that get mad that someone in front of them won’t let them cut in line at amusement parks. The kind of parents that get mad when movie theater staff kick them out when their baby cries. The kind of people that get mad when people have child-free weddings.
It sounds like this is your first slip into this mindset. So let me make it very clear: no one cares about your baby except you and your family. Literally no one. So when your neighbor lets their dogs out, you have to be okay with the fact that the world doesn’t exist to accommodate you and your baby.
Because no one cares.” AliquamMeretrixJusto
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YWBTJ.
Your world revolves around your daughter’s sleep schedule, but no one else’s does. You will need to find a way to address your daughter’s sleep issues without requiring other people to modify their schedules. Largely, they will not feel the need to do so.
In addition, your fiance’s issues with stress/patience at bedtime are his own to resolve. He needs to learn how to cope with unruly behavior from your daughter in a healthy manner because that is what parenting is and will be for the next 18+ years.
Rather than address this indirectly through your neighbor’s dogs, it would be more productive for you to look into professionals and tools that can help him learn to manage bedtime with an uncooperative child as smoothly as possible.
Besides, if someone is inconsiderate enough to allow their dogs to bark for hours, they’re almost certainly not considerate enough to feel the need to acquiesce to your request. Their response is more likely to be negative than anything else.” Meemaws_BearCheese
Another User Comments:
“Mild YWBTJ, because it’s not their kid, and it’s not fair to expect them to re-arrange THEIR routine to make yours easier.
You can certainly ask, but I’d go in with homemade cookies and the verbalized understanding that it’s absolutely not their responsibility, but you’d be ever so grateful if this was possible.
Personally, I’d buy a sound machine and put it in your daughter’s room at nap/bedtime. The waves or brown noise settings should diffuse the barking. If you have an Alexa, put that in the room and ask for brown noise. It has the deepest resonant tones, so it can cover more outside barking than white noise.” KittenSpangles
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave My Child At My In-Laws' Unsupervised?
“So I (30f) have a thing against my daughter (4f) visiting my partner 30m parents. There are a few things that they do that I cannot allow such as letting her run around in the front yard near a busy street, feeding her food I state she has a mild allergy to it and .
And not to mention telling her to get lost and another swear word used where I’m from to tell a dog to bugger off when she doesn’t want to be by them but playing with herself and her toys. Pulling on her arms when she tries to get away and abruptly letting go so she falls into things and this is done in front of me and when I tell my partner all he says is please be quiet I will sort it out but he never does.
Now I am currently in hospital getting ready to give birth to another baby and he is demanding I let his parents pick her up from my house and go to his parents’ house and I said no. Now I am being emotionally attacked by my partner because he says I am being controlling and that he has no rights over her or her life.
So tell me am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your fiancee’s parents sound like a bunch of nut cases to treat a 4-year-old the way they do. No one who is unable to care for a child should even be left alone with a child.
You as the mom need to listen to your instincts and maybe get your mom or relatives to look after her while you are unable to care for her with the instruction of never letting her go to her dad in your absence. Tell your partner to get lost and you can always blame it on the hormones but his behavior has to stop.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Your fiance’s family has disregardful your allergy instructions, endangered your child’s safety by allowing her to play with firecrackers, and were negligent in letting her get near the road.
This is a pattern that can no longer be ignored and if your fiance has a problem with it, then maybe you should reconsider if he is an appropriate person to get married to.” The_wandering_ghost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s time for you to hit your partner with a few boundaries like until he gets the guts up to speak up to his parents your children will not be safe with them unsupervised. If he doesn’t stop being a jerk while you’re in labor he can go home and watch little one himself as the nurses will be more than happy to kick him out of your room for his behavior if you say to get him out.” Grannywine
13. AITJ For Not Addressing Someone By Their Preferred Form Of Address?
“I have been with a company for six years now. We are very informal with each other and have a fairly laid-back culture. The company president is Dave, my boss is Lou, I tell employees who call me Mr. Smith (fake name) that my name is Dennis and that there is no need for formality.
We recently hired a new employee. The fake name I will give her for this post is Ginny Potter. In coming on board with us, Ginny signed all of her e-mails Ms. Potter.
When she answers the phone it’s, ‘Good afternoon, this is Ms. Potter speaking.’
When she calls me, it’s, ‘Good Morning, Dennis, this is Ms. Potter.’
And my response is always, ‘Good morning, Ginny, how can I help you?’
If I send an e-mail to Ginny, the response is signed by Ms. Potter. Emphasis hers.
She is three levels below me in a different line of report in terms of the company hierarchy.
So her supervisor’s boss reports to someone on the same level as me, if that makes sense.
It got back to me that she thinks I’m disrespectful for not calling her Ms. Potter when I speak to her. When I spoke to others about it, most stated that they just ignore it, don’t use a name to address her, respond to her queries, and let her call herself what she wants.
My boss thinks it’s idiotic and that she’s not at any level within the company to demand that.
When I told my wife, she replied that it was obviously a button for this woman and I’m being a jerk by antagonizing her. My counterpoint to this is that nobody in the company gets addressed formally and if I don’t call my boss or his boss by anything but their first names, I’m not going to formally address another employee several layers down the hierarchy.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
She’s allowed to have her preferences and I suppose you should respect that, but at the same time I find it a bit disrespectful on her part to insist on a more formal address for herself in a work environment where that is extremely far from the norm.
It would be one thing if everyone used titles at your workplace and she wished to be properly referred to as ‘Dr.’ because she has a Ph.D. but you insisted on saying Ms or Mrs. But no one in your workplace uses Ms /Mrs/Mr/Dr so it’s just weird.” SauronOMordor
Another User Comments:
“Ms. Potter is being aggressive and downright rude. You are the superior in this situation yet she demands to be called something formal while not returning that and calling you something at all times.
As someone who has worked with someone like this: be careful.
This person is problematic.
They feel entitled to everything no matter what it is. They feel as though they are superior to everyone even though they are three rungs down.
Yes, it is weird. It’s also awkward in meetings when everyone else is introducing themselves by their first name and she strolls in with something formal out of know where and she is the lowest ranking member in the meeting-it’s also seen right through.
Good luck, NTJ.
Sorry, you are having to deal with this because there are just people like this out there and it tends to be a bumpy road.” Lucylostinsky
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s about boundaries, not hierarchy.
Maybe she likes to keep it formal so she can draw a line between private affairs and work-related stuff or she simply isn’t comfortable being called by her first name.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Don’t you have more important things to tend to other than gossiping about coworkers and being a blabbermouth? Honestly, you sound exhausting to be around.” AdmirableAvocado
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a classic ‘Ask A Manager’ situation. I’m too tired to fully explain, but as the new employee, she should be going along with the company’s culture.
I guess if she’s insisting, you can call her Ms. Potter, but she’s using up capital and people will think of that first about her. Is she young? If this is maybe her first job or she’s newer to working in an office environment she might not get some conventions.
But really, in most places in English-speaking countries, everyone gets called by their first name (except schools).” AmericanMadl
12. AITJ For Not Buying My Husband An Expensive Car?
“My husband (m35) and I (f30) have been married for the past 10 years and we have 5 amazing daughters together. Because of that I dropped out of college and have been a stay-at-home mom for the past 10 years since we had our oldest daughter.
My husband is the breadwinner and I take care of all the chores and child care.
While my husband earns quite a bit of money which allows us to live comfortably, he is also obsessed with budgeting thus I typically only have enough for household expenses.
For the past 5 years, I have been working on a series of books. I’ve been writing everywhere I could.
5 minutes here, 5 minutes there and while I sacrificed a lot of sleep, I have managed to finish my series, unbeknown to my husband. I kept it a secret because he always considered it a waste of time.
It was tough but I managed to get an agent and was incredibly lucky to get a deal to have my series published. I was ecstatic.
And when they told me how big my advance would be, I almost fainted. It’s much more than I expected for a first-time deal (it’s higher than 5 digits).
I haven’t told my husband yet and I had to borrow money from my sister to get an accountant.
Ideally, I want that money saved up should something happen because I honestly don’t know the details of our home finances or our kids’ future. Whatever will be needed, plus I would love to have some spending money without asking my husband, Greg.
However, Greg found my contract and he is now demanding I get him a new car for Christmas.
A very expensive new car which would cost the majority of my advance.
I politely refused to say that he didn’t need a car that expensive and that money was supposed to be saved up. I tried to explain my position but he wouldn’t have it.
He basically called me a jerk without actually using the word. He said that because he’s supported me all these years, I owe him and without him and his money, I wouldn’t be where I am now. He’s told me that I either buy him a car or I have to start paying for household expenses half and half.
The thing is, I would still stay a home mom, I don’t know if my book will be a success, for all I know, this will be the only money I will ever get from my book deal because it’ll flop.
AITJ for not wanting to buy my husband a car even though I have the money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been working at home for 10 years. Cooking, cleaning, and looking after 5 children. Let’s do the math. The median US wage is about $70,000 per year. (I actually looked it up). That would be about $700,000 over 10 years. Wages your husband hasn’t paid you.
(Even if he’s paid for costs like your clothes etc. there’s still quite a chunk missing in wages).
Your husband doesn’t let you in on his finances, so you have to live in uncertainty about your and your kids’ future, and I don’t think that’s right.
He should be open about things like that. Have you ever seen a bank statement? Do you know his internet banking password? You really ought to know! He’s really secretive about it and shouldn’t be.
You really, really need to discuss those things with him before anything else.
If I were you, I would open a bank account in my own name, put the money you earn from writing books in there, and not tell him your password or anything about it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact you felt the need to hide all this from your husband means you should not be married to him.
It sucks for your kids and 5 is a LOT.
You need to have a long sit-down talk with your husband about exactly what is going on with your finances and what your earning money means, how it will be handled, and what your expectations are going forward.
Explain that your book might flop and also that it might be a raging success, and it’s too early to tell.
You might also tell him that if you’re going to pay half the expenses then he needs to do half the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing as well.
You’ll cover the time when he’s at work, he gets the rest of it solo when he gets home.” BadSanna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Before congratulating you on this huge accomplishment, he asks you to blow your advance on him. His language infers he does not view you as an equal partner.
He has 5 amazing kids as a result of you being a stay-at-home mom so calculate what this investment would have cost him. For 10 years he had you abide by a strict budget only to demand you buy him a car. It appears the past decade was void of actively dreaming, budgeting, and working toward shared goals.
Your writing shone a light on this sad reality. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
11. AITJ For Agreeing With My Friend And Not Siding With My Partner?
“My friend moved into a basement suite that has a 60/40 split with the top tenants. She complained to us when we came over that she was being overcharged for utilities and that the landlord was favoring the upstairs tenants.
My partner is an engineer and very good at math. She volunteered to see if the calculations were accurate for the total my friend was being asked to pay. So because my friend didn’t move in on the first of the month she gets a bit more of a discount and the math is more complex.
My friend agreed and my partner sat down with a piece of paper and showed her work and showed her how it was calculated from the bill.
She finished and said the landlord’s math was accurate and my friend got super mad and said she was being scammed. My partner was super confused and asked her to show what part of her math was incorrect and my friend said she didn’t care about the math the utilities were just more expensive than her previous place so she was being scammed. My partner told her utilities were getting more and more expensive since it’s winter and this place was a 2 bed rather than her previous place which was a 1 bed so unless she can show the numbers are incorrect she wasn’t being scammed by the landlord and there wasn’t favoritism.
I know my partner’s math is right but I piped up and agreed with my friend saying she was being scammed and my friend looked satisfied and my partner looked mad. In the car, she got mad at me for misinterpreting that I was saying her math was incorrect but I told her she is correct but my friend feels like she is being overcharged and insisting she isn’t (purely from a math perspective) and it is just going to cause her to lash out.
My partner is very logical and analytical, she will agree with people and change her perspective if she feels like her perspective isn’t logical. But most people aren’t like that. She countered by saying I’m letting her argue with her landlord and upstairs tenants over something they are right about which will probably make her landlord want to kick her out when rents are getting more expensive and picking a fight with the landlord over the pricing of utilities that is managed by energy companies is barking up the wrong tree.
I told her sometimes she needs to realize it’s not her fight to make people see the logic and that some people just need someone to agree with them and she was meddling in someone else’s business. She called me a coward which annoyed me and we got into a fight over it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She was right and you know it. You could’ve even stayed quiet or redirected the conversation, still trashy but a little less so, but instead you actively went against your partner. Your friend asked for the math, so your partner complied and did it.
Your friend doesn’t get to throw a fit that the results weren’t in alignment with her assumptions, and you shouldn’t have supported your friend in doing so.” Appropriate-Value54
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Wow. Both you and your friend are jerks here. Your partner did the math and both of you gave her a ration of crap about it like she has any control.
Your partner’s math is based on certain assumptions such as everyone uses a similar amount of utilities that are based on the square footage of the apartment.
The friend agreed, contractually, to a certain split and set of assumptions. Unfortunately, your friend didn’t know the details and ended up with a bad deal because of some problem with the assumptions like there are more people upstairs or the energy efficiency in the new place is nonsense or whatever.
That’s not your partner’s fault. Not does she need to hear anything from your friend other than ‘Thank you’? So what if it doesn’t come out the way your friend wants? That is something your friend needs to figure out with the landlord, and if they can’t even do simple math, it will never happen.” Interesting-Month-56
Another User Comment:
“YTJ – You would rather pander to ignorance than agree with your partner who had proof and facts to back up her claim. She speaks facts and has proof that you are a coward, no need to be mad at the truth.
By definition: a coward is a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.
You lacked the courage the back up your intelligent partner who had facts, proof, and reasoning to back up her claim. But you didn’t want to upset your friend so you sided with them because otherwise, it would be unpleasant to you.
Literally the definition of a coward. Just admit you are and revel in, instead of getting mad at her for calling you out.
Now she knows where you stand and I hope she is smart enough to make good decisions for her regarding this relationship.” OldKing7199
10. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out?
“I (21f) have had my sister (18f) over for the past 3 days as she was fully renovating the apartment that she got for her 18th three weeks ago and couldn’t stand being there when it was undergoing. It was to last for 6 days & she said that she would be out most of the time for school or with friends.
She doesn’t want to go to our parent’s home as she can’t stand any more interventions from our father as she was not supposed to move in until school finishes, though played the ‘I’m 18’ card.
I allowed her to stay for this short period and it wouldn’t be inconvenient as we all live less than two miles away from each other.
I and my partner (22m) live together & he adores my sister even though she is according to him ‘a bad influence’.
I have to attend classes most of my days, so I am not here from the morning till the afternoon/evening. My partner is doing an internship right now, so he is not always home, but is there more than me.
My sister for the majority of her life would always walk out of the shower without clothes and wouldn’t care about who will see her. One of our bathrooms that she conveniently uses is our bedroom one, where you have to go into our room and walk past it to go to the bathroom.
My partner finishes early on Mondays & my sister came home earlier than expected. I usually head home as quickly as I can as we want to use this free time together.
Though my sister had other plans. According to my partner, she went straight into our shower as soon as she came home (whilst he was lying down on our bed), she was crying loudly in the shower and proceeded to walk out of the shower without clothes & back in as she ‘forgot’ something three times.
After finding this out, I proceeded to terminate her stay. She called me unreasonable and ‘an insecure freak’. My parents put me at fault as well for making her ‘breakdown’ as she went back to our parent’s house. My partner has informed me that I ‘overreacted’ and he just wanted me to tell her to stop doing that as it was bizarre.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she did it on purpose. I can understand MAYBE once (on ‘accident’), but three times? She knew he was out there, yet she chose to walk out without clothes. At that age, girls tend to have issues with their self-esteem, and they will look for attention, even if it’s not always appropriate.
She was hoping to get your partner riled up. She could always put the blame on him if it got out of control… ‘He was older, and should know better.’ You did the right thing. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Because if she gets away with it once, then, most likely it will happen again.” Noneya_Biddness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell your parents to stop brown-nosing your sister’s butt and it doesn’t matter what they think because she’s officially staying at their house or in the streets their choice. Ask your partner how he would feel if his brother/friend did that would he be okay with that?
Would that be considered an overreaction? Clearly, your sister wanted to flirt or try to get a reaction from your partner but she didn’t expect to get thrown out into the streets lol and I’m sure your parents are mad because they raised a loose woman who tried to flirt with her sister’s partner and is now stuck with her again at the house.” Dukin_Donuts41
9. AITJ For Standing Up For My Daughter?
“So, close to a year ago, my (38f) daughter (14f) and her aunt (32f) got into a very serious car accident, that resulted in her t4 disk slipping (sorry if that’s the wrong terminology) and causing paralysis (her aunt got away with a broken wrist.)
It’s important here to note that my daughter (who I will be calling JJ (not her real name)) has got an excellent relationship with her stepmother (my wife) and her father (my ex) is not in the picture for reasons I won’t discuss.
However, my wife (who I will call Amy) is not her legal guardian as when we got married she chose not to be.
My wife is a general surgeon and so had the mindset after JJ’s injury that she had all the says. This was sorted out and our relationship was very healthy.
Last month, JJ was cleared by all her doctors to return back to school, which she was extremely excited about. We had multiple meetings with staff at her school to discuss accessibility accommodations and so forth, and the school was happy to make the necessary changes.
JJ was always semi-popular at school, and of course, this doesn’t matter at all but to the kids at school, it did. Now JJ was different, and according to them, anything different was bad.
These kids would bully her to the extent of doing things such as stealing her chair when she wasn’t sitting in it, taking hold of her wheelchair handles when seeing her in the corridors, and other things.
She has spoken to staff at school and none of them are helping. I have spoken to staff at school and none of them helped. Throughout this Amy was no help and just stated ‘boys will be boys’.
At her school, the holidays ended this last Friday.
and on thursday, I picked up JJ outside of school with tears running down her face, and not a single teacher consoling her. Angrily, I stormed out of the car and gave them a piece of my mind. JJ has been asking to transfer schools for weeks, and I decided it was finally time.
I took her home and called the school, informing them that we were removing JJ from her placement.
Now, my wife got extremely angry at this. She demanded that we call them back and tell them we changed our mind, (she went to this secondary school and has a standing reputation as the golden girl) I refused and said it was destroying her mental health, the fight got worse and I kicked her out the house, saying that she can come back when she’s apologized, all my friends say I’ve been a huge jerk but JJ was very thankful for everything, and I intend to spend Christmas break with my daughter close.
But I do feel bad for lashing out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re defending your child and placing them above your SO, which is the right choice always. That said, advocacy is about GOING to the school board (or board of trustees for the private school, parish priest for parochial school) and DEMANDING they do something about the fact that your daughter was being bullied, the school was notified repeatedly, and the staff did NOTHING about it.
Even if JJ doesn’t return to the school, do something about it so that this doesn’t keep happening to the next kid that ends up being bullied.” Oxfordcomma42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are doing precisely the right thing. Your daughter JJ’s mental health is far more important than your wife’s pride.
If your wife is a good mother, she would understand JJ’s mental health is irreplaceable. JJ does not need to be traumatized so your wife can feel good about herself.
I advise marriage counseling here because if your wife is seriously putting ‘having JJ at My Beloved School is more important than her mental health’ I’d wonder if the marriage is worth keeping.
When you’re a parent, YOUR KIDS NEEDS ALWAYS COME FIRST. Mental health is a need.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing what is best for the overall health of your daughter. Legally, you have more say in the situation than your wife. The wife, who decided not to become legal guardian is the jerk.
No outstanding reputation is worth more than the daughter’s wellbeing; emotionally, mentally & physically. If the bullying is so bad already, and nothing is being done by the school to help, could you imagine if the bullying escalated & became physical, and the daughter was harmed. How would the wife’s golden girl reputation help remedy a situation like that?
Also, if OPs wife had such an outstanding effect within the secondary school, why isn’t more being done by the school.” HoneyBadgerHugh87
8. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Of The Bedroom?
“So it started with my oldest feeling ill this Monday after spending the weekend at our house, and her dad kept her home from school all week and assumed she had the flu – as many in her class were out with the flu.
Then our nearly 2-year-old got ill on Thursday, so I stayed home from work with her- she was feeling terrible and really in my face.
I tried to not get coughed on but really was impossible.
Friday my husband stayed home with her and said she just played around by herself. Saturday I woke up with a really sore throat and progressively felt worse all day, but still took care of our toddler as she was clingy and wanted to cuddle.
As well as my two other children are with us on weekends, and my oldest still has a cough and is just tired, so caring for her.
My parents came over on Saturday and noted I didn’t look good and sent me to rest and played with the kids and got them dinner.
I don’t think I even realized until right now that clearly my parents even realized my husband wasn’t doing anything at the time.
Sunday I woke up feeling like death, and since I am 7 months pregnant my OB said I was at high risk for flu and recommended I get tested and on Tamiflu – so I did.
All day I felt horrid – throat on fire, headache, chills, body aches, vomiting, lightheaded, exhausted. I repeatedly told my husband this, and his continued response was he hopes he doesn’t get it. And then freak out whenever anyone would cough.
He continued to avoid the whole family and just laid in bed watching videos on his phone, and taking 2 couple-hour naps leaving me to care for the three kids while feeling like death.
He only got up when I tearfully kicked him out of his naps – one to get the kids lunch while I napped. When I woke up, the kids said he never got them food. And then second time so I could take a bath and he proceeded to go back to hiding in the bedroom and my toddler came to find me because she couldn’t find dad.
I confronted him about his complete lack of help and his excuse was he didn’t want to get the flu.
So I took his pillow and kicked him out of the bedroom because if he was so scared of getting the flu he shouldn’t be around us at all- and I am too angry to even look at his face.
He thinks because he is a high risk too (had a kidney transplant so is on immunosuppressants), and has a job interview later this week, he is in the right for not taking care of his sick family.
I would also like to state I am not unreasonable and don’t want him to get sick too – he could have helped clean, get us food, or anything to make less work for me and I wouldn’t be so upset.
But the fact he was napping while I am sick and doing everything really just upsets me.
So AITJ for getting upset and kicking him out? Or is he for not helping at all and avoiding us all?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It would be extremely dangerous for your husband to contract the flu as he is on immunosuppressant medication.
In fact, he should move to a hotel until nobody in your household is contagious.
When your husband had his kidney transplant you and he should have made a plan for how to keep him safe and keep your and your children’s needs met.” maccrogenoff
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – This is a failure of the two adults. I’m really surprised with kids around that you two don’t have a sickness plan in place for the family. That doesn’t seem responsible when you have kids and immunosuppressed family members.
The two of you clearly need to make and implement a plan moving forward and for the future. Your spouse could die catching any sickness. Do I think there are ways he can still help out while being careful? Sure. Make the kids’ food and drinks and put them in a neutral place.
Back out, kids come and get them. Lysol everything, bleach wipes whatever needs to be done. The kids get certain toys to play with while they’re sick. He sleeps far away from you guys. He goes to the store while masked and gets groceries, diapers/wipes, and meds.
He is in the support role.
Personally, when multiple people are sick in our home they stay in one bedroom. Only coming out for the bathroom. One time we lived in the office because it was closest to the bathroom and it was defcon brown rain.
I wiped down everything after using it with wipes or sprayed it with Lysol. If we can we open windows and turn off the ac/heat. We used specific cups when we were done eating we went into the dishwasher, and I timed my kids’ meds and mine so that we’d all knock out at the same time.
We watched TV on the laptop, read books, or did other quiet activities. Parts of this may be something that you could use in your future illness plan. Because with kids this issue is going to happen a lot.” pinkie18
Another User Comments:
“For the specific question: YTJ for summarily kicking him out of his own bed. The person who wants to be alone is the one who should leave.
No relationship should have one person in a position of power like that. It’s gross. I will die on this hill.
For the whole situation: you have every right to be LIVID, let down, and at the end of your rope. But you guys have had five years to plan for what to do when the family needs his help when they’re sick.
For that, everyone sucks here, but he’s way worse. He hasn’t attempted to solve this or be helpful at all, and HE’S the one with the compromised immune system. If his only solution is ‘never help sick family’ then he’s definitely a jerk.” fastyellowtuesday
7. AITJ For Taking My Scheduled Vacation?
“I, assistant manager (ASM), put in for a family vacation that my parents had booked for all of our family for a trip for Christmas.
My general manager (GM) raised a stink about it because GM had supposedly put in for some time similarly years ago and it was denied.
GM proceeded to tell me to get ahold of corporate as the time fell during the ‘blackout periods’ and that GM could not approve it without their approval. I called our district manager (DM) who was an interim DM for us at the time.
DM approved it as it was a family trip and not me taking time to just take time and it was a special occasion. DM said that they’d call the GM and let GM know to approve the time. Fast forward 15 minutes, I receive a call from the DM saying that DM cannot approve the full time and can only approve a week because DM was not aware that the GM had tried something similar in the past and was denied.
Meanwhile, I had called my parents to go ahead and book the plane tickets as they were waiting on the checkout page for an answer and I called and let them know it was ok’d to do so. I told the DM that it was booked and that it was already approved so I was planning on going and I was not going to put the company ahead of the time I was going to be spending with my family.
DM said they’d have to figure it out and will let me know. I put it in our planner at work and documented that I was not going to be there.
Fast forward another 3-4 months. GM and I had a disagreement and had to get corporate involved because of said arguments, but that is another story.
So we were on bad terms. In all of this, I had spoken to our new DM about said vacation time and DM said that they were aware of the situation. I reinforced that I was not going to put the company over my family and I would be out.
DM said ok, we will cross this bridge when it came time to do so. I had to figure out where to use all the PTO I had banked and had set aside a full week to use in the New Year for the rest of my vacation.
I was told by GM that I’d have to call corporate to find out if it rolls over to the New Year. I found out it does not, so I put in the week that I was going to be out at unpaid time off.
Our new DM, no longer the interim and a different person, apparently denied it with no call or explanation why. I did not see that until last week when GM started to make the schedule for the New Year. I reminded GM that I was going to be out and that I will not be back until such and such date.
Well, turns out another associate has something going on the weekend that I fly back and had told GM and was approved over a month ago to take off. Now, GM has made plans to go out of town after GM knew that I and another associate will be out and that leaves only one associate to run the store.
GM has only had these plans for like 2 weeks. GM is in a stink because I won’t be there and they may have to leave the store short-staffed/miss out on the weekend. AITJ for not caring?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Clearly, your company was never intending on approving your full holiday period and was going to try and force you to work it anyway.
They had no leverage over you once you told them you weren’t going to put work before family and they tried to call your bluff. Now they’ve messed around and found out and your GM’s not happy that it didn’t work out the way they wanted. Too bad for him.
If he doesn’t want to leave the store short-staffed he should have paid more attention to the needs of his staff. Your GM and DM are jerks for forcing you into this situation of their making.” dac19903
Another User Comments:
“Start dusting off you’re resume and be ready to start looking for a new job when you return.
I get certain companies to have blackout periods. It’s annoying but people are allowed to have lives outside of the company. As long as you are fine with being terminated enjoy your trip.
You might even be able to get unemployment when you return to hold you over when you return.
Might be worth reaching out to recruiters, and letting them know you may very well be looking for a new job come the new year. Make sure to let them know what date you will be home. Personally I always give myself an extra day off when I return.
Gives me a chance to unpack, decompress and figure things out. Might as well have someone scouting out a new job for you while on vacation. And if you don’t get fired but the recruiter finds you a job? See if you can leverage a better deal for yourself, or take the hopefully better job offer.
NTJ, and have a wonderful vacation.” Equal-Brilliant2640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Telling your boss and your bosses boss that you don’t care what policy is, you booked tickets 5 minutes ago and won’t be changing them is a pretty balsy power move and there might be consequences, but that’s been done for months and your GM only approved the other vacation and took one for themself because they thought you were bluffing.” Rando_R_Random_IV
6. AITJ For Getting Mad About What I Saw On My Partner's Search History?
“I’ve been going out with a guy for a few months now.
He is kind, caring, and funny. A little eccentric but nothing about him has ever seemed ‘off’. The other day, we were talking about something we wanted to buy together, so he opened up his phone to the AliExpress app and when he clicked the search bar I saw the search history had multiple variations of ‘Hidden spy camera’ ‘secret camera’ ‘WiFi camera.’ When I saw this I wanted to double-check, so I took his phone and typed the first few letters into the search bar and sure enough, the variations dropped down from the search bar in bold.
At first, he pretended to not know what I was talking about. Then he said ‘it came up as a suggestion because you typed the first few letters in.’ I was calm but kept telling him no, that’s not true. Then he told me he and his friend had been talking about how she recently stayed at a hotel where she suspected there were hidden cameras, so they decided to research them together to see what they look like.
This also sounded like nonsense to me, and at this point, I was kind of freaking out. I’d never seen him so annoyed before but he was in disbelief that I thought he’d really be the kind of person to buy hidden cameras. He said ‘Ok then, I will call my friend right now and she will tell you it’s true’ and I stayed silent, then he said ‘search my whole room, there are no cameras.’ Then he texted his friend to prove to me the conversation they had was real. The texts said something like ‘hey remember when we were researching spy cams together, well my partner saw and they think I have hidden cameras.
Can you reply so I can prove we talked about them together and that I don’t have any cameras’ he said he feels embarrassed he had to send a text like that to his friend.
I feel like his texting his friend kind of proves his story because otherwise, he’d be outing himself as a total creep to her too, and I feel bad for jumping to a conclusion and accusing him.
It’s been a few days and I think I believe him, but things are still kind of tense between us. I don’t think he forgives me.
AITJ for jumping to that conclusion or is it a rational reaction?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His behavior is way suspect.
See how his story changes (twice!!!) when you don’t believe the first one? Why lie at first if you don’t feel caught and don’t have something to hide? Why not come out with the ‘Oh, I was just curious what they look like’ line first?
His challenging you to find cameras is a deflection. It doesn’t prove anything. Of course, he doesn’t have them if they haven’t arrived yet.
His text to the friend sounds like he was putting words into her mouth so she would know what to say.
If he wanted to allay your fears, he should have given you the phone to have a private conversation with her so that you could see if her story matched his story. Let it be open-ended. ‘tell me everything about every time you and he discussed hidden cameras, starting with who brought it up and why.’
His indignation that he can’t believe you would think he would buy an item he searched on. Really?
I can’t say for sure that this is what is going on, but I don’t trust him.” TheDefiniteIntegral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If his friend/hotel story was true, he should’ve told you that right away.
Example: You: ‘Why are those cameras in your search history?’
Him, with NO hesitation: ‘Oh my friend and I thought there was one in this hotel and we were curious, wanted to see what they looked like, etc.’
Completely transparent right from the start.
I’d say you might be overreacting if it just went from there.
But he lied about why it was popping up, knew you were right, course-corrected with the friend/hotel story, and then spoon-fed that story to his friend to get them to help him out without it being too obvious that they’re both lying to you.
Even if he wasn’t buying or using the cameras, the way he fully lied at the beginning and then ran in circles to give you a crappy explanation is enough to make him the jerk. Again, NTJ, but I’d be reconsidering a lot of things if I were you.” mallentine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve only been together for a little bit of time so of course you see something like that and anyone would get suspect of what’s going on. You’re in the learning about each other phase and now with today’s technology it’s easy to get a hold of things like tracking devices and cameras that are so small you wouldn’t even notice them unless you’re looking for them.
(I’ll admit I have not looked any up, but you see them all the time in videos now). Heck there’s even tracking apps people can install on other peoples phones. I cannot say one way or the other about if he was getting cameras for your place or his or if he’s getting any at all, but what I find weird is he didn’t just come out and say why he looked them up in the first place if it wasn’t a big deal.” Safren
5. AITJ For Wanting Our Roommate To Contribute To Food?
“So my husband wanted a roommate. I didn’t. But he was very persistent so I bent. I allowed a roommate, it was his friend. My husband is in the army. So he gets Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) for our apartment. His friend isn’t married so he doesn’t.
I was under the impression it would be just him. Then he said his fiancé will be here in January.
I then thought ‘okay so he’ll just be here til January’ no, he wants to get married and then continue living with us. We live in a tiny apartment.
4 people will be very crowded. He is sleeping on our couch rn because he doesn’t have a bed.
We agreed that he will pay 400 a month. And then I said ‘of course, you will also have to buy your own food’ they got upset over that.
My husband said ‘well that wouldn’t be fair he doesn’t get paid as much as I do because he’s not married’. We are already tight on money. We’ve been talking about trying to food stamps. A lot of families have had to because, after every bill, we still live paycheck to paycheck.
So they are wanting us to pay for food for ourselves and the roommates.
They aren’t family, I have not birthed them. We should not be feeding them. They aren’t even paying half of the rent. We also have to pay about 160 for utilities and 80 for the internet.
The rent is 1000. They are only paying 400 and expect us to feed them as well. They said we should just use the 400 for food.
Am I being irrational? They should be paying rent, and feeding themselves. I agreed to ONE roommate so we can save for our baby.
Now we have 2 and we have to feed them.
Somehow my husband is on their side. Because the roommate doesn’t get BAH it isn’t fair to expect them to buy food. If they can’t afford it then he should just go back to the barracks.
I get that the barracks aren’t exactly the best, but at least you can buy food and spend money on stuff. If he’s gonna be struggling so much living with us then why is he?
Also, they want to eat together too. Like each meal we make they expect to eat it too.
So AITJ?
Edit: the day I agreed to have a roommate the guy just showed up and just hasn’t left. I didn’t even have time to talk with my husband. And not to mention he came over and just stocked our fridge with beer.
I have to move some liquors to just get to my food. All he does is drink. If he has money to buy that much beer he should have enough to buy food.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am surprised your husband is agreeing to financially support his friend.
Friend has the option to live in the barracks and get food at the mess hall at no cost. If he chooses not to do that, then he needs to pay for his share. If he doesn’t get paid enough to do that, then he needs to go back to option 1.
If he is getting married, then he will get a housing stipend and can get his own tiny apartment just like you have. Living with you shouldn’t be an option. Does he think he and his new wife are going to sleep on your couch?
That’s ridiculous.” Iamgoaliemom
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure what the regulations are in the military he is a part of, but I strongly suspect this is a big no-no.
You need to find out NOW! Also for the love of god DO NOT GET PREGNANT!
I strongly suspect your hubby is gay (or bi) and your just his beard/cover…
The fact he doesn’t seem to care about your wants or needs is very concerning. Do you have any friends or family nearby you can live with? You should be his priority, not his friend.
You need to look into divorcing him and starting over with someone else that will put you ahead of any ‘friend’ (squints suspiciously).
NTJ, but I think it’s high time you leave.” Equal-Brilliant2640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would make January his move-out date.
Don’t make an issue over the food at this point, but if the guy is getting married in January, then he can find his own place to live. He’s sleeping on the couch now, what’s he going to do when he gets married?
You need to tell your husband that the friend is getting married in January and you want him out and his wife to never move in.
Now that he’ll be married, he’ll also be getting BAH so he should be able to afford his own place.
I wouldn’t budge on the demand the guy move out when he gets married.” User
4. WIBTJ If I Report My Roommate For Academic Misconduct?
“I am a student at a reasonably respected university. My roommate is also a student at this university and has been having a romantic relationship with their professor/supervisor (Roommate: otherwise single, early 20’s.
Professor: married with kids, 40s?).
The relationship between them has been going on for multiple months now. However, I have just come to learn that several rules were bent for my roommate by the professor throughout their time studying under them… No penalties for late submissions, last-minute extensions are always granted, etc.
I have also come to learn that they have been awarded a scholarship worth over USD 100,000 to complete a Ph.D. project with this professor as supervisor again. The scholarship includes a yearly living stipend, course fees paid for, and several trips overseas to ‘exotic locations’ covered to conduct their research.
Naturally, the professor would be going along for these trips too. I am reasonably confident my roommate did not get this scholarship fully of their own merit; The professor likely had a part in them getting it.
I have reasonably concrete proof that something awry is going on.
WIBTJ for reporting this to the university and sharing the proof with the Uni?
The likely results of my reporting this, if believed and acted upon by the university are: my roommate having their master’s degree stripped from them. The professor losing their job. The professor’s family becoming aware of the affair happening.
My roommate losing the scholarship and probably being unable to ever further their education again.
Edit for info: My motivation for reporting this is that I see it as unjust. I very much dislike the fact that by having this relationship my roommate is getting an easier time of things… Academically that is.
Probably when you account for having to be constantly walking on eggshells, I imagine it to be a lot worse.
I have absolutely nothing to gain by reporting this, I am not a candidate for this scholarship. I study something completely different in another department.
As for the scholarship. There are only a certain number of them available it pains me that another candidate may have missed out on it because of this relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ -You should submit any evidence you have of them being together, The school can then do their investigation into the academic misconduct.
I wouldn’t feel too concerned with the outcome. They both chose to enter the relationship knowing full well the possible outcome. Having a relationship with your professor def gives that person a huge advantage over other students.” Poisonella
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. It’s none of your business and has nothing to do with you.
Why do you want to ruin their lives? Unless you think your roommate is being taken advantage of by the professor. But even then, getting your roommate in trouble isn’t the right move. The professor has the power in this situation so be careful about blaming your roommate for this situation.
You could argue there are students out there being treated unfairly because your roommate is getting special favors but they’re not being seriously hurt. And you don’t actually know for a fact that that’s the case.
I would ask yourself what is your motivation for crusading for these strangers that may or may not exist. It sounds like you have a problem with your roommate.
Sure, being unfair is wrong but it’s really none of your business and you should stay out of it. YTJ.” FifteenEggs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you should only report their relationship and not accuse your roommate of academic misconduct. It doesn’t seem clear that this happened and it is a strong accusation.
I would suggest visiting a consultation with the responsible office and telling them about the relationship and what you know about it. It makes you uncomfortable and concerned and that is sufficient reason for reporting it.
However, what happens then is not your responsibility. At my university, a relationship between a grad student and supervising faculty was not even forbidden until 2020, so maybe there is not even a policy against it at your institution.” beijina
Another User Comments:
“Personally I believe you’re doing this not because you think it’s wrong but because you think it’s unfair.
Kinda reminds me of the bill Clinton affair with Monica. I watched the FX series on it but basically the woman who snitched explained it as she was looking out for Monica when really they were getting involved for their own self interest.
Personally, there are all kinds of mess in that situation, now the question is if it’s your job to unpack it. Nothing you said has made me think this person has been given this opportunity while not being at a similar level to other students.
You would ruin so many lives and relationships from letting this get out. Is this what you want to be involved in? You’ve had plenty of time to get involved if you cared about this family because of the affair. It seems to me you only cared when it involved this great academic opportunity.
Could be unfair, could be totally fair. This person basically has constant 1v1 sessions with the professor. Could be 100% warranted they could qualify for this
I believe YWBTJ because I don’t trust your intentions are run by anything other than jealousy. If it wasn’t you would’ve made this friend stop the second you knew this was happening with a married teacher.” ray3050
3. AITJ For Not Hushing My Kids When My Wife Had A Headache?
“I have been with my wife for 2 years; I have two children from a previous relationship who are 5 and 8.
I am currently 7 months pregnant, have been married, and living together for 5 months… it’s been an adaption for everyone, mostly the children.
During our relationship even before living together, I knew my wife got the occasional headache, she takes painkillers but says they don’t help so she’ll usually spend the day in our bedroom and sleep.
The kids are at home and my wife has a headache, I’m working from home.
The kids are doing what they normally do, playing.
My wife texts me asking to keep them from making so much noise, I was in a meeting when she texted so I didn’t actually look at it till an hour later.
She’s upset but the way I see it is it’s the children’s home. They’re playing, what am I meant to say ‘my wife has a headache go read a book?’ I don’t think I’m the jerk, my wife does.
Figured I’d ask here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Not seeing the text for an hour is acceptable.
Refusing to teach your kids empathy makes you a jerk. You could have easily told your kids that their step-mom has a headache and that noise is really bothering her.
Could they do something quieter?
You shouldn’t be angry at them if they fail, but you should slowly teach them to be aware of others and respect their needs… within reason.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You gently explain to your kids that your wife has a bad headache and that making too much noise makes it worse.
Ask them if they can play quietly today, watch a movie, or play outside, and give your pregnant wife a break.
Teach your kids some compassion for others.
I honestly can’t believe that you’re refusing to make accommodations for someone you care about.” GiraffeThoughts
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
We all have migraines in my family except for my dad, and nearly all my female cousins too.
They are really bad, all you can do even with medication is to lie still, in a quiet dark room and try not to vomit everywhere.
You genuinely are unable to do anything.
You should have gotten her water, asked if she wanted a hot water bottle or a cold compress (put a damp face cloth in the freezer for an hour), and left her be. The least you could have done was supervise your children and asked them to play a quieter game or moved them to a room away from your wife.” Potential_Honey_955
2. AITJ For Standing Up For My Mom?
“Growing up, it was very obvious that our dad saw our mom as ‘lesser than.’ He’d yell at her over everything and make her responsible for everything.
Cleaning, taking care of us, etc. My (16f) mom never said anything and tried her hardest to make it seem like everything was okay.
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m too scared to stand up to my dad. I always freeze. My brother (17m), on the other hand, does not care.
He yells back and isn’t afraid of anything.
I think my brother realized that I’m too scared to protect our mom and recently told us that he’s going to a college nearby and will be commuting as the college doesn’t require first-years to live on campus.
My parents were confused and my dad was a little upset. He kept telling him that he was going to miss out and that he’ll regret it but my brother didn’t budge. Mom even told him that he should go and that she’ll be fine.
But my brother just said that they’re lucky he’s even going to college.
Well, yesterday we got a surprise visit from our grandma (dad’s mom). She never visits and when she does, she also just treats my mom awfully so we weren’t very excited. But we were civil because well if we aren’t then she’ll find a way to blame our mom.
It was okay at first but then she asked my mom: ‘Is this what you wanted? Are you proud of yourself?’ My mom started to shake but my brother immediately got in between them. Grandma just rolled her eyes and asked my brother if he was really going to throw away his life just because he thinks his mom was too fragile to survive without him.
My brother didn’t say anything.
I then spoke up and said ‘it’s not because of mom. It’s because of you and dad. You guys are horrible and you really need to get out.’
My grandma immediately started yelling at me. She said that she expected better and said that I’m rude, disrespectful, and bratty.
She then told my mom that she raised horrible kids before leaving angrily.
I know I was just standing up for my mom and my brother keeps telling me I’m fine, but I feel guilty. My grandma apparently adores me according to my dad and I really broke her heart.
And it’s not like I made things better (maybe even worse). My dad’s expecting me to apologize but, I don’t know, I don’t want to. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your dad obviously gets it from his mother, and you are standing up for your mom.
As a person who was too young to do that for my mom, I applaud you for taking a stand. Always be a person that can stand for others and make things right. As for your grandma, she needs to understand and respect goes two ways and that she can not just expect you or anyone to give it to her cause of age.
It is unacceptable at any age. Good luck to you, your brother, and your mother.” daprofet1767
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While perhaps not the most tactful thing to say, it sounds like this has been building for a long time, and you are human. Your feelings and emotions are justified.
I highly suspect that your father is using your grandmother’s ‘broken heart’ as a form of emotional manipulation. I would wager this is something he’s done countless times to you, your brother, and your mother.
Have you spoken to a trusted adult or therapist about some of the things happening at home?
Neither you nor your brother should have to feel like it’s your job to protect your mother.” CNKeeny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father is manipulating you by pretending your grandmother is a victim.
The only bad mom here is your grandmother who raised a horrid son.
You and your mom and brother have been in an emotionally abusive family your entire life. Honestly emotional mistreatment is worse to me than physical. No one can see the damage and really understand like if they were seeing black eyes and broken bones.” User
1. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Babysit?
“I am (20) a single mother of 8-month-old boy-girl twins who is a college student and living alone with my 17-year-old sister.
My sister decided to move in with me because our parents are super overbearing and always makes all of our decision for us and can be pretty extreme in their punishments when we chose to disobey for example when they found out I had a secret SO when I was 16 they cut my hair off.
My sister came to me begging me to move in with me, I was a little hesitant at first because I just gave birth to twins and was using the other bedroom as their nursery but ended up making room in my room for both of their cribs and gave her the room.
My children’s dad whom I’m not in a relationship with my we are on really good terms and are good friends had a work injury which resulted in him having to stay a few days at the hospital called me in a last-ditch effort to drive him home from the hospital as they wouldn’t let him leave unless he had a ride and his friend who was supposed to pick him up was unable to make it.
He doesn’t have any family in the country as he’s an immigrant whose family all live in his birth country.
So I agreed to pick him up but didn’t want to have to bring my babies as they were sleeping and it was super cold out so I asked my sister if she could watch them while I pick their dad up from the hospital.
She refused saying that I know she’s not a baby person and that she doesn’t want to be responsible for any babies.
This is the first time I ever asked her to watch my children, I was a little upset that she refused because I do so much for her like buy her food, give her a place to live, pay her phone bill, and do not ask much from her other than for her to make responsible decisions and stay in school.
So I did ask again saying please just this once I promise I won’t ask you of this again, which annoyed her and cause her to raise her voice saying I already told you no so end of the story, goodnight. She ended up slamming her door closed ending the conversation.
I ended up bringing the babies to pick up their dad from the hospital.
But the next morning my sister was giving me the silent treatment and being passive aggressive when I asked her why she was acting this way she told me that I’m no different than our parents claiming that I don’t respect people’s decisions and should’ve accepted her no the first time or not even asked because I know how she feels about babies.
I was a little taken aback and told her that I’m sorry you feel that way but I believe in the end I accepted your decision not to watch my children.
When I complain to my friend about the whole situation she kinda agreed with my sister stating that it’s not her responsibility to watch my children and that I should’ve left it with the first no.
Am I the jerk for asking my sister or over asking my sister to watch my children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you both need a sit down after that situation and discuss how you both feel and set reasonable expectations and behaviors around the home.
Such as emergency babysitting for a few hours. Maybe some chores to help around the house. Maybe a part-time job to feel some independence and NOT pay you back but learn to manage things herself. And also lose the passive-aggressive attitude, best to nip it in the bud.
Also, say next time you’ll respect her choices a bit better as you were also feeling overwhelmed from the emergency with your baby daddy. But never speak to you like that again, and take a moment to appreciate your kindness. You’re doing it from love for her, but you won’t tolerate being treated like that.
After staying with your parents, it’s a big change and she hasn’t adjusted yet to a healthy home and is possibly pushing boundaries like toddlers do when they feel safe to do so. No one is the jerk here, just some damaged and overwhelmed sisters.
It’s going to be a long road to unlearn behaviors she’s seen around the home, but also to feel safe and understand her newfound freedom and self-accountability. There’s also an implied give or take, which should be addressed a bit more vocally as you’ll both just end up resenting each other over implications.” Standard-You5657
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to have a serious talk with her. You may not be her parent, but you took her in so she could get away from your abusive parents and had to put yourself out to do so, moving the babies back into your room and paying extra for things like her phone.
According to you, she has experience babysitting children that young, it wouldn’t have killed her to watch your kids in an emergency situation. It’s not like you’re trying to get her to do it all the time so you can go out and have fun, it was really important.
She’s 17, not 7, she shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum after you practically begged her to do you a single favor. She should be doing more around the house to help you out anyway, she’s taking up money and giving you more work to do.” ArielxLazarus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The comment your sister made about you being like your parents was manipulative and her silent treatment the next day was more of the same. She sounds like an entitled brat. I disagree that she should be required to babysit. They aren’t her children.
But it also doesn’t sound like you are requiring this of her normally and this was an exception. So, asking her on that occasion wasn’t unreasonable either. And, she should be required to contribute to the household in some way.
You are not her parent and have no obligation to do anything for her.
Everything you are doing is out of kindness and love. Her refusal to babysit was unreasonable. Perhaps she was afraid. If she doesn’t interact with the babies and doesn’t know how to care for them, it may have been fear. If that’s the case, some lessons and experience are in order in case some future event arises when you need her to keep the kids for a short time.
If that isn’t the case, then it’s time to have a discussion about expectations and responsibilities.
Does your sister do anything towards maintaining the household? Does she run errands or help with cleaning or cooking? Allowing her to move in essentially meant she is now a roommate and assuming a more adult role.
And that could extend to occasionally keeping an eye on your kids when something unexpected comes up and she is available.” Acceptable-Finding62
