People Get Really Angry In These ‘Am I The Jerk?’ Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconnect With My Bio Dad?
“For context. My mum was 17 when she had me, and my bio dad was 19. H is the same age as my mum.
I (F18) have technically two dads, my bio dad that I’ll call M and the dad that I grew up with that I’ll call H.
When I was around 5, M took my mum and H to court about having custody. He eventually got custody but only got to see me two times a week, which I was okay with. After school, I went to his house and H would pick me up after work at around 6.
The thing is he never really cared; he never wanted to do anything with me. He was always on his phone and his mum (my granny) took care of me when I was visiting. This arrangement is no longer in place and I haven’t seen M since I was about 8 years old.
H is in the same sort of situation as I am where he has two dads, but he got in contact with his bio dad when he was about 25. I’ve been told by one of H’s sisters that I should try and reconnect with M, but I don’t want to.
In September 2020, I ran into M’s mum (I live in a small town) and she tried her best to get me to reconnect, calling him my “daddy” and saying how he is missed out on so much. I retaliated to her and said, “I know all the things he has done to my mum that I can’t forgive,” and she was very baffled about this.
My mum and I have had a very close relationship since she had me at a young age. For the last year and a half, she has started to tell me things about M that I never knew about. How he was unfaithful to her multiple times, and also that M’s mother tricked her into letting me visit her by stating that M wouldn’t be there when he was.
One thing that has really stuck out to me was that whenever I slept over, I was to sleep with nothing on, but obviously, I am unable to look into that now.
I am so scared to bump into M’s mum or even M himself in case I say something I regret.
I really do not want to reconnect with him, as I don’t know him. The only thing that connects us is my DNA and nothing else. H has raised me since I was six months old and has done an amazing job. He sees me as his own, and I have an amazing bond with every single person from his side of the family, especially his youngest brother who is 20.
So AITJ for not wanting to be in contact with my bio dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to have contact with anyone you don’t want to. You are an adult now and cannot be compelled to form relationships with people. You don’t need a reason, and you don’t need to explain yourself.” WhatanAsh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Even if he did not do anything to your mum/you, he has been absent for 10 years. You can do whatever you want. Your dad may be feeling guilty for not being there for you, but that is a him problem and not a you problem.
Just a few things to ponder – Some people believe that it’s healthier to sleep without clothes and unless you remember him doing things to you, that in itself is not proof that he did anything wrong. Just be civil if you see either of them.
You are right; being biologically related does not mean you have to spend time with them and your stepdad seems like a really nice person and you can be happy you have him.” HonestButNice1
21. AITJ For Turning Down The Family Barbecue To Recharge With My Partner?
“This weekend is Labor Day, so I (27m) have Monday off. Yesterday, my dad (61m) said this weekend he’d like to have a barbecue at his house. He said he invited his friend and his wife (60sM & 50sF). My brother (30M) won’t be attending as he’ll be out of state with his partner.
So it would be my parents, their friends, and myself with my partner.
For context, I work with my brother and dad. It’s a small company with only us as employees. We spend 40 hours a week together. Typically, on weekends I spend time with my partner and have some alone time for hobbies.
Also, whenever we do barbecues, I cook everything. I’m just the best cook in the family, so that’s how it falls. I don’t mind doing the cooking once in a while, but it is a lot of work. My dad buys a ton of food, so that they can have leftovers for the upcoming week (I essentially cook them dinner for the week as a byproduct of the barbecue).
Also, in 2 weeks, we’re getting together for a holiday, for which I’ll be cooking for 7 people, with again copious leftovers expected.
Whenever we do get-togethers, all we do is sit around the table and talk the entire time. And, since I spend so much time with my dad, I know all of his stories and opinions.
So it’s a lot of me sitting there, listening to him rehash the same things.
I told him yesterday that I would check with my partner as an excuse to buy time (knowing full well I don’t want to go). I called my mom last night and told her that we were planning on doing something together.
I told her I don’t remember if we had plans for this weekend already or if that was next week, but my intention was to spend time with my partner.
On top of this, my partner just started a new job working evenings, so I can only see him on weekends.
Today, at work, when my brother was not around, my dad asked me about this weekend. He said, “Mom told me you’re not coming this weekend. That’s fine if you had plans already. What are you doing?” I told him I didn’t know.
He said, “Oh, you don’t remember, or it’s a surprise?” I just fell silent and then my brother came back in.
I don’t know how to tell him I just don’t want to go. He’s got very sensitive emotions; one wrong word sets him into a spiral.
I feel like a jerk for not wanting to spend time with my parents. I know there are countless people who would give anything to spend one more day with their parents. But also, this is a very rare 3-day weekend, and I want to relax with my partner instead of cooking for people, especially since I’ll be doing it in 2 weeks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
No jerks here. He was just asking what might be happening. You don’t have to tell him you don’t want to because you don’t want to, but you can. You’re an adult. A better answer might be more along the lines of “I really appreciate the invitation, but Partner and I have plans just to be together.
We are looking forward to this time and need it to recharge with all the recent changes.” I get it though. I recently had to tell my mom that it was all just too much and I wanted a day/time when I didn’t leave my house.
People recharge in different ways. I explained to her that she likes to go out with people to feel energized, and I’m just the opposite. I’m an outgoing introvert… she’s just an extrovert. Having that talk was really interesting and has led to less pressure to “DO ALL THE THINGS!” Good luck!
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Granddaughter An Extra Night When My Daughter Got Hungover?
“I (54f) was asked by my daughter if I could babysit my granddaughter overnight so she and her husband could go to a party. My granddaughter is 2 and I love spending time with her, but at the same time, it’s also a lot to be a single grandma and take care of a small child again!
However, I am happy to have the time with my granddaughter so her mom and husband can go out and have some fun. They don’t do it often, so this isn’t a regular thing, but I also watch my granddaughter regularly throughout the week because they both work and I am retired. I was happy to have my granddaughter for an overnight and we had a great time—we cooked together did projects and read books.
I got her to bed and she didn’t sleep well, so it was a restless night. In the morning, I was looking forward to her parents getting her because I was pretty exhausted.
I didn’t hear from my daughter in the morning, but I figured they would be sleeping in after having fun the night before.
No big deal. But still, I kind of wanted a phone call or text to let me know the plan for when my granddaughter would be picked up. Finally, at 3 pm, I got a text that they were both extremely hungover, had been partying until the early morning hours, and her husband was too sick to drive and pick up the kid (my daughter doesn’t drive), so they were wondering if my granddaughter could just stay another night.
I hadn’t planned for that scenario and I was a little angry about it because I was worn out and hadn’t planned for another night. I said I would really like them to pick up my granddaughter, but it was fine if they were hungover and couldn’t manage.
I’d figure it out. I probably wasn’t as nice about it as I could have been because my daughter was like, no we’ll just come and get our kid because I don’t want to deal with you. I don’t even know what that meant.
They showed up a couple of hours later and my daughter was totally mad because I had “given her a hard time about keeping my granddaughter another night.” All I said was that I wasn’t prepared to have her an extra night and I wasn’t mad about it, but I was irritated that they hadn’t communicated with me and then made the ask.
Now my daughter is mad and I feel guilty as a grandma because I don’t want it to seem like I don’t want to spend time with my granddaughter. I love her! She is everything to me! However, so is my daughter and now she is mad at me for not taking care of my granddaughter when they were out for one night for some fun and needed extra help for a second night.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t owe them another night unscheduled. Next time you watch her, make sure you ask about pick up plans ahead of time, or straight up say you are happy to keep her but she needs to be picked up by lunchtime/dinner time whenever.
My MIL lives about 40 minutes from us and we usually meet her in the middle for drop off and pick up at pre-discussed times. She has overnights with our 4yo once a week usually, every two weeks at most. We’re so grateful we try to make it easy on her.” lmchatterbox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Responsible parents don’t go out and get completely hammered when you have a wee one to look after. Have fun, have a drink but you don’t get hammered and make yourself ill and unable to look after your own kid. Your daughter is an ungrateful mare who should have been there to pick up her kid at a reasonable time.
You have every right to be annoyed and she and her husband need to grow up and apologize.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let her stay mad. I am 60, also a retired granny with 11 grandchildren, and have been working since I was 16. Yep, they thought I was going to be the babysitter.
I informed all of them that I am here to help, not be your convenient sitter. You keep her during the week and graciously keep her overnight, yet your daughter has an attitude because you asked them to pick up their child. She is entitled and ungrateful.” Aggravating-Film-221
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Bullying Past When She Complained About Her Students?
“I (27M) am a middle school history teacher.
My younger sister Alyssa (23F) is a high school math teacher. This is my 4th year teaching and her first year teaching. Alyssa and I teach in the same district, and as a result, she has some of the students I have had in prior years.
She has been calling me quite frequently for advice in the past few months, and especially in the past week since school started.
My sister teaches mostly freshmen. Two of her freshman students are fraternal twins, Connor (14M) and Anna (14F). My sister asked me if I knew them and I told her I had them when they were in 7th grade.
Connor is a good kid; he’s smart, very sweet, and he and the boys he was/is friends with would always ask me and other teachers to come to their baseball games. Anna is not a nice kid; she was a bully and made some extremely bigoted remarks in my class.
The kids’ parents seemed nice enough, though according to Connor, they didn’t really punish her and just asked her therapist to “solve” her bullying and bigotry issues. Anna was also caught multiple times doing substances in the bathrooms. Connor also made it clear to the class that he didn’t like Anna.
Alyssa was complaining to me about how she has Connor and Anna (in different periods) and how it was annoying her because Anna was rude and Connor wouldn’t “shut up” about his twin. She told me she didn’t understand why the school just doesn’t kick her out so that she doesn’t have to deal with her or Connor’s venting, and she swore that Anna would “end up in jail one day.”
At this point, I tried calming her down, but she was going on about how “miserable” she was and how our parents would never accept this behavior. This is where I took great issue with what she said. Alyssa was a mean girl in middle and high school; she got herself in trouble multiple times by posting rumors on social media about other girls.
She bullied people until her senior year. At the beginning of senior year, she bullied a freshman for being gay. It wasn’t until halfway through her senior year when she started seeing her then-partner (and now husband) that he called her out for what she did.
Alyssa told me I was rehashing the past and that it was “a different time” back then, and that people just “told dark jokes” and started bringing up examples of YouTubers and other social media influencers that have been “canceled” for past bigoted jokes. She said I should accept that she grew and move on.
She demanded I apologize, but I just changed the topic.
I was talking to my partner (27F) about what had happened and asked her what she thought, and she told me I should apologize and that I was too hard; I still disagreed, though, and we argued for a bit.
I’m wondering, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She said about parents – she got exactly what she was asking for. You didn’t come up with all that just to spite her; she herself admitted that it did happen. And the times weren’t that different, if she was called out it was clear she wasn’t an angel” murzicorne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t pull her past behavior out of thin air; she was just unhappy and probably embarrassed about how she acted and being called out on it again after these years. Just because she changed (which is great) doesn’t erase what she did.” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly it doesn’t sound like she changed all that much. She is judging Anna awfully harshly for being the same sort of person she was at that age. If she had really changed she would have some compassion, if not for Anna herself then at least for Connor.” Shandrith
18. AITJ For Declining Housemates' Request To Host A Non-Paying Guest For Six Months?
“I (26M) live with my partner (27F) and another couple (25F, 27M) in a small three-bedroom apartment. We’ve been together for five years. We’ve been living with this couple for seven months and have known them through work for three years.
When we were searching for a flat to move into, we all had criteria and certain wants.
The majority overlapped with the other couple. Two bathrooms for ease of living with shift workers in the house, a spacious kitchen, a living room, and an outdoor area. Given the current rental market, we knew we couldn’t have everything. One massive room has an ensuite and separate entrance to the flat, occupying the top floor.
The other is considerably smaller on the first floor (which became our room), and the third room is attached to the patio – so this became the spare room (we all agreed to flip a coin). Given the considerable differences in sizes of rooms, it was agreed that the spare room would be used as storage and for short-term guests as we all live away from home and enjoy having family/friends stay with us.
To ruin the peace and serenity, shake up the dynamic, and generally just irritate me, they want their friend and their partner to move into the spare room for 6 months so they can experience the UK. Our cramped little flat of four is now under threat of increasing by 33%.
The four bikes that routinely block our access and egress now become 6. Our bathroom is now communal. The kitchen is trembling in fear. The fridge is more full than my nappy after this tantrum. The real catch? They state there will be no contribution to bills or rent.
This couple is not becoming homeless, under threat of unemployment, or facing any financial difficulty.
Now, this man’s terms gave me a good chuckle. Our items being stored in the spare room must go to a storage facility as they just can’t bear to live amongst belongings that aren’t theirs.
He will organise the storage, but we have to pay. No guests would be allowed to sleep on the couch as it would invade his WFH space.
My response was a firm, “no.” This has been met by follow-up YTJ messages and a cold shoulder in communal areas.
The friend has messaged me, desperately explaining that this is a life-changing decision and I’m denying him this opportunity. My life would also change if my rent was paid for 6 months too.
I have rebutted with a one month, yes. But I believe any further is a ridiculous request. The other couple don’t seem to understand this won’t affect their private floor, and that I am the devil for denying them of this.
Subletting this room puts my partner and I at risk of having our contract terminated if discovered.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not agree to even a weekend. The entitlement of your housemates, and more so their guests, is staggering. If they stay for a month, they may have tenants’ rights.
Even without tenants’ rights, trying to evict them while the housemates want them there is a disaster. There is no scenario where allowing them to move in won’t be a miserable experience. I would also set up cameras in your common areas. They may just move in while you’re working.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d have a counteroffer for them: – The guest space stays a guest space, they can move in with your roommates into the massively large private floor bedroom upstairs. – They can use your roommates’ bathroom. – They will pay x amount for the privilege.
– Maximum stay will be just under what qualifies them as residents/tenants.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s illegal for them to move in there. You’re being gracious by saying they can stay for a month. They don’t need 6 months to experience the UK, and if they do, they can pay for somewhere else to stay.
If they can’t afford that, then they don’t need to be experiencing the UK for 6 months. Your roommate is being a huge jerk. How does your partner and the other partner feel about this situation?” Safety_Sharp
17. AITJ For Wanting More Privacy Than My Little Brother In Our Shared One-Bedroom Apartment?
“My little brother got kicked out of my mom’s house earlier this year, and he lived in my apartment with my name on the lease.
I transitioned from living by myself to living with him. I grew some distance since living on my own, so when he moved in now, I spent time with him like in the old days, but I still want space for myself at times. The lease at my old place ended, and we were already scraping to get by, so we kinda started apartment hunting when it was almost too late already, and we only had a luxury apartment available to apply for.
Luckily, with our combined finances, we qualified, and we now have a more spacious one-bedroom apartment. We lost our only chance to get a 200-dollar-a-month cheaper $1.4k/month, a 2-bedroom apartment, so we settled on this slightly bigger 1-bedroom. I don’t like it. I love that we have a place; I am so thankful.
But I am a meditator, and I am AP, so sometimes I don’t want to sleep in the same bed as my brother, who is loud and takes up the whole bedroom some days for extended periods of time. Because of this issue, I presented the idea that we make the living room a bedroom as well.
But my little brother doesn’t like this idea. He says he always wanted his own living room (even though we never really had one at the old place). Because of this, he doesn’t want as much privacy as I do; he wants our lives to be more included and coincided. I don’t want this.
I want the privacy I always had, and at the same time, I know it won’t ever exactly be the same with a living room as a bedroom, but I’d rather that than share a bedroom with my little obnoxious (and sometimes rude) little brother.
And my brother understands that sometimes I will use the bedroom for intimacy with my partner. His partner is long-distance, so he never uses the bedroom for that type of stuff. He is okay with me using the bedroom for intimacy (I am not planning to use the living room bedroom for intimacy), but he still doesn’t want to make the living room a bedroom.
I get his point of view, but what he wants is the opposite of what I want, and I don’t know a good middle ground. He sometimes already gives me a problem getting the room to myself when I bring my partner over, and he already hogs the room most of the day.
Am I wrong? Are you guys in the middle, or am I a little bit right? I don’t know. I know me and I now share equal rights of the living space. But I want it to be livable for us both. I’m trying to protect my mental health here.”
Another User Comments:
NTJ, don’t listen to everyone else at the end of the day; your comfort is what’s most important. If you’re both going to be doing this, I get his point, but he can’t afford all the perks of a house, so I don’t get why it’s such a big deal for him to have now at this point in life [deleted]
Another User Comments:
Just have intimacy in the living room. You and your brother are the only ones living there. He can just stay in his room while you’re having intimacy, or are you planning on having intimacy with multiple people in the living room while you’re in the bedroom?
16. AITJ For Not Going Back To My In-Laws' House After A Birthday Party Confrontation?
“31F, married 8 years to 38M. His mom and stepdad (Kate&Nate) have rent houses, and we live in one. We pay for everything. My husband’s youngest sibling Crayon lives in one. She and her husband don’t have jobs, don’t pay any bills, and live off her parents.
My husband had been married for years to his high school sweetheart (who turned out to be abusive). She had him cut off all communication with his family when they got married. He went 7 years without contact. When we met, I helped him build their relationship back.
I have an awesome relationship with my husband’s dad and step-mom (Luke & Lucille), and they’re always around us and our kids. His siblings don’t have a relationship with them.
I invited Luke and Lucille to my son’s birthday party. I don’t invite Kate and Nate to any parties because the first one they went to, they started drama, and each one after they decided not to come.
So I was going to ask my husband’s other sister Marker to the party because she and I have a great relationship. She’s going through a rough divorce, and I didn’t want to ask over text or call. I waited to ask in person and explain her dad Luke would be there, and give her the option of coming or not.
I did this outside of Kate and Nate’s house because we had met for dinner for Crayon’s birthday. They never celebrate our son or daughter, and our son’s birthday was a week after Crayon’s, but he couldn’t be celebrated by them. They have birthday parties for everyone, except my husband, me, and our 2 kids.
Anyway, Kate came outside for a smoke and caught the end of me and Marker’s conversation. Marker didn’t want to come and see her dad, Luke, given everything her ex is putting her through. Kate went off on me, cussing me up and down.
I didn’t say a word to her, just let her have her moment. She accused me of being pro-Luke, and I shouldn’t be so careless as to talk about him anywhere near her.
My husband came outside and saw this happening, turned around, grabbed our daughter, started loading her up in the car, and asked me to grab our son.
Kate asked my husband what he was doing. He told her he was leaving because he wouldn’t tolerate someone speaking to his wife that way. Kate put her finger in his chest and told him to remember whose house he lived in, and he needed to control that jerk of a wife of his.
He told her to calm down, and we left. He told me right then I wouldn’t ever have to go back there if I didn’t want to, and he would support that decision and block communication for me.
Fast forward and we’ve not seen them in almost 3 months, and now Kate’s posting about how she doesn’t get to see her son or grandkids anymore.
She’s yet to apologize. I have deleted her off all social media.
Now I’m getting hate from my 2 SILs for completely avoiding her and not trying to “fix” my problem.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What exactly are *YOU* supposed to *fix*? They sound like trashy people that you don’t need in your life anyway.” mizfit0416
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not using any names and making this way more confusing than it had to be.” GodlessGoddess1968
15. AITJ For Expecting My Best Friend To Keep My Secrets?
“Me and my best friend have been super close for over a decade, we met about 10 years ago and have been friends ever since. He is one of the few people I talk about my life with and should be able to trust with telling things.
More recently I have been pretty on and off about discussing my private life with him because most of what I would say to him just between us would eventually be told to his wife, family, and/or our friends. I gradually learned the hard way to just keep my mouth shut, fool me once shame on me, right?
For the record I have pretty intense trust issues which is why I tend to try to keep the majority of my life private.
Whenever we hang out or talk/text over the phone he will always ask me questions about stuff I am doing or be assertive about me discussing things going on in my life.
I try to dodge questions and give beat-around-the-bush answers without being a jerk but that leads to him (and his wife) interrogating me about why I don’t tell them anything anymore and I get lectured about how I need to be more open with them and be more comfortable with discussing things in my life.
I felt in the wrong for awhile about keeping things to myself and decided to try and take their advice thinking it may help with my trust issues.
Recently I invited my friend out to dinner to just hang out and catch up and my motive was to update him on things going on in my life and plans for the future, etc. We talked about my career, my relationship, my intimate life, everything.
I felt it was a good talk but because almost everything we talked about was fairly private I asked him to not tell anyone about the things we talked about, including his wife.
For context, his wife is extremely judgmental and negative towards me and everyone around most of the time, she always has something against what I do or say so I’d prefer to keep her out of it.
My friend agreed to keep our conversation to himself and agreed that his wife can be very hypocritical. Fast forward a couple of weeks and my friend’s wife knows everything that my friend and I talked about. He openly talked about it in front of his wife (and other people), as well as his wife was making captious comments and negative remarks on the things I told my friend.
He doesn’t seem to remember agreeing to keep our talk private, nor doesn’t seem to care. I feel betrayed by him and very upset that he spilled the tea in my life after saying he wouldn’t.
WIBTJ for telling my friend he broke my trust by sharing my private stuff with his own wife?”
Another User Comments:
“Ah… Looks like you haven’t heard. Everyone and their mother thinks you should be able to share every single thing you’re ever told with your spouse. Apparently, it’s assumed that ‘your wife/husband doesn’t count’ when you make a promise to keep a secret.
People seem to think that by not telling your SO every single thing you’re told, you’re ‘keeping secrets’ from them. When in reality, you’re just not telling them private information that has no effect on their lives and is absolutely none of their business. Personally, I couldn’t care less how trustworthy my friend’s wife is.
What I tell my friend is none of her business and she has no right to know unless I very clearly allow it. I also think it’s disgusting to promise someone you won’t tell anyone and then turn around and tell your spouse. NTJ” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With friends like this, who needs enemies. It’s not about you asking him not to tell her (fine), or him wanting to tell her (also a fine boundary to have if he had been honest about it upfront). What’s totally wrong is him doing something he promised he wouldn’t.
And it’s not just the wife he’s telling, it’s others too. And trying to guilt trip you to get you to disclose things after you set a boundary that you wouldn’t. That’s a massive breach of trust. He isn’t respecting your boundaries.
The jerk here is your friend – don’t let the wife take all the blame for your friend’s bad actions. I wouldn’t trust him with anything moving forward. Everything you’ve written here makes me wonder why you’re friends with this person, because he doesn’t seem like a very good friend.” lana_12345
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely not the jerk. For one thing: > I get lectured about how I need to be more open with them and be more comfortable with discussing things in my life. LOL. Who the freak do they think they are?
You don’t have to discuss anything about your personal life with anyone you don’t want to, especially if it doesn’t involve them or affect their lives in any way. If my spouse told me something about someone else, it doesn’t leave my mouth and I don’t tell that person anything about it….
I pretend I don’t know and I certainly don’t give my comments or critiques to that person. I learned a long time ago that genuine solid friends are very hard to come by and I am very reserved with friends and acquaintances because of it.
A marriage should be an open book. However, him not telling his wife your personal information does not violate that open book. If the information you tell him doesn’t affect her or their marriage then she doesn’t need to know and he is not doing anything wrong by not telling her.
He did violate your trust. Especially since it was told not only to his wife after you asked him not to, but it was said in front of other people. It doesn’t sound like they want to hear about your life out of concern for you or your happiness, it seems like they’re just nosey.
People like that will not hesitate to use your personal information against you if it benefits them or if they enjoy drama. I have one true, genuine, solid friend and I did not meet him until we were 35. I didn’t understand true friendship before him and I know how lucky I am to have him.
I trust him more than my family or my estranged husband. We’ve picked up the pieces for each other when our lives have been in shambles and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. It’s rare and I wish everyone had a friendship like what I have with him.
Again, not the jerk. If it doesn’t affect his wife’s life or his marriage she has no business knowing anything about you and he should have kept his mouth shut because he isn’t lying to her or omitting anything she needs to know by keeping your personal details private and between the two of you.
I’m sorry this happened.” klouds77
14. AITJ For Declining Babysitting My Niece After Her Surgery While My Brother And SIL Competed?
“My (27f) brother and SIL are both going out of state to compete in 2 weeks. For context, I’ve been regularly helping my mother (65) babysit my 2 year old niece during date nights, competition weekends, throughout the year and a few times over the summer as both my brother and his wife work.
We both babysit for free and have been since she was born. My SIL is currently on leave from work to care for my niece who recently had hip surgery and is wearing a spica cast (goes from a little above the waist and down to her foot on one side).
My SIL was originally supposed to stay home and take care of my niece, but instead signed up to compete at the same competition as my brother as she wouldn’t normally be able to take those dates off work. My mother agreed to babysit while they were gone, but it was just assumed that I would babysit too.
The problem I have with this is that my mother can’t lift her in her cast, so all of the major responsibility and stress would be on me. I feel it was unfair of them to assume, but I can also to some degree understand why they would.
Being that there are still two weeks left until their trip I wanted to give them time to make other arrangements and let them know that I didn’t feel comfortable babysitting for so long (5 days and 4 nights) being that my niece just had surgery.
I know she’ll be slightly more healed, but I’m already feeling very anxious about the situation.
After letting my SIL know she seemed ok with it at first and found a friend and her daughter who offered to stay with my niece, except for on the morning of the first day which I agreed to help with.
Then later in the day she texted me saying that she:
“never meant to put (my niece) on anyone” “as she is MINE and (brother’s) responsibility nobody else’s.”“We are her parents.”
This hurt me a lot because it feels like she’s insinuating that I feel my niece is a burden or something when she said “put (my niece) on anyone”.
This is the only time I’ve ever turned down babysitting my niece before, so I was shocked at her response. It makes me feel very unappreciated considering that I’ve been giving them free childcare for 2 and 1/2 years! Childcare is a lot of work, but I did it because I love my niece with all my heart!
I just don’t understand why she felt the need to text that to me when she already found someone she trusts to take over for those days. I feel I was being respectful by being honest with them about what I’m comfortable with and gave them time to make new arrangements.
My brother and SIL are insinuating that I’m the A-hole, but what is your take on this? AITA?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA!!! As a parent, I could not even imagine leaving my child with someone else after their having a fairly major surgery. Your brother and SIL are making a very interesting choice to leave their toddler, who is in a cast, to go to a competition.
Parents need outside interests. It’s healthy to do things that don’t focus on the child. But to leave a 2 yo for five days after surgery? No. Your SIL is wrong. Maybe stop being quite so available. They’ve learned they can take advantage of you (and your mom) for childcare at the drop of a hat.
They’re being a bit entitled.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“NTA. Their child had major surgery and they decided to prioritise doing something for themselves over looking after her and being there for her emotionally during a difficult time. 5 nights is a very long time, especially in these circumstances.” theponderingpenguin
13. AITJ For Hanging Out With A Male Friend Without Informing My Partner?
“My (33F) partner (40M) has a friend (32M) that we both hang out with. We usually go out to a bar with our friend once or twice a month and occasionally go bowling too if we all have the same days off.
When we were at the bar, the friend and I were talking about a TV show that we are both into. My partner is familiar with the show, but he isn’t into the same show that we are. My partner has seen episodes of the show we are talking about, but it didn’t click with him and he doesn’t care to continue the show.
My partner and I do not live together, so after we went to the bar, I went back to my own apartment to wind down before I went to bed. Before I went to bed, our friend texted me and said, “Hey, I think it would be cool for you to come over tomorrow and we can watch a few episodes of the show together!” This would have been my first time going to our friend’s house without my partner being present with me.
In my mind, I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal since I felt like I should be able to hang out with a friend separately because I am my own person and can make decisions by myself. I do NOT have romantic feelings at all for our friend and this hangout wasn’t intended for us to hook up or anything weird.
So I did. I went to hang out with the friend and did what we intended our hangout to be. We watched episodes of the show we like and then went home.
That’s when my partner texted me asking what I was doing earlier today.
I told him that I went to hang out with our friend and watch some episodes of the show we like. My partner didn’t seem thrilled.
He texted and I quote, “I mean, you should’ve told me you were going to go hang at his house.
I wouldn’t have minded. I just would love to know whenever you decide to do that.” I replied, “May I ask the reason why I need to inform you?” That’s when he replied, “I just feel worried when you’re around other guys and I’m not there.”
I kind of found this offensive and also hypocritical of him. My partner goes to see movies at the movie theatre with another female friend all the time and I never bat an eye and don’t care. He never informs me in advance, and I never hear about his hangouts with his female friend until after the fact that they already gone to see the movie.
AITJ for not informing my partner in advance that I am going to hang out with our male friend to watch some episodes of the TV show we both like?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re a grown woman who doesn’t need permission to hang with friends.
Also a word of warning… jealous people don’t become less jealous over time. Consider whether you want to deal with jealousy in the long term.” StPaddyCraziness
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There’s nothing wrong at all about going to your (assuming single) male friend’s house to chill out without your partner, but it was a bit odd that you didn’t even mention it.
You made the plans with the friend one evening, and went all of the next day without having a conversation about your plans that evening? Sounds like your friend didn’t mention it either, and he probably just feels a bit left in the dark, hence being uncomfortable.” CoolRanchLoco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore all the incels in the comments who think men and women can’t be friends. You did nothing wrong and I suggest having a serious conversation with your partner in regards to concerns over you hanging out with a male friend.” tyhhhm
12. AITJ For Yelling About My In-Laws' Excessive Crating And Neglect Of Their Dogs?
On a family vacation they (M25, F25) decided they were bringing 3 of their 4 dogs, or SIL wasn’t coming.
They were sharing a 2-bedroom cabin with us (F37, F35) and our dog.
I was nervous for 4 dogs in the same space, but we are still heavily training our 1.5 yr old dog, so chaos is an opportunity.
Turns out I was nervous about the wrong thing.
Their three dogs were placed in their travel crates 23 hours a day. They were taken out 1 or 2 at a time because they don’t get along, and they would get a 5-minute walk, food, and water before going back in. They refused to let them meet our dog.
I don’t normally put my nose in things, and they talked a lot about crating for a purpose as one or two of the dogs play flyball on weekends. They have a community that vouches for them, and they don’t seem unhealthy.
During the vacation, BIL and SIL went off fishing together for 8-10 hours or more, and the dogs didn’t come out to hang out when they were around.
The dogs were constantly barking, and we were told they know better and to tell them to shut up. Their crates were stacked in the bedroom with a fan at the door and the window open, as the days reached 35 Celsius.
I found out one of the dogs took anxiety meds and couldn’t go out of the crate much because if he exercises, he will “get too strong and they won’t be able to control him.” A third had a seizure on the hottest day of history, but “it was unrelated to the heat.”
After noticing the dogs hadn’t been let out for a morning stretch, but they were both calmly getting their own breakfast with no rush to take care of the dogs, I ended up getting frustrated and yelling about the treatment of the dogs. I couldn’t manage to sleep with the dogs in my house, so I ended up staying at a nearby campground to enjoy my vacation.
When I returned because I was suffering from heat stroke on the same day the dog had a seizure, it was already past midnight, and we were leaving at 7 a.m. As I walked toward bed, BIL stopped me in my tracks and informed me I was not welcome in our cabin.
Turns out the 2 days I was gone, the family had been told by SIL that I called her a jerk and told her she was fat (what I said was the dogs need to get out for a run every day), and with their escalated feelings, they felt unsafe and didn’t want me sleeping under the same roof as them.
I ended up sleeping in my car.
AITJ for opening my mouth on their “family routines” and, like they say, “not addressing it in a reasonable manner first,” despite my attempts to do that going unnoticed.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Those poor dogs. Please call your local animal control and report what happened. Leaving them in the crate for 23 hours a day in excessive heat is animal mistreatment.
I guarantee you that SIL made up that story because she didn’t like that you called her out on her awful behavior. I would also let your family know about your SIL and BIL’s neglect of their pets. Crate training is one thing, but 23 hours at a time is beyond excessive.
They may play flyball on weekends and may look healthy, but it is still animal mistreatment nonetheless. Their actions remind me of the greyhound racetrack that was shut down near us. The greyhounds were let out to race… and that was it. They looked healthy and, by appearances, got exercise, but they were shut in a small crate for 23 hours a day, every day.
The ONLY time they were let out was to race.” VariousThoughts
11. AITJ For Insisting On Taking Our Underage Sister To Praha Despite Mom’s Fears?
“So my sister turns 18 in 4 months. But during the next week off from work that my sister has from school (in 2 months) and my other sister from work, we have thought about taking a flight to a nearby european country and staying there for a few days.
To praha. This all started when we were supposed to go there with my parents, who were initially on board, which led my sister to take the week off from work.
But now the parents have changed their mind and say they are not going, and when we said we will take our younger sister with us so she can come because she really wanted to go, her reaction was, “No, you three won’t go because you don’t know how to behave” (as in, we are not competent to take her and to go to a foreign country).
The thing here is that our mother seems to view me and my sister as stupid and incompetent (which I think is because she feels incompetent and would not know how to get through an airport, and then she projects that onto us). She keeps bringing up how things can go wrong.
I should also mention that I am the only one in our family who has actually been on an airplane and traveled in europe. I have been to different european countries as well as outside of europe, booked flights on my own, gotten hotels, traveled the countries.
Been to countries where the people don’t speak english and I didn’t speak their language. Still managed to get by. And now my mother is saying that staying 5 days in praha is too dangerous for us.
If we insist with my sister that she should let us go, will we be the jerks since our sister is still technically underage and needs her agreement to come?
Mind you, she is 2 months away from being 18 at the time of the trip we have been planning.
Also I want to add that when our mother is saying we don’t know how to behave, she is not saying me and my sister are like reckless, like going there to party and drink and leaving our younger sister alone.
Neither of us parties or drinks; we just want to go see sights. Her issues are that she literally thinks we are not competent to find our way there, like getting lost in the airport or not finding a place to stay at, or getting lost in the city.
It’s ridiculous to me. All these are things she is scared of because she is anxious of flying and has never been to an airport or booked her own hotel or gone to a new city without someone else doing the booking and basically been there to take care of everything for her.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, sounds like your mum is just not willing to listen to you and change her mind. Just wait 2 months until your sister is 18 and go then.” Northernlight26
Another User Comments:
“Hard to judge. Your mother is basically saying she doesn’t trust you to look after your younger sister properly.
I guess you’re not a jerk just for disagreeing with that, but we don’t know you; maybe you’re great and your mother’s being controlling; maybe your mother’s right and the whole episode will be a complete disaster. We can’t know.” MercuryJellyfish
10. AITJ For Using A Handicapped Spot To Help My Injured Aunt?
I (35M) have a great relationship with my aunt, Tabitha (82F).
My aunt Tab lives in a very nice retirement village in St. Petersburg, FL. Because I live close by in a neighboring city, I usually run a lot of errands for her, fix things around her condo, and in return, she watches my 2 kids while my wife and I work.
Recently, Aunt Tab has had some mobility issues. She fell a few months ago and cracked her hip. Up until that point, she was still able to drive when need be, but since this, she’s been limited in her mobility as she recovers. Her 2005 Buick Century also broke down recently, and since the car had been immobile for so long, the village had her car towed and impounded. I even went to the city to track the car down, but it’s been a train wreck.
I’ve been told that the car is at 3 different lots, and I’ve been to each and every one of them and still can’t find it.
It’s been a nightmare.
My aunt has a disabled placard in the car, which is what I mainly wanted, that and some old insurance docs.
Well, since we don’t have the placard, I downloaded the form for a replacement, and I picked my aunt up yesterday to take her to her doctor’s office so he could sign it. Her doctor is nearly as old as she is; he’s the only doctor in the office, he doesn’t accept fax, and is currently on leave, so we’re told by the receptionist that he would sign it when he returned.
When we returned to the village, I helped my aunt back inside. Aunt Tab has a manual wheelchair that can fit into the back of my SUV, but much like the rest of the US, we’re under a heat advisory. The closest park that I could find was a 5-minute walk away, which means that I would have to push my aunt all the way back in the sweltering heat.
So, I parked in a handicapped spot near her building, turned my emergency lights on, and wheeled her inside. It took me about 15 minutes to get inside, wait for an elevator to take us to the 9th floor, wheel her to her unit, then grab her a snack and something to drink before I had to dash back to the parking lot.
And when I did, there was already a man in a car preparing to put a boot on my SUV. I told him the circumstances, but he didn’t care. He began scolding me about parking in a handicapped spot and said he’s “tired of being fed stories.” He and I went back and forth for a bit, and I even called my aunt and put her on speaker so she could tell him exactly what happened. After the fact, he called me a jerk because I “had no business parking here.”
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here 15 minutes is a long time to take up a spot, and the guy with the boot probably HAS had to put up with a lot of BS stories. He has no idea what your real story is. It sounds crazy, but if you knew you were going to be away from the car for more than 2 minutes, you should have put your aunt in the wheelchair on the sidewalk, moved your car, and come back.
That’s what I’ve done when I’ve misplaced our placard. I’m not saying I’ve NEVER misused the system, but I really try to do everything by the book” neoprenewedgie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The guy probably does get fed stories, but your excuse was legitimate.
If you contested the ticket in court with all your evidence, the fee would probably be waived. I don’t understand why the situation went straight to your car being booted?” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As for the guy, it’s kinda a coincidence, but your real story is an exact match for one of the more common fake excuses everybody probably gives when they illegally use up a handicapped spot like a jerk.
So it shouldn’t be a surprise he’s upset at you, even if you did use it to help a disabled aunt. Because in the end, you still wasted his time, and I bet you wasted more arguing with him before you even tried calling your aunt.
It’s still kind of a jerk move to waste other peoples’ time. It sucks, and I get that you had reasons, but blaming the weather—which by now we have all had plenty of time to predict it’ll be a problem and take steps to deal with it—is just not enough here.
Retirement communities have tons of people who need that spot. Even “just” 15 minutes can really inconvenience somebody else. You don’t even know who you pushed that 5-minute walk in the heat onto, and what conditions they have. The trap you hit is feeling entitled by an emergency or extenuating circumstances.
Sometimes, we run into an obstacle and think we can justify breaking a rule because “oh, it’s an emergency and it isn’t my fault it’s a problem” and “oh, I won’t be long anyway.” In the end, you still inconvenienced at least a few people, and pushed the cost of your choice onto others, and you did so while dismissing the inconvenience or problems you caused them.
Think of it as paying it forwards, only you paid a problem forwards. That’s a jerk move.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Crying To My Aunt For Support After My Family Exposed My True Self?
“I (18 ftm) came out to my aunt May and a few friends as transgender about 6 months ago.
I live with my aunt May, and she is my main support and is practically a mom to me, since my biological mom had practically disowned me and kicked me out when I was 17. I had always felt pressure to be the girl grandchild/niece in the family despite how I felt, since all my cousins and my siblings were all boys.
But we found out that my other aunt Katie was pregnant, and it was a girl. I finally felt like I could let myself actually open up about who I was.
A few weeks after coming out to my aunt May, I felt comfortable enough to come out to my Nana and my aunt Daisy.
But I didn’t want to tell my aunt June yet since she is extremely religious. My aunt Daisy and Nana promised to respect my wishes and said they wouldn’t tell my Aunt June, and it was decided that when Aunt June was around, I would still be referred to by my dead name and by feminine pronouns.
A few weeks after, my Aunt May had to drive to a different state with her fiance so he could get surgery for something on his back. While she and her fiance were gone, my Nana, Aunt Daisy, and Aunt June showed up at the house to deep clean and just make it nice for when Aunt May and her fiance came back.
I was unaware that Aunt June was there, so when my Nana called for me by my chosen name, I thought nothing of it and came out of my room to help.
When I came out and saw my Aunt J there, I panicked. My Nana and Aunt Daisy had broken our promise and now my Aunt June knew.
I immediately went back to my room and broke down crying. I texted my Aunt May to tell her what happened. She was FURIOUS and called my Nana and Aunt Daisy to tell them that what they did was wrong.
After the call, my Nana came to my room and started berating me for being “selfish” and crying to Aunt May when she already had enough stress going on with her fiance.
Since that incident, my Aunt Daisy had cut me off and cut off my Aunt May for supporting me. My Aunt June has since posted “De-Trans awareness” things. My Nana just wants everyone to get along, but they are all mad at me for crying to Aunt May.
I feel really bad now for causing such a rift between Aunt May and her sisters. And I feel like I was just being a crybaby.
AITJ for crying to my aunt about my problem when she already had a lot going on?”
Another User Comments:
“I have a niece that traded her given name for a chosen name. We also had to keep it from certain religious family members. I won’t lie. I worked so hard to drop the old name that sometimes I slipped and used her chosen name in front of the wrong people.
I was lucky they never noticed my mistake. If your family did it on purpose, I would say you’re NTJ. But if it was an accident, try to keep that in mind. Even with the best intentions we can still screw up.” fanofthethings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aunt May didn’t have a problem with you calling her, and she’s the one that would be put out if it were an issue. Did your family use your dead name by habit or intentionally? Either way, your panic upon seeing auntie judgey face is totally understandable, but their intent makes a difference in whether these are relationships you want to mend or let fall away.
I’m glad you have Aunt May in your life; she sounds wonderful!” Ambitious-Art-7009
Another User Comments:
“Forget aunt May for a second. It looks like You already have a lot going on. I think you could have handled the situation better, but I’m not going to pretend I know what it feels like to navigate your family situation while you’re also trying to finally be able to express who you really are.
Your aunt didn’t seem bothered by your call, but by the fact you were upset. And your other aunts and Nana seemed to take some extreme positions. Sometimes the peace we need doesn’t come from our family. It’s hard and painful to accept this and go on in your journey without them.
I do really hope you find it, and I’m happy you have someone like your Aunt May in your life. Make sure to let her know; it’s probably all she needs from you. NTJ.” redianne
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Homophobic Parents About My Wife And Kids?
“Me (39F) and my wife (40F) have been married for 9 years. We have 4 kids together, and (thanks to her steady job and my part-time as well as my small business) a large home with a well-off lifestyle.
My parents happen to be homophobic jerks, who weren’t exactly the best to me throughout my childhood. Oddly enough, I decided I still wanted a somewhat normal relationship with them, so I decided to not come out to them. Of course, this led to a ton of complications involving hiding my whole life from them, although it wasn’t hard because they never cared much anyways.
I went to their house a few weekends a year, but spent all holidays at home with my wife and kids. My parents never cared much for any holiday except Halloween, oddly enough.
The fact that I’m married has completely gone past them, and I didn’t bother to invite them to my wedding.
My angel of a sister was my Maid of Honor, and understands why I haven’t told them and is alright with not mentioning it either. My wife was brought around a few times as my “best friend,” but not very often. And of course, they know nothing about the kids.
(Only two of my kids were conceived using IVF and I only carried one, so I visited my parents once in my first trimester and ignored them the rest of the pregnancy, and they were none the wiser).
A few weeks ago, my parents popped by my house – I never told them where I live – for a surprise visit.
I freaked out, and tried to tell them to leave. They told me that it was nonsense and I lived in such a big house alone, and that I was sure to have some extra rooms for them. I almost got them to leave when my son ran by along with two of his sisters, right behind me.
Eventually, my parents got me to fess up and say everything about my love life that’s happened through the past decade or so. I was probably about to be beaten when my saintly wife stepped in and told them to leave. Of course, they didn’t, and so we teamed up movie-style and each grabbed one of them and practically threw them out the door.
Now, my parents won’t stop obsessively texting and calling me and leaving voicemails when I don’t pick up. They all have the same idea – I’m such a jerk, they wanted to know their grandchildren and treat my grandson as the son they never had, asking “how we even got the kids,” some interesting homophobic stuff including links to conversion therapy, asking if we were even legally married, yada yada.
Honestly, I’m just tired of it all. However, somehow, incredibly, I still want to have a relationship with my parents. After all this, AITJ for not telling my parents about my wife or kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a bit messed up because honestly you are trying to maintain a relationship with people who fundamentally reject who you are and have jumped through hoops to do it YMBTA if you don’t ask your wife how she feels about you allowing these frankly terrible people into the lives of your children, that is a very legitimate concern your post does not address.
I think you should sever all ties with them and should have done so much earlier, but parental relations can be weird.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for walking the tightrope between the two worlds. Did you ever think what kind of message you send to your children?
It is difficult to acknowledge that your family will not accept the life you have, but come on… I can’t believe your wife went along with this.” Kukka63
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Invade My Private Room?
“I’m staying with my godparents, and my sister had a bad two days.
Her car got towed, and she had to find a hotel to stay in. She got a rental car, I believe, and the tire popped. She switched it out, and that tire popped too. So it’s like $1000 spent, and she’s angry, right? That’s horrible, and I would be angry too.
So, she barges into MY room, saying, “Get out, I need to sleep.” I reply, “No, this is my room,” and my mom comes in to try to help the situation, but my sister just says, “It’s fine, I need to take a shower, and I’ll be out of your hair.” Me and my mom argue.
She says that I need to feel empathy for my sister, so I confront my mom, saying, “Stop being on her side, she’s the one in the wrong,” and my mom plays the “you know how hard being a mother is?” card. I say I do, but my sister can’t just barge into the room I’m staying in and throw me out just because of a bad day.
I understand her bad day; I feel awful for her, but she can’t barge into MY room and tell me to leave.
My mom says I can’t deal with this and walks out in tears, making me feel bad for not giving up my private space.
I didn’t say anything bad, like “shut up” or “get out!” or anything like that. I just want my own space.
My sister gets out of the shower and gets wide-eyed, so I ask, “What’s up?” She’s angry and tells me she needs a nap.
So, I ask her if we can just talk about it—no fighting, no arguing, just talking. I attempt to tell her that she can’t just barge into my room and tell me to get out. I tell her, “Why can’t you just sleep next door?
Mom isn’t using it.” And she asks, “How long have you been here? You’ve been here a day; I slept here for over a year.” She’s right; she slept here for over a year, but she moved out weeks ago and this room has been empty, vacant.
I completely understand the familiarity of the room, but she gave that up the moment she moved out.
I once again ask her, “Why can’t you sleep next door?” When I ask that, she exploded, saying, “Whatfreakingever, I’ve had it with you; whenever I stay, you stay—whatever, you always have a problem with me needing something.” And she storms out, meanwhile I literally told her, “Can we just talk?
No fighting, no arguing, just talking.” And this is what happened.
I completely understand my sister, even if I haven’t been through that situation myself. Maybe if she said it in a nicer tone, it would’ve been easier to say yes, but I don’t know.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mother is being manipulative and your sister being entitled. It’s clear who is the golden child.” Soullessr0bin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ” gloomgore_
6. AITJ For Dividing My Lifeguard Group After Incompetents Put Everyone At Risk?
“I just finished my lifeguarding course this week, and during one of the assessments, myself and others in my group kind of dumped two others in it? Essentially, there’s a water-based practical section to the exam, where you have to perform in-water rescues, towing casualties and extracting them from the water, etc. For the total exam, we were split into groups of 5.
There was me, Hailey, Isaac, Jonathan, and George (names changed to protect identities). We completed about 45 hours of training including 10 hours of in-water training. Everyone was supposed to revise at home as well.
However, on the morning of the assessment, when we were practicing, we quickly realized that Jonathan and George had absolutely no idea what they were doing.
We were literally teaching them what to do on the day, even though we’d spent the week practising. Hailey, Isaac, and I had no problems, so we tried to show them what to do and to teach them the correct positions and maneuvers, etc. We managed to get them up to scratch in a lot of stuff, but because we didn’t have much time and there was a lot to cover, we couldn’t teach them everything.
They exited the water not knowing how to do some pretty important stuff.
Bearing in mind that for this part of the course, you need 100% to pass, so you can’t fail anything. When we’re working as a group of 2/3 on a casualty, if one person messes up in the exam, the whole team can get failed for that manoeuvre, which means failing the whole course.
So with that in mind, I was panicking a little bit about doing any group work with them, in case they screwed me over by doing something wrong. For the exercises, we would have been split into one team of 2 and one team of 3. I mentioned to Hailey before the exam that I was really concerned about Jonathan and George because I didn’t think they’d be able to do everything, and she agreed. I jokingly said, “We could always split you, me, and Isaac into one group and them into the other.”
As you can probably tell, that’s what we ended up doing. It wasn’t really planned, but when the assessor asked if we had already been split into groups, Hailey just said that she, Isaac, and I usually did it together, and so we ended up doing everything right and passing.
Because Jonathan and George then ended up paired together and neither of them knew what they were doing, they both failed the course. I feel torn because on the one hand, we could have paired one person who knew what they were doing with one of them and tried to give instructions during the practical exam, but on the other hand, they really should have been able to do everything at that point and you don’t really want an unqualified lifeguard?
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The exam was to determine who is qualified to be a lifeguard. If they weren’t up to par on the skills needed they shouldn’t have passed. They may not have someone else to depend on in a real life situation if they had to make a rescue.” Kris82868
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless I had a stroke, you said this was for lifeguard training which means you would then be considered knowledgeable and capable of saving people who are drowning! It’s kinda important to actually know what the heck you are doing for the safety of others.
They deserve to fail.” Jinxxi_wilder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a former lifeguard, you do not want someone who doesn’t know their stuff on your team in real life. It is like asking someone who has never driven to drive a car of passengers.
They not only risk themselves but risk everyone in the car and on the road.” KSknitter
5. AITJ For Expecting My Sister To Contribute While Living Rent-Free In Our Crowded Home?
“My sister (20) broke up with her partner and had to move out of their apartment, and in with me (25f), my husband (27), and our two toddlers (2 and 3). We also have another kid on the way.
We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. My kids had a room, and my husband and I had the other, but we have since moved my kids into our room, and all 5 of us will be sharing one room.
The apartment has become very tight, and we are struggling to sleep in one bed with 4 people, plus me being pregnant. We expected this, though, and we were willing to suck it up for her. Our agreement was that she could continue to live rent free, as she did with her partner, as long as she just helps out with household items like detergent and cleaning supplies, which she gets discounted by couponing and working at a grocery store.
Last night, we asked her to get one thing of detergent, and she refused. She is now saying she can’t afford it, and coupons don’t make it free, just cheaper, and she can’t provide enough for 6 people. We didn’t say she had to provide enough for everyone.
Just to help a little.
We haven’t talked to her yet, but we feel that if she can’t hold up her end of the deal, then she can’t stay with us. We are already giving up A LOT and not requiring her to do much.
I gave her subtle hints that she can move back in with our parents, and she got upset because a few months ago my kids and I did move into her one-bedroom apartment and slept in her living room. This was only for two weeks.
We bought groceries for ourselves and covered hers. We also gave her partner our PlayStation 5 as a payment. We feel like the circumstances just aren’t the same. She would be staying with us long term because she’s a college student and wants to focus on her classes, so she will not work enough to pay her own rent or go half with the roommate.
While I understand her reasons for not wanting to work, I also feel like given her situation she needs to do what she has to do to make ends meet and provide for herself, just like most people have to do these days. When I was in college, I had to take less classes and even take time off to work and provide for myself, so I understand how unfair it feels and how difficult it makes things, but that’s just the cards we were dealt.
She’s an adult now, and no one is obligated to take care of her the way she feels she deserves.
So are we wrong for not wanting her to live with us anymore and possibly telling her she has to leave when our lease is up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that your entire family is crammed into one room while your sister has a room to herself is insane. She should be sleeping on the couch and you need to tell her to get a real job and find her own apartment.
She either has to contribute and work AROUND your family in your home, or she can leave. She doesn’t get to take 50% of the bedrooms for herself and then not contribute anything at all. You need to be firm and clear and set boundaries and a specific timeline – and then stick to it.
She is taking advantage of you.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kick her out. She is an adult and responsible for herself. You guys went way out of your way to accommodate her and her response was to show a lack of appreciation. I’d kick her out immediately and let her fend for herself.” AShatteredKing
Another User Comments:
“Nope. She needs to find another living situation. It’s too crowded in your place and she’s not pulling her weight. It actually may be illegal to have her live with you. You better check with your landlord to make sure you all won’t get evicted for having her live with you.
Having the baby will put you at six, and in many places the max is two in each bedroom plus one. “The Fair Housing Act, enacted by The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD), regulates how many people can live in a rental unit.
This law permits two tenants per bedroom — or four people total — unless a lower or higher number can be justified.”” Just-Fix-2657
4. AITJ For Refusing To Watch The Boys With My Mom Because Of Gore?
“I (23F) and my mom used to struggle with enjoying watching things together, which was my fault. I didn’t like her forcing me to watch things with her, so I just acted ungrateful without realizing she just wanted to spend time with me.
In the past few years I’ve been making an effort to watch more things with her and to have an open mind with what she suggests. However, I also realized I can’t handle “extreme” gore. When she asked me to watch GoT and Walking Dead, there were a few, far between gore scenes that crossed what I was comfortable with, and while watching my own personal shows I have experienced that too.
So I told my family I can’t really handle gore, and they seemed fine with that, warning me to look away if something particularly upsetting came up and they knew of it.
Recently my brother asked my mom to watch The Boys with him, and they binged it.
I’ve heard that it has a lot of gore, so I just did my own thing while they watched. She told me she wished it didn’t have so much gore, because she thinks I’d really enjoy the plot. This past week my mom has been asking to watch it, at first jokingly and then earnestly, to which I replied with how I think I’d be too uncomfortable to enjoy watching it.
Tonight, I came out of my room to her glaring and saying, “I’m mad with you.” I didn’t know why, and she quickly devolved into an argument about how she failed me as a mother because if I can’t watch things that make me uncomfortable, how will I make it in this world?
She spoiled me and “allowed me” to look away, saying that it’s white privilege that I can just choose not to see anything that might upset me. I didn’t know how to react or what to say, so I just stood there. I honestly felt my eyes getting teary.
I think it was because of how what she was saying sounded like I wasn’t tough enough or was burdening her with my silly issues, but I don’t think that’s what she meant and it’s just me projecting or something. She ended by saying that for her birthday present she wants me to watch The Boys with her and that I needed to make the decision, and then she went outside.
I was feeling a bit upset, so I just went back in my room for the night. I feel like I’m the jerk for putting the no-gore restriction on what I watch. I don’t want to make my mom feel bad or that I don’t want to spend time with her, and I am scared that I’ve been acting the way I used to with my firm stance on gore.
Maybe I can just suck it up and watch it; maybe it’s not as bad as I’ve heard. Should I just watch it?”
Another User Comments:
NTJ, and your mother is messed up. I don’t know what exactly is wrong with her, but the stuff she is saying is way off the mark, and I wouldn’t trust a word out of her mouth.
Her “white privilege” analogy is completely bizarre, and she is being extremely manipulative. You are allowed to have boundaries. You are allowed to feel safe, and you are allowed to refuse to be bullied by her. You are allowed to say “no” to things that make you uncomfortable.
Your mother is trampling all over the most important things you need to develop in order to grow into a functioning adult, and she should be ashamed of herself. matthewsmugmanager
Another User Comments:
NTJ… Your mom is the jerk for trying to guilt-trip you and pressure you into watching something that you don’t want to watch.
She is also being unreasonable and dramatic by saying that she failed you as a mother and that you won’t make it in this world. She is not respecting your feelings or your choices, and she is making a big deal out of a small issue.
You are not spoiled or privileged for avoiding gore; you are just being honest and respectful of your own comfort level. You are not burdening your mom or rejecting her; you are just expressing your boundaries. DannSteeler
Another User Comments:
NTJ. My husband and I tried watching The Boys and didn’t make it past the first scene.
It seemed like it would have been an interesting show, but I can’t handle graphic gore like that and even my husband was horrified—and he can handle it better than me. Coffeeluvmama
3. AITJ For Confronting My Husband Over Excluding My Daughters From Family Gifts And Dances?
“I (34F) married my husband (44M) 2 years ago. We were together for one year prior to that. I moved in after 6 months. He wasn’t crazy about the idea originally, but it worked out quite well.
He had a spare bedroom that he said my daughters (14F, 6F) would have to share. Obviously, this resulted in an argument because he has a 4 bedroom house, but the other 2 bedrooms belong to his children who didn’t even live with him at the time.
All the bedrooms are fairly big, but I said that if my kids had to share a bedroom, he would have to give them the 2nd biggest bedroom (the one belonging to his daughter), which he refused. We got over this after his kids came for their first visit with us living there.
His daughter (14F, Natalie) was extremely uncomfortable and weird around us, but I thought that was normal.
Fast forward a few months. His son (15M, Dylan) came to live with us because of his mother’s issues. Natalie stayed longer as a result of those same issues (I can elaborate if needed), but ultimately came to live here within 2 months.
Now, keep in mind we come from a country with a very large variety of cultures, and obviously didn’t come from the same background. Our parenting techniques have never been a problem since we agreed we wouldn’t try to parent each other’s children.
But he wanted to go on holiday, so we traveled about 500kms to go to a beach. We had a few of our friends invited. It was fun. But one night, we were playing loud music and everyone was having fun. We were dancing, and our friend came up with the idea of a father-daughter dance.
I didn’t think it’d be a big deal; it ended up lasting for a few dances. Natalie and her father were having a great time. But my daughters were visibly upset because their fathers weren’t there. Natalie offered to let my daughters dance with her father once, but they refused, so I danced with them.
That same night, my daughters cried to me about how they were feeling excluded from the family, so I was trying to think of ways to make this better.
That is, until the next day when we were exchanging gifts (no particular occasion) and my husband got each of my daughters a pair of knock-off headphones.
No problem, but he got each of his kids a playstation. I got my daughters new accessories for their PCs, but I felt that my kids were obviously not being as valued as his children. So I confronted him. This fight lasted the entirety of the time we were there.
It continued when we got home. I feel like it’s caused a lot of tension around the house.
I feel like I might have overreacted, but I want my kids to feel special. My mom-friends and my mother agree. They’d do anything for their kids.
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you invited yourself to move in, then tried to kick his daughter out of her room, then got upset that he danced with his daughter. Your daughters were upset their own father wasn’t there (how is that your husband’s fault?) and then were upset everyone got gifts?
Also, you said he gave your kids gifts, then you gave your kids gifts, but what did you give his kids? I’m sorry, I don’t understand what the issue is here. It kinda sounds like you cause issues yourself. I’m unsure what’s going on with this one.
YTJ” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“I mean what kind of woman marries a man who doesn’t even want their partner’s children in the house? Honestly, you’re the jerk here for putting your kids in this position to begin with. My mother used to prioritize her relationships over her children as well; every single one of my stepfathers were huge jerks to us and then she couldn’t figure out when all her kids moved away and stopped talking to her.
Our relationship has been mended now, but I made it very clear how much she alienated us because she had to be married as opposed to making sure we were happy. YTJ” Hello-XXX-Im-Dad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It seems like you pushed every stage of this relationship before he was on board.
You agreed not to parent each other’s kids, but you seem to want him to do the parts of parenting where your kids benefit.” ghjkl098
2. AITJ For Demanding A Hotel Stay Over Air Mattresses In My New Home?
“I (22f) just recently bought my first house and my partner (22m) moved in with me as we have basically been living together our whole relationship. We moved over 18 hours away from our hometown 9 months ago and were renting an apartment while house searching. My partner doesn’t have the best relationship with his mother, but a few months ago she told him she wanted to come vacation down here with his younger brother and grandmother.
I have no problem with them coming to visit, and I think it would be nice for him to see them again, but I made it very clear from the beginning that I would prefer for them to stay in a hotel somewhere close.
Flash forward to now, we just moved in 5 days ago and barely have any furniture, groceries, or toiletries in the house or anything.
She called him to say she will be down on the 20th, which is two days from now, and that instead of booking a hotel she just wants to get air mattresses for everyone to set up in our (very small) living room. I am very unhappy about this whole situation and have made it very clear to my partner.
He would prefer them not to stay here as well and even offered to pay for their hotel, but they are adamant.
Last night, we had gotten into an argument, and I think he believes I just dislike his family and don’t want them around, but I struggle to feel comfortable around them due to being shy in nature.
I just moved in and am still adjusting to the change, and the last thing I want to worry about is scraping together the last of my money from this paycheck to buy groceries to feed more people when we can barely feed ourselves right now.
He doesn’t see the big problem and thinks he should just tell them to get a hotel when they get down here, but I tried to get him to let them know beforehand so that they aren’t blindsided.
Also, I work during the day and he works night shifts, and he wasn’t given a big enough heads-up to call out from work, so I would have to entertain them in the evenings.
I’m sure this whole post has made it clear, but I am not a people person. I don’t know how to entertain guests, and this whole situation has given me so much anxiety.
My partner thinks I should just suck it up if they are really against the hotel idea, but I think it’s disrespectful that they just assume we can simply make room and accommodate them.
So, am I really the jerk and should I just let them stay or should he confront them and let them know they should get a hotel.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I had this with my partner, we moved in just before Christmas, and his mum and younger brothers were expecting us to host them for around a week over Christmas.
The actual stress I went through with setting our home up, whilst accommodating them, and not feeling welcome in my own home because of this. There are boundaries. You set them. They broke them.” SettingNo7761
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not budge on this! This is important!
You set your boundaries and they ignored them. This is your first big test. Cave on this and they will never respect your boundaries. If you don’t back down, they will realize you have a backbone and will be more reluctant to press your boundaries.
That doesn’t mean they’ll stop, but the more often you hold firm, the more the bad behavior will move toward extinction.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable, your partner should understand that it’s really that simple and he doesn’t cooperate.
Let him know that you’re the one who bought the apartment and that he should either accept it or just move out and get his own place if he feels like you’re not accepting them or dislike his family. It’s really that simple, and if you do say yes, he should be the one paying for the groceries, etc. It’s not hard to understand simple stuff.” Yuulik
1. AITJ For Doing DIY Projects Alone Because My Husband Finds It Emasculating?
“I (34 f) am married to a man (33) who completely goes to pieces when he or we attempt anything remotely close to DIY. This is due to his largely abusive parents instilling in him that he is no good at anything practical and not good enough in general (he actually is a very talented musician and web developer earning an impressive salary, an excellent father, loving husband and all around good person).
I’ve tried to approach things gently, with empathy, and try to give him confidence, but he’s just broken in that particular way. I’ve tried attempting these things myself, or asking my brother or Dad to help before, but my husband said that when I “take over”, it’s emasculating.
For context, we both work (him full time, me almost full time), and I also homeschool our kids. I do all the cooking, but we split cleaning tasks 50/50.
We put off fixing things and finishing projects because any DIY usually results in arguments that last for days on end, and I’m just sick of it.
I’m stuck and stagnating on progressing our lives because of this problem. I just need a way to get stuff done. It resulted in a big argument last night when he said I have no empathy for him, and that I’m always criticising him.
Thing is, I’m genuinely not critical. I have the greatest respect for him, and I’m eggshells-careful not to nag; it’s just these things need doing because it’s negatively impacting our lives.
I’m trying to communicate this to him gently, but with appropriate urgency. He’s kinda frozen me out on this now, and I’m at a loss to know what to do.
So, my plan is just to fix stuff myself, on my own dollar, without bothering or consulting my husband.
As far as he knows, it just magically fixed itself. And if it results in an argument, then so be it. Better to argue about my having fixed it than him having not fixed it.
Trouble is, I don’t really have anyone in my life who can help me learn this stuff.
So… Am I the jerk?
And also… How do I learn how to do this stuff myself? Like from the complete novice stage? Like, imagine I don’t even know how to use a hammer or a drill. Are there particular YouTube channels that teach you how to be a competent DIY person?
Could you recommend me a beginner online course or something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You guys seem like a pretty progressive couple, so I don’t really understand how this is a problem for him. Also, how is it not emasculating to call a professional for tiny chores?
I would say just do it yourself; most handy stuff is pretty self-explanatory, and I wouldn’t start by ‘learning how to use a hammer’ (you hit stuff with the heavy end) but by starting on a simple project, and once you get stuck just search how to do that.” RemarkableAlps
Another User Comments:
“I think your problem with husband and trauma is too difficult for Reddit, and you are underestimating how big problem it is. My father had abusive father, and we got trickle-down effect of it to deal with. Grandpa died when I was 5, and topic still had to be faced in my therapy as an adult.
On positive note, all of my siblings have eventually found a way to deal with ‘do not ever mess up’. To answer your question, I usually Google the project topic and check out several guides/channels to see if there are big differences. It usually takes few sources because it never works out like I expected, and I have to improvise.
Yet, I still often wish I had had parents who actually explained us how stuff works and is done (instead of trying to hide their uncertainty and mistakes).” Backgrounding-Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You husband needs therapy. DIY is something everyone should be aware that eventually we’ll have to do it.
Be it change a light bulb or fix a broken cabinet door. Even more complex DIY can be fun for the couple as they get to exchange ideas and perfect the way both want things. When me and my husband bought our apartment we had to do a bit by ourselves, and there’s nothing wrong with it, and honestly we never fought about it.
As for you, you can start by watching YouTube videos and tell your husband that if he doesn’t want to do it, it’s fine, but he cannot in any way berate you or fight you because you want to improve something. Get him therapy ASAP.” cdacosta
