People Rant About These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Calling Out My SIL For Excluding Me And My Mom From My Niece's Life?
“My SIL (39) & brother, 42 have been together since high school. I’m 44F. I am my brother’s only sister. My SIL has 5 sisters & one brother. My brother and I have always been close.
At one point, we all, including my SIL, did everything together. They didn’t have kids, so they did everything with me and my two kids.
My SIL had always said she never wanted kids. Almost immediately after she got braces, she lost weight & got pregnant with my niece.
Then she got weird. When my niece was born, I was the only sister at the hospital. For every major event in my niece’s life, I’ve been the only sister who attended. I live an hour away, so I made it a point to always be there.
I asked my SIL several times if I could babysit my niece or take her to the park, the movies, or even to the store. My SIL always said no.
At one point, I asked my brother why I’m not allowed to take my niece by myself when my SIL’s sisters & mother get to take her alone.
My brother said my SIL is jealous of how much my niece loves me & how my niece ignores my SIL when I’m there. Nine months ago, my SIL’s mom had a tragic accident & was hospitalized near me. This was the first time in four years that my SIL asked me to watch my niece, and only because I lived 20 minutes from where her mom was hospitalized. I happily took two days off work to watch my niece for two days.
My SIL’s mom ended up passing away from her accident a month later.
After their mom passed away, the siblings started fighting over the property their mom had. It’s torn up their family, & now none of them are speaking to each other except my SIL & one of her sisters, “Mary.” Somehow, my SIL has banned me AND MY mom entirely from seeing my niece.
We have no clue what we did or said to make her cut us off. My brother says it’s because she’s jealous of how much my niece loves us. My mom is my niece’s only living grandparent.
Last week, my brother took my niece to see my mom while my SIL was at work, & my niece went home & told my SIL they had seen my mom.
My SIL threatened my brother with divorce if he ever took my niece to my mom’s again without her permission. I have distanced myself from them because I’m just so hurt by how my SIL is treating me & my mom. I miss my niece so much.
She just turned 5 years old, & I know she doesn’t understand what’s going on with her mom, but neither do I. AITJ here for not calling out my SIL to see my niece?”
Another User Comments:
“Ultimately, your brother is the one who needs to take action here.
This is his family and his relationship, and his kid. Why has HE allowed your SIL to cut off contact between your mom/you and your niece? As her father, why is HE not calling out his wife on her behavior? As her father, why is he not ensuring that his kid keeps access to the family that she has left?
Your brother needs to step up here to prevent his wife from further damaging the familial relationships they have left. NTJ” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Calling her out will probably make her dig her heels in more. I sincerely doubt SIL is jealous of how much her daughter loves you; it’s more likely that she wanted her daughter closer to her side of the family, and now that that’s imploded, she’s decided to cut your side out as well as her own.
You and your mom are the casualties here; all you can do is offer support to your brother and maybe suggest his wife gets grief counselling. Also, point out that ultimately it’s his child that will suffer and miss out on having an extended family.” DareHot5262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother needs to do something about this. It’s ridiculous that your SIL is such an envious dragon that if she can’t get what she wants, no one can. It sounds like you and your mom are amazing family members; hopefully, she can learn a thing or two from both of you.” Several_Primary9127
23. AITJ For Losing It Over My Mom’s Wild Energy Healing Claims?
“My (35F) mom (56F) said something that I found crazy today, and after many years of holding my thoughts in, I lost it. Background: I have had an incurable autoimmune disease since I was a teenager, and my mother has tried for years to find something close to a cure.
Listen, I understand a parent will do what they can to help their kids in need. But the “treatments” I was made to try did not help at all. I was actually not on any medication for years because I was pushed toward alternative treatment.
At some point, I found a good doctor and got on meds that helped stabilize me.
A few years ago, she found a group that taught her an energy healing program. She attends classes and sessions through Zoom. This program teaches people to fix/heal themselves and others via telepathy.
I looked at a website earlier that described us as bio-computers that can be fixed through human wifi with binary code. (Okaaay)
I have tried talking to her before, but it went nowhere. I have bit my tongue since the last time to keep the peace.
Today, though, she said something that completely blew my mind. She brought up how she has helped a couple of women feel better with her therapy. I giggled, and she continued to talk about how she is able to help cure people. She then said her teacher (or mentor, I don’t know?) could cure cancer.
I lost it. I laughed, and that caused her to double down.
She said she was doing it for me, so I asked, “Why am I not cured yet?” Then, she proceeded to go on a rant about her being sucked into yet another scheme.
Instead of listening to me and my needs (emotional support would be nice), she got obsessed with this program and paid for these courses! Now, she’s sucking people into it. Doesn’t she see what is wrong with that?! A lot was said, and I left shortly after that, fuming.
I think I’m the jerk because I could have just said, “Wow, cool,” and moved on. I know some people believe in things like this, and maybe I could have let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have an autoimmune disease and several family members who are super into non-evidence-based healing modalities, including, but not limited to, energy healing.
So I know how much it can suck to have to manage a disease while people try to convince you that doctors are lying to you. I wasted a lot of time and money following their advice. In a way, I am grateful, as it was this journey that led me to my current views on there being no feasible alternative to empirical, evidence-based medicine.
Now, I ask them for references to well-designed, double-blinded, empirical studies supporting the efficacy of whatever nonsense treatment they are trying to convince me of. From a non-believer’s perspective, that energy healing stuff is just an obvious grift.” CarlsManicuredToes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are grabbing independence from her because she has sadly made everything about your illness about HER.
The courses, the energy healing programs, all of the stupid things—because she can’t deal with the fact that she has given life to a being who is probably going to be suffering way more than she ever could—and it makes her very sad about it.
This is an unhealthy way of coping, and I recommend seeking intervention, getting through with her, and seeking family counseling. I’m sorry, OP, I wish I could tell you to just leave, but honestly, someone with your condition needs family and a support system around to help you—not necessarily to take care of you, but for when things get bad.
It’s always great to have someone supportive.” GhostPantherAssualt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Curing cancer, really… This makes me so mad. Both my parents died from cancer, and both were convinced to try homeopathic routes to stave off or cure the disease. Their last months were horrific—taking constant supplements instead of proven medicine, barely eating when they craved nice foods, spending thousands on nonsense cures.
Your mum has been sucked in, but you don’t have to enable the delusion.” Due_Cup2867
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Mom When She Showed Up Unannounced?
“I (21F) and my mother (54F) have a very strained relationship.
I grew up as a Mormon in the South, and she let my dad mistreats my siblings and me. I ended up moving out when I was 14 to live with my grandmother, and I went no contact with my mom. When I went to college, I went very far west and drove about 30 hours to get to said college.
Around that time, my mom started to contact me. I did stay in contact with her because, as I got older, I realized that she, too, was hurt by my dad, but she was still with him. I continued to be wary and never actually visited because I had my own life.
When I got married, I didn’t invite my mom—only a few of my brothers. She didn’t seem to mind that much, so I let her more into my life. My husband (22M) and I are having a baby soon. I ended up telling my mom this over the phone, and she congratulated me.
A few weeks went by, and she was obsessed with the idea of me being a mom. It was weird; she kept bringing up my old religion and how this was going to “connect” us.
A few weeks ago, my mom texted me to pick her up from the airport, and then she called me in a rage when I told her no. She asked me where she expected to stay, and I said it was not my place because I didn’t invite her and didn’t want her there.
I’m not sure where she stayed. Not long after, I started getting texts from my sisters who are bashing me for building up a relationship with my mom, only to manipulate her. I feel bad because maybe it did seem like I wanted her around, but that was never my intention.
I just wanted to be at peace in our relationship; I didn’t care if it was still not the greatest. So AITJ for not wanting her around?
TL;DR I had a strained relationship with my mom until I went off to college far away.
We got a little closer just over text and calls. Then I told her I was pregnant, and she flew up to me unannounced, and I told her I didn’t want her there. Now I’m getting texts from my siblings about how heartbroken she is and how I manipulated her.
I’ve been restless about it and wondering if that’s what it seemed like because that’s not what I wanted to happen between us.”
Another User Comments:
“She just showed up at the airport? NTJ. She can absolutely just show up if she organizes transport and accommodation and then asks to see you, at which point it’s your call.
But even with family, it would be unusual to fly in and expect someone to come get you and give you a bed without notice.” No-Throat-8885
Another User Comments:
“I think this will be a good lesson for your sisters: Your boundaries are firm and they don’t budge due to manipulation or social pressure.
Make sure they know you neither invited your mom nor knew about her trip. Showing up unannounced because ‘we’re family’ is not an excuse. Also, you are not interested in coming back to their religion. If they whine after that, consider blocking them. NTJ.
And good luck with your baby!!” blueavole
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She tried to blindside you by turning up unannounced and uninvited. This is all on her. It wasn’t you trying to manipulate anyone, so ignore any of that kind of accusation, and well done on having a shiny spine and not allowing her to push you around.
I suggest you think about reducing the contact you have with her; it sounds like she’d probably try something similar again, and will keep up with the god stuff too. Congratulations on your new baby, go and enjoy your life with your growing family.” WatchingTellyNow
21. AITJ For Confronting My Fiance Over His Secret Health Issues?
“I (F25) have lived with my fiancé (M29) for 6 years. We recently got engaged about a month ago. We had some issues in the past that led me to struggle to trust him, but we’ve made great strides in that. I will say one quality my fiancé has made it difficult for me to rebuild that trust: He is a very secretive person about things that make him feel ashamed or guilty.
Unbeknownst to me, apparently my fiancé has been dealing with some health issues. These health issues aren’t super concerning and seem to barely interfere with his day-to-day life, but are worth seeing a doctor about all the same. He did not let me know about this.
I found out when cleaning our office a few weeks ago and found a few bottles of pills from a few months ago, so I googled them to figure out what they were and why we had them. While I was hurt that he chose not to confide in me as I so often do with him, I did not confront him at that time since I figured he was ashamed and didn’t want to worry me.
I know he’s not receptive to me bringing things up that he doesn’t want to talk about – I can hear him telling me I’m “ambushing” him and shutting me out as I type this.
One of his email accounts is logged in on my phone, and tonight, while scrolling through my inboxes, I noticed a bill from an online medical care provider.
I googled it to see what it was, and it was for a completely different health issue I didn’t know he was experiencing.
As mentioned, I know he will not respond well if I just spring it on him. I also know that sending him a “We need to talk when you get home from work” text will cause anxiety for us both.
I wish I could just let it go, but I’m worried that if I don’t get this ironed out now, I could be left in the dark for the rest of my life. I need transparency, and I want to know, before we get married, if he will be able to give that to me.
WIBTJ if I confronted him and told him I need the truth about what’s going on, or should I let it go and trust he’ll tell me when he’s ready?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Asking about your partner’s medical issues is not “ambushing”, it’s being a normal partner.
It’s very concerning that you have to tiptoe around and walk on eggshells to discuss normal things that aren’t a big deal. Are you sure you want to be with someone who’s so secretive and defensive? Who do you have to be guarded with instead of being able to speak spontaneously and naturally?
Doesn’t sound like much of a partnership.” Pkfrompa
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, it depends on how you bring it up. Personally, I probably wouldn’t have read his emails, and on finding the pills, I would have casually asked him about it when he got home later (e.g., “Hey, I found these pills when I was tidying; do you want to keep them with the other medical stuff beneath the sink?”).
But here you are. From here, I’d try to make it as easy and low-pressure for him to share info as possible, since I think you are correct: he feels ashamed and wants privacy rather than anything more malicious.” AlwaysAnotherSide
20. AITJ For Demanding My Husband Keep Our Finances Private From His Family?
“My husband and I have been married for 8 months. We both have older brothers who are married too. In our culture, the groom’s side is expected to pay for the wedding. We had financial problems before the wedding because his family didn’t tell him they couldn’t pay for it until two days before it.
They, on the other hand, paid for his brother’s wedding and bought him an apartment. My husband bought his own. His brother is now financially well off and didn’t offer to help my husband either. He shared our situation with him, and all he did was laugh and suggest that we do something cheap.
After all this happened, my parents sat my husband down and offered him support. My brother helped us too.
So now we are financially better and want to buy a second apartment. Every time we have a conversation like this, my husband ends up sharing with his family and his brother even before we have researched or decided on doing something.
And I am just getting irritated that personal information about my family is leaking to them. Whenever he shares with his brother, he shares with his wife, who hasn’t liked me from day one for God knows why. (Whenever his parents invite us for dinner, she always arrives last and makes us wait at the table; she barely says “Hi” when we accidentally stumble across each other on the road; when we were about to move in, they asked to see the apartment after I had brought my things, even though I was not at home; I specifically made it clear to my husband that I don’t want her doing that, but he said he couldn’t say “no” because he was uncomfortable; she has never invited my parents-in-law over to dinner in the 14 years she has been married, and when I did, they couldn’t tell her how well they had spent their evening because they would hurt her feelings, among many other things.) So tonight, I told my husband I don’t want him to share things like that, and he started arguing about how I made him feel like his family was “second-hand” because I shared with mine (my brother is friends with the person selling the apartment, and we can get a discount).
He is now upset with me and has stopped talking. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you have a husband problem. You need to sit down with him and let him know that you’ve tried talking to him before, but you feel like he’s not listening.
Let him know you feel disrespected and what you’d like to happen. If he can’t change after that, you know what needs to be done. I’d send him back to his family after so many conversations because obviously we’re not compatible with each other.” JellyBelly1042
Another User Comments:
“Your culture is your culture. You take the good with the bad. Far be it for those outside your culture to tell you what is right and wrong. Personally, I think your culture is crap and wouldn’t want to be part of it, but that’s because it’s not my culture.
You get a benefit from your culture (financial help from family) that I never got, but you also deal with the intrusiveness that I would never accept. You can’t have one without the other, it seems. No jerks here, but you gotta deal.” daveescaped
19. AITJ For Not Visiting My Dying Grandfather In A Toxic Family?
“I (27f) have been estranged from my dad’s side of the family for going on six years. A brief explanation of the first two decades of my life involves a covert narcissist/heavy drinker father (58m) who gaslit my mother (56f) and mentally, physically, and religiously mistreated us as well as my brother (24m).
After years of helping my mother realize she was being manipulated, we were able to escape and couch-surf between friends for a while.
During this time, my father tried to manipulate our support system (almost successfully a few times) and did everything he could to try and shift the blame.
His parents (my grandparents), who lived two blocks away from the house I grew up in, claimed to “not pick sides.” They never offered any help to my mother or me while knowing we were essentially homeless, and have done all they can do to try and convince everyone that my mother is a monster for splitting up the family.
I can understand if they didn’t know the full story and responded this way, but they very much know what was happening and have chosen to ignore it. They’ve gone as far as purposefully causing issues with others to disrupt housing and spread rumors about me to our family out of state in an attempt to gain sympathy.
Both my grandfather (88m) and grandmother (85f) have shown narcissistic traits throughout my entire childhood, and their hatred and manipulation of my mother have been an ongoing issue since long before any of this chaos came to light.
Fast forward to a few months ago, and from sporadic information from my father (through my brother, who still communicates with that side of the family), I learned that my grandfather had been diagnosed with leukemia and was going to undergo chemo.
Since then, he has reached a point where nothing more can be done, and he’s been sent home to be comfortable. My brother has gone to spend time with them all (my father now lives there with them), and I’ve been receiving a lot of pressure from the family, through him and others, to go and see my grandfather before he dies.
I feel bad that he’s going through what he is, but from the way that the entire family has treated my mom and has never once shown any positive interest in my well-being unless it was to accuse me of being selfish towards them, I have no real attachment whatsoever.
Hearing that he’s dying is the emotional equivalent of hearing that a stranger’s grandfather is dying. It’s sad, but I don’t have the emotion for it that people keep expecting me to have. I don’t see any scenario in which my going to that house and interacting with the members of my father’s family, or even just with my grandfather alone, would result in nothing but stress and tension for everyone involved.
WIBTJ if I don’t go see him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there’s no relationship with him and you’re unlikely to have regrets later, it’s definitely going to be simpler to stay away rather than risk opening things up with that side of the family.
Whilst it may or may not be “nice” for your grandfather to see you, it sounds like he has enough family around him to be supported.” No-Throat-8885
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ. It is hard to face a person who treated you so badly and drove you onto the streets, while trying to prevent everyone from helping you.
It doesn’t matter if he’s dying or not – facing a trauma from your past is something that no one can ask you to do, and avoiding it will not make you a jerk. It is, however, a chance to get closure – even if you can just throw everything you think about him and his actions in his face.
People will probably say that I’m cruel for suggesting you won’t forgive him, and use the fact that he’s about to die to tell him in his face everything that is in your heart – but forgiveness should be earned in my eyes, so unless he breaks and apologizes for making your life a living heck, he shouldn’t just die in peace, knowing you forgave him.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He may be looking for forgiveness so he can pass with a clean conscience. When people face their imminent passing, they can get awfully introspective (not saying he feels remorse for his actions, but maybe he wants the appearance of forgiveness).” AutomaticTap310
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Abusive Dad To My House Viewing?
“So I (22f) and my Dad (53m) have always had a rocky relationship.
When I was growing up, he was away in the military a lot, and so I grew a lot closer to my Mum and brother. When he finally retired and was home all the time, I was 8. As I grew up, it was like my Dad didn’t know how to handle me, and we argued a lot, and I always felt like everything was my fault when it came to my dad, and there was no changing that, so I started to argue back.
Then, when I was older, we started to foster a disabled child who really put a wedge even further between us. If the foster kid was having a bad day, Dad would be having a bad day and take it out on me and Mum (Just want to say he has NEVER physically hurt me or my Mum).
I couldn’t even have a conversation with him anymore without it turning into something I had done wrong, and it felt like nothing was ever good enough. Also, at this point, he had always loved a drink; however, it got increasingly worse.
Recently, due to my partner’s situation, they have let him stay with us while we look for a house, and I really thought this was a turning point for us and I was so grateful to them.
Until Dad started up again, everything my partner and I did was wrong, and of course, if my partner did something wrong, I would get screamed at. I was getting so fed up with this ongoing drama that I just stopped speaking to Dad. Now the only time we talk is when he’s shouting about how I messed up or if my Mum or brother is there to help calm him down.
Anyway, near Christmas, I was getting really stressed out by dealing with buying a house, and one day I was talking to my brother and he started saying how Dad says I’m doing nothing. I was basically sitting on my butt expecting a house to come to me!
This was CRAP! So, of course, I had a complete mental breakdown and showed my brother everything I have been doing to move out, and he realized that Dad had spun this again.
Ever since then, my brother and my partner have been my rock through this, and I have completely blocked Dad and Mum out of my house and the decision.
Yesterday, I found a house we both like and are hoping to make an offer soon. Following this, my brother said I needed to tell Mum and Dad as proof that I’m working to move out. So I told them, and it went fine, and I told them that my brother and I will be going to view the house again tomorrow.
I just woke up this morning and found a message from my Mum saying that Dad is hurt and upset that I’m not including him and taking him to see the house today, and that it would mean a lot if I invited him today.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to invite him, as it feels like he hasn’t earned the right to be there, but I also don’t want any more bad blood between us. So, am I the jerk if I don’t invite my Dad to view this property?”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ and stay strong, don’t fall for their guilt trips. You never know, his desire to keep his punching bag near him might win over his desire to get your partner out of the house. Remind yourself that once you move into your own home you’ll never have to deal with his crap again.” NOSE_DOG
Another User Comments:
“Why do you need to prove you are moving out? One day they are going to wake up and not be living there anymore, so who cares how much they are told along the way? What input would your Father have? As said above, it’s happening with or without his opinion.
And he’s the one who wanted to see progress. Don’t you think having ANOTHER opinion might slow that down? This is another way to control the situation.” AssignmentOld9718
Another User Comments:
“Isn’t it funny how Dad has no problem expressing anger directly to you, but hurt and upset have to be communicated through Mom?
This isn’t an exercise to stroke Dad’s ego. This is a huge life decision, and you should not include Dad if he isn’t someone you trust to help you make it. You should, however, ask someone who has some life experience in home ownership to come along to the viewing.
Maybe Dad gets to the point where he reflects on his treatment of you and the resulting distance in your relationship, but then again, maybe he doesn’t. You get to decide if and how he (and his outbursts) fits into your life now, and you don’t have to feel guilty for crap-all.
NTJ.” apothekryptic
17. AITJ For Skipping My Niece's Birthday Party In A Dangerous Snow Storm?
“I am 35 (F) and have an older sister, 41 (F), who has three children. Her youngest is turning two this month, and she is having a party this weekend.
Before I get to the story, I should advise that I do not like the father of the children, 40 (M). I find him rude and emotionally abusive toward them, but my sister is her own person, and I cannot tell her who she can and cannot love.
I say this because the two of us do not get along in almost anything. So, onto the story: This weekend, my sister is hosting a party for the kid at the father’s father’s place, which is over an hour away from my house. I have been there many times, and up until I saw the weather report, I was going to the party.
I had the presents bought and everything.
So, last Wednesday, we got 15 cm of snow in our area, and it took a whole day for the roads to be usable correctly, and today we are going to get another 10-15 cm. The snow will start falling soon, so by the time the party starts, it will have been snowing for at least three hours.
I do not want to drive in such weather for a party that a child will not remember and take such risks. When my mother asked to cancel the party, my sister replied, “But the real snow is to fall on Sunday (which is supposed to be at least 20 cm), and that I already bought the cake and did not want to waste it.” I advised that I would not be going, as I do not wish to take such a risk, and now I am being called a selfish person who only cares about herself.
They said that if I loved my sister and her kids, I would go to this party. The reason I might be the jerk is that I have made it clear in the past that I hate going there just because the partner’s father does not want to drive to see us.
So, AITJ for not wanting to risk my safety and driving through a snow storm twice to go to a birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One would argue that it’s selfish of her to expect you (or any loved ones for that matter) to travel an hour both ways in hazardous conditions to go to this birthday party, putting your safety at risk.
You can celebrate with your niece another time, and I’m sure a 2-year-old will be perfectly content with that.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“The irony of calling you selfish is as ridiculous as the idea that it’s important to a 2-year-old, who won’t remember and whose brain hasn’t even finished developing yet, that you attend their birthday party.
That you have refused to attend before because you don’t like the father is neither here nor there, though if he’s really bad, it sounds like a fairly valid reason in itself not to go, even if there were no snow.” BroodingSonata
16. AITJ For Letting A Guy Trick Me Into An Unwanted Hang?
“So I, 24F, recently moved to Florida to study music. There was this guy in my class; we will call him Gaven (19M) with whom I started to become friends.
He mentioned this sushi place downtown that his friends had invited him to & asked if I wanted to join. I thought, “Why not?” Well, the day before the scheduled outing, he said the couple had cancelled but asked if I was still interested in going.
To be honest, I didn’t really want to go with just him, but as a chronic people pleaser, I said sure. He said he could pick me up & I told him I would rather drive. He said that worked & we agreed upon a time to meet at the place.
For context, he knows where I live because we previously worked on some music together. The next day, aka the outing, he SHOWS UP TO MY APT over an hour before our discussed time (downtown is only 15 min away). He was wearing a black satin bow tie.
BOWTIE. In my head, I just thought, “What the heck’s happening?” The people pleaser in me did not have the heart to say that out loud, so I thought, “I guess this is what we’re doing.” I don’t know if he purposely forgot that I said I would drive or the time we agreed upon, but here we are.
I didn’t want to insult his efforts, but I did not want to signify that this could be a date, so I wore athletic wear. He opened the car door for me. This is probably the point where I should’ve been upfront, but I did my best to demonstrate platonicity.
I took every opportunity for him to be a gentleman afterwards. The only thing going on in my head was, “Please do not think this is a date.” I honestly thought that his knowing I am 5 years older was enough.
Now, it’s time for the unwanted but inevitable confrontation.
He asked what I wanted to get, and I told him the roll that looked good to me. The waiter came up to take our order, and the fear storm brewing in my mind came true. He ordered for me. What. For some reason, this boiled my blood, although I did not let that be known.
I did, however, clarify and said, “For future reference, I will order for myself. I did not appreciate that.” Maybe that was a jerk thing to say, but I did try to be gentle in my tone. He follows that with, “I’m sorry, I’ve only been on like two romantic meetings before.” He was clearly nervous, and I felt bad, but I had to rip the band-aid off.
I said, “This is not a date,” despite him being too young for me to let him down easily. He looked extremely nervous now. I felt so bad, but also a bit angry, that he ignored my requests and picked me up anyway at a different time than we had discussed. It felt like I got tricked (some people think there were no friends to begin with, which makes sense, but makes it worse).
It got pretty awkward, but we soon moved on. The waiter came by with one tab, and I asked him to split it. Gaven said he could pay, but I wasn’t going to let him do that. He asked if I wanted to check out the record store nearby, and I asked him to take me home instead.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to get better about nipping things in the bud. In this case, you made it more uncomfortable for yourself, and you hurt him more than if you had set expectations as soon as you could see what was happening (when he arrived at your place).
This obviously only applies to misguided guys you otherwise feel safe around. Any guy you worry could become a threat needs to be handled differently, of course.” Morbos1000
Another User Comments:
“Kiddo tricked you into a date you didn’t know was a date and had the gall to act surprised when you said it wasn’t a date?
No jerks here. He’s young, not stupid. He knew exactly what he was doing. Next time he wants to ask a girl out he can use his words instead of pulling some manipulative crap he probably saw online. NTJ.” smuffleupagus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re 24.
You REALLY need to learn how to use your words better. A simple NO isn’t that hard to do. As soon as he said the others cancelled, your response should have been “I’ll still go, but this is NOT a date.” You also should have said something when he showed up at your house.
“Sorry you drove here, but I told you I’d be driving myself. I’ll meet you there.” SigSauerPower320
15. AITJ For Moving Jewel's Food To Heat Up My Lunch?
“So I (25F) work as a nurse at a doctor’s office. Our office is hard to explain, but basically there’s the business office section, a specialty clinic (long term post op), and another specialty clinic (chronic disease management) that is separate from the first. We all work for the same company, but don’t work closely together daily.
I work in the Chronic disease management clinic—I’ll call the 2 clinics Post op and CDM for clarity. The 2 clinics have their own patients and do not overlap at all. So all 3 “sections” share bathrooms, break rooms, a lounge area, a water fountain, a kitchen, etc.
This literally happened about a year ago, but I cannot stop thinking about it. I am an hourly employee, so I clock in and out for lunch. I am in graduate school, so I spend my hour lunch doing homework, listening to lectures, etc., and that time is invaluable to me in order to work full time while being in school full time.
I am also required to go to lunch from 11:30 to 12:30 every day.
Anyway, one day I clocked out for lunch at 11:30 and went to the kitchen to heat up my food. All three of the microwaves were in use, except one of them had food in it that was already heated (the timer had gone off), and no one was standing next to it.
I waited for about five minutes, but no one came to get it. I asked the other people in the kitchen/break room if it was their food, and no one claimed it. So, being on a timed lunch, I took the food out of the microwave and placed it on the counter so I could use the microwave to heat up my lunch, as the other 2 were still in use.
As I was waiting for my food to heat up, one of the nurse practitioners (Jewel) from the post op clinic (not my clinic), with whom I had never spoken, came into the break room to get her food. It was her food that I had taken out and placed on the counter.
I was on my phone, so I wasn’t really paying attention, when she came, grabbed her food, and just said “ohhhkayyy????” before walking away swiftly.
Ever since then, Jewel has not spoken to me, doesn’t say hi, has never introduced herself, and will not make eye contact with me when talking in a group, etc. One of the medical assistants who works in my clinic (Melissa) has befriended her, and so Jewel comes over to my clinic pretty often to chat with Melissa.
It sounded like they had known each other for years, so I asked Melissa if they knew each other outside of work. She said no; they just met here at the office. As I am sitting right next to them chatting, I’ll sometimes laugh at their jokes or make a few random comments, and Jewel just completely ignores me, will not even glance in my direction, and pretends I don’t exist.
Now, I feel like Jewel has something against me for the microwave situation, as it has been over a year since that happened, and her behavior towards me has not changed. So, AITJ for moving Jewel’s food to heat up mine?”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ, and you are overthinking this. Jewel didn’t even talk to you before the microwave thing, so why is it weird that she doesn’t now either? It’s work; you don’t need to be besties. And so what if she is mad? She left her food to take up space in a valuable communal microwave for far past what is acceptable.
She needs to manage her crap better.” Maleficent_Web_6034
Another User Comments:
“This is petty office crap and you didn’t do anything wrong. You went above and beyond what most people would’ve; no shot I would’ve waited five minutes. A quick, loud “Whose is this?” in the break room is all that I would’ve done before moving it.
NTJ” Doogiesham
Another User Comments:
“You’re not TA for moving the food. However, you had never spoken to her, didn’t acknowledge her in the moment after moving her food, never introduced yourself or talked to her afterward, and now sort of eavesdrop and interject into her conversations.
I think it’s likely that if she were relating this story from her perspective, it would seem like you are the odd one. No jerks here. Maybe plan ahead to say something directly to her in front of Melissa next time she comes by, like “hi Jewel, I really like the necklace you’re wearing today,” and just let a normal, friendly conversation open.
Hopefully, it will be a simple shift to comfort once one of you makes the first move.” RealTalkFastWalk
14. AITJ For Expecting Friends To Split My Ski Trip Deposit When Injured?
“I’m a biased bystander as this is my partner’s conundrum, but he doesn’t do Reddit, so I’m asking for him for a sanity check… Here we go: He was planning to go on a boys’ ski trip with five friends.
He and his friends all agreed to split the cost of accommodations evenly across six people, which came out to $1,000 per person. He paid a $500 deposit months ago. Two weeks ago, he was diagnosed with a meniscus bucket tear and will be getting surgery this week.
He’ll be on crutches and in a brace for six weeks, with no sports activity for six months, so obviously, snow and ice are off the table. The trip is in three weeks, and the remaining $500 is due.
He offered three options to his friends:
1. He still pays the remaining $500, even though he physically cannot attend.
2. They keep his $500 deposit, and the remaining $500 is split among them, which comes to an extra $100 each.
3. They refund him his deposit, meaning they each pay an extra $200.
For context, these are not guys who are even remotely struggling financially.
They’re all retired, successful business executives, whereas my partner is still working and years from retirement. Their response? They don’t want to cover his portion and said he should either pay the full amount or “find a replacement” to take his spot. They said he committed to going and so is responsible for the cost. But realistically, this is a boys’ ski trip, not some random group vacation—who would want to join last minute with five guys they don’t know?
(As I said, I’m a biased bystander, but their suggestion strikes me as insincere and hollow).
I get that a cancellation is inconvenient, but this isn’t him bailing because he doesn’t feel like going — he physically can’t. I feel like if the roles were reversed, he (and I if I were in a similar situation with my friends) wouldn’t expect someone having surgery to eat the full cost. It’s not like he’s asking for his deposit back outright; he offered a compromise where he still takes a loss.
AITJ (Is he the jerk) for thinking they should at least split his remaining balance rather than expecting him to fully pay for a trip he can’t attend?”
Another User Comments:
“One of my friends organizes weekend getaways fairly regularly with a friend group, and the rule is you pay upfront your full portion, and there are no refunds.
The housing cost was based on a predetermined number of people attending, and it’s not their fault you can’t go. He had a couple of friends who backed out and caused a ruckus like you are suggesting, they were not invited to future weekend getaways.” marigoldpossum
Another User Comments:
“I would consider myself a really crappy person, let alone friend, if I expected someone to continue to pay after tearing a disc, needing surgery, and being completely unable to attend the event through no choice or fault of their own. I would happily pay a little bit extra if I was in a position to easily afford it so as not to inconvenience them further when they’re already stuck in such a crappy situation, NTJ” Korrin
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He should want to offer to pay, these are his friends. He shouldn’t want to inconvenience them because it’s not their fault this happened, as crummy as the situation is. However, his friends also shouldn’t let him pay since he has a surgery coming up and that sucks for him.
They should be understanding and empathetic to how they’d want to be treated in that situation.” Boleyngrrl
13. AITJ For Losing It After A Friend Insulted My Grandma's Cancer?
“For context, I was invited to a get together gathering with some old friends and classmates. There were a few people I knew were going that I didn’t like, but I thought it’d be fine if I just made some polite talk with them. It wasn’t a big deal. I wanted to hang out with my old friends.
However, this is where things got a bit rough. There used to be this girl, whom we’ll call Sasha. Sasha always made my actions seem ill-intentioned and just made everything about her. I thought I’d be fine if I just kept my patience, but she crossed the line.
Recently, I discovered my grandmother had cancer. A few friends asked me how it was going, and I just said it as a passing comment because everyone was talking about their hardships. But all of a sudden, when I said that, Sasha said something along the lines of, “Stop ruining the mood—just because your old granny has cancer… I mean, it’s not like she died.” She said this publicly in front of everyone, and we all went dead silent.
I ignored her and moved on to another topic with my other old classmates. But then, she said this: “Don’t ignore what I just said! Your grandma was (proceeds to say insults).” She continued to make comments, and I could barely contain myself.
Quick info: Sasha is known for being nice to EVERYONE, but she’s always been rude to me.
But because Sasha is so social and kind with everyone else, people usually don’t do anything or think Sasha is right when she’s rude to me.
Now, at this point, I was literally furious. Everyone knew I was close with my grandma. I started saying all the things she had done to me in the past and how she deceived her partner, and that she constantly made everything about herself.
I ended it by saying, “It’s no wonder you can’t keep a stable relationship for longer than a month. You can’t even take a test without deceiving. I feel sorry for all your partners.”
Sasha was always a little sensitive about this topic. At this point, I had no doubt in my mind that I was not wrong.
But… after telling some of my friends and thinking it over, I think I may have taken it a bit too far. I hurled lots of insults at her because she made fun of my grandma, but she said it was just a joke. I don’t tolerate jokes like that, but I definitely spoiled the mood at the gathering.
I think I messed up by even going. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was making fun of your grandma. Who has cancer? You just brought up the mistakes that she’s made in the past. I get that you might feel guilty, but it’s her fault for making such a “joke” in the first place.
I’m pretty sure she knew that wasn’t a “joke” and that it would hit a nerve with you. You did not ruin the gathering. SASHA did. I hope your grandma makes a swift recovery.” Old-Mushroom-1700
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can dish it, but she can’t take it.
And there is nothing lazier than someone saying the nastiest crap, then when they’re called out claiming it was “a joke”. A joke to who exactly? ‘Cause I know I wouldn’t be laughing at someone being nasty about an old lady having cancer.” imamage_fightme
Another User Comments:
“Ask your friends this: Why is it okay for her to hurl insults at you, but you can’t at her? If she can’t take the heat, get the heck out of the kitchen. I suggest getting new friends. Genuine friends wouldn’t have stood there and allowed her to insult your grandma, even if she’s “kind and nice” (spoiler: she’s not).
They’d step up and tell her to knock it off, especially when they knew how close and important your grandma is to you. NTJ at all. She made her bed, now she can lay in it.” zootedbologna
12. AITJ For Expecting My Grand-Aunt To Fund My Entire Education?
“I (21F) am an international student from the Philippines currently studying General Business at Fanshawe College in Canada.
My grand-aunt (GA) offered to sponsor me, saying she would take care of all the financial costs while I studied here. However, now that I’m actually here, she’s refusing to pay for my tuition, and I’m struggling to figure out what to do.
For context, my GA has never been super close to my family. But when she visited the Philippines last year, we somehow started talking about how I wanted to study abroad but couldn’t afford it. She said she felt bad for me and my parents and offered to sponsor me completely—tuition, living expenses, everything.
It sounded too good to be true, but she was very insistent and even told my parents she would handle all the finances.
Originally, I wanted to study Personal Support Worker (PSW) at Fanshawe because it would have given me points towards Permanent Residency (PR) in Canada, and I’d have an easier time finding a job after graduation.
But my GA was in a rush to get me to Canada, and she insisted that I take General Business instead. My family and I tried to explain to her that business would be a harder program to find work in, but she didn’t listen.
At the time, her husband was battling cancer and wasn’t doing well, and she said she couldn’t wait for me to arrive because she wanted someone in the house with her in case he passed away.
I arrived in Canada in August 2024, and she did pay for some initial expenses (around $10K in tuition and other costs), but then she suddenly changed her mind.
She stopped giving me any financial support, saying she never agreed to cover everything and that my parents were manipulating her. She also started making social media posts calling me lazy and ungrateful, even though I’ve been doing my best to support myself.
Since I can only work 20-24 hours a week as an international student, I took up a cash job cleaning houses, which pays around $800/month.
That’s nowhere near enough to cover tuition, rent, and other expenses. I even offered to pay her back for the laptop and tablet she got me, but she won’t tell me how much I owe her.
To make matters worse, my tuition fees are due in March, and I literally have no money to pay them.
I’ve been trying to save, but with my limited income, it’s impossible. My GA knew that I wouldn’t be able to afford this on my own, yet she still convinced me to come. Now, I feel like I was set up to fail.
I get that $10K is a lot of money, but she made it seem like she was fully committed to supporting me. I left my home country based on her promise, and now I’m stuck in a really tough situation. AITJ for expecting her to follow through on what she said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I know this isn’t much but I know there are some online free options for PSWs in Ontario. But also reach out to the financial aid office and see if you can come up with a payment plan. I’m sorry these aren’t for sure things.
But at worst, going home might be the best option. So sorry this happened. I was an international student, and I remember how difficult it was to just survive.” hpm1994
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you can’t force her to pay for you. If you aren’t living with her, where are you living?
Go to the school, explain what is happening, and maybe they can help you find scholarships, but most schools want to fund students from their own country or someone truly exceptional from elsewhere. You probably have to go home. As an aside, if you get caught getting paid under the table, they can deport you and/or charge you with evading taxes.” Jealous-Contract7426
11. AITJ For Leaving My Friend In The Cold Due To Chronic Lateness?
“I, 26 F, am very punctual and value being on time.
I don’t understand why we agree on a time if one always fails to come at that specified time. I have a friend whom I will call Lara (25F), and she unfortunately has a problem with punctuality. She has a tendency to be at least 20 minutes late, but there have been times when she has even been 40-50 minutes late.
This is not due to traffic, but because she starts getting ready late and goes out of the house 5 minutes before our agreed time, if not later. I have told her multiple times that I do not appreciate it. For example, I have sat alone in a restaurant for half an hour to make sure we did not lose the reservation.
And this is just one of the situations that leave me frustrated. Other than that, she is a good friend and we have lots of fun hangouts together.
Well, yesterday evening it was very cold and windy outside (1 degree Celsius), and we had planned to meet in the city centre and go for food and drinks afterwards.
I had texted her to remind her to leave her house on time. It takes me around 40 minutes to get there, so I cannot spontaneously just exit the house and be there; I have to plan my time.
When I arrived, I was right on time (as opposed to 10 minutes earlier, because I know it’s useless with her anyway) and I started waiting.
After around 30 minutes, I lost my patience, texted her to forget it, and just left. I was cold and in a bad mood, especially because she told me that she would be there “right away.”
She apparently was there 15 minutes later and called me upset, saying that I don’t understand how she is and that I am being a bad friend.
She said that I should not make plans if I am not okay with waiting, which I did not agree with. Still, I have never left like this before, and I feel guilty for leaving her like this. Was I the jerk?
Little update I have left in the comments: She called me a few hours ago, and we talked for a bit.
She apologized for insulting me, ignoring my messages, and for being late this time. She sounded like she really regretted it, but I was a bit bitter about the fact that I had to take it this far for her to wake up. I did not talk about meeting up again, as I just want to let it sink in a bit more and not just for two days.
And I think afterwards I will use one of the suggestions that said to meet in a cafe and give her a range, such as “I will be here from 15 to 15:30,” and see how that works out. I truly don’t want to lose her, and I was sorry to hear her like this, but she hurt me first, and she needs to understand that too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a fairly disorganised person with a child with ADHD, I understand time blindness. I also know that you can equally implement strategies so that you meet your commitments and don’t let people down. This is now ultimately about your friend not respecting you or your time enough to make adjustments to her own behaviours, so I’m saying NTJ for showing her there are consequences when you repeatedly let people down.
I’d be interested to hear whether she can get to work or important appointments on time, because that shows that she would be selectively disrespectful if that’s the case, and definitely the jerk.” FadedQuill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You waited 30 minutes, which was generous.
She does not value your time. I’m wondering, though, since you know this, why you don’t factor in her lateness to your schedule? So that if you two are supposed to meet at 7, you don’t arrive until 7:30. Then you’ll wait for a much more reasonable 15 minutes.
And I wouldn’t tell her that you’re doing that, as she would probably feel like the new meeting time was 7:30 and then she wouldn’t arrive until 8:15.” bbbmine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being disrespectful of you and doesn’t seem to care about leaving you to wait outdoors for 45 minutes in near-freezing weather.
If she’s an otherwise good friend, can you plan to meet her to discuss her lateness? Maybe that will make it easier to discuss this with her (when you’re not already annoyed at being left waiting). Tell her you’ll be at a certain coffee shop from 3 to 3:30 if she’d like to join you.
Enjoy your coffee, and if she’s not there by 3:30, leave. I hope you leaving after 45 minutes in the cold will have taught her a lesson, though.” TemptingPenguin369
10. AITJ For Refusing To Leave My Life Behind For My Mum's Overseas Dream?
“I [19F] currently live with my Mum [52F] and 3 sisters [15F, 21F, 31F], but my Mum has made plans to move overseas in the next 6 months with my 3 sisters. She has wanted to move for years as the cost of living in our country is horrible, and she “has nothing left here” (her parents passed away 2 years ago, and she is single).
I was originally going to stay here and rent the current place we live in with my older sister [31] and my partner [20], but my older sister has since decided that she wants to move with my mother, and that leaves me being unable to afford to live in our current house.
I don’t wish to leave as I have my whole life here; I just started UNI, my partner and friends live here, and my dog “wouldn’t make the trip.” I am unable to work currently as I am chronically ill and am unsure of how my body would react to both full-time study and work.
I get government assistance of $210/weekly, which will be unable to cover rent for anywhere but a single room in a share house, but I won’t be able to bring my dog. I am left in a position where I would have to financially rely on my partner more than I would like to, and I would be homeless if we ever broke up.
I have brought these issues up to my mom and asked her for a bit more time until I qualify for student housing and can find a nice family to take my dog. However, everyone keeps saying that I am ruining this for her and that I should move overseas with them.
She has dreamed of moving for years and is now “able” to, but especially since her health is degrading, she is losing time to move.
Should I give in and leave everything behind, or do I stand my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you either have to figure out a way to support yourself there or go with, or you can’t expect others to put their life on hold for you.
Yeah YTJ ETA: I get your 19, none of us are ever really ready to take care of ourselves when it comes time. I had a similar sudden ejection from the nest myself, so I sympathize. EDIT 2: If your dog is in such poor health that he literally cannot survive a flight, it doesn’t sound like he has much quality of life.
Ask yourself if you are keeping him going for him or for you.” MossMyHeart
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – this all comes down to choice. Your mum has waited until you are an adult and it sounds like you do have the option to go with her and continue being supported if you choose to.
If you choose to stay, then you need to figure it out; it’s unfair to expect 4 people to put their lives on hold for you. Still doesn’t make you a jerk though, it’s understandable to be upset.” Mandalabouquet
9. AITJ For Secretly Euthanizing Our Dog Against My Wife's Wishes?
“My wife, Emma, and I have a 16-year-old dog named Sky who was recently diagnosed with an aggressive, fast-growing form of cancer. The kind that can’t be cut out easily. Given this, Sky’s age, and other health issues, the vet didn’t recommend treatment.
Instead, he’s got some pain medication to help keep him comfortable, and we were told to “keep an eye” on the cancerous lump on his chest.
That lump has gone from pea-sized to the size of a large grapefruit in under two months. Sky’s incontinence is more frequent, and his back legs now give out regularly.
He doesn’t enjoy playing in the yard or chasing a ball and has become fussier about what he eats. He’s also sleeping more—up to 22 hours a day.
The vet has said that as the growth gets bigger, it’s more likely to rupture, which would require urgent veterinary care.
At that point, it’s likely that Sky would need to be euthanized. It’s possible that this could happen outside of our vet’s usual hours, which would mean we’d need to take him to the emergency animal hospital.
Given all of this, I’ve tried talking with Emma several times about whether it is still in Sky’s best interests to continue on.
I think the time has come to have him euthanized. This would allow us to ensure that his passing was as gentle as possible, in a place that is familiar and without the added stress of a medical emergency. The vet has said it’s up to us, and he’d support whatever decision we made.
Emma thinks that we shouldn’t put him down just because things have become harder for us. He does still wag his tail when he sees us and enjoys scratches, but the vet has said that dogs can be really good at hiding when they’re in pain, and I think that’s what’s happening here.
Emma doesn’t see it that way and thinks that because he’s not overtly suffering, we should let him live out whatever life he has left.
Also relevant: I work from home, so I’m the one at home with him every day. We’ve discussed what I should do if something happens and she’s away for work.
She’s told me I should “do what needs to be done” even if I can’t get hold of her or she can’t get there. It seems she’s accepted that he’s close to the end of his life but maybe doesn’t want to have to be the one to make the decision to end it.
Yesterday, I had a sudden thought that I should just tell Emma that something happened during a time when she’s not available and take him to the vet myself. It shook me that I’d thought of it, to be honest. Our relationship is built on a strong foundation of trust, and I know that if I were to do something like this and she found out, there would be no coming back from that.
Our 20-year relationship would be over. However, I can’t stop thinking about how it could be the best thing for Sky. So, I thought I’d ask the internet: would I be the jerk if I had my wife’s dog put down and lied to her about why?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you lied to her about it, but she’s being a jerk for letting the dog continue to suffer. It sounds like it’s time to have another discussion about it and explain that it’s wrong to make the dog continue to suffer and that putting it down is what’s best for the dog.
I’ve had to make that trip to the vet more than once, and it’s awful every time, but I just have to remind myself that my responsibility is to do what’s best for the dog no matter how much the decision hurts me.” DahmerGacyBerkowitz
Another User Comments:
“My friend is a vet nurse and her view is that it’s better to let them go a week early rather than a week late… It’s cruel to continue an animal’s suffering for our selfish need not to be without them. Animals will avoid showing pain because in the wild it would make them vulnerable, so it’s up to us as their caregiver to understand and accept that it’s time to let them go… Also, the pain, trauma, and expense for the dog and you two if it turns into an acute emergency will be huge… Your wife needs to buckle up and take her responsibility seriously.” Agitated_Feedback426
8. AITJ For Giving My Senior Dog Two Walks A Day And A Spacious Garden?
“My husband (28) and I (f, 28) have a Shih-Tzu mini Yorkie mix lady who turned 10 years old 2 days ago. We have a rather big apartment and a 40 square meter (431 square feet) garden.
Today, I met a neighbor who recently got a golden retriever.
We talked about our dogs and our walking habits because she said she never sees us walking her. I told her that I walk her in the morning and in the evening before bedtime, each session around 30–60 minutes depending on the weather. For the rest of the day, we spend time in our garden.
She got upset, but I explained that we let her out every 1–2 hours for 10–15 minutes to pee, poo, and play. We also spend a few hours a day in the garden with her, playing or sunbathing, etc. (We clean up the garden right after her, and there are no kids or other people on our grass except us.) When the weather is good, we leave the back door open for her to go in and out at her own will.
She uses this often and spends many hours playing in the grass, encouraging us to play or just sunbathing.
For example, today I planted a few flowers and tidied up the garden by removing leaves. In total, my husband and I were outside for around 4 hours.
We had our back door open the whole time, and the dog went in and out at her will. We played with her using sticks that were lying around or with her toys that she brought to us.
My neighbor was still upset and told me I am a jerk for treating my dog so poorly and that what I do to her is animal cruelty.
I do not think that way because we have the garden, and she gets lots of exercise throughout the day. When we are not at home, my father watches her because he is retired. Also, she is already 10 years old, and we are noticing that she needs more rest and is quieter than before.
Her playtime has reduced, and she needs more breaks than she did 2 years ago. My best friends said that although she gets plenty of exercise, we could also walk her more often and reduce the garden time. So I wanted an outside opinion. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your neighbor is TA, not you. Two walks per day for up to an hour each, plus constant access to a backyard/garden is plenty for a dog of that size and age. Both the Shih-Tzu and Yorkie only require 30 to 60 minutes of exercise per day, depending on age.
That’s just one of your walks with no visits to the backyard. Your neighbor doesn’t know what the heck she’s talking about.” KryptoChicken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had dogs most of my life. Currently, I have 3 pitbulls. You’re walking your dog plenty. Remember… The older they get, the harder walks become.
Especially on their hips. Twice a day is plenty. As long as your vet agrees (if you’re worried, ask), you’re perfectly fine. To be honest, I wouldn’t walk her any more than that to avoid any potential cartilage damage that can easily happen with age.
I only walk mine twice a day too. And they’re 100+ pound plus pits. But I have a half-acre fenced-in yard too.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it sounds like your little lady is living quite an enjoyable life! Twice-a-day walks are more than enough for the breed and age (they might even be too much depending on how well she’s holding up for her age).
You are really treating her well. I grew up with dogs and volunteered at animal shelters. There are so many dogs who wish for such a lovely home, where the owners wonder whether two sessions of 30–60 minutes of walking is enough. Your dog will let you know if she needs more exercise.” laCantarella
7. AITJ For Refusing To Share Credit For My Animated Series?
“About a year ago, my brother came up with an idea for a YT series that I could possibly make. The idea was that 3 Gatorade bottles were going into a haunted mansion; since I always wanted to make an animated YT series, I said “Sure.”
So, I started creating ideas for the show, making an entire story. The characters, the lore, everything. My brother got bored with it, so we started to make a pilot. (Also, when I said that I created the lore, I didn’t mean just for the pilot, but for the entire show.) It was only three minutes, and I couldn’t finish it because I was the only person animating it, so I just stopped after a while.
(Keep in mind, my brother only created the concept, and I didn’t expect him to really do anything after that. I thought the world was my oyster.)
But then today, we both got into a fight. He said that Mansioned (the name I created for the show) was his, and that he should own everything.
I didn’t like that; I spent so much effort creating the lore and the characters, so I said “No.” He only gave me a concept, so I thought that technically I should have almost everything, besides the concept of course.
So we were talking, and he now said that I could have everything, except for the main three characters.
I, again, didn’t like that; I created the personalities; I created their names. So I kept saying “No” to everything. I also said that I’d give credit to him on the first episode and said that I’d literally say before the show starts, “The idea for this show is created by [brother’s channel name], go check him out!”, but he still said “No.”
The reason I came to this subreddit is just to get an outsider’s opinion. If you say AITJ, then I’d use your reasoning for later, and try to work this out better. If you say NTJ, then I’d use it as a confidence boost for myself to continue fighting for what I think is rightfully mine.
I want to go about this the best I can so that my brother and I can both be happy. I also don’t want to throw all my hard work away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Since you came up with the name, all the lore, the characters, and are animating the entire thing, etc., you should definitely be getting the larger share of credit and ownership. Side note: Another comment pointed out you cannot copyright or own a concept.
A great example of this is between the movies A Bug’s Life (Pixar) and Antz (DreamWorks). Both came out in 1998 (within 6 weeks of each other), both have a worker ant as the protagonist, both ants save their colonies, and a princess ant too. While both movies are incredibly similar, the concept of an ant bug saving its colony doesn’t fall under copyright.
Edit: Included OP solely animating the project.” Pleasant_Elevator779
6. AITJ For Confronting My Dad Over His Jokes Around My Son?
“My wife and I have a 3-year-old son, Jake, and are raising him abroad.
This means we don’t see our families very often, and mostly talk on video calls or through text. My family has very different values from we do, a different sense of humour, and the customs of their country are not the same as where we live.
With all that in mind, we’re trying to be patient, but this situation has gotten strange. Every single time my dad speaks to my son, he says “It looks like you need a whipping” or “I’m going to go get the belt.” Now, my wife and I are very clear about who my dad is.
He wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone beat a child with a belt, so we know it’s his way of joking. We don’t, however, want to teach our son that child neglect is something to joke about, nor do we want him to repeat anything like that to anyone else.
In addition to this specific issue, my dad finds it funny to “tease” my wife and me about all aspects of our life that are different from his (i.e., living abroad, vegetarianism, enjoying certain films, sports, etc.). He is the kind of person who believes he is the height of cool, so anything he doesn’t like must be “nerdy” or lesser than his interests.
When we’ve mentioned disliking these kinds of comments before, it gets dismissed with “I’m only teasing, toughen up.” (We have not specifically brought up the “whipping” issue, as that is a newer development.) As two adults, we can privately roll our eyes about this and let it go, but our concern now is our son.
Jake is only 3, but he is starting to understand things, and there is no indication this will stop as he gets older. We really fear the undermining of us in front of him, or the damaging of his relationship with his grandfather/extended family because of these kinds of interactions.
Ultimately, I know it would really upset my dad to know that he hurts our feelings or that we’re concerned about his behaviour with our son, so we don’t know how to address it. So will I be TA for having a conversation about this, or do I need to let it go because we live in different countries and don’t interact all the time anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A joke is only a joke if both sides are laughing. Let’s face it, your father “teases” you about your lifestyle because it gives him a sense of power, not because he thinks he is sharing something funny. And he makes jokes about disciplining your child for the same thing.
And when he says “I’m only teasing” he is trying to turn things around and make you sound unreasonable, as opposed to actually listening to you and stopping. You say that your father would be upset that he hurt your feelings, but he already knows if he is telling you, “I’m only teasing, toughen up.” If he does get upset, maybe you should turn the dialogue around and tell him to “toughen up.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can try bringing it up, but my guess is that he won’t change. Chances are he’ll call you oversensitive and shrug it off, as he’s done before. That kind of thing is often symptomatic of worse, in my opinion. You tell him it upsets you, yet he carries on doing it, knowing full well that it upsets you.
That’s disrespect, malice, manipulation, gaslighting, and a power trip all wrapped into one. Both my parents used to do it; I don’t talk to them anymore. I’m not saying you should do the same – in my case, it was just one of several issues.
But I won’t be surprised if your kid ends up having no interest in knowing his grandad.” Neatpenguin955
5. AITJ For Keeping Dixie's Name Despite Accusations Of Racism?
“I (26F) recently moved back to my hometown after being gone for several years due to school. I have always loved where I grew up and was excited to be closer to my parents and brother again.
This is the first time I have ever lived alone, so I decided to get a dog to keep me company. I went to the local animal shelter and found the sweetest, most gentle dog I had ever met. She is a 5-year-old German Shepherd mix named Dixie, and within minutes, I knew she was the one for me.
I quickly adopted her and moved her in with me, where she has been adjusting nicely to her new home.
Last week, my brother (24M) and his partner (24F) came over to visit and to meet Dixie. Now, I have never been the biggest fan of my brother’s partner.
She has always been passive-aggressive towards me and is the type of person who likes to complain just to complain. I have no idea how he’s dealt with her for the past two years.
Within minutes of her entering my home and introducing herself to Dixie, she tells me that I should really change the dog’s name.
She tells me that it is offensive to black people and that it is a word that should never be spoken. I explain to her that Dixie was already named when I adopted her, and she already responds to that name, so it would be confusing to start calling her something else.
I also think the name is cute and fits her well. My brother’s partner then starts telling me that I am racist and offending black culture (we are both half black) and that she feels unsafe in my home and will not be returning until I change my dog’s name.
I told her that’s fine with me, and she grabbed my brother and stormed out.
It has now been a week and I have not heard from my brother since. I have talked to my parents about it, and they think I am not the jerk, but I can’t help but think that my brother’s partner might be right about the meaning behind my dog’s name.
I also feel bad for dragging my brother into the middle of this. So, AITJ for not wanting to change Dixie’s name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as some people don’t understand how to pick and choose their battles. There’s absolutely zero reason for her to feel unsafe at your apartment; that’s just regurgitating talking points.
On a personal note, please tell me Dixie has a last name and it’s Normous.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why allow that negativity in your home. If you want to look at the origins of all the words used daily, and names, you’re going to find a great many have at least one meaning where they are ‘racist’.
You can either overanalyze them all, or go with it—it’s just a name and it’s cute and suits the dog.” Due-Candidate9597
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As others said, it strongly appears that the partner was trying to pick a fight with you. If it wasn’t this, it would have been something else.
It’s always a bad sign when the new lovers separate their partner from family. That’s a tactic mistreaters use. So… just be aware. That being said, if it’s eating at you, Trixie is a cute name. But it wasn’t about that.” Z0ooool
4. AITJ For Waxing My Friend's Eyebrows Off Without His Consent?
“I find myself in a bit of a situation, and I need your input to know if I’m the jerk in this scenario. Let me provide some context first. My friend and I have known each other for years, and we’re really close. We often engage in playful pranks and sometimes help each other out in unique ways.
One thing I’ve developed a skill for over time is waxing. I’ve waxed a few friends before, and it has always been a fun experience for both parties involved.
Recently, my friend mentioned how he wanted to get rid of some body hair, jokingly complaining about how it was getting out of control.
He didn’t think I’d take it seriously, but I thought it would be a fun opportunity to surprise him and help him out simultaneously.
A few days ago, when he was at my place, I decided to go all out and wax his entire body.
He laughed throughout the process, and it seemed like he was enjoying the experience at first, but I was so giddy by the time we finished his back that I playfully waxed his eyebrows off. He didn’t explicitly tell me to stop or anything, and we were just having so much fun, but afterward, he’s been pretty upset and distant.
A few days later, I asked him about it, and he said he feels uncomfortable and that I crossed a boundary.
Now here’s where I’m confused. In the past, I’ve waxed some of my other friends, and it was all in good fun. They loved it and even asked for repeat sessions.
I honestly didn’t expect this reaction from my current friend, considering our history of playful camaraderie.
But I can see now that I might have overstepped this time. I didn’t think he’d react negatively, and I feel terrible for making him feel uncomfortable. However, I want to emphasize that my intentions were never malicious; I genuinely thought we were just having some lighthearted fun.
Am I the jerk for waxing my friend completely, including his eyebrows, without his explicit consent, even though I thought we were just playing around? I’m open to your judgments and willing to make amends if needed.”
Another User Comments:
“Is this real? In what world is waxing a good time had by all?
I say this as a woman with an abundance of experience waxing. Yes, YTJ. There’s a fundamental difference between waxing to achieve a desired aesthetic and removing eyebrows entirely. It’s not funny. It’s not cute. He’s stuck like this for weeks until they grow back.
But also… He let you do that?? The whole thing is bizarre. I don’t understand any of it.” Best_Tumbleweed6931
Another User Comments:
“What is wrong with you?!? If this isn’t some made up crap, you are 100% jerk. Hope someone waxes off your eyebrows, because that isn’t a prank you should pull on anyone.
He probably thought you were cleaning up his eyebrows, not waxing them off.” PhilosopherInside956
3. AITJ For Excluding My Uncle And His Circus Of Kids From My Small Wedding?
“My (26f) fiancé (26m) and I have been together for three years and have known each other for eight. We got engaged in January and are now getting ready to have a very small (around 30 people) wedding at the end of next week (July). Neither of us is are fans of large crowds, so we’ve both selected the most important people to us and that’s it.
His guests are mostly friends; mine are a more even mix of friends and immediate family.
From my family, I’ve invited: my mom, my maternal grandparents, Uncle Tom and his wife, Uncle Tom’s son (8), and my paternal half-siblings (13 and 11). We are not having children outside of my (very well behaved) cousin and our siblings.
My Uncle Eric was not invited. He lives on the opposite side of the country, has 5 children (4, 6, 9, 13, 15) who don’t have great manners, and he really isn’t someone I talk to ever. The only time he or his wife, Cindy, ever contact me is to give me messages for my grandparents or “life advice” that nobody asked for.
I didn’t say anything to either of them when we got engaged, and they said nothing to me.
Eric and Cindy have decided to make an unannounced trip up to visit Cindy’s parents for a couple of weeks. They didn’t reach out to anyone in the family until talking to Tom two days ago.
He said that his family can’t hang out next weekend due to a wedding. Other family members said the same, and at some point they caught wind that it’s our wedding. Eric and Cindy have since been hounding everyone for details and left me several messages questioning why they never received an invitation.
I ended up snapping this morning after getting a call from my mother while I was at work about the situation. I wrote a message telling them that 1. They’re being shown the same importance they’ve shown me. 2. Their kids are a circus that I want far away from me.
3. My wedding has no room for their weird attitudes and bad vibes.
I’ve been told that my response was a bit much and that it was offensive for me to invite everyone except them in the first place. My family is now trying to get me to apologize to them, both for not inviting them and for going off on them.
I feel as though I’m justified, but I can see where I might be in the wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your party, your guests. Hold firm. NTJ. It is poor manners to try to crash parties you haven’t been invited to, and worse manners to whip up a mob of flying monkeys to do the nagging for you.
~~ But it might be more diplomatic to say that the budget and the venue are both limited, and you therefore had to prune the invitee list very dramatically. Adding a family of six at the last minute is not in the cards. Besides, Uncle doesn’t actually give a crap about your wedding; he just wants to go to wherever the party is that weekend.
There’s no reason Uncle should be catching up with whatever family members he wanted to see on *your* dime. Which is what he wants.” south3y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting a relative that lives far away and you’re not close to. You didn’t know they’d be in town.
Your text was a jerk move, though. A simple “Gosh, we didn’t know you’d be in town and there’s just no space left! Sorry!” would have sufficed. You didn’t have to bash children, whom you also have no relationship.” weeblewobble82
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for that message, definitely.
There’s a difference between them “not making the cut” for the wedding, and actively insulting/antagonizing them. It’s okay to not invite them, and okay to feel that way about their kids, but being diplomatic and polite is part of everyday life. From your description, it sounds totally reasonable to not invite them in the first place, and it would have been unlikely for them to show up.
Maybe their trip would have prompted a re-evaluation (with no obligation to change your plan if it was inconvenient or you didn’t want to) since it was a bit awkward that everyone they talked to was attending, and now they probably would have turned up too, since they are local. But even if you couldn’t accommodate the extra plates, a more graceful response would have been better” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Wife On Our Wedding Day Over A Platonic Bestfriend?
“I, 32M, have a best friend, 30F. My best friend and I have been friends for almost 20 years, and she’s almost like a sister to me. She and I are completely platonic and have never even thought of the idea that we would “hook up” or enter into a relationship.
I met my wife, 31F, in a bar about three years ago. Immediately, I told my best friend all about her, and she gave me tips on what to say and how to ask her out. When I knew my wife and I were getting more serious, I introduced my best friend to her, and they seemed to get along great.
They would talk about makeup and pretty much anything girly. They seemed to be really getting along, which made me more than happy. A little while later, I proposed to her, and it was a memory I could never forget.
Her family was there, my family was there, and, of course, all of our friends were present.
While preparing for the wedding, my wife gave me the shock of a lifetime and told me she didn’t want me to talk to my best friend anymore. She told me it seemed as if she had a crush on me and that she didn’t want to feel insecure on her big day.
I told my wife I would talk to her, and that’s exactly what I did. I talked to my best friend and told her what my wife had said. She told me that she didn’t want to mess up my “happy relationship” and that if my wife wanted her to be out of my life, she understood, but she was heartbroken since I have always been like a brother to her.
She left, and I was devastated. On the day of the wedding, which was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I was miserable that my best friend wasn’t there to see me and celebrate with me. That night, I got so fed up and ended up telling my wife that it’s her fault I had the most horrible wedding day.
She started to cry, but I was too angry and stormed out. I still haven’t contacted my best friend or my wife. So, AITJ for yelling at my wife on our wedding day?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You should have resolved this before your wedding.
Her befriending your bestie, then demanding you to never talk to her again after you proposed, is not okay. But then you just agreed and didn’t try to compromise to find some type of middle ground. I’d never drop a 20-year friend, who’d done nothing wrong, just because of an insecure spouse.” Ok-Context1168
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You are for allowing your wife to demand that you end a friendship, then blaming her for your actions. Your wife is for demanding that you end a friendship to begin with. You should have walked away when your wife made that demand.
She should have walked away when she found out you have a female friend, knowing she couldn’t tolerate it.” oksccrlvr
1. AITJ For Uninviting My Parents From My Wedding Over Their Constant Criticism?
“I (45M) am getting married to my fiancé (49M) next week, and my family has done nothing but make my life harder. I want a gluten-free cake for my husband-to-be. “No. Those don’t taste as good. Only make it one tier of the cake.” I want my family to wear blue for pictures.
“No. They don’t look good in blue. They prefer warm colors.” I don’t want my nephew to bring the rings down. “But he’ll miss out on such a big moment for his uncle!”
Whenever I try to make a decision, somebody has to come along and say something about my wrong decision.
But I was willing to put up with all that. The last straw was earlier tonight when my parents insisted we have an open bar instead of a dry wedding.
A dry wedding was our decision. There aren’t any heavy drinkers on either side of our family.
But we don’t like drinking. We don’t like how loud and obnoxious people become when they drink. We just wanted a simple, beautiful wedding. But my parents just could not turn down another opportunity to complain about something, telling us about how “Oh it’s too hard to meet people without a drink or two” or “It’s a time to celebrate and party!
At least have something for us to have!” But I wasn’t budging. I told them that the dry wedding had already been decided, and if they didn’t want to stay for the reception, they could leave after the ceremony. My dad chimed in with, “I guess I’ll just have to drink beforehand then.” And I lost it.
I told him, “Actually, you won’t even have to do that. I’m done. You’re not coming. You’ve walked all over me this whole time. But this isn’t about you. This day is about me and my fiancé. And if you can’t stay sober to meet his family, then you don’t need to meet them at all.”
My fiancé grabbed the keys and walked out with me. He supports my decision on this, luckily. But I can’t help but feel bad. I’m their oldest kid finally getting married, and I just told them they can’t be there to see it.
I’m wondering if I should allow a bottle of champagne at dinner just to appease them, or if I should stick to the invite being taken away.
So. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well done for sticking up for yourself. Your parents/family should be making your life as easy as possible, not adding to the stress.
I can only imagine that this is the type of behaviour you’ve dealt with your whole life, but that doesn’t make it okay. I don’t know what ‘the rings’ are, but expecting your nephew to be able to put on a show against your wishes is crazy.
Hope you have a fantastic wedding.” BoomBoomBoom123456
Another User Comments:
“ESH- I would say NTJ, but the actions on both sides are a bit of a mixed bag. Telling people what to wear to an event (with a few exceptions) is a bit controlling. Seems like there are bigger issues between you and your parents and this is just a symptom.” No_Glove_1575
Another User Comments:
“If your parents aren’t in the wedding party, you’re not supposed to dictate how they dress outside of not wearing white. It’s considered rude. I also had a dry wedding, but your parents are right. They tend to be hugely unpopular with guests unless the guests are religious or in recovery.
You can count on people leaving early or pregaming. It’s why I had mine at 11 AM and no reception. I’m going with ESH. They’re being a little much, but so are you. Unrealistic expectations.” nightglitter89x
