People Spell Out Their Proudest Moments Of Revenge
25. I'm Going To Show You Up In Front Of Everyone
“There was this older kid who was just a big jerk. He bullied everybody and generally made sure everyone knew he was the boss. One day I was the target of some remark about having glasses and being a nerd.
I reacted poorly and became an easy target for a while.
He was also successful in sports, and had been selected to play in my city’s junior soccer team, and he liked to boast about it. He kind of had ‘celebrity’ status at our school because of this.
Autumn comes around and the school announced a soccer tournament between all classes where each class picked out a team and played each other throughout the semester. The whole thing was pretty well organized and a huge success.
I never played soccer on a team and don’t really like sports per se but from time to time I played during lunch breaks and had become known as a reliable goalie so of course I got picked for my class’s team.
We made it to the semi-finals and the game ended in a tie so we did penalty kicks to decide the winner. As fate would have it, this bully was put in front of me. The crowd (other classes and parents) was expecting him to score as he was the ‘celebrity’ soccer player and I was the nerdy kid who occasionally played goalie on lunch breaks.
It wasn’t a deciding shot yet, but to me it was personal. This jerk with all his success and his waaay too big ego needed to be taken down a notch. I just had to beat him at something he was good at.
He aimed for the upper right corner, confident that I’d never be able to save it. He put all his strength into it but I saved it!
It hurt like heck to catch that ball but it was so sweet.
The part of the crowd that was rooting for my team went nuts. He got so angry that he went into the locker rooms and punched through a window and cut up his whole arm (a lot of b***d and he needed stitches, but not life-threatening).
He didn’t pick on anyone after that.”
24. Everything Was Amazing Until We Lost Our Jobs And She Lost Herself
“I was in a relationship for 9 years with a girl I met in college. We broke up on the cusp of my 29th birthday. While breakups and divorce are never trauma-free, this one was as close to that as I believe is humanly possible to get, there were no fights and minimal drama, and I moved to a new city to get a fresh start and be nearer my dad/stepmom/half-sisters, as I’m close to them and it was nice to have family during this.
Get an apartment, start over, everything’s good. Then I meet ‘her.’
I fall for her hard. We have a whirlwind romance, move in shortly, and we have this glamorous life where we make good money (she was a corporate accountant, I had a decent small business, we’re pulling in 150K+ combined), renting a luxury apartment, one car paid and the other brand new, no kids.
Things are great, except that we drink too much together and notice some underlying issues I’m blind to at the time. We get wild one night and drive to Vegas, and get married on the strip after 6 months of seeing and 9 months of knowing each other.
The ink is barely dry on my divorce papers from version 1.0, but no matter, I’m in love. My family likes her overall. Her family loves me. We adopt cats. We talk about trying to have a kid.
We upgrade our life and take on more debt, just as the housing bubble bursts and the economy tanks, she loses a couple of jobs due to her inability to show up on Mondays, and I start losing clients as the ones I have started cutting their advertising budget (my field).
Things start to get pinched, and she first starts complaining, then gets petulant, because now we can’t spend the way we used to, the quarterly mini-vacations dry up, plus we’re cooking at home instead of going out to eat 4x a week.
We basically stopped being intimate a little more than a year into the relationship (didn’t realize it then, because I was dumb and love-blind, but she two-timed me during this period). Realizing what we’re up against with our normal bills plus our credit cards, I go out and get a job bartending at a posh resort, the only other real skill I have at the time that’s marketable.
I get two other part-time gigs to help make ends meet. She still complains and throws me an ultimatum before I even start getting paychecks, laying the blame at my feet. I say fine, screw this then. Had we stuck it out even a few more months, things would have started to turn a financial corner.
Instead, she goes full two-faced, mean-spirited bee-with-an-itch on me. The night we first fight, she attempts to take her own life by scratching her wrist with a Leatherman, then calls 911, gets admitted to the hospital (I arrive home to cops telling me this), and has the security guard toss me when I show up to see if she’s okay because she doesn’t want to talk to me.
I use the quotes because there was a small collection of firearms nearby I bought for her target shooting hobby which was untouched, so it was obviously just a ploy for attention.
We basically fight for the next week, I give her everything she wants, which includes leaving her the house, signing over my new truck to her, and only taking stuff I brought into the relationship, basically, enough to fill a small storage space.
She’s financially pinched so I sell my office furniture for cash and don’t even touch the bank account, just take my biz money and one CC I got separate from her. I go to the Bay Area for a few months, financially struggle, don’t get the job I was sure was on lock.
During this time, I have this revelation one evening-I drink too much and that it’s caused a load of problems in my life, so I quit, and I haven’t touched a drop since.
Broke and realizing nothing I try is working, I come back to town, live with my dad for a month, find a roommate, then a crappy retail job (my business has dropped from 7-8K per month at its height to now around 500/mo), I bike everywhere bc I can’t afford a car, and my credit is toast partially due to her love of spending on plastic, so I’m facing bankruptcy.
I’m 31, and this is really humbling, but whatever, I’m alive, have dealt with hardship before, this won’t last forever. She has kept her house, declared personal BK on her debts, keeps her car, and has been seeing a series of men starting a couple of weeks after we split.
While I never asked the details, apparently she’s also reached out to a few of my friends and badmouthed me a bit. This would be mildly annoying but add in two factors-she’s dragging her feet on the divorce due to not having money to file, keeps up contact on the pretense of us needing to talk, but plays emotionally manipulative head games during the whole sequence (“I’ve realized I still love you, that’s why you can make me cry so easily,” and other bullcrap Hallmark movie lines like this).
Also, we live in a suburb that’s smaller and tightly knit, so multiple places I go to like my church, the bookstore I frequent, and the coffee shop right by my place, she talks endless crap to people. Says I was a deceiver and physically/emotionally abusive (complete crap, but whatever), I’m stalking her, I supposedly stole tens of thousands of dollars from her, the whole nine yards.
Some people actually believe her, I even get threatened by a wannabe biker one night that’s literally twice my age with violence, it’s a funny story but not the point.
Finally, after some more BS and back and forth, she leaves town (more falsehoods around this, including her borrowing a bit of money she didn’t end up paying back, and sticking me with a massive overage on our cell bill right before we split the account).
My dumb, trusting heart hurts but I’m mostly relieved to see the last of her, realizing she’s only nice to me when she wants something. She goes to NY to shack up with another guy, gets pregnant 15 minutes later. Finally sends me divorce paperwork.
I sign it and send it back quickly, all notarized docs, everything organized and flagged. She attempts to be “friends” and I want no part of this BS. I’m businesslike, she gets upset. She screws up filing, blames me. I say “whatever,” straighten out the court issues.
One week after the divorce is finalized, the kid is born. No word from her after that for two years, thank god. I get a new career, start advancing in it, and start seeing a new woman that I’m still with 10 years later.
Weirdly enough, they knew each other, and she didn’t like her, partially because one of my ex’s infidelity partners was her ex-husband, during a time they were exploring patching things up for the kids’ sake (though there were multiple reasons for her distrust, apparently she always gave my wife an icky intuitive feeling).
So flash forward two years. I get a call from my current squeeze. She’s just talked to a friend who was also a very brief roomie of “her” after our split. She’s breaking up with the baby daddy. There’s a custody fight.
He’s saying he doesn’t know if it’s his. Will I help her? Well, it’s the right thing to do, so even though I don’t trust or particularly like her, I say yes. I get the call and a sob story.
Most of it doesn’t add up-he took the kid, but thinks it’s actually mine, to prove paternity I’d need to come to NY and take a paternity test at one of their facilities, also he hurt her, put a GPS tracker on her car, brother is a Russian mobster who threatened her, all very far-fetched. Needless to say, even without this fanciful tale, I generally assume if this woman is talking, it’s a lie, so I’m suspicious.
Her lawyer calls me, and seems like a clueless shmuck. I get a letter from him, very unprofessional and not even on a letterhead (every other legal doc I’ve seen has “from the law offices of blah blah” on it, but this is literally just off a laser printer), and says, verbatim “I, M___ K___, am the ex-husband of J___ K___, and was married to her from 6/07-8/09.
I have no legal interest in the child.” Super shady.
Not wanting to end up in a situation where I’ve allowed myself to be legally messed over, I make my own lawyer consultation appointment. Before I can even go, the baby daddy finds me on social media and sends me a message.
Between calls with him, his lawyer, and the impartial lawyer NY state appoints for the child’s welfare, I get a very different story. He knows it’s his, he had a paternity test done on the sly at birth because she had been promiscuous before they got together, and she was pregnant so quickly he was concerned. They broke up because she was drinking too much, he busted her with a bottle of vodka as she was driving with the kid in the car.
She stood up in court, claimed I was actually the father, and she had no idea where to find me (he found me in 10 seconds online, I’m a tech guy with massive social media presence, a tech blog, multiple writing credits on publications, my frigging name as a domain, plus I’ve had the same cell phone number for 14 years).
Also the other BS was just that, he’s an IT guy for a university and his brother works for a carpet cleaning chain, plus just like in our relationship, he never hit or stalked her, etc.
So she, not knowing what I know, starts sending me text messages.
I say, “Filled out and on its way back to your lawyer,” and toss it in the trash. I’m so tempted to send her some poetic message about how the truth is coming back to haunt her, but I resist, because I’m not doing this for her, but rather for the sake of their son and his father, so let’s keep my ego out of it.
I provide legal statements to all in the court. Tell them I know it’s not possibly mine because I hadn’t been with her since April 15 of ’08, kid’s birthday is in Sept of ’09 (I remember the date because, due to taxes, I got messed up twice that day).
Explain when she was in NY, which is the likely date of conception, prove I was thousands of miles away on the west coast. Tell them to look through her social media, where she meticulously tagged herself and took tons of pictures of even their mundane locations.
Provide a b***d sample to a local lab. Tell them salacious details about her drinking and occasional substance use, including her abused prescriptions and a previous hospitalization where she was held for psych eval due to taking way too many pills.
Court comes, and she gets blindsided. Stack of depositions and a collection of statements from me were what sealed the deal, apparently, and the incredibly stupid game she was running is fully exposed. Gets no custody, no support, supervised visitation once a week.
I run into her ex-roomie, upset, but instead of giving her attitude, I just calmly tell her the scam J__ was running, then let her “pull out of me” the truth about our split. She’s flabbergasted, but also a horrible gossip, so it gets around town like wildfire.
People I barely know, including the aforementioned biker, all come up to me and apologize for misjudging me. I’m years past the stage of having any morbid curiosity to check her social media, but every few months she pops up as a “suggested friend,” and I notice bemusedly the number of mutual friends plummets from triple digits to eventually 3.
Baby’s father sends me a massive Amex gift card for Christmas, as much as I make in a week at the time. I call and tell him I don’t know if I can accept it, I don’t want him or anyone to think I did this for a reward.
He begs, saying “you helped save my family. This is nothing in comparison. Thank you.” We break down crying on the phone and eventually form an odd, distant friendship based on mutual respect for each other. I even had dinner with him a couple of times when I had to go to NY for biz over the years, and I always buy, because the poor guy has done enough and gone through enough having to co-parent with this train wreck.
To this day, she’s apparently struggling to stay sober (booze and other substances) and has minimal involvement in her child’s life due to her inability to show up when expected. Baby daddy tells me she’s been in legal trouble, financial issues up the a*s, and a string of men who never last more than a few months.
I’m doing well, got married again three years ago, raised step-children, am reasonably financially successful, and rather like my life. Granted, a large part of this story is just karma in action, but I feel like I did the right thing, wasn’t petty, and what I did do hit her where it hurts.”
23. Cutting In Line? I Don't Think So
“Back in the summer of 2002, I was at an AIDS festival in Paris. You know how lots of people and fairgrounds go, there was one of those port-a-potty areas with the rows of blue box toilets, a huge line, and about a thirty minute wait.
So I waited in line and it felt like forever. I had to go really bad, but it’s cool, everybody’s being polite and we’re moving along, there’s just so many people.
After a long time, I’m three people from the front of the line.
It’s about to be my turn! Relief sounds too sweet for words at this point.
Then some random guy walks past the dozens upon dozens of patient people in the line, walks up to a door that opens as someone steps out, and he enters.
He didn’t even wait at all. People notice, they sigh, call him names, but nobody does anything.
I’m upset. This is not going to simply get ignored. Justice must be served. I walk forward onto this ribbed aluminum stage that the port-a-pottys are sitting on, and I see that there’s a concrete block sitting there.
I pick it up and wedge it in front of the door of the line-cutter’s blue box door and the ribbing of the stage. It’s in there good and tight.
The people in line are laughing. The door bangs. No one moves.
The door begins to bang faster and harder. No one goes anywhere near it. I’m at the front of the line. It’s my turn. I do my thing. The door is still banging. The toilet is foul in that ‘used for hours by hundreds of people’ way.
I’m happy to get out.
The door is still banging. I walk off into the sunset, past dozens of people who are giggling about the angry port-o-potty that rattles in the distance.”
22. Not Quite A Fight But Close Enough
“I’m leaving the KK (which is a bar in Madison, WI).
It’s bar time, and these dudes are driving by in this nice Lincoln town car. They are putting their hands out to give everyone high-fives, no one gives them a high-five and they end up stopping in front of the bar.
I go up and give this dude a high-five but he grabs my hand and then starts pulling me closer to the window. I’m like ‘alright let me go,’ but he won’t let go and he ends up pulling me even closer, reaches out the window with his other hand, and slaps me in the face.
I chase the car down and I try to punch this dude through the window but they get away. At this point, I’m extremely upset and I’m just stewing in my rage. My friend and I go back to my place and are sitting on the roof for about 20 minutes, while I continue to replay the scenario in my head over and over and just get angrier and angrier.
I’m literally just sitting there repeating over and over how much I wish I could have stuck that dude and if I saw him again I was going to get his butt back (never thinking I would).
My friend and I end up leaving the roof at about 2:45 am to go to my other friend’s house, who was having people over.
So we leave my apartment, and less than a block away I see the same jerk that slapped me screaming at some doorman from a hotel on the corner, calling him a bunch of rude names, and just being a jerk to him.
I knew it was my chance. I went up to the car and stood by the passenger side window, and just glared at the guy who slapped me. He glanced at me multiple times but I don’t think he ever really realized that I was the guy that he tried to humiliate 30 minutes earlier.
I’m standing there just staring at him for about two minutes, and the whole time he is hanging out of the window screaming at this doorman at the hotel. Eventually, they start to drive off, since the doorman had told them the police were on their way.
As they began to drive off, the guy that slapped me was still hanging out the window screaming obscenities at this doorman. So what did I do? I wound up and slapped him as hard as I could. The look of surprise on his face was absolutely priceless.
It was the purest form of revenge I think that I will ever experience.”
21. Park In My Spot? Enjoy ALLLLL The Parking Tickets
“A few years ago I lived in a residential college attached to a university – one with a long waiting list for parking bays.
In my third year, I was granted an external parking spot – bay number 6 (this becomes relevant). Awesome, I can get a car now.
All is well for a few months until this irritating, green, lunchbox-shaped car starts regularly parking in my spot.
It’s pretty d****d irritating because if I can’t use my bay I’m forced to park outside the lot on a dimly-lit street, and I’m concerned about security. I’m also surprised he doesn’t seem to be getting tickets for parking in an assigned bay.
Mistakes happen though, so I decide to be chill and wait to meet the guy. I even have a mate whose apartment is literally right overlooking my parking bay, so one afternoon I hang out with him on his balcony and wait for the guy to return to his car, so I can explain that he really can’t park there.
The guy turns up eventually, and it turns out he was just confused – he’s been assigned parking bay 9, and has accidentally put his numbered sticker on the car upside down. That explains why he’s not been getting tickets, I guess.
But he’s cool about us having a chat and promises not to park there anymore.
But this wouldn’t be a story if he’d actually stuck to that, would it?
Anyway, sure enough, the a****t keeps parking in my bay.
Seems as though whenever someone steals his bay, he thinks it’s ok for him to steal mine. Things come to a head when, because I was forced to park out on the street, my car is broken into and damaged – windows smashed, panels scratched to smithereens, etc.
I’m pretty angry when I confront the green-car guy again, and this time he straight out says ‘well I’m not getting tickets so why shouldn’t I park here?’
Ok, so that’s how this is going to be.
I’ve already got a revenge plan in mind but I decide I’m going to take it up a notch by planning things out.
I call the parking office and find out about infringement rules. Then I ask my mate to keep track of when the guy is parking in my bay and to note when he’s there the longest. We find out that he’s sometimes there literally all weekend.
For once, I’m glad.
My mate and I then have drinks on his porch one Saturday, and the fun begins. I call the parking office and an inspector comes down. I explain the situation with the sticker being wrong and the car being parked contrary to rules – show him the paperwork confirming that it’s my bay – and the inspector gives the guy a ticket.
Cool.
Then I sit on the porch and call the inspector every hour, on the hour.
The inspector obviously gets my drift because eventually, I don’t even need to call him – he just makes the short walk over and gives the guy ticket after ticket.
$60 a pop, to my satisfaction. Obviously, my mate and I don’t continue the phone calls the next day, but I’m pretty sure it was the same inspector working Sunday because the pile of tickets definitely grew. There would’ve been at least a dozen, by the end.
I didn’t get to see the guy’s reaction when he got back to his car, but he sure as heck didn’t park in my bay again.”
20. Nearly Hurt Our Kitten And Expose Yourself In Public? We're Calling The Cops And We Mean It
“Wife and I were sitting on our stoop and hanging with the kitten outside after a long day at work (8 PM). Kitty is playing in the snow nearby at the edge of our driveway which connects to the road.
Out of nowhere a Ford pickup speeds by and swerves into our driveway narrowly missing a very scared kitty. Skinny younger guy jumps out of the driver’s side and urgently walks toward the stoop, his back to the road, and starts to fiddle with his zipper.
No freaking way man.
He hasn’t seen us sitting there (dark out) so I shout hoping he won’t whip it out right there and piss at us. I think he may be a friend of our neighbors at first. They are pretty trashy.
Me: “Hey man, who tf are you! You need to slow tf down!” A***e: “oh hey”
He continues to unzip while he dribbles urine in our direction. I notice he is swaying awkwardly. Probably intoxicated I think.
Me: “Look mothertrucker, kids live here, you can’t just expose yourself now gtfo before I call the cops.” A***e: “Good, call ’em.
I don’t care.” Wife: “Fine, I don’t have anything better to do atm.”
Wife dials the non-emergency number to the station less than 100 yards down the road and puts it on speaker so A***e can hear we aren’t bluffing.
Somehow, after an eternity, the dude is finally wrapping up his whizz and holsters his wizard finger.
On phone, wife tells police some guy sped into our driveway, barely missed our kitten, and is exposing himself while probably inebriated.
A***e: “Good, tell them my plate number is (wrong plate number)” he slurs and stands there defiantly with belt open and hanging limp
I walk a few steps so I can see his real plate number and read it aloud to my wife.
At this point, the guy seems to slowly realize this is really happening, and with his pants unbuckled he waddles quickly back to the driver’s side and peels off down the road swerving in the snow.
My wife is still speaking to the police operator when the police charger absolutely roars by in what we assume is in response to our call. She ends the call and we resume our night and kinda chuckle it off while reassuring the little kitten.
The next day we call back to see if anything came of it in the end. Turns out they got him just down the road. DUI. Underage possession of booze. Indecent exposure in a school zone. Reckless driving.
We caught all the audio on our front door camera and forwarded to the officer in charge.
They say it may help tack more charges on and will strengthen others.
Good luck A***e with no license fines out the butt, and is a registered offender for life. The moral is, if someone warns you to move along you better do it.
Also don’t drive intoxicated, people.”
19. You Thought You Could Steal My Contacts?
“My father was working for an IT company developing software but ended up being asked to help out in sales for a few weeks as their department was short-staffed for some reason.
He turned up and found that his new colleagues really didn’t like him, for no apparent reason (though he suspected it might be racism).
Within the first few days, he’d scored a few sales and his manager had actually offered him a job in sales, but he turned it down as he preferred having a set salary, rather than commission.
The reason for his relative success was down to two factors:
- Networking
- Several subscriptions to professional IT journals and magazines.
He had started by calling people he knew and then he started calling people he’d read about in magazines, while the rest of the department was apparently relying on cold calling.
Furthermore, having helped write the software he was selling, he could actually explain what it did, while the rest of the department couldn’t.
At the beginning of his second week in the department, he took a long lunch break as he had to visit a dentist and got back to find a woman who was being congratulated on her success for making a big sale to a company he had planned on calling that very day.
When he got to his desk, he noticed things weren’t as he’d left them and noticed a list of people and phone numbers he’d planned on calling had vanished. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened while he was away.
Rather than let it slide, he decided to get his revenge.
The next day, he made up an excuse to be out of the office in the late morning and early afternoon, spending his time back in the software department.
When he returned this time, however, things were a lot more sour. As before, he had left a list of potential customers on his desk and, as before, the woman had taken it off his desk while he was away and started making calls.
The problem is that one of the phone numbers wasn’t for a company, but for the wife of her boss, who her boss was currently in the process of divorcing. And the name he had listed next to the number was the mistress of said boss, which was the reason they were getting divorced.
The boss wasn’t happy at all to get a phone call from his soon-to-be ex-wife’s lawyer, who accused him of getting his staff to harass her. The thieving coworker got fired, didn’t get any commission for the big sale she’d made the previous day, and my dad ended up finalizing that sale in the end as he explained that, by sheer coincidence, he had gone to university with the guy the woman was dealing with.
A few weeks later, she accused my dad of plotting and setting up the whole thing, but by this time he was back in his old position and the guy in charge of the sales department had no power over him.”
18. Think You're Better Than Me? Let's Have A Race
“I went to a boarding school. There was another kid there who was horribly competitive and smug especially, it seemed, towards me. He was always telling me how he was better than me, how he always got better grades than me, and how he was going to get into a better university than me.
He would then go on about how crap I was and how academically inferior I was to him and how I would never really amount to anything. For some reason I just took it and didn’t really react until, one night, when I saw an opportunity.
He was a member of a club created for the school’s ‘high achieving’ pupils. Needless to say, I wasn’t. This club met in a classroom one evening each week. I bumped into him on his way to one of these meetings and, to wind him up, I told him I thought I’d go along too.
He just sneered at me telling me it wasn’t appropriate for me to be there. I told him that not only was I going along, but I was faster than him and I’d race him there. He couldn’t resist the competition so we agreed that I’d take the outside route (it was raining) and he’d go via the inside route which involved cutting across an assembly hall.
We set off as fast as we could, him sprinting towards the hall and me going the outside route. Then it struck me… there was a classical music concert going on in the assembly hall that he was approaching at high speed.
Now, I could have shouted to warn him, but instead I could only stop and watch and laugh as he exploded through a double swing-door right in the middle of a quiet violin solo that had to stop as the performer was so shocked by his sudden entry that had made over 400 parents and pupils gasp and stare at him.
He then got hauled up in front of the teacher who was in charge of the concert and, being a snitch, he brought me in too. When he explained we were on our way to his elitist, stuck up club meet and I’d suggested a race I denied all knowledge and asked, ‘What would I want to go to one of those meetings for?
It’s hardly appropriate for me is it?’ The teacher totally believed me and this other kid got punished. I don’t think he ever forgave me.”
17. Mess With My Cats? Karma Will Catch Up With You
“My sister Katherine and I grew up in Kentucky, and after more than 20 years of living here, Katherine decided she was ready for something new in life. She made plans to move to Washington State and made all the arrangements to move, packed all her things, etc. The only things she didn’t want to take were her two cats because she was just going to be staying in someone’s house until she could get some funds saved after the move.
She left them with one of her co-workers, Derek, whom she had known/worked with for several years until she could come back and get them.
Fast forward six months, my sister is living happily on the west coast. A mutual friend of ours sees Derek where my sister worked with him.
Our friend asks how everything is going and asks how the cats are. While refusing to make eye contact, he tells our friend, ‘One got out about a month ago, the other a week ago. Please don’t tell Katherine.’ So naturally, the first thing our friend does is call Katherine to tell her (obviously Derek hadn’t said anything to her).
My sister calls me, super upset, because she loves her cats, and begs me to try and find them.
The only option was to try the Humane Society, so I called another friend of ours to take me. We go to the Humane Society, search the entire lost and found section, to no avail, so we search the adoption center.
It seemed completely hopeless, but by some strange and awesome universal force, I approach THE LAST cage and find one of her cats. Curious as to how he found his way here, I ask the people working there, and they politely inform me he was an ‘owner give up.’ When I asked the date he was taken in, they tell me, and I figure out it was only one month after my sister had moved. So, I re-adopt her cat, call Katherine to tell her, she breaks down in tears of joy, and I ask if she wants me to ‘do anything about it’ (the kind of thing a brother does when someone messes with their sister).
She tells me, ‘No. Everything will work itself out.’
Fast forward another few months, and my sister has returned to Kentucky to pick up her cat. While in town, my sister, dad, and I all go out to eat a family breakfast. Halfway through our meal, I look over and see her Derek sitting in a booth across from an attractive young lady.
I tell my sister, and she instantly becomes furious. My dad tells her not to do anything, but I tell her she has to. So, we give our dad a minute to leave, and as soon as he does, my sister grabs a plastic ketchup bottle, stands up, walks to his table, flips the cap open, and sprays him up and down his face and shirt, giving him only time for his voice to crack ‘OH NO.’ The entire restaurant had stopped what they were doing to watch all this go down, and everyone was completely silent, except the one guy in the back that couldn’t stop laughing.
My sister finishes spraying the ketchup, throws the bottle in his face, and just says, ‘I know what you did.’ Now she is happily reunited with (one of) her cats.”
16. You Want To Cut My Pay? I'm Going On Vacation
“Got my degree and wasn’t able to get a promotion at my current company.
I let my boss know I was looking for a new job and handled the move professionally. I left on good terms.
I started my new job, at a significant bump in pay, and quickly discovered it was nothing like the job I had interviewed for.
Instead of managing databases, I was expected to learn a proprietary coding language created by my new boss. There was no documentation and he treated everyone like an idiot if they asked questions while trying to learn. After 3 months I had a review.
I was told I was doing great and given a raise.
I continued learning and persevering through my boss’s abuse. 3 months later I was pulled into another meeting with my boss and his boss. I was told I wasn’t meeting expectations, although they wouldn’t explain how, and I was told to sign a document putting me into a lesser position at a significant pay cut.
If I didn’t sign I was told I would be fired. I signed and immediately started looking for another job.
I called up my old boss and asked for a reference. She told me she would do so happily, but I should know she had just submitted a job requisition for a new position that I would be perfect for.
We discussed it and I agreed it would be a fit. I went through the interview process and got the job at a higher salary than my new company had started me at. The only problem was that they couldn’t bring me on until January 1st (it was Oct).
I said that was fine.
For the next three months, I made sure to use all my vacation and did next to nothing while at work. I scheduled a vacation for the last week of the year. On the last business day of the year, I came into the office handed in my laptop and a letter of resignation that was effective immediately.
They were actually surprised that I was quitting.”
15. Play A Mean Prank On My Friend? Don't Expect To Get Any Sleep Tonight
“When I was in the 7th grade, my best friend was this overweight girl who always got teased by the ‘popular kids.’ We went on a camping trip as a class and my friend and I were assigned to the same room in a cabin as two of the popular girls.
My friend and I were bunked together and the other two girls were bunked together.
One day after doing some fun camping activities like mountain repelling, we returned to the room and my friend saw that her bottle of shampoo had been squeezed all over the pillow and blanket on her bunk bed. She was in tears.
She was seriously crying uncontrollably and couldn’t fathom who would do such a thing. We spent the rest of the day laundering her bedding while everyone else was finishing up with more camping activities.
That night after she had fallen asleep, I pretended to be asleep too and I overheard the two popular girls whispering about the prank they’d pulled. They were quite pleased with themselves.
One of them felt mildly bad about it, but they both still thought it was a great success. Then they changed the subject and started talking about a bunch of other stupid stuff.
After a while, they started getting tired and their conversation slowed down.
When it had been quiet for a while, I scratched my fingernail repeatedly and quickly against the wall, then stopped abruptly. I don’t remember what the wall was made of, but it made a very unique sound and it wasn’t clear where it was coming from.
‘Did you hear that?!’ One of the girls asked, suddenly wide awake. The other did hear it.
‘What was it?!!’
‘I don’t know!!’
After they calmed down a bit, I did it again. This went on and on for a good hour at least, possibly more.
I only scratched the wall briefly every time, but at the same exact pace, and then silently listened as they freaked the heck out. They pondered every possibility: a raccoon on the roof, a ghost, a murderer trying to get in.
They told themselves it had to be a raccoon. That’s what they kept falling back on. They even got out of the bed to check the window for a raccoon but saw nothing there. Then when they were all cozy in their beds again, I did it again.
They left the cabin to check the roof for a raccoon. Nothing.
Sometimes, I chose not to make the noise for a long period of time, to let them think it’d stopped. Then, I’d do it again. It was so awesome.
They were tired, but terrified and couldn’t sleep. They thought I was sleeping the whole time. My friend was asleep, she was snoring loudly, something they had been laughing about. They weren’t laughing anymore.
I did this until I was too tired to go on.
Then, I fell asleep with them still wide-eyed and frightened. It was very satisfying to get them back for what they’d done to my friend, making her cry on this trip she’d looked forward to for so long. The next day, I did tell her I overheard them saying that they were the ones who had shampooed her bed, but I don’t think I told her that she was avenged. I didn’t think it was necessary.
I overheard the girls talking to each other the next day about how freaky last night had been and I continued doing my camping thing, ignoring them completely. I don’t really believe in revenge and have guilt over most vengeful acts I have done, but that one, that one still brings a smile to my face.
I should find those girls on social media Facebook and admit that it was me!”
14. He Stole My Girl, I Stole His Job
“My girl, at the time, had a boss who was always hitting on her. He would buy her things, flirt with her, etc. We hit a rough patch in our relationship, and he did everything in his power to win her from me.
He was a VP at the company, so he had the funds, and probably the smooth-talking skills. She would bring him up in fights as a comparison. I got sick of it. We ended our 3-year relationship and sure enough, they’re seeing each other about a month later.
However… he knew that the company was making her work overtime and not paying her, (and said ‘there’s nothing I can do about it’ when she asked him). He also knew that she was having to take work home (which was a no-no since she was a lingerie designer), AND he was helping her start her own line, which was a conflict of interest to his company.
Flashback to a few months earlier. Her company has a Christmas party, and I meet the CEO. I won’t say his name, but it was a name that I remembered for some reason. Now, I was upset. This scumbag basically took my girl from me.
I know it was probably for the best because any girl who would fall for that shouldn’t be with me anyway, but I wasn’t thinking that way at the time. I have no ethical hang-ups about revenge, and it was time to get some.
I realized that her company e-mail address had a template. First name.last [email protected]. So I figured that the CEO’s e-mail address probably had the same format. With all the knowledge I had, it would be a shame not to blindly e-mail the CEO of his company with detailed information about how his VP was putting his company at risk by romantically seeing his employees, knowingly breaking employment laws, allowing sensitive materials out into the public, and starting a rival company.
So that’s what I did.
I never got a response from the CEO, however, a couple of years later I ran into my ex and had a couple of drinks with her. She told me about how bad of a guy he was, how they fought all the time, and how she went off and hit him one night.
She also told me that the problems really started when he lost his job. I asked how that happened, and she told me that it was abrupt, but even he didn’t really know the reason. It was one of those HR-driven ‘we’re letting you go’ type firings.
I told her what I did.
She was shocked and angry and left the bar without saying another word, but I didn’t care. Even the remote possibility that I was the reason why that scumbag got fired, AND he got my lousy girl who hit him, made me feel like a million bucks.
And I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
13. The Book Is Mightier Than The Paperclip
“Freshman year. Fresh out of middle school, aka the worst years of my entire freaking life. I had always been sort of easy to anger, which naturally made me a prime bullying target.
But I slowly started to mellow out once high school came along. But this was freshman year, so I was still in a sort of transfer state if you will. Anyone who’s been to high school knows that freshmen still have the mindset of middle schoolers, some more so than others.
Science class. One of those teachers that clearly wasn’t into what he was doing. I sat at the front of the class with my friends and we would always spend all class just passing notes to one another. The table nearby featured a bunch of kids who entertained themselves by throwing things at us.
Small things, like paperclips, bits of erasers, even little balls of silly putty, if I remember right.
Being good little boys and girls, my friends and I let the teacher know, and the teacher reprimands the kids. But this is high school, and you know that did nothing.
They kept throwing things at us. This continued for about a week, maybe two. We told the teacher again, the teacher scolded the kids and went back to teaching. But they kept throwing things.
Now for the most part when I was bullied, I was told to just ignore it, and for the most part, I did.
But something about that day, something clicked in my head, and finally, I thought to myself, ‘wait a minute, I don’t have to put up with this malarkey.’
In the middle of every table in the class, there was a stack of textbooks that for the most part went unused. I knew what I had to do.
The next projectile that hit our table was met with swift and heavy retaliation in the form of a hard-bound missile sent careening at the attacker’s face. Unfortunately, I was never good at sports and I missed. The book suffered no injuries, much to my relief (I would have had to pay for a new one, I am certain).
There were no casualties that day, but the message had been made clear: do not mess with me anymore. I shook the hand of one of my peers from across the room after class and went about my merry way.
I did not get in a lick of trouble for it and starting from that moment they never threw things at us again.”
12. Mess With Me? I Got Harry Potter On My Side
“When I was in 4th grade I got off the school bus one day and began walking home.
I was one of very few kids who walked in my direction, as the only other kids were two (very annoying) 1st graders. They typically would do all sorts of annoying childish things, and I would typically just ignore them as it was a short walk to my house.
One day, however, one of the first graders kept twirling his backpack around and throwing it at me. The first time he successfully hit me, I told him to stop. The second time I was a bit ruder about it.
And then after several close misses, he hit me a third time. This time I told him that if he threw it again, I would throw my backpack back at him. I had no intentions of actually doing so, but I figured he would be smart enough to stop.
Nope.
He throws his backpack again, and in my rage, I immediately take mine off and throw it. I thought I threw it in a way that wouldn’t hurt him, but my backpack went soaring towards him and beamed him smack in the face.
The kid dropped to the ground and the other kid went running towards him. My backpack had cut above his eye with a decent amount of b***d coming out. Still annoyed at the kid, I simply picked my backpack up and continued walking home.
Later that night his parent came knocking at my door and I fessed up. Even later after that, I realized that the incident happened because I happened to have the fourth Harry Potter book in my backpack (ouch), and I started feeling really bad at that point.
The next day the kid had a black eye, but he NEVER annoyed me again. For those that will say that I was the bad guy, I got called ‘first grader beater upper’ for many years. The kid ended up apologizing for it because of all the trouble I got for an accident, although that wasn’t until I was in high school and by that time it was a joke among my friends.”
11. You're Going To Rat On Me? Good Luck
“I worked for a very small company right out of college. When the owners of the company went out of town, which happened about 2 or 3 times a year, the managers would often throw all-day parties for the workers.
We’d grill, drink, play games, etc.
There was one older lady at the company who, I guess, for whatever reason, did not like me. I could be a bit outspoken about social issues because I was in my early 20s, so that may have been it, but I really to this day don’t know why she disliked me so much.
Anyway, she waited until about a week after one of these parties, went straight to the owners of the company, and told them that the week before, she was watching me and noticed I didn’t do any work all day (none of us had, including her).
She was banking on the fact that the owner would only pull my logs for that day and no one else’s and she was right. My managers fought for me (truthfully, they were probably a bit worried I’d rat them and the whole office out) but it was to no avail.
I got fired.
The revenge bit of the story is that since it was such a small company, everyone quickly got wind of what this woman did, and she was given the stone-cold silent treatment by everyone, including the managers.
She even went to the owner and complained that she was being treated unfairly, but there wasn’t really a lot he could do about people not wanting to socialize with her. She ended up quitting about 3 weeks after I got fired. Apparently, she had trouble finding a job and came back a few months later begging for her job back, but my managers were in charge of all hiring and basically laughed in her face.
She went above them again to the owner, but at that point, he was sick of her drama and told her he wasn’t interested in having her back.”
10. Have A Bone You Bonehead
“Last summer I started helping this guy with a huge project he wanted to pursue. He was a lobbyist for legislating a certain herb or something like that and after spit-balling a few ideas he was set on bringing me into the project.
I ended up spending countless hours putting together projected budgets, yearly plans, networking yields and yadayadayada. He is super impressed and tells me about this super-private party in LA that he can get me into, on the condition that I get him some face-time with the host. I’m confident I can do it, having coached a nationally winning speech team and decide sure; my 22 years here on earth have been a struggle, maybe this is my chance at fate.
I can’t afford a plane ticket, and he can’t pay for my travel he says.
This is where I should have drafted up contracts.
I say ok, I’ll drive out there, I have barely enough in savings to get there and back.
Fast forward 1 week. I’m 2000 miles into my journey (with my dog), I arrive in LA and I’m freshening up at my cousin’s place when this guy calls me asking for a ride from the airport. He says he’ll book us a hotel room.
I pick him up from some small airport in Southern LA, we finally find a hotel and he springs for a presidential suite. I didn’t care at this point, I just wanted to get him this meeting and get paid and launch this project that I had become very attached to.
We arrive, he looks like he spent a few thousand on clothes and I had spent over half my savings getting here. I work the Marrakesh House meeting and greeting, and he buries himself in a bottle and smokes some stuff.
Towards the end of the night I’m talking with this interesting old fellow and the host joins us. The older man compliments me on my inertia (for lack of a better term atm), and the host and I start chatting.
Before long the host is completely absorbed in my grasp of my generation and is dreaming right along with me. My founder is nowhere to be found.
Finally we’re all in the host’s private talk room. And, let it be known, I am NOT good at asking for funds.
I was raised by a single mom and have always been able to make the best and make due. So that’s why my ‘friend’ came. This is his forte, but he is too messed up and is enthralled with the one woman in the room.
The host is looking at me like, ‘kid, you’ve got it all wrong, I’ll help you but not this jerk.’ The party ends soon after, we receive no funds (to my knowledge, I lost track of he who shall not be named a few too many times that night) and we both fall asleep.
The next day I wake up and am taking care of my dog and the car, and whatshisface keeps calling me about breakfast. Ends up he had a business meeting with one of his higher-ups from Washington (another lobbyist) and needed me to spit some game.
I got there too late. My partner messed up and was cut out of Washington’s loop for some seedy practices and he decides to go home. He wouldn’t answer any of my emails or calls about payment or compensation.
He cuts me out, I move on, fall in and out of love on my way back across America, expanding my life experiences tenfold with barely any funds left in my billfold.
I get back to the Midwest broke. I can’t get a place for a while and anything in my price range won’t allow dogs.
Luckily my family stepped in and looked after my faithful companion. For the past 9 months I blamed that guy for much of my suffering. I blamed him for me not having my dog anymore, I blamed him for me starting all over.
I blamed him for going around town and spreading lies and rumors about me (because he tried to take my project and run with it and fell flat on his face, he did a ton of publicity and ended up pointing the finger at me, I just wanted to be compensated.)
Fast forward a year and I’m standing outside of the restaurant I work at on a smoke break and whatshisface comes strolling by with a Rolex and a year-old pit bull, clearly untrained. Word had gotten around how he kinda screwed me over and he was clearly on the defensive.
I smile at the dog, play it cool with him while I smoke, and ask if his dog likes bones. He said that would be great! I go inside and come back out with the biggest pork bone I can find; its massive.
I set it on the ground for his dog and put what I’m smoking out. Signal that my break is over, time for us to part ways. This guy picks the bone away from his dog and tries telling it to sit.
I smile as the dog just looks at the bone. I say ‘goodbye’ completely satisfied as he then proceeds to walk around down town with his pit bull running up his expensive pants biting at the bone that he holds high above his head.”
9. I Put A Chunk Of Cement On The Road And Was Going To Remove It Until A Car Of Thugs Took Care Of It
“Late one night after a show I was heading home with a friend. After getting off the bus I noticed a large chunk of triangle-shaped separator cement (much larger than average) just sitting there. I was young (17), intoxicated, and dumb I immediately realize that I could put that large object in the middle of the road, just around a turn and someone would probably hit it which was so incredibly dumb.
So we walk a few blocks and I (rightfully) start feeling terrible about it. I kept imagining some mom stressed out having a terrible day and then running over it with her minivan. I turn back to go take it out before something I would regret forever happened. Before even going ten feet this car that looked like something out of a Fast and Furious movie pulls up next to us filled with some fully thugged out guys blasting some rap.
I’ve had to deal with the local wannabes but the face tats and looks in their eyes told me not to test it this time. They turn the music down and guys in the back pull out their knives and make some throat-slitting gestures and say some stuff meanwhile the driver (facing our side) is acting like he’s going to pull out a firearm and says a bunch of stuff about ending us or something and to come closer.
We were completely scared and weren’t sure what to do in the middle of a fight or flight moment so I look at my friend and mumble some stuff to the people and start walking away quickly.
Like I said before it looked like they put a lot of energy into this car.
It was lowered, had LED lights on the sides, some stuff written on the side, sounded like it had some air injector thing inside and it looked brand new. It peels out behind us. We are afraid they are going to turn around and come after us.
So we run off the street to a dark spot just in case and turn around to see if we need to run like crazy. They speed through a red light and take the turn at an incredible rate of speed. That’s when I heard it, the loud pop, smash crack smash, and grind.
I completely forgot about the big hunk o’ cement I left. I accidentally totaled these jerk’s car. So we sprint off obviously not waiting to see their reaction, trying to hold in the laughter long enough to get away. Finally getting home a few blocks later I laughed harder and longer than I ever have before and probably ever will.
Never played organized sports but that has got to be close to what winning the Super Bowl feels like. Sweet sweet victory.”
8. Cry Out Loud! Cry Out Proud! You're Only Crying For Revenge!
“I was playing intramural basketball in college, sophomore year. It was the fraternity league, so there was a bit more ego and pride at stake.
For context, our fraternity was the only northern fraternity at our school, planted in the middle of deep south, backwards, backwoods city. We took pride in, simply put, not being a bunch of racist jerks and had the only multicultural house on campus.
One night, we were matched up to play one of our bigger rivals; the guys that dress up in Confederate Soldier outfits and took pictures of each other toughing their muzzle-loaders, enough said. The game was going well, we were winning but it was pretty close.
The game started to get dirty. I set a pick at the top of the key, it wasn’t too sharp as the crossing guard ran a crossing route that gave a way the surprise. This jerk kid came bowling through anyways with his elbows up.
I catch the tip of his elbow right in my sternum, knocking me backwards to the floor and completely out air. As soon as my breath comes back I knew something was wrong. Every breath sent surging pain through my ribs, front to back.
I couldn’t breathe in all the way. As soon as I tried to, my ribs would make a loud crack/pop noise. My sternum was cracked, I was done.
It took forever to heal, weeks of painful breaths, having to sleep on my back, cracking pain every time I opened a heavy door or threw my book bag over my shoulder.
8 months later it was still cracking. I missed soccer and softball season and couldn’t lift for even longer than that.
It wasn’t until my senior year that I was able to get my payback. The Greek games were held, right before graduation.
They host a Greek-wide tourney of 12 or so different sports/games. They do it the week of finals… not the brightest idea in the world, but hey it’s Greek life. We are playing flag football and getting our butts handed to us by those rebel boys.
We only had one sub and were pretty worn out by the end. I’m playing QB and the jerk rib cracker was playing corner. He was sticking to my best receiver the whole game, so on the snap I rolled to the left to his side.
He finally bites and rushes me as my receiver runs post. I pretended to not see him, scanning the right side of the field to keep the safety from biting on my left post receiver.
Meanwhile Ol’ Cracker McElbow is still steaming full speed at me.
I stopped rolling left and started shuffling back as if I am about to throw across to the right, facing. At first I was going to throw it, but something in my head said forget it; maybe it was the losing score and the worst receiver on the team, screaming waving his hands like Tom Hanks in Cast Away… I waited on that racist jerk to get close enough to see the whites of his beady eyes.
I planted my back foot and got low as if I was gone to toss a hail Mary, coiling up like a rattler. As soon as he stretched forward, arms out like redneck Frankenstein, thinking he was going to snatch my flag, I dropped my shoulder and tucked the ball and exploded up into him shoulder first. Its was perfect, the round of my left shoulder was firmly placed right in his solar plexus.
I could feel a burst of hot air blow on my face as all of the wind came out of his chest . He stuck there on my shoulder like a bug on a windshield, as I leaped forward, the sound of that hit still resonates in my ear; like a sledge hammer hitting a whoopee-cushion, followed by the flopping noise of a limp body falling from a few feet in the air.
I didn’t stay around long to bask in the glory of this sweet revenge; I booked it, turning an ugly play into a 55 yard rush with a few sweet Barry Sanders cross overs, tripping up a few other of their players before I got my flag pulled near the goal line.
As soon as I caught my breath, I turned around to see him rolling around on the ground. I jog back to check on him, disguised as a gentlemen’s gesture. The ref was standing above him hunched over repeating “Take it easy kid, just breathe… just breathe.” I asked him if he was ok, he just sat there making walrus noises as he gasped for breath.
Somewhere in his oxygen-deprived head, he got the idea to try and stand up and walk it off. I am not sure if it was his pride or hubris, maybe just the fact that I was asking him if he was ok, like a parent to a toddler with skinned knees.
As he stumbled to his feet he started walking towards the bench, legs flopping forward like a newborn foal. Though he stopped making elephant seal noises, but not as any means of progress. The Ref was trying to grab him and hold him back, saying “you need to sit, you need to lie down and breathe.” I think it was about this point that the lights went off upstairs.
He took one more step past the ref, his knees oscillating like ‘Galloping Gurdy’ and his eyes rolled right to the back of his head, staring at his oxygen-deprived frontal cortex.
They slapped him on a stretcher and hauled him off the field, and we got back to losing the game.
An ambulance showed up to finish the job. At the end of the game, I apologized to the ref and assured him that I didn’t try and hit him. He looked at me and said, ‘it looked like he ran into brick wall… that was one of the cleanest text book hits I have seen hits I have seen.’ By the next day, talk of that hit was bouncing around Greek Week, people talking about the dude that ostrich-ed himself and went unconscious.
I got to leave a memorable mark on him. A few days later, just before graduation, I saw him on campus. He looked up and saw me and quickly looked down and walked away. His face was jacked: 2 black eyes and a cut on his cheek, full raccoon face.
Knowing he had to ‘walk’ across stage at graduation looking like that… pretty sweet if you ask me.”
7. Crime Doesn't Pay But Revenge Does
“I once worked in retail. We had an assistant manager who was bought in after the old one moved to another store.
He was a young go-getter who had successfully managed large shops before us and was touted by the store, regional, and area managers as being the person who could turn our ailing store’s numbers around. Orr so everybody thought.
I was a department manager and after a few months of him being in the store we had a few issues with inventories being off, after some investigations these discrepancies were dismissed as being handling errors.
A few months later and things were more serious, I was weekly unable to find thousands of dollars worth of stock I had personally accounted for weeks before and the entire wrath of the company’s loss prevention teams came down on all the staff in the store.
I and a number of other staff had to regularly answer questions about our movements in and out of the store, how we handled stock, what customers were given in bags (on average I handled 60+ transactions and 120+ customers in a 9 hour shift, the questions were brutal).
The dock supervisor, who had been with the company for many years and was near retirement age soon drew the ire of the inspectors and he was questioned by police and had his life turned upside down by the company’s loss prevention department.
He started investigating the matter himself, started snooping around the other staff and quickly stumbled upon some interesting information on the assistant manager. A person with the same first name who looked nearly identical was prosecuted for embezzlement several years earlier in a different state.
He started asking around amongst staff he trusted about the assistant manager, myself included. Things quickly started to unravel, we had a few odd stories of happenings involving the assistant manager, but nothing that said concretely that he was suspicious.
Then, when one of the staff bumped into a former team member (who had mysteriously just stopped turning up for work) she immediately stopped talking when mention of the missing stock and the assistant manager was raised.
Eventually, after prompting from the dock manager the loss prevention team interviewed the former employee, who it turns out had been threatened out of her job after she found out the assistant manager was trying to sell some of the missing stock to one of her friends.
It was discovered he had a fraudulent identity and had stolen stock from the store over months and months of working there, but when it came to trial he never received a prison sentence because beyond what they had direct evidence of him stealing, they couldn’t prove his involvement in stealing the other missing stock (even though everybody knew it was him and it stopped when he was discovered).
He was fined by the courts quite severely, he did not pay the fines and quickly disappeared, assuming another name.
Unfortunately the dock manager resigned in anger of the companies treatment of him and his family. The company did not apologize to him, nor any of the other employees who were berated by loss prevention for weeks.
Several staff ended up having to take medical leave because of stress-related problems during the investigations and afterward we all felt as though we had been lied to by a person we had trusted for months, and he had got out of any form of punishment other than losing his job.
A few months later I received a frenetic call in the middle of a shift from another department manager who had the day off, she was at a toy store across town and had spotted the former assistant manager. After a few phone calls within our company the Loss Prevention Manager of our entire company (one of the largest retail chains in Australia) personally called the Loss Prevention Manager of the toy store company and told the whole story.
He was promptly fired, investigated and then prosecuted for the same offenses as he had committed with our company there, and I’m told received a jail sentence for it. Next time I saw the former dock manager I informed him what had happened, I think he must have grinned for the rest of the day.”
6. Fries Are Best Served Hot, But Revenge Is Best Served Cold
“When I was 4 and my brother was 6 we were on our way to my great-grandfather’s funeral. My parents stop at McDonald’s and out of my brother’s small fry bag (the 4.5″ tall white bag of fries) he pulls an 11” fry. Impossible right?
We’re in the back seat. I see it. He yells to my parents to witness this awesome fry but before they can turn around I snatch it and eat it. He is upset. Whatever.
Cut to 12 years later.
Home after school.
No parents. Friends hanging out in the kitchen. Everyone is scurrying around for an afterschool snack. My brother and I are at the table and our friends are in the other part of the kitchen. Out of this bag of Wavy Lays, I pull a potato chip that is literally the size of my skull.
No idea how this thing didn’t break in transit. I’m like, ‘Guys! Look at this chip! Before anyone can even turn their heads, my brother reaches across with his right hand and crushes the chip to crumbs. I have shocked eyes staring down at him and he simply says, “That’s for the fry.” 12 years had passed and we had never spoken about it but it took less than a second to remember everything and just nod in agreement that the score was settled. One enormous potato product for another.
5. Won't Let Me Say A Final Farewell To Grandma? I'll Stir Up Some Trouble
“Alright so my friend, let’s call him J, is a senior in high school working at a photography studio. J is often scheduled 13-hour shifts without a food break at this job which he doesn’t mind because it’s good money and he’s a hard worker.
This becomes important later on.
J came home from work on a Wednesday and was told by his mom that his grandmother is on her last leg of life and that they’re going to see her for what will probably be the last time before she dies that upcoming Saturday.
So 3 days away. Unfortunately, J’s work schedule was already posted and he was scheduled to work all day that Saturday.
So J did what any good employee does. He messaged his manager explaining the situation and says he needs someone to cover his shift that Saturday as he will not be coming in.
Manager gave him a list of people who weren’t working that day for him to text and ask if they can pick up the shift. J sends messages out to all of them and is told by every single employee off that day that they are busy Saturday and cannot work.
So, J reaches back out to his manager to let him know he can’t get a cover.
J is then told by his manager that if he does not come in that day, he will be fired. When he states that it will likely be the last time he ever sees his grandma alive, she says that she does not care and that he better come into work that Saturday.
This is where the revenge begins. J didn’t take so well to being told his manager didn’t give two rat’s tails about his grandma dying, so he decided to pay a little phone call to HR. Remember those 13-hour shifts without breaks J works?
Well, J is 17 and in his state, people under 18 cannot work more than 9 consecutive hours – ESPECIALLY without a break.
J explains all of this to HR on top of the situation concerning his grandma. J also puts in his 2 weeks on top of this.
HR tells him that he’ll follow up with him soon and that something will be done about all of this. That Friday, J came into work and his manager was gone, replaced by a new manager from another store.
J also had been asked by the new manager if he would consider staying and he agreed to it. So now J is still employed and much happier, and his manager is without a job.
After he finished texting me all of this, he added “don’t mess with me and I won’t mess with you.”
tl;dr: friend who is still in high school needs off from work because his grandma is dying. The manager says no and friend gets her fired.”
4. Bully Me In High School And Belittle Me At Work? Nope, We're Adults Now
“This took place just a couple of months ago, but I’ll give some back story.
In school, I was bullied pretty badly. In this school, bullying was actually unofficially popular and accepted. This meant many kids would compete to see how badly they could treat their “lessers.” Among these buttheads were the clique who just hated. The type who had no reason, just that was the way they believed it was.
Time passes through, I left that school, graduated at another, yet once or twice I have met my old school bullies and had to deal with them. No big special deal, just someone picking out of old habits and being told off.
Otherwise, everyone else I went to school with just did the same as I did and moved on. This guy was one of those who couldn’t let it go and due to circumstances, I had to deal with him.
Understand I love my job.
I’m a computer geek that is IT. A nice position where I get to choose how my work gets done with great pay. To me, it’s a dream come true. So with this in mind understand that I will fight tooth and nail to keep it if the need arises.
Time to start.
The whole thing started with a simple encounter. At the facility, I work at we have contractors. People who come in and will do a job then leave. In this case SB (School Bully) was with one of these contracted companies who were supporting maintenance with electrical and framework updates across the shop floor.
I got one of my usual support request calls and went down to see what was up. On the way, I saw him walking in the opposite direction. At first, I didn’t recognize him, it has been nearly twenty years.
So I nodded politely and moved on. It didn’t click until later who he was, and at that time I decided to ignore it. I had my own job to think about.
Two days later the signs started. I was doing some stock audit work on the floor when one of the assembly workers I know (and I do know a lot of the shop floor workers.) wanted to ask me a question.
I said sure, so he asked me if it was true that in school I tried to take advantage of a classmate. I won’t lie I was really taken aback. The answer of course was a resounding NO. I was pissed so I asked him who brought up such a thing.
He told me that a contractor from a certain company was talking to him and a few others and brought it up. He said this guy talked a lot of hate full smack. He told me he didn’t believe it but wanted to hear it from me.
Fair enough. I asked for more details about the smack-talking perp and his description fit SB. I was not amused.
I didn’t want to deal with this, I was pretty happy and didn’t want to jeopardize that with my job by confronting a person who would just deny it.
Asking the shop floor workers to back me up as witnesses wouldn’t work either since even though they are decent people, they wouldn’t want to risk their paychecks for such drama.
Instead, I called my brother who works as one of the maintenance managers.
I convinced him to tell me where the company SB worked for was doing their work. I explained the situation and he told me to leave it be because within a couple of months when the work is done they would move on.
It was understandable, but I’m a little paranoid and wanted to keep my wits about me just in case. For about a week I stalked the group SB was with. I would simply walk by and make a note of who the shop floor guys he was working with.
After SB moved on I would casually ask everyone, how things were going. The common thread was that one of the contractors on site really hated my guts and talked a lot of smack. Multiple people told me that when noticed me around he would go into small tirades about how I did this something else when we were younger.
Things like how I did illegal substances or quit school because I was a waste. Things like that. The thing is that everything I heard was very nostalgic in a bad way. Everything said was a classic excuse the haters would have used. They never actually had a reason to hate me, so they would make something up.
Hence why I called them the Haters.
After this, I decided that it would be best to keep on damage control. I know how things can be, if a rumor is heard enough people can start to believe it. I didn’t want to confront SB either since I figured nothing would come of it.
My brother was right, after a month or so this butthead would be gone, but fate had other things in mind. My boss, being the nice guy that he is called me up one day asking if everything was ok.
The rumors had gotten back to him and he wanted to ask me about them. I explained the situation and my plan for damage control. He understood and told me to keep it up. Unannounced to me he was annoyed enough to talk to SB’s boss about what was going on.
Which led me to my first real encounter with SB.
This happened the next night. I was heading to my car because I was done with the night. SB was waiting for me outside by the back lot. I was halfway to my car when he called out.
SB: Hay, we need to talk!
I turned and saw him, but not wanting to deal with it I ignore him and continued to my car.
SB: Don’t freaking ignore me, I have been through heck because of you.
He sped up and got in between me and my car.
So now I have no choice but to listen, if I tried to go all the way back to the lobby he would just get in my way again.
SB: I got yelled at by my boss because of you.
Someone said I was acting inappropriately while on the job.
Me: Okay, and this involves me how? (I said it all pretty passively, figuring on playing dumb. It was obvious my boss talked to his boss getting him in trouble.)
SB: I know it was you who told my boss.
Me: Dude I didn’t tell anyone about anything, I don’t care, so just leave me alone.
SB: Eff that, I know you, I know all about you, I remember the good days when we used to beat the crap out of you, I can bet you would love to have some revenge.
I’m not going to let that happen by not letting this slide. You know your place.
Me: (I interrupted, I was getting pissed at this point.) Eff you. This isn’t that nightmare of a school, do you really think you could just get everyone to hate me by spreading dumb rumors?
I remember this point very well, he got a real smug look on his face like someone who just won an argument. I can bet my remark let the cat out of the bag. I could also remember having to hold myself back from punching that smug face.
SB: Do you think anybody gives a crap about you? Nothing’s changed…… (this is when he said it. The nickname that still pisses me off. He called me the derogatory word they called me in school. The one they used as an excuse to beat me up or insult me.
NO, I’m not posting it here.) I bet I can get everyone to hate you because you know you’re worthless.
By this point, my emotions were in the open and I think he noticed because instead of stopping he picked up momentum.
SB: I saw you and that fat cow of a wife around town, maybe I’ll tell her to. I can bet she would kill herself if she knew what a (nickname) you are. What are you upset, are going to cry like you use to?
How bout this, I’ll leave you alone to think about what I said and I’ll see you tomorrow, freaking (nickname).
He left it at that and walked off. I stood there for a bit and thought. I was now seething.
I really wanted to turn on the butthead and punch his lights out. But I know if I did I would just get fired because of the no-tolerance rules we have. Then I had an idea, he was right, by this point I wanted revenge.
He insulted me and my 5-month pregnant wife. Nope, not going to put up with this treatment.
I went home and vented the event to my loving wife, who listened and gave me a well-needed hug. The next day I went into motion.
The first thing I did was talk to security, they had cameras for the parking lots so I requested the video for the time frame SB and I had our little chat. The video didn’t have audio but at least I had proof of his approach.
This is why you become friends with the other department’s ladies and gentlemen, you never know when you will need their help and the help they did. They found exactly what I needed. The video showed him coming up on the backlot and hiding behind the fence, then it showed his approach as I was walking to my car.
It made it obvious he was waiting for me since he had no reason to be there. They copied the video, and per my request sent it to my boss, and to the site VIP. The VIP is the guy who runs the entirety of the plant.
VIP is just the IT nickname. I then called my boss and explained the email and what happened. I also explained that I sent it to the VIP. So we ended up scheduling a meeting later for that day. It was just me, my boss, and VIP.
It was mainly to explain the video and what happened.
During the meeting, the VIP got the contracting companies owner on call. I then once again explained myself. Before I explain the results understand I embellished some to everyone. I upped the anti and explained that SB also threatened me and my wife with violence.
That I have felt like my safety was put in jeopardy. My workplace has a no-tolerance rule for threats like this so I knew it would be taken more seriously if I added that in.
Now for the results. During the talk after I explained what happened, the contracted company told us they would fire him because not doing so would risk the contract they had with us.
My VIP also called the police as per the rules for anything like this. The police came, took a statement from me, my boss, saw the video, and then arrested SB during his lunch break due to the threats of violence.
A week later I got a summons to court to speak on my behalf. I told the judge what happened as I told my boss and VIP. I wasn’t told what SB was charged with since the county decided to charge him on their own, but I do know he spent a small amount of time in jail and got a fine.
After that, I was allowed to get restraining order just in case.”
3. Hack My Gmail Account? I'll Spam You For Life
“Last summer I had my Gmail account stolen. It wasn’t my main account, but my throwaway one that I use to sign-up for any site that asks for an e-mail.
So not an account that I often login to, so I didn’t realize it was stolen until a bit later when I checked my other throwaway Hotmail account which is linked to my Gmail account.
I noticed an e-mail saying my password was changed on my Gmail account, and that my Hotmail account was no longer listed as the recovery email. Went through the process of contacting google, and was quickly awarded my account back.
Now flash forward to today when I check my throwaway Gmail account, and I notice an e-mail about my Gmail being used as a recovery option for another person, likely the person who stole my e-mail in the first place.
Well, I disconnected my Gmail from their account, but I also found this neat little website that will spam an inbox. So suffice to say I had that running for a bit; don’t think they will be able to find any actual mail in their account for a while.”
2. The Only Thing That'll Make Me Smile Is When You Get Fired
“My GF came home last night and told me this story about her day. Thought I would share as I think it’s pretty pro and not your typical “how was your day?” fare. Let me know otherwise.
Story starts about a month ago.
GF works at a large office as a supervisor in a call center-like environment. She has a squirrel bladder and heads to the ladies’ room to take care of business. On the way there a female employee (we’ll call her SB for Smile Bully) whom she has never seen before approaches her from the other direction in the hallway:
SB: large woman blocks GF’s path Why don’t you ever smile?
GF: confused look Excuse me?
SB: You never smile, why is that?
GF: I’m sorry, I’ve never met you before, how do you know I don’t smile?
SB: I just think people should smile more, don’t you?
GF: Well at the moment I’m making my way to the restroom which I don’t find to be a particularly jovial task.
SB: You’re a supervisor aren’t you?
GF: Yes.
SB: Well that’s probably why you’re not smiling but I just think smiles are important.
You should smile more.
GF: Okay? agrees with SB to get out of a slightly aggressive and very uncomfortable situation and proceeds to stew and to figure out SB’s name as well as what team she’s on.
All is quiet until yesterday:
GF is corralling employees off the phones to the white elephant event and is holding a door ajar for people.
SB: There you go not smiling again.
GF: I’m busy at the moment coordinating an event. tries to start shutting door.
SB: Smile for me.
GF: What? Listen, I don’t know you, I’m not going to smile for you, I’m trying to do my job. Please excuse me I need to close the door.
SB: pulls a face Ooooh, sorry Ma’am!
I didn’t mean to make you maaad! I’m just asking for a smile. Smile for me! tries to block door from closing.
GF: No! slams door in SB’s face.
GF is livid and heads back to her desk and proceeds to inform SB’s supervisor (we’ll call him WB for Work Buddy) about the bizarre garbage his employee is pulling and that she is not going to put up with random a****s bullying her at work.
WB: Wow GF I’m sorry that occurred, this isn’t the first bullying incident I’ve heard about concerning SB. You know I’m literally about to get on the phone with the temp agency rep (TAR) to discuss which contractors to extend or not.
Would you like to join?
GF: Why yes, yes I would.
WB: Hi TAR, WB here with GF joining me to discuss contract extensions for my team.
TAR: Hi guys, so first we’ll discuss SB, how is she doing and would you like to extend her contract past next week?
GF: Uh no TAR we wouldn’t, in fact, we’d like to end her contract as of today. She’s not working out and we have no further need for her services.
TAR: Oh, well ok, but as it’s mid-week is there any way we can let her stay through Friday?
GF: Ok TAR, fair enough I don’t want to complicate payroll for you. Let’s do Friday as her last day.
TAR: You ok with this WB as she’s your hire?
WB: Absolutely TAR, GF and I are on the same page.
TLDR: Don’t bully people with your creepy smile fetish, especially if they’re a supervisor with influence over your job status.
Update: You may not be surprised to hear that SB had other performance-based issues that WB was tracking and coaching her on.
This was really just the final nail in the coffin for SB. Satisfying nonetheless.”
1. You Want The Pool To Yourselves? Go Freaking Buy Your Own
So I was enjoying the weekend in a nice holiday park with cabins and various camping spots, close to the park is a pool and a beach, it makes for a nice peaceful time.
Saturday I woke up and decided to go to the pool. I got in and there was only one family with four kids there. The pool has two shallow areas and a big pool with six lanes, three lanes weren’t separated so that kids could play.
I gave that a wide berth and went to the other side where I could do laps and be lazy without kids splashing.
I had only done a few laps when I noticed the mother of these kids in my lane.
I stopped and she looked at me. “You need to leave.” I kinda just stood there and looked pointedly around the otherwise empty pools so I asked her why. “We want the pool to ourselves.” That time I laughed and shook my head. “It’s a public pool, you can’t have it to yourself.
If you want a pool to yourself go buy your own.” I then turned around and went back to my laps.
She didn’t like that and when I stuck my head up she was whispering to her kids and pointing at me.
I figured she just told them how mean I was and went back to my laps. It wasn’t long before the kids were in my lane, trying to block me. I saw them and started doing freestyle, figuring if I hit the kids I could always say I didn’t see them.
The kids aren’t as stupid as the parents and moved out of my way pretty fast once they realised I wasn’t going to stop.
I stuck around and swam for an hour and a half until the parents began trying to get the kids to leave, which involved screaming, diving, and kids yelling that their sibling needs to get out first. It was a half hour entertainment.
I waited until they had got the kids out and into the car before I got out and dried off, making my way out the gate. I even made sure to give them a little wave as I left. Parents glared at me as I made my way back to my cabin.
I had only planned to swim for like ten minutes but after they sent their kids to interrupt my swim I figured I’d keep going just to be petty. It worked.
So I was enjoying the weekend in a nice holiday park with cabins and various camping spots, close to the park is a pool and a beach, it makes for a nice peaceful time.
Saturday I woke up and decided to go to the pool. I got in and there was only one family with four kids there. The pool has two shallow areas and a big pool with six lanes, three lanes weren’t separated so that kids could play.
I gave that a wide berth and went to the other side where I could do laps and be lazy without kids splashing.
I had only done a few laps when I noticed the mother of these kids in my lane.
I stopped and she looked at me. “You need to leave.” I kinda just stood there and looked pointedly around the otherwise empty pools so I asked her why. “We want the pool to ourselves.” That time I laughed and shook my head. “It’s a public pool, you can’t have it to yourself.
If you want a pool to yourself go buy your own.” I then turned around and went back to my laps.
She didn’t like that and when I stuck my head up she was whispering to her kids and pointing at me.
I figured she just told them how mean I was and went back to my laps. It wasn’t long before the kids were in my lane, trying to block me. I saw them and started doing freestyle, figuring if I hit the kids I could always say I didn’t see them.
The kids aren’t as stupid as the parents and moved out of my way pretty fast once they realised I wasn’t going to stop.
I stuck around and swam for an hour and a half until the parents began trying to get the kids to leave, which involved screaming, diving, and kids yelling that their sibling needs to get out first. It was a half hour entertainment.
I waited until they had got the kids out and into the car before I got out and dried off, making my way out the gate. I even made sure to give them a little wave as I left. Parents glared at me as I made my way back to my cabin.
I had only planned to swim for like ten minutes but after they sent their kids to interrupt my swim I figured I’d keep going just to be petty. It worked.
