People Want Us To Point Out Who's The Jerk In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. WIBTJ If I Don't Contribute To A Baby Shower Gift?
“I (30sF) work at a school as a substitute teacher. Currently, I am working as an assistant teacher in a special education classroom. In another room, both the teacher and assistant teacher are pregnant.
The teacher is due at the end of June and the assistant is due in August. The team is having the teacher’s baby shower tomorrow from 430-530. The teacher has hardly said 10 words to me in the month I’ve been there (but she talks to everyone else constantly).
I was going to buy something off her registry so I wanted to confirm it was hers (common name, big city). I showed her the registry I thought was hers to make sure and she replied that it was for her coworkers, friends, and family, not strangers.
The team bought her a large gift and several boxes of diapers and wipes and wants everyone to contribute $20 towards the cost. I asked another team member if it would be rude to leave the shower early so I could go get my 1-year-old son from daycare.
She said the teacher had requested only teachers and staff attend because she didn’t want the shower to be awkward. Yesterday, I took the day off because I wasn’t feeling well.
Last night, I received a group text (all the sped teachers/assistants minus the pregnant teacher), talking about the shower and gifts. Someone asked if everyone had paid. The teacher organizing it said that I hadn’t so people started asking if I was expected to pay if I wasn’t a staff member.
It was implied that they were counting on me paying. If I can’t attend the shower WIBTJ if I don’t contribute to the gift? I am planning on getting her a gift like a pack of diapers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Don’t get her anything. It was made clear that they don’t want you at the baby shower and declared you a stranger. Don’t think too much about it, if you are a substitute this job won’t be forever and there will be other, more friendly colleagues in your future.” RedHurz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were told by the mom-to-be that her registry ‘wasn’t for strangers’ and told you weren’t invited to the shower. You have zero obligation to pitch in or buy her anything.
They all sound pretty rude to me.” Beez-n-Beans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – wow, they’re treating you like garbage unless I’ve read that wrong. She doesn’t even consider you a coworker?!?
Save your funds and if anyone questions you on it, tell them exactly what she said – if you’re not a coworker, friend, or family, WHY would you be expected to give money for anything?” Lurkingentropy
20. AITJ For Never Wanting To Speak With My Cousin Again?
“I (27F) have stopped speaking to my cousin ‘Emily’ (f38) for 5 years, and this had affected all our family. I moved to England to get out of a very harsh relationship I was having at that time and moved in with my cousin and my sister in their house in London which they were sharing with my cousin’s partner ‘Brad’.
I promised the three of them that I would immediately look for a room for myself, which I absolutely did. I was also obviously paying for my share of rent and bills.
At that time, I was working as a chef 6 days per week 16 hours per day, barely staying at the house and literally not touching anything because during my day off, I would be so exhausted that I would just stay in the room I was sharing with my sister either sleeping or anyway chilling.
If I was having any requests of going out I would politely refuse because seriously, I was dead and just wanted to stay in and relax. I stayed there for a month and finally found a room, pay the deposit to hold it, and packed all my stuff to get there when the agency guy called me saying that there was an issue and I could not take that room anymore because one of his colleagues rented it off to somebody else.
I was fine thinking ‘hey, I’m with family everything will be ok!’ But nope it wasn’t. I explained the situation to my sister and my cousin and things went downhill.
I was told I was jeopardizing Emily’s freedom (never understood this one, to be honest), and that I would have to leave immediately.
We fought all day and the fight spread into the family with my father being absolutely mad.
He stopped speaking with my cousin and her parents. I felt betrayed, I thought I was safe with family but I was wrong. I wasn’t even in a good spot mentally at that time and they all knew that.
It turned out that the reason behind all the nonsense was Brad because he didn’t like me since I was ‘antisocial.’ Now, five years later and I still refuse to talk with her, I never received an apology.
My mother begs me to solve this because ‘you don’t turn your back on family’ but I don’t think I have to! She literally threw me out! I got told I am being unreasonable and that I should grow up and stop being so petty so now I’m thinking AITJ in all of this?
Should I just let it go? I need an outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t get to apologize she turned her back on you first. You should let this go because if it’s causing a lot of stress then that can cause health problems. Next time it’s brought up let them know you forgave her for turning her back on you, you just don’t want someone so untrustworthy in your life.
If there are family issues from this they can fix their own issues. Not your fault or issue anymore.” SquareExamination415
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — life is too short to put up with toxic people.
Your cousin’s treatment of you was appalling, and the fact that your mother isn’t condemning her actions and expects you to such it up to ‘keep the peace’ is terrible.
I am proud of you for having the self-respect to know that you deserve to be treated better. The phrase ‘you don’t turn your back on family’ is toxic. Your cousin turned her back on you.
She proved that she is not your family. You are old enough to choose your own family now. Please choose people who love you, support you, and treat you with respect.
Surround yourself with kind and caring people.” tazzie8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being told you have no home suddenly is traumatic. My mother did this to me and on a separate occasion, an ex did the same.
I have had my own apartment for over 3 years now, but I still have panic attacks that somehow will all fall apart. I will also never trust someone again with housing and will only live in places where I am a leaseholder.
Because SCREW going through that again.” little-princess129
19. AITJ For Putting Up A Fence?
“My grandmother had a plot of land and 3 sons so she divided it into 3 pieces, one for each son.
It also has a private road common for all. So my uncle has the bottom piece in which he made a farm but he doesn’t live in it, just his animals, my father got the middle one and my other uncle got the top piece which is near the principal road of my neighborhood and has the old house that was my grandparents.
So my uncle from the top died years ago and left his house to his goddaughter, my cousin’s daughter of my uncle from the bottom (she made a little farm out of it too).
My house wasn’t closed, didn’t have a wall or a gate and because of that, there was a huge space between my house and the common road which was a reason for everyone to use it to turn their cars and leave.
That caused us a lot of stress because we are the only family that actually lives here and there were cars outside all the time at any hour of the day.
I got a 5-month-old son and you see it’s annoying the noise all the time. One night my cousin came here to turn the car and I don’t know what happened. I heard my dog yelp and he hid.
Immediately I called her and told her that they hit my dog (he’s fine). She denied and I told her that from now on they were forbidden to turn cars in my yard and that I was going to close it.
She got very offended and asked why it bothers me so much that they use my space like ‘it’s just a few seconds to turn the car’ but it’s a few seconds ALL THE TIME!
Sometimes late in the night, the dogs bark, and as I said, I have a baby inside! Not to mention the lack of privacy. There were times that I had to run and close my curtains so nobody would see me without clothes, even for ‘a few seconds.’ Oh, and my uncle from the bottom has a herd of goats and brings it here so they can eat our grass ‘for free.’ It smells like goats outside all the time.
So am I the jerk for closing my property?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There’s a reason most people have fences around their property—too many people out there are rude and entitled and disrespectful.
For years, there was a small wooded lot that belonged to us between our house and the neighbors. When they started throwing big rowdy parties on it, problem. Once I was reading on a blanket there when some wasted guy told me to leave (uh, my property) because I ‘wasn’t invited.’ Called the fence guy the next day.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, be aware that this could kick off an issue. Since it’s a private road, could the farm below you close the road, eliminating access to the main road?
A part of my family has had a similar property dispute. What I recommend for now is to fence the yard to keep the goats out but keep the road open.
You could add boulders on the shoulders or include other barriers (like blocking your driveway with a gate) to prevent people from turning around. Putting a gate across the road itself is probably asking for escalation.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. You’ve got some very entitled relatives. What’s next, them running over your child when they’re old enough to play outside, and then denying it?
The property is yours to do as you please. Sux to be them!” ChampionshipMotor494
18. AITJ For Keeping A Secret?
“My little brother doesn’t like my step dad and they don’t get along and with all the arguing between my stepfather and mother, he’s uncomfortable living at home and always has.
A year ago I explained to my mom that eventually my brother will no longer be willing to coexist with my stepdad anymore and she told me how she was not gonna let him move out and to not say that, but I was just warning her how he’d spoken about how when I leave for college he won’t want to stay either and how it had been on his mind.
Fast forward to now, I’m off to college very soon and my brother came to me last night and explained that in June he’s moving to live with his father (he’s my half-brother) and that he doesn’t care what our mom says.
I told him I’d back him up every step of the way if need be. It’s just that my mom will be heartbroken as she raised us herself most of our lives.
But as a kid, I never got along with my brother’s dad and there were constant arguments and therapy and I was never comfortable in my own home so I’ll be screwed if I subject my brother to that now.
And like I stated before, how my mom and stepdad argue all the time, it’s just toxic as a whole so if my brother has a chance at getting away from it all he should be allowed to take that chance.
He’s always been close to his dad and is much happier there anyway, his dad lives in our childhood home still, so it’s a familiar environment, plus he has all his pets, video games, bike, and friends there too to keep him happy.
So AITJ for keeping this from my mom knowing it’ll upset her?
Edit: the grounds my mom has to keep him from living with his dad is that his dad works almost 24/7 and is never home and since my brother is still only 13, my mom would be uncomfortable with him not having some supervision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although you seem to have been placed in the middle of this situation, it is not your place to have to tell her. This is between your mother, your brother, and your brother’s father.
Please continue being supportive of your brother. His happiness and comfort are important for his development as he becomes an adult.” picosapecosa
Another User Comments:
“Your little brother needs someone to talk to and trust and has chosen you.
You would be a jerk if you breached that. Your mother seems to place whoever is her current partner above her children’s needs. Plus she has ignored how her fighting with those partners has created toxic environments affecting her children as well.
You did try to tell her and she didn’t listen. She might be heartbroken but she didn’t do anything to change things for the better either. You are right that your little brother needs a better environment and deserves to be happy.
If his dad can provide that, then that’s where he should be living. NTJ.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom said she’d prevent him from leaving, so keeping this secret means keeping him safe.
Just make sure he knows to take his important documents.
Though, if he’s a minor, she may be able to make him come back depending on the custody arrangement.
He may want to ask his dad about preventing that as well.” fading__blue
17. AITJ For Removing My Project Partner's Name?
“I have extreme social anxiety and it’s really a problem in my life.
Everyone around me knows about it, and even if not, they didn’t need to be told that I was shy. In school. I got paired up with this one guy, Tyler, that was literally very well known for just…
Being the messiest, most carless guy ever. We were supposed to do an entire presentation and this whole project that counts as our final exam and is really a big deal for our grades.
I did a lot of the presentation, if not all, and gathered information and everything. Tyler didn’t help much, he was just there with me when we did the actual project, however not having done much.
Anyway, the presentation was due today, and I told Tyler long before we’d even started the whole thing that I have anxiety and just can’t do the presentation at all.
I told him I’d do most of the work if he at least presented the results, then I’d have a reason to include his name and he would be helping out my anxiety.
He literally agreed, saying he’d do whatever if it meant he didn’t have to work much. Now I know this was a mistake and that he should’ve taken a project this important more seriously and that I shouldn’t have enabled it, but I just couldn’t do it.
My anxiety is really, really bad. Now we already practiced the whole thing, and everything was going as planned. But today, he told me he’s refusing to do it. He said that I should also do something and not be lazy and that he’s doing all the work.
I explained to him that I was the one who did the whole presentation and that the only thing he’s done so far is be there while I worked. I told him the only thing he’s been doing would be doing the actual presenting.
I gave him a choice one last time, telling him that he should present it or I’m taking his name off the project since he’s done nothing to help. And that’s what happened. He thought I was joking.
Even though I stressed many times that he should be the one to do it because he’s done nothing. And that this was a good opportunity for him. He said that my anxiety was a joke and I was just being too lazy.
And so I took his name off it and did the presenting myself. I needed a lot of mental preparation and it wasn’t a good experience, but it is what it is.
I was done, he yelled at me, saying that I stole the presentation and that I should’ve put his name on it, and that if I was gonna do it anyway, I shouldn’t have asked him to, and threatened to report me.
I told him I’d already gotten approval from the teacher and that he’s done nothing to help. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First, congratulations. Remember this experience going forward and embrace it.
You did it! For a few minutes, you stood up and faced your peers, and walked through your presentation.
And you managed to do that because you were the one who worked on it, who understood its nuances.
Your lazy friend would only have ruined all your hard work with a shoddy presentation because he did no work, and wouldn’t have understood it.
It’s important you understand all this because, depending on what field you end up in after school, you might have to do something similar, and you can look back on this experience and understand you can do it.
So well done for getting the work done. Well done for standing up for yourself. And I wish you the best. You conquered another milestone that can only be useful in the future.” claypolejr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First, congratulations on getting through the presentation! I hope you are proud of yourself and that you hold on to this moment the next time you have anxiety to help you know that you can do it (not that you shouldn’t be anxious, just that you can recall times you have overcome it).
Second, be proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself and not letting him bully you! You did all the work, tried to reach a compromise, and he still wanted you to do all the work.
You absolutely did the right thing.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Also, I’m laughing. Anxiety is a joke and you’re trying to be lazy by not doing a presentation but somehow not having to do work (including presentation) and just wanting his name on something he contributed 0% to isn’t?
I’m sure he will try to make a formal complaint to the school (or his parents will) because he’ll be marked poorly for this, but no worries, it’ll go in your favor anyway as Tyler won’t be able to even answer or cite basic things about the project you’ve worked on.
He won’t be able to recite What he contributed. I doubt he paid attention. The only lazy one here is him. But I’m sure he’s at least learning a lesson now.
Consider him schooled.” EdinburghLass1980
16. AITJ For Hating My Parents' Favoritism?
“Growing up I could feel my parents’ favoritism towards my older brother. He always got away with everything and got better presents on his birthday.
While they punished me for every little thing I did and told me off harshly for it. Then they sent him to University. When I graduated, they told me they could not afford for both kids to go to university.
I was heartbroken. But whatever. It’s not his fault they loved him more, but I grew to resent him more and more. I moved out of the house and took various jobs to pay for uni myself.
Fast forward to many years later, now I have a much much better job and get paid a lot more. He dropped out of uni because of his drinking habit and had no choice but to find a job.
I tried to buy my parents love, sending them on expensive vacations, buying them stuff, etc. But still, they loved him more. Always bragged about how successful he really was.
Then the global crisis happened and he lost his job and was forced to move back in with them. Now my parents always whine to me about how hard it is for them.
How disappointed they are in him, and they expect me to help pay the bills for groceries, gas, etc. And I did help. But not before reminding them how they have been treating me like trash for so many years and breaking my heart each time.
They tried to deny it so I reminded them of all the times they clearly showed favoritism towards my brother and they were all puckered up at both ends.
Last Christmas, I decided to not come home and they asked me why.
I told them they didn’t need me there, their golden child, the one they’ve been showering with love for years is there with them. Why would they want me there anyway?
And I also told them to tell their lovely son to get a job ASAP since I won’t be paying all of the bills myself forever. Now each time we talk and my brother is mentioned, I always refer to him as ‘your favorite son’, which upsets them and they still try to deny, it instead of apologizing.
Honestly, all they have to do is say that one stupid little word ‘sorry’, and I’ll forgive them. But no lol. They don’t like me calling them out on their nonsense.
These days when we speak on the phone, they whine and I go like ‘Oh so the favorite son who got better clothes/whose college tuition was paid for/etc still hasn’t got a job?’ They told me I was being super petty and should just forgive and forget and stop acting like a child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my wife goes through the whole golden child situation so I feel you. It’s frustrating being taken for granted, but I do have one thing to tell you
STOP PAYING FOR YOUR BROTHER’S EXPENSES!
No more and if you’re willing to be pettier then no more family gatherings for a while. Let them miss you being a part of their lives try skipping the next few family events and if they ask tell them you’re tired of being taken for granted, list all the things you paid for and how you’re never gotten a thank you (you probably haven’t) so ask then to apologize and for your brother to call you and thank you.
Don’t let them try to thank you for him. He needs to say it.” ElChapulin2099
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Parents shouldn’t favor one child over another. It’s hard to tell someone ‘don’t love X more than Y’, but that’s not really the point.
If they do have that unfortunate condition, they should strain every sinew not to show it.
OP needs to stop harping on it. Whether it’s true or not, talking to parents like, ‘How are you and brother (whom you always loved more) doing these days?
I’m doing fine (not like you care bcos you love brother more). So, how ’bout them Knicks?’… this is not going to endear them to you, right?
While OP does have a good case that there’s been favoritism over the years, what purpose is served by grinding it in everyone’s face?
Edit to add: recommend you not subsidize the brother, and think about where you actually want your relationship with parents and brother to go in the future. Do you want to cast them loose or reel them back in?” akaioi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and distance is a real blessing here.
The issue here is that they are unable, at all, to see this from your perspective in any way because they choose to believe that they have always been in the right.
Your brother needed more. Your brother deserved more. Why couldn’t you be more like your brother? He is/was their ideal child and it sounds like maybe they only really wanted the one, sadly.
So, in their eyes and mind, they treated you with equity because, and this is important, your brother was happy the entire time so that automatically means so were you because you should have been as devoted to him and his happiness as they were.
You were the afterthought who had to scrape by subsisting on whatever crumbs were left on the table. And that includes emotional support of which there was little.
Years later they need lots of help because they have reaped what they have sown and are too old to have the energy, drive, and means to do anything about their situation.
And they know clearly that your brother has ruined his life but admitting that is less important than maintaining their preference for being ‘right’ and ‘blameless.’
I would stop helping any and all financial assistance immediately.
Given them nothing unless there is a literal second coming of Christ proof that someone is on the verge of starvation or death. Limit calls and contact. No visits. Their home and their lives are toxic environments and consistent reminders of your trauma.
Definitely seek therapy to help you process your feelings. But more than anything else, prioritize YOU now. You are your own person, deserving of happiness and life lived to the best of your ability.
Find someone who makes you feel like their golden treasured person and cast off the shackles of your past.
You have already built a better financial life. Break the cycle by spreading that success to the other areas of life you enjoy as well.
Any energy you are putting towards them can be best redirected to finding your own fulfillment now. Because it should be about you, and not them. Never again.
Best of luck!” Dusty_Fluff
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your feelings are valid and completely understandable, but you are dragging this out for your own benefit. Based on your side, your brother was the golden child but turned into a bit of a *******.
Your parents are still siding with him, and they are expecting you to pick up the slack.
Your best course of action here is to go completely No Contact with them, and then promptly seek a therapist to work thru the BS that they put you through.
Focus on your mental/emotional health, as well as your overall well-being. Let your parents and sibling figure out how to survive w/o you.
As I said, how you feel about your history with everyone else is valid, but ultimately, this situation is destructive to you just as much as their treatment of you.
Walk away and take care of yourself.” TheMerle1975
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Best Friend?
“I, (15F) have been friends with my best friend (15M) since I was in middle school.
We’ve never really argued, and when we have our problems with each other we both discuss them maturely and move on with our friendship. We both work together, and at work, I and a few other friends were laughing about how much I like the rapper Yeat, and one of my other friends (M16) jokingly said ‘Carti solos Yeat’.
I took a picture of us and posted it on my spam Instagram story, quoting what he said (Carti solos Yeat) with the nerd emoji. However, my ‘best friend’ then proceeded to take a screenshot of this and added the text ‘don’t play cause wasn’t you only listening to carti cause your creepy senior said he listened to him?!’ then posted it on his public story.
This really hurt me cause for one, why would you post my personal business so that other people could see it? For context, I used to talk to this boy (17M) and he’s a senior, I’m a freshman.
I know how bad that sounds, but he wasn’t aware that I was a freshman as I look much older than I actually am, he mistook me for a junior.
We still talk sometimes, but not romantically as we used to. My best friend developed a weird obsession with him. Whenever we would see him in the hallways my best friend would always be like ‘there goes the weirdo’ (a different word was used, think Hisoka from HunterxHunter) and such and it made me uncomfortable.
He also called me out in a group chat of our other friends, saying how I’m in the wrong for ‘entertaining’ the senior and how I would ‘judge a freshman for going out with a senior’ when I literally never have.
Whenever I talk to someone new, he develops a weird obsession with them, going so far as stalking the guys daily and always talking about them even more than I do.
And with my last partner, he would always air me out in front of him, saying things like ‘your makeup looks weird today’ or ‘your hands are so big’ and even talking about my past relationships which clearly made my partner at the time uncomfortable.
I called him out on this as well, but he took it well and promised to stop doing it. But, back to the story, after he posted that, I sent him a long message calling him out about how he’s been obsessed with me and the senior’s relationship, and how he’s always putting me on blast around other people.
He simply responded with ‘K’ and that was that. I thought everything was good. However, yesterday it was obvious he was still upset. One of my work kids (we work in childcare) was excited I had come back after being gone for so long, and she ran up to him and said ‘(best friend name) guess what (my name) is here today’ and he responded ‘I don’t care’.
He refused to talk to me or even be in the same room as me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – While other people are saying he has feelings for you, this type of obsession is not normal/healthy and you should NOT feel pressured to look into those feelings if he admits it or if it’s true.
Regardless of his feelings towards you, what he is doing is not okay in any shape or form and it sounds like you both may need time to step aside and reevaluate even your friendship.
A true friend would not act like he is when they are told that they are not being kind, they would genuinely work to better themselves. Be safe OP, I wish you the best.” iEmnerz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ–Sounds like he has feelings for you. He gets obsessed with every guy you talk to and makes snide comments about you around them. Sounds like he is bitter that you are into the other guys.
This is unhealthy. I would talk to him about why he is acting like this and lay it out for him. If he keeps behaving like this, you can’t really be friends.
Because no friend should act this way.” ksukitty
14. AITJ For Causing My Housekeeper To Get Fired?
“I (30F) just started with a new housecleaning company and I caught the housekeeper stealing. As far as I know, she took a body wash and household cleaners from under my sink.
I cannot confirm if she took anything else because these are the only ones I saw in her bag and I did not search her body or belongings. None of my high-value items were missing that I would’ve immediately noticed. I confronted her about it but she swore they were hers, and even started crying because she was so upset.
The thing is I am 100% sure they were my products because I just bought them yesterday from Amazon and they were missing. I even have the matching sets for them (i.e. I have the refill for the cleaner but she took the actual bottle).
Also, I know the body wash is mine because I bought 3 but only had 2 in my cabinet and they were the same brand and line, even had the same bleeding of the ink on the container because when I received them the bottle was leaking.
She continued to swear that she bought them even though I gave her so many opportunities to tell me the truth, and I confronted her respectfully. She stated that she bought them at the store.
My husband (32M) stated I should let it go and just not have her back, and not tell her boss.
So when I called her boss to pay for the services, he asked me how the service was and I said great but next time I would like a different cleaner.
He grew concerned and asked me why, so I told him. I was really conflicted about if I should tell him because I didn’t want her to get in trouble, but I also felt that he should know about it.
He was really upset about the situation and stated she would be fired, and I felt really bad about that. But my husband made me feel even more horrible because he stated I ruined her life, maybe her family will starve, and now she won’t get paid for her work, etc. He said that because the confirmed stolen items weren’t of monetary or sentimental value that I should have just let them go.
And now I feel like a terrible person for telling on her. But I feel that it’s not the items that matter but it’s the action and intent of stealing it and then lying to me about it.
I felt that my trust was violated. I honestly would have probably given it to her if she just asked for them. Right now I’m really on edge and unsettled and uncomfortable because I’m not sure what else she took.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She stole. Technically, it doesn’t matter if it was high or low-value stuff, it’s still stealing. Just because you can afford the loss doesn’t make it any more ‘right’.
Plus, consider this – an employer generally won’t fire someone on a single complaint from a brand new customer. If she’s getting fired, it’s because there have been problems with her in the past and this is a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ situation.
If I had to guess, she’s been stealing low-value items from customers regularly and been getting complaints regularly, but nobody was able to provide details like you were so they couldn’t do anything.
This is not your fault. Actions have outcomes. Her actions had the outcome of getting caught, getting confronted, having her employer told, and losing her job. That’s on her.” virtualchoirboy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if they weren’t a high monetary or sentimental value, next time they might be. You tried to do what your husband asked but were then asked why.
So your option at that point was, to tell the truth about why or lie. If you are absolutely sure they were yours, and you gave her the opportunity to come clean and/or return them, then it’s on her.
And if she did it once it’s likely she would do it again to someone else.” CivilButterfly2844
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – people just can’t be stealing from clients.
You aren’t a jerk for being honest about why you did not want her specifically to come back. Having said that, I think you may need to get more information about the company you hired. How much are they paying their employees?
If they’re paying really unfair wages, and especially if they’re doing so while expecting their employees to provide their own cleaning supplies, you should hire someone else. Very few people would steal cleaning supplies and body wash just to steal or for profit.
I suspect it’s a side effect of who she worked for.” Alert-Potato
13. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Tell His Brother To Bring Money During His Visit?
“My partner (25F) and I (26M) live in Australia. We both earn well and have a comfortable life.
Her brother (22M) goes to uni and does not work. He lives with his parents overseas. I do not get along well with my partner’s parents and don’t really interact much with them.
Today, my partner told me that her brother is coming over and is going to be staying with us for about a month which is great! Her brother and I get along really well and we have enough space in the house so that’s not an issue.
To give the situation a bit of context, this is the second time he is coming over to stay with us. Since he doesn’t earn, he is fully dependent on his parents financially.
The last time he came to visit us, he brought $200 with him which meant that my partner and I had to pretty much support him financially for a month. Since it was the first time this happened, I let it slide and didn’t say anything but was annoyed with the situation.
It’s also worthwhile mentioning that our finances are merged together in all aspects.
This time around, as soon as my partner mentioned that her brother is coming over, my first question was ‘That’s great but can you ask please your parents to send more than a couple of hundred dollars this time around?’
She got really annoyed with this question and asked me how much do I expect him to bring over this time. I mentioned that it should at least be $1k since things are fairly expensive here.
She is now mad and told me that I’m being very toxic. I told her that if we end up paying for everything for her brother again, I’ll need to look at separating my finances from hers.
After this, she stormed off and we haven’t spoken since. I feel terrible. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think you need to consider this may be a family culture thing and discuss with your fiance how you can accommodate it with the majority of the cost footed by her.
Maybe cutting back on activities or luxuries she would have otherwise spent on? It’s good for both partners to have set aside fun anyway, and then if she wants to spend it on her brother, it’s none of your business.
I suggest this because I see where your fiance may be coming from. My family is like this to an extent; whoever is doing best at the moment will often pick up the tab for those with less.
When I had my first job and my brothers were still in school/getting started, I paid for a lot of things on trips or to help them with emergencies.
Never kept track of how much. To me, the price was worth it to spend time with them doing something fun.
The thing about life is, you’re not always on top.
I went through a medical emergency and then my marriage ended and I lost a good job, all right before the health crisis hit. Meanwhile, a couple of my siblings launched highly successful careers.
For quite a while now, the old roles have been reversed, and when we go out to a restaurant as a family or get treats or something, they covered mine without me ever asking.
And now I have a good job again. Starting to refill my drained savings account, finally regaining my independence. But one of my brothers lost his job, has kids to take care of, not a lot of for treats and trips… so it goes.
As we start to spend more time with them after little kid immunizations become available, I’m sure I’ll be picking up tabs again.
This is why your fiance may not be a jerk.
Her brother is a student, it’s not like he’s just sitting around with his thumb up his butt. If it’s in her family culture to pick up the bill when you can, then you (as someone planning to join families with her) should consider that this attitude has its pros as well as its cons, instead of just dismissing it because ‘why should I have to pay for anything for him?'” Trilobyte141
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it’s common courtesy to cover some of your guest’s expenses, especially as he is family, his only paying $200 for a WHOLE MONTH is just ridiculous.
Unless his family is struggling terribly, in which case I feel like that’s a whole conversation that needs to be had. If he can’t afford it but your sister insists on having him over, then the bulk of the expenses should be covered by her — so I understand your request to separate your savings.
A month-long trip is expensive! It’s perfectly sensible for a couple to have separate accounts anyway, in my opinion.” fairymascot
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here — I think most commenters are missing the point.
Of course, the brother doesn’t ‘deserve’/isn’t owed $1k from OP. He won’t be owed $1k from his sister, either, if she didn’t want to spend that much on him.
The issue is that OP’s partner wants to spend that much money on her brother. And that’s reasonable, especially if asking to bring more would prevent him from visiting or even from visiting for a full month.
It’s reasonable to prioritize spending time with family over spending on other fun stuff.
So the issue is about how to spend joint funds — and subsequently if they want to continue having joint finances.
And there are lots of fair and reasonable solutions to this (others have suggested just doing less expensive things with him when he visits, for example), but my advice would be to make sure that whatever you agree to doesn’t prevent her brother from visiting.” BlueMoonRising13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This whole situation sucks. I totally understand why you feel the way you do. Especially since it’s a long-term guest.
Having said that, a lot depends on family dynamics.
For example in my family when I go to visit my brother (8 years younger than me btw) he pays for everything while I’m there because I’m his guest and family.
The same applies when he visits me. Perhaps your partner has a similar thing and that’s why she’s upset with your statement.
Tell her you don’t really understand why she’s upset about it but you want to hear her perspective so you can understand the situation better.
Make sure you actually hear her out completely. Then and only then explain yours again. I’m sure if you sit down calmly and talk things through you can find a compromise.” Lumpy_Parsnip3060
12. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Quiet Down?
“My partner (late-20s M) and I (mid-20s F) have been together for about three years.
Overall we have a very healthy and positive relationship that I feel safe and supported. He is incredibly extroverted while I’m incredibly introverted, which he is usually very considerate of.
The thing is, he has ADD and is obsessed with video games. I’m much more of a casual gamer if I play any games at all. We do often play games together.
I don’t have any issue with either of these, as he makes it abundantly clear that he’s willing to get off his game at any point if I want to do something together.
However, he has a habit of including me in the video game he’s playing, either by asking for my opinions about stuff that involves a detailed, lengthy explanation about the characters and what their abilities are, or just to rant to me about what he’s playing, which ends up sounding like a foreign language to me because I’m unfamiliar with a lot of fantasy genre games.
Normally I don’t mind, but sometimes it’s to the point where what I’m doing is being interrupted every 5-10 minutes to hear what he has to say about his game.
It can get very overwhelming, especially if I’m trying to unwind from a stressful day at work, but I try my best to go along with it to not be rude or hurt his feelings.
In the past when I’ve brought up how it can be overwhelming and drain my social battery, he responds by saying how he now feels ashamed of his hobby and he declares he won’t talk to me about video games ‘at all,’ which doesn’t last (not that I ever agree that that’s the thing to do, going from a 90 to a 60/70 would be nice though).
He also brings up how his friends and past relationships have always enjoyed talking about games, which is making me feel like I’m doing something wrong.
AITJ for asking my partner to tone down the video game talk?”
Another User Comments:
“You can discuss a way for you to let him know that you don’t want to be included in it right now, but that you still want to be included at other times when you are less tired…
‘honey, I need some alone time’ or ‘babe, I’m not in the head space to listen to this right now’ or ‘I love that you’re including me, but can we leave it for tomorrow instead?’ or ‘this sounds exciting!
I just need two hours to myself, then I wanna hear all about it’.
This way you can decide whether you’re open to it or it’s getting to be too much in the moment.
Include him in this discussion so he knows that you only mean ‘tonight’, not ‘always’ when you ask him to leave you out of it.
Just asking him to tone it down will not have any positive effect because he clearly can’t regulate it himself without reminders.
No jerks here.” could_not_care_more
Another User Comments:
“I mean you’re NTJ, but as someone who has issues with info dumping about their interests this just… makes me sad for your partner too.
I don’t think this is an issue where a jerk can be assigned–just differing social needs that neither of you seems to be able to negotiate to a point where it’s going to be comfortable for both of you.
If he wasn’t guilt-tripping you about it, I’d say no jerks, but that specifically is a trashy thing for him to be doing to you.” genus-corvidae
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it can be hard for some ADD people to not ramble about the things they love, but it can definitely be annoying and exhausting to be constantly interrupted. Does he not have friends who game that he can talk to instead of you?
Either way, if you want the relationship to last, try couples counseling.” MooshAro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To me it doesn’t seem like you’re upset he’s talking about the video games it seems you’re more upset that he’s interrupting what you’re doing to tell you about it.
My wife and I do this all the time and will usually kind of snap at the other with, “Babe I’m trying to watch my show, play my game,” or just need them to be silent.” SatisfactionWitty307
11. AITJ For Not Being There For My Partner?
“Yesterday, my partner, Rachel, texted me from work about making a major mistake at her job. It was an accident, but given the nature of her work (which I won’t go into), the consequences could be significant.
Rachel’s already under a lot of stress from her career, so I got ready to hear everything when she got home, be as available as possible, and make the house generally inviting.
Flowers always help with bad days at work, so I had new flowers waiting for her, along with dinner made from a recipe we’d been meaning to try. When she got home, we talked about everything that happened. I told her how proud I was of her for how she handled her accident, and how one mistake doesn’t define her as a person, and she seemed relieved overall.
After that, we had a relatively normal night and went to bed.
This morning, when Rachel’s alarm went off, I fell back asleep. I usually wake up with her and get up soon after her alarm, but she goes to work before I do, so normally I doze while she showers.
This morning I apparently fell back to sleep completely, so she was alone during her pre-work routine. When she came into the bedroom to dress, I could tell she was upset.
She said she was lonely and asked why I wasn’t up. I apologized — I wasn’t trying to avoid her or leave her alone.
I got up and dressed to see her out the door to work.
Sometimes in situations like this, I don’t want to talk more, because I feel like the more I talk, the more anger I’ll get in return. I realize that’s cowardly, but that’s how I feel.
I also felt ashamed, guilty, and full of regret, and I wanted to be as small as possible in those last minutes before she left for work.
She asked why I wasn’t asking her how she was doing or feeling.
Of course, I should have been doing that, so I asked her, and she scoffed at me. I apologized again, and she asked again why I wasn’t asking how she was doing and didn’t wake up.
The actual answer (I wasn’t thinking about anything when the alarm went off, and fell back asleep) would be too dumb to say, so I just apologized again.
We did our front door leaving ritual, and she said, ‘Yeah, right.
Bye.’
Right now I’m between wishing I could go back in time and be there for her, and feeling defensive like I don’t deserve this treatment. Writing this out and reading it over, I know that it would have been much better if I had been there for her this morning.
I know how much a mistake like this at work can haunt her, and I realize that her feelings really are hurt and that she would have been comforted by me.
I know that she’s anxious and scared about what’s going to happen, but she’s also so angry with me and it feels somehow disproportionate. I’m not a totally inconsiderate person.
I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends for an outside perspective, so I’m asking the internet. Apologies in advance if I’ve omitted crucial details or have been unfair to her perspective — I’ll try to respond to any questions.
I feel like a jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, please start giving yourself some of the grace and patience you are giving your partner. You did nothing malicious, Rachel didn’t specifically ask you to get up and support her that morning–if that’s something she wants/needs, she can ask you for it.
Acting passive-aggressive and unkind because your partner didn’t perfectly anticipate your needs is not a fair or appropriate way to act in a relationship.
The vibe I get from this post is that it seems like both you and Rachel are prioritizing her needs and feelings over your needs and feelings.
You deserve space, patience, and grace too.” Table_Final
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh my God? She has an issue at work, and by the time she arrived home THAT DAY you were not only attentive and supportive as a partner should be, but you’d prepared gifts and a special meal.
Then, in the morning the next day. You were tired and nodded back off for a bit. So for that, you feel like you’ve committed such an offense that you’re metaphorically beating yourself up for it so much.
That sounds exhausting. Remember when you told her that one mistake doesn’t define her? Take that nonsense and stitch it onto a pillow or something, because you need to hear it too.
It was barely a mistake at all even.
You do NOT deserve that treatment.” JudgeMonkey
Another User Comments:
“You are incredibly giving, compassionate and supportive, but I’m left wondering what kind of ‘accident’ this was.
I understand you not wanting to say it, but her reaction matched with your guilt for ‘not being there enough’ seems almost in line with her getting someone (or something?
an animal, maybe?) hurt, otherwise I can’t help thinking it’s disproportionate to, well, any other situation, honestly. If that is the case it’s still not your fault, and makes perfect sense that you would have also been overwhelmed and exhausted the next morning, in which case no one’s at fault for their feelings and the situation is just too much for anyone.
Otherwise, she’s expecting too much when you’ve already gone above and beyond to help comfort and make her feel better. either way, NTJ.” mollygunns
10. AITJ For Taking Up Other People's Space?
“So I (18F) am in my senior year of high school, and this year my mom started a job that requires her to drop me off at school at 6:30 AM, while school starts at 7:50 AM.
Now, I wanted a quiet space with no other people and a secluded alcove outside the roof access did the job until dead roaches started appearing. I’m severely entomophobic (afraid of insects), and when a live one appeared after four months, I needed a different space.
On the fourth floor of our school, there’s a little room built into a corner where two walls meet. It’s a small square room with a circular table, some rolling ottomans, and one whole wall is glass so you can see the hallway.
Outside the glass wall, there’s also a sitting area outside the room-it’s got a wood bench built into the wall, a bar with a couple of stools, a magazine rack, and a plush living room-like chair.
Now, another person, we’ll call them F, sometimes gets the space before me. When F didn’t get the room they and their friends sat in the magazine area, and when I didn’t get it I’d sit at the roach landing.
One day F and I were waiting for the doors to open together, which meant whoever was faster would get the room. When the doors opened I took the stairs two at a time (something I usually do anyways) and hustled to get the room first, which I did.
Now, I guess that annoyed them because today someone from F’s friend group, we’ll call them Y, came into the room to talk to me.
Y said that they ‘get’ why I’d want the space.
Y said that their other friends, there are about five of them total, reliably had the space for four months before I started using it. It should be noted that now we’re in our last semester, six weeks before school ends, which means at this point I’ve been using the space longer than they have.
Y says that they and their friends have an ‘unspoken claim’ on the space. It should be noted that the space is open for anyone to use, on a first-come-first-serve basis.
Y also said there were five of them and one of me. Now, the room really isn’t that big. The circle table takes up a good chunk of the room and leaves sitting areas for about three people, maybe six max.
Now, here’s another thing about me. My parents switch custody. My mom gets me to school when the doors open, my dad brings me to school ten minutes before the bell.
I got the room one week, they got it one week. Honestly, it seemed fair to me. We kind of went in circles, with Y recycling the ‘we have an unspoken claim to the room’ and ‘there’s five of us’ argument.
Y wanted to alternate days, but we eventually settled on switching weeks. I get it five days, they get it five days, repeat. Y and I agreed and Y made it clear it had to be guaranteed, with no exceptions, etc. This is a win-win for me.
The room is now guaranteed to be mine even if F gets there before me. However, I have to wonder: AITJ for using the room and not giving it up when they asked?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s an unassigned space and there’s no mechanism in place to reserve or apportion these unassigned nooks in your school. They could have hung out on the roach terrace or any other hidey-hole on campus.
Sharing the space was fair.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you handled the situation well. Possibly a dumb question, but would all of you be opposed to occupying the space together and co-existing?
I understand the space is small, but it might be worth it to make a bad situation into a good one—you could all be friends. It’s clear that you’re all able to communicate with each other well enough.
Might be the optimist in me wanting a happy ending. Best of luck.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re both being a bit childish trying to get the space but as you said it’s first come first served they’re kinda being jerks by trying to call dibs?
Like you’re adults. Keep the spot.” xLostandAfraidx
9. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mom Over A Costume?
“My parents and I have an on/off relationship. My dad and I get along when it’s my hobbies and interests since he’s also into them (anime, cosplaying, sci-fi, that stuff) and my mom and I are close because I have a learning disability and she did too, so she understands that I have a very hard time processing emotions and problems, unlike my dad who gets angry at me for failing math tests.
This has led to me being depressed and having health issues with eating and sleeping. One of the few things that have helped me with these issues is cosplaying. I use it as a coping mechanism and sometimes roleplaying as the character can help me to find the motivation to eat and sleep and take care of myself.
About 7 weeks ago, my mom signed me up for a 2-hour after-school math class. I was against it because I was already stressed out with my weekends being taken up by studying and tutoring.
I didn’t want to go but when my mom made the deal that after 6 weeks of it, I could get any costume I wanted as long as it was $150 (Canadian).
Now this made me immediately agree. It’s been about 4 weeks since the program started and I have hated it, but I continued to go because I don’t make much money, and where I am there’s not much to spare for my hobbies.
When I started asking my mom about the costume, specifically the prices and shipping, she said ‘I’ll pay for the costume, you pay for the shipping.’ This got me really mad.
I have been saving up for a wig because my hair has been causing me stress with it being a nasty mess that I am insecure about, and I’ve even told my parents this in the past. Now the shipping for the costume is $44.
The costume itself is $48. This is about $105, $45 under the $150 mark. I only have $60 in my savings for the wig. It’s a $40 wig and it’s really nice, but I also want the costume because I’ve always wanted to cosplay Nezuko.
I didn’t yell at her because in the past when I’ve lashed out she’s cut the deals and I walk out with nothing. This altercation happened about 2 hours ago and I’m still upset because when we first made the deal, she never said anything about me having to pay for anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can see this from both points of view. Since the total for the costume plus shipping is under $150, Mom isn’t spending any extra than she already pledged. However, Mom may find it outrageous that the shipping is almost as much as the costume, and she disagrees with paying that much for shipping.
Maybe ask your mom if she’ll help pay for the wig so you can use your funds to pay for shipping. There’s really no difference in the being spent, just the perception of what it’s being spent on.
Next time, tell your mom the wig is part of the costume.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I always find it so frustrating when parents backpedal on things they agree to with their children or start adding stipulations out of nowhere.
Especially when their kid DOES what they agree to. It IS upsetting because you should be able to get the costume since the combined price is still under the total. I don’t know if you talking this out with her would help.
However, if it doesn’t maybe you can search online for a shop selling a similar one with free shipping?” _brwnsugarbby
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think YTJ. I think you’re unrealistic.
Your mom didn’t renege on you. And she didn’t actually move the goal line on you either. She told you $150 so just stop haggling. Take the $150 and buy a CC gift card and apply that to your total purchase order.
Same money. No hassle. This is very simple math. I too had math anxiety and I was never ‘allowed’ to underperform. I don’t mean you have to get all A’s.
I mean you have to accept that studying and doing your best is the job of most students – no matter our difficulties – barring any learning disorders. Math camp/class seems an appropriate expense to help you and it was designed to help you help yourself.
I will never be a mathematical genius. But, I no longer break into a sweat when I think about multiplying fractions. My parents gave me some tools so I could get better.
I benefitted. Your parents are offering you tools. Use the tools so you can live your life.” Traditional-Corgi223
8. AITJ For Forcing My Husband And His Brother To Stop Fighting?
“My husband and his brother were arguing for well over an hour. I tried to find out what was happening and my husband told me to go to the other room, which is how I knew he was really mad since he never speaks to me like that.
Neither my mother-in-law nor sister-in-law knew why they were fighting either and both were shocked by it too.
I was fed up with having to wait for them to finally stop so we could have dinner, so when my son said he was hungry, I asked him to go and call his dad so we could have dinner.
The reason being is my husband won’t shout or argue in front of our son so it forced them to stop the second he went into the room.
They did stop and join everybody else but my husband was visibly still annoyed and came up behind me to tell me we were going to talk about this later.
That conversation was just him making it clear he was angry at me for sending our son in the room and interfering. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, why on earth would you stick your nose into this interpersonal dispute between 2 brothers particularly since, by your own admission, you have no idea what’s was going on?
And then to send a toddler into the room to manipulate everyone into doing what you wanted?!? This is ridiculously petty and narcissistic behavior on your part and terrible parenting.
If you’re hungry eat without them, if MIL insists on waiting she can wait by herself. You handled this very poorly.” Cmacbudboss
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the moment, but don’t send the kid in or use him as a little meat shield.
Your husband and BIL are remarkably rude, your MIL shouldn’t have waited for dinner on a couple of jerks who couldn’t put a pin in it for half a freaking hour, and you definitely need to be more assertive than you were.
Your husband was also way out of line silencing you and telling you to leave the room.
When my husband and eldest go from talking to debating and it’s getting louder, I send them out to the deck.
It works well, especially in the winter. Taking an argument outside so that people in the house can carry on comfortably is an easy way to respect others.” lyan-cat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Never, ever send out a toddler into a situation where two adults are having a heated discussion with elevated emotions. Accidents hide in small corners. They could not have noticed the toddler ambling in and while making agitated gestures, could’ve easily whacked the kid in the face.
You should’ve simply sat down with your son, MIL, and SIL, have dinner with all four of you, and leave your husband and his brother to figure out their own food.
Your son’s role shouldn’t be to be the ender of all disputes. No child should ever have to be the negotiator in a volatile situation as two full-grown adults shouting and arguing with one another, especially when you noticed that your husband sent you out of the room, something you claim he never does.” Shifting2Wolf
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You shouldn’t have risked your child’s safety by sending him to break up an argument. You claim that your husband never speaks to you the way that he did during that fight.
There was no guarantee that your husband would not have harmed your son.
Your husband’s complaint, though, was about interfering, which is completely unreasonable. He monopolized a room for over an hour to have an argument with his brother, spoke rudely to you when you understandably tried to determine why the fight was happening and disturbed the peace in the home and family.
He’s mad that you paused the fight, but he always had the option to take a minute to explain the source of the conflict to you so that you could have assessed the next best step.
Since there was no indication that the source of the argument was ceasing after an hour, being reminded that his argument was impacting others was more than fair.” glimpseeowyn
7. AITJ For Asking My Roommate Not To Have Visitors Late In The Evening?
“My roommate and I (in a single college dorm dorm) aren’t necessarily close. It’s not that I don’t like her, but we just never got on to be friends.
We signed a document at the start of the year stating that we would not have people over without telling the other person, not have someone over past 1030 at night and not have someone sleep over unless it was discussed a week in advance.
We both thought this was reasonable, and I stuck to my part of the contract very well. I only had one person over for a recruiting visit and she slept over.
I gave my roommate a 2-week notice and asked if it was alright, and she said yes. That’s the only time I’ve had someone over the past 1030.
I noticed through the year that her friend would come over and watch a movie, and I’m 100% okay with that.
I couldn’t care less. However, when her friend started staying till 1 and 2 am, I started to get annoyed.
I’m an athlete and have mandatory morning lifts Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 7 am (not my choice on time).
Told my roommate before the year about this. So, I was hoping she would follow the contract, especially on these dates because I would try to sleep around 11 – 12. I honestly wouldn’t care if the roommate stayed slightly past 11, but when she stayed till 3 am, I was ticked off.
It’s hard to go to sleep with a movie playing full blast.
I approached her the other day, as examines were coming up, and asked her if maybe her friend can leave by the 1030 mark since that’s what we wrote in the contract.
She looked a little surprised and angry, and I get why, cause she wanted to be with her friend, but I found it to be really rude of her to not follow the contract.
I don’t want to get RA involved cause this is minor.
My sister told me I did the right thing, but I’m starting to wonder if I am the jerk.
AITJ for asking my roommate to abide by the contract?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — But I do wonder if this ‘agreement’ you signed is just the standard agreement at your college for rooming?
You said you both thought it was reasonable and agreed but was there an actual discussion, or did you just assume that since she signed the same paper you did, she read it and agreed?
I think a better assumption would be that she did not actually read the agreement and is miffed that you’re bringing up a rule she wasn’t aware of. Otherwise, this is just so weird (on her end, really you’re not doing anything wrong.)” Away-Caterpillar-176
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Nobody likes to be called out for their bad behavior, so no surprise that she didn’t react well. But you guys agreed to something reasonable and she needs to hold up her end.
You need to keep calling her on it. It’s usually easier to do that at the moment it is happening.
Next time her friend is over say something like ‘Hey (roommate), just a reminder that we agreed to no guests after 10:30.
It’s just about 10 pm now, so I want to make sure that you guys can wrap up what you’re doing in the next 30 minutes.’ Make sure the friend hears you so that she is also aware of your desire to stick to this agreement and that her being there late is an issue.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“I have an ‘everyone sucks here’ feeling here. When I consider it correctly, a friend here means partner. It is rather normal to not schedule time with your partner a week in advance, and a contract that demands that is rather nonsense.
That said, she also acts very inconsiderately towards you. But on the other hand, you haven’t said that you complained about her the entire time you were staying together when she had the guy over, and just snapped now after (what I assume) months of not doing anything.
Instead of just pointing out an agreement like that, telling her the problem and that you can’t sleep and that if her friend is over, she has to do it in a manner that does not impact you (like, don’t have a loud TV on, do something quite, or go out and just come home to sleep together), you went for the rather extreme option of having the friend not come over at all.
Both sides are very inconsiderate and basically do everything wrong that you should do when living together.” MisterMysterios
Not everyone has the same circadian cycle, so it's unfortunate that an agreement like this is easier for early birds than night owls to stick to - however, at the end of the day (and night) it is an agreement that both parties signed. Roommate may be extra perturbed because this is the first she's been called out on it, but on the flipside she should be grateful that OP has been so accommodating until exams. Part of the college experience is learning to maturely manage cohabitation - OP seems to be doing that pretty well so far!
6. AITJ For Avoiding My Classmate?
“I’m in university and I have this classmate, let’s call them X. I have two face-to-face classes with X and we have a mutual friend (let’s call them Y).
Our shared face-to-face classes are on the same day.
When the first shared physical class ends, I typically go for lunch or study in the student hub if I’m not hungry since I have three hours to kill between the end of the first class and the next class.
I usually go with Y to lunch or we sit together and study. Usually, X will invite himself along.
I won’t lie, I don’t like X.
X is privileged and their father has enough influence and money to pay for one of the most expensive international schools in our country (which X didn’t want to do the last bit of high school at since it was hard), fix X’s academic mistakes (up until now, since we are in a prestigious university) and give X many chances.
X barely attends class, understands the material, or even knows when assignments are due if it weren’t for Y. This is our first year at uni but in the last part of high school where we three attended together, X was riding off of Y’s hard work for most of it.
I feel guilty asking Y for help and X just barely even tries (usually ends up asking Y for pictures of their work).
I know I can’t choose Y’s friends but I refuse to be near this person unless necessary.
As an example, if Y chooses to hang out with me, we start running away from the lecture hall after class so X can’t invite himself along (not an exaggeration, we run fast).
I am cordial and attempt to maintain at least a pleasant acquaintanceship for Y’s sake.
I was telling my friend about this and they said it was a ‘witch move’ and ‘very fake of me’ to do so and I should be honest to X instead of possibly convincing them we are friends.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I would say you’re NTJ.
I admire your restraint, and I know sometimes it’s difficult to treat someone you don’t like with some modicum of respect.
Although, I would say if you genuinely do not want to be in the presence of X, tell Y that you’re not particularly fond of X.
Y is your friend, not X.
I would think that as a friend, you can approach Y about the situation, and hopefully, they would be understanding that you don’t like X.
However, in the case that X has truly wronged you then it’s good to be upfront with them and tell them that you don’t like them, citing the reasons you mentioned.” MiSTaKeN1595
Another User Comments:
“I’m only going to say soft YTJ. I know this is an unpopular vote, and I’ll be downvoted, but I hope for some forgiveness and understanding of my reasoning.
I’ll be honest, this dynamic reads childishly to me. If you don’t like X, you can either confront them about it or don’t involve yourself with them. But dancing around it and tolerating them is not a solution.
You’re literally sending X the message that you’re their friend; that you like them. Regardless of how entitled and spoiled he is, how exhausting or how unconscionable he is, imagine how crushing it would be to find out someone you thought was your friend for years actually hates you.
How would you feel if out of nowhere, Y told you they don’t like you? Because that feeling is what X is going to experience eventually. How much it hurts is dependent on how long you drag this out.
Continuing the lie will only make it worse when the truth comes out. And hoping it’ll eventually just fade away on its own so you don’t need to confront it is not how you face problems as an adult.
Yes, it is hard. Yes, it could literally create a storm in your life. But that’s what being an adult is. You confront issues, deal with the consequences, grow from the result, and keep moving forward.
Life is messy. Don’t avoid the mess.” WriteAnotherWoods
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a bad thing to be ‘fake’ at times. It means you’re a well-adjusted human being if you don’t go around telling people what you really think about them all the time.
That said, my advice is to just leave when X comes around if you really can’t stand him. If Y still wants to be friends with X, you can’t stop Y from doing that and you’ll have to either accept X as someone you will see from time to time or you’ll start to drift from Y as a friend.
The good news is uni is a time you will meet a LOT of new people.” Powerful-Metal1313
5. WIBTJ If I Ask My Partner's Family To Stop Taking Photos Of Me?
“I (26f) have been with my partner (30) for 7 months. His family is absolutely lovely, his mum is so kind and he has a female cousin that he is close to.
They have made me feel so welcome, but there is a problem.
I absolutely HATE having my picture taken, I take selfies because I am in control of the camera and can see what I look like before the picture is taken but when a picture is taken of me by someone else I feel very uncomfortable.
The pictures that I see often come out with me looking awful!
My partner’s mum and cousin LOVE taking pictures, of themselves but also of me. At my partner’s birthday party we were having a slow dance and it was a lovely moment, but after his cousin said she took some pictures of us dancing and my heart sank.
Last weekend we went out for lunch and his mum took a picture of me at the table while I was drinking. She put the picture on social media and I hate it!
I don’t know whether to say something because it’s making me uncomfortable but I also really don’t want to hurt their feelings or make anything awkward. I’ve considered talking to my partner about it first. I’m aware it’s my own issue and they don’t mean anything bad by it, they just like to capture moments whereas I’m happy with a couple of selfies and then just nice memories.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Talk to your partner and have him talk to his family. I don’t know if you’ll be able to get them to stop taking pictures, but any reasonable person would agree to stop posting pictures of you online.
Another thing, though, is that if you think you always look bad in their pictures, and you only look good when taking selfies is disturbing. Do you use filters on your photos or go through a lot of trouble posing to get a photo you like?
A lot of young people are getting distorted ideas of not only what other people look like but what they themselves look like. If only having filtered, photoshopped or highly stylized photos are your norm, it sounds like you need to stop using that software/apps and look in the mirror at who you are.
You should accept yourself for who you are, and you can make changes if you want, but you first need to accept and be happy with who you are before you can do so in a healthy manner.” AttemptedAdult
Another User Comments:
“Years ago, I’d have said NTJ, but now that I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to accept that it’s jerk behavior. The whole ‘don’t take pictures of/that include me when we’re in public, at family functions, etc because I only want shots to exist that I can personally control and/or edit’ mindset is understandable to a degree, but it’s putting the onus on other people to not engage in perfectly normal behavior with regards to recording memories when you should be taking responsibility for addressing the root cause of the issues you have with seeing yourself in photos.
And 99.99999% of the time, it’s people having a problem with themselves and wanting desperately to hide it from the world, which is a losing battle unless they simply never go around anyone.
Bad photos exist of everyone and they’re annoying and make us roll our eyes a bit, but they’re not a big deal in the slightest. It’s just a picture of you and how you are in a moment and there’s no sense in getting up in arms about it.
Start tackling your personal insecurities and stop worrying about your friends and family getting shots at parties and gatherings that you don’t like. When you’re happier with yourself and accept that none of those janky pictures matter, you won’t agonize over them anymore.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most people think pics are no big deal. It’s just a photo. This is very, very wrong. People have many reasons for not wanting their pics taken.
It’s no one else’s business.
When I was younger, I spent a lot of time around people who were constantly followed by the press for a period of time. We’re talking even followed to the bathroom.
To me, pics became a matter of invasion. I HATE getting my pics taken. To the point that my kiddos were shocked when I took a pic with them for their graduation.
Even when I go places where pics are expected, I will actually speak to the photographer and ask them not to take my pic, and they don’t have permission to publish my likeness in any way.
I also have dabbled in photography. Maybe it’s because of my history, but I will go out of my way to ask permission of whoever would be in the frame if it’s ok to take their picture (or at least warn them I’m going to be taking one.
If I can’t avoid getting someone in my shot, I either crop them out or edit the photos so the subject is clear and others in the background are blurred.
I realize this isn’t possible at parties, so part 2 is never post pics of someone online without permission. It’s super rude. If you’re comfortable to compromise, that might be the way to do it.
Tell them if they take candids, you can agree to that, but that you would like to review anything they want to post. I think that’s a more than fair compromise, but ONLY if you’re comfortable with it.” Nobody_here_42
I hate having my photo taken, but I've come to realise a few things...
1. Your partner's family likes & accepts you. They wouldn't take pictures of you if they didn't. It'd be a red flag if his family tried to keep you from being in the photos.
2. Pictures are visible memories. When we're gone, those help our friends & families remember us. They feel comforted looking at them.
I know it's hard, but try not to be bothered by it. His family sees you as part of their family. They aren't trying to make you feel bad & remember this... beauty is in the eye of the beholder & we are most critical of ourselves. You may hate how you look in the photos, but to them, those photos are beautiful.
4. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Friend For Not Standing Up For Us?
“I and my friend group have been friends since high school right now we are in grade 12 (senior highschool).
There are two friends in particular who have been seen going out on Instagram Stories together. At first, I didn’t care as when I confided with a mutual close friend of ours in our friend group she said it may have just been a coincidence since it just started happening recently, so I let it pass
But again more IG stories and more pictures surface and still I get no invites, now I start questioning if I did anything wrong, then I find out they have been bashing my reputation and spreading false rumors but I let it pass since I know no one would believe them anyway.
Fast forward a few months now. I and two other people in my friend group, 2 females, have started to be excluded from the rest as well. Due to this, I got mad at our mutual close friend who we confided in since she was still hanging out with the main group while not even questioning why the three of us were being excluded even if we confided with her.
We had a verbal back and forth and she is now mad at me for expecting her to do anything for the sake of the three of us, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. School-related friend groups always start to thin out as graduation approaches. This is because people who bonded over shared interests as children rarely hold the same interests as they get older.
Expecting someone else, who’s likely also feeling out of the room to see if she still wants to be there, to plead your case is a bit much. That said, these other friends could have been much more open about their desire to exclude certain people.
This is all basically how human interactions work at your age. But that doesn’t mean the organic dissolution of childhood relationships doesn’t sometimes hurt. You’re going to be okay.” DplusLplusKplusM
3. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Be Careful When She Smokes Stuff?
“I (18M) live with my mother and in my family, I’m one of the few who is a non-smoker. For the past years, my mother and her husband used to smoke daily inside the house from the 2020-2021 winter I started to get really annoyed about this because I have asthma and when they smoke I can barely breathe and after continuous ‘pressure’ I finally managed to convince them to smoke outside in the garden.
Fast forward to around 2 weeks ago.
I started to go into the garden with my laptop to chill outside playing games since I didn’t t wanted to be in a cloud of smoke all the time.
I asked my mother as nicely as possible if she can be careful just so I don’t get her smoke in the face (note that the garden is big enough for her to move if the wind throws her smoke on me) and now she’s getting angry at me and calls me names because I ‘dictate her’ and at this point, I have no idea if what I asked her was too much.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, as a smoker living with non-smokers there has to be some compromise. I do not smoke inside the house, I smoke outside.
If she’s outside why do you think you can dictate where she smokes outside? It’s her house! She’s been very accommodating to your previous requests and you chose now to start using your laptop in the garden so deal with it or go back to the house where the smoke doesn’t bother you, or YOU move somewhere else in the garden.” Ok_Afternoon_8779
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but unfortunately neither is she, because on one hand as ur mother, she should be more sensitive to her own daughter’s medical needs, but on the other hand it is her house, but then on the third hand at 18, and in this economy, you can’t move out.
You’re NTJ ’cause it’s your mom if it was anyone else’s home then that’s a different story.” m9l6
2. AITJ For Exposing My Fiancé For Lying About My Birthday Gift To Him?
“My (F24) fiance (M25) comes from a wealthy family, unlike me. His family can be a bit obsessed with looks and status.
He’s the only child so his parents spoil him all the time. They got him 2 cars (one at 18 & one at 23 after he graduated) they also bought him the apartment we live in etc.
He told me once that his mom thinks I should consider wearing brand clothes and makeup, especially when attending their family functions where important people are present. He said he’d pay for everything but I have a specific style/brand.
I’m comfortable with it but put aside a couple of outfits to wear when visiting. For his birthdays, they exaggerate with their celebration and for his 25th birthday they reserved a restaurant for the occasion and sent out invitations.
I heard that inside the invitations they included a list of acceptable/expensive gifts to bring. His mom sent me one which had me like WHAT? I called her and she apologetically said ‘well, he REALLY wants this, he will be disappointed if he doesn’t get this.’ I told her really it was between him and me.
I decided to gift him a handmade gift which was the floral frame for our future wedding photo to put on the counter. He said his parents won’t be happy and will think I’m being cheap.
He offered to get a pair of expensive NIKE shoes and all I had to do is act like I got it for him in front of his parents to get them off our back.
I refused and said this is my gift and I won’t pretend.
At the party and when he was opening gifts, I found out that he opened some boxes and pulled out NIKE shoes and acted thrilled while thanking me for getting them for him.
I was confused I said this wasn’t my gift and started looking for it among the other gifts. I asked where he put the floral frame and he acted dumb.
I got so mad I told him in front of his parents that he shouldn’t have lied about what I originally gifted him and that if he was ashamed of it then I will be keeping it.
His family and friends were staring silently. His mom tried to follow me outside but I got into an Uber and left. He texted me and was livid saying he was just trying to protect me from his family’s criticism about the handmade gift I was planning to give him and said I could’ve played along and got this over with, instead I exposed him when he was just trying to get his family to understand that I’m not being cheap.
I went to stay with a friend and haven’t spoken to him yet after this. I did tell him about how his family is behaving and he agrees they can be a bit shallow sometimes but he also said he’s nothing without them and can not be arguing with them after all they’ve done for him.
I feel like I disrupted his birthday with how I reacted when I could’ve waited another time and just swallowed this pill. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, I hand-make a lot of gifts, but I also have the kinds of hobbies and skills that people pay a lot of for.
On the first birthday I celebrated for my now-spouse, I got him a handmade gift: a t-shirt painted with a scene from his favorite horror movie. Now, please understand, my work has been shown internationally and I have been published and before I began teaching art, I owned a gallery for almost a decade.
Are you picking up what I am putting down? It was a handmade gift, but made very well and reflected HIS interests AND his clothing style (he buys a lot of graphic T’s from indie artists)
Your gift was selfish and lazy. It’s the kind of handmade gift you get from your kids and yes, you love it and probably keep it for a long time, because small, unskilled children that you care for made it for you, but rather disappointing when coming from your mate.
In addition, it wasn’t even something FOR HIM, it was the decor for ‘your’ home (paid for by his mAtErIaLiStIc family) for an event that hasn’t even occurred yet.
I don’t even care that your fiancé lied to you: he approached you honestly and in good faith because he KNEW the gift you ‘got for him’ was tacky and he cares about your feelings and didn’t want you to get the side eye from his family.
I don’t care that his family is wealthy and snobby because this post is AITJ so I am here to judge YOU. You hijacked his birthday, made a scene, and embarrassed yourself, and now you are giving him the silent treatment and hiding with your tail between your legs.
You do not currently possess the emotional maturity for marriage.” Repulsive-Exercise-4
Another User Comments:
“There is a lot going on in your story and a lot of it frames your partner’s family as complete jerks, especially your future mother-in-law.
It all kind of distracts from what I think are two points that make you also a jerk in this situation:
The floral frame gift for a future wedding picture: this was clearly not a gift for your partner.
I really suspect that this was a gift to yourself. That’s not nice of you to do. A birthday gift is supposed to be about that person, not about you or you as a couple.
You raised a pretty big stink in front of his family when this matter could have been resolved privately after the event. Did you really need to embarrass and shame him in front of his entire family?
I’m not disagreeing that you needed to have a conversation with your partner about his lie, but could you not have found a better moment to do that? How could the conversation have been productive in this setting, especially given the fact that you chose to run off before even giving him a chance to talk?
This leads me to an ‘everyone sucks here’ judgment. You for the above, the guy for lying, and his family for fostering an environment that pushed him to lie. Going deeper than a judgment, maybe this blow-up was your way of ending the relationship.
It sounds like you are unhappy with his lifestyle and his family. Perhaps this was the culmination of a lot of resentment or anger you have been building up towards him.
If you read back your post, you’ll notice that you didn’t say a single nice thing about him.” cardshark6
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made a girly FLOWER frame that YOU like and that YOU want to put your wedding picture in someday… and gave it to a GUY?!
While I cringe that this dude had a wish list of expensive gifts, it was his birthday—not yours. It sounds like you’re too self-absorbed and passionate about expressing your own oh-so-special style to stop and consider what would be a gift and a celebration that your partner would actually enjoy.
No, he shouldn’t have tried to pull that stupid stunt but you made a big embarrassing scene starring Y O U at someone else’s special event—that’s narcissist territory, girl.
You knew he didn’t like your gift, you knew he didn’t want his family to see it, but you wrapped it up and tried to FORCE him to open it in front of everyone at this big posh party.
I don’t care how rich and obnoxious these people are, that was self-righteous and super rude.
Your post is dripping with the contempt you feel for your privileged partner and his affluent family and the virtue signaling is tiresome.
There are lots of broke guys out there who you will not have to cure of materialism with your moral superiority.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Him for being embarrassed about your gift and dishonest with the fake gift.
You for giving a self-gift (a floral frame for a wedding pic that doesn’t exist yet) in a public time when you know in advance he will be embarrassed about it.
Whether he should be or not, you knew he would be and you did it anyway because you wanted to be right and the heck with how he felt at that moment.
Same analysis as to why you were the jerk for making a scene – it was all about you instead of acting like you love the guy and dealing with it privately.
Also, you live in an apartment that his parents paid for – you are benefitting from this money. Surely you could swing a pair of sneakers if it would have made him happy.
Mismatch. Cut bait and move on.” SlinkyMalinky20
1. AITJ For Letting Someone Skip The Line?
“So I was doing some clothes shopping and it was unusually busy, like the queue for the till was maybe 10-12 people deep. There were 2 tills operating.
I was patiently waiting and I was in front of this queue waiting to pay.
This young guy (early 20’s I’d say) came up to me, dressed in a shirt, tie, slacks, and trainers. He was holding a pair of formal shoes and nicely asked me if he could go next to pay as he was late for an interview.
He looked so worried, I felt bad for him and I said of course and let him go pay next. I probably should have turned around and asked if everyone was ok with it, but I didn’t.
He had 1 item that would literally have just taken a minute to pay for.
The person behind me was clearly annoyed and said (purposely loud enough for me to hear) that it was a jerk thing to let someone cut ahead of me.
I honestly didn’t care as it was a nice thing to do, and if you’re just doing some clothes shopping, you can spare an extra minute to help a guy out.
I’m just interested if others think if I was the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You were trying to do a nice thing. I don’t think you were a jerk, but it wasn’t completely fair to the people queueing either.
The effect on them would be the same if you had said ‘no, but you can jump in right behind me in line’, and you see how trashy that sounds.
The fair thing to do if you didn’t want to ask the rest of the line would’ve been to switch places, so he can take your place in front and you go take his place at the back of the line.
This way no one else gets shifted backward. But I don’t think you considered that option and wanting to let him cut wasn’t completely jerky, so no jerks here.” could_not_care_more
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ.
By letting someone cut in front of you, you’re making a decision for everyone else in the line.
But if you had been willing to let him take your place and you go to the end of the line, then that would be fine.
He gains 10 positions, you lose 10 positions, it’s balanced, and everyone else stays the same, approximately. (‘Approximately’ because you probably had more items than he did, therefore taking more time at the till.)” billlevansatmariposa
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, everyone needs to chill lol you didn’t ‘waste everyone else’s time’. This is literally just like driving and letting someone in. Should I confirm with all cars behind me before letting him in?
Make sure EVERYONE is comfortable. Nah, the situation was between you and the guy, you were next and he wanted to go next. He has one item for a job interview and was in and out.
Ask everyone in line for permission or swap out. LOL.” Frequent_Shape6946
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You could have traded places with the guy. But, rather than do that, you let him jump not just you but the 10–12 people behind you and imposed on their time as well.
If the guy was already late for an interview, he was not getting the job. So you didn’t actually help anyone.
Finally, how do you know that the 10–12 people behind you were ‘just doing some clothes shopping’?
Any one of them could be tight on time with their own stuff. One person could be trying to pick up an outfit before running to pick up a child from soccer practice.
Another could be on a lunch break and need to get back to work. DO. NOT. IMPOSE. ON. ANYONE’S. TIME. BUT. YOUR. OWN.” He_Who_Is_Right_
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