People Share Their Most “Over The Top” Petty Revenge Stories

People can be careless. Selfish, even. Forgetful that the world doesn’t revolve around them, so consumed with what they have going on in their own life that the rest of us just fall to the wayside. The notion that other people exist in the line behind them or the idea that there are living, breathing humans in the car waiting for their spot falls on deaf ears and blind eyes. Yes, it’s these fine folks who tend to put their needs first and forget about the needs of the people around them who don’t deserve to get yelled at because “I NEED MY COFFEE BEFORE MY TAXI GETS HERE BECAUSE I’M A SILVER MEMBER!” Hey, we’re all inherently selfish, but there are a few of us who just really takes the cake, who don’t even try to overcome their shortcomings. It’s this flaw that has inspired an underground resistance. A collective of people who have banded together in the name of petty revenge who refuse to take it lying down. So they stand up, and demand retribution, whether it be obvious or on the sly!
Between parents who don’t discipline their children, a colleague who touches everyone’s food and the girlfriend who stole her ex-boyfriend’s mom’s property and drove across the country, there is ample opportunity to get back at the one who committed the wrongdoing.

Whether exacting an act of revenge is the right or wrong thing to do, we’ll never know for sure. After all, every story has three sides – his side, her side, and the truth. We will never know what actually went down, but in the meantime, we can sit back, put on our glasses and read on to see what happens to people who have complete disregard to the others around them. Watch out! You never know who’s got their mark on you. Always better to play it safe and not fill TWO grocery carts to the brim, spilling over only 5 minutes before the supermarket closes.

Am I right or am I right?
21. Push Your Religion On Me When I’m Deathly Ill? Take That!

“The pettiest and probably meanest thing I’ve done in my life was last winter. I live in a really cold state, where we get about 8 months of winter and 4 months of still-kind-of-winter. I was living by myself, and I worked two jobs so I was always busy.

Flu season hit, and I got a really bad bug. Bad enough I had to actually take a few sick days because I felt the sweet release of death creeping towards me. I tried reaching out to friends and family to run to the store so I wouldn’t spread this horrible strain of illness around more, but everyone was busy.

So, I bathe in sanitizer and go. I just won’t breathe on anyone and not touch anything unless I have to. It should be fine.
I get to the store and I want to die. It’s so bright (eff you sun), I’m still coughing into the head hole of my hoodie, and my eyes are glassy and cold. I go straight to the medicine aisle, grab what I need, and head over to the checkout.
In front of me, there are a few people. A father and daughter, followed by three teens, followed by Satan herself. Satan was a middle-aged woman that looked like she chain-smoked since birth.

I stood behind her, trying to fold myself into the smallest bundle of sick and misery I could, waiting.
Right as the father and daughter were finishing their transaction, I had a coughing fit. Keep in mind, I’m coughing into my hoodie and turned away from anyone. This draws Satan’s eyes on me, and a look of pure horror crosses her face. She makes a remark that ‘if you’re so sick, you shouldn’t even be in public.’ I’m no fan of confrontation so I mutter an apology (still speaking into my hoodie, but loud enough to be heard). The teens in front of her gave her a weird look but began to check out.

I sneezed twice then. She looks at me like I’m the scum of the earth and raises her voice, ‘go to another cashier.’ The thing was, this was the only lane open. I just shrug, which made her even angrier. The last thing I wanted was to deal with this. I’m holding the tools of my salvation in my hands, credit card out and ready to go. Just hurry up and let me crawl back home.
She kept making snotty remarks so I finally just took out my phone. The teens were trying to show the cashier what kind of cigarettes they wanted and were taking forever.

I cough again, a nice meaty one, and she finally loses it. She starts yelling that the flu was meant to weed out the heathens and God cleansed the righteous (totally not what I was expecting), and how I would not defile her soul with the Devil’s flames in my lungs. She got closer and closer to me while spouting off her Jesus-y ways and, I mean, I’m miserable. People are looking at us, I’m still coughing, I want to take a ******* nap.
Finally, after what felt like hours but was just about 5 minutes, it was her turn. She was silent with the cashier, throwing the money on the belt and not looking at anyone despite her holy rage.

As the cashier was handing her the change, this little loser looked at me one more time and said: ‘burn in ****, heathen.’

So I sneezed on her. I had been fighting the urge to sneeze and it was a losing battle, but I was so tired of her already. To this day, I have never seen someone turn as purple as she turned. No regrets.” ***********
20. Steal My Mom’s Technology? I’ll Take Away What You Love

“I recently broke up with my girlfriend. Before we split, she borrowed my mom’s GPS to help her move across the country for school (my mom had it from the mid-00s.

She keeps it for road trips to save her phone battery and for signal reasons. Plus, it already has addresses of family members in different cities programmed into it. My ex took it because her phone’s GPS had failed on her in the past just from local use. She had a carrier that wasn’t one of the big 4 and it showed often with her signal randomly dropping. Since she was going to be driving for 3 days, sometimes though sparsely populated areas and her phone didn’t have unlimited data, she wanted something more reliable, so we got my mom’s GPS for the trip.).

Well, it’s been a few months since our breakup and I asked her twice to send the GPS back and tell me the tracking number. Nothing showed up at my doorstep (I know, I should’ve gotten the GPS back before we broke up).
Today, I reached out and asked about the status of it. Her reply: She lost it. Now I’m unsure whether she genuinely misplaced it (she can be absentminded at times), threw it away out of revenge (she can be spiteful), or is just keeping it. Honestly, after the next exchange, I couldn’t care less what the reality was:

Me: ‘Well can you send me some money to replace it?’
Her: ‘Hahahaha, no.’

K.

Originally, I planned to let this go. However, I remembered something. One of her favorite games was paid for and linked with my Origin account.

5 minutes later. Password changed. Two-factor authentication was already set up to send a code to my phone. All of her devices were untrusted. Have fun buying and restarting everything on that game you love. platinum92
19. Stick Your Fingers In My Food? I Won’t Tell You What I Did To Your Chips

“So many years ago I was in a mechanic training program. There was one particular guy who just liked to mess with other people. But of course, he gets upset if someone decides to mess with him.

One day, I bring in leftover Pad Thai and I’m very much looking forward to eating this Pad Thai for lunch. After heating my food, this person comes up to me and sticks his finger in my food saying, ‘my germs!’ thinking it was hilarious. I obviously got really p*ssed but didn’t want to retaliate in anger. The course I was in has rules about professionalism (ironic), so I didn’t want to risk getting kicked out. So I planned out my just revenge.
He was consistent about his bathroom breaks, and what he packed for lunch which always included a bag of chips.

The next day when he went to the bathroom, I grabbed the small bag of chips from his lunchbox, opened it, and proceeded to stick my hands in there and cough into it. I polished it off with a slight spit into the bag. I then stuck a note in it which said, ‘my germs.’
When he grabbed the bag of chips, he seemed confused because he didn’t remember opening them, but started to eat them anyways. He got through half the bag before getting to the note. His face was pure gold and gave the slightest fake chuckle to me after.

Needless to say, he never did anything stupid around me again.” pizzaveelociraptor
18. Steal My Special Stash? I’ll Haunt Your Xbox

“Warning: Long, but totally worth it!

During freshman year of college, I roomed with my cousin and our friend Dan. The three of us really like to smoke *****, but for college kids, it’s a luxury. So naturally, when we wanted to smoke together we’d all chip in an equal sized amount so no one ended up getting short-changed and to obviously save a little cash here and there. As time went on, Dan began to run out of money due to his constant smoking.

No money = no smoke. In our very small and cramped room, I had a mason jar filled with a baggie of my special stuff in a spot that NO ONE (I thought) knew about. After class one day, I wanted to sit back and enjoy a smoke when I pulled my stash out of the hiding spot to find that there was stuff was missing. Instantly, I knew Dan did the dirty deed. My cousin wasn’t struggling too bad financially at the time so it couldn’t have been him. But before I pointed any fingers, I decided to wait it out and be 100% positive.

When Dan came back after class, I noticed he was more nervous than usual and didn’t make eye contact with me when we were chatting. Red flag 1. Per usual, he’d throw his jacket on the floor, like he did with any other piece of clothing, and started to make ramen noodles. While he was busy, I slowly lifted the jacket with my foot to reveal the top of a baggy with some stuff poking out of the inside pocket. Red flag 2. I’m not a big fan of thieves, so I decided to get my revenge on Dan in a very petty way.

Just to let you all know, Dan is a very gullible human being and tends to believe anything, even if it’s a little far fetched…
One day, my roommates and I planned on having a Netflix night with a bunch of our friends later on in the week. I saw this as an excellent opportunity to do something devilish, but ‘what devilish thing should I do?’ At the time, there was an iPhone app called Xbox Smartglass that had just come out. Basically, one would log in their Xbox Live account information, connect their phone to the Xbox, and control basic things like direction (think directional pad) and clicking the ‘A’ or ‘B’ buttons.

With this newfound information, I knew exactly what I was going to do, but had to bank on doing it right.
The Netflix night comes and all 10 of us are outside finishing up a special cigarette before we head back in. I, however, excused myself early to go to the ‘bathroom.’ During this time, I quickly went inside my room, turned my Xbox on, connected my phone to Smartglass, and left it on my bed (it would disconnect if you were too far away). A few moments pass and we are all jam-packed into the room. Dan and I had bunk beds on the right side of the room.

He had the top bunk and I had the bottom. My cousin, Gucci, had his own bed on the left side of the room. Everyone else was squeezed in the middle. What’s perfect about my position is that I could conceal my phone very well with no one being the wiser.
Dan had the controller and began sifting through possible movies to watch. I started off with clicking to the right, left, up, and down every so often making it appear that Dan was messing around with the controller.
‘Yo Rivy, I think your controller is busted.’ said Dan.

I obviously told him it wasn’t and that he’s scrolling through everything too fast.

So I continued to mess around more and more until I started moving everything faster and faster. Naturally, people were like, ‘Dan! Stop being a ***!’* He responded by letting go of the controller to show that it wasn’t him and everything was indeed moving on its own. Everyone was confused. This being the right moment, I stopped for a few seconds… then slowly shifted down to the ‘Horror’ section, scrolled to the right until I saw the movie conveniently titled, ‘****’ and clicked on it.
Everyone screamed and hollered. Dan jumped out of his bunk, nearly crashing into everyone, and ripped the plug right out of the Xbox.

As he turned back, I could see the look of true fear in his eyes. Everyone was scared sh*tless and the commotion caught the attention of the Residence Attendant. It was painfully hard trying not to laugh during this whole ordeal.
Our room was the talk for the entire week. Dan was going around telling everyone, ‘Yo man, our Xbox is ******* haunted/possessed…’

From friends to classmates, Residence Attendants and even the hall janitor, Dan told EVERYONE. He was so infatuated and scared, I decided to keep going with it. It got so crazy that Dan, and I swear to God I’m not lying, would talk directly to the Xbox as if it was a person.

He’d ask it questions like, ‘Who are you?’ ‘Are you a kind spirit?’ ‘Can you communicate through other forms of technology?’
This was absolute gold.
Before you know it, I started communicating with Dan by typing on the keyboard for Xbox live messaging. I got more daring and wrote words like:

‘Dan’…’Death’…’Car’…’Demon’…’****’

I also wrote places he would be that day, clothing he was wearing, people he knew, etc.

He was too busy freaking out that he never took a moment to logically think about the whole situation. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine pranking someone this badly especially with an inanimate object. I do want to note that my cousin found out about my prank/revenge due to the fact that he saw ‘Smartglass Connected’ pop up on the Xbox dashboard.

I told him everything and he promised not to interfere and encouraged me to continue.
One day after class, I walked into my room to find Dan sitting upright on his bunk staring into space. I asked him what’s up and he went on about how scared he was and how he believed someone was hacking the Xbox and sending him threatening messages. He also believed that whoever was doing it was also hacking the webcam too (lol). Dan went on and on and even considered calling the cops (yikes). Realizing how out of hand this was getting, I stopped messing with him for a little while.

Overall, I kept my vengeful prank a secret for a few months before I finally told him. He was livid at me and firmly believed someone or something was out to get him. But he did admit to stealing my stuff and soon paid me back. A word to the wise, never steal from someone, you never know what appliance will become possessed and haunt you.” RivyGucci
17. Won’t Get Out Of My Way? I Gave You Two Options

“I worked in an emergency room (ER) for 6 years so I am full of stories but when it comes to petty revenge this one sticks out in my memory.

Every person who has worked in the ER knows that Mondays are the busiest days of the week and also when all the crazies come out. This day was no different. I worked as a nurse in triage (where you initially get assessed in the front before going to the back). Here we determine who needs to go back first and who can wait (it’s NOT a first come first serve as most people think). We had a few stretchers in the front for people who needed to be monitored a little closer or needed IV’s, ***** draws, labs,… There were 6 stretchers but this day was so busy all 6 stretchers were filled plus 5 more in the hallway.

This lady comes in on an ambulance but because her symptoms did not indicate an emergency she was put in stretcher triage to wait her turn. She was in a lot of pain. After the assessment, I recognized her symptoms as being caused by gall stones (painful but not life-threatening). We put her on a stretcher, started an IV, drew labs, and hooked her up to the monitor just in case.
A few minutes later, the patient’s daughter comes in the front door. One look at her and we knew she would cause problems. She had everything from the shoes to the haircut.

A classic rich Karen. When she saw that her mom was still in the front and hadn’t seen a doctor yet she started screaming that she knew the CEO of the hospital and that we would all be fired if we didn’t get her mom back to see a doctor RIGHT NOW! We explained that her mom has a history of gall stones and even the patient was saying that she has had this pain many times because of the gall stones. We explained about being really busy and that there were no rooms available in the back and will get her back as soon as we could.

The daughter eventually calmed down but was still antsy.
About an hour later another patient, who we will call ‘critical patient’ comes in and was put in the stretcher beside the first patient and her daughter. This new patient had worrying complaints but on the initial assessment, we could not find anything wrong. Now, as a nurse, you learn to ALWAYS trust your gut. When your gut sounds an alarm, you listen. Something about this patient was setting my alarm bells off but all his vitals were normal and I had no solid evidence to declare him an emergency. I hooked him up to the monitor and kept a very close eye on him.

I let the charge nurse know of my concerns and she said to let her know as soon as something changes.
Not 5 minutes later, something changed. Now, at this time I should explain that this hospital was a level 1 trauma center, meaning we get all the bad cases from car crashes to gunshot victims (we were in the middle of gang territory). Since we had to be ready for any traumas (life-threatening injuries) we had a room with 3 beds that was closed off from the rest of the beds because traumas usually involved a lot of people and a lot of *****.

Even on busy days like this one, those rooms were empty unless there was a trauma patient. Now, back to the critical patient. I was taking vital signs of the first patient when I looked over to the critical patient. I noticed a worrying change in his rhythm and stopped with the first patient to start assessing the critical patient to see what was going on. That did not sit well with the daughter. She actually grabbed my arm and told me to finish with her mom. I jerked my arm free and said I had to make sure the critical patient was OK.

As I turned around to him, his rhythm went into V-vib (life-threatening rhythm). I called the charge nurse to inform her of his worsening condition all the while unhooking him from the monitor and throwing his bed into drive. As I started pushing him back, the daughter actually jumps in front of the stretcher and stops it. She’s screaming that her mom was here first and needed to be seen before the critical patient and screaming that I was a liar and that she was going to get me fired. I’m usually a mild tempered person but knowing the critical patient was literally minutes from dying, I said to the daughter, ‘you have a choice, get out of my way or get run over,’ as I started pushing the stretcher forward.

Now, I’m really good at pushing stretchers fast and getting the patient where they need to go in a hurry (one of the reasons I was part of the trauma team). The daughter tried to stand firm but she saw I wasn’t going to stop and jumped out of the way just as I was an inch from hitting her. Unfortunately, she did not move fast enough and I ended up running over her foot. At this point, I didn’t care and got the patient back to the trauma room leaving the daughter screaming lying on the floor.
We spent about 30 minutes on the critical patient but he ended up dying.

By the time I got back up front, the first patient and her daughter had been taken to the back to see a doctor but my charge nurse warned me that they were filing a complaint against me. A few days later, the actual CEO of the hospital came to visit me on my next shift. He was known to be a kind and fair man. Since this happened during a time before cameras were put in the ERs he had to take what happened from word of mouth. Apparently, PD said I assaulted her several times and put her mom’s life in danger by not assessing her properly and that I should be fired.

Turns out that the first patient did actually have gall stones and nothing else. Also, the daughter’s foot was broken due to me running over it. I calmly explained exactly what happened and that the daughter’s actions might have contributed to the critical patient’s death because of the delay she caused by her actions. When I got to the part of what I said to the daughter and running over her foot, the CEO actually started laughing and then tried to cover his mouth to hide his laughter. He explained that the daughter was a friend of his sister’s and he knows what kind of person she is.

Not only did I not get fired, he put a personal note in my file praising my actions. On my next review, I got a large raise and a bonus thanks to the CEO’s note.” Nemoiimya
16. Make Fun Of the Cashier With A Stutter? I’ll Ask Her Every Question I Can Think Of

“I was at a craft store in my town, and it wasn’t too busy, but only one register was open. The cashier, a teenaged girl, I could tell was working as best as she could. The process was a tad slower, however, because she had a stutter and a bit of a lisp.

As she worked through the line, asking the usual questions probably mandated by the big wigs (I’ve worked in retail, it’s a thing), the man behind me began to huff and puff. He muttered something about having places to go, he was in a hurry, etc. I ignored him until I heard him start to mock her to his kids.
‘W-w-would you l-like y-y-y-y-y-y-your reSCHKeet?’

The kids began to laugh. It really made my ***** boil. Especially since I could tell the cashier heard his mockery. That really made my ***** boil. When a person doesn’t respect retail employees as people, it’s the best way to tell whether a person is an a*shat or not.

So, when it was my turn at the register, she asked me in a small voice, ‘Are you a member o-o-of the rew-w-rewards club?’ I looked smugly at the guy behind me, and back at her.

Me: ‘The rewards club? Oooo that sounds great! Please explain it to me?’
She seemed surprised at first, but then looked at the guy behind me, and then it clicked.

I have never given my information so slowly in my life. Never had I asked as many questions as I did. She smiled and answered my inquiries, while the guy behind me was seething.

Him: ‘Can you hurry up, please?’

Me: ‘And miss out on these great rewards? As if!’

I only held him up for about 5 minutes… but wooo child, it felt so good.” UBT400
15. Steal My Girlfriend’s Tickets To Her Fave DJ? No Show For You

“So one of my best friends from my freshman year of college is a bouncer at a popular bar on campus, and once in a while, if there’s a concert I like, he’ll set aside a few free tickets for me (as long as I let him know in advance, and usually I pay him back with drinks, food, whatever).

My girlfriend is a major Skrillex fan. It turns out a couple of ‘friends’ in her class were too, so she asked me if I could get my friend to give her and her friends four tickets. I was wary because I didn’t know these chicks and they looked b*tchy, but I trusted her judgment. I talked to my friend, got the tickets, and gave them to my girlfriend.
It turns out that my girlfriend trusted these b************ too much because she gave them the tickets to hold on to since one of them was going to drive everyone (you could use the bus system, but this was February, and it was too cold to wait outside).

Naturally, everything goes south, and my girlfriend is calling me crying a few hours before the concert, saying that the girls just ditched her and decided to bring a different friend instead. Now, I was driving home for the weekend, but as soon as I heard this, I called my dad and told him I’d be a day late. As soon as I explained the situation, he laughed, because he knew I was going to do something in response.
I called my bouncer friend an hour and a half before doors opened, once I’d reached campus again. I let him know about the situation, and since these tickets were those ‘print out and scan the bar code’ kind, he just cancelled those four tickets, and actually printed out two new ones specifically for me and my girl (I picked them up myself, and he told me he’d kick my a*s if I let anyone have them this time).

My girlfriend was so excited when I told her this, and we both quickly got ready. We showed up right as the doors were going to open, ready to hear a sick bass drop! As we showed up, there was naturally a long as **** line, and luckily, just ahead of us were those b********.

As soon as the doors opened, they started letting people in, scanning tickets, and checking IDs. Once the b******** were getting their tickets scanned, the bouncer (my friend) saw from the error that these were the stolen tickets. He saw me a little bit behind and told them to wait on the side while he let in the next few people.

After the next ten people, they start whining and complaining that they should be let in because they’re going to lose good spots. He tells them there’s an issue with their tickets, and once my girlfriend and I show up, they immediately shut the *** up and their faces turned really white. He scans our tickets, says to them, ‘Oh look, these were the tickets your girls wanted, weren’t they?’ and they just stormed out of line, p*ssed as ****.

As they left, I yelled, ‘if you want, you can just sit by the walls and feel the bass from there!’ herpderptheslurpderp
14. Skip Over Grieving Veteran? Miss Your Lunchbreak

“This was almost two decades ago.

I was a young airman. I will try to put this in non-military lingo. I worked next to the office that dealt with ID card issues. When they would get overloaded I would sometimes slip over to help them.

One day I go over to see if I can help. I saw on the sign-in sheet they had been consistently skipping one particular name. There could have been a perfectly good reason why, so I asked. The general consensus was they didn’t have time to ‘deal with an old drunk.’ I look over at the guy. Now, this guy had red eyes, a red nose, was shaking like a leaf and was quietly muttering to himself in confusion.

He was easily well into his 70s and looked like he had slept in his clothes for days.
I approached the man. I noticed straight off he didn’t smell of alcohol. I took him back to my cubicle because the waiting room was so loud I couldn’t hear him. Turns out his wife had died the previous night. He had spent the last week in a hospital by her side. He knew he had to turn in her ID card and deal with the military paperwork involved. He was just… lost.

One of the ID card airmen came in to tell me in front of this veteran that I HAD to come help them and to stop wasting my time with ‘this guy.’ The airman’s main concern being the line was backing up and it was almost his lunchtime.

The veteran actually stood up and started apologizing to this piece of crap airman!
I sat the veteran back down. I explained thoroughly he was my top priority. I told the airman I was already handling one of HIS customers. I then called the Casualty Office to let them know to get the paperwork together, told them not to rush. The airman was mad but could do nothing, so he went back to his ever-growing line of customers. In the meantime, I let the veteran do what veterans do best – tell me old stories. A good hour later the Casualty Office came by to assist and to bring him to their office.

The veteran hugged me quietly as I got up to go to lunch. It made my day as I sailed through the ID section’s packed waiting room knowing they wouldn’t be getting lunch that day.” lastcall4coffee
13. Can’t Control Your Kids In A Grocery Store? I’ll Leave Them A Little Gift Behind

“Every Sunday I hit up my neighborhood grocery store for my weekly meal prep. I don’t like shopping so I make a list beforehand. I get there at 7:00am and know where everything is, so I’m usually in and out of there in 15 minutes. However, this particular Sunday I was busy in the morning and ended up at the store later than I prefer at 9:00am.

After grabbing my cart I get stuck behind a group of slow walkers who are heading straight for the first aisle on my list. Okay, change of plans, head to aisle 2 on my list. After grabbing my stuff there, I enter the other side of aisle 1 to get my things before heading to aisle 3. Of course, there is a woman with her 2 children standing right in front of what I need while she looks at the opposite side of the aisle. I politely ask if I can grab a couple of things behind her. She makes a face and begrudgingly moves over.

I passed by the butter four times before I could get in the cooler because some woman was mining for gold or something. My body went on autopilot as the next thing I know I have a full cart and am standing behind two people at the checkout.
A family gets in line behind me and I’m not sure who I want to punch more:

The three children screaming and running around my legs, but not quite hitting me.

The silent father with dead eyes.

The mother, barely audible above the screams, telling her children, ‘You are not behaving very well right now,’ then immediately turning around and letting the kids continue.

Not wanting to cause a scene (and forever have to drive across town for groceries) I stewed. I’m now next in line when I feel a hand on my hip/ass. I turn to see a woman twice my age holding a bottle of malt liquor. ‘Hey. Lemme get ahead of you. I only have one thing I need to get out of here before my husband notices I left.’ My two modes at that moment are ‘catatonic’ and ‘murderous rage,’ so I take the high road and just let the lady go. I’m staring daggers into the side of her head as she wills her last hopes into the card reader that the sub-$5 purchase is approved.

A guardian angel must have taken mercy on me as my first glimmer of hope came in the form of the cashier handing her a receipt and she exits. Finally, the only thing standing between me and my now very much needed beer is upon me.
I enter my loyalty number on the pin pad (gotta get them points) and put my card in the chip reader. The family behind is standing much too close as I’m ready to enter my PIN. Side note: I know I am grumpier than most, so I try to let the things that don’t physically harm me go.

However, one of my biggest pet peeves is people looming over my shoulder as I am entering my PIN. As I’m shifting my body to turn my back to the family, I feel it: last night’s dinner has descended, and it was packed with cheese, ground beef, and taco seasoning. My guardian angel was still with me.
I stealthily enter my PIN and grab my card with the family still on my heels. Then, I released. Silent but deadly does not do this abomination justice. It was as if Satan himself was singing Careless Whisper. Pausing for just a moment to make sure the area of effect was centered at the family until the first stink particle hit my nose signaling my exit before it made me gag.

The heat leaving my pants with each step was symbolic of rising from the depths of ****. With only a few yards before I was outside, I turned to see the children holding their noses with one hand and flapping the other and the once oblivious parents frantically looking around to find the source of the chemical attack. I walked into the morning sun with a new lease on life and went home to a celebratory beer. Hopefully, the cashier can forgive me.
batkevn
12. Cheat On My friend? I’ll Reveal Your Biggest Insecurity

“So early this year I went to a concert with my prime #1 concert buddy, this absolutely tiny beautiful girl with a heart of gold and an amazing talent for art.

She’s an A+ gal is what I’m trying to say.

So she has this ex she dated him 3+ years and was very much into him. They had an awful breakup. Bad words on both sides and he admitted to having cheated. As she tells me this, I become furious I’m so mad at the dude. To make things worse, he and the girl he cheated on her with decided to show up at this concert.
Later on, some shenanigans happen. My friend crowd surfs and somehow ends up landing on him (honestly don’t expect anyone to believe that because I wouldn’t if I hadn’t seen it happen with my own eyes) and near the end of the show I make a plan, I’m gonna steal his hat.

From what she’s told me, he is very insecure when not wearing a snapback and he happens to be wearing his favorite one tonight.

So I get in the mosh pit and rough my way from the right back the front left where he and the girl are. He’s wearing the hat backward and is facing the girl, he has never met me so has no idea what I’m doing. I wait until the very last song of the set and just as it finishes and the lights go out I snatch it right off his head and duck down and dart for the door, I slip it into my little backpack and I’m out like nothing happened.

I find my friend, present the hat to her and now I am now a hero.” astralellie
11. Cut The Line? I’ll Buy Your Purchase

“It’s lunchtime and I’m purchasing a sandwich and drink from a local supermarket.

While I’m waiting in line, this woman is shrieking at her phone to who I can only presume is her now totally deaf boyfriend. She’s visibly p*ssing off most people in the general vicinity with her swearing and general attitude.

As it’s coming up to my turn to check out, she’s decided she’s fed up with waiting and puts her big bag of M&M’s in front of my lunch on the conveyor belt and says, ‘I need to go first.’

Without so much as a moment to think and without making eye contact I pick them up and move them behind my items, saying nothing.

RED ALERT: DIVERT ALL POWER TO **** DRIVE

Woman: ‘What the *** are you doing?’

Me: ‘I was here first, wait your turn.’

Woman: ‘*** you, I am on my lunch break and I have a very important job blah blah blah…’ (I can’t remember the whole rant)

Me: ‘It’s lunchtime, everyone is on lunch, you have to wait.’

Woman: ‘*** you! I asked nicely!’ (lolwut.)

At this point, the woman throws her M&M’s in front of my lunch still ranting and it’s now my turn to check out, enter Awesome Check-out Girl.

So after seeing the bag of M&M’s land on the conveyor, I decide, whatever and I accept the woman’s gracious offering and buy the M&M’s for myself, leaving her M&M-less.

Of course, the battle was not yet over, more screaming was coming my way.

Woman: ‘What are you doing, those are mine!’
Me: ‘Nope, I’m paying for them now, if you want M&M’s you’ll have to go get some and wait in line.’

Woman: ‘You’re a thief! You stole my M&M’s!’

Me: ‘No I just bought the M&M’s you rudely threw onto my pile of stuff.’

Woman: ‘I’m not getting anymore, give me my M&M’s back. You’re a thief!’

Awesome Check-out Girl: ‘Ma’am, I suggest you go and get a new pack and wait in line, there are people waiting. The gentlemen hasn’t stolen anything, he paid money for the M&M’s.’
Woman: ‘Call the ****** manager, get this piece of *** kicked out for stealing.’

Me: ‘Mind if I step out anyway? I have a very important job and I’m on lunch?’

Woman: ‘Where the *** are you goi-‘

Awesome Check-out Girl: ‘Sure, here’s your receipt.’

Me: ‘Thanks.’

To wrap up, the M&M’s were delicious, I shared them with my co-workers.

Don’t know if the woman went back to get some, but I highly recommend them.” ManCrisps
10. Make Fun Of Kid With Disabilities? Everyone Gets Apple Pie But You

“This happened several years ago, when I was chaperoning a young man with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (let’s call him S) to and from speech therapy. S was using a PECS book for communication (for those unfamiliar, PECS stands for Picture Exchange Communication System, and the PECS book is a binder full of pictorial representations of objects, persons, actions, etc., attached by self-adhesive hook-and-loop fasteners, which are used to build a sentence on a detachable sentence strip.

The user builds a simple sentence – a request or a statement – and hands it to a communication partner. These days, PECS books have been replaced by digital devices. this story takes place a while back.).
It became a custom of ours to stop at McDonald’s for a meal after therapy. The place was quite busy, and as we waited in line, we used the time for S to prepare a sentence strip with his order. Enter a mother of 5, with her brood in tow. Woman with a ‘can-I-speak-to-the-manager’ haircut began making loud remarks about how slow the service was (it was not, by the way, there was just a lot of customers in the store and the drive-through line was wrapped around the building).

Her eldest kid, a girl of about 10-11, whined in turns about the wait, and about wanting an apple pie. When it was our turn to order, S gave his sentence strip to the cashier who read it back and entered it into the register. And as all of this was taking place, I heard the ‘R’ word from the whiny girl. Something to the likes of, ‘Ugh! That ******** kid is taking soooooo long to order!’ I saw red. I looked at the mother, and she did nothing, did not say anything to her kid, did not look ashamed in the slightest.

Nothing! I kept staring, but she was just avoiding looking at me. I guess in her mind, there’s nothing wrong with her kid calling someone with a disability a retard. So, I did, what any reasonable person would do, I purchased 23 apple pies. Why 23, you ask? Because that’s all they had available. If the spawn of hers wanted an apple pie, she’d have to wait for a fresh batch.
S and I got seated in a booth with a good view of the registers, and oh joy, it turned out the restaurant did not have any more apple pies. Mother was fuming, and I felt bad for the staff, but the manager handled it quickly with a coupon offer, and her kids were hungry and whiny, so she gave up the fight, and they all went to sit down.

They were shooting me angry looks from across the restaurant, to which I responded with a wide smile because Phase 2 of my petty revenge had just occurred to me.
After our meal, I had S build a sentence on his sentence strip that asked, ‘Do you want apple pie?’ (Not the most polite way to ask, but PECS book had their limitations) and we made our way from table to table asking it to diners and handing out pies as I explained about S’ condition and this being a good exercise in communication and social interaction for him. Everyone was responding kindly, smiling and high-fiving.

Overall, it was a very nice experience for S. When we were down to the last pie, I decided to keep one for myself because there was only our favorite family of 6 left, and they were not getting a crumb. As we walked past, the mother went, ‘Excuse me, my daughter would like a pie.’
The audacity! So I got the box out the bag, looked the woman square in the eyes and said, ‘I know.’ Then I opened it, took a big bite, went, ‘Mmmmm,’ and we walked out of the place. Very petty, but very, very satisfying.” Kooky_Bunny
9. Tell Me I Need Mom To Show Me How It’s Done? This Is How Dad Does It

“One day, I decided to give my wife a break and take my two-year-old out for the day.

I had some things to return to the mall, so we went there first. As we drive into the parking lot, I can already tell it’s going to be a good day. The coveted front row spot was waiting for us. My daughter is in a great mood. I’m in a great mood. Life is awesome. We bought stuff, rode the carousel, rode 50 cent rides, Disney store, Build a Bear, we had a near-perfect day… until we left.
Walked out of the mall and got to the minivan. I put my daughter in her car seat and proceeded to unload our loot into the back of the van.

During this time, a car with a 45+ lady is waiting for my front row spot. I can feel her tapping her foot in her car. I start to fold up the stroller and forgot to unpack the little things (hairbow, snacks, random things) from the holder on the stroller handle. I stop to take out that stuff and put it in the van when I hear the lady say from her car to me, ‘Looks like we need mom here to show daddy how it’s done!’ I can tell she’s trying to be funny, but this p*ssed me off. I give her a fake smile and go about my business.

This lady doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know if I’m divorced or a widower or anything. People make comments like this all the time to dads out spending time with their kids and it gets under my skin.
So, I slowly pack the rest of the stuff, go around to the side door and get my daughter out of her seat. I start to walk back to the mall right beside this lady’s car. I look at her like I’m surprised and say, ‘Oh I’m sorry! Were you waiting on MY spot? We’re just dropping off some stuff in the van.’ I can see that she’s perturbed.

I finish it with a ‘Happy New Year!’ She speeds off and I watch her from the front door of the mall. She has to park towards the back of the parking lot. I walk right back to the van, pack the kid, and drive away. I guess daddy showed her how it’s done.” southgate32
8. Don’t Think I’m Good Enough For Your Son? See Who He Really Is Now!

“I met my husband when we were 17. We got married several years later and just celebrated our 20th anniversary. I know this man, I have seen how much he remembers things.

My relationship with his father was always tense.

With his mother, it seemed we were close but about 7 years ago I realized she had never and would never consider me part of the family (this was at the point my husband and I had spent half our lives together, with a great future foreseen). I acknowledged the issue and tried to move ahead in a positive way to support my husband and allow my children to have access to their grandparents.
Last Christmas there was a HUGE blow-up at the in-laws’ house. His father started in on me, then his sister and finally his mom. When my hubby walked out of the room to pack our things and go home early (a 2-hour drive), his mother took a moment to say some of the most horrible things about me I have ever heard.

Things about my personality, my parenting skills, my friendships, even my mother and sisters.

I admit I responded with one very unladylike sentence.

Since that day, I have not contacted her nor communicated with her. The revenge though has been sweet: the boy she raised, who married me and has become an amazing man, is now in charge of the relationship with his parents. This means he (not I) sets up visits, buys and sends birthday cards, calls them every week or two.
Or not.
Because you see, this wonderful man is extremely forgetful and doesn’t plan ahead well. ADHD can be difficult that way.

Every few weeks for 9 months I have heard him say things like, ‘Oh shoot, last week was their anniversary, wasn’t it? I forgot to send them a card.’ Or, ‘Man, I haven’t called my mom in a couple of months. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.’

I am not keeping him from anything. I would not have a problem with him taking our children for a visit – they have seen their paternal grandparents twice in 9 months (my parents live in the same town we do, so my kids have a good, strong relationship with their maternal grandparents). But I know him, I know me, and I know how our relationship has worked since we were 17.

I have received a few emails asking if we are coming for a visit. This week we again received a card in the mail ‘reaching out.’ They have called him a few times to try to set something up, but (as I could have told them) in our relationship, I am the one who finalizes most plans and whoops! Hands off for me!” literate_frog
7. Can’t Be A Kind Step Sister? I’ll Take You Down A Notch Or 10

“When I was 12, my mom got married to a halfway decent guy. He’s not bad, but he’s not great either, but he made my mom happy and that’s all that I cared about.

In fact, I cared so much about her happiness that I was willing to endure 6 years of living under the same roof as his self-obsessed, obnoxious, spoiled daughter, Amy. The entire time we lived together, she would project all of her insecurities onto me in the form of insults. Being young and wildly insecure about myself, these daily insults truly cut me to the core and just continued the cycle of crippling insecurity.
When I started ‘talking to’ a boy for the first time, Kyle, she all of a sudden developed an intense infatuation with him and told me I was forbidden from communicating with him from then on.

I was insecure but I was not a pushover. When I didn’t listen to her demands, she took it a step further and told Kyle I had ongoing relationships with several other boys (untrue), which he unfortunately believed. I was completely crushed. She then swooped in and took every opportunity to rub it in my face that she ‘won’ him (i.e. inviting him to my birthday parties at home, inviting me out with her only to later reveal I would be third-wheeling on their date, making him compliment me and then gloating about how she had such a nice boyfriend, etc.).

This sort of thing happened countless times, not with just boys but with friends and even workplaces! They ended up dating for two years and, although they had a nasty breakup, Kyle and I remained on good terms, which drove her up the wall. She would constantly ask me, “‘o did you guys hook up behind my back yet?’ while claiming to have moved on already.
When we finally graduated high school (we were in the same year), I could not be happier to move out and go to college. While I was finally living the life I wanted without her toxicity, she went to 2 different unaccredited schools, both of which she dropped out of after 1 semester at each.

Eventually, she moved back in with our parents in our hometown and fell into her old ways again (assuming she had ever grown out of them). On the eve of her 19th birthday, she posted to FB about how her friends had gifted her a fake ID and raved about their plans to club hop for her birthday.
Even though I lived 500mi away, she still had to find some way to rub it in my face that I would be missing out on all the fun. I was invited to her birthday event page on FB, where she detailed all the extravagant and expensive things she planned for her special day.

We’re talking limo rental, VIP rooms at 2 of the biggest clubs in town, and even some photographer guy who would follow them like paparazzi. She made a public post on the event page where she tagged me and said, ‘It’s going to be amazing! Too bad you’ll miss out! HAHA. You’ll have to wait 2 years before you can experience any of this.’
It had been about a year since I had last seen or spoken to her. By this point, I was at a much happier place with myself, emotionally. It took me a while to shake off the effects of her emotional abuse, but by god, I did it and I wasn’t going to let her drag me back to those lows again.

But this post got me to reminisce about all the things that she had done to me in the past and I couldn’t help but feel a boiling rage inside.

Now, unbeknownst to her, Kyle had recently reconnected with me on FB. It was only friendly conversation catching up on each other’s lives, until he suggested we meet up and have lunch (he went to another college an hour away). Lunch turned into us having an afternoon-long sh*t-talking-fest about Amy. He confessed that she was emotionally abusive to him during their relationship and the only time they didn’t fight was when I was in their company (which is why he didn’t mind me third-wheeling on all those dates, apparently).

During this, he also confessed he had feelings for me but couldn’t forgive himself for letting Amy dangle him in front of me, because he knew that I had liked him. This guilt was apparently something he had been carrying for years and finally found the courage to apologize for now.
REVENGE: Here’s where we get petty. I convinced Kyle to alert his brother, who happened to be the marketing director for one of the clubs Amy had reserved a VIP room at for her upcoming birthday plans. After he did that, I went home and called the limousine rental company and pretended to be a concerned parent and insisted no alcohol be available since several of the girls were underage.

They let me know that they were very appreciative of the notice. And then, I did a little digging and found out who the ‘paparazzi’ guy would be and called him to cancel his services for the event. With her birthday coming up in just a couple of days, I sat back and waited to let the chips fall where they may, and it was better than I could have hoped for. When I asked about it a few days afterward, she was sure to screech every beautiful detail to me over the phone.
Since the limo did not provide them with alcohol, they stopped by a friend’s house to ‘pre-game’ and sneak in their own supply.

Once the driver noticed the gaggle of very drunk girls in his limo, he stopped and made them throw away all of the liquor they snuck in. When they got to the first club, Kyle’s brother, who knew Amy as Kyle’s ex, confronted them at the door and told them there was no way in **** they were getting in. This was VERY upsetting to these group of drunk girls and they all proceeded to make a huge drunken scene, going so far as showing him Amy’s fake ID to ‘prove’ they were allowed in…except the name on the ID wasn’t hers.

Kyle’s brother, or ‘A*sf*cker’ as Amy called him, had security forcibly remove them from the premises. As the cherry on top, he contacted his friends at the other clubs in town and warned them of Amy and her underage entourage, successfully banning her from every single dance club/bar in a 20mi radius. She didn’t even get a refund on the deposits for the VIP rooms. She’s lucky she wasn’t arrested, but she still plays victim to ‘horrible bad luck.'” bridgeninja
6. Regularly Come In Minutes Before Close With Lots Of Groceries? We’ll Make Sure We Get EVERYTHING Perfect

“I work in an East Coast supermarket chain as a front end cashier.

Our store stops accepting new customers at 8:45 and closes at 9:00. After this, we have to break down the aisles and clean, so we all leave around ten. If this schedule is disturbed, we all go home much later. Onto the revenge…

It was a Thursday night, and our store was running at a decent pace up until about 8:30, where only a few customers remained. At 8:56, a customer walks up (C) with two carts of groceries, overflowing onto the floor as she dragged them along behind her. She’s a regular and does this same thing every time she comes in, even the managers complain about her.

We’ve always talked about ‘teaching her a lesson’ and such because she is just so nasty as well. She walks up to me and says, ‘You’d better look a little more lively than that, I don’t want to be here all night!’ She began to haphazardly toss all her groceries across the belt, in no order whatsoever. I looked over to my bagger, and she looked like someone just killed her puppy, but I had an idea!
Her groceries needed to be sorted and carefully placed in carriages to avoid anything at all from being crushed, right? Just to give an estimation, a normal transaction runs about 3 minutes.

We made hers last about 15. We sorted everything into sections by item type, and then by subcategory. After each section, I stopped and waited for my bagger to finish, and would carefully review the last section to check for any double scanned items or incorrect prices. After about two sections she began tapping her foot and sighing frequently…
(C) ‘Would you just hurry up?!’

(Me) ‘I’m just doing my best to make sure your order is correct!’ (retail smile)
(C) ‘Let me talk to your manager, smarta*s.’

I call over the manager and continue carefully and precisely ring the order.

(C) ‘Look what he’s doing! This is OUTRAGEOUS I mean it’s 9:10 and I have places I need to BE.

Do you know who I am?? etc. etc.’

(Manager) ‘He’s just doing his job, and very well I might add. You should come in earlier next time. Have a good evening, ma’am.’

(C) *Sounds you would expect from a rabid dog*

I can see she’s paying with a check, so while she is chewing out the poor manager, I quickly remove the strip of ink from the printer and finish her order.
(Me) ‘Ok, the total comes to $407.67. How would you like to pay?’

(C) ‘Check. And you’re lucky I’m paying at all.’

(Me) ‘I’m so sorry you feel that way!’

‘I take her check and place it in the printer.

Oh no! It doesn’t work!’

(Me) ‘Looks like we’re going to have to take you to another register, ma’am! Our check printer is acti…’

(C) ‘I’LL JUST PAY CASH!!’

(Me) ‘Okay, so sorry!’ (retail smile)

I slowly count her change (might’ve lost count a couple of times) and wish her a ‘night as wonderful as she is!’ We all stayed late that night, but no one complained even once.” redoverture
5. Steal My Parking Spot? I Have A Perfectly Orchestrated Plan To Get You Back

“I took the family out to eat at Applebee’s. The lot was full and I saw a customer come out to leave so I waited for him to pull out and take the spot.

Guy pulls out and a car full of young girls pull into my spot. You know the type. Well I rolled down my window and told them I was waiting for that space and the driver says, ‘too bad, your name wasn’t on it.’ I was livid but just waited for another space and went in and ate.
The girls were at the bar doing shots getting wasted. We enjoyed our meal and paid the waiter. I then asked the waiter if he wanted to make $20. I asked him to go up to the girls, 10 min after we left, and tell them they got a call from someone that said that they had keyed their car and that they should have parked somewhere else.

I DID NOT KEY THE CAR.

I called him about an hour later to ask how it went. He said they all went nuts, screaming and *** and even called the police.

BONUS: Cops came and found no damage to the car but noticed the girls were too damaged to drive. Cops left and circled back and watched the car. Girls come out, get in the car, start the car, and the parking lot explodes in blue lights. Busted! DUIs and public drunkenness for all.
I did not know about the bonus until a week later when I went back for a few beers.

The waiter recognized me and told me the bonus story, laughing the whole time. Another $20 to the waiter. Best $40 I ever spent.” sixuldv8
4. Wanna Be A Jerk? Get A Crappy Coffee

“I work in a hotel doing the night audit. I’m the only employee here, and we have specific times we make coffee. I am not on the clock during those times. The other week I get a call around 2:30 am from a guest room.

Me: ‘This is the front desk.’
They immediately start asking me if we have coffee ready. We don’t. The last time coffee was made was 7 pm the previous day.

This p*sses the guy off.

‘But my taxi will be here in an hour! I NEED my coffee!’

I normally would just make the coffee (even though there is the same coffee available in their rooms for them to make) if it wasn’t for this what he said next.

For some context, at my hotel chain, we have reward memberships. They go in order from least to greatest: Blue, Silver, Gold, Diamond.

He said, ‘You need to make me coffee, now. I’m a silver member, and you don’t want any issues from a silver member.’
Silver members aren’t ***.

So, I told him sure, I’ll make it.

I made an entire pot of decaf. I hope he fell asleep.” SilentRansom
3. Keep Handing Over Loser Dudes My Phone Number? I’ll Send Them Right Back To You

“Over the past 3-4 years, I’d been getting these random calls from guys asking for the names of various women. Asking for Jennifer, Jenn, Sue, Susan, Marie, Maria, Lynn, etc. These random guy calls would be very infrequently apart, sometimes a few weeks, others spanning 6 months before another would occur.

Last year, a persistent guy asking for ‘Jennifer’ (different name from the previous random calls) called several times, refusing to believe he was stiffed.

He couldn’t understand that this was the wrong number as this girl he met wouldn’t do that to him. The conversation turned from me being very annoyed to realizing that some chick had given him this number, on purpose. My number. Realization dawned on me that this [wrong number] shtick had been going on for years now.
Months go by and another random dude calling for another chick that obviously wasn’t me. I almost hang up but remembered the previous dude and asked, ‘Hey, whoah… sorry to ask. Who gave you this number?’ ‘Uhh, huh? Ohh, this brunette down over by [Local City Nearby].’ He was p*ssed that he got stiffed a possible hook up but was cool about answering some questions about said girls description.

Her features didn’t ring a bell and I knew that it wasn’t a friend playing a prank.

Yet another few months later, and another guy calls my number asking for a yet another female. This time, when I asked for a description of who this chick was, it was close to that of someone I had briefly went out with. A particular ****** feature under her left ear gave it away.
Introducing Sarah. She and I briefly saw each other for years. It didn’t work out. We went on several pleasant dinners, trips to the beach, etc. But we had no chemistry together.

Sarah called off our dating only AFTER an expensive night out at a steak house and an entertainment-filled week of Amusement Parks and a night at the Improv. Her words exactly, ‘Yeah, I felt that you and I weren’t connecting. It’s been this way for a few weeks now.’ Wow, she basically used me for a nice dinner and entertainment for over a week.
I told her off in the frustration of it all and may or may not have told her she was a gold digger. Hindsight is 20/20, I shouldn’t have done it. P*ssed or not, it was wrong and I probably deserved a bit of what she did afterward.

But this was now 4 years later… give it a rest! Her form of karma revenge was to give the loser guys she met MY PHONE number? Ok, I admit, it was ingeniously petty.
So I was 99% certain it was her, but I had long since removed her phone number from my contacts and she and I shared no social circle. I received one more call from a random guy asking for another random female (he didn’t want to answer my questions) and this set me into revenge mode. I ended up finding her old emails from 4 years back and the number she had given me was disconnected.

Reversing a google search on her email brought up several recent social media pages. Won’t bore you all with the details but after many pages of public entries, one of her reply posts listed her new phone number. A fake sales confirmation call from my buddy’s phone confirmed it was Sarah’s new number. Bingo!
Fast Forward to this last New Years Day, I got yet ANOTHER random guy calling and he got the bad news he had the wrong number, but he was in luck. I DID feel obliged to give him ‘Sarah’s’ new corrected cell number as it was the only polite thing to do.

I even encouraged him to give her a call that day, as I was just the old guy friend of hers who shared phone lines. I had her old phone number and she probably just made a mistake. [wink wink]” Draidr
2. I Don’t Look Like I Speak Spanish? You Don’t Look Like You Have A Job Anymore

“My parents immigrated to the DC metro area from South America back in the 80s before I was born, but everyone looks caucasian because my grandparents are from Spain, France, and Austria. I was raised in a completely bilingual household.
So one day when I was no older than 15, my high school let out early.

I decided to meet my dad at his job in the nearby big city so that we could go out somewhere nice for dinner. My dad worked at an international aid agency that specifically focused on Central and South America. Many people who worked there came from one of these countries. I had almost reached the entrance to his office building when I hear some 30-year-old guys standing nearby saying some truly rude, gross, and ****** things about me in Spanish, clearly thinking that I couldn’t understand them.
As soon as I got close enough, I peer at the instigator’s ID badge and say, ‘Ah! José Gonzalez! Mi padre siempre habla tan bien de ti y tu trabajo.

Va a estar tan feliz que te conocí! Le voy a contar de todas las cosas tan lindas que dijiste de mi cuerpo.’ (Translated: ‘Oh! Jose Gonzales! My dad always speaks so highly of you and your work. He’s going to be so pleased I met you! I’ll make sure to tell him all the nice things you said about my body.’). I then sashayed into the main entrance where the security guard recognized me and waved me through, leaving poor Jose to worry that he’d been saying lascivious things about his boss’s daughter. His face was spectacular.
I have no idea who he was.

I hope he squirmed for a good long time.” sunsloth
1. Urinate In Public? I’ll Get You To Wipe It Down

“So years ago I was looking for a parking spot in Los Gatos, CA (a town with many spoiled rich kids). As I was waiting for a spot to open, I observed a very elderly woman pulling into a parking space when 3 young 20ish idiot males in a jeep (CJ7 no top) try to squeeze into the same spot as the woman. She managed to get into it first which p*ssed off the dumba*s guys and they started to make rude comments to her.

By this time, I had parked and gotten out of my truck and was walking towards the idiots. I was wearing just plain clothes as I was off duty but I was carrying my badge and gun under my coat.
The little old lady goes into the ********* and the driver of the jeep jumps out and walks over to the lady’s car, unzips and starts to pee all over the driver’s door. You should know that while I try to be fair and gentle, I am a very large man and I worked an entire career in an extremely violent environment.

I am also amused by dumba*ses and in this case, I was really enjoying knowing what was about come next for this young idiot.

So I walk towards the guy peeing and I am keeping the other two in my sight and I say to the guy peeing something about the sad size of his wiener and he should be embarrassed waving it around. He takes one look at me and tells his two buddies to come kick my a*s. So I open my coat and the two idiots that had jumped out of the jeep come over and size me up.

They see the gun and badge and I tell them to get back in the jeep which they did very quickly.
Now, I turn my attention to the first idiot (peeing guy) and I badge him and explain the following, ‘First, dumba*s, you will clean off the woman’s car.’ He starts the whole I am sorry crap and I say that’s nice but you need to clean the car and he looks around and says, ‘what with?’ So I say, ‘Well, your shirt will do nicely. Take it off and wipe her car down.’ He is p*ssed but he does, in fact, remove his shirt and wipe the car down.

He then throws the shirt down on the ground and starts off for his jeep (where his two friends are laughing their a*ses off at him). So I stop him and explain that he can’t just litter by throwing his shirt on the ground so he comes back and picks it up and turns around again to jump in his jeep. So I stop him one more time and explain that he needs to put his urine-soaked shirt back on and then he could drive away. Although he was not happy about this he complied. He was his ripping his shirt off as soon as he got out of the parking lot.” wc1215
Wow, some of these are pretty bang on.

Petty? Yes. Deserved? Maybe. Got any similar stories to share? Tell us everything.