People Don't Like How They're Perceived In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Being Disappointed When My Partner Preferred Taco Bell Over Mapo Tofu?
“Earlier in the day, I told my partner that I was going to make Mapo Tofu, a dish he’s never had before. It is one I like a lot. He told me he’s never had tofu before, so I was excited for him to try it.
Since we have different cultures and different tastes, I told him ahead of time that if he didn’t end up liking it, he could order out. Not that it matters much, but he’s white and I’m Asian.
When I was making the food, he came into the kitchen and told me, “Taco Bell seems nice right now.” To which, I told him I wanted him to at least eat some of the food I was making.
When I actually made the food, he seemed sure that he wasn’t going to like it, as he told me, “I’ll just try a bite of your bowl.” And I responded, “Why don’t you just get a bowl for yourself?” He responded with, “I told you to really eat tofu.” I was confused because I thought he told me he’s never tried it before.
When he took a bite, he said, “It’s good, I just don’t like the texture of tofu.” So I ate my bowl by myself while he prepared the dog’s food.
When I was about to clean up, he asked me, “Are you mad I didn’t like it?” I said, “No, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. I made this for us.” He said, “At least I tried it.
You’re making me feel bad; fine, I’ll just eat it.” I was taken aback because I didn’t want him to feel forced to eat something he doesn’t like. So I responded, “No, it’s fine, you can get Taco Bell. I’ll just pack this for my sister’s and my lunch.” He then said, “I’ll just eat it; you’re making me feel guilty,” to which I just shrugged.
We then got into a long argument, with him saying he expected me to comfort him when he expressed feeling guilty after the way I acted and my tone of voice. He said he felt like I was guilt tripping him. I felt like I was not responsible for him feeling that way, just the same way I don’t blame him for me feeling disappointed. I just don’t know what more there was to say.
I told him he’s free to get take-out, and that I wasn’t mad at him for not liking my dish. Maybe I did have a bad tone, but it might be because I was disappointed. Please help me because I have no idea if I was in the wrong or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I like Taco Bell as much as the next guy, but for a dude to skip Mapo Tofu that his partner made at home and want Taco Bell instead is really disappointing. It shows poor taste, immaturity, and a lack of appreciation.
And how can he have a problem with the texture of tofu, but not the texture of Taco Bell slop?” New-Grapefruit1737
Another User Comments:
“Why are you having him get a whole bowl if neither of you knows he’ll like it? His having a bite of yours to try is totally fine and normal. Why are you making this ‘for us’ when you know he’s not that adventurous food-wise and there was a solid chance of him not liking it?
Wouldn’t ‘for us’ be a meal you know you’d both like? I mean, he’s childish for wanting you to comfort him, but you really set the dude up to fail.” EmulatingHeaven
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to get downvoted, but it does seem like you were guilting him.
The ‘not mad, just disappointed’ line is a classic. And then to say you made it for both of you makes your first statement that if he didn’t like it, he could order out just feel really disingenuous. But maybe I’m a little sensitive to guilt tripping.
Shrug. I guess I’d say No jerks here because you’re entitled to your feelings of disappointment, but he’s also entitled to be upset that you’re sending him on a guilt trip for not wanting to eat a texture he doesn’t like.” Witty-Stock-4913
20. AITJ For Sending An Email About My Daughter's Exclusion At A Bowling Party?
“My (43F) daughter Annie (9F) was invited to a party at a bowling alley to celebrate a classmate’s birthday.
Only girls were invited to the party, and about 21 (Edit: I think it might have only been girls (17)) were in attendance. We were about 5 minutes late to the party and arrived at the same time as another classmate (Betty). Due to the long lines, it took Annie and Betty about 10 minutes to get their shoes and to walk over to the lanes.
The hostess had reserved 3 lanes next to each other. As is typical with bowling alleys, there were 2 curved benches for seating for 4 lanes.
When we arrived at the lanes, the other girls’ names were programmed into the two lanes, and an adult male was programming his name in the 3rd lane.
Annie went to the area and was directed to the third lane. I said hi to a few of the other parents and saw that Annie had left the area. I asked her where she was going and she said that she was told to go get a blue ball because it was lighter.
I realized that the ball was 14 pounds, so I told her I would go look for a lighter ball for her. When I came back with a ball, one of the parents asked if I was bowling, and I said that I was just getting a lighter ball for Annie.
As I gave the ball to Annie, I heard the dad of one of the other girls say to Betty that her name is now on Lane 2 as the birthday girl’s mom, the hostess (Dana), came by. I asked Dana if Annie could also be added to Lane 1 or 2, and was told that Annie is in Lane 3.
I was surprised and walked over to Lane 3 to see that Annie was added to Lane 3 and the only player on Lane 3 was Annie playing with the adult male, who we didn’t know, along with a bunch of other players named kid 1, kid 2, and kid 3.
I then saw Annie sitting by herself. I asked her if she wanted to go to the other bench to join her friends, but she said she was on Lane 3 and was waiting for her turn to bowl, though the adult male was bowling for the other kids.
I let her be and went back to talk to some of the parents, but 5 minutes later I realized she was still sitting alone on the bench rather than joining her classmates on the other bench for Lane 1 and 2. I walked over and asked her again why she didn’t join the other classmates and she said that she felt left out.
So I asked her if she wanted to go. She said she did because she didn’t want to play with the adult male stranger. So Annie and I walked out. As we went out the door, her friends asked her why she was leaving, and she said she didn’t want to bowl with the male stranger.
The other parents asked me why we were leaving and I said that Annie was playing on a separate lane by herself. A few parents offered to have them take turns in Lanes 1 and 2, but by that time, Annie had walked out. I then took her out for ice cream.
After we left, I realized I could have asked Dana to divide the girls evenly into 3 lanes, but by then, we had already left.
I’m really upset how the hostess thought it was okay to isolate Annie and I’m glad I didn’t just drop her off and leave.
WIBTJ is if I sent the hostess an email explaining why we left early and how the setup was exclusionary, and that it was improper to have my daughter bowl with an adult male stranger instead of her classmates?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but: You should have asked why there is a stranger bowling on the reserved lines.
And yes, you should have asked Dana to divide the girls into the three lanes. But it doesn’t help now to send an angry e-mail. It will only backfire. Dana had much to do with 21 kids there. Yes, it was bad that Annie was put on the last lane.
But I think no one was thinking that far. Children have a first-come, first-served mentality, and all wanted to be on the lanes with their friends. And Dana had to do with all the other stuff – so I think she will be just angry at an e-mail and it could backfire on Annie and her friendship with the classmate.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ if you sent an email. I get that Annie was disappointed, and the hosts didn’t handle the situation as well as you would have liked, but what response do you expect? I’m assuming the ominously titled adult male stranger was probably a member of the birthday girl’s family or something since they were using the reserved lane, and while it sucks that Annie was added to a lane with people she didn’t know, it’s understandable that Dana was not focused on prioritizing the happiness and comfort of someone else’s kid at her own kid’s party.” jsrsquared
Another User Comments:
“Hosting a bowling party for a bunch of kids is SO draining. Dealing with putting kids’ names into lanes in order, latecomers, swaps, and keeping track of who goes next, etc., requires octopus levels of organization and a lot of help. The mom was probably overwhelmed, but she probably would have helped out if you had voiced your concern to her directly that your daughter felt left out and uncomfortable playing with a strange male.” ChiliPedi
19. AITJ For Asking My Brother's Partner To Stop Crocheting At My Bachelorette Party?
“I’m (28F) getting married this year (yay!) and went on my bachelorette party trip last weekend. The trip was to a cabin-type setting where we all stayed in the same house. I have three bridesmaids, but I also invited some friends to come along.
Part of the group is my brother’s partner (36F, brother is 38M), of five months, who isn’t in the wedding party.
She wasn’t initially invited because I don’t know her well and they live in another state, but my brother asked me to invite her as a favor to him. He said that she’s never been invited to a bachelorette’s and likely never would be (I have no idea why, this is just what he told me), and hoped she could have this experience.
Since people would be paying their own way and the group wasn’t large, I figured, “Why not?” She seemed nice enough. The problem is that during the weekend, she would insist on crocheting all the time, even during our events and games. When I asked her to participate with us, she said that she had taken time off for the trip and wanted to make the most of her “vacation” by catching up on her crochet projects.
And she said that playing games and hanging out with my friends wasn’t “fun” and she didn’t want to “waste” her days off (all her words, not mine).
To be clear, I don’t care that she wants to crochet in general. Most of our activities ended after dinner anyway and we’d just hang out in the living room.
I just asked her to save her crocheting for the evening after the activities.
My issue is that she was taking her crocheting with us to places like wine tasting, brunch, a museum tour, etc. It was super disrespectful in my eyes because she would insist on coming yet wouldn’t participate in the activity.
Honestly, I was bothered that she was crocheting when we were playing bridal games, but at least that was in our living room!
The trip is over now, but apparently she was super peeved that I asked to limit her crocheting time, and my brother’s been pestering me to apologize to her for ruining her trip.
I personally don’t feel like I should, because she shouldn’t have come to a bachelorette party if she didn’t want to do bachelorette-y things!
But I also love my brother very much and I don’t want this to come between us. I’m starting to doubt myself because his partner sounds really annoyed with me.
Please help!”
Another User Comments:
“Your brother literally said he wanted her to go because she’d never been invited to a bachelorette and she “hoped she could have the experience,” but instead of her being in the moment and ACTUALLY participating to GET THE EXPERIENCE, she closed herself off by focusing on crocheting.
You didn’t ruin her trip. She imposed on your trip and isolated herself. You have nothing to apologize for. NTJ” SelinaRochell22
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like this is your brother’s mess. His partner wanted to crochet, not go to museums and wine tastings And it’s not a group vacation, it’s a special event for the bride that if you’re not into participating, _you don’t join_.
Sounds like your brother was trying to force his partner to socialise, at the potential cost of your bachelorette. Just to keep peace, I’d say ignore it and they can choose to come or not to the wedding, but I wouldn’t forget about it. NTJ” NatashOverWorld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I crochet, and her behavior is abhorrent. Like, if you’re all sitting in the living room chatting or something, that would be reasonable. Hauling a blanket/materials out & about while snarking is mean and disrespectful. She should have taken you up on the offer to chill in the cabin or just gotten a hotel room for a solo crochet vacation (crochetion?) and told your brother she was going.” alternate_geography
18. AITJ For Ordering Too Much Food At My Birthday Dinner With My Dad?
“Back in August of last year, my (21M) dad (50M) came to stay in my apartment in another state at the time (which he effectively invited himself to by not asking first and not bothering to get a hotel) because he was visiting for my birthday.
Some relevant pieces of context are that throughout this week, he would have had me try to cook for him and have us go to the gym together since he’s really into fitness. And I didn’t want to do either for reasons such as him inviting himself to my apartment, him tending to control what workout I do, then him recording me when I work out, even after I asked him not to.
So to get out of it, I ordered dinner with my own money and skipped out on the gym as a way of “taking a break” from cooking and to “celebrate my birthday” – that’s how I explained it to him, since it wouldn’t end well to say otherwise.
Plus, I had been busy with work and getting back to my apartment later than usual. We eventually decided on him taking us out to a restaurant as part of celebrating our birthdays, which he was cool with at first.
We sat at the restaurant and I ordered my food – a sushi roll order, 2 appetizers, then an entree.
I wanted to try different dishes, and I was genuinely under the impression that the appetizers and entree would be much smaller than they actually were since we’ve been to this same restaurant before, I’ve never had these dishes before, and the other dishes I did try were smaller (which I admittedly never communicated to him).
As the parts of the order came out, he eventually got mad and asked me with an attitude what I was going to do with all the food. I responded that I’d take the rest home as leftovers. Once all the food came out, because the table was small, he complained in front of the waiter that all the food “can’t even fit on the freaking table,” and I noticed the waiter was embarrassed. I tried to remedy the situation by putting the courses on the same plate to save space, then offering to pay for my food, offering to pay for the whole meal (including his food), but he refused my offers.
His reasoning, which he explained in his lecture, was essentially along the lines of me not eating healthy, even if it was for that one week (which he already knew), and even if it was for my birthday (which he had already known). I didn’t speak to him again until the next day.
I didn’t finish the food that night, and I saved the rest for leftovers, which I ate.
Though I was tempted to keep the peace by apologizing, I never apologized for it, and he eventually saltily flew back to our home state. My reasoning behind not apologizing was: yes, I did order a lot of food, but I didn’t know it was going to be that much, which I planned to take accountability for.
And even while it is the case that he didn’t know that I didn’t know, his reaction came off as really disproportionate. So, AITJ for ordering too much food at my dad and my “birthday” dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ. You offered to pay, and that should have been enough.
But it wasn’t, because your father’s a control freak who will never stop thinking that everything he does is right and everything you do is wrong. Eventually you will have had enough of him and not be willing to spend any time with him anymore.” Becalmandkind
Another User Comments:
“I’m 51 and my 21yo kid always orders too much food, not usually on purpose but because they are excited to be treated to a meal they didn’t have to cook. Then I send them home with the food. They are thrilled for some extra food.
It’s what parents do. NBD and NTJ.” OverTap3069
Another User Comments:
“ESH, some. He was way out of line for involving the waitstaff, recording you working out, and definitely his comments. Though when someone else is paying, three additional plated items outside of the entree is understandably frustrating.
Not that you’re evil or a bad person, just it was an unintentional goof. In my humble opinion, if this type of situation happens again, ask the waiter to put the add-ons on a separate bill when the order is originally placed. That way, if they want to cover more than a typical meal, it is wholly their choice.” Staplepuller
17. AITJ For Canceling My Lease Over A Housemate’s Sneaky Affair Tactics?
“I (29) live next door to two old coworkers, (35M) and (23F). Although I no longer work with them, we still hang out weekly—watching movies, playing video games, etc. Initially, I was closer to her, but over time, I became very close to him. She confided in me about her secret affair with our boss (30M), which started when she was 20.
He was her first love, and they’d been having an affair for almost three years. When she discovered he was engaged to someone else, things became complicated.
Their relationship became toxic. He verbally and emotionally mistreated her, and she spent nights crying. Despite his behavior, she believed he was the one for her.
Her behavior became erratic, and she grew more manipulative and self-destructive. The mistress (another coworker, 30F) didn’t know about the affair but ended things once she found out about the wife. Our girl, however, remained in the relationship, convinced he would eventually leave his wife for her.
A few months ago, things fell apart between them. He grew suspicious that we knew, and the tension grew. She then lied to us, claiming they were just friends, but we all knew the truth. As the guy and I got closer, she became jealous of our friendship, especially since he texted me at work and planned hangouts without her, despite doing the same with her.
When she decided to renew her work contract, she claimed she couldn’t afford dental work or renewing her lease, but spent money on travel. I had offered my couch for the last month of her contract, but after how poorly she treated me, I withdrew the offer.
She stayed with the guy, though she occasionally planned to stay with me, but that didn’t happen.
Eventually, she suggested moving in with him, but he insisted that I move in too. Reluctantly, I agreed, since he promised me the entire top floor of the villa.
It wasn’t ideal, but I agreed to live there. We set boundaries—mine was honesty, his was informing each other before bringing anyone over, and hers was “no judgment,” which felt naïve considering the situation.
A week later, when I planned to bring some furniture over, I almost caught her and the boss sneaking into the house together.
They were supposed to be at work, but she didn’t warn me she would be there with him. The guy said she didn’t need to warn me since I wasn’t living there yet. I was livid, telling him that if I had been there, it would have been a disaster.
I told him if I caught them sneaking him in again without telling me, I’d cancel the lease, take my furniture, and leave. I was fed up with being disrespected. I never wanted to move in with them, but I caved after persistent pressure from him.
I feel like I’ve been forced into a situation by people who have treated me poorly, and I’m done. Now, I’m seriously considering walking away if she disrespects me again. AITJ for wanting to cancel the lease and leave if I catch her sneaking him into my house again?”
Another User Comments:
“This is hard to follow (how many women is your old boss seeing? Three? Is he married or engaged?) and seems to have a lot of unnecessary details, but why the heck would you move in with this person? Why would you move in with anyone who doesn’t even have their initial contribution ready to go?
That’s just setting yourself up to be forever chasing them for their share, while you pay the full rent to avoid it making you look like a deadbeat tenant. NTJ, except to yourself. Talk to the landlord, see if you can come to an agreement to get yourself out of this lease as soon as possible with minimal negative impact to either of you.” KittikatB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t want to move in in the first place, but you were pressured to, from my understanding. All of you set your boundaries, but she immediately disrespected your boundaries, therefore you. If you let this go, you’re just showing her that she can continue to do as she pleases, without consequences.
Honestly, if you can, leave now. Do you really want to be stuck in a living situation that you were pressured into, and where you’re already being shown that your boundaries will be crossed without care? If you stay, I feel like it’s going to get worse, and you shouldn’t have to stay somewhere that’s going to cause you stress or mental harm.
I hope all turns out well for you, you’ve got this!” Ace_of_spades14
Another User Comments:
“This is a train wreck waiting to happen. You should cancel the lease, find somewhere else to live, and this time don’t give way to pressure to change your mind.
Yes, it will mess up your roommates’ plans, certainly hers and probably his (depending on his response to your leaving). At this point, you have already given them, and especially her, plenty of chances. She has proven she is not going to respect the arrangement since she has already tried to smuggle in the man she’s having an extremely complicated relationship with, to put it politely.
Once that happened, though, I don’t think you need to worry about warning. They had a warning, back when the three of you set boundaries. If you continue with the move, it will be a disaster. NTJ” SavingsRhubarb8746
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let Pushy Breeders Take Back Our Maine Coon Himbo?
“We’ve always wanted a Maine Coon. We got one a few years ago that turned out to be a wish.com Maine Coon.
One of our acquaintances runs a Maine Coon cattery, and due to a lack of genetic diversity needed to rehome their two male cats, we were offered one of the males at an extremely reduced rate to ensure that he went somewhere where he would a) be treated like a prince and b) be neutered, and not just bred again.
Important context: We have a very skittish cat that came from a hoarding colony and was seized by the council cat. She’s a rescue and our little angel who can do no wrong. She’s also not fond of other cats but tolerates cat #2, who’s affectionately known as the jerkcraft.
We thanked them for thinking of us as suitable and asked if he could come on a few days’ trial to see how the cats’ chemistry would be (1. Feb). Turns out he’s a total himbo and a very submissive cat, so while she isn’t fond of him, she’s also very quickly realised that he’s not going to try and beat her.
We accepted and thought that was that. We confirmed that we would like to keep him 8/9 of February and paid a symbolic amount for microchip transfer on the 10th. Yesterday, 19/2, we got a message that they would like him back “for a few days” because one of their girls wasn’t pregnant like they thought she was.
We’re super hesitant, as they’ve only just started jelling and he’s scheduled to be neutered this coming Monday. They then pushed on that they could pick him up in the morning and drop him off at night and that he’d “get the job done.”
We again said that we’re not comfortable with him leaving the house, and they asked if they could instead bring the female to our house to breed. Our girls are scheduled to be out of the house for a few hours this weekend, so we agreed, but now they’re talking about taking him with them.
We’re super uncomfortable with the whole situation since it was stipulated by them to get him neutered ASAP and now they want him back. We’re also worried they’d keep him beyond the “scheduled time” if he doesn’t breed her, and then he’d miss his neuter.
They’re being super pushy and now doing some weird “do you know how much these cats sell for?” spiel. Our argument is that he’s only just stopped calling for his old household and that our girls would lose their minds if he came back smelling weird again.
He’s also just a little baby cat (2) and isn’t titled. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t personally give him back. They sound like unethical breeders. How many litters has he fathered? Sounds like they just wanna make money AFTER you’ve already paid for him.
I also wouldn’t trust them to return him.” fxckhalie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, was one of the conditions that he not be bred again? They are literally breaking the conditions they set forth when giving him up. Tell them a final ‘no’ and to stop contacting you, then block the number.
They’re acquaintances, not friends.” basestay
Another User Comments:
“Wait – they want you to take him and neuter him so he WON’T breed, because his genetics aren’t good, but also need him back to stud? NTJ. The cat’s welfare is first, and this place sounds sus.
Did you sign anything, though? Do make sure he’s legally yours and they can’t argue you’re just pet sitters refusing to return their property.” AriGryphon
15. AITJ For Standing Up To My Husband's Rude Remarks About My Daughter's Partner?
“My daughter (17f) recently started seeing this boy 17m.
He is her first partner ever. One of my biggest concerns when my daughter started seeing others was her getting mistreated, an obvious concern. However, after meeting her partner at one of his baseball games (she met him through one of her friends in baseball), I realized this was not something I had to be seriously concerned about.
He is genuinely one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Every time I see him interact with the coaches, his teammates, his opponents, my daughter, etc., it is always positive. He is just generally a very soft-spoken and kind individual, always positive and happy.
I also say this with no ill intent, but he is fairly short and somewhat tubby, which is relevant to my husband’s opinion. I obviously do not care about this, as he is a good person and quite clearly treats my daughter well. When my husband met him earlier, however, he did not seem as happy.
Once he had left, he told me that he didn’t think he was right for our daughter. He made comments about him not being man enough. I said that our daughter clearly loves him and he clearly loves our daughter, and that I’m happy she’s with someone we know is going to treat her right.
My husband said that he would rather her be with a “real man”, not some short little gay kid. I got a little mad at this and asked, “What would you rather have him be? Some big macho man that snaps at our daughter?” He responded by saying that that would be better than some fat pansy.
I told him he was just being an annoying jerk to the kid for no reason other than he doesn’t think he’s “man” enough for some stupid arbitrary reason, and that he should be supporting our daughter. He said if you’re fine with our daughter seeing a freaking pansy so be it, I guess.
He stormed off, and I’ve been reflecting on it and think maybe what I said was uncalled for as he has his own perspective on these things as a dad, and I should not have started throwing insults as that does nothing to fix this issue for our daughter and her partner.”
Another User Comments:
“So he would rather your daughter be married to a brute tough guy who treats her like crap than a shorter chubby kid who treats her well? So appearance is actually more important than character to your husband. Tell your husband you did some research and found out there is zero obligation for him to screw your daughter’s partner so he can actually shove his opinion up his own ass.
NTJ but pay attention to how he acts and what else he has these opinions on, he doesn’t think like that in a vacuum. He’s gotta be a jerk in 4D.” itstheloneliestlife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your husband always this much of a jerk and judgmental about people?
Does he treat you well? I only ask because, like you said, it sounds like your daughter has an amazing partner, and I can’t imagine why he would be so negative about him. Like, does he feel bad that he’s not as kind as this kid or something?
Or is he being negative to get her (in a bizarre way) to stop seeing completely?” xxooxxxooxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is, at the most merciful best, expecting too much of someone who is still in the throes of puberty and is a nice kid.
But plainly, he’s homophobic and shallow. Clearly the kid isn’t gay if he’s sincerely into your daughter. Who cares what he is? He treats her well and has been polite and friendly around you. You hit the high school daughter’s partner lottery, and your husband is behaving like a fool.” RadioSupply
14. AITJ For Demanding A New Partner When My Teammate Was More Teacher Than Teammate?
“I, 17F, have been friends with ‘Bella’, 19F, for under a year. I am not very fond of her, but I don’t want to be rude and we rarely talk. For context, Bella receives special help for her learning disability (I am not sure which one), which I have no problem with, as it really is none of my business.
She has also been held back two years, which explains her age.
Recently, we have been doing a project in English and were told to choose partners. Bella came up to me and asked if we could be partners. I didn’t want to be rude and say no, so I said yes, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. For more context (this story requires a lot of context, so bear with me), we had been working on gathering evidence throughout the unit, so it was basically just a matter of putting it into slides.
We even had an entire class period dedicated to writing out what we would put on each of our slides, so it would be a simple process. Side note: This project was about the benefits of music electives in schools, just for some more context.
Also, there were about 5 special needs kids in this class, and only one special needs helper. Needless to say, it felt like I was expected to act as her teacher. She would frequently get distracted, trying to talk about My Hero Academia to me, even though I repeatedly told her I had never watched the show and honestly didn’t have any interest in doing so, and then I would have to politely redirect her back to her unfinished work.
Another day, it felt like a chore. I highlighted everything I wanted her to use as evidence and gave her instructions on how to format it because she kept on asking me how to do it, and it still took her many re-directions to actually do her work.
Another day, I asked her where she had gotten her quotes from, since she had cited only first names of people I had never met, and she said that they were her friends who were in music electives. I suspected that this might not have been something they had actually said, so I asked, and she said that it was indeed not something they had said; I was honestly just kind of annoyed at that point since that literally defeats the purpose of a quote.
I asked my teacher if I could switch partners, and she said yes; so I joined another group to form a group of three, and she went to another group to form a group of three as well. At lunch, I was with my close friend, and I was rambling about how it had just been pretty frustrating.
I was honestly pretty proud of myself for actually doing something about it, unlike how I would usually just deal with it.
Sophie, we’ll call her, was sitting next to me and overheard, and said that I was rude and that I probably made Bella feel bad by leaving groups.
I admit I could have done a better job at communicating my frustration with Bella, but I don’t think it was really my fault that there was not enough help to assist Bella, considering that she has special needs. Her friends agreed with her, and I just want to know if I was actually in the wrong for what I did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like there were NOT enough special needs student helpers, so in effect you were having to coach her. Which made it harder on you. If that extra effort was going to be considered in your grade, as in bonus points, fine – but if not, you were being imposed upon and it would have affected your grades.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, group projects can often be a source of tension even if everyone is basically competent. It sounds like you tried hard to make it work before asking for another solution, and having Bella work in a team of three seems like a better option for her.
You are a student and you’re supposed to be learning from the project. I hope the new arrangement allowed you to” Grouchy-Mulberry-339
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you’re a kid, as you still are, ‘fairness’ is a big deal. And it should be! Feeling kinda bad about having to change teams to be able to accomplish your goals shows that you have a healthy dose of empathy.
Your friends are using the word ‘rude’ to show they also have empathy. But the truth is that some people won’t be good at some things. Me and time management? I got my yearly review at work today and was praised for calling myself out on how bad I am with open-ended deadlines!
Lying about sources is a big problem. I would feel bad about having someone who is sabotaging their teammates reassigned to another team… But that’s on your teacher.” bethsophia
13. AITJ For Expecting My Friend To Handle Her Harassing Ex?
“I (20f) had a friend (19f) who was a part of our friend group of four since the freshman year of high school. The one friend, we’ll call her Cindy. During our senior year, she met a guy we’ll call Josh (then 20, now 22). We all knew he was a creep right away (for example, he wouldn’t let her hang out with us or any other friends unless he could come too, and she felt sorry for him because he didn’t have any).
However, he compulsively checked us all out, was hyperactive like a young child, and something was seriously mentally off with him, but she was in love and refused to leave him.
We told her we didn’t want him hanging out with us anymore because he made us uncomfortable, so she stopped hanging out with us.
She wasn’t “allowed” unless he could come too. She only did a few times when he went on a trip with his family (that was her “loophole,” I guess).
She went to college about three hours away; I go to a local community college; one friend works for her family business, and another friend went to cosmetology school nearby.
So, we all stayed in town. She finally “saw the light” and broke up with him. He doesn’t have a driver’s license (she would come home every weekend to see him), so she’s safe three hours away; he can’t get to her. All she has to do is block him or change her number and block him on social media.
We’re stuck here in the same town with him. He was harassing her, and all she had to do was block him, so he started harassing us to try and get her to talk to him.
We just ignored him, but he literally showed up at the cosmetology school of one of my friends (her former friend) because we were ignoring his messages.
He wanted her to talk to Cindy on his behalf and encourage her to take him back. I got in contact with Cindy, told her what happened, and was told she needs to deal with this; she brought this miscreant into our lives and needs to fix it.
She said she “cannot and will not be held responsible for his actions and will not speak to him under any circumstances, and what he did wasn’t her fault; but we have her blessing to block him, contact the authorities, or do what we have to do.”
It’s not so simple; the police are useless where we are—they don’t care about anything. Plus, the one friend who works for the family business has a family who are undocumented immigrants, so we were afraid something could happen to her family if we contacted the police.
AITJ for expecting Cindy to deal with him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She couldn’t deal with him when she was with him, probably wasn’t safe, but she got out. A miracle, frankly. And you want her to jump right back into a mess.
Stop making excuses and deal with it yourself. You guys sound like really crappy friends, btw And I’m pretty sure this is badly written AI, “miscreant” really? But in the off chance it’s not YTJ still” Deo14
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She is absolutely right that she isn’t responsible for his actions.
The person responsible is the guy. There is nothing she CAN do, because she does not control him, and any action she takes is likely to make it worse. She did what was proper — break up with him — and she has no further responsibility. I get that it’s frustrating on your end.
But you need to not take your frustration out on your friend. That’s jerk behavior.” Independent-Drive-32
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not much of a friend, are you? She’s finally taken your advice and is trying to distance herself from this guy, and now he’s stalking her.
Instead of supporting her, you’re trying to force her to interact with him again. He’s harassing you guys, hoping that you’ll do exactly what you’re doing. If you don’t like the guy, why are you playing into his strategy and supporting him like this?” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
12. AITJ For Getting Urgent Care Despite My Mom's Dismissive Attitude?
“I was at the gym where a heavy weight fell onto three of the fingers on my left hand. I was in such severe pain that I thought I was going to pass out. While sobbing, I called my mom (as I am at college, far away from home).
I told her that I thought I had broken my finger(s), and that I wanted to go to urgent care. My mom has never been empathetic about physical injuries and mental health issues. When she heard me, she told me to suck it up and rest.
I figured I would wait for a while—who knows, she might be right. While waiting, my roommate came home and saw the state that I was in. She took one look at my hand and assured me that we had to go to urgent care.
I didn’t want to betray my mom, because she always said to never go to the ER or urgent care due to our “terrible insurance.” However, I went and researched the cost of an out-of-pocket X-ray at the nearest urgent care, and it was only $200, which I was willing to pay.
I told my mom this, and she said, “You better hope your fingers are broken or else I’m not helping you pay for anything.”
So I was under a weird circumstance where I hoped my fingers were broken for the sake of saying “I told you so” to my mom.
I finally went to urgent care and got an X-ray. They confirmed both my pointer and middle fingers were broken, and they may need surgery if not healed properly. When I called my mom back later that day and told her the news, she basically laughed and told me I should be glad that they were broken.
Three weeks have gone by, and I have not spoken to her since. She’s texted me and asked for updates on my fingers, but I feel conflicted about why she’s suddenly acting like she cares when she clearly didn’t in the first place. She’s also not someone you can easily share your feelings with, so I’m not sure how to go about our next conversation.
Should I just ignore it, or try to bring it up with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You know how your birthgiver is. Don’t go to her for medical advice or tell her anything because otherwise you’ll allow her to dictate YOUR health. Ask yourself why you think you would “betray your mom” when getting required medical help.
You even called her to get an okay from her for getting the x-rays you wanted to pay for yourself. Is your insurance even this bad, or is it another tool from her to control your health now that you are out of reach physically?” toffifeeandcoffee
Another User Comments:
“You are not betraying your mum. Please, you should reduce contact with your mother. There are some hard truths in life, and one of yours is that there are strangers online here who care more for your well-being than she does. That is okay, and you will be okay, you have good people like your roommate.
Trust your friends, trust yourself. NTJ – and don’t listen to anyone who even suggests that you might be here. Your hand got injured and the damage could have been worse if not treated – nothing good would have come from you ignoring it.” Mesapholis
Another User Comments:
“My parents would get annoyed when I got hurt or sick as a kid. No empathy, just made me feel like I was inconveniencing them somehow. Rarely took me to get medical attention. Once I hit college age, I just accepted that I needed to be on my own about this stuff.
Not to tell them or expect them to suddenly be any different than they’ve always been. Just accept that you will have to be your own healthcare advocate from now on. Proud of you for going to urgent care. Now you know you can do it and it won’t bankrupt you.” jagger129
11. AITJ For Insisting On My Reserved Seat Even When A Partner Claimed Pregnancy Priority?
“Basically, I was doing a long travel day (5-ish hours), so I booked my train in advance to ensure that I had a reserved seat. When I got on the train, a woman was in my seat, so I politely informed her that I thought that was my seat, showed her my ticket, and asked her to move.
She checked her ticket and just said, “Well, I must have sat in the wrong seat,” and put her head down. I said that it was my seat and asked if I could please sit in it. At this point, her partner, sitting opposite her, started speaking to me in what I perceived to be an aggressive tone.
He suggested I find another seat (which there were none because it was busy), and I said that I had booked that seat and there were no other available seats in the carriage. He then raised his voice and said, “Well, someone else is in our seats and my partner is pregnant.” I said I understood and explained that I have a heart defect (which I do) and noted that everyone has their own medical issues and that standing for long periods of time might be difficult.
And here I could be the jerk. I asked him not to speak to me in an aggressive tone and said that I would make a complaint. He then started using harsh language with me, and I asked him to stop. Eventually, the woman got up and allowed me to sit there, and he continued to berate me, saying he hoped I felt good about myself and that I should be quiet now that I had my seat, when in reality I had just stopped engaging because I felt there was no point.
One of the men who was seated beside him offered that he and his partner sit in the seats opposite me (it’s a table seat), at which point he seated his partner, then laughed at me and pointed in my face. Eventually, when the ticket inspector came around, they were asked to move to their assigned seats, and she asked if I was okay, as another passenger had made a complaint on my behalf.
Even so, was I the jerk? Should I have just left them alone since she was pregnant? And did I in any way escalate the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s no reason why the husband, as the healthy one, should have stayed in his seat.
It’s ridiculous that after hearing that you have a heart defect, he didn’t get out of his seat and give it to his wife, allowing you to take yours. Even if they couldn’t sit in their seats, there was no reason for her to have yours.
The husband was being a selfish jerk.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“Darn, I hate bully behavior. You paid for your seat, that’s how the system works. They know they were in the wrong, and were being jerks about it. Clearly he could have given up his seat, or they could have done the radical idea of sitting in their assigned seats.
This 1000% had nothing to do with you; you were just the person they wanted to bully to get their way. Don’t give them the satisfaction of wasting another thought on their crap behavior. NTJ.” NewWayBack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have summoned assistance as soon as these two refused to cooperate so they could have been escorted to their proper seats (or removed from the train).
Pregnancy does not excuse poor manners for either the expectant mother or the baby daddy.” NCKALA
10. AITJ For Yelling At My Friends For Mistaken Assumptions About My Life?
“I (21F) went out to dinner with 5 friends, 1 guy, 4 girls. For context, I look very masculine (short hair, deep voice, no makeup, masculine style, etc.). Sometimes I get mistaken for a man. Usually, if it’s by someone I’m never gonna see again (i.e., a cashier or waiter), I don’t really care to correct them.
My friends and I were having dinner at a nice fancy place, and the waiter came to our table and he mistook me for a man. One of my friends responded, “Oh, she’s not a man, she’s just a lesbian.” Everyone laughed, and the waiter apologized. After he left, I asked my friend, “Why did you say that?” I have never said or indicated in any way that I’m a lesbian, because I’m not.
I’ve never had a partner, but that’s because I’m not interested in a romantic relationship, although we have talked about male celebrities we find attractive. I thought it was clear I was straight.
My friend rolled her eyes at my question and said, “Oh, c’mon, we all know you’re a lesbian.” I was shocked. More friends jumped in and said, “Yeah, you don’t have to lie to us.” I wasn’t lying.
They started making jokes about me—”dressing like a lesbian,” “hiding my sexuality,” “being in a glass closet,” “everyone knows,” “it’s 2025, no one cares,” etc. It all seemed like it wasn’t a joke, and they actually believed it. One of my friends, Eva, even joked, “You were obviously in love with Ines.” I showed genuine shock at this remark, and she reassured me, “It’s okay, we all don’t mind if you’re gay.”
Ines was an on/off childhood friend of mine, and our friendship ended badly a few months ago. I was very upset by it and confided in my friends. I never thought they would use it against me.
I told them firmly that I’m not a lesbian.
This isn’t funny, and I was not in love with Ines. Once they saw I was being serious about this, their tone and attitude became less jokey. They started lecturing me on self-acceptance, being in denial, internalized homophobia (I’m not homophobic), heteronormativity, compulsory heterosexuality, etc. It was like some sort of gay intervention.
I found it absolutely ridiculous.
I yelled at them for being bad friends because I couldn’t even dress how I wanted or talk to them about my troubles, and I left the restaurant. It’s the morning after, and I have serious regret. I don’t know what to say to them or what to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Heck no! NTJ! Your friends suck! Not for assuming that you are a lesbian. That is okay. But you made it very clear that a) the topic upsets you and b) that you are not a lesbian. That would have been the moment to apologize to you for the wrong assumption—but instead they doubled down and ‘lectured you.’ Idiots.
I am really sorry, OP. But don’t go running back to your friends. They need to apologize. They are the jerks here. Not you! (You could always sleep with their partners, though, to prove your heterosexuality. That would shut them up /s)” A9J9B
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s okay for friends to try to let their friend know that they accept them for who they are. But they crossed a line when they decided they weren’t going to actually listen to you. Their care was more performative than actual care for you.
If you are worried, you could reach out and apologize for losing your cool, but stress that you meant it, and that you really didn’t appreciate them making assumptions about you and not taking you seriously. A real friend will take that in and then apologize.
If they get defensive, well, there’s your answer.” Eugenides
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m just like you—just a bit older. I’m a 37-year-old woman with huge tattoos, piercings, super short hair, and a deep voice because of an illness a couple of years ago, getting all of my clothes in the men’s section.
I am often mistaken for a man. Not once have my friends pulled such a stunt, and I share a house with my best friend who happens to be a woman as well. If you regret your own actions, apologize for the way you acted but not for the reason you acted, and call them out for the way they ganged up on you.
Depending on how they react, you know which level of friendship you have with them.” toffifeeandcoffee
9. AITJ For Refusing To Spend Money On Family Requests While Saving For My First Apartment?
“I am a college student living on campus, working two different jobs, one on campus, the other at my local hospital on weekends in food service. My family occasionally asks me to buy stuff for them, but lately I have been cracking down on it due to my spending quite a lot on them.
For example, over winter break I went home and, while I was there, helped with bills, bought my mom a $100 gift card to a new store that had just opened up, in addition to spending almost $120 on her for hibachi for her birthday – I offered to pay for it since it was her birthday.
They both work and have jobs, so it’s not like they can’t afford things, even after rent.
So, recently I just signed a lease on my first apartment and am saving up so I have a buffer window for at least two months of rent (it’s $400 a month, but I split utilities, electric, and cable with my roommates).
My mother last week asked if I could spend $100 on her to buy her something she wanted (I honestly forget what it was). I said no. My brother, the other day (Saturday, I believe) asked me for $50 to pay his permit fee. Again, I had said no, as I couldn’t keep spending money on him.
Earlier today, after having paid all my bills and putting almost enough in my savings account for first month’s rent (my lease starts in June), I bought a game on sale – it was $26.99, not all that expensive. My brother throws a huge fit about how I can’t afford to spend $50 on him, but I can buy a game.
We argue, so I walk away and I call my mom for a completely unrelated reason. Our conversation is amicable until my brother jumps in from the background on her end saying, “I’m full of crap.” This causes an argument between me and my mother as she tells me the same thing my brother said.
I point out how much I spent on her over winter break, and she hangs up, then accuses me of making her out to be the bad guy and throwing her gifts in her face over text.
I pointed out the same thing she told me when I first started working retail at 16 – if she wants something, she can save up for it.
I told my brother the same thing, and that if I waited to get my permit, I’d have to pay the $50 fee myself. I can’t keep giving them money, but I have to know: AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they are both working, they can save up for what they want.
It would be interesting to know what they’ve spent their money on already that they have to ask you to help out, especially since what you’re being asked to do aren’t necessities but just wants.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but food for thought: You may actually save money (and emotional energy) if you move out sooner and rid yourself of the company of these mooches.
In a college town, kids move out mid-semester all the time and have a hard time selling/subleasing their rental agreements. Perhaps you could get one for half the price?” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are a college student working to pay your bills, and are somehow floating 2 jobs and school and your bills.
Your mother and brother have jobs. Shame on them for expecting you to pay for their wants. You have every right to say no and they need to get over themselves. You’re doing a great job and it will all be worth it if no one has told you that along the way.” tt_2379
8. AITJ For Complaining About My Husband Bringing Up Work At The Lake?
“Well, there’s this little petty squabble between my husband and me that gets brought up every so often, and although we totally disagree about it, we end up laughing. So this is for fun. Okay, so my 27F husband, 26M, doesn’t think he was the jerk in this situation.
So, pretty recently my husband got a job working for my brother-in-law (a mid-30-something male), and after a few months, he began to have some issues. Just like any you could expect from family working together, and they aren’t close.
Well, a good while back, during last summer, we went to the lake.
It was my husband, me, and our 6-month-old baby; then my sister, her husband, and their three kids; and then our dad. Well, after a good few hours, with some drinks and food around, my husband thought it was a great time to bring up something about work—specifically, the possibility of getting a work phone, since he had to use his personal one a lot for work and it was taking a toll on his phone and storage.
He didn’t think it would turn into anything and believed it was innocent enough, and since we were all family, why couldn’t he bring something like that up? Now, I thought it was inappropriate to bring up work at a leisurely family “event,” I guess—because of the possibility of it going wrong, because it was a boss/employee situation, not coworkers, and who wants to talk about work at the lake on a Sunday after a few beers?
Anyway, my BIL immediately shut him down and said something like, “Nah, man, we can’t; it’s not in the budget,” and my husband, who is a take-no-nonsense kinda guy, rebutted that by bringing up some frivolous expenses. He didn’t say it in a super accusatory manner; he was really just trying to have a conversation, while my BIL was being a jerk about it.
He probably didn’t appreciate my husband bringing it up at that moment, but he just said, “Don’t be a jerk,” which also made him look like a bad boss because that’s what happened.
Anyway, my BIL wasn’t happy. My sister wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy because I was embarrassed. And then, when I got a moment alone with my husband, I told him I wasn’t happy about it either and that I thought it was inappropriate.
We got into a huge fight about it on the way home. Now, we kind of just laugh about it because it’s ridiculous, and yes, family should be able to talk about things without making it a big deal. But there are reasons you don’t bring up certain topics at certain times, and ultimately, that’s why family doesn’t work together!
So, is my husband the jerk for bringing up work at the lake?”
Another User Comments:
“Put a bunch of lawyers together at a social and they’ll talk cases, a bunch of doctors together and they’ll talk patients; refuse collectors, it’ll be rounds; surfers, it’ll be waves.
The risk you take mixing business and pleasure is that you’ll inevitably talk shop. YTJ for turning it into an argument.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It would be good for your husband if he and his family did a lot less socializing with his boss.
And: He should work for someone else to avoid the work relationship ruining his family relationships. **See it from your BIL’s perspective: charity almost always backfires – he gave your husband a job, and you two jerks now ruin his weekends over his being nice.** If he has ANY sense, if you don’t stop, he will either stop hanging out with you or let your husband go.” k23_k23
Another User Comments:
“Do your husband and you feel that your husband is fairly compensated for his work? If so, then the phone shouldn’t be an issue. Now, if your husband feels differently and saving 100 bucks a month can really go a long way, that’s different.” AnimatorDifficult429
7. AITJ For Calling A Coworker Out For Bringing Popcorn In Class?
“I’m (31f) a head teacher at an academy in S.K. I taught here in 2021 & I’ve been back for 3 months. My 3 US coworkers all came last Aug.
Unfortunately, the head teacher before me was a pushover and the other two women (Lucy 27, Cindy 23) asked that I be more assertive since John (late 30s/m) tends to steamroll everyone.
In my presentation class, we needed to talk about the rubric for their final projects, so I needed them to really focus well.
John teaches this group the hour before me. Previously, he tried to bring very messy snacks to my Lit class. I asked him to please not take snacks to any teacher’s class unless he’s spoken to them about it. Today, he made a bag of popcorn and started putting it in little bowls.
Before I went to class, I asked him, “You’re not planning on bringing that to my class, are you?” And he replied, “No, I’m not.” Ten minutes into class, the door opened, and here he comes with popcorn, and the kids go nuts. I told them no, and I followed John back to the door.
I said, “I just asked you if you were bringing it to the class, and you said no, but you did it anyway. That’s so disrespectful.” It took a couple of minutes to settle the kids, but they didn’t grumble about it after I said they could have the snack after class.
Class is over. John is out in the hallway giving the kids popcorn, and I went to the teachers’ office. I said to my coworker Lucy, “I can’t believe he still tried to bring them popcorn when I asked him if he was, and he said no,” to which she responded, “And why can’t they have a snack??” I said, “First of all, there are signs in all the classrooms that say no eating during class, and second, I said no because I needed them to focus on the lesson, and that should be reason enough.”
When John came back into the office, I asked to speak privately. I told him that it was disrespectful for him to bring snacks when I had already asked if he was, and he had said no. His response was, “I told you no because that bag had gotten kind of burnt, and I wanted to make more.
I thought you were only asking if I was taking THAT bag of popcorn.” I was lowkey floored. We talked two weeks ago about not bringing food to classes without asking first, and why would I mean that one specific bag of popcorn? He started yelling about how he was just trying to do something nice.
I explained to him that I understand that he is doing something kind for the students, but he’s also not the king of the academy, and he can’t come into classes in the middle of a lesson without asking first. There was a little more back and forth, but by the end, he said he understood.
Now I’m still thinking about it. It was literally just popcorn, but it just feels like the principle of the matter. I feel like maybe AITJ because I didn’t directly say do not bring them snacks because I needed to go over really important material at the start of class, but usually we finish early, so it’s okay at the end of class.
Lucy’s reaction is also making me feel like I overdid it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and he’s playing dumb to get away with it. You handled it exactly right. Loud, noisy, messy food is completely inappropriate in a classroom during a lesson, and this guy seems to be going out of his way to be disruptive.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rules are rules. This shouldn’t even be a cultural difference. I can’t think of a single school that I ever attended in the U.S. that allowed kids to eat during class time. It was permitted on special occasions, but certainly never as a random occurrence.
Why is a teacher even entering another teacher’s class unannounced? That seems really disruptive.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. John’s a brat. Tell him this from me: he’s a liar in saying he thought you were only asking about the bag of popcorn he was holding.
He acts like that because he doesn’t respect you. Is there a higher-up supervisor? Talk to them and have them slam John’s rear. He deserves it. And why the heck are kids being given “snacks” during school? They’re incapable of not stuffing their faces every hour?
No wonder there’s a growing obesity problem! John, you’re supposed to be teaching the kids the damn lesson, not providing snacks. If snacks are your real “passion” then get a job at a concession stand!” stroppo
6. AITJ For Snapping At My SIL In A Group Chat While In Labor?
“Let’s jump into this: I (29F) gave birth to my 3rd baby in November. The women in my husband’s family (his 2 sisters, our sil, and his mom) and I have a group chat wherein we send pictures of our kids, tell funny stories about our day, and, in this case, send updates about possible labor.
On this particular day in November, at 37 weeks plus 5 days of gestation, I reached out to inform everyone that this just might be the day my newest baby decides to make his grand entrance. I had been having strong contractions since 5:50 that morning. Everyone, except Sil (my husband’s brother’s wife), responded with excitement and praying hands emojis.
Well, according to the nurses at the hospital, I wasn’t dilated enough to be admitted despite strong and frequent contractions. This was at noon. I updated the chat. Everyone seemed concerned and asked if I still thought it might be that day. I assured them it was most likely going to happen that day, judging from past experiences, but I would go home to labor in comfort.
This is where I might be the jerk.
My sil, who also gave birth to her 3rd baby a couple of months prior (via C-section; I am not judging nor do I think of her as less than—just context is key), decided to text how glad she was that I wasn’t in “real labor” and that it’s better that I wait to have the baby for another couple of weeks.
She then sent a bunch of screenshots and links to articles about false labor and Braxton Hicks.
As if I had never given birth before or experienced pregnancy before. I replied, mid-contraction: “Not to be snarky, but this isn’t my first rodeo, and I know how to Google things as well.
And yes, I have been checked, and they will check again before deciding if I should go home or not.”
Well, I did go home, only to go back to the hospital a couple of hours later, and I had my baby at 10:15 that night.
Sil does not reply to my texts and has since unfriended me on social media. (Not that I really care about that.) I just want to know if I was a jerk for what I said… and, in hindsight, perhaps I shouldn’t have been texting in the group chat while in labor.
Was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You took her comments the worst way possible (not sure why you brought up her C-section), and she should have been more careful about what she said to a mom in labor. I honestly don’t know why you were offended by what she said.
Sounds like she was trying to be positive even if she was wrong. Honestly, moms are the most judgmental people toward other moms, and you all just need to chill.” montwhisky
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The tone doesn’t come off well in texts.
She may not have had any sarcasm and genuinely offered advice and concern. In my opinion, when it comes to texts that may or may not be sarcastic, it’s best to just give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s sincere.
But it’s also possible that you weren’t in the best frame of mind since contractions suck and going from home to the hospital and back home can make anyone irritable. So, I can’t blame you for lacking patience. When a lady in labor gets snappy with me, I know to just smile and pretend like I didn’t hear it.
I think you should both clear things up and not let something as silly as a text destroy a relationship.” dimmidummy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on my quick Googling, Braxton Hicks shouldn’t cause dilation, so I’m not sure why she thought she knew better than the medical professionals who didn’t think you were experiencing Braxton Hicks because you were dilated, i.e., in labor.
But I also think it’s very annoying to be told ‘it would be better for you and your baby if you weren’t in labor now’ when you are. It would add to my existing worries to be reminded that the health of my baby and me would be improved if the baby wasn’t actively coming out.
I understand snapping at her because it was a very insensitive reply to a worried mother.” I-hear-the-coast
5. AITJ For Not Cancelling Our Family Vacation Over Her Parents Dropping Out?
“My wife and I recently decided to plan a rather large vacation that would involve us (my wife, child, and me) and both of our parents.
The dates were not set, but we had a general idea of when we wanted to go. I work in a job where it isn’t easy to get time off, so I started getting the ball rolling on my end to make it easier when I have dates.
This included changing and planning ConEd dates to allow for the possible window during which we would be going. Not a problem; I was just trying to make sure there would be no hiccups when more concrete details came through. The other day, she told me that due to some changes (nothing medical or financial), her parents may not be able to go with us.
That soured her mood entirely about the whole thing. She became despondent and finally said that she thinks we just shouldn’t go. I told her that I was sorry about her parents not being able to go, but that shouldn’t stop us from going, even if my parents couldn’t go either.
This would be our first family vacation with our child, and it would be a chance to make some special memories, especially since he will be about 2 by the time we go. She got quiet and eventually just said goodnight and walked away. Later on, she texts me about how upset she is by what I have said and that she does not want to talk about this until she is ready because she doesn’t want to say things she doesn’t mean.
I have my own opinions about that, but I respected her wishes. I told her that it was not my intention to upset her and that I was sorry that I had.
I just want to know if I am being a jerk because I don’t think we should cancel this trip over one cancellation.
I saw this more in the light of it being focused on the three of us, but it seems like she was more interested in having her parents go than even letting our child have this opportunity.”
Another User Comments:
“On the face of it, I would say NTJ, but then I would not react like your wife at all if my mom suddenly couldn’t come on a trip, so maybe I am missing something.
What is the situation with your wife that not having her parents there makes her despondent? Does her reaction surprise you? Is it a fairness thing? Is she just super duper attached to her parents? Does she not like being around your parents?” CarbonationRequired
Another User Comments:
“I mean, it sounds like she’s pretty sad that her parents are dropping out. Especially if it’s just because they decided they don’t want to go. It sounds like she was really looking forward to having this trip with her parents. Are they typically like this?
I’m going to go with No jerks here. You’re not necessarily a jerk for still wanting to go on the trip, but she’s not a jerk for being upset her parents are likely dropping out. It might have been best to tell her to sit on the thought and have you both come back to it in a week or so instead of immediately pouncing on “we should still go”.
Definitely try to have a calm conversation about it, but give her some time to be sad. I wonder if her parents are constantly dropping out of plans with her?” signycullen88
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with NTJ, especially after reading your comment about your wife’s parents’ tendency to flake.
I’m sure she was really excited for your parents to join in on the trip, but she became upset. In this instance, I would be too. Currently, my family is trying to plan a big trip after we graduate (my mom and I are completing our degrees next year, and my sister is graduating from high school next year as well – so we want to celebrate).
Nothing is set in stone for it. We are all still brainstorming ideas. I want to invite my partner, so I brought the idea up to him, and he wasn’t too keen on the idea because he’s not much of a traveler. Hearing this obviously upset me, because I want him to come with us.
However, we aren’t canceling our trip because of this. While I am saddened, I don’t feel that it makes us jerks to continue brainstorming for this trip, and it definitely doesn’t make him a jerk for not wanting to go either. So, my takeaway from your story is that it does suck, and I wish that y’all could enjoy more company.
But, everyone is valid in their feelings here.” Mysterious-Dream-528
4. AITJ For Refusing Neighbors Access To My Extra Parking Spot After Their Past Disrespect?
“I have 2 parking spots that belong to my unit. I often have family/friends come over a lot, so it was easier to pay extra for an additional spot than to have them park blocks away and walk all the way to my condo. For clarification, I already have 1 spot by default; I pay for an additional one.
Long story short, my neighbours asked me if they could use the spot from Friday morning until Sunday evening because they had relatives coming over for a short stay. I said no, but they went ahead and let their relatives park in it anyway. I called management the moment I noticed it on Friday when I was on my way to work, and management clamped the car immediately, so the neighbours had to fork out 100 bucks to have it unclamped.
They banged on my door the moment I got home from work in the evening and cussed me out for calling management and having their car clamped. They are now repeatedly demanding I pay them the 100 bucks they spent to unclamp the car.
The one and ONLY reason I said no to them was because a few months ago, when I was trying to submit something before a really close deadline, my WiFi stopped working and when I asked them if I could just borrow theirs for a few minutes so I could submit my work, they said no and shut the door on me.
By the time I got in my car and drove to a nearby cafe, I missed the deadline. They just knocked on my door again today to bring it up again and I told them to screw off and get lost during our heated argument, which has made them even angrier.
My train of thought here is that they didn’t help me out, so why should I help them out? They’re even more upset because other neighbours have used my additional parking spot before (with my permission), so they don’t understand why they weren’t given the same treatment.
My friends think I should apologise here and try to defuse the situation so as not to escalate the issue any further and cause more tension. AITJ here for being petty in the first place, as well as telling them to screw off? Should I apologise?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my experience is that once you are kind to someone and let them use your car park once, they start feeling entitled to it and use it whenever they feel like it and “forget” to ask you. If you aren’t careful, you wind up having to ask others when you need to use your own darn car park.
Start out as you mean to continue. Don’t let them use the car park. You did the right thing by reporting them because now they know you won’t tolerate them taking advantage of you.” pixie-ann
Another User Comments:
“The parking space is yours, you ‘bought’ it.
Why they think they have a right to your piece of real estate is beyond me, especially when you declined their request and they have a history of denying yours. It is entirely up to you to whom you lend the space. When they let their guest use it, they will have known what the possible penalty would be and you have no responsibility (moral or legal) to pay the fine.
I would suggest, however, you check your vehicle, as they are likely to get their $100 back by damaging yours. NTJ” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but only because of the WiFi situation. In a normal neighborly environment, if you aren’t using it then yeah, it’d be cool to share—which you already know since you do let others.
But if they started being a jerk when it came to sharing the WiFi, then they’re the ones that initiated the no sharing policy, so I’d have no issues with not sharing either.” babydemon90
3. AITJ For Telling My SIL To Stop One-Upping My Baby?
“My (29M) wife (27F) and her sister (30F) got pregnant around the same time.
The babies are the first of a new generation on their side of the family, so everyone was excited. SIL was further along, but my wife ended up giving birth in week 32, and she experienced some complications that required hospitalization. My nephew was born 2 weeks later at full term.
Apparently, SIL was resentful of “having her thunder stolen” and felt like she and her new baby weren’t receiving enough attention. She kept making these comments as if she were trying to one-up us. First, she said how sorry she was that my wife had missed the “golden hour” because they had to take our son to the NICU.
This upset my wife since, during her hospitalization, she was often too sick to visit the NICU, and she was already feeling crappy about missing skin-to-skin contact during those first few weeks.
After we started bringing our son to family gatherings, SIL began comparing the boys, saying how much bigger and more alert her son appeared compared to ours and how he had reached more milestones.
Last weekend, we had lunch at my in-laws’. My wife and I were excited to tell everyone that our son had laughed for the first time earlier that day (he’s 5.5 months old, 3.5 months corrected). MIL and FIL were having a good time watching the video when SIL made another comment about how HER son had achieved that a month ago.
I don’t know why that was the last straw, but I just about had it. I told SIL that she’s pathetic for trying to one-up a freaking baby, that her full-term son wasn’t special for being more developed than a preemie, and that she should get the heck over not having given birth to the first grandbaby.
Needless to say, this ruined lunch, and my wife’s family is angry. I admit I was harsh with my words and tone, and this was the first time I confronted her family like this. Up until now, we’d each handled our own relatives. But these comments upset my wife and made me angry.
So AITJ for being so harsh and not staying in “my” lane?”
Another User Comments:
“Justified Jerk here. Sure, you could have handled it differently, but that might not have stopped the crappy behaviour. You had justifiably had enough and said what needed to be said.
Your SIL will likely think twice before making any more comparisons out loud, which needed to happen. Who knows why she is doing it. She might be postpartum, she might just be jealous. None of that needs to concern you. You did what was right for your family and you put the bully in her place.
Bravo.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, it doesn’t matter here if your SIL or the rest of her family is angry. How does your wife feel about it? My guess is, she is glad you said something so she didn’t have to. The bonus is, what needed to be said got said, and she can just apologize for you being “so rude” without contradicting what you said.
In my opinion, sometimes you have to defend your spouse even against their own family. If your wife is angry at you for not “staying in your lane,” then that’s a different call.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ. But I need you and your wife to do me a favor.
This is going to sound silly, but look up an episode from a kids’ show called Bluey. It’s only 8 minutes long, but it’s called Baby Race. Y’all should watch that and maybe even send it to your SIL. It made me cry, but it’s basically about not comparing your kids’ milestones, and it touches on it in such a sweet way.
It’s good for the heart. Please watch it.” SillyDJ
2. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner For Not Helping With The Housework?
“I (27 F) and my partner (28 M) have been living together for 7 years now, and both of us are pretty happy with where we are in life at the moment.
I’m almost done with university and my part-time job. He got a job that he likes, and together we earn enough money to live a bit carefree.
There is just one thing: I do ALL the housework. I tried to talk to him about helping out more several times.
He says he can’t clean the cat litter because it’s disgusting, and the same thing happens when they throw up or have poop zoomies. That’s okay—some people can’t do that. Cooking: Well, before starting university, I actually became a chef, so I had something solid if I failed university—so he says I do it way better and that he can’t cook.
Cleaning up: He hates cleaning. Coffee/tea/breakfast: As I’m flexible because university rarely starts early, I time breakfast and a hot beverage to coincide with his work schedule. Dishes: When I’m persistent enough, he helps. Clothing: I do 95% of that, along with some other daily tasks.
So when I came home after a meeting around 12:30 PM, he was hungry, and I said, “Can’t right now, need to do 1-2 thesis-related tasks, will cook after that.” His answer was, “Oh, so I can’t eat right now?” Well, as I was a bit stressed out by the meeting, I just thought, “freak it,” and went into the kitchen and started cooking.
One of our cats didn’t like the food I gave them the evening before and was a bit naughty, so she played with the paintings on the wall in his room. I could hear, “Heeey, take care of this cat, will you? I’m working and can’t right now!” So I did.
While cooking, I did some housework on the side. A few days before that, we replaced our wardrobe with a bigger one and put the smaller one, which does not look like a wardrobe at all, in the office for office things. He said his older clothes that don’t fit anymore need to be washed before being placed in the new wardrobe, so after about four washing machine loads, there was a pile of clothing in the bedroom, and I had no time to do that yet.
That pile was still there on the day I had the meeting for my thesis.
When he changed clothes after finishing work, he came out of the bedroom and said, “Still looks like stuff exploded in there.” I was kinda annoyed and said, “Well, put away your crap yourself then; I’m busy too and it’s not my fault if you are a lazy person who wants their mommy to bring them food and drinks all day while cleaning up after them.” This obviously made him mad, and he said, “I’m busy working all day, you are being a jerk right now, and I’m not up for a conversation like this.” That hurt me a bit, and due to being already stressed, I just cried a bit, and all I got to hear was, “Oh come on, don’t overreact now,” and he just ended the topic with that.
Do you think AITJ for calling him out like this in that manner? Did I upset him more than I should have with that, and did that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“He needs to live on his own to see how many chores and basic needs need to be kept up.
For all that you do, he could be thankful and appreciative—we all have moments in our lives that take up more time than we have, but he’s taking advantage of you and he doesn’t even acknowledge your efforts. His language toward you is disgraceful.
He won’t change. You’re NTJ, obviously.” Worth_Art_6587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Of course he’s ‘not up for a conversation like this’ because that might lead to him feeling bad about how insanely unfair the distribution of unpaid housework is in your relationship right now.
You are being taken advantage of. You need to have a conversation about this, probably several to slowly work through it, and he needs to seriously sort himself out. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity by your partner, and right now you’re not getting that.
He should do 50% of the work, no more, no less. Boot him if he won’t. You don’t have to settle for this behaviour. Standing up for yourself and putting in place healthy boundaries will come as a shock to him, but he will either love you enough to respect you and your time and change his behaviour, or he won’t—in which case I wouldn’t bother with him.
Good luck! You are in the right and deserve respect.” Why-spiders-tho
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He’s a grown man; he should be able to clean up after himself and help with basic chores, like any responsible adult. He can’t even cook for himself while you are taking care of thesis work?
That screams weaponized incompetence. What would he be doing if he weren’t in a relationship? You should never have allowed things to get this bad. When my partner returned home and stopped working long jobs, we had some adjustments to make. I addressed the issues long before I got so frustrated that I snapped. We have a better system; it’s not perfect, but we both work to keep from biting each other’s heads off over conflicting living styles.” TrelanaSakuyo
1. AITJ For Using Phone Notes To Remember Things That Matter To My Wife?
“This has been something my wife has brought up before, but it’s been a while. Currently, we have a newborn and my wife is a heavy sleeper, so I often take care of our daughter throughout the night, and she will take over around 9 or 10 a.m. and let me get a couple of hours of sleep to catch up since we’re luckily both on leave right now and can stay home.
Today I got up around 1 p.m. and started helping with chores since she was doing the same. She mentioned that it’s pretty late for coffee at this point, and then I immediately felt bad. Yesterday afternoon she had mentioned wanting to go for coffee a few times.
She repeated a phrase she’s used before along the lines of “if it was important to you, you would have made it happen.” It’s always some variant of this. I said I was tired from being up for several hours during the night and that if she had told me when I was going back to sleep, I would have happily taken her and napped in the afternoon.
She hates reminding me of things that are important to her, and I understand wanting to be thought of. I try to buy flowers and little snacks she likes without her asking, but I’m very bad at remembering things with dates such as when a movie is coming to theaters, and we’ve almost missed a couple of movies she really wanted to see because she would wait for me to remember, and a couple of weeks would go by and I would forget; then she would make a huge deal about going alone, and it became a whole argument.
I’ve tried to understand my own flaws, and I feel like I don’t even remember big things I care about a lot of the time. If it’s something huge like her birthday, a game or movie we’ve waited years for, sure, I can remember it.
But little things in casual conversation with her that I want to remember when the time comes, I often can’t. I’ll find myself trying to buy her a gift and remember a conversation we had, but then I can’t recall the specifics enough, and it’s frustrating.
I’ve attempted to remedy this by using my phone notes. I’m not keeping a profile like “favorite color: orange,” like I know many of her favorite bands, etc., but I try to take notes when I learn of an event she’s hinting at or when she tells me a gift idea or something she’d like to do.
Well, an hour later or so, she tells me how insulting it is that I have to keep notes just to do things for her and that I can’t just do them. I told her I don’t think that’s fair because to me it’s like writing something important on the calendar.
She said that she doesn’t have to do that for me because things I care about are important to her and she just remembers them. I’m not trying to pull the “dumb husband” card, but I really just feel like our brains are wired differently, and I’m just trying to do my best to remember things that are important to her.
For example, when doing chores around the house, I get distracted very easily, and she’s very good at sticking to one task and completing it before moving on. Anyway, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, based on the post and your comment, it sounds like she’s just trying to pick at you.
If you forget things, write them down! That is great. Give yourself a little reminder alarm for some things, put other things in your calendar, take photos of things you want to keep in mind… All good tools. Not going for coffee after she explicitly says she doesn’t want to go anymore is just listening to her.
You don’t need to be guilted over that. That said, you gotta work on staying on track with chores. Practice makes perfect; there are tips and strategies up on YouTube, etc., you can get better and you should.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“Nah bro, NTJ at all.
You’re literally going out of your way to make sure you remember the things that matter to her… that’s effort, not an insult. Not everyone’s brain works the same way, and if using phone notes helps you be a better partner, then what’s the issue?
She’s acting like writing things down means you don’t care, but it’s actually the opposite… You care so much that you’re making sure you don’t forget. Some people are just naturally better at remembering little things, and that’s cool, but it doesn’t mean you love her any less just because you need a reminder.
Honestly, she’s being kind of unfair here. You’re doing your best, you’re pulling your weight with the baby, and you’re trying to be thoughtful. That should be what counts.” Agreeable_Camp819
Another User Comments:
“I have ADHD; remembering non-recurring stuff is a nightmare to me, and writing stuff down on my phone is the only thing that has worked for me so far.
Paper always gets ignored or lost. Everybody’s brain is wired differently, and you try to make it work somehow. I think your wife is unfairly tying the feelings you have for her to your ability to remember stuff. If you’re really frustrated, you might want to get checked out, though, because what you describe is quite similar to what I experienced, and object permanence (“out of sight, out of mind”) is strongly connected to diagnoses like ADHD.” Common-Frosting-9434
