People Have To Practice Patience In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Debriefing With My Dad About My Mom's Behavior?
“On Friday I (25F) went to my parent’s house to pick up a few things.
My mum was on her way out but she seemed in a really bad mood, and like she was annoyed at me.
She left and my dad seemed stressed so I asked him why mum was in a bad mood and if she was mad at me.
He told me that she wasn’t mad at me but just angry at him for something he wasn’t sure what. That got us debriefing about the situation and a few other things including:
– my mum commented a few weeks ago about me gaining weight even though I’ve struggled with an ED my entire life.
– my mum being a bit controlling in some aspects of all of our lives
The conversation wasn’t horrible at all, and these are all things we were planning on sharing with her, the timing just hasn’t been right for several reasons. I was only there for about 20 or so minutes and left.
I noticed on Saturday she seemed off with me and was arguing with my dad (we have a family group chat). She was also posting cryptic things on her Instagram stories about two-faced people.
Long story short, we figured out she had left her iPad secretly recording our conversation after she’d left that afternoon.
So she heard everything we said. We found out because my older sister saw her Instagram stories and asked what was up and my mum told her everything.
Personally, I think it’s normal to debrief and why can’t I have a conversation with my dad about things that are frustrating us?
She has also ranted to me in the past about my dad. It’s never anything horrible, and we always end up addressing it. It’s just a way we can vent our frustrations so when we do address it, it’s calm and non-aggressive in nature.
She did the very same thing with my sister – she told her and showed her the recording before telling my dad and me because she wanted to speak to someone else first, which is fair. My sister agrees with my dad and me on the matter.
My mum is making out like my dad and I are awful people and like we are ganging up on her. AITJ?? Be honest as I genuinely do want different perspectives.”
Another User Comments:
“First and foremost, you aren’t a jerk for decompressing what’s on your mind with your parent as long as you remain respectful towards the other parent.
That said, I understand why your mother would be upset about hearing what you’ve said about her. It is concerning that she secretly recorded the conversation. This leads me to believe that there is more to the story than what we’ve been told, as this doesn’t just happen for no reason.
There is a breakdown in communication between all parties involved. Though you aren’t the jerk here, I think a direct and honest conversation between you and your mother is needed—maybe minus the drama—to get to the cause of her seemingly overreaction… However, it may just be her way of projecting how she feels about hearing how you genuinely think about your hurt feelings over her comments when she (wrongfully) doesn’t see them as hurtful.
You and your mum need to have a calm conversation.” Following_Feeling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is normal to debrief about how you are feeling and privately share worries or concerns. It is not normal to: 1. Tell someone who has struggled with an eating disorder that they have put on weight (especially if you love that person).
2. Secretly record conversations that happen when you’re not around 3. Make cryptic social media posts attacking your immediate family. Add this to your concerns about her being controlling and I think there are some serious issues she needs to address.” Cevanne46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How old is your mother?
If this sort of behavior is out of the ordinary for her then maybe have her checked out by a doctor. Paranoia and irrational behavior in the elderly could be a sign of several different things, ranging from something as relatively innocuous and easy to treat as a UTI to something more serious as the early stages of dementia.
If this is how she’s always been, then I just feel sorry for you and your family having to navigate these sorts of antics regularly, and it may be worth it to delve into some techniques to protect yourself in interactions with difficult people.” OpaqueObilisque
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host My Wife's Exploitative Family?
“My (38M) wife (32F) and I have been married for 12 years. We recently moved to a different country (Australia) temporarily for my job. We want her dad to visit us and show him around. But as soon as we told her dad, he went ahead and invited her elder sister Amy and her wife Julia without consulting us.
He would bear their expenses for the trip and my wife is delighted. Here’s where I might be the jerk. I dislike the fact that the sister and her family are coming. I find them very exploitative of my wife and her father’s kindness. Recently they went on a trip with their father in the same country they live in (US).
My wife and I wanted to join but couldn’t afford it so soon after moving to Australia.
Not once was it offered to us either. But the wife’s father asked for her help with all the bookings and reservations for the trip because her sisters couldn’t be bothered with it.
They are bad with planning apparently and don’t like making reservations and stuff even though they are fully functional adults who can enjoy the trips. My wife was delighted to do that because she loves her family. Even now, I understand this is our home and she would love to see her sisters here but I can’t help but feel resentful.
When it came to us, there was no funding. But when it comes to her sister and family there are suddenly funds for round-trip vacations for twice the number of people. Not once in the meantime did they write to us about it or anything.
They just assumed that it was happening. I don’t want to host such people.
Their wife is too kind and I feel they try to exploit her. I feel like her love for her family is very one-sided. For birthdays and anniversaries, we are always sending gifts, but she (forget bout me) gets nothing in return.
I know if she feels good, I should have nothing to say but I just feel very frustrated and trapped in the situation. I love her and hate to see her being taken advantage of like this. Her dad is a nice man but is exactly like her in the sense that he doesn’t understand or see the unfairness his two kids are facing.
So I have proposed that I’ll visit my home (NZ) while her family visits her. She is upset and I am very confused about my feelings regarding the situation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You invited 1 person. Hosting additional people is a big strain on a household.
Talk to your wife and explain that hosting 3 people is just beyond your capabilities at this time. You shouldn’t have to be miserable to make her happy. I suggest letting her know you’re up for an outing or two but nothing beyond that. Or you’ll be there for a day or two of their visit but will then be going to see your family for the remaining time.
The two of you will either need to find a compromise or cancel the visit completely.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“I completely disagree. I feel as though you need to have an honest sit down with your wife and let her hear things from your perspective.
Her sisters treat her like crap. As much as they are her family, this is your house. Your wife needs to understand that you see unfairness and you can’t stand to see it. She may not understand at first, but it will give her something to think about and start noticing things.
Also, family isn’t always the best people for you. I think leaving is the best option cause you still need to do what is best for you. Spend time with the dad separately but you shouldn’t be somewhere that makes you unhappy” Shot-Sheepherder-930
Another User Comments:
“In the first place, I can understand why your wife’s family didn’t think to invite you on a trip to the US when you had only recently moved across the world. I take it you do not come from a close family?
It is also understandable that your wife would want to see her sisters and show them around her new home. No doubt she told them they could visit anytime. Surely you can put up with them for a couple of weeks to make your wife happy.
You married a lovely, warm-hearted woman. I am quite sure that you, too, benefit from her loving nature. Do not try to suppress it or you will surely lose some of that love.” Maximum-Swan-1009
21. AITJ For Not Asking More Questions Of The Clients At The Tattoo Shop I Work At?
“I work front desk at a tattoo shop and I work with connecting clients with artists. Artists run their books, schedule their appointments, deposits, etc. I only take a look at a piece and connect it with the artist. I will do so for walk-ins as well.
I also do the waiver paperwork with the client as well. I will ask the client for a general idea of their tattoo, size, and placement. If I have a picture, I will just show the picture to the artist.
I have 6 different artists I work with regularly who run their appointments and manage their clients in very different ways.
My shop owner wants me to have them reach out to the client if they reach out to the shop directly like via Instagram or our form on our website. One or two of my artists hate this and would want the client to reach out to them directly.
I send them the information I get from the client and in exchange give the client the artist’s contact information in case they have questions or alterations before the artist reaches out. I thought this was a happy medium.
Well, a client was deaf and had a message on her phone that she had messaged an artist and she had a consultation with him.
Since I didn’t have access to the artist’s books, I took her for her word and told the artist that his consultation was here. He comes in and is like, “I need more information than just your consultation is here. I didn’t know she was coming.” I was confused and irritated because I often have clients either not tell me what they want or a shortened version of what they want.
I also asked what his availability was for walk-ins because I had a gentleman call asking about a walk-in. This artist always just had me tell the client to come in, which wasn’t possible for this client because it was a distance for them. We end up getting quite snippy with each other because I have had enough of all his sarcastic or just rude remarks that I am constantly hit with on the regular.
We both apologized to each other but his rude remarks escalated to borderline threats so now I am using the “Don’t react because it’s what he wants” method. He then said I was being sensitive and overdramatic when I didn’t react to his remarks. Should I be asking more questions to clients or what should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you need to get with the boss and come up with a playbook on how to handle clients that come in the shop and have at least a central booking calendar you can refer to without their interaction. As far as any questions, all 6 artists need to accept one approach to what is to be asked. Having to navigate so many different sets of questions to ask and much is too cumbersome and doesn’t work in the real world.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was me; I’d go to each artist and ask them how things would work for them ‘in a perfect world’… tell them you are trying to come up with a system that works for everyone and is realistic to do regularly.
If you get 6 different answers, then see if you can find a happy medium. After that, go to the owner, explain what you did, and how you’d like to move forward. If he is okay with it, great, tell everyone this is the plan. If he isn’t then show him all the different responses you got, how you don’t like the tension when the artists get mad, and let him work out a system that he implements and they can take up the issue with him.
With the guy trying to get a reaction – nip it in the bud if he starts again. Ask him to speak in private away from the clients and tell him that it’s getting old and not worth the argument to end up having to shake hands in the end – how can you get on the same page…” CornerSevere
20. AITJ For Defending My Generosity During A Family Vacation?
“My family and I recently took a week-long trip together with my sister, her husband, and her 17-year-old daughter.
My husband and I are in our 50’s and travel frequently. My sister and her husband are also in their 50s but do not travel. This was a trip that we all wanted to do together even though we’d never previously taken a trip together.
I volunteered to organize and plan the entire trip. They paid for their portion of the trip but I arranged and paid for round-trip airport transportation. They were happy with the accommodations and the trip overall.
My sister has an odd personality and prides herself on being “blunt” to the point of rudeness.
Our last night on vacation we were all together at dinner. The atmosphere was joyful and light. Before dinner started I shared a story of a trip my husband and I took together to Thailand. I shared how the people were so nice and that I got to know the clerk at the hotel desk.
I told them that I left the majority of my clothes for her and she was very grateful. My sister then said “Oh that’s unusual for you, you’re not usually generous like that”, her daughter who’d been sullen the entire trip and never said more than 2 words at a time chimed in with “Yeah, you’re not generous”.
I saw red. I had no choice but to defend myself. I looked at both of them and said, “Right, I’m not generous at all. That is why I took time to organize this entire trip. I paid for your round trip transportation from the airport, I paid for your ride to go shopping today, but yeah, I’m not generous at all”.
Unfortunately, it put a damper on our evening. My sister’s husband was quiet for the rest of the dinner probably in defense of his family. I asked my husband later if I was the jerk, and he said no, that he was fearful I would say more because he sensed my anger and frustration.
Previous to this they had wanted me to organize a cruise for all of us for their daughter’s graduation. I was agreeable until this event. I’m not a fan of cruising vacations and was going just to support them. Now that I’ve been slighted, I’ve told my husband I will not be planning or going on another vacation with them.
My sister and I are friendly but not close, we really don’t have much in common other than being raised in the same family.
So, should I have kept my mouth closed and seethe through dinner or did I do the right thing in defending myself?”
Another User Comments:
“Well look at your sister and her mini-me daughter looking the gift horse in the mouth. And now they will go about with their shocked Pikachu faces and not understand why there will be no cruise or joint trips that you financially underwrite.
The husband was most likely silent out of embarrassment. Imagine living with a woman and daughter who blithely go around being “blunt”. NTJ But you know that.” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your sister is storing resentment for some reason, are you sure you don’t know why?
If you don’t, can I guess that you and your husband don’t have children and that’s one of the reasons you have been able to travel and possibly have an overall “nicer” (nicer is relative) lifestyle than they do and she feels you should have paid for them more?
Are you condescending about what you have and do vs what they have and do? Again from your telling, you aren’t the jerk and it sounds like you aren’t interested in fixing anything with your sister but for your integrity, do some self-reflection and have a second conversation with your husband where you push him to be completely honest. After that let it go, your sister has a responsibility in this too and she hasn’t been more specific.” Jealous-Contract7426
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Sounds like you were humblebragging. Also sounds like they struck a nerve and the hit dog is yelping. Trip arrangements and a ride aren’t “generous”, but Sis shouldn’t have made her joke or whatever. Still, you’re the one who looks the worst here.
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Birthday Dinner At Home When Everyone Else Gets To Go Out?
“A couple of weeks ago my mom invited me to dinner at her house for this Sunday. I said sure! It would be nice to catch up. Today she texted me saying that this dinner would be my birthday dinner. I said great! Can we go to my favorite restaurant like we usually do?
My mom said no, she’s cooking, remember?
Oh, okay. That’s alright. This will be the first time that I can’t pick my birthday dinner. It’s a family tradition but no biggie. I’m 25 and not a kid anymore. I feel very ungrateful saying this but I was looking forward to my bday dinner because I’ve been struggling with an autoimmune disorder and my mental health has been bad recently.
My family knows this.
So, oh well, I can go to my favorite restaurant with my partner instead another day. Well, I found out my mom is doing an extravagant birthday dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant for my step-grandpa on Thursday and my older sister gets to pick out her birthday dinner on Tuesday (we all have birthdays very close to each other).
I don’t know why I can’t choose where I want to go this year, especially when money is not an issue. No one can explain to me why we can’t go out to eat on my birthday other than “We had these plans already so let’s just make it your birthday dinner.” It makes me feel like my birthday was a second thought.
If there was a legit reason then I would understand. And no, they aren’t planning a “surprise” for me.
I feel ungrateful because I know many people don’t get to celebrate their birthdays at all and they would love for their mom to cook them a birthday meal.
This situation makes me feel lesser than and ungrateful at the same time and it’s very confusing. I’ve always felt like the black sheep of the family. Not that I was neglected at all. I was actually spoiled but I felt pushed to the side a lot/being forgotten about.
But I’m finally over it. I’m turning 25 and it needs to stop.
I told my mom that we could have dinner on Sunday, but it wouldn’t be my birthday dinner. We don’t have to celebrate my birthday this year either. (I do my own celebration with my partner anyways so it’s fine not to have a bday dinner with my family.
Even though it makes me sad/feel like the odd one out).
Now I’m labeled as the drama queen because I’m “refusing” a birthday celebration.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re entitled to feel this way and if what you’re laying out is correct, they kind of did make your birthday the afterthought.
Did you tell her this? I would explain it to her exactly how you explained it here. You’re throwing Grandpa a huge party at a restaurant. You’re throwing your sister a huge party at a restaurant. You asked me to come over for dinner and then randomly decided to make it about my birthday .”The amount of effort you put into someone or something implies how much you care.
Piggybacking my birthday onto a pre-planned meal implies I must not matter much.” It’s the truth.” TapTheMic
Another User Comments:
“This is downright weird. Your birthday is on October 4 so you should celebrate it then. I’d go to dinner on Sunday, let her do whatever she wanted, and then plan a dinner out on your birthday and invite whoever you usually invite.
If you get any flack from anyone saying you already had a birthday dinner, just say it wasn’t your birthday, you have no idea why they pretended it was, and come if you want, your choice.” Suzeli55
Another User Comments:
“Understandable that you wanted to celebrate your birthday in a way that felt special to you, especially considering everything you’ve been going through.
It’s important to communicate your feelings with your family so they understand where you’re coming from. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to want to feel valued and celebrated on your birthday. NTJ.” Walt-08
18. AITJ For Backing Out Of Being A Bridesmaid Due To Pregnancy Complications?
“I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant and honestly not doing good at all, I’m currently taking cyclizine for horrible all-day sickness that just isn’t letting up. I can’t eat I can’t drink and honestly, it’s a challenge to leave bed most days.
I’m in the hospital every two weeks for checks. I’m not sure if I might have HG but it’s currently a topic I’m in discussion about with my doctor. I have also just been diagnosed with PCOS and told I have to start blood thinning injections due to some other family history.
A friend I grew up with asked me about a year ago to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, of course, I said yes but now that the wedding is fast approaching. I genuinely do not think I am in any fit state to be getting up at 5 am to be at the venue for 6 am, and then be a present bridesmaid all day.
I would also like to jump in and add here that this “friend” hasn’t checked on me once, I haven’t seen her since December last year and honestly, she has not shown one bit of interest in my life or pregnancy no matter how hard I have tried to maintain a friendship with her.
I voiced my concerns to said friend who went on to guilt trip me, told me I was breaking her heart, that this was the worst thing anyone had ever done to her, etc and she asked me why I couldn’t just put on a brave face for pictures and sit with a bucket “it’s just morning sickness you gotta laugh” was her response.
This friend has never been pregnant. I felt awful and hesitantly said okay, so paid the money to get my hair and makeup done and arranged to try on my dress again. My condition however has worsened since my last conversation with her which has led to me having to do the hard thing and text her again to say I can’t do it.
This is where it gets messy, she completely went off on me, guilt-tripping me horrendously, making me feel like the worst person on the planet as if I didn’t already feel awful about this whole situation. I didn’t choose to feel like this and she is just not understanding.
She’s said some mean things to me and I just don’t think she understands that I am genuinely really ill.
I would never even dream of making somebody feel like this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sure she’d rather have you bow out than inadvertently cause a scene by fainting, throwing up, or whatever during the ceremony/reception.
I wouldn’t feel bad about her being upset. It sounds like she’s not a very good friend anyways, so if she stops talking to you after this, it might be a blessing in disguise.” anothertypicalcmmnt
Another User Comments:
“I have been in a wedding where someone in the wedding party threw up on the altar.
(Hungover, not HG, though no one was checking the cause at that point). The bride is kidding herself if she thinks she wants this possibility more than she fears uneven numbers of attendants. It was all anyone remembered about that wedding for decades. NTJ; you have a medical situation that prevents your attendance.
You aren’t ditching her, and if it’s the worst thing that ever happened to her, she’s living a charmed life. She’s not much of a friend, though. Hope you get some relief soon.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ One thing to consider….you mention that she hasn’t supported you in the past year.
I suspect this has much to do with your not wanting to attend. I do get the HG as I’ve been there myself. With that said, I was in the thick of it for my wedding. It wasn’t pleasant but doable with some concessions, not saying that you should suck it up for her though.
I guess my point is that I would hold her more accountable for the way she’s treated you and how it’s affected you. Blaming yourself isn’t fair, it’s not just because you won’t “put on a brave face.” Don’t make excuses for the outcome of others’ behaviors.
It’s not your fault you feel resentful and like you should go above and beyond. Your friend has let you down. I hope you feel better soon!” Fearless_Hippo_1913
17. AITJ For Wanting To Wear My Original Band Shirt Design To Rehearsal?
“So I and a guy in my school band (M) are both 17, but he’s a grade above me. He’s one of the student leaders in the band and he helps out a lot in the program.
He knows his stuff well, but he can sort of overuse this. He’s a bit stuck up during rehearsals and won’t let anyone speak if they’re not a student leader (even if they are just as good as him) and doesn’t like it when things don’t go his way.
If you can’t tell, I’m not very fond of him. Anyways, each year, every section gets together and someone designs a tee shirt with a design that corresponds with the music we’re playing. Since I’m the only one who can draw in my group, I’m the one who’s done it for the past few years.
I wasn’t a fan of the one I’d done last year since it was a bit messy, so I put a lot of effort into the design and spent around 5 hours drawing and 1 hour editing it before sending it to M to be printed. He said he’d get it in and that was that.
A bit later, a picture of the shirts came out and it was a completely different design entirely. It looked nothing like what I’d done.
Naturally, I was upset and I knew immediately that he’d gotten it from a graphic designer both of us knew without telling me.
That day, I texted him about it. I wasn’t rude or mean in it and simply said I was disappointed since I’d put a lot of effort into the design. A friend and my mom advised me to do this. After about a day, he said nothing, but you know what he did do?
He had his parents pay for everyone’s shirt and gave me some excuse about him and his friend liking the second design more. To this day I’m still upset, but I’ve never done or said anything about it. Now, I’ve got an idea of how to annoy him harmlessly.
I have a machine at my house that’s more than capable of making iron-on cutouts that can be put onto a shirt for pretty cheap. I could easily get a shirt the same color as the new one put my design on it and wear it to rehearsal. My mom says this isn’t a good idea, but I wanna make him feel just a touch worse without doing anything immoral. So tell me, is this a good idea?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk for being upset; it’s understandable since you put a lot of time and effort into your design. However, wearing your original design now might come off as passive-aggressive and could escalate the situation. It’s frustrating that he didn’t communicate with you about the change, but there might be better ways to handle this.
Consider having a direct conversation with him or your band director about being involved in the decision-making process in the future. Wearing the shirt might make you feel better in the short term, but it could create unnecessary drama. Your feelings are valid, but finding a way to address them constructively might be the better approach.” Serendipity_Calling
16. AITJ For Playing With My Daughter At Her Birthday Party?
“I, 30F, have been divorced from my ex-husband, 30m, and the father of my child for about 5 years now. For the most part, we co-parent fine, he is stricter than I am but nothing too serious.
We both are in relationships with other people. I’ve been with my partner, 29m for about 4 years and I think he’s been with his partner, 25f, for about three years.
Today was my daughter’s, 8f, birthday party, we had it at a jump park, and for the most part, her dad paid for the park and I paid for the food and decor. My partner and I are active people and we were playing with my daughter, jumping on all the different stuff with her and just having a good old time.
At no point did we exclude my ex-husband or his partner. At one point my daughter’s dad comes up to me and tells me that he paid for this birthday party for him and his daughter and that my partner and I need to back off and let him play with her.
So I pulled my daughter aside and I said ‘Hey Dad’s feelings are kind of hurt, he feels like you’re ignoring him, can you go include him while you play?’ She was fine with that and grabbed her dad’s hand and tried to go play with him but he wasn’t jumping on any of the stuff with her, he was just standing off to the side watching.
My partner is a giant kid and was playing with other kids in the play park, helping them get onto the obstacle course, and making sure nobody was getting hurt or landing on top of each other. But for the most part, he was around my daughter because he was playing with her and her friends.
Her dad comes up to me again and tells me that my partner is stalking my child and her dad can’t play with her because my partner is around, mind you I asked my partner to back off so he would not play with my kid, he’s just simply in the same room as her.
This leads to him having an entire hissy fit and ignoring our daughter who’s playing with everybody. I never stopped playing with her because she’s my kid and she wanted to play with me and I wasn’t going to say no. Mind you there’s this swing that she kept asking me AND HER DAD to push her on, and instead of coming and pushing his kid on the swing, he’s having a hissy fit in the party room.
So am I the jerk? Is my partner a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No more combined parties. He didn’t even want you guys playing in the same space.” Queen_Sized_Beauty
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. HUN. How dare you pin an adult’s feelings on your daughter like this?
He was talking to YOU, and you somehow made it your daughter’s responsibility? You essentially told her that SHE hurt her father’s feelings.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Confronting My Stepsister About Her Disrespect Towards My Deceased Mom?
“I (16f) lost my mom 15 weeks ago. It’s been hard. I live with my stepdad and stepsister still. I do have another family, and a part of me would prefer to be with my bio family members, but my mom wanted me to try and make this work so for her I’ll try a while longer.
My bio father doesn’t want to know so it’s not like I have another “parent”.
Mom got married to my stepdad when I was 4 and stepsister was 8. She disliked Mom and everything about her for as long as I can remember. She gave her such a hard time.
My stepsister lost her mom when she was 2 and even though mom never tried to erase her mom and never tried to make my stepsister call her mom or anything, she was always throwing it in her face that mom had replaced hers. Even though she didn’t remember her mom she was obsessed with the idea that my mom was some evil person who went in and stole her mom’s life.
My stepsister had all kinds of therapy growing up.
When she had her daughter 3 years ago she leaned on mom for babysitting a lot. She still treated mom like trash but mom was free babysitting and mom adored that little girl. She saw her as a grandchild even though my stepsister didn’t let her daughter call mom grandma or anything.
Even when my mom was sick she babysat.
My stepsister has been complaining about paying for childcare since mom died and she has said some awful things since my mom died. My stepdad and I fought a little over it. But he doesn’t want to lose her, his only kid and his grandkid.
But it bothers me. My stepsister has expressed how glad she is her daughter won’t remember my mom and that she won’t ever be mentioned around her child. How she won’t even let her see photos of my mom. Then she said my mom had been a pathetic waste of oxygen and how good it was to not deal with her anymore.
I snapped and asked her why she let mom babysit her kid so much if she was such an awful person and I told her she should look in a mirror because she’s the one who turned out to be a truly awful person.
My stepsister told me I had no right to question her and that I should shut my mouth around her.
My stepdad said nothing. But he gave off the vibe that he didn’t like me speaking to his daughter the way I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I think you have TRIED like your mom wanted. And it’s time to move in with your bio family.
You should not be subjected to someone who disrespects your mother this way. And your weak stepdad is going to do nothing for you. Also, you need to be careful your stepsister doesn’t turn that hate and animosity towards you now that her preferred target isn’t there.
And use you as a babysitter.” Apprehensive_War9612
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepsister has problems. Clearly. I’m sorry you are going through this. Your stepdad is trying to keep you there for the sake of your Mom, you are trying to stay for the sake of your Mom.
I don’t know what is right for you. Only you know that. The next time your stepsister says anything about your Mom, try saying, “I am grieving. Please respect that.” and leave the room. Do not engage. You may end up living with family but you may not.
In either case, don’t worry about your stepsister and how she will raise her daughter. Not your problem right now. You mourn your Mom, you try to take care of yourself as much as you can, and you ask for help from your adults (stepdad or other relatives) when you need it.
Your stepdad is mourning as well, and it hits everyone differently, but you have a right to be treated kindly and your stepsister probably needs a bit more therapy.” Ok_Strawberry_197
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your step-sister is a pathetic waste of oxygen. I am so sorry for your loss and your current situation of living with that horrible woman and her enabler.
You did a good job standing up for yourself and your mom. I know you want to honor your mom’s wishes and stay and try to make it work, but you have to look after no. 1, and if that means living with a family member who’s willing to take you in, I’d seriously consider it because that woman won’t stop trying to make your life hard and her dad won’t do anything to stop it.” rackoftheyear
14. AITJ For Having My Neighbors' Cars Towed From My Under-Construction Garage?
“My house is being built in a neighborhood that’s a few years old. My lot is one of the few remaining lots and there are occupied houses surrounding mine. The exterior is complete and the contractors are in the process of putting up the drywall.
After work the other night, I decided to drive out to inspect the work. Everything looked fine until I decided to check out my garage. When I opened the door, I saw 2 cars and a minivan parked INSIDE my garage. I called the contractor to see if he knew anything about them and he was as perplexed as I was.
I guess that one of the neighbors decided to park their cars inside my garage because there was a slight chance of hail that night. At first, I was just going to leave it alone but the more I thought about it the angrier I got.
By the time I got to my car, I was steaming mad. So much so that I called a tow company and had them tow all three vehicles away.
The next morning my contractor called and told me the police were there to investigate the theft of the vehicles.
I had them put the police on the phone and explained that I was the owner of the property, had the vehicles towed, and gave them the tow company information. My contractor told me later that the owners of those vehicles were shouting and cussing them out until the police made them leave.
I went by after work and a guy confronted me about being a jerk for having their vehicles towed. He was shouting about how I ruined their day because they missed work and their kids were late to school. He also said it cost almost $1,000 to get all 3 vehicles back and that I’ll be covering the cost. I told him good luck with that and that he’s the jerk for parking in my garage without my permission.
We went back and forth until his wife came and pulled him home.
Some of the other neighbors came out to watch our argument and afterward, some of them told me I was starting on the wrong foot and should apologize to that guy. They said that I should be more neighborly and understand that neighbors help each other out.
One said that I should have left a note instead of having them towed. It seems all my neighbors are against me.
I can see their point so maybe I overreacted. I’m not sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who feels so entitled as to park their vehicles in someone else’s garage even if the house isn’t yet occupied?!?!?
Starting off on the wrong foot? That’s what the neighbor did by putting his things where they didn’t belong. What if your contractor came back in the morning and they were still inside and that’s where your contractor had to do work or stage materials?
That’s potentially money out of his pocket or yours. What if this neighbor damaged something pulling in or out and just left without telling you? I’m certain they wouldn’t have let you know or offered to pay to fix it.” Glowurm1942
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbors were extremely presumptuous to use your garage. That said, I don’t know why you didn’t just knock one someone’s door and ask whose cars were there, and ask them to move. No, you should not have to do that but you’re also leaving a half-finished house there every night with neighbors who don’t feel inhibited about messing about with someone else’s property.
And how are those houses close enough together for them to use your garage but far enough away that nobody noticed THREE tow trucks with flashing lights come into the neighborhood and tow the vehicles away? Congrats on having a huge garage, though. Jealous!!” PhoenixRisingToday
13. AITJ For Wanting To Pick Up My Cat Early From My Grandparents' House?
“I (26f) came back to town from the UK to visit my family for a week. My mother has a cat which she adopted from my sister many years ago. For those years I also took care of her as I lived in the same household and considered her my cat as well.
While my mother was on vacation last month, she dropped the cat off at my grandparents’ place to cat-sit for 3-4 weeks. The cat is quite old and is getting frailer, and in all honesty, my grandparents did take care of her lovingly and made sure she ate.
A few days ago I came back to town and made arrangements to pick up my cat a few days before my mother came back. I asked my mother if she agreed and told my grandparents that I wanted to come visit and get my cat.
I brought the cat carrier, got a direct train ticket, and bought a seat just for the cat as well. In total, the trip with my cat would have taken 2 hours maximum.
Immediately my grandfather (68m) objected and raised all the issues why I couldn’t pick up the cat.
He became so adamant that I could not get her earlier, naming all sorts of reasons from the weather to fear of stressing out the cat. I explained to him that I’ve dealt with cats all my life and have travelled with animals numerous times.
She is my cat and she’s supposed to be home soon anyway. He knew how important this was to me yet absolutely refused, and would not even hear me. I raised the point that I wanted to see her for the last few days, as my cat is old and I’m not sure how long she’ll live.
I work in the UK so this might be my last time seeing her. He would not listen and blame me for being away and not being able to see her. As I didn’t want to upset my grandmother and just “kidnap” my cat, I left after the visit without my cat.
As I went to the train station I broke down crying, frustrated, and very aware that that might be the last time I’ll see my cat. My mother agreed to the early pick-up and I couldn’t see any reason why he would refuse other than his selfishness and the fact that he never respected my views as I am the “kid” in the family.
I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, but every time I think about it I get so upset. Am I the Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made plans with your mother to pick up the cat, and your reasoning was heartfelt, especially given the cat’s age and your limited time due to living abroad.
Understandably, your grandfather is protective, but his refusal to consider your feelings, especially since your mother agreed, seems unfair. Your emotions are valid, particularly when this might be one of the last times you see your cat. You weren’t overreacting; you just wanted a final chance to be with your pet.” ItsEmi12
12. AITJ For Contacting Safety About My Boss's Unsafe Work Instructions?
“I (f, 28) work for a very large water company that is insane about maintaining safety standards.
Recently, I managed to develop tendonitis and stress fractures in my foot, and have to wear a walking boot for a couple of weeks. My job is mostly field work, but I can do office and plant work during downtime.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
My boss doesn’t like me. She’s made this abundantly clear many times. She told me that it was okay to come to work in the walking boot (campus requirement is steel/composite toe due to machinery and chemicals in use), just not to go into the labs or pump buildings.
I contacted our safety team to verify what she’d said as it seemed very against company policy (it was), and now safety is getting HR and the ADA involved.
My boss and coworker are being unkind to me because they are going to have to pick up my slack, plus my boss is dealing with HR drilling her.
They both gave me snide looks, making snarky comments about “not pulling my weight” and just being unpleasant in general. I just wanted to verify to make sure I wouldn’t get in trouble for being physically at the plant, and not causing this whole mess.
Safety wants me to work remotely. HR hasn’t weighed in yet, but it’s been stated their opinion is to either work remotely OR my boss has to give up her office (it’s the only first-floor office) so I can work. My boss is refusing to let me work remotely as she can’t concentrate when she works remotely, and can’t stay on track, so she doesn’t trust others to do so.
She also hasn’t given up her office, so I’m forced to walk up and down stairs on broken toes any time I need to use the restroom, heat lunch, use the printer, etc. My foot is killing me right now, at the end of the first day.
The pain isn’t the worst of it. The AC isn’t working in our building, and the building was constructed in 1880, so it heats up horribly. Even with windows open, if the outside temperature gets above 80°F, my office is sweltering. My boss bought portable AC units for every other part of the building except my office when the AC went out originally, claiming I didn’t need it since I worked out in the field 90% of the time.
But, all this to ask, am I the jerk for going behind my boss’s back and contacting safety when I didn’t believe her, which inadvertently caused a massive mess at work?.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right to document everything and ensure your safety is protected. Your boss’s actions are not only unprofessional but potentially harmful to your health.
You did exactly what any reasonable person would do: double-check that you were following safety protocols in a work environment that could be dangerous. It’s not your fault that your boss’s response to the situation is to make it worse for you instead of accommodating your medical needs.
You have every right to prioritize your health and well-being, especially when dealing with an injury like tendonitis and stress fractures. Ignoring the company’s safety standards to appease your boss could have put you at risk, and now that you’ve escalated things the proper way, you’re dealing with her childish behavior.
The fact that she’s refusing to provide reasonable accommodations—like letting you work remotely or giving you access to a first-floor office—is unprofessional and could even land her in trouble with HR. You’re not the one creating this “whole mess”—your boss is, by refusing to handle the situation properly.
Keep documenting everything, continue working with HR, and prioritize your safety. It’s not your fault that others have to pick up the slack because you’re injured. That’s just part of working in a team, and the company has procedures in place for a reason. Stand firm, and let HR handle it.” ZzyzxDFW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have a legitimate medical condition that requires accommodation, and your boss initially provided incorrect information that went against company policy. You had every right to verify this information with the safety team to ensure you weren’t breaking any rules. The subsequent involvement of HR and the ADA is a direct result of your company’s commitment to maintaining safety standards and ensuring employees’ well-being.
You didn’t intentionally create this situation; you were simply trying to protect yourself and follow the rules” SultryAvery
Another User Comments:
“I’m a huge fan of as a manager, and it shocks me how often managers decide that ADA and safety requirements are nanny state rules and should be ignored. Your boss sucks, and she’d be the first to invoke all those protections were she walking around in a boot.
Document everything because she’s engaged in low-level retaliation, which makes her situation worse (since you mention ADA I assume you’re in the US). Here’s where I think you’re wrong: you didn’t cause a massive storm at work. Your boss did. You need to keep that in mind in every interaction you have with her* caused this by deciding laws don’t apply to her.
NTJ.” hubertburnette
11. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Divorce My Abusive Dad?
“I (22F) have reached a point of despising my dad, honestly I barely talk to him anymore and the only reason I do talk to him is for my mom.
My mom and I have had serious arguments in the past about the relationship between me and my dad and once I bluntly told her why I can’t tolerate him, I hate how he acts, and more than anything I hate the way he treats her.
My mum just turned around and told me that her relationship with my dad is ‘not my business’ but how could it not be when I see her breakdown over it? I love my mom more than anything in the world, everything I do is in hopes of making her happier each day, she was both a mom and dad to me growing up, and even though our relationship hasn’t been perfect, I truly would do anything for her.
My dad doesn’t deserve her, not even one bit and I keep praying for a day my mum will finally throw her wedding ring at his face. For some background context, my parents are immigrant parents and my mum got married young in hopes of a better life, so basically… no element of ‘love’ has ever existed between them if you ask me.
My dad always belittles her and says the dumbest things that he preaches like it’s the truth when it’s absolute nonsense, he does nothing around the house, and every time we go out to eat for some ‘family time’ he nitpicks every little thing whether it’s about the restaurant or me and my brother’s live.
I’m so over him, so so over him, the only reason I tolerate all of this and stay silent for the most part is because I can see just how much my mum hopes for us to have a good father-daughter relationship, but honestly, I’m 22 now, and I feel like I can confidently say that our relationship will never be good, especially when I see him upset my mom and treat her poorly.
I just wish wish wish my mum would sign the divorce papers and live a life of freedom and happiness as she deserves, every day I think about how I would be willing to go back in time and beg her to not get married to him, I’d be willing to not exist for her happiness, truly.
I just know that she won’t ever get divorced because of how much she’s against the whole concept but I truly wish for it every day, AITJ for wanting my dad gone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My buddy’s folks ‘stayed’ together, for his sake, until he went to college.
They did it because they didn’t want him to come from a broken home. He wishes that they had divorced because it would have saved him so much psychological torture from their constant fighting. People like your parents just need to give in and divorce.
But be smart. Save yourself from that torture and the psychological problems from their fighting. Don’t wait for the divorce. It may never come. Move out and put it all behind you.” messageinthebox
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Mom Anymore?
“I (18F) am currently living with my mom (48F) and brother (16M). We immigrated to the US 3 years ago to get away from my father, and have stayed thanks to my brother and I’s American citizenship. Last year, my mom got her current job.
The problem is that this is not enough money for the household expenses. On her salary, we would normally be able to afford our current lifestyle. However, legal fees from the divorce and her getting spiritual work done have both made it so she is in a constant deficit, and she currently has a bit of credit card debt.
To help, I’ve been giving her 50 dollars a week for the past 4 months. I usually give her some more, as I’ve covered the broken fridge, microwave, and air conditioner, along with groceries sometimes and my cat’s medical bills. Due to my past, I currently suffer from PTSD, and anxiety and have BED. This situation has made me incredibly stressed and has worsened some of my mental health issues, but I’ve pushed through because I love my mom and I want to help.
However, I started college last week. I am currently enrolled in my community college’s honors program and have a full-ride scholarship. I aim to go to an Ivy League with a full ride, so I need to get really good grades and extracurricular activities. Consequently, I asked to cut down my hours at work (from 3 days to 2).
Furthermore, my mom got $1,300 from her uncles last week. Based on this, I asked her to get support from them instead of me until the divorce ends in 2 months. She said it was okay and not to worry, but today she was screaming at me in the car.
She told me I was a narcissist like my father, that I was selfish with my money and freakishly obsessed with not having any debt on my credit card (which I am), that she thought I’d send her the $50 this week and that I’d stop late September, and that her friend was starving and I couldn’t have the decency to help her.
I don’t understand why she would need the $600 (give or take) that I would give her these next 2 months if she has $1300 extra dollars. I also don’t understand why my part-time job has to be covering so much household stuff. I wanted to get my car but I only have 550 dollars in savings because of how much I’ve given her.
I don’t want to be mean or selfish but I’m scared that I’m not putting myself first, I’m just becoming my father.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“First off, if she told you it was ok to not give her the 50, then yelled at you for not giving her the 50, that’s completely irrational and not fair.
As someone who’s been supporting her to some extent, I’d say you have a right to ask whether her “spiritual work” is worth the money because it sounds like she’s shifting trauma onto you that you didn’t earn and don’t deserve. And whether she is or not, hitting you with “you’re just like your father who traumatized the whole family” is messed up.
Just no. A mom who does that needs outside help. My family was dysfunctional in different ways, but I know with absolute certainty that my mom would want me to get the best start possible, and that would mean doing well in school and minimizing debt.
You are entitled to make yourself your priority. And to not get screamed at in the car. NTJ.” 30Helenssayoffoff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your job to support your mother, and she is way out of line screaming at you when her uncles just gave her a big gift anyway.
And what is this deal with her “friend starving”? Who else is she expecting you to support? I’d take a close look at where all the money is going.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like she’s taking advantage of you. It’s not your job to give her an allowance, especially not for supporting “her friend” (???) or her “spiritual work”.
This is ridiculous. Sounds like you have a solid plan for your education and your future. Don’t jeopardize it because of your mom’s malicious behavior.” UnderdogUprising
9. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Partner's Little Brother Wasn't Invited To Our Party?
“I (29m) and my twin brother had our birthday party last Saturday. We had planned a week to have it at our parent’s place as our place doesn’t have enough space for family and close friends to cram into.
My mother was cooking our favorite meal and was looking for a head count so she could know how much to cook.
Friday evening, we went to a backyard party of one of our friends (let’s call him Brad, 29m) who was coming to our party.
Another friend named Jim (27m) had just started living with him a week before. Brad’s name is the only one on the lease. We both had known Brad and Jim since high school.
Jim’s partner Jess (23f), who we’ve only known for about a month is also living there and she brought her little brother (maybe 9-10) whom she calls her surrogate son because their mother neglected them.
Brad has expressed his feelings that he doesn’t want a kid living in the house and that he was not told that the kid would be staying there.
Fast forward to Saturday’s party at my parents, my brother and I are having a drink with some of the friends that showed up and family.
Jim and Jess are one of the last ones to arrive and I see Jess’ little brother hop out of the truck. I go inside and tell my brother. He gets up and tells Jim that he can’t just bring other people to the party without telling us, even though it is just one extra person.
As he does this I’m with the rest of the group so I didn’t see if Jess and her brother were in earshot. My mom tells us that he can come in but it’s not her responsibility to take care of him.
We had been drinking and partaking in some recreational activities outside, playing some backyard games when Jim told us he was going to go home with Jess and her brother.
They had been there for maybe an hour. I asked him if he was going to come back at all and he said maybe. Jim and Jess never showed up again to the party and I haven’t talked to them since. I understand that they had gotten the feeling that they weren’t welcome but that wasn’t the case.
It was the fact that they brought a kid to a party knowing full well that there would be booze and other activities and that they didn’t tell us beforehand.
So are my brother and I the jerk for expressing our feelings to our friend that his partner’s little brother wasn’t invited to our party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Kids-free events are a thing. Birthdays, weddings, graduation parties, housewarming parties, etc. Kids should not attend a party with adult activities like drinking and partaking in recreational activities. It’s also rude for Jess to just bring her little brother (or anyone) without mentioning it first and just assuming the host would be okay with it.” Frankensteins_Kid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and no one is saying you are. They left because they realized what kind of party it was and that there were no other kids there, nothing for a 10-year-old kid to do, and one of them had to stay sober to watch the kid and drive home.
It sounds to me like they didn’t think your party was worth hiring a babysitter. Sure Jim could have come back without Jess, but it’s fine that he decided not to. It’s also possible that Jess wanted to check out Jim’s friends and make sure the party was “legit.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t want a kid hanging around adults doing adult-exclusive activities. That’s being responsible, and I’m not sure that requires an apology. Is there the possibility that things weren’t communicated properly after they’d arrived? Maybe. But, they still brought a kid to an adult party and put that situation on themselves.
” Incarcer
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Mom's Expanded Retirement Party Guest List?
“I’m an only child, 28 f. I’m doing a PhD abroad and I came home this summer, among other things to plan a retirement party for my mom.
I wanted to make her a gift since she was the only one who took care of me my whole life (dad’s died when I was a toddler). Our relationship always was difficult. I grew up with a lot of trauma she has no clue about, because we don’t talk much in our family (Sicilian family).
Anyway, I offered to plan a retirement party for her. I was in charge of everything, including pay (I took a good part of my savings for this party). It was a way for me to thank her for all the sacrifices she made to raise me.
I rented a place, hired musicians, prepared the decorations, etc. It was quite a struggle for me, because I’m alone doing so, and I suffer from depression, and I take a lot of medication just to keep my stuff together. The last few days, I’ve been in another city, and when I came back home, she left for a week’s vacation with a note on my pillow “92 persons will come, I hope it’s ok.
I let you handle it. Kisses.” When I left, it was already planned she wanted to invite ~40 persons, and I was ok with it. Now, the party is in 2 weeks, and I feel completely overwhelmed about planning a meal for 92 people, which also I can’t afford as a student who earns no money.
Here’s the text I sent her:
Mom, I saw your note, I never agreed to pay for 90 people. When we made the invitations, you told me between 35 and 40 and then you added more as I went along, even though I had said the deadline was August 21.
It’s not normal to make me pay all that, knowing that I’m a student and that I hadn’t thought that you were going to do something astronomical. Plus, I have a lot of work in September and you’re asking me to plan food for 90 people in two weeks?
No, I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s respectful. I don’t earn a dime and the only paid mission I have, I’m going to have to spend the whole thing on this party? When did I pay 6,000 euros in tuition fees last week? Seriously, no, that’s not nice.
Here’s her answer: Actually I’m canceling because your message is too much. I’ll do the cancellations tomorrow.
Now I feel guilty and I have no clue how to deal with it. The party is on September 21st. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Don’t feel guilty.
She’s the one who feels guilty, otherwise, she wouldn’t have left you a note and run away, rather than tell you face to face. You did nothing to ruin the party. You did everything possible to make it wonderful. She’s the one who messed up, so let her make the calls.
If you want to give her one more chance, then ask if she’s able to cover the costs for the additional 50 guests, and tell her you’re still happy to cover the cost for the original 40 guests in appreciation for all she’s done for you. What she decides is on her.” Zenmeister321boom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was taking advantage; that was ridiculous, more than doubling the attendees (and costs) and just dumping it on you. Let her cancel. Leave everything to her now, and just leave. I’m sorry it worked out this way, but it’s not your fault, and you didn’t even owe her a more reasonable party.
This way, if she is upset and wants to cancel, she gets that and it’s over. If she was passive-aggressively trying to manipulate you, you’ve called her bluff, and if she wants to go ahead with the party, she can pay and handle everything. I’m sorry your mom is being such a jerk.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Let her cancel. When people act like this, you can’t chase after them begging to be loved. At her age, she will soon realize that she needs and wants you a whole lot more than you need and want her. Unlearn the emotional needs of your childhood and realize that you don’t need her.
If she comes and apologizes nicely then you will graciously forgive her. But stop chasing and begging. NTJ.” HappySummerBreeze
7. AITJ For Not Hosting Child-Friendly Gatherings At My Home?
“My (36F) friends (33F-39F) nearly all have children now. I have no children.
We are a fairly large group of 12 and most people have at least 2 children, some 3/4 and one even has 5.
As you can imagine this makes the group including the children pretty big and at times chaotic. A couple of the children are also very badly behaved and their mums don’t seem to attempt to control their behaviour in any way letting things get damaged or ruined like food and property.
We’ve always met often to do meals and outings together and now that nearly every member of the group is a mum the meet-ups are child-friendly. I don’t mind this, I enjoy spending time with the mostly well-behaved children, but of course, it does mean understandable child-related things happen, a mess is made, it’s loud and chaotic, the food needs to be child-orientated, can’t do certain things, conversations are difficult with things going on with the children.
So things are understandably different but then on top of that the badly behaved ones do cause a lot of actual issues.
As well as going out everyone hosts at their house too once in a while taking turns to do it and as everyone else has children their homes are accommodating to having children over.
Even so, things do still get dirty and damaged. I used to always host too doing my fair share but I however haven’t hosted in years now since the group became child-orientated as my home is not child-friendly and I’d need to change so much overnight to accommodate this many children and ensure nothing valuable gets damaged, hour the carpet and walls and furniture can’t exactly be removed. I also find the gatherings are extremely stressful and over-stimulating to me and I’d find it difficult to have that in my own house.
I just don’t feel it’s worth my while to host when I don’t fit that lifestyle, I imagine when I have my children my lifestyle and house would change to fit that and then I’d feel able to do this more comfortably. It’s also not an option to host without their children as it’s become the status quo that our meet-ups are with children and everyone would be offended if I was the only one to say it’s a child-free event.
Recently one of my friends made some underhanded comments that I don’t host anything and do my turn anymore but come to everyone else’s events. I didn’t know what to say as she’s right but I feel like I’m in a very different position.”
Another User Comments:
“Just answer that your home isn’t childproof and you don’t have any toys there. So you don’t feel comfortable to host for children. But if they ever want a day/night just the girls you are happy to host. Maybe they would like to have a night out without the children.
But hopefully, they can understand that a not child-proof house is no place to host so many toddlers” Trevena_Ice.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think with the number of children you are describing, their wild behavior, and the fact that your house isn’t childproofed and doesn’t have toys or entertainment for children, most of the parents should be smart enough to understand that this isn’t a really good option for anyone.
I do think you should always be contributing to events you attend, bringing dishes, etc. And I think it would be good to organize events out at restaurants.” dragonsandvamps
6. AITJ For Asking My Landlord To Cover My Moving Costs After She Broke Our Lease?
“I (25M) moved from the West Coast to a midwestern city in August for grad school.
I spent weeks in May and June searching for a place, checking Zillow, social media, Craigslist, etc. I found a condo unit from Beth (38F) that fit my needs and budget. After verifying the unit via FaceTime and through a friend, I signed the lease.
I paid a $35 credit check fee, a $600 move-in fee, and the first month’s rent. Beth sent a guideline sheet stating, “If anybody asks about your occupancy, direct any questions to the owner,” which should have been a red flag.
Ten days before moving in, I asked Beth if the unit was being professionally cleaned. She assured me it was and that all repairs were made.
However, when I arrived, the apartment was in poor condition: year-old meat in the freezer, pet hair on old furniture (which aggravated my allergies), yellow stains on the mattress, and dead bugs in corners. Beth was understanding and sent a cleaning team a week later, but my brother and I had to move out and dispose of the old furniture, clean the apartment, and deal with the mess.
This was a lot of work for the $600 move-in fee.
Despite the inconvenience, I moved past it. Mistakes happen, right? Then, 20 days into the year-long lease, Beth informed me that her HOA was threatening legal action because she was violating association rules by renting out the condo to non-family members.
She was breaking our lease, and I had to find a new place to live.
I consulted a housing law office, which told me that while my lease was null, I could still pursue compensation for other issues. They advised that settling (asking for my money back or other compensation) and moving out would be best, as my name could be on an eviction if Beth were evicted.
I informed my landlord of the legal advice, and she refunded my initial payments (first month’s rent, $600 move-in fee, $35 application fee). I then requested that she cover my moving costs, totaling over $2000 (first month’s rent at the new place, move-in fee, application fee, and moving services).
I felt this was fair given the lease breach, the hassle, and the additional costs I incurred. Beth refused, claiming she had already refunded my money and accusing me of exploitation. She even threatened to report my actions to my university.
AITJ for asking my landlord to cover these costs, or am I justified in seeking compensation after she broke the lease, disrupted my move, and caused me to incur additional expenses?”
Another User Comments:
“Not unreasonable. You planned a move and you did all the stuff to move. You had a signed lease and she inconvenienced you twice. She didn’t clear it with her board and didn’t clean the unit. She should buy you out of the lease that is not excessive.
I had a friend whose landlord asked them to leave a one-year lease 9 months early. They got paid the rent they would have paid for 9 months their security and an extra $1000 for moving fees. I’ve had friends who broke their lease and had to pay out the remaining months when they couldn’t find a replacement.
She screwed you. NTJ” imf4rds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Check your legal rights thoroughly, but it’s likely that in your state if the lawyer told you this, you have rights to moving costs and 30 days’ costs elsewhere because of the agreement that you both signed. This is ‘instead of notice’ and often applies when a place becomes unliveable (condemned, no water, etc.) through no fault of the tenant.
Now, if Beth says no, you will likely need to go to (small claims) court, but it may be worth it for what you’ve been through. The expenses have to be actual, and a new deposit (move-in fee) is likely not included (as long as she returned everything you paid her), but that first month’s rent can be significant enough to do it.
Also, her threatening to ‘report’ you to anyone is ridiculous. She did the wrong thing here; she knew the rental was against the rules.” Tangerine_Bouquet
5. AITJ For Refusing To Celebrate My Irresponsible Sister's Birthday?
“I (21F) am the youngest of three sisters. The eldest is Sara (30) and the middle one is Mellisa (24). Growing up, I’ve always gotten along better with Sara due to our similar interests, and because she is a reliable and responsible person.
Mellisa, on the other hand, has no sense of responsibility or accountability.
Mellisa never helps with chores or household duties. For instance, we share a cat, and while Sara buys the supplies, Mellisa and I take turns cleaning the litter box. However, Mellisa frequently neglects her duty, leaving the litter box dirty for over 24 hours, and forcing me to clean it.
This pattern extends to other chores as well – Mellisa once didn’t clean her room for four months. As a result, I end up doing the majority of the housework, sometimes spending up to six hours a day cleaning, especially when guests are coming over.
Two months ago, Mellisa and I threw a birthday party for our sister Sara, and I bought Sara an expensive gift. Mellisa often jokes that I’m just a “beggar” and “leech” who is closer to Sara because she buys me things and drives me places.
The truth is, I’m just grateful to have a responsible sister like Sara.
Now, Mellisa’s birthday is approaching, and Sara wants us to throw her a party and buy her gifts. I told Sara I was not participating. She said I should be ashamed of myself and that I’m not being a “real sister.” My family seems to think my anger is just a sibling quarrel that will blow over, but I don’t want to speak to Mellisa until she changes her irresponsible ways.
I understand this might make Mellisa feel I’m being sycophantic, and that I could be the jerk for refusing to celebrate her birthday, even though her behavior has been frustrating me. Maybe I should set aside my resentment for one day and try to repair our relationship.
But I also don’t see why I should celebrate someone who only brings me anger and frustration by dumping their responsibilities on me. At the same time, I know birthdays can be important, and refusing to celebrate hers could really hurt her feelings and damage our relationship further.
I’m just not sure if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are justified.
Ultimately, I’m torn. I want to support my sister, but I’m tired of carrying the burden of her irresponsibility. I know birthdays are important, but I also don’t want to reward her bad behavior.
I’m just not sure what the right thing to do is in this situation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Light ESH Melissa for not doing her share of cleaning. You for holding a grudge so far as to not want her to have a birthday party.
Sara for not holding Melissa responsible for her lack of responsibility. However, there’s a super simple solution to all this – everyone pitch in equally and hire a cleaning service. I rent out rooms in my house, and I used to try to have everyone living here pitch in, but it just doesn’t work out that well.
I got tired of having to play “mom” and ride herd on people to do their parts, so I just raised rent a bit and hired a service. It is so worth it!” User
Another User Comments:
“ESH because the birthday and the household chores are two different things, but it’s understandable that your feelings are tied up in both.
It is fine to tell your family that you are not all gung-ho about your sister so they should not expect you to be too enthusiastic. Even if you are tired of your sister’s actions, it is okay to say, Happy Birthday Sis. Here’s a bouquet.
(Favor returned). It is more than okay, and high time, that you AND Sara together unequivocally tell Mellisa that her behavior is unacceptable and she will need to leave if she doesn’t change. Sara sounds non-confrontational and wants you to pick up the slack.
This, too, is unacceptable and another conversation that you need to have. You, too, can work up to leaving yourself if the situation doesn’t change. Good luck!” Gangster-Girl
4. AITJ For Respecting My Niece's Wish To Play Alone At The Park?
“I (24F) am child-free and I don’t have too much experience with small kids, so please help. It’s a silly problem but I can’t stop thinking about it.
My niece (Mia, 3F) is and has always been a very introverted and shy child. She daydreams a lot and likes to play alone or with people she knows and trusts.
Even for me, it took time to befriend her so she would be comfortable interacting with me. Aside from adult family members she trusts, she has like 3 close friends and 2 nephews of her age.
Yesterday I was babysitting her in the park when a girl (4F) came to us and wanted to play with Mia.
I checked with Mia if it’s ok and she said we all can play together but I have to stick close to her. Fair enough. So we all played for 20-30 minutes (we made some sand sculptures, I helped both girls with some climbing frames, etc).
The other girl was very chatty, loud, kinda demanding, and not always great with boundaries (she ate some of Mia’s food without asking), I mean, probably just a normal kid of her age, but I could see Mia getting a bit upset after a while.
So I checked with her again and she said she would like to play just with me.
So I said to the other girl, that we thank her for a good time, but now me and Mia would like to be on our own and I wish her to find a new playdate soon (there were at least 7 other parents with kids).
I thought that was the end of it, but no.
A minute later this girl comes again with a furious mother, who starts screaming about how unfair I am to her kid. I try to tell her my side of the story, but another mom overhears and takes her side.
According to them, Mia is spoiled and I shouldn’t trust her judgment and push her to be with other kids more or she will struggle at school.
I think the start of school is 3 years (literally her whole life) away, so she has plenty of time to learn to socialize more & it’s not like she can’t make friends.
She just said she would rather play with me than with a random girl she just met. I feel like that’s not a crazy demand and it’s awesome she can advocate for herself.
But as I said, I’m not a parent and these moms made sure to mention it as an argument why I can’t understand what I did wrong.
So AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were demonstrating to Mia that her boundaries are worth enforcing and defending. What an excellent lesson that too many girls are never taught!!! I cannot express enough how important this is, and how ironic that other women were trying to force both you and Mia to comply with their wishes above your own.” jeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for someone who says they don’t have much experience with small children, you handled it beautifully. Your niece is allowed to say “no” and that is a valuable thing to teach her so young. Many, many girls grow up with their wishes and desires being ignored because they’re taught to shut up and comply. My 3-year-old is fairly social but she has a certain level of tolerance.
She’s 3, it’s normal for them to have different play styles and preferences. ” specialkk77
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I am an extrovert and an introvert, so I see both sides. My introvert has the right to play on a playground by himself or just with his parent.
And my extrovert certainly can ask kids at the playground if they want to play. But for the ones who don’t engage or say no, I tell her that they might just want to play by themselves. That’s all right. They don’t owe her anything.
I keep my opinions of how others parent to myself unless their kid becomes a danger to my kid. Then all bets are off.” Ashamed_Initiative80
3. AITJ For Offering My Homeless Friend A Place To Stay And Criticizing Her Lifestyle?
“I (26M) have a friend (25F) who’s voluntarily homeless. She earns a bit from odd jobs and travels constantly usually by hitchhiking, I know she’s ridden freight trains before too.
I see her a few times per year and she always has some interesting stories, but for the most part, I don’t understand why she wants to live like that.
We’re from the same town so I’ve known her since high school, admittedly she had a tough home life so it makes sense that she left like this.
I moved to a city for university after school and I’ve worked hard and got a well-paying office job. We’ve kept in touch and I always assumed she’d settle down eventually and get a proper job etc, but it hasn’t happened yet. To be honest I also think we’d be a good fit romantically so I’d like her to stay in my city more.
Last week she came by to visit, and she had a dog with her (a bull terrier named Gulliver). She said she’d got it from another homeless guy a couple of months ago, it had been traveling with her and she said she intends to keep him.
I said I didn’t think that was a good lifestyle for a dog, she’s usually sleeping rough, moving from place to place constantly, and spends as little as possible on food. She said it’s normal for travelers to have dogs, they’re fine living outdoors and she feels safer having him.
(To be fair she did confirm the dog had had a rabies shot and it didn’t look underfed, but still she hasn’t had it for long). This led to me reminding her this isn’t a safe lifestyle for her either and she’s going to regret not having any employable skills one day.
I told her that she and the dog could move in with me. (On the sofa, I don’t think I should try and ask her out yet) I wouldn’t even expect her to pay rent, she could do odd jobs around the flat and start learning a trade job in my city.
I thought this was a generous idea, but she started saying she’s sick of me judging her lifestyle, she’s still got plenty of time to settle down and she doesn’t want to be my charity project. This is not what I was trying to imply, I’m just trying to help a friend out!
She’s still here for now, but said she’s now leaving earlier than originally planned. I want to convince her to stay here, but she gets snappy and changes the topic when I’ve tried to bring it up again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, nothing about this post sounds like you genuinely care about her or the dog.
Her lifestyle is her choice and she is happy with it. A well-fed, homeless dog with a loving owner is better off than any shelter dog. You’re letting your feelings for her and your romantic interest keep you from being an actual friend. Mind your own business and let her live her life of fun and freedom until she’s ready to change it.” Catcon95
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You might feel like you’re trying to be helpful, but you’re just trying to further your agenda. And you’re using the dog to justify your actions, which is wrong. She’s an adult and can do whatever she wants. Just be her friend, that’s all you need to do.” Weekly-Strength-3402
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This whole situation is about you, and not her. You want a relationship with her, so you want her to stay. You don’t think it’s a safe lifestyle and that she won’t be employable, so you want her to stay. You don’t agree, it sounds to me, like you like the idea of her having a dog either, so the dog is the excuse you’re using.” WhizGidget
2. AITJ For Donating My Kids' Old Toys To Goodwill Instead Of Giving Them To My Ex's Family?
“I (34f) have two kids with my ex (13&12).
Our divorce happened 6 years ago. He’s married again and has additional children. We are not on good terms. We communicate via app about our kids and that’s the only contact we should have and that I respond to. Unless it’s an emergency and then we can text/call if needed. The reason for the bad blood is he was unfaithful to me with the woman he’s now married to.
And then during our divorce, she accused me of breaking into their house and stealing from them. Their house was broken into. But his wife said it had to be me, she even started hinting about it online and telling other people. I didn’t do it and it was proven.
Police even caught the person who did it. But my ex and she still tried to use that as a reason for him to get full custody of our kids. It didn’t work but they still tried.
So we’re not on good terms and that’s not something I feel will ever change.
It’s a struggle to be civil but I do it for the kid’s sake. I hate the two of them though and think they’re both terrible people.
Last year they had a micro preemie which is their third child together. She also has a child with someone else.
After the birth of their micro preemie, they started struggling with money and felt bad for their other children who lived with them full-time because they had to make a lot of changes. My kids had a little but not really because they still had me.
Recently the kids and I did a clear out and I donated a bunch of their old toys to a goodwill nearby. My ex saw me with the donation and he was upset that I donated them to a store vs giving them to his family.
He confronted me in person about this. He told me I have to know they were looking for help with toys and stuff and I know what they’ve been through. He asked how I could spite his children like that. He told me they’d love to get their older siblings old toys.
He confronted me a second time because he found out our eldest gave a couple of toys to a friend’s younger sibling. I knew about it but didn’t confirm that to him. He still guessed and again in a face-to-face confrontation, he called me out for not donating them to him and letting them be donated elsewhere.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your ex and his wife, seem to struggle to understand that when you are unfaithful and betray, as well as conspire to get full custody of your children. And attempt to slander your reputation, you should help them out by donating to their household.
That’s some mighty expectations they’ve got, not to mention they’ve got to be incredibly dumb to assume you’re going to be that generous to the two jerks who caused so much heartbreak and stress in your life.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – On what planet does this guy think he lives on where after all that he and his witch wife put you through, that could even remotely expect that you would give them anything even if for your kids? It is his job to supply your kids when he has them, not you, you are doing your job for them, he needs to do his.
And besides, tell him if he harasses you again outside the parenting app you are going to file a motion with the court. He could get sanctioned for his behavior.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell him you will report him if he continues to be aggressive with you in person.
Refuse to discuss anything but your kids with him. Go to a lawyer if you need to. Consider trying for full custody with him having visitation if you have the resources to do so – this might be best for your kids.” Jealous-Contract7426
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Fiancé's Picky Eating Habits?
“My (27F) fiance (29M) is an extremely picky eater, and lately, I’ve been feeling frustrated with his extreme pickiness when it comes to food. He has a very limited diet and refuses to try anything outside of his comfort zone. He doesn’t eat meat or vegetables, his diet typically consists of stuff like pizza, macaroni, cereal, and bread with the occasional fruit on the side.
This has made it extremely frustrating whenever we eat out. If we’re getting something to eat, we have to only go to places that serve anything he wants, which limits our options to mostly just fast food or pizza places. He’s offered to go out to other restaurants with me, but he never ends up ordering anything when we do and it’s extremely embarrassing.
He never eats anything I cook, and typically just sticks to making his own food.
This came to a head when we visited my parents last week. We sat down to eat together, they knew he didn’t eat meat so prepared a vegetable dish. When we were eating, he only ate a small portion of it, and I could tell from how little he had eaten he wasn’t going to finish it.
My parents asked what was wrong, and he thanked them for the food but said he just wasn’t that hungry and ended up just fiddling with the rest of it and threw most of it out after dinner. I was mortified.
On the way back, he wanted to stop and get food and I kind of laid into him.
I told him he embarrassed me, was rude to my parents for not eating the dish, and that he seriously needed to grow up and stop eating like a man-child. This isn’t the first time we’ve argued about this, but it is the first time I’ve been this mad.
Last summer we visited my extended family at my uncle’s lakehouse, and he only ate frozen pizza and cereal the three days we were there, which caused issues since my nieces and nephews were there and I felt it set a bad example for them.
He got hurt and hasn’t talked to me much for the past few days. I feel bad, but at the same time, I’m just tired of this.
So, AITJ? I feel I could have been nicer and more accommodating, but it’s not like he has a medical condition that forces him to eat this way.
I’m just so tired of him not even being willing to try and continuing to eat like a 5-year-old.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have a general rule. Whenever there are two people and one of them is trying to control the other, the controlling one is almost always the jerk.
In this case, that’s you. Now, I get that your partner is unique. That’s different than being a jerk. He seems to go out of his way not to make other people uncomfortable. He didn’t insult your parent’s food. He didn’t try to control how they eat or what they prepare.
That is the opposite of being a jerk! He sounds like a good person. Unique but good. Now, to be clear, I wouldn’t like this in a partner either. I might tell the partner, “This is all too much for me. I’m out.” That’s not jerk behavior.
That’s figuring out what works for you. It’s your controlling behavior and attitude that makes you a jerk.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and it’s not even close. So you know he’s a picky eater, to the point that he doesn’t eat your dinner and makes his own without complaining.
You put him in a position where he has to eat someone else’s food and you blame your being embarrassed on him for not eating it, and belittle him for it? If it’s that big a deal, break up with him, but if not you are the one who needs to get over it.” offensivelypc
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here not compatible unless OP can learn to live with it. I disagree that this leads to controlling behavior. I had a college partner with extreme pickiness and told him ‘Oh that won’t work for me long-term if we can’t try ethnic food together’ early on and over a year he tried more and more and ended up loving practically all of it and his pickiness is completely cured to this day – his family thanked me for giving him a reason to try foods outside his comfort zone.
Y’all are a lot older than college age and that ship has probably sailed to a large degree for him or his case is more severe. Not sure how you got to engaged without this popping as a major incompatibility but time to either accept this is how he is or exit the relationship.” Shuggabrain
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