People Feel Overlooked In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Accepting My Grandparents’ Executor Nomination And Upsetting My Mom And Aunts?
“So I, 24F, have been hanging out with my grandma whenever I can. We haven’t had the greatest relationship, and she is a bit of an abusive person, but after realizing what her actions were doing to people, she started to ask for help instead, which has helped our relationship grow.
We still butt heads when it comes to religion, but other than that, she’s been acting more like my grandma and not overstepping her bounds; however, her past actions towards others have pushed everyone else in the family away, including my mom and her two sisters.
Recently, when I was out for breakfast with my grandparents, I told my grandma about my future plans with my partner and our hopes of having a child, and getting a nice house down the road once our credit scores are higher. She was super supportive, and then she started talking about getting a will and whatnot together because she’s getting up there in age.
I told her it’s always good to be prepared, but I was positive she was going to be around for a long time still. Lately, I’ve been avoiding talk of death because I was living with my grandfather on my dad’s side last year. I came home from working a double and found him dead in his bed. Death, for me this past year, has been a tough subject.
Well, a couple of days after having breakfast with my grandma, she called me and informed me that she and my grandfather were thinking of making me the executor of the will instead of my mother or her older sister. I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I told her that if she chose me, I’d be more than happy to take care of everything for her.
Now, nothing is set in stone, and my grandma will make the decision towards the end of the year. I just feel like my family would get angry or upset if I “took away” that position from my mom or my aunts, but I don’t know because none of them really visit or speak to my grandma much anymore, and I feel like they’re just sitting still, hoping she’ll go before my grandpa so they can sweet talk him into leaving only one of them everything.
This all puts me in such an awkward position because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. So WIBTJ, if I gave my grandparents a definite yes to being executor?
Update: So I talked with my grandparents, and I mentioned to them about getting a lawyer to handle everything.
They agreed to it, and I informed them to make sure they have everything listed in the will and who gets what to avoid any sort of disagreements with the lawyer. I also informed her that she can save money by getting cremated and having her cremated remains buried versus having a full body burial. I also want to thank everyone for their helpful advice.
I greatly appreciate it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The choice is your grandparents. If they feel you are the best person to execute their wishes, it’s not your decision or your fault that they didn’t choose other people. Your family will need to make peace with that, just like they’ll need to make peace with whatever they are allocated to inherit.
The important part is that you carry out the will as they direct. I think they know you’ll execute it with integrity, and that’s why they’re considering you.” Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“I’m in the same boat as you, and frankly, if the other siblings (my aunts and uncles and mom) wanted to be a part of the will, they would have been a part of their lives more.
It’s not my fault they chose me because my lifestyle is the most responsible out of everyone (really sad because most everyone else is in their 40s). I know I’m the only one receiving any money out of a family of 4 (and I’m the granddaughter, not even a part of that 4) and so I know they’re going to be really mad.
But, at the end of the day, they’d blow it all and probably lose the house too. So it makes sense why they chose me. It sucks and it’s hard, but I’d rather do it than watch someone else do it and fail.” Front-Finish187
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – former wills & estates clerk – there is no problem here, it’s your grandparents’ choice, and actually it probably makes sense to do this now as you are younger than your mom and your aunts. This means: 1. If anything happens to them, your grandparents don’t have to incur the cost of a new will.
2. If your grandparents live a long life, your mom and aunts don’t need to deal with this. 3. As executor, you are just required to follow the instructions in the will, and the lawyers will assist you in doing this. You basically just sign the required court documents.
Being executor is also a position you can step down from in the future if needed.” Inallea
18. AITJ For Not Covering My Flaky Coworker’s Shift?
“I work two jobs while I’m applying for master’s programs, just so I can make money, survive, pay rent, etc., and maybe save up for life’s pleasures.
One of the jobs I only work 20 hours a week (this is important for the story). The other I work almost 40 (39 to be exact). At the former, I had a bit of a messy situation with them where they made me work about 40/50 hours per week and only paid me for 20, stating: “my contract only stipulates 20 hours so they are only paying me for 20 and not the rest.” This was after they told me everything would be fine if I worked the 40/50 hours I had originally worked. I sent them a legal notice to get them to pay and basically had a very tense one-on-one with the owner, where he basically said, “I will only be working 20 hours and not a minute more; otherwise, that will not be paid and it’s not allowed as per my contract.” I accepted it and moved on.
Fast forward to now… This past week actually, one of my coworkers (let’s call her Missy because she always likes to miss out on shifts and ask us, specifically me, to cover for her) misses a lot of shifts where she and I were meant to be working together and leaves me to basically fend for myself.
Okay, fine, whatever. Don’t tell our manager, as he’s buddy-buddy with her and won’t care either. I let it slide. She missed yet another shift and left my coworker and me to fend for ourselves… Okay, great, whatever. She’s supposed to make up the following week (this week, by the way), but she ended up booking a ticket to see her partner (who, by the way, missed lots of work and left me all alone because of their messy on-again, off-again relationship).
She tells me that I should cover the shift alongside our manager. I tell them, “I don’t know, maybe” (because I’ve got another gig on the side). I look over my meticulously planned schedule, by the way, and tell her, “No, I can’t be there to replace you for that shift.” This is especially since that would go over my 20-hour limit for this job, and I’m not going to work unpaid overtime/labor… especially after the mess that happened last time.
Now she’s trying to be all shady and tense with me… I don’t care that much because it’s just work, but like seriously, AITJ?
I would be happy to answer questions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s really not even a question.
If she doesn’t want to do her job, maybe she should quit instead of making everyone else shoulder her workload? You don’t have to be at her beck and call; you have a life that won’t always work with her schedule!” beanbagbozo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And if possible (if you don’t think you’ll be fired), put it in an email to your boss reminding him you’re not paid when working over 20 hours. “As the owner indicated when I worked 45 hours the week of 1/27, I am only contracted for 20 hours, so that’s all I will get paid for.” It’s illegal not to pay you for all your time worked. Wait until you leave this company, track any other missing pay or illegal actions, and take it to the DOL if you are in the US.” anonymous_girl_there
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unpaid and you can’t rearrange your existing schedule. My schedule that has been meticulously planned, by the way. This made me laugh because I’ve had periods in my life where I was scheduled in literal 15-minute increments because of how crazy things were.” LowBalance4404
17. AITJ For Taking My Co-Worker To Small Claims Court After Ruining Our Family Vacation?
“My (20sF) partner (20sM), his parents (50s), siblings (20sM), and uncles (50sM) were supposed to go on vacation together. My job ended up rescinding my time off, but the tickets were non-refundable. After we asked everyone we knew, the only person who could go was one of our nice enough coworker, Mary (30sF).
She agreed to pay my partner and his parents multiple times on the trip and beforehand, and we said no rush, and we would let her know when to send the money. Initially we just didn’t want the ticket to go to waste, thinking it would be like a gift we wouldn’t mind eating the cost on.
Unfortunately, Mary turned out to be a massive embarrassment to everyone over the course of the vacation, the last straw being that she got insanely intoxicated, and confessed she hated me, loved my partner, kissed him, and threw up on their room’s floor before passing out.
When my partner and his family got home, they all took about a week to decompress. Mary sent progressively more passive-aggressive texts to my partner about him not responding to her smalltalk messages, pretending as if nothing had happened (which he ignored as well), and last night when he finally had enough, he asked her to just pay him back for the ticket and leave him alone as neutrally as he could.
This morning, she responded that she only offered to pay when he was “being nice” and now that he was “punishing” her for “having an accident over catching feelings” for him, she didn’t need to give him anything. My partner hasn’t responded and just wants to ghost her.
I still feel a bit responsible for this since I was the reason she ended up having to go in the first place, so I said I could handle messaging her. My partner didn’t want me to have to deal with her either, which is fair.
Here’s where I might be a jerk though. Instead of just burying the issue, I think (even though it will suck) we could take the issue to small claims court to get the money from her. She did text my partner, spoke to him and his family, and admitted again that she did agree to pay.
My partner’s mom is on my side, saying it was way too much money to let slide (~$1000USD). My partner and his dad understand where we’re coming from, but don’t want to go to court over it because they think it’ll take forever, isn’t worth having to see her again, and might damage her reputation or credit more than necessary.
I know it’ll take a while, but if her behavior had been typical I would have never cared in the first place (couldn’t care less about her reputation, however). So, would I be a jerk if I took her to small claims court because of everything?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope. I’m not having it. You did not send a coworker on a family trip in your stead. If you did, ytj for that alone. If you take her to court, you’re doubling down on your jerkishness, and if it’s for the reason given, you are a triple jerk.
You don’t get to be Miss Manners and judge her behavior after you did something so outlandishly stupid.” Succulent_Roses
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in general. You guys were so desperate not to waste a ticket that you ruined your own vacation by bringing someone who’s basically a stranger, and then are surprised that said stranger didn’t work out.
You guys ruined your own vacation. Wouldn’t it have been better to lose the money and have a good time on vacation? Look at all the stress this mishap has cost and will continue to cost going to court (if it does, a strongly worded letter from an attorney could be enough to make her pay).” SpaceAceCase
Another User Comments:
“Who the heck cares if it damages her reputation or credit. She totally deserves it. That’s what happens when people lie about things. I would tell her she has 24 hours to pay, otherwise you will file a claim. And once I started down that road, I would not give up until the court ruled. NTJ.
Sometimes I open Reddit and realize I have a boring life. Good luck! I hope you win and she’s mortified!” Lex-tailonis
16. AITJ For Not Signing A Liability Contract For My Dogs' Alleged Bite?
“This past weekend, I went over to my parents’ house to drop off my kids, so my husband and I could enjoy a date night.
As usual, I brought my two dogs with me. I have a 5-year-old, 19-pound Jack Russell mix and a 3-year-old, 40-pound Border Collie. They both love the stimulation of visiting my childhood home and usually enjoy playing with my parents’ dogs. I’ve done this with all my dogs for years, and it’s become a regular part of our routine.
When it was time to leave, I went outside, and my dogs, excited as always, pushed past me and ran toward the driveway. At that moment, my parents’ neighbor had just pulled into his driveway (which is very close to my parents’ driveway), and my dogs started barking at him.
Instantly, I ran out and called to them. They came back to me right away. However, when I got outside, I noticed the neighbor was kicking at my dogs. I didn’t see anything else happen at that moment, but it seemed clear that he was upset.
He then started shouting that one of my dogs had bitten him.
I immediately put my dogs in my car and apologized profusely. I gave him all my contact information and told him that if he needed to go to urgent care for any injury, I would cover the costs.
I explained that this behavior was totally out of character for my dogs. At that point, the neighbor showed me a small red mark on his ankle, but I didn’t see any blood or signs of a puncture wound. He seemed satisfied with the situation, and I left.
About 20 minutes later, the neighbor knocked on my parents’ door. He demanded to know who I was. My dad spoke with him, and the neighbor said that he had “deep and severe” puncture wounds all over his leg and thigh, and that he needed to go to urgent care.
My dad, being very understanding, offered to help cover the costs as well and said he could even pay over the phone directly to urgent care so the neighbor wouldn’t have to worry about any out-of-pocket expenses. The neighbor agreed to this offer.
An hour later, my dad noticed the neighbor’s car leaving and then coming back.
My dad went to check in on him, asking if he had gone to urgent care and if there was a bill for the medical expenses. At first, the neighbor ignored him, but then responded an hour later, saying he hadn’t gone to urgent care yet.
Instead, he had been making phone calls, and now he wanted us to sign a contract stating that we assumed full liability for his medical expenses and stating he did not provoke them. My dad, still trying to resolve the situation reasonably, told him we would be willing to have someone review the contract but would not sign it, as we couldn’t prove the dogs hadn’t been provoked. However, we were still happy to cover any urgent care expenses.
The neighbor then told my dad that he was going to urgent care approximately three and a half hours after the incident had occurred. At this point, he also contacted me, telling me the same thing about the contract and stating he was finally going to urgent care.
I again told him that I felt terrible this had happened, that I would cover the urgent care costs, but that I was not willing to sign the contract.
Since then, the neighbor has not provided any proof of receiving medical care. He reported the incident to Animal Control, which I had no issue with, but only did so the day after the event, after I had refused to sign the contract.
I’ve now received a notice from Animal Control stating that I must pay to board and quarantine one of my dogs for 10 days, even though he is up to date. The neighbor still hasn’t provided Animal Control with any proof of the bite wounds, despite being told that they requested it.
Additionally, his story has changed several times about where the bite wounds are located, how severe they are, and whether both of my dogs were involved or just one.
Then, the neighbor sent me a message saying that he no longer felt comfortable accepting payment directly from us without involving “third-party” authorities.
He also claimed that my dad and I had been hostile and uncooperative. It seems like he might be looking to sue or take us to court.
I’ve been very upset and crying for the past two nights. Our date night was completely ruined. My dog has never spent a night away from me without either my other dog or a relative, and I feel terrible that this happened. He’s not a mean dog at all and is usually very friendly.
I used to even bring him to work with me every day. I understand that my dogs did not behave appropriately, and I’ve done my best to take responsibility for the situation. However, I also feel like the neighbor is taking this too far and may be fabricating some of the details.
As a veterinary technician, I’ve dealt with bite wounds and aggressive animals, so maybe I’m being less understanding because I’m familiar with how these things usually go. Regardless, I genuinely want to do the right thing, but I don’t think I should have to sign a contract without more proof.
Am I in the wrong here?”
15. AITJ For Needing Space From A Friend Who Values Popularity Over Our Bond?
“So recently, I (18M) and my best friend (18M) have been drifting apart.
I just feel like he doesn’t make time for me anymore—he doesn’t make an effort to organize and attend things, invite me to things, or even be in the same space as me at school anymore. He’s too busy trying to be a social climber—mixing with people he doesn’t even like that much (he said so himself), making new “friends” with the people renowned for being the “fakest friend group in school.”
He had a party a few weeks ago for his birthday and didn’t invite me. He didn’t even tell me about it until I found out through someone else three weeks later. And I’m his “best friend” (according to him). Then, when I got mad, he said I was “annoying” and that “if you’re going to be like that, I’m not going to invite you anyway.” Then he goes and tells the one person who absolutely despises me, and that person then makes it his mission to antagonize me for the next two weeks over it.
So this has been stewing for a few months now. I’ve kept it under wraps—acted as normally as possible. We all know this isn’t healthy. And small things kept building up—lies, cageyness, and a lack of availability. I’ve got anxiety, and one of my biggest triggers is exclusion and rejection.
So, as you can imagine, I was pretty riled up by this time last week.
So I avoided him all week. Not the healthiest choice, but probably for the best. He asks me what’s wrong many, many times. I tried to invite him to talk it out many, many times, but he says he’s “too busy” for a walk and talk.
The one time I did manage to say how I felt—just a “no, I’m not okay.” I got “I don’t care.” Then he called me on Friday night to ask what was wrong.
So I told him, “You seem to pick me up and put me down.
I don’t appreciate being left in the mud so you can go off networking with people you don’t even like. It makes me feel like crap.”
So he goes on about how I’m “difficult to be friends with” because I “get all cold” and “won’t talk to him about things” (YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE TOO BUSY AND DIDN’T CARE?!) and that “some people told me they don’t like you because you’re not nice.” He also completely denied saying that he didn’t like his new friends and that he picks me up and puts me down.
So, as you can imagine, I feel like crap. Not only has he invalidated my feelings, but he’s played on my insecurities, knowing I have anxiety. So I hung up and haven’t spoken to him since. AITJ, and what should I do? Run?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you kidding me? He is not your best friend or even your friend for a long time, if that’s how he was treating you and talking to you. He already decided a while ago that your social ‘level’ will set him back in his quest to social glory, and his actions are all intended to keep you away so make sure you are not tainting his ‘social halo.’ I know I sound harsh, but you got that right, he is faking and pretending to be liked by people with a higher social level so he can climb his way and be more popular.
Being popular is definitely the biggest happiness scam out there—you should stay with the people who treat you well for who you are and have the same interests and mindset: this is what will make you happy. Being popular yet surrounded by shallow people who have nothing in common with you might make you feel good at first, but very soon you’ll understand that you are just alone with no real friends and nothing important to look forward to.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Walk away. A real friend will make time for you. It’s also worth remembering that people grow and change over time, and rarely keep the friends they had in school. It’s not a reflection on you, just the nature of the world.
If he makes contact again, treat him as an acquaintance rather than a friend. Friends should overall make you feel better, not play on your anxieties.” The-Comfy-Chair
Another User Comments:
“You need to make more friends. You are putting a lot of pressure on this other 18-year-old to be there for you all the time.
It’s never nice when friends grow and change and even move on, but it will be more bearable if you make more friends.” HelpfulAfternoon7295
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Chocolate To My Friend For His Crush?
“I, 14M, am currently in high school where everyone seems to be on a relationship spree.
One of my friends (14M) has been talking to this girl (14F) on social media a lot, even though we’re all in the same class. During classes and breaks, he rarely talks to her in person. Before the lunch break today, I suggested that maybe he could gift the chocolate (pretty big choco frodo frogo thing) that I got from a note taking competition to her.
They didn’t think much, and we all went outside. During the break, he, one other friend, and I were together. He was following her, but from very far behind. When she sat at a table with a few of her other friends, he told us that he’d only go there if we went as well.
(Logical reasoning incoming)
He’d always be onto some crap like this, using excuses like “I’ll go if you give me money,” or “Only if you go.” I’ve got no idea what point he’s trying to make here. If he wants to sit next to his crush, it’s for his own benefit in the advancement of his relationship.
He somehow thinks he’s getting paid to do something that helps him. Relating to the statement of “Only if you go,” I don’t see how this helps someone. Courtship is a more private topic in my opinion. I don’t see how taking a friend or two over is going to somehow motivate him.
I’ve told him many times that it’s for his own growth; there’s nothing relating to me.
Later, when he went to sit on a bench near his crush, he started to ask for the chocolate to give it to her. I only thought that maybe he could talk to her, with the chocolate as a side goal. However, he had no plans other than just giving the chocolate to her.
He continued, sounding like his life absolutely depended on the chocolate, whining and rummaging through my bag. His friend also joined in, both screeching at me to give him my chocolate. They did nothing to deserve it, especially with their attitude towards me.
(Note that I’m only helping him make suggestions because he believes in some Gen Z/Alpha nonsense where you “wingman” (sorry millennials and elders for this load of tosh) someone to help them get a partner.
I don’t want to be intrusive or bossy; however, he insists that people make an effort to help him.)
I feel pressured to do something, thus I give him a mango candy. I leave; after a while, I see him again. He whines to me, saying things like “she didn’t like the candy” and “just give me the chocolate” while giving the candy back to me.
I reason with the above statements and leave. After the break ends and we all gather, his crush with her two friends goes crazy for the candy after hearing it was mango flavoured. For the rest of the day, he and his friend are angry with me.
Am I the jerk for not giving my friend chocolate that I earned because he wanted it for his crush?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ honestly if he gets with that girl, they’re not gonna last lol. If he really wanted to give her the chocolate, he could’ve bought it with his own money.
But don’t let this affect you too much, you guys are 14 and 14-year-olds who, well… do stuff like this a lot. Kinda wish these were my biggest problems; life was simpler back then” etamatcha
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Why did you suggest he give her your chocolate if you weren’t going to give it to him?
Why are you involved in pressuring him to talk to his crush? He can talk to her or not talk to her; it’s not your problem. He can’t “insist that people make an effort to help him” if you stop getting involved.” Scrabblement
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Half-Brothers To Join My NASCAR Outing?
“I (15M) have three older half-brothers, twins (Max and Jake, 18M) and Shane (16M). We have the same mother, but they have a different father. Max, Jake, and Shane’s father is very involved in their lives, and they live with him every other week.
On the other hand, I have a deadbeat, absent father that I never see. I have no relationship with my half-brothers’ father. My half-brothers definitely do not treat me the same way they treat each other. I have friends who have older brothers who are supportive, hang out with them, and are there for them, but mine are nothing like that.
Often, when Max, Jake, and Shane are at their dad’s, I spend the weekend with my uncle (my mom’s brother). Because of that, my uncle and I are very close. One of the things we do together is watch NASCAR, since he’s made me a fan.
It’s our thing. As far as I know, my half-brothers don’t watch NASCAR; I’ve never watched a race with them, at least.
Next week, Max, Jake, and Shane were supposed to be at their dad’s. My uncle was going to take me to the NASCAR race in Atlanta that weekend, just him and I.
However, my brothers’ dad has had to go away on some business trip, I guess, meaning they aren’t going to their dad’s next week. Since they’ll be here, my uncle also invited them to come to the Atlanta race with us.
I don’t want them to come.
When they went to Europe, or Florida, or skiing, or New York, or any of the other trips they take with their dad, I don’t get invited. They go away with him two or three times a year. I’ve never been away because my mom can’t afford it; this will actually be my first time on a plane.
They get everything. This is one thing I had planned, just my uncle and I, and he just invited them.
Since they’re going, I no longer want to go, and I’m considering telling my uncle that tomorrow. When he told me they were coming, he could see I wasn’t happy – he knows how I feel about my relationship with them.
But he said that since they’re home, he can’t not invite them; it wouldn’t be fair. But it’s not my fault their dad is going away. I know my uncle can’t uninvite them now, so I really think I’d just prefer to stay home and not go.
WIBTJ if I told my uncle I don’t want to go and instead stayed home?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand your half-brothers are enjoying things you’re not because of their dad. However, you have to look at this from your uncle’s perspective.
He has 4 nephews, not 1 nephew and 3 half-nephews, but 4. He is helping his sister by providing things for you because his sister can’t afford trips, and her other kids are getting very nice trips. If he were to only take one nephew, the other 3 may feel as if you are favored over them.
If you truly don’t want to go, then don’t, but you shouldn’t let the presence of your half-brothers ruin something that you would enjoy.” mplunchbox96
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you don’t go. Your half-brothers aren’t the problem; your uncle isn’t the problem.
Your FATHER and MOTHER are the problem. Your dad’s a deadbeat (mine signed his rights away). If he didn’t sign his rights away, then your mom needs to get child support for you. Your mom had a kid with a deadbeat right after – only a month after her last kid was one month old – and she’s not a prize either.
It sounds like she was unfaithful to your half-brothers’ father; I completely understand why he doesn’t take you along. I couldn’t handle my ex’s affair child either. Your uncle is doing the right thing. I’m sorry your dad is a jerk and your mom screwed some guy a month after having a kid with, presumably, her ex.
You are getting the short stick here, and while it sucks, it’s no one’s fault but your dad’s and your mom’s. You can’t go through your life expecting your half-brothers to include you. I’d bet your birth broke your parents’ relationship.
Go with your uncle to watch NASCAR. But, tell him and your mom why you feel like this. Your mom needs to find funds, get a second job, and put you in therapy or go after baby daddy number 2 for child support.” NoFlight5759
Another User Comments:
“This post just makes me feel sad. I can tell from your writing that you accept the (non)relationship with your half-brothers. And you understand and accept why you aren’t included when your half-brothers do something special with their dad. I don’t get a sense that you’re whining or feel entitled to be treated to the same stuff as they get from their dad.
People below are kind of tough on you, pointing out that you do not have any special relationship with your uncle compared to your half-brothers. It’s ridiculous for you to feel the way you feel. He’s their uncle, too, after all. Obviously, they skipped right over that part about how you often spend the weekend at your uncle’s house, and that’s when you got into NASCAR.
Maybe it’s weird, but that is the one thing that bothers me the most: NASCAR is something you and your uncle have bonded over. I bet when he planned this trip for the two of you, it seemed super special, not just any old trip.
Inviting your half-brothers definitely changes all that. Now, it’s true that you don’t mention anything about your half-brothers’ interest in NASCAR. The reason I doubt they are as interested as you is because if they were, you all might have bonded at least partially over this shared interest. Since that clearly has not happened, I bet they’re not even that into NASCAR.
Here’s why I would go anyway: YOU GET TO GO TO NASCAR! Let your uncle plan it and pay for it and get you there safely. Then, while your half-brothers are wandering around the speedway, you and your uncle can enjoy the race as planned. Or (sadly, more likely), while your uncle is making sure your half-brothers are somehow having a good time, you can still ENJOY BEING AT AN ACTUAL NASCAR RACE!
(Also, because it would, as you’ve acknowledged, be absolutely unbearable if they went without you and you had to listen to them talking about the trip afterward.) I hope you can give us an update, no matter which way you decide to go.” popoPitifulme
12. AITJ For Committing My Delusional Family Member And Cutting Off All Contact?
“My family member (let’s call her Rita) suddenly lost her husband about a year and a half ago. A few months later, she began seeing a man who suddenly passed due to a heart attack.
During all of this, she began to believe that her neighbors were harassing her by standing outside her windows, tapping on her windows and doors, and playing music. We added cameras to her property and taught her how to use them. The harassment continued, and the police got involved. No one was seen.
Rita’s doctor suggested that she start seeing a psychiatrist to help her with grief back in October. The psychiatrist prescribed her some medications, and we thought things were getting better. They did not. In the past few months, things have escalated. She believes they are on her roof, destroying her SUV, and throwing fireworks at her house.
The police department has continued to respond to almost daily calls, and some have threatened to arrest her. One of the officers relates to our situation and has been updating the family on her as she calls. A few days ago, our family received a call stating that she had called the fire department, claiming that they were trying to set her house on fire.
They didn’t find any evidence. Yesterday, she called again to report that they were on her roof shooting fireworks. The officer responded and did not see anything. He said he went about a block down the street, out of view, to see if the neighbor would come back, but he did not see anything.
When he returned to her house, Rita was adamant that they were on her roof shooting fireworks as soon as he left.
He called the family to report on the situation and asked that someone convince her to go to a hospital to be checked out.
He has advised the family on many occasions that she might need a psychological evaluation. I called her today to talk and suggested that maybe her medication was worsening the situation. Rita became irate, stating that I didn’t believe her, and neither did the officer.
She has also said she no longer wants me in her life.
At this point, I am ready for this to end as it is tearing the family apart. My sister and I signed documents to involuntarily commit her. Rita has been sending messages to me, and I do not want to talk to her anymore.
AITJ for committing her and wanting no more contact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you have Rita’s best interests at heart. She needs to be assessed and if committing her is the way for that to happen, then just let it be. She isn’t likely to check herself in and at this rate, she’s liable to be arrested or fined for all of those emergency calls.
Thanks for doing the right thing, OP. Sometimes, it sure doesn’t feel good.” ChicagoWhiteSox35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for getting her the help she needs. Remember, she may be suffering from some sort of undiagnosed mental illness, and so these “happenings” are real to her rather than something she is doing to annoy you and other family members.
Hopefully, she will get the help she needs now and begin doing better. In the meantime, if she is sending you annoying messages, it probably is best that you not respond to them.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rita clearly needs help before she gets to the point of harming herself and/or others.
Although one could argue that harassing her neighbors and tying up first responders’ resources is a kind of harm, not to mention that she’s clearly not happy. She’s living in a constant state of fear and anxiety, flooded with stress hormones. None of that is good for her.
This is one of the cases where leaving someone alone is not the solution.” labasic
11. AITJ For Holding My Roommate To Our Official Noise Agreement?
“During our official roommate agreement with the RA, my roommate agreed not to listen to things out loud when I’m trying to sleep (which we designated to be 1 am). Now, she’s refusing to wear headphones and I’m the problem because my insomnia is “too severe” and I shouldn’t have an issue with it because it’s low volume.
I tried to explain to her that most people would have an issue with noise while they’re trying to sleep, insomnia or not. It’s not like I’m trying to sleep at 8 pm, either. I suggested she try earbuds or put her phone under her pillow so that I don’t have to hear it.
She refused both of those suggestions and said I should simply wear earplugs.
This ties together with another issue I’m starting to have with her. She talks to her partner on speaker for many hours before bed (7 pm–12:30 am). She does this every single day.
This is something that she’s been doing for years and she told me in advance that she wasn’t going to change her habits. Though I found it annoying, I was willing to tolerate it as long as she ended the conversation before my bedtime. One time, I had to remind her to end the conversation because it was actually past 1 am.
I made one other request that she agreed to: we should wear headphones when we’re both in the room. She keeps listening to stuff out loud (very loudly), and she does it for hours. I constantly have to tell her to lower the volume. I can’t hear what I’m listening to unless I also play it out loud.
Then it becomes a battle of us overpowering each other’s volume, which is ridiculous.
She also woke me up at 4 am when she decided to play a video out loud. I confronted her about all of these incidents, and she said, “I’m allowed to change my mind if things aren’t working for me.” She also told me she needs to listen to videos to help her fall asleep because she has PTSD.
I respect that. She said she can’t wear headphones to sleep because it causes her severe, blinding migraines. I take issue with this, not because I don’t believe her, but because she said she tried it before with her other roommate and had to stop because it was debilitating her.
Why would you lie to me in the roommate agreement and say you’ll wear headphones when you know that’s an issue for you? It’s also insulting that she keeps undermining my insomnia, as though her issues are more important than mine. She also said that if her conversation goes past 1 am again, she’s not hanging up again because of me.
We’ve been roommates since January, and it’s been heck. I’ve been going home every Thursday and returning on Sunday because I just can’t deal with sleep deprivation. This means I’m only there for 4 nights. She has the whole entire weekend to be as loud as she wants, and it feels really unfair that she can’t even be quiet when I’m there.”
Another User Comments:
“POV every episode of TBBT (kidding you’re much more reasonable than Sheldon) NTJ. The whole point of the RA is that things are set in stone so you have a reference for what’s okay behavior and what isn’t (doesn’t mean you can’t change it ever, but on a whim for convenience when it’s making your roommate uncomfortable is lame).
Making her wear headphones really isn’t a big ask.” Master_Lake9012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to fight back if she isn’t willing to compromise. She wants to talk to her partner on loudspeaker and start playing ….. which wakes you up and then fires it up again.
If she says anything, say the noises soothe you ….. She’s trying to make you uncomfortable so that you leave, which you are doing Thursday to Sunday ….. So, it’s time to make her life miserable in return.” NoContribution9322
Another User Comments:
“I can’t use earplugs.
I’ve had so many ear infections; anything in there longer than an hour causes pain. So, earbuds are only an hour at a time too. I get that it may give her migraines, but they make pillow speakers. Hubby uses one. He listens to his podcast while falling asleep.
I hear nothing. The sound quality is decent. You can make out what’s being said in videos clearly. It’s a Bluetooth connection, so she can see her screen and have sound that doesn’t bother you. There is a very easy solution to this.
She’s just being a bit of an entitled brat.” Alycion
10. AITJ For Enforcing A Permanent Ban On My Kids Visiting Their Unsafe Grandmother’s House?
“I (33F) have two daughters (2.5 and 6 months) with my husband (30M). Over the summer, my husband’s uncle unexpectedly passed away at 56 years old. Upon his death, it was discovered that he and his 9-year-old son were living in absolute filth. I’m talking about the stuff you see on the TV show “Hoarders.” If authorities had been called and seen a child living in that house, there is no doubt in my mind he would have been charged with child neglect.
The 9-year-old now lives with his mother out of state.
We had spent several years not knowing that they were living in these conditions, and this promptly started a discussion between my husband and I about how, when our kids become school-aged, we need to speak up right away if we feel this might be happening with any of their friends or classmates.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago. I caught a glimpse of the inside of my in-laws’ house. I always knew that my mother-in-law (55F) is a saver, to put it nicely. I had seen her house before, and it was always incredibly messy. But this was before she had grandkids.
My mother-in-law has been watching my kids part-time since my oldest was born, mostly at our house. However, during the last 6 months of my pregnancy with our second, I would bring my oldest to her, and I was kept out of the loop about what they were doing or where they were going (this is an entirely different issue that has been resolved…
I think). When I saw the inside of her house, I was absolutely appalled that she would allow my two very young children in that environment. They were not there at the time I saw the house, but they had been there just a few days before.
I bit my lip and did my best to hide my face while I was there, but I immediately called my husband on the way home and told him that neither of the girls was allowed back at that house, ever. I am admittedly still shaken up by everything that had gone on with his uncle’s house, but looking at the condition of my in-laws’ house, I will not allow my children to be exposed to that.
There are paths around the house; you cannot see any part of the kitchen table or counters, and there is no access to the couch, etc.
My husband was very understanding and supportive, but my mother-in-law is pouting and says it’s unfair that I won’t let my girls go to Grandma’s house.
I know going to Grandma’s house is a special thing for both the grandparents and grandkids. Am I wrong for taking this experience away?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. MIL can take this as a wake-up call, or get bent. If it’s that bad just visually, you hate to think of what’s going on in there that you CAN’T see.
And your children are so young, their immune systems are not up to what an adult may be able to withstand. Charitably, maybe she’s still so depressed about her son’s death and sort of shut down on keeping things up, and this will be a sorely needed wake-up call.
If you feel like it, you can offer for you and your husband to help her get the place back in shape and, if it’s kept up afterwards, you’ll reconsider the kids coming over.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your responsibility is to ensure your children’s safety.
You aren’t saying MIL cannot see the children, just that she can’t have them there. I adored my mother while she was alive. But her house was unsafe, dirty, and packed… low-level hoarder type. My son was 6yo when he came to us.
He has never been in that house.” West_Sample9762
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband For Waking Me Up For His Lost Watch?
“I would love opinions on this and if AITJ here for my reaction to this. I am a light sleeper and have trouble falling back asleep if woken up. My husband is fully aware of this. I also have 3 young kids. All my kids and I have had the flu and are finally on the mend.
But for the last 1-2 weeks, the nights have been broken up by sick kids. One of my kids is a 7-month-old and I am the parent that will attend to her when she wakes up at night — my husband does not help with any of that.
The last 1-2 weeks have been rough recovering from the flu and taking care of sick kids. For example, the 2 nights before last I was up from 1-3 am and then had to be up by 5 am for work. I am just exhausted. There is a pattern or history in our marriage of him not taking on as much of the kids’ or household responsibilities — we’ve been to counseling for this and other stuff.
I just wanted to give you some context or background.
At 4:45 am on Saturday — when we could have the opportunity to catch up on sleep because there was no school or work — my husband wakes me up to ask where his watch is. I was so angry because I knew I was not going to be able to fall back asleep and by the time I was able to, the baby or kids would be up.
This week has been exhausting. After I told him where he left it, he went downstairs and I was just enraged. I went downstairs and told him that asking for help to find his watch wasn’t a reason to wake me, and you know how hard it is for me to sleep.
He did not care one bit. He said things back like “You’re not even trying to fall back asleep” or “All I did was just ask you a question.” This enraged me and I yelled back at him how selfish and inconsiderate he was. My whole day now is going to be me being tired because HE can’t remember where he put his watch.
We went back and forth and he truly doesn’t think he did anything wrong and is very defensive. At this point, the baby started stirring and I went to feed her. My other kids did not wake up from this. We were arguing on a different floor of the house.
I don’t know if you need to know this, but he was looking for his smartwatch because he wanted to go for a run and used it to monitor distance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs a full 24-48 hours as a solo parent. You need to go check into a hotel, sleep, and order room service.
The next time he wakes you up for something ridiculous, just tell him to deal with it, and go back to sleep, or pretend to. Do not help him find what he misplaced. He needs to start pulling his weight at home. He needs to be taking care of the kids and the housework.
If he won’t do anything for the kids or you, quit doing for him. Do not do his laundry. Do not cook for him. He can eat what you fix for the kids, or fix his own. At least half a day on the weekend, you need to go out, alone.
No husband. No kids. Let him deal with the kids, including lunch. Let him learn how much work it takes. But first, you go away and get some uninterrupted sleep.” Fickle_Toe1724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’d be under the freaking patio if he tried that with me.
What sort of person wakes anyone, let alone the parent of a baby, for anything other than to tell them the house is on fire? What a child. ‘Wah, mummy, I can’t find my toy and my toy is more important than your sleep.’ He doesn’t seem to love or respect you, or do his share of the parenting, so what is being in this relationship actually bringing you?” zuzzyb80
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I’m a mother to a 13-month-old and I know full well what it’s like to be acting like a single parent sometimes due to their father’s incompetence. My situation is similar to yours except it’s where my husband is terrible at waking up.
So I have to set an alarm so that I wake up to wake him up, which before meant I had to put my alarm 1.5-2 hours before he needed to be at work because he took an hour of shaking and yelling to get up.
Not to mention, as he stirs awake through the whole time, despite being dead asleep, he’s very rude and mean. I’ve blown up at him once when I was exhausted, the baby was a newborn, and he was doing it again where he was being a little jerk as I tried to get him up.
It’s gotten better since then, but I still have to set an alarm for me to wake him. Your husband needs to shape up. He needs to remember he is not a roommate to a woman and children. He is the father. You had every right to blow a fuse.” dakineuknodakine
8. AITJ For Taking Back My Mattress When My Roommate Couldn't Pay Me Back?
“I live with 3 roommates (alias: Bubbles, Buttercup, and Blossom) in an apartment right around the corner from our campus. When we first moved into our apartment last March, Buttercup was going through some serious financial trouble because her parents had completely cut her off.
We were all pretty close; we didn’t mind helping her stay on her feet. For months, we only divided the groceries and rent three ways.
I was particularly close with Buttercup, and I really understand this kind of stress since I’ve been financially independent from 16, so I did my best to help out.
I paid for her laundry, helped her find job listings, drove her around, and when we were furnishing our apartment, I bought her a mattress. Most of the little things I didn’t mind paying for and I just wanted to help out, but the mattress was the one thing that we decided she would definitely pay me back for, since it had set me back almost €1,000.
In August, Buttercup got a partner, often spending entire weeks at his apartment. She still hadn’t paid me back, so the mattress was technically mine, but I didn’t make a fuss because I didn’t have any use for it anyway.
However, as of a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been working on moving into a new apartment with my partner.
Our new place has two bedrooms, and we’ve decided to allocate one as a guest room. I’m bringing over my current bed, but for the guest room, we needed another full-sized mattress. I figured it would be the perfect time to ask Buttercup about paying me back for the mattress.
In the past, I’ve asked about it, but she always says that she “isn’t able to” and always has something else more pressing to pay off. So the last time I asked her, I really stressed how much this means to me that I can move in with my partner, but Buttercup responded that she just bought a car and she really needs to use the money for that and that she was sorry.
This is the point where I feel like I kinda turned into the jerk in this situation. I knew that Buttercup would spend weeks at her partner’s house, so I figured that if I just took the mattress, it wouldn’t be the end of the world since she had another place to crash.
Last week, I got a call from Buttercup, who was screaming at me. It turns out her partner had dumped her, and when she came home, she realized her mattress was missing. Apparently, when I told her that I was taking her mattress, she thought I was joking.
I apologized profusely, but at one point it just felt like she was guilt-tripping me, and I got angry. I told her that this whole thing wouldn’t have happened if she had made any effort to pay me back at all, but she still refuses to admit to any wrongdoing.
Bubbles texted me and let me know Buttercup’s been sleeping on the couch for the last two days. I’ve thought about giving the mattress back, but I’m genuinely hurt by how much I’ve supported her and how little thought she gives to me and my needs.
But I know it’s still incredibly petty. I don’t know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – technically the mattress is yours, since you paid for it. You just generously allowed her to use it until you had a use for it. Buttercup was going to continue to stiff you for the money she owed you and all the time you invested on her behalf in trying to help turn her into a functional adult.
Block the bunch and have done with it.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think now you know why Buttercup’s family cut her off. They WANT her to have a “sleep on the couch” experience so that she begins to understand and appreciate money, and you and your roommates (and her partner) softened the blow too much.
Stop stressing about this and enjoy your new apartment.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was most likely never going to pay you back. Everything else she needed money for was always going to be more important. I hate owing anyone, so whenever someone has had to spot me money in the past, that was always my main priority, and I would wait to make any big purchases until after I had paid that person back.” RezMageMasterRace
7. AITJ For Demanding Payment When My Expertise Clashes With My Mother's Fabric Choice?
“I, 26, am a semi-professional tailor. I picked up sewing when I was 7 and have been expanding my knowledge ever since as a hobby. I do custom orders as a side hassle. My SIL, 34F, recently gave birth to my niece. She has requirements for her baby’s stuff to be in muted, soft, pastel colors.
Although ideally, SIL doesn’t want unrequested gifts (she shared a to-buy list with us when she was pregnant).
My mother, 56F, wants to gift her a decorative pillow because my brother (SIL’s husband) liked to fight pillows when he was a baby. She requested that I make it because she wants a design embroidered on it and my sewing machine has embroidery software and hoops where I can load custom designs.
Mother requested that I pick the design and I tasked my fiancé, 25, to do the design since he is a professional illustrator. The design got approved and they vectorised it for me. Then the colors got picked. We agreed on yellow and we adjusted the design to be colored. Again, all was approved. Mother then decided to buy a fabric.
Today, she finally showed me the fabric… It’s banana peel yellow. The design will blend in since it’s in very soft, pastel colors that are easy on the eye. I said this fabric won’t work and offered fabrics I had on hand in the colors off-white and beige.
After all, we were talking about a background color for a pillow with embroidery. I argued a bit with her when she dropped “I want you to service me without your opinion.” I responded with “then pay me,” since I was doing this pro-bono.
Ironically, this isn’t a standalone case to the point that I have a clause in my ToS and in the commission contract stating that “if you want a lack of opinion, there’s a 50% upcharge to handle the time prepared for ‘This doesn’t look as I imagined’, which is often the case afterwards.” I can follow instructions to a T, but if you want a pencil skirt and give me a specific pattern, I will not tailor it to your specific body and it will not fit properly (just an example of what I had to do in the past).
So AITJ for telling my mother to pay when she demanded I keep my opinion regarding a shared present I was making? And one last thing, if that was commissioned by an external party, it would cost 70€ for the illustration, 40€ in materials, and additionally about 30€ for labour.”
Another User Comments:
“The other people on this thread don’t understand the crap a person who sews has to put up with, especially when family’s involved. Just because there’s a baby involved doesn’t mean people are entitled to your time and service no questions asked. It is ok to point out when a chosen fabric is inappropriate and will give poor results.
It is ok to refuse to work with subpar material when you’re giving your time and skills for free. It is ok to tell someone who is dismissing your expertise and talking over you that you will no longer do the work for free, or at all.
Your mother is free to do the work herself with the crappy fabric. See how well she does with it. NTJ.” PantsPantsShorts
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ. Mostly because banana peel yellow sounds a) not good, and b) the exact opposite of what the baby’s parents want, colour-wise.
And they don’t even really want gifts. It seems like your mom might be doing this to spite your SIL, rather than because she really wants to give a gift that they’ll find beautiful or useful. Maybe consider making the pillow in your preferred colour palette, or turning the illustration into printed art, and giving it as a gift from yourself and your partner.
You can keep it on hold for a gift-giving occasion if you feel that would go down better with the new parents.” Primary-Friend-7615
6. AITJ For Telling My Dad Off Over His Attempt To Control Mom’s Estate?
“For context, my dad, 51M, has not been very active in my life or my brother’s.
He’s been with another woman for 19 years; I’m 23. My mother put him out after finding out he was living a double life with said mistress. The separation started okay. He would come to take me and my brother on weekends, or whenever we’d ask, he’d take us places, but this was all when we were still very young.
As years went by, the time he spent with us slowed down. By the time I was in high school, I stopped going to him because the rose-colored glasses I had for him shattered as I grew up.
He wasn’t invaluable to my mom financially; she’d have to ask her family for help with my brother’s school clothes or even bills!
My mom recently passed last week, and his antics have begun. He started off by arguing with my family about putting his last name on the obituary when my mom went by her maternal last names for YEARS; people didn’t even know my mom was still married. Then he started lying, saying he had helped her with us.
Then, today, he told me he wanted my location because my mom and I shared the location with each other. I told him, “No, I don’t want to be tracked by you, sorry, but it was a thing we (brother, mom, I) did.” He dropped it but had an attitude afterward.
During this whole funeral planning process, I haven’t had time to grieve because I’ve been getting everything in order (bills, funeral, etc.). When we argue, I slam my door and he yells, “Stop slamming them freaking doors” or “Lose the freaking attitude.”
Today, after the balloon release, he called me and said not to let anyone in the house.
Mind you, he signed his rights away to this house when my mom purchased it. So it’s me and my brother’s house. I told him, “Who are you talking about?” Because I was genuinely confused, I asked if he was talking about my partner. He said no. So I asked again, “Who?” He proceeded to yell at me through the phone, saying, “Don’t let nobody in MY freaking house.” I had the most disgusting look on my face and replied, “Your house?” He changed his words to “our” and then told me to stop freaking playing.
I hung up the phone. I’ve been holding my tongue for too long with him. I’m trying to keep the peace, but I’ve had it. He’s not been a good father, nor was he a present one, and now since my mom is dead he wants to try?
No.
While going over what we should put the life insurance money into, he told me we’re gonna pay a month of the mortgage and car note off and keep the rest in an account until we need it. I’m in nursing school; he doesn’t have a stable job.
Why not pay off the car and pay off a few months of the mortgage so I don’t have to worry about it? I think he’s trying to pocket the money and not help me pay the bills.
After I cooled down, I told him he was not a good father nor was he a present one.
And he has no right to this household or to tell me what I can and cannot do. AITJ? P.S. It’s more to the crap, but I’d be writing a book”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should take distance from him immediately. It sounds like he’s indeed trying to forcibly integrate himself into your life for the house and the money.
It sounds like he’s trying to do this by attempting to order you around with what to do about the house and the bills/money. But anyone with a shred of decency and common sense would know that he has zero claim to both, but in acting like he does, he’s trying to get you to think he has that right.
He’s trying to get easy money.” First-Industry4762
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This man is just after whatever he can milk out of your mom’s estate. He’s trying to call the shots so he can maximize his return. Talk to a legal professional, I sincerely hope mom had a will.
Do not let him boss you around or dictate anything. I would go so far as to not let him on the property. With this type, they will take what they can get and then deal with the legal ramifications later. When you finally have a chance to sue them for recompense, the money will be gone and you will get nothing.
Do not give him an inch or he will pull the house out from under you.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“First, I am so sorry for your loss and the crappy father and his attitude! Second, I recommend that you do not pre-pay the mortgage.
It doesn’t work that way. Pay each month as it comes due. Pay off the car if you can. If you want to retain a few months’ worth of mortgage payments in a checking account with JUST your name on it, you could do that, but do not pre-pay the mortgage!
Also, inform the bank that (insert father’s name here) or another party might attempt to remove money from this account. Should that happen, authorize the bank to contact the authorities for fraud and theft! Third, hopefully mom had a will? Because that will help end “dad’s” attitude and you can move forward more confidently with telling him “where to go.” You are NOT TAH!!” Anxious_Gazelle6223
5. AITJ For Disliking My Nephew's Disruptive And Disrespectful Behavior?
“So, for starters, there are a few people involved: Me (F26), my nephew (14), my mom (52), and my sister (32). I’ve been struggling a lot with this because I’ve been wondering if I am a bad person for disliking my nephew. His parents were/are both irresponsible; his dad was abusive, and his mom was often careless.
I know my sister tried her best as she knew how, but she failed in teaching my nephew some manners. He’s basically been raised on tablets, a phone or PC, Xbox, or PlayStation.
He inherited his father’s anger issues, short temper, and he has no respect for anyone.
You tell him to turn off his PC and he will either ignore you or tell you to screw off. This bothers me because I have been trying to teach him some manners over the years, or rather, to show him that some things are simply wrong to do—like one time he was poking our dog with a stick, so I took the stick away and told him that he could hurt the dog.
My sister saw me and basically told me that I better not have kids. My sister would always shut me down and tell me to leave her son alone.
My mom would often defend my nephew by saying that he is a good boy (and maybe he is) and that his parents are crap, never taking proper care of him.
I know it’s traumatizing for a kid to see their parents fight and hurt each other like that.
Nowadays, he is just selfish and disrespectful. He ignores everyone if he is asked to do something or doesn’t care if others are sleeping. He will shout and smash the desk anyway, waking you up, and he will still be mad at you for being angry at him for waking you up.
He is constantly raging, screaming, swearing, and leaving a big mess around him; he won’t care if you clean up. I wish it weren’t like this. I tried to tolerate him better, but it’s just too much. I struggle with life; my mental health is getting worse because there is not a single day that is peaceful with him around.
My job is very busy and noisy, and after work, I just want peace and time to relax sometimes, but with him around it’s not possible. Even if he is asked nicely to be more quiet, he just doesn’t care. Additionally, the place we live in is just too small for all of us, so we have to share rooms, which is really inconvenient for everyone.
So that’s that. I hope that if anyone got this far, you won’t hate my guts. I feel like I am a bad person for this, but I also can’t help how I feel about my nephew. I know it’s not his fault; obviously, you don’t choose the parents and family you’re born into.
Anyway, I had to share this, whether I get hated for it or not, or even if it goes unseen. Cheers to you all, and take care.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you really need to work on not living with sis and her kid.
It is ok to love someone as a relative but not like them as a person. And sometimes they also need to hear it. My cousin was a right little crap but when his mum said “I love you like a mother should, but I don’t like you as a person, right now.
You need to change or change your expectations of me after 18,” she said it super peacefully and calmly, and my cousin cried so hard for days and really began to turn himself around. Have you got social services involved with the child as they sound like someone who needs intervention.” Both-Mud-4362
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t like my nephews or nieces. They are narcissists just like my siblings. I don’t want anything to do with any of them. Can you find a way to move out? Can you check Craigslist or social media marketplace to find a room rental you can afford to find some peace in your life?
Can you go stay with another relative? Do you have a friend who you can live with or rent a place together? Make a list of your options and start asking around to see what you can do. Do you know of anyone who you can stay with for the weekend to relax and unwind?
Then you aren’t around the nephew when he’s home from school. Can you go for walks to get away from the house and relax? What are your options for coping with the stress? Think about it and make a list. If you have a list you can refer to, it feels like you have more control and then you don’t stress as much.
Please look at somatic videos on YouTube to find fast, easy ways to reset your nervous system. Please check out Sukie Baxter vagus nerve massage for a quick reset. Once you get away from this stress, you will feel better. I’d urge you to move away from this situation as soon as possible.” Content_Day7351
4. AITJ For Asking Partner's Sister To Follow My Kitchen Rules?
“Two months ago, my partner’s sister (19F) broke up with her partner and had to move out of his apartment, so my partner (26M) and I (27NB) offered to let her move in with us.
When she moved in, I asked her to clean up after herself if she cooked meat, as neither my partner nor I eat meat, and not to cook anything with shellfish, as I have a severe shellfish allergy. She said that was fine and she would make sure to do it.
She has not been cleaning up after herself in the kitchen, and almost every day I have to clean congealed animal fat off pans and dishes that she has left out overnight. I don’t mind doing her dishes when I’m already washing mine and my partner’s, but I really hate having to clean out animal fat and bits of meat from all my cookware.
I have asked her several times to remember to clean up after herself, and she always says she will but never does.
I’m also Jewish, and although I’m not religious, it’s still important to me to follow my cultural practices. Having pork in the kitchen makes me uncomfortable generally, as you are not supposed to share any cooking surfaces or utensils between kosher and non-kosher foods; but having to clean it up myself makes me feel dirty in a way that I can’t fully explain.
When I woke up yesterday, she had left sausages wrapped in foil on top of the coffee machine and it had dripped juice (?) down into the machine. I was really mad, so I told her to stop cooking pork until she was ready to clean up after herself.
I was going to ask her to stop cooking meat altogether, but it felt too harsh when I’m already imposing restrictions due to my allergy.
She said I was being unfair, since she doesn’t ask me not to cook things she doesn’t like. I replied that if I was cooking in her kitchen and she was doing all my dishes for me, she’d be within her rights to ask me not to keep cooking something that she hated cleaning, and that it’s not even about me not liking pork, it’s a religious obligation not to contaminate my food with it.
She started crying, saying that I must think her food is gross or dirty if it will “contaminate” mine. I tried to apologize, as I didn’t mean to insult her food, but my partner interrupted to tell me to stop bothering her about it. He said it doesn’t matter whether there’s pork in the kitchen, and it’s not a religious obligation since I don’t believe in G-d.
His sister left, saying she was going to stay with a friend where she wasn’t being constantly policed, and my partner is now really mad at me for “expecting her to organize her life around my demands” because she has already accommodated me enough with my allergy.
I really don’t want to be controlling or demanding, and I feel like I’ve been too harsh, but I also feel really uncomfortable with having to ignore something so important to me. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“There are rules to being a good guest; expecting your host to violate their priorities for your comfort is extremely disrespectful.
Your partner and his sister are out of line. NTJ. Am I the only one who heard “my house, my rules” growing up? No. You’re not being autocratic and insisting she doesn’t wear yellow because you don’t like the color, you’re asking for basic respect in your own home.
Leaving gross dirty dishes for your host, irrespective of the contents, is flat out disgusting and is not acceptable. Was it Ben Franklin who said that after 3 days fish and houseguests start to stink?” FeistyMuttMom
Another User Comments:
“Instead of cleaning her nasty dishes, just leave them sitting there, don’t cook anything for a few days.
When partner or sister says anything, like the kitchen is dirty or Where’s dinner, just say you can’t step into the kitchen until sister cleans all her crap properly, LIKE SHE HAS REPEATEDLY PROMISED SHE WOULD. Something tells me 1-2 days of you not cooking anything, and he’ll get his sister in line.” Dense_Dress_1287
3. AITJ For Telling On My Sister For Neglecting Her Dog Duties?
“It’s a school night, 1 AM, and I can’t sleep until I get this off my chest. I’m the oldest of two sisters. My youngest is in 6th grade, and my middle sister just started high school. I never thought having a sister in high school with me would be this hard.
I’m a military child, so I moved a lot and never had long-term friends. It’s always been me and my middle sister, but I don’t depend on her since I was taught to fend for myself. My middle sister is messy. She leaves the bathroom, kitchen, and living room a disaster.
Our parents are divorced, and my dad was the same way—never cleaned, verbally abusive, and left for good after the divorce.
During that time, my childhood dog died because of him, which I never got over. Last year, I got two puppies—important to remember.
My sister was diagnosed with depression in November. My mom works two jobs and got her medication, but I don’t know if she takes it. The issues started when she joined a club/sport. Our rule is to clean before going out, so she missed football games and homecoming.
My mom kept giving her chances, but she didn’t change. Then, the school told my mom her club/sport was a grade. My mom had to let her go even when her room was a mess. Meanwhile, I missed important meetings because of that rule.
I adjusted and kept my space clean, but my sister doesn’t care. She cries about missing friend hangouts but won’t clean.
My mom grounds her, but she always gets her phone back since her club/sport events are far from home. At Christmas, I planned my first sleepover, cleaned everything, and my sister only had to do the dishes.
She promised but never did, so my mom grounded us all, and I canceled my sleepover. She didn’t care. This week, she was grounded again because her room smelled. At school, she embarrassed me in front of her friends and was snappy all week, so I avoided her.
Every morning, I wake up at 5:40 to take care of my dogs. Today was no different—I fed them, got ready, went to school, came home, cleaned, and took a long nap. I woke up at 10, hungry, and the dogs were crying. Since I handle mornings, I figured she could do nights.
Nope. I went to her messy room, where she tried to hide her phone. I asked her to take care of the dogs. She said no, claiming she was asleep (fully awake). We argued, and I told her I’d tell Mom. She said, “I don’t care,” thinking I wouldn’t.
I told my mom, she yelled at my sister, and I handled the dogs. Then my sister came crying, calling me a jerk and a hypocrite. I didn’t care until my mom started ignoring me for “starting drama.” Am I in the wrong for telling on my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. First – your mother is being a bad parent by a) refusing to parent your sister and b) punishing you as well for what is your sister’s responsibilities. It’s lazy and toxic. Second – your sister needs a therapist to see regularly to go alongside the medication she may or may not be taking, which your mother should be monitoring.
Third – Stop missing meetings to clean up your sister’s messes. If your mother complains, remind her that *you* don’t have children and tell her to stop making you responsible for your sister. Yes, you may get in trouble for it, but you need to build this boundary sooner rather than later.” HeliosOh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are handling a lot of responsibilities while your sister continues to ignore hers, even when it directly affects the household and your pets. You asked her to do something reasonable, and she refused while pretending to be asleep. She did not think you would actually tell your mom, which is why she got so upset when you did.
Your mom ignoring you for ‘starting drama’ is unfair, especially when you are the one consistently stepping up. Your sister’s behavior is a pattern, and at this point, you are just enforcing basic accountability. If your mom keeps enabling her, she is only making things harder for you in the long run.
You did not do anything wrong by expecting her to follow through on responsibilities that she should already be taking care of.” PadiChristine
2. AITJ For Expecting My Friend To Be Honest About Her Unannounced Town Visits?
“My (34F) friend (35F) Tilly and I are very close.
We live far apart, so we can’t meet much; however, we visit each other’s towns a few times a year and then meet—there are things to do in both our towns, and both have mutual and non-mutual friends and family in each other’s towns.
We talk every day and have a really close bond, sharing happy and difficult moments. I’m closer to her than anyone.
All these years, if Tilly is coming to my town, she makes a huge fuss about telling me. She talks to me on her journey down, makes sure I make time for her, and even if we can’t meet, she’ll update me on what she’s doing—like visiting a restaurant I recommended or seeing a mutual friend.
She’ll tell me when she’s leaving and that she is home safe.
In the last two years, Tilly has started coming to my town without telling me. Only when she’s already been here for some time does she mention it, and if I try to engage with her, she acts distant.
She’ll tell me why she’s come, and it’s the same story that her mutual friends give. Sometimes, she’s with her mum, to whom I am also close. So, she’s not doing anything she’s hiding.
The first few times, I gave an open-ended invitation as usual, but she didn’t engage with me.
She also left without telling me or confirming that she was home. I didn’t want to seem like I was badgering her, so I let it go. It made me feel really strange, and we didn’t resume normal messaging for a few days.
Sometimes, she only mentions it when she needs to ask me for someone’s address, etc., and I wonder how many times she has come without me knowing at all.
I know people will think she wants to cool the friendship; I did too. So, in the last year, I’ve tried to gently talk to her, and after a few months, I asked outright if there was anything wrong.
But she said everything was fine between us and avoided talking to me further. In between all this, she’s talking to me normally, not cooling the friendship in any other way. And most importantly, if I go to her town, she comes running to surprise me or insists that I come to hers.
Often, I’m with other people she doesn’t know well, but I always make her feel that I appreciate her effort and include her. So, she’s maintained the same energy in other ways but seemingly keeps me at arm’s length when she comes to my town, then we act as if it never happened. After two years, I feel confused and unsure where we stand.
Then, last week, a group of friends and I were going to Tilly’s town. Tilly doesn’t know them well, and thinking about everything, I felt weird about telling her and decided not to say anything.
Well, Tilly’s friend saw me (from afar) and mentioned it, assuming she already knew because of how close we are.
I got a message from Tilly saying she knew I was here, trying to laugh it off that I didn’t tell her. Then she said it was embarrassing with her friend that she didn’t know. I was taken aback and said, “I thought you preferred it like this,” as it’s what you’ve been doing.
She got annoyed but barely said anything other than that it’s not the same thing, and now she hasn’t been communicating with me ever since, which feels horrible.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this feels a bit like entitlement on your friend’s side, as she’s able to come to your town and be with people that aren’t you and not make plans to meet up with you; but the second you reciprocate it to her, you are painted as this terrible friend even though she has been doing the same.
Y’all really need to sit down and talk through what you’re feeling because beating around the bush and ignoring each other for days doesn’t lend itself to a healthy relationship” FunctionNo8481
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if she’s saying it’s not the same thing, then you should ask her why.
Either it is the same and she’s just embarrassed, or there is some genuine reason she’s not telling you (regardless, you were not in the wrong, as she has had every opportunity to tell you what’s going on). This situation sounds frustrating, and I hope your friendship can survive it, but I think the only way for that to happen is if you have a real, honest conversation with her about the way you are feeling and why she thinks it’s so different when she does it.” Immediate-Ferret-441
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The thing is, life goes on and people get busy and friendships change. I moved away from my hometown years ago. For the first two to three years, I would go home every few months, make a huge deal, and arrange to meet up with as many friends as I could.
Then my life in my new home got busier, making it harder for me to get away for three to five days at a time, and around the same time, my dad died. So now, I go home once a month for 24 hours just to see my mum and make sure she’s okay and specifically to spend time with her.
Maybe one to two times a year, I’ll go for longer and arrange to meet up with friends, but usually I don’t tell them I’m coming. It doesn’t mean I don’t still love and value them, but my priorities for my time have changed. Your friend could have any number of reasons for not contacting you each time that aren’t about you; you’re just not her priority anymore.
Maybe just let her know you’re there for her and love her, and then step back and allow her to reach out to you. If she doesn’t, then you know where you stand.” blueboatsky
1. AITJ For Calling My Fiancée A Brat Over The Wedding Venue Compromise?
“My fiancée and mom are fighting because my fiancée wanted a wedding at this lake in the mountains that she talked about before the engagement. We visited every year, and it’s almost a tradition to hike up there and camp there, and there is more hiking past that point that makes it a long weekend of it.
My mom is not happy because she is not fit enough for the hike. Her family is happy because they are hikers, but my mom has knee issues, is overweight, and cannot do anything too difficult. This hike is 6 km to get to the lake, and everyone in the wedding party can do it.
My fiancée agreed but then wanted to do it in her aunt’s backyard. Her aunt has the nicest backyard among the people we know, but I wouldn’t say it’s still very nice. She said she was just going to buy some string lights and an arch and do it there.
I have been to the backyard, and it’s not bad; it just has garden beds and chickens in the corner, which my mom isn’t happy with. My mom wants a formal location and is arguing that the backyard spot is her way of punishing her for her first option.
My fiancée denies it and says it’s because she doesn’t want to pay for a ceremony spot, and she thinks the backyard is the prettiest spot that is free. We looked at some public parks, but they get very crowded and renting them is not an option since they are mostly filled up.
My mom found a rental spot in a building with a decorative wall and benches that cost $1200 for a 2-hour rental, and it is something she felt was pretty enough for a wedding. This is the cheapest option aside from the parks we came across.
My fiancée refuses to pay for it, even though she agreed to pay half, and told my mom that if she wants to dictate the spot, she needs to pay for it. My mom sees it as punishment for not letting the wedding happen at the lake.
They are arguing, and I think my fiancée and I paying half each is an easy fix; she is making it difficult for no reason. She refuses to make any compromises and told my mom that if she doesn’t want the wedding at her aunt’s backyard, then she doesn’t have to come.
We argued about it as well, and I called her a brat because it’s her way or the highway, and she called me a jerk. I don’t know why this is such a huge compromise to her, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your mother has a lot of opinions on a wedding that isn’t hers.
It was fair enough to veto the lake because of her genuine mobility issues, but she’s the one that is acting like a brat. Your fiancée offered a compromise that met the accessibility needs and was inexpensive, but it didn’t meet your mother’s standards.
So your mother is telling your fiancée to spend money; it seems you don’t have to have something good enough. Tell your mother that she had her day when she married your father and to stop spending your fiancée’s money for her. Your fiancée has already compromised, and I hope she’s considering what happens when she and your mother are in dispute because you are talking about her and your money as separate and taking your mother’s side on inconsequential issues.
If you want the “nice” spot, then pay for it yourself as the compromise and stop hiding behind your mother. The compromise isn’t the issue. The issue is you calling your future wife a brat because she isn’t bending over to keep mother dearest happy.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and so is your mom. Are you getting married to your fiancée or your mom? Choosing an alternative to a 6km hike for a wedding is perfectly reasonable, as I would never expect an entire wedding party to have the same fitness or ability levels.
The fact that your mom is the only person who can’t is quite rare. However, once your fiancée conceded to do it at a place your mom can access and not the one she was hoping for, your mom is not a part of the decision-making process.
If YOU want your wedding at a formal venue, that’s one thing. If your mom wants it at a formal venue, too bad. It’s not her wedding. And to that point, if YOU want it at a formal venue that costs money and your fiancée does not, you don’t get to tell her what a fair amount of money for her to pay is.
You most definitely do not get to call her a brat for going above and beyond for your mom. ETA: What your mom is wrong for is thinking her own personal disapproval of your fiancée’s choice of venue is somehow your fiancée punishing her.
She’s the only one punishing herself by complaining about something that is 0% about her and her desires. Especially when your fiancée is willing to change the entire wedding plan solely to accommodate your mother, it’s a huge slap in the face to then act like your fiancée is being vindictive.
I also just don’t understand why the MIL was expecting a woman whose first choice for her wedding was a multi-day hike through the mountains to then suddenly want a formal venue, but that’s not really my business.” Fun_Effective6846
