People Want To Hear Our Take On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Telling And Elderly Woman To Shut Up And Go Away?
“I (35m) am a disabled veteran I don’t advertise I am one but I do have my state’s DV (Disabled Veteran it’s the same thing as having a disabled placard) plates that allow me to park in handicapped spaces.
They performed a transfemoral amputation in 06 due to combat-related injuries. So I have an endoskeletal prosthesis, you, however, wouldn’t know it was there unless I rolled my pant leg up.
You especially wouldn’t know from looking at me from the waist up. I also have a babyface when clean-shaven.
This morning I had to go to the nightmare that is wally world (Walmart) and was lucky enough to snag one of the close-up handicap parking spaces.
I pull in turn off my car and before I can even do anything this elderly woman and her son pull up behind me and start laying on their horn.
They were motioning at me so I thought maybe something was wrong with my vehicle and they were trying to signal me so I got out of my car to check with them.
They roll down their window and the son starts yelling you can’t park there that’s illegal if your handicapped person isn’t with you you need to move. The mother chimes in with this whole shame on you for using someone else’s benefits (not verbatim).
I say, “Sir I have every right to park here as I am disabled.” I pointed to my DV plates to emphasize this. Then he yells (yelling bc of the motor running I assume) “Even if you have some disability (that tone where they don’t believe you) it’s pretty clear you have no issues walking whatever”.
His mom adds you’re younger than me the right thing to do is for you to give up that spot to someone who REALLY needs it.
Admittedly my temper was starting to get up so I said.
“Ma’am, sir if you think I broke the law call the cops. I will gladly wait for them to sort this thing out. If you don’t want to do that then you get lost. I got here first so shut up.” I leave and go inside thinking it’s over.
I’m in the store maybe 20 mins when the woman and her son come up with a Walmart security guard and a cop. And they start interrogating me in the aisle asking if I had accosted the lady and her son.
I start trying to tell my side of things but my son butts in saying he doesn’t look disabled at ALL.
I’d had enough to jerk up my pant leg so they can see the lower part of my prosthesis and say, “Is this disabled enough?” The security guard apologizes but adds, “Well you should have just shown them, to begin with instead of being a jerk about it.” I was so annoyed I just ended up leaving the store, now that I’ve calmed down maybe I was the jerk here but my wife says I wasn’t and that security guard and everyone else was in the wrong.
Edit: for context, the cop never spoke to me I assume he was there to make sure things didn’t escalate. After the altercation though as I was walking away the cop spoke to the security guard.
For all, I know he gave him a come to Jesus talk.
Edit two: To be fair the lady was using a mobility scooter.
Edit: 1.) In my state, DV can park in handicap spots without the hanging placard.
It’s a state-to-state thing.
2.) Some days I do have trouble with walking and pain. There is no way to predict what days I will have PLP (phantom limb pains) walking further distances tends to spike it.
Then it can last a few seconds, a few minutes, hours. I also have extreme lower back pain that when it gets bad enough I have to use my cane.
These things are never entirely alleviated by the shorter distance but it does help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If somebody has disabled plates or a disabled placard on display, and they take a disabled parking spot, it’s nobody else’s e****g business.
You didn’t start it. And having to show your disability to prove your right to park there is screwed up, because what if your disability wasn’t visible? What are you going to do, rip out your lungs to show diminished capacity?
Expose your heart to show damage there? Whip out recent scans of your spine, to show how the pins are set?
It’s my understanding that a vehicle with either a placard or plates has an extra registration paper that states WHO the placard/plate is for (at least in California), but I don’t think it states WHICH disability specifically, just that it meets the criteria for the placard/plate.
Since you’re the plate-holder, that should be sufficient for any rent-a-cop or legit-cop.” snobahr
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. I’m so freaking sick and tired of people expecting us to prove that we are disabled. I have an autoimmune disorder and I have access to a seasonal handicapped parking sticker because part of my disorder includes Reynaud’s Syndrome.
I don’t usually use it because there are lots of other people who DO need it more than me. However, I also have had doctor’s notes detailing what I can and can’t do at work.
The number of times I’ve had to deal with HR telling me ‘well, you don’t LOOK sick, so go do your job or you’re fired.’ (That particular HR person eventually got fired for this and other reasons, thank heavens)
I think it’s absolutely disgusting the number of people who demand tangible proof of disabilities just so they can gawk. And the security guard was absolutely in the wrong, as well.
You never should have had to display your prosthetic for their satisfaction. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Thank you for your service and NTJ.” Squirrelgirl25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-Not in the least. Some disabilities are not visible, and you have no obligation to share your medical or personal history with anyone else.
I have had similar issues when parking with my son who has a disability because he’s 8 and I am able-bodied, people believe that we have no business using the disabled parking.
I have had to repeatedly tell people to mind their own business when it comes to parking there. Of course, when you get an acute 8-year-old out of the car and help him get to his walker, people shut up pretty quickly.
Edit: I want to add that in most states, disability placards or license plates require a doctor to provide the state with information that verifies your disability. Once the state has that information, then the state provides the appropriate tags or plates.” chop1125
17. AITJ For Not Having My Sister's Baby?
“My twin sister, we’ll call her J, and I (28f) have always been close. When we were little we would play babies with our dolls and talk about how when we got older we were gonna have babies at the same time so they’ll be BFFs.
Then as we grew up it was more than obvious that we were pretty much polar opposites (think every cliche in the book: She was hot, prom queen, member (and eventually captain) of the school’s volleyball team, while I was a shy, geeky and overweight girl), but even if we had different interests and navigated separate social circles, we remained very good friends.
Fast forward to now: J and her husband, P(30), have been married for three years and have been trying to have kids for two. After many unsuccessful attempts (and a miscarriage in spring last year) the doctor told them J can’t have kids.
Then two weeks ago, we are hanging out at our parents’ house when J and P say they want to talk to me about being their surrogate.
I became a bit disenchanted about the whole motherhood thing when I was 16/17 and my partner and I (together since college) decided IF we want to have kids it won’t be in a ‘traditional’ way (none of us would like to be pregnant, and yes, I’m a lesbian).
All of this is not unknown to J. Therefore, I told them I really didn’t consider pregnancy as something I wanted to go through and that I was sorry. They told me to think about it, to which I answered there was nothing to think about, gave them my reasons (the main one being my eating disorder for which I’ve been getting therapy but which still makes me incredibly anxious about the weight gain that comes with pregnancy), repeated I’m sorry and if I can help them in some other way I’ll gladly do it.
And then things went down: J started to tell me how selfish I was, how I was ruining her dream of having a family, and how she was there to support me with ‘my problem’ some years ago and I couldn’t do the same for her now.
I might have gotten angry told her she was being a complete jerk (mostly ‘cuz I thought she had been there for me through the recovery of my eating disorder because she loved me, but I guess she just wanted to have a chance to ask for a favor in return for her ‘support’.) Anyway, P then got angry too because I was being unreasonable for calling her a witch and they stormed out.
Since then the story has gotten to the ears of most of our family (thanks mom) and half of their side with J&P saying I should help her because she’s my sister while the other half thinks I’m not obligated to do it.
My partner thinks too it’s my decision and our parents won’t side with any of us (they think I can say no if I want to, but they won’t tell J that it was mean to act as I owed her something).
So… AITJ for not wanting to be my sister’s surrogate?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. I don’t even know what to say…..
I’ll start with NTJ. I’m sorry you had to go through that
Your sister is WAY out of bounds for pressuring you into GIVING BIRTH. Doing someone a favor with the expectation of anything in return is horrible etiquette and a red flag for any kind of relationship; she heard that and said ‘Hold my beer’.
Her husband was obviously just reacting defensively; I imagine they have a lot of emotions given the news and while you did call your sister a name, he has no leg to stand on defending your sister after what she just asked of you.
I would consider speaking with everyone in the family you want to continue talking to in person, explain what happened, and then consider the extent of your relationship with the others until things cool down if they ever do… I understand that some in your family will claim that you’re abandoning her in a time of need, but anyone who actually cared about you will see how unreasonable this request is and how harmful your sister will be to your mental health if she pushes the subject.” Naimodglin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For those on dear sister’s side, why don’t they offer up their own uteruses for this? And as to your now JNo BIL, why can’t he ask/demand a random uterus on his side to be a surrogate, too?!
I’m sure there are plenty of people from both sides of the fam who’d just LOVE to do them this favor. Besides, I don’t believe you can be considered as a surrogate as you’ve never carried to term a successful pregnancy if you ever wanted to do this.
Stick to your guns and limit the contact with ALL the fam that’s been hounding you. Your sister and BIL need to put down the cash for a proper surrogate.
I’m sure they were under the delusion you’d just do it for free. They clearly seem the type. Best of luck to you, and please update if you can.” Silkstone1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly, as someone who has had a LOT of experience dealing with fertility issues and fertility doctors, there are few docs that would accept you as a surrogate since you’ve never been pregnant/had a live birth before.
Having an eating disorder for which you are receiving treatment would also probably be a stopper.
Even if you DID find a doc that would help all of you, I can 100% guarantee that you would be interviewed, in-depth, alone by the doctor or one of the staff members at the clinic and if you even hinted at not being 100% comfortable with being a surrogate, it would be stopped immediately.
They’d never tell ‘J’ the real reason, but would just keep it vague and along the lines of ‘MagicHooji wasn’t medically cleared to be a surrogate and we cannot proceed.’ What you tell them is 100% up to you.
I can’t speak too much to the surrogacy side, but the clinic I worked with did a number of ‘directed donations’ of egg cells (a family member donates egg cells to another family member).
They said of the people who came in for an initial consult, only about 30% actually went through with it. Some people decided that it was too involved a medical process (and it is absolutely a grueling process physically).
Others decided they couldn’t deal with it mentally or emotionally.
In any case, an ‘ask’ along those lines (surrogacy, egg donation, sperm donation, etc.) is HUGE and has a lot of long-term implications.
And when the answer is ‘no’ the other party has to accept it, however difficult it may be.
So, no, you are in no way the jerk here.” tappytaps
16. AITJ Because My Companion Let My Cat Out While I Was Sleeping?
“My traveling companion and I live in my truck and drive cross country between seasons on the farm where I work. Some mechanical issues have left us stuck for a while but they’re being handled.
I’ve got a jerk little cat who rides on my shoulders and walks on a leash. If we’re sleeping outside he sleeps on a leash, but a kind stranger has been letting us stay in an RV on her property, and my cat has not been on a leash at night, cus he’s contained by the RV.
My companion let his dog outside this morning, and being the curious, adolescent, typical cat my Jerry boy is, he got outside. Cue screaming freak out about how this is completely my fault (he had to wake me up for this and I’m genuinely not sure how this is on me at all?)
So I do what any reasonable person would do here and grab the bag of cat food, walk outside and shake it for a whole ten seconds before my cat comes running, pick him up and return him to the RV.
This should be the end of it but further freakouts ensued about how I’m an irresponsible pet owner for not having him on a leash at night, never mind the fact that we’ve been here for weeks and Jerry hasn’t needed to be tied up at night the entire time.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were asleep at the time, and the cat getting out hadn’t been an issue before. It sounds like sheer carelessness on your companion’s part, that they are madly trying to deflect.” mew4ever23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad does this all the time, I have little dogs and they learned that he doesn’t look to his left when he opens the door so they can sneak out, he gets upset every time but like, I can’t watch them 24/7 when I’m there, sometimes you have to go to the bathroom.
Accidents happen.” alldoggosaregoodbois
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t blame the guy for letting Jerry out. Cats are quick and if they know you don’t want them to do something, that’s the very thing they’re determined to do, which is what makes them adorable jerks.
Pictures?
But I do blame the guy for continuing his freak-out.” Smudgikins
15. AITJ For Refusing A Job Where I Felt Lied To?
“I recently got hired as an insurance salesman, which is great because I’ve been trying to move out of the food and beverage world. I had a great phone interview and got hired and sent onboarding paperwork.
Things were looking great, with promises of leads provided and an easy pathway to earn and sell the product. Upon further investigation, though, I found that this company requires one to pay for said leads unless you intended to only sell to friends, family, strangers on the street, etc. I reached out to my interviewer and essentially asked if this was all true.
He responded with ‘I never told you leads were free.’ Afterward, he told us I was calling him a liar, and then rescinded my invitation to be a candidate for the job.
AITJ for digging further and following up on my gut feeling? Is this just an MLM ploy that got called out? Or did I just mess up a future career?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a gut feeling exists for a reason. Now you’re free to pursue a better job armed with some experience of having been lied to. This is an unpleasant experience but you’re now wiser than you were and know your gut instinct might be more accurate than you thought.” doyoudigmeyet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well, you didn’t refuse the job, he rescinded the offer. But the best policy is always to go with your gut. Good luck finding a new job!” orangepeel911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a pretty pivotal detail he conveniently left out, and he/this company are jerks for doing so.” ReflectionInfection
14. AITJ For Avoiding A Mild Allergy?
“So I (20F) have food allergies but it’s not what people think. I don’t go into anaphylaxis or need an epi-pen, it’s a very mild reaction except for it can stick with me for days afterward.
The most notable is my tomato allergy. It’s high in citric acid (the main issue) and causes blisters in my mouth that can fill with b***d and bust for weeks after I eat something with tomato in it and they just don’t heal up quickly because I sort of have to keep eating even if they’re there.
Don’t get me wrong, I love pizza, marinara sauce, and the like but there will ALWAYS be a price to pay afterward. Sometimes I’m just more equipped to deal with it than others, and it’s very small amounts can cause blisters.
With this, the other day my friends and I went to a fast food place and I just wanted a cheeseburger with extra cheese, lettuce, and mayo. Usually, I like ketchup but today I didn’t think I could handle the blisters so I skipped it.
When I got my order, there was tomato on it, which is no big deal. I took it up and asked them to remake it and went to sit down.
Except when I was called up almost a minute later they handed me my food which was very fast for a remake. After I sat down I checked and, sure enough, I could see a seed that came from the tomato they had just picked off which was an issue because the juice it left behind alone is enough to cause the blisters.
I took it back up and told them that I needed them to remake it and not just pick off the tomato, that it already defeated the purpose by coming in contact with the rest. The cashier tried to argue with me that it wasn’t a real allergy since tomato wasn’t in their allergen book (it’s a relatively uncommon allergy, I’ll admit) and that there was no reason to remake it.
From here I told her I wanted to talk to her manager and a refund since I just wanted to go somewhere that wasn’t going to try and force me to eat an allergen.
She’s mad but she gets her manager and after about twenty minutes of arguing with him, he gives me the refund and says I can keep the burger I already had (I threw it out because I can’t eat it).
Afterward, when I left with my friends they told me that I was making the cashier’s life difficult and I should have just picked it off and eaten it because ‘you’ve done it plenty before’ and ‘it’s not like you’re deathly allergic’.
While it’s true, I really didn’t feel like dealing with a few weeks of blisters just because. While I could have just eaten it, I really don’t feel like it’s right I should have to suffer just because it would make their lives a bit easier.
So AITA because I kicked up a fuss over something that’s arguably stupid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you weren’t allergic to it and just didn’t like the flavor you’re fully entitled to get the food remade.
We don’t have to eat foods that we really don’t like. It’s not like we’re starving and short on food in the developed world.
And all allergies should be avoided. You may not have gone into anaphylaxis with it so far but all allergies (even the really minor ones) can theoretically have the ability to cause anaphylaxis.
As it damages your mouth I’d recommend removing it from your diet- the mouth is full of bacteria and each of those blisters or patches of irritated skin could act as an entry point for the bacteria to get into your b***d and make you very sick (like sepsis sick) Wheat gives me blisters like that (but I’m fine with other sources of gluten, it’s just a wheat allergy) and was given that info by my allergy dr and it kinda scared me enough to cut it out of my diet.
So you can guarantee that if someone puts some wheat ingredients into my food I’ll demand a new, freshly made one.” WheelyCrazyCatLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m allergic to tomatoes too but I love them so sometimes I’ll eat them anyways with salt when I feel like I can deal with the consequences.
When I feel like I really don’t want to deal with it or can’t handle the problems (like feeling sick, to begin with, or having whatever else problems), I’ll be sad and whine about it but I’ll avoid them.
It’s not even that uncommon if an allergen and I get customers at work asking us pretty often to make sure we do have tomatoes on our pizza too because of allergens (Cooked/processed tomatoes can be fine but raw/fresh cause problems. The joys of OAS).
For BLT subs we can even substitute the tomatoes for pizza sauce because of this. (If someone makes a BLT or taco pizza to share but puts tomatoes on it I can’t have it though.)
Allergens are a major thing and just because you figured you could put up with it one day, it doesn’t mean you should have to every single day just because someone decided because they hadn’t heard of it and it’s not in their book of major/most common allergens that it’s not a thing and they don’t have to fix it because of mess up.
It doesn’t even take that darn long to cook or make the food there with how the grills work. It’s a press grill, shake the lemon pepper salt on it, the condiment guns and what you wanted, done.” Kalooeh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have similar issues to this. I’m actually allergic to grass and some trees but have cross-reactivity issues with wheat, rye, barley, green tea, green peas, tree nuts, and maple syrup.
Sometimes I can tolerate a bit of that food and be fine, sometimes just a portion of food being made in the same factory as those triggers a reaction and I break out in small hives and get itchy.
Do I sometimes break down and buy a cookie made with wheat because I just really really want a gosh-darned big cookie that I didn’t have to make? Yeah, I do.
Gluten-free baked goods are few and far between in Japan, and sometimes I’m willing to just take an antihistamine and risk being itchy. That doesn’t mean people should force me or you to eat something that would put us in discomfort just because it’s easier for them and you’ve done it before.
I don’t think people who would push that on you understand how frustrating and uncomfortable having these allergic reactions are, and that if you don’t REALLY want to eat the food, you’re literally suffering for no reason.
Eating food you love and then suffering at least has something to balance it out, even though it’s not something that should be done often.
When people don’t understand, I tend to explain to them how my reaction was before I knew what I was allergic to so that I could avoid it, and how I would scratch so bad and so constantly that I would break the skin and bleed. Versus now, when I just have stuff veeeery occasionally because I really really want it, I have a milder reaction that’s short-lived. If I ate it any time it was given to me no questions asked, I would be right back into that horrible constant itching and pain.” User
13. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Roommates For Overreacting To One Maggot?
“So two days ago, my roommate (23) and I (21) were making dinner. I live with three roommates, & we do NOT do family style, we all have our own food, but are friendly, and have a ‘hey can I use that, can I use this’ type of vibe.
My roommate was making her rice, and found a bug (note: she has had this same bag of rice since September). We were both very grossed out and decided to completely deep clean the kitchen the next day as it was 11 at night and we were both tired.
Edit: After we dealt with the immediate issue of course. First, we got rid of the rice and anything else open (as in not sealed from store) or questionable right off the bat, disposed of it in the dumpster, bleached, etc. I let her know that I couldn’t deep clean until after work tomorrow at 5 pm.
I am the one who cooks the most in the house, and I have accumulated quite a lot of stuff, spices, pasta, rice. That I keep separate from that one cabinet as my mother always taught me to to take care of my food.
I come home to my roommates (23) and (19) having thrown every single food item that was in the kitchen, away. Including my spice sets, cooking oil, all of my stuff in the fridge, my food in our kitchen closet (down the hall from the cabinet) everything.
Leaving only a handful of canned food. I was mad. I said they didn’t have to do that and I was visibly mad, I left and have been with my significant other since.
My roommate texted me saying she doesn’t appreciate that I was mad after they cleaned all day and it affects everyone, they all had food they had to throw away and sent me a number of articles of things that would happen if maggots were to enter your brain, etc. I said, I simply wanted a text before they had done that and it was not their place to throw away all of my food.
She said everything they threw out was expired when it truly wasn’t, as I had just gone grocery shopping last week and they had thrown all of that out as well.
AITJ for being mad? And AITJ if I ask them to at least partially reimburse me for my spice sets they threw out?
I did not think we needed to throw out everything in the kitchen and if they were doing that I feel I should have had to warn in regards to my food.
Note: we only saw one bug, I didn’t see it and do not know much about this, so I don’t know what it was.
Please note my kitchen is very clean lol I clean it very often, my house was just renovated before I moved in, in September 2019.
I’m not sure it was a maggot or what, it could have been a random bug, I’m not sure I did not see it. She just said it was a maggot.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
How on EARTH did you guys find a maggot and not IMMEDIATELY start cleaning? Gross.
That said, I also cannot fathom not immediately shutting down putting open cans of food back in the pantry, so everyone sucks for that too.
The central issue seems to be the spices, and yeah you are justified in being annoyed that those got tossed. Tbh, tossing everything because of one maggot is definitely an overreaction.
I can’t say with certainty but I’d wager a lot of what was tossed could have been saved.
However, it never should have gotten that bad in the first place.
Do you know how hard it would be for RICE to get so bad there are maggots? You all need better habits.” Hunterofshadows
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they should 100% have notified you of what they were doing.
That said, if there is 1 maggot, then they were breeding somewhere. The food had to go. I don’t think they should have thrown the oils though? You can clean the containers of those.
And food in the fridge?? Your roommate is a moron. Spices, however, should be tossed. But either way, you should have been a part of this
Edit: I want to add that it is possibly rice weevils that she found and not a maggot.
I lived in a tropical area where these were common, even in foods just brought home from the supermarket. Do not eat rice or pasta that contains bugs – their larvae are small and blend in especially well with rice grains.
They can also spread to other pantry items, which if you found an adult is likely.” 1_Justbreakup
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sucks that all your food is gone and they should have communicated it with you.
I’m not familiar with maggots, but where I live fruit flies are a problem in spring, especially when you buy farmer’s market food. If you see a few in the actual fridge chances are there are eggs somewhere and you need to get rid of anything not in a sealed container or can and bleach, otherwise, it can get bad fast. I understand their actions.” Alternative_Answer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a huge overreaction on their part. They should pay to replace your food that they destroyed without good reason and without your permission.
And for the record, not only is rice with bugs in it still edible, the bugs are edible too.
I don’t deliberately eat bugs but in my experience, they’ll float to the surface when you start cooking and can be skimmed off easily. Think that’s gross? Too bad, even rice you don’t see any bugs in still has eggs, bug parts, and sometimes whole bugs you just didn’t notice.
You’ve been eating it and it never hurt you.” StringLiteral
12. AITJ For Stealing My Stolen Bike Back?
“I had a bike that was stolen, and then last week my friends and I were out and I saw my bike locked to a signpost.
I had a multitool in my bag and I unscrewed the signpost from my bike, took my bike, then screwed the signpost back on. The bike had a u-lock on the frame but it could be ridden.
The next day I took it to work and used an angle grinder to cut through the lock and remove it. That got a couple of people looking and asking what I was up to, did I steal that?
I said kind of, it was my bike, it got stolen, but I stole it back.
Some guys I work with were like ‘wow what if someone bought it and suddenly it’s gone?
That lock you’re cutting costs like 80 dollars, it doesn’t look like what someone who stole a bike would use.’ And I was like, ‘Well, maybe they shouldn’t buy bikes from some tweaker and get themselves to Walmart instead.’
My coworker was like ‘You’re kinda being a jerk about it’ and I shrugged it off
AITJ for stealing my bike back and cutting the lock?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think I’m a unique perspective cus I’m basically the guy who you took your bike back from. I bought my bike from the flea market and honestly, there is a real chance it was stolen.
Part of buying that bike was the understanding that there could be a real owner who has a better claim to the bike than I do. I would like him to tell me that it was his and if he was feeling generous offer some kind of finders fee, but honestly, I accepted that I would return it however asked regardless of compensation.
If you buy a bike from somewhere where it could be stolen you’re accepting that there is a chance that it’s not really your bike. Glad you found yours.” griffinwalsh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ‘steal’ anything. Your bike got stolen and you took it back because that is your right as its legal owner. I’m less sure about the lock, but I think you’re in the right since it’s someone else putting their lock on your bike, even if they might not know.” MrJelle
11. AITJ For Moving On Quickly From My Ex Who Passed 3 Weeks Ago?
“My partner of a year passed away 3 weeks ago after a car accident.
I was really close with him and his family, and he was close with mine. We were going to live together in the fall next semester. We shared a friend group as he was friends with all of my current friends before me, so they all like him too.
When I was 16, my best friend passed away due to leukemia and I was really depressed and down for a while. My mom used to constantly tell me to get over it and what’s done is done so I’m kind of desensitized to loss and tend to get over it quickly.
Anyway, after my partner passed, one of my close friends who I used to like was talking to me and said he was there for me, and I didn’t really need emotional support but we started talking and seeing each other 2 weeks ago.
I told my friend about it today and she flipped and two of my other close friends texted me and said what I was doing was messed up and it’s too soon.
And now I got a message from my late-bf’s sister telling me to never talk to her or family again and some other mean things (IDK how she even found out).
I don’t know what I really did wrong, I never lied to my late partner, I did pay my respects after he passed, but it’s like I’m supposed to wait some arbitrary amount of time until I’m allowed to go out with people again?.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not even for moving on. If you believe you’ve processed your loss and are ready to move forward, that’s fine. I disagree with it, but you do you.
My problem is the fact you told someone and are now trying to deflect the fact people think you’re acting in a callous way. I personally wouldn’t have told anyone because you had to know this was going to hurt his family, people you say you’re so close to.
If you’re that close, was it so hard to keep this information private and on the down-low to spare them? To a grieving family who’s lost their son and their brother, it looks like you never cared about him and it was easy for you to forget him.
Like he’s trash and worthy of forgetting. There was no need for anyone to know and you should’ve kept it to yourself.
Also, a good chunk of your friend group seems to be his friends as well.
Did you really see this going over well, telling someone who seems like she was his friend too that you were ready to see someone else so soon?” aly38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you’re moving on. I think you’re on the rebound. And what you have with this guy is a coping mechanism to deal with your partner’s passing.
Subconsciously, you miss being given attention and affection because your partner was gone in an instant, and I assume you were on good terms before he was gone. This guy is somewhat fulfilling those needs.
I think deep down you’re still morning his loss and maybe it hasn’t fully sunk in yet. It’s easier to focus ahead, and on what’s happy, new, and exciting, than to accept and come to terms with your loss.
With that being said, you can’t blame your partner’s family for feeling the way they’re feeling. It’s a lot of mixed emotions knowing you’ve moved on just like that. That’s the thing, life goes on for you.
But for their son/brother, that was it. So it is understandable that for them, YTJ. They’re dealing with a huge loss too. So whatever you have going on with this new guy, it could be rebound or it could be real. But for the meantime, just don’t go flaunting it yet.” littlemissmuppet14
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your partner of a year, who you planned on moving in with, passed away SEVEN DAYS before you started seeing someone else. Seven days. One darn week.
How is that enough time for you to grieve and mourn your lover’s passing? It doesn’t even honestly sound like you’re upset or sad or hurting at all from his death.
It was 3 weeks ago. You talk nothing about the pain it caused you, just that you feel justified in what you did and that you don’t understand why everyone is so mad at you.
Did you truly love him? I’ve been with my partner around the same amount of time as you, and if anything were to happen to him, I know d**n well I wouldn’t be over it in a short amount of time, definitely not one d**n week.
I wouldn’t even wanna talk to or think about another guy. Even after a long time, I’d probably still think about my partner and feel sorrow when talking to or seeing someone else again.
This pains me just to think about it because unfortunately, my partner has what is considered a terminal disease. He’s doing very well right now, thankfully, but you can never be sure of the future.
So just the mere thought of something happening to him makes me feel sick.
So I’m sorry, I just can’t relate to or understand how you moved on in 7 days, and how you even think that’s okay, or how you’re confused as to why people are angry about it.
Especially his family.
Your partner isn’t around anymore… but respect him and his memory by at least giving yourself some d**n time to grieve him.
YTJ.” MysticalFrost
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Although I understand where people are coming from when they insist YTJ, everyone heals differently. There is no required amount of time you need to mourn or be single or whatever.
The mourning period is for the mourner. The whole point of that period is to move on, recover, and be able to live your life in a healthy manner. If you only needed a week to do this, that should be completely acceptable.
It’s never fair we need to conform to society’s pre-approved status quo. It’s no one else’s business and no one can tell you that you haven’t mourned enough.
Of course, as others have already mentioned, you have to be sensitive to other people close to the deceased. But you’ve already stated you didn’t go around flaunting this new relationship, so as long as you’re mindful of how you’re behaving about this, then you do you.” existentialanomoly
10. AITJ If I Don't Want To Be The Only One With Car Seats?
“My husband and I have two children.
He has a car and I have a car, and I also have a truck. Until now he has had car seats and I have had car seats in my truck because my car is new.
When we brought the car home he took his seats out and put them in my truck, and put my seats in the new car. I’m irrationally upset by this for some reason, on top of the fact he filled his trunk up with speakers so we “can’t” take his car on anything family-related. He also upgraded his radio, but basically thinks it’s stupid that I want to buy myself a radio and upgrade my stock radio that doesn’t even have Bluetooth.
He gave me his old Bluetooth charger adapter that he complained about never working right when he had it and I’m refusing to use it. Totally off-topic. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
For crying out loud, you’re BOTH parents to the kids. The kids are only in car seats for a set period of time in their lives and the fact you’re both acting this way makes me have a not very good impression of you as people and parents.
I just got our first car seat, and we got two bases so we can move said car seat between cars. Who has the car seat in our case depends on who is transporting the baby at the time.
I imagine having a lot of big stereos in the backseat could become a safety issue, especially if seatbelts or seat backs were removed for installation. Also, you both own the vehicles, so you don’t want to drive the car seats, use the other car.
This is such a non-issue, for real. This is especially so because you’re whining about your car stereo when the title indicated the issue is car seats. So which is it?
Either way, you’re both the jerks and you both suck in this situation.” omgwtflols
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He has equal responsibility for the children. He clearly intentionally set this up so he can claim less responsibility for them and family-oriented activities as a whole.” Adm_Hawthorne
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband is definitely a jerk for subtly implying he doesn’t need to drive the kids anymore. The fact that 75% percent of your post was about stereos, speakers, and Bluetooth rather than the kids, their needs, and your responsibilities as parents says that you both need to have a good long look at your priorities in your family and relationship.
Very possibly with a therapist.” rabbiskittles
9. AITJ For Contesting An Entire Will To Avoid A Clause I Didn't Agree With?
“I am the only child of my parents. They set their will up to have me inherit about 70% of their estate, with the stipulation that I donate/tithe 10% of my portion to their church.
My parents’ siblings had the rest divided among them.
Here’s the thing: I don’t view churches to be a worthy cause to give to in general. I actually view it to be unethical to make the churches richer while actual worthy causes suffer.
Beyond that, that particular church had a horrible effect on my childhood that I’m still working through as an adult. I can’t on moral or ethical grounds give money to my abusers.
They had another clause where if someone contests the will, everyone’s portion gets tied up in court and it’s very possible that no one gets anything. My case extended legal proceedings for almost 9 months longer than it would have been, but I was able to argue and win that the church could be substituted for any non-profit charity.
I chose Planned Parenthood, RAINN, and Saving Our Sisters, the three organizations that I felt best counteracted the religion I was raised in, and split 25% (15% extra) of my inheritance between them.
I’ve been getting flak from all of my extended family, who say that I should have honored my parents’ last wishes and not dragged everyone through months of court because I ‘couldn’t control my emotions.’ I don’t agree, and I honestly couldn’t live with myself having given a single dime to a religious group or religious institution.
I would have forfeited the entire thing if I had not done it.
Edit: The legal proceedings have since ended. The reason that they set the will up that way was that they wanted me to personally have to sign the check to the church in an effort to draw me in.
I didn’t realize this wasn’t obvious.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because their will is their choice. You didn’t like the church but the humble and gracious thing to do would be to give the intended amount to them and move on.
Your parents didn’t have to give you anything- they chose to. That could have been enough for you. Your parents’ life, memory, their will and their (thoughtfully) drafted last wishes were about them and you decided it was about you and how you feel.
Despite getting an inheritance you had to further take from your family’s time and money to make sure things went your way. I get you didn’t like the church but you don’t have to give to the church in your own will.
You’ll have your own passing… let people have their own passing..” noreshii22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will look at this from a Christian perspective since I’m not a lawyer.
But I am a Christian in seminary.
If your parents wanted their church to have the money they should have stipulated that in the will instead of telling you to do it.
Scripture says God likes a cheerful giver. We are to tithe where we are fed. The Christian Church is not commanded to tithe anyway. From my memory, I do not recall a single instance in the New Testament where the early church gave tithe because it was commanded to do so.
But they did give offerings.
Jews do not tithe but give to charity. Their reasoning is that they do not have a temple or priests, they have synagogues and rabbis.
Tithes and offerings are to be given to the priests at the temple.
When the Torah describes tithes and offerings, tithes are agricultural products, not money. Money is an offering.
So I believe you had good cause to contest the will from both legal and religious grounds.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the people arguing N-T-J don’t know anything about estate law.
I currently work for an estate law firm and draft wills and trusts.
They had another clause where if someone contests the will, everyone’s portion gets tied up in court and it’s very possible that no one gets anything.
That’s not how wills work. It wasn’t a ‘clause’ that got everyone’s portion tied up in court. Just you. Anytime a will is contested, all of the assets get held until the issue was resolved. This is so that if there needs to be a reallocation of assets, the court will still have possession of everything.
You alone tied the will up in court.
That wouldn’t necessarily make you a jerk. Contesting wills happen all the time.
But I doubt you considered what contesting a will costs.
I assume your parents had a lawyer draft this will and help handle their affairs prior to their passing.
I also assume you used a lawyer to contest the will (if you didn’t, I can’t really imagine you winning anything here).
The funds of the original lawyer will end up being paid out of the estate as they work on behalf of your parents, not you. Also depending on how your lawyer’s fees work, they can also take from the estate in general and not just your own portion.
So not only did you delay the process of execution for 9 months but every instance of your parents’ original estate lawyer having to work extra to resolve your case was coming out of your parents’ estate (AKA the rest of your family’s inheritance).
You caused all that instead of signing a check. I understand it’s against your morals, but estate law is a messy and disgusting field. If you and your family have it in your power to avoid infighting, you should do it.
You probably ended up costing your entire family $1000s of dollars for an argument with your deceased parents.” sillydilly4lyfe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t agree with your views on why churches, in general, should not get money and I don’t agree with you picking those specific charities as a middle finger to your deceased parents and the church that hurt you.
I do agree and understand not giving it to that particular church. All that being said, if your parents wanted 10% to go to the church, why didn’t they do it in their will?!
You can’t force someone to tithe. Tithing is showing obedience and thanks to God for all He had provided. Forced obedience and thanks go against everything it is meant to be and a good chunk of Christian theology in general. I’m mad on your behalf that they would pull such an insensitive stunt and don’t fault you for contesting the stipulation.
Your parents and the living relatives giving you grief are the jerk, not you.” razsnazz
8. AITJ For Being Unable To Drive And Refusing To Take The Bus?
“I’m a 21(f) in uni and my mom often helps pay for my gas to help me out.
She kindly filled up my tank before I kicked off my weekend which first started with going to a bridal shower, here’s what happened:
Picked up Friend A (who lives in my neighborhood) and met Friend B and others at the bridal shower venue (50 km away from my house).
After the bridal shower, I was told (not asked) to drop off Friend B’s mom and sister at their home (5 minutes from the venue) then to come back and pick up everyone else and head back to Friend B’s place (note: my car is a 5-seater which is why I had to make the 2 trips)
For the remainder of the weekend, I drove everywhere (movies, dinner, brunch, etc.) no matter the distance, whether it took 30 minutes to get there or whether I had to drive to 4 different locations in one day.
One spot that weekend required paid parking and Friend A and B would be silent until it got awkward so a third friend, Friend C offered to pay for the parking.
(Note: Friend C often paid for all dessert and appetizers shared between Friend A, B, and herself – I’m a picky eater so I’m never part of the appetizers/desserts that get eaten )
When the weekend was over Friend B suggested she come back home with me and Friend A (who lives in my neighborhood) to spend more time together. So I drove the 50 km back home arriving back at my house with my tank on E.
Got home and my mom was upset my tank was on E and she suggested if Friend A could drive us out tonight instead of me taking my car (Friend A has a family car that was available all night).
Friend A quickly shut down the idea and said ‘oh you know my parents let me take the car out earlier this week and I didn’t ask them for permission so I’m not really allowed to drive it and once my dad says no it’s a no’ she came up with more excuses like ‘oh my car is blocked in on the driveway and yeah whenever my dad makes a decision, it’s final’.
Friend B was also on the same side as Friend A and agreed with her dad’s decision. Again, the ball was in my court and we had to try to convince my mom because her dad’s decision is final but apparently my mom’s decision is negotiable.
Friend A’s mom called my mom to try to convince her, it didn’t work so Friend A’s mom offered to pay for our UBER rides. In my head I was like perfect her mom offered to pay for the uber let’s use it, but both Friend A and B looked at me and was like ‘aw what options do we have now guys, we didn’t get dressed up for no reason, can you try calling your mom once more and convince her?’ (Guessing Friend A didn’t want her mom to pay for the uber, so that wasn’t an option).
They then suggested we take the bus and I said no and asked if we could just stay home (they were upset I was unwilling to take the bus and said I was ruining our night).
AITJ for refusing to take the bus and being upset at the situation? (I’m mad at Friend A and B.)”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get you are upset, but if you’re unwilling to detail the 9 points you’ve made here to them to explain why you feel taken advantage of, you really don’t have a leg to stand on.
Why yes once it’s all laid out, it’s clear to see why you feel this way but at the moment it seems more like just things friends do for each other.
If you want a more transaction-based friendship, you need to be open and honest about that.” mewhilehigh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: If they’re willing to pay for the bus, they should be willing to all chip in and pay you gas (it would be at least a couple gallons of gas, I’m assuming based on bus/gas prices I’ve seen where I’m at).
As some people have mentioned, it does sound like your friends are taking advantage of you, and honestly, they may not realize it and just assume you’ll take them all around so you can enjoy time together, but it doesn’t make it any better on their parts.” chaoticridiculous
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They shouldn’t have hounded you for not driving them around, you’re not a chauffeur but you could’ve taken the compromise to take the bus.” Am_0116
7. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Pregnant Wife Booze?
“I live in the countryside with my beautiful wife, she is expecting our first baby in a few weeks and the hormones are definitely kicking in.
She is grouchy and not in a great mood but I fully support her and try and make her life as good as possible.
Anyway the other day I was out doing the shopping, and my wife texted me saying we should buy some wine.
I was confused I barely drink and haven’t brought any liquor in the house since she was pregnant. I asked if it was for a guest, she replied saying it was for herself and she was hugely stressed with pregnancy and that a sip of wine would help.
Naturally, I refused and said liquor was bad for the baby and she couldn’t do that. She phoned me and insisted saying she read an article about it not doing any harm.
I told her what she was reading was nonsense, and that the pregnancy was making her not think straight. She started screaming at me to buy her some booze, saying it was her body and her choice to drink.
I calmly said that the baby was as much mine as hers and I had a right to what that baby can have in his system and she was under no circumstances drinking anything.
She hung up, when I got back she was furious with me, and is refusing to speak to me.
I feel I made the right decision, and I have a right to decide she can’t do stuff that would be harmful to my child.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I wonder if she was more upset about his reply to her than the actual booze. I would be very annoyed if my partner told me what I could and couldn’t do after I’ve spent months researching everything I’m allowed to eat/drink/do.
I completely understand him not feeling comfortable providing the wine and asking her if they can sit down and look through research together/speak to her doctor about it. I don’t think OP is a jerk because it’s scary trying to protect a baby you can’t even hold and I don’t think his wife is either because I’d also be offended if someone was implying I was putting my baby in danger and I had done research to know better.
If she had a drinking problem, I would be inclined to think that he’d notice some other signs beforehand.
While I personally haven’t been stressed out enough to want to have a glass of wine during my pregnancy, my doctor (and a couple of my friend’s doctors as well) recommended that if my anxiety does start to get out of hand, a bath and glass of wine to relax is fine for me and baby.
I have also had friends whose doctors say no liquor whatsoever. I’ve read that because they can’t actually conduct research on how much liquor is safe during pregnancy, so for obvious reasons, it’s of course safer to say none at all.
I (NOT claiming to know for sure, just some stuff I read casually and since I never thought about drinking, I never cared to thoroughly read through the info. I could definitely be wrong)” Alex_L_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-not for failing to get her wine, that’s not really healthy for the baby, but for this comment: ‘I calmly said that the baby was as much mine as hers and I had a right in what that baby can have in his system and she was under no circumstances drinking anything.’; and for this attitude: ‘and I have a right to decide she can’t do stuff that would be harmful to my child.’
As long as that baby is in her body, what she does with her body is her choice. You have no say in the matter. The only thing you have a say in is whether or not you buy the offending product.
In making those statements, you are clearly showing that as long as she’s pregnant with your child, you don’t believe she has bodily autonomy. She is presumably a fully grown woman who is fully capable of making her own decisions, you don’t get to claim the right to make her decisions for her just because you slept with her.
In this situation, if it had just been that you chose not to get her wine after she asked for it, you would not be the jerk. You have the right to choose not to buy something for someone else if you don’t feel right about that, but to suggest in any way that you have the right to control her body makes you the jerk.” chop1125
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but you also need to understand that a little bit of wine during pregnancy, especially the late stages, is not going to harm anyone.
I’m fact it can help the pregnancy by calming her if she is majorly stressed. Although medical professionals, I am one, my specialty is OB/GYN, are not always comfortable allowing any liquor during pregnancy, but sometimes the stress is worse than the booze ever would be.
Before I went to school and was pregnant with my third child, my OB actually told me to go get a bottle of wine and have a glass. My husband was out of town, we had no family in the area and I had my oldest either at the doctor or the ER five times in 10 days because she kept getting one illness after another.
I was so stressed I called and asked if there was ANYTHING he could prescribe, knowing a prescription was probably out of the question, and that was his recommendation. Best thing I ever did.
My child was perfect. Although it is unknown how much can be too much from one pregnant woman to the next, it’s generally those who drink consistently and heavily who have babies with FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome).” retha64
As far as telling her the baby is half yours, you're right, it is, but its inside her. That doesn't make it ok for her to be reckless. You need to set up a meeting with her OB. This entire situation is sad for all involved. I hope she has since given birth and you're all ok.
6. AITJ For Driving To The Hospital Instead Of Riding An Ambulance?
“I’m (27M) and I have a wife (28F) and daughter (3). I was outside playing with my daughter when my wife came outside to ask me something. I can’t remember what she said too well because I passed out before I could answer.
According to my wife, I passed out and she couldn’t wake me up. After a couple of minutes, she decided to call 911. The ambulance came and they loaded me up on the stretcher.
Before they put me in the truck I woke up.
I was confused and my head hurt. Once I realized what was happening I told them to get me off so I can drive instead.
The ambulance dude told me I could pass out again and that it would be safer to take the trip in an ambulance.
My wife agreed with him but the issue was that I didn’t want to pay ambulance fees.
If it was up to me I wouldn’t be paying hospital fees either and would just lay down. After some back and forth the paramedic finally let me go. My wife was angry.
We got in the car and drove off but my wife wasn’t happy (My wife drove us). Basically, it came down to ‘I’m a jerk’ for putting finances ahead of my life and what would happen to our family if something happened to me.
I don’t think I’m a jerk because I saved up to 300$. No, we don’t struggle with finances but it’s still best to save.
AITJ or is my wife just overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were conscious, coherent, and made a valid enough point that emergency personnel allowed you to be driven to the hospital by your wife.
Your wife is concerned for your wellbeing and rightfully scared in the situation at hand. Ambulance rides are insanely expensive and most insurance companies have really specific circumstances in which they will pay.
You being coherent, functional, upright, and uninjured would likely have disqualified the claim as a true emergency. I’ve been in a similar situation except I did not pass out… I had a stress-induced seizure during sleep… and my husband called EMS (Emergency Medical Services).
I was aggravated about the expense but after talking it through… we worked out parameters for both of us. A little compassion and communication will go a long way for you guys!” Izthisweird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would say you aren’t the jerk here but it wasn’t the smart move. I’ve been a paramedic for 20 years and had the exact scenario many times.
You could have had some serious life-threatening stuff going on and not know it. If something happened on the way to the hospital in the car it could have caused a delay in treatment that would lead to a negative outcome.
In the ambulance, they could start treatment. I understand that cost is a big thing, and we also hate how expensive it is. But you really should have gone in the ambulance.
Life Pro Tip: If you are on the scene talking to a paramedic and they want you to ride with them to the hospital, you should go. We, like everyone else, will not make extra work for ourselves.
We get paid the same whether we transport or we sit around watching TV.” H*****************9
Another User Comments:
“‘I don’t think I’m a jerk because I saved up to 300$. No, we don’t struggle with finances but it’s still best to save.’
YTJ. If you don’t struggle with finances, what’s $300 to ensure that you’re in safe hands in the case of an emergency? You could have passed out again while your wife was driving and she wouldn’t have been able to do anything to help you other than panic and drive faster and more recklessly to get to the hospital, whereas in an ambulance you’d have a knowledgeable professional attending to your needs with life-saving techniques and equipment in the case it was needed during the ride.
Now, if something happened while your wife was driving and she didn’t get you to help in time guess what? Those $300 you saved could turn into your family no longer having a working husband to help with the household, those $300 could turn into possibly thousands more in medical expenses if it left you permanently disabled in the process.
You have to think big picture about what’s in your family’s best interest.” User
5. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Can Either Get A Hotel On Fridays Or Babysit?
“I am the mother of a 9-year-old boy. His father isn’t involved but his aunt (Liz) is. There are a few reasons he’s not involved, all good and valid reasons, and I don’t hold any of it against him, which is why I’m totally fine with Liz acting in the capacity of an aunt, as well as Liz and I, being friends from secondary school.
We’d kind of drifted apart after graduating but this got us back in touch.
I have a partner (not the father) who doesn’t live with me. I have a sister (Kat).
She just broke up with her ex and moved out of their place. She’s been sleeping on my sofa for 3 weeks now while she sorts out somewhere else to live.
She hates babysitting so I’ve never asked her to, even before she lived with me.
My partner and my son are fairly comfortable with each other but I only introduced them about 4 months ago and he hasn’t spent the night at my place yet.
We work nearby and spend time together as part of our work. The system we have worked out is we see each other during work, take my son somewhere on weekends, and on Fridays, we go on dates.
Every Friday Liz comes over and watches him for me, and on alternate Fridays, I stay over at my partner’s place, and Liz stays over at mine.
Tonight is a Friday that I don’t stay over at my partner’s place.
I’ve gotten back from my date and arrived home to find Kat and Liz arguing. I got the full story. Kat basically made some derogatory comments about my son’s father.
My son didn’t hear and Liz told her to knock it off in case he did hear. Once Liz put my son to bed, Kat started up again and Liz told her to watch her mouth.
This is when I arrived. This is the third time she’s fought with Liz in 3 weeks, and Liz has only been over 3 times total.
I thanked Liz for coming, she left, and I told Kat she couldn’t be starting fights with Liz.
Kat then said that she felt Liz being involved when the father wasn’t was a bad idea. I said that wasn’t a problem and I needed her not to annoy Liz because I’d lose the one remaining link to my son’s father’s family (as well as a babysitter).
I asked if she thought she could just stop arguing with Liz for my sake. She then said that Liz ‘just rubs me the wrong way.’ I told her that if she seriously cannot be around Liz without arguing with her then she has 2 options: get a hotel every Friday, or babysit for me so Liz doesn’t have to come over.
That’s it.
She’s now calling me a witch/saying I’m being unfair/saying I’m insensitive for ‘kicking her out every week.’ Is this me?
Just to clarify: I knew before I even said it that no way would Kat agree to babysit, so basically, the only valid options I gave were don’t start things with Liz or the hotel.
Also, she said she had a place lined up for the 1st or March but she’s waiting for final confirmation from whoever it is she’s renting from. She started more stuff after I posted this and I’ve said if it falls through then she can go live with our parents instead, which it probably has as it’s less than a week until her apparent move-in date and she’s heard nothing.
The reason she was staying with me and not our parents, to begin with, is that my place is within a short walk of her workplace while our parent’s place is a significantly longer drive, but I no longer give a darn about that.
Also, for people asking how old Kat is – she’s 32.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, and this is probably going to be a weird one so stay with me – no jerks here.
I understand you want Liz around your son and agree that it’s a good relationship for him. I also think that Kat shouldn’t be picking fights with Liz.
However! It sounds like the fights that Kat was picking were in your honor.
She wasn’t saying that she doesn’t like Liz, she was saying that your ex having nothing to do with his son is wrong which, honestly, I can see.
This is a delicate balance you’re trying to reach.
She’s trying to be a good sister and is probably viewing her actions as defending you. Liz is defending her brother, whether or not he deserves to be defended. It’s a difficult situation with a little man in the mix.
Maybe have a sit down with Kat and Liz and discuss with them, like adults? Just be like ‘hey, I know that Liz, you don’t like my ex. But he’s my son’s father and Kat’s brother.
Whatever your personal feelings are, I need you to try and keep them to yourself. And Kat, please understand that Liz is my sister and is just looking out for me.’ Try and reach the best solution you can for everyone.
Because even if Kat moves out tomorrow, she’s still going to be around- for birthday parties and family events. This needs to be handled.” Neuroticcuriosity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I’ve no idea why your sister is allowed to stay at your home with no expectations that she will help out with childcare, be respectful of your home and your son.
I understand that Liz is available for childcare, but your sister has some odd and frankly bizarre concepts of being a freeloader (family or not). Time to sit her down and be clear with your expectations – this is her nephew.
And while she may not ‘like babysitting’, the reality is – she’s either able to be a responsible houseguest and aunt or be an aunt who lives elsewhere.
Boundaries are incredibly important with family.
And one more week is all that this scenario is calling for, given her disrespect.
Also, as an aside – maybe it’s time for a sleepover at Liz’s?” NoeTellusom
Another User Comments:
“To me, everyone sucks here except for Liz. Your sister sucks because she’s disrespecting your son by smack-talking his father when the situation is none of her business and she’s a guest in your home who should be grateful for a place to stay.
That being said, you kinda suck, to me, first of all, for being way too cool with your son’s father wanting nothing to do with him. Sorry. I just struggle with understanding any ‘good reasons’ he apparently has to leave your son fatherless and you sound far from an advocate of ensuring that relationship happened at all.
Then you suck for seemingly placing more value on getting a ‘Friday night babysitter’ out of Liz then you do appreciate her stepping up and maintaining a consistent relationship with your son where her brother failed. It sounds like you’d quickly and happily tell her to get lost if your sister would just babysit your son instead, which is so rude and inconsiderate to Liz.
You literally just want them to stop fighting so that you don’t lose a babysitter.
I feel bad for your son most of all in this.” C******2
4. WIBTJ If I Returned My Sister's Main Christmas Presents?
“The other day I (17f) did some late Christmas shopping for my family. I was gone most of the day so I only got around to wrapping a few presents, I put them underneath the tree and called it a night.
This morning I went downstairs and finished wrapping the other presents while my family was gone, when I went to put them underneath the tree I noticed my sister’s (14f) presents were slightly opened.
Now, normally I wouldn’t make assumptions but this isn’t the first time this has happened. The same thing happened last year but I couldn’t do anything about it.
I took pictures of the presents that were opened then set the rest underneath the tree.
About an hour later my parents came home and I asked my father what I should do and he told me to return the ones she opened. I honestly didn’t think this was a bad idea.
Later that day, I messaged my friend and asked if she wanted to go return the things with me then go shopping. She called me a jerk and said it was a bad idea to do that because she was just a curious child.
It made me feel bad, but I still want to return the presents. WIBTJ if I do?
EDIT: I plan to buy her replacement gifts for the ones I return.
(If I return the gifts) I’m not going to return everything and leave her with nothing.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. All your sister is doing is removing the surprise for herself.
This isn’t actually hurting you. At worst, this is just a lack of impulse control which, frankly, is not your responsibility to police. It may be more than this. Maybe your sister doesn’t actually like surprises or finds them difficult, so she’s making sure she can respond appropriately when the presents are open.
What you’re proposing doing is disciplining your own sibling, and doing so in a way that might seem to ‘fit’ the offense, but is actually really quite disproportionate given that no one is hurt by these actions.
It’s not like she opened someone else’s presents, swapped tags on presents, broke presents, stole presents, or any of the things were taking away the presents would be proportionate.” Dioptre_8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t think you’re in the wrong for wanting to show her the consequences of sneaking at the gifts.
Part of the experience of gift-giving, whether Christmas or otherwise is to be able to see the receiver’s reaction to your gift.
If your sister is so impatient as to peek at them prior to, it takes away from your own experience and makes you not even want to do it.
Because come Christmas, she already knows what’s there and will open what she wants most first and be dismissive in the things she thinks as less than.
Vs it being a surprise for each gift and appreciated all the way around.
And for anyone calling you the jerk for taking the gifts back. That’s what your dad suggested. The actual adult in this situation, you didn’t come up with the idea on your own.
And obviously, he agrees there should be a consequence.
If you now believe that taking them back is too harsh of a consequence. You could take them back and exchange them with other gifts.
And when she obviously reacts to not seeing what she expected, you can let her know that you know what she did. And that in the future if she continues to do so, she won’t receive any gifts from you and that any gifts bought and peeked at will be returned altogether.
Also, that way she could also see that there’s more joy in not knowing what her gifts are ahead of time because if you changed them out, she wouldn’t know what each gift was.
That is an option, or I agree with other comments that say you could just rewrap empty boxes and give the gifts afterward. As another consequence to show her that her actions are wrong.
Either way, she needs to be held accountable for peeking at the gifts, so don’t feel bad for how you decide to do that. One way or another, this should be learning to listen.
I am curious is it just your gifts that she’s done this to? Or all gifts under the tree, including ones from your parents. Your dad gave you the suggestion of returning them, so does that mean he plans to do the same to his gifts.
I don’t think this warrants her waking up with no gifts whatsoever on Christmas, that’s harsh. Different gifts, possibly if a lower value. Or even holding the large and more expensive gifts to hand over later would also be a nice option.” AffectionateSorbet47
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, this is light though, I personally think I would have lectured her or something or taken away something small. It’s not a huge deal, kids make mistakes, while she’s old enough not to it doesn’t mean she won’t.
I do think returning the gifts was a tad overkill though, but again I wouldn’t say you’re a jerk for just that.” Phantmax
3. AITJ For Threatening My Teacher That I Won't Attend Her Class On Friday?
“Last year on 8.3.2019 it was a Friday that day and our history teacher decided that since its a Women’s Day, no girls should do the oral exam that day, resulting in out of 30 people on our class only 10 of guys should do an oral exam.
And wouldn’t you believe it only 1 guy got a positive grade?
I was pretty upset by this but since our teacher is a major feminist (talks every class about how women have been wrongfully treated in history), but I didn’t want to give out my ‘male’ opinion.
Well, today she said, ‘Since Women’s Day is on a Sunday, we should all still celebrate and appreciate that day because it’s a victory for us women. So on Friday, only guys will do an oral exam so you better prepare!’ (Didn’t go exactly like that but it’s kind of hard to translate from my language to English).”
I was so mad but tried to keep my calm and I stood up and said ‘If you do that I am not going to be in school on Friday because that’s not fair and stupid of you to do’.
I admit I did lose my temper there but honestly, I really hate this teacher because when it was a Father’s Day (day for guys) not a single guy got a gift or didn’t have to take a test that day.
Basically, the reaction of the class went how you would imagine: Guys were happy someone said something, girls were yelling at me for being rude and the teacher told me to go to the principal’s office – who you guessed right – is also a woman and a feminist like this one.
I got detention and if I don’t come to school on Friday my parents will be called and also I would be punished more. Not a single word was said about what my teacher said.
After school I felt really sad because I know how I acted was weird but no actions were taken by what my teacher has said and done. Am I in the wrong for standing up against her?
Is the teacher right for giving an oral exam which by the way everyone should take but since it’s a special day only for boys? and most importantly AITJ in this situation?
EDIT1: The girls took the exam a week later. The usual way of doing an exam is by randomness. Your name is pulled out and you have to do an exam, she does this until we were finished. That way we all get an equal chance and it’s the way every teacher does.
She just wanted to do it for who knows what reason
And I have told this my parents, their response was that I have a history for this year, and then the next I’m over with it, I should just study, fix the grade and try not to fight with greater power.
In a year and a half, I will be going to college.
EDIT2: I am calling her a feminist because that’s what she proudly said she is and what she stands by.
Another User Comments:
“Your reaction was bad. Calling it stupid was a bad idea. It is stupid, but you shouldn’t have told her so because that was a guaranteed way to make her mad.
Also, I don’t care if she IS a feminist, stop relating this behavior to her being a feminist because this isn’t feminism. She is favoring girls, which is the opposite of feminism.
Feminism is about equality, meaning no gender is favored over the other.
Your point about Father’s Day didn’t make sense either unless your class is full of teenage fathers.
Father’s Day is about fathers, not boys.
I am sorry but you are going to have to just study and be prepared for the test. It is up to her what order people take it in.
If she wants boys to go first, that’s up to her. It’s stupid to say it’s because of Women’s Day but whatever. She is an idiot, but again, whatever.
Your reaction has been bad and if you had handled it better you might have been able to do something about it but you didn’t. So yeah. I’m going to say ‘no jerks here’ because honestly even though the teacher is an idiot, she has the right to decide what order people take the test in, and that doesn’t make her a jerk.
It just makes her an idiot.” ZuzusEars
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your teacher is overcorrecting. It’s gender discrimination to have a test only for the guys in class.
As a feminist, she should know better. However, you shouldn’t have immediately threatened to not come in that day. Tell your parents about it, so they can talk to the principal and/or the school board about it
Edit: Father’s day is to celebrate fathers only. Like mother’s day is for mothers only. So you can’t equate that with Women’s day which is a day to promote gender equality” nousernamefound13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because your teacher gave the guys time to prepare and it’s not like the girls didn’t have to take it at all. It’s just a lesson on how men usually have advantages that women don’t, so she flipped it.
IDK about you but in school where I am, often people do presentations at different times in the same class because the class isn’t long enough to get through everybody.” User
2. WIBTJ If I Didn't Allow My Children To Participate In An Easter Egg Hunt?
“My wife, children and I are Gaudiya Vaishnavas (Hindus), but we both come from very Christian households.
Our children are 4 and 6.
I would say we have a different way of life, but our children are happy and healthy.
We are visiting with my wife’s family, and they have gotten my kids all hyped about Easter.
They didn’t know about it before, but their uncle told them about the Easter bunny and eggs filled with candy, coins, and toys.
When my wife and I talked to her brother later, I expressed that I was a bit unhappy that he shared this with my children.
I didn’t really feel comfortable with them celebrating the hunt for coins and candy. He has put me in a position where I will have to hurt the kid’s feelings.
I have no problem with any other Easter tradition.
He was really taken aback that I would not allow my children to do the Easter egg hunt. He said he ‘couldn’t imagine being such a jerk’ to his kids.
I don’t think having different beliefs makes me a jerk.
My wife is considering letting the kids do it after talking to her brother, but she is letting me have the final say.
I’m was pretty set in my ways about this but I’m questioning it. Does it really make me a jerk if I don’t let them do the Easter egg hunt?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Easter egg hunts are part of the secular, completely non-religious, traditions of Easter. They have nothing whatsoever to do with Christian religions, just something that has evolved over time.
As such, nothing at all wrong with the brother expecting your kids to participate.
You, however, can raise your kids however you want. If you think that this tradition/practice is not something that you want your kids to participate in, and your wife agrees, then so be it.
Nothing at all wrong with that. You will, however, annoy your family who will not be able to have them participate, and likely make your kids unhappy too. So it’s really a tradeoff if you feel strongly enough about this to deny them that experience.” CaptainJeff
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ.
Dude. They’re 4 and 6. It’s a fun tradition to do with them. I don’t remember the candy and toys, I remember the fun and excitement of finding the eggs and comparing what I found with my brother.
And you don’t have to go crazy and fill the eggs with hundreds of dollars or expensive toys or tons of candy. I do pennies for my 5-year-old daughter because she loves putting things into her piggy bank.
I also do bubbles and sidewalk chalk and stickers and temporary tattoos, all from the Dollar Store. I grab one bag of jelly beans and one bag of miniature candy bars and that’s more than enough.
It feels like you are reading way too much into it. Let them be kids and have fun.” lascielthefallen
Another User Comments:
“I’m as anti-capitalist as they come. Also a neo-pagan.
Into all that woo woo and socialist stuff.
But guess what? My 4-year-old doesn’t care. He wants those Reese’s Pieces. He doesn’t care about mommy’s obsession with burning down traditionalist capitalistic societies so we can all one day transcend human form and be enlightened balls of gender-less light.
Nah, he wants those Hersheys kisses. He wants to go frolic in the grass and pretend he’s a giant pink rabbit.
Candy transcends race, religion, morals, country, you name it.
YTJ if you continue this. Let your children eat some candy.
Edit: I forgot to mention the moolah thing. I’m assuming you have a job? Or your partner? Unless you guys live an off-the-grid lifestyle where you build your own house, make your own food, and don’t buy anything (and I’m assuming you’re typing on a phone, tablet, or computer), you had to work at a job and earn.
Don’t get me wrong, I hate American capitalistic ideals of how we should earn, but don’t get on some high horse and try and teach your kids that the pursuit of income is inherently wrong and y’all are above such things.
Let your kids collect a few dollars worth of quarters in the Easter eggs so they can go buy something small and special. Instead of teaching them that money is bad, teach them the value of a dollar, or how to save in a piggy bank.
Teach them how to work a broken system instead of teaching them that the system isn’t applicable to your family in the first place.” Mrssandman554
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except the kids.
You, because this aspect is very much a secular activity of what may as well be Pastel Bunny and Candy, rather than a hard religious tradition, and your kids are already far old enough to know that different religions and traditions exist. Especially since your families are Christian, you will have to broach the topic with them early.
Also, when is ‘money’ part of Easter? I don’t ever remember getting coins in Easter eggs or Easter baskets. I got chocolate, small inexpensive toys, and, well, eggs! Easter Egg Hunts aren’t a ‘hunt for coins and candy,’ it’s really just a game, and kids barely care what’s in the eggs in the first place.
Though your brother-in-law is also a jerk because of, well, the ‘couldn’t imagine being such a jerk to my kids’ comment. It’s not inherently jerkish of you not to have these traditions in your own house, just to tell your kids ‘no’ to the harmless event.” TerribleAttitude
1. AITJ For Being Hurt My Friend Forgot My Birthday?
“My best friend of 2 years forgot my birthday, which is two weeks before hers. Before she left for her remote summer job (but with full wifi and cell service), I threw her a going-away party.
When she came to visit a week before my birthday, I bought her a pretty generous early birthday gift (but she never mentioned my birthday or gave me one). When it was her birthday two weeks after mine had passed, I wished her a happy birthday over text.
This took maybe a minute, maximum.
A week after her birthday I was feeling more hurt about her forgetting. She never texts me while she’s away (understandably she’s busy) but she posts on social media about every day.
Two weeks after my birthday I texted her ‘hey, it was my birthday on the X and I was pretty bummed that you didn’t reach out at all’. In response, I received a barrage of justifications as to why she didn’t, but no apology or understanding of why I felt hurt whatsoever.
Out of nowhere, she then began to blame me for making her feel guilty about forgetting my birthday (‘I’m not interested in playing the victim game’ ‘You’ve gotta stop being so hugely hurt by things when they aren’t intentionally malicious’ ‘I’m not interested in talking about it’).
She then posted on social media a few days later about how ‘life is too short to be constantly victimized by the world. I feel sorry for people who live their lives like that.’
I haven’t responded to anything as I’ve been hoping she’ll look back and apologize. But now ten days have passed and I haven’t heard anything.
Am I the jerk for feeling hurt by this and saying something?
Am I being overly sensitive or wrongly ‘acting like a victim’? Should I have said something different or not at all?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it’s a birthday it’s no big deal people tend to forget that stuff, it’s your fault that you let childish stuff like that influence your emotions.” demiyan-d
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you are sensitive but maybe I’m thinking this because my own birthday matters little to me. Anyway, her trying to justify what she did (not do) makes her an utter, irresponsible jerk.
Shifting blame is easy but is saying ‘I’m sorry I just forgot’ too hard? And this ‘life is too short for…’ stuff in this case is an excuse. Sometimes life is too short for doing certain things but voicing your concerns isn’t the same as getting yourself victimized.
People tend to forget things, no problem with it, but your friend didn’t really act like a best friend here. Maybe ask her again but since you have confronted her and her replies were quite appalling, I don’t know where would that take you exactly.
Do you know if she holds a grudge against you for something?” Armoured_Sour_Cream
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, birthdays are for children. If you expect people to care you have to organize an event.
Do not sit in a dark room waiting for cards and cake. People forget birthdays all the time, it’s not something they should really feel bad about.” desperately_lonely
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OP shouldn't have explain themselves or show everybody their prosthesis just to avoid unwarranted harassment.
That old woman and her son went WAY overboard, and honestly if it were me I would've reported the security guard to his higher ups for that unnecessary comment.