People Beg To Hear Our Side Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Kicking My Fiancé And His Friends Out Of The House?
“My fiance Henry and I had our first child, Dom, 2 months old. The first month was very complicated, with many sleepless nights and stress, but nothing unusual. Now Dom is sleeping a little more, but we still wake up at night.
Last Wednesday Henry asked if about 3 of his friends could come over on Friday for them to play and he could be free of responsibility for about 2/3 hours. I thought it was a reasonable request because I already asked him for the same one time and he was fine.
As I know it gets noisy, I visited my mother with my baby and had dinner with her, it was time and I came back. They were still there and my fiancé pulled me aside saying they were having fun and if they could stay another hour.
I reluctantly accepted, the noise wasn’t too bad (less competitive game).
I put my son to sleep after 30 minutes and I went to bed myself. After 2 hours, I (who is a heavy sleeper) woke up, and right after that Dom woke up.
I went into the living room (where they were) and I gave Henry a hard look and he spoke (no sound) for another 30 minutes. I accepted, I was too tired to think straight.
It took longer to get Dom to sleep, he even needed a bottle.
I went back to sleep, I didn’t even see if they were gone, and I woke up again with noise and it was almost 2 am (keep in mind that I went to dinner with my mother at 8 pm).
Just like Dom who was already stressed since that first time. I stormed out of the room and kind of screamed asking if they knew what time it was and they started laughing.
I told everyone it was time for them to leave and they and my husband started saying that another hour wouldn’t kill me and that Henry deserved a break from being a father.
I don’t know if my fiancé was wasted, but he kept nodding saying he was having fun. They started pressuring me to stop being annoying.
That’s where the part that maybe I’m a jerk begins.
I was very annoyed with everyone I opened the door of the living room (main door) and said out loud for everyone to leave.
Everyone was embarrassed and Henry was super embarrassed, he tried to retort with me and I completed by saying that since he wants to spend time with his friends so much, he should sleep with them tonight.
Everyone left, my fiancé too and I finally had a night’s rest after putting my baby to sleep. I got a lot of messages from everyone that it was disrespectful to kick them out of the house.
Henry said he had asked for a few hours to rest and I didn’t know how to respect his request, besides humiliating him in front of his friends.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agreed to 2-3 hours, gracefully acquiesced to an extension, and it went six hours before you blew up at them. If Henry wants to play into the wee hours with his buddies, he can do it at their place once in a while, but not where an infant is sleeping.
Also, there’s no such thing as taking ‘a break from being a father’ and Henry needs to understand that NOW.” RealTalkFastWalk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His friend’s opinions were not asked for and have zero bearing on what goes on in your home.
His agreeing with them is a sign of immaturity and group influence that he succumbs to, casting aside his responsibility as a father. There is nothing wrong with having an evening with friends, but not at your home, where waking you and the baby is a possibility… that is rude, as is the friends getting on you for standing up to their nonsense.
I’d remind him that you need time with your friends and he would not appreciate the baby or him being woken up or having your friends chastise him.” Realistic-Animator-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He said he had asked for a few hours to rest and you didn’t know how to respect his request, besides humiliating him in front of his friends.
He asked for 3 hours, you gave him that, then he asked for another hour, you gave him that but he extended it for 2 1/2 hours, then he asked for another half hour and you gave him that.
They kept waking you, a new mother, and your baby up, the final straw was waking you up at 2 am. You told them they need to leave, not that Henry couldn’t have a ‘break’ or get some ‘rest’, they could have literally gone to someone else’s house to game instead of keeping you and your baby up.
He was gaslighting you with that comment, invalidating your feelings and taking away your sleep thus affecting your actual physical health. What’s he going to do when because of his careless actions, you start getting ill?
Blame you more? Complain about having to go be a dad because you’re sick?
You need to have a sit down with him and tell him that that comment was gaslighting and that behavior was disrespectful to you.
That you were lenient but they kept waking you up and you needed to sleep and your baby needed to sleep. That it wasn’t about taking him away from his friends, but it was that they were being loud at 2 am in your house.
How he could have gone to one of their houses. How you gave him multiple chances and that unfortunately, he did not respect you enough to call it a night with them so you had to go yell at them like a mother yelling at teen boys during a sleepover.
And how when you were trying to just be stern at first they LAUGHED about it.
I’d say call his mother and tell her the situation and then what he said to you, if there is a good relationship there I’m sure it won’t be a pretty outcome for him.” not-emeree
21. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Acting Cruel Toward Her Fiance's Friend?
“I am 35F. My sister Samantha is 33F. Her fiance Eric is 34M. Eric has a 5-year-old son, Dylan. Dylan is a sweet little boy.
Always well behaved, bubbly, outgoing, etc. Dylan’s mother Leila is just as sweet as her little boy. Leila, Dylan, and Eric spend time together as a family and they co-parent very well.
Eric helped Leila conceive as she is a lesbian and they are very close because they’re parents.
Here’s the issue: Eric wants Dylan to be in the wedding, alongside my daughters who are flower girls.
Eric also invited Leila to his wedding, because he’s very big on EVERYONE being a family. After all, Samantha is going to be Dylan’s stepmother, right?
While having a family dinner, the wedding came up.
Eric says, ‘I’ll have my future wife, my son, and the mother of my child at my wedding. This day is going to be beautiful. I love the fact that my family is growing.’ Samantha chimes in, ‘I don’t understand why your baby mama is invited. What does she care if you’re getting married?’ Eric is stunned. He replies, ‘Leila is very supportive.
She bought us a nice gift. She’s always very sweet to you. And she’s not just my baby mama, she is a dear friend of mine.’ My sister says, ‘You need to learn to separate the 2 and get over this Bestie thing.
I should have you to myself for a day.’
Our whole family was shocked as Samantha had never said anything against this woman, but they also didn’t know she had been invited. I told her to knock it off, as Dylan was playing with my daughters nearby.
She just wouldn’t let up. I told her, ‘You have him. He loves you. Stop being an evil witch before you lose him. Leila has done nothing to you and it’s wrong to talk trash about her while her son is within earshot.’ Samantha started to cry and said I was taking the side of his baby mama.
My brother thinks I was right. My parents are remaining neutral.
Was I the jerk for telling my sister to stop being evil?
Update: Eric called Leila and uninvited her.
Leila was understanding and apologized for causing any discord between them. She agreed to pick Dylan up after the reception. She is disappointed because she wanted to see her friend tie the knot, but respects his future wife’s decision and position.
Samantha is still pouting because she feels that he shouldn’t have invited her in the 1st place. She didn’t want to explain to our family why her husband’s ‘baby mama’ was at their wedding.
He apologized and she’s still giving him hard time. She called me a jerk. She got her way and is still acting like a 16-year-old.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because my gut reaction was the same.
However, after thinking about it I do see how the situation would be hard for your sister. I’m sensing this stems from some boundary issues. She may not be romantically interested in him, but platonic relationships can be very strong.
How often has she felt like Leila is a third person in her relationship? Really take a look at what he said ‘I’ll have my future wife, my son, and the mother of my child at my wedding.
I love the fact that my family is growing.’ He’s (consciously or unconsciously) putting Leila in the same category as Dylan and Samantha on her wedding day. I’m thinking Eric is just a nice person and doesn’t realize how his actions could be hurtful.
By focusing on everyone being a family, he’s made Samantha feel less important. Your sister is the jerk for snapping instead of talking to him like an adult, but I don’t think her concerns are unfounded.” AffectionateTruth147
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because this, ‘I’ll have my future wife, my son, and the mother of my child at my wedding. This day is going to be beautiful. I love the fact that my family is growing.’ This is super creepy.
It gives on such a bigamist vibe, even if it doesn’t include the nasty part. Like he’s proudly seeing his family of women and children growing, it just sounds so gross.
No one that marries a guy with a kid sees herself as ‘growing the family’ that includes the kid’s mother. That’s not how it works. It’s extra gross when the woman doesn’t share this familial feeling and it’s being sprung upon her as a beautiful fact by her spouse.
And it’s extra extra gross when the woman is being forced to suppress her feelings because of the presence of ‘the kids!’ Just so gross all around.
Your sister signed up to be his wife and to accept his kid into her life with love.
She DID NOT sign into a family unit comprised of a husband, two women, and all their kids!
Your sister needs to be an evil witch right now, but she is not being one, even though she really ought to be.
All she did is dare to have an opinion about the guest list on her wedding day. (The evil witch!) A subject that the father of the child thought was appropriate enough to raise near his son.
(Or did he think she would have to agree because the kid is there? Or did he not even imagine she would have her own opinion because he and bestie already decided about that?) Your sister should DEFINITELY NOT be satisfied just with the fact that this man loves her and on how not to lose him.
She should be thinking hard about breaking this off and running the other way. I suspect this guy is rich (?) and that’s why you think your sister should act like a floor mop for his love?
Samantha would keep crying as long as she’s staying with this man. I think she thought she knew what she was getting into, but just now she’s really starting to realize that.
Your sister is not evil, she’s starting to see reality.” KittiesLove1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was his ex, I’d kind of understand. But this isn’t that situation.
There is no romantic connection at all and no chance that there will ever be. Eric has a good co-parenting thing going with Leila and if Samantha keeps on he is going to realize that she could wreck it.
He might even cut her loose.” Bright_Past_2226
20. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Trashy Behavior?
“My (19M) (now ex) friend ‘G’ (18F) and I have known each other for a little over a year. At that time we had become very close and open with each other.
From the get-go, she told me about her trauma and her colorful list of neuroses from all of this. This was never a problem for me because I have struggled with mental illness as well and I am pretty well read on psychology.
I always made it clear to her that I was there if she needed to talk and she often referred to me as her ‘stability’ because she claimed she was calmer around me.
Well, recently we had a small conflict blow up in a group of our mutual friend group (this happened in public). After I told her I was getting angry over her constantly interrupting me she told me to ‘Stop acting like I am better than everyone else’ and ‘No one will ever respect me as a man because I am such a witch’ (I am transgender but I only recently came out and not fully to the rest of our friends).
After some other personal and insensitive remarks between both of us, I will admit I said some things out of anger as well, G storms off and we don’t see her the rest of the day.
I am of course embarrassed because I’ve been outed and yelled at so I decide to head home early.
When I get home I decide to text some of my other friends to see if they saw what happened because it blew up quickly and it was a big reaction for such a small disagreement.
I decide to wait for G to reach out to me because I figured it’s still very fresh and if she wants to talk about it she will.
A couple of days go by and she hasn’t reached out, and I find she has blocked me on pretty much all platforms. She also had pretty much disappeared from our classes.
I reach out to her via text to ask if we can talk and she agrees but it is clear she’s not really into it. After I apologize she gives some lame excuses about ‘having anger issues’ and ‘well I’m bipolar and if I’m manic I can react like that’.
Annoyed, I tell her that I understand all of that, but what she said was still horrible, and asked if she was sorry.
Soon she gets angry and says I’m being a jerk for pressuring her because I know her trauma.
I get very fed up and explain that mental illness is not an excuse and I would never use mine to justify my trashy behavior. She tells me that ‘my life is not as hard as hers and I will never get what she has gone through and continues to go through.’ I tell her ‘You know what?
I don’t care that you’re mentally ill, it isn’t an excuse to be a horrible nasty person all of the time.’ To which she stops responding and texts all of our other friends that I am an ‘ableist and a jerk’.
All of them tell me that I overstepped and should have been more gentle, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To quote my favorite podcaster (gross, I know), ‘mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility.’ Living with mental and emotional issues sucks.
It sucks every day. But it’s not a blank check to be a jerk, as you rightly pointed out. I’ll give more space to my friends with issues if they’re being a little out of pocket as I’d hope they’d give me the same given mine but when it turns to abusive language or overall trashy behavior, it’s not up to me (or you) to take that just because they’re neurodivergent.
Plus, the things she said are absolutely not okay, and especially using a weird, archaic definition of masculinity to attack who you are is something entirely worthy of shutting down hard.
I’m not sure what the fallout in the friend group will be but it’s telling that her response was to try and immediately badmouth you and get people on her side rather than figuring it out or reflecting.
I hope it all works out but I think you’ve done the right things at every turn.” papercowboyart
Another User Comments:
“Obviously an ‘everyone sucks here’ for the initial confrontation, but I think you’re interested in the afterward.
It seems like you did all the legwork, and an apology was still too much to ask. I have seen past trauma and various mental illnesses used as a blank check for someone to behave however they want, with no expected consequence, because of mental illness.
It sounds like that is what is happening here.
Certainly, mental illness is no joke, and it can make people react in ways they might later regret. This does not change the reality for those around them who are hurt by their actions.
The initial confrontation may have put her past her limit of control (and yours), but there are zero reasons that an apology could not have happened.
You could have been calmer in how you handled this, but you are not responsible for keeping your cool as your ex-friend lets loose on you with abandon.
NTJ.” ProbablyLongComment
Another User Comments:
“Things like this drive me bananas. I myself have borderline personality disorder (like bipolar on steroids when it comes to emotional dysregulation) and I hate that people like this behave like jerks and blame their mental health because it only worsens the stigma for those of us who work TIRELESSLY to not fit the ‘stereotype’ these people are forming.
Mental health doesn’t make you a jerk, it makes you do jerk-ish things sometimes sure, but part of not letting it control your life is taking accountability for that and owning up to the consequences, while simultaneously working towards coping and improving jerk-ish impulses your mental health causes altogether.
This girl is letting her mental health rule her AND using it as an excuse for hateful behavior. You are NTJ and she was a really trashy friend to you.
The bottom line to anyone reading, her mental health is not to blame for this crap behavior. She is. And OP is NTJ for setting reasonable boundaries. Sure have some leniency when it comes to mental health because yeah it is hard and it does suck and it can be overwhelming.
But it’s never an excuse to be a complete jerk with no remorse. If it was really the mental health talking, there would be remorse and action to back the apology.
But it had nothing to do with her mental health.” Sounds_Gay_Im_In_93
19. AITJ For Arguing With My Friend?
“A few weeks ago, I came out to my friend (who we’ll call R) as non-binary. R called me confusing, which she’s said to me a few times in the past. This made me angry and I lashed out at her.
That was wrong of me to do so I decided to apologize for that. However, R had gotten her friend involved (who we’ll call B) in the whole situation. B sent me an angry text saying I should apologize and insulted me in all kinds of ways.
This upset me since I was already planning to apologize to R. I told B he can’t say that stuff to me and I apologized to R later that day.
R forgave me for a little while.
The next day, I tried to talk to R but she didn’t want to talk to me. I get a text from her saying I needed to apologize to B for whatever reason.
The things she said in the text cut like a knife. I had a mental breakdown in the middle of class. I apologized to B and he apologized to me for yelling at me.
I and B are on good terms now.
But I’m still mad about what R said to me. I feel bad about the whole situation. I want your guys’ opinions.
Is it okay to be feeling this way or am I just sensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ. You came to her which would have put you in a very vulnerable position and she said something insensitive and also potentially outed you to another person (I believe I’m not sure of the full context).
She should apologize and you guys should try to work it out.” guiltynotremorseful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Sounds like R was being transphobic — you don’t have to lie down and take that.
You also don’t have to lie down and take B being a bully. It sounds like they’re asking you to apologize for standing up for yourself, and that’s not ok.” User
18. AITJ For Sticking Up For My Nephew Against My Brother?
“I (34f) have a brother (33) who lives with my Dad (71), my youngest brother (29), my youngest brother’s fiancé (29), and their son (7). I don’t live with them anymore.
The 33-year-old brother (call him Matthew) has been getting worse and worse of late, constantly spouting racist, eugenic, slurs and thinking himself smarter than anyone else.
He’s always been confrontational and he used to bully my youngest brother; now he’s turning his attention on my 7-year-old nephew in the name of teaching him not to be ‘weak’.
So today, I bumped into my 29-year-old brother, his fiancé, and their son and went home with them because my nephew wanted me with him. Matthew was there and almost immediately stole my nephew’s favorite teddy from him and taunted him because he wanted a hug or something.
And then he wouldn’t give it back, holding it above my nephew’s head who was very upset.
So I took Matthew’s hat off his head to balance the scales and gave it to my nephew to ‘trade’.
My nephew let it go too quickly and so Matthew kept the teddy and said ‘what is the lesson here?’ My nephew didn’t know and didn’t care; he just wanted his teddy back.
So I said as a jokey thing we say, that the lesson is that Uncle Matthew is a pain in my nephew’s side.
But Matthew persisted in asking what the lesson was.
At this point, and having seen him do this too many times before, these ‘lessons’ that just make my nephew cry, I said it again. And so my nephew repeated it.
So then Matthew said something about ‘no, Auntie’s lying, that’s not the lesson’. So then my nephew got more upset, thinking he was wrong, looking to me for answers.
So then Matthew repeated what he always says ‘you’re making him weak, teaching him to be weak’. Usually, I ignore him but this time, fed up, I said something along the lines of ‘what you’re trying to teach him may not be the lesson he learns.’ And Matthew properly bellowed ‘SHUT UP, WOMAN.’
I said no. He accused me of being overbearing, making my nephew weak, and that ‘the literature’ all agreed with him. And yes, I said, ‘I’d rather be ‘overbearing’ than a knob head’ which wasn’t very grown up of me, I admit.
My youngest brother stepped in at this point and told us to stop because the last time we argued, Matthew kicked a hole in the toilet door while I was in there and he (youngest brother) didn’t want it to happen again.
And he said to me that I don’t back down, Matthew doesn’t back down, it escalates and that youngest brother has tried arguing back and it never works.
So I might be the jerk because it’s not my house and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for the people who live there, especially not my nephew, but I’m also just so sick of Matthew talking down to everyone and airing his horrible views and making my nephew cry again and again, and that we’re all expected to not say anything because it’ll ‘make him worse’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, someone needs to stick up for your nephew, but why are his parents leaving it up to you? It sounds like they’re afraid of angering Matthew, but the result is their son is losing out on a good childhood and happy home life because daddy is too scared to tell his brother to back off.
Matthew is toxic and the rest of the adults in the house are enabling it.” Ihatelego
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You shouldn’t be egging him on, neither of you two should be using the kid as a pawn in your little power plays and the parents should’ve stopped a grown adult from bullying their own child.
He’s the obvious jerk.” Maoricitizen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you and your younger brother need to cut contact with the jerk immediately. He doesn’t need to be allowed in his nephew’s life because he will make it his goal to indoctrinate that child into his belief system.” reyballesta
17. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Time With Just My Mom?
“I canceled dinner plans with my mom 20 minutes before because I found out my stepdad was going.
My mom started going out with a man when I was 17. I was very much not a fan of them and felt incredibly uncomfortable around him.
I voiced this and my reasons for my feelings to my mom. They got married after a year or so and he moved into our house. It quickly became a toxic environment for me to live in, and I moved out a couple of months after I turned 18.
Time with my mom has been very complicated since then. My mom does not want to spend time with my sister or me, without my stepdad. It’s very upsetting to me because I feel like our relationship/time is not valued. My feelings toward him at the beginning of the relationship were also dismissed. They have slightly improved as time has passed and since I moved out, but it still hurts that they were dismissed. He also is very talkative about himself, which just makes dinner miserable for me because I don’t really get to talk to my mom.
I told her that our one-on-one time is important to me and I feel like it is healthy. There are some things that I just want to talk with her about, and spend that time just us.
I feel that it is unhealthy for it to be non-negotiable with my mom, and in the end, it strains our relationship.
I can sort of put myself in her shoes that maybe she thinks forcing time with him will improve my sister and my’s relationship with him.
It is non-negotiable with my mom though, so I don’t ever see her ‘rules’ changing. They are around 60 years old, so maybe it’s something in their generation that I can’t wrap my head around.
It’s been an issue for so long, I need to hear others’ viewpoints and if anyone feels differently than I do so that I can see where my mom’s head is at.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even without being uncomfortable around him, you should be able to spend time one on one with your mum. The fact that he makes you uncomfortable just doubles it.
My dad makes time for my sister and me without his wife and I love the time we get to spend together. Try to explain to your mum that it’s not all about her husband it’s about being able to focus your attention on your mum.” zink300
Another User Comments:
“I was a single mom for 13 years of my daughter’s life. She actually chose the guy she wanted me to go out with, but if she had expressed ANY discomfort or hesitation, then he would NOT have been in her life.
And it wouldn’t have been me to end it, it would have been him. HE cared about her feelings SO MUCH that if there had been an issue, he would have backed off.
In my case, they love each other, and though he and I are no longer together (she is 32 yo now) we are still co-parents. You are NOT the jerk for wanting long times with your mom.
The ‘rules’ make me wonder if they are really HIS rules and not hers. Terrible people often make it impossible for their partner to go anywhere alone, especially where they might ask for help.
Maybe you could let your mom know somehow that if she needs HELP, you will help her get out of an awful situation.” Environmental_Ad972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If my kids told me they were uncomfortable with my new partner, he wouldn’t be my partner anymore.
And I certainly wouldn’t force my kids to spend time with him. It’s just a recipe for disaster. And yes, I’d be miffed if I couldn’t spend alone time with my mom.
It’s ridiculous.” Bright_Past_2226
16. AITJ For Prohibiting My Daughter From Going To Her Significant Other's Baseball Game?
“My daughter Rose is 15 and a freshman in high school. Her SO is 14 and also a freshman, and he plays baseball for a different town.
My husband is currently out of state for work, leaving me home with three kids.
Today my 7-year-old had a softball game and my 12-year-old had skating practice. Rose’s partner had a baseball game at the same complex as our softball game. However, it was scheduled to start around the time that the softball game would end, and the baseball game would end at 10:15 pm.
It is a school night.
I told Rose that she could go to the baseball game and we would all stay a little while, but not until the end. She has been asking for several days to stay until the end, and I kept telling her no. It is too late on a school night.
She wanted to talk to her SO after the game. Which is understandable, but would have us leaving the field even later. It would take us time to travel home.
We would probably get home around 10:45. And then Rose would need to do her whole skincare and bathroom routine, which takes forever.
My answer wasn’t good enough for her. She kept pressuring me to stay the whole time, saying it wasn’t fair.
I finally said that if she said one more thing about it, she couldn’t go to the game at all. Rose said ‘fine, then go ahead and tell me I’m not allowed to go to the game.
Go ahead and say it.’
I lost my mind. I told her she wasn’t allowed to go to the game at all. She immediately got on the phone with her SO and played the victim, saying she wasn’t allowed to go to the game.
And she kept saying to me ‘you happy Mom? You got your way. You won. You don’t need to stay at the field any later than you wanted to.’ But that’s not what I wanted at all.
I wanted her to watch her SO’s game, probably until about 9 pm. But I felt that her constantly asking to stay the whole time, and not being satisfied with my answer, was being ungrateful.
So, AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Losing patience momentarily doesn’t make you a jerk, and neither does some teenage hormonal crap.
It seems like you don’t like how it ended up.
You can apologize for the outburst, note how you were disappointed in her antagonizing you and/or her reaction and give her the option to stay until 9 w/o arguments.
Assuming this is an uncommon situation.” flaky-burnt
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I understand her frustrations but your reasons were valid and you offered a great compromise by still letting her go.
Two things I noticed here are 1. She couldn’t accept your boundary and kept pushing it 2. Manipulated you into a corner and then played the victim. I’d watch for these characteristics and address them earlier than later if I were you.
Also, it might help in the future to not let her get under your skin. That way she can’t get the satisfaction of getting a rise outta you if that makes sense.” pnb10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. You gave her your answer. 10:15 is a crazy late time to come home, not only for kids who have school in the morning but for adults who have to be adults in the morning!
You tried to compromise, she didn’t like your terms, and you enforced your rules. Excellent parenting.” incogspeedo
15. AITJ For Removing One Of The Bridesmaids?
“I was hesitant to ask her because of her personality, she is very opinionated and we haven’t been the closest recently.
I decided to ask her anyways and since then every conversation we’ve had has been negative. She questioned if I should actually marry him, she was upset that I am planning it last minute (5 months in advance) because she already booked up her whole summer.
The weekend that my partner and I decided on she already has a cottage booked and said she would have to leave the wedding early. She complained a lot about the price of everything which I can understand however she is not expected to plan any of the other events.
Her costs would be the dress and any hair and makeup she wants to pay on the day of. She absolutely hates the color of the dress and has not stopped making negative comments about it to me, my mom, the other two bridesmaids, and even to the lady at the store where we were getting the dresses from.
When trying on dresses she was extremely critical and wouldn’t consider a lot of options. And in all of her conversations with me, she keeps calling me inconsiderate because she gave me more notice of her wedding.
I am feeling defeated and because I tell my fiancé everything he doesn’t really want her to stand anymore either. I just feel like if I demote her she won’t take it well and I’ll lose her as a friend.
I just feel like it would be easier and less stressful to not have her stand.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a little torn on this one. I understand you were trying to be nice and include her, but you really shouldn’t have let it go on this long.
In the very beginning when she started complaining, you should have said ‘I really don’t want this to be an imposition on you, and it seems like it is, so I am rescinding my request to have you in the wedding.
Please take it not as an insult, but as my genuine wish not to put any undue stress on either of us. I hope you are able to make it to the wedding as a guest, but if it conflicts with other plans I understand and there won’t be any hard feelings.’
Unfortunately, you’ve let it go on this long, which means it’s probably going to be more awkward to tell her this now than it would have been earlier.
HOWEVER… this is still your wedding, and you deserve not to be stressed out by her. So you should still tell her the above (or some variation). If she’s going to get mad about it, that’s on her.
Hopefully, she’ll be grateful for the out. Honestly, it seems like she didn’t really want to do it anyway and maybe felt obligated. So you could be freeing both yourself and her from a headache.
(I would recommend that, if she is unable to return the dress for any reason, you purchase it from her for whatever she paid for it.)
Ultimately, I’d say… NTJ.
You just handled a situation badly, but you did it with the intention of being kind and inclusive.
Your friend on the other hand is definitely being a jerk by being so rude and obnoxious.
If she didn’t want to do it, she could have just said thanks for asking, I’m honored, but I don’t think I can commit to that at this time.
She chose instead to be an absolute jerk about it.” WingedShadow83
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t want her to be at the wedding party but invited her anyway. You’re not enjoying her company and upset that she’s been so negative but you’re putting it on your fiance for wanting her out of the wedding party and you’re worried you’ll lose her as a friend?
Jesus. Pay her for her dress (because this is on you) and cut your ties. After the wedding work on setting and keeping boundaries with the people you let in your life.” RestingGrinchFace-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you may be able to salvage the friendship if that’s what you want. You can kindly bring it up by saying that you can tell the cost and everything related seems to be a burden on her.
When you asked her, you wanted to include her but not have this be an imposition. From her reactions to things, it seems like it is asking a lot and you don’t want her to feel obligated to be at the wedding.
Make it sound like you are setting her free from the obligation rather than excluding her… Maybe she will blow up and you know she’s a bad friend or maybe she just legitimately didn’t recognize her own negativity and will be more tolerable.” Own-Let2789
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for asking her to be a bridesmaid knowing full well who she is. You had doubts. Listen to your gut feeling. Now you are in this situation because you didn’t listen to it.
NTJ for not wanting her in the wedding anymore. It’s your wedding. Will it really be a loss to not have her in your life? Doesn’t sound like it. Listen to your gut feeling.
You didn’t listen before.” tacodorifto
14. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Sister Didn't Pay Me In Full?
“In 2020, after getting my stimulus checks, my family decided to go on a vacation. Since I had the most money, I paid for mostly everything. During the trip, which was three hours from home, my sister’s car broke down.
She completely lost her mind, having a complete breakdown about what she was going to do and how she would get home. We ended up having to shove her, her husband, her baby, and all their luggage in our own car to get home.
But that’s not important. Since I was the one with the most money, I had to buy her a new car, even though I didn’t want to. But I knew I would feel really guilty if I didn’t, because she wouldn’t be able to work to support her infant child (her husband didn’t have his license or a car at that point).
I spent $3000 out of the $5000 I had left on a new car for her.
At the end of 2021, she owed me $2050. Today, in 2022, she just got $10000 back in taxes. I eventually mustered up the courage to text her (I have anxiety, so this was a big deal for me), asking if she could pay me back at least $1000 from the $2000 she owes me.
She texts back saying it probably won’t be a full $1000, since she needs to buy a washer and dryer, and she wants to get her husband a good SUV. This I understand, she desperately needs a washer and dryer, since she’s always coming to my house and using ours (not to mention she broke our old washer for overstuffing it).
She already has a really good working car. But her husband NEEDS to have a really good SUV apparently. But I figured a washer, dryer, and car wouldn’t be $10000, right?
Then she comes and tells everyone that she’s going on this super expensive weekend trip. And I’m like uh, okay? Why is she taking a super expensive trip when she owes people funds (she owes our mom $400)?
So I was already upset about that.
She got her $10000 back. She took her expensive trip, taking her two-year-old but leaving her 8-month-old with our mom to watch for three days.
She comes over to pick up her kid. She has $5500 on her, and flaunts it, trying to get us to guess how much is in the stack of $100s. It’s then she tells her husband that she’s going to just take out what she owes us from this money.
She gives my mom $300. She also gives me $300.
$300.
I was very upset and said as much. My sister said ‘I told you it probably wouldn’t be the full $1000’ and I was like ‘I know, but only $300?!’ She told me that I’m being a jerk about it and that she needed to get very important things that cost a huge amount.
I told her that trip wasn’t a very important thing. She left in a hurry, and my mom told me that I was being ungrateful. And now I’m second-guessing myself, feeling like a jerk for getting upset because she did really need to buy a washer and dryer.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the jerk. She had every opportunity to pay you back the amount she owed you, and was selfish and spent it on herself. You have every right to be as upset as you are.
I’ll be brutally honest, you are never seeing that money again. Your mom isn’t seeing her money again. It’s a lost cause, and stressing about it is only going to cause you more grief and anger.
I know that is a tough pill to swallow, I’ve been there myself with people I thought I could trust, but that is the reality of the situation. That $10,000 isn’t going to last long at all the way she is blowing through it.
She is going to come crawling back sooner or later at the next crisis, and ask for more. You need to stand your ground and say no. Her irresponsibility is not your problem, and if she is married with a kid, she needs to figure out how to make ends meet on her own instead of leeching off of ‘loved ones.'” Phillyfan10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would honestly go low to no contact though and make it very clear why to set a boundary.
Just from your story alone, you can tell your sister and her husband are terrible at financial management.
She should have never gone on that vacation in the first place if her car was in bad shape. Getting that much back on taxes she should have prioritized debts, a savings safety net, the washer and dryer, AND THEN a second car.
Her husband doesn’t NEED an SUV, which is probably a gas guzzler anyways. A practical, in-budget car would be sufficient as they already have something reliable. And they DEFINITELY don’t need to go on vacation, especially one for just a weekend that costs thousands.
In a month she is going to be broke and asking to borrow funds, again. And you will be put in a cycle of guilt, again.
Your mom is enabling her, do not let her allow your sister to walk all over you.” Comfortable_Read3801
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, is your name on the title? Did you make a verbal or written agreement that she would pay you back? I mean I’m not expecting you to get back all your money from her, she sounds like an ungrateful ‘person’.
But maybe you might have some legal recourse? If not do you do anything for her? I’d definitely stop and go lost-contact till she pays you back. Otherwise, I’d just bring it up every time you see her and to her husband.
She’ll be annoyed and you might get flack for it, but she owes you a lot and could easily pay it back. Her refusal is a jerk move.” OptmusJonzz
13. AITJ For Being Mad When My Partner Uninvited Me From An Event?
“My (25M) partner (26F) and I have been together for 6 years and our relationship is great. For the past few years, her work has thrown a little party specifically for POC employees (my partner is a POC and I am not).
Significant others have always been welcome regardless of race but the emphasis is firmly on underrepresented POC employees having a safe space to themselves for an evening. My partner has invited me to these events for the past 3 years and they’ve been tons of fun.
This year my partner RSVP’d on my behalf a few months in advance and we were both very excited to attend given the stress we’ve both been having with our jobs.
Tonight is the event and this morning she told me that she will not be bringing me, and instead has given my ticket to a friend of hers. A few hours later she realized that I was her only way to get to/from the event so she asked me to give her and the friend a ride despite me not being able to go to the event.
I understand that the event itself is not for me, and I have always been a guest brought at my partner’s discretion, but I feel somewhat disrespected to have been uninvited at the last minute.
This is where I might be the jerk, I kind of shut down for the rest of the day emotionally and have been giving her the cold shoulder in addition to telling her that I won’t drive her to the event this evening.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She uninvited you at the last minute but then wanted you to drive her. They have Uber and Lyft if she wanted to go. As far as giving her the cold shoulder, you were upset and that’s a normal reaction.
If she doesn’t like it, don’t do things like this.” FearlessDesigner1149
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, mostly your partner for making you believe that you’ve been invited to an event – only to uninvite you last minute.
And the way she uninvited you wasn’t cool either, she didn’t talk about it and she never gave you any reasons why she’s doing what she’s doing.
And she’s even more of a jerk for asking you to drive her and her friend to and from the event like you’re a chauffeur.
You’re the jerk for the pouting and the silent treatment – if you want to know why she’s doing things so rudely – ask her and talk to her about it like an adult.
All you’re doing is letting some resentment and anger build – which makes for a poor talk when it’s time to talk.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her behavior is hurtful and shows a lack of regard for you as her partner.
The audacity of uninviting you last minute and then expecting you to provide the transportation astounds me.” Knittingfairy09113
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say everyone sucks here. She’s the jerk for uninviting you last minute.
Again she is being a jerk for asking you to drive her to the event she uninvited you to. But giving her the cold shoulder and ignoring her is childish.
I think saying you won’t drive her to an event she doesn’t want you at is reasonable.” Jayderae
12. AITJ For Being Mad When My Friend Urges Me To Drink Water?
“So I simply just barely drink water. No real reason, maybe other than simply preferring to have taste in what I drink.
I understand that water is very crucial, but I don’t have a bad history with dehydration or anything so I just let it be. My friend, on the other hand, thinks the opposite.
He is very passionate about staying healthy, drinking water, and all that. He lives a few towns over so we mostly talk over facetime, and whenever I happen to tell him that I’ve barely consumed water or haven’t eaten in a bit that day, he’ll react very strongly and will not let the matter go until he sees me eating or drinking.
If I end the call to stop it he will just keep calling nonstop until I pick up and I finally do it to shut him up.
I understand it comes from a good place but it’s getting really tiresome now.
2 nights ago we were going through it and he was calling me nonstop so I’d eventually pick up and he could continue to convince me. For a reason I can’t put a finger on right now I just got super annoyed and snapped. I picked up and said to give me rest about water for once.
He sat in silence for the rest of that call and then a short recall, and when he ended that call he didn’t call again.
I texted him yesterday asking if he was mad, he ignored it for hours before finally responding but avoiding the question, until he simply said that there was nothing to tell, and just shutting down the conversation.
He did eventually say he wasn’t mad, but I’m not convinced due to how avoidant and shut down he was to the conversation. He hasn’t texted me once today despite my texting him.
I really worried that I did something wrong along the way that I didn’t notice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing to be concerned about a friend, it’s something else to turn into a major pain in the butt annoyance over something.
He had that comment coming. Not sure if he is mad, hurt, or embarrassed that he’d become such a jerk about you drinking water, but that is on him. Whether or not he talks to you again is also on him.” hes_got_a_guard
Another User Comments:
“Assuming that you’re drinking something other than just plain water, then there’s no problem here. The whole 2 liters of water a day recommendation also includes other drinks and what you get from food too.
Although some people insist you have to have the 2 liters on top of coffee and other drinks.
Everyone sucks here.” TopBluejay8238
Another User Comments:
“I think probably YTJ.
Why are you telling him these things?
Like how is it coming up in conversation that you aren’t eating or drinking enough water? It kind of sounds like you repeatedly share these things with him, knowing they’re really concerning and that he’s worried for your health, and then get mad at him when he expresses concern.
He should not be blowing up your phone, but it’s also exhausting when someone repeatedly talks about how they’re dehydrated or barely eating or otherwise not taking care of themselves, but won’t do anything about it.
People like that tend to act like martyrs.” ImpressionOk1458
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Obviously, your friend is obsessive as others have noted, but ‘whenever I happen to tell him that I’ve barely consumed water’?
Surely you’ve had enough to quench your thirst, in which case it’s a non-topic for interesting conversation, so unsure why you’d raise it. If you bait someone, you’ll get a response.” cayenne-bee
11. WIBTJ If I Kick My Husband's Aunt Out Of The Family Photo App?
“My husband (35M) and I (26F) just had our first baby. We decided to use an app to upload all her baby photos to that our family (immediate) has access to so we don’t have to constantly text out photos and try to remember what photos went to whom.
It just makes it easier as we’re sleep-deprived and just trying to make our lives easier. My husband got a text message from his aunt the other day (5 days postpartum) asking if he doesn’t like her anymore or is mad at her.
I guess she found out that we had our baby via social media. I had posted a photo of us before we left the hospital. My husband calls his aunt and tells her he doesn’t hate her but it’s just been a rough week because I almost died giving birth and our daughter was in distress when she was born.
To ease the tension though he told her he would invite her to the family photo app since she felt left out not knowing she was even born.
The next day she texted him asking why she couldn’t invite her kids to the app to see our daughter’s photos.
It’s our photo album and we are the admins so we’re the only ones who are able to invite people. I was upset but brushed it off as postpartum hormones.
The issue is his aunt has a tendency to want to be the one in charge and will assert dominance. I posted a photo of my daughter in a lounger but the issue was she was asleep in the lounger.
It was a cute photo and a huge milestone because she hasn’t let me put her down since she has come home.
I transferred my daughter to a bassinet after the photo was taken but that only lasted a minute before I had to pick her up.
His aunt has now made condescending comments about how unsafe it is for her to sleep in a lounger and if my husband allows me to continue to do that then it’ll harm our daughter.
That comment made my b***d boil because we already know this and she was transferred right after the photo.
I do not need her telling me how to parent when her own siblings want nothing to do with her because she’s so bossy.
I think I would be the jerk for kicking her out of the photo app though because it would stir up family drama and result in a fight because I wouldn’t be able to not tell her off.
My husband knows that his aunt can be a bit much but is the peacekeeper in the family. This doesn’t bother me and he knows and supports my decision. So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would hold for a minute because she isn’t your relation, I would tell your husband he has one chance to get her off your case, so he can tell her (or everyone) that unsolicited parenting advice is unwelcome or he can delegate it to whichever parent is her sibling to address it because surely she’s not going to just cause trouble for you and your husband, she will have trash to talk all around.
Your feelings are totally valid, anyone who plays on a parent’s worst nightmare to lord over their superior parenting is trashy. There are 1,000 ways that you will be a safer parent than she was… did she have a drop-side crib?
Use bumpers on the rails? Put kids to sleep on their stomachs? Crib full of unnecessary accessories? Use less safe car seats? Forward face early? Feed cereal in the bottle?
There is a litany of ways she probably lucked out and didn’t hurt her kids but could have because the advice was different.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your baby, your photo app, your family, your rules.
If she doesn’t like your decisions then it’s a tough one. I would give her some kind of warning first though. Like ‘hey if you don’t stop backseat parenting and being annoying about each picture I’m gonna have to kick you from the app.
I don’t want to but you’re kinda forcing my hand here.'” ian9921
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband needs to firmly tell his aunt that there is no room for her drama.
She is banned from the group due to negativity and he will not be taking her calls/comments as he needs to focus on you and the baby. He isn’t being a peacemaker he is being a door mat.” quarkfan4552
10. AITJ For Prohibiting My Partner From Going On A Trip With His Girl Best Friend?
“My significant other (25M) and I (21F) have been together for around 11 months now and during the first couple weeks of us meeting he introduced me to his girl best friend (25F) – let’s call her ‘Gwen’.
Gwen and my SO always used to hang out every day, were basically glued to each other, until I came along. Gwen always made me feel uncomfortable with them hanging out alone.
She was very touchy and needy and always wanted his attention. I can’t go a day without seeing her pop up on his phone constantly trying to call and facetime him.
It wasn’t until a month into our relationship that I started to question if they used to talk. He’s always open to answering my questions, as he is very good at communication, so I asked ‘Hey babe, have you and Gwen ever done anything with each other?’ He responded with ‘yes… we were really screwed up though but it was a one-time thing’.
I simply said ‘oh okay, good to know’ and ever since then I started to look at their friendship differently and have been noticing small things that they do. They love to go to concerts together, so they will dance and always hold hands and be by each other 24/7 while I’m behind them by myself.
Yes, it’s their thing they like to do and I’m just invited but I wish he would do that with me.
There is a big event going on across the country and she bought herself and him a ticket to go.
I didn’t find out until I looked on social media where she had posted it and tagged him. My friends texted me embarrassed because I was not included. We live on the east coast and it’s all the way on the west coast. When I found out, I was very upset about why they were going on a trip, just them two, after finding out they previously did stuff with each other.
Are they gonna get ‘too messed up’ and do the same thing? They are sharing a hotel with one bed and at this point, I am not comfortable with that.
I told him it makes me really uncomfortable and he fully understood why. I told him I don’t want him to go for these reasons and now Gwen is upset with me.
I love Gwen to death and really enjoy her company but get so jealous of the relationship they have.
AITJ for not letting him go on this trip?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I see your perspective: They’ve hooked up before when messed up. They’re actively going across the country to go to a concert to get messed up. They booked a place with 1 bed (though you could still sneak around even if they booked two rooms).
You feel like the 3rd wheel when you’re with them.
The main issue is that you’re jealous of their relationship and don’t trust them to be alone, across the country, with vices nearby.
So you need to ask yourself, do you feel like this all the time when you know they’re alone together?
If so, you need to have a deeper conversation with your SO, or it’s not going to work out for either your relationship or their relationship.” NeverFailTheMayor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
One freaking bed? Shaaaady. Also, why didn’t she extend the invite to you? He needs to respect your feelings & compromise on a solution you all can live with.
If he can’t, they need to hit bricks & let you thrive in life without this drama.
Trust is important, yes. When my husband & I first got together, he was still living with his ex in a house they owned & stayed living together for the next year.
The difference with your sitch is that my husband never treated me like a 3rd wheel. They’re still pals & I respect it. She’s my family.
It sounds like all of the affection that should be going to you is going to her.
God no. Screw all that ish.
Your SO & his GBF are not respecting you with this, & are giving you every cause to ease on down the road to greener pastures.
Good luck, OP.” Peppermeowington
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, an understandable one, but ‘not letting him’ or ‘telling him you don’t want him to go’ will always be a jerk move in situations like this.
Sounds like he’s been forthcoming with you about their past, so he’s done nothing wrong. If their friendship is not something you can handle, it’s your responsibility to remove yourself.” dhaugh
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk but it does sound like you have trust issues. Which is understandable honestly. He sounds like he’s more invested in his friendship with her than he is in his relationship with you.
I don’t think you were wrong for expressing your uncomfortable feelings towards them going on this trip together, it sounds like you handled it maturely and that you’re not telling him he can’t be friends with her, just that them not telling you about the trip or including you makes you uncomfortable.
It sounds like you’ve already had a conversation about all of this with your partner and that he’s okay with not going because of how it makes you feel but Gwen is the one causing issues now and is mad at you.
I would honestly question what your partner means to her. Is she also in a relationship? If not, are you sure there are no feelings for him besides friendship?
Since she’s so upset about you not wanting them to go, if I were you I would just straight up ask her why she doesn’t understand how or why this makes you feel uncomfortable, or if roles were reversed and you were the best friend and she was the SO how would she feel.
Good luck!” theaftergl0w11
9. AITJ For Wanting To Look Good At My Wedding?
“My (26f) fiancé (32m) and I are getting married next month. I tried to convince him to have a small wedding with just our parents and maybe a close friend and tried to get him to understand how important it is to me to have my special day.
Through trial and error, I gave in and just agreed to have a courthouse wedding. It upset me, but I just wanted to be married to him.
When his parents found out they tried to help as much as they could.
They offered to get their preacher to officiate us, set up a Jonny moon spot in TN that we didn’t have to pay for, and even offered to have a party for us at their expense.
My fiancé was the one who accepted and agreed to all of this, by the time I walked in on the conversation I was confused and had to be caught up.
I was excited because this meant I could buy a dress, and shoes, and have my day. I looked online and found an inexpensive dress and was having a hard time finding shoes that fit what I wanted and would be here on time.
When I vented to my fiancé he said ‘I don’t know why you looked at dresses and shoes. I figured you would have worn that dress you have in the closet and we go and be done with it.
It’s not a big deal’.
He went on to explain that it’s just a burger and not being wined and dined. It upset me and I told him fine I’ll just cancel the dress, which I did.
He then asked why I did that and it turned into a fight. I tried explaining again how important it was to me and that I didn’t make the decision to go to the church and invite his parents, but he did.
He tried to say ‘okay fine I acknowledge that you want this, order the god-awful dress.’ I’m now not wanting the dress and want to just show up in leggings and a baggy t-shirt.
Am I in the wrong here?
Edit: I’d like to point out that I just care about marrying him. I was fine with the courthouse wedding. It felt like he had come around to see how I felt and changed his mind.
I wasn’t mad that he said yes to their pastor officiating us, I felt that he was wanting a wedding after talking to his parents. I felt that he was doing this so I could have the small ceremonial wedding like I wanted. After he told me what they said I asked ‘so does this mean I can get dressed up?’ He responded with ‘whatever you want baby.
It’s your day’.
He agreed with the officiant because it was a familiar face to him. (His words). I honestly thought this was him saying ‘hey, I know you wanted a wedding and our plans for Florida were a bust. So here is our compromise.
Have a small wedding like you wanted and were offered a free place to stay. Just like what you wanted and a vacation we both need and can afford without breaking the bank.’
Info: I had suggested a place in Florida where we could get married on the beach just us and the officiant and he was really excited about it because it was a wedding and vacation all in one.
It fell through when no one called me back and I couldn’t book with them. I felt like I was at a standstill and didn’t know what else to do when he came to me with this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t have to keep excusing yourself for wanting a small party/event. Why do you do this? Of course, you are not marrying him to have a party.
Who would be dumb enough for that?
I don’t understand his attitude towards this when you are basically doing what HIS parents wanted and what he agreed to without even talking to you.
I get that you were excited because you wanted the party, but isn’t it weird he agreed to it without asking you? What if you didn’t want a party and he agreed to have a party?
Or what if it was a question about something else and he made a decision without you?
You have to talk to him. His whole attitude (or your description) is weird.
It’s like he is not willing to compromise or even enjoy himself.” Coco_Dirichlet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve talked about how important it is to you to have some pretty small and basic things for a wedding: a few family, a pretty dress.
Meanwhile, he described the ceremony as a ‘burger.’ This is a big disconnect. You love him but it’s concerning that he has zero interest in what you want for a highly significant life event.
An event that someday you might have children asking about. But even if you don’t, it’s a meaningful event that you will look back on, and want the memory to be at least decent, not a disappointment.
You said through a lot of back and forth you both settled on a decision that had none of the elements you wanted. How is that a back-and-forth? That just sounds like you finally agreeing to what he wanted.
This moment is important. It in no way has to be fancy or expensive. But it IS personal. It can be one of the most personal experiences you have. It is not wrong for you to want to have the personal touches that would make it joyful for you.
He got the personal touch he wanted, which was the familiar face. So he is choosing to include personal things that matter to him while downplaying choices that matter to you.
Get the dress. Get the shoes. If he scoffs, tell him it matters to you and it hurts nothing, and that’s that. If he continues afterward trying to downplay the act of getting married or your absolute right to find joy at the moment, that should give you pause even with the deepest love.” IndependentBoot5479
8. AITJ For Asking For A Bottle Of Water?
“I (21F) have come down with the flu. I haven’t been able to stomach much, but while driving with my partner (22M) to pick up some food for himself, I asked if we could go to the gas station.
My partner assumed it was to get snacks, so he happily agreed since he wanted some for himself (which, for the record, I can barely stomach any snacks).
He’s about to go inside and get himself some snacks, and I ask if he can grab me a bottle of water.
He has never had a problem with this before; however, this time, he simply goes, ‘No.’
I’m kinda shocked, so I ask why. He says, ‘we have water at home.’ I go, ‘fine fine, I’ll Venmo you if you’re willing to go in and get the bottle for me.’ I thought that the price was the issue since I often ask for small snacks or treats on his dime.
I figured offering to pay would resolve it.
‘No. I’m not buying you the water. There’s perfectly good water at home. If you want water, you gotta go in yourself.
It’s against my morals.’ I’m currently sick and I’m quite nauseous, plus my partner is already going in to get snacks for himself. Plus, he has literally never had an issue with getting me water before.
We argued a bit, and eventually, he agreed to get me the water. When he comes back to the car, he tosses it on my lap and goes, ‘I’m glad you got your way.’
I might be the jerk because yes, we have lots of water at home; I just like a chilly, bottled water when I’m feeling under the weather. I also could have gone in myself to get it; although I’m sick, I had a mask in the car and would’ve survived a quick trip inside the store.
He may be the jerk because this was out of character, he was already going into the gas station to get himself snacks, and I offered to pay. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems controlling and has major red flags. Talk to family and friends about this interaction and ask them if this behavior is in line with what they know about him.
He sounds like a major jerk, and they might confirm this.” DessertFox157
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Who is so high and mighty they can’t spend $1.50 once on bottled water?
Going on a hike you’ve been planning for six months? Pack water. Getting takeout with the flu? Buy the water.” Graflex01867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as you clearly communicated your needs ‘I know we have water at home, but I’m thirsty now and I’m not feeling well.
If it’s the money, I can cover it’ etc… As a partner, he should be willing to go the extra mile for you especially when you’re sick. In this situation, it would not have been an inconvenience for him to get you the water.
In my opinion, your partner is the jerk!” CottonCandyCuppyCake
7. AITJ For Wanting To Rest Instead Of Babysitting My Brother?
“I have pretty bad sleep issues, and so does my father. I’m not the type to take naps often and sleep very little. I got home from school about 2 hours ago and decided to wind down, and do some studying for a test for a bit while looking after my brother.
Normal stuff. But I’ve been pretty tired all day, and I decided after about after 2 hours of that to take a nap. It was 5 PM so I could.
My mom is the breadwinner, but my dad needs the car to pick me and my brother up from school or go to the store, etc. So usually my dad leaves around 5 to go pick up my mom from work.
Usually, I stay home, and my brother and dad go to pick her up. Sometimes my brother stays with me, which is no problem! I like hanging out with my younger brother.
We usually pop on one of his movies or Adventure Time and watch.
Today my younger brother wanted to stay with me but I was ready to pass out. I told my dad I couldn’t look after him because I was about to pass out.
My dad started fighting it and saying he could just stay in the same room, and that all I had to do was make sure he didn’t put anything in his mouth.
(My brother is 6 and has autism, and he doesn’t really listen to me on his own so it’s hard for me to look after him sometimes. But it’s not his fault.) I told him again I couldn’t do that while I was asleep.
He said it was only an hour, but I told him I was really tired and I couldn’t. He insisted and then I snapped and said I would just go with him to go pick up my mom.
He got frustrated and told me to just stay.
My dad has a lot of mental health struggles and takes a lot of medication. Making him sleep a lot. It’s hard for him to get up at all.
When I get home from school it’s basically my responsibility to look after my brother while he’s asleep. And when I wake him up he’s very irritable. It’s hard for me to balance doing stuff for me and my brother until my mom comes back home.
I’m still a kid. I’m an early teenager and I’ve been doing this for at least a few years now. My brother doesn’t let me change his diaper (he still needs them, please don’t judge him) so I have to wake up my dad to do it.
And it can take a while for him to even respond to me.
I don’t know, is it selfish for me to want at least a few hours for once to just sleep and be a kid when I come home, like my dad?
I know I shouldn’t entirely blame my dad for his struggles, but part of me holds a grudge against him – for not letting me be a kid.
Edit: I realized I didn’t specify ages at all except for my brother.
I’m a 13 y/o and my dad is 48. I still sort of feel in the wrong though because he’s my dad and I should listen to him.”
Another User Comments:
“You should be allowed to sleep when you are tired. It’s not safe for either you or your brother to make you watch him when you’re falling asleep.
It sounds like you are full-time babysitting as soon as you get home from school, while your dad just sleeps.
I understand he’s on medication, but if this has been going on for years it’s not fair to you and something needs to change. He is still an adult. You do deserve a life of your own, and this schedule has basically robbed you of childhood.
Do you get to have friends and spend any time with them? Could you do any activities just for you – sports, volunteering, clubs, a job when you’re old enough, etc.?
Talk to your mom about this. I’m also concerned that you cannot wake your father when needed in the afternoon. Maybe he should see his doctor and get the medication checked and adjust his sleep schedule.
NTJ. You are not being petty. Look up ‘parentification’ – that is what is happening to you.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to sit down with your mother and father and tell them they need to find alternative care for your sibling.
You’re 13 you shouldn’t have to be put in charge of a 6-year-old with autism. They need to stop parenting you. They’re going to expect you to still care for him when he’s an adult and it’s not your responsibility to do that.
You have your own life and should be able to live it how you want when you’re older.” Key-Sheepherder3355
Another User Comments:
“I say NTJ, but at the same time if there was no way your brother would go with your dad, then there was no choice right?
I think it’s valid to not want to have to parent your brother for a day. I’d also like to point out that while your father is valid to have mental troubles, it’s not an excuse for him to use you as a secondary parent.” User
6. AITJ For Prioritizing My Baby Shower Over My Friend's Birthday?
“I (f/40) went through rounds of fertility tests for several years and finally through some effort and patience, we’re pregnant. First ever pregnancy and depending on the delivery could be my only one.
My husband (m/40) and I are planning our baby shower at 34 weeks (only us, no help from our friends which is 100% ok) the same weekend my best friend Jamie (f/42) is coming into town – which is a birthday gift for herself.
Jamie has 2 other friends out here. I’ve been only focused on my baby shower but did plan to have Jamie at the baby shower. Her friend, Christine (f/43), and I had a very lengthy call about Jamie’s trip.
She’s very opinionated and I’ve stepped away from chatting with her since she tends to have very different opinions than I do and she doesn’t want to hear my thoughts only wants to hear herself talk.
Christine basically said she was surprised I hadn’t made plans for Jamie’s time out here. She went on and on about how Jamie is my bestie and how I should have planned something for her and so on.
I at first said that Jamie is an adult and could vocalize if she wants to hang out. Truthfully, this is the only weekend I’ve been able to get some time off and planned a final outing for myself (a day alone doing whatever I want).
Christine brought up that we need to celebrate Jamie’s birthday while she’s out here and make it a whole weekend. This made me mad, this is my Baby Shower weekend, my weekend.
I will only get to fully celebrate this once. Even if we have another baby, it’s not going to be the same. I blew up at Christine and told her that I don’t need to plan for everything and that I’m focused on my Baby Shower.
That I haven’t had the time to work on the nursery, get early presents unpacked, and stuff until this weekend. Then because I wanted her to shut up, I made tentative plans.
Now I don’t want to see either of them this weekend. And mind you, Jamie has no clue what went down and I don’t believe I can say anything to Jamie.
Now I have plans for Friday – Sunday when all I really have the energy to handle is the Baby Shower. My husband is already working so hard to help me with everything and goes beyond anything I would have ever dreamed of.
I’m not going to push more stuff on him so I can go out with Christine and Jamie.
Now, I don’t know. Should I have planned something for Jamie? Should I share anything with Jamie?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe invite Jamie to help with the nursery and have a birthday drink? Order her favorite takeout? Catch up with the friend you like for a few hours, while keeping your hands busy.
Christine is angling to paint you as a bad friend who didn’t plan anything for Jamie. Don’t play into it. Go around her. You’ve got grown folks things to do.’ rumpie
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ
You shouldn’t have to plan a whole weekend for Jamie, but if she’s a good enough friend to come to your baby shower (and I assume spend a lot on a gift for said shower), wouldn’t you also want to celebrate her birthday with her, even if its just one lunch/dinner?” Number60nopeas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not planning anything for Jamie. You’re right that she’s an adult, and can either plan her own thing (like you did) or express her desire for plans to her friends.” DungeonMuggle9000
5. AITJ For Being Petty About The Food For My Guests?
“So I (14f) planned a pizza party with a few friends, and we agreed it would take place at my house. I was pretty excited since it was the first time I would be seeing them in person after 2-3 years.
The day arrived, I ordered the pizza and my parents paid. Even though they always encourage (and sometimes force) me to be social/host gatherings, I noticed my dad was becoming increasingly agitated/annoyed. I could be wrong since he usually looks pretty solemn, but he looked especially annoyed that day.
The pizza arrived and I started setting the table. My parents and brothers were on their way out (since they said they’d go out whilst my friends were around) and my mother (who is a serious person that barely jokes/dislikes joking) suddenly turned around and said that the family would stay, have pizza (the guests’ food) and leave to go out.
I was kinda horrified at the thought of this because I thought we wouldn’t have enough pizza for the guests, and they would’ve seen that the food had already been touched/eaten, and would think badly of me/my family.
That was genuinely what I was afraid of, and I had no idea it was a joke because she never jokes/said it with a serious tone/face.
I guess I displayed the horror on my face because my dad began yelling at me and called me ‘spoilt’ and ‘greedy’ along with a few other insults before storming off.
I began crying, mainly out of anger since he just assumed a bunch of incorrect things based on my facial expression. My mother’s first reaction was to shout at me for crying.
My eyes get puffy quite easily so she told me to lie and tell my friends I had an allergic reaction when they arrived. She then left before giving me a quick hug, and I didn’t really feel like having a party at that point
When the party ended and my family came home, my mother asked me to apologize to my father (who wouldn’t speak to me). I was confused and annoyed because I hadn’t done anything to him or anyone for that matter.
We didn’t speak for 2-3 days, and at one point my mum started arguing with me and asked ‘if I even loved my parents’. My dad and I eventually began talking again, and he scolded me/told me that I should’ve given my portion of the food to my family, feed the guests, and starved for the rest of the party.
I never apologized to my father, or anyone for that matter because I still don’t see how I’m in the wrong – all I did was express a look of horror that wasn’t directed at anyone, yet it ended up ruining my party, causing my dad to hold a grudge, and causing my mother to question my love for her/my dad.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If they wanted pizza too then they should have asked you to order extra. I doubt it was a joke or your Dad wouldn’t have got so upset.
If they are claiming it was a joke, they are just backtracking to make you feel bad.” UnluckyDreamer1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they encouraged you to invite guests and then pretended they were going to eat the food set aside for said guests and your reaction is the problem?
I get that they paid for the pizza but still a jerk move.” Docnevyn
Another User Comments:
“You need to come clean to your friends about how your parents act towards you.
You’re NTJ–they’re deliberately ruining your plans, then trying to convince you to cover it up so they don’t look bad.” genus-corvidae
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother's Friend?
“I have a twin brother and we are in the same school. We are in the same art class, that’s just it. Our parents passed away when we were young and though it is something we are open about, it’s not really something we talk about often.
So people know about it but it’s never brought up often.
So a few days ago as I was talking with my friends I overheard one of my classmates make a joke to my brother.
No big deal, but she made a joke about our deceased parents. My brother even said that it wasn’t cool and I got mad, as that’s my only reaction to someone joking about such things.
I yelled at her saying that it wasn’t her place to say that and she shouldn’t talk to my brother that way. My brother got mad at me and told me I made a scene for no reason.
He won’t talk to me and I feel bad. But I do feel she’s in the wrong for saying it in the first place and I worry she says stuff like that often to him.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it sounds like your bro handled it in a manner he felt appropriate. And here you come outta left field amped up to the max and undermining him like he can’t handle the situation alone.
You need to apologize and let him handle his own things.
I’m sorry about what happened to your parents and you two in relation to that, but it doesn’t mean you have to fly off the handle every time someone says something inappropriate and stupid.
Otherwise, you’re going to get the trolls and bullies who will start doing that specifically to get you to react.” Thisisthatguy99
Another User Comments:
“It was between your brother and her.
It wasn’t with you. You should’ve let your brother handle the situation as he saw fit.
Later you could’ve asked him if he wants you to step in when that type of thing happens.
YTJ” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It wasn’t okay for the friend to make that joke but yelling was over-the-top. I understand your anger but your brother handled it in a more appropriate way.” gaysailormoonrat
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom About A Conversation I Overheard My Brother Having?
“My brother (17M) had been going out with this girl from his school for a while.
But my mother (50F) didn’t really like her, I don’t know exactly why, but she said that girl just rubs her the wrong way, but she just let him keep going on.
We have a study in our house where there are two computers and we would spend time there playing video games or just browsing the internet. One day when I (20F) was just sitting there reading my dad’s old magazine I overheard my brother’s voice chatting on discord.
He would sometimes speak really loud even when putting on a headphone I would still hear him. At first, I thought he was just talking normally to his friends, but then his voice start getting more concerned. It sounds like he was fighting with someone.
Later I asked him about it and he just brushed it off.
One day when I was helping my mom cook dinner I suddenly blurted out the incident. My mom later asked my brother about it, but I was in a different room and only heard them getting more and more agitated at each other to the point that both of them broke into tears.
It was already night so I just went on sleeping. The next day I learned that my brother’s SO would get jealous very easily even when he was busy with school work and stuff (he’s in the student council).
But my brother has refused to speak with me ever since and I feel bad about it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
What is this obsession that some people have with their opposite-gender family member’s relationships?
I see this all the time and it’s DISTURBING
Mom/sister are way too invested in son/brother’s personal life. Never like the girl no matter what. Or vice versa with dad/brother and daughter/sister.
It’s WEIRD. WHY IS IT SO COMMON?” RissaRay113
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you could have been more tactful. Bringing it up with your brother directly, or confiding in your mother privately might have been better than dropping it on both of them at the same time out of the blue.” KnavishLagorchestes
Another User Comments:
“Yes.
You overheard a conversation you weren’t meant to. It happens. The polite thing to do is either stop listening, even getting up and moving away, or let the person know you can’t help but hear them if for some reason you can’t get out of earshot.
You were concerned for your brother and tried to talk to him about it. About a conversation you weren’t meant to hear in the first place. When he didn’t want to talk to you about it, you backed off.
This is actually the best move in a bad situation.
But, then you carried a tale of a conversation you weren’t meant to hear to someone else.
Maybe you didn’t mean to be a jerk.
Maybe you did it out of concern for your brother.
But, it was still a jerk move to talk to a third party at all, mother or not, about a conversation you weren’t even supposed to be a party to.” Acktion69
2. AITJ For Telling My Aunt It's Her Fault She's Not Invited To Family Events?
“My (21f) family is a little bit odd. Our family patriarch is my grandfather, he’s very work minded and his priorities in life are success and loyalty. We’ve had a few lawyers in the family, doctors, etc. My grand grandfather was the town sheriff at a time.
There’s always been a lot of pride in the ‘Smith’ family name.
For as long as I can remember we’ve had Smith family parties, where you could only come if you were a Smith.
My uncle also hosts family parties that extended family can come to, though not as often. My only aunt got married last year and changed her last name completely. Grandfather suggested she hyphenate it, but ultimately it was her choice.
He didn’t push.
Well, since she’s no longer a Smith she hasn’t been invited to the Smith family parties. She’s furious about this. She went on about how the tradition of Smith exclusive parties is sexist and excludes women from getting married. I completely disagree with her, this is 2022.
I think the idea that you have to take a man’s last name is a bit sexist, and she thinks that women should. She doesn’t have to take a man’s name.
I’m engaged, and when I get married my husband and I will both be changing our names to a hyphenated combo. Smith-Miller if you will. Grandfather has said we both will be welcome at the Smith family parties because we both will be Smiths.
When my aunt was raging I told her that she knew what would happen and that it was her choice, and that it was her fault for excluding herself.
AITJ for telling my aunt it’s her fault she can’t come to the Smith family parties anymore because she’s not a Smith?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – The whole ‘Smith’ family except your Aunt. Whether you are born into the family or become a partner to one of the ‘Smiths’, you are part of the family.
It’s not kind to say your last name has to be ‘Smith’ to come. My mom’s side of the family had a reunion; we had lots of different last names.
You know what? Nobody cared. We’re all a part of the same family. Your Aunt is as much a Smith as you are. It’s a control issue that your Grandfather has.
Whether it is 2022 or 1995, women, men, and others can take the last name they choose and it doesn’t have to be either name or hyphenated. They haven’t ‘left’ the family.
You are excluding people based on a NAME. That’s just wrong.” LiberryPrincess
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion. but I’m saying NTJ. It’s his party, if he wants it to be people with the name Smith then so be it.
It’s his theme, people have bachelor/bachelorette parties where girls/boys aren’t allowed all the time. It doesn’t make them less family. Why doesn’t the aunty just start organizing parties where everyone is allowed?
Him having a Smith theme doesn’t stop the aunty from being family or less loved.” General_kb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you are inflicting sexist expectations onto your aunt even if it is unintentional. Things that limit or punish individual women for making free choices are unfair.
I say this as a woman who did not change my last name when I got married because I think it is a sexist expectation. But when many women grow up surrounded by examples of women changing their names, even if it’s not overtly pushed on them, it still becomes an expectation many of them have of themselves.
Your expectations of this party, unintentionally are: personally make a significant life decision, which shouldn’t affect anyone but you, which goes against the grain of society because it’s 2022 and you technically can, or else be excluded from our party.
Punishing women for not making it their personal responsibility to buck the system of oppression is not progressive.” artichoke313
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’.
Grandfather for making the stupid rule.
Of all the things to worship, your family’s name is the dumbest.
You for not at least agreeing that this is dumb (though not for pointing out the way around it or for taking it).
And her for wanting to have it both ways.” Unknown_Ocean
1. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Partner For Taking A Sip Of My Coffee?
“My partner and I were out walking our new rescue dog on a hot 90-degree day. He had been a bit touchy with me as we tried to navigate our new dog around a loud crowd at the park which made me sad, and when we got back to the car he asked if there was anything he could do to lift my spirits.
I said I’d like to go into the Starbucks we were parked by and get a cold drink. He said he would go in and get it for me while I waited with the dog in the car – I said ok.
When he came back, he had one drink (mine). I was surprised because I thought he’d get a drink for himself too considering how hot it was outside. He went to hand me my drink, then said ‘actually I want a sip first’ and took a big gulp.
I looked visibly surprised and unhappy which immediately upset him. Normally I’m happy to share, but I thought he was trying to make a nice gesture for me – plus it was a nitro drink and the first sip is the best sip (I love the foam).
He reprimanded me for being picky at his nice gesture and I apologized. I still think he was rude to do that though – so am I the jerk here for getting upset at my partner for drinking the first sip of the coffee he bought me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but look at the wording you used… He reprimanded me for being picky. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship? And he said he would go in, leaving you in the car with the dog, when you offered to go in and get your drink… so when he said he would go, it was a logical thought to have that he would get his own if he wanted one…” Not_really1010
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, he understood he upset you and wanted to do something kind and then literally just took a drink without trying to be malicious. Don’t look for the downside to everything.” em_296
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds very selfish and his gesture to make you feel better loses all credibility when he takes it for himself before giving it to you.
Also, your anecdote about him ‘getting you’ coffee that was really just his leftovers shows a pattern. The fact that he then reprimanded you shows that the gesture was all about him making himself feel better for being rude at the park rather than actually doing something nice for you.” Funyonman
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Next time order something you don’t think he will like or suggest he gets his own.” exotics
