People Request Our Opinion On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Splitting The Bill?
“I’ve been seeing this guy (25M) for a few months, and a couple of weeks ago he broke up with me cause he thinks I’m perfect on paper but I don’t make him feel heard/understood so he doesn’t see this going anywhere. I’m completely in love with him so I told him I’d do anything to get back together, and he said I should do something to surprise him.
I suggested stuff we wanted to do together like going to the beach or a museum. He said that he was worth more than that and that I should have suggested buying him something/or booking a small trip to show him an appreciation for once or at least buy him dinner.
I asked him out for dinner and he said it was humiliating that I suggested that after the fact that he had to tell me himself what to do to surprise him.
We made up anyways, and yesterday I invited him to dinner. I intended to pay, and when the check came, he asked me how much it was and I told him, and he pulled out his wallet. I told him I wanted to pay three times but he insisted he’d pay for his half (he added since it wasn’t even expensive). So I accepted to split.
When we left he was livid and told me (again) that I’m very rude and cheap. It’s only fair to mention that he was also mad because of our conversation during dinner; I recognize I wasn’t really helpful during the discussion on how to fix things between us.
EDIT: The conversation started at the end of the meal, with him saying something about how we needed to find a good spot to talk, as I had mentioned via text I wanted to talk.
I had texted him that I was still very upset about the breakup and everything and it would help us to talk it through so that we won’t get into such huge fights again, he told me that he freaks out when I say ‘I want to talk’ and I tried to reassure him that I just didn’t want to go on as if nothing had happened. He said we won’t have a similar fight again because he closed off emotionally and wasn’t gonna get as disappointed anymore.
Anyways when he said this at the restaurant I told him I didn’t really know what to say and he asked if he was anxious the whole time while he ate for nothing. I thought about what I could say and I told him that probably my fear of us ‘moving on as if nothing happened’ was mostly about myself, cause I do tend to avoid problems and pretend they don’t exist so I don’t have to have difficult conversations.
Then I told him that after he said he closed off I didn’t really know what to say, he told me I never know what to say anyway.
Also my apologies, the title should have been ‘for splitting the bill’ without the ‘not’.”
Another User Comments:
“This guy wants you to be a mind reader, and he’s not even being nice about it.
You actually did exactly the right thing.
You listened to what he said and acted on it.
He said that he wanted you to plan a surprise. You planned an outing to places that you knew he wanted to go to.
He told you that he wanted something else, so you immediately pivoted and began planning that different thing.
Then he got upset that you didn’t magically know that he’d wanted the thing in the first place.
This is not okay. Relationships thrive on communication, not mind reading.
Then, when you went out to dinner, you listened to him again. You tried to pay, but he insisted on splitting the check. After some arguing, you backed down. This is called respecting his wishes.
It’s a huge red flag that he got upset after that. Seriously, there’s no winning here. Find yourself someone who actually likes hanging out with you, and doesn’t expect you to know what they’re thinking all the time.
NTJ.” diagnosedwolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know you say you are ‘in love’ with him, but I think you need to talk to a professional if he is someone you can’t get over. He seems like he is not into you at all, and you deserve someone who is a partner to you, not someone who is constantly telling you what is wrong with you and everything you are doing wrong in his eyes.
I am sure he is not a perfect person…no one is. If he says he’s not feeling it with you, find someone who will.” Castingjoy
Another User Comments:
“Oh, Jesus. NTJ. Run far far away. This man seems to love drama. This is high school behavior. If he can’t communicate to you in a healthy way that his love language isn’t being met then walk away or you will be in a world of pain.
He broke up with you rather than communicate. When you attempted to reconcile, he did so with a begrudging and hostile attitude and is now making you think you are the jerk for following his wishes.
Cut your losses now. It’s only been a few months. You’ll find a person that isn’t an immature child in an adult body and see how ridiculous this guy is,” PugsAndWhiskey
17. WIBTJ For Getting My Roommate's ESA Taken Away?
“My roommate has this absolutely adorable chinchilla whom I love. She is his emotional support animal (ESA) for depression and is a great pet. However, there have been several issues with my roommate providing her care. 1. He doesn’t clean her cage, it’s in absolutely abysmal condition with poo pellets everywhere and old bedding that smells so bad. 2. He often leaves her alone for 2-3 days at a time over the weekends 3.
He doesn’t seem to ever take her out to play with her.
This is a recent event where he had left for at least 5 days (I hadn’t known this) he then requests one of the roommates provide the chinchilla with food and water and I proceeded to do so. I went into the room where the chinchilla is to find she had no water and no food and I don’t know how long she’d been without.
She was thinner than usual and was lethargic. I was annoyed and texted him that he was a jerk. He took no responsibility for her lapse of care saying he was ‘sick’. Like that’s an excuse when you could’ve texted the same request days earlier.
However, if I report him for neglect I would be responsible for him losing his ESA and probably would cause some kind of mental spiral. Additionally, I don’t know if this is even egregious enough to qualify as neglect or how to report it if does qualify as neglect.
Any information regarding this would be so helpful. I live in Michigan if that’s helpful as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The point of an ESA is that having the pet and taking care of it mitigates some part of your disability. The vast majority of people, I’ve spoken with who have ESAs, who I know has a mental health disability and can describe what the animal does to help them, say this.
Report that poor chinchilla to the landlord and animal control. The animal’s welfare always comes first.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Report him. Obviously, his ‘ESA’ isn’t actually emotionally supporting him enough where he can care for his animal, so it needs to be taken from his care until he is healthy enough and responsible enough to care for another living being. Take photos of her dirty cage and write down which days he forgets to feed her.
Screenshot the messages he sends asking for roommates to care for her and write down how long it has been since he left whenever he asks for help.” SolutionLeading
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this pet is so important to him that he’s reliant on it for emotional support, he would take better care of it. It is true that people with mental illness can struggle to get basic tasks done, but no animal should be mistreated like this.
My significant other has mental illness issues and ADHD, he still takes the time to make sure his pets are well taken care of. No excuse for animal cruelty, ever.” FartsInMyEyes
16. AITJ For Declining To Switch Seats With A Woman And Her Kid Twice?
“I was on a 10-hour flight from the US to Europe. I am 6’5” and have damaged knees from soccer, so legroom and the ability to get up and walk frequently are a must.
I booked an aisle seat in the economy plus for the above reasons. Normally I try to get bulkhead seats or business class if reasonable but this was a last-minute flight for a death in the family.
The other two passengers in our row of 3 were a woman and her toddler. The toddler was screaming b****y murder in the waiting area and continued to once seated in the middle seat, leaning away from mom and against me while doing so.
I have very sensitive hearing due to ruptured eardrums, so I put in noise-canceling earphones but those can only do so much when the source of the sound is less than a foot away. A flight attendant took notice and asked me for my drink order prior to takeoff, which I guess shows how visibly uncomfortable I was.
Even in the economy plus there’s the chance of the person in front of you reclining their seat, which of course happened after we reached cruising altitude and my knees were starting to burn.
I went for a walk and when I came back the woman asked me if I would switch to the window seat. I said no and explained I’d be getting up repeatedly throughout the flight and didn’t want to have to climb over them. The flight was overnight so I’d be waking them up as well.
The same flight attendant caught me on my next walk, said there was a space in business class, and asked if I’d like to move up.
We were close enough to my seat that the woman heard and asked if they could be upgraded instead. The FA just shrugged but I said I’d take it. It was an aisle seat and the middle was empty, so the two of them could have taken it too.
I couldn’t refuse the chance to get a bit of sleep. I had a ~3-hour train ride and then tram after landing, I’d need to stay awake after 2 hours on the train and then immediately go to a funeral because it was late morning when I arrived at my mom’s house.
While in line for customs the woman was a few people behind me, she called me a jerk and kept raising her voice to make comments about me to her son like “that mean lady wouldn’t let you have the nice seats.” I don’t know why it was offered to me first, but AITJ?
Edit: if you think I’ve posted this for validation or whatever else, I invite you to get yourself yelled at and called names in a customs hall in a foreign country and see how well you feel afterward.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There was one upgrade seat available, not two. But even if there were…
Chances are good the screaming child was disturbing other passengers in economy, not just you. The attendant could upgrade the one passenger who was most affected (sitting right next to the source of the noise), upgrade mother and child, and end up aggravating everyone in business class.
Absolutely no airline will offer an upgrade to someone who is, intentionally or not, creating a disturbance.
About the only seat change, someone like that would be offered is a parachute.” Emotional-Ebb8321
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, that’s nuts. NTJ. Toddlers can be menaces (I know, I have one) and sometimes parents really don’t have an option except to fly with them, depending on the circumstances. All the more reason for parents to be supportive when someone has been offered a break from your upset kid, especially if that person’s physical build requires a bit more accommodation.
If I had been a mom in this situation I would have been ‘Please, give this poor tall person an escape from my toddler!’ And as someone else mentioned, the empty seat left behind would have given toddler a chance to lay down and perhaps sleep and give everyone else a break too.” Frantail
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t harm her, and you didn’t owe her anything.
We all have our problems, and sometimes we don’t have the bandwidth to give to others. That is OKAY. You were in a very difficult situation, and you needed to take care of yourself to get through everything. I think the flight attendant was trying to help you, and it was kind and completely appropriate for her to offer the seat to you over the mother and toddler.
The mother and toddler got a free empty seat next to them. With a toddler, that’s a big deal! Instead of being grateful for a little more room, she felt resentful. That’s her attitude problem. She was feeling entitled, and completely lacked compassion or gratitude. Her comments were rude and completely inappropriate. However, her attitude is not your responsibility. She could have seen the situation differently, but she chose not to.
At some point in the future, when you are feeling great and having a good day, I’m sure that you will see a moment when you can open a door for someone or do some other small human kindness. The fact that you are even asking AITJ makes me believe that you like to help others when you can. However, helping others doesn’t mean giving away what you need for yourself.
You needed the seat, and it’s okay that you got it.” cleaningmama
15. AITJ For Getting Mad My Artist Hid Their Initials In My Tattoo?
“I went to a tattoo shop in my area, with a photo of the tattoo I wanted. It was one my dad had gotten to honor my passed grandfather whose father also had it. But the point is – it was important to me that the tattoo looked EXACTLY as it did in the photo.
I get to the shop, I explain everything, I pay, get the tattoo, and we’re done, I think it looks awesome, everything is great!
Until a few weeks later when I show my great-grandmother the tattoo. She’s static, grabs my arm to look at and compliment it, then asks, ‘Who’s AJ?’
I ask her what she means, and she points out on the tattoo where the initials A and J or maybe T were hidden into the tattoo. I’m instantly annoyed, as my artist’s name is Alice Trever.
She tries to assure me it was no big deal if I hadn’t noticed it til now, but I still reached out to the artist sort of irritated. They told me the style of art I got is called traditional and it’s ‘pretty trad’ for all artists who do that style to do it. I demanded a partial refund and they refused, so I complained to the owner who made the artist give me a full refund.
Now the artist is running a full smear campaign, talking about moving shops, and all kinds of crap. My sister says I’m a jerk for pushing the issue, but I feel like, at the end of the day, I told you exactly what I wanted and you didn’t do that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ –
The artist didn’t do the art you had requested, they made changes without your consent and permanently altered your body with them.
That’s flat-out wrong to do without it being made clear prior to execution. If the artist showed you a stencil with the initials in it and you approved knowing they were there that’s one thing, if they didn’t ask your permission to do it that’s an incredibly violating action. Not just physically violating because you can’t remove it, but they altered something that had meaning to you, so I could imagine it would be even more upsetting because you can’t do anything about it now.
I’d be annoyed if I spent as much as I did on my tattoo and I ended up with initials of basically a stranger on me without my knowledge or permission.” veggievandam
Another User Comments:
“Hardcore NTJ. To ruin a meaningful tattoo by branding it against someone’s consent, when you know that A) it’s really important to them and B) they know exactly what they want so they’re going to notice.
Besides that, even if it is ‘Trad,’ it’s your duty as a service provider of a contract to make abundantly certain that your client knows the full terms of what they’re signing up for. You don’t make assumptions like that when you mess around with permanent consequences. And then to have the balls to smear the parlor because you messed up? Jesus Christ. Name and shame my dude.
THEY’RE reputation should be in the trash, not the parlor.” AngelDistortion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That particular ‘artist’ needs to be sued till their existence is a smoking hole in the pavement. You did not ask to be branded; you asked for a very specific tattoo in a very specific style. No additions, no substitutions. This image and only this image. This ‘artist’ not only chose to mutilate you by adding their initials but also chose to ruin your memory tattoo by doing something to it that cannot be corrected. This ‘artist’ needs to be totally blackballed from the business.
That may sound harsh, but there are some things that are unforgivable.” PeanutAdmirable8150
14. AITJ For Beating A Kid In A Race?
“So in my school, we have races that we get awards for, I’m not the fastest person but I have come close to winning before.
This kid had never won a race but always bragged about how fast he was and whenever he lost he would say ‘I was going easy on you guys’ yet he was always out of breath and gasping for air after each race. This year I was determined to win because of how much the kid was bragging about how fast he was, but before the race I kind of eavesdropped on him talking to his family, I didn’t catch the entire thing but I did hear the kid say ‘I promise I will win this time and make you proud.’ To which one of his family members said.
‘We will be proud of you no matter what.’
….but then he went on about how he was going to win and even his family seemed convinced he was going to win. It was at this point I was having second thoughts about the race, then he ruined that moment because when I saw him again he said ‘Don’t worry if you lose, that’s expected.’
After that, I was certain I was going to try and beat him, it came time for the race and he had this smug grin on his face, we were given the go and I was falling back a little at first but then I gained momentum and managed to beat him. He was definitely surprised that he had lost but he just stormed off and didn’t even let the announcer finish speaking.
As he was walking off he was wiping his face as if he was crying, I felt bad at this point and I didn’t know if I made the right decision.
So please tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He didn’t earn that win, you did. Don’t take your win away from yourself.
Sure you could have let him win but really, that would have just solidified his opinion of you and further subjected you to his bragging and putting you down.
‘You don’t get what you don’t earn.'” MonkeyWrench
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The winner of the race is the person who ran the fastest – not the person who bragged the most beforehand or even the person who wanted it more. You won fair and square and the other kids need to learn to be his sport.” RedditDK2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. competitions have winners and losers.
Learning to lose is important.
Plus, wiping a smug smile off someone’s face who doesn’t deserve to is justice.” overimportance
13. AITJ For Refusing To Hug Or Shake Hands With People At Church?
“My (F22) mother (F47) and I meet each other at church and have since I moved out. At church, my mother hugs and greets everyone in the church, and talks for long periods after. She’s a very extroverted and physical person. I love that about her and I love her openness to new people and conversation.
I should state that I do love being around people in the church. They’re all kind and we discuss good topics on how we can support people. I have a few very close friends in the church.
But I have physical sensory issues and I hate physical touch. I flinch, and I can’t stomach being hugged or touched. My therapist said, ‘it’s almost like your brain registers touch with pain instead of comfort.’ And I’ve never resonated with a statement more than that.
We have worked on it but with no progress. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over this issue.
When I accepted that I couldn’t handle touch and it wasn’t getting better, I stopped forcing myself to hug the people. Before I had hid my discomfort as much as possible and just got the greetings over with. But I’m setting boundaries now and I’m putting my own mental health first and refusing touch from other people.
I have been doing this for 3 weeks now.
Today (the third Sunday) my mother seemed a little annoyed with me when I avoided the typical greetings and hugs. I felt annoyed when she sat by me and didn’t look at me the entire service. She usually looks over at me when something connects with her and I could see her nodding but she wasn’t looking at me.
After the service, I asked her if I had upset her somehow. She brought up to me that my refusal to hug people is rude and some people at the church think that I don’t like them. I was ready to understand her completely and work with her there. Maybe talk to the specific people and explain why I didn’t hug them and that it was nothing against them.
I understood it was a change in my demeanor but it wasn’t anything that they did.
But she then went on to say that I’m not Autistic and my sensory issues are without reasonable cause. And my willingness to work with her went out the window because that hurt me.
I feel I should have talked it out with her, I should have explained it and discussed it with her.
I always went to my therapist alone and I’m not sure she understands sensory issues if they’re not related to Autism (which I was evaluated for and they determined I didn’t have it.) She told me she didn’t want people to think I was mentally ill. I think she was trying to look out for me in an odd way. I should have talked it out.
But instead, I didn’t respond, I got in my car and left and haven’t had the stomach to talk to her since that. She has been calling and texting me.
I know this isn’t some major work or financial problem but this is something that I’m worried will cause a rift between my mother and me.
The church is always talking about how you should be yourself and authentic, they discuss the acceptance of different people and I don’t believe that means ‘accept people unless they don’t like being touched.’ AITJ for refusing to hug people in the church?”
Another User Comments:
“Here’s my take: You are an overall decent person not prone to deliberately hurting people and not a liar. You have had sessions with a licensed therapist who has said your aversion to touch is real and valid. If you tell your mother this and say you’ve reached the point where physical contact is too painful/uncomfortable then as your mother who loves you she has an obligation to support you, whatever form that takes.
Certainly, she should not shun you and criticize you for not doing something that harms you. She needs to stop projecting her social butterfly-ness on you, recognize this is good for you and run interference. With your permission, she could quietly mention some version of not a hugger/sensory issues, whatever you approve, if at all. Your mother should trust you, even if she doesn’t fully understand it.
NTJ. In the meantime, practice the squared shoulders, and the bright, warm smile, and always hold your purse and jacket over your arms in front of you. Keeping at least arms’ length away helps, too. We’re wired to pick up on physical cues. Do it often enough and only the most clueless will approach you. Maybe your therapist knows effective strategies and body language?” ohsogreen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Fellow non-autistic (albeit otherwise neuroatypical) person with sensory issues here. Personally, touch often makes my skin crawl, and if it’s my back, I’ve been known to have full-blown panic attacks. I also can’t physically be around certain sounds, don’t do well in crowds because of sensory overloads, and refuse to eat several foods or wear certain fabrics because of unpleasant, overly strong sensory reactions.
Sensory problems and autism aren’t mutually inclusive to the exclusivity of everything else. If you don’t like being touched, or even just don’t want to be touched, then you don’t have to be touched. It’s that simple. If your mom can’t understand either physical autonomy or sensory issues, then she’s being a jerk because of ‘image,’ and that’s never a good reason.
Personally, if you’re comfortable with it, I think you should give a quick explanation at the moment why you’re not hugging anymore since it does sound like this is a big change and people may be confused. (Not that you owe anyone an explanation – but it may help ease the transition in a close-knit community.) I presume you do ’rounds’ before/after service to connect with your church community; whenever someone reaches for a hug or handshake, smile warmly and say, ‘Thank you, but no thanks; touch actually makes me very uncomfortable.
But I really appreciate the ********** great to see you!'” ElysGirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not autistic and I don’t really like being touched either, especially by people I don’t love. Social norms in a lot of countries have been driven by extraverts’ perceptions which include touch equaling being friendly and making a connection. I am glad that more people are becoming aware that it’s okay to not engage in such behaviors.
I recommend that you do what I do, which is clasp your hands in front of you with your arms hanging down, lean forward slightly towards each person while making eye contact and smiling, murmur ‘good morning’ or ‘hello’, then break eye contact, lean back, and move on to the next person until you reach the pew and can (thankfully) sit down and stare at the hymnal/program/bible/ phone/out a window/etc.
ETA: Your mother can pound sand. Perhaps you can say, ‘This is who I am and these are my boundaries which are NOT up for discussion’.” Better2021Everyone
12. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor That I'll Sue Him?
“I recently moved into a neighborhood in Michigan. One of my neighbors (we’ll call him Bob) came over to introduce himself. He told me that he has a special needs son that lives with him. The son is in his 30s, physically unchallenged but with significant mental disabilities.
Bob first asked if I would mind keeping dangerous things out of my yard.
Like not leaving chainsaws or something unattended. That’s pretty reasonable. But then he proceeded to tell me that I needed to keep my garage doors down at all times or I had to lock up anything dangerous if I wanted to keep them up – like all gasoline, sharp tools, fertilizers, et cetera. Oh, also any beer or other liquor, like in my garage fridge.
I also need to keep my door locked at all times else his son may wander into the house and do damage or hurt himself.
Then Bob tells me that now that I’ve been warned if his son gets into anything I’m now liable to be sued by him I told Bob in no uncertain terms that he was to control his kid, and that if his kid came into my house and broke stuff, I’d absolutely sue him and he’d absolutely pay.
Later I met the other neighbors and recounted this tale. They all got the same lecture from Bob when they moved in and they just said ‘OK, Bob’ and ignored it. They all think I handled it wrong and that I should’ve just let Bob think that everything was good. They think I’m being a jerk to Bob by not letting him believe he didn’t have anything to worry about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You did Bob a favor if you were honest with him instead of humoring him.
Can you produce documentation (state laws or cited cases, etc.) where property owners were denied due process for the acts of a disabled person or held liable for providing access to anything on their own property or inside buildings that could be used to cause injury?
Maybe he’s just a worried father who was led to believe that he is free from liability so long as he has this conversation with his neighbors. I’m pretty sure that I could still be sued if someone slipped on my icy walkway even if I warned my neighbors that I don’t always get my sidewalk cleared immediately.
Should anything happen to his neighbor’s property or his son, Bob’s response may be heightened if he is led to believe he has no responsibility to keep his disabled son from wandering onto/into someone else’s property and causing damage or harming himself.
It may be intense if he is grieving over his son’s injury or death.
Again, if you are the one who clarifies the law, you will be doing him a favor. NTJ.” GladysKravitz21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think I have to go too far into how utterly incorrect he is on the law. Trespass law has a few odd exceptions, but this doesn’t sound relevant to any.
Additionally, Bob telling you about all of this does not absolve or transfer liability. You could literally leave your front door wide open and it still would not constitute permission to enter.
If you are able to, please set up a security system. An alarm and camera(s) would be best. If you feel unsafe about this, contact the police and/or a lawyer and let them know that your neighbor has told you of multiple crimes his son may commit against you.
Record any future conversations you have with him. I’m not sure which state you’re in, but many only require one-party consent on this issue. Check on this.
I know it may seem like a little much but taking the extra steps to ensure your own safety, establish a paper trail, and cover your butt in any future legal proceedings is always smart!” K*****************s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Bob is so worried that his son will venture into your garage and get into anything then maybe Bob is not properly equipped to care for his son. It’s like expecting someone with dementia not to wander off and get lost or injured because you are unable to care for them. Or even a child, I mean, would you allow a 5-year-old to wander around alone in the neighborhood?
I highly doubt it. I agree that keeping dangerous items unattended in your front yard isn’t the best idea so that’s not completely unreasonable.
But going as far as to threaten you with legal action because he allows his son to be so far outside his control that he could go onto someone else’s property and harm himself, is unreasonable. Sounds like Bob is trying to make the neighborhood responsible for his son and make things easier on himself.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure being a caretaker for someone who depends on you 24/7 is hard (I have a Type 1 Diabetic child) but if you need help then get help, don’t expect others to pick up the slack. When all is said and done, Bob’s son is really the one who could end up suffering.” LoyalPixie
11. WIBTJ If I Let My Uncle Report My Car As Stolen?
“My (18F) parents divorced when I was 6, my mom remarried my step-dad, Oscar, while my dad remained single.
I have 2 step-siblings (21F & 19M) and 1 half-brother (8M) from my mom’s side. My dad didn’t have any more kids. He was an active role in my life tho, he traveled a lot, but we would always call and he’ll come to visit me as soon as he got back, I could spend MONTHS in his house since he remained close to us so I had equal access to my schools whenever it was his or my mom’s custody time.
Oscar doesn’t like my paternal family at all, but it sucks to suck. He always tried to boss me around, telling me that while I live at his house he was ‘my dad’ and I had to obey him, he tried to take away a bunch of the things my dad gave me (toys, clothes, tech) because ‘I had to share’ with his kids, he tried to force a relationship but I never cared.
Well, my dad passed away a year ago, and just a month or two before that he had bought a brand new car. Since I’m his only child I was left pretty much everything, my uncle (25M) brought me a few things after the funeral (including the car) and told me that I should learn how to drive (he couldn’t teach me before he had to be away for college).
I couldn’t do it and a few months ago I started to notice my car moved, I thought it was odd because Oscar has his own but it turns out that he had been using it because ‘he likes it’, I said that he never asked for my permission and that he couldn’t just use my things but he laughed at my face and said that ”I was a child and didn’t need my permission” and that after all these years, ‘I owed him’, I called my uncle crying and he told me to give him a call when Oscar took the car so he could report it stolen, but I’m scared. WIBTJ if I let my uncle do it?
I don’t think my step-dad has any intention to give my car back.”
Another User Comments:
“ABSOLUTELY, 1,000,000%, NTJ.
I first want to tell you congratulations on reaching adulthood. I am sorry for your loss and want to say how much of an amazing young woman you seem. I commend your concern for right and wrong and wanting to keep the peace, but under no circumstance should you feel guilty about this.
First of all, you aren’t responsible for your uncle’s actions. Plain and simple. You vented to someone who may take action on your behalf because they care and love you. He prioritizes you.
Second, you owe Oscar NOTHING. He is not your stepdad. He is not your dad. Those are titles EARNED. Your father from what you’ve stated earned that title. Your mother is failing you allowing him to say this to you and allowing him to act entitled to you and your possessions.
I empathize with your mom, remarrying a child is hard. I wasn’t ever easy on my mother’s partners, you’re truly way better than I ever was. My siblings came first and I was a territorial brat. But, in my defense, my mother has bad taste in men. Many wannabe Oscars in my opinion, just add a few vices.
Oscar is such a jerk. This boils my b***d.
He is taking advantage of you and that is not okay. As the oldest of 6 siblings, this wouldn’t fly with me. I raised my siblings and put my foot down with my stepmother and it was the best decision I ever made. I had nothing, I didn’t feel like I had support, and had no idea what I was going to do. But I had a car and somewhere to live (was taken in) and a month or so after graduating I left. I’m currently engaged to the man I’ve been with since I was 17, just bought a home, and have a costly, but an amazing pup.
My advice? Take care of yourself, sweetheart. You deserve it. You’ve lost such an important piece of your life. You’re a young adult. You need to grow and blossom. Put you first. I mean don’t steal, manipulate people, blow up on the undeserving, do illegal stuff, or go wild. But put your foot down. If you have to move out, do so. You owe your mom, siblings, or Oscar nothing.
He chose to marry your mother and take responsibility for you. That was his choice. Again. Choose. You. Report him, hide those keys. If you have a bank account they can access, make new ones. Don’t help them financially. You need to live your best life and mess up and find your way. Those who love you will support you no matter what.
The nosey bugger in me says update us, but understand if you just came for input and not to tell a story!” TheAigokeros
Another User Comments:
“You would NBTJ, but you’re in a terrible position. Your uncle means well, but he’s young himself and I’m assuming not in a position to take you in if he’s in college himself so can only have your back to a certain extent practically (emotional help can literally be life-saving, but it only goes so far in a situation like this). If you can’t leave yet financially, you might have to be very careful.
You’re a legal adult now, and if he wanted to toss you out there would be little you could do about it. Where does your Mom stand? Does she know about this and is allowing it to happen? I’m assuming you don’t have anyone else who could take you in, like Grandparents or any more established Aunts or Uncles, or you would have mentioned it.
What are you doing now? If you’re still in High School (or the equivalent wherever you are), can you talk to a counselor and make a plan about what to do to get help to leave and attend college or trade school? Maybe they can help get you grants and scholarships to live somewhere safe and clean while you’re completing your education – even if it’s only some help and you still have to work full time at a not very well paying job and kill yourself also completing your education.
I have a bad feeling your Stepmonster is only going to make your life more unbearable as you get older. Quietly gather your important papers like birth certificates and make sure they’re somewhere he can’t access them. You’re an adult – move your money in the bank to one with an account set up that he and your Mom can’t access. In short, be able to leave immediately if you have to.
I’m so sorry you’re going to have to grow up so fast.” Pale_Cranberry1502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I know it’s scary but you need to have a conversation with your uncle about your options. Ask if he can offer you a place to land when this escalates, regardless of if it’s over the car or not things will devolve as you become more independent and less controllable.
If your uncle is not an option, figure something else out. If you’re stuck, a lot of summer camps and outdoor centers offer room and board with their jobs. It’s a good way to work, not spend money, and have all your food and housing taken care of. If you can find it work lasts through the fall and winter too. That field really saved me during a few rough years and gave me skills and experiences that directed my choices long after.
Your stepfather’s behavior is deplorable, that is absolute theft. You don’t deserve to be treated like that at all. Take the keys, and keep them on you if you can. Make plans to get out the moment you can.
I know that might seem like the radical option, but you are in the middle of it right now. With some perspective after leaving, things will look very different.
It’ll be scary but so liberating, you’ll have a chance to recover and really be able to become your own person.” ANALizethispease
10. AITJ For Refusing To Discuss "Women's Issues" At My Company?
“I work in a male-dominated profession and have for years. I am good at what I do and love my company, but during my first few years, I was the unlucky recipient of some unwanted attention and unwanted touching from some older male colleagues.
I mostly kept quiet about it out of fear that it would negatively affect my career.
A couple of years ago, a milder, but the more public incident occurred involving another woman at the company, and two of the most prominent women in company leadership quietly invited several women from different departments to a confidential meeting to discuss issues women faced at the company. We were assured repeatedly that the meeting was completely confidential, a safe space, and that none of the information shared would ever leave the room.
I was eventually convinced to speak about my experiences, after additional assurances, it would never be discussed elsewhere. I didn’t want other women to go through what I did and shared my story in the hope of highlighting where more protection might be needed.
Instead, one of them went straight to the head of the company, shared everything that had happened to me, and specifically identified me as the person it happened to.
It was a nightmare, and I later found out she probably did it because she had a grudge against someone else in management she thought she could blame for failing to protect me. After a lot of emails, discussions, and conversations between management and a couple of the other women who had been present and were horrified by what she did, I received an apology and she was reprimanded in several ways.
I have since moved on, but it always left a bitter taste in my mouth. Now, years later, several other women at the company want to start having women’s meetings to discuss women’s issues at the company, including harassment. I was asked to join and share my story by one of the women that were at the previous meeting but were never made aware of the chaos that happened after.
I turned her down but didn’t want to get into all that, so I just said no. She is upset with this and told me it is a jerk move because I could help other women feel comfortable coming forward and help change things. I’m just done. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s terrible and another violation on top of what happened to you.
It’s completely your choice on how to handle this. You don’t have to keep telling your story over and over. There are also different ways to contribute to change. You could give feedback in writing discussing the need for robust policies and procedures on how disclosures are handled. This would be helpful for all the women at the company and also means you don’t need to actually disclose the original problematic behaviors, focusing instead on the ongoing failings of the company.
Is the union involved? They would have some good advice on how to help facilitate some meaningful change to policy and culture, including engaging with HR and management.” DorothyZbornak-binch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s your experience and you aren’t obligated to share it whenever someone requests it. I’m curious as to who is running this group. It seems like something that a human resources employee should be involved in, and that confidentiality should be absolute.
If that can’t be offered or maintained, then this group is something that should be led by an outside source trained to handle the nuances of such things.
These sources do exist; we brought one in at my former company when they were starting a Diversity and Inclusion group. I was onboarded for the first several meetings but had some concerns- everyone who had been chosen to participate was Caucasian, straight, and evenly split between nonreligious and Catholic.
Our company was incredibly diverse, but I learned that no one heading D&I had approached one POC, LGBTQ, or any employee of a different religion to participate. So, I trotted myself down to HR and shared that I felt the group wasn’t balanced at all. HR disbanded it for about a month before they brought in a leader from a company specifically meant to address D&I and the group reformed with a much better representation of our company overall.” MiskatonicUAlum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s your choice to share that story and to attend those meetings.
Is it mandatory? If not, you are under no obligation to attend and even if it was, you are not required to share personal experiences there if you don’t want to and the reaction from your colleague(s) isn’t your concern.
I agree with your colleague that your story could help other women feel comfortable coming forward if it happens to them in the future, but I think you’re NTJ for not going.
At the end of the day, it’s your choice and you have no need or requirement to share that information if you don’t want to or are uncomfortable doing so.
I guess, maybe ask the person for written confirmation that everything that is ever said in that meeting will never leave the office under any circumstances without your express permission.
Either way, confidently NTJ.” TheGoldenPineapples
9. AITJ For Bringing My Baby Boy With Me To Play Video Games?
“Right now, I am working part-time so I can watch my son for the rest of the day. My wife and I tried to make two full-time jobs work since she is able to bring him with her to her office, but the stress of doing so eventually became too much so I quit my job to watch him.
On the days/afternoons I have off of work, he and I would hang out at home and do stuff around the house, but it dawned on me that it might be cool to bring him to my local game store and play Warhammer while holding/carrying him in a pack or letting him hang out in a packnplay and get to ‘talk’ to people and see some more of the world.
For a while, this worked really well, he was usually happy and if he got too fussy I’d let my ‘opponent’ know I needed to call the game. pack up, and take him home so he wouldn’t disrupt the very few other folks there or get stressed out.
Encouragingly, all the fellows I played with (who knew in advance I’d need to bring the lad) were excited to see a dad playing with his baby and really understood when I needed to take a break and feed him or change him.
For about two months, we’d go in about twice a week and, I thought, the boy and I became regulars somewhat and folks seemed happy to see him and talk to him and play with him for a bit. Unfortunately, I was approached mid-game by one of the owners (I think) today, who drew me away from the area of the common table and asked me to leave and not come back with the baby because they ‘were getting complaints about baby noises coming on to the sales floor.’ I had checked with the community there thoroughly before starting this and everyone said it should be fine, no one ever approached me to complain before now, and there are no rules anywhere about kids being prohibited or concerning loud noises.
I, of course, packed up and left anyway but I am worried I violated some unspoken rule that everyone should know and inadvertently caused a bad rep for this store.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m 95% sure the person you spoke to is the main one bothered – there may be specific rules about where you can’t block passage with baby gear, or where you can’t change a diaper, but those are separate and resolvable issues.
I’m not sure there’s any real recourse simply because your enjoyment may be ruined either way, but you may want to try to organize some games elsewhere with some people you met?” poddy_fries
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here –
Look, a baby is a whole human who you agreed to and specifically quit your job to take care of full time… So yeah you gotta go somewhere during your childcare work day, that baby coming with…
But a store is not a childcare center. And spending hours at a time twice a week at a store with your child because you talked to some people you ran into (not the owners, not the tournament/play organizers, and certainly you can’t check in with every patron that walks in) isn’t reasonable. It’s not a childcare center. And businesses that aren’t childcare centers usually aren’t down for very small kiddos outside of their demographic range being there for several hours twice a week.
Setting up a whole pack and play for your kid and setting them down is a whole setup. You’re literally unpacking and wheeling in not a ‘commerce’ or ‘walking through’ amount of stuff… You full in have a long stay planned.
Expecting someone to complain TO YOU directly isn’t reasonable. They complain to the store. Which they did. Similarly bringing your kid to a tournament or a scheduled game play night where there are explicitly told watching kiddos or kiddos welcome or kid-friendly is different than showing up two days a week with a pack and play and parking it for several hours.
You’re not a jerk neither is the owner for letting you know this isn’t going to be the setup because it’s not a childcare space. The store doesn’t have a specific policy against a lot of things… This is one of those things that a store doesn’t need specific policies about because it’s not a childcare space or a children’s event space or even a child catered/marketed space… Like tweens young teens sure… Babies not gonna be chilling in this shop as babies are not the demographic of card games and minifig tabletops.
You weren’t shopping you’re parking to play… And that’s different from ‘no kids allowed’ which would be discriminatory… It’s ‘please we are not a small child daycare facility.’ The average Warhammer 40k game is two hours long… That’s a long time to be parking your adorable kiddo even if the kiddo is wonderful. Also, 2+ hours at a store is not ‘seeing the world’ I appreciate ‘getting out of the house’ is seeing the world for baby but it’s not the grand expedition into a baby stimulus that you’re posing it as.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, I would have told him to put a sign up if he didn’t want babies in the store. I get the feeling HE had the problem with the baby being there anyway.
It sounds like you were considerate of the other customers so I don’t see a problem- a baby fussing isn’t like a toddler having a meltdown.” Auroraburst
8. AITJ For Making My Wife Step Down From Her Promotion?
“My wife (F26) and I (M26) have been married for 2 years. We met at our current workplace, where we both worked as colleagues.
Around 2 months ago, our manager left to focus on a different career path, as the position needed filling my wife decided to apply for the role (I decided not to just to avoid any conflict). She deservingly got the position and technically became my ‘boss.’
She was over the moon with her new position, excited about the change, and looking forward to her new role.
Let me mention at this point that I was and still am super happy for her but I didn’t think things would change this drastically between us.
She’s started to confide in me less and less regarding work stress as she thinks I’m not capable to understand what she’s going through making me feel like I’m beneath her and has spent next to no time with me during work (lunch, breaks).
She’s been extremely hard on me at work as well as always being on my case.
Without a doubt, her new position requires more commitment and so she does work more than I do, but apparently, this gives her the right to always be ‘exhausted’ to put any effort into our relationship. We used to have weekly date nights yet since her promotion, we’ve not been on a single one, when I try to organize something special for us she always makes some excuse, either she’s busy with work or something else comes up.
I’ve tried talking to her, telling her how I feel but I always get the response ‘well you’re not in my position, you don’t know how hard I’m trying’.
Things were getting stressful at work so I talked to a different team manager and got transferred onto his team. When she found out, she immediately came to talk to me and was pretty mad that I did that without telling her, saying how it makes her look bad and incapable of her new role.
Since then she’s been avoiding me at work and not being her normal self at home. I saw her crying, when I went to try and comfort her she just said it was nothing.
The next couple of days go by and I find out from my team manager that she’s going to be stepping down back to her normal position, effectively demoting herself. I know I’m responsible for this situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I agree with her about the fact that you probably don’t know what she had to deal with at the higher responsibility, but at the same time, her not communicating to you about all of it wasn’t very smart either.
I understand that as her partner you still wanted to maintain the weekly dates and quality time, but if work interferes there needs to be time for both of you to come up with a new plan to adapt to.
That doesn’t make you a jerk.
Transferring to another team may not have been the best course of action, but maybe bringing that up could have ‘opened her eyes and ears’ to help her understand how you felt about the entire situation.
Relationship-wise I think to seek some counseling to break down this communication barrier that came up after she had gotten promoted. Marriage is about supporting each other and being the ultimate team.
Problems come about when that teamwork starts failing.” ajacques717
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Firstly you say you didn’t go for the promotion because you didn’t want to cause conflict which based on the wording in the rest of your post, contributes to my idea that you didn’t really respect her as a boss or that you didn’t think she was as qualified as you for the position.
Any promotion can be stressful even more so when you have to oversee your SO, she probably didn’t want to confide in you because she didn’t want to be disrespectful about people you either worked with or indirectly worked under.
The fact that she was either tired/busy and didn’t want or wasn’t able to make date night is understandable and I would have advised you to be more patient and instead make small surprises for her.
And lastly, the fact you didn’t speak to her before transferring I think is very disrespectful, you probably would have gone to your old boss and said you wanted to transfer and yet you didn’t let her know, and then as her SO you didn’t think to tell her.” gaymerexhibit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t make your wife step down from her promotion.
She probably wasn’t prepared for the demands of that position, even if she must have been clever and experienced enough to technically do it. Unfortunately, your moving into another team, which probably should have been done when your wife got promoted, has given her a lightning rod for all the difficulties she was experiencing in her new role. I’m surprised you didn’t tell her beforehand but it didn’t reflect on how she was doing in her new role.
The managerial role can be tough and throw in a relationship complication and it is far better for you not to have been in her team anyway.
It is sad that she feels she has had to give the promotion up but that has nothing to do with you transferring to another team. Nobody, who is doing well otherwise in a role, is going to resign from that role over a single person changing teams. They may whinge about the disruption of a staff change but, in the grand scheme of things that is a comparatively minor issue for a manager to deal with.
She may well blame you but you are not responsible for her struggling in her new role which (reading between the lines) she was.
I just hope for both your sakes that she can end up being honest with herself and stop making you the scapegoat for her lost promotion.” Lurkerdbs
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here… but just between you, me, and the internet, dear OP: what outcome did you expect when you transferred without telling her?
This is exactly the reason why partners shouldn’t work together as boss and subordinate. One partner will suddenly feel devalued, whether it is true or not. We only have your account and not the view of your wife. From her perspective, she had a huge chance to prove herself and would have liked some, dunno, support from her spouse or somesuch and given her time to adjust to the new work schedule.
But what do I know?
It might have gotten into her head, and I am just believing you on this one (although I’m skeptical), and that’s the only thing that keeps me from a YTJ, together with the fact that your company is insane. That brings us back to the question: What did you expect? You expected that she would be shocked and humbled. What do shocked and humbled people who desperately want to prove themselves do?
You knew that it would undermine her self-esteem, and you did it because you wanted her back, you wanted her ‘normal self’ back. I don’t know why you thought you could accomplish this by hurting her.” Gone_with_the_tea
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Ask For Days Off?
“Hubby and I just had an argument. I stopped working at my full-time job in 2010 to care for our granddaughter, followed by our grandson in 2013. This past summer of 2021 I went back part-time, 20 hours a week and every other Saturday.
We took a week’s vacation in January which turned into 17 days after I was diagnosed with You know what and had to stay in quarantine for 10 days in a foreign country.
It was hard for the others at my work to cover me, even though my boss and everyone were very understanding. My hubby has planned another vacation in August, and now he wants to go away for 3 days in June.
The argument? I feel a responsibility to my job to be there and I like my job. Also, he’s the one who pushed me to go back to work because I was just ‘sitting around’ since the grandkids got older.
Now he’s mad I don’t want to just ask for multiple times off a year for trips. Like I could do when I wasn’t working. He doesn’t think me telling my boss that I want days off whenever we want to go somewhere is a big deal. I do. Like everywhere else, we’re short-staffed, and me being gone hurts everyone else.
I know that’s not my fault, but I still feel an obligation to my boss and co-workers. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I guess, but I don’t get it. It’s a job. They pay you for time worked. If they’re short-staffed, that’s their problem.
Anyways, it’s pretty much a staple of part-time jobs that the vast majority of employees are unreliable.
It’s a natural consequence of a job that doesn’t actually incentivize loyalty or reliability.
Compared to the average employee, you asking off twice in the summer probably still makes you one of the more reliable ones.” beckdawg19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
We all know that the work culture of capitalism can create false feelings of guilt around personal needs and that we shouldn’t, if we can afford it, be shy about demanding what we should get paid, or time off, or anything else we deserve as the working class.
That said, not all workplaces are soul-sucking cube farms of despair. And for many, their workplace provides a necessary social outlet and sense of purpose.
For those like that, their feelings of obligation to their workplace are perfectly valid, and if a partner is unwilling to validate and respect those feelings, then maybe they should go on a vacation by themselves, instead of demanding that you compromise your own values.
Vacations are fine, but if you’d be worrying about work while on vacation, what’s the point, right?” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but girl don’t be a slave to your job, at the end of the day they won’t fight for you. You said so yourself your team was very understanding in January when you took time off. If you have PTO saved up, use it.
Seriously, live your life. You only work 20 hours a week anyways, if they can survive the other half of the week without you they will survive while you’re on vacation. And that’s not me saying you’re not a valuable asset to your team, just that very few people are so important that the team would crumble without them for a few days or even a week.
If your team can’t survive while you’re away that’s a staffing issue for them. Go on vacation and live your life.” bloodmusthaveblood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your job is okay with you being gone that much- they are able to provide coverage without it being stressful for people, that’s fine. Talk to them, see what the situation is.
But if the reality is that it’s a problem for your coworkers- it may be time to consider other options.
(Assuming that you and DH don’t need your income.)
You could let your job know that you are looking to leave and give them 6 months to hire someone- and tell them that you’re fine leaving earlier than 6 months if they find someone that works.
And look to switch to volunteer work, someplace where you being gone for a few weeks a couple of times during the year would be fine.
But it’s possible that your job is totally fine with the current solution.” rak1882
6. AITJ For Parking In The Same Spot?
“The corner where my car is parked is right next to my parents’ house but just down a side street on an estate, so there are barely any cars driving around throughout the day.
Ever since I got my first car after passing my test, I’ve decided to park there with no problems. Yesterday, the bin collectors came around and apparently couldn’t get down the road to collect the people’s bins at the end (I leave plenty of room and the truck has never had an issue).
But I go to my car and see a note from a resident telling me I’ve blocked the road and they have a problem with me parking there as they can’t see when turning out of the road which isn’t true. The resident didn’t leave their door number on the note or approach me like a normal person would.
Today after returning from the gym I proceed to park my car there again, and within 5 minutes there’s another note telling me it’s not my right to park down their road and I need to move my car.
The tone of this note was quite rude with again no door number or name.
Most people I’ve spoken to have told me to leave the car there as the road was probably blocked by someone else that morning and they’ve just chosen to blame me.
Would like some opinions on this please!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have checked the relevant rules & regulations regarding parking on that particular street and you are not in violation of anything, then you are NTJ.
Maybe write a note of your own and leave it on your windshield – you could explain that you live around the corner and are within your rights to park there.” emilyinfini
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – In the UK this is considered bad manners. Only residents & guests of residents should be parking regularly on said street. As someone who’s experienced issues with the bin men & food deliveries, I can tell you it’s really frustrating.
Public or not, it’s just not cool to take up space on a street you don’t live on.” Aliceroo76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, I would look into bylaws in your area. Many locations often have a 3-hour time limit for parking on the road in a residential area, and some places also have ‘no overnight parking’. Additionally, your insurance might change if you’re parking on the road vs.
A driveway or garage.” ya-he
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Wife Can't Do A 5K With Our Family?
“I love planning activities for my family, it’s something my dad did for me.
As a father of 3 kids, I know how quickly time passes by and I hope to give my kids the best childhood experiences I can.
About 6 months ago, I found this 5k event called the Bubble Run. It’s basically a family-friendly 5k where they spray bubbles on you. Seems like a unique and memorable experience. So I signed my family up, everyone was into the idea.
Fast forward to about 10 days ago, my wife’s nephew needed major surgery. The plan was to have her brother, his wife, and three kids stay with us while their son has the surgery and recover. The surgery took place locally, so it only made sense for them to stay with us in case the nephew had some complications and needed to quickly return to the hospital. We expected them to stay about 4 days after the surgery.
The surgery went much better than expected. Her nephew has been recovering nicely and is physically active albeit nothing strenuous. Cool… 4 more days and they should be on their way. No problem.
Well, it’s now been 10 days. The Bubble Run is tomorrow. And it turns out her OTHER brother is coming over to visit. It’s now becoming a gathering on the day we’re supposed to have this memorable event for OUR kids.
As expected, my wife is saying she can’t go and that she needs to be here to get the house ready for what is now becoming a backyard bbq thing.
AITJ for being upset that she’s breaking plans I made 6 months ago?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your wife’s priorities shifted after her nephew had a major medical crisis. Your priorities remain the same because you put a lot of thought into planning the activity and have pride in it.
It is totally okay for you to be excited about it and take the kids, but you should also be curious about why your wife feels her priorities shifting. My guess is that she feels she wants to show her love for her nephew’s family in a concrete way after the surgery and doesn’t see it as a big deal if she doesn’t go on the run.
You see it as a rejection of your energy and vision. I think y’all should definitely discuss your feelings surrounding this (not to convince each other what is right, but just sharing your feelings).
A compromise I can imagine would be everyone doing the bubble run – which was planned – asking the brother and his family to help prep the barbecue, and then all meeting back at the house for a relaxing bbq evening.” anothercairn
Another User Comments:
“Not a lot of others are saying it, but I know a few folks like you, and they’re absolutely exhausting. Always some new activity, full itinerary, get up, chop-chop, on to the next!
Maybe you’re not like that, but you may want to read between the lines of your wife’s actions.
Maybe she’s exhausted by your constant ‘planned activities’ and wants to just relax and do something at her pace for once.
Or maybe some downtime with her family is more attractive to her than your silly “bubble run.”
Just sayin’. Maybe let her have her time without ‘activities’ for once.
YTJ.” tcp1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
But from the sounds of your responses, your reaction is probably altered by the fact that you’ve had guests in your house twice as long as you anticipated (and no matter how welcome family is… there is always a point where you feel like you just want your house back to normal) and now you’re facing more family coming in.
I suggest having an open conversation with your wife and discussing your feelings. That it’s not about not wanting the family to stay here, it’s just that for your own mental well-being it’s important to you to have this family time with just you, your wife, and the kids. See if you can compromise – what can be done tonight to prep for the bbq – can you do a trip to the store to stock up on supplies (or order delivery).
Get some of the cleaning done. Make sure the bbq is cleaned and gassed up ready to go. Prep some of the dishes.
Even get your BIL and his wife on board – presumably, they’re focusing a bit on their son and his recovery but surely they can step up and help with some of the cleaning of the house, prep work of the food, etc tomorrow.
And if your wife is still against it, I think you need to realize that as important as this event is to you if she’s stressing about getting the house in perfect order or getting the food ready, etc during the whole event then it won’t be a relaxing enjoyable event for her, and those feelings will be felt by you and the kids.
Do you need to be prepared to listen to how she’s feeling, and if she still says she doesn’t want to go, respect that and go have a fun day with your kids.” kiwifarmdog
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A small jerk, but a jerk none then less. The major input for my ruling is you are not seeing what your wife is doing.
She is modeling for your kids what a close and loving family does to support its members. This is a far, far more valuable lesson than a few-hour bubble run, that I’m sure will be repeated in the future. And let’s face reality, if the run is so important to you (and there’s nothing wrong with that), you can still take your kids and participate.
You’re acting like a child – throwing a tantrum when your plans are changed, and they are not even changing all that much.” handyrae
4. AITJ For Insisting My Daughter Call Adults By Their Real Names?
“I (29f) have a 4-year-old daughter with my husband. He is a die-hard fan of a certain baseball team.
A few days ago, we were in the car and he had the radio on one of their spring training games.
He and my daughter were listening to it.
I noticed that she called at least a few players by not their full names. I didn’t say anything at the moment but afterward, I talked to him and asked him to tell her to call them by their real names, as I believe it is disrespectful for children to call adults by nicknames.
He got upset by this and said that what she called them was what they were commonly referred to as and I was being absurd.
I told him I think it was rude and that it wouldn’t be hard for her to call them by their actual names and that he was setting a bad example and that she just called them whatever he did.
He said that she couldn’t because the majority of the players she calls by shortened names have S’s or R’s in their names and she can’t say them.
I told him it’s still rude and she wouldn’t call any other adult by a nickname so this shouldn’t be different.
He left the room but I looked up the players’ actual names and the next time a game was on in the background, I corrected my daughter. She couldn’t say it and got frustrated so I turned it off.
My husband was annoyed and said I’m choosing a ridiculous hill to die on.
AITJ? I don’t think it’s wrong to want to teach my daughter to respect other people, but he is being very insistent.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re absolutely bonkers off your rocker for this one. Calling people by their names isn’t the sign of respect you think it is. THOUSANDS of people don’t like their name. Calling people by the name they want to be addressed by IS is respectful, and that’s the lesson you should be teaching.
‘You see sweety, you should be respectful and address people by the name they prefer, whether it’s their full name or not. In this case, these athletes have nicknames that they’re often referred to as. If in-person and you don’t know which name they prefer, you should address them by their last name as Mr. or Mrs. ____ as that’s the most formal sign of respect.
In casual private conversation referencing athletes by their nickname isn’t disrespectful in the least bit and it’s fine to do so, especially privately, but if you learn how they prefer to be addressed then you should always do that.’
YTJ. The lesson you’re trying to teach is on the right track but you miss the nuances and are doing a trashy job of explaining it and causing grief for your partner and your daughter when they’re bonding over something harmless and you’re placing yourself in the middle of it for half baked idealism.” jakebr0
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. These players have nicknames and that helps them be more marketable. They aren’t real people she knows. They are entertainers who go out and move a ball around and bring people a little bit of joy. If they have a nickname maybe they catch on and sell a few more jerseys. It’s not that serious. Quit sucking the joy out of the room Mom (a nickname).
My own mom is a control freak about small things like this and it’s gotten to the point where she is difficult to have over in my adult life because it’s just constant corrections to her opinions that she has decided are the factual correct way to do things. Do yourself and your relationships a favor and learn to pick your battles. Nicknames for people she is never going to meet anyway is not a big deal.” __Quill__
Another User Comments:
“So you had a problem with how your kid and husband were bonding, in a way that suits her capabilities to pronounce letters while having fun with dad, you chose to destroy that (not even knowing the people’s names since you had to Google them). Then you frustrated your kid by making her unable to enjoy the game, unable to say certain sounds, and basically create drama and stress and upset feelings to replace all the joyous positive vibes that they had going?
Having ruined their joint activity, what do you think you gained here? What hill are you dying on – lemme me destroy my kid having fun with her dad because I feel left out? YTJ. Please read a book or talk to a professional about how to accept and empower and encourage kids at different stages of their development, and furthermore, in case there is a reason for her delays, you can’t bully her out of it.
Please do better.” Rohini_rambles
3. AITJ For Telling My Son His Twin Sister Got Her Period?
“My daughter recently got her first period. She immediately told her mom, and then her mom took her out to get pads and tampons. My son asked me where they went, and so I told him. He started talking about how it was gross, and I told him not to act that way, and that, if anything, he should be extra nice to his sister as this might be a hard time for her.
I could tell when they got home that he was trying to be really nice. They usually fight constantly, but my son was actually giving his sister a lot of space, and just agreeing with her instead of arguing with her. I thought it was going great.
But then, my son decided to tell some of his friends about it. I’m not sure exactly what went on at school, but my daughter claimed she was mortified. She and her brother have been fighting all week.
My son is no longer trying to be nice. They’re fighting about everything under the sun, and my daughter is annoyed that her brother even knows what is going on, and I feel awful that I was the one who told him, but at the same time, I would find it weird to intentionally try to hide it from him. AITJ for telling him what was going on in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but you still don’t get why? You have the sensitivity of a butt pimple. You should have got your daughter’s permission to tell her brother and if she said no, then you should have kept your big mouth shut. It wasn’t your right to tell your son, you showed zero respect for your daughter’s privacy.
You must have known your son is a bit of a temporary turd and might blab it to his friends.
You mention the twins fight constantly, if you didn’t know that there was a risk he would blab to his friend then you’re a half-wit.
Have there been any consequences for the son for telling his friends? I doubt it. You’re subconsciously teaching your son he can crap all over women and you’re teaching your daughter she’s powerless to do anything about it. You were a bad dad to both your daughter and son.
You can mitigate your jerkery by apologizing to your daughter for betraying her trust and having your son face some consequences for bullying his sister. (It is bullying if I told school friends my brother got his first p***s I would know full well he would get slaughtered in school. Your son knew what he was doing).” FloppyEaredDog
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – except for your daughter (and perhaps wife).
Periods at 13 yo are embarrassing. It is really not up to you to share that information with anyone (so if your daughter was alright with your wife telling you she’s NTJ, else she is one too, tho the smallest). What is worse, you KNEW your kids were fighting all the time. Still, you decided to provide one of your kids with some extra ammunition to bully the other in a difficult time for her.
Are you really so naive to think he wouldn’t use this against her because he decided to play nice when you were watching?
The least you can do is give your son (who is a major jerk, but a 13yo jerk who should not be trusted with some information, making you the biggest jerk) some severe punishment, preferably one that benefits your daughter (do they have chores?
Make him do hers while he’s grounded or something). Do not let him get away with it. That’s not fair to your daughter and would be a great way to ruin any healthy relationship you could get with her.” M4r13_B
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Hands down.
A) The news was not your information to share. I’m assuming if your son started going through a suspicious amount of socks or getting wet dreams you wouldn’t share that with your daughter.
There’s a difference between maliciously lying to your son and preserving your daughter’s privacy. Yes, you would have been intentionally hiding it from him. But I’m assuming you intentionally hide lots of information from your son that has to do with your personal body functions and your wife’s personal body functions because he doesn’t need to know at all & is clearly not mature enough to handle it.
B) Assuming you did share, it was on you to also explain that this is the info he knows because he’s direct family and his sister’s twin and that he absolutely cannot share with anyone else outside the nuclear family unit without his sister’s direct permission.
C) I don’t like how you say she ‘claims she was mortified.’ She is in charge of her emotions.
She is the one who knows what she’s thinking. She is the one who was at school and knows what went on, not you. She was mortified.
D) Middle school boys (I’m assuming middle school but could be high school or even late elementary school) can be really, really mean to girls. One could argue that periods should be destigmatized and girls shouldn’t be made fun of and people shouldn’t think it was gross, ETC ETC (and I agree!) but your daughter did not give consent to have her information shared. The reality is that as a society we aren’t all the way there on period destigmatization so even though they are no big deal and shouldn’t be considered gross or embarrassing, your daughter was embarrassed as a result of your actions.
You owe your daughter a serious apology and a promise to not reveal her personal information again without her permission. Your son needs to be punished for how cruel he is acting and he needs you, his dad, to model how men should act regarding periods and respect towards women. I personally believe his punishment should include talking to the friends that he originally told and the son telling them that he made a mistake and that they need to stop teasing the sister or spreading the info.” w11f1ow3r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s a normal human function. I think you parented in a wonderful way! Telling him to be nice to his sister (going through your first period is tough. I was so upset with it that I cried) and telling him it’s inappropriate to talk the way he was is PERFECT. Good on you!
Hiding it from him would teach him that periods are something to be ashamed of, and they’re NOT.
Unfortunately, the fault lies partially with him for disclosing something that’s none of his friends’ business (hindsight is 20/20, but if you could do it over I’m sure the best course of action would have been to let him know the importance of his sister’s privacy and if she wants to tell people, it’s up to HER to say anything, not HIM) and more so with his immature friends and everyone else at that school who thinks it is appropriate to go around telling people things that don’t involve them.
I’m so sorry your daughter has been hurt by this but, your son was going to know eventually (he’d see the pad packaging in the garbage at some point), it was best to approach it in a ‘this is normal’ kind of way instead of treating it like a dirty secret. If your daughter’s privacy hadn’t gotten violated like that, then she might have thought the same.” sedemay
PS-I know some schools have them in the girl's bathroom, but I think they cost money and I don't think they're ever good quality ones either. Not thick, no wings, stuff like that. Not all schools can afford them either. Also they are never in the boy's room which isn't helpful for anyone who uses that bathroom and happens to have a uterus.
2. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Ex Over How He Decorated Our Son's Bedroom?
“I have a 3 y/o son with my ex, who I broke up with 2 months ago. He moved out of our home after the breakup and recently asked me if I could come to see our son’s bedroom to make sure it’s okay before he starts having him for overnights.
The bedroom is nice but he had a jungle mural painted on the walls which includes lions. My son is terrified of lions and my ex should know this.
I got upset over it and asked him why he would have a lion painted on his walls. He admitted he hadn’t decorated the room himself and somehow forgot to mention our son was terrified of lions.
It turned into a fight where I asked him if he even cared about him or wanted him to spend the night.
My ex is angry at me now for implying he didn’t care about our son and is expecting me to help redesign the entire room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
A guy who doesn’t care about his kid or want him to spend the night isn’t a guy who hires a muralist and invites his ex over to make sure he didn’t miss anything.
You’re both learning to be parents separately. There are going to be mistaken, but I think that establishing an understanding that you both love and care about your son’s health and happiness is a good place to start.
I’ve always been the primary caregiver to my kids and the one expected to remember everything all the time, so I can absolutely relate to your frustration over him missing something that seems so obvious to you, but from the outside and in context, it seems like you overreacted.” personofpaper
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It sounds like your ex was thinking about your son a great deal in that he got someone to design the room and he wanted your opinion on it to make sure it was appropriate for your son. To turn that around and suggest that he doesn’t care about your son at all is insulting.
At the same time, he made a mistake.
If the mistake is serious enough that you both agree that your son won’t be comfortable there (and like the others, I’m curious about how far your son’s fear of lions actually goes), it’s on your ex to solve it himself. Expecting you to be involved in the room redesign (if it even needs to be redesigned, rather than just painting over the offending part of the image), is inappropriate.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
He asked you to take a look before your son spent the night so he could get your feedback to make sure your son would be comfortable. Instead of taking it in that spirit, you spotted an issue and decided to throw it back in his face. Whether you think he should have noticed the lions in the mural, he was doing the right thing for your son by asking you.
It also isn’t helpful for your future parenting partnership. This is a good way to shut down any kind of real co-parenting or collaboration.
Not sure I understand the bit about redesigning ‘the entire room’ though. Is the entire mural lions? Isn’t there a way to just cover up where the lions are? (Stickers, eg, or posters, or… anything).” Rooster_Local
Another User Comments:
“I say ‘no jerks here’ because you’re not the jerk for the lions but you are the jerk for the implication that your ex doesn’t care, obviously your ex cares about your son as he is both asking for your opinion on the room beforehand and also that he went to such lengths as to have a cool mural painted on the wall.
Yes, he missed a detail, and an important one, but it seems like his efforts here are worth a lot more. Maybe the lions can be covered with a picture, or covered with a shelf or furniture for now. That said, you don’t have to help him redesign the room, but set expectations and either let him know you’ll help and how much, or tell him you trust him to do it.
Co-parenting is hard, but it helps if you go in seeking the benefit of the doubt. Best of luck!” RealTalkFastWalk
1. AITJ For Charging A Low-Income Mother $600 For Being Late?
‘I’m the owner of a daycare. Our entrance requirements are fairly lax compared to some others in the area, and because of this, we tend to accept children of lower-income families or children with behavioral problems, etc. Not all of our children are like this, but the proportion of them is bigger than others.
We have a policy (which I’ll say is very common with daycares) about late pickups. For us, it’s $3 per minute late. Some others in our city are $5, some are up to $10. The policy is in place because our employees, to be blunt, have places to be after work. Some have second jobs, some have to pick up their own kids, etc. If a parent is late to pick up, by law we need to have at least two caretakers here for even just one child.
So this $3/min is to pay for the employees, the daycare sees none of it.
Last week, a mother was just over three hours late. We know she’s of the aforementioned low-income bracket family and we know she’s a single mother, too. Her child is a darling, though. When we spoke about the late fee she got fairly upset and we reassured her it would be on her next billing cycle.
I wasn’t on-premises when this happen, but if I had been, I would have volunteered to stay late. This would drop it to $300, but I wasn’t there. I can’t stiff my employees or change the fee or waive a portion of it without dipping into my own pockets. I also can’t ask my employees to be altruistic here because it’s their money by rights (and the agreement I have with them).
If she had even phoned in advance, I could have driven up to help out, but she didn’t.
When December rolls around and she refuses to pay, she will be kicked out of the daycare. We don’t know if she’ll be accepted into a different one because of who we accept and our (cheaper) rates. She’ll have to work juggling babysitters which I don’t even know if she can afford.
I feel between a rock and a hard place whether I should extend a generous hand and just comp it. $600 is a lot and I already have the two employees asking about it, excited at the ‘bonus’ they’re receiving.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Here’s why:
The system where employees get paid based on how late the parents have incentivized the employees to fudge the time and not make efforts to contact the parent.
Charge the parents per minute if you must, but the employees should be paid normally over time, not a ridiculously inflated bonus that amounts to $90 an hour.
$600 is an insane penalty. If that’s standard, then OK but then the standard is insane. I used to work at a day camp (which, let’s be honest, was daycare) and you know what happened when a parent was late?
I stayed late and the parent got a warning the first time it happened. The second time I think was a $20 charge after a half-hour, and I think they would get kicked out if it happened a third time. Maybe try something like that instead of hitting a first-time offender with a $600 charge.
But the main reason for my YTJ vote is you just seem callous towards this woman.
You feign concern, but I think you just want to be absolved. This could be a ridiculously large hardship for this woman and her kid, and you’re going to either make her pay you $600 or kick her out of the program. Sorry, but YTJ.” kfcmegamash
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here,
She obviously for being late and not contacting you.
You for having a policy that allows this out-of-hand value to accumulate and having poorly aligned incentives.
You should have a policy for employees to call alternate contacts, then emergency contacts, then emergency services at certain intervals. Don’t punish customers for legitimate things that happen that can be mitigated and don’t harm you.
You should also have a policy that does not incentivize employees to withhold this contact. If I got a ‘bonus’ for letting the clock run, why would I do something that stops the clock?
In a more general business sense, retaining a current customer is many times cheaper than acquiring a new one. Work with this one to figure things out and you will be rewarded in the future. Don’t throw yourself under the bus or be taken advantage of, but make an attempt to salvage the situation.” stealthdawg
Another User Comments:
“Daycare is never getting that $600 from the mom.
She’s low income. It’s a huge amount. Demanding that money means kicking her out of daycare, full stop.
$100/hr for these two daycare workers. For three hours. I’m imagining them rubbing their hands like Mr. Burns whenever a parent is late. It doesn’t sound like any effort was made to call emergency contacts or CPS, which is the standard operating procedure for daycares. By OP’s own admission, she’d have gone to the school if she’d been called but her own employees did not do this.
Either the employees broke rules to make bucks, or OP set herself up for this to happen.
I find it suspicious OP doesn’t mention the mom’s reason. Surely the mom mentioned it when told she’d need to pay $600. Let’s suppose it was something terrible–Mom was unconscious and in the hospital or something else she couldn’t possibly avoid. There’d be nothing at all she could possibly do, and it would be up to daycare staff to contact those emergency phone numbers or call CPS.
Because if Mom’s unconscious and there are NO emergency people, the kid has to go to CPS anyway. But what happened was that the daycare staff gleefully racked up three hours of ‘bonus’ time. And I have a real problem with this.
I’m going with YTJ here based on my reasoning above. If info is provided that shows that the mom was late for some frivolous or avoidable reason, I’d upgrade it to an everybody-sucks.” AQualityKoalaTeacher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
However, if I were you I’d offer to have a discussion about a payment plan or to work out some kind of arrangement.
Sounds like she doesn’t want to talk about why she was late, and that’s her prerogative, and in that case, maybe you do just charge her and see what happens. But if you think there might be more to the story, or get the sense that it would be a real hardship based on circumstances she’s unable to share, you can figure out if there are ways to work out a mutually satisfying outcome.
You might also consider, in the future, saying that the maximum late time before authorities are called is an hour/two hours/90 minutes, whatever, so you don’t end up in this situation.
It’s great that you want to be compassionate, and if that’s possible I hope it works out, but it’s also possible she just messed up and needs to deal with the consequences.” Fake_Eleanor
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