People Can Only Rely On Themselves In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Giving Funds To A Girl Claiming To Be In Need?
“This happened during the weekend, my sister lives a few towns away and it takes maybe 2 hours to drive there.
I prefer to get there by train because while it’s half an hour more I save more on the ticket vs gas.
I barely carry cash on me and I have everything on my card. I was walking to the train station when a young girl maybe in her early twenties approached me.
She asked, “Hi excuse me I am visiting my family but don’t have any funds to get there, can you spare anything?” I responded “Sorry I don’t have anything on me” and just like that she did a complete 180 and snapped “So you don’t want me to see my family what kind of jerk are you?
How could you turn your back to a girl in need.”
At that point, I walked away because I hate confrontation and drama because I’m bad at it so I’d rather avoid it than put up with it. I technically could have withdrawn cash to help her but with no ATM nearby and me having trust issues when it comes to people I’d rather not take the risk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is often a scam. Trust your gut. For future reference, capture a picture of them if you can, remember the details, get yourself to a safe place, and call the police. Odds are, if it’s a girl/child, they’re being trafficked. Reporting this can help them more than getting out funds from your ATM.
Also know that if you had gone and used your ATM, you could have been in an even worse situation.” SueDohNymn
Another User Comments:
“If they can’t scam you out of funds they are going to try and make you feel bad. Boo hoo for the beggar.
It’s getting so bad in our area, signs are posted at corners telling people to not give funds to panhandlers; there are legit places they can turn to for help. You often see people standing under the notice with a ragged cardboard sign. NTJ I sometimes feel bad because I don’t have funds on me for legit fundraisers standing in front of stores, but that’s just the way the world works these days.
A lot of us go around mostly cashless.” ChinSpin_1986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Would it have been nice if you had been able to help her sure…if this had been a genuine case. However, you are in no way obligated to. You are not obligated to give to charity and you are not obligated to give funds to strangers.
There is a middling to strong chance if you had offered to buy her a ticket she would have refused. This is a well-known professional beggar ploy. It might not have been in this case but is a common one and someone who had genuinely found themselves short as a one-off would have probably not been so aggressive.” Whitestaunton
21. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Contribute More To Housework After I Left My Job?
“About 6 months ago I was at the end of my ropes at work, wanting a career change.
I happened to get lucky and hit big in the stock market, so after a considerable amount of time laying out my case and explaining to her why I felt like it was the best decision for our family, I decided to stay home for a few months to bond with our 3-year-old daughter then find my next career.
Immediately my wife started berating me over my choice, even though she agreed to it before I put in my two weeks. I agreed to keep paying all of the bills and making sure we had everything we needed in order to make this happen, of which I have held up my end of the bargain.
She has been cold, distant, and even verbally abusive since I resigned, going as far as to say she never wants to be with a man who isn’t working and doesn’t want her daughter to see her dad being a bum. Despite this, I have taken over almost 100% of the childcare duties, and probably 25% of the cleaning tasks.
The other day, she came to me in a very rude way and told me that I need to do more housework and she’s sick of cleaning. My response was that I don’t know what type of fairytale world she was raised in, but I’m not just going to pay the bills, take care of our child from the moment she wakes up, and do all of the cleaning around the house while she sits on the couch watching video games.
I guess my question is am I a jerk for expecting her to contribute more to the cleaning portion? I do half the dishes and laundry, clean up a fair share of the baby’s messes, et cetera, but I just feel like I’m contributing more than my fair share at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate to say this, but it almost seems like she doesn’t want you around and only uses you for your money. I would be thrilled to have my husband home more and spending time with their child!!! That time can be really great for bonding!
And you are telling me the bills are still being paid? That is heaven right there. She has no right to comment on you not working if she doesn’t. If she really thinks so little of you once you decide to take a break, then she doesn’t care about you the way you think.
And then to have you do more chores? Insane. You might want to have a good talk with her. See where all this is coming from.” MarlyCat118
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is upset because she was used to having the house to herself and her toddler all day while sitting on the couch playing video games and eating bonbons.
Now that you are there you are disrupting her perfect lazy life. Tell her to get a job. She has 30 days to find one or you will start charging her rent since she is acting like a grumpy roommate.” Cherrygrove-elk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife appears to be more concerned about your presence at home than how you have been able to hold your end of the bargain.
You should talk to her or go to couple counseling to figure out where her frustrations with you being home are really coming from.” Vensbedraws
20. AITJ For Honking At A Driver Who Stopped For A Pedestrian?
“I had a bit of an argument with my stepdad while driving. So, I was the one driving when this happened. There was a driver from the other side of the road in the center left turn lane, and they were turning left. If they didn’t stop in the middle of the road, then everything would have been fine.
But they ended up stopping in the middle of the travel lanes. I ended up having to brake decently hard to avoid t-boning them. It really frightened me, and in response, I honked at them. But the thing is, they were stopping because of a crossing pedestrian.
Then, my stepdad got angry at me for honking, calling me a jerk, saying that they were just letting the pedestrian through, and not running the pedestrian over. He even accused me of trying to urge that driver to just run over the pedestrian. Yes, I’m serious.
On the one hand, I can fully understand that one would want to let a pedestrian through. I’d want drivers to stop for me and not hit or endanger me.
But I counterargue that with this. If the other driver couldn’t clear the driveway by the time the pedestrian would reach it, then they should have stayed in the CLTL and waited for the pedestrian to get fully across, even if that means having to wait even longer for a gap in oncoming traffic.
If I were that other driver, that’s what I would have done. But what do you think? Am I a jerk for honking at that other driver, or not?”
Another User Comments:
“The pedestrian always has the right of way, even if they shouldn’t be in the intersection or the walk sign says don’t walk.
If the pedestrian is already walking through the intersection, it is the law that they be allowed to finish their crossing to the other side. You are NEVER to force a pedestrian to stop walking so you can pass them in the middle of an intersection.
Also, you are expected to be observant of the things around you and look ahead as a driver, you should have seen the pedestrian and been aware of the situation and slowed down. If you didn’t realize the situation and weren’t aware of the pedestrian then you were traveling too fast to begin with or not being observant enough.
If the pedestrian decided to begin crossing after the driver making a left had already begun his turn, there’s nothing he could have done besides stop to allow the pedestrian to finish crossing. Endangering the pedestrian in any way such as forcing the pedestrian to stop in the middle of the intersection by completing his turn with the pedestrian still in the intersection, is illegal. You’re in the wrong here.
Just because you had the right of way, doesn’t mean you were right. YTJ.” CandidateSpiritual69
Another User Comments:
“Pedestrians typically die or are severely injured when hit by cars. They are hard to see and do not always do what’s expected. The left-turning driver was right to stop.
You were also right to honk. Not because you were mad but because your horn is meant to alert other drivers to a potential danger – like you stopping suddenly in the intersection. Your honk may have prevented the person behind you from hitting you by alerting them to the emergency stop.
A lot of people let rage guide their driving. It’s scary for passengers to experience this, as they are watching the person in control of the car lose control of their emotions. Your stepdad was likely responding more to his fear over the near miss versus the honk, whether he recognizes that or not.” blackframe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for the honking. You should drive with situational awareness. It means you are driving while scanning what is going on around you, this way you are ready for whatever happens. In this case, since you noticed someone about to make a left, you would take a quick look to the right in the area they will be going.
You want to check to see if their path is clear or if something might block them. The reason is obvious. If they attempt the turn but something blocks them, they will stop in front of you. You should have already noticed that pedestrian before you got close to the intersection.
Don’t think that only things happening in your lane are important. EVERYTHING going on around you is important. Honking for no real reason is dumb but it doesn’t make you a jerk.” Deep-Okra1461
19. AITJ For Wanting Compensation After My Friend Sold My Expensive Wedding Gift?
“I (28F) was a maid of honor to my friend (28F) a year and a half ago (we are both from and live in a southern European country with historically low wages – relevant for the story). Myself (mostly) and a few other bridesmaids pulled out all the stops at her wedding and pre-wedding events at the bride’s request. We are talking bridal shower hosted out of town, a bachelorette party out of our country, paid for the hotel the night before the wedding to stay with the bride, and the wedding was not local to our hometown, so hotel and transportation to the venue for the weekend.
Besides all of this, I personally offered the bride a custom headpiece/tiara that she really wanted to use and design for the wedding which cost me around 500 euros. All in all, it was a very expensive ordeal but worth it because my friend was very happy.
My friend got divorced 8 months after the wedding and now informed me she sold my custom-made gift and kept the money. I know it was a gift and I am not owed anything in return, but I feel kind of upset by this. I put myself in a bit of a financial strain to pay for all the things mentioned and for the gift and I find her selling it for profit in poor taste.
So, would I be the jerk for requesting money or compensation back?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you ask for a portion of the proceeds. A gift-giver cedes ALL emotional and financial rights to a gift the instant it is given.
A gift-giver isn’t even in the right for being in any way concerned with the ultimate destiny of a gift. If people think they can give gifts and in doing so, obligate the receiver to some sort of social contract, they are not giving a gift in good faith.” AliensUnderOurNoses
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. A gift is a gift and once given, the giver has 0 rights to it. If your friend wanted an extravagant celebration, but you would put yourself in a tight position due to the expenses, you should have said no or negotiated to participate only in some of the activities.
A 500€ gift is something you shouldn’t have considered if your economic situation would become harder by it. I remember reading something that extremely expensive weddings correlate to higher/faster divorce rates, your friend seems to be part of this trend.” stressedpesitter
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. It’s a gift. You don’t get to dictate the disposition of it. She owns it. Is it okay to be disappointed? Yes. But don’t take it too far and be a jerk. What was she supposed to do? Keep it, even though it reminded her of a failed relationship that probably caused her pain when she looked at it?
If she’s a friend, she will do something kind for you one day and make up for it.” Tally0987654321
18. AITJ For Celebrating Christmas On A Different Day So My Husband Can Join?
“I (30f) told my family (parents/siblings) I have chosen to celebrate Christmas on Saturday, instead of the actual dates so my husband (38m) will be home.
For context, my husband has to leave town for work as his job isn’t where we live.
It’s not ideal, but it pays the bills and keeps us fed. My mother went on a whole discussion that I’m destroying my children’s (4f and 3m) lives, how I should not be changing the date all because my husband chose to work on Christmas.
I argued that these are my children, and I am not ruining their lives by changing the date. She argued it’s not fair to them, and that they would feel terrible that everyone else is celebrating Christmas but not them. And how my husband chose to work, and it’s not fair to the children.
That is not what I said, I just informed them that we will be doing the Christmas dinner and opening presents on Saturday.
My mother made it sound as if I was the Grinch and taking Christmas away entirely from them. I went off, I couldn’t control my emotions and started telling her that I am not destroying Christmas, and how I just want to celebrate it with my family.
I don’t want my husband to miss out on our children and creating memories as a family. I personally feel that she’s just throwing a tantrum about the whole thing. I explained to my children that we will celebrate Christmas when daddy’s home, and they happily agreed.
They’re still little, and I just want my family to celebrate together. I understand my parents are now my extended family, but being Hispanic with a narcissistic mother is incredibly hard. More so when you all live under the same roof. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“We have celebrated Christmas on non-Christmas dates countless times for a variety of reasons. Totally nothing wrong with that. Of course it’s also very much possible to have a nice meal on both “real” Christmas and the day your hubby is home (assuming budget is not a problem for this).
But opening the presents on Saturday? Why would that be a problem? Yeah, I read what your mom says but it simply doesn’t make sense. Kids will be fine. NTJ. Family living abroad and travel arrangements were tough. Divorced sister and didn’t have custody of the children in the week of Christmas that year.
My wife having to work the entirety of Christmas (resident in hospital). The list can and does go on but a combination of stuff like this made it an easy choice several times.” Attygalle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course NTJ. Your children have no idea what the date is, or really even why it is significant yet.
When I worked in hotels, I often had to do this when they were little…and then as they were teenagers and older. Your mom is being ridiculous. My advice is to let her. Stop engaging in the crazy. Let her have all of the reactions she wants.
You just stay steady. Pick a phrase that you are going to loop on repeat, as a calm response to her, regardless of the situation. For example: ‘I have prioritized my husband, and the children’s father being a part of all aspects of Christmas over the arbitrary date that has been decided for us.
You are free to do whatever you want on Christmas Day, and you are free to join us or not on Saturday, but that’s up to you. Hope to see you.’ And you end it. Either hang up, walk away, whatever to stop the conversation.
It is not a debate. You are hosting and that’s the day that works for you. None of her reasons make sense. At 7-13/maybe 15…it’s a bigger deal, but it will also depend on the traditions you set and how you guys do your holidays.
You might decide as a family that you will always do a day together, regardless of the day when you do your own traditions. Bottom line, it’s up to you. But it is also up to you how deep you want to travel down this drama path with her for no reason.
Just let her be mad. She can decide from there. She’s a grown woman. She is well aware of consequences.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“I was a police officer for 30 years and as such was required at times to work the holidays including day shifts on Christmas day when I had small kids.
We also had Christmas on Christmas Eve on occasion. The kids didn’t know and didn’t care about the date. But it meant we celebrated as a family which was really important to all of us. You are NTJ. What matters is that you spent this time as a family.” Individual_Metal_983
17. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Mom She Deserved Her Stuff To Get Ruined In My Room?
“I (19M) want to tell my mother that she deserved to have the papers and stuff that she left in my room get ruined. I live with my mother while I’m on break from college. I have a room at her house and everything.
Well, ever since I got my own room (I am a middle child) she has always had the stuff that wouldn’t fit in her room stashed into mine. This led to my room appearing messy as I never had a place to put my own things and that would lead me to getting in trouble even when I thinned out all my old stuff.
It also led to a lack of privacy as she would always barge in to get her things.
Today, I had a cup of tea in my room that I happened to forget about on a tote that had her stuff in and on it.
It was the only raised surface by my bed that was flat and had space. She goes into my room this morning and grabs a small tote that was on the tote my cup was on. That unknowingly knocked over my cup of tea (which was almost empty).
We left for a Christmas party and when we returned home, I stayed in the living room. Well, she then goes into my room to put her stuff back into it and sees tea-stained paper and yarn. She then gets upset with me for the cup when she is the one who knocked it over.
I want to tell her that she deserves that but I think that would make me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Saying she got what she deserved gives the impression that you set a trap. That’s admitting it’s your fault. Instead, say that it’s unfortunate that it happened, but if she’s careful to keep anything important out of the room, if an accident like this happens again nothing important will be damaged. That way you aren’t admitting to blame, you aren’t apologizing, and she is passively reminded that her things shouldn’t be in the room.” Deep-Okra1461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I feel your pain. When I was growing up I had a smaller room but it had the largest closet. So my mom would come in all the time to put away or get other people’s clothes. In my poor rebellious years, I’d tell her to get out and she’d say “There’s no other room for these” Now I have a son and I’ve made it very clear to my husband that his room is HIS, no exceptions.
Thankfully it was just the closet so my situation wasn’t as bad as yours, but I get it. Is off-campus housing something you can look into?” SandalsResort
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 19-year-old child = guest/burden. Why did you have a cup of tea or any food item in her room in which she allows you to sleep in the first place?
You are a guest. Act like a gracious one. Keep food where it belongs. Don’t begrudge your host for keeping their own things in any room in their own home. Nobody deserves to have their things damaged by a sloppy guest who can’t even be bothered to return a teacup to the kitchen.
Grow up and get out.” Dry_Mirror4252
16. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Friend's Book After Giving Him Free Music For His Projects?
“I (25M) have known Tom (22M) for 4 years.
Tom’s an independent writer and director. He’s not famous, if I need to say it. But he writes and puts together a lot of different projects, and he usually commissions talent on freelancers to help bring his visions to life.
I gave him a lot of free work over the years, just to be kind.
He’s not rich, but he’s not exactly poor either. Regardless, I didn’t want any money, I just wanted to help. I’m a small-time musician, and I would’ve immensely appreciated a handout with my stuff.
I’ve given him free rein to use dozens of original songs and instrumentals I’ve made entirely myself.
I wrote and recorded intro songs for his webpage, and also did a few lines of voice acting for some of his projects. Full disclosure: I’m not a professional, music is just a side thing. I have a day job.
Now, I did all this without asking for or expecting anything in return.
I would’ve refused if he asked me to drive to his place so he could direct my performances, but I figured since recordings and media sharing can be done digitally, it wasn’t a massive deal.
So, 4 days ago, he asks if I’ll buy a copy of his new book.
I told him no thanks, because – apart from genuinely not having leisure money right now – I feel like it’s crossing a line to ask for money from me after all the free labor and music I’ve given him.
He got upset and told me I was “switching up” and “not supporting friends.” And that he didn’t think there was a limit to how much I’d do for his projects.
I felt disrespected, so I told him most people – friend or not – would, at minimum, ask for compensation for creating original works. And that he should, at minimum, not treat people like free vending machines, and then ask them to give him money.
But he refused to listen and believes I’m in the wrong.
We’ve talked and texted like normal since then, but he’s still a bit salty I wouldn’t buy his book. He keeps trying to spark new arguments about it on occasion, but I keep telling him the more he digs his heels in, the less I’m interested in even reading it eventually.
I just wanted to stand up for myself. It didn’t feel right. I felt like I was becoming a slave. But I honestly do feel bad that I upset my friend. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings or make him think I don’t support him.
I do want to see him succeed and I genuinely believe in what he’s doing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘He told me that he didn’t think there was a limit to how much I’d do for his projects.’ So he freely admitted to your face he thought there shouldn’t be limits to the amount of time, effort, and money you spend to help him?
This man sounds like a user who will take and take until you have nothing else to give and then make you feel guilty about it, exactly the way he is doing now. He should have stopped pushing you about the book as soon as you said no but instead, he keeps ignoring your requests to stop because he still feels entitled to your money.” asphodel2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Freeloaders always use the guise of “supporting a friend” when they want you to give them services, labor, and your creative works without compensation. You should stop providing your friend with all of the freebies. Do you think that if he hits it big, he will acknowledge your contributions?
I think not! From now on he needs to pay you and give you credit for your work. Stop being a jerk to yourself and cut ties with this freeloader if he objects to the new arrangement. But wait, you will not have to cut ties, he will do it immediately when he can no longer use you!” Expensive_Excuse_597
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let’s be real if he’s self-published you may literally be his only sale. Besides maybe his parents. There is some symbolism in buying it. Have him pay you for your music, spend some of that on his book. Even if it feels like a random shell game of money, having a sale really means quite a lot.
Every time self-published authors open up their dashboard they see a goose egg (ZERO SALES) and it sucks.” HexSphere
15. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Chew With Their Mouths Closed?
“I genuinely don’t know if this is me being easily irritated or being afraid of ticking off my parents if I ask them to chew with their mouths closed.
I used to be able to tune it out during meal times but it’s getting really noticeable as of late. Like to the point I would finish my meal super-fast, wash my dishes, kiss them goodnight, and get on with the rest of my evening.
They’re starting to notice it right now and have been asking why I eat so fast. I’ve been managing to stall the inevitable by giving half-baked replies (e.g. I have some extra readings to do before tomorrow).
My parents are generally chill but are quite traditional on many things.
I am not sure if asking them to chew with their mouths closed is considered rude but I am very much worried it would tick them off.
I definitely will be a jerk if I keep lying to them about why I eat so fast but I am also worried about ruining my relationship with them due to my own personal irritations that don’t seem to bother them.
AITJ here? Or should I just build up the courage to remedy this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you approach it as respectful with the goal of wanting to spend more time with them at dinner, they may be initially defensive, but if they’re reasonable they will understand.
I actually normally like the sound of people eating, like on food shows and travel shows, the sound of crunching and people enjoying food is nice to my ears. But when my husband’s friend moved in with us, we discovered that he eats so darn loud and wet!
I could ignore it for a while, but in the past year it has reached its peak where I need to sit away from him or play music/TV loud enough because the sound of him eating makes me want to scream. Luckily I only have to deal with it for a few more months.” Life-is-Foo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one, it’s rude and sounds disgusting. Two, I know firsthand how that misophonia can hit and make you feel like duct-taping someone’s mouth shut. I’d say something like “I know that this is a me issue and not a you issue, but could you please close your mouth when chewing?
This is the reason I’ve been leaving the dinner table early. I should have brought it up and been straightforward before now but I wasn’t sure how to approach it.” I completely get it though; my kid chews with his mouth open. I’ve tried to talk to him a few times, he’s oblivious to it and swears he’s not chewing openly.
Unless we’re sitting in a loud restaurant, I have to go to another room when he’s eating.” azewonder
Another User Comments:
“My husband has actual misophonia and it’s made me so much more aware of eating noises – and my skin wants to crawl right off my body.
My parents are in their 70s and I was raised to always chew with my mouth closed, no talking while chewing, please and thank you, all three meals a day eaten at the table as a family with no tv on or anything like that.
I don’t know what happened but MY MOTHER OH MY GOD. Talking with her mouth full with food flying out, chomp slurp smack if no one can hear you eat from the next room did you really have dinner? NTJ.” Jbeth74
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Family To Stay Over Anymore?
“I (23M) live in a 2b2b apartment with my roommate (24M) whom I’ve been friends with for years.
He has just had his extended family over for a third time in the last 6 months. This time it was 2 adults + a child (5) and a baby (6 months). My roommate gave his room to his guests and set up an air mattress in the living room.
I work shift work, and I’m a light sleeper.
Yesterday I planned to wake up at 4:30 am for work but the baby was crying at around 3 am and after trying to fall back asleep for an hour I gave up around 4 and started my day.
The next night I went to bed around 9 pm but they were up with the children until around 11. I tried to fall asleep in my room wearing earplugs but I honestly couldn’t until they all went to sleep. Now again the baby has woken me up before my planned wakeup time, and I’m really feeling the sleep deprivation.
WIBTJ for telling him no next time he asks if his family can stay over? Or should I just book a hotel room for myself the next time he wants to have guests (I’m really considering this). I feel bad because his family is super kind, my roommate is really kind and he is just trying to be hospitable, going so far as to sacrifice his room to welcome his guests.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, you aren’t the jerk for wanting to sleep undisturbed in your own apartment. It’s a reasonable expectation that any guests respect the people they are staying with. First of all, that’s too many people. Any guests (and the people who live there) should be sleeping in a bedroom and not the living room.
You should be able to go about your normal life, and that includes sleeping. Same for your roommate. They shouldn’t be disturbed by any guests you may have. Your roommate’s family needs to get a hotel room or an Airbnb next time.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The two people who are renting both should be able to enjoy their space comfortably, and that can’t happen if one of them has multiple overnight visitors 3 times within 6 months. It is also unreasonable for you to have to book a hotel room for yourself when you have a perfectly good apartment to live in.
Tell your roommate that you can’t have so many guests so often because the noise is ruining your sleep – and it’s so hard to get good sleep when you are working shifts. Agree on a compromise – the frequency should go right down, any guests should be quiet after 9 PM due to your shift schedule – and maybe a limit on the total number of guests?
Four is a LOT for a two-bedroom apartment that already has 2 occupants.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your roommate is not as kind as you seem to think he is. He’s happily making things awkward for you, or perhaps he’s just incredibly dense to not consider your feelings.
Sit down and have a good chat with him about how negatively this affects you. Do not offer to stay in a hotel or pay for a hotel for anyone else! These people need to pay their own way and stop making life difficult for you.
Why can’t the roommate go and stay with his family instead of them coming to your place?” pixie-ann
13. AITJ For Trying To Protect My Best Friend From Her Two-Timing Partner?
“My best friend (21F) is currently in a relationship with a man (26M) I have known for 3 years. I am friends with two of this man’s exes, both of which he was unfaithful to with another woman.
Before she got into this relationship, I told my roommate/best friend to not be with this man and she refused to listen. Now they are together and he is openly being unfaithful to her, forcing her to make decisions between me or him.
When she told him and I told her about his unfaithfulness history, he demanded she move out of my place and block me on everything.
He also told her to spend Christmas and New Year’s with him at clubs instead of with her family and also made her get rid of her dog because it was “getting in the way”. She has now quit her job for him to be with him at all times, not in school, yet he uses her funds while he goes out and messes with other girls.
I yell at her every day about it and how awful this is not just for her, but also for me. I told her it’s her life, but I don’t want him ever in our apartment. He also has spread complete lies about me to other people who are mutual friends so I can’t expose him for the truth of him being unfaithful or forcing her to get rid of her dog.
Should I just let her ruin her own life and not be so dramatic or am I in the right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please try a different approach. Let her know she deserves better and be kind to her instead of yelling at her or blaming her.
Point out how much she is sacrificing and that real love wouldn’t need that and that her family and friends love her. Hold firm on him not being in the house or the two of you interacting but be as open and safe a space she can land.
That will help her see the abuse (and that it’s not the only way she can be loved) and hopefully choose better. Guilting and shaming her will only perpetuate the mean things he tells her that make her feel that broken love is all she deserves/can get.” tugmushy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But please try to be an open and safe person for her to return to when she hopefully eventually gets away. She is in a very abusive relationship. Abusers isolate their victims, leaving them nowhere to run when they finally realize what’s happening to them.
Leave the judgement behind and don’t yell or scold. I see a couple of comments down here from others blaming her and acting like it is her fault or that she should be punished for “not listening”. It is definitely ok to set boundaries while she is still with him (like not allowing him over), but also be ready to help her pick up those pieces if you truly care about her.
It is a fine line to walk, I know. I have been on both sides of this kind of thing. Everyone abandoned me when I needed them most. I know it’s hard to witness it too, but it’s even harder to get out of those situations when everyone who supposedly did love you would rather put you down over it than actually help you get out later.” SKmdK64
Another User Comments:
“You cannot force your friend’s decision on who she wants to be in a relationship with. It’s her life. It’s her decision. We get it, we really do. You love your friend and you know that he doesn’t. You know that he’s isolating her, you know he’s being unfaithful to her, and that he’s financially and emotionally abusing her.
And we know it’s killing you to watch your friend succumb to him. But this isn’t your life. It’s out of your hands. She is entitled to want to be in this relationship for as long as she wants. If she allows him to treat her like this, she’s hurting herself.
She’s actively choosing to hurt herself. And there isn’t anything you can do about it. In your position, I’d have one last conversation with her about her situation, not him. I’d say something like: ‘Bestie, we’ve been ride-or-die friends for X years. You know that I love and care for you like we’re family.
I always pictured you with someone who is gentle with you, who loves you, who is willing to sacrifice for you. Someone who makes you smile and treats you with respect at all times. You deserve joy and happiness in a relationship with someone who can add value to your life and who wants you to achieve all your dreams. And while it’s your choice who you love, don’t ask me to stand by and watch you get less than you deserve.
For the sake of our relationship, I’m going to distance myself but please know that if you ever need my help getting out, I will be here for you. No questions asked.’ No jerks here.” moew4974
12. AITJ For Refusing To Repay My Sister For Tickets To Physical Activities While I'm Injured?
“My sister has the habit of purchasing tickets for events for the extended family over holidays without consulting said family members and expecting us to pay her back for what she got. This year she bought tickets to play laser tag and a game room.
She knows I had two major surgeries recently, have a broken leg, and need hip surgery, yet bought me tickets for these very physical events that I can’t attend due to pain and lack of mobility. She’s mad that I won’t “pay her back” for something I can’t do and was not even asked if I wanted to do.
I am refusing to pay her back. (In past years I have paid her for things after she is presumptive about getting tickets to events without talking to anyone first. This year it should have been obvious to her that I can’t do it and I’ve had enough!)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actually, there’s no better chance than this to highlight how disconnected her ticket-buying habits are from what you yourself would want. Tell her you obviously wouldn’t buy tickets for something you physically can’t do. She must see that her buying these tickets for you doesn’t make any sense.
She never asks when she does this, and it was never okay, but this very obviously crosses the line. In this case, there is absolutely no justification for her buying the tickets and no reason whatsoever for you to pay for them. You didn’t ask for them.
You can’t use them. And you’ll make things crystal clear for her: you will never, ever again be paying for tickets (or anything else) she buys for you without asking you first. Anyone she complains to only has to hear from you that she bought the tickets without asking you because she wants to go, and that she didn’t even consider your physical inability to do the activities.
Anyone sane will not blame you.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – there is no way that you can partake in these activities, and your sister needs to give her head a shake. It’s one thing to purchase tickets to an event that people actually want to attend, but to purchase them without prior consent is over the top.
Just because she wants to do a certain activity doesn’t mean that everyone wants to. I’d also tell her that in the future you will not be “repaying” her for any tickets purchased without consulting with you.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“If you’re willing/able to burn a few bucks, buy her a ticket for something she is either unable to do or is totally uninterested in.
If she says she doesn’t want to do it, then just go full-on with insisting how she owes you for it. Just give her her own reasoning, and point out this is exactly the reasoning she has for you paying her for things you don’t get asked about.
Some people need things to happen in a concrete way that affects them before they get it.” CastleCollector
11. AITJ For Leaving Notes For People Who Park In My Unused Spot?
“I rent an apartment, which comes with one tiny car space.
My car doesn’t fit, so I’ve had to pay for a parking permit to park out on the street (pretty common in this neighborhood).
People (I don’t know who), will frequently park in my space. I always leave a note asking them not to park there.
I figure I’m technically also paying for that space, so someone else shouldn’t get it for free. Also, if they knock the wall making up the space, that’ll be on me.
A friend has told me that I should just leave it, and am being over the top since I don’t need the spot anyway.
I completely disagree. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Borderline. It is your space. Do you want to rent it? If so, just rent it. Then it would make sense to tell people not to park in there because you are actually using it.
But if you’re not using it, then you’re being annoying. Like, “hey, I can’t eat this peach, but instead of letting somebody else eat it, I’ll throw it in the trash.” I mean technically it’s yours and you can throw it in the trash, but why??
(And I believe you’re not actually worried about the wall thing, you just added that in there to feel like you have liability issues.)” JustARandomGuyReally
Another User Comments:
“This makes me wonder if people know what being a jerk is anymore. All these answers are about someone’s right to do what they want or not with what is theirs as if that’s the definition of a jerk.
To me, the fact someone could use that spot, benefit from it, and cost you nothing, yet you won’t let them because it’s ‘yours’ is solidly in the jerk realm. People who aren’t jerks, do things for each other, and help as a general rule.
Sure, we all decide what our limits are, but this is just sitting there doing nothing. It’s certainly less cruel but akin to throwing away food instead of giving it to a hungry person. The fact that people mean so little is jerk behavior.” SpiggotOfContradicti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A note is pretty tame. You would be well within your right to do worse to the offenders. Frankly, I’m annoyed by your friend’s admonishment. Over the top? If this is truly their position, I might find their other advice suspect.
Ridiculous. You’d probably be okay with someone borrowing the space if they asked for permission first. It’s the fact that they didn’t ask that puts them squarely in the wrong. Yes, even though you’re not using the space for its usual purpose, find a way to make use of it in a way that benefits you, whether it’s by renting it or as storage.” Terrible_Situation44
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give Christmas Gifts To My Family?
“As per nearly every year, we make a Christmas trip to meet with my extended family and celebrate it. I (M33) am not much of a gift giver, and I actually don’t mind not getting any gifts at all.
But, the problem at hand came when my sister (F40) and my mother (F69) entered the scene. I still get some gifts from them, but they always seem to make a fuss when I don’t gift them back. This is an issue that has been happening over the last few years.
And yesterday, my sister and my mother, in addition to some other relatives sat me down and gave me an ultimatum, either I show them that I care for them by giving them all gifts when we make the trip or they would tell the whole family to take drastic measures.
Since this isn’t the first time my family has thrown a fit because I don’t give them any gifts (and they haven’t given me fewer gifts over the years), I just told them that if this is how they would do things, then I wouldn’t make the trip with them, then left.
Today, my phone has been blown with WhatsApp messages and missed calls, and all the messages so far go along the lines that I’m being selfish and greedy, and that I’m hurting them all because I don’t care for them at all. I haven’t grabbed the phone at all as a result.
For additional context, I live alone, my current job is moderately well paid, and maybe I could afford them a couple of gifts, but the problem is that this is the same drama, the same guilt-tripping and this basically defuses any desire from me of giving out any gifts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This has been going on for some time. You go and visit. They give you gifts and you take them, but never bother buying anything to exchange in return. Your family is sick of giving and never receiving. If you have no desire to exchange gifts, you should have spoken up and set your boundaries years ago.
Instead, you’ve just continued taking and doing nothing else. You need to decide if you are a participant in the holiday gathering or not. You will be the only one who is bothered if you decide to stay home. Your family will stop wasting money on gifts and you can stop feeling “pressured” to be an active participant in your family holiday celebrations.
If you choose to keep on attending, then you need to reciprocate and buy gifts for those who gift to you. It doesn’t have to break the bank. They would probably just be thrilled to know you gave them a passing thought. You need to stop playing these games and either be part of it or step out.
You can’t have both, as they’ve let you know it’s not welcome.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“INFO: have you tried telling them that you’d be more comfortable not giving or getting gifts and would just like to spend time with them? Clearly in those words?
That you wouldn’t mind just sitting and watching the fun as they exchange gifts and open them but you don’t want to participate? If they give you a hard time over this then I understand your stance and you have my sympathy. Otherwise, you suck: you’ve been happy to take their gifts for years but simply will not reciprocate.
Not even by doing the bare minimum by buying gift cards.” Mysterious_Cat_6725
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can just stop giving you gifts. It’s that simple. I find it funny that so many people are calling YTJ because grown adults choose to continue to give you gifts, with the expectation of getting one in return, although they never got one.
You didn’t ask them to do that. They chose to do so on their own. I don’t buy gifts with the expectation that I get one back. I do it because I want to. The thing that I find distributing is that there was a whole intervention about this when they could just not buy a gift anymore.
Instead, they tried to force you to buy gifts. That is crazy to me. First of all, Christmas is not about gift-giving. I didn’t see in your post that you told them not to get you any. If you didn’t, maybe you should have, but still, that doesn’t justify a freaking intervention.
Another thing that I find disturbing is that they are using gift-giving as a way to express how much you love someone. Simply saying you love them and going on the family trip should be enough. That blows my mind. It’s very kind of them to think about you and buy you a gift. However, if it’s truly from the heart, it wouldn’t be an issue to not get one back.
I wouldn’t go on the trip either. All those phone calls and messages wouldn’t bother me. I wouldn’t respond to any. I wouldn’t be rude, but I’d stand my ground. This whole thing is just crazy.” KeyConsideration595
9. AITJ For Asking My Wife If She Had Enough Sleep Before Feeding Our Baby?
“My wife and I have a new addition to our family, our second daughter. She still wakes up and wants to be fed at night.
My wife had let me sleep the past 2 nights but last night I told her to let me take care of the baby so she could get some sleep.
We went to bed around 11:30 and the baby woke up about 12:30 and I fed her. She woke up again around 4 something and I got the milk ready and when I brought it back to feed her my wife said “she can do it, just go back to sleep.” I proceeded to ask are you sure and if she got enough sleep?
Which then turned into her getting angry at me for asking that question.
Am I the jerk for asking out of concern if she was sure that she wanted to feed the baby and if she got enough sleep?”
Another User Comments:
“So if I’m understanding right: Baby is near you or if in another room, the monitor is near your bed. Baby starts making noise, you get up to make a bottle, but instead of taking them with you or turning the monitor down so that your wife can stay asleep or start to go back to sleep, you leave them where they are.
By the time you get back, wife is now fully awake herself, because she has been hearing continuous baby noises while you were gone, so she tells you fine, she’ll just do it. You act all concerned, despite the fact that you just set up the situation that ensured she could not stay asleep or easily fall back asleep.
In the process, you also imply that if she does it, that must mean she has had enough sleep, perhaps a claim you will use against her later? If that’s the situation, YTJ.” Material-Profit5923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Darned if you do, darned if you don’t.
If you took the baby with you to make the bottle, that baby would’ve been wide awake by the time you were finished. If the baby wasn’t crying, but still being a bit noisy, maybe she needs to invest in some noise-canceling headphones or sleep in a different room when it’s your turn to do the feedings.
I’ll cut her some slack because she’s sleep-deprived, but there was no reason for her to snap at you like that considering you’re taking an active role in parenting (as you should.) I don’t think she’d appreciate too much if the roles were reversed and you snapped at her.
To all the YTJs, y’all either aren’t caregivers or y’all enjoy making caregiving more difficult for yourselves.” Sergeant_Snippy
Another User Comments:
“Nobody is the jerk. Here’s the thing when you’re a mom with a newborn who you just put 9 months of your energy into growing and birthing, and now you’re putting every ounce of the energy you have left into keeping them alive…there are so many tiny decisions and choices you have to make all day every day.
So many tiny things to think about and learn about and then make a decision about. It’s so incredibly mentally exhausting and it’s so subtle that you don’t even always understand why you’re so mentally exhausted. But then when you make a decision like ok I’m awake I’m just going to feed this baby and your partner asks if you’re sure and you have to repeat yourself…sometimes it’s just one thing too much.
And it’s not your fault, you’re trying your best to be supportive and helpful and all the things you’re supposed to be. But it’s not her fault either because it’s the most mentally and physically exhausting period of her life that she’ll ever go through and it’s so hard in so many tiny ways that add up.
You both just have to realize that sometimes this will happen but you still love each other and will work through it.” Infinite-Weather3293
8. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Wedding Date For $2000 From My Religious Family?
“My fiancé (31) and I (26) have been together for five years and engaged for three. We set a wedding date but had to postpone due to other financial responsibilities. We now have a set date for June 2025.
We had a difficult time finding a venue so the second we did we made a deposit and set the date in stone.
The date is what is the biggest issue with my family.
So for context, my family is extremely religious. I grew up in the religion and the second I turned 18 I left it. I live in the same town as my family and have not wanted to cut all ties so I try to be as respectful of their beliefs as I can.
They are against things like all jewelry, even wedding bands, strapless dresses, and anything immodest, and so on. Dancing, music, and booze are also evil to them, basically all aspects of a wedding reception. I have even had emotional moments knowing that I will never have a father-daughter dance because my dad is so against it.
Anyway, due to our schedule and many of our guests’ schedules, our wedding will be on Saturday, which is my family’s religious day. I have also paid the venue extra to reserve Sunday for clean up so that people can return to work by Monday.
I have gotten grief about this from all of my family, including my sisters because they feel that this is breaking their religious day. This has been very irritating and one sister has been manipulative about it but I got through it and thought that they have accepted it.
Well, that was not at all the case. I will also point out that our wedding is entirely on my fiancé and me financially and it is possible but definitely a strain.
I got the invitations made and sent, and I received a text from my father.
He asked “is there any way I could you to change the date to Sunday?” I responded “I’m sorry but no” to which he replied, “even for two thousand dollars?”
I took this extremely offensively at first, like he was bribing me to change my wedding date, that he is able and willing to help financially but only if it aligns with him.
After cooling down I gave a very diplomatic response telling him that I have already paid for the venue, and this would not be possible. I also explained that I understand my family’s beliefs and I know that they will not be able to help with set up or anything, and will be there only for the ceremony as I expect them to leave before the reception.
I also told him that he could give a financial gift at any time for our wedding or honeymoon on the fund I set up.
Quite honestly, I do not want any of my family at the reception because they will be uncomfortable and judge everyone the entire time.
So am I the jerk for turning down $2000? It would help immensely. Should my family be welcome at my reception? Should I disinvite them all altogether?”
Another User Comments:
“I come from a place where a wedding can stretch a few days. So here’s a hot unpopular take.
You’ve already reserved the venue for the Saturday and Sunday. Have the dancing part reception on a Saturday, but ask your dad to use that 2K to hire a cleaning person and set up a simple buffet-style brunch on Sunday for the rest of the family.
Booze isn’t allowed anyway, so it won’t be expensive. That way, you can have the party you want, and your religious folks can also celebrate your nuptials. NTJ whatever you decide, it seems like you are not interested in having your family around. But grudges over this type of exclusion last long, and life has a way of making you need your family for support at some point.
Is it really a hill you want to die on? Either way, it’s up to you and you’re not a jerk for wanting your day your way. Good luck, and congratulations!” InValuAbled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having loved ones in a different religion is hard, especially 7th Dayers.
You were right to refuse, and you were right to plan the wedding that you want. Maybe your dad is out of touch – I assume a 7th Day wedding was about $2000 back when he got married. It may not have been a bribe, it may have been a genuine attempt to cover the costs of moving the wedding.
My own family is very secular but my parents have no earthly clue what things cost these days and I can see them making a mistake like that with good intentions. Not saying your dad definitely isn’t awful, just saying there’s a possible interpretation where he is a good guy who is woefully out of touch.” unlovelyladybartleby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your wedding, you do get to decide. However, this will create a wedge, maybe even a rift, between you and your family. You aren’t respecting their religion. It’s okay- you don’t have to, but at the end of it, that’s what they will come away with.
Personally, I had a Muslim bridesmaid so I didn’t make my wedding date on Eid because I knew that would make her choose between me and her religion. That was what I wanted to do for her. You don’t have to do anything for your family if you don’t want to.
Is it being kind to your family, no, but that can’t always be your priority. Choose your priorities here.” Just-lurking-1122
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Roommate's Financial Safety Net?
“My roommates and I are college students who met at school and became friends before moving in together. We found a nice 2 bedroom apartment off campus and decided to make the jump to off-campus living this year. Their parents were not willing to cosign the lease, so my partner and I asked our parents to sign for all of us and they did.
After moving in together, we realized we were not compatible roommates. Typical things: they leave their dishes in the sink for days, sometimes weeks, leave messes everywhere, fill the whole fridge with only their groceries, and get defensive when we try to address anything. We’ve tried having monthly meetings to address problems, but obviously when the lease is up I’d prefer not to renew it.
The problem is that the idea of not living together next year came up in one of our meetings, and my roommate started to freak out. They basically admitted that they have a really terrible credit score (somewhere in the low 500s) and that they’re terrified of what would happen if they didn’t have me and my partner to rely on as their “safety net.” They asked us to promise if we ever moved or got evicted we would stay together.
I knew before moving in together that this friend had some financial issues, but they also have family that pays their tuition & credit cards, and they have a partner who has helped out a ton financially and whose family has offered to live with them.
As of this moment, I’m really upset by this interaction as I never signed up to be my roommate’s housing safety net. I genuinely thought we were friends and equals who just had some differences in our living styles and could part ways amicably. But this turn of events has made me feel like maybe my partner and I were being used and that trying to part ways will mess up our friendship with these people and our friend group at large.
WHY I MIGHT BE THE JERK: This friend is going through a hard time, our differences are manageable, my partner and I should continue to help out a friend in need and just make do with the messiness and communication issues as roommates. We also got ourselves into this situation by choosing to room with someone with known financial issues.
If we didn’t want to be someone’s safety net, we should have roomed with a more financially secure person, and now that we live together they’re our responsibility to take care of.
WHY THEY MIGHT BE THE JERK: They entered into a voluntary housing arrangement as an equal partner, then decided halfway through to treat their roommates like a financial safety net.
We’re all the same age with similar problems, so they should learn how to create their own safety net instead of relying on unsuspecting others. They also have other options available to them, but choose to see my partner and I as their only option because they don’t want to handle their living situation on their own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why on earth would you continue to be miserable because someone else has made and continues to make, poor life choices? You’ve asked them not to be slobs, and they don’t even care enough about YOU to clean up about themselves.
Yet THEY expect you to completely care about their housing needs indefinitely? Let them adult, and figure out their own situation. YOU ARE NOT THEIR PARENTS, BANK, OR SAVIORS. Hard pass. These people do not respect your boundaries. Odds are, they will also expect you to cover their rent in the future.
These are the kind of people will cause damage to your rental unit, and guess who will be on the hook for that, too? You need to cut ties with your irresponsible roommates as soon as you can, not hitch up for another lease extension.” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The bottom line is that this is a selfish, inconsiderate person. If I were in their financial position, I would have been the best roommate imaginable – doing all the dishes, taking up as little fridge space as possible, etc. I’d do that because I’d want you to keep me as your roommate.
That’s not being a nice person – it’s just being a smart person. They didn’t do that because they feel entitled to be looked after by everyone around them. They see you as staff to support them. They need a lesson and a firm slap of reality.
Cut them loose. It will help them grow into a better person. If you don’t, you’ll enable their manipulative behaviors and they won’t change, and they’ll become a bigger problem for the next person.” PhilosophicalWarPig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend needs to grow up and get her financial situation sorted. It sounds like they have plenty of people in their corner to support them, they just prefer you and your partner because it is easier.
Personally, I would not resign a lease with them. IF you are feeling charitable suggest a trial period. If your roommate can agree to clean up after themselves, and keep fridge/communal living spaces organized/clean then maybe they can stay on your next lease but otherwise no. They’re messy and dependent on you?
Nah that’s not cool. And this is coming from someone with poor credit who has to rent less than stellar houses and pay in cash because I was dumb and messed up my credit in my youth. Friend needs to get it together. I am slowly rebuilding my credit, it can be done.” funsized1217
6. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Freeloading Friend?
“Seven weeks ago, Sam (18F) called me (18F) to say that she was going to drop out of school. The monthly bill for the cost of living on campus was too much, and she did not have a car to be able to commute.
We agreed that she could move in with me at the end of this semester. I told Sam that I don’t charge friends rent and just asked Sam if she’d be willing to cover utilities. A few days after that call, Sam came over and never left.
Prior to moving in, I had made two boundaries clear. 1. No intimate relations in/on shared spaces/furniture. 2. Ask before anyone comes over. Immediately after moving in, Sam had started calling it “our apartment” but never did any chores in the apartment, refused to do something as simple as load the dishwasher because “she just doesn’t like doing dishes”.
I found out a few weeks into her moving that she had been intimate in the bathroom. I texted her and just made that boundary clear again. Since then, Sam and her partner have broken up. The last three weeks I had spent staying up with her till 2 AM comforting her, making sure she was OK.
Last week Sam went to her mom’s for Thanksgiving. She texted me that her mother wanted her to move home and asked to come the next day to get her stuff. In those six weeks, Sam did not pay for anything. After she moved out, she offered to pay the utilities for Dec.
I sent the bills to her and she sent me the money yesterday. I woke up this morning to find I had been blocked everywhere. I was upset all day about it, but since I had gone through this very recently with someone else, I was more hurt that Sam did this knowing how much it hurt me last time.
Because of that, I didn’t want to salvage any friendship between us, I just wanted to know why. I asked a mutual friend and she said that Sam felt like I had too many rules and I had a double standard. When I asked what she meant, she said that I had hooked up with someone on my own mattress, in my own room, in my own apartment that I pay over $1000 in rent for, when Sam was not home, and yet got mad at Sam when she was intimate in our shared bathroom.
She also said that Sam was not comfortable in the state the apartment was in. I work almost 60 hours a week, and yet Sam only worked two or three days out of the week five-hour shifts each. Sam had the time to clean up around the apartment but never did.
Sam also complained that I said I would take her to work every day, but she had to Uber a couple of times. While I did take her to and from work most days without ever asking for gas money, there were a few days where I was either working or was sick so I asked her to get an Uber.
We planned to get a two-bedroom in March once my lease was eligible for an upgrade, and I told her until March when we both sign our names on the lease, the only thing I would ask for is utilities. Sam never once expressed any issues with the boundaries I set for her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like Sam is a classic user. She lived rent-free in your home and failed to pitch in with chores or respect your boundaries. Then she moans that you didn’t take her to work, again for free, every single day.
Yep she sounds like a piece of work. Be glad she’s gone and has not cost you too much! Chalk it up to experience and a life lesson, don’t get jaded though you did a very nice thing in taking her in. She just wasn’t mature enough to live within the very few boundaries that you put in place for your own comfort.” SomeMayFlyOthersFall
Another User Comments:
“Need some info on the last part. You said that you planned to upgrade to a two-bedroom when your lease becomes eligible in March, which presumably means that you’re currently in a one-bedroom. You’re currently occupying the bedroom, which leaves her to sleep where?
On the couch, or an air mattress somewhere? The point is that in such an arrangement, there’s not any space that isn’t considered either your space or shared space. So your rule to refrain from intimate relations in such areas is tantamount to a complete ban on intimate relations anywhere for a period of about 5 months until she gets her own bedroom.
In such a situation, being intimate in the bathroom is indeed the most logical place to do so. But you still got upset and told them to stop. And the prospect of potentially being forced into a long period of celibacy might have placed additional strain on her relationship that could have caused them to break up.” Jumba11
Another User Comments:
“”I told Sam that I don’t charge friends rent and just asked Sam if she’d be willing to cover utilities.” Lesson 1. Don’t say this to people when offering help. A lot of people will take advantage of this. “Prior to moving in, I had made two boundaries clear.
1. No intimate activities in/on shared spaces/furniture.” 2. Ask before anyone comes over. Lesson 2 (and I learned this one from experience too): You’ve got to have more ground rules, especially when living with a friend. Write out a more detailed agreement. Who cleans? When? How often?
Who takes out the garbage? How is rent collected? Who can stay over? For how long? Things get really messy if the rules are not clear. You sound like a great person. Keep enforcing your boundaries and don’t let people like Sam use you. NTJ.” purpleyish
5. AITJ For Suggesting My Mom Leave My Abusive Stepdad During A Family Vacation?
“I, an 18-year-old female, am on a trip with my family. I was a little reluctant when my stepdad (m35) and my mom (f41) suggested we go on a family vacation.
My mom and stepdad are extremely prone to arguing and I knew it would be a storm that I didn’t want to get stuck in, but of course they pressured me to go. It didn’t help that my two younger siblings pressured me to go.
I felt bad leaving them to go alone especially since they would have to travel with an adult at all times.
Before we had even booked the trip tickets my stepdad gathered all of us together. My mom was really excited to go back home for the first time in years.
She smiled and instantly my stepdad had a problem that she smiled because apparently she wasn’t taking things seriously enough. He threatened to not book the tickets after a big fight they ended up booking the tickets.
The trip has honestly been very jam-packed and eventful we have been all over the island but my stepdad has been making this trip miserable finding ways to ruin moments by picking fights with my mom.
To make things worse we all have food poisoning and have been sharing one bathroom. Safe to say tensions have been high.
At one of our pit stops we visited my great-grandparents. We had to drive up a mountain because my great grandparents live in a small mountain village.
Which I won’t lie was very scary to do in a foreign country. There are no guard rails so one wrong move car is going flying straight off the mountain. My stepdad made the car ride so tense. He forbade all of us from making a noise.
I sneezed and he started yelling at me and flipping out. When we got up the mountain we only stayed for 20 minutes because he was nervous about it getting dark on the way down. They offered for us to stay the night and my mom begged to stay longer.
Her grandparents raised her and she had her seen them in years and God knows when’s gonna be the next time. They are pushing almost 98. My stepdad didn’t want to stay in “twig homes” So back to the hotel we went in silence.
The next day my mother got her period.
Both my mother and I get horrible period pain. To the point where we both experience nausea. My stepdad argued with my mom for having no energy and screamed, laughed, and mocked her through the bathroom door over the noises of her crying and literally throwing up from the pain of her period.
Later when she came out I asked her why she was even with him. What I don’t know is that he was within earshot. This set him off so bad and he screamed in my face. That I was trying to destroy his relationship. That I was the devil and horrible and evil.
I was called manipulative. I knew I should have just stayed home. I don’t know why I thought this trip would be any different. I know that you should try to work things out but I feel like my mom shouldn’t. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to be more strategic about this. It sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship and your mom needs to consider her safety if she is going to free herself. It’s dangerous to talk about or take action in leaving an abusive relationship.
I suggest you wait until you get home and then reach out to domestic violence organizations in your community for guidance. Also realize that it may take a while before your mom is ready to leave – it’s a huge risk to take and there are a lot of emotional anchors planted in her brain.
Meanwhile, try to get yourself and your siblings some counseling because witnessing abuse is a trauma in itself. I’m sorry you have to go through all of this.” Sue_in_Victoria
Another User Comments:
“OP- NTJ. Your stepdad is extremely verbally & emotionally abusive!
He is on a constant power trip! Obviously has severe anger management issues! Your mother SHOULD, absolutely should leave him!! Screaming and flipping out on you constantly?? Cruelly mocking and berating your mom while she is Ill? All of that is sick and wrong! Your younger siblings are watching her allow this man to treat her like this.
How do you think they will treat their future partners? Continue to encourage your mom to get help, and to get out of this toxic abusive relationship!” Chance-Cod-2894
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should focus on protecting yourself if you can. Get out of any house he lives in, don’t agree to trips or outings he is on, try to stay close to your mother but be clear that you won’t be treated this way.
They cannot work it out and be happy. He will only be happy when she is not.” dryadduinath
4. AITJ For Not Taking An Exam After A Car Accident?
“This morning I (16M) was on my way to school when I was in a car crash. Nobody was injured but I called emergency services as a precaution (my grandad was driving, and he has an internal defibrillator and has had a heart attack in the past, and he said his chest was tight).
Today I am supposed to have exams, but I really don’t feel up to going in for an exam right now. I am at home right now after this incredibly stressful ordeal but my parents are trying to force me to go to school for this exam.
I keep repeating that I will fail, I cannot concentrate, I’m in pain (my left leg is quite painful), and I’m not up to the exam right now, and will have to take it at a later date. I am being told that “I need to try” but I really don’t feel like I can.
AITJ for not going to school for an exam after a car crash?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just went through a really stressful situation with the car crash, and it would be so understandable if you didn’t feel like taking an exam right afterward.
Your well-being, both your physical and mental health, does mean something. It sounds like you deal with pain and a lot of stress, and forcing yourself to take an exam in that condition would just not be fair on your behalf.” twilightmia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you haven’t been checked by a doctor you need to see one. The amount of people who end up injured or worse because of internal injuries after a car accident is scary. If you have seen one you should have a doctor’s note saying when you can go back to school.
If you weren’t given one call and ask for one. Let the school know how long you’ll be out and ask they let your teachers know so things like this exam can be rescheduled. Your parents are wrong to pressure you to go in today.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not going to school, but YTJ for not doing what your parents asked when it’s not causing you undo physical/mental harm. If your leg was hurting you that bad you’d be at the doctor/hospital, otherwise it doesn’t hurt enough to skip school.
“I really don’t feel up to…” won’t serve you well as an adult.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Refusing To Swap My Premium Seat With A Woman's Child?
“I board the plane, settle into my economy plus seat. A woman approaches and asks me to change seats to 32b so her 9-year-old can sit with her.
I ask how much cash she has to repay me for the money I spent on the seat, she says I’m cruel for leaving her son with anxiety sitting alone. I ask if she offered the person sitting next to her son her seat in economy plus, she said she “needed the leg room”.
I said clearly she cares more about her own comfort than her son’s well-being, if she cared she would give up her seat and move to the back. She breaks out in a screaming wail filled with “HOW COULD YOU.” Ten minutes later a smiling man sits down next to me grinning about his sweet upgrade.
My partner says I’m a jerk for questioning her parenting in public and making her cry… am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had done what my brother usually does if someone asks him to swap seats then yes you would have been. He is 6’4 so he always books the exit row so he gets more leg room otherwise his legs get smooshed into someone’s back.
Even on the exit rows he sometimes is smooshed. His usual response to anyone that asks him to swap is “go away”. He flies quite often and he has told me on almost every flight he has taken in recent times someone has asked him to switch for some stupid reason.
He was on a flight back from Fiji yesterday and he said some girl asked him to switch. She didn’t even get to the reason she wanted before he told her to go away.” blackcat218
Another User Comments:
“As soon as parents book a child under a certain age, the booking site should make them book two seats together.
It should not be an option to book random seats or only one premium and one random. If the parent is booking in economy, no extra charge should be added for booking two seats together, but if they try the premium and random, they should be forced to either pay for two premiums together or be downgraded to economy so they can be seated together.” Mysterious_Try_4453
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but . . . I have an easy way to deal with seat swappers: “Sorry, no.” Then I put on my headphones and ignore them. No explanation, no justification. I never engage with them. If they persist, I call over the FA. That way, you avoid the whining, the cajoling, the insults and the confrontation.
We had a saying when I worked in aerospace: “The lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine.”” ptauger
2. AITJ For Not Extending My Mother's Stay After Her Home Flooded?
“I (38f) am celebrating Christmas with my mom 68/F, my brother 47/M and his family. My mom flew in from out of state and we are driving to a meetup location to spend time with my brother’s family – a place in the mountains we all enjoy just for the holidays.
All of us live hours away, our mom being the furthest, on the opposite coast. My brother and I are several hours away by car.
This year, we received the bad news that, while my mom was at my place, her pipes froze and flooded her basement.
She is upset, understandably, I helped her get everything started and have her insurance, a cleanup team, and a general contractor all working on her place while she is with me. She then broached the topic that she wanted to extend her week stay to “two weeks or more”.
I said no, I need to get back to my regular routine and get ready to return to work. She’s welcome to stay here as originally planned, which is until Saturday.
Then she said she may ask to ride back with my brother and his family to their home in another state (opposite direction than me).
She refused to ask him until Christmas, so I gave my brother a heads-up last night so he has a chance to speak with his wife. I also told him that he’s under no obligation to say yes, as she is still welcome to stay with me until Saturday and her insurance company will be footing the bill for most of her stay at a hotel and meals (IF, BIG IF, her residence is uninhabitable, which we do not know at this time).
He told me he didn’t have room to take her back with him (3 people in his car and no room for a 4th -assuming luggage is the issue). That I should let her stay with me because she’s lonely. I told him I understood that, but I’m not wrong for wanting to cap my time with her at the one week originally planned. He had left that text on “send”.
My mom can be a challenging personality and with this unfortunate development, she’s even more … difficult. I love my mom, but I’m tired. I want my house back and don’t want to be criticized or complained at. I refused to allow my lonely mother to extend her stay with me, despite the recent damages to and unknown state of her home.
AITJ for prioritizing my space and personal downtime over my mother’s emotional needs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already done a lot by coordinating the cleanup and repairs from afar and offering your place till Saturday. Setting boundaries is crucial, especially when it involves switching back to work mode.
It’s not just about the space but about getting your head ready for the regular grind, right? Plus, your bro getting a heads up is fair play; it’s good to let him work it out with his wife without springing surprises. Mom’s situation sucks, but you need to protect your mental peace too.
Hang in there!” YukkiBunny
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think you should take this one on the chin because if you want to keep talking to your mum, you will probably never hear the end of this otherwise. It’s a lightning strike situation, there’s a good reason she can’t just go back to her home that is unlikely to ever occur again.” mildfeelingofdismay
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you may regret this someday. Hotel being covered or not eventually she’s going to be dead and gone. There’s the possibility you’ll look back and think “I wish I had more time with my mom.” Then you’ll remember this exact situation and think “wow, I really gave up a week with my mom just so I could ‘get back to my regular routine and get ready to return to work.'” I can’t imagine how important your job must be that you’ll give up a week of what little time you have left with your elderly mother in favor of not being mildly inconvenienced at your job.
Considering next week is New Year’s do you even work a full week? Think about it. In 20 years are you more likely to be like “*throws hat onto ground* Darnit!! I’m still angry that my mom mildly inconvenienced me for a week 20 years ago!!!” or “*throws hat onto ground* Darnit!!
I’m still angry that I gave up a week with my now-deceased mom for some job that didn’t give a darn about me 20 years ago.” Although I fear this may be fake because their post history has their age jumping all over the place I wanted to post my response just in case anybody else needed the reminder too.
I also typed this last week as they restricted the sub which is why it mentions days gone by now.” Dingo8MyBabyMon
1. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Friend For Posting Videos Of My Parrot Without My Consent?
“Two years ago I adopted an African Grey Parrot who had suffered neglect, it took me a long time to get her to trust me and now she is the most loving bird in the world (in my totally unbiased opinion).
She is very popular with my friends and loves the attention and company as African Greys are incredibly intelligent and need constant stimulation.
One of her favorite things is to sing along to her favorite Disney Songs, a thing I indulge in whenever she indicates she wants it on.
It recently came to my attention my friend had filmed some of these sing-alongs and uploaded them to her YouTube without my knowledge or permission. I found out as I went looking on my friend’s YouTube for an old video of a night out with a friend who had passed that I was missing, so imagine my surprise when I found six videos of my girl singing.
This made me uncomfortable as it felt like she was exploiting her for views which after her previous neglect and how long it took me to win her trust did not sit well with me. I confronted my friend about this and she told me it was harmless and it was nice to share a cute moment and document it for the future.
I told her if that was the reason she’d done this she’d have not hidden it from me. I asked her to delete the videos and she refused, so I told her I didn’t want her back in my house until she took the videos down as I didn’t trust her to not try and get more videos.
She thinks I’m being unreasonable as it doesn’t hurt my bird and it’s not like she’s a child who she is putting on the internet for views.
Maybe I was too hard on my friend but the whole situation feels gross, she is refusing to remove the videos still and has told our friends that I’m being ridiculous.
Most agree with me that it’s incredibly weird she uploaded the videos without my knowledge but a couple think I’m being too harsh as it’s “just” a bird.
Could I have handled this better? Am I reacting too strongly?”
Another User Comments:
“I do think it’s an overreaction to think someone filming something your pet is doing they think is cute is exploiting them like their previous abuse, insinuating that in your comment is not okay at all.
They are not the same or even similar whatsoever. Your friend is a jerk though. It is your pet and if you’re uncomfortable with them posted on a public platform that is completely fair enough to set a boundary due to the fact you don’t like it.
Some people like to post their lives online, some don’t. I haven’t posted on most my social media profiles in years, I like privacy. Tagged photos at events etc are unavoidable really and I don’t care much, but a photo of your pet in the privacy of your own home when you have said you don’t like it is pretty intrusive.
If they can’t understand that they aren’t a real friend.” Winterfox1994
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think you’re both in the wrong here. “This made me uncomfortable as it felt like she was exploiting her for views which after her previous neglect and how long it took me to win her trust did not sit well with me.” This doesn’t make sense to me.
Exploitation happens when you use someone or something unfairly for your own benefit. In the context of animal abuse, this typically happens when people only own their pet so they can exploit it – the animal(s) are typically malnourished/abused in some way. That’s not what’s going on here.
Nothing unfair is happening. Your bird is well taken care of. I really, really doubt your “relationship,” with your bird and the trust you’ve built with this animal is going to dissipate because your friend posted videos of the bird. Does your bird watch YouTube?
So in this respect, you’re being a bit petty. If I was your friend I’d probably think, “Is this woman for real?”
However, your friend is also being petty. While your friend is under no obligation to take down the videos of your bird, at the end of the day, they’re videos of a god-darn bird.
Both of you need to grow up. “I confronted my friend about this and she told me it was harmless and it was nice to share a cute moment and document it for the future. I told her if that was the reason she’d done this she’d have not hidden it from me.” Hidden?
How did she hide it? Just because she doesn’t show you every single video she takes, doesn’t mean she hid it! This really sounds like you’re just upset that she didn’t ask your permission. Which…fair enough. It’s your house and your bird.” Reasonable_Juice_799
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for tossing in things that don’t need to be in the story. There was literally no reason for you to bring up abuse and trust issues. I have a grey..two actually. They are smart, but they ain’t that smart and there is no way they process the idea of consent where uploading videos is concerned. That’s not what hurts them.
Just be honest with yourself. You’re upset your videos were filmed in your home of your bird and posted without your knowledge and she doesn’t respect you enough to take them down. Deny her access to the bird if it’s important enough or ask for credit.
Or post them yourself as the owner.” LadyAmemyst
