People Take On New Challenges In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Update My Sister On My Cancer Diagnosis After She Accused Me Of Having A Pity Party?
“I (52f) just got diagnosed with cancer. It’s ok. Stage 2b and dealing with it. Looking at radiation and chemo. All good. I’ve known for about a month and have been waiting for MRI, and pet scan test results before I told my sister (54f).
So I invited her over for a glass of wine to tell her, she brought her 22 yr old daughter. Anyway, I told her and got weepy because… Cancer … The next day she told me that she couldn’t believe I was having a pity party for this in front of her daughter and she expected me to be stronger.
So… AITJ if I don’t give her any updates?”
Another User Comments:
“That didn’t slightly resemble the hug you needed, let alone the loving support you were hoping for (and rightly so). Your sister has failed to qualify for human kindness, beginner level. Oh, and a 22-year-old knows that bad stuff like cancer happens.
She’s not six. Protecting her is ridiculous. Bringing her along unannounced is inconsiderate. Boo! Boo! Bad sistering! Big, big NTJ.” Professional_Ad9013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore that noise. It’s cancer. And while I’m glad you’re feeling positive about when they caught it, that’s no guarantee.
If you wanted a pity party, you’d be entitled to that. Naysayers can suck it. My mom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer, great recovery rate, good treatment. Her doctors told me not to worry. A few weeks after her mastectomy, she had neurological symptoms — it had spread to her cerebrospinal fluid.
They gave her 2-4 weeks. NOTHING about cancer is chill. They can ignore all the way off.” fastyellowtuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need people who can be supportive during this time. The last thing you need is someone making you feel like crap while dealing with the struggle that is cancer.
If your sister can’t understand you being emotional at this time, she doesn’t need to be given updates without a sincere apology. Why is she trying to shield her 22-year-old daughter from you having honest emotions during a scary time? I was diagnosed with Stage T3b Thyroid cancer in February, just days before Valentine’s and my daughter’s 12th birthday.
I told everybody except for my mom who I am No Contact with. Because I know/knew my mom will/would make it all about her and I can’t deal with her brand of drama on top of everything else going on right now. I had my thyroid and all lymph nodes in my neck removed in April (two days before my 13th wedding anniversary, the timing has been just great).
Recovery has been interesting and the scar looks like someone tried to remove my head and next week I go in to discuss my radiation options.” PsychoMelido13
20. AITJ For Considering Moving Overseas With My Wife, Limiting Time With My Daughter?
“My current wife and I have been together for 4 years, absolutely love and adore her. For the last two years, we have lived permanently in my home country which she always knew was what I required to be with my little one (5) while she grows up.
Now she has had enough of my country and wants to move back to hers, this will severely limit the time I get to see my little one whilst she grows up.
I love my wife so much and want to be with her but the thought of leaving my little girl behind and seeing her once or twice a year is breaking my heart.
To clarify, I am not her primary carer and she lives with her mother 70% of the time. WIBTJ if I moved?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YWBTJ if you move. I don’t even get how this is a question or something you’re considering doing. If you live overseas, you said you’d see her once or twice a year which means for a 5-year-old, that you will become a stranger and the guy who moved to be with his wife and start a new family.
And as she’ll grow up, she will probably be more annoyed about having to stop her life to go and see you than excited to come and visit. Also, 70% means seeing her regularly, being able to go to parent/teacher meetings, to her recitals, games, or other activities.
It means being there if she needs to be in the hospital. How do you expect to make decisions about your kid while living overseas? In my country, your ex could have your parental authority suspended and she’ll be able to make decisions about the big things like medical decisions, school decisions, religious decisions… without consulting you.” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“I feel sad for your daughter. If you choose to move to another country then be aware that your daughter, growing up, may see this as rejection. This could cause a strained relationship. Hard to know until time goes on. Does her mother have a partner who possibly plays the father role in that home?
Everyone is different, I personally would choose my own child over an adult. I know of families that have lived in separate countries from their children and it has strained their relationships. Unfortunately, it happens. INFO: are you close with your daughter? Who would you miss more if you could only see one for the rest of your life?
You need to accept whatever the consequences are if you choose to move away. Also be aware that when a parent ‘moves on’ and starts a new family/‘plays happy family’ with their new partner and leaves the older child behind this causes all kinds of hurt/issues/resentment/feelings of rejection.” Flaky_Sleep
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mainly to yourself though. My uncle did this, he literally moved across the globe when his daughter (my cousin) was about the same age as your child. You have to understand, that if you do this, you forgo any strong or meaningful father/daughter bond you could be fostering while you’re in your home country.
My uncle did the weekly phone calls, the sending presents, flying her to his country for the holidays, flying back home for some weeks to see her. Understand that none of this is a replacement for actually physically being there for your daughter. It’s not a replacement for being at her school events or having the home open to her when she gets into fights with her mom.
My cousin is 29 years old now. She has an ok relationship with her biodad. She sees her younger half-siblings during holidays, is nice to his new wife, all that jazz. Heck, she even lived with them for about a year as a young adult and it was fine.
Just…. Fine. Not great, not amazing daddy/daughter time. Just eh, fine. About the same as having an older couple as housemates really. It was her step-father (who entered her life when she was 11) who walked her down the aisle last month. Because he was actually there for her.
My uncle was upset but he found no sympathy from the family. Why would he? He’s the one who left her in another country.
Even with today’s technology, anyone with friends who’ve moved internationally can tell you: NONE of that is a replacement for actually being in close geographical proximity.
Just being there matters more than words can describe. It’s up to you to decide if you’re content with having an “ok” relationship with your child, who will most likely see your move as selfish abandonment for a new wife than anything else (and those feelings may take decades to subside if they ever do, cause it’s not like you’re moving for a job…), and will in all probability find a new father figure to fill the void you’re leaving.” Summoning-Freaks
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Wife's Cat While She's Away?
“A couple of years ago my wife brought a cat home. She didn’t ask or discuss it first because she knew I didn’t want a cat.
She knew I didn’t want a cat because I had consistently stated this for 18 years. I was upset about the feline but compromised and it stayed. Part of the compromise was that I would never do anything to take care of this cat.
Now, two years later, she wants to take a trip out of town with friends.
I have no problem with her taking this trip, but I do have a problem with her expectation that I take care of the cat. She thinks that I’m the jerk. I think there is a jerk in this scenario, but I don’t think it’s me.
Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“How long is this trip? Are we talking a weekend? A week? A month? Longer? Realistically if she’s gone a few days just pour kibble into the darn bowl. And refill its water if it looks low. 30 seconds of your day so that your significant other has their mind at ease.
You don’t even have to pet the cat if it looks at you funny. If you have no other plans, and it’s a week or two, suck it up. And take 30 seconds out of your morning each day. If she’s gone for a few weeks or months, maybe explain to her that it’s not a great idea that you may have to find other arrangements while she’s gone, because you’re going to have to live your life.
She’s also your wife though. You’re looking at about $20 ish a day to cat sit. That’s money coming out of your household. All because you didn’t want to put kibble in a dish each morning. If she’s gone more than a week yes you’re going to have to scoop the cat litter once or twice.
But your reasoning of, I said I wouldn’t do it so I’m not going to do it it’s kind of a jerk thing.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk I guess you’d prefer if she hired a stranger or acquaintance to come to your house daily while you’re there, to feed/put water/clean the litter box?
Whew boy she’s not the only one who’s gonna know you’re a jerk (internet strangers aside). Sometimes when you’re in a relationship you do things to help your partner because you love them and value them – even when it’s something that drives you a little crazy because you know they do things for you, despite you driving them a little crazy – because they love and value you.” bbbrashbash
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. I’m gonna guess your wife got that cat so she could have some semblance of joy in her life because you sound like a drag to live with. You got your way for 18 years. And now you can’t throw some food in a bowl for a week?
Grow up, my guy. And by the way, what kind of jerk treats an animal that’s been in their household for 2 years this way? My dad didn’t want the family cat but guess what, we brought a cat home, and rather than being petty, he accepted that it made his family happy and learned to love the cat.” prairieislander
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kids To Go To Sleepaway Camp During My Custody Time?
“I co-parent two boys – 8 and 10, with their mom.
We agree that they will do summer camp.
The issue is that both boys want to go to sleepaway camp for two weeks. Their mom, conveniently, wants them to go the two weeks she’s going on a personal vacation. During the summer, we get the kids every two weeks.
So she’d get them for two weeks, then they’d go to camp for two weeks, and then she would get them for another two weeks. I wouldn’t see my kids for six weeks.
I told her no way and she was just trying to protect her time and vacation at my expense.
She pushed back that this was what co-parenting “looked like.”
So I told her she can foot the bill for sleepaway camp – $8800. She says she can’t do that because she won’t have funds for her vacation. I told her that was her choice. If I have to sacrifice six weeks without my boys, then she has to sacrifice her vacation, and said that is what “co-parenting looks like.””
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I’m confused as to why the two weeks at camp ‘count’ as someone’s weeks. Seems like the logical conclusion would be to ‘pause’ the whole who has the kids situation while they are at sleepaway camp.
So you would get them the two weeks after the camp? Both of you miss 4 weeks with them but ya know I guess ideally that would be what co-parenting looks like.” lcs1790366
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – co-parenting means “parenting together”, but that’s not what’s happening here.
Both of you are trying to use the kids to spite each other instead of trying to protect the kids’ happiness. Just for that, you’re both jerks. There are so many ways that if you were truly working together this could be easily and amicably resolved. Why not compromise on them going on camp for one week of her time and one week of yours, paying half each, and if she wants her holiday child-free for that specific fortnight then you get an extra week with them afterwards?
Or you switch weeks for one week after camp so you get some time with them for half of her time just this once? If you were truly operating as a parenting team this would be a super-simple situation to resolve but you prefer conflict.
Do those kids a favor and start looking for solutions that benefit the kids instead of fighting to try and prove points and win battles to satisfy your egos. And if you can’t do that, then send them away for the whole summer so they don’t have to deal with their parents’ petty sniping.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I’m not really sure what the vacation has to do with anything, since the issue is really that she wants them to go during your custody time. Seems like the obvious solution would be just not counting the weeks they’re at camp as anyone’s time.
So she gets them for two weeks, they go to camp, then it’s your turn again. You’re both being petty and not putting your kids first.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister's Kids Again After They Trashed My Apartment?
“My sister constantly asks me to babysit her two young children, a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old. She knows I have a demanding job, but she still expects me to drop everything to watch them.
I’ve babysat for her a few times in the past, but it’s always a stressful experience. The kids are loud, messy, and difficult to manage. They don’t listen to me, and they’re constantly causing trouble.
The last time I babysat, they completely trashed my apartment.
They spilled juice on my new carpet, drew on my walls with markers, and broke my favorite vintage record player. My sister just laughed it off, saying, “Kids will be kids.” I’m not okay with this. I’m not a professional babysitter, and I shouldn’t have to clean up after her children all the time.
I told her I wouldn’t babysit anymore, but she got upset. She accused me of being selfish and not caring about family.
I feel like I’m being reasonable. I have my own life to live, and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my time and energy for my sister’s convenience.
AITJ for setting boundaries and prioritizing my own needs?”
Another User Comments:
“I have four kids under the age of eight and I would never dream of being so entitled to a familial babysitter. I would be fixing, cleaning, and paying to repair/replace anything my kids damaged. And if anyone doesn’t want to watch my kids, that is their right because my kids are mine and my husband’s responsibility.
Literally no one else was involved in the making of those kids. NTJ, hold your boundaries!” Netflickingthebean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not required to babysit. She may need to pay someone to babysit in her house. Comes with the territory of parenthood. Oh, by the way…I never give any child juice inside the house who is under 12 and not my kid.
Water is just fine and actually better. If they won’t drink it? Too bad. They will if they are thirsty enough. Have your sister buy the water-soluble markers. There are even some pens that won’t show up except on special paper that they come with.
You need to stay in the same room with kids that age. Sounds like you aren’t really watching them.” BayAreaPupMom
Another User Comments:
“Go to her house. Have her babysit you. Have the kids make a mess with you, eat all their food, and then leave without cleaning up.
When she complains tell her that you’re family, and she needs to care for you like you do her kids. It’s reciprocal! But seriously, she’s accusing you of being selfish, however she’s not respectful of your space and time- wouldn’t that make her entitled, selfish, and not caring about your mental and physical space??
Unless she is doing your laundry, making you freezer meals, or anything to contribute to your weeks, then I’d suggest her ideas about caring for family are adjusted purely to suit her…” beached_not_broken
16. AITJ For Banning My Friend's Destructive Dog From My House?
“I (24F) have a friend, “Jess” (25F), who has a really energetic dog.
I love dogs, but Jess’s pup is a bit too much for me. Whenever Jess comes over, her dog jumps all over my furniture, knocks things over, and just generally causes chaos. I’ve tried to be patient, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m worried something will break or get ruined.
Last week, I had a small gathering at my place, and Jess brought her dog without asking. The dog ended up spilling drinks and knocking over some decorations. I was stressed out and asked Jess to take the dog outside for a bit. She got upset and said I was being unreasonable.
After that, I told her I’d prefer if she didn’t bring her dog over anymore. She got really mad and said I was being a bad friend. Now I’m feeling guilty, but I just want to enjoy my space without worrying about the dog destroying everything.
So, AITJ for telling my friend she can’t bring her dog to my house anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you’re the jerk for setting boundaries in your own home. It’s completely reasonable to want to protect your space and belongings, especially if Jess’s dog has been causing significant disruptions and damage.
You’ve been patient and tried to accommodate the dog, but it’s understandable that you’ve reached a point where it’s too much. It’s important to feel comfortable and relaxed in your own home, and it sounds like the dog’s behavior is making that difficult.
It might help to have a calm and honest conversation with Jess about why you made this decision. Explain that it’s not about disliking her dog, but about the stress and potential damage it causes. It’s also important for Jess to take some accountability for her dog’s behavior.
As a pet owner, she should be mindful of how her dog’s actions affect others and take steps to manage and control the dog in different environments. Not gaslighting you into believing you’re the problem. Maybe you can suggest meeting up at a dog-friendly park or another location where the dog can be more freely energetic without causing issues.
Or suggest taking the dog to get some training. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad friend; it just means you’re taking care of your own needs. Hopefully, Jess will understand and respect your decision in time.” bereadyinFive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She probably assumed she could bring the dog because she had before but that’s just kind of a case in point to her not being a conscientious pet owner.
You’re not being unreasonable at all. We have brought our dog to folks’ houses many times. We ask every time. Just because our (mostly well-behaved) dog has been somewhere does not mean she is welcome every time, and if she had already broken something or otherwise caused chaos, I would be super wary to even ask again.” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“Last year, my sibling brought over his dog who he hasn’t done a good job of not just house training but hasn’t taught the dog how to behave. The dog runs all over, and as it pleases (he only got as far as puppy pads and the dog will use them if they are out).
So come Thanksgiving dinner and they all arrive. Within 1 minute of coming into my house, the dog almost peed on the area rug but my daughter noticed the squat as we were all distracted because we were greeting each other and she picked the dog up and attempted to take it outside but didn’t make it.
Then, the dog ran around climbing on furniture and managed to jump on a chair at the dinner table and started walking on the dinner table. The dog is under 10lbs. She got “scolded” and we proceeded with our celebration. By this point, I’m fuming because I’m the one now watching that dog keeping it from doing bad.
Dinner rolls around and one of my guests serves her food and places her plate on the table and turns around to get her drink from the kitchen. The dog was found back ON THE TABLE eating her food! That was it. I told my sibling, the dog can’t come over until it’s trained. I’m sure my sibling was mortified but respected that decision because he hasn’t come over with the dog since.
The dog is sweet and cuddly but my sibling never taught their pet properly because my other sibling’s dog is welcome here and I often pet sit and the dog even sleeps in my bed and everything. All our family gatherings where we celebrate at my house I allow my other sibling’s dog to attend because that dog is a model citizen, no joke lol.
The point is, pet owners who respect you and your home will respect your rules. Sure it’s awkward for me because one sibling can bring their pet and the other cannot, but that’s the rule at my house and I’ve made it clear I love both pets, but they have to be house-trained and have manners.
One of the reasons I don’t have a dog of my own is because I work too darn hard for my nice things to have pets mess things up, so I’ll be darned if I allow another person’s pet to come and mess things up I try too hard to keep nice.
OP, you are NTJ and I hope you stand your ground.” SodaBreadRoundHouse
15. AITJ For Having A Breakdown Over My Mom's Invasive Joke?
“I (24f) live with my mother and father (58m) (62f) while I work on my college education and work part-time.
My mother has had a history of making “jokes” by luring me or my dad into chasing her around the house. Usually, she will grab something out of our hands, take a photo of us making weird faces or make a silly comment, and usually my father and I are okay with this and tend to do the same back to her, but today’s “joke” crossed the line for me.
Today I had to go to school a little later than usual, my class was at 12:30 and I used the time to set up and mess around with my new school laptop and chat with my partner, and I was wearing a heavy Christmas onesie.
I decided to take the onesie off as I needed to change for school soon anyway and was lying on my stomach with my laptop in front of me. I still had clothing covering me and my camera has a flip-shut cover on it. When my mom decided to check on me, she noticed I was in this position, and proceeded to take a photo of me while I was shifting to get up and ran out of the room, claiming “you were doing weird stuff on the internet!”
I was in shock and chased after her, screaming for her to delete the photo, she ignored me and kept screaming horrible comments while running away. I chased her into her bathroom, and she kept the phone out of my reach. I admit I said some nasty things in anger like how I hated her and she violated my privacy, but she kept laughing it off.
Eventually, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I broke down sobbing, and she showed the photo being deleted.
I explained through my tears that the joke she tried to make crossed boundaries and was unacceptable, and she kept brushing it off saying “I was just trying to be funny” and she had brought up how I acted lewd as a teenager and eventually ended up making a third excuse that she took the picture because she thought I was being cute by laying like a teenager.
I was shocked.
I feel like this joke was over the line and it made me extremely uncomfortable, but I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or not. It’s eating me up inside, so I figured I would ask.
AITJ for freaking out that badly over her joke?
I feel like I may be in the wrong because she was just trying to be funny, and I may have blown it way far out of proportion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I’m so sorry, that’s a horrible story. This isn’t just a joke gone wrong, this is a complete breakdown of your privacy and your personal security.
This is, if you haven’t already thought about it, one of those moments that you need to heavily consider when evaluating whether you want to continue living at home and when you should start planning to move out.” AnonAnontheAnony
Another User Comments:
“She will continue doing it while she gets the big reaction she enjoys.
Stop giving her rewards for acting in a way that you don’t enjoy. Be boring. Channel that really good teacher you can (probably) remember, who wouldn’t get hysterical when the naughty kids acted out in an attempt to be cool, but instead was just a tiny bit “surprised” at how childishly they were acting.
Be mildly disapproving & just the tiniest bit disappointed in her for being so silly and rude. Even a little (a very little) irritated. But mostly you’re going for “bored”. (And no, you’re NTJ for being upset when she intentionally tried to upset you – but that won’t fix things.
She won’t stop because it upsets you.)” amberallday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not okay! This is mental abuse. As a grown woman, this is so childish. What mother would do this to her own daughter! You did not overreact. You had every right to feel how you are feeling.
Your mother shows no boundaries. To a point, it can be a joke but taking pictures of you without your consent and taunting you is way over the line and just plain wrong.” StandardTrust2385
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Aunt Have Any Of The Family Photos After My Mom's Passing?
“I (40f) just lost my mom 4 days ago. Right now I’m doing the planning on all the things nobody really talks about after you lose someone.
The biggest point of contention is our family photos. My grandma had all of our family photos. Some of them go back to the 1800s.
She gave them all to my mom at some point before I was 25. When I was 25 and my mom was in the hospital (unrelated to her passing) I needed to get important documents out of her cabinet and my aunt who was there saw she had all of the photos and got mad saying that the photos should be divided up with everyone.
Now I don’t know much else about how that all went but I do know my mom kept the photos, however, she scanned all of the photos into a computer at the library for months and bought thumb drives for her siblings and their children with all of the photos on them.
Then she added to the photos. Big events or goofy pictures, little by little she made this already massive pile of pictures grow. The family would send her pictures or if she saw you posted something on social media and liked it she would print out a copy.
Today my dad said he was going to take my aunt into my mom’s house to grab some things, when I asked what things he said some pictures that are hers and I knew exactly what he meant.
My brother wants to have the pictures and pass them down to his kids.
Both my aunt and I are child-free, so to me, it makes much more sense for him to have them. So I told my dad that she can’t have them. I also told my brother and he had a talk with my dad and so did I about how this is my mom’s legacy.
I know my aunt only wants the more archival photos, especially of my grandpa, but I fear if the photos get split up we will never get them back together. Now I fear that I’m not doing the right thing. My aunt did take care of my mom during her sickness but I don’t like her for a few reasons but I don’t want to bias anyone.
I have so much to do and I haven’t even had a day to actually mourn my mom so I just want strangers on the internet to make this one decision for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe after some time had gone by, you might have gotten together with your aunt and brother and figured out how to divvy up the pictures.
Or make duplicates of them. However, what your aunt tried to do, go behind your back and grab the pictures while you were preoccupied with planning your mom’s service is a jerk move. They should stay put until your brother has a chance to go through them first.” Sneezydiva3
Another User Comments:
“I do not think that you are a jerk. And I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. I do think that it would be reasonable to tell your aunt that you’re willing to have a conversation about the photos in a month.
Maybe you guys can come to some sort of an agreement, but right now you need to focus on surviving the next 30 days. You need her to not ask you about them for the next 30 days. And then, after 30 days, try to be open to what she has to say.
Maybe she keeps some photos and your brother is specifically in her will as the person who gets them when she passes. Maybe there are some things that you were OK with letting her keep and you keep digitally. I don’t know why grandma would do that, but it might be worth it, considering the fact that your grandma was a stirrer.
But for a while, it’s OK to just focus on grieving and tell your aunt that you need some time before you’re ready to have this discussion.
If she keeps pushing you, at that point, you can tell her to back off. You should be aware of the fact that, if you are telling your aunt that digital photos are just as good as the real ones, then by that exact same logic, you should be fine with keeping digital ones and giving her all of the real ones.
you’ve got to be careful here. You can’t just pretend that digital photos are the same unless you’re willing to give up all the originals yourself. The fact that you are reluctant to hand over the original copies is proof enough that you know that it’s not the same thing.
So don’t do her the disservice of pretending like it is the same. The idea that your grandma gave every single picture of your aunt’s father to her sister really doesn’t sit right with me. Something weird happened.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to do this now, but you would be the jerk to deny Aunt the photos forever.
It sounds like this includes photos of her childhood and parents? Copies scanned at the library are not the same. The quality and overall look are not comparable – especially if you’re talking photos back to the 1800s! I wouldn’t be hung up on keeping everything together.
Unless you’re willing to let her keep them all together. I’d ask her for time, but later go through them and see if there are some that she can have for now.” SpeechIll6025
13. AITJ For Feeling Excluded By My Husband's Family's Invitations?
“I (28 F) have been married to my husband (32 M) for ten years.
We have 2 beautiful children. I get along really well with his family. I always send them photos of our children and call them so they can talk on the phone since they live 6 hours away. So, I mean I really don’t want to sound toxic or ungrateful… They come to visit once a month (their whole family lives here, it’s just them who live far away).
Our house is a 20-30 min drive away from where they stay. They always come to our house unannounced. I never complained to them, though I have spoken to my husband to have a word with his mom. They would come late like 11 at night, and would, on occasions wake up our kids.
I never wanted to make them feel uncomfortable, so I’d always put on a smile and on most occasions, invite them to dinner, since because of the drive, they wouldn’t eat. My MIL’s partner is really well off. However, we never asked them for anything when they would basically invite themselves for dinner.
So, the thing is, since the beginning of our relationship with my husband, they would always only invite him for dinners and outings. It wasn’t till our first child turned around 2, that I had a talk with him telling him I felt his family was leaving our child and me out.
Though they would visit, they would only ask my husband to go to dinner with them. After he talked to his mom, everything cleared up.
Till this year. So my husband’s job is on the way to my MIL’s. Every time they come visit they come to our home unannounced. Then during that weekend, since it’s on his way, they always invite only him to their house.
The thing is, that it’s not just him they invite. They invite my SIL and my MIL’s partner’s children and grandchildren. It’s just my children and I who don’t go. However, they all live at a 10-5 min distance, it’s just our family who lives a bit farther.
So I told my husband I felt they always left his family behind. He got angry and said that they just invited him because it’s convenient and because it’s on his way. So AITJ and should chill out, or not?”
Another User Comments:
“In my culture, North American, you don’t invite half a couple except in unusual circumstances.
And not inviting your child’s spouse is extraordinarily strange, downright hostile. Both halves of the couple don’t have to accept – there are plenty of times when one person is working, or one person has to take care of the children. Heck, my wife is just plain so much of an introvert that she will often stay home just because she’s not able to deal with people that day.
But she always, always gets an invitation, and everybody is happy when she does show up. This is not normal. At all. I have no idea why his family does this; I have no idea why your husband is okay with it. Honestly, I have no idea why you have tolerated this so long.
Or even at all. NTJ, but figure out what is going on because this is just plain broken.” IanDOsmond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They want to exclude you specifically. The reason does not matter, the distance does not matter. I cannot imagine ever not inviting my friend’s partner, or their kids, or someone significant to the person I am inviting.
It’s a courtesy thing to always invite the SO of your invite…especially jarring now that you are part of the family. That’s just plain mean, and you have a right to be upset. Your husband needs to really stand up for you and his kids here…no other way to go around it.
And you also need to address the coming unannounced to your house, that’s not cool. I don’t care what culture you come from, that’s just not respectful to come unannounced.” justme129
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is very odd for you and your kids to be never invited. Since they come over to your house uninvited, they might expect you and your kids to do the same.
I used to be that way with my family and close friends you never ask you just go visit. My mom raised us saying whenever you cook a meal cook for two extra people because you never know who will visit for dinner or if your kids will have friends stay over.
She always said make sure there is a meal in the freezer you can quickly thaw for guests. But now that all my siblings and I are married we have learned in this area people do not just invite themselves over so we have been working on actually sending each other invitations for dinner and to hang out.
My spouse and my siblings’ spouses have all complained because of our culture of inviting yourself over unannounced. You should definitely talk to your husband. It could be innocent. Maybe they think you do not want to visit because you never go there unannounced.” Liuthekang
12. AITJ For Cancelling Someone's Return Pickups After They Used My Husband's Employee Discount Without Permission?
“My husband (35M) works for a popular clothing company that has a shopping app. He gets employee discounts on purchases via the app. Now he has given his login credentials to a few of his close friends to take advantage of his employee discounts which is of no issue to me.
However, these friends have gone ahead and shared the login credentials with their own friends and families who use the app constantly and have on many occasions used up the discounts (there is a limit on the number of discounts you can utilize per quarter or so).
Now comes the issue – some random person I do not know has gone ahead and placed orders for himself but has chosen my address and contact by mistake (it was listed as one of the addresses on the app but I have now deleted it).
Said person did not contact either me or my husband to apologize for the mistake and neither have they canceled the orders in time before they were packed. This app is a real pain because all orders are shipped separately and you receive a security password via SMS that you have to give to the delivery agent even if you are returning the package.
A little background about my situation – I work from home and have a baby who naps in the afternoons and I also have a dog… can you see where I’m going here? It’s a hassle every time the door rings because my dog goes ballistic barking and the baby wakes up.
The parcels for this app are almost exclusively delivered in the afternoons. In order to ensure my baby is not woken up, I have to ensure that when I know the delivery agent has entered my housing colony, I lock my dog up in a bedroom and wait by the door so he doesn’t ring the doorbell.
I also often times have meetings during this time of day. I personally have stopped ordering from this site because of this issue.
I’m really miffed that the person who placed the order did not have the courtesy to give us a heads-up about the mistake or to apologize.
He has also gone ahead and raised requests for the packages to be picked up without requesting us! This would again incur the whole song and dance of me locking up my dog and waiting by the door during the work day which would total 6 times because it’s 3 separate packages (2 of which have been delivered already and were due to be picked up) and one on the way.
I hence went ahead and canceled the return pickups. This will lead to the person not getting their amounts refunded. I have decided to refuse the third and final package for which he will get his money back.
My husband says I’m a jerk because his friend has now reached out to him saying it was his brother (from another town) who mistakenly placed the orders, and that I should not create such a fuss about the matter.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This probably won’t be a popular opinion, but your husband should be way more considerate. First, you don’t get to use this discount yourself because your husband is committing fraud. Second, you need to accept all those orders that ruin your day (oh yes, I call a day when a baby becomes cranky because he didn’t sleep well a ruined day).
You are not a shipping hub, and if the people who steal from this company by using an employee’s credentials don’t know how to use the app, well, tough luck. You were given a gift, try to use it better next time.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband needs to change his login credentials right now. This is fraud and he will likely lose his job (deservedly) if the employer catches onto this scam. The friend’s brother will potentially end up calling the company and explaining the situation because he never got his funds back.
If he speaks with the right person they will pursue this and hubs will either be sanctioned or he will be fired, and he could be asked to pay back the discounts he obtained or risk a legal charge. And no unemployment for being fired for fraud, plus difficult to get a new job with a negative reference.” Physical_Ad5135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is almost certainly breaking the terms of his employment if not defrauding his employer. This is gross misconduct 100%. He and his co-conspirators shouldn’t be involving you at all in their scam. My spouse works in retail and both of us have named employee discount cards as the benefit is for the employee plus spouses.
As well as there being a maximum discount in a year, the terms and conditions are VERY clear about it only being used by our household. I would be very surprised if your husband’s is not similar.” tiggergirluk76
11. AITJ For Telling My Overbearing MIL To Stop Interfering With Our Parenting?
“I’m sure all of us parents out here have had unsolicited parenting advice or criticism from many people.
We all love it right? No…
My mother-in-law is notorious for giving advice when it’s not solicited. My wife will never stand up to her mom and will end up breaking down after the call in my arms. I have heard it enough times that I am starting to speak up.
They talk almost every day on the phone which is great, where I draw the line is mother-in-law has her marriage, we have ours, don’t get into business that you don’t want anyone getting into of yours.
Mother-in-law loves to make comments on “what we are doing wrong” or “what she did” in cases where it’s not asked for and not wanted. This morning they were Facetiming and she was critical of my wife for not being stern enough with our daughter.
I heard it but was trying to keep the peace and was doing something so I kept quiet. Minutes later with me in the room, she mentioned that “we need to get her on a schedule” and that we are “messing her up.” We have a schedule, it’s the weekend, we spent 30 minutes in bed with our daughter on a Sunday.
Really messing her up right? While they were Facetiming, our daughter was hungry and a little fussy so that’s where the comment came in.
I lost it then, I said out loud, “I didn’t know we were babysitting her child, I didn’t know she had another kid.” To my wife’s bewilderment and her jaw down, she couldn’t believe I said that.
All I heard from their Facetime was, “I have to go, click” as she scowled at my wife.
My wife isn’t upset at me because she knows her mom was in the wrong but said I was a jerk.
AITJ for essentially telling my mother-in-law she is too involved in our child’s upbringing?
Side note, my wife just had a conversation with her brother this week and they talked about how messed up their childhood was. Both reflected and agreed their parents did a lot they shouldn’t have and messed them up. After mother-in-law hung up, I said in a manner referencing her conversation “if she did such a bad job raising y’all, why am I going to listen to her with our child”.
My wife just laughed and said “yea, I know.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your wife has been so gaslit by her mom that she can’t/won’t stand up for herself. Of course, you get to hear the results of her mother’s nonstop criticism, which is unfair to both of you.
The solution, if there is one, is for your wife to tell her mother that, whenever she (your mother-in-law) starts criticizing your child-rearing practices, she (your wife) will end the conversation right then and there. From then on, the moment the mother-in-law says anything other than how wonderful her grandchild is, your wife just ends the call — same as the mother-in-law did when you spoke up.
Good luck with that, though.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but sounds like your wife needs to make more of an effort to emotionally distance herself from her parents and their judgment. I mean, this comment “Wife isn’t upset at me because she knows her mom was in the wrong but said I was a jerk” is seriously contradictory – does she think you are a jerk in which case she IS upset because she thinks you did something wrong, or does she think her mom is wrong in which case you are not the jerk?!
Is your wife working with a therapist at all? It might be good for her to get some reassurance and coping strategies on how to deal with her mom from a neutral party. She claims that she knows she shouldn’t listen to her mom, yet she does and it makes her upset and doubtful about herself.
She needs to set firm boundaries and stand up for herself, her parenting, and your family. Whether her parents were particularly critical or abusive is hard to judge (though it does sound like it), but she needs to look at this and address it head-on so she doesn’t repeat the same mistakes and, most importantly, doesn’t role model to your child that it’s okay for her parents to talk down to her like that.
In truth, nobody’s parents are perfect – everybody’s parents mess up sooner or later, even with the best of intentions. That’s not an excuse to not do better though, that’s why communication is so important.
Ultimately, your wife cannot change her parents’ behavior even if she openly challenges their lack of boundaries and judgmentalness, so she needs to think about how she can react to it in a more healthy way (so she doesn’t get upset about it anymore) or by limiting contact altogether.
I wish you and your family the best of luck but to reiterate, you’re NTJ for standing up to your mother-in-law’s comments.” TopSecret34Throwaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife, however, has spent her entire childhood put in a position where defending herself resulted in so much added abuse, it was just easier to suck it up and take round 1 of abuse.
She doesn’t talk back because that makes it worse. Decades of conditioning are hard to break. It hasn’t occurred to her that she now, as an adult, can just hang up and not be subjected to the initial abuse, much less the escalation. Remind her she has that power now.
Perhaps you can come in and interrupt phone calls for something you guys urgently need to deal with now. “Sorry to interrupt, but my wife and I have something we need to do now.” Don’t even say what y’all need to do when she asks.
She also not only has the power to regulate how much access your MiL has with your child, she has the obligation to protect her child from her mother’s nonsense. Perhaps waking up the protective momma bear in her will help your wife find the strength to stand up to her mother in all things.” Suitable-Tear-6179
10. AITJ For Giving My Partner Half Of My Energy Drink?
“I have been with my partner for 9 years. We have had some tough times but the last couple of months have been extremely tough. I lost my mom at the end of August and ever since my partner has been HORRIBLE towards me.
I found out she had been unfaithful to me shortly after my mom passed, I confronted her about it and then she said it was my fault because I hadn’t been showing her enough attention.
Mind you, I had been dealing with my mother dying and then her death but I haven’t really been able to grieve her…
Fast forward to now and it hasn’t gotten much better. From the constant arguing, her name-calling, her getting mad at me for shutting down, getting mad when I try to communicate, her calling me narcissistic, her making me think/feel like nothing I do will ever be enough, tearing me down inch by inch, etc etc. This has been for the last threeish months.
I think I might be going insane.
AITJ… I went to the store and got myself an energy drink off the shelf. I came home and my partner wanted to try a sip of it. Knowing my partner, I grab a glass fill it with ice, and give her half.
She doesn’t like warm drinks and I wanted to be thoughtful… When I give her the glass she starts freaking out on me saying how I must not want her drinking after me and that I have her WAY too much and she just wanted a SIP.
I tell her I was just trying to be kind and thoughtful … she proceeds to get mad and starts yelling at me and blows up. She starts telling me that I’d be nothing without her and that I was nothing before her… I simply was just trying to be nice.
This isn’t the first time she’s ever said stuff like this. I simply just want to know if I am the jerk for giving her a cold glass of an energy drink.
Also, I forgot to add this but after she blew up on me, she straight up said “well I’m going to go call my baby” and stormed off to her room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s time for you to accept that this is who your partner is. Is this what you want? You deserve more. Specifically, you deserve a partner who supports you. It’s not about the energy drink, it’s about how she treats you.
John Gottman describes the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse of a relationship as “Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.” It sounds like she is demonstrating all of them. She doesn’t respect you. After 9 years it may be hard to imagine anything else, but I would encourage you to take some time to yourself, allow yourself to grieve your mom, and think about what you want in life.
I’d encourage you to see a counselor, both for grief, and for surviving abuse, because from the way you describe it, this abuse has been going on for a long time. It’s not your fault, and you deserve better.” MinervaZee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…she’s the typical narcissist. Everything is about her.
Everything is your fault. Before long you will start questioning and analyzing your every move to determine if there’s any way it can be misconstrued to make her mad. You will walk on eggshells just waiting for the next blow-up. Before long you will be a shell of a person.
You’ll be exhausted from the constant fighting, constantly defending yourself when you don’t need to. Should an energy drink really be turned into a fight? Should your mom passing really be turned into a fight? These people are not logical and you will not be able to reason with them.
Even if you start a fight over a valid reason, they will spin it around so fast you won’t even know what hit you, and you’ll be the one apologizing. OP, you have enough going on, you have enough to be exhausted about. Someone who really loves you won’t treat you this way.
Please leave. Your future self will thank you.” Few-Fig936
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry you are going through a hard time OP. Condolences on your loss. I hope you find the space and time to heal and grieve your mom so you can take the memories of her to give you joy and strength.
But you need to run. I don’t usually comment on AITJ posts like this, but this sounds exactly like what my father did to my mother and then started doing to me. Every little act of kindness wound up being seen as aggression, or not good enough, or that we did it wrong, and the only times he was ever nice was when he wanted something or was making a show of being a decent, upstanding guy.
In a way, he was a decent guy, but the ugliness was incredibly skin-deep. If any of this resonates or hits any notes OP please make plans to get out. Do not notify her, as she will possibly make it worse or harder. Plan an exit, and when you’re ready, give it to her and go.
Do not bend to any ploys she gives, don’t go looking at any niceness that is just a siren song. Go and get space from her to grieve, and then find someone who will listen to you better than she is. NTJ.” jeshep
9. AITJ For Insisting On Choosing My Own University Despite My Mum's Financial Support?
“I F(18) am in college and work very hard as a student. My mum never really praises me she instead picks at bits I could do better. My teachers have definitely noticed this and try to give me praise for my efforts. Last week I decided I wasn’t going to apply to one of my university options as it is expensive, too far from home and the nightlife is not great.
When I told my mum this and shared my wishes to apply to other equally respected unis that are better fits but not quite as good for my specific subject she said ‘I will have to think’. I then proceeded to tell her it was my choice, not her decision.
She then stated that if I wanted living money to get through university she had influence and stated I had threatened her aggressively in saying it was my choice, seeming like I don’t appreciate her opinion. She then went on to state my degree is all about the quality of the uni because it won’t get me a job.
I find all this very insulting and while I am grateful to be offered money for support through my education I think if I am applying to a decent uni, it should be my choice where I decide as I have to live there for three years.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for making your own choices here, but you do realize that your mother will make her own choices about giving you money, right? Your mother is definitely the jerk here for trying to make your choice for you, no matter what her reasons are, and holding money you might be expecting hostage is also jerky… but it’s also something you have no control over or rebuttal against. If you need her money, she, unfortunately, gets a say, even if the only say she can really have is whether to give you the money or not.
If you can do without her money, you are free to aggressively tell her to leave you alone. Sometimes the questions here are abstract because while you’re not the jerk here, the practical side of this is that nothing anyone responds here will change your mother’s mind or her ability to hold her money over your head.
You’re in the right, but this is one of those times where right may not translate to success. Best of luck.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to make the choice yourself, but don’t bite the hand that feeds you. You are coming off as aggressive.
While I would say 95% of the time where the degree comes from doesn’t matter. universities vary widely in quality. Your mom is mostly concerned about you going to a “good” uni and you completing your desired degree. Ultimately, in today’s climate, economy, and other things, The education part is the most important bit.
I get wanting to have more of a social life or whatever other reasons, but I think you are being antagonistic for the wrong reason. If she is the one paying for you, she does get a say and she gets to set the terms. that’s how a lot of grants and scholarships are.
If you don’t want to follow your mom’s terms, you will most likely need to find alternate funding.” Argylesox95
Another User Comments:
“Info: are you in high school or at college? You say you are in college and that your teachers noticed how your mom talks to you?
How? When have they witnessed this? Also, is the issue she wants you to apply to a uni that is expensive and far away and you don’t want that? And how did you express this – loudly or angrily? Because it sounds like she is pushing you to try for the high tier and you are settling for local. If you want something else, no biggie, but if you are deciding not to try for something out of fear, put on your big kid pants and apply.” Ok-Classroom5548
8. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend For Wearing White At My Wedding?
“I (27F) just got married a couple of days ago. I have a couple of good friends, one of them I’ll mention as Sophia (27F). We have been good friends since we shared a dorm in college. She’s always been a bit annoying though. She always tries to make herself seem better than everyone else.
I always thought I was the only one who saw this in her and never directly told anyone about it. There have been past situations that make me feel this way, but I digress.
On the day of the wedding I was, of course, super stressed. We had a problem with our catering service.
Thankfully we got it all sorted out. After the ceremony, I went to go see Sophia and some other friends. I was shocked when I saw her wearing a white dress. Yes, it did have some flowers on it, but still! It was enough white to be too much.
I was upset. I quickly pulled her to the side and told her to get out. A couple days before the wedding she also was talking about how me and my now husband shouldn’t be together. (she said this to one of our other friends, who told me).
I knew it was a bad idea having her here but I didn’t think she would wear white. She eventually left and my husband was telling me that I overreacted.
Now I’m contemplating everything. I feel like I did overreact a bit but I feel what I did was right.
She was being selfish and wanted to outshine me. Do I want her back as my friend? No. I feel like I also kicked her out in a good way, I didn’t scream at her or make a big scene. But I don’t know, maybe it was just the previous events or stress that made me feel this way.
Isn’t it proper etiquette to not wear white to a wedding? Literally why are you trying to outshine me? Which I know, it’s crazy, “why outshine me” but it’s ME and MY HUSBAND’S big day! NOT YOURS!”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. They suck for wearing white, but it’s not really “trying to outshine you”.
There are clearly some long-standing personal issues here. You call them a “good friend” but then imply that you don’t like them and that they are annoying? “She’s always been a bit annoying though. She always tries to make herself seem better than everyone else.” It sounds like you see her as competing with you, does it feel a bit like you may have invited her to the wedding to try and rub her nose in the fact you were getting married?
“I knew it was a bad idea having her here.” If you don’t like someone then I don’t see why you would invite them to your wedding. At the end of the day, if your wedding is ruined because of what someone else is wearing, to the point you have to yell at them to “get out”, then something else is smelling rotten there.
Someone could have literally come dressed as a killer clown at my wedding and I would not have cared, because getting married was all that mattered.” F_M
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She definitely shouldn’t be wearing anything white to a wedding and shouldn’t be trashing your partner, assuming it was a bad-faith comment and not a genuine criticism/concern.
That said, a lot of this just isn’t adding up to me. She’s your best friend and a “good friend” but also she’s “always been annoying” and now you’re completely happy to cut her out of your life?? Also, to be frank, wearing white at a wedding is rude, but it’s not “you’re clearly showing me up and deserve to be told to get out” level of rude.
Deciding to cut contact or not being friends with her is one thing, but kicking her out was probably a bit much.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH…. Do you really think someone in a white dress is actually going to outshine the bride? Also, what is this mentality where the bride has to outshine everyone?
Shouldn’t it be about the couple and just being happy you’re married to the love of your life? I don’t think I would notice or care if someone else wore white… maybe an actual wedding dress but a white dress with flowers… who cares?!
Just sounds like it’s more who it was who did it and that’s why it bothered you.” Ok-Yogurtcloset-4378
7. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Kids To Help Clean My Car After They Mess It Up?
“I (40) like to keep my car clean.
Overall I like everything clean – house, outdoor space, my desk. I live in my partner’s (37) house and even though we are reconstructing it I tidy every day. I do admit I have a bit of OCD and if things aren’t in their places I get nervous.
Nothing crazy, but a clean space keeps me happy and content.
Now to the issue. My partner has two kids (11 and 15). We have them every second weekend. The girls are lovely and we get along. My only problem is that they are quite messy. They leave stuff everywhere, food in bed, bathroom full of hair, water all over the place.
I say nothing and tidy it. My partner has two cars and so do I. His cars are a mess, which I also clean from time to time because I enjoy doing it for him. He thinks it’s unnecessary but doesn’t mind. My cars are new and fancy and he likes to use them.
I do the driving when we use my cars. Whenever we take the girls somewhere they always leave it a mess. Mud on the carpets, hair, and sweet wrappers all over. They get out, I vacuum, clean the carpets, wipe the seats, and so on.
I have been doing it for over two years and I have had enough.
So last week I told my partner that if the girls go in my car I want them to help me clean it – a 5-minute thing. I would be doing it with them.
It was such an issue. He told me I was lame, that it’s just a car and he sees no reason for them to help me. So I said fine and that we will use his car when he has the children and needs to drive them somewhere.
I also pay for the petrol when we drive in my car. I feel it is unfair because I just want this one thing. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perfectly reasonable. You should ask him if it’s okay to give the girls the option to decide for themselves.
If they don’t want to clean, they can take Dad’s car. They just need to understand that might occasionally limit options. It doesn’t mean that you and your partner switch cars all the time. It means that if dad’s car isn’t available, they either clean yours or don’t get to ride.
If he continues to push to switch cars, he needs to understand that if he borrows your car, he also needs to clean it. Also, I’m annoyed with their dad for not making them clean after themselves in the house. Candy wrappers and mud and hair are all things I would have been required to clean at their age.
Lastly, it might be helpful to replace the phrase clean with the phrase “leave it like you found it.” That way it’s clear that you are only asking them to clean up the mess that they made, and undo the changes that they made to your car.
Removes the ability for the girls to claim that you just want them to clean for you.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“You are nowhere near the jerk. If you make a mess, you clean it up. Simple as. The main issue is, I think, that you and your partner are on different pages when it comes to cleanliness.
Your partner doesn’t mind a messy car, so why would you clean it? You don’t drive it, do you? What I find concerning is that your partner doesn’t seem to support you. Yes, you live in his house but that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t do his part in making it liveable for both of you.
He knows you like a clean and tidy living space, so why doesn’t he help realize that for you? That’s what life partners do: they want each other to be comfortable, not for one partner to have to clean endlessly. As long as you clean, these girls don’t have any incentive to do it themselves.
Granted, telling you not to pick up after them will be hard on you, but the current situation needs to be resolved: you need to know whether you’re an equal partner or just the live-in housekeeper.” plantprinses
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. They should be helping if they create a mess.
My kids and stepkids aren’t allowed to just leave stuff around. I tell everyone who leaves my car to at least take their rubbish when they leave. I do it too. If you’re using your car, fuel, and time then they can at least respect you and your car.
Yeah hair, dirt from shoes being left around can happen. We all lose hair but rubbish etc. yeah they can help with that. Especially if you took them somewhere or picked them up somewhere. You’re helping them. At least they can help you and respect your time etc.” Worth-Mode-943
6. AITJ For Letting My Younger Son Eat Some Of His Older Brother's Sorbet?
“My 21-year-old son has never had respect for other people’s properties. Over the years, he has constantly taken items from the rest of the family’s bedrooms and eaten his 16-year-old brother’s snacks and treats. If I buy anything specifically for myself or for my 16-year-old, the 21-year-old will take some if not all of it leaving us frustrated when we now go looking for it.
Last night I was buying some treats for the boys and the 21-year-old asked me to buy raspberry sorbet, which I did. I also bought a big tub of vanilla ice cream and a smaller tub of chocolate.
Later in the night, the 16-year-old came and asked me if he could have some of the sorbet and I told him to take some but leave at least half because his brother wanted it.
Now this morning the 21-year-old found that a third of the sorbet was gone and he threw a huge temper tantrum, waking the whole house up at 4 am and yelling about HIS sorbet and how dare his brother eat some of it. Then he said that because his brother ate some that means he can take the tub of vanilla and chocolate and nobody else should get any.
He actually threw the whole 2-litre tub of vanilla ice cream over the fence into the neighbor’s yard.
Right now he is still ranting about it saying I’m AITJ for allowing his brother to take some of the sorbet.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For having a 21-year-old son living in your home who “has never had respect for other people’s properties”!
Why hasn’t he learned the boundaries of proper behavior? This is a lesson he needs to learn to get along in society. He needs to learn the boundaries of propriety as he won’t get away with this kind of disrespect out in the world. Set rules and stand behind them.
If he wants to continue living under your roof, he needs to grow up and respect the rights of others in the home, or start looking for his own place to live. And tell 21 yr old he can buy his own ice cream and snacks from hereon in, if he ever behaves like that, again.
Tantrums are expected in 2-year-olds, not 21-year-olds. Time for him to grow up.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk for allowing your 16-year-old to have some sorbet, WHICH YOU PURCHASED. “Over the years he has constantly taken items from the rest of the family’s bedrooms and eaten his 16-year-old brother’s snacks and treats.
If I buy anything specifically for myself or for my 16-year-old, the 21-year-old will take some if not all of it leaving us frustrated when we now go looking for it.” Definitely YTJ for allowing the 21-year-old to perpetuate this pattern of thievery for YEARS.
You have failed your older son by enabling his continued bad manners. Where were the consequences of his actions? Or did you simply let it slide, in the interest of not rocking the boat in your household, for the sake of peace and quiet? You need to enforce some consequences on the incredibly entitled, selfish, spoiled behavior of the 21-year-old.
Time to have a “come to Jesus” conversation with him. And if he doesn’t like it, then move him out of your house. I’m also confident that your 16-year-old is building up a boatload of resentment towards *you* for not defending him, or at least not enforcing justice in your own home.” Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here except for the 16yo son. Him for being so entitled and for throwing a tantrum at 4 in the morning over some stupid sorbet and you for allowing this situation to get to this point. I say this with first-hand experience: the more you wait the worse it will be (for you and for him).
This has to stop NOW. Do something about it because it’s only damaging your family and especially him. Changing habits like this at his age will be difficult but if this is not dealt with right now it’ll become exponentially more difficult.” p_luisa
5. AITJ For Feeling Used For My Disability Pass During Family Vacation?
“I (older teen genderfluid) recently went on a vacation with my dad, his partner, her daughter, and her daughter’s partner. It was a trip to Universal Studios and normally I wouldn’t agree but he insisted that this would be a very me-centric trip and I would be able to make a lot of decisions.
We got to the Airbnb after his partner April. She very quickly made it clear she had no real interest in talking to me but that was okay because we didn’t have a lot in common. My dad really drove home that her daughter, “Maya” and Maya’s partner, “Eli”, would be much more talkative with me.
They got there later that night and I attempted to start a conversation with them but they insisted that they were tired. I went to my room only for the sounds of all of them playing video games to start up only 10 minutes later. I was hurt but brushed it off.
The next day was the first day at Universal Studios and I had to go pick up my disability pass. April and Maya insisted on going to Nintendo Land first and I agreed since it was the newest park and would probably be much busier.
We went there and went on the Mario ride very quickly with my disability access pass.
After that, we went on a few more of the VR story rides and I kept quiet because I knew they’d probably get pretty busy later on even if I didn’t like them.
We got food after and the rest of the group said that they wanted to do another few rides I wasn’t very interested in. I told them that that was fine and that I would probably split off to go do my own thing but they were very against this idea.
They brought up how they would have to wait in line forever without my disability pass, only backtracking to come up with another lame excuse when I gave them a weird look.
I ended up going off on my own and writing the only few roller coasters that there were.
We met up later and they all mentioned how the lines have been okay but they definitely would have gotten on faster had I been around. I ignored it and we we went on a few more rides as a group before going home.
The next day was a pretty similar story.
We stuck around for the Horror Nights and I was pressured into going to all of them because Maya and Eli would be able to get in faster. Toward the end of the night, I decided to ride front row on the Jurassic ride because I figured if I got wet I could just go back and change before I got overstimulated. Unfortunately, the ride got stuck and I was sitting in wet clothes for over an hour.
My dad then snapped at me for not telling him what I was doing when I went to get said clothes. I was forced to play one card game with them after, which wasn’t fun.
I went back home and told my mom all of this only to find out that my dad had been complaining to her that he felt like an ATM the entire time.
I’d like to add that the money he was giving me was money I had asked him to hold on to for me because I’m notorious for losing things.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT the jerk here, OP. You were promised a family vacation that focused on you and got anything but that.
It sounds like the partner and her family members were solely interested in using you for your disability access, which is extremely inappropriate and selfish. Your dad should have stood up for you instead of complaining about you even more. I am so sorry you didn’t get the trip you wanted!
I hope you still had some fun and that you’re able to go another time with more supportive people around you.” politicsandpancakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were an accessory, they used you as a “fast pass” to get on the rides that they wanted. Not a single moment of consideration was given to you or your wants while you were there, aside from the times that you went off to do your own thing.
They complained because they weren’t getting what they wanted because you’re a person and not a fast pass. Your dad likely caught flak from April when Maya and Eli couldn’t use you to have fun. None of them made any attempt to be kind to you, or even be friendly.
Even when you were fulfilling your “fast pass function”, they couldn’t be bothered to be nice to you. They at least ought to have 1. gotten their own actual fast passes, 2. been more considerate of what you’d like to do, 3. or failing all that, been kind enough to buy you food and souvenirs to pay you back for your time and helpfulness.
They’re all crappy people, simply put. You won’t see an apology, because they were fine with using you for their own gain. Best advice moving forward would to be declining any activities that they can use you to benefit from. If you do feel like vacationing with them again, maybe make a plan to include someone who won’t do that, like a friend, so you can go do the things you want to and enjoy someone who is actually there for you, and not your ability to skip lines.
Best wishes.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is the primary jerk here. First, why is he seeing a woman who he acknowledges isn’t interested in interacting with his own daughter? That should be a giant red flag for him. Then he complained behind your back to your mom about funds which are yours?
He seemed to know they just wanted you for your disabled pass and didn’t curb their behaviors – did anyone think to even thank you? You are being used. But I think you know that. A long discussion with your mom is in order about your relationship with your dad going forward.” bakeacake45
4. AITJ For Asking My Family To Pay For Their Airbnb Stay?
“My sister, her 2 daughters, her son-in-law, and new grandbaby AND my dad all invited themselves to stay with me for six days in my three-bedroom house that was already occupied by four people. This obviously was not going to work and we had no place for them to stay so I offered to research and find an Airbnb for them to stay in instead.
Also, in addition to them staying for six days, they expected me to drive them around and take them to different appointments, and they never offered to pay for any gas, meals, etc.
Am I the jerk if I asked them to pay for the Airbnb or at least pitch in something towards their stay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apologies for being blunt but stop being a doormat. They didn’t ask to visit, they told you they were. They didn’t ask if they could stay with you, they told you they were. They didn’t ask if you could take them around, they told you that you were.
You are the only person who can stop this behavior. If they want to visit, send them dates that work with your schedule and send them links to Airbnbs. It is their responsibility to book it and plan WITH you, not FOR you.” kratzicorn
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you make it clear to them that they would be paying for the Airbnb? IMO it’s rude to ‘invite yourself’ to stay at someone’s home, much less expect them to be your personal chauffeur and concierge, incredibly bad behavior for that length of time and that many people, it’s downright abuse of a relationship.
Having said that, if you reserve something else for them and expect them to pay for it, that needs to be clear in advance. Otherwise, you have people who are clearly used to abusing your good graces and think you’re just doing it out of the goodness of your heart and they have zero intention of helping out in any way.
My advice to you, I know you didn’t ask, is to set boundaries and be firm, it’s OK to set rules, you don’t have to let people walk all over you. Tell them how many max people and days you will allow visitors and that you will turn away anyone else, your home is not a hostel.
Then stick to your guns. I admit I’m making some assumptions here, but I find it hard to believe they would do this if you haven’t already been incredibly lenient with them.” dessertkiller
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The next time they invite themselves to stay at your house, ask what accommodations they are booking.
You don’t have room. They want you to be their chauffeur? They need to rent a large enough vehicle to accommodate everyone. And pay for all gas. They want to be out all day? They need to pay for all meals for themselves, and for you if you can not be home for meals.
You get the idea. Do not let them TELL you what you will do. Make it their responsibility to take care of themselves.” Fickle_Toe1724
3. AITJ For Changing My RSVP After Being Denied A Plus One?
“I have a friend from college who is getting married in 2 1/2 weeks. I got the invitation for the wedding a week ago, and the invite had a QR code that brought you to their wedding website on The Knot.
The wedding is on a Friday, is very last minute, and I will have to take time off of work to attend.
I am friends with the bride from college, and we have one mutual friend who is also invited. The mutual friend that we share, however, is unable to attend the wedding so I will not know anyone at the event aside from the bride.
When I went to RSVP on the knot it gave me the option to add a plus one. I have never seen this option before without having a plus one invited, so I assumed I was allowed a plus one. I am not in a long-term relationship, but because I won’t know anyone at the wedding I asked my friend to attend with me and added her to my RSVP.
A few days later I got a text from the bride saying that I don’t have a plus one and shouldn’t have added my friend and that I cannot bring her. She said she still wants me to attend and that I can make friends with the other guests at the wedding even though I don’t know anyone.
I’m guessing the bride & groom gave me the plus one by mistake but she didn’t say so or apologize for the confusion, just told me that I shouldn’t have added anyone.
I am very socially anxious and am now very nervous about attending the wedding on my own.
I get very uncomfortable in situations where I don’t know anyone, and now I don’t really want to use my PTO to attend a last-minute wedding where I’m not going to know anyone.
AITJ if I change my RSVP to no since I won’t know anyone at the event?
I feel trapped because I did technically say I was free when I RSVPd yes, but it was contingent on being able to bring a guest to keep me company.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: The RSVP is more crucial for the reception rather than the ceremony.
Your singular “yes” puts you in the headcount for food, booze, favors, etc. in addition to a seat for the ceremony. Would you consider attending just the ceremony and skipping the reception as a compromise? You’d see your friend’s big moment, but not have to deal with 2-4 hours of chit-chat and wedding rituals with strangers.
If so, you can communicate that to the bride so she can correctly adjust the headcount. You were owed an explanation or apology for the mistaken plus one option. Single friends deserve better in these situations.” Echo_Code
Another User Comments:
“Personally I think if you are inviting someone who will a) not know anyone or more than one other person except bride/groom or b) sat at a table of exclusively couples and is the only single then it’s automatic plus one.
I get not wanting strangers at your wedding but honestly, guest comfort matters too. My husband hates weddings and as such I tend to attend alone and even at a table of close friends if they are all couples it can get lonely, you end up feeling like a bit of a burden!
(I do not expect a plus one if my husband won’t attend FYI it’s just my experience of weddings as a perpetual single! Also, my friend invited another friend’s mum as her plus one when it became clear her husband couldn’t attend with her.)” toiletconfession
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would change your RSVP and I wouldn’t feel bad about it either. The fact that you got an invitation 2.5 weeks before the wedding sounds like you were in the last tier of guests, people they invited after the first few rounds sent back their invitations and couldn’t come.
The fact that you have social anxiety and would be miserable without someone to be there with you would make this an easy decision for me. And I don’t understand these comments saying it will end the friendship. Anyone who invites someone to their wedding 2.5 weeks before the wedding date then texts to say they can’t have a +1 clearly doesn’t place a super high value on the friendship to begin with… just saying…” dragonsandvamps
2. AITJ For Declining My Sister's Thanksgiving Invite Because Of Her Pets?
“Every year my (35M) wife and I rotate whose family we go to for Thanksgiving. One year mine, the next year hers. This year is due to be with my family. Typically my parents host. This year my sister (29F) and her husband asked to host and my parents okayed it.
I declined and caused an uproar. I’ve been called a jerk, rude, etc.
My sister loves animals, and well… I don’t. I rarely go to her house and when I do it’s without my wife and kids.
1. I find the fact she lets her cats into the kitchen and on the counters really darn gross.
2. Her dog is super obnoxious, not all that well-behaved. It’ll jump on you and that type of stuff. I wouldn’t say it’s dangerous, just annoying.
When the news about who is hosting came to me, I discussed it with my wife, said let’s go to your family and my wife was good with that.
I let my parents know and they said I was overreacting. They love her dogs so in my opinion they have a distorted viewpoint. The news made it to my sister and she was not happy. I told her we would come if the animals stayed in another room (and didn’t come out at all) and I could clean the kitchen.
She said I could clean all I wanted, but that was a disrespectful request to her family. I told her that her pets are not family to me and I don’t want to spend time with them. I’ve left it with the fact that I’m not going to my sister’s, but my sister and parents are upset with my decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: My mom has a fear of big dogs jumping on her. My dad’s side of the family refused to put their giant, badly behaved Rottweilers in their fully furnished basement for a few hours so they wouldn’t jump on my mom(or anyone else).
They completely refused and got kind of offended at the suggestion. We haven’t talked to them in over a decade. If animals are more important than people to your family then they can keep the animals and you can associate with people whose priorities are in the right order.” NoHorseNoMustache
Another User Comments:
“Maybe this a Black thing but pets are not allowed in the kitchen at all. My brother brings his dog for the holidays and it took one day of me saying “we’re black we don’t lick faces or go in the kitchen” for that cute little pup to know I was serious.
He knows he’s not allowed on the furniture or in beds. It’s not that hard to train them. Also, I personally will never eat at a person’s home who considers their pet family or allows them to eat off of human utensils or lets their animal kiss them on the lips.
They seem unhygienic. NTJ.” Whorible_wife69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The dog is ill-mannered and I don’t think most people would enjoy a nice meal with a side of cat hair. Your sister asked why you wouldn’t come, you were honest and told her (I don’t think there was a softer way to say this without being unclear about your reasoning), you came up with a solution (cleaning the kitchen) which your sister felt was rude.
And maybe your suggestion offended her but you made your stance 100% clear. Your family can be upset but you made a clear boundary, you won’t eat at her house because she doesn’t control her pets, she wasn’t willing to make any compromises, and didn’t suggest any of her own, therefore you’ll be eating elsewhere.” EJ_1004
1. AITJ For Canceling My Wife's Expensive Birthday Plans For Me?
“My birthday is coming up. Last year, my wife threw a big surprise party for me. I am not a big birthday person. Didn’t complain – but saw it coming and didn’t really want it.
Pretended to be surprised and had a good time regardless and appreciated her. However, it was way too expensive. I told her next year I don’t want to spend any money.
I’m more of a low-key guy. Ordering in food and watching a movie would be ideal for me.
She also does not make much money right now, so we really rely on my paycheck (she’s almost done law school). I really didn’t enjoy paying the credit card bill after last year’s party.
I will go all out for her. I enjoy gift-giving and planning things.
However, I just don’t want her to spend money on me. If I need something, I’ll just buy it.
Anyway, I find out she planned a whole day in the city 2 hours away at a fancy restaurant. This means I gotta drive two hours there and two hours back (she’s scared of driving in the city).
She also bought expensive tickets to a show and a few gifts.
Am I a jerk for saying to cancel the whole thing? I decided weeks ago to not spend too much money on anything. We have two expensive trips coming (Italy for her graduation).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think in the future just say no surprises and let’s plan the birthday together, or at least have her run the plans past you first. I’m not big on birthdays either and it took me a while to realize that people celebrate birthdays the way they were brought up and they like to keep the tradition alive.
So I learned that birthdays are more than just for the receiver. It allows the family to celebrate the person and spend special time with them.” kozak65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It makes me uncomfortable when people make a fuss over me. My birthdays truly feel like a dreaded chore I must get through.
My family ignores my feelings on this. My preference would be to ignore it completely, but apparently other people think they know what I want better than I do. I just force a smile, thank them, pretend to enjoy myself, & secretly wish they would all leave so I can get back to whatever I was doing.
My sympathies. Maybe explain to your wife that it really isn’t a gift if you have to work triple overtime to pay for it.” Individual-Paint7897
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But also. You’ve told her what you don’t want, but for the love of god, throw the girl a bone and tell her what you DO want.
She wants to make you feel special on a special day. It’s a natural desire for someone who loves another person. You do it for her, but won’t allow her to do it for you. If you just stick with “I just buy myself what I want when I want it” then that’s really a power play, setting yourself up for only allowing you to make you happy.
You are robbing her of filling a natural desire to feel like she’s made you feel good. Let the woman you love make you happy. If what you really want is a low-key night in, that’s fine. Tell her you’d like your favorite takeout etc. The next time you want a material item, don’t buy it for yourself and instead tell her you’d like it for your birthday/Christmas, etc.” Girl_with_no_Swag
