People Need A Break After These "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Wanting To Force My Unhelpful Sister To Move Out?
“I (25F) am the oldest of three siblings (20F and 8F). My mom is a single parent, and I carry much of the responsibility to help support our household. I work as a manager and contribute to rent and bills, but times have been tough.
Inflation in Canada has made it even harder, and my mom and I are barely scraping by, often borrowing money just to keep the electricity on.
My younger sister, “Z” (20F), graduated high school two years ago and has been struggling to find a full-time job.
She works part-time but only gets about 8 hours a week. Despite living rent-free at home, she doesn’t contribute financially or help around the house. She only does chores when she feels like it, leaving my mom and me to clean up after her. She eats as much as she wants, uses all my bathroom products, and helps herself to my grocery purchases.
She often spends her weekends going out while we work to keep things afloat.
One thing we consistently ask Z to do is help care for our youngest sister (8F), as Z is home most days, and we both work full time. This includes walking her to the bus stop and ensuring she eats before school.
Unfortunately, my youngest sister has told me she often goes to school hungry and walks to the bus stop alone because Z doesn’t bother.
When I tried to talk to Z about the burden I’m carrying and asked her to pitch in with bills or chores, she called me dumb and said, “Do you know how hard it is to get a job nowadays?” These conversations always escalate into screaming matches, with her calling me stupid for asking for help.
She also curses at my mom and gets furious if asked for help.
Our lease is up in August, and my mom and I feel it would be best for Z to move out. However, her biological dad (not my dad) refuses to take her in and is abusive.
He taunts us when Z and I argue and has even shown up at our house to scream at us.
My mom is concerned about Z becoming homeless. I told her my plan: to pack Z’s belongings while she’s out and drive her to her father’s house when she gets back.
My mom thinks this is too drastic and to remind myself that she is my sister. Am I the jerk for forcing Z to move out?”
Another User Comments:
“Ok lease is coming up to be over so why not you move out? Find your own place and live on your own.
Your mom is an adult, and your younger sister is an adult. They have no wish to establish reasonable expectations nor responsibility so force their hand. Why do all this work and even get loans to make ends meet? Why get loans to subsidize your family’s lifestyle?
When the “responsible” one vanishes, they all fall apart or they begin to step up.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here (except the neglected 8-year-old). Mum needs to stop relying on everyone else to help pay her bills and childcare for her remaining minor child still at home.
There’s help out there for advice to consolidate debts and see if she’s entitled to financial aid. She also needs to take a good long look at her employment status as it’s not practical with a young child. Also, consider moving to a lower-cost-of-living area.
Z at 20 needs to realize that she’s the only one responsible for her. She’s got money for food and toiletries if she’s got money for going out. Lock everything up away from her. And bin whatever she leaves lying around. You – you’re not the other parent.
It’s great you help but you’re 23, and you need to live your own life. Unless you’re on the lease, Z has as much right to live there as you do. And as awful as it is for not helping in the mornings, Z is not responsible for 8.
You are both at opposite ends of the extremes in this situation, and neither is healthy or right.” Sarah_J_J
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and it’s because your mother manages so poorly and puts such pressure on you miles before you are ready for it.
You are making decisions that a 50-year-old woman should make with the mind of a 25-year-old girl. It’s not your job to oversee Z. It is your mother’s job. Coordinating the whole house, disciplining Z, requiring her contributions, ensuring her 8-year-old is cared for, dealing with their father.
All your mother’s responsibilities. By putting them onto you, she shows that she is too weak to cope, pushes a wedge between you and Z with you as middle management, and puts you in the line of fire when you toss your weight around and Z and her dad argue with the setup.
This is all your mother not sorting out her house. And I say that as a single mother of 6. It’s my house, they are my family, none of them is my second-in-command or right-hand man. I assign tasks, I see that they get done, I sort out the conflicts, I let them be siblings.
And yes, I balance my budget and live within my means. I make the hard decisions. Your stress is obvious, if anything, you should be moving away. Far enough that your mother has to focus on her daughters and sort herself out. You are her crutch, you need to be out of reach and unavailable.
See if you can get a transfer at work, find a roommate situation, move. The distance will bring you clarity, less stress and room to grow. And it will plunge your mom into her life where she has to make real changes, solid priorities and sensible resolutions to her problems.” Viva_Veracity1906
21. AITJ For Not Making Time To Visit In-Laws During A Short Family Trip?
“I’m attending a wedding for my side of the family in a few months with my mom and sibling. The wedding is in another province, and we will need to fly there. We will be in town for a total of three days.
My brother-in-law and his family also live in this town.
He’s technically his half-brother, and we are not super close. Due to the distance, we only see them once every few years. They are lovely people, and I do enjoy spending time with them. However, since it’s my mom and sibling’s first time in this town, I wanted to spend a day sightseeing with them.
The other two days will be for travel and the wedding itself.
My husband thinks I should make time to see his family, but I don’t think there is enough time. AITJ for not carving out time to see my in-laws?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re only there for a short time, you have other things going on, and there is no obligation to carve out time to see BIL. With that said, you could maybe try to see if there is a restaurant near one of the sights you are planning on going to that you could share a meal with them but again, no obligation to do so and I get that you might not want to be confined to having something scheduled like that.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have an incredibly limited amount of free time, and it would be odd for your mother and sibling to also be roped into spending hours with your brother-in-law, who you aren’t even super close with. Make your plans, and then if it fits, you can offer to meet BIL for a meal or a drink somewhere.
The next time travel comes up, hopefully you all can connect in a more relaxed, less time-pressured way.” JennyM8675309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This happened to me recently. I simply messaged the family I couldn’t see ahead of time and told them, “I’m gonna be in town for only three days for X Event.
I literally won’t have a second to myself because of the event and family involved. I’m sorry I won’t be able to see you.” Out of the five people I messaged, only one gave me grief about it. And when they pointed out it had been three years since I saw them, I pointed out it’s been three years since I paid the expensive tickets to visit them, which I have done multiple times.
And they have never once came and visited me in my part of the country. So if they wanted to see me, they could pony up the cash and come see me.” LighthouseonSaturn
20. AITJ For Wanting To Use The Shared Inherited Apartment Equally?
“I (24F) and my sister (30F) inherited a very nice apartment from our parents in SoHo. Their will sort of just stated it’s up to us how we split it up. We somewhat decided that because it’s in the family trust, we should both use it as we see fit.
Two years ago, my sister got a job in Manhattan and moved there with her family (two kids and husband). Now, I am going to grad school in the city and want to live there as well (it’s basically free, which is super helpful with student loans).
My sister moved into the master bedroom, and she gave her two kids her old bedroom and the guest room. The master bedroom and the guest room both have their own bathrooms. My old bedroom from when we stayed there with our parents is pretty small, but I loved it at the time because it was never our primary residence.
Now, I want to live in the guest room with the restroom as I am now an adult, and have my niece move to my old room. My sister is saying it’s unfair to move my 8-year-old niece out, but I don’t think so because it’s my apartment just as much as it’s hers, and she already moved to the master (which, even though it’s much nicer, I have no issues with).
On a side note, I also requested my father’s old office, which her husband uses, while she uses my mom’s. My mom’s has two desks and is objectively the most beautiful room in the whole apartment. As a student probably going to have to work a couple of separate jobs to pay for my education, it would be really nice to have a desk to do homework on.
My brother-in-law is also a stay-at-home dad and mainly uses the office for gaming.
AITJ for wanting to use our apartment like this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has gotten used to thinking of the place as her family’s home and the arrangements as they are as normal and what her family is entitled to.
You are seen as an interloper. Now, this may not all be going on at the conscious level, but it’s kind of inevitable (which is not the same as justified) that she’d start feeling that way after a couple of years, even if she doesn’t frame it that way to herself consciously.
I think you will need to have a talk with her where you bring her back to square one, reminding her that you are fully an equal owner; this being the case, you have a right to demand a full half-share of use of the place.
By letting her use more than half and the master bedroom, she is already in a great position. You are not a house guest coming to stay. You are the co-owner coming to make use of her property, which she has equal rights to. You are not of lower standing than your niece with your sister above her.
You are of equal standing to your sister. They don’t get to have two studies either. Her husband only has a right to her share of the place, and as there are two offices, they obviously only get one. You are already being gracious by letting them have the best bedroom and the best office — really you’d be within your rights to demand at least one of the best rooms.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sis is double dipping in that she not only gets the equity for her share, but she also gets to live rent-free. You have 3 options here – one is that your sis splits the apartment with you as the co-owner and gives you access to the rooms you want, as you have asked. The second is that she pays you some level of market rent for the use of the full apartment; that way you can get your own place.
The third is that you force a sale of the apartment, which is your right as part owner. Don’t let her run roughshod over you – she is freeloading on your half of a shared asset.” No_Glove_1575
Another User Comments:
“How do people who owned a 5-bedroom apartment in SoHo set up a trust with such vague terms for such a large asset?
Start with the lawyer who set up the trust to find out what your options are. I’m not sure you can force a partition sale of an asset in a trust — but you most likely can move into the apartment regardless of your sister’s wishes.
Spitballing here but if there are cash assets in the trust, you might be able to demand the equivalent of the fair market rental for the family apartment paid to you in cash from the trust — then use that money to rent your own apartment.” celticmusebooks
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Friend $60 That I Owe Him When He Owes Me Hundreds?
“I, a 30-year-old male, and my close friend ‘Jake’, a 29-year-old male, have been close for years. Over the years, I’ve lent Jake money so many times. I’m talking $50 here for gas, $100 there during a trip, even once $300 when he needed to buy an ’emergency’ PS5.
I never really kept track because I trusted him. He paid me back some of it over time, but he still owes me a decent chunk, which I’ve never nagged him about. He would occasionally ‘gift’ me skins in the games we play in an attempt to balance the books.
A few weeks ago, Jake covered my $60 when I left my wallet at home during a group dinner. I told him I’d get him back, but life got busy, and I totally forgot. A few days ago, he texted me, “Can you send me that $60 from dinner?” I apologized for forgetting and said I’d send it that night to which he replied, “I shouldn’t have to chase you for this, man.”
That rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t say anything in the moment, but it really started to bug me. I thought about all the times I’ve lent him money and how I never pressured him to pay me back. I’ve never once sent him a passive-aggressive text or made him feel bad about it.
So, I didn’t send him the money right away and instead told him, “Look, I get that I owe you $60, and I’ll pay you back but let’s not pretend this is some one-sided thing. You still owe me hundreds, and I’ve never hounded you about it.”
Jake didn’t take that well. He said it’s not the same thing because I never asked for my money back, so it’s on me if I didn’t care enough to get it. So now he’s angry at me thinking I did not pay him back intentionally and saying I’m deflecting to avoid paying him back, and that I’m being a ridiculous friend.
I feel like I’m in a weird spot here. Yes, I owe him $60, and of course, I’ll pay it back. But on the other hand, his reaction feels so hypocritical given everything I’ve done for him financially over the years.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Jake is a hypocrite and also an unabashed user. Time to make him grow up, OP. Send a new text: “Heya Jake, this whole thing is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. We both know that you owe me way more than $60. I haven’t been hounding you for it, but that doesn’t change the fact that you borrowed the money, you said you’d pay it back, and you owe me.
It’s been bugging me for quite a while. My best calculation of the total you owe me is $450. I talked to a couple folks and I’m going to take their advice here: I’m setting off my $60 debt against your $450, so now you owe me $390. And just so things don’t get any weirder than they are right now, please understand that I can’t lend you any more money until that $390 is paid off.” NTJ for putting an end to the bleed, OP.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I lean NTJ. Your friend is being extremely hypocritical. “I shouldn’t have to chase you for this, man” and then also “How was I to know you wanted it back when you never asked?” are in direct conflict with one another. It shows you a LOT about his character in my opinion.
It might be cleanest to pay him back and also for heaven’s sake, cut ties with him. Or you could do the math and explain that rather than paying him back, you’re going to let that money apply towards his debt and by the way, he should officially consider THIS the ‘ask’ (that you shouldn’t have to do, according to him) so that he knows you do indeed expect to be paid back.
Your friend’s a flaming jerk.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you were right to pay him back the $60. That way, you keep the high moral ground here. Jake is clearly the kind of guy who has no problem borrowing money and not repaying it, and putting it on you to “hound him” for the money.
Even though he himself said that he “shouldn’t have to hound” you. I will bet that he has a habit of asking for money and NOT calling it a loan, and not saying things like “I’ll get you back.” Leaving it ambiguous as to whether it’s a gift or a loan.
I think it’s OK for you to spell this all out to Jake, and ASK him if, in his mind, he owes you any money for anything in the past. And if he says no, then accept that. THEN you mutually agree on how you’re going to handle this going forward.
One clear solution that doesn’t need to be awkward is a Venmo request. As soon as you cover someone, you put in a Venmo request (within a day), and that’s all the “hounding” you ever need to do. Let Venmo “keep score.” And if it’s a gift, then of course you DON’T put in the Venmo request. Then it’s clear you don’t expect to be repaid.” 1962Michael
18. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Of My Disabled Mother's House?
“I (30F) am a single mother of 4 (11M, 5F, 4F, 3M), and we’ve been living at my mom’s (56F) ever since I split with my ex about 6 months ago (excluding my oldest as he lives with his father).
My mom was a waitress her whole life but has been out of work due to chronic medical problems that have left her with very limited mobility. She can walk but because her back is in so much pain, she has to sit often, so you can imagine her day-to-day life has become a challenge.
I go to school full time, and I’m fortunate to be able to receive a grant that more or less pays me to do so, as well as covers tuition. But that is our only source of income as my mom has yet to be approved for her disability, so I’m the sole provider in the house aside from the food stamps she receives.
She is deeply devoted to my children and is always willing to help despite her pain. They do spend a majority of the day in daycare because 3 toddlers are just too much for her to handle on her own while I’m in school.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
So, I recently was offered an in to a housing program that would provide low-income housing for my children and me, which is something that I’ve been working towards for years, since before I was forced to move back home to my mom’s. Ever since I told her about it, she’s been visibly upset and angry.
She keeps talking about how I won’t be able to make it on my own and how my children need her. I am a recovering addict with over a year clean, but she says I will be at risk of relapse if I were to move out now.
I tell her I’ll still be around to help her and won’t move far, but she isn’t hearing any of it. My little brother (15M) lives here too so she won’t be alone, but I can’t help feeling like this isn’t the right move and that I’m abandoning her in her time of need.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it takes a hundred choices with a year of sobriety to get intoxicated again. It’s not one fail swoop. Do I give into triggers? Do I opt not to change a behavior if I keep having them, do I stay in euphoric recall, do I attempt to do it all with no stress management, do I drive the car to the store or do I call someone, do I drink it or can I still pour it out?
ALL of which to say, of course you can do it, your mom will figure out how to do it too, and you are neither helpless nor expected to be a doormat.” AnxiousPicture7196
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Will moving at this time benefit you and your children?
I’m guessing that it will because nationwide, the waitlist for low-income housing can be years long. You say in your post you have been working towards this for years. So, can you afford to let this chance for subsidized housing slip through your fingers?
You have to make the choice that will most benefit you and your children in the long run. It sounds like you are a good daughter and your mom is a devoted grandmother. You can both continue to be those things. Understand that this change is going to be difficult for her.
Not because she doesn’t want you to succeed! Your mom definitely wants you to succeed! I bet she is really proud of you for getting clean and staying clean and going to school! Your mom is fighting her own battle right now with chronic pain and with that pain comes anxiety and depression and stress.
Dealing with chronic pain truly sucks! I hope that your mom is at least able to get medical care and services in your state. Anyways, with that being said, you can’t change anything for your mom by staying there. You have to make the decisions that are going to best serve you and your children and help to keep propelling you towards the future you want.
The more successful you are, the better able you’ll be to assist your mom with getting the services she needs. I truly wish you, your kids, and your whole family the very best! You are doing great and keep going one day, one step at time (or whatever works for you).” Jolly_Membership_899
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you pass over the opportunity now, you’re faced with at least several years of waiting for another spot. Mom has gotten to kick back and do very little, which I am going to presume includes failing to get a lawyer to help her in her disability case for her health-related problems, while you shoulder all of the responsibility.
What is the amount of time that they told her that she would get a determination of her eligibility for benefits? Is it possible that she has hidden the fact that her request for benefits has been denied? It is common for the first SSDI application to be denied, pending more information or another medical evaluation.
Has she even gone for her required medical evaluation? If you have a sponsor, talk to them about moving out. Your mother is playing on your fears to get you to stay and take care of her at the expense of taking care of yourself and your children.” No_Philosopher_1870
17. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Parents Over Babysitting Responsibilities?
“I’m a 16-year-old female student who does school online. My mom works from home and asks me to babysit my younger sibling during the weekdays when she’s working.
Since my schoolwork is relatively light, I don’t mind doing this. I often clean up around the house and prepare my sibling’s meals. Recently, I’ve started seeing my partner, with whom I enjoy spending time. However, my parents both work throughout the week, so I’m only able to see him on the weekends since neither of us can drive.
My parents have decided that until I “step up” and take on more responsibilities, I won’t be allowed to see my partner. I was upset and said things that were, admittedly, extremely disrespectful and rude to them. Throughout the week, I babysit three to five times, even on days when I’m supposed to be “off.” I still make my sibling’s food and clean up after them.
Because I do online school and babysit simultaneously, I hardly get out of the house to hang out with anyone.
I’ve had to turn down hangouts and sleepovers several times because I’m needed at home to watch the kids and clean. As a 16-year-old, this is extremely frustrating, and I often have breakdowns because of the stress.
I get paid about $20 a week for babysitting. I also do chores around the house, which I don’t mind doing, but I haven’t hung out with any of my friends in over five months because I’ve had to stay home and babysit 24/7.
So, AITJ for blowing up at my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like parentification. This is a form of child mistreatment. Your parents should be responsible for all of their children. They are dumping that responsibility on you. They are failing as parents. You have every right to be upset. They are bad parents.
Do you have any adults you can reach out to? Grandparents? Uncles or Aunts? You need an adult in your corner desperately. Your parents are robbing you of your childhood because they can’t be bothered to take care of their own children.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are taking advantage of you, of the fact that you’re at home and are ‘available’ throughout the week. Are your parents understanding enough to have a sit-down where you write down a list of everything you’ve been doing for them? The things you’ve sacrificed. Make it super clear to them that you have stepped up beyond what is normal for an older sibling.
That you’re being parentified when they ask for more. Actually, they are the ones who need to figure things out, not you. You’re a normal teenager who should be allowed to have different experiences that shape your view of the world, and them preventing that isn’t helping anyone.
They aren’t doing this for you. They are doing it for them. And that’s not okay, and you should be allowed to feel frustrated or upset or even angry at them.” Sensitive_Main_6447
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a few other comments have said this, but what you are going through is definitely parentification.
I suggest reaching out to another adult about your situation if that’s possible. For me, I was unable to talk to another adult in the family, and I didn’t realize I was parentified until I was an adult. I love my little siblings, and I loved taking care of them, especially because I was a lot less rough than my mom and more patient.
My mom used to make jokes about me being the other parent since I raised the kids more than my dad, who worked and eventually my mom too, who had gone back to work. I did online school too while my little sister was younger but once she went to preschool, I started brick and mortar.
As an adult now, I am seeing how this affected me and my self-worth. I have had a hard time taking care of my own basic needs and after moving out, I grieved not taking care of my little siblings. It’s like I only feel worthy when I am taking care of others.
Please advocate for yourself and remember you are also a child who deserves to be taken care of.” cowboijo
16. AITJ For Lecturing My Daughter For Paying Our Neighbor To Shovel Snow?
“I’m a single father to a 15-year-old girl. We reside in an area where we receive a substantial amount of snow every winter.
Around the time she was 11, I taught her how to shovel, and typically, we do it together. We have a decently sized driveway and walkway. Sometimes, if it’s excessively icy, I’ll do the entire thing myself.
Over the weekend, we received some unexpected snow while I was at work.
I called my daughter and asked that she shovel out a bit of the driveway so I would have room to park and exit the next day, as well as shovel the walkway and steps. She agreed. When I returned home, the entire driveway was shoveled, and the walkway and steps were cleared perfectly.
I thanked her and said she did a good job. She then informed me that when she went out to shovel, she saw our neighbor (who’s a couple of years older than her) was shoveling his walkway. She offered him $40 of her own money to shovel for her, and he agreed.
I told her that I had asked her to shovel, not the neighbor, and it was something assigned to her. She asked what the big deal was as it got done. She also pointed out that when she has her own house someday, she can easily just pay someone to do it, so she doesn’t have to do it.
I told her she wasn’t in trouble, but next time it snowed, she was expected to help me shovel and going forward, if I asked her to do it, she was expected to do it. She seemed a little disappointed but didn’t argue.
I was discussing the situation with my mom and she told me I completely overreacted and pointed out my daughter has a point.
The job got done and it shouldn’t matter how it gets done, as long as it does, and the neighbor kid willingly did it (which I confirmed with him later that he was happy to do it for the extra cash). My mom said I should’ve praised my daughter’s initiative.
So, now I’m left wondering if I was the jerk for lecturing my daughter on this.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I’m impressed. The girl knows how to delegate. If she used your money, there would be a definite issue, but she even used her own money.
Shoveling snow is tough. Your mom’s right – I would just be happy it was done and your daughter did show initiative and ingenuity. If you want to do it together, that’s great, but don’t punish her for being smart. YTJ.” PJ_Sparkles_586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter found a creative solution, you got a shoveled driveway, and your neighbor kid made some money; it’s a win-win-win situation. However, $40 is a lot of money, or well, I know I didn’t have that kind of money when I was 15, but maybe that’s a normal amount now.
Anyway, did you ever sit down with your daughter and talk about the worth of money, saving, etc? Does she have a job or does she get pocket money? Is $40 a reasonable amount for the time spent shoveling a driveway? Does she know how long she would have to work to earn $40, et cetera?
Since you mentioned that she said that in the future, she could always pay someone to do these kinds of chores for her, it doesn’t really sound like she has a realistic image of the cost of living. Of course, it could also just be a teen talking, but you get the idea.
Also, please think about why you find it so important that she did the driveway herself. Is it to build resilience, to build the idea that assigned chores must be done in your way, is it to teach her responsibility, etc.?” sophievdb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She knows how to shovel a dang driveway. Skill acquired. She’s 15 and if she wants to spend her OWN money to hire it out, why do you care other than because you want control? She’s absolutely right that when she has her own house, she can hire this out.
She hired a perfectly able-bodied person to do this task, so she’s not taking advantage of anyone. If you think she should be doing the task “on principle”, you need to get over yourself. I know how to change a tire myself too, but I have roadside service because I don’t want to.
I’m not out there tearing up my good clothes on the side of the highway on principle.” Chaoskitten13
15. AITJ For Being Annoyed That My Husband's Family Crashed Our Anniversary Vacation?
“This year, I am turning 40, and it is also our 10-year anniversary. The original plan was to take a lavish vacation with our 3-year-old.
We scaled back those plans, so we are going to a popular beach vacation spot which is sentimental to us.
We came to find out his brother’s family chose to book the same week so we could all be down there together. His sister was then upset she wasn’t included, so she cancelled and rearranged plans so she and her family too could join.
We did not invite either of them, and it was a surprise to us that they were coordinating with us. I told my husband I was annoyed, which only annoyed him. He told me he didn’t invite them, but he’s happy that they will all be there too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but judging by your husband’s reaction, he probably has something to do with it. He needs a talking-to regarding your expectations for the trip. You still need to carve out PRIVATE date nights and time on your anniversary. I’d also be sure to bring a book and entertainment that you can enjoy solo.
You’re not obligated to spend all YOUR vacation time with them.” HeyKayRenee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start asking them what nights they are going to take the three-year-old so you and hubby can have some alone time on your ANNIVERSARY trip. I’d treat them like the intruders they are.
Plan out your days and sure they can tag along, but allow them to plan or arrange nothing on your vacation. Oh, don’t want to do that, too bad I guess we do our own thing that day. Plan it like they aren’t there, include them where appropriate and remind them this isn’t a family vacation when they overstep.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear he told them and would rather have them there than be with his chosen family. Take that and do what you will with it. He doesn’t value your birthday or anniversary enough to take your desires and needs into consideration.
You need to be more firm about how this makes you feel and that this is NOT what you want for YOUR birthday and BOTH your anniversary and how disrespected he just made you feel in your own marriage. He didn’t even have the courage to tell you he changed your plans behind your back.
1- Don’t go, cancel what plans you’ve paid for and he can join his siblings if that’s what he wants. You will know where your 10-year marriage stands. 2- Cancel plans and rebook elsewhere and don’t tell anyone. When you leave, it’ll be a surprise for him and how he reacts will also tell you where you stand.
3- Take your kid and go somewhere else or just stay home and if he doesn’t join you, you know where you stand. Good luck.” Jmfroggie
14. AITJ For Wanting To Drop Out Of My Friend's Wedding To Study Abroad?
“This friend and I have an interesting history. I’m a junior in college, but we’ve known each other since freshman year when we were roommates. We were best friends for a while, but in our second year of living together, things became rough as she was taking advantage of my help a lot and ditching me to hang out with her partner.
We ended the semester on fine terms, and we signed a lease to live in an off-campus apartment together.
She texted me over the summer saying she’s actually going to drop out of our school because it’s too hard and go to a different one, which also meant she wanted to sell her contract to live with her partner, leaving me high and dry.
After that, we didn’t talk much, until she started reaching out again bit by bit to hang out.
Then one day, she asked me to be her MOH because she got engaged. I was hesitant in saying yes because we hadn’t spoken about what happened when she transferred, but I felt bad because she didn’t have many other friends to ask.
It’s been about 5 months now, and it’s still strange for me to be doing MOH duties and trying to be happy about it.
I’m a TA for an amazing professor who is running a study abroad to Greece I wanted to go on, but couldn’t because it’s during her wedding.
The deadline passed and I accepted my fate; however, a few students dropped out and my professor is trying to convince me to go. This would be an amazing opportunity that I don’t know will happen next year, and then I graduate. Would I be a jerk for asking the bride if I could step away from being MOH to go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not forgo this chance of a lifetime for a one-day event. I’m pretty close to calling you a jerk for not applying in the first round just because of a wedding. Even my siblings would have been happy for me to miss their wedding if I got a chance to study abroad.
If she is a friend, she will understand. It also sounds like there is plenty of time until the wedding. Bonus points if you send a cool present from Greece!” GSD_enthusiast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go. Your future career and education certainly trump being in the wedding of a girl that you don’t even really get along with that well, honestly.
In fact, it’s not even a close call. This is the decision you should have made in the first place, this is your chance to correct that.” LawyerDad1981
Another User Comments:
“Seriously, in 20 years, when you look back at this year, do you want to have vague memories about your former friend’s wedding drama or do you want to have memories of an adventure in Greece?
Your only mistake here was not dropping out of the wedding and choosing Greece the first time you had the opportunity. If this was someone you were close to, then my answer might be different but call your prof and accept today! Then tomorrow call the bride and tell her your choice.
Don’t delay, just rip the band-aid off and end the conversation if insults start to fly or after the ‘negotiation’ tactics get to be too much for you.” NotMe739
13. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Use Earphones While Watching Videos?
“My (34M) partner (31F) spends most of her evenings scrolling through social media on her phone, and she always has the sound on.
It’s not just background noise—it’s random, jarring sounds from different videos. One moment it’s loud music, the next it’s someone shouting, and it goes on for hours.
At first, I would ask her to lower the volume or use headphones, and she’d usually comply.
But the next evening, it would start again. I’ve had to ask her so many times that I now feel like I’m constantly nagging her, which makes me feel like a parent rather than her partner.
I’ve tried wearing headphones myself or going to another room, but it feels unfair that I have to change my habits when the issue is her loud videos.
I finally told her I’d appreciate it if she just used earphones while watching, especially in the evenings when I’m trying to relax or focus. She said I’m being too sensitive and that it’s not a big deal to hear some videos now and then.
I don’t think I’m asking for much, but maybe I’m overreacting. So, AITJ for asking my partner to use earphones in the evening?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very weird that your partner is so inconsiderate – when living together, the first rule is to be considerate; in this case it is like she tries every evening to see if she managed to wear you off already and let her do whatever she wants.
In my book, it’s the behavior of an entitled brat who was never told to be considerate by her family in the past. If you want to watch nonsense on your phone, where you are the only audience, use the darn headphones!” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is rude. It’s one of the reasons I hate the general switch to video-based media. I like to sit quietly with my family or housemates and look at social media or Tumblr or Reddit, where most of the posts are text or pictures.
People who rely on video-based sites have this built-in problem where their favourite idle leisure activity is one they cannot do with other people in the room, unless they either wear headphones or are willing to annoy the crap out of everyone. I don’t like wearing headphones when there are other people in the room because it feels rude, like I’m shutting people out; I realize that’s a 90s mentality that is quickly going the way of the dinosaur.
But my solution to that is to stick to quiet activities, not to inflict my video-watching on everyone. If I come across a short video I really want to watch, I ask permission or give a heads up — and I usually only do that with videos that the other people in the room might also be interested in and watch with me.” besssjay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my husband did this with TikTok for the longest time due to his ADHD, and it’s the most annoying thing in the world to hear the same video repeating about 3 times before something completely different right in my ear. It sounds petty, but the only thing that got him to think before he continued to do it – and he still slips up sometimes – was to put something on the TV really loudly to the point it was overbearing and just be like “I’m sorry, is this annoying you??” and then do nothing about it.
That or chat until his attention was diverted to say, “It’s very frustrating to have something nattering away in your ear when you’re trying to relax, isn’t it?” It’s a little bit of an immature response, but for me it conveyed to my husband just how annoying this seemingly “harmless” habit was to me.” Error_No_Connection
12. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Fiancée's Sister From Our Wedding?
“My partner 32F and I 28F have been together for five years. We recently got engaged. During the planning, we were discussing whose name we would take.
We decided to take my name, as it would be nice to keep my family line going.
When my fiancée shared this with her family, her mom was happy for her and thought it was a nice idea. However, her sister Lucy was extremely rude.
She said she didn’t understand why my fiancée would take my name, as she is the more masculine in our relationship. And that it’s not usually how it’s done. My fiancée said it’s a gay wedding, and it doesn’t have to be traditional.
Lucy then said that wasn’t the only reason she didn’t want her to take my name. When my fiancée asked why, Lucy said, “I don’t like her”. My fiancée got upset and told her we didn’t like her spouse because he’s not a good person and he’s extremely rude, but that we put up with him because they are married.
My fiancée told me all this when I got home. I was really angry at first because I don’t understand how she can be so blatantly rude and ignorant. But now I feel uncomfortable having someone at our wedding who clearly doesn’t support it.
For background, she has not liked me since my fiancée and I started seeing each other, and I cannot understand why. She really only comes over when she knows I won’t be here.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As someone who’s previously dealt with some problematic future in-laws during wedding planning, I need to be super clear here that being offended by this person is NOT a satisfactory reason to try to unilaterally disinvite your partner’s family member(s) from your wedding.
This speaks to a serious lack of diplomacy and conflict resolution skills on your part, as well as extreme short-sightedness — if you get your way on this it won’t be Lucy who suffers from missing your party, it’ll be your partner who suffers because of the way you’re trying to force her to alienate her immediate family rather than even considering a solution-oriented posture.” impl0sionatic
Another User Comments:
“YTJ … you both are. She should have kept her sister’s words to herself because it only serves to hurt you. You shouldn’t tell her anything. Frankly though, you need to suck it up and allow your partner to determine how she shares a relationship with her sister.
That’s not ever going to be your choice. You can choose to keep your distance. Also, don’t forget, you don’t have to like everyone. You can coexist with people for whom there is a mutual lack of friendly feelings. Sounds like your partner has been doing it for years.
Ask her to share her wisdom.” Cultural-Revenue4000
Another User Comments:
“I mean I get you’re offended, but objectively, her disagreeing with the name thing, whilst not pleasant, is not the end of the world and again saying she doesn’t like you. Probably upsetting for you, but she said it to her sister and probably didn’t expect your partner to come back home and tell you.
Which she shouldn’t have. So I actually think uninviting her to the wedding is an overreaction and will cause irreversible damage to you and your fiancée’s relationship with her entire family. So yes, ‘telling’ your partner to uninvite her, YTJ.” Storm101xx
11. AITJ For Backing Out Of A Wedding As A Bridesmaid Because I Was Suspected Of Leaking Info?
“I (37f) was set to be a bridesmaid for my cousin’s wedding this upcoming summer.
She’s chosen not to invite her toxic parents, a decision I fully support. However, a few misguided individuals in the family thought she should let them come because of “family” and the idea of “letting bygones be bygones.” They gave her C-ptsd, so I always fully supported her.
Someone disclosed the time, date, and location of the wedding to her parents (her stepbrother informed her they knew and planned on showing up but wouldn’t reveal who told them).
Therefore, she changed the wedding venue and date. Since she wasn’t sure who did it and didn’t want them to find out again, she went “hunting for a rat,” so to speak, and gave five different faux locations to five different “suspects.” I ended up being one of them.
The idea was that wherever the parents thought the new location would be, she would figure out who told.
It turned out the real culprit was our aunt.
She told me and the others the truth that we “passed the test” and apologized but had to sniff out a rat.
I was deeply hurt she suspected me. I’ve been close to her my entire life and have never done anything to betray her trust. I’m very hurt for being accused of something I didn’t do.
I told her I’m resigning as a bridesmaid and won’t be attending but will send a gift.
She says I’m being unfair. She’s traumatized and had to sniff out who the rat was. The only other option was to either uninvite the whole family or risk a panic attack on her wedding day (she said this when I suggested hiring security) if she saw them.
I said I understand but am deeply hurt to have been treated as a bad guy when I never betrayed her trust nor done anything wrong in my life to her. I’ve been nothing but a good and loyal friend/cousin, and to learn she doesn’t trust me deeply hurt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not just you she doesn’t trust. It’s everybody. Because the people who were supposed to love her and trust the most in the world broke her trust at every available opportunity they were given. She is still learning to trust. She is stressed from wedding planning, which stresses the most stable person in the room, without the added stress of toxic and estranged family possibly finding out.
She then finds out somebody she thought she could trust has broken it by leading her abusers to her. That broke her. It broke her healing. It broke her heart. It broke her trust. If you love her, you will forgive her for doing what she needed to do to have some sanity back in a very stressful time.
Your wedding day should be happy. If you love her, you will give her what she needs to trust and attend her wedding. Because she needs you to love her as she heals flaws and all.” Apprehensive-East847
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I believe you think you understand C-PTSD, but you obviously need a bit of a lesson.
People with C-PTSD have been betrayed in the deepest sense by someone whom they could not leave and relied on for survival. Not “told fake information” betrayed, but hurt and terrorized at crucial life stages when they were learning how to create relationships and what a relationship should look like.
Complete trust is almost impossible for someone with C-PTSD. You will never understand her childhood and the mental scars she has, but you can support her now. She rebuilt some trust in you in the only way she knows how.” klwloo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Try to put your personal feelings aside for the moment. If you are that close, you should understand how traumatic her past is and how absolutely panicked she must have been to learn her abusers knew about her wedding details. I understand you are upset she included you in the “suspect pool”.
It’s okay to feel what you feel. BUT… Maybe take a deep breath and try to have empathy for your cousin. Dropping out of the wedding and refusing to support her while she is at an emotional low. You can have a talk about your feelings after the wedding and she has some time to breathe, and enjoy her marriage.
I hope you two can work this out. Good friends are hard to find and even harder to keep.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Invited Her Partner Over Without Permission?
“My mother decided to move to where my little family and I are. My husband and I agreed she could stay with us for about 6 months until she found her own place and a job.
It’s now been 9 months. I understand that it’s not easy to start over, but that was her choice, and I’ve done all I can/am willing to do to help her. She has passed up job opportunities, and when she got a job, she was fired because she didn’t complete her training in the required amount of time.
My little family (me, my husband, and our 1 and 3-year-olds) are visiting my husband’s family for a few weeks. My mother knows we’re not comfortable with her partner or friends over. She has her own car and comes and goes as she pleases, not a problem.
We had been gone for one day and received a notification on our ring doorbell, so we checked it. She let her partner into our home. So, I called her, let her know we landed safely, and that I saw he was in our house and we’re not comfortable with it.
All heck broke loose. Now she’s saying I’m treating her like a child and a prisoner, etc., and proceeded to put tape over our camera saying, “what are you going to do if I have them over anyway?”
I’m firm on what I said and that boundary, is that really an unreasonable boundary?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you have also contributed to this problem by letting her overstay her welcome. She should have been given her “move out by” date 3 months ago. She is taking advantage of the situation, and you’ve allowed her to. Time to set boundaries.
Give her a reasonable amount of time in which you expect her to have her own place and be supporting herself. Tell her that her presence is causing friction in your home and that it has to stop. Remind her it was supposed to be a temporary arrangement and you’ve given her more than enough time.
It’s time for Mom to hit the road with her partner because it’s your home, and she is not respecting you at all. THAT is what you’re going to do because she has him over anyway.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom DOES act like a rebelling teenager, so no wonder you treat her like a child.
People in her condition CANNOT be choosers – you get a job opportunity, you TAKE IT – because your first priority is to get on your feet, rent a place, and start over. Once you are settled, you can start choosing your real long-term job.
And for heaven’s sake, this is NOT her home, she cannot just invite people the owner doesn’t feel comfortable with. What an obnoxious resident.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“The roles have been reversed and instead of being respectful of the rules in YOUR house, she is behaving like a petulant child.
What you should do in response to her taunt of “what are you going to do if I have them over anyway?” is to throw her the heck out. Nevertheless, she has really worn out her welcome. It was supposed to be 6 months; it’s now been 9, and there is still no sign of a job.
What’s happened here is that you’ve become an enabler of an adult who no longer wants to behave maturely and responsibly. And it’s on your dime. She’s got to go. I feel really sorry for you, OP. What a terrible mother you have. I won’t ever take from my kids.
I felt bad when my 21 y/o son wanted to treat me to a meal out on my birthday. (My husband had to convince me to let him.) NTJ.” rocksparadox4414
9. AITJ For Choosing A Pre-Planned Trip With My Partner Over My Twin Sister's Last-Minute Birthday Party?
“My twin sister and I have our birthday coming up, and she’s throwing a party. I love her, but my partner and I have a tradition of celebrating her birthday separately. Every year, we go on a trip just the two of us to celebrate my birthday, and it’s something we’ve been doing for a while now.
This year, the timing got a little complicated. My sister announced her party and the date kind of last minute, but at the same time, my partner had already booked our trip for the same weekend. I had already committed to him, and it’s something I’ve been looking forward to for months.
My sister didn’t really plan ahead for her party this year, and I didn’t want to back out on my partner at this point.
When I told my sister about the trip and said I wouldn’t be able to make it to her party, she was upset.
She said it was hurtful that I’d prioritize my partner over her, especially since we’re twins and we’ve always celebrated birthdays together in the past. I understand where she’s coming from, but I don’t want to cancel the trip now.
I’m feeling torn because I don’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings, but I’ve already given my word to my partner. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m choosing him over my sister, but I also don’t want to break the tradition we’ve had for years.
So, AITJ for not going to my sister’s birthday party because of the trip with my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The trip with your partner was planned first. You and your partner didn’t know about the date for her party when you planned your trip.
Presumably, your twin sister knows that you take a trip with your partner for your birthday every year. If you attending her party was that important to her, she should have planned it sooner or should have made sure that the date didn’t conflict with your other plans.
Enjoy your trip, OP!” KyleGlaub
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is saying that you are prioritizing your partner over her, this is incorrect. You are prioritizing yourself and your birthday plans over hers. You planned first, a birthday trip to celebrate you. She planned her birthday after.
Why should you cancel your birthday celebration to attend her party? Also, the post implies the party is just for her. It’s not really celebrating your birthday together if she is the center of attention for “her” party. Take your trip. Tell her to plan further ahead next year.” Illustrious-Horse276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be the jerk if you reneged on your plans with your partner. 1. “Always” traditions do change as people grow up and have different paths and people in their lives. 2. This isn’t about prioritizing your partner over your sister. It’s about (a) valuing both relationships and keeping to the commitment you made first. (b) not prioritizing your sister so much more than your partner that you would be a jerk to your partner.
(c) and possibly the fact that your travel plans include more logistical coordination, financial commitment, and difficulty of changing than is the (likely) case for her party plans. Be clear with your sister. “I love you and want very much to celebrate with you. But your party date was set after I was already committed to traveling then.
Going forward, let’s both communicate more in advance about plans because I know we want to support each other in getting to enjoy our birthday celebrations.”” swillshop
8. AITJ For Refusing To Lend Money To My Criticizing Friend?
“I (30F) have a friend, “Sarah” (30F), who frequently comments on my spending choices. I have a well-paying job and enjoy treating myself to nice dinners, designer items, and vacations.
Sarah, earning less, often remarks that I’m wasteful or should save more, which I find intrusive but have tolerated to maintain our friendship.
Recently, Sarah faced unexpected expenses and asked to borrow a substantial amount to cover her rent. I was surprised, given her past criticisms of my spending.
I declined, suggesting she explore other options like budgeting or seeking assistance elsewhere. She became upset, accusing me of being selfish and unsupportive.
Some mutual friends think I should have helped her, given our friendship, while others believe I was justified in setting boundaries, especially after her repeated judgments about my finances.
AITJ for refusing to lend Sarah money after her constant criticism of my spending habits?”
Another User Comments:
“Lending money is the best way to lose a friendship. I’ve helped people out in the past. One paid me back and has been my best friend for over 2 decades.
Another didn’t. Both were substantial sums of money. Sarah has mocked/belittled you about spending and turned to you for help? Oh my gosh. Some unexpected expenses? Put it on a credit card, get a second job to pay it off. She is a jerk.
Lending money to people is risky business. Asking for a loan from a friend is risky business. I do neither, except in rare circumstances. These days, I’ll lend people money and am surprised when it comes back, but I limit myself to pocket money.” OnlyThePhantomKnows
Another User Comments:
“My brother once asked me for $10k. He was in massive credit card debt because he always buys silly stuff, and he was having trouble paying it off because it had like a 24% interest rate. I originally told him absolutely not, but he kept begging me to lend him the money.
So I agreed, but I made him sign a contract that he would pay me back in installments over the next 2-3 years (with 10% interest), using his laptop and his car as collateral. No one else would lend him the money, so he ended up accepting because at least my interest rate was lower than his credit card’s.
(Surprisingly enough, he did actually end up paying me back with the interest. I guess he really couldn’t afford to lose both his laptop and his car.) NTJ – it’s never your responsibility to lend out money to friends, especially large amounts.” PennilessPirate
Another User Comments:
“If the only reason you don’t want to lend her the money is because of how she spoke to you, then it’s kinda suspicious. Do you think you can have a conversation with her about how her previous comments made you feel unfairly/unkindly judged by her?
Is this a friendship you care about, or are you feeling pressure from a larger group of friends to help her? Lending to friends and family is always tricky. I go into it with the assumption that I’ll never see the money again. Even if they are capable of paying back the loan.
I find it best to assume I’ll never see that money again. If you cannot afford to do that, for any reason, then don’t feel pressured to do so. If her asking you for money has made you examine your friendship with her and you’ve decided that you really don’t care for her, then that sucks, but NTJ.” AltBuzz_
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom That Her Sister Asked Me For 30k?
“My aunt called me one day unexpectedly and asked me for 30k and told me not to tell my parents. This was quite confusing because she is a surgeon and earns a really good income.
Her husband did recently leave her, but she certainly should have had enough money for whatever she needed 30k for.
But, realizing now, she must have been in a pretty deep hole since she can make 30k just like that.
I wasn’t sure what to do because she pleaded with me not to tell my parents either way I decided.
I ended up saying no because I’m only 8 years into my career and don’t have that much spare money.
But I feel guilty that I didn’t tell my mom since we’re related by blood. And that it might be indicative of bigger problems for my aunt, which my mom may be able to help with…
It’s been 2 months at this point, and I feel like it’s too late to tell even if I wanted to.
So yeah… AITJ and if so what do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in my opinion. 1. You did not lend the money. If you had, your aunt’s request for secrecy would’ve sounded way more suspicious. But since you didn’t, the secret involves only the request and the “no”.
Not life-changing to anyone. 2. “Maybe my mother could help”, but if aunt wanted mum’s help, she would have asked her directly, no? And if she can be picky about whose help she wants, maybe the problem is smaller than it could have been. As OP said, it’s very likely something shady is going on in aunt’s life, but if it is impactful or big enough, it’ll surface naturally without OP needing to snitch.” silentjudge_
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ because your aunt has put you in a super tough position and that’s not your fault. That being said, I think if it’s weighing on you super heavily, that’s really telling you something. I’d maybe have a frank conversation with your mom depending on the relationship you have and tell her that one, whatever she does with the information you share, you’d like to come to an agreement on before she acts, and then tell her what happened. Or if your dad is the more level-headed, tell him first or a different family member.
Either way, I think your gut is trying to tell you to share this information.” Realistic-Finger-774
Another User Comments:
“You were right to respect your aunt’s request for privacy, so NTJ. You shouldn’t break your word, once given, because you think someone else in the family (your mother) has a blood tie to you and your aunt doesn’t.
I can’t imagine how, if you are an adult out on your own working for 8 years. You do not get to decide whether your mother might be able to help your aunt if you broke your word to your aunt. The fact that you don’t even know what your aunt’s problems are (other than that she needs cash) should make this all the more obvious.
And before you ask, yes, there are situations in which you might be justified in breaking a promise of secrecy, the most obvious being if someone’s life was in danger. Nothing you have described counts. If you had run to your mother with your tale of your aunt needing money, neither your aunt nor anyone else who heard the story would ever have trusted you with personal information again.
Even your mother would have known that if you gossiped about your aunt, you’d gossip about her if she were ever in a similar situation.” SavingsRhubarb8746
6. AITJ For Wanting To Increase My Sister's Rent After Her Partner Moved In?
“I, 34F, currently co-own a property with my mother, 71F. We reside in the main house together along with my son, 1.5M, and fiancé, 31M.
My sister, 38F, rents our granny flat on our property with her two kids, 9M and 16F.
My sister is divorced and receives minimal support from her ex-husband and daughter’s father, so it has primarily fallen on our mother to help out (which she will always do). Our mother specifically asked if we could build the granny flat for my sister to rent as she was struggling to pay rent and general living costs.
While I was on maternity leave, my partner was made redundant, and as my normal salary is higher than his wage, we decided it was best he stays with the baby for three days and works while the baby is in daycare for the other two days.
Without two complete incomes, it is tight but manageable as it is only temporary, and I do feel like one of us needs to be with our son as he is still so young.
Over the past few months, I have started to feel the pressure a bit as costs have continued to grow.
We are looking at (reluctantly) increasing the baby’s daycare days and my partner taking work on the weekends as we are looking to get married soon.
Meanwhile, my sister is living in a brand new 3-bedroom granny flat which she pays 50% below rental value. I didn’t mind this arrangement as she was struggling, but about 2 months after moving in, she told us she’s moving to part-time work as she prefers the work/life balance over the extra income.
But my actual issue is that her partner, 27M, of 6 months, who works full-time, has moved in, and while I don’t mind helping out, this was an arrangement we made as she was struggling but now has some other help.
WIBTJ if I ask them to pay more rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but when you have the conversation with your sister, don’t make the rent increase about her partner. Focus on the increasing costs of everything, including the upkeep of the house. Be very honest about how you gave lower rent because you knew she was struggling but now you realize it was a bit too generous and you are struggling without the extra income.
I would also do a ton of research on rental properties nearby and what they are renting for (comparable in size) before deciding on a price. Keep the focus on you and the increased cost of living…NOT the partner!!” ak3307
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…must be nice for your sister to have work/life balance over extra income, especially when others are covering for her.
Your sister’s preferences are not your problem and I would let her know so. The only reason she is able to work part-time is because you do not charge her the rent that you could charge for where she lives. Your circumstances have changed. Therefore, you can no longer help support her as you have been doing.
The rent is going up as of (date). If she complains, tell her you are sorry, but it is not your job to support her family. And you are still not charging for rent what you legally could. She has a couple of choices: work full time and pay the rent or seek other accommodations.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. You don’t increase rent just because you need more money. That’s pretty lousy and in many places, illegal. The time to talk about increased rent was before he moved in. You need to wait until the end of the current lease to discuss an increase.
If there’s no lease, a) fix that or b) wait another 6 months. Once he’s been there a year, tell her you’re treating this as a lease renewal. So you’re going to have an actual lease, at least with the partner, and you need to discuss the increase in rent.” ApprehensiveBook4214
5. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Dysfunctional Family And Start My Own Life?
“I (31F) am living with my mother (62), father (60), and older brother (44) in the same house. Yes, the housing crisis is terrible in my country.
First, I will give you a summary of our family dynamics: My brother’s father passed away when he was 5-6, mom married my dad when my brother was 9, and had me when my brother was 13.
Dad is a retired army officer. They started clashing when he was a teenager, and when he got in trouble, he sent him away (back to our home country from where dad was stationed so my brother wouldn’t get in trouble with the law). He started living with us again when he was 24, didn’t go to college, and had a hard time keeping jobs.
For a while, he lived and worked in a different city but lost his job, and almost lost his life due to substance abuse. Mom took him back without telling dad about my brother’s substance abuse problems. He didn’t really work for 5 years even though he and dad were working together at my dad’s small company.
He did some work for him but was always complaining.
Here is the current problem: my brother and mom want to sell the house my brother had inherited from his grandfather and then put it in a bank for interest so he can buy a better house.
Dad wants him gone because now my brother has enough money to finally live on his own and as per my dad’s words, “you cannot have property and multiply it under my roof while I am the one taking care of you at the age of 44.” This sentence caused a huge argument yesterday.
Brother has been working at the same place for over a year now, but his wage is not enough to move out. Mom and brother think that my dad wants the money for the family’s debt but I know that he just wants him gone and to be on his own, taking care of himself, you know an actual adult.
My mom doesn’t want to let him out of her sight because she’s scared that he would go down that substance abuse rabbit hole and endanger his life once again.
So finally, dad gave an ultimatum: Either my brother moves out and starts taking care of himself or my dad leaves and gets a place of his own and basically checks out from the family.
Dad says I am welcome to live with him when he leaves. But I just got a raise and finally, I am in a financially good place to get my own place and be my own person.
I feel like everybody needs me but I don’t even know what to do.
I just want to leave without saying anything, even if none of them ever talks to me again.
So WIBTJ if I leave my family and start my own life while my family crumbles down?
P.S. I’ve been going to therapy for years, and I know this is not my problem to solve.
All of them, including me, are grown adults. But growing up in a dysfunctional family messes you up in more ways than one can imagine, I guess…
Also, I am a lawyer; even if my country’s economy is down the drain, I’ll somehow manage to live.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting some peace and quiet. Also, NTJ for wanting to live on your own. It’s natural to want to avoid conflict that we are powerless to resolve. Until your brother has the resources to get out, nothing will change.
And until your mother decides to let her son do what he will with his life, nothing will change. If it helps you at all, I am an anonymous stranger that gives you full permission to leave that stressful house and start a life of your own choosing.” JennyM8675309
Another User Comments:
“As someone who left my birth country and dysfunctional (wasn’t really consciously aware of dysfunction at the time) family at the age of 25 to go to grad school on scholarship and make a life for myself, then promptly brought all of them (except my dad who passed and was the sane one) to join me and make my life miserable for years with entitlement, laziness, and envy/resentment, I say RUN!
I repeat RUN. You can never fix this or do enough in their eyes, so escape while you can and go deal with any regrets or guilt in therapy. They will suck your soul out, as they watch you set yourself on fire to give them warmth under crappy insulation.
My mother is the same way with my brother. Spoiled and enabled him to oblivion and believes only she can save him. At 58, he’s still messed up and she has decided to blame me for not taking up the mantle of enablement. The thing is, my brother and I have a mutually agreeable relationship.
I hold him accountable and he respects that and I am one of his favorite people because I have expectations of him and I’m the only one that makes him want to do better because I believe he can. My mom thinks that her love means she coddles him which he accepts but has little respect for her.
Run, girl.” throwaway_virtuoso71
Another User Comments:
“OP: trust all of us strangers. It’s time to move out. You are intelligent, educated, and employed. Yay! Your parents did their job. Now it’s your turn to live and love. Will it be hard? Sure. Will you make mistakes?
Absolutely. But, here’s the good part: it’s now all yours to do what you want. The family drama is theirs to sort out. You shouldn’t be part of it. It was there before you were born. Your mom’s health is not your problem. She has medications and exercises to help avoid another health crisis.
It’s her choice. Your brother has a recovery under his belt. He knows how to live clean. It’s his choice. Your dad, too, has choices. Let him make his own decisions without you thinking it’s about you. All you can control is you. Nobody and nothing else!
Live your best life. It’s what every good parent wants. Best of luck.” Imaginary-Brick-2894
4. AITJ For Not Being A "Safe Space" For My Best Friend Amidst My Mother's Cancer Diagnosis?
“I (19F) have been best friends with Melissa (26F) since September.
I am a reserved introvert, whereas Melissa is very opinionated and assertive. She speaks her mind, commands a room, etc., which I admire.
Our friendship has been fairly smooth. We had never quarreled before.
Sometimes, she would make comments that bothered me, like how she “dislikes 19-year-olds” or calling me emotional. She vents to me about friends, school, her kids, etc., but I rarely vent to her.
Melissa is a hypochondriac and vents to me about health concerns.
A couple of weeks ago, when we were texting, she said she has eye twitches and thinks she has a brain tumor.
Usually, I would likely have talked her through it. However, my mother has brain cancer, was recently diagnosed, and is still undergoing treatment. I have seen the life being drained out of her.
It’s been difficult. I have been the one to hold my family together.
I gave up my dream school to stay close to home.
Melissa knows about my mother’s brain cancer. Literally, 3 days before, I had broken down in front of her about it.
When she said it, I froze and started crying. I tried to stay impartial but ended up asking why she discussed this with me.
She accused me of not being a safe space. I feel she could have discussed her anxieties about this concern with someone else. She told me that defeated the purpose of a safe space and she has not voiced her discomfort when I vent. She also told me she had already discussed this with another friend weeks prior, so I don’t understand why she would talk about it with me.
She also said, “Sorry you feel that way.” This bothers me because she has told me how much she dislikes when people say that, yet she used it on me.
I voiced all this, and she said, “Okay, I understand.” I had forgiven her, and I assumed since it was our first argument that we would move past it since I considered her one of my best friends.
Next in-person meeting, she ignored me the entire time. She stops sharing her location with me. She removes me from her close friend story. She starts telling people 19-year-olds are immature. I asked why she stopped sharing her location and if something happened, she left me on delivered.
I have asked friends about it, and my friends who know us both said she was in the wrong, but an older friend who doesn’t know her says I should have let her vent since she did the same for me. If I had known she was uncomfortable when I vented to her, I would have stopped. She had never voiced it.
This is also my first time expressing boundaries to her; she has done so with me several times. I can’t tell if I’m being immature, but I don’t understand where I went wrong.
AITJ for not being a “safe space” for my best friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good for you for standing up for yourself. You did nothing wrong. The only reason you hadn’t seen this behavior before now from her is because you hadn’t yet told her no. Please believe what she’s telling you about herself, that the only way she’s willing to be friends with someone is if they never say no to her.
She’s not a good person to have as a friend because it’ll never be a mutual relationship. Also, you are a person, not a “safe space.” That’s not what a safe space is. You can hold space for someone and you can be a safe person to share things with, but that doesn’t give anyone a free pass to treat you as an object who doesn’t have your own feelings and needs and struggles.
A space isn’t safe if there are people there who aren’t allowed to say no.” RivSilver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you might not believe it right now, but this is one of the “Good Riddance” situations. She was not your friend, not truly, and she needs professional help.
Your cup is full with people you put on priority to her and she can’t handle this, your boundary put it clear to her that you are not as gullable and easy to follow her whims and be her emotional punch bag as she wanted. Use this time to put some emotional distance between you two and check how you feel about the relationship when she actually comes back to you.
She is trying to punish you right now, but it is punishment only because she thinks you can’t live without your interaction with her.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“There is something a bit eyebrow-raising about a 26-year-old having a 19-year-old best friend. Not as eye-raising as being in a relationship, and even then, that isn’t a really terrible age gap, but there still is something there – a 19-year-old and 26-year-old are usually in somewhat different places in life.
It isn’t the seven-year difference per se; more than those specific seven years often change people’s life experiences enough to make it unusual to have best friends on opposite sides of that gap. And especially in this case, where she is expecting you to be her emotional support when you are already in a vulnerable spot.
Obviously, individual cases will vary, but on the whole, it seems like it isn’t reasonable for someone in their mid-twenties to expect a teenager to be their emotional support safe space. Especially when the teenager is going through so much worse stuff than the older person.
NTJ.” IanDOsmond
3. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Mother For Entering My House Without Permission?
“My mother simply let herself into my house (I am a 36-year-old woman) and walked into my bedroom at around 9:10 am without giving me a heads-up that she was coming over, asking if she could come over, or even knocking at the open patio door for my dog and announcing that she was there.
She just strolled into my bedroom and proceeded to question why I wasn’t working from home yet. After being told to leave, she pottered around in my kitchen “tidying” stuff and attempted to fill the second dog water bowl (the first and the one in my bathroom were full).
She has what is essentially OCD, and it drove me crazy when I was a child, but coming into my house to nitpick everything is just unacceptable. I told her to leave multiple times, and after a good 5 minutes or more of that, I told her to leave immediately.
She did not take kindly to it, but she never takes kindly to me establishing boundaries.
Her just walking in unannounced has occurred around once every other month for the past couple of years, and my anxiety is through the roof because of this and other personal matters.
I know she wants to “help,” but I am going insane over the intrusiveness. I am dealing with mental health issues (severe depression, anxiety, and chronic insomnia), which I have been working on throughout 2024, and now I am going to have my first appointment with a psychologist next week.
I just want to know if I am over-reacting or under-reacting because this has been my whole life. Overstepping, boundary-pushing parents.
Don’t even get me started on what happened in Mexico when I was 21, and she severely “overstepped” during our group holiday.
She tried to start cleaning my sink because it was not up to her standards.
I just can’t take it anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you kidding? Lock your doors. Change the locks if she has keys. Keep them locked. Get a doggie door for the patio door. What the heck?! You are legally and morally entitled to privacy in your own home.
Anyone entering without your express permission is a trespasser. Is she going to crawl through a doggie door? This is a clear case of someone trying to make a crazy person out to be normal. She is not. Make her stop or get a restraining order.
This is not normal. You’re 36, a grown adult. You do not have to ask permission from anybody to live your own life. People will do whatever you let them get away with. Stop letting her walk all over you!” Single_Egg3360
Another User Comments:
“I think you have actually been too tolerant, but I can understand how that came about over the years.
But I need to know if you asked for your keys back and if she gave them to you. You are going to have to take a very hard line with her, and I would start with a Cease and Desist Letter. No, I am not kidding.
Find a template online and send it via certified mail. Define the activity (that she must desist) as entering the residence at full address without an explicit invitation. Oh, and obviously, you are NTJ.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, NTJ. Get your keys and your peace.
Secondly, OCD is a real illness with official diagnostic criteria, and what you’re describing here sounds nothing like OCD. Your mom is being controlling, invasive, and disrespectful… but calling it OCD makes it harder for people with actual OCD to deal with the stigma associated with mental illness and get the help they need. If she’s the one saying she has OCD, then maybe she does, but that’s still no excuse to trample your boundaries.” Soggy_leopard8458
2. AITJ For Not Accepting My Roommate's Cat's 'Apology' After It Destroyed My Puzzle?
“I (27F) share an apartment with my roommate, Lily (26F), who has a cat named Muffin. Muffin is adorable but has a habit of sneaking into my room and knocking things over.
Last week, I came home to find Muffin had somehow gotten in and destroyed a puzzle I had spent hours working on. Pieces were scattered everywhere; some were chewed up, and one was lost entirely. I was livid.
I told Lily that Muffin needed to stay out of my room, and she agreed, but she also said Muffin felt bad and wanted to apologize.
I laughed it off, assuming she was joking. The next day, I found a little note on my desk written in Lily’s handwriting that said, ‘I’m sorry – Muffin.’ Along with it was a cat treat.
I thought it was funny but didn’t change my stance.
Since then, Lily has been passive-aggressively saying things like, ‘Muffin’s just trying to make things right,’ or ‘You’re holding a grudge against a cat.’ She even suggested that I let Muffin into my room supervised so she can ‘earn back my trust.’
I told her no and that I wasn’t interested in giving her cat another chance to destroy my stuff. Now she’s calling me heartless for not accepting Muffin’s ‘apology’ and is acting like I’m being unreasonable. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Find a new letter from Muffin in which she denounces the previous letter as fake, boasts over her lack of remorse, and vows to do it again. Confront Lily with it. If Lily persists, keep “finding” increasingly sketchy letters from Muffin as she steadily broadens her nefarious ambitions.
Really commit to the scenario. Out-crazy-cat-person her. Obviously, you’re not the jerk. I love cats but they are unapologetic little gremlins that do what they want. If you don’t want Muffin in your room, then there is zero valid reason for Lily to keep demanding she have access to it.
That said, you could have a lot of fun with this if you wanted to.” InfinityFelinity
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk – as a cat lover, if the cat was destructive once, it will likely do it again and because it is not your cat, there is no reason for you to cat-proof your room, just because the cat owner wants you to.
Also, tell your roommate you are tired of her silly little childish imagination of a cat apology. Cats honestly don’t care and that is one of the things I love about them.” ShipComprehensive543
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. The note is cute and the sentiment is sweet, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that the cat did destroy your things.
There are two facts about cats that I know to be true: cats are liquid, and cats are jerks. And the second is what will lead to more stuff being destroyed if you allowed Muffin back in. It’s your room, and if you don’t want the cat in there, that’s your right.
And I hope your roommate will come to accept that.” SweetAshori
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Suck It Up At A Dry, Meat-Free Wedding?
“Back in our college days, we were a group of four: Me, Ethan, Vivian, and Jayesh (names have been changed). Jayesh was Indian, and he had come to our college to study.
Actually, Jayesh and I were both foreigners who were here to study; I chose to settle down here.
Jayesh came from a very wealthy family; they have a very large jewelry business. From what I learned from Jayesh, he was a native of the state Rajasthan in India, and people from that state are really famous for being involved in business and are ultra-conservative (very religious, don’t consume booze and meat, etc.).
Here is where the story starts. We graduated about 4 years ago and were all busy in our lives but were still in touch with each other. As mentioned earlier, I too was a foreigner (from an Eastern European country) but chose to settle in America; Jayesh went back to India.
One day, Jayesh had us all on a call and informed us that he is getting married in India and invited us to the wedding. He offered all of us first-class tickets to and from. The wedding took place in a five-star hotel and the festivities lasted for a week.
It was literally a free luxury vacation for us. Jayesh informed us beforehand that booze and meat-based food wouldn’t be available at the wedding, and we had no problem with that.
When we arrived in India and reached the venue, we were overwhelmed. There was a different dress code for each time of each day, tailors available to personally stitch the clothes for the guests, sightseeing tours of the city, and whatnot.
Ethan seemed a bit annoyed. During the 4th day, when his discontent was getting way more visible, I asked him what the issue was. He said that this wedding feels so crappy without booze and food feels incomplete without meat. I told him that he was okay with it when the invitation was made, and he can either suck it up and enjoy the wedding (it’s not like the food was bad or anything, the food was great) or leave, which made him cranky for the entire trip.
When we returned, he told me that it was rude of me to tell him to suck it up, and he was forced to go through a dry wedding for a week. I told him that if he was annoyed about booze and meat amidst all those grand festivities that basically made the wedding a free vacation, there is some serious issue with him, and he is acting very ungrateful.
AITJ for saying that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He does need to grow up and suck it up. He got a free week’s vacation in India. He wasn’t banned from booze and meat for a week. He could have spent his own money outside the wedding and got those things.
It sounds like he behaved like a toddler.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ethan might have a “beef” (see what I did there?) if he was not informed about the customs and that the wedding would be no booze and no meat beforehand. Ethan wasn’t “forced” to get through a dry wedding for a week, he chose to accept the invite knowing it would be dry.
If it was a problem for him, he could have chosen not to come. So there he was, 4 days into a week-long vegetarian booze-free wedding in a foreign country, what did he think his options were? Seems to me you spelled it out: suck it up and set his mind to enjoy the experience, or leave.
What does he think his options were? Did he think if he was discontented enough, booze and meat would magically appear? Did he expect you to leave the festivities and roam around searching for booze and meat with him?” Constant_Host_3212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like Ethan at least didn’t realize how much he likes booze and meat. He could also not have been used to general cultural differences and that threw him. No matter how amazing it was, it could be something he was not into and he could be unhappy there.
But saying to a friend, “Suck it up” is fine. He still could not have enjoyed himself for the rest of the trip, which depending on his life experience, could keep him from knowingly being a total jerk, but that doesn’t make you a jerk.
And his behavior after the trip makes him a jerk.” 3H3NK1SS
