People Need Answers In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Recommending Untrustworthy Friends?
“My sister Zoey is nice to a fault.
She gives others second chances, but she’s too trusting with the people she gives second chances to, and it winds up having consequences for whichever family member Zoey convinces to stick their neck out for.
My grandparents were talking about needing a cleaner, and Zoey asked them to hire a friend Ash.
After several months, my grandparents learned that Ash had been pocketing my grandma’s jewelry. Zoey had recommended Ash’s cleaning services for our grandparents’ friends, and now we suspect that she’s stolen from them too.
Zoey made an excuse that Ash was a good person but that she had a bad home life and only took the jewelry because she was trying to get away from her parents.
My grandparents were not amused and said Ash was lucky because that was the only reason that they didn’t report her.
Later, Zoey recommended a friend Lilly as a babysitter for our brother’s son “Max.” According to Max, Lilly was on her phone the whole time, and Max was on his own for dinner.
Max claims that Lilly was mean to him, and my nephew isn’t the type to make up something like that.
Zoey made an excuse that Lilly’s partner broke up with her and she’s a good person but just having a hard time.
(I rolled my eyes at how a “good person” would ever feel better about herself by being mean to a child.) Michael was upset at Zoey for recommending Lilly.
Zoey kept trying to push me to talk to him and agree that she was right.
I eventually got fed up and told Zoey how I get she wants to give people second chances. But no one she recommends is ever trustworthy. And she should try putting her neck on the line so she’ll get why we’re so annoyed with taking the consequences of her kindness and then her coming and trying to make us agree that she did a good thing.
After that, our parents reached out to me. They said that they understood me and Michael being frustrated, and they would talk to Zoey about being naive. But she was trying to do a good deed. And I should apologize to her because, no matter the circumstance, it’s a crummy thing to put down a person who had the best of intentions.
One could argue that this is none of our parents’ business, as we’re all adults now. But our parents typically stay out of our business. This is one of the only times our parents have gotten involved in any of our disagreements, so now I’m torn between whether I should apologize or hold my ground.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a saying, “The road is paved with good intentions.” You do not owe Zoey an apology. Zoey owes apologies to everyone who took her recommendations — apologies, not excuses for her friends’ behavior. She needs to sit with feeling bad about herself after what you said and think about her choices of friends.
The rest of you probably have learned by now to decline her recommendations or even not loop her in when you need someone. Since you are all adults, you can politely tell your parents, with all due respect, that you disagree with their point of view and stand by what you told her, because she needed to hear it.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is like the people who volunteer other people to help someone else. Mom offers your help to one of her friends to mow her lawn or bake a cake for them, etc. They get the credit for a good deed while you get the headache of doing all the work.
Zoey likes the good feelings she gets from helping, but she never has to risk losing something to do it. Someone else always pays the bill for her kindness. I’m sure she has good intentions, but good intentions aren’t always positive when mixed with naivete and misplaced trust. She can have all the good intentions she wants, but if she’s careless in who she’s helping, she’s not helping.” PomegranateReal3620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you should do is stop trusting Zoey, and tell others to do the same. Tell Zoey why- she is putting her reputation on the line by recommending people who do bad things, so as a result she now has a reputation for recommending bad people.
Thus you will be 100% sure NOT to hire or recommend anyone she suggests because of the track record.” SirEDCaLot
21. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Buy Ricotta Cheese While Pet-Sitting Her Dog?
“I 30F was asked by my sister F22 if my partner and I could watch her dog at her place for 7 days at the end of Sept due to her trip to Montreal. I told her yes.
She told me she would be providing snacks for us and we have to pay for our own meals. I told her that’s fine. She is not paying us which I would never ask her anyway. I’ve watched her dog many times and never had a problem.
Now what I asked for (snacks) would have been under $25 max. Most stuff could be bought at the dollar store. I told her I also wanted to make lasagna soup and I know she already has most of the stuff at home and all she needed to do was buy the ricotta cheese.
She made a big deal about it saying it’s expensive $7 and she’s not buying it. She asked me why am I adding on stuff when that’s what I asked her in my original message that she clearly didn’t properly read.
Then I brought up how (I had 3 bunnies in 7 years) I’ve asked her many times if she would ever take care of my bunnies.
She said no. I asked her throughout the years if I needed her to watch my bunnies and if she would watch them for 2 days or a day max. And her answer was “never”. She’s had her dog for 2 years now and feels so comfortable asking me to watch her dog but never reciprocated the favor back?
She did not like me bringing this up. Said the bunnies are a lot of work compared to a dog. She said her dog doesn’t do much but sleep on the couch. Which is a lie, she has a border collie and he’s very active.
My bunnies stay in their area and don’t need to go outside her dog needs to go outside to use the washroom, go for walks, and the dog park.
We hung up the phone and she sent me a message saying she’s going to bring her dog to daycare and spend $150 for 7 days and doesn’t want to feel like she has a debt to pay if I do this favor for her.
All because I asked for ricotta cheese? I don’t appreciate her trying to make me feel bad. She thinks I’m in the wrong, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one thing, expecting free pet care is entitled, even if you are family. If all you require is snacks and groceries for a single meal, that is a steal compared to paying for a kennel service.
Plus the added benefit of the dog being able to stay in his own home instead of stressing out at a kennel. She was honestly getting a fantastic deal. And it certainly seems unfair that she expects this service from you but never reciprocates with your pets.
It would be one thing if you had an animal that she was either allergic to or phobic of, but she probably would have said something by now if she was allergic to or afraid of rabbits. So it sounds to me like she’s just happy to use you but doesn’t want to put forth a fair amount of effort herself.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Asking for a small amount of groceries is not out of line. She expects you to pet sit for free, provide your food, and care for her dog, border collies are a very high energy dog, if all he does is sleep on the couch then he is very sick.
She is unbelievably entitled, spoiled, and childish. Let her pay to board her dog, that is no problem for you.” solitarybydesign
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I pay my dog sitter $50 a day and buy any groceries she requests for the duration of her stay. She works full time so she isn’t even here during office hours.
Having someone you trust watching your fur baby is worth it. A recent week-long vacation cost $400 in cash to her and about $100 in groceries. Your sister expects you to do it for free and won’t ever reciprocate? Tell her to pound sand.” Framma2-2
20. AITJ For Questioning My Husband About His Secret WhatsApp Business Account?
“Our kids have just started school and they had a class WhatsApp group that the parents can join so we could see pictures of our kids at school.
The link to join was sent to my husband via text but he didn’t know how it worked so I tried helping him out.
As soon as I clicked the link, it went to something called WhatsApp business and it asked for a code.
I didn’t think anything of it at first but then he refused to put the password in and got defensive when I asked him why he didn’t want to and what was on there. He said it was business between him and his brother and that they didn’t want anyone to know.
I immediately got upset and asked him what could be on there that you couldn’t show me. He ended up putting in the passcode after I kept questioning quickly showing me for a split second and then getting out of the app right away.
Basically, I didn’t get to really see anything. He told me that I shouldn’t be getting mad if I don’t tell him everything that he does and that it’s not my business.
Honestly, it bothers me that he keeps secrets like that because what else is he keeping a secret?
Anyway, I let it go for a few weeks and then I brought it up again to see if maybe he’d be more open to telling me what that was all about. But boy was I wrong. He almost instantly got mad and defensive and said that I was always thinking he was doing something wrong.
By the way, I never brought up infidelity or anything close to that, not even the first time when I found out about the other account. He yelled that’s it’s none of my business like 5 times in my face. I just stayed quiet after that and didn’t fight more because the more I talked or asked anything the angrier he got.
Of course, I was hurt after that so I didn’t say a word to him and then he said that I ruined the mood and that he was going to sleep because he didn’t have time for this. I don’t know what to do.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yelling in your face for any reason is not OK. He’s an instant jerk just for that. But his behavior screams suspicion all over anyway. My husband and I (also a guy) use each other’s phones all the time without issue.
The other day I forgot to charge mine and I was popping to town. He gave me his for those couple of hours and he had mine at home once it had a bit of power.” Major-Bookkeeper8974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that you are here asking leads me to believe that he hasn’t been this secretive in most aspects of your married life.
He’s hiding it, and spouses don’t hide things like that and certainly don’t get overly defensive about sharing private accounts on their phones without reasons.” tictactoss
19. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Brother After Helping Him Move Without Eating All Day?
“I’m going to try and keep this post short. My mom and I went to help my brother move into his new apartment before he got home from work.
I came directly from school and hadn’t eaten all day so I asked my mom if we could get some food when my brother came home and she said sure that’s fine. She cleaned his entire apartment and she and I moved in almost all of the furniture ourselves.
My brother came and helped with one dresser and then I helped him set up his bed and all of that, he asked if we wanted to walk around the apartment complex so we could tour all of the amenities. Before we did I asked to go get food because I was starving and we drove one car there and my brother said, “No I don’t have time for it we have to go to Target”.
This annoyed me because he just wanted to walk an entire apartment complex but suddenly we didn’t have time. I had an attitude and kept asking why we could just go get some food after I just moved in everything for him and hadn’t eaten all day and it was still “I don’t have time for it”.
So we went to the car and I left my charger inside so I asked him if he could unlock the door so I could go get it but he said: “I don’t have time for that dude”. This annoyed me even more and we argued the whole way to Target, after we left Target he suddenly had time to go get some food because he was hungry.
When we got back he and my mom decided to walk the apartment complex and they got mad at me when they asked if I wanted to come and I responded with “I thought we didn’t have time?”.
The thing that just annoys me the most is how my mom lets him talk to her and me like rubbish but I’m the bad guy when I stick up for myself.
If I were to talk to him like that I’d get in trouble. The funny part is I’m 20 and he’s 25.
AITJ for this? I don’t care if I am I just need some honest advice.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not feeding yourself.
You’re 20. Why didn’t you eat all day? And you knew you were helping someone move right after school and didn’t bring so much as a granola bar to feed yourself after classes? Why didn’t you just go to Target when he suggested it, and buy some food?
What did you do? Sulk your way past the snack food sections? Even the non-grocery Targets have Something to eat. If you don’t like your brother because he’s a jerk, why did you agree to move his furniture? Just say no to doing things for him if he’s obnoxious.
C’mon.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is expecting you and your mother to operate on his timetable. It seems to me, based on your version of events, that him showing off his living situation was more important than taking care of the needs of the people who just got done helping him.
It is poor form, in my opinion, to not offer food to the people who help you with manual labor. However, you’re also an adult who likely isn’t suffering from malnutrition or experiencing any symptoms of starvation. As much as I disagree with your brother’s behavior, being snarky makes you look childish and petulant, not like you’re a grown man standing up to a bully.
You could just tell him this is the last time you’re going to help him.” srgonzo75
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you treat yourself You’re 20 times to start acting like it. You could have driven to your brothers. Then leave when you want to.
Why are you rushing to get to his place? Take time for yourself. As someone else mentioned why did you not eat at Target? I’ve never known a Target to be by itself. They are usually surrounded by any number of food places. You wanted to get food you ended up at Target.
You got what you asked for. Am I missing something???” Efficient_Alps2361
18. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbors Over Parking Issues?
“My husband and I live in a garden-style apartment building, surrounded by mostly young families and young couples. There are two buildings attached, with 6 units in each, that share a small parking lot of 12 spaces. Parking is included in our rent (parking stickers have to be displayed or you get towed) but you can only have max 2 cars per unit.
Given the area where we live has a lot of public transportation options, most people only have 1 car, so parking isn’t too big of an issue. But if there are no spots available, you have to park on the street outside the complex.
The issue: We have never really had issues with finding parking in our lot and only occasionally having to park on the street.
That is, until recently. About 6 months ago, our neighbors, who already have 2 cars, had a few people (I assume family?) move in with them. These ‘guests’ brought 2 more cars with them. Since you can’t have more than two cars per the lease, they do not have parking stickers.
But they still park in our lot and the only time I ever see them leave is when the tow truck comes (it comes at the same time every morning) they will temporarily move to avoid being towed, then come back. So basically, one unit now takes up 4 of the 12 spaces.
I only really know our neighbors across the hall so I talked to them about it. They were also annoyed because they never get parking anymore due to the time they get home from work and the cars parked on the street are constantly getting broken into.
I tried reaching out and wrote them a letter a few weeks ago asking if their guests could please park on the street since they are only allowed two cars per unit – but that had gone ignored. So yesterday I emailed the leasing office to see if they could remedy the situation.
My husband thinks I’m a jerk because these family members (again, I’m not sure they are family, but it seems to me like they are) probably had to move in due to financial hardship – as who would want to move into a small 2 bedroom apartment with 5 people – and my going to the leasing office might get them kicked out since they are likely unauthorized occupants.
I can empathize with that and do think about it, which is why I reached out to them first. But they ignored me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the tow truck comes around like clockwork can you call them at another time to do a drive-by and possibly remove the offending cars?
They should park on the street every time as they don’t have a sticker. But I doubt they’re on the lease either so they shouldn’t be staying there in the first place. You are just being diligent in getting what you pay for. You are also looking out for the landlord who could get in trouble with the state for having too many occupants in a small space.
Fire codes are at the top of that list. If you can, take pictures of the offending cars. Take multiple photos of the same car to prove that they are there frequently and stay parked all day/ night. Three photos of each car were taken 2-3 hours apart to prove the duration of illegal parking.
Also, try to get a video of them moving the cars just before tow trucks come and a video of them returning to said parking space once the coast is clear. Hopefully, the leasing office will take your complaint seriously and do an investigation but you should still get photos as proof that they cannot refute.” jenmrsx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they don’t want to get kicked out then they shouldn’t be parking where they know they’re not supposed to. I would go as far as taking photos of the unpermitted cars parking in the lots and getting their license plates to send to the leasing office and encourage your neighbors to do the same.
We had a similar issue at our apartment, though the leasing office allows you to purchase additional permits at extra cost. After residents complained and the leasing office sent around the tow truck at random hours a couple of times and towing the unpermitted cars, the issue magically got resolved.” sour_lemons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re doing the right thing by reporting them. They now have extra people living there illegally. So, in essence, they violate their lease. Secondly, you as a tenant, are paying for the privilege of parking there. That is why the management has a tow truck on contract, which, they are sneakily avoiding.
I would’ve reported them long ago. If they get in trouble, tough luck!!! You should take pictures of their license plates to show the management. I think your husband is a bit of a jerk for not defending you. Oh, poor them, they’re having financial problems????
Guess what??? That’s no excuse. At the very least, they can park on the street. Their entitlement is ridiculous.” Capable_Restaurant11
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Irresponsible Parenting?
“My younger sister 30 F got pregnant unexpectedly a few years back and now has a two-year-old.
She ended up marrying her partner and all appears perfect from the outside. She stays home and he is well off working part time. Here is my issue. She technically stays home, but in reality, she is dropping her two-year-old off with my mother who is 75 nearly every day and almost every weekend.
She goes out partying with her friends, getting massages, or doing wellness activities like yoga or IV drips. On weekends she and her partner are gone all day going to sporting events, concerts, horse races, etc. They never bring their daughter. My mom always watches her.
My sister is constantly living like she is a child and my mom is getting burnt out. My sister and her husband are now on their 4th vacation this year without their daughter and left my niece with my mom again for 11 days. My mom has never been able to tell my sister no. My sister refuses to hire a nanny or babysitter.
She goes around bragging about how she’s never even hired a babysitter while my kids are in daycare.
Anyway,y my mom was struggling this week and asked me to watch my niece so she could rest. I have 3 kids of my own and I work full time.
I agreed because I love my mom and I am worried about her.
This is where I might have been the jerk. I saw my sister’s Instagram story of her getting wasted on yet another vacation and I replied (privately on dm) saying why don’t you grow up and be a mom to your child.
My sister didn’t respond but called my mother freaking out saying I am judging her for being young and having fun. I am just jealous because she gets to stay home. My mom is now upset with me because she thinks it isn’t my place.
It probably wasn’t, but I hate seeing my mom suffer so my sister can go out partying every weekend. I hate seeing my mom get taken advantage of time and time again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling your sister what you think.
However, it is not your job to protect your mother. She created this dynamic and this entitled brat of a daughter through her actions. Tell your mom, no, you won’t enable this ever again and the only time you will see your niece is when the girl’s parents are there to care for her.
Eventually, your mom’s health will decline to such a level that she will no longer be able to care for the niece and then the sister will have to figure stuff out. Also: stop looking at my sister’s Instagram and any other social media.
Stop looking at this train wreck of a mother-daughter relationship, too.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know why people think you’re the jerk. Is it technically not your business, sure. But that’s your mother right there. Your 75-year-old mother!! I do believe you could have told her more maturely, but your mom deserves to relax.
She’s already done her job as a parent. If your sister asked her now and then, that’s different. But if what you’re saying is the truth and she dumps her kid off constantly, then she does need the harsh reality. Maybe try to communicate this with a clearer mind.
Another commenter said this post is tinged with envy, which I do see. But they’re not looking at the main issue, which is a child whose mother is spending barely any time with her. Your mother cares about her grandchildren, that’s wonderful, but she needs to prioritize herself and realize that her daughter isn’t a child anymore and can do some more of the heavy lifting.
Overall, communication is key!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, there is no obvious solution to this mess as your mom is victimizing herself by being such a pushover. You did nothing wrong by calling out your sister’s irresponsible behavior. But it had no effect at all, as your mom is the enabler, and you’ll never convince mom to change.” OkHovercraft4450
16. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mother Selling My Art Prints Without My Consent?
“I (39F) am low contact with my family. I’m an artist – not famous, but I have some recognition in my field. My family was not very supportive of my career choice until I started becoming successful and other people praised me.
So I’m a bit sour now that my mother (63F) is trying to get involved in my career, especially because she does things behind my back that I don’t approve of. For example, I gave her some free prints of my work, thinking she wanted to give them to friends.
A few months later she asked me if I had more because she’d already sold the ones she’d got. I was mortified because these were free prints: I got them for free to give away (and she knew that) and I gave them to her for free and she decided to make money off them.
So obviously I didn’t give her more prints.
Now, she has promised someone a print signed by me. And she told me this (on the phone): she knows I’m going to be mad but she already did it, so I need to sign a print and send it to them.
So I asked her why she did it when she knew it would upset me. Her response: I wasn’t thinking.
This has been her response to anything I’ve called her out on for years. She never apologizes, she just says it’s not her fault that she did something without thinking about it, and she then blames me for being angry, because it hurts her.
Also, she’s not senile, but she keeps forgetting when I ask her not to do something (this is not the first time she went behind my back and did something like this).
I wasn’t buying her excuses and she told me that she hadn’t promised it to the person 100%, she’d just said she could probably get it for them.
She ended up crying, so I caved in and said that while I’m not giving her another free print if she can buy one and get it to me (I live in a different city), I’ll sign it for them.
However, the exchange between my mother and that person was on social media in a public post. And I found it.
And she lied to me. The person (who knows she’s my mother) asks if there’s a chance I might sign the print and my mother replies: “Sure :)” So she did promise it without asking me if it was okay.
So I got upset again. Just to be clear, I don’t have an issue with signing that print for someone, I’d do it if I was normally asked. It just really bothers me that to my mother I don’t seem to deserve any consideration.
So I’m conflicted because I know what she’s doing is emotional manipulation and I don’t want to give in, but also that person who asked for a signature did it in good faith and was promised something I don’t mind giving.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The only way to stop this pattern is to STOP submitting to her.
So I agree she or they can buy the item and get it to you to sign. Don’t make this happen for her. She puts in all the effort. As well have one final conversation with her, or an email, and tell her you will no longer honour obligations she makes on your behalf.
If she “forgets” you will remind her! And it will be on her to fix any misunderstanding. If she asks some version of “Well what are you going to do?” your answer is “Nothing. This is for you to fix/explain yourself / apologize etc.” Every time you accommodate her you are teaching her to continue.
Don’t get mad. This is very important because she’s using that against you. Calmly refer back to your original email. If she has to clean up messes or clear up a misunderstanding she will stop because that will be stressful for her.” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother seems to think this is a hobby while it is your career. Don’t give her anything for free. If she promises free items (or anything from you) to others, that is HER problem. Don’t let her make it your problem.
She is a manipulator and guilt-tripper and will use the crocodile tears if necessary to get what she wants.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to grow a backbone and start saying no. You keep setting boundaries and then letting your mom walk through them.
And you take it! Stop being your own worst enemy and say “no!” Your mom knows you’re a pushover, and she will continue to do this forever. After all, she’s making money off your weakness. Stop the madness.” NoArt1475
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Wear Height-Enhancing Shoe Inserts?
“My son entered middle school this year. He seems to be having an ok time with it. He makes good grades and he gets along with lots of kids. To my knowledge, there’s no one bullying him or giving him any significant issues.
I got an alert from Walmart to my email.
It informed me one of the items I’d ordered was arriving late. My wife and I share a Walmart account and I was curious what she ordered that wasn’t groceries. That’s when I saw that it was inserted for shoes that would make a person appear taller…
I assumed my account had been hacked or something. Didn’t expect when I asked her about it that she’d tell me “No, Noah asked me for them”
To me this is ridiculous. The next chance I got, the 3 of us had a conversation about it.
I tried to explain how I was worried about this for multiple reasons. First, he’s not a short kid and I can’t imagine he’s having issues from his height. I told him I was concerned about what it would mean for him in the long run.
For his self-esteem and the precedent it would set. I want him to be happy with his natural self.
Another point I made was, “If it’s such a big deal and you think everyone is paying attention to your height, what do you think they’ll say when you show up and have hit a 3″ growth spurt overnight”.
Or what about if someone finds out about your height enhancers? They’d surely have something to say then. As I’m trying to give him logical considerations and convince him it’s a bad idea for lots of reasons, his mother chimes in that she was one of the shortest in her class and she always hated it so she could understand and basically went against what I was trying to establish.
Am I the jerk for getting frustrated with her that she would support this silly thing? In my mind, it’s not only that she validated his concerns and destroyed the foundation I was laying for him not needing them. But also it’s a terrible precedent to set imo.
Someone tell me I’m the jerk because I feel like this is a bad look for us all as a unit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Psychologically speaking, women are very conscious of their body image when going through puberty so your wife’s worries are understandable.
With that said due to all the reasons you said how shallow of a fix shoe inserts would be, and how insecure it would make your son when he’s barefoot, I would say put your foot down and not allow this because it’s a dangerous path to go down.” Frosty-Earth54
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your post mentions the things you told them about how this makes you feel and what you think about it. Did you spend time *listening* to either of them? Especially your son? You say he’s not being bullied “to [your] knowledge.” Have you asked him?
Do you feel like you’ve made it comfortable for him to honestly tell you if he was being bullied? The post above makes it seem like you might not be projecting the kind of openness he would need to tell you something like that.
You say this is “a bad look” for your family, but a bad look to whom? Seems like what the people *in* the family think and feel should be the priority. Whether or not YTJ isn’t about the inserts at all, it’s about the reaction to them.” anonwashingtonian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. you sound incredibly condescending. Your post revolves entirely around what you said and how YOU feel, and in one of your comments, you completely dismissed someone else’s insecurity because *you* don’t understand it. You complain that your wife ‘went against what you were trying to establish’ because she empathized and agreed with your son.
If you want him to have good self-esteem this is not the way to go about it.” Call_Me_Anythin
14. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Do Substances?
“Recently my partner (21M) had a friend over who he tried a certain substance with for the first time. Before his friend came over he had called and told me(20M) how he was probably going to try that substance that night. I was almost immediately concerned, despite the both of us being regular users of a certain plant and having had the occasional psychedelic experience, neither of us had tried anything like this substance before.
He also had only told me about 20 minutes before his friend was supposed to get there. I quickly realized I wasn’t going to be comfortable with him doing this and I expressed that to him. When I did he and I got into a light argument over it as I had agreed to allow each other to try new experiences.
(Due to unfortunate circumstances I had to move back to my home state recently and when I left we made a list of agreements with each other. Being allowed to try new experiences was one of them, I didn’t realize I wouldn’t like it) The argument didn’t lead to anything except him agreeing to give me thirty-minute updates, which he did do.
We had another argument about it the next day. He told me that he hated the thirty-minute updates because it felt controlling. I agreed and apologized for it, after which I once again told him how I didn’t want him trying that substance. He told me to trust him which I do 100%.
I asked him why he’s fighting so hard to be able to try that substance and he told me it’s because he wants to do what he wants and have fun. I told him that wasn’t fair to me and that I was unhappy at how he seemed to be brushing my concerns aside so he could have fun.
After a few minutes of arguing he had to leave so we didn’t get as far as I hoped we would. That was the other day and we still haven’t talked about it again, I’m planning on it I just don’t know what to say.
I’ve been feeling like a jerk for trying to ruin his fun and for being a bit controlling, but I also feel like my request isn’t that unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re not wrong for being concerned about him trying that substance, especially in this era.
However, he’s also not wrong for wanting to do it quite frankly. As much as I think that substance is a bad idea, all you can do is express your thoughts and see what happens. Telling people they’re not allowed to do a specific substance never works.
You can explain why you’re concerned and maybe that would help, but honestly, you two might just not be as compatible as you think.” alohanea
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk for asking, no. But he’s allowed to say no to your request, so then what?
I wouldn’t have been happy to learn my partner was planning on trying that substance in merely 20 minutes. Have you explained why you felt uncomfortable? It sounds like it would’ve been helpful to set clearer boundaries – is it the fact it’s without you?
Is it the specific substance? People change in life – you’re not the jerk for asking, but you could be based on your response. If this change behavior is something you’re not onboard with, you know what you need to do.” Rumin4tor
Another User Comments:
“As someone who was with a person who tried that substance for the first time after I met them and then it was just 3 times in total and after almost 2 years I found out it was a regular habit, You are NOT the jerk.
I’d also say get away as fast as you can before you catch real feelings because someone who disregards your discomfort about this is going to lie to you about everything because you are controlling and suffocating” redwarriorexz
13. AITJ For Speaking In My Native Language And With An Accent At School?
“I have (15f) have recently moved countries. At my new school, I have a friend who is from the same country as me (Emma) but she grew up in a different city. English is a first language for both of us, but we do have an accent (hers is much thicker than mine), so we do have moments when others can’t understand us properly.
Today at lunch, the two of us were talking very passionately about what we missed at home. We were on the topic of tests and Emma kept repeating the word four (Like she was saying four terms, four tests, exam number four, etc). Well as she was talking (we were being a little loud) a teacher that was standing not far from us yelled at her to “stop using such vile language” and “find other, more intelligent words” and that “it was disgusting.”
Emma and I looked at each other confused, before she mumbled an apology. As we walked away, our other friend (Mia) ran up to the teacher to tell her that we weren’t swearing, we were just talking in our native language. (We were switching between English and our native language, so I think she thought we weren’t speaking English)
The teacher replied, “Well, tell them that if their language sounds like bad English words, they shouldn’t speak it.” I find this quite annoying, but it’s our home language and while we’re not perfect at it, it’s still fun to speak it.
And a teacher not being able to understand me has happened before!!! I was in class when another friend of mine was saying how attractive the fox from Zootopia was and I responded with, “ He’s a FOX!!!” The teacher then yelled at me to not use that language.
I can understand a small misunderstanding, but it’s getting annoying now.
I’m not expecting people to understand my accent or language, but it’s annoying when they assume that us saying four or fox or even THANK YOU in our native language is a “bad” word!!!!
And I can’t respond when they yell at me, because (at the time) I have no idea what they are talking about!!! It was only after my friends had explained that I realized that the teachers mistook FOX or FOUR for a bad word.
AITJ for speaking with an accent/in my native language?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not in the wrong for speaking with an accent or in your native language. It’s the teacher’s responsibility to be understanding and respectful of cultural diversity.” MallowsMariana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m just asking this as a teacher, are you positive you are pronouncing words correctly? If something is mispronounced, not an accent, it definitely could sound like different words. I agree the teacher could and should clarify. What the teacher did is not okay.
Have you thought about reporting them? Have you brought this up with your parents if they will be supportive? Class time may not be the best time to speak in your native language, but break time, lunch, etc, is not a problem unless the school is stupid and has rules against it for some reason.
And that would be very discriminatory if they do. I do try to get clarity from students. My first question when I hear something I shouldn’t, or don’t understand, is a variation of what you just said. Please repeat that, etc. Sometimes it’s to put them on notice I am paying attention to something they should not be doing or to give them a chance to clarify.
There is nothing wrong with having an accent, I have one too. It has caused me enough misunderstandings that I have worked to neutralize it to communicate better and be understood. I am not suggesting that you do the same in case you were thinking that.
It is only to explain I understand and it has caused me grief as well. One strategy I use when someone doesn’t understand me or I don’t understand them is to ask them to spell the word, use it in a sentence for context, etc. A lot of times that clarifies things for me.
You might use that strategy if you are willing. Take care OP.” TimelyApplication723
Another User Comments:
“You’re not wrong to speak your native language but you probably do need some awareness around how certain words sound and probably the volume at which you say them.” New_Combination2430
12. AITJ For Refusing To Sign My Family's Proposed Contract For My Inherited House?
“I (23M) was very close to my grandfather, who passed away last year. He left me his entire estate, including the house after my grandma divorced him.
Before he passed, my grandma had asked him to let her son (my uncle, 50M, not biologically related to my grandfather) rent the house. They set up a 3-year contract for $1800 a month, and in the end, he could buy the house for $377K. The contract ends this November.
After a lengthy probate process, the house is now officially in my name. My uncle asked if I’d extend the contract because of high interest rates, but I didn’t want to—I’m hoping to buy my own home soon. My grandma pressured me, saying “It’s family,” so I reluctantly agreed to extend it for 3 more years.
While I was waiting for a new contract to be drafted, my uncle asked if he could start construction on the house. I said no, but then a friend of mine (who was doing the work) told me that my uncle had already started construction without my permission.
I went to check it out, and sure enough, major work had been done without permits. I confronted him, and he denied it until I showed him photos. He claimed it was “his house” and that he could do what he wanted.
Later, during a family holiday, my uncle and his partner ambushed me, proposing a 5-year contract with lenient rent terms, no restrictions on construction, and permission to sublet.
I refused and said I’d have my lawyer draft the contract instead. During probate, my uncle and his partner discussed what they would prefer contract wise that left it more open-ended. I continuously listened to their wants; however, I told them in the end I would send them a contract drafted by my lawyer once the house was in my name.
A few months later, my uncle, his partner, and my grandmother sent me the 5-year contract they had proposed during the family holiday. I firmly declined. My grandmother then called and berated me for not signing, claiming that if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have inherited anything from my grandpa.
At that point, I lost my temper and said, “You have to be kidding me.” She responded, “Your grandpa would be disappointed in you for using that language with me.” I replied, “Don’t use my grandpa against me,” and hung up.
Since then, my grandma and uncle have cut me off.
I had my lawyer draft a new contract: 3 years, no subletting, and a clause requiring my approval for construction, the rest of the original contract (from my grandpa) is the same. Now my uncle is saying he can only qualify for $350K instead of the $377K he owes, and my family is pressuring me to accept the lower offer, accusing me of forcing him out.
AITJ for refusing his contract, insisting he pays the full $377K, signing my contract, or moving out, and standing my ground despite family pressure?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to state in the contract that any construction without written permission is grounds for immediate eviction and dissolution of the contract.
Document the current state of the house inside and out. And stick to your guns about the price. He has 3 years to save the 20k.” Tricky-Jellyfish-341
Another User Comments:
“Given that you’ve had legal assistance, it sounds like you’re entirely within your rights in drafting the contract of your choice.
Or to offer no contract. Especially given your grandmother’s son initiating construction and lying to you repeatedly, I would advise you to evict him as soon as you’re legally able to do so, either terminating the current contract or denying a new one when the current one runs its term.
As long as he’s in the house, you’re going to have nothing but trouble. And just wait until you try to get him out — I anticipate a legal battle and lawyer’s fees even though you’re in the right. Get him out of there. Yesterday.
NTJ” Nester1953
11. AITJ For Refusing To Sell Our Home To Become Debt Free Faster?
“My husband and I are having a disagreement and I need someone to tell me if I’m the jerk, or if I’m making the right decision.
My husband (33m) and I (32f) moved from Ontario to Nova Scotia Canada in 2017. In 2019 we purchased our first home for $159,900.
A beautiful 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom home, huge backyard that leads into the schoolyard of my children’s elementary school in an upper-middle-class neighborhood.
We have a current 1st mortgage on the home from a B-Lender at 3.25%, which includes our property tax in the monthly payment ($912 a month total) and $108,000 remaining on the mortgage.
We have a second mortgage from a private lender (long story short, we owned a second income property that needed major repairs and we took out a private mortgage on that property to cover the repairs, but then upon the sale of the income property – there wasn’t enough funds to cover the private lender so we absorbed the private mortgage as a second mortgage on our primary property).
The remaining balance on that private lender in the second position is $42,500 ($900 a month in interest-only payments).
We have the ability to pay additional payments on the second mortgage and have it completely paid out in 5 years.
We have no other debts except for a small credit card balance of $5000.
My husband wants to sell our primary property (which is real estate assessed at $289,900) and move over an hour out of town to the middle of nowhere to purchase a home around $130,000 – 150,000, which would not be the same quality as the home we currently own (our current home is fully renovated and updated).
His theory is we would be completely debt-free and have a better quality of life, whereas right now we are going paycheck to paycheck.
The kids would have to move schools, lose friends and my son, who was recently diagnosed with ASD level 2 would have to change all his medical care practitioners and early interventionists.
My reasoning is in the next few years, we can have our 2nd mortgage paid off, have a higher income and fewer bill payments as I begin reducing our monthly costs by budgeting properly and we can stay in our current home for at least the next 12 years until our youngest graduates from the elementary school next door.
My husband is dead set on selling, but at the end of the day, we are both on the deed.
Am I the jerk for putting my foot down and refusing to sell? Or should we sell and become debt-free faster?”
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t a question for this thread and regardless of the outcome, neither of you are jerks.
Both of you have compelling arguments and quite frankly, neither of you are wrong. Sit down, discuss the pros and cons, and make a decision. Situations like these are what can make or break a marriage. Choose wisely.” Weekly-Strength-3402
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the way things are right now (I googled the Canadian mortgage rates) you’d double your rate and have pretty much the same or higher payment (I’m estimating I did ZERO math) than you do now on a worse property.
Patience will get you so much more. Plus moving kids is a terrible proposition especially one that thrives on routine and that’s going to tank your quality of life worse than tightening your belts for a few years.” BriefHorror
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it is great to be out of debt, the complete family circumstances must be considered here.
Uprooting your children from their school, the children having no friends to play with out in the middle of nowhere, and having to change all of your son’s doctors is a big ask for the family unit.” Stormy111161
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host My Friend's Partner's Birthday In My House?
“I, F34, have a small group of friends (8 people total) and we get along well. We’re all around 30 and none of us have children.
Recently, one of my friends started seeing a woman who already has a son, about 11 years old.
So far, so good. The problem is that his partner started wanting to show up at our gatherings with the boy. My friend had talked to me about the possibility and I said it wouldn’t be cool to bring him to my house, where most of our meetups happen, because I have a nice, big common area and since I don’t have kids, everyone is an adult and we just have adult conversations.
He seemed to understand and I thought that was the end of it.
I scheduled a get-together to celebrate my birthday in May. We were all going to a restaurant and then to my house to hang out. Imagine my surprise when my friend showed up with the boy!
I was kind of speechless, but I thought ‘Well, it’s a public place, I can’t control who goes to the restaurant, right? Maybe the mom will come pick him up after lunch.’ Wrong. They brought the boy to my house and he stayed there all afternoon.
The rest of my friends arrived and commented that they thought it was “super inappropriate” for them to bring the boy when I said I didn’t want to. Everyone was a bit uncomfortable. I didn’t say anything to my friend or his partner, I wanted to enjoy my day as much as possible.
Cut to now, this partner with a child sent me a message asking to use my common area to celebrate her birthday. I’ve ALWAYS been super open to celebrating my friends’s b-days at my house before but she isn’t really my friend. I’m still speechless reading the message.
I honestly am not up to it I mean… If she felt entitled to bring her son to my birthday, without respecting my request, imagine what might happen at her party. I’m afraid she might invite other people besides us, even if she said it would be a more intimate event.
That’s why I’ve already made it clear that it would be difficult for me to host her party at my place and I suggested she find another location. But… AM I THE JERK?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Except maybe your friend. My guess is your friend is disregarding your request, and to avoid upsetting his partner, he isn’t being upfront.
So instead he’s disrespecting your wishes because it’s easier for him. I honestly think the partner is being kept in the dark. I could be wrong. Politely tell her “Sorry, but no.” And then tell your friend if he can’t respect your wishes, then you’d rather he not come around at all.” Mission_Spray
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of the friendship politics/drama going on, you have the right to say no. I would never assume any of my good friends would do that unless they directly volunteered. Sure, it’s the usual hangout spot and a great place to have a birthday party, but that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your space.
She asked, and you respectfully declined. That’s the end of it.” modernChiquitita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We used to entertain a large group of friends and/or family often. I’ve never had someone ask to use my house to host their event, and if they did I would have said no. That’s not a common request. If she were a close friend that you’d known for years it might be different.” minimalist_coach
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Let My Neighbor's Father Into The Building Anymore?
“So recently my neighbor’s father (from what my partner has told me) has been getting let into the building by my partner so that he can care for his disabled son at night. Usually, I have no problem with letting anyone in since any delivery service (UPS, Amazon, etc) rings my buzzer because they think that my apartment is the building management office; so I saw no problem with him continuing to help him.
That was until it became an everyday occurrence, that happened multiple times throughout.
You see, the guy just doesn’t ring the bell and that’s it. No, he yells, “Hey, *apartment number*!” and then rings and holds the bell down because he doesn’t know the difference between the door clicking and the voice function being used. When it happened twice in one day I was like, maybe he forgot his key.
After the third I was like, this guy is forgetful! On the fifth I was like, nobody’s that forgetful.
So I asked my partner what was with the guy and if he had a key to the door. My partner explained that he doesn’t and that the son told him that he gives the key to his nurse in the morning so she can take care of his needs and at night his dad gets in however he can (the son is fully disabled).
Now I understand that the son has his reasons for not making a key for his father but it’s like, come on dude. I’m a quiet person, most of my neighbors never see me even on my days off because I like to go unnoticed. I do my good deeds when it’s needed most; like bringing in packages that are left outside when it rains or bringing in someone’s Fresh order because groceries are too expensive to be stolen.
But an introverted girl can only take so much, and I want to be able to watch my OC in peace. So AMIAJ?
**Important details that may answer questions:
1. I don’t leave my blinds open but my window is open because it’s hot in these old apartments
2. No I haven’t interacted with or seen the dad/son. And if I saw them I wouldn’t say anything to them because I don’t speak to anyone unless spoken to (I hate unnecessary human interaction)
3. My lights are usually off and so is my TV.
Electric is high and I’m poor so I usually live like bats although I am visually impaired.
4. I’ve talked to my partner and for right now I’m ignoring it unless there are signs that give away that we are awake.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however I wouldn’t stop without notice. Tell either the dad, the neighbor, or both that you’re not the concierge. I’d give them a week to get the key copied or figure something else out. Tell them as of X date you won’t be letting him in anymore.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“You need to stop letting anyone in that isn’t there to see you. Contact building management about deliveries as well. You should not be letting them in either if they are not there to deliver to you. At some point, you’re going to let in the wrong person just because they tell you they’re from Amazon or the like when they’re a stalker there to get to one of your neighbors or thieves.
YTJ for letting randos in your building.” Public-Ad-9827
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. The dad is in a hard place and might not understand exactly the issues he’s causing because you won’t even talk to him. His son needs someone to take care of him.
So while you’re ignoring a 2 second task, his son needs him. Maybe his son is hungry. You need to talk to either him or management before you decide to ignore him, because like you said a lot of people mistake your apartment for the management office.
Just think about what this son and dad are dealing with.” User
8. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Teenage Son Isn't "Just A Kid" After He Bullied My Injured Cousin?
“My (26f) sister, Elle (36f) has a 13-year-old son, my nephew, Tyler. Yesterday was my dad’s birthday. To get the picture, it was me, Elle, our other sister, our aunt and uncle, and our three cousins. The middle one of the three cousins, Grace (32f) has a daughter Brooklyn(12f).
Tyler and Brooklyn were the only kids there. Brooklyn recently broke her ankle and needs crutches for a few weeks.
The kids were mostly in the living room, whereas everyone else was in the kitchen/dining room. I didn’t think to check on them much because I thought 13 and 12 were old enough to know not to do something super dangerous like break a window, besides, the living room is pretty close to the kitchen.
We heard something crash down the stairs, followed immediately by shouting. Everyone’s first instinct was the rush into the room, and so we did. We saw Tyler and Brooklyn wrestling over one of the crutches on the couch, well Brooklyn was sitting on the couch and Tyler was standing behind the couch, if you can picture it.
Brooklyn ended up falling backward off the couch, and she started crying.
Turns out, Tyler had thrown one of the crutches down the stairs into the basement and was trying to also get the other one thrown downstairs. After we made sure Brooklyn was not seriously hurt (she ended up being fine), Grace started asking Tyler things like “What were you thinking?
Why would you do that? what’s the matter with you?” I wouldn’t call it yelling, but her voice was raised. A few other people joined her, and Elle immediately jumped in front of them like a soldier, saying “No one is hurt and he’s just a kid”.
I thought that was ridiculous because 1. Although Brooklyn ended up being alright, she COULD HAVE been hurt, and 2. A 13-year old? Really? A kid? That’s a teenager who should know better. So I told her that, just a kid is something used for kids aged 11 and below.
After that, it’s not an excuse.
Elle thought everyone overreacted, and she was upset, especially at me. My god? And for anyone asking, I don’t know why Tyler did that. I don’t. Maybe he thought it’d be funny or something. But since Elle is so upset I’m wondering if maybe that was a line not to be crossed. Or maybe I’m overthinking, because wtf.
Well?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know that “just a kid” has an absolute age limit. But for something like this? Taking away a mobility aid? Six-year-olds would know not to do this. Maybe he was trying to be funny, and if so he should get a very clear message about how not funny it was.
Maybe he’s a bully. I don’t know, but Mom trying to protect him from the consequences of his actions does him no favors. (The fact that EVERYONE thought Tyler was being a little jerk should tell Elle something, but she seems motivated not to hear it.) NTJ.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear why your nephew feels he can behave like this – because mommy dearest always rushes to defend him from any criticism of his behavior. Don’t allow Tyler unsupervised around Brooklyn. And I wouldn’t allow him into your own house at any time if I were you.” NagaApi8888
Another User Comments:
“Elle has raised a bully that picks on the vulnerable. He is not just a kid, he is a teenager who knows better. Elle’s terrible parenting is creating a dangerous monster who is abusive towards the vulnerable people around him. Your sister is a massive jerk who has raised a bully.
Keep calling out her bad parenting. She is a bad mother, sister, and aunt. Infantilizing her teenage son is going to bite her in the backside. NTJ. I wouldn’t be including your sister and nephew in any more gatherings.” Neonpinx
7. AITJ For Changing The Weekend Off Policy At Work Because Of My Best Friend?
“For some context, my best friend and I of over 10 years (we’ve been friends since high school) work at the same small business. They provide the minimum holiday hours and the minimum days off (two weeks paid holiday and two days off a week) because that’s all the owners can afford.
My best friend has always made a point to complain about the time off even when she was given full weekends off because she didn’t feel like working weekends, but weekends are our busiest days and always have been.
So we’re always left picking up the slack on weekends because she doesn’t want to come in which I don’t mind too much but I have rarely if ever had a weekend off or could get a weekend off because she’s always off and if there isn’t at least one of us in we would have to close the store.
It was all fine until things with other friends, family members, and my husband started to be booked on weekends and I had to keep turning them down because I knew my friend wouldn’t want to work the weekends so I’d have to work till late, so I’d be too exhausted to go out after.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I told my best friend that I was exhausted from constantly being the only person to work the weekends and she told me that if I was tired of working weekends I should just use my only paid holiday days to take weekends off and we could close the store those days essentially saying that I should give up my time off so she didn’t have to work, which wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t always cover her shifts for her when she goes on holidays or to a festival but she has only once covered a shift for me in the 4 years she has worked here.
My husband is tired of it so he told me to speak to the owner which I did and now the owner has changed the days we close the store and made it so no one can take weekends off unless it’s booked as time off, my best friend is upset about it because she wants to do things on the weekends and now she feels like she can’t because she has to work.
So am I the jerk for bringing up that it wasn’t fair that she had weekends off and I didn’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is false guilt. Bestie has gotten preference and you’ve been shouldering all the responsibility. I’m a firm believer that if possible, weekend shifts should be rotated so everyone has a turn to get time off and a duty to provide that time for others as well.
You deserve a life outside of work too!” SunshineDucky
Another User Comments:
“She doesn’t sound like a friend. She sounds like a coworker who takes advantage of your giving heart. Do you ever hang out outside of work? NTJ for standing up for yourself with your boss.
I feel like there should be a better way to rotate schedules so everyone gets a weekend off, but that doesn’t always work when people are trying to go to planned events.” purplstarz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I spent 14 years working for a hospital. People get sick on weekends and holidays, so that means I spent 14 years working (alternating) weekends and most holidays.
I got tired of it. So now I work in an industry that does not work holidays (it’d be triple time if they did) and on the occasions, I do have to work weekends, I get paid extra to do it. If your friend doesn’t like working weekends, she needs to get a new job.” CapriLoungeRudy
6. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Her Hurtful Comments Towards My Autism?
“I (M21) have been diagnosed with autism since I was 15. I wouldn’t say that I’m a walking stereotype, but I do exhibit a lot of ‘autistic behaviors’.
I have been with my partner (F20) for about 2 years now, and we moved in together a few months ago. She has been aware of my autism for the majority of the time we have been together and has always been completely okay with it.
She’d help me to navigate social situations (a particular hatred of mine), support me during times of being overwhelmed, etc, just generally being a total sweetheart. I have always let her know how much I appreciate it, and she always promised me that it was no trouble at all.
Fast forward to a few months ago.
We’re moving in! Just a little apartment, but I was so excited to continue this part of our lives together. The first out-of-the-ordinary thing I noticed was her telling me how annoying she finds it when I repeat certain phrases, (a habit I’ve had for as far back as I can remember).
I understand that these things can be irritating, so despite being a little hurt, I pushed it to the back of my mind. She has since thrown out everything I owned that related to my main interest, and begun to call me slurs for doing things that I have done around her for years, saying ‘ignore him, he doesn’t understand much’ when I’m speaking to someone, just doing and saying hurtful things ALL THE TIME.
I was losing my mind living with her, so I confronted her. She said it’s because I’ve ‘started acting like more of a jerk than ever’ since we moved in together. I am hurt, and so confused. I’m staying with a friend right now, purely because I cannot stay with my partner any longer.
I need to know if her reaction is normal & I’m the jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is showing her true colors. This won’t get better. Run! Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. I am so sorry she is treating you like this.
There’s nothing jerk-ish about what you are doing. But your partner is being a HUGE jerk. You deserve better!” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. It’s not a good sign that now that you’re spending more time together she is being rude, dismissive, and downright abusive towards you.
I doubt any of this behavior is controllable by you so it’s something she needs to deal with if she wants to be around you. You should not accept her behavior towards you, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and no amount of “but I love her” is worth it.
If she doesn’t respect you she doesn’t love you, end of story.” Luminus8181
5. AITJ For Asking My Witchcraft-Practicing Sister To Tone It Down Or Move Out?
“So, my (31M) sister (22F) recently moved into my place after breaking up with her partner.
What I didn’t realize was just how far she’s taken her whole “witchcraft” thing. I knew she was into Wicca and read a lot about the history of witchcraft, but I always assumed her interest was purely academic. Boy was I wrong.
The day she moved in she set up a full-on altar in her room.
There are now pentagrams on the walls, black candles everywhere, and jars filled with who-knows-what lining the shelves. She put up these creepy dolls with pins stuck in them. I don’t know if they’re supposed to be voodoo dolls, but they’re seriously disturbing.
The night after move-in, she decided to hold a “full moon ritual” in my living room. She was dressed in a satin robe, chanting in some language (I think Latin), and waving around this giant staff she made herself. Then she started throwing what looked like wet animal bones into a circle of salt she made on my floor.
A couple of nights later, I woke up at 3 AM to weird noises and found her in the backyard, dancing around a fire she’d started in my metal trash can. She was tossing herbs, papers, and some other stuff into the fire, and I’m pretty sure I saw her drop a photo of her ex in there.
I confronted her about it, and she calmly explained that she was doing a “banishing spell” to rid herself of “negative energy.”
She’s been leaving “offerings” around the house. Like bowls of raw meat, coins, and strange liquids just sitting out in random corners.
I’m a vegetarian and kind of a neat freak so the smell of uncooked meat and parade of ants through my kitchen is really putting me on edge.
She has quit three good-paying jobs in the past year because of tarot card readings. She said the cards told her that her bosses were “energy vampires” trying to drain her life force.
Instead of addressing her problems like a normal person, she just walked out of each job without notice, leaving her broke and jobless—hence why she’s living with me.
Last week I went out of town for work. Upon my return, I discovered my elderly cat, Mitzi, was missing.
My sister says the cat jumped out, ran down the street, and disappeared. The thing is, Mitzi isn’t very spry and has never tried to run away. Given my sister’s recent behavior, I began to suspect she might have done something terrible. While I don’t have concrete proof, the combination of her intense rituals and Mitzi’s disappearance makes me worry she might have harmed her.
Yesterday I came home and found my sister in the dining room. She’d drawn a giant pentagram on my hardwood floor with chalk. When I asked what she was doing, she said she was trying to summon a spirit to help her figure out why her life was “out of balance.” I finally had enough and told her she either needed to tone down the witchcraft or find somewhere else to live.
She freaked out, accusing me of trying to suppress her spiritual freedom and saying I don’t understand what she’s been through. The thing is, I’m fairly certain that she doesn’t even understand what she’s “going through.” I feel like she needs to get help.
I love my sister more than anyone else in the entire world and I’m tired of seeing her destroy her life over and over again with her fickle impulsivity. She’s not the first member of our family to spiral due to religious mania.
I don’t want to lose her but I feel like my life is becoming unmanageable and I don’t know how to balance respecting her freedom and giving her space with my desire for a tidy, un-chaotic home.”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds really tough.
While it’s great to respect her beliefs, her behavior seems to be crossing some serious lines—especially with the rituals, quitting jobs over tarot, and your missing cat. If there’s a history of mental health issues in your family, it might be more than just spiritual exploration.
I’d try having a calm talk with her about getting help, and set clear boundaries for your own peace. Hope things improve and your cat turns up!” User
4. AITJ For Helping My Cousin's Baby But Not My Niece?
“I (37F) am a GP, a General Practitioner for the non-Brits here. It is a firm rule of mine that I do not handle any medical situations for family and friends outside of extreme emergencies as we are supposed to avoid any medical treatment for those close to us.
Normally I can stick to this rule which is a good thing, which means no emergencies have happened!
However, this morning my cousin called me worried about if she should take her three-month-old son to the hospital, not wanting to go if it was nothing while I’d normally tell her to play it safe I live a couple of minutes away so I just drove over.
He was fine he just had a cold. I instructed her on how to care for him and what signs to look out for.
This made the rounds in the family as she posted it on social media laughing about her earlier worry and my older sister saw it.
She called me and began to berate me about how I was fine going to help our cousin but when her 8-year-old daughter’s throat was sore and she had a fever I didn’t go check and help.
I pointed out that I’d brought my niece books and visited her but no I didn’t medically check her as she’s not a baby and my sister is not a concerned new parent.
My sister being the understanding and patient woman that she is /s told me that it was the principle of the matter and it showed that I didn’t care for my niece. I told her to stop being a child and if nothing else this showed how much I do care for my niece, I then told my sister she was acting like a bigger baby than our cousin’s son and she needed to get a life.
I feel bad for snapping like this but I hate how she questioned if I care for my niece, because I adore that girl, the two situations to my mind are very different but perhaps I should have been more patient all the same.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ An 8-year-old kid can tell the parent exactly where it hurts, they go to school and can write and do basic math for god’s sake. A 3-month-old can’t do any of that, they can’t even tell you if it hurts anywhere they only communicate with crying.
You did the right thing for showing up for cousin. Do I guess right when I think this was not the first time family had tried to wrangle you into treating them…?” faulty_rainbow
Another User Comments:
“I have a family member who is a pediatrician.
We NEVER overuse it. He is not my children’s pediatrician but I did ask him for recommendations for pediatricians he would send his kids to. He lives about 5 miles from us. In our 17 years as parents, I have called him 4 times with questions and he has come over to check out my kid(s) twice.
Both times were 8-9 at night with infant/toddler crying and with fever and bad cough while other kids were asleep and my husband was out of town. I would have called him to stay with my sleeping kids if I was taking my sick kid into the hospital so it was easier for him to check out my kid and then sleep at my house while we went to the ER.
Both times ended up being bad croup. NTJ. You are not your sister’s medical professional on call for her whims.” ZombieHealthy2616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone’s 8-year-old having a sore throat is not an emergency. A new parent worried about the health of their newborn could be.
You did the right thing, and I don’t blame you for snapping. If my sister told me I don’t love her child because she got her feelings hurt that I’m not at her beck and call, I would snap too.” retrogress
3. AITJ For Expressing Concern About My Wife's Old Friend's Intentions?
“My wife and I met in college and have been married for 30+ years. In High School, she was very close friends with a guy she met in summer camp (let’s call him “Joe”) who attended HS about an hour away, so they saw each other frequently throughout the year.
My wife has always said the relationship was never remotely romantic, and I fully believe that for her part. However, I met the guy many times during college and it was clear to me that he would gladly move beyond the “friend zone” if given a chance.
Now my wife hates jealousy in any form (and doesn’t have much sympathy for insecurity either), and I knew that this friendship was important to her so I accepted that if I wanted to be with her, this friendship came with the bargain. Near the end of college, my wife introduced “Joe” to one of her friends and they began seeing each other and eventually married. “Joe’s” wife was deeply insecure about his friendship with my wife and had the same perspective that I did about how he truly felt.
Joe and my wife had not been in any real contact (beyond Christmas cards) for 25+ years, but he continued to come up from time to time in our conversations about her HS years.
“Joe” and his wife are currently going through a divorce and he’s taking time to drive around the country in a big RV to “process” the breakup.
“Joe” decided to stop for a week in the city where we live and reached out to my wife to reconnect. She was very excited about this, and while I was somewhat ambivalent, I trusted my wife 100%. “Joe” has been to our house a few times, and they spent a day together sightseeing in the area.
My wife acknowledged that I’ve been welcoming and gracious during these visits, but I have told her that while I completely trust her, my perspective on how “Joe” truly feels about her has not changed. She’s angry with me for sharing how I feel about this and thinks that I should have kept it to myself so it didn’t detract from her experience reconnecting with “Joe”.
He’s moving on in a couple of days, but it would be helpful to get additional perspectives on whether or not I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. I hate this idea that men/women come within an inch of potential “risk” (for lack of a better word), and blame their partner when they get upset/insecure about it.
It’s like having a loaded gun to your head with the safety on, but the person keeps telling you “Why are you scared? The safety is on!” Do people think infidelity happens in a bubble when a person falls out of the sky and lands on your partner?
Or when a friendship or professional relationship evolves into something more? Such an unbelievably manipulative tactic and a reductionist way to view your partner’s worries.” Frosty-Earth54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t accuse her of being unfaithful, you didn’t say you distrust her, all you did was share your perspective about Joe’s feelings toward your wife.
That is a healthy thing to do (sharing your feelings) and it doesn’t make you a jerk at all. For your wife to react as if the problem is you harshing the buzz is not good for her. She doesn’t have to agree with you about Joe.
But he just got divorced and is looking up an old flame (even if it was just an unrequited crush). Your assessment of Joe’s feelings toward your wife is entirely reasonable and justifiable given the circumstances. Your wife shouldn’t dismiss it and she needs to prioritize you and your marriage. That doesn’t mean she shouldn’t see Joe and you’re not asking her to not see him.
But she owes you and your feelings about this more respect than she’s given them. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go YTJ, what was the point of saying all that? They’re friends hanging out, your 30-year-long insecurity is insane, especially with you talking with his ex for affirmation.
Your wife was having fun for a week and you couldn’t even let her have fun without being all: but I’m insecure after 30 years of marriage, please reaffirm to me that you are gonna jump this guy’s bones. For goodness sake are you over 40?” issy_haatin
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend's Toxic Partner On Our Camping Trip?
“So some of our friends and I had been planning a camping trip for months that we were all super excited for since this was really the only time any of us were taking a vacation from work the whole year.
Two of our friends who are married to each other were the ones paying for this entire trip and we were going to be taking their cars down there as well.
About 2 months ago now one of our friends (who is involved and had a kid with a guy none of us can stand) called us hysterical because she and her partner got in a huge fight because he was constantly gaslighting her and making her feel like she’s crazy in every argument they get into and she tried to break up with him but it didn’t go well I guess.
I was so scared that night while we were driving to pick her up because of the way she was talking I genuinely didn’t know what was going to happen if we didn’t get there quickly.
For the last year and a half he’s given us absolutely no reason to like him (couldn’t hold down a job for more than a month at a time, refused to even try and get his GED, put the brunt of the childcare on her, and is also really controlling over what she wears/ who she talks to/ who she hangs out with) and so especially considering recent events I think it’s fair that none of us want to go on a 3 day camping trip with him.
But when one of our friends (one of the ones paying for the trip) called her and told her we didn’t want him there (after she invited him without asking) she got super mad. It’s now been a month since their phone call and we still can’t have a conversation about it with her without her freaking out on us saying “This isn’t just her partner this is the father of her child” and that “he’s been around long enough that he deserves respect from us and that he doesn’t owe us anything” and was upset that our friends who are married are both going but her partner can’t come.
So now I don’t know if we’re all overreacting about the situation or if she is. I love her and don’t want to stop being her friend but I’m also done making myself uncomfortable so she and her unpleasant partner don’t get upset.”
Another User Comments:
“Them that pays the piper calls the tune: Why would your friends pay for this person- about whom they know little, and what they do know is not good? “He doesn’t owe them anything” is laughable when she’s arguing for a free holiday.
If a Disgruntled friend doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to go. Trying to bully everyone else into accepting him on the trip gives the impression he is having a bad effect on her. NTJ” peonyhen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I reached a point in time where I told my best friend that I supported her to the best of my ability but that I could no longer be around her partner.
He made me uncomfortable. He always offered to drive but always showed up in a state where he was not okay to do so. He stole. He lied. He manipulated. He ignored her at best and treated her awfully at worst. I finally said I’m miserable trying not to make you or him uncomfortable and I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t want to be around him. She understood. She broke up with him, went back to him, and broke up again. I did my best to support from afar and stay out of it. They eventually broke up and she moved on to a happy and healthy relationship.
Do what you need to do for yourself OP” Dense-Passion-2729
Another User Comments:
“It’s sad but you might have to distance yourself from her and the bf. I have been in this kind of relationship. Causes drama and gaslights before this was a term.
Got Perm RO for a year. I am glad my friends and family didn’t have to really see him but I am glad my bestie was there for me and even when he stalked her. So get out before he damages all the relationships.” AriDiamondGold
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Step-Daughter Shopping Due To Her Poor Hygiene?
“Yesterday I (30F) was relaxing at home with my MIL, chatting and drinking coffee. When my husband (37M) arrived, he asked me if I would take his daughter (12F) shopping for a dress.
A little bit of context, when he was younger my husband had a relationship with a woman, let’s call her Sarah and they had Mary their daughter. He was having his rebel phase, going against his parents with this relationship but it did not last. He realized they were way too different as individuals and broke up when Mary was 3.
I met my husband 6 years ago and we got married 4 years ago. Our relationship is amazing and I get along extremely well with my in-laws. I was immediately accepted into the family and my MIL treats and introduces me to people as her daughter. As you can imagine this has caused a lot of drama with Sarah because she never received the same treatment from the family but truthfully speaking she is not someone you wish to have in your social circle.
Mary and I get along well. Everyone is on the same page that she has a mother and that I am not trying to replace her, I am just her father’s wife. However she spends most of her time with her mom and Sarah is teaching her extreme hippy nonsense like she should not abide by the expectations society has on women, she should not feel pressured to act, look, or behave as what society considers acceptable, and so on.
Mary therefore is allowed by her mom to not shower for days in a row, wear dirty clothes, and not brush her teeth or hair. This has become her way of living because she refuses to shower or dress properly all the time. It pains me to say but she could pass as a homeless child if you see her on the street due to her appearance.
Back to yesterday, 1 month from now the entire family will attend a gala where my husband will receive an award. It’s an important moment in his career and he asked me if I would go with his daughter to buy a dress for the event.
I told him honestly that I prefer not to. I explained that I felt embarrassed being seen with Mary in public. She dresses horribly and most of the time her clothes are dirty, she stinks and does not brush her hair. MIL agreed and mentioned to my husband that it would be best if Mary did not attend this event because she would make us look bad in front of all the people that would be present.
I was on my MIL’s side. The husband was sad but he also agreed with us and mentioned he would think about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- you’re focused on appearance / how others will see you, instead of the situation at hand. This child is being neglected, in terms of personal hygiene.
Bad teeth care will likely cause horrible problems down the line (e.g. cavities, losing teeth, etc). She is a little girl. She doesn’t know better. She is just following the guidance of her mom. When you’re a kid, you don’t know better.
You see embarrassment. I see neglect. Why is your husband not doing anything, when she is in his care? Why is your husband not petitioning the court to get more time with her? Is it because you’re too worried about appearance? Maybe look in the mirror and see what you’re missing, respectfully.
This girl deserves better care, I hope y’all do something.” wxst3d
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is wretched to be embarrassed by a 12-year-old child and even worse to tell her father you’re embarrassed by her. Your comment about how you will be perceived taking a girl who is “wearing baggy, ugly thrift store clothes” while you’re carrying a “designer bag” isn’t what will make you seem like the “evil stepmom” and be seen as “Cinderella.” It’s the fact that you *are* behaving like one that will do that.
Nobody at the mall cares about your designer bag or her baggy clothes. One of my dearest friends owns a high-end formal clothing store. One where you don’t shop without an appointment and aren’t walking out the door spending less than 4 figures on anything and are likely spending at least 5.
Most of the girls her age who walk in have messy hair and are wearing sweats or leggings and oversized tees. And you somehow don’t think you can take a 12-year-old to a mall without being humiliated? It’s a mall, for goodness sake.
It’s not Henri Bendel or Oscar de la Renta.” Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ‘Sarah’ is right. You don’t have to conform to what society considers ‘normal’. However, in doing so, you also have to accept that no one has to interact with that behavior.
OP isn’t the girl’s mother. It’s not her responsibility. She’s vocalized what everyone else is thinking. It’s now up to the girl’s father to sort it out. Well done OP for being the voice of reason. I just hope someone explains to ‘Mary’ why her lack of hygiene is going to exclude her from future events and also the detrimental effect it could have on her health.
I hope ‘Mary’ likes dentists!!” ResponsibleForce7878
