People Try To Control The Narrative In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Bail Out My Friend Who Tried To Steal From Me?
“I met my friend Shelly (not her real name) about 6 years ago. About a year ago I got a new job that has enabled me to finally start putting money away and pay off a large chunk of my bills rather quickly.
My job is high stress as it is sales but it pays very well compared to many things in the area. Shelly until recently worked as a manager at a fast-food place. Shelly showed up to work one morning high and ended up being fired for it.
While she had been clean at this point for almost 10 years she says “she just needed something to take the edge off” which I have told her I will not support. I cannot have that kind of stuff around my kids and only want what’s best for her.
About a week ago when I get a call from my bank asking if I wished for a charge to go through. This charge was well over 3 grand which would have drained my checking and part of my savings. Obviously, I say no. I have them cancel the card and deny the charge.
Shelly comes by later that evening telling me that her husband Jim is leaving her. He wants her to go to rehab. and has thrown her out of the house. It’s at this point she also asks for money. I ask her how much and she says 3k.
So she has a hotel for the next couple of months. It’s at this point I have put 2 and 2 together. Shelly had been over a few days ago. So, I look at my email on my phone. The charge is from the same hotel she is talking about staying at.
“Where is my card, Shelly.” She gets angry and starts yelling at me saying I’m a horrible friend and that she is about to be homeless if she doesn’t have a roof over her head. Her life is falling apart and it’s all my fault.
She starts blaming other people for her choice to use substances again. Mind you we are talking the hard stuff. I tell her to leave and she refuses. It takes over an hour before she “calms down” but she still refuses to leave. I end up having no choice but to call the cops.
She ends up going to jail after she resists arrest and gets into an altercation with an officer.
I feel bad as I had her removed. But I feel like I made the right choice. I have spoken to Jim and her family we are all going to demand she go to rehab.
She has called multiple times asking me to bail her out. We have found a rehab that will take her she just has to agree to go. If she does her husband will stop the divorce and I will bail her out. AITJ for refusing to bail her out and to stand my ground she needs to be clean?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And don’t bail her out unless you are prepared to permanently lose that money. This woman attempted to steal from you, she has shown no remorse and has taken no responsibility for her actions. She assaulted a police officer. This is not someone who is making sensible choices, what makes you think that will change and she would make the sensible choice to stick to any bail conditions?
She doesn’t appear to want to get help – you and her husband are talking about making her go to rehab, the chances of that working out are very low. And her own parents aren’t willing to take the risk of bailing her out. They probably know that they will lose their money if they do.
You should follow their example. Say you are not prepared to take that risk. Step away from this. Her poor choices are not your responsibility.” ProfessorYaffle1
21. AITJ For Spending $60 On A Bridal Shower Gift Basket After Taking Over Another Bridesmaid's Task?
“This past weekend was the bridal shower for one of my best friends (25f). There are 7 bridesmaids including me (24f). Where I’m from, the maid of honor typically plans the shower, and the bridesmaids and family of the bride (and sometimes the groom) help if they can.
A few months ago, the maid of honor sent out a list of things that needed to be done and asked us to sign up for what we could help with. I signed up to bring 2 food items and provide a backdrop, and I paid $50 to go toward the venue.
The Thursday before the shower, a bridesmaid (the bride’s cousin, about our age) reached out to the group and asked if someone could take over her job (and she would Venmo them) because she could no longer make it. She signed up to bring a gift basket as a prize for one of the shower games.
I responded “I can. You can text me if you have any ideas about what you were going to add!” Direct quote. She texted me separately asking for my Venmo. I sent it to her then didn’t hear from her the rest of the day.
The MOH texted me to let me know the theme for the basket should be “citrus”.
The next day (Friday) I texted the cousin and let her know I was on my way to Target and asked if she just wanted me to let her know the total. She said that was great.
At Target I bought the basket, a cup, lotion, body scrub, a hair clip, candy & lip gloss. Nothing was over $10. The total ended up being $62. I sent the receipt to her and a photo of the basket all put together. No response. Saturday came around and she didn’t say anything.
The shower was over and everything was fine. We finished cleaning up when I got a Venmo from her for $30.
I texted her that it wasn’t fair for me to foot the bill when I was doing her a favor ON TOP of everything else I committed to.
She said that it was supposed to be a small basket and I shouldn’t have spent $60. I told her she had every opportunity to let me know there was an issue. She could have sent me money right away, she could have given me ideas as I asked her to so it was in her price range.
She could have even said something when I sent the receipt. I would have taken items out and returned them before they were given away at the shower.
She was very upset with me and said she didn’t have the money but would send the rest when she got paid.
I’m worried that she’s going to make a big fuss about the bride. I know I could have asked what her budget was before buying everything. I’m not blaming her for not having the money. I know everyone’s budget is different.
So… AITJ for spending $60 on a gift basket for a bridal shower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You asked questions, got no response other than “citrus”. Wow. You did right by the bride and I likely would have done the same here. If this is a big deal, people need to calm down.
Though you may lose the $32 extra you paid, you’re still NTJ!” thinkevolution
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop worrying. She’s in the wrong here and being a passive-aggressive jerk. So let her make a fuss and show her colors – if she wants to throw a tantrum, she is more than welcome to do so and embarrass herself.
Be calm and collected. You have a “paper trail”, so you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody any more than a simple “She’s had enough opportunities to give feedback if she’s chosen not to, that’s on her” or something along these lines.” alexandraadler
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ, because the bridesmaid asked someone to take over her task, so she should’ve set out the prices from the start instead of expecting you to know what she’d planned to spend and then getting snippy when you went over a budget she’d apparently set for herself but hadn’t bothered to make it known to you, even when she had the opportunity to.
If she makes a big deal about it, so what? It’s her own fault for not being clear with you, especially when she could have but chose not to.” Fearless-Golf-8496
20. AITJ For Feeling Excluded By My Roommates Over Dietary Needs And Socializing?
“I (24F) recently moved into a house with two of my very close friends: Amber (27F) and Jessica (27F). My childhood was pretty messed up and it turns out I have ASD.
I am also diabetic. So I have tons of food aversions. I can’t eat spicy or starchy food etc. We usually take turns making dinner. But I noticed that they are still making unhealthy, spicy, starchy foods. I told them about my condition. To be fair, they didn’t know I was a diabetic since I never mentioned it.
I’m also not on meds for it, but I am medicated for my autism, depression, and anxiety.
We tried eating more healthy but a few weeks in they were back to their old cooking habits. I brought our diet up and Amber said that she always let me know beforehand what she makes so that I can buy something additionally or make my own food if I don’t want to have her food.
She does, but since we all contribute to the groceries this just doesn’t seem fair.
Jessica also said they can’t eat my food because the fiber content is too high and it messes with their GI tract. In short, they wanted to keep saying what they were planning to make for dinner ahead of time so that I could make a plan if I was not feeling it.
Jessica suggested splitting groceries between myself, Amber, and her but I feel like that’s just making the decision worse.
I also feel that this is unfair because we used to be really close at uni. We did most things together. I noticed that whenever I get home (I usually get home later than Jessica and Amber), they just stay in their rooms and don’t socialize much.
They act like strangers and it’s making me feel unwelcome and snubbed. They countered by saying that they’re both introverts and just like doing their own thing. Amber games and Jessica gardens. I tried involving myself a bit with Amber’s gaming and asked if I could watch her play.
She bluntly told me that if she wanted to socialize, she’d come get me. But she wants to be left alone at home to recharge.
Jessica likes gardening so I tried involving myself there. I have a partner who’s really good at irrigation and wanted to ask him to help set up an irrigation system for Jessica.
She lost it on me and told me it was her garden, not my partner’s. And that he can set up an irrigation system for my patch of garden, but she loves manually watering her plants.
I’m just feeling excluded and snubbed, and coming home is causing some major anxiety.
Which is making me wonder if I did something wrong. So I told them that I was feeling snubbed and ignored, and they told me that we don’t have to do everything together and that I’m being too pushy. Now they’re completely ignoring me. It’s worse than before.
This isn’t at all what I imagined living with my friends was like. It’s causing me major anxiety.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not being excluded and snubbed. You’re expecting them to cater to your wants and needs. They don’t have to revolve their cooking around your dietary needs and why should one of them suffer if your food messed up their system?
They also have a life outside of you. In college, you have more free time. I’m assuming you all work and when you’re out of college your schedule is different and not everyone wants people around them 24/7. It sounds like you need hobbies and other things to do because you just expect them to revolve their life around you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Needing alone time is normal to all and introverts esp need our downtime. I hate being dragged into chatting while gaming Your offer to Jessica was out-of-bounds gardening is meditation The food you cook makes others sick. Nothing to be done and expecting others to conform to you when you didn’t even tell them is rude.
Buy your own food and redo the agreement about grocery payment” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, people grow up and grow apart. You have different interests, and if they garden or play games to relax, they don’t want you clinging to them. If you split the groceries then you should say, you will pay for yours and I will pay for mine.
No one should pay for groceries if they can’t eat it. It kinda seems like you want everything your way, but I may be wrong.” Spare-Imagination132
19. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Stepbrother's College Education?
“My (28M) parents had me when they were young, and my mother passed away soon after my birth.
My father was too emotionally unstable to parent. We had very little money and were on food stamps on and off, and whenever my father had extra money he spent it on booze. He would forget to pick me up from school, buy groceries, etc, and I never got to do sports/camps like other kids.
While my childhood was hard, I grew very self-reliant. I finished high school with a B/C average, but my tough background got me into the state school AND a need-based scholarship. Once I moved out, I ceased contact with my father. Post college, I love my job, make six figures, and own a house.
Four years ago, my father contacted me again. He got his life together and wanted to have a relationship with me. It started with him taking me to restaurants, sports games, etc, but eventually, I was the best man at his wedding. In these four years, he never asked me for anything, despite knowing my financial situation.
I still genuinely believe that he had no ulterior motive in reconnecting with me and that he feels very ashamed of his past and wants to do better. However, recently his stepson “Jim” M17 got into a prestigious school. He and his wife “Mia” asked me for $20K per year.
I said no.
With his grades, Jim could get a full ride to the state school, where he could be just as successful, so it makes no sense to pay for a fancy school. Mia called me bitter and resentful, and my father told me that just because my life was hard doesn’t mean I have to make Jim’s life harder.
They then pointed out that I make more money than both my father and Mia combined, with no kids, so I should be more willing to help them. I’m not bitter and resentful at this point. I have the job, the house, and the life I want to have, and I honestly don’t think my life would be very different if I had a different upbringing.
I also really like Mia and Jim. Mia’s been very kind and supportive to me, and Jim is a very smart, studious, driven kid who will do amazing things regardless of where he goes. Plus, if Jim was sick, or in some other dire situation, I would give TWICE that amount with no hesitation.
I discussed the situation with my partner, who told me stuff similar to my father—that just because I didn’t have certain opportunities growing up doesn’t mean I shouldn’t help Jim get those opportunities. She also offered to help contribute some of her income, as she has grown close with that family, too.
Now I am kind of feeling like a jerk, since my partner is willing to help but not me. I personally don’t think going to this school will benefit Jim at all, but should I maybe try to compromise? Give $10K or $5K?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be blunt. You didn’t bring him into existence. You didn’t marry into the responsibility of a child. Your dad is shirking responsibility as a parent yet again. And you should tell him so. Say, “Don’t put your responsibility of a child you are supposed to take care of on someone else, just like you did me.” But be prepared to burn the built relationship with him.
But that’s on him. Not you.” Fit-Establishment219
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your income and whether or not you can afford $20K a year is completely irrelevant; Jim is not your child and paying his tuition is not your responsibility. If he wants to go to an expensive school, he can look into scholarships, grants, or loans to pay for it.
If you *want* to contribute something, that’s your choice, but you certainly don’t “*owe*” him anything.” Winter-Cow-8119
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact is you can afford it *now*. You might not be able to afford it in 12 months. Anything can happen, sickness, death, unplanned pregnancy, job loss, a car accident.
If you don’t want to then don’t. Simply explain that you’re not bitter, but nor is it your responsibility to pay for your stepbrothers college. You’ve known them for 4 years after 18 years of neglect. Frankly, your dad should be on his knees begging you to stay in his life, not calling you bitter.
It’s great that you’re not bitter. I’m not the bigger person, I would be bitter.” Disastrous_Cress_701
18. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Stop Helping Her Troublesome Sister?
“My wife and I have been together over 20 years, we’re both well into middle age and happy. She has a slightly younger sister who, no way around it, is a despicable human being by every measure.
Many families have a black sheep, I would never offend sheep by making that comparison. She’s never contributed anything of value to the world and is just full of hate and vitriol. Every single person in this large and otherwise close family had given up on her years ago…except for one.
My wife, who’s an educated professional with an important and stressful job, has taken it upon herself to try to “fix” her sister. She had basically no contact with her until both their parents had passed (and after she was released from a lengthy stay in prison, its own story), but soon afterward, let’s call her “Madge”, started developing medical issues due to years of rampant substance, booze, and smoking use.
The people she hung around with literally destroyed the house she was squatting in so she needed a place to stay (I made it clear she will NOT live in our house). My wife “Carol” took it upon herself to help her out, which I was OK with of course but I warned her that Madge would start taking advantage of her very quickly.
Boy was that an understatement.
Carol would get phone calls from her at all hours of the day or night, DEMANDING to be taken somewhere or complaining because someone OD’d in the bedroom and she’s afraid to call the cops (seriously), and Carol was to drop everything and help her out.
If my wife refused or simply couldn’t, Madge would start screaming and cussing calling my wife every filthy name in the book for being such a jerk not to help her after, get this, “everything she’s done” for the family. Sometimes Carol would relent, sometimes not, but the usual back-and-forth arguing, the same argument every time, was a given.
What little money she gets from Social Security she wastes, and when Carol tries to make her a budget she fights back with “It’s my money and I’ll do whatever I want with it!”, then later calls screaming and crying because she’s overdrawn or loaned her debit card to someone and got cleaned out, which is apparently never her fault.
Carol managed to find her a cheap apartment, and I told her she’ll get evicted in a matter of weeks, Carol said that if that happens then she’ll be on her own. She’s made that claim before and it’s been a sticking point between us for quite some time now.
You guessed it, she has a week to leave or charges will be filed. You also guessed it, Carol is combing the city trying to find her another place and is hiring a moving company.”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife might benefit from therapy. Not usually my first thought, but she seems to have a strange (almost) codependency thing going on.
Maybe a neutral third party would help her reach a conclusion about why she feels the need to be such a doormat to her sister.” User
Another User Comments:
“My parents have this issue with my mom’s brother. They are now in their 60s and since I was little my parent’s main fight was my mom spending all her time/money on this brother and also taking food and things like batteries from our house to give to him.
Their solution (after decades of fights) which is now serving them pretty well, is that my brother will never set foot on property my dad owns and my parents have separate bank accounts so they split expenses then she is free to spend her leftover money on her brother as long as she never asks my dad to contribute.
It’s sort of sad that she could never step away, but the parents are the happiest in their relationship I’ve probably ever seen them” JlazyY
17. AITJ For Telling My Partner Her Birthday Gift Didn't Quite Hit The Mark?
“My partner and I have been together for well over a year now, and we have had the luck to share a lot of time together since and got to know each other really well.
She is super dedicated and passionate when it comes to things that really matter to her, family, work, relationships, etc. For Christmas i.e. I got a super nice DIY calendar with literally hundreds of pictures cut into funny shapes, memes, insiders from our relationship, and small gifts every month (like a massage voucher type of thing).
It is literally a gift that keeps on giving throughout the whole year.
I, on the other hand, am not so handy with crafting things (although I have made her a small DIY photo album from our vacation with a less-than-perfect but okay wooden cover and some slim LEDs), but I do keep my eyes open for „hints“ of things she might like throughout the year to gift that to her on special occasions.
So fast forward to our birthdays about a month ago (we have in July within 4 days of each other, me coming first). My partner made me a really nice card in the shape of one of her hometown buildings, inviting me to her hometown for dinner and… an art exposition as the main part of the gift.
Now one thing you should know about me is that I am more of a playful, active, outdoors character. Gift me a Lego? Nice, love it. Bouldering? Absolutely. Laser Tag? Yes, please. Go Karting? Heck yeah!! You get the picture. I am not against arts expositions though.
Not at all! I like to embrace new things and get to know things that my partner also enjoys… perhaps not on my birthday though?
A couple of days after my birthday I told my partner exactly this. I guess I wanted to be honest with her and told her that I liked the gift, but it might not have perfectly hit the spot this time.
She appreciated the honesty but was hurt, as she told me. I knew she would be, but then again, I wanted to be honest. One thing that got her thinking was me telling her „Would you have gifted this to your dad?“ (he is similar to me in this aspect, plays occasionally PS5, and is an early adopter when it comes to technological stuff).
To sum it up, my stand is that a birthday gift should be about the gifted, something that gets their taste. For her birthday 4 days after I got her a ride out on a horse, since she always mentioned how much she enjoyed doing it 10-15 years ago as a kid/teenager and had not had the opportunity to do it ever since.
I do feel quite selfish, but as mentioned stand by my point of being direct (even though it might hurt) but honest.
So, my dear Redditors, I ask for your opinions – AITJ in this one?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Less than 2 years isn’t *that* long.
Sounds like she is an awesome gift giver who CARES about being an awesome gift giver and she just missed the mark this time. I am an awesome gift giver who cares about being an awesome gift giver. This would hurt me too. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though.
I think she’ll ultimately appreciate you saying something. At least she’ll know you’re never lying or faking it about her other gifts. It sounds like it was hard for you and I can tell you’re all torn up about it, which signals that you care.
It’s just one of those awkward relationship communication moments. To me, this just sounds really healthy and mature and frankly pretty low stakes. I am detecting no malice here. But I also think it wouldn’t be a bad idea to go above and beyond to make her feel appreciated and loved for a little while.
It’s her love language and you’re sort of rejecting it this time, so sensitivity and aftercare is required.” L0rdBergamot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you seem to expect every gift to be perfect. Newsflash, they’re not. If you stay together there will be more times she doesn’t “hit the mark” and there will be as many times that you don’t either.
That’s how it goes and as an adult you accept that it really is the thought that counts. Of course, now she’s going to be paranoid about gift-giving in the future so as not to disappoint you again. If you believe the thought behind the gift was that she knew you wouldn’t like it and used your birthday as an excuse to do something she wanted to then, fine, NTJ.
If you believe the thought behind the gift was that you’d enjoy it then YTJ and you should have sucked it up.” Decalvare_Scriptor
Another User Comments:
“On balance NTJ. From what you say a) she’s into gifts being personal b) she knows you well enough to know that an art exposition ( in her own town) isn’t the perfect gift **for you**.
It seems pretty obvious this is a gift for her and she needed to be gently called out for that.” Slight-Fox-840
16. AITJ For Quitting My Mom's Unprofitable Businesses Before Major Events?
“I (19F) have been working for my mom’s (46F) many businesses through the years. Her first business was started in 2016, and she has put over $10k into it while only probably making $1k in revenue.
As neither of my sisters helps my mom, I have been helping her so that she wouldn’t be on her own. My mom said she would pay me multiple times over the years but has only held that promise twice. I was also restricted from working additional jobs because they would interfere with when she needed me.
In 2021, she started another business. During that same year, my mom asked me for around $2,150 to help her with bills. My siblings didn’t want to help and I had $2,500 from a scholarship so I lent it to her because she said she would pay me back.
She never did. In 2022, my mom couldn’t help me pay for school, so I had to find a way to pay myself. Due to this, I couldn’t help her with the business and said that I didn’t support her. As of 2023, my mom has 4-5 businesses that she plans to run at the same time and expects me to help with most of them.
In May 2023, I moved back in with my mom and worked for her the whole summer, until I went to school beginning of August 2023. Her 2021 business started generating revenue, but she spent more than she made. Again this resulted in her not being able to pay me, but she offered to pay my tuition for the year.
During the summer, she also barred me from working another job because I could be scheduled on days when she needed me.
She still expects me to work during the school year, but I’m an hour and a half away from her now. Events last all day and I need to pay for the train there and back.
I told her it wasn’t sustainable for me and that I probably couldn’t help for a while. She said that I wasn’t supporting her nor taking her feelings into consideration, and said I always help other people but her.
I then told her that if she thinks that, I won’t do any events at all and that I’ll find a different job.
Our next few events are very big events and will give my mom’s business a lot of exposure if we attend. Without me, my mom wouldn’t be able to both sell and take orders at the same time, especially for the larger crowd and she could lose money.
AITJ for quitting on her on such late notice despite knowing it would be very difficult for her to do it on her own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Should have first left after she never paid you back that $2,150. I don’t care if she is related or a friend, money is money and she made you a promise and couldn’t fulfill it.
Actually kind of messed up because it seems like she has messed you up financially a tad bit. Follow after your sisters. There is a reason why they didn’t help her But on a positive note you’re a very kind person and I am sorry you have had to be stressed like this for 7 years” Ok_Let8073
Another User Comments:
“Not at all, how does she have so many businesses yet none of them are profitable? Why is she asking you for money and free labor? You have to take care of yourself, sounds like your siblings figured that out already, now it’s your turn.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe her and you don’t need to support HER business ventures, especially at the expense of your own finances/school/life. She is choosing to take on this responsibility and that in no way requires you to as well.
If it’s too much for her then she needs to make better choices. If she really needs help then she can hire people. Don’t let her guilt you anymore.” Dragon2439
15. AITJ For Accepting A Job That My Best Friend Also Wanted?
“I find myself in a sticky situation with my best friend, and I could really use some outside perspective. Let’s call my best friend Amber, our mutual friend Ricky, and I’m Jane. So, here’s the deal. Amber and I have been enduring terrible jobs. Amber’s job was relatively better than mine, offering a less toxic environment and better hours, whereas my job was pretty much sucking the life out of me and pushing me into depression with hardly any days off.
However, Ricky recently told us about a potential job opportunity in his company a really good company. He recommended both Amber and me for the position since he knew how much we disliked our current jobs. He couldn’t decide who to recommend, so he thought at least one of us would have a chance to escape our current situation.
Amber and I both agreed that the outcome wouldn’t ruin our friendship. Now, a bit about our backgrounds: I grew up in a less fortunate household, always receiving hand-me-downs due to financial constraints. I’ve aimed to work hard and secure a good job to eventually provide for myself and my family.
Amber, on the other hand, comes from a well-off family but started taking things for granted.
Fast forward, after going through the interviews, I was fortunate enough to land the job. But instead of being happy for me, Amber became upset and distanced herself. The twist comes in when Amber reacted quite differently from what we’d discussed before the interviews.
Instead of being happy for me, she got upset. I gave her some space, and then reached out, but she distanced herself, avoided my text, and even refused to meet up. I eventually confronted her, and all she could talk about was how she deserved the job more given her degree and all.
She even threw her achievements in my face and undermined my interview process.
Here’s the kicker: She knew that I was going through some personal struggles and couldn’t complete my degree at that time. Despite that, she kept highlighting her degree as if it were the sole determining factor.
Now, not only has she cut ties with me, but she’s also spreading her version of the story far and wide, making me out to be the villain. Our friends have taken her side without even hearing my perspective, which is incredibly hurtful. Ricky and I are being ostracised without a chance to explain our side of things.
I can’t help feeling like maybe I’ve missed something. Should I have better understood her feelings? Is her behavior justified and I’m just not seeing it? It’s been months, and I’m still being excluded by her and other friends who only know her side. Am I the jerk here for not understanding her perspective?
Is there something I’m not seeing? Should I have turned down the job? Am I the jerk for getting the job and unintentionally causing this rift? I valued our friendship so much, and now I’m questioning everything. Your insights would mean the world to me right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is Amber a hypocrite, she’s showing her true colors. All this time, she’s been thinking she’s more qualified and better than you, and she wants others to hate you as well. When the two of you interviewed for that job, there already was a 50/50 chance that you’d get the job.
But I guess for Amber she was a shoo-in already. She’s being a hypocrite because had she gotten the job, she’d be expecting you to be happy for her ’cause you know, she’s more qualified and all.” fancythat012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, you both before going to interview, agreed that this wouldn’t hurt the friendship.
You both interviewed (it sounds like) and had a fair shot each, at the job. You happened to get it, fair and square, REGARDLESS of credentials, etc, etc. It’s understandable that she might be bummed out that she didn’t get the job, sure, but to completely shut you out and cast you as the “villain” and everything she was doing…Poor friendship manners and poor friendship behavior…You deserve better since you were absolutely prepared to be supportive and happy for her if things had ended up in reverse.” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“The way you have written the post AMBER is the jerk. You both were going for the same job and were aware of one another. You agreed not not lose your friendship over it. She broke the agreement. I have no idea why the company hired you vs Amber.
Hiring a person is not solely based on education, there are other factors. Amber didn’t live up to the agreement you both made when she started badmouthing you to mutual friends. I am sorry that you lost someone you considered a friend, but in reality, she wasn’t a friend.
She wasn’t happy that you got the job. She couldn’t be happier for YOU. She could only care about her loss. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother To Stay With Us After My Wife Gives Birth?
“My wife (28F) and I (27M) await our first child in December. We currently live in the U.S. (Midwest), while my mother resides in Baja California, Mexico. To clarify, neither my wife nor I have any issues with my mother being present during the birth.
We want her there at the hospital for those precious moments. However, the issue arises with her staying at our home for her visit.
Until now, discussions about her visit were smooth, but today, when I asked about her accommodation plans, she assumed she would be staying with us, which sparked an emotional conversation for her.
She instantly grew defensive when I asked this, wondering why I would suggest something other than for her to stay in the home with her son and grandchild. Surprised, I expressed uncertainty about her staying with us, given the newborn. She was saddened and started crying.
I offered a hotel, but she said, “If I can’t stay in my own son’s home with my grandchild, I’d rather not come at all.”
I discussed the situation with my wife after I got home, as the conversation I had with my mom was while I was in my car.
Below, I have highlighted our concerns we discussed together:
**REASONS AGAINST HER STAYING**
1. The bedroom she once used is now a nursery. We do have a bed in there, but that would mean she would have to sleep in there with the baby, and we would need to walk in there if the baby needed tending to with my mom possibly sleeping.
2. My wife suffers from bad anxiety and panic attacks and doesn’t feel attached enough to my mom to show her vulnerable side to her if an episode were to happen in her presence.
3. My mom can be a little “overbearing” for my wife, and although we know she has the best intentions, she can still be a little much.
This mixed in with (#2) is another concern my wife has.
**REASONS TO ALLOW HER TO STAY**
1. Is it worth ruining a good relationship between us when we can technically “suck it up” and deal with it, or would we be allowing a chance for something bad to happen that we can’t yet see happen?
2. My mom has no other family where we live, except for me. If we put her in a hotel, she truly will be alone when she’s not at our home. The other issue is, that I used to have an extra vehicle that I would often give her during her time up here when she would visit, that way she would have the freedom to go and do whatever she pleases.
Since then, I have sold that car and don’t have a spare to give her. Getting a rental car also isn’t an option in my area.
We’re torn between accommodating her and my wife’s well-being. Your insights are valued. Please ask relevant questions. Thanks!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wife’s mental health is more important than your mother’s at this time. I’m concerned about the fact that when your mother refers to your family she leaves out your wife. >*”If I can’t stay in my own son’s home with my grandchild, I’d rather not come at all.* She has no concern for your wife.
Her comfort, only her own wishes. It would be better if she doesn’t come for the birth and waits until you and your wife have settled down in a comfort zone with your new baby. I think your mother is being selfish and not thinking about the big picture here.
It would be too stressful for your wife to have anyone stay that she was not comfortable with. You have to set firm boundaries with your mom from the beginning and this is where you’ll have to start.” Ghitit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sorry to break it to you but you don’t have a good relationship with your mother: she emotionally manipulates you to get her own way.
That’s an abusive relationship. She’s saying she won’t come unless you let her have things her way… Then she doesn’t get to come. Your wife comes first here and she doesn’t need somebody like your mother around at such a vulnerable time.” International-Fee255
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, your mom is being selfish. She does not think of anyone’s feelings but her own. This is your first child. You do not know how your wife is gonna feel. Do not ruin this time for your wife by letting your mom stay. Depending on how your mom treats your wife could cause you even bigger issues.
To be honest you never really forget how someone treats you postpartum. Also, a lot of women can develop PTSD based on how they get treated. Or make it worse if they do have it. Plus your wife is gonna be in pain. Lack of sleep.” lilwildjess
13. AITJ For Buying Food That My Disabled Client Is Allergic To As A Theft Deterrent?
“I work w/ disabled ppl. IDK the name so she’s Beth.
Beth’s brain doesn’t tell her she’s full & she’s always hungry. Meds I take cause massive dehydration My doctor prescribed me some stuff that’s not cheap. I eat smaller, snack-sized meals throughout the day & they’re also not cheap. I met Beth about 2 months after starting.
She asked for a snack, I said no & she left. Desk is a cubical, easily accessible & no door/locks. Within 10 mins, Beth’s mom is full Karen & demanding to know why I fed her. I tried to explain but she didn’t care. I explained everything to everyone but the damage was done.
Beth’s mom was a massive PITA from then on.
5 weeks later, I confirm someone is stealing from me. Talked to boss & after telling him how much it costs, he finally pulled cameras. Each visit Beth came into my office she stole from me. Confronted mom, & she blamed me!
“If you hadn’t had fed her the first time, she wouldn’t have stolen from you.” Boss showed her footage, & as they were prescription, said she could reimburse me or get the cops. When I showed mom the listing, she flipped! Out of boss’s hearing, she’d toss $10 saying “Don’t expect anymore; you brought this on yourself.” Got a lockbox w/ alarm & triggered in a week.
Caught Beth smashing & stabbing it w/ a steak knife. Mom blamed me again. Boss & “security” arrived and that’s when I found out mom reported she’d paid me w/ a doctored receipt. She spelled my name wrong; mine’s Gaelic. Beth had to meet outside of the office now.
We recently had an overnight outing, & I summarized the sign ups. Work covered b-fast, dinner & some drinks. You got lunch & other drinks. We asked for allergy info for alternative food. Beth’s mom sent over 7 pages but lied & was really 1/2 page. I read labels for allergy info & got an idea: Why let Beth steal even more from me?
I bought lots of food she can’t eat. I told the coordinator my food was bad for Beth. I asked her to tell mom & make an announcement. She reminded the group of the many allergies, everyone had gone out of pocket for their own meals, & don’t ask for another’s food.
Later, a coworker tells me I’m in charge so they could rush to the hospital. I was called for the label ingredients & I knew Beth went through my things. Half my food was missing/damaged & was tossed. They wouldn’t return, so I got to go through their cooler.
Clamato juice was all over & we’re allergic. We packed up & left after one night; we were hungry.
Gave boss a full recount as mom had filed a complaint. Was commended me for warning everyone. Mom bad mouthed me all around & was interviewed by the cops, accused of assault.
They told me mom’s “iced tea” was actually whiskey/scotch, IDK which. Told cops I’d seen mom drink & drive w/ Beth; I’m a mandatory reporter. She’s now in a group home & mom’s arrested: DUI & child endangerment. Getting a LOT of looks & whispers.
Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“YTA. From your description, Beth has an intellectual disability and is *unable* to control her eating. No, that doesn’t mean she should steal from you – but it also means that you shouldn’t have knowingly put foods she’s allergic to in her path.
It means you should have found somewhere else to store your food – in a staff room, say, where Beth has no access, or in a locked cupboard – and exhibited some compassion. You’re acting as though Beth was an entitled teenager who was eating your food because she just happened to want it, but what you’re describing sounds a lot like Prader-Willi syndrome, which is something COMPLETELY out of Beth’s control.” IntrovertedBookMan
12. AITJ For Wanting To Wear My Mother's Wedding Dress For My Second Marriage?
“I was married eight years ago to my ex-husband. I wore my mum’s wedding dress. It’s absolutely stunning and fits me perfectly, and ever since I was a little girl looking at my mother’s wedding photos I knew I wanted to get married in it.
I got married when I was 20, which was a big mistake. My then partner was a narcissist and abusive, though at the time I was in denial. On top of that mistreatment, he was unfaithful to me with multiple women, including my cousin, whom I caught him sleeping with on our wedding night.
I was able to get our marriage annulled and told him I never wanted to see him again, and everyone in my family has essentially disowned my cousin for it, but that’s beside the point.
Fast forward, I’m now engaged to the most amazing man I have ever met.
We have been planning our wedding and I’ve looked at countless dresses online but none are as beautiful or as special to me as my mum’s dress. My mum also passed away two years ago, so it means even more to me now to wear her dress as a way to have her with me on my big day.
Recently we had a dinner party with my dad, brother, aunt, uncle, and some cousins, as well as my fiance’s mum and sisters. My fiance’s oldest sister, who is my maid of honor (we’ll call her Maggie), asked me when I planned to go dress shopping.
I told her I already had a dress I really wanted to wear, that it was my mother’s dress and very special to me. I pulled up a picture to show her and she said it was gorgeous. Then my aunt piped up about how it was disrespectful it was for me to get married to my fiance in a dress I was already married in once before.
To this, Maggie went off about how gross that was and how I was disrespecting her brother. His other sisters and his mum agreed.
My fiance didn’t seem to care at all, but when I later asked him in private if it bothered him, he said “I mean it’s pretty weird, but I know your attachment to the dress is because of your mother and not your ex, so I don’t really care as long as you’re happy” but I felt like it was bothering him more than he admitted (he’s always been the type to go with the flow and not voice his feelings and opinions, keeping it all bottled up until he explodes [this is something he’s working on btw]).
Since then I’ve been looking at more dresses online and even went window shopping at a wedding dress place in town and I cried thinking about wearing another dress. I just can’t picture myself getting married wearing anything else. So AITJ? I would really want to wear this dress but I don’t know how hard I should fight because I don’t want to be a jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. this is tough and I can see both sides. your fiancée is pretty understanding, but I would try to have another conversation about this. it’s your mother’s dress and she passed two years ago, it has sentimental value.
your aunt should stay out of your business though.” BackgroundCollege183
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you would be the jerk but I would consider whether you should take your fiancé’s comments at face value. Seems like you think it’s going to bother him more than he lets on.
I think his family is being crappy, and even if he’s being honest about knowing why you want to wear it, his family’s remarks and feelings about it will influence your wedding and your family dynamic even if they’re largely being busybodies Is there a way to incorporate your mother’s dress in other ways?” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you should be able to wear the dress you want on your wedding day. It is a little weird considering that the first association other people would make is that the dress is associated with your failed previous marriage and not your mother, so I think it’s fairly reasonable for your fiance’s family to react the way that they did.
Your fiance’s feelings may not be a result of the dress but of his family’s reactions and the following tension. Maybe try asking him bluntly about it. I’d also try talking 1-on-1 with Maggie since I assume you’re fairly close given that she is your maid of honor and trying to make her understand how meaningful it is to you that you’re able to represent your mother on your wedding day since she’s passed.” SululuXD
11. AITJ For Hiding My Pads From My Sister Who Refuses To Pay For Them?
“I (19f) live with my sister (15f) with our parents. Recently, I have noticed that my pads would be gone much sooner and that my box would be cleared out even if I wasn’t bleeding.
I confronted my sister about this, as we both have our times of the month, and she said she wasn’t using them, which I obviously knew was a lie as our mother doesn’t bleed anymore. I told her to stop using them and she rolled her eyes, so I left. I forgot about it for a while.
After a couple of cycles, I noticed the pads were, again, being cleared out faster. This upset me more because I had not only told her to stop using them, but I had also spent more money on them because they were nicer and absorbed more.
Not to mention the fact that she had been using the other pads I bought, making me have to buy new pads twice as much (originally, one pack would get through two cycles but it switched to one pack barely getting me through one cycle).
I confronted my sister again about it and she said something along the lines of “so what, I get my period too, I need pads too”. I explained to her that these pads were more expensive and that if she wanted to use them, she should at least chip in and help pay for them.
She said she wouldn’t do that because she “didn’t have a job” but she had been working all summer as a lifeguard, when I would be driving her to and from her job and I knew she got a hefty check by the end of the summer.
I brought this up to her and she said that’s not what she wanted to buy with her money. Upset, I left. (I should also add that she wouldn’t clean up her trash afterward, leaving USED pads overflowing in the very small garbage bin that I later had to clean.)
By the time I had to buy new pads, I decided to hide them so she wouldn’t use them. I put them in my room and hid them in my bookshelf behind my books. A day passed by and my sister came into my room asking where the pads were, saying I forgot to buy new ones.
I told her she could buy her own pads because I was tired of burning through my very limited money at the time, saving up for college funds and such, and that she would either chip in or buy her own. She left my room and went to our parent’s room, telling my mother what happened. They both came barging in and my mom demanded I give my sister some pads.
I refused, saying I was the one who bought them with my own money and she had to help or buy her own. Now my mother and my sister are upset with me.
So AITJ for hiding my pads from my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“As an older sister myself. I purposefully leave extra pads and toilet roll around. I don’t want my sisters to go through what I went through. Even when I was on the injection and wasn’t having periods, I still kept pads in my bag just in case they or my friends needed them.
They are free to ask for at health centers where I live, so it’s really no bother for me to have extra.” MistyMushka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your awful mother and father need to provide for their child’s needs. I was in a similar situation but had no sister to go to.
I had to use whatever I had on hand and my mum complained about blood stains… buy your kids what they need for crying out loud!!!” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Disrespectful, Unauthorized Roommate?
“I’m a 35-year-old male who recently moved alone into a new two-bedroom rented apartment. A friend approached me and mentioned that her friend had a major disagreement with his roommate and was leaving his current apartment.
She asked if I would be willing to let him rent the vacant room in my apartment. Although my lease agreement prohibited subletting, I agreed to it since my friend was asking. I made it clear to both my friend and her acquaintance that this arrangement would need to be kept hidden from the landlord.
Initially, everything seemed fine for the first 2 to 3 weeks. However, I started noticing an odd smell emanating from his room. Despite my non-confrontational nature, I cautiously brought up the issue with him, to which he casually attributed the smell to his shoes. As time went on, the situation escalated. One day, I came home to find him seated on the sofa with the oven turned on and empty.
When I inquired about it, he explained that he didn’t know how to turn on the heating and felt cold. Though I wasn’t pleased, I chose not to pursue the matter further.
A few weeks later, a problem arose with our toilet. I contacted the landlord, who scheduled a visit for the following Monday morning.
Since I wasn’t allowed to sublet, I informed my roommate that he needed to tidy his room and leave the door unlocked by Monday. Despite his assurance that he would do it that Friday, he neglected to clean his room as he went on a weekend trip with my friend.
As Sunday progressed and he remained absent, my anxiety grew regarding potential repercussions from the landlord or the unauthorized sublet. Feeling cornered, I entered his room and cleaned it myself. The sight inside shocked me – empty takeout containers, soiled clothes, and discarded beer cans. I washed his clothes, scrubbed the room, and even used bleach to eliminate the odor.
Come Monday, the landlord inspected the apartment and fixed the toilet. It was apparent he sensed someone else had been staying in the second room. When questioned, I denied any additional occupants, though he seemed skeptical.
That week, my roommate and I communicated minimally. On Friday, I had a dinner out with some friends, planning to follow it with drinks and board games at my place.
I purchased a bottle of vodka and gin for the occasion, but I failed to inform my roommate about the gathering.
Upon returning to my apartment after dinner, I discovered that my roommate had thrown a party, consuming both the bottles and an additional bottle of wine, given to me by a friend from his trip abroad.
Frustrated and angered by this breach of trust and disrespect, I confronted him and promptly asked him and his friends to leave.
Consequently, my decision to kick him out that same night led to my friend stopping talking to me, who believed I hadn’t given him sufficient time to find alternative accommodation.
Am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Inform the “friend” about ALL the things wrong with your renter. Then block them and never think about them again. Because I can completely understand WHY he was kicked out.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You should have started off with a trial period of 2 weeks to see how it goes before committing yourself to him subletting.
And you should have only given him a month-by-month sublet.” completedett
Another User Comments:
“Friend: Hey can you let this stranger live with you? His current roommate can’t stand him. I know that you can’t legally allow him to stay with you. I hear that he may be stinky and use the oven in unsafe ways.
He likes to steal your items and throw pop-up parties. But I will bat my eyelashes at you a couple of times. Pretty Please let him stay? You: SIGN ME UP!” Hour_Smile_9263
9. AITJ For Wanting My Wife's Brother To Contribute Or Leave?
“My(38) wife’s(36) brother (28) lives with us. He doesn’t contribute anything to rent, he doesn’t work, and has an entitled attitude about the situation. He’s been with us for over a year now. I brought up the topic to my wife(Bella) and she instantly got upset and called me a hypocrite.
See my mom and my uncle also “live with us.” I put it in quotes because my mom lives in the in-law suite. My uncle lives in our lake house.
Backstory for this: I’m from a different country. When I immigrated to the US, it was just me and my mom.
She raised me on her own, helped put me through school, and has always supported me in whichever way she could. In my culture, parents live with their sons. Even without that, I owe her everything. She doesn’t have retirement savings because every cent she made went to supporting us.
I made this clear to my wife upfront and she was supportive. We had relatively little trouble when she moved in.
My uncle came to the US later. He did all kinds of odd jobs and drove a truck. His family life didn’t work out, his body was wrecked so he came to live with me too.
This was more of a conversation, but Bella agreed he could stay at our lake house. So when her brother lost his job, didn’t have the money for rent, and no prospects he moved in with us. I didn’t protest, because I do believe strongly in helping family.
But I think the cases are different.
See my mom helps immensely with our three kids. We have carte blanche on her babysitting services, she helps with the cooking and cleaning. Having her around meant my wife could work at her leisure. Sometimes she works full-time, sometimes part-time, and sometimes not at all.
My uncle helps with any and all repair and construction projects. He helped me build an in-law suite at our lake house too, where he now lives. He acts as property caretaker, getting it ready for when we visit and managing guests when we rent it out.
We don’t actually help my family in any financial way and the housing we provide is repaid tenfold in the ways they help us out.
Her brother isn’t like that. He doesn’t look for work, he isn’t saving up, he just lives here. I wouldn’t have a problem if it were her parents, but I feel like a young man is different than elderly relatives.
He is pretty good with the kids, but he does curse and say uncouth things around them. He doesn’t clean up after himself. He comes and goes at whatever hour. He treats the lake house like it’s his. One time he showed up there to party with his friends without telling anyone.
Uncle didn’t know who it was, called the cops and it was a whole situation. Another time he showed up when we were renting it out. Bella knows all this, I think she feels like I don’t have a right to complain. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Bella knows it’s not the same. Why is she invested in protecting her brother? Or maybe she resents supporting your family & this is her way of evening the score.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your family members are basically live-in help. Without them living on your properties, you’d have to pay other people a lot of money to do the services they’re providing you.
It is basically an exchange going on. Your BIL is not offering any services and it sounds like he doesn’t respect your wishes. Maybe you and your wife can come to a compromise where you can ask him to start paying rent or move out, or give him a timeline to have him out within a reasonable amount of time.
It sounds like you guys are pretty well off financially and the way he isn’t trying to find a job makes it seem like he is expecting you to provide for him, making it clear that you’re not trying to do that might change his behavior.” breathofari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and uncle are contributing *heavily* to your household. They functionally live separately, but the value they bring to your household far outweighs the cost. So use that. If your wife wants to play the “we do it for your family, we have to do it for mine” game, play the game.
Find out the local rate for a worksite manager, babysitting, a cleaning service, and a food delivery service. Figure out how much that value is weekly or monthly, then divide by two. *That* is what your mother and uncle are paying per person to live on your property.
Take the value to your wife. You can budget to cover the cost of the services your family provides so your family can stop helping out when you hire professionals. This may mean she’ll have to work more steadily. Then, once the value he will contribute is the same as your family, her brother can move in.
If she want the same for her family as yours? *It’s going to be equal*.” Natural_Garbage7674
8. AITJ For Wanting My Abusive Family Member To Die?
“I (30f) have a male family member who is “explosive” to say the least. He constantly belittles people and screams aggressively at any instance. This actually not uncommon in my family, most people from that generation explode when angry.
They also have a history of defending the explosive person and telling the attacked party to forgive them as they didn’t mean it.
Most of them say sorry at some point (sometimes passive-aggressively) but not this man, he never says sorry. I will call him B.
Many months ago B and I were in the same house (we don’t live together, but we were visiting another family member) and he got angry at me 3 times.
The first time he screamed and shoulder-checked me into a wall. I cried and told him to never do that again. But my family told me he had a bad day and to not talk to him. The second time he was angry that I was trying to fix something, I’m not sure why.
He screamed “Don’t touch that”, I kept working. He stood over me (he was far taller than me) and kept screaming. I kept working, ignoring him. So he put his face in front of mine and kept screaming. I was extremely scared and couldn’t talk or scream… my hands were shaking as I typed this.
He finally took my tools and walked away.
The next day he got angry again, I was changing in another room… but when I walked out he screamed and walked up and down the hallway. I waited for him to go into the room and tried to walk out of the house.
I clearly saw him looking at me, then charging just to shoulder-check me with all his might. I went into someone’s room and she told me to “not cry to avoid making my baby cousin upset”. I said my goodbyes and walked out.
Long story short; everyone agrees that he was horrible but constantly insists I have to forgive him.
They invite him places. My parents keep letting him sleep in their house. And whenever I say something they say “I know you hate him but…” to which I answer “He scares me. I’m scared he will explode again and hurt me.”. He does this regularly, to many family members.
But he is super sweet if you are sweet to him (and he is not angry for another reason) so they sort of forgive him always. I don’t want to be sweet… I’m scared. I do hate him. And I hate that everyone acts as if I am ridiculous.
Now he has a serious illness and things have escalated 100. Now I get this basically every day. I stay quiet. But truth be told. I hope he passes away. To end my and his other victims (his kids and wife’s too) suffering. But my parents keep crying and talking about how they want to help and take care of him, miss him… AITJ?
I actually want him to pass away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to move out or leave if possible. I would just stop going around him or anyone who has him around because awful people never die of serious illnesses, it just doesn’t kill them, the good ones die.
So I wouldn’t be counting down the days to that but to the days when you can remove yourself from every having to be around them.” _parenda_
Another User Comments:
“I honestly feel that if he passes away he can’t hurt me (or anyone) anymore, if he went to prison my family would keep trying to help him, visit him, feel sad for him.
If he passes away they will eventually stop talking about him. I didn’t do anything wrong, don’t I deserve peace?” annoying_talker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, don’t wish that on someone because those negative feelings can come back and bite you. He obviously has anger issues and everyone in his life has enabled him.
I would just go no contact and if other family members insisted I be present when he is also present, I would go low or no contact with them. Just because they enable such behavior and disregard the fact that you are literally afraid of him, doesn’t mean you are in any way obligated to take that sort of mistreatment.
Make it known to everyone in the family that this is a boundary and you will not subject yourself to his outburst or his blatant disregard for your well-being. He is obviously a terribly mean and unhappy human, and he can live the remainder of his days just the same: you, however, will not be present for it.” SNW1208
7. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Overbearing MIL's House After Giving Birth?
“I unexpectedly gave birth a bit earlier than I expected and my house was not ready to receive our bundle of joy due to me being ill during pregnancy. My husband then said it would be best to stay at his mom’s house in order to give him time to make sure our house was ready.
I knew from the 2nd day there that her being overbearing was what was overwhelming me about motherhood. To put it into perspective every 2 hours at night she would open the door even if we were both asleep to look at the baby and even resulting in waking her up.
When she would wake up she would cry her lungs out and MIL would then get the baby and start rocking her while crying herself because she hates hearing babies cry. As most people know newborns tend to cry for many different reasons so you can imagine how many times she would cry as the baby cried. The constant criticism of putting my baby on her back to sleep or pumping to have milk other than straight from my breast really stressed me out because she seemed to forget this was my child.
I tried to tell her to back up and give me space and I could just tell she didn’t trust me to be alone with my own child because every time my baby woke up she would watch me try to get her to sleep again.
I begged my husband to let me go home even calling him multiple times at all hours because I was really uncomfortable and he said to wait 1 more week as he has not had time to do anything. Things got really bad today because my husband and her were talking and he told her to give me space and she turned around and said if she does the baby will suffer because I (me) don’t know what I’m doing.
She then said that she has found the baby with dry poop on 3 separate occasions when she checked her and it can cause limb loss. My husband lost his temper on me and said if I wanted to do things on my own to start doing it.
I then got upset and started packing my things and told him I needed to leave as I could not continue to be under this stress as it would also cause issues between us as well. After talking it over we have decided he will clean the house tonight and I will organize things when I am there.
MIL then got upset because we were taking the baby home tomorrow and started to pout that she is the bad guy after everything she tried to do. I am upstairs crying and they are outside happily eating BBQ. I am over it and want nothing more than to be in my own house without all the drama but I cannot bring myself to speak to MIL.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I gotta wonder what your husband has been doing for days. Really how much work is needed to get your house ready for a baby? Maybe put together a crib but that’s it. Certainly, nothing that requires multiple nights with your MIL.” DelurkingtoComment
Another User Comments:
“NTJ not only is your mil nagging but you just gave birth and postpartum emotions are real and can be very stressful. If she was just helping you out with 1 or 2 things cause she is a mother herself fine but she was criticizing your motherhood and not giving you space to learn and your husband should be more understanding cause you carried that baby and went through so much.
Congratulations on having your baby!” ariiaphroditee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; MIL sounds like an absolute jerk. If she had really wanted to help, she would have seen you struggle with things like quieting the baby and go something like “try this; it worked for me” instead of staring at you like a creeper weirdo and then telling your husband how bad of a job you’re doing (which you’re not; babies are hard).
It also sucks that he seems to take her word over yours and doesn’t take your feelings into account OR do his part in all of this (what the heck does he need a whole week for?). IMO, the only people who aren’t jerks in this are you and the baby.” Alamoraine
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sacrifice More For My Sick Brother's Second Transplant?
“I’m one of 8 kids who were raised in a fundamentalist Christian house where my parents emotionally and physically mistreated all of us severely.
My second-youngest brother was diagnosed with Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis at a young age (5-6 IIRC) which necessitated a liver transplant shortly after (weird disease progression). We were all basically uneducated (could only read the KJV or fundie “educational” materials). The mistreatment, lack of socialization, and education have made life really hard for all of us.
I spent a lot of my childhood filling out transplant paperwork because my mom was bipolar and my dad was a malignant narcissist, both heavy drinkers.
I had been taking care of his paperwork, coordinating doctor’s visits and labs, and that sort of thing. I’ve made a lot of career sacrifices (left a fantastic early-stage startup in favor of a large corporation because the corp. had health insurance that would cover him, etc.).
All the while I tried to get him out of my insane dad’s squalid church-hovel and he refused. My brother also mistreated his transplant in a lot of ways (not taking meds to lash out, etc.)
Recently he started going into liver failure and so we all pitched in to find him a place to live.
He’s living with one of my other brothers, my wife and I are paying for food and house cleaning, and my sister’s contributing a living stipend. The brother he’s living with says he’s a terrible roommate and won’t do absolutely basic things like bring his dishes to the kitchen or not pollute the clean laundry with really gnarly dirty laundry (or even take a shower).
He just talks about how much he doesn’t want to be alive but he also doesn’t want to die while watching TV.
Obviously, the doctors and transplant committees don’t think he’s a good candidate for another transplant. My sister, now a lawyer, wants to move back to Colorado, donate a lobe of her liver (if she’s compatible) or have one of us donate a lobe of ours if we are, cover her moving expenses, and subsidize her living out here, and to be honest, I don’t want to do any of that and I don’t want her to, either.
It’s not that my wife and I can’t help: we both have good jobs. It’s that I know from experience that this is a rotten, nearly impossible thing to deal with. I don’t have, and never have had, a good relationship with my sick brother and I resent how much of my life I’ve already spent dealing with this and I know it would drive a wedge in my marriage.
More than the insane amount of effort and sacrifice that would be required to get him a transplant, I’m afraid of the 20 or so years of additional caring for my sick brother that could remain, even if we get him into the best situation possible.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are not his parent, and I am sorry if your brother didn’t take care of the first transplant he will not take care of another. You all deserve to live your lives to the fullest that they can be now after everything you all went through as children.
I am so sorry.” IAMJenk369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this also isn’t about your choices and doesn’t have to be your problem. If you just view him as a burden, you’re not helping him or you by being so involved. If you want to and can keep paying for his care, that might be a nice gesture but just set it up as an automatic payment to your brother and view it as just one more monthly bill you don’t have to think about much.
(Though you are also WELL within your rights to not pay anything.) I think you should stay out of the whole thing. If your siblings ask you for advice directly you can tell them your experience, but you don’t need to allocate mental space to worry about this.
Not your circus, not your clowns.” Correct_Tap_9844
5. AITJ For Not Sharing My Personal Toilet Paper At Work?
“My boss is a “small business owner,” which means that he nickels and dimes everyone on everything.
He sends out emails asking for what to put on our list of supplies. In one of my first couple weeks at the office, I said that we needed more medium-point PILOT pens. They come in a 12-pack. The next week, I found 2 additional half-used medium-point PILOT pens on my desk.
No matter. I bought myself a 12-pack. They’re not that expensive.
As a result of these ridiculous games, there’s not always enough toilet paper to go around at this place. On no less than two occasions, I have needed to go to the store to buy toilet paper before using the bathroom.
I recently bought a 24-pack of toilet paper and I keep it on my desk. I figure it will last just me at least six months. What I am absolutely not doing is buying everyone in the office toilet paper.
My thought is simple. I’m an adult.
If I need to wipe my behind, I don’t need to ask anyone else’s permission. I’m not getting it green-lit with my boss. I’m not putting it on the darn supply list. I’m going to take matters into my own hands and shell out the $ 30-for-a-year supply of toilet paper so that I don’t have to play these stupid games anymore.
A couple days ago, a newer girl at our office went to use the bathroom. She noticed that we were out of toilet paper, which is very typical as I noted before.
Instead of asking me what the status of the toilet paper was, she did what I call the “toilet paper shuffle,” where you check the 6 or 7 places you think it might logically be.
After checking under the kitchen sink the second time, she was sufficiently stumped and asked me “Do you know where the toilet paper is?”
I told her “I think THE toilet paper is gone.” She stared at me for more explanation because I put too much emphasis on the word “the.” I clarified “I do know where MY toilet paper is though” She asked me if she could use my toilet paper.
I unlocked my desk and got it for her.
I told her that she could have a roll this time, but if she needs more toilet paper moving forward, she either needs to ask our boss for it, or buy her own. She asked aren’t jobs required to have toilet paper.
I said, yeah, I guess you could file a complaint with the Department of Labor too, so that’s option 3.
But I explained to her that I’m picking my battles, and I’m not fighting anyone over toilet paper and the darn supply list. I laughed and said I’m not escalating this to a government matter either.
I refuse to do it. If I never have to hear about toilet paper again, it will be too soon. I told her I also refused to bankroll the entire office’s toilet paper habit. It’s bad enough that everyone uses my umbrella stand without asking.
I’m not gonna be pushed around anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but exactly how much do you like this job? I have zero patience for this type of nonsense in the workplace. It’s up there with asking me to join a committee. Loo roll being a battle station topic is a problem.
And what the heck with the tight-fisted pen situation? Ugh. Sounds suffocating and one of those jobs you absolutely dread going to. I’d be looking elsewhere with gusto.” DwightsJello
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Sister's Rent?
“So my sister just got her 2nd DUI in April. Basically, in a nutshell, she has never been good with her money and has never saved anything. I already helped her pay her phone bill a couple of months ago. I gave her $250 (her phone bill was $180 plus I gave her a little extra so she could get food).
Now she actually paid me back the money pretty quickly, which I was appreciative of. Fast forward a bit and she went to jail for 10 days for the DUI. After she gets out of jail she then proceeds to call me about a week later asking me if I could help her pay her bills.
Now she couldn’t work obviously because she was in jail so there was nothing she could do on her end when it came to her job. She promised me that she would pay it all back. I gave her $400.
Now today I was at her place and she proceeded to tell me that she quit her job selling solar because it isn’t a “very stable income”.
She said that she has a Zoom interview tomorrow for a remote sales job. She then says she needs “help with her rent”. She didn’t even tell me how much she needed or if I could help her at first, she just asked in a way that I would help her out regardless.
I took her to my parent’s house because our Grandma was in town, she couldn’t drive obviously because her license is suspended for a year. We then get back to her place. Before I was getting ready to leave I hugged her and she said “Ya I’ll probably need your help at the end of the month, I’ll let you know”.
I then asked how much she needed help with. She said she only has $80 to her name and her rent is $1900!!! I looked at her and said, “So you want me to pay your rent?”. She said she would see “what she can come up with” and let me know, and of course, she promised she would pay me back.
I think it’s pathetic that she just thinks I will pay her rent for her, especially since she just quit her job knowing she is already struggling with money. She didn’t even ask me how much I had or anything. Just to clarify I have the money to pay her rent, but I would have to withdraw it from my emergency savings.
I guess I’m “the only stable person she knows”. I honestly just want to tell her to get lost when she calls me in about a week. I know she’s my sister and everything but I feel like the bad situations that she creates for herself shouldn’t be my liability.
And also the only time when my sister gets a hold of me is when she needs help with stuff. So I don’t know, am I a jerk for not wanting to help her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sis thinks you’re her safety net. She never should have quit her job until she had something else lined up.
Tell her you just don’t have that kind of extra money to pay her rent and she may have to move back home for a while. She’s just got to get her act together. You need your emergency fund for yourself, not your irresponsible sister.” Seed_Planter72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you would become one if you loaned her this money. It is a credit to you that you have been there for your sister, but there need to be limits. Lending her this money would not only enable her irresponsibility but also give in to her emotional blackmail of you.
She is taking you for granted here. It seems to me she makes irresponsible decisions (like quitting her job like that) presuming you will protect her from her consequences. I am afraid you need to give her the tough love that is the word “no” so that, moving forward, she has the motivation to act more responsibly in the future.
Actually, “no” is such an important life lesson, I think you would be helping her greatly were you to use it more often from now on. Cheers!” Draculamb
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend's Partner To Our Boardgame Nights?
“I (29M) host board game nights almost every week. How it usually goes is that I preselect what we will be playing, and make arrangements with the necessary number of my friends to fill all the spots. So far guest list never exceeded 9 “players”. Every “player” will come with experience or knowing rules plus being a BG veteran, so we have no problem getting right in.
Also, I love board games and want to make the most of these meets, so I might go overboard. I will cook/order food, and provide appetizers, drinks, and even moderate amounts of booze (games go so much smoother washed down by a mojito or two).
So in the end it can be mistaken for a decent party. As a side note, I mean we play real board games or even TTRPGs and not some party game/filler like EKs or Uno.
Now the problem comes from my good friend Timur (who’s a stable regular) partner Masha.
She does not like board games and thinks it’s immature to waste time and money on them, so I always assumed to her this event was something similar to “bros’ night out”. That is until recently when Masha learned that:
A) It’s a pretty decent gathering with food and “booze”
B) Bro’s night out involves ladies and even partners.
This prompted Masha to message me in an attempt to invite herself over to one of our game nights, but I shut her down pretty hard, saying that it’s invite-only, and you get an invite-only if you play.
She tried to argue for the presence of my BF, but 1) he lives with me, what do you expect 2) his participation ends with raiding the food stock and maybe a chat if anyone present is his friend. She then brought up a few couples that join from time to time, but most over come as two separate players and oftentimes refuse invites if there’s only 1 seat left. The exception is Atrem&Katya and they prefer to play as one player, Hydra style.
(it’s honestly quite scary how they can silently communicate and discuss their plans).
After she ran out of arguments I asked how why is she so desperate to join an event she vocally disliked so much, to which she said that a large chunk of Timur’s friends were on board and she feels excluded from his social circle cause he meets them either at my place or local boargame club.
I replied that what did she expect when she started seeing a board game enthusiast. She asked me to let her tag along, but I responded with a popular Russian meme about rules. She then called me the equivalent of a jerk in Russian and stopped messaging.
AITJ for not letting her join us? I have strict rules about who can come and I know 110% she’ll just sip wine in the corner the entire time, snipping about how boardgames are childish.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like you know what you want and how you want it to work.
Personally I’d maybe give her one chance, since it sounds like there are some pretty significant changes involving board games in her life, but kick her out after the first comment she makes. Honestly, even if you gave her no chances and stuck hard to this boundary I’d still say no jerks here.” Dear-Shower-9590
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Had that exact problem with my ex. She always wanted to be included and come to the parties just to talk bad about my “childish” friends, feeling visibly uncomfortable, be angry that she needed to take days off her work for this, and yada yada yada.
She ruined multiple events like that including the birthday of my best friend. We broke up over this. I would say, that she could come if she is accepting a few things: Don’t ruin the mood. Actually, try to join the games and most importantly: Leave alone, if you actually dislike the games and let your partner continue without a major fight after.
Another option might be to have another type of party from time to time. Maybe a movie night or something like that… Because I can understand, how she feels excluded by this and would like to get to know the people… Doesn’t sound like she has many other options to do that.” SirLunchALot1993
2. AITJ For Not Splitting My Million Dollar Inheritance With My Half-Sister?
“Last month my (f20) mom Stacy passed away after being hit by a car. I’ll spare you the grim details, but it was pretty sudden. Now, I never had a good relationship with my mom. She and my dad were married for 2 years before they divorced. My dad later married a lovely woman named Kaylee who pretty much raised me.
My dad passed away when I was 16, so I went back to live with my mom. My mom was married once before my dad and three times after.
Stacy and the third husband Jason had my half-sister Jenna (f16). The divorce between my mom and Jason was messy.
Long story short, Jason was unfaithful to her, so my mom posted a revenge intimate tape of her and Jason. Jason was awarded custody of Jenna and grew up resenting Stacy. Jenna even called her a promiscuous woman and a mean woman to her face multiple times.
She never spoke to our mom unless it was absolutely necessary.
As I said, I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my mom either. The straw that really broke the camel’s back was when she turned down my full-ride scholarship to an Ivy League without my knowledge in hopes that I would go to her alma mater.
I was so mad at her and still am, so I left and never visited. When I heard she passed away, I expected a funeral within a week, but her next of kin (fourth husband) wanted to wait until the will was read.
So, Jenna and I and all the husbands showed up, and none of us knew what to expect.
She was fairly well off (she was a doctor), but none of us knew quite how much money she had. She left some money to each of her living ex-husbands and Kaylee (for my dad’s share). Jenna left her one-bed, one-bath apartment and a college fund.
The fund could only be used for college and the apartment could only be used or sold if she graduated college. To me, she left the bulk of her funds, which totaled over a million dollars after taxes.
Jenna was mad. She doesn’t want to go to college and is expecting more money.
She didn’t talk to me until the wake (not that we usually talk much) and even then she was rude and abrasive. At the funeral, I asked Jenna what was wrong and she blew up at me, saying I didn’t even talk to her for two years and that I didn’t deserve the money.
Her dad talked to me and asked me to split my inheritance with her, reiterating that I didn’t talk to her or visit. He then proceeded to berate me for ruining the funeral by provoking Jenna. I feel kind of bad because I don’t really feel like I deserve the money, but I don’t think Jenna deserves it either.
So AITJ for ruining the funeral and not splitting the inheritance with Jenna?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Forget about what other people say. A will is a will. She left you a million dollars. Period. You don’t owe your step-sister anything since she didn’t have a great relationship with your mother either!
She already has funds for college, so what more could she ask for? Just save the money and use it wisely :)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one “deserves” that money. The money was your mom’s property and it was up to her to decide how it should be arranged after her death.
She decided. Your lack of visiting was a factor for your mom to consider alongside other factors, which she did. It has been decided and now the money is yours. You owe nothing to your half-sister, and even less to her dad. Her dad’s behavior is especially inappropriate.” Pesec1
Another User Comments:
“Most definitely NTJ. You didn’t ruin anything, Jenna threw a hissy fit over money and then blamed you for her bad behavior. I grew up with a sibling whose angry outbursts were always my fault for “triggering him”, that’s manipulation at best and mistreatment at worst. Don’t tolerate it, block her and direct them to relay any other communications via your lawyer.
Jenna can go to college and enjoy the house, that’s an amazing gift and to be so dismissive about it because it comes with strings is incredibly entitled. Don’t even entertain her BS.” User
1. AITJ For Not Being Able To Afford My Fiancé's Best Friend's Wedding?
“My fiancé (29M) and I (25F) got engaged in February after 8 months of seeing each other. We’re getting married in September, which coincides with my parents’ 40th anniversary and my grandparents’ 65th anniversary.
It holds a special significance for us as I’ll be wearing my mother/grandmother’s dress. Despite the short seeing each other period, my fiancé and I have known each other for five years and were friends before becoming a couple.
My fiancé’s lifelong best friend, Jake, is engaged to Kay, whom my fiancé has never really liked. They have been together longer than us, but their relationship is marked by constant drinking, frequent fights (even in front of others), and a party lifestyle.
They work in the booze industry, so booze is always readily available. From the beginning, they haven’t taken a liking to me because I’m not a big drinker or partier.
Just a week after we sent out our save-the-dates, Jake and Kay announced their own wedding date.
It was less than a month after our wedding and a destination wedding in Las Vegas. Jake asked my fiancé to be his best man, but due to financial constraints and limited PTO, we couldn’t afford to attend. We did, however, offer to celebrate with them locally.
Unfortunately, they didn’t take it well, ignored us, and even failed to plan my fiancé’s bachelor party. He had to organize it himself with the help of another groomsman.
During our beach party weekend, Jake informed my fiancé that he could only attend one day because Kay had bought concert tickets.
Although my fiancé was disappointed, he didn’t dwell on it. On the final day, Jake insisted on going to a casino so packed up my fiancé’s bags, and left with him. This left me without a ride home, as my fiancé was supposed to be my ride.
My fiancé didn’t have phone service so I reached out to Kay on Instagram, asking her to get in touch with the guys if she could.
This angered both Kay and Jake, and they expressed their dislike for me. They then offered to just fly my fiancé out for the wedding and let him sleep on their couch, but he declined due to the additional expenses and their tendency to hold things over his head.
We explained to them that we simply couldn’t afford the trip, especially after our own wedding. Jake became upset when he found out that my fiancé got a tattoo for his birthday, claiming that we weren’t as financially unstable as we said. However, a tattoo is significantly cheaper than a three-day trip to Vegas.
My fiancé feels let down by his lifelong friend and is starting to question their friendship. He believes that Jake only attended the bachelor party to pressure him into accepting the free flight to Vegas, without considering the additional expenses and lost income from taking unpaid time off work.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I’m not hearing any jerks here. What I’m reading is that Jake and your fiancé have grown apart as adults (some friendships aren’t forever and it sounds like they have grown into different people as adults.) You don’t like either Jake or Kay.
They don’t like you. Your fiancé doesn’t like Kay. The writing is on the wall with this one. I would stop trying to force a round peg into a square hole. No, you don’t need to attend the wedding. I would stop trying to socialize with them too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jake is a groomzilla and doesn’t grasp the concept that people don’t have unlimited funds and PTO to accommodate his wedding plans, especially when it is a destination wedding. Besides, it shouldn’t be surprising that your fiance won’t be attending given the short time between your wedding and theirs.
Wondering why “friends” need to have a wedding so quickly? Hmmmm!” Ducky818
