People Lose Their Minds In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Denying My Mom Access To My Savings For Her House?
“My mom wants me to lend her all the money in my savings account so she can use it to buy a house. I (20F) have been working and saving money since I was 15 to help pay for school.
I went to community college for 2 years after high school to help save money. During this time I worked 25+ hours while taking 15+ credits so I could cut my graduation time and save money. I saved enough money to where I can attend a four-year college and finish my degree and not have to work at all and just focus on school.
I don’t get much financial aid because my parents make quite a bit and God knows where the money goes. I do feel very proud of myself for achieving this and not having to rely on my parents for school while not getting into any debt.
My mom recently found a house she likes and reserved a lot (new construction). She is scrapping all her bank accounts to find a lot of money for the down payment. A few weeks ago she asked me what amount I would be okay giving her and that she would pay me back.
I told her about 50% of my savings and I would keep the rest to cover for school this year. So I would need the money I am lending her around next year, August. I was a little reluctant to lend her this because over the years I have lent her some money, but she never paid back and says “We are family, I should let it go.”
The other day she asked me if she could have everything in my savings and that I could use her credit card to pay for the first semester of school. She says she will just pay for my school, so she can have all my savings right now.
I was a little skeptical.
We recently had a talk, and I was telling her how much school costs. She tells me it is too expensive and that I should start picking up hours at work and work during the summer if I can. I told her no, I already saved enough to cover tuition, housing, and food.
I am lending her my savings and I expect it back. She tells me it will be tough for her and that maybe I should consider staying at home and commuting 1 1/2+ hours to school. I was too shocked during this conversation to defend myself.
I now do not want to lend her any of my money.
She already told the bank she was receiving this money from me, and so I feel bad pulling out now. I haven’t told her I don’t want to lend her anything yet. I don’t know how to go about the conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh heck no. Do not give her your money.
You will not get it back. Your education is more important than your mom’s desire to buy a house. Does she immediately need this house? Will she have nowhere to live if she doesn’t get it? I somehow doubt it. Your money is yours, and a child should never be responsible for a parent’s whims. I cannot emphasize this enough: DO NOT give her your hard-earned money.” afrojoe5585
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is 100% going to scam you and destroy your future for her own selfish gain. She’s already trying to chip away at your plans to benefit herself. That is not what a good parent would do. You have worked hard to save your money.
Do not give it to your mother, because you will never see it again, and she sounds untrustworthy. John_Wilson_did_it
20. AITJ For Staying In The Hotel Room While My Husband Partied?
“My (31f) husband Jack (43m) went to his friends’ 40th birthday celebration this Saturday. They went to a resort/casino about 45 minutes from where we live.
Most of the guys booked rooms so they could drink and not have to drive home.
I was supposed to go out with a friend that day, but on Thursday she texted me to let me know she wasn’t going to be able to make it work and canceled.
I was complaining a bit to my husband about suddenly being planless, and he said, “You know all the rooms at the casino have those big soaking tubs?” which piqued my interest because I love a good bath, and I just said, “Yeah?” And he said, “Why don’t you come?
Someone should enjoy the room.”
So I did. We arrived early Saturday afternoon, and Jack met his friends downstairs when they got there. I stayed in the room the whole night – I took an extra long bubble bath, ate room service food, and drew in bed. I had a blast, honestly.
I was really glad he suggested it.
Jack got in after I was asleep, and the next morning, we were in the lobby getting ready to check out when we saw a few of his friends coming towards us. They looked really surprised to see me and were giving me odd looks.
I tried to ask how their nights were, and I got very short, clipped answers from them, which was weird. I don’t know them all that well, but we always chat when we see each other, and it’s never like that.
Jack got a couple of texts after we got home saying that it was weird to bring me along for a celebration I wasn’t invited to, calling him “whipped” and asking why I came at all.
Jack tried to point out that he asked me (not me insisting on coming); they would’ve never even known if we left 10 minutes earlier, I wasn’t with them or even texting him, and I was literally just existing nearby. But they said that “wasn’t the point” and that I didn’t have any respect for them if I thought it was okay.
Jack’s brother came over last night, and we were telling him about it, and he was like, “Just tell them you’re sorry and it won’t happen again. Who cares?” But I’m not really okay with that. At this point, it’s a mutual apology at best because they were saying pretty mean things about me, and I still don’t think I even did anything wrong.
But these are my husband’s long, long-term friends, and he might be willing to blow that up for me, but I don’t feel good about that option either.
So we’re both wondering now before we consider an apology … Are we jerks? Is this a normal thing for them to be upset about?
Because I think they’re being ridiculous, but maybe I think that because I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Jack is a keeper. He just proved to you that he is trustworthy and cares for what is best for you. He had no issues with you being aware of what was going on at his all-boys trip.
And when his friends acted like jerks? He had your back. You guys did nothing wrong. Have to wonder about all his friends and why it matters to them. What sort of things do they feel they need to hide? Finally, never apologize unless you actually mean it.
I am also not a fan of keeping the peace when you have to throw yourself under the bus.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. It’s weird that they got so defensive when they literally didn’t even know you were there the entire night.
My husband has a group of friends he does stuff with and I know none of them would get upset that I happened to be in the hotel room he had for the night while he was out with his buddies. The kind of friends that WOULD be upset would be the ones that were getting up to nefarious activities and maybe don’t want their wives finding out about it.” trama_from_my_mama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is absolutely bizarre. How full of oneself does a person have to be to say that a man’s wife staying in his hotel room while that person parties elsewhere without even knowing about the wife is “disrespectful”? (In my experience, the people who make the loudest noises about “disrespect” are jerks.
And usually have something of a rap sheet).” He_Who_Is_Person
19. AITJ For Cutting Off My Mom For Misgendering My Child?
“I (45f) have a non-gender conforming child who came out a couple of years ago.
My mom (70f) had been the opposite of supportive, pushing back on every gender-affirming step we have taken with my child. But recently, she had gotten better. No deadnaming, and she had been flawless with gender for weeks, going so far as to correct herself when she made a mistake.
I was impressed and so appreciative and I told her so. Like, my heart hurts right now when I think how indescribably happy it made me and how my child lit up when I told them. (To be clear, I am using “they/them” in this post to protect my child as much as I can.)
But then I disappointed my mom and her response was to deliberately and maliciously misgender my child until I hung up on her ten minutes later. This was the beginning of May and we have not spoken since. I told her that my child and I needed an apology before my relationship with her could continue.
She is insistent she did not do what she did and it has become this whole she said/she said situation to everyone else.
My dad (71m) had been contacting me regularly, trying to get me to talk to my mom. I stood my ground (Man, learning how to set boundaries in my 40s is HARD!) and he was standing with my mom.
I totally get that and didn’t really blame him for it but told him Mom needed to clean up her own mess. He kept pushing, suggesting in so many words that my mom’s feelings were more important than mine (Because she is older, I guess?), so now we are not talking either.
Fast forward to now, an aunt has passed away, my mom ended up in the ER, and my dad had heart surgery. My dad has sent updates on all these to my siblings and me in a group message. I have not reached out beyond thanking him for the updates.
Behind the scenes, I am sending them all the good energy I can so they come out okay on the other end.
But my family is mad that I am not more involved in all these scary situations. So have I taken it too far?
Does my mom deserve the benefit of the doubt because she had been getting better and was just REALLY out of line one time? I sat one night for literal hours trying to come up with just one time she had ever apologized to me and I could not.
But does that make this an appropriate hill to die on? Give it to me straight, because I am utterly lost.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh heck on that. NTJ. When my kid came out, my flighty, memory-challenged, 69-year-old mother picked it up flawlessly. When my best friend came out, my partner at the time was weird and jealous.
When I would talk about my friend, he would use the correct name/pronouns if things were fine, but when he got jealous, he purposely misgendered them. Guess who is still in my life and who isn’t.” midara_mind
Another User Comments:
“Make it a hill.
Just because she’s old and she’s your mom doesn’t give her a free pass to not apologize. When I make a mistake I apologize to my kids. When my parents make a mistake I expect an apology. They never think they did wrong.
I’m in my 40’s learning boundaries too. It’s hard. It’s frustrating and hurtful to me to have to fight these boundaries but it’s for my own health and my children. (My last post was literally about boundaries and if I was pushing too hard lol.
A day or two ago if you want to look it up lol.)” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is exactly the hill to die on. She is manipulating you. All the impressive stuff is what is known as “Love Bombing.” Its purpose is to maintain your access.
It’s typically used when you withdraw. Once you were back in a solid relationship, she let her true colors show when you failed to meet her expectations for that relationship. That was attending the family function so everyone could see how kind and understanding she was being and you are all one big happy family again.
This probably was the motivation for the love bombing. Now she moved to what is called DARVO. That stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender. She is denying the truth and making herself the victim. Now she gets to tell everyone how nice she was being and how you are attacking her for no reason.
This turns everyone against you and punishes you for not obeying her. My unprofessional take on the matter.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Backing Away From My Family Over My Addicted And Abusive Brother?
“I (43F) live about 2 hours away from my parents who are 76 and 75 years old.
They still live independently in their own home. My brother (41) still lives with my parents. He is addicted to substances.
Two years ago, at Christmas, I drove up to visit my parents for the day. While opening presents and eating lunch, my brother began to verbally mistreat me, calling me every degrading name you can think to call a woman, and began “posturing” at me, like he was going to attack me.
When I asked him, “Why are you acting like this right now, what exactly am I doing at this moment to make you upset?” my mom continued to ignore what was happening, saying “Open your presents,” and my father began yelling at me to stop talking to my brother.
The following day, I wrote an email to my parents explaining I was going to back away and not come to their home due to the situation. During this time, I became aware he also steals from them, takes my father’s car for days at a time, and uses their checking account to withdraw hundreds of dollars at a time.
I contacted APS on several occasions, which resulted in-home visits.
Fast forward several months, and my dad and I went on vacation to Vegas. Upon returning, my dad said my brother would pick him up. Brother rolls up in my father’s car. He doesn’t have a license btw.
It’s revoked for DUI. He gets out of the car and demands a hug from me. He is aware I am no contact with him. I said, “Get away from me,” and put my arm out to prevent him from getting closer. He starts cursing, calling me every bad name in the book.
He walks off cursing. My dad says, “You should have just hugged him.”
Last month, I asked my dad if he wanted to meet for lunch. On my way there, he calls me and says I need to come pick him up because “I don’t have my car, brother has it.” We get to lunch.
I ask, “Where is your car?” He says, “I don’t want to talk about it.” When I asked again what happened, he gets up and walked out of the restaurant, leaving me there. I find out later it’s because he and my brother were running errands and my brother abandoned him at a store, taking his car and debit card.
One of my cousins happened to see him at the store after he’d been there for 4 hours by himself and drove him home.
I’m frustrated and fed up with the situation. There is nothing I can do except watch the family implode. I have nothing left to say to my parents and can’t watch the enabling anymore.
AITJ for backing away from the family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh god. It sounds like there’s a lot more going on with your brother than just substance addiction. The fact he is mistreating you and your parents is very concerning, especially since he seems to be taking advantage of your parents.
Your parents don’t seem to be trying to help him break away from substances either, as they seem to be constantly stepped over by him. I’d definitely tell them about backing away because of your brother. Maybe the threat of losing you will help them understand the problem your brother is creating.” Sufficient_Way3652
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a sad situation, but it seems like being around your brother is a significant risk to your mental and physical health and even a safety concern (and that doesn’t even get into any financial issues). If your parents won’t mitigate that risk, then you’re well within your right to say you can’t accept that risk.
This is a ridiculous level of enabling, but I would say even separate from their dynamics with each other, just from the point of view of your own health and safety, you’re in the clear to distance yourself and set boundaries as needed.” jlt7823
Another User Comments:
“OP, you need to show this to your parents. Your brother is going to get them into serious legal trouble. They are letting an intoxicated person without a license use their car repeatedly. He will eventually hit someone and possibly kill them.
Your parents will get sued for allowing him to drive. I’d have a serious talk about how they are not helping him; they are just enabling him to go deeper into this crap and drag them along.” Physical_Stress_5683
17. AITJ For Insisting On A Snake-Free Home Despite My BF's Reptile Obsession?
“My partner (24M & 23F) has always loved reptiles and wanted a snake. He was obsessed with dinosaurs as a kid and grew up wanting all sorts of reptiles, but especially a snake. His dad never let him get a snake as a kid, and now that we’re about to move into our own place, he’s talking about finally getting one.
Here’s the thing… He doesn’t want just a regular ball python or ‘pet store’ snake. He wants a super dwarf reticulated python. Those suckers get to about 7-9 FEET LONG. I also already have 3 rabbits and an absolute MASSIVE fear of large snakes.
I’m still a little freaked out by the smaller ones, but I’m able to at least look at and maybe hold those ones.
But I have had essentially panic attacks when I’ve seen the huge snakes. I’ve masked my fear and anxiety when he’s asked me to go to a few reptile expos with him, but inside my head, I’m in full-blown panic mode.
One day a few years ago, he came home from work with a 6-foot albino reticulated python that he said belonged to a client of the moving company he works for; the client was a huge reptile fanatic, was moving, and couldn’t take a few of their animals, so he offered the snake to my partner.
He set up the enclosure in his bedroom. When I came over later that night to see a snake in his bedroom… FACING THE BED… I nearly walked right back out of the house in tears. Once his dad found out, he made my partner rehome it because his mom used to run a daycare out of the house, and the snake would’ve been a liability.
I’ve told him about my fears to him on occasion, but now that we’re moving in together, the convo of a snake has become very real. Like I said previously, I have 3 rabbits that I’ve rescued and poured my heart and soul into for the last ~5 years.
I couldn’t even imagine losing these guys, so the fear of having a snake even under the same roof as them absolutely petrifies me. I’ve recently expressed my concerns in depth, and while he seems understanding, he just won’t let the idea of getting a snake go.
I completely understand his point of view, too, but considering how intense my fear is, the fact that I already have my rabbits and the snake is just a hypothetical at this point, I feel that he shouldn’t get a one. At least not yet.
I understand not everyone feels the same way, but if he was scared of an animal that I absolutely adored and have always wanted, I wouldn’t be getting that animal… ever. If he happened to be scared of rabbits, I wouldn’t rehome the ones I have, but I wouldn’t get anymore.
But he doesn’t even have a snake yet, and it’s already causing a bit of tension between us sometimes. How should I navigate this and AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re both communicating, which is good. You both seem to understand each other’s position, which is better.
You’re both trying to find a solution that is acceptable to everyone, which is best. Random thought: How about he puts the snake in a cage in a shed where you never have to lay eyes on it? If he has the money to buy everything needed to keep a snake for a pet, surely shelling out for a small stand-alone shouldn’t be a problem.” Richard_D_Lawson
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You absolutely need to let him know how terrified you are of snakes and that you have zero desire to live with one. It’s one thing if you could get past it if the snake were someplace where you didn’t have to see it or interact with it, but if you can’t, he should know.
He needs to decide if he needs to do this right now, and if he could hypothetically deal with never having a snake as a pet if you two were to get married. I hope you can work something out, but it’s also possible that this is a dealbreaker.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but neither is he. If he wants to have that kind of snake because he’s an adult and he’s in a position to finally get one, then he should be able to; it just means that you two won’t be able to live together at the same time, and that’s okay.
If the opposing issues are “he wants this huge snake” versus “you’re afraid of snakes and are concerned for your rabbits,” the obvious solution to being able to achieve both without conflict is to simply have your own places. Fears are legitimate and I don’t think you’re unreasonable here, but starting a shared living space together where, from the get-go, you get to move in having the pets that you want, but he can never have the pet that he wants, is just asking for unnecessary tension and arguments.
Doubly so when you essentially say “I’d still make him live with my rabbits if he was terrified of them; I just wouldn’t get more,” since that’s a pretty big flexible (though understandable) double standard.” ShadowCoon
16. AITJ For Staying Silent In My Abusive Home?
“My (15m) parents have a really weird relationship compared to my friends and cousins’ parents. My mom doesn’t really talk, and my dad complains a lot. I will explain a day in my life so you get an understanding. I wake up, make myself breakfast, and stay in my room.
My mom calls me for lunch, and I eat it. We don’t really talk during this time. Then my dad comes home in the evening, and 97% of the time he is in a bad mood. He normally insults my mom, calling her lazy and useless.
Sometimes he throws the plate on the floor and makes my mom cook something else. My mom just looks at her plate and doesn’t say anything. Sometimes I want to play hero and speak up, but my dad decides to humble me and insult me, calling me worthless, and so on until I start crying (he won’t stop talking or getting in my face until he sees me crying; he could think of hurtful things to say for an hour; I think he sees it as a challenge sometimes because he always says “You think you’re going to win when I don’t start crying immediately”), and I end up regretting saying anything.
My mom doesn’t really react during this; she just looks at her plate. But for the most part, my mom is the one to receive my dad’s anger; he only insults me when I get in his way, make eye contact, or say something he doesn’t like.
It can be really hard to live with him because he switches moods really fast, so you can never guess what ticks him off. But most of the time he doesn’t really bother with me; I think the only time he shows interest in me is when we are at a family function.
My mom doesn’t talk to me either; sometimes she apologizes to me, but we never have conversations like, “How was your day?” For the most part, she is either cleaning or cooking. I think the only time we communicate is when she gives me my lunch box.
She doesn’t even say anything when my dad decides to insult either one of us.
I always feel bad sitting at the table and hearing my dad insult my mom, but these days I don’t say anything because anytime I say something, I always wish I didn’t, but anytime I don’t defend her, I feel even more crap, especially since my friend said that if you watch someone be homophobic, then you’re just as bad.
So, does not saying anything make me just as bad, or is it not my duty to say anything? My mom is like 30 or 40 something, so she can speak for herself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a long shot. Please do not get involved, he will hurt you.
Do you have any trusted family members you can talk to about this? I suggest recording some of these interactions and showing them to a trusted adult. You need to get out of there. I feel bad for your mom, but she probably won’t leave, but you need to.
I hope you are doing well in school. That is your only way out of this. Education or a trade are your only way out. At some point in your adult life, please consider therapy. I am so sorry you are in this toxic stew.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry. I really am. You’re in an impossible situation. You should tell your friends at least about what is happening. And, I cannot emphasize this enough, make friends with your mom. Seek her out, speak to her, ask her her favorite color, ask her about her childhood, her family, her siblings, and her favorite clothes.
Remind her that she is a person. Remind her that YOU are a person and you understand what is going on in this house. Through finding a friend in you, her son, your mother may find the strength to leave and end this toxic cycle.
I’m going to be honest, and I don’t mean to scare you, but once you leave and your father no longer has access to you as a second outlet for his anger, he sounds like the type to murder your mom one day.
Now is the time to remind your mother she has you, that you love her, and see her as a person. Befriend your mom, like you were befriending someone at school. If she finds some self worth through connection, you two may be able to leave before it’s too late.” jayphrax
15. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Dad's Crumbling House Without Telling Him?
“My fiancé (M21) and I (F20) moved into my deceased grandmother’s house last year to help my dad (F59) maintain the property. We keep up to date on the bills and maintain the yard as best we can for young adults with minimal savings or resources.
I should mention to start that I never signed into a formal lease agreement with my father, but have been paying the bills for nearly eight months and have renter’s insurance despite not paying rent to my dad.
There are many issues with the property including, but not limited to, a crumbling foundation, flooding basements, appliances in disrepair, and the most recent, major settling and shifting of the floorboards.
My in-laws, friends, and everyone I’ve mentioned it to have expressed their concern about us living here, as we all believe it to be unsafe. When I address these concerns with my father, he blows them off as regular wear and tear. For example, when we had major flooding this past weekend, I texted him and asked if he had a Shop Vac to help clear up the flooding in the basement (mind you, this is not normal water settling in an unfinished basement; it was up to our ankles).
He finally texted me back after 20 minutes and told me to use a mop. Understandably, we were upset with the situation and contacted all of our local friends, and one of our friends came over and helped us clear the flooding. By the time that we had cleared as best we could, my dad pulled up to the house and threw a fit that someone else was there helping us.
Just generally really jerky toward all of us.
My fiancé recently got a new job working for an apartment complex and with this job, he receives credit toward an apartment on the property. I am highly considering moving with him as it would shorten my fiancé’s 40-minute commute into a 5-minute walk.
The apartment complex is in a better area, with more business and job opportunities, as we currently live in a very depressed area.
I am afraid to discuss moving with my father. He is the type that will guilt-trip until the end of the earth.
The last time I made a big life decision and involved him with it, my younger sister (F16) got hurt in the crossfire and I’m afraid of that happening again too. My fiancé and I concluded with my in-laws that we would move without informing my father until we had already moved into the new property.
It would mean canceling all the bills that are in my name, transferring addresses to the state we are moving to, and keeping quiet about everything until it’s done.
So AITJ for wanting to move out of this crumbling house without telling my dad? Does he have any way to go after me over legally?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s a fun peek into your near future: You: I’m moving out of the house. Dad: I need you there to maintain it. You: It’s an unsafe wreck. Dad: It’s perfectly fine. You: Then you’ll have an easy time renting it out and making money.
Lucky you. Dad: I can’t rent it, it’s an unsafe wreck. You: …. The End.” SpaceJesusIsHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless he made you sign a lease then you do not have any legal repercussions. If he decides to pull out a lease and go the legal route, you are also allowed to leave it given the conditions of the house.
Please leave that place ASAP, and I’m sorry but your father sounds like he’s using you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s stuck you with a crumbling house and getting mad when you bring friends over to help make it livable? You’ve signed no lease, you pay him no rent, you have zero obligations to him as a landlord, and he’s made clear he doesn’t take being warned in advance that you’re going to diverge from his will very well.
So, yeah, do it. Cancel all bills, forward all mail, let any friends you can trust know in confidence, and do it – move out and send him a notification that you have done so as soon as you’re well away. (In justice to him, as far as he deserves it, it would be fair to let him know the same day you’ve finally moved out so that the property isn’t standing empty for days without his knowledge.)” Enough-Process9773
14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Using My Social Security Money For Her Trip?
“I am just gonna get into this. I (M15) have a dad (separated parents) who recently turned 62 and started cashing in on SS (social security) benefits (BTW this happened in America, specifically PA).
Because my mother has custody of me, she receives $800 a month because of my dad’s benefits. About $400 of that goes to my health insurance, which I am completely fine with; the rest goes to a separate bank account my mom controls. And based on what my brother says (also received money through SS but under different circumstances and after turning 18 got that money from my mom) and conversations with my mom, I would be receiving this money when I turn 18.
The conflict started about a month ago when I got home from work around 10 PM and my mom told me that she, I, and my sister were all going to Utah to see Lisa (a very, very good family friend) at the end of the year.
Then she also informed me that my SS money was gonna cover MY TICKET and MY SHARE OF THE HOTEL. I was completely fine with this and went on with life. Later in the summer, about 2 weeks ago, I was upstairs in my house enjoying my sister and her fiance’s company during a yearly sorority party my mom hosts.
I made a comment, joking that my sister’s fiance was going to pay for the trip, and then my sister informed me that my SS money was paying for the whole trip—all 3 plane tickets and the hotel room for a little over a week.
Then a week later, I asked my mom about it, and she said in a very mad tone that the SS money was paying for the trip. That leads to today, where I am still very mad that not only was my SS money paying for my sister and mother, but I also had to find out through my sister.
On top of that, my mom bought a refundable ticket in case my boss would not let me take time off (thankfully, she did), but if he said no, that would mean my mother and sister were going on a whole trip using my SS money without me.
And for a frame of reference, my mother and my stepdad make a little over $200K a year, so she is not hurting for money and does not need money to go to Utah, and she is paying over $10K for my sister’s wedding. So that brings me to my current dilemma.
Would I be the jerk if I confronted my mother about this and blunted my anger on her in hopes of a change? Thank you for your time reading this. I’ve been struggling with this for many days and need to put it to rest for my own sake.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are mistaken that that is YOUR money. That is money paid to your mom for your support—household costs, food, clothing, transportation, etc. The fact that she chose to put it in a separate account understandably gave you the idea that it was YOUR money.
It’s not; it’s hers to cover your expenses. She has covered your expenses and that is money that pays her back for that, thus making it HER money. Hope that makes sense. I can see that if your brother received some funds she had set aside from the SS monies when he turned 18 you are expecting the same.
And, perhaps this is your mom’s intention for part of the money, I don’t know.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But I know it looks bad and I don’t blame you for being concerned. I think there are some things you don’t understand.
That money is allowed to be used for anything that benefits you, including food, mortgage, household utility bills, medical care, clothing, extracurriculars, room decor, household repairs, toiletries, etc., and whatever. She has to report to SS every year how much is spent and if any is saved. It’s not like it’s supposed to go into an account that you get as a trust fund when you turn 18.
In fact, the payments will likely stop when you turn 18. The funds simply replace what your dad would have paid in child support if he was working, and it’s up to her to choose how to spend it, as long as it is within those parameters.
Your mother is likely spending more than $800 of her own money on your support. (See list above, all those things count.) So, she can use your $800 first for the basic living expenses and then use her money for the trip. Or she can do it the other way around, which is what it sounds like.” newfriend836639
13. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With My Therapist Seeing My Family?
I (F23) have been seeing the same therapist, we will call “Jen,” since I was a teenager, so about 10/11 years now. I absolutely love her and feel more comfortable talking to her and sharing things with her more than I have anyone else in my life.
Recently, my stepmother, we will call “Sharon,” had a surgical procedure that subsequently led to complications and other health issues. She was very depressed because of this. She consistently asked me to reach out to “Jen” to see if she could meet with her because she knows I like her so much and she needed someone to talk to.
I was hesitant because I do not like to mix family and therapy. It was one of the reasons I felt so safe. I have a difficult family dynamic, and that was one of the reasons I was put into therapy in the first place.
“Sharon” called me one day while I was at work, saying she was extremely depressed and she didn’t know what to do. Heck, I didn’t know what to do in that situation either. I am personally not a therapist. I broke down and texted “Jen” asking if she would be willing to see “Sharon.” “Jen” said she was sorry, but she isn’t taking on new clients as her waiting list is months long.
I thought, perfect… That takes a lot of worry off my mind. After telling “Sharon” that “Jen” wouldn’t be able to see her, I thought that was it, and she would find a therapist of her own. “Sharon” then took it upon herself to call “Jen’s” office, and tell her it was an emergency that she spoke with someone.
She said it would only be temporary until she healed from her illnesses. “Jen” took her on as a client on a temporary basis. This in itself made me uncomfortable, but I figured it was okay since it was temporary. This situation all happened in December of 2022.
Fast forward to this month, as I was talking to “Sharon” on the phone, she said she is still seeing “Jen,” and now my younger sister, whom we’ll call “Jordan” (F13), has an appointment with “Jen” coming up. Not only did “Sharon” use my connection with my therapist to get herself moved up a very long wait list, but she weaseled her way into getting my sister seen by her as well.
I don’t really feel safe as her patient anymore, and I shouldn’t have to find another therapist because my family couldn’t get their own. I’ve been building this relationship with “Jen” for over a decade. I now feel extremely uncomfortable and considered talking to my therapist at my appointment on Tuesday about this, but WIBTJ even bringing it up to her?
Another User Comments:
“Uh, don’t mean to get too personal, but what country are you in? It’s my understanding (someone correct me if I’m wrong) that therapists are not supposed to see multiple family members unless it’s specifically for family therapy, couples therapy, etc. Hardcore NTJ, but I hate to tell you this, your therapist is actually the main jerk here.
The very fact that this is upsetting you demonstrates why she never should have taken on your stepmom or sister. Absolutely bring this up with her and, if you can stomach the idea, consider getting a new therapist. This one wronged you, IMO.” G1Gestalt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling and you absolutely should bring it up with your therapist. Let Jen know that her office was a safe space for you, but with your family now also her patients it doesn’t feel as safe anymore.
Saying you feel unsafe with Jen herself suggests that you’re concerned Jen would divulge confidential information to them, and I suspect that’s not what you’re feeling.” Stormschance
Another User Comments:
“This sorta happened to me. My mom started to see my old therapist I couldn’t afford it anymore.
No joke, he actually asked if she knew me due to our last name being so uncommon. I was in therapy mostly due to my mom, so I can only imagine what he thinks now having her on board after having heard my side, lol.
NTJ, I personally would talk with your therapist, but I don’t expect her to drop them.” Happyweekend69
12. AITJ For Taking My Son To School Even Though His Stepdad Got Hurt?
“I have a blended family. I’m married with four kids, two from marriage 1 and two from my current marriage. My ex also has four kids, the same situation as me. My ex and I have both been remarried for six years.
We adults all get along quite well, as do most of the kids. I like how we all support each other and none of us compete against each other. My son’s stepdad “Ry” teaches middle school, and it’s the same middle school that my 11-year-old son Jake (my youngest from my first marriage) is starting in a couple of weeks.
Jake definitely is an anxious kid and is stressed out. He has lots of worries and fears like his friends ditching him, showering after PE, being overwhelmed by having six classes, etc. Me and his mom talked to him about his fears (some with his mom, but all with me).
Long story short, a few weeks ago I told him that I would go with him to school instead of dropping him off. He said he’d rather go with Ry. Why? Because Ry is the super popular teacher it’d be comforting to him. Ry was so stoked and happy to do this.
He actually got emotional. Today Jake told me he actually doesn’t want Ry to walk with him into school. He wants me. I told him that it was fine and I would do it as long as he wanted. I said we need to tell Ry, though.
He said he didn’t want to, probably because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I said I’d take care of it.
I called Ry up and said there was going to be a change of plans. Jake is asking that I take him to school instead.
He said, “Oh, that sucks.” I asked what he meant, and he said he was just hurt. I said, “Obviously, it’s not personal.” Then he asked me if I talked Jake out of taking him to school because I wanted to do it myself. I laughed and said that I actually do want to take him, but this is his choice.
He then asks if I even tried to talk Jake out of taking him so he could still take him. I said no. He said, “Well, you should have.” I think he wouldn’t have changed his mind.
I got annoyed and told him, “Dude, get over yourself.” He’s probably not going to even want to say hi to you at school or want me to walk him to school after the first week.
He said he needed to go and hung up. Now my ex is asking about this fight we had over my wanting to take him to school and why I couldn’t convince Jake to go with Ry. I’m ignoring her because I will go off on her too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s allowed to change his mind and probably thought about what it’ll look like walking into the school with a teacher like that, even though it is his stepdad. Kids can be absolute crap about teachers being someone’s parent. My school actually didn’t allow teachers to have their kids in our school (high school, we don’t have middle here); they had to go to the other one.
I doubt the kids in middle school will be much kinder than the high school ones. I think it’s gross they care more about Ry’s feelings than your son’s. That’s what this comes down to. A full grown adult with a lot of experience with children this age somehow isn’t using his logical brain to realize that, while his feelings are hurt, this isn’t a slight to him and it is highly inappropriate for him to try and discourage your son from seeking comfort where he’s comfortable.
This is how Ry makes sure your son doesn’t confide in or see him as overly safe, if he’s forced to do as Ry wants, because he cannot, as an adult, be reasonable and not put his feelings first. Also, your son asked you to say something because he KNOWS how Ry will react.
So I’d be maybe concerned about other things my child has been pressured into, guilted into doing because an adult isn’t in control of themselves.” After_Kangaroo_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in terms of going along with what your kid wants. But if that’s truly how you worded it, it’s kinda rude and jerkish.
You said Ry was excited and even got emotional about taking him to school. So of course, he’s going to be hurt and may even think you said something if the change in decision was so close together. Some of these comments make Ry sound like he was trying to push him into a decision.
But honestly, this just reads as a parental figure upset about not doing something with a kiddo.” Mojo_Jojo_030
11. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Partner's 10-Year-Old After Losing My Cool?
“I do most of the cleaning at home and am responsible for all of the bills, groceries, and preparing meals.
My partner waters the plants outside and does the dishes; his daughter does not have any chores but volunteered to vacuum that day. I work full time, and he’s been working part-time, but he was unemployed for the previous 8 months. His daughter is at the house about 1/3 of the week.
This matters because I’ve been continuously asking for help around the house and not getting it. The house is very small, cluttered, and impossible to keep clean, so I decided we could put some things we don’t use often into a storage unit at a place 1 block away.
When I told him, he needed to make more space because he wanted to keep the 5 bags of mushroom-growing dirt and misc containers and boxes that he’s had for months, he told me that he didn’t have that much stuff, and he didn’t agree that anything of his should go into storage (at least half the stuff in the house is his).
At this point, I lost it and started screaming at him, how he was not willing to help in any way, shape, or form, and listing off everything I take care of. He said I should act like an adult because there was a child there.
(She was in the same room, but again, a very small house, so I’m not sure it would have mattered if she wasn’t.) She started to cry hard, and I kept yelling at him because he just kept saying “Look what you did” and “She’s a child.” I then went out the door, and he locked the doorknob that no one has a key for, so I couldn’t get back in (I know because I tried to go back inside).
I started yelling again and definitely dropped some freaking bombs. Later, he texted me and told me he was taking her back to her mom’s because “he had made her a promise that she wouldn’t see people yelling” (news to me).
Today, he said I needed to call and apologize to her because “she’s a little girl and I yelled at her dad in front of her.” I told him to freak off and leave.
Another important note is that I have been the one to drop her off at school in another town during the school year, purchase all of her clothes at our house (she packed clothes back and forth from her mom’s previously), sign her up and brought her to swimming lessons, go to her church things (her dad does that too, and make sure that we are doing at least one out of the box thing per month (outdoor movie night, mars landing party, etc.)).
So am I the jerk for not apologizing to a 10-year-old who is upset and loves me very much?
Some context around the mushrooms and dirt: The house is not so filthy that it’s growing things; they are bags of dirt meant to be used in growing mushrooms and various containers for that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have to realize that while I’m sure it’s extremely frustrating having a s/o not pulling their weight, that’s not the child’s problem nor their fault. So you shouldn’t expose them to that kind of thing.
But don’t get me wrong, he’s also a jerk for shifting the pressure off himself onto his child. TLDR: Don’t yell in front of the kid and apologize to her. Don’t apologize to him” No-Extent9676
Another User Comments:
“ESH because you’re here looking for validation that your request for a more equal distribution of chores was ignored and the argument escalated to the point that you behaved poorly in front of a child.
You scared the kid, okay, having a conversation about yelling is not good adult behavior. But your willingness to allow your partner to take advantage of you so extremely is also not good for a young girl to witness. Being locked out of your own home is a terrifying thing for a child to witness.
Living in a pig-sty home that is so sexist, gendered, and patriarchal as you’ve described is also not good for a little girl. Please disengage from the manipulation and misdirection. You have a partner problem. Please, get therapy and a new, unburdened life.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The kid knows the yelling, not the number of favors you’ve done to excuse yourself for screaming in front of a kid so bad you made her cry. I mean, I get frustrated at not getting help, but you went from 0 to 100 REALLY quickly here, and the kid is the one who got hurt by it.
Be a grown up and apologize.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
10. AITJ For Using My Roommate As An Excuse To Avoid Babysitting My Sister-In-Law's Kids?
“I (27M) live in a very small town out in the middle of nowhere. Recently my best friend moved in with me as she is going through a divorce.
My brother (35M) and sister-in-law (37F) live about a half hour away in another small town. They have 4 kids ranging from 3-12 and I love them all as they are my nieces and nephews. I, however, hate kids and wouldn’t want them around me 24/7 and I love my single, child-free life.
Ever since I was 18 though, I have always done what they have asked because they are my family. Any time they would ask me to look after a pet or the kids or help them move, I would do it. They have also been there for me in my time of need as well.
If I needed a place to crash, if I needed help moving, etc.
Recently I’ve been trying to focus on myself and get what I can done at home to improve my situation financially and psychologically. My roommate just got a job about 20 minutes away while I work from home.
She doesn’t have a license yet so I offered to drive her to work during my lunch breaks and also train her to drive after work so she can get her license.
The other day my sister-in-law asked me if I could watch her kids all weekend.
Truthfully, I could probably make that work but it would either involve four children in my house all weekend and/or a bunch of driving around to different towns as I have to take my roommate to work still on the weekend and I’m trying to financially improve my situation.
Ultimately I really didn’t want to watch her kids so I lied and told her I couldn’t and I had to drive my roommate to work and pick her back up at midnight. My roommate works until 8 pm not midnight but she didn’t know that.
I know I’m a jerk for using my roommate as an excuse instead of telling her the truth that I just didn’t want to do it, but now my sister-in-law says I’m a jerk for not taking them anyway and/or getting my roommate to switch her shifts with a coworker so I can take them.
Now she has to call her mom to watch the kids on the weekend.
Now I feel really guilty because my family always used to mean everything to me but my roommate thinks I did the right thing as she thinks my family just uses me as free labor to do their dirty work.
(Ex. The last time I watched the kids, it was so my sister-in-law could have a spa day while my brother was at work. I got nothing in return, which I thought was what my family did). AITJ for not watching the kids anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As much as you love your nieces and nephews, they are NOT your responsibility. You don’t come across as being malicious like some people with similar stories. Your SIL asking for you to ask your roommate to switch shifts is also really selfish and a pretty big ask of someone.
Do you even get paid for watching them? It kind of seems like they are taking advantage of your kindness.” SleepyZ92
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Congratulations on starting your path to independent adulthood. You got programmed early that the word family meant you surrender yourself so your sister can escape her family and have spa days.
That isn’t what it is supposed to mean. That is using you. Your SIL is way over the line. She’s calling you a jerk when you don’t do what she wants!!! That is terrible behavior on her part. Then she goes further to tell you to have your roommate change their shift so you can do stuff for her.
Wow! Who does she think she is to tell you to manipulate your roommate into doing her bidding? You might not see this as awful on her part, because we rarely see how badly we are being treated when it is us. But from the outside, I can tell you she is abusing the family card.
There’s a book, something like When I Say No I Feel Guilty. It will break down just how NTJ you are.” FreeRustProofing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to watch someone’s children. If your sister-in-law’s mom is capable of watching the children, she should be taking them over there.
The grandma should be the first person to call. You should tell them the truth about how you feel. ETA: Does the sister-in-law have siblings?” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Confronting My Friend Over Constant Last Minute Cancellations For Her Partner?
“So I (23F) and my friend “Zed” (24F) have been super close and have known each other for a very long time.
This nightmare starts when she and I finally planned a huge Europe trip for this summer, and she called me a few days before we’re supposed to leave and says she’s no longer coming with me because she had a new partner (23M) and would rather spend the summer with him instead.
I was furious at her for bailing out on me for some guy she had just met, but I didn’t say anything about that to her then and told her I was still going to go on the trip regardless.
Since I got back from the trip, we’ve made plans to hang out at least 5 or 6 times.
Every time she calls me just before and cancels on me, it’s been frustrating, as if I’m some “old toy” being thrown aside for a “newer toy”. But the cherry on top of all of these things was three days ago when I asked her to come to my birthday party this weekend, and she said she couldn’t because something “came up”.
Apparently, she and her new partner always have date nights on Saturdays, and she “can’t possibly cancel on him so last minute for some silly party”. I was very shocked and surprised by THAT, so I said something like, “Ok, well thanks, I guess I’ll see you another time then,” and hung up the phone.
I kept thinking about it, so I reached out and told her how I felt about her not coming and that when she repeatedly bails on me to hang out with her partner, it makes me feel like our friendship doesn’t matter to her.
She exploded and accused me of being jealous and unable to be happy for her because she was “doing so much better than me.” She said she was mad I still went on the Europe trip because we were supposed to do that together, and that there would be other birthdays she could come to, “it’s not that important.”
I told her at that point that I just needed some alone time to process, and I have not spoken to her since then. She keeps sending me messages about how I’m being the jerk and not considering her feelings too, but I don’t have the strength to answer her right now, which is making her more upset.
I’m trying to be objective and see this situation from her perspective as well. I’m sure she’s just excited to be in a relationship and wants to spend as much time as possible with this person, and that’s really great for her. She deserves to be happy and do what makes her happy.
But, I still feel so guilty about bringing anything up in the first place and now about not replying to her messages, but I can’t get over everything she said and has done. Am I the AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, classic gaslighting: she knows she’s in the wrong.
Your birthday vs a regular event – birthday should win. Also, why the heck should you not have gone on your trip just because she “couldn’t” go?” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“You made the choice to go on your pre-planned trip; she made the choice(s) to bail, to find excuses, and then, to manipulate you into being the “jealous” friend.
She is NOT your friend. Your friends – your honest, true friends – do not have any need to say they are “doing so much better” than you are. She’s deflecting and protecting her feelings/relationship. And in doing so, she sent a clear message, and it’s a mean one: you don’t matter.
(OP, as a side note, you DO matter. I am appalled by your “friend’s” behavior, and wanted to make it clear that you have value as a human being far beyond what she’s telling you.) In the end, believe what people tell you, especially when those words are backed by clear actions.
NTJ. At all.” Oneonthefence
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, has chosen her new partner relationship over your friendship relationship but is trying to keep you on the back burner just in case. That’s her position, and she is making it abundantly clear – believe her. You can’t, and shouldn’t, put your life on hold for her.
You did the right thing in continuing with your trip without her. You have tried to continue the friendship since your return, and the fact that you haven’t managed to get together isn’t down to any failing on your part. You’ve told her how you feel; her response shows that she doesn’t respect your feelings.
Now it’s time to let her go and move on with your life and develop new friendships.” MaidInWales
8. AITJ For Getting A Tattoo For My Grandma's Favorite Flower Despite My Friend's Outrage?
“Me (18f) and friends (both 18f) have been fighting over a tattoo that I got for my grandmother. We will call them Friend A and Friend B. Now first off you should know that Friend A also got a tattoo for her grandmother over a year ago and recently added to it because her grandmother passed away.
For context, her tattoo started as a frog on a leaf, and then she added vines, a few flowers, and her grandmother’s birth dates. I was slightly inspired by her when she first started the tattoo to also get a piece for both of my grandmas because I love them both and love to get super meaningful tattoos.
(I have also thought about getting a tattoo for other people in my family.)
Now I had started to actually plan the tattoos in the past couple mof onths and throughout the planning process, I had shared my ideas with both Friend A and Friend B.
My plan was to get the phases of the moon for one grandma and daisies (my grandma’s favorite flower) for the other. Neither of them expressed any concern or issue at any point.
Today, I finally went and got both done. Now this is where the problem starts.
I had posted a picture of the flower tattoo partway through the tattooing session, and Friend A immediately starts blowing up my phone, freaking out. She claimed that I was being insensitive and devaluing her tattoo, saying that mine was the exact same tattoo as hers.
I had tried to explain that they were very different because hers was just simple flowers and long vines and was all just line work, while mine was large, more detailed flowers with no vines and with shading. Mine also had my grandmother’s handwriting incorporated into it.
She was still very upset, saying that it was still the same idea and that she was mad that I had got it on my arm (the same spot she got hers). And she also attacked me, saying that I should even be getting it because her grandma died, and mine is still alive.
This made me very upset because it felt like she was saying that I couldn’t get a tattoo for a person who was alive. (Also she didn’t have a problem with the moons I got for my other grandma.) Now, at this point, I wanted to know how Friend B felt about the situation as a 3rd party.
Friend A and Friend B were hanging out while this all happened. She begins saying the same thing. Saying that my tattoo means that Friend A’s tattoo doesn’t have as much meaning anymore. I had asked my mom and sister about the situation and they both think that my friends are in the wrong, but I don’t know AITJ for getting a tattoo of my grandma’s favorite flower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This person does not have a monopoly on loving your grandma, flowers, having arms, or getting floral tattoos on arms in honor of grandmas. How on earth would your individual tattoo make her individual tattoo any less meaningful? It’s not like the existence of your tattoo magically means Friend A loves her late grandmother any less.
You can love your family & express that love on your own body however you like. (As long as no commissioned original art has been literally stolen/copied ofc)” pocketfullofdragons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Many people have flower tattoos, many people represent family members with their tattoos, and I’m sure many grandmas love flowers, so it’s not something that’s only her thing.
You didn’t copy the entire tattoo. Your friend’s overreacting might be because of grief.” catsand_crochet
Another User Comments:
“Listen. Nothing else anyone does makes crap less important to you/them/anyone else. Also, tattoos don’t HAVE to have meanings. It’s like someone saying you can’t tell your friends you love them because it makes it less special for your partner to hear it.
It’s nonsense, and there isn’t less love to go around. NTJ. It might be time to reconsider your friendship with this person.” TheyCallMeSuperboy
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother And His Fiancé To My Daughter's 15th Birthday?
“My daughter’s bday is in a couple of months, and I’m not making it mandatory to invite any family member, including my brother and his fiancé. For 5 years, my brother has been with his partner/mother of his child/fiancé. She has always been back and forth on whether she wants a relationship with me.
For years, we’ve been on good terms/bad terms (all on her timing).
From New Year’s till now, I’ve seen my brother a handful of times. I have to sneak around to see my niece at my mom’s house. We (my brother, mom, and I) have to deal with the aftermath of seeing her every time.
Therefore, it has been less and less as time goes by. My SIL has done multiple shady things, but she has never told me straightforwardly why she doesn’t want a normal relationship with me.
The last thing that blew me was my niece’s bday.
My SIL sent out the invites at the end of May and the beginning of June. My brother called and asked if he invited our dad and if my dad could come to my house, as SIL had her family at their house. I said fine, but I was feeling some type of way because I never received a formal invite.
Shortly after the call, he sent it to me. Mind you, at this point, we were 10 days out from the bday. She blamed him, and he took full responsibility for not sending me the invite.
Closer to the day, I called my brother and asked him not to bring my dad, as I was working and wouldn’t be able to attend to him.
He agreed that it wouldn’t be the best choice. I later found out that my SIL stated my dad would be ruining her plans for the week ahead with her family. I was upset, but I let it slide. I did not go to the party, as it was a weekday, and SIL said all the people who were meant to be there had requested time off to attend the party.
I had just started a new job a couple of days before receiving the half invite, so it was too short notice to request time off.
As of yesterday, my mom and I argued because I said I wasn’t pressuring my daughter to invite her uncle (my brother) because he would be with his narcissistic fiancé, and I was trying to avoid any more issues.
This was after hearing my brother tell my mom that my SIL wants to be present every time my brother and I get together. He is not allowed to hang out with me without her. My mother cried, saying I would regret this decision, and my daughter would too.
AITJ for not inviting my brother and his fiancé to my daughter’s 15th birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I get it—parents don’t like seeing their children not having a relationship, but many, many, many people don’t because of such toxic situations as you have mentioned, and most of us are all living without regret.
You and your daughter will not regret living a happy, drama-free life around people who actually love you and want you around. It’s sad when it isn’t really your brother’s fault, per se, but he is a grown adult and can do what he wants without his SO’s permission.
Lol, can’t hang out with you unless she’s present; she sounds like quite the winner.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your daughter’s birthday and her 15th is a big deal. To her, she wants fun with her friends and family, not someone who causes her pain.
She loves her uncle, but he lets that woman get away with this. Let your daughter enjoy her day. I hope she has a great time.” Own_Presentation6561
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but it’s for calling a 15th birthday party a “Sweet 15.” That doesn’t even have alliteration!
I could give a pass to “Sweet 17” because at least those both start with “S,” but not 15. But no need to invite Bro or SIL or anybody your daughter doesn’t want there. I don’t even make my 9yo have anybody he doesn’t want come to his parties.” Zornorph
6. AITJ For Considering Selling Concert Tickets After My Friends Skipped Pre-Registration?
“My friend group consists of me (27, F), my friend Amy (27, F), and my friend Britney (25, F).
We used to be very close and would bond through travel, music, and other hobbies, but for the past couple of years, we have been becoming more distant. We still travel and go to concerts together though, just not that often. Sometimes we meet for coffee, brunch, etc.
We’re also huge Taylor Swift fans. So much so that when she announced that she’d be coming on tour to Europe next year, I got beyond excited. We used to listen to her albums on repeat during road trips and house parties, so after the tour announcement, I sent a couple of messages to our group chat to share my excitement.
My friends were hyped as well. We started talking about how we’d prepare outfits for the concert. We also started talking about our dream set lists and favorite songs.
In order to buy tickets for the concert, you need to make a pre-registration first. If you’re lucky, you’ll receive a personalized code to enter the Ticketmaster website.
Due to high demand, the chances of buying tickets are extremely low. So my idea was to make several pre-registrations in different cities. I asked my friends to pick a city from the tour list and pre-register. I picked Paris, to which Amy reacted very critically, as she thought that everybody would try to pre-register for Paris.
She suggested I try going to Hamburg instead. I said that if she thought Hamburg was the best bet, she could do Hamburg, and Britney could do Vienna, for example. Anyways, pick any city you want, but make sure to actually complete the pre-registration.
The announcement day has come, and I have not received a code for Paris.
I text my friends. Britney is quiet. Amy says something along the lines of “told you so” and that all her other friends got German tickets, so I should’ve gone for Hamburg like she had told me. Little did I know, my partner had made a pre-registration to support me.
He was waiting in an online queue for 2 hours and eventually was able to secure four tickets, including the tickets for my friends, because he knew that I would want them to come. So now I have two options: I can either surprise my friends with the tickets and disregard the fact that they didn’t even lift a finger to increase our chances of getting the tickets, or I can just resell two of the tickets and enjoy the concert with my partner.
AITJ if it feels right to pick the second option?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, freaking em. They didn’t even pre-register; they ain’t Swifties. I wouldn’t scalp them/sell them for a profit, but you do whatever you want. Possible idea: sell them at face value to like a mom and kid, ya know.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They didn’t really seem like they wanted to go, but the one just wanted to criticize you. It’s okay if the group isn’t what it once was. Maybe others will want to go and grow the friendship and certainly have a blast with your partner!
Or sell the extras! Have fun!” honeydo99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they were true Swifties and Taylor stans, they would’ve pre-registered and battled Ticketmaster all day long like American Swifties did. It will probably hurt your friendship with them, but you should go with your partner.
You clearly were the only one who cared enough to go.” ConsiderationCrazy22
5. AITJ For Refusing To Sign Over My First Paycheque To My Mom?
“I (F16) recently got my first paycheque from my new job. It was a decent amount of roughly $170. I had a job before this one, but had been out of work for about 8 months due to school conflicts.
Usually, the company I currently work for does direct deposit, but my bank no longer allows for direct deposit into savings accounts. My old job did direct deposit as well, but that was when they still allowed for it into savings accounts. I don’t have a checking account because my mom (F52) never made one for me.
I once overheard her talking with my aunt about how she’s nervous to get me one because she doesn’t trust me with money. She told me, though, that she’d make me one, but I don’t have a form of photo ID as I don’t yet have my temps.
(She said she’d take me to the DMV, but every time I remind her it’s always “Oh, we’ll do it next week when I’m not busy.”) Yes, I’m aware I’m massively behind license-wise. I’m terrified of driving.
Anyway, this particular paycheque has already been a source of contention.
My manager asked me to tell him when I got it in the mail. After a few days, I became suspicious. I asked my mom if she had seen it, and she said that she had taken it to “keep it safe.” I was naturally a little mad, as she hadn’t told me that it had even come, which I feel is natural to want to know.
I understand that I shouldn’t have assumed this on my part, but it also feels a little invasive to just take your kid’s paycheque without telling them.
Anyway, today my mom came into my room, asking me to sign the cheque over to her by putting my signature on the back.
I ask her why. She tells me that since I had promised to pay for my own therapy (for anxiety and depression), she was going to collect my paycheques until I paid off the $800+ that I owed her from the time I was unemployed. I said “No way!” I made it clear to her that while I am willing to pay off my debt to her, I’m not going to just give her my ENTIRE paycheque.
I still want to have at least a little bit of money I can spend freely, as I have a lot of things I want to get off Amazon for my hobbies and such. I’d be happy to, once I get my own checking account, pay a percentage or set amount out of each paycheque to her, but I don’t really want to give her the whole thing, especially not my first one.
She stormed off, all angry that I wouldn’t just sign it. I feel a little guilty because I should listen to my mom, but it’s also my money that I made. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your mother should NOT be expecting her teenage daughter to pay for her own medical treatment.
That is a parent’s job. She is lying and manipulating to get her way and that is in no way ok. I get the impression here that she might be the one bad with money, not you. (Also, how are teenagers supposed to get good with money if they aren’t given the opportunity to try?
The argument of saying she’s keeping it because she doesn’t trust you with it is inherently flawed.) If I were you, I would talk to your boss to see if your paycheques can be given directly to you at work instead of mailed to your house.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this alongside the mental health issues. I know it sounds stupid, but it gets better. There have been many times I didn’t believe things would ever get better, but every time I’ve been proven wrong.” Confused_Magpie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I don’t think it’s appropriate for a 16-year-old to be funding their own therapy out of pocket. That cost should fall on your parent.” WhyCommentQueasy
Another User Comments:
“Why can’t you get your check at work? Tell them not to mail it to you anymore.
Your parents are responsible for all of your medical bills. You’re still a minor, and while I think giving your mom a little help out money is fine, her confiscating your entire paycheck is freaking disgraceful. Try to figure out with work if you can pick up your check or have them send it to work as a last resort.
On your own time, go to the post office, ask them to hold all your mail, or get what’s called a P.O. Box. Google it.” No_Scarcity8249
4. AITJ For Moving My Partner's Ac Unit From Her Brother's Room?
“My partner (F24), Beth, lives with her brother (M21), Bryan in her house (fake names).
She owns it, and she lets him live with her for cheap as a favor since their parents moved out of state 2 years ago.
Bryan doesn’t treat her very well at all, IMO. He’s late on rent payments (which isn’t half of the mortgage and bills because he “doesn’t make enough”), he drinks her soda without asking, and he doesn’t give her a heads up when his partner is coming over like she’s asked (she does the same for me), he hoards dirty dishes (which he also never cleans, btw; I’ve probably cleaned more of his dishes than he has) in his room, and so many other things.
And any time Beth has confronted him about anything, no matter how polite she tries to be about it, he’s prone to fighting her on it. I remember one time when she first instated a “heads up” rule regarding his partner, he was yelling and throwing crap because he was so mad.
I could go on. If he was my roommate, I would want him evicted.
This particular issue comes from the fact that the house is old, so it doesn’t have any central air conditioning or heating or anything, so she relies on personal heaters and AC units around the house to regulate the temperature.
It’s otherwise swelteringly hot all over the house this time of year.
Beth recently bought a few different fans and pulled a personal window AC unit (it’s really more of a more effective directional fan) out of her shed to use throughout the house. She set up the fans in her room and the AC in the living room.
She asked Bryan if he wanted one of the fans, but he said his fan was fine.
Well, a few days ago, he took the AC (not one of the fans) from the living room and put it in his room while Beth was at work.
He didn’t ask; he just texted her saying he did it at 1 am. So now, the living room is, once again, swelteringly hot. I’m staying over this week, and I went into his room and moved it back into the living room during the day today while he was at work so I wouldn’t be sitting there sweating.
While me and Beth were out tonight, he texted her asking who moved it, and when we got back home, he’d put it back in his room.
I told her that I was going to do the same thing tomorrow, but she asked me not to because she didn’t want a fight.
Personally, I think that she’s set up her fans and AC throughout her house how she wants, and he’s not really in the right to be taking or moving any of them in the first place. WIBTJ if I moved the personal AC unit from her brother’s room again tomorrow?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. This needs to be handled, and it doesn’t seem she’s ready yet. You can’t force her, but it might be time to ask how you can support her so she can enjoy her home since it’s not yours.” Fear_The_Rabbit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As much as you want to, and as much as the bro needs a thorough reality check (that’s just my nice way of putting it), it’s not your fight. It’s your partner’s house and her brother. If she asked you not to, then don’t.
Starting some kind of air-con war with the bro is just going to put a strain on your own relationship.” ZombieMovieLover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you should confront your partner and tell her she has to stand up for herself and throw that moocher out.
And for starters, the AC goes back to where it was and stays there or she calls the cops on him. This is an impossible situation that SHE is making possible. What if you told her she evicted him or you broke up with her?
Because what kind of future would you have with a wife who is really married to her mooching brother?” RealbadtheBandit
3. AITJ For Wanting To Meet My Biological Family Despite My Mom's Objections?
“I (18F) and my mom (37F) were alone for the first two years of my life; my stepdad (48M) then came into the picture. I have siblings from my stepdad and a half-brother as well.
All my life, I always knew I was his kid. I would be told, “I’m adopted, I’m not part of that family,” and so on. It was a really hard time to accept the fact. Later on, I thought maybe I really am adopted and decided to ask my mom.
She sat me down and told me that I’m not adopted, but I’m also not my dad’s kid. I looked at her very confused and asked what she meant. She said, and I quote, “Your biological dad is just a sperm donor in my eyes, and what I tell you, you can’t go looking for him.” I giggled a bit because of how she worded it, but nonetheless, I sat and listened.
Long, long, long story short, my dad was a jerk, and my mom told him she ended my pregnancy and left him (but then she told me recently he just didn’t want me, so I’m not sure what to believe). Well, as most of us do, I got curious.
So, being the FBI agent I was, I did some digging and found my real dad, but I also found other siblings, like a lot, lol. So far, I know of 3, but I think there’s more. So in all, from my siblings and the ones from my dad, I have about 7, lol.
Crazy, right?
Well, earlier in the year, I contacted my older sister. Truly, the best thing I did. We are so much alike; it’s uncanny. I then found out my dad lives in the same country as me. I’m guessing you all know where this is going.
I wanna meet him. In fact, I wanna meet all of my family members. It feels like a part of me is missing that and needs that.
The only problem is, my mom won’t get off my back about it; she thinks I’m ungrateful to the family I have.
But the crap kicker is, her bio dad did the same to my nana. So she knows how I feel, but she doesn’t want anything to do with him, and she wants me to be the same. I have so much to learn from my bio dad than she does.
There’s another part of me out there. I’m honestly in a lose-lose situation, and I need some advice. What do I do? Do I respect my mom’s wishes? Do I find my dad? Or do I reach out to another sibling? I’m just at a loss.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ but protect yourself! Go slowly, try to get as much information as you can, and be prepared that you might be disappointed with what you learn. You deserve to know the truth and meet your family, and I wish you all the best. Just protect your heart.” OutrageousBrush1210
Another User Comments:
“Look, you’re NTJ for wanting to know where you come from and I don’t want to come down on your mother as there may be good reasons for what she did as she may be trying to protect you. However, just be careful, OP… If he doesn’t think you still exist, it may not be the fairytale happily ever after you think it will be.
To just show up unannounced may cause animosity, and even your siblings may not react well. I think you need to ask your mom for a truthful conversation and get her entire side of the story before you proceed. You then remind her that you’re now an adult and, as such, can make your own decisions.
However, if you do proceed to meet him, she needs to respect your decision even if she may not like it. I’d suggest a public place and have somebody nearby that you trust should you need to leave. Good luck, OP; I hope everything works out for you.” ColdstreamCapple
2. AITJ For Removing Unresponsive Friends From My Bridesmaid List?
“I got engaged last year and I was super excited – as you would expect. I had 3 friends I wanted as bridesmaids and 1 (d) friend I was unsure of. However, one of my best friends (b) said she thinks I should have d as we were really close throughout uni.
I asked them all and they said yes.
Jump a few months. And one of my friends (c) and d don’t speak often. C got engaged on holiday. I rang her and congratulated her – we were on the phone for 5 minutes before she said she had to go and would call me back, which she never did.
She invited me and my partner to a BBQ for her birthday, saying it was last minute; turns out it wasn’t – we were just last-minute invites. I will get missed calls from her, and I’ll message her and she’ll reply with “Sorry I didn’t mean to call.”
D lives a few hours from me. I went to visit my family who lived there for a few days and had arranged to meet her. On the 1st day, we traveled there, stayed for 2 days, and then came back on the 4th – this time, I wanted to show my partner around and see family too.
She knew when I was down, so I asked to meet on the 2nd day, which she said she couldn’t because she was busy. Asked about the 3rd day, she said she was out with friends. We ended up meeting on the 2nd day, quite late at a Starbucks that ended up being shut, so we had to sit in my car, and we were there for an hour.
I sent her a text when I was back home, which she hasn’t responded to, and I haven’t heard from her since.
I’ve now decided that I don’t want c and d as bridesmaids anymore as they both never make the effort.
My best friend (a) completely understands and says it’s not worth having them as bridesmaids if they don’t make the effort and it is my wedding. My partner also agrees with that. B has taken a dislike to that and thinks I’m doing it wrong.
She thinks that I should have them as it’ll make things awkward (she has never met c but she and d are friends and they talk and meet up quite often). B thinks I’ve changed my mind as like an attention thing and it became a big argument on her end (I wasn’t biting back as I really can’t be bothered to argue).
I made a group chat with a and b and just said along the lines of “Sorry I haven’t made this sooner; I’ve been super busy with work, etc.” and the first thing b asked was “so who are you having as your bridesmaids then?” which I replied with you two (a and b) and my younger cousins.
AITJ for changing my mind about my bridesmaids?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who just got married and had their maid of honor back out of even coming to the wedding, a month before… Pick the most supportive women you love. You will need help, and you will need people to confirm and attend things, and having to badger them to even reply to you is a stress you don’t need leading up to your wedding!!
I would totally phrase the talk with them as you giving them an out. “I know you are both insanely busy, and I don’t feel comfortable having to ask for more from you than you can give, etc.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — The wedding party should be your closest family & friends…..
But it’s not a competition to see who cares more about you & who can do more for your wedding. Did something happen between you & (c & d) or are they just not great at communicating?” Alarming_Reply_6286
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You can have whoever you want at your wedding party.
If they can’t keep in touch with you about everyday things, it will just get worse when you are trying to discuss wedding business and they can’t be bothered to get back to you.” lostalldoubt86
1. AITJ For Asking My Parnter To Set Boundaries With His Too Intimate Friend?
“I (21, female) have been in a long-term relationship with my partner (24, male) for about two years now. I have met all of his friends, and of course, he has met all of mine.
When we first met, he told me from the very beginning that he had a girl best friend he was extremely close to.
She was one of the first people he introduced me to, and to be honest, I had no problem with the two of them being friends.
I am not the jealous type of girl, especially if you do not give me any reasons to. They used to go have breakfast or even lunch together, just the two of them, and it never bothered me.
However, with time going by, I started to notice that the behavior they had towards one another was just too intimate. While hanging out all together (with some other friends), she would sleep on his legs for hours, and I would be on the other side of the room, sitting on a chair.
She would follow him to wash their hands together before dinner, and then yell at me asking, “Are you jealous?”
She would give him plenty of kisses on the cheeks or hug him from behind whenever he was sitting, and she was standing up beside him.
At some point, I began to be uncomfortable with their way of interacting with each other. I would never behave as such with a guy friend while being in a serious relationship with another man. I find it extremely disrespectful. On my partner’s graduation party, she was sitting next to him, and I wasn’t.
It was humiliating. I am usually very self-confident, but that really got to my nerves.
Moreover, I always tried to be friendly with her, asking her to hang together or texting her to catch up, but she never showed the same interest in having a friendly relationship with me.
The last time I texted her, she even left me on read and didn’t respond ever since.
If only she had shown a little bit of effort in including me in their relationship, I would have never felt this way. She now has a partner, but she still keeps having this behavior towards my partner.
Not to mention that I know her partner noticed this weird behavior as well.
After tons of fights with my partner, who allowed her to be this intimate with him, I asked him to talk to her and set up some boundaries. He now said that he sees my point and is sorry for making me feel like I was the third wheel.
He moreover promised to make things right. Still, I wonder if I did the right thing. So, am I the jerk for asking him to talk to her and set up some boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!!!!!!!!!!! You waited until you noticed plenty of odd behaviors and very respectfully asked for boundaries.
You weren’t making assumptions, having him pick you or her, and even tried including her. I think it’s suspicious she was acting this way and almost shutting you out. I think you handled it really well, and I would have felt the same!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your partner to yourself. I personally believe that if you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t be too friendly with members of the opposite gender (even if your partner claims to be ok with it); you have a responsibility of exclusivity to your partner, and any infringement of that can lead to resentment, insecurity, and jealousy at best or straight out being unfaithful at worst (even if the friendship starts off innocent, it could lead to bad places)” elmosface
