People Look For Loyalty In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Being Upset About My MIL Constantly Sending Her Son To Our House Without Notice?
“I (F/25) and my husband (M/ 28) have been having several problems and arguments in our relationship.
This is the most recent one. My mother-in-law has a total of 4 kids, my husband being one of them. Her youngest, however, is eighteen and has special needs. And while I want to help my MIL and my brother-in-law, I cannot all the time and neither can my husband.
Lately, my MIL has been springing this on us, that when her son (M/18) is done with school he can just walk to our house and stay there until she gets off of work. Again, let me express that I have no problem helping my MIL and BIL as they are family.
That being said, however, my MIL does not give us even 24 hours that she is doing this. She works full time and her schedule does rotate. However, she gets her schedule at least two weeks in advance and never notifies us when she would like him to come over to our house.
Instead, she waits until the day before to ask my husband if he can come by.
My husband always says yes and doesn’t consider how I feel about it. He doesn’t consider if we already have company coming over that day, if our house has food or is a mess (we have a baby), or if I’m home at that time and just want to be home alone with the baby.
My MIL also has a habit of not asking my husband’s other two siblings (who also live extremely close by ) if he can stay with them when she can’t pick him up or if they can pick him up) because my husband always says ‘yes.’ He never says ‘no.’ I also feel upset by this because my MIL and BIL have a key to our house, whereas my husband has told me he doesn’t want my father to have a key to our house.
After all, he doesn’t want my dad to just show up unexpectedly. This situation bothers me. It also bothers me because as a mother, my husband and I have to work around other people’s schedules as well as our own with our baby and it just seems like my MIL has so sense of awareness of her responsibilities as a mother when it comes to her last child.
As a parent, I feel that she should be making travel arrangements and stuff for him ahead of time not the night before. I understand things happen from time to time, but she does this EVERY time. And she didn’t start doing this until my husband and I got our house a year ago.
And now she does this all the time. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Just divorce your husband already. He doesn’t respect you as an equal partner, and acts like you’re a possession rather than a person… for the sake of your child, get out of this toxic relationship.
NTJ for this reason but you’re doing yourself a great disservice being the one making ‘compromises’ which always results in your husband getting what he wants. ” I_wanna_be_anemone
Another User Comments:
“Cut your dad a key. When your BIL turns up, pack up the baby and go out.
Not ideal, I know, but it is not your responsibility to look after your BIL. If your husband agrees to come, he needs to look after him. You seriously need to think about this relationship. Your husband is prioritizing his family over yours. It is unfair and thoughtless.
You need to set rules that work for you. This may mean leaving this relationship.” Alwaysorange1234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband isn’t treating you as an equal in the relationship when he’s making unilateral decisions that affect you as a family. But you also have to say something.
If he’s telling MIL yes, you call her up and tell her no and that she needs to start getting these plans approved ahead of time and not last minute. If your husband goes around you, make an outing for you and your baby, and don’t be around when they send BIL over again without your okay.
Cut your dad a key and give it to him. If your husband has a problem, he can either take back the keys his family has or he can shut up. You’ve argued about this but you also need to take action and show him that you’re serious and will not put up with the inequality.
If the behavior still doesn’t change, your dad can use his new key to help you pack and move your stuff because you should be done at that point.” MrsWifi
21. AITJ For Escalating An Argument With Another Parent At My Son's Soccer Practice?
“My son (in grade school) plays for a soccer team.
Today, at practice, a heated altercation happened between me and another parent. The other parent has a child on a younger team, but they were practicing with us today — only important from the perspective that I won’t see this parent around again.
I was practicing with my kid before practice began. We were using the fence as a goal (the goals weren’t around today). We were there for 5-10 minutes before the mom showed up and stood by the fence where my son was shooting.
My first thought was “Well this is odd.
Why did she choose this place out of all places.” She also kept staring at me/us (I didn’t much of it until after the incident) and looked annoyed. We kept practicing. My son kicked the ball in her direction a couple of times, accidentally.
Also, he’s a very soft kicker and can’t kick the ball hard.
One of the times, the dad came over and asked the mom “Are you OK? Did it hit you? Did they say anything?” At first, I thought “Wait. Are they referring to my son’s kick?
No way. That was such a soft kick. Maybe someone else kicked in her direction.” The dad started standing by the mom, and we kept practicing.
After 5 min, my son accidentally kicked the ball in her direction again. Then Dad said (I don’t know if it was to me or my son) “If this ball comes this way again, I’m going to kick it over the fence.”
I responded with “For what? We’ve been practicing here before you showed up. Go somewhere else.” He rambled some more and I said “Get lost.”
He approached me physically until he was within feet of me. He said “You wanna fight? You want all this trouble?
You don’t. You wanna go? Let’s go” and I said “Dude. You’ve got 10-20 years on me, but you’re acting like half my age. Get out of my face”
That’s when the coaches showed up and diffused the situation.
I played a part in escalating the situation, especially with kids around (not really within earshot of our heated incident though) but I’m sure they could’ve seen that we were verbally arguing about something.
Judge me based on the above, but I’ll add these 2 extra details:
1. After the coaches diffused the situation, I walked away, and the dad tried to apologize to me, I just laughed and walked away and he started saying “Aww, keep crying”
2. This happened at the beginning of practice.
At the end of practice, as we were walking away, he said “Hey man. Have a good one” in an apologetic tone. Again, I didn’t acknowledge him, but my son overheard him telling other parents “It’s ok. Some people are like that”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Regardless of who was at the fence first, this wasn’t the way to handle it. You also had two opportunities to shake hands over it and refused. Now, regardless of whether the other parent started it, I’m sure you will be seen as the difficult one who refused to get over it.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t have a problem with this because it sounds like both of the other parents are jerks and deliberate troublemakers. Why would the woman stand there, especially since she knew your son was kicking in that direction and when she knows her husband is a hot head?
Why would the father start drama knowing that the chance of your son hurting his wife was almost nil? And then, why would he go off like that especially as you said, at his age? He’s lucky you didn’t want that smoke because a lot of other people would have given him something to yell about.
Add on to that, he continues to act immaturely after the coach’s warning. Is this an ideal situation? No. But I would want to show my kid that he shouldn’t just be bullied. I know some people teach their kids differently and I’m prepared for the downvotes but I’m pretty astounded by how much bullies get away with because some other people just eat it.” saintandvillian
20. AITJ For Wanting To Ban My Brother's Partner After She Ignored Our House Rule About The Cats?
“I 27f have had full custody of my younger brother 16m since he was 10 because of our parent’s passing. This year I allowed him to start seeing someone since my older brother and I both started seeing people at that age. My brother started seeing this girl in his class.
She’s nice for the most part and I’ve never had a problem with how she treats my brother.
I only have one rule for any kind of guests whether it be mine or my brothers, which is don’t let the cats outside. We have two currently.
We did have three but we lost the oldest last year due to kidney failure. He was mine and I was devastated so I don’t want my brother to have to go through that anytime soon. They will come back but we’ve lost one of our cats back when I was still a teen because they went next door and the dog next door attacked it.
I’m not saying they don’t go out at all, they do but mainly when my husband, brother or I are outside. Plus my brother has a really strong bond with one of the cats so I don’t want anything to happen to any of the cats.
So my brother had his friend 16 over this weekend. They wanted to play in our pool together so I let them. Like I said I don’t have a problem with her. My husband and I left to get more food for them from the store which is not that far from my house.
We come back and one of our cats is in the front yard. Luckily we brought her inside and she was fine the other cat was fast asleep so he was fine too. At first, I thought I had just left the front door open but I know I always close it.
So I check the cameras for the living room and see my brother’s friend letting the cat out before going back outside to hang out with my brother. I showed my husband what happened and I told him I wanted her to stop coming over.
To be clear I tell everyone who comes over not to let the cats out but to see her blatantly ignore me just really made me angry. My husband agrees with me and says I shouldn’t let her come over but I’m not sure.
I don’t want to make my brother feel like I’m controlling his life. I wanted to show my little brother the footage but I decided against it because I didn’t want him to feel like I was turning him against her. I love this little dude with all my heart and I just don’t want to upset him.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Show him the footage. With the footage, your story is “Look, your friend did something we really can’t have in our home, so she needs to not be here, or she needs to faithfully promise not to do it again”.
Without it, your story isn’t nearly so reasonable. The friend might have meant well. Did she know the cats weren’t allowed out? Have you made it clear to her that there are no circumstances under which she may let the cats out, that they’ve got to keep the doors firmly closed at all times, and that they need to check for lurking cats before opening a door?” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re just trying to protect your fur babies, and that’s understandable! It’s frustrating when someone disregards your rules, especially when they’re for the safety of your pets. Maybe instead of a full ban, have a conversation with your brother and let him know what happened. You could explain your concerns without making it a big deal. If she’s a nice person, she might just need a gentle reminder about the cats.
Plus, it might help your brother see the importance of respecting house rules. Just think of it as a “cat custody” issue!” lady_rider555
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Bed For A Friend?
“I (36F) have been friends with Clara (36F) for a little bit more than 10 years. It’s my first adult friend, we were neighbors when we met.
We live approximately 2.50 hours away from each other’s house and we rarely see each other (4 times a year max, mainly 2-3)
This Saturday, I hosted at my parent’s place a gathering of close friends to celebrate my 36th birthday. When I told her about the date (always the first weekend after my actual birthday), she told me she was so glad to come, that she missed me, etc (last seen in July when I came to her place).
She told me that her partner (let’s call him Logan) would come too, as he was off work to have surgery a few days after the party.
She told me “But as Logan is going to have surgery and his knee is bad, he has priority to choose any seating he prefers”.
I agreed.
When they come, they usually sleep in the guest room and I sleep in my parent’s room when it’s packed (like at every birthday of mine). This year, my parents are gonna be here, so I’m planning on sleeping in the guest rooms (the other rooms are all booked by my other friends) and I told her that she will have to sleep in my old room, which has no real bed but two nice mattresses on a slatted bed at floor level.
She started to tell me that it’s gonna be hard for her because of her back (her back always hurts, mainly because of her obesity – no judgment here, just a fact) and Logan’s knee; that she couldn’t take the risk to hurt her back after his surgery.
She also played the guilt card by telling me her son (my “godson”) would be disappointed as he was talking about it all week.
The point is that I don’t want to give her my bed. Why? Because I’m tired of always giving them everything they ask for.
For example, 3 years ago, I was 8.5 months pregnant, and she offered to come to my parent’s house to help me keep my eldest busy (she was 2 at the time). She came, alone, with no kids of her own yet (just found out she was pregnant).
And she asked for my bed because her back hurt so much. So I, with a gigantic belly, and all the inconveniences of the end of a pregnancy, left my bed and slept on the mattress.
Today I feel that it’s too much, the fact that I dislike her partner adds to the fact that I don’t want to “sacrifice” myself another time, even if that means they are not coming.
So, would I be the jerk for not giving up my bed?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Explain that the best you can do is offer her the guest bedroom. If she prefers, you can make hotel reservations for her and her family. She is always free to send her regrets.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. A mattress on a box spring is a bed! Do you just mean there’s no frame so it sits a few inches lower than most beds? How different is it from the bed you’ll be using? In any case, just let her know that it’s the only bed available, but you’ll understand with the upcoming surgery, etc, if they can’t make it to this birthday party.” T_G_A_H
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are offering her a place to sleep, and if she doesn’t like it or if it doesn’t fit her needs, that’s okay, you will see her another time, or they can just come for the day. You don’t need to accommodate people all the time, regardless of their needs or what they have done/haven’t done for you.
It is your birthday weekend, and if you want a good bed, well you deserve it. If I am invited somewhere and I don’t like the accommodations, I either make my own or I don’t go, no need to be resentful. Have a great birthday and don’t worry about your friend.” fruitfly
18. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Mom For Lying About Our Family Plans?
“I’m 28. My mom and I haven’t had the best relationship. There’s always been tension between us, and it’s rooted in her being a perpetual liar and someone who constantly tries to play the victim. For example, my most recent ex and I ended things last November.
Unbeknownst to me, my mom was texting my ex behind my back, basically pressuring her into trying to fix things so we could get back together. Not something I wanted, and I told my mom that post-break-up. I got a call from my ex at the time giving me the rundown about how my mom is calling/texting her several times a week about that topic.
When I eventually brought it up to my mom, she fully denied it. She left her phone unlocked one day, I sent myself a ton of screenshots, showed her, and she tried to fabricate a story about how “it’s not what it seems.” I have several other big lies, and that’s just regarding situations between me and her.
She’s also perpetually lied to my sister, and worst of all, my dad, where she has ultimately destroyed their marriage.
With all this in mind, yesterday my sister sent out a group text with my buddy, his partner, and me, trying to plan to go apple picking this Saturday.
We all said yes, and established a time. My sister then asked if she should invite some other people, I told her no, keep it small. This was early in the afternoon. Later that night, she texted the group saying she invited more people, so I went downstairs to ask her why.
At this point, it was still calm, and she said that our mom said it would be unfair to invite some people but not others. I then asked my mom why she said that, and naturally, she denied talking about it. I asked her why she was lying, and she again, denied it.
I started to get angry, then went to my sister, who fully confirmed what my mom had said to her about our plans. I then once again asked my mom why she lied, and naturally, she started to yell and cry, while also saying “Get off my back, you have no idea what I’m going through.” I had enough at this point, so I yelled back, asking her why is it okay to lie to me about something so trivial, and that “going through stuff” wasn’t a valid excuse.
She continued to deny that she didn’t lie, then ran down into the basement, slamming every door possible. So, AMITJ for getting angry because my mom lied?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ except to yourself. Her constant lies caused her husband to leave and break contact.
Why haven’t you? When you’re banging your head against the wall, it’s so much less unpleasant when you stop.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“You know your mom lies so stop falling for it…ex calls you…say hey, she is lying …don’t believe anything she says..
sister says invite more people…it’s either OK cool or no don’t…your mom isn’t gonna change so why bother doing this dance…she lied…omg…I showed her proof…she denied it ..oh I’m so mad….she stormed off and ended the scene ” TimeRecognition7932
17. AITJ For Wanting An Apology After Accidentally Reading My Sisters' Hurtful Messages About Me?
“I’m in a big fight with my two sisters (20F, 18F) after accidentally discovering they were talking negatively about me.
I graduated college in May and asked my sisters for help cleaning out my dorm, which was a mess due to my close friend’s sudden passing over the summer.
While they were there, my youngest sister, Eliza, was being irresponsible. I panicked and asked her if she was an idiot.
I was worried about people seeing on the cameras since I was an RA and knew what would happen if she was caught. My family thought I overreacted, but I apologized later on. Eliza accepted, and I thought we moved past it.
Later, while using Eliza’s phone to call an RA, I accidentally opened a Snapchat conversation between her and my other sister, Elly.
The reason I opened Snapchat was because she told me I could use her phone. So I went to send a friend a video and I knew they were also friends on there. It automatically opened up to her and Elly’s text convo and I saw messages about me, including mean comments like “All she does is use people.” This hurt, especially since Eliza and I are so close.
I confided in my mom, who was also surprised by Eliza’s comments.
After not speaking to Eliza for a while, she learned from my mom that I saw the messages and got upset for invading her privacy. Now, it’s been over a month without communication, and I just wanted an apology.
I’ve done a lot for Eliza, buying her concert tickets for her 18th and doing her school assignments to ensure she graduated. I admit I’ve treated Elly poorly in the past due to her hurtful behavior towards me. Recently, my mom kept asking if I’d take Eliza to the concert next Saturday, but I told her I wanted an apology first.
Eliza texted me Saturday saying she was sorry and asked if I was done being mad, it escalated into another fight. I wanted a genuine apology for her comments about me, while she wanted me to apologize for “invading her privacy.”
Elly then messaged me separately saying more hurtful things about how I supposedly use people.
I left her on reading because I didn’t want to respond out of anger.
Today, Eliza texted, calling my message “insane” and accusing me of being immature. I’m feeling overwhelmed and decided not to respond to either of them. My mom thinks we should sit down and talk it out, but I don’t think it will help.
My mom’s attempts at mediation have backfired, as she’s also talked negatively about me with them. Overall she’s just instigating everything.
There are probably some things I’m missing, if you have any questions feel free to ask.”
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing.
If you’re not coming from a high ground, and you talk about your sisters behind their backs too having this conversation, isn’t gonna serve you. If you wanna go into mediation and say you don’t care about what happened in the past, but you’re all adults now and you want to figure out how to go forward and make it so none of you talk about each other behind your backs.
That’s another story.” Ok_Passage_6242
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You called her an idiot while she was doing you a favor by cleaning out your dorm room, she vented about it privately, and then you snooped into her private messages.” Dreamghost11
16. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Her Overbearing Behavior And Criticism Since My Baby Was Born?
“Currently struggling with my parents’ expectations of how much they see my baby/their role as grandparents. I’m not sure how to help them manage their expectations, but I feel like low-key resentments are building. Example: My mother freaked out on me because I went to celebrate my friend’s birthday a few Sundays ago, and said I would be a bit late to Sunday dinner.
Her reply: “Just don’t come at all.” With “excuse me for trying to make a tradition.” (She sees the baby throughout the week, not just on Sundays).
I feel like having a baby has brought out a strange side to my mother that I was not prepared for.
On one hand, it has made us closer, but on the other, I feel like there is a weird level of needing/wanting control, subtle criticism, throwing my irrational first-time mom anxieties in my face, comments of not seeing the baby enough, guilt-tripping me, going against my requests of not doing something, etc. (example, she fed her sugary cake behind my back after knowing I said no sugar until her first birthday cake.
Literally knew not to and did it anyways).
A few weeks ago we got into a little spat and she made a comment to me that I use the baby as a pawn—which could not be further from the truth. I haven’t asked her to elaborate because I’ve been so hurt over it.
The only thing I can come up with is that she doesn’t like that I have boundaries surrounding the baby.
My mom never seems to give me any compliments or positivity. I shouldn’t be searching for validation, but it would be nice if my mother could tell me I’m doing a good job sometimes.
Be my biggest cheerleader in life, not my biggest critic??! She’s ALWAYS making subtle jabs. There’s always some jokey comment about me and it’s just gotten completely frustrating as I have started to notice the way other moms talk about their daughters/ support them.
Small example, We both ironically made banana bread the other morning, and her immediate response was: “Mine is better.” I just can’t deal with this type of humorless humor anymore. It’s also not lost on me that she’s only hanging out with me 1:1 now that the baby is here.
This wasn’t the case before.
Essentially — I’m struggling with my relationship with my mom, and my eyes are open to a lot of aspects of our relationship that I don’t like. I guess this is a hard situation to explain in full, but I wanted to see if anyone else has been in this position, and how you navigated it.
I’m not sure if I should let things go, voice my feelings, etc. but I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells. Would I be the jerk for confronting these issues or should I get over it to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be prepared for denial, guilt-tripping, anger, mock distress, and threats though. Your mental health is of far more importance than her whims. Keep yourself and your baby safe.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Her behavior is like that of a teen. Was she just as critical of you when you were growing up?
My opinion is that she is trying to assert her dominance in your life. As you mentioned “parents”, what is your dads take on this? I think when she mentioned you were using your child as a “pawn”, in reality, she is doing that. Weirdly, she is comparing her cooking to yours, irrespective of whose is better, it is a very odd thing to say.
Confront her and if she has a meltdown, go LC. Your mental health is important, she had a chance to raise her kid and now it’s yours. She can still visit, but not frequently because if she feels entitled to practically demolish your well-being, who knows how she’ll be when the kid grows up?” Klutzy_Occasion6935
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to address it. Otherwise, it will never stop. Start by asking if you can talk and be honest in explaining how hurtful it is to hear her criticize everything. Tell her if she says these things to be funny, that you are not finding any humor.
She may be upset at first, but you just need to tell her that if things don’t change you may have to go low contact. Keep in mind right now your daughter is a baby, but before too long she will start talking and may pick up on Grandma being so critical of you.
Your mom needs to realize that words have consequences and how hurtful it is to your relationship with her.” Prize-Desk3022
15. AITJ For Defending Myself Against False Accusations During Divorce?
“I’m (40F) is going through a divorce after 2 years of marriage. My soon-to-be ex (46M) is still residing in my home – premarital asset and prenup stating he has no claim on it.
Today, one of his aunts, the one they referred to as the bulldog came by to talk to me while he was out about our divorce.
Apparently, he came by today and told her about our split and she wanted to get my side of the story, along with berating me for things that he was saying were true that were not. She also wanted to try to mediate things in an attempt at reconciliation.
Some of the things that he is telling her are that I forced him to sleep outside in a tent, that I locked him out of the only bedroom in the house, and that I forced him to sign a prenup 15 minutes before we got married. None of that is true, and I told her such.
Despite these lies, the family likes me and she wanted to attempt to mediate. I tried to brush her off by just saying it came down to a matter of trust and that we were past the point of reconciliation. I don’t trust him anymore and he does not trust me either.
I tried to end it there, but they don’t call her a bulldog for nothing. She pushed and asked questions and pushed some more and then brought out the things that he’s accusing me of that I mentioned above. I defended myself. I told the truth, or at least my side of the story when he came home shortly after she confronted him with my side of the story.
None of it was anything new but he got extremely defensive and frustrated. He stalked around, said some insulting things to me, and had a full-on meltdown. I said very little, it was all him and his aunt. After she left, he flipped out on a friend about how horrible I was.
Then told me he just didn’t have the words and couldn’t believe what I did to him.
I wasn’t trying to turn his aunt against him or make her choose sides. I was simply trying to defend myself, in my own home, against the accusations that she was relaying to me.
Things that he is accusing me of to his family. Does that make me a jerk? Or should I just say nothing and let them continue to believe that I am abusing him while he is the perfect spouse?
I feel horrible and am terrified of what he is going to do as retribution.
I just want things to be over and end things amicably. But I feel like in her attempt to mediate, it just made it 1000 times worse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NTJ for defending yourself in your own home, especially when someone comes in and starts accusing you of things that aren’t true.
It sounds like you handled the situation calmly and honestly, which is all you can do. It’s tough dealing with someone who’s spreading false information about you, but standing up for yourself is important.” Walt-08
Another User Comments:
“Kick him out now. Speak to your lawyer/solicitor asap.
Tell your soon-to-be ex that if anything else is said against/about you, you will have him up for libel. Enough being nice, it gets you nowhere. I am in the same situation and have decided after long, heavy talks with my friends that I am making a doormat out of myself.
So my soon-to-be ex was served his last meal from me tonight. I can’t afford to keep paying for his food as I am on disability and he is also getting a bill for the last six weeks or more of his food bill and noting that what he owes me will be going on what he believes I owe him.
Stand strong and get your best life.” Suspicious-Quail-937
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one can insult you about the things you didn’t do in your own house. Your ex tried to manipulate his relatives with a fake narrative, to not make himself look bad. And since you are already divorcing you don’t need to handle his lies anymore.” confusedghost21
14. AITJ For Asking For A Different Hotel Room To Avoid Sharing A Bed With My Cousin?
“My (35) sibling (31) got married recently at a hotel about 40 minutes away from where they and the parental units on both sides live.
Our mother organized rooms for the couple’s parents and me – I live in a different country altogether – to stay after the party. No problem, I appreciated not having to drive the parents back early in the morning (I don’t drink).
The grandparents all left the party early for home, with a taxi service provided by the couple, including my one grandmother (A) who lives in that town.
Our uncle lives in yet another country and was also invited, together with our cousin (24).
Uncle and his (surprise) partner stayed with Grandmother A, his mother, the whole time and declined a room at the hotel, also leaving early.
My mother told me the day before the wedding that she expected me to share a room at the hotel with my cousin.
Wasn’t an issue until the morning of, when I found out there was just one double bed.
Now, I love my cousin, but I hate sleeping in the same bed with other people. Doesn’t matter who. I don’t get any sleep. So I asked if we could change the room to one with 2 beds.
My mother exploded on me. Fair enough, she’s stressed because it’s the morning of the wedding, but she went off on me. Screaming and everything. So I told her it’s fine, I’ll make do. (I couldn’t change the room myself as she had booked it, plus we found out there was another wedding and the last free rooms were not affordable for me.)
Then, my cousin also objected. She said she’d just go to Grandma’s place, too, no worries. She is even more against sharing a bed than I am. And again my mother exploded. But somehow instead of talking to my cousin, she put it all on me.
How ungrateful spoiled and selfish we are. How she spent money on the room. How dare we reject or argue.
In the end, my cousin and I both shared the bed, neither of us getting any sleep (not too bad, it was only about 3 hours between the end of the party and breakfast anyway), but my mother is STILL bringing it up every now and then when we facetime, commenting on how I stressed her out for nothing and how I should know better at my age.
(Sibling and partner had no idea btw, but I think they might have heard about it by now, with my mom being so “passionate” about it even to other people, but they weren’t involved on the day itself.)
I admit the timing wasn’t the best but was I the jerk asking for a different room at all?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. seemed alright to just ask for a different room. Organizing the rooms and stuff was probably also a bit stressful for mom, maybe someone else could’ve done it instead f.e. the bride and groom. But organizing a wedding ain’t that easy so I get it.” KolorBoyy
Another User Comments:
“Why didn’t you ask the front desk about a cot being brought to the room? Most hotels have those on hand, there’s a small fee for it but it’s a common request for the front desk. Also not sure why you didn’t go to the front desk to ask for a room change yourself.
If there was one available they could have easily just changed your room at no extra charge. They don’t care that it’s in another name either. I used to work at the front desk of a major hotel chain and this is another very common thing for hotels to do.” Caspian4136
13. AITJ For Defending My Wife Against Body Shaming At A Pool Party?
“I (M31) and my wife (F28) have been together for 4 years, married for 1. She is intelligent, kind, funny, compassionate, and loving. I am very lucky. She also has an amazing figure, with a typical hourglass shape. She usually dresses formally and conservatively for work (dress code) and in comfortable casuals around friends.
Fitting or revealing clothes are generally for when it’s just the two of us. I think she looks great in everything and never gave this much thought before.
We went to a pool party hosted by one of our common friends (F30). Most of us were wearing normal clothes during brunch and changed into swimwear after.
The murmurs started as soon as my wife stepped out in her bikini. Most of them were surprised but complementary, but our host and a group of her friends became noticeably colder from this point, with comments about how she was being attention-seeking and vulgar.
My wife wasn’t wearing anything different from the other women – if anything, she was a little more covered up because she had a scarf around her waist and her bikini top was more like a regular brassiere. I was already upset, but because they were talking amongst themselves at this point I decided to just ignore it and not create a scene.
When my wife took off her scarf thing to go into the pool though, our host yelled “Oh COME ON” and then said to her friend in a loud voice (50% of the people there could hear) that my wife is an “attention seeker”. I admit I lost my cool and yelled back at her that she was a jealous mean person and a terrible host. My wife and I left shortly after.
Here’s why I may be the jerk.
1. It’s been brought to my attention that “attention-seeker” isn’t calling someone a mean person. I wouldn’t have called her a mean person had I known this, but I still feel somewhat justified because whatever it means, it is still pretty offensive.
2. We were guests in her home. (This is my wife’s main point… she thinks we should have just left and reduced our interaction with that group)
3. We were one of the only 3 Indian families invited. There is an element of representing my whole ethnicity when we are in a mixed group that’s very real. The other two Indian couples are critical of me.
The others (8 white couples, 1 black) found it funny / are mostly on my side. I am not counting our host and her friends that she was talking to.
4. There were 4 children present (all under 13) and this is something I feel pretty bad about too. They aren’t the host’s kids, and their parents brushed off my apology but I feel terrible about this part.
Despite all this, they’d been insulting my wife for 30 minutes straight!!! How is that OK?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Just because you were in their home doesn’t mean they get to berate your wife. You did well defending her in front of many people, not many husbands will do that.” throwawaylostw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And good on you for standing up for your wife. The fact that they commented on your wife’s body with children present is the main problem, not you calling the ringleader names. And if you and your wife do choose to have your children, you want to show them to not allow people to demean them the way they did your wife.
Those people (the hosts) are NOT your friends, and you should do more than “reduce your interactions” with them – you should cut them off.” No_Glove_1575
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Favoritism-Prone Mother My Kids' Phone Numbers?
“I 36F, have 5 children (17M, 15M, 13M, 11F, 9F). All 5 of my children were born before either of my siblings had children. When my kids were younger, I noticed my mom was favoring my oldest. I called her out on it and it was always an excuse: he’s the first grandchild, he needs more attention because we probably mistreated him since he’s not my husband’s biological child, he needs more love because he doesn’t have his bio dad (my husband has been the ONLY dad he knows since he was 7 months old and has NEVER been mistreated or neglected), etc. I let her know favoritism would not be allowed, at all.
So, she distanced herself from ALL of my children and focused on my sister’s kids.
My oldest recently went through a military academy and my mom would write to him but the letters would guilt trip him for not writing her back. He told me ‘How can she expect me to write her when she could have called me over the years before I went away and never did.’ After my son came back home, previous behavior issues returned and escalated quickly.
I was confused and didn’t understand why. He dropped out of trade school after 3 days, intentionally sabotaged job interviews, etc.- he just wanted to lay around at home and be catered to. We let him know this was not acceptable and he ran away.
I went through his phone hoping to find out where he may have gone and I found out he was telling his ‘friends’ that since he had gotten his diploma, we shouldn’t expect him to do anything else.
My mom immediately blamed me but never called to check in to see if my son had returned or if we had heard from him.
2 days later she called and asked what he was doing. I was confused because she knew he had left. She told me she thought he had come back home because I didn’t SOUND like I was crying. I didn’t understand that either and she then said ‘He’s your first, and only child.’- completely disregarding my other 4 children as she has done so many times before (refusing to come to their birthday parties, games, musical performances, dances, etc.) I told her that was the LAST time she’d pretend my other children didn’t exist.
About 2 weeks later, she was on the phone with my 11 y/o daughter trying to get the phone numbers of my other 3 children – she had mistakenly called my daughter thinking she was calling my oldest because she didn’t have their updated phone numbers. I told her I would send her everyone’s correct numbers when I had the opportunity – but I haven’t.
I don’t want to give her their numbers since she continues to disregard them and only ACCIDENTALLY called my oldest daughter in an attempt to reach out told my oldest son. AITJ for not giving her their contact info?”
Another User Comments:
“Why not just tell her that you will give your children her number and leave it up to them if they want to contact her and let her have their phone number?
I never am a fan of giving someone a phone number without the permission of the person they’re trying to contact. Sounds like your mom is a piece of work and you’re NTJ. ” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“Interesting how the first part is insisting that the oldest is treated just fine and needs no extra love and is perfectly ok with not having a bio father.
And then the second part just casually mentions how he was in a military school for bad behavior and then ran away when he got back. Most likely ESH here but there are a lot of missing pieces. ” FoodNo672
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You already told her you would give the numbers And how do you expect your mother to have a relationship with the kids without giving her an easy way of contacting them directly?” Having-hope3594
11. AITJ For Wanting To Escape From My Controlling Parents?
“My father, though talented, struggled due to lack of education, so he planned my life before I was even born. I (18, M) came into the world fulfilling his wishes. I did very well in academics. Scoring well raised his expectations.
The first shock came at 11, I was banned from going outside after playing beyond 150 meters.
As an only child with no cousins, I played alone, crafting toys from boxes and drowning in my imagination. Discipline ruled my life—set times for everything, mostly for studying. At 13, the TV was taken away because it was ‘distracting’, and I stopped confiding in my mom after realizing that she ratted everything to Dad.
Moreover, I was constantly compared to a girl, a neighbor who outscored me, which was brutal.
Teenage years brought the internet to me for the first time, and soon, clashes with my father escalated. I wouldn’t bend to his will easily. Arguments turned into thrashings.
I cried almost daily, cursing my fate for being born to him and contemplating self-harm. My father became my mortal enemy, but luckily I found solace, in reading. They became my escape. I read them secretly, defying his bans after he thought it was distracting me.
Naturally, I had to endure harsh punishment when caught.
By 17, I had calmed, though I still faced insults and taunts. Perhaps it was me or perhaps I was forced since childhood into engineering but nothing appealed to me. My creative pursuits in writing and music were crushed. When I tried to reason with my father, we hit a deadlock, and I spent my 11th grade resenting him.
In 12th, I grew more mature, but his control tightened. My life was rigid—study, sleep, repeat for six days straight. Even my reading was limited only to Sundays, and internet access was banned according to him since 9th grade.
But then again I cannot be completely detached from them.
Despite several meltdowns, whenever I see a parent sad after their child leaves them in their old age, I cannot but feel hurt for my thoughts. I know that they are doing it for my good and that they have sacrificed a lot. I know that they love me, but I am well past the limits.
I respect them a lot but I cannot love them. My life has become a nightmare due to them where every day I am chipped mentally, but the guilt of leaving someone who cared and raised me behind also burdens me a lot. It is even more heartbreaking when my father says that he only wants my presence during his old age, but at the same time, he threatens to end my life in anger as ‘it is better to be childless than carry a burden’.
I am torn.
WIBTJ.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people don’t care for you or love you. Probably never did. You are an object that they are molding to their needs. Loved ones don’t suppress you, they lift you. Our dad only wants you in his old age to care for him and serve his needs.
Don’t feel guilty cause there is no reason to. When you can, move on from both parents. Never look back or feel guilt for leaving them.” message
Another User Comments:
“The guilt you feel is proof you are a loving person. Your parents’ treatment of you however has never been about loving you but instead about loving themselves and reassuring their insecurities through exerting control over you.
I have never, even for one moment, regretted cutting my narcissistic mom out of my life. She also was only ever capable of considering me an object she had made to soothe her feelings of regret and insecurities in her life. I was forced to live out her vicarious dream life, and she was brutally abusive in addition to exploiting me.
She will die alone and it is what she cultivated and chose by never listening to or respecting me as a whole human person who existed outside of and apart from her. She continues to lash out despite over a decade of no contact with me and the fact we live in different countries now. You will find other, better relationships that sustain you.
You will find mentors and elders whom you can respect, rely on, and confide in. You will grow into your true self once you are out from under the weight of their desires. It will take time to untangle the things you feel, believe, and desire and what you assimilated from their persistent mistreatment in attempts to crush who YOU are in favor of what they want you to embody and signify.
You do not exist for them. You do not belong to them. You will be able to shed all of the nonsense your father has shackled you with, so don’t give up on yourself. Keep defying unjust absolute authoritarianism. They cannot define you. Don’t let them grind you down any further.” JustJudgin
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Mother For Unexpected Car Expenses?
“I am a college student paying out of pocket to go to college. All the money I save up during summer and winter break at my job goes towards paying my tuition, no one assists me in paying my tuition and I don’t get financial aid.
And I make it clear to everyone in my family to not ask me for any money because I will say no as I need every cent to pay for my tuition.
Recently my mother told me that she decided to buy a new car and replace the old one that she bought in 2013.
Before she bought said new car, I asked her if I could have her old car so my commute to college from home would be easier. She said yes and left me her old car while she got a new one, and the topic of paying for the old car was never brought up.
The day she came home with said new car, she told me two things.
1. She had put me on her car insurance and I was expected to pay her $100 every month
2. She spent $800 on brand-new tires for the old car and expects me to pay her back ASAP
I was irritated, to say the least, as I never told her to do either of these things, I even explicitly said you don’t have to do anything besides sign it over to me, and that I would take care of maintaining the car when I have the money.
To make matters worse, she did this right after I had finished paying my college tuition and thus have no money, like none whatsoever, and now I suddenly owe her $800 that I’m incapable of paying back, on top of what is essentially a new monthly bill.
I outright told her that same day I could not afford that because I just finished paying my tuition and she told me if I wanted the car, I needed to pay her back for the tires. It feels like she wanted me to pay for the car, but knew I was going to say no and instead, I would recommend she sell the car to someone else, so she did this instead.
I am very grateful for being given the car, but I’m also resentful of the situation I’m in as this could not have come at a worse time and I want her to just take the car back and sell it despite how much easier it’s made commuting to school.
Cause I simply don’t make enough to pay what she’s demanding of me, much less now that college has started back up again.
So Am I the Jerk here for not wanting to pay my mother back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is called a bait and switch where I live.
She doesn’t get to spend your money for you. Either tell her this isn’t going to work out and return the car or decide if you can pay for the insurance/get your insurance (you may be able to get a lower rate on your own as a student).
Under no circumstances would I pay for the tires. If she wanted you to pay for them that should have been brought up beforehand, she should have provided a receipt and explained how any tire protection on them would transfer to you or charge f it’s tied to the vehicle.
(Where I live tires typically come with some type of warranty in the price and are either under the owner’s info or the car’s VIN).” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think there is a middle ground here. She should have spoken to you before she did the tires but if they were in bad shape you were going to have to take care of it at some point soon.
For insurance, you’re gonna have to pay anyway, so it may be cheaper to have it the way she set it up. Did she register it for you too? She’s your mother and all and just gave you a car so I recommend setting up a payment plan with her to take care of the tires.
If you’re on good terms with your family it’s not worth fighting over this. There’s a reasonable solution that can work for everyone.” Commercial-Wrangler1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t take the car. Simply tell her that your understanding was that you would not be paying her for anything, therefore you are no longer interested. Suggest a cousin or something for her to sell it to.
Either she changes her mind and sticks to the original agreement, or she doesn’t. But don’t give in. That sets a precedent that you will pay for the rest of your life. Just play dumb. “I’m so sorry, since none of this was mentioned before today, I assumed it was a gift from mother to daughter.
I understand that you need to make a profit from this car, so don’t worry about me, you can sell it to whoever. Thanks for thinking of me!” From a legal standpoint, no contract was made, you have no obligation. Don’t be guilted into this.” ManaKitten
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Rude Behavior To A Help Desk Rep?
“I’m (33M) at my partner’s (35M) house and I just finished making him dinner. Mind you, he complained that I said I could cook but I never cooked for him. I’m proving him wrong this week.
Anyway, he upgraded his phone yesterday which didn’t carry over his MFA Authenticator credentials for the hospital and, instead of using the old phone to log in, he decided to call the help desk while I was grilling.
No problem, just get the new phone set up. Well, he is arguing with the help desk rep about credentials “Didn’t I just put my last 4 of my socials into the system? Why are you asking for them?” and “No I don’t have my badge ID number available” etc. Ok, I get it’s frustrating, but you’re wearing your ID badge and didn’t look to see if your ID number is on it.
He is arguing with the rep about doing a video call to verify if the ID on file matches because the DL he used had a different address before he moved to this city for work and it has since expired. He was being very rude to the REP.
I go back outside and finish dinner. I’m steaming because I worked in a call center when I graduated college and he is the stereotypical jerk caller.
I came back inside and asked him if he was done being a jerk to the help desk rep.
I told him he was perpetuating the stereotype that all doctors are entitled jerks and he said “Maybe I am.” I hate that he made this guy’s day hard because you don’t have the info he needs to verify you. I point to his lanyard and ask him, “You just got home from the hospital, aren’t you wearing your badge?
Did you even look at it for an ID number?” And he said “I just want to focus on (my notes)”
It’s important to note that he is sitting at the dining room table and I set two places where he is NOT working.
I open the bottle of wine and start pouring the glasses. I pick up the steak with my hands and drop it on his plate. I pick up the corn and drop it on his plate. He says “Boy bye I don’t have time for your attitude” and goes upstairs.
So, please tell me. Am I the jerk for standing up for the help desk rep who was just following security protocol?”
Another User Comments:
“Gonna say Everyone Sucks Here. He was a jerk on the phone…but your reaction was not about “defending the call center rep”, this was about you and your partner.
You have residual anger at him about other things (including him sniping at you for never making him dinner). Don’t use this unrelated thing as an excuse to start a fight – confront him directly about the issues YOU AND HIM have.” No_Glove_1575
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here. You tried to punish him for his behavior, and he tried to punish you for calling him out, and then you were passive-aggressive with the steak. Use your words, people. But also, there is an approach to a hot-headed person in terms of bringing up issues, and passive-aggressive sass isn’t it?
Finding the right time to talk about it after they have calmed down is great. Then they will be in a mindset to hear you. But also, this was about you not liking his behavior towards people, which doesn’t give you the green light to do it back.
8. AITJ For Wanting To Distance Myself From My Newly Reconnected Cousin With Intellectual Disabilities?
“I (23F) am in a difficult situation with a family member and could use some advice. Recently, “Sarah” (18F), my cousin’s daughter, got in touch with me. She was adopted at birth because my cousin had her at a very young age, after being the victim of a well-known grooming scandal in our area.
Given the circumstances, Sarah didn’t have any contact with the family until she turned 18 (two weeks ago) and reconnected with her biological mum.
After reaching out to her mum, Sarah got a couple of the other family’s details and added me on a social media platform.
She began messaging me straight away, despite us never having met before, and I was genuinely really happy she wanted to connect with her biological family.
Sarah has significant intellectual disabilities and currently lives with supporting carers, though she immediately seemed to rely on me for emotional support.
We’ve only known each other a short time, but she’s already leaning on me for advice and help with things I don’t feel equipped to manage.
Last week, she messaged me suddenly, saying her mum “hates her” and “doesn’t love her anymore.” They’d argued about something or other, and Sarah was (understandably) really upset and worked up.
She wanted me to get involved and sort everything out between them. The issue is, I’m not close with my cousin (her mum) at all—I only see her every few years—so I don’t feel comfortable or capable of stepping into the middle of their relationship.
To complicate things, my cousin (her mum) struggles significantly with her mental health, and I genuinely worry about their arguments. Both of them have complex issues, and I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be involved. I tried setting some boundaries by gently suggesting that Sarah speak to her social worker, as they’re better equipped to help her.
However, it’s clear she still expects me to step in when there are problems, and I feel conflicted about it.
I feel so bad because I know she’s dealing with so much, and the fact that she has intellectual disabilities (which none of us knew about before) makes it even harder.
I don’t want to add to her sense of rejection, and it tears me up inside to think I might hurt her. But at the same time, the constant contact and the pressure to help her with things I’m not prepared to handle have become overwhelming.
I’ve tried suggesting other ways for her to get support, but she just isn’t listening. It would be far easier to manage if she didn’t have these disabilities, but I feel awful for even thinking that.
WIBTJ if I distanced myself from her?
I don’t want to be cruel, but I’m genuinely unsure how to manage this. Any advice on how to approach the situation would be appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk. This young woman has a fantasy she’ll reunite with her birth family and live happily ever after and it’s not the case.
You are related by blood but you are strangers. Simply explain you’re not close to your cousin and will not be intervening. Keep it short and simple.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“No, you wouldn’t be the jerk for distancing yourself in this situation. The longer you engage at this level, the more expectation you’re going to build, and the harder she will take it when you inevitably can’t cope anymore.
It is kind of you to want to be a positive presence in her life, but you’re going to have to take an extra step back to establish a boundary that is mutually accepted, even if at first she takes it poorly.” Cute_Beat7013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mental health is important. Sarah is reaching out to find family, but you are her cousin once removed. This is into generic ‘relative’ territory. By all means keep low-level, low-drama contact on a social media platform, but you cannot take over the role of parent of a primary carer or main confidante.
Sarah is a teenage girl finding her place in society. By all means, be friendly, but have limits as to when you reply to her, and how much time you can reasonably spend. You are not a trained counselor or social worker, so a polite but firm “That is something you need to discuss with your social worker.
I can’t help you with that.” can help to set and maintain boundaries. It isn’t easy and I understand that your instinct is to help, but some professionals are responsible for her care and are trained to deal with her and have experience in helping vulnerable young people navigate through the care system into adulthood.
Be firm or you will be weighed down with guilt at never being able to be ‘enough’.” CanAhJustSay
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Dad About My Mom's Surprise Party Until The Last Minute?
“I (26F) threw my mom a surprise 50th birthday party yesterday and didn’t tell my dad (54m) until the last minute.
In the past, he has deliberately ruined things for absolutely no reason other than to hurt my mom or someone else in the family. He is truly a terrible person. I managed to get my mom to the party with it still a surprise, it was a success.
Until someone asked where my dad was. So I sent my partner to get him, which was about FIVE MINUTES into the party. My partner returned without my dad, so I called, no answer. My mom called, no answer. My dad’s sister was also at the party and told me he spoke to her and was upset that we didn’t invite him at all and didn’t want him there.
I called him again to ask if he was coming and his response was “Coming where?! If you wanted me there you would have invited me” to which I explained that’s why I sent someone to get him. But he hung up on me.
So I texted him that this was for Mom and for him to please come for my mom’s sake.
He did show up but not for good, he came into the party screaming that we waited until the party was over to invite him (we didn’t because the party was still going on) saying we waited two hours after it started to tell him (my partner was there to pick him up FIVE MINUTES after it started) and after he was done screaming in the middle of the party he left again and my mom went to the bathroom crying.
Then after we got home he was still making up those lies about how we didn’t invite him at all or until after the party was over. This morning before my mom went to work he was screaming at her saying we just didn’t want him there, and the same stuff as the day before.
I do feel bad that we included him last minute, I wanted it to be special for my mom. If I had told him before the party he would have told her on purpose or made her feel so bad that she wouldn’t have gone.
So I did what I thought was best. I understand he may be hurt and I do want to apologize for not asking if he wanted to be inside when she walked in. But I find it pretty hard to apologize when he’s been screaming at us, not acting like someone who is hurt.
He would have ruined it either way, this way he is hurt, if I told him before, my mom would have been hurt. Am I the jerk for not telling him earlier?”
Another User Comments:
“Man, OP, your dad is a jerk, he’s deliberately ruining things just to, what?
Hurt your mom? OP it’s time to stop inviting this guy and I think it’s time you’ve tried to convince your mom to leave him, your dad is emotionally and verbally abusive. NTJ for not wanting him there, however YTJ for inviting your dad anyway, you know what he’s like.
I’m giving your mom 0/5 bad guys, OP I’m giving you 1/5 bad guys, you do need to stop inviting your dad to events that involve your mom and maybe secretly convince your mom to leave him. I’m giving your dad 3.5/5 bad guys, as I stated before he’s a jerk.” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for waiting so he couldn’t ruin the surprise, but I think YTJ for inviting him at all! He did EXACTLY what you predicted – he ruined your mom’s party. If you stand at the edge of a cliff, and someone tells you to back up lest you fall, do you blame the other person when you do fall????” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why hasn’t anyone called him out on his behavior? Tell him the reason you “invited him when you did”. That he seems to like ruining something that mom (and family) look forward to. Spouse always ruined events I was excited about years ago.
The last time they did it, I said, “why do you always ruin something I looked forward to?” They looked at me surprised. Luckily they changed their behavior after that (sort of). They still got grumpy at some of the events but not bad enough to ruin it.” Lh911
6. AITJ For Intervening When I Saw A Woman Being Taken Away By Strange Men?
“So I (17 f) got home later than usual last night. Due to my mum working, I still had to take the dogs out. Because it was already really dark, I didn’t feel comfortable walking our usual route.
Afterward, we decided to make our way into an inner, less remote part of town to buy treats and some stuff for my mum.
On the way back, I noticed a group of guys coming out of a pub, kind of dragging/carrying someone between them. I didn’t have a good gut feeling, so I decided to watch them a little. Said person was really out of it, they called them pet names and tried to get them up to their car.
I decided that it was very fishy, then pulled out my phone, put on my torch, and loudly asked if everything was alright and if they needed help or an ambulance. One of them quickly answered that everything was fine, their sister. Just partied way too much.?
(First of all, they looked nothing alike, and second, why call her baby, when she’s your sister? Is that normal??)
I asked where they would be taking her, and he answered home. I asked her if she could tell me who these men were to her and if she wanted to go with them, but she just moaned!
I asked him if he could somehow prove that they were her brothers because I was suspicious and worried for her. He called me a rude woman.
I’ve had enough and moved towards them to get to her. Because of my good boys, they backed off of her immediately.
I held onto her and told them that I would bring her back inside and that they could wait with me till she sobered up and could tell me what she wanted. They just called me names and ran. I took her inside, gave her water, and waited with her.
She wouldn’t sober up but told me that she wanted her mum.
So I gave her, her phone out of her pocket to unlock which she did, and called her mum to please come pick her up. Mum showed up another hour later, really mad at me, and told me that those men were her friends and I should’ve let her go with them.
She also insulted me (and my mom?!) took her daughter and ran off.
My mum said that I wasn’t trying to be malicious was just genuinely worried so generally I’ve done no harm. She is still fuming over how I was treated though! I believe I may be the jerk because I still kind of held her hostage!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. You saw a woman who might need help and you intervened. The situation sounds dodgy. Why did those men lie that she was their sister if they were genuinely friends? Plus, women are more likely to be SA’d by men they know than men they don’t, so even if she knew them, doesn’t mean she’s safe with them.
People aren’t always grateful for your help. Sometimes doing the right thing is met with hostility, but it doesn’t mean you were wrong to help her.” HeyThereFancypants-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I’m glad you trusted your gut. Even if the girl’s mother thinks they were friends does not mean those men didn’t have a nefarious plan (in fact, most assaults are committed by someone known to the victim like family, friends, friends of friends, etc.).
Let her mom be mad; you might have saved her from something horrible. And if you didn’t, no harm no foul. (To be clear, I do not think they were innocent, for the same reasons you didn’t.) ETA: someone suggested calling the police…I think that is a good idea.
They may be able to get camera footage from inside the bar.” cayjay00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I admire you for what you did. My rule of thumb now is “Will I lose sleep over it?” If the answer is that I’ll ruminate and worry as I tend to do, I will step in, keeping a smart distance or maybe call the Non Emergency line and let them decide.
If I think everything will be fine without my interference, I let it go. Quite frankly, her friends were jerks for not staying with her.” message
5. AITJ For Sharing My Inheritance From Our Biological Mom With Our Adoptive Brother?
“My sister and I are biological siblings and got adopted pretty young – we were surrendered a few weeks after I was born. It was an open adoption, and after she got clean she started being more involved with our lives – and our brother’s life.
She was a close aunt to all of us, and while Sandra was probably the most connected with her, Jamie would always try to impress her too.
For reference: Sandra (23F, my bio sister), Jamie (20M, our parent’s bio son), and me, 19F.
Unfortunately, she passed away last January.
She divided what she had between Sandra and me; Jamie wasn’t mentioned at all, which felt kind of thoughtless to me. She had as much contact with him as with me. The assets came out to about $10k apiece and then her actual things. They were pretty clearly divided (ie, kitchenware and crafting materials to her, books to me) and we made what few swaps we wanted pretty quickly.
Once everything had settled, I gave $5k, a book collection, and a few heirlooms to Jamie. He was elated and looked a little relieved to have something of hers. But Sandra got upset. She’s been saying that there’s no connection between Jamie and our bio mom and that I shouldn’t have given ‘mom’s money’ or things away to him.
She asked me how I would feel if she gave pieces of the jewelry to a pawn shop. I agree that would be horrible, but I feel like giving it to our brother isn’t the same. He’s incredibly sentimental and careful with things of this nature.
Sandra’s the only one who can have any memories of being raised by our bio mom, though, and this seems to have hurt her. She was yelling and almost in tears a few times as we argued about this. (Jamie slipped out of the kitchen and went to go cry in his room, I think.) She says it wasn’t okay to give our mother’s things away to people who aren’t “within our family”.
I pointed out that Jamie will have to split his bio parents’ stuff with us, and she got even madder and said that that’s because his parents are our parents too (true, probably not the argument I should have made tbh) and that it’s completely different since we’re adopted.
She said that our parents (the adoptive ones) are our parents, even more than our bio mom was, but that Jamie is ‘not a part of this’. I don’t know what to do. Jamie texted me and offered to give most of the things back to me, but he sounded like he was pleading for me not to.
I’m still pretty sure I made the right call by splitting my inheritance with him, but I don’t know anymore.
Quick edit: I’m looking for if I’m being even slightly thoughtless, not the legality of the whole mess. My sister is usually really sweet and chill, and she’s never gotten upset like this before.
Working off of our culture/ethics, selling this stuff would be a massive jerk move, so use that for comparison.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those things were left to YOU and are therefore YOURS, to do with as you please. Your sister, on the other hand, might be the jerk for thinking she has any right to tell you what to do with YOUR inheritance.
And she also might be the jerk for implying that Jamie is not “within our family”. She can’t have it both ways. If I were Jamie, I’d watch my back when your parents finally leave this earth. Come to think of it, you watch yours, too.” WEM-2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you split your part of the inheritance….not your sister’s part. While it’s understandable why she is upset, it’s up to you regarding what you do with your part. Also, it seemed like you were close to him, ……you know, considering you were essentially raised with him.
And, it seems like your bio mother did make a connection with him when she came back into your life. I don’t see any issues with what you did. Considering how close your sister was with your bio mother….her anger may just be the way she grieves” ostrichfood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can do whatever you want with your inheritance. But your sister does have a point that she was not Jamie’s mom. You seem far more integrated into the adoptive family and see her as more of a cool aunt to all three of you – likely because you were so much younger – but your sister remembers a childhood with your bio-mom raising her.
Your bio-mom left her belongings to her children, not her children plus their brother who is not related to her at all. I’m not saying that your sister isn’t integrated fully, but she has two families in her head, while you only have one. So, while I think you can do whatever you want with your inheritance, I do see why your sister is so upset by your decision.
Be kind to her.” Cursd818
4. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Time With Other Friends Besides My Best Friend?
“Me(F21) and my best friend(F21) have been friends for 7 years, almost 8. We always had the issue of jealousy.
She started to open up in a roundabout way, throwing comments like “If you like them more than me just say that” or sarcastically saying: “it’s not like we haven’t talked in like forever”
When she isn’t busy, we play video games at night or call or even text here and there. When she’s free I still want to play with my other friends sometimes so I tell her I can’t play, She gets down and insecure, she feels like I’m pulling away or that she’s an inconvenience to me.
What should I do? Am I in the wrong for not giving her enough attention and hanging out with my other friends more? Despite when we do talk, I treat her like a best friend and value the time we do have fun. I just feel like these are high school problems, that as 21-year-olds, this shouldn’t be an issue.
It feels like her insecurities are being put onto me and she needs constant reassurance and to talk 24/7.
I spoke to her, and on my mistake, I tend to sugarcoat things and dance around her feelings when we talk about it, telling her I care and that I’m sorry for making her feel that way.
Despite having that conversation three times; me apologizing for being a ‘bad friend’ and trying to give her a bit more attention, she still throws those guilt-trip comments.
I see her point of view, she’s going through hard times (It feels like ever since we met there are always tough times and that she relies on me for happiness and comfort) and doesn’t have other friends so it’s only natural to want to talk to your best friend a lot.
My point of view is that I don’t need to talk to someone 24/7 to feel like we are close. I feel like she is treating this friendship like a relationship and is reliant on me for her happiness. I have multiple friends and like to hang out with them all for different things.
I value communication and coming to conclusions but this is a reoccurring problem that I don’t give her enough attention and she doesn’t speak up, only acts sulky and talks in mumbles. She’s a great friend despite all that and gives our friendship her all.
Very affectionate girl and loves with her whole heart. We have fun 90% of the time and I value our friendship, I don’t want to have to end our friendship because of this.
I am just wondering if one of us is in the wrong or right, or if there even is one.
What are outsiders’ opinions on the matter? I don’t want biased opinions, I want the realistic and hard truth, I am open to any input to help my decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is way too old to behave in this childish manner, please stop pampering to her demands.
Healthy friendship is about mutual support and care, her manipulative remarks are a blatant attempt to get you to bend to her will.” Kukka63
Another User Comments:
“She enjoys conflict. Stop reacting to her when she starts complaining, pretending to be the victim, etc. Just ignore her or move on with the conversation but do not feed her need for conflict.
NTJ Your “great” friend is not so great. Don’t let her need to constantly be overly emotional dominate your talks/time together. Don’t let her drag you into her game anymore.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP She sounds like an attention seeker/ drama queen who likes to make issues out of non-issues just because she likes to create tension and drama If you find her exhausting to be around it’s time to end the friendship Believe me OP she will ALWAYS be the victim in any scenario and her emotional baggage shouldn’t become your issues If she won’t take the advice you’ve done all you can….BELIEVE ME, things won’t end well for her but she won’t learn the lesson why because people like that rarely see they are the problem NOT everybody else You can’t save everyone unfortunately OP and for your mental health sometimes you just need to walk away” ColdstreamCapple
3. AITJ For Ignoring My Friend Who Disturbs Me In Class Despite My ADHD?
“I (16f) have pretty severe ADHD. I struggle a lot with taking notes and paying attention in class on a good day, and I do especially worse when there’s a specific distraction, be that audible or physical.
This year my school moved me down from all honors classes to being in the ‘lower’ classes, and it’s been a big adjustment.
Most of the kids talk the entire time and it’s 10 times more difficult for me to focus, but the school says I can’t get accommodations in the higher classes, so the ‘lowest’ ones are what I’m stuck with.
My friend Jordan and I have never been in classes together before this year, but now we share almost all of them.
Jordan also has ADHD, but unlike me, she doesn’t need to pay attention in class to do well and is good at memorizing and taking notes. She always finishes taking her notes quickly, and once she’s done she usually gets bored and starts trying to talk to me.
At first, I tried to subtly avoid this by sitting right front and center because I knew she hated sitting in the front of the class. However, today she didn’t seem to care about that anymore so just sat next to me anyway. Thus commenced many classes of me being unable to focus because she kept whispering to me, poking me, pulling on my clothes, and getting visibly annoyed when I tried to send notes telling her we can talk later and that I’m trying to pay attention.
She never seemed to get the hint, and instead just kept trying to come up with increasingly annoying and creative ways to get my attention. I thought maybe she was just having a hard day, and I let her ramble for the entirety of lunch, hoping afterward she’d feel no need to talk more.
It only got worse the next period though, and so during the break between classes I directly told her to cut it out and that I didn’t find it funny or appreciate it. She told me I was being dramatic, and that I never pay attention well anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
This made me really mad, so I just stopped speaking to her altogether and refused to even look in her direction until school ended. She was upset and said I was being a jerk for no reason, but I only said I was not sorry and hadn’t spoken to her since.
Our other friend Emma texted me a couple of minutes ago and said that Jordan had explained the whole situation to her, and while she understands why I’m upset, I should be more patient with Jordan, and ignoring her was the wrong thing to do.
I honestly don’t think I’m wrong, and it’s not like I plan to keep this up forever, but I think I’m justified for refusing to talk to her right now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Whether or not she knows about your inability to concentrate in class, she should have respected your ‘no’, and the fact that she makes light of your feelings on the matter indicates that you probably have more respect for her than she does for you.” Alamoraine
2. AITJ For Selling A Harry Potter Gift From My Mom That Didn't Align With My Interests?
“I (24f) meet up every Sunday afternoon for dinner with my brother (20M) and mum (52f).
A few weeks ago, she brought her partner (29M (yes, the age gap is weird and uncomfortable)). The two of them had spent the afternoon charity shopping, and Mum said she’d brought me a gift. I was grateful and excited to see what she’d gotten me.
When she revealed a kid’s Harry Potter backpack, I put on the best “it’s so cute, thank you!” That I could and the conversation moved on.
I had a big Harry Potter phase, like a lot of young adults, but quickly grew back out of it.
I haven’t watched or even talked about the movies in well over 2 years. Not only that, but the backpack was for Gryffindor, and when I was super into it, I was a Slytherin.
When I got home, I talked about it with my partner (23f) and decided to quietly list it on Vinted, because I need the money more than the bag.
I don’t have the space for extra clutter as I’m now moving into my partner’s house. I felt guilty at the idea of trying to make a profit from it, so I only listed it for £2.50, as I figured that would be around what she paid for it in a charity shop.
A couple of weeks later, I’m showing Mum something on my phone, and she sees the bag listed on Vinted. All chaos breaks loose. “I got that as a gift for you! How could you get rid of it? Did you even use it?
How much are you selling it for? I should have just kept it.”
And I understand why she’s upset. I tried to reassure her that I was grateful she thought of me and wanted to get me a gift, but that it wasn’t suited to me.
She said she was really upset that her daughter could do that. She spent my whole life playing the victim and when she said that I got annoyed, and I said I was upset that she didn’t even know what house I was in.
I said that she didn’t know me well at all.
She said she thought I’d like it anyway because it’s Harry Potter. She’s heard me rant about how much I hate JK Rowling, she knows the shows and movies that I am currently into that would make better gifts.
And again, this was a kid’s backpack. I’m 24.
I really, truly appreciate that my mum wanted to get me a gift, and I know that she did it with the best intentions, but AITJ for trying to sell it?
It should also be noted that I have social issues related to ASD and I don’t always know the best way to react to a situation.
If there’s something I should have done differently when she first gave it to me, I’d appreciate someone telling me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The backpack wasn’t even repping your house. Enough said. Seriously though, someone giving you a gift means that it’s YOURS.
Do whatever you want with your stuff. Honestly, you’re more valid to be frustrated with her for not valuing your current interests in comparison to her being mad that you put the bag up for sale.” emsrumors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ while I understand her feelings are hurt, I don’t understand why she’d buy you a child’s bag.
If you don’t want it, then you’re fine to get rid of it. Give her a little time, then explain that you don’t have a place for it and wouldn’t use it. This way someone will get used to it, and it won’t just be cast aside and in the way.
Maybe explaining that moving in with your partner means that you have to be ruthless and you’re having to get rid of a lot of unnecessary things. My mum bought me a sombrero when I was in my 20s because she remembered I said I wanted one while on holiday when I was around 9.
I was grateful but got rid of it at the first opportunity.” wopsywoo
Another User Comments:
“I wanna vote yes for being a Slytherin. Everybody wants to show how “cool” or “rebellious” they are by being either Gryffindor or Slytherin, but if tested (not a “which house are you” test, but an actual personality test that identified your traits), those are the two least common houses that muggles would be sorted into if they were wizards with Slytherin at less than 5% of the population.
It’s just a bandwagon people jump on. NTJ for selling a cheap gift that didn’t align with your interests.” Raedriann
1. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Her Lie While She Was On Vacation?
“A so-called friend lied to me recently and I called her out.
Let’s call my friend Tricia. Tricia was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my upcoming wedding, as we’ve been friends since kindergarten.
Tricia texted a big group of friends asking us to go to dinner for her birthday in NYC and mentioned the possibility of getting a hotel afterward. A couple of weeks later, she texts us with information about dinner, but nothing about a hotel. After a few days, I texted her asking if she’d figured out the plan for after-dinner because I was trying to budget.
She responded by saying that she hadn’t heard back from a club promoter that she reached out to, so the plan was just dinner. The next day (Saturday), she left for vacation.
On Sunday, I found out from a mutual friend that she had texted a SEPARATE, smaller group of people inviting them to the club after dinner.
I felt very betrayed, especially because I went out of my way to make sure she was included in my bachelorette party and paid for her share of the AirBnB because she said she couldn’t come because she couldn’t afford it. I planned on waiting for her to return from vacation before confronting her, but I couldn’t sleep Sunday night and I was a mess at work on Monday.
So, I decided I’d text her even though she was on vacation. After all, I felt like she was the one who had done something wrong, so why should she get to relax on the beach while I’m at home upset over HER actions?
So I texted her on Monday (with a firm, but respectful message) when I got home stating that I would not be attending her birthday dinner because she lied to me and that I found it very rude that she excluded me from the rest of her evening.
In response, she told me she was “sorry you feel that way” and then claimed that two of her other friends were the ones who were planning it, so it wasn’t her fault. Then she said she was no longer going to “take her friends up on their present” since my feelings were hurt (which, from my perspective, sounded an awful lot like she was trying to make ME feel guilty).
After I expressed my disappointment that she wasn’t taking accountability for her actions, she had her MOM text me (we are THIRTY, btw) to tell me to stop “attacking” her daughter and say I was ruining their vacation.
So, AITJ for texting her while she was on vacation, or was I justified in doing so?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If it were true that other people had planned something after her dinner, and she was not allowed as the birthday girl to include anyone else (yeah right), she could have just said that. “Yeah actually my two friends have planned a club outing, but the guest list for that is already full, so for everyone else, it would just be the dinner that night!” She’s already lied once, so how are we to trust what she says now?
Honestly, it makes me think that she was trying to bow out of being a bridesmaid by claiming cost and she just didn’t want to go.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“YTJ These two trips were completely unrelated. There may have been contributing factors that you are unaware of.
You could have at least waited until she was back from vacation. How would you feel if the tables were turned? While yes, it probably felt unfair and heartbreaking, there’s a place and time. That was not it.” TheSunAndScooby124
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