People Have A Lot To Deal With In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Clean My Niece's Mess?
“My niece went to the bathroom, and I’m not really good with cleaning kids, and I just don’t like the idea of cleaning someone else’s poop, even my niece’s. She kept crying and whining, cause her tablet was about to die, and that’s really when I started not caring.
About 30 minutes passed of her crying and whining and me trying to convince her to clean herself, cause I don’t want to. I call my sister to see if she’s almost here; she’s not, but she’s out of work, so she asks what’s wrong, and I explain that she had to go and yeah, all of that.
She starts calling me a jerk and going off on me, and I don’t understand why. Then I’m assuming she called our mom, cause she calls me and says that I’m dumb and that she’s gonna “talk to me” when she’s home.
So I’m confused, wondering why everyone’s so mad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ. Make it clear you are not responsible for watching your niece. You don’t agree to babysit and will not be responsible for cleaning up a 5-year-old girl.
Make that 100% clear that she is not your daughter and her care is not your responsibility. Let them know if they leave her with you again, you will call the cops for child abandonment—so they know you are 100% serious. No one, not even you, can be made to babysit against your will.” coloradogrown85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — It’s never acceptable to dump your child on someone without actually making sure that person’s willing to take care of the child. Also, at 5 she should probably be able to wipe herself. If this ever were to happen to you again (I hope it doesn’t, because again, you shouldn’t just be expected to babysit if you’re not willing to do so), give the kid two options: She can either wipe herself or she can take a bath/shower to get clean.
The options will help her not throw a fit, and she’ll get clean one way or the other. And if your mom/sister doesn’t like that she bathed, that’s too bad, since you never agreed to take care of her in the first place!” baddestdoggo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one asked you to watch your niece and just assumed you would keep an eye on her? That makes your sister the total jerk, and she is taking advantage of you living there for free babysitting with no respect to you and your feelings.
Also, your niece should know how to wipe herself by the age of 5, and if she doesn’t then her mother is committing some serious neglect. Not to mention, it would be weird and uncomfortable for a teenage boy to be cleaning a little girl’s bottom that is not a sibling.
I think that everyone overreacted to the situation and that your sister should take away the tablet and start parenting.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive With My Chatty Cousin?
“I (16 f) recently got my learner’s permit. Recently my younger cousin, Emma (5f), was over at my house to visit. My mom asked me if I wanted to drive them to Emma’s house. I said that I would come with them, but I didn’t want to drive.
My mom was confused and asked why I didn’t want to drive. I said that since Emma is quite chatty, I feel like it will distract me while I drive.
My mom said that I need the practice and that eventually I need to drive with distractions in the car (the radio on, people talking, etc.).
I told my mom I’ve only been driving for a couple of months and I am not ready for these types of distractions. My mom got quite mad at me. She decided to drive Emma back to her house without me. When she got home, we basically had the same fight again.
So, AITJ for not wanting to be distracted while driving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to deal with other distractions before having a child in the car. What you could have done is have your mother drive until Emma was dropped off. And then you could drive.
Practice with the radio and an adult in the car before taking responsibility for a child.” 1955photo
Another User Comments:
“Your mom didn’t want to drive and take her home. Period. That’s why she is mad. She should just say that. But because she didn’t want to drive, she made a comment that you need to learn to have distractions.
So when you want to have all your friends in the car she’ll say yes?!!! And the fact you said you don’t want anyone chatty in the car, speaks volumes on your maturity. Your mom tried to convince you to drive and 5-year-old home.
That is crappy.” AriDiamondGold
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you get behind the wheel of a car, you become a captain of that vehicle. Your only concern is protecting the lives of people in that car and on the road. If you even think that someone increases risk, it is not only ok but your obligation to not drive them.” Locksmith91
20. AITJ For Telling My Husband His Health Neglect Is Hurting Our Family?
“My (47f) husband 58, has multiple health issues, uncontrolled t1 diabetes (had it for 50 yrs), amputee, on dialysis for kidney failure, has vascular issues, smokes, has COPD, multiple other issues. He has been told for years, 20+ to start taking control of his diabetes, which is directly leading to everything that is happening to him.
He just got admitted to the hospital with gangrene on his “good” foot and potentially is going to lose it, making him a double amputee. If that happens, it will disrupt our 8-year-old’s life, we may have to move from our current house to a single level, which means moving out of our town, school district, etc.
Am I the jerk for not sugarcoating what he is doing not only to himself but to our kids, grandkids, and family? I tried for years to be understanding and supportive, but he just lets everything go until it about kills him. I am done being nice.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. This is exactly why I watch my blood sugars so closely as a T1 diabetic. Now, even with really close monitoring, blood sugars can go high or low/not be in great control, but from the sound of your post, it appears your husband may have stopped paying attention years ago.
I’m sorry for that. Having a chronic illness sucks, so I am wondering if depression is a possibility here?” JuneTheWonderDog
Another User Comments:
“As a type one diabetic who struggles with controlling my blood sugar: NTJ. Yes, it’s difficult to make yourself maintain your illness, but that doesn’t mean he should give up.
Does he have insurance? If so, try to look into a Dexcom CGM (all he has to do is change the transmitter once every 7 days and it monitors his bg remotely). The new Omnipod 5 links to that and adjusts basal rates automatically as needed from what I’ve heard.
My endocrinologist mentioned that the combo, in some patients who practically neglect their diabetes, has led to an A1C of 8 point something. I think this could be a really good thing for y’all. I wish you luck in this.” Lucalina94
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because he was this way when you married him and had a kid with him.
His health issues are his fault, but you signed up for this knowing that is how he was. Now, even if he does change (doubt it), it won’t undo much of the damage he has done. He didn’t need understanding and support of not taking care of himself; he needed someone who would say, ‘Take care of yourself or I am out.'” holisarcasm
19. AITJ For Not Attending My Father's Funeral To Protect My Mental Health?
“My father was not a nice man and I ended up in foster care because of him.
I cut off my family as an adult and I harbored a lot of anger. Eventually, I had to let go of the anger, and I forgave him; however, I chose not to have a relationship with him.
He recently passed away, and I chose not to attend his funeral for my own mental health.
My family says I’m a jerk for not paying my respects. My sister stopped talking to me, and my family is giving me the cold shoulder. I’m starting to question my decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I didn’t go to my dad’s memorial service. Granted for different reasons, but it’s no one else’s business if you go or not.
I will admit I was not close to my dad, and I visited him about a month before he passed (cancer, so we knew it was coming). I was not in a place where I could handle it mentally. There are times when you have to take care of yourself first.” Ok_Seaworthiness7314
Another User Comments:
“That’s none of their business. NTJ. Stay true to yourself. As long as your actions do not intentionally harm another. You also don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. You don’t have to sacrifice your mental health for anyone’s expectation.” trinkim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actually, no one is obligated to attend any funeral. It should always be the person’s own choice. Google the words “is funeral attendance required”, and you’ll see this point made in many places. It’s completely up to you. Ergo, no one has any right to criticize or obligate.” kittycuteikus
18. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Delay His Family's Arrival Post-Delivery?
“I (f31) am due to give birth in about a month. My partner (m34) is originally from out of province and has a son (from a previous relationship) he hasn’t seen since last summer.
I had asked him privately if he could arrange for their arrival date to be at least a week after giving birth.
He completely disregarded my wishes and threw me under the bus to his mom when she asked when she should book the flight.
I understand he hasn’t seen his son, but as the person who is literally pushing a baby out of my body and asked for a few days to recover and connect with my newborn, I just feel like my feelings don’t seem to matter in this situation.
AITJ ????”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NTJ. NTJ. You’re definitely going to need some time to recover and it’s a perfectly natural and normal request ESPECIALLY since they’re coming in from out of town. It would be one thing if they lived nearby and just wanted to pop over for a few minutes (and maybe bring over some prepared meals), but if there’s a presumption that you’re playing hostess… that’s just no good.” mdkroma
Another User Comments:
“From reading all the comments and replies, there is no winner here. Op wants time to recover and bond which is to be expected. It’s not her first baby so she knows what to expect as does her partner. Partner has only a slotted time off and has a son across the country who’s being escorted by MIL.
They’re coming as a package deal really. So by asking MIL not to come, is in essence not having the son come either at that time. So partner is also missing out on time with his oldest, while off work. Either way you look at it someone’s going to be upset.
OP, her partner and possibly the son. It’s a difficult pickle. No one’s the jerk.” Kqhbabies
Another User Comments:
“Question: Are you having a scheduled C-Section or a natural birth with an ‘estimate’ due date? NTJ. Do not ask, tell – you are delivering a baby, and you will not be accepting visitors until 5-7 days after the delivery for a multitude of reasons, but your health (and baby’s) is a priority.
Is this your first baby? If they keep pushing, you can explain that you are factoring in birthing complications, any health issues, feeding concerns that may need medical intervention (tongue-tied, etc.), and learning to breastfeed, etc. You are healing and trying to bond with your baby, you will not greet any visitors until you are ready.
I hate that I’m adding this (because no means no)…but, if they keep pushing, you can always say that you want your baby to have a stronger immune system and a chance to acclimatize before they have any large exposures (which they will, since family is coming on a flight).
Your husband has not seen their son for a year. A year, if they need to see them he could have brought them over before, flown over before, or made arrangements – while they are probably so excited to see their child, that week will not be a deal breaker after 1 year of absence.
If this was just the son attending, different situation. It’s the MIL attending and OP’s comments about the relationship with MIL. The son had a full year of no access to his father, and now the father is dictating the timeline.” Jaylloyd24
17. AITJ For Asking My Aunt To Pay For A Broken Fish Tank?
“Last holiday season, my parents hosted my mom’s side of the family at our house. My aunt (mom’s sister) and uncle have three sons, all of which can be quite rambunctious and destructive.
At one point they started playing with our pool table in a room where my 50-gallon empty fish tank was set in a corner, completely out of the way. The boys were shoving pool balls across the table with their hands, often partially throwing them.
The youngest (around 9 or 10) ended up throwing one too hard, and the ball bounced and hit the tank, which shattered. I brought this incident to my uncle’s attention, and he said he would pay me back for it.
However, after the event they left without discussing the matter.
So I texted my aunt and told her what happened, including how I told my uncle at the event and was promised compensation for the fish tank. I never got a response; however, my mother received a slew of accusatory messages about her supposedly trying to rip her off.
My mom calmly explained nobody was angry or out for money, but the accident did need to be handled. She continued that her adult daughter (me) was the one she needed to discuss this with, not her. I again reached out to my aunt, letting her know I was the one she should talk to, there was no reason to be angry at my mom, and all I wanted was compensation for the tank.
I attached a link to a website that sold the tank so she could see how much it cost. She again did not respond and sent my mom more angry messages about how she was being manipulated and ripped off, the cost was unreasonable, and she should only have to pay what I paid for it.
I bought the tank secondhand for a much lower price, but such a large fish tank is very expensive new, so replacement costs were much higher than what I paid.
My aunt sent my mom many other nasty messages as well. My uncle had remained calm up to this point, even ordering a new tank from a pet store and emailing us the pickup code, which only made my aunt more furious.
In order to ease the situation and keep my aunt from having something to hold over us, my mom and I told my uncle to return the tank; we wouldn’t accept it. My aunt decided to get mad about us declining too, saying we had ripped her off just to shove it back in her face.
After we declined, my aunt stopped contacting and responding to my mom. At family events and occasions where my grandparents needed help, she ignored my mom and refused to say a word. I have not seen her since the day her son broke the tank.
It has been over a year and the ignoring has persisted. I am getting married this summer, and plan to invite her to show that I was not and am not a petty child and still consider her family, but I highly doubt she will attend.
So, AITJ for asking my aunt for compensation for an expensive fish tank that her son broke?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your aunt for sure sucks the most. It seems like there were several opportunities to resolve this situation that were missed. Initially, you went to your uncle to report the incident, who in turn said he would compensate you for the fish tank.
Then for whatever reason you followed up with your aunt to find out about the compensation. But rather than ask for what you paid for the used tank (that wasn’t even being used) you asked for a much more expensive brand new one. So your aunt gets annoyed and then your uncle tries to resolve the situation by purchasing you a new tank, which you then refused. Now crap is just weird all around.” redd-junkie
Another User Comments:
“Let’s be clear, your aunt is absolutely the jerk here. But I am baffled by some parts of this. “We refused the new one (I initially wanted to keep it) because my mom knows my aunt would have used it as an excuse not to pay for other destruction in the future due to being “ripped off” already.” She wasn’t paying for destruction now.
What makes you think she would pay for any future destruction? “In order to ease the situation and keep my aunt from having something to hold over us, my mom and I told my uncle to return the tank; we wouldn’t accept it. My aunt decided to get mad about us declining too, saying we had ripped her off just to shove it back in her face.” I’d honestly be pretty mad too if someone asked me for something then declined it when it was offered to them.
And she’s still holding it over you, so what did declining accomplish? NTJ.” DetectiveDippyDuck
Another User Comments:
“ESH. They owe you a replacement fish tank, to argue that and make it difficult is a jerk move. They do not owe you a brand new replacement fish tank however, they owe you an equivalent tank to what was destroyed – a used tank of the same value.
But after arguing so bitterly over this, to refuse when your uncle (presumably equally as responsible for his children’s actions) made good and ordered you a new tank, you refused it? You claim you don’t want your aunt holding ‘I was expected to pay for what my cold destroyed’ over your head, but I very much see you holding the exact opposite over her head.” Nrysis
16. AITJ For Calling My Unemployed Artist Friends Privileged?
“A while ago I (30F) befriended two fellow artists also in their 30s through my job.
Andrew comes from a low-income family and lives with his mom in an apartment she owns. He is unemployed and supported by her.
Bianca comes from an upper-middle-class family and lives alone in a house her parents own.
She has never had a job.
I come from a middle-class family that fell into hard times and never recovered. I help them financially when I can.
Andrew and Bianca both did freelance work for my boss and were not contracted again after missing deadlines and refusing to take feedback.
The tension between us started when, through my job, I was given the opportunity to move to America. I am gay, and in my country, gay people don’t have rights, so this was a life-changing opportunity.
Because of how expensive America is, and how much money I spent in the move, I started working extra hard to replenish my savings.
My job offers a base salary plus royalties for every piece I sell, so I am producing more “commercial,” easier-to-sell stuff, with a focus on faster production times.
Both Andrew and Bianca believe art should never be compromised for monetary gain, and they started to be very passive-aggressive when interacting with me.
They would make constant jabs at me, from subtle to straight-up calling me a sellout.
I take a lot of pride in my work. I won’t spend 20 hours on a piece I can only sell for $20 because I can’t afford to, but I still think there’s a lot of heart in what I do.
So I got really annoyed at this.
Then last week they said something like “Eat the rich. Except we would miss you, OP.” I told them I’m not rich; they insisted I am because I live in the US, I own a car, and I have a good job.
I explained that here having a car is a necessity (no public transit) and I worked very hard to get where I am professionally. I told them their constant jabs were hurtful and made it sound like this was something I stumbled into rather than earned. But they kept escalating.
So this is where I might have been the jerk. I told them both that of course they wouldn’t know about compromising their art for money; they’re privileged enough not to have to worry about rent and bills so they can focus on spending endless time on art no one wants to buy.
Now they’re both upset and told me I was cruel. Andrew says I’m a jerk because how dare I call him privileged when he has to share a very small apartment with his mom instead of living by himself and having disposable income.
Bianca says I shamed her for being unemployed. They say you can’t be privileged if you’re unemployed.
They want me to apologize, but I’m standing my ground. I think that while having parents able to support you is a privilege you’re either born with or not, if they want to make money from their art they can, but they need to take feedback and meet deadlines.
They chose not to.
Am I out of line? I don’t want to apologize; am I too angry to see I’m actually the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have friends like this. I was an artist in high school going into college, then I switched careers to finance.
I now do my art on the side for fun and grind hard at a mind-numbing job each day. I’m not friends with those people from HS and college anymore for this same reason. They got mad and called me rich because I could afford to live without handouts from anyone.
These types of people are just leeches to your happiness and will spread jealousy and vitriol at you because they can’t accept that they chose their path and you chose yours. People like that hate seeing others do better than them. Best of luck to you!” Soggy_Dinner_8068
Another User Comments:
“”I told them both that of course they wouldn’t know about compromising their art for money; they’re privileged enough not to have to worry about rent and bills so they can focus on spending endless time on art no one wants to buy.” When they say they won’t ‘compromise their art for money,’ what they are really saying is that they think they are perfect, that they can do no wrong, and that they are completely immune to criticism and feedback.
They are entitled, and they needed to know that. I don’t care how good someone is at art – no one is above instruction, learning, improving, or using constructive feedback to get better. I don’t care if you’re Leonardo Da Vinci. I don’t care if you’re Michelangelo.
And I guarantee you, Bianca and Andrew are not Michelangelo. I sculpt, and I paint. I hate the word “artist” because I have met many other artists over the years who were self-centered in this way, and I can’t associate myself with those kinds of people.
Unfortunately, this attitude that you describe is far too common with many artists. Aside from that, it is not okay to comment on someone else’s financial situation. Even if you were rich, it is not okay for them to make jabs at you having a car and moving to the US.
Andrew and Bianca have a classic case of sour grapes and they need to grow up. NTJ.” ayatollahofdietcola_
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you guys should be talking much about how’s privileged or not. You’re not out of line, but I do want to tell you something about privilege that maybe helps you understand your friends’ point of view… You live in different countries now and depending on where you’re from, some people seem more or less privileged. For example, in my point of vie,w you live in a pretty crappy country with funny comedy presidents and trigger-happy police officers.
For your friends, you’re privileged because the U.S. maybe is doing better than (insert your home country here). But you’re right, having parents that are able to support you is something you’re born with or not. Just keep in mind that to some extent some people are prisoners of their own privilege.
For example, I live together with my parents. They pay rent and I give them something every month (much less than paying rent for myself in the city I live). I have been blessed with the privilege to have such cool parents who don’t kick me out, but on the other hand, there’s the fact that I cannot move out even if I want to.
Because I am so privileged (again) to live in one of the safest and most expensive cities in the world everything got so expensive that I can’t even afford to live alone. I am forced to save money on rent because the other option is moving far away, together with a new, low-paying job and crappy public transport.
So… How privileged am I? Very much, but the price for this privilege is quite a lot of freedom. A deal that was made for me because I didn’t choose where to be born… As you can see… it’s hard to say if someone really is privileged or not.
Every living situation brings pros and cons, sometimes there are more pros, sometimes more cons.” NoName_0169
15. AITJ For Refusing To Clean My Parents' House?
“I (23M Indian-American) am currently doing my PhD and came home for the holidays a week ago. Last week when I came home, it was just my mom (61), and she wanted me to help her clean the house.
I used to do it a lot when I was a kid and in undergrad, but because I don’t come home as much, the mess has gotten worse and I don’t even know when to start. I told her I could do the kitchen, but I needed help.
We worked through only one cupboard before we gave up.
Today, with my dad home, my mom said we both had to clean up the house, and I said I was tired of always coming home and having to clean up their mess. They both got angry and said my sister and I treat the house like a truck stop and we need to take care of it.
I said this wasn’t my mess, and my mom said they should start cleaning out our rooms and throwing everything away. I said our rooms are clean because we are never there, but the mess in the kitchen and living room were not mine.
After he stormed off to the bedroom, my mom and I started cleaning the cupboards again. He had 10 pill bottles for the same couple of medications, and got mad when we started touching them, and said that I should suffer in life to understand his choices and he’s “going to destroy my PhD.” I can’t tell if I’m overreacting and should have just said yes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Dad is. Why can’t he clean up after himself? He sounds really entitled and manipulative. Now he’s threatening your PhD? That is totally out of line. He’ll probably throw your stuff out after you leave, so I’d load my car down with as much of it as I could to take back with you.
He sounds like he’s really spiteful. I don’t expect my grown children to clean my messy house. That’s my job. I don’t understand why your parents believe it’s your job. I don’t see any logic in what they are doing.” SpiritualAd5028
Another User Comments:
“Your folks are getting older.
If the house is too much for them, they may be happier in a smaller space. Or they may need to think about bringing someone in once a week while you and your sister are away at school. It’s no one’s fault, but it’s a challenging time for them.
Aging out and empty nesting is a jerk. They’re reacting more out of fear, ‘How will the children manage?’ And ‘Do they realize how much I can no longer do?’ ‘Will they be able to care for us when we no longer can?’ Have the talk.” MISKINAK2
Another User Comments:
“Maybe stop coming home to a father who would tell you that he would ‘destroy’ your doctorate. I mean, who says that kind of thing? As for your mother, well, I think you did fine offering to help with the kitchen, but you are not a maid service and, you are right, their mess is not your mess.
If you and your sister have the means to hire a cleaning service, perhaps you could plan to hire one next time you are both home, supervise the cleaning, and then tell your parents that they are now responsible for keeping it clean. NTJ.” hadMcDofordinner
14. AITJ For Telling My Mom That Her Bringing Up Old Photos Was Borderline Abusive?
“My sister (20) has been going through dramatic weight loss recently, and we’re all so proud of her. She was extensively bullied as a kid, and it has been hard for her to develop good self-esteem, and as such she hates taking photos or seeing photos of herself.
I got home yesterday, and my sister was trying on a new top when my mom started taking pictures of her. This has always bothered my sister, and she immediately asked my mom to stop. She had to ask repeatedly, and my mom would not stop (it was almost obsessive).
I didn’t say anything, but I witnessed the whole thing. This has happened many times in my presence.
Then, today my sister was in the kitchen just talking about how excited she is to get new clothes and feel confident in them. My mom said she was proud of her and then started pulling up old photos of my sister when she weighed heavier.
My sister did not want to see them, and again, asked repeatedly for her to stop. She was practically begging her. I stepped in and told my mom that her behavior was “borderline abusive” for making my sister so uncomfortable. It struck a serious nerve, and now she’s demanding that I apologize.
Was this too far for me to say? Everyone in the house seemed to think I was at fault here for pushing her buttons, but I said in a very even tone that I might have stepped in where I shouldn’t have.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom’s reaction to being called out just doubles down on the notion that she’s ‘borderline abusive’ because this is how abusive people act. They become majorly victimized when they’re called out and demand that people retract statements like that. A more intuitive person might be open to asking themselves that question.
I’ve asked myself if I’m abusive before after having arguments with my partner, etc. People don’t necessarily have to be narcissists or have mental problems to perform abuse against others. We should always be checking ourselves. Obviously what you said probably has more truth to it than you realize, or she wouldn’t have that reaction.
As she continues to demand an apology, I would simply say, ‘In my opinion, not listening to somebody when they ask you to talk and verbally communicate that they’re uncomfortable, and continuing to perform the action that’s making them feel uncomfortable, is a form of abuse.
You may think whatever you like about yourself, but that’s my opinion about what that behavior amounts to. You can choose to be offended or not offended, but that’s my opinion and I don’t have to feel differently about it just because you disagree.'” Recent_Body_5784
Another User Comments:
“I had a breakdown in my 20s and was put on medications that caused a lot of weight gain. I went to visit my parents out of state shortly after. About two weeks after I got back home, my mother sent very unflattering pictures of me with ‘I never thought I would see the day you got this fat’ written on the back.
They looked like she had made an effort to catch me at bad angles, or wearing clothes that fit improperly. And yes, she knew I had just been hospitalized. That was 30 years ago, and I still feel that hurt. I randomly think about it. It hurts on so many levels: the surface hurt that is related to self-image, and the deeper hurt of questioning a mother’s cruelty and what we’ve done to deserve it.
Your mom is abusive, not sort of or a little bit or borderline. Full on. And your sister wasn’t ‘uncomfortable.’ She was hurt. This kind of abuse hurts beyond what you can see. You’re NTJ.” ImLittleNana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mom isn’t listening to you.
You need to sit down with your mom, apologize for upsetting your mom with your opinion (note: do not apologize for your opinion), and tell her you’re willing to accept you might be mistaken, but you’d like to understand why she is doing what she is doing.
When her daughter says “no, stop”, and she persists, why? Why would she keep doing things that make her own daughter upset and uncomfortable? Doesn’t she want to teach the daughter she is proud of that her boundaries matter, and she has a right to say “stop” or “no, I don’t want to” and have that respected?
See what she says. Either she is just letting pride about her daughter’s transformation overwhelm her common sense, or, she has no boundaries and IS mentally abusive, no “borderline” about it. Please talk to your sister privately and reinforce that it’s normal to have boundaries respected, to be able to say “no, please stop taking pictures” and have that respected, or to say “no, I don’t want to look at that” and have it respected. Tell her that neither you nor she may be able to control your mother, but that you want her to understand healthy boundaries and believe that she has a right to be treated with respect.
Your mother is setting your sister up to normalize and accept boundary-breaking behavior, which could lead to her accepting abusive behavior in relationships.” Constant_Host_3212
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent And Utilities In My Partner’s Apartment?
“I (19F) and my partner (19F) have been together for about a year and a half. About 6 months ago, she moved in with a group of her friends.
For some context, I live about an hour away from my partner, and on the weekends I drive to see her for the weekend and vice versa. I have never stayed in the apartment for longer than 2 days, and I will often do the dishes or help clean around the house to say thank you.
Also, one of her friends decided to move in her partner without asking (well, call her M and call him E).
Now here’s the issue. M and E are about to move out, and E has never paid for rent, groceries, or water/electric, and said that he would pay the total of the last electric bill.
My partner asked M if E could pay the last electric bill as was agreed upon, to which M lost it on my partner and called a “roommate meeting” where everyone in the house meets in the living room to “talk it out.” I happened to be staying for the weekend, and they made me come to this roommate meeting.
I was incredibly confused, so I just went out anyway.
M and E then said that they would not be paying any of the last electric bill, and that if my partner wanted E to pay a portion of the last electric bill, then I needed to pay half of the total rent due on the first and pay half the electric bill.
My partner said that I am here a maximum of 4 days out of the month and that I don’t live here, unlike E. Then they asked me if I would pay, and I said no, as I pay rent at my own apartment where I go to school and I, again, don’t live here.
All the roommates were mad, calling me names and saying that if I didn’t pay, then I could not sleep there. My partner then told all the roommates that because she pays rent here, she also has a say on who stays in the apartment, and that I will be staying.
I may be the jerk because I would not pay them despite staying in the apartment anyway. So am I the jerk for not wanting to pay my partner’s roommates’ rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – E was actually living there, while you only visit 4 days per month.
The people who actually LIVE there are the ones who owe money for rent/utilities etc. The fact that you actually clean up after yourself on the occasions that you visit is a complete bonus. I’m pretty sure it’s time for your partner to find a new living arrangement – either her own place or new roommates.
(I am assuming that there are more roommates than just M involved in this scenario)” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whose names are on the lease? They are the ones responsible for rent. If M and E are on the lease, my partner can talk to the landlord about what’s going on and make M and/or E pay half.
That said, only one name is typically on the utility bill. Is it your partner’s? If so, she may unfortunately have to pay.” Vulpix-Rawr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But. I’m willing to bet those ‘two days’ you’re there are Saturday and Sunday—and that you live at this house, in effect, every other weekend.
That’s certainly not a terrible amount of time, but it is when folks are most likely to be home and want their peace. If you’re using common spaces and amenities, you might chip in. Nevertheless, your partner’s roommates have zero legs to stand on precisely because of the situation with E.
If the entire month is free to him, four days are free to you. End of story.” aemondstareye
12. AITJ For Removing My Flatmate's Moldy Food In The Shared Fridge?
“My flatmates and I are all uni freshers: me (18), Madison (18), Simon (20), Robert (22), and Liam (19) (all fake names by the way). One day, Madison pmed me saying she didn’t like how I talked to her in the flat group chat. I’m a very jokey person, so though I might of gone too far with my sarcasm, I apologised straight away.
She then didn’t reply to my message and didn’t come back to the flat for weeks. I got worried as her life 360 was off too.
Simon messaged the group chat:
Simon: “Yo guys, whose cooker is that?” (picture of a mini rice cooker).
Madison: “Mine, lol.”
Simon: “Inside is only just mould, hahah, okay.”
Liam: “Crazy stuff.”
Madison: “Oh what.”
I gagged when I saw the picture as I remember sitting in the kitchen with her as she cooked that rice. Last month. I took another picture of the rice to send to chat—adding that her avocados also went mould and that I threw them out.
She didn’t reply. The next day, I reminded her to throw the rice away; it was making the kitchen stink. She responded: “Has anyone seen my pot?”
I pmed her twice, reminding her—no reply. I finally caught her at 4 am in the kitchen with her friends.
I apologised again to her in person and reminded her to throw away her rice. She told me it was ok and said she would. (She didn’t—it was there for another few days.) I triple-bagged the rice cooker and left it by the bin, sharing a picture in the chat: “Madison, please throw your rice away.”
Madison: “I’m not even there y’all, and I lost my pan.” (She left to go back home for Christmas break in Thailand.)
Me: “Madison, I told you multiple times to please throw that away. It’s a health hazard.”
Madison: “Bruh, just put it where the vacuum is.”
Me: “No—it’ll heat up and grow more mould.”
Madison: “Nah, there’s a lid.”
Me: “It’ll attract bugs and rats.”
Liam: “I threw that crap in the bin fr. Was nasty.”
When she left for Christmas, she didn’t clean her fridge section.
I threw away food that was going to expire over the holiday, open sauce packets leaking on the shelf, curdled milk, cookies, eggs, and vegetables pooling in water. My flatmates said her side of the SHARED fridge was filthy for weeks. I messaged the chat with what I’d done.
Madison: “K.”
I sent her a video of me clean-up. She complained I was disrespecting her space, claiming the sauces were still fine to eat and expensive. She accused me of nagging and said I shouldn’t touch her side of the fridge area since I don’t use it (I share a mini fridge with Robert).
She also said the sauces were expensive. I kinda feel bad for clearing her stuff out, especially as she was having personal problems in her life and was trying to heal. And I did call her a bad word on the group chat after her “K” responses.
But it was going to expire over the holidays, and as I’m staying in the flat during Christmas, I don’t really want to smell that…
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like you got stuck with someone who has never had to take care of herself in any way, shape or form.
Living in a shared space means respecting the other people who share your space and leaving a mess like that is not respectful of the rest of you. I’d have thrown the rice cooker out, too. If it had just been a regular pan, maybe I’d have tried to clean it, but a rice cooker isn’t a regular pan.
You can’t clean every surface and once you get mould growing in something like that, you can never really clean it out.” squirrell1974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lived in a cottage in college with 2 other girls. The fridge smelled awful. We couldn’t figure out where the smell was coming from.
And my pregnant roommate couldn’t stomach it but didn’t want me touching her stuff. This was May when we were moving out. I basically wasn’t home and neither was the other roommate. The smell was from a container of takeout when she told her family she was pregnant.
That was in February. Heaven forbid you leave crumbs on the counter rushing to class but leaving rotting food in the fridge for months was perfectly acceptable!” twinsoccerx2
Another User Comments:
“I had a roommate who was an absolutely lovely person. We got along fabulously.
When she moved in with me, I found out that our definitions of ‘clean, but a bit messy’ differed. I meant that I kept things clean, but I was prone to leaving things out like books on the tables or mail on the counter. It turned out that she meant she would leave cereal bowls full of milk on end tables just out of sight until there were signs of sentient life.
My roommate was mostly oblivious to this, despite me repeatedly bringing it up. I usually just ended up throwing her crap out when it has fermented a bit too much. I stopped even bringing it up. “What happened to X?” “No idea. Have you checked the living room?” NTJ, just don’t expect it to get better.
I moved in with my SO the next semester and parted amicably with my noxious roommate. I wish you the same.” InfinityAri
11. AITJ For Leaving Dinner Over My Friend Lying About Her Partner's Absence?
“I’ve known my friend for almost 14 years. We met at a baby/mama yoga class, hit it off right away, and our kids have been friends ever since.
Over the years, my friend went through an affair, a divorce, and later got pregnant by the guy she had the affair with. They’ve been together since, but he has never fully committed to her, lives in a different city, and provides minimal financial or parental support for their child.
When I first met him with my husband, we tried to be accepting and build a relationship with him. However, over time, my relationship with him has deteriorated because he treats her poorly, and it breaks my heart to see her go through all the pain he’s causing her.
She constantly complains about how unhappy she is in the relationship, but seems paralyzed and afraid to leave, even though she knows she is in a very unhealthy relationship. I don’t really like him anymore and I’ve expressed these feelings to my friend over and over.
I’ve told her that my husband and I wouldn’t be going on any couple dates with them any longer because we didn’t agree with the way he was treating her.
Last week, my friend invited our family for Sunday dinner and asked us to bring appetizers and dessert.
We were looking forward to spending time together. However, knowing that her partner might be there, I asked her about it. She assured me he wouldn’t be present. But when we arrived, he was standing outside on her porch. She had texted me earlier in the day saying he would be gone by the time we arrived, but then texted again when we were on our way saying he was still there.
I told her we wouldn’t come until he left and returned home. An hour later, her son texted my daughter saying he was gone and that we could come over. But when we got to her house, there he was.
I texted her asking why she lied to me.
She said it was a misunderstanding, not a lie. I told her I didn’t want to interact with him and that it was better for us to leave. She said I was putting her in an uncomfortable position and that she had dropped hints all day that she didn’t want him there.
I reminded her that when she invited us, I made it clear I didn’t want to see him. I told her maybe she shouldn’t have invited us if he was going to be there.
In the end, we left, upset about the whole situation.
But I got even more frustrated when her son texted my daughter saying my friend was crying and that we were being immature. Since then she hasn’t reached out, her mom did to try to justify what had happened, but I still have not heard back from her since Sunday.
So, am I the jerk here, or is she at fault for letting this situation become such a mess? Thanks for the feedback.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I sense that she is not standing firmly behind her boundaries concerning him. If that is the case, he’s getting mixed messages from her and she seems unable or unwilling to stand up for herself.
That is a problem she’ll need to work on if she wants her life to get any better. I think that you should avoid any get-togethers until she has made permanent changes in her relationship with him, if you truly feel you can’t be around him or be supportive of their volatile bond.
Playing messaging phone tag games, trying to determine if he is there, still there, gone, left the premises, involving the kids is not a healthy thing to do. She seems to still be on the fence about her relationship with him. When children are involved, that makes it all the more difficult.
You can still let her know that you will always care about HER well-being, but can’t be around him in good conscience. Hopefully, she’ll find the strength to get him out of her life for good at some point, soon.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can choose who you spend time with. Your friend knows how you feel but can’t manage the courage to tell him she doesn’t want him here when you are around. It’s probably a power play by him, knowing you don’t like him so he’s being intentionally rude by staying to show you up in some egotistical way.
She needs a wake-up call and maybe by you doing this, it might help in that way. Another question though. Why would you be friends with an unfaithful person? A former friend of ours was unfaithful to their husband, who I grew up with, and my wife and I are totally against it.
While we have been civil the few times we see her, due to some other friends still being friendly with her (like you), we have never returned to the level of friendship we had with her before and would not go out with her or to dinner at her place, etc…
Personally, I think she’s experiencing Karma through her partner’s sucky behavior for being unfaithful to her ex.” Vyckerz
Another User Comments:
“Maybe an unintentional jerk. Whew, I apologize for the length. This one really got to me, possibly because it’s similar to a situation I had long ago, and I’m hoping you do better than I did.
You and your husband don’t like how the SO treats your friend. Fair enough. You’ve told your friend exactly how you feel about her SO. Good! (“Over and over” is not-so-good. You moved from sharing an honest opinion to insisting your friend hear you and do as you think she should.) People caught in bad relationships have to come to their own conclusions.
Giving her the right answer won’t sustain her through the aftermath of a breakup. That kind of strength has to come from deep inside her through what she’s seen, understands, and knows about him, herself, and the abuse.
I understand your need to step back some, like not planning many dinners out with him there or limiting how long you’ll stay during a visit.
But it’s like you’ve set a boundary over who your friend can have in her life and house. You’ve set up an ultimatum concerning her home—him or you. She’s made serious mistakes. Life & natural consequences are being very hard on her.
Her SO knows what’s going on with you and your husband, so you’re giving him solid reasons/ammunition to be more of a jerk to your friend or you’re giving him cause to blame your hatred of him as the reason why he’s done with your friend.
What happens if your pressure wins? Your friend is suddenly thrilled and feels supported and loved by you? Or she’s deeply hurt and resents your contribution to the breakup? Then he’s gone and you’re gone. While being a truly loyal friend, have you unknowingly slipped into the role of a nagging, demanding mom who, out of love for her daughter, is fed up with her poor, self-sabotaging choices?
If so, know that neither one wins in that dynamic. Mom gets booted out. Daughter is more isolated than ever. Jerk has even more control. I think your heart is in the right place and you want to make a bold statement about the jerk, but maybe reconsider how your friend needs you to show up for her and her children.” Acadia-183
10. AITJ For Secretly Giving My Teen A Cell Phone Against His Mother's Wishes?
“I (54M) have 3 grown children and one teenager, Kyle (15M). With my 3 kids out of the house (26F, 20M, and 18F), Kyle has been feeling lonelier than ever. He has lots of friends at school, but he enjoys spending time with his siblings more, especially 20M.
Now, Kyle didn’t have a phone yet and he has been expressing how he’s tired of being the odd one out of his friend group and how much he hates being the only one without a cellphone. He also has said he hates not being able to have easy access to communicate with his older brothers and sisters and his friends.
My kids have all had cell phones when they were 13 mainly because they had after-school activities. However, my wife was strongly against Kyle having his own cellphone at that age so it was brought up again last year when he started high school. Well, my wife shut that down and was visibly upset and told me not to bring it up again.
I tried to reason with her but she wasn’t budging and she said her “only baby” shouldn’t have a phone.
One thing about me and my wife is that we believe decisions such as when our kids should have cellphones is something that should be mutual so I respected my wife’s wish at the time.
However, I feel like my wife was just being unreasonable and wasn’t giving me real reasons as to why our teenage son couldn’t have a phone. Now that he’s in 10th grade, Kyle has been feeling more upset than ever because he still doesn’t have a phone.
So sometime last month, Kyle has begged me to just get him a phone but I said that his mom doesn’t agree and he said that she was being unfair and it’s been hard for him to get ahold of us whenever he needs to be picked up at school, the gym, etc. I agreed and said I’ll get him a phone only if he doesn’t tell his mother and can keep it a secret.
He agreed. He got the phone and was very, very happy. It’s been easy for me to contact him (I mainly drop him off and pick him up from school) and he’s been a lot happier.
Somehow this weekend (after keeping the phone a secret for a month), my wife found out and went ballistic.
She screamed at me, told me I “betrayed” her and how dare I give our son a phone when he could easily do “bad things” on there. Whatever that meant. I told my wife she was being unrealistic and hasn’t been giving me proper reasons as to why Kyle shouldn’t have a phone.
She tried to confiscate Kyle’s phone but I told her since I paid for the phone, she doesn’t have a say. My wife said she’s told me many, many times not to buy our son the phone and said she felt like I betrayed our mutual agreement.
She is still very furious with me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. A tenth grader definitely needs a cell phone nowadays for easy communication when they leave the house. Though I am curious…. Is there more going on here with Kyle and your wife?
I find it strange the other kids had cell phones at 13 but not him. Has he done shady things on the internet before (per the “bad things” comment)? Is Kyle her kid and the others aren’t? Is it just because he’s the youngest?
I’m just not understanding the specific lack of trust she has with him compared to the others. As to why you’re the jerk, specifically. You not only undermined a mutual agreement (which you may or may not have been right to do so) but also made your child keep secrets from another parent.
How on Earth did you think that was going to go? You definitely should have just gotten him the phone without sneaking around and being a coward about it. You may have done a good thing for him, but you didn’t set a great example either.” Full_Pace7666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Only because you tried to reason with her first. It’s 2025. Not being able to communicate with your teenagers isn’t normal. Making him stand out and probably ridiculed because he is the only person without a phone. Isolating him from his siblings.
That’s not healthy. Your wife being cray cray about it will only make things worse. He won’t trust, start to resent, and hide stupid from you because you are showing him you don’t trust him. He will see bad things. Please, teenage boys were able to get their hands on way before smartphones were invented. Normally I wouldn’t condone going behind your partner’s back but you tried to reason with her multiple times.
You can’t keep cell phones away forever. Instead, treat them like something normal even though everyone uses them. How about teaching him? Giving him time limits, putting parental controls, teaching him about social media? What to share, what not to share? Teaching him not to believe in all the stupid they see?
It’s like those super controlled kids that leave for university at 18 and lose it because they never had any form of freedom before and overdo everything.” Otherwise_Degree_729
Another User Comments:
“What the heck is wrong with your wife??? There’s clearly something going on here.
All the kids got to have cell phones at 13. Now the last one is 15 and doesn’t get the tablet he got as a Christmas gift, doesn’t get the chrome book he was given at school, and doesn’t get a cell phone like all his other siblings got several years younger than his age.
If you’re trying to build resentment you’re doing an excellent job. But something is really wrong with your wife, and something is really wrong with you for enabling it this long, letting your kid become ostracized, being aware of his suffering, and seeing the disparity yet doing nothing about it.
I’m not a parent that appreciates electronics. They’re very limited with my own kid. And even still I can see how wrong this is on so many levels and I hurt for your son and all I want is for him to become 18 so he can leave your house.
I’m sure that’s all he wants too. Don’t expect him to feel like you’re the kind of parents he can confide in. In fact, I don’t think he’ll ever look at your wife the same. I think his relationship with his mother sounds permanently damaged. Y’all are failing him and singling him out.
How stupid it must be to grow up seeing all his siblings have freedoms and luxuries he’ll never have. 18 can’t come soon enough for that dude.” Reddit User
9. AITJ For Keeping My Home A Safe Space And Refusing A Jealous Ex Access When It Endangers My Health?
“I told my roommate that I was going to call the cops on his friend if she didn’t leave our house immediately despite her seeking refuge from her abusive partner.
Previously the two of them had attempted to go out, and she is jealous of me (I am married to someone else) and this has prompted her to scream at him multiple times within my earshot.
This made them break up since the yelling was so consistent, often, and triggering.
I have forbidden her from coming into my home in the past because this screaming has happened in my home, and it resulted in me having a shaking stress reaction.
A week ago I had a botched medical procedure that has resulted in me newly developing repeated seizures that get worse with stress, and I just got discharged from the hospital this morning.
Today she came over begging him to come inside, saying that her partner is abusing her and that she doesn’t have anyone to go to. I told him absolutely not; he let her in anyway.
The way I see it, if she hadn’t burned every single bridge she ever crossed by being a huge jerk, then she would have a ton of people to go to since she grew up in this town.
It’s not his problem to take care of her, nor is it mine. She’s a grown adult, and even then, her parents and grandparents live in this town.
Upon knowing that she entered my home, it prompted me to have a partial seizure. I told him if he didn’t make her leave immediately, I would call the police and they would remove her forcibly.
He complied.
I feel terrible, but I also feel like I had to stand up for myself to keep my home a safe space for myself.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Frankly, this seems sus to me because if you had a botched medical procedure that resulted in seizures, I’m doubting them letting you out of the hospital in only a week.
Heck, my husband is on blood thinners, and getting him out of the hospital before his INR is therapeutic can take a week on its own, much less any recovery from what he was admitted for. And that’s for something he’s been self-managing just fine for over 5 years.
If true, then NTJ for not allowing someone who is disruptive to the household to stay there for any reason.” RhyssaFireheart
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Why are you not angrier at your roommate? He is the one responsible for all of this. He brought her into your home and clashed openly and loudly when they were romancing.
He brought her in when you were released from the hospital and vulnerable – despite your telling him not to. For all you know, he had her in your home while you were in the hospital. Your anger should be directed, with laser focus, at the offender: your roommate.
I find it curious that you are only disturbed by this woman instead.” Avlonnic2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Remember the whole “vampires can’t come in your house unless you invite them in?” Don’t let anyone invite this vampire, you deserve not to be sucked dry.
1. She abused your friend (screaming at him), and you have every right not to have that in your home, even when you were relatively healthy 2. Now that you’re less healthy, you can use that as an excuse to your roommate, but you don’t need it to justify not letting her come in.
It’s your house, your safe space, you don’t have to let an abuser in. 3. If her SO is abusive, where do you think he’s going to come look? Your house would be high on the list, if she’s telling the truth then she is safer somewhere else.
4. Again, she’s abusive (screaming at your friend). That means she’s probably NOT telling the truth. Most likely, she’s lying about her current bf being abusive, DARVO’ing the situation. He’s probably just kicked her out because he’s not willing to take the abuse anymore, and she’s looking for an easier target.
Tell your roommate this, especially if there are any other lying/manipulation stories you can use to remind him. She has not changed. 5. Consider reading/sharing with your roommate “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. It’s focused on male abusers because that’s who gets caught and prosecuted, but when I read it, it applied really well for women abusers too.” Infinite-Cat-Peep
8. AITJ For Forcing My 7-Year-Old To Clean The Bathroom By Limiting His Options?
“I have a wife, two kids, and two bathrooms. My wife only uses the toilet upstairs, and everybody else uses both of them, but the majority of the time, the first-floor bathroom is the primary.
I clean the bathrooms, including the toilets, and my wife does not. I’m okay with that, but I know I’m not making a mess or missing, and I don’t think my wife is missing either, so it’s gotta be the kids, mainly my younger son.
He is almost 7 and has been using the bathroom long enough to have better aim. I want him to clean it this time so he can learn to not be gross. My wife doesn’t want them cleaning the bathroom because she thinks he’s too young to do that, but she also doesn’t use the more common toilet to see how dirty it can get.
I said I would clean both of the toilets again this time, but the kids can only use the bathroom my wife uses and can’t use the other one. In my head, this will help with cleaning in the future, and my wife will hopefully agree that the kids need to clean up their mess.
Just a side note, we’re not gross. I clean pretty regularly, and my son actually loves cleaning. He’s just pretty short and rushes to the bathroom sometimes and pees on the seat sometimes. It’s not like they’re pooping on the floor.
I’m just picky about how clean things need to be.”
Another User Comments:
“I raised 3 boys, 2 stepsons, & often my 2 nephews. Built a house with 2 bathrooms and designated one as adults only. There was grumbling, but oh well. Decades later, my grandsons started coming to visit (in a different house) and after sitting in their pee on the toilet seat, I remembered why I hated sharing a bathroom with little boys.
Also, the smell gets bad after they’ve peed on the floor near the toilet enough times, and cleaning to eliminate that is challenging. Don’t care if I was the jerk, nor do I think you are. NTJ.” kuluvalley
Another User Comments:
“Logical consequence, sit down or aim better.
If child doesn’t aim, child gets a lesson in cleaning the entire bathroom as a consequence. Then, when child is in bed, you disinfect again if you are worried about germs. Children are more capable than most people imagine; it just takes time and effort to teach children.
Though children hate cleaning, they will appreciate knowing how to clean, cook, do laundry, etc., when they move out. FYI, my children were cleaning bathrooms, doing dishes, fixing simple meals, and laundering their own bedding by grade 1. It’s not perfect, but they were learning.
Teach your children now.” Slightlysanemomof5
Another User Comments:
“7 is plenty old enough to learn how to wipe a seat. My kids clean anywhere they leave excessive messes. My daughter was an extremely messy eater. She then cleaned the table after eating. They liked to dump things in the hall after school.
They cleaned the hall daily until it became a habit for them to put their items away. My son cleaned the toilet for about a year. He never leaves a mess now because he knows I’ll add toilets back onto his chore list. Get a container of Lysol wipes and teach him to clean the toilet.
He doesn’t need to do a deep clean with a scrubber. Just learn to wipe the seat, lid, bowl, etc. He should learn anyway. My daughter cleans the toilets now. Not because she made a mess but simply because she should know how. There are some chores we give our kids to teach them how to care for a house and have good habits.
There are others we give them because I am not their maid.” Plucky_plants
7. AITJ For Hiding My Sponge To Prevent Cat Bowl Contamination?
“My roommate’s partner (who does not pay rent, or utilities, or anything) has a cat that lives in our apartment with us. She feeds him wet and dry food. The wet food sits there for days on end and dries up because the cat doesn’t eat it all.
She doesn’t want to give him less food than she does because she “doesn’t want to starve him.” There are countless flies around his bowl because of this. While I was cooking dinner tonight, she took his wet cat food bowl and put it in the sink I was using (I was cleaning as I was cooking).
I said, “Why would you put that in the sink I’m using?” and she said, “I want to let it soak,” so I moved it to the kitchen counter to “let it soak.”
She said, “I don’t want it to soak there.”
I said, “Well, it’s not going in the sink.”
About 3 minutes later, she starts to scrub the bowl clean, and I look over and see she is using the scrub daddy that I use to clean my dishes on her dried wet cat food bowl.
I said, “Why are you using the scrub daddy on that bowl?!?!?” and she replied, “Because I need to clean it.” And we went back and forth about how that’s DISGUSTING, and she said it wasn’t.
She said it’s just food, it’s the same as me cleaning my dishes with it. I told her I’m throwing the sponge away and buying a new one, and if she does that again, I’m hiding the sponge from her. She told me she’d continue to do it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That is GROSS!!!! Cats carry a LOT of bacteria in their mouths, which is why cat bites are much more dangerous and harder to treat than dog bites. All that bacteria is in the cat’s saliva, which is deposited on the food.
One should NEVER use the regular human sponges to clean a cat dish! Cats won’t starve. If the cat doesn’t eat all the wet food, empty it out. Leave some dry food in the dish if the cat gets hungry. When cleaning the bowl, either get the cat his own sponge for cleaning, or use paper towels.
Beyond unsanitary to do what she is doing! YUCK.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her leaving the food there for DAYS is disgusting!! You say there are flies and I know from experience they lay their eggs on cat meat (any food really) and before you know it, the food is crawling with maggots!
This can happen extremely quickly (some maggots hatch within hours of laying) and can make an animal extremely sick if they eat that food, not to mention it smells really bad!! She needs to be a responsible pet owner and clean that bowl that she puts wet food in DAILY minimum!
And throw away food not eaten immediately in summer/warm weather or within a few hours in normal/cold conditions. This is basic hygiene and she’s clearly not doing that which borders on animal cruelty/neglect. But to then clean those bowls with objects humans eat off or using objects used to clean plates etc is DISGUSTING and extremely unsanitary, especially if that food is days old or maggot or fly egg infested and can make you all sick.
Fly eggs are extremely small and can easily stick to sponges etc. She’s basically spreading bacteria all around your eating utensils etc and that is so unhygienic and gross, that it’s making me nauseated just thinking about it! You are NTJ for this at all, she is a big jerk for neglecting her cat like that and for being so unsanitary.
Ewwwww!” where_the_crow_flies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. A bunch of stuff to unpack. The main one being that if you’re using proper cleaning agents it probably doesn’t matter too much which sponge you use, but most people suck at cleaning stuff.
I know too many people who think giving something a wipe-down with (or without) soap in cold or tepid water is enough. Or who will give a mug a quick wipe out with a (dirty) sponge and let it dry, like that did anything. I’d want a separate sponge too.
Guarantee if she’s using the Scrub-Daddy for it, there’s rotten cat food on that sponge. The cat dish will need to be cleaned in a sink, but not with the human food stuff. In my household, we generally spray it out in the sink and then put it in the dishwasher (with everything else) to finish the job, but if we didn’t have the dishwasher it’d have its own sponge and be wholly cleaned separately.
As for the underlying problem. She’s serving too much food at a time. The cat’s not eating it all because beyond the first day, it’s rotting and cats aren’t very inclined to eat meat that isn’t fresh. She should definitely be changing the cat’s food every day, regardless of whether the cat eats it all.
What she’s basically doing is teaching the cat that there is rotten food in this place, and it’s not a healthy place to eat even when there isn’t. Cat will come to associate the feeding spot with rot, and will likely starve itself most of the time rather than investigate to see if anything is edible.
If the cat isn’t eating it all, she needs to be serving less of it to avoid wastage. If the cat is then licking the bowl clean, maybe add a little more to be sure the cat is getting enough.” Ruadhan2300
6. AITJ For Letting My Younger Sister Obsess Over A Coming Soon Page?
“My (19) little sister (12) already read 10 novels by her favorite author and often clasps a hand to her chest and swoons about how they are ‘so romantic.’ She also asks me when I return from the bookshops if she’s released any new books.
I found the author’s official site and showed my sister the ‘Coming Soon’ section that states that the author does not have any new books scheduled for publication, but is hard at work.
Now my sister frequently checks the site and our mom chides me for it, blaming me for not thinking of the consequences and saying it’s my fault my sister now spends more time glued to her screen.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh my god, she regularly checks the website of her favorite author to see if there’s any news — tHe hOrROr! How scandalous! How detrimental to… to… nothing. I don’t see the “problem” here. You, in fact, empowered your sister to be able to figure out for herself if there is anything new coming from her fave author in lieu of constantly asking you.
Does this author have a mailing list? That would also be a handy way for your sis to stay on top of this author’s happenings.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a good parenting moment that Mom is missing. Teaching young people that, even when very excited, control of yourself is necessary.
She should check the website once a day at most. There may even be a mailing address for updates for her so she doesn’t need to actively check at all. I am confused though at “glued to her screen” – what is she doing? Sitting staring at a never changing ‘coming soon’ page online for hours?” MeltedWellie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would consider a cheeky email to the author saying, “If you are seeing an increase in traffic from (area) don’t be alarmed. It’s just my sister waiting for your next book. She is a massive fan and can’t wait. Thanks for giving her something to look forward to on top of the hours of joy she has had from reading your books.” If you get a reply (which honestly may be a long shot), next gift you plan on getting her sorted.” AforAuPair
5. AITJ For Cutting Off My Controlling Parents And Protecting My Child?
“I 19(F) and my fiance 19(M) are having our first child in May. My parents are incredibly strict and controlling. After they found out I was pregnant (they are EXTREMELY religious), they immediately hit the fan. All the arguments and fights resumed. And then, they said that even though I pay rent and car insurance and my phone bill, I’m not allowed to take my phone anywhere unless I’m working, I have to make it to church on time or I get a fine.
My mom feels entitled to babysit but demands I pay her. Even though I have babysat their 9 other children with no payment, being told it was my duty. They are going completely off the deep end and I’m in a situation. I told them I will be leaving; they will not have access to my child.
And now my whole family has turned on me and my fiance. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your NTJ but please get some more information on the programs they have cause you’re gonna need assistance. You’re pretty young having a baby but it’s been done many times before, so just keep your wits about you and start saving money for your own place.
And get some legal advice on how to make sure your parents don’t have any access to your child until you’re ready. Good luck.” santanapoptarts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is time for you to leave that place. Get out. Don’t walk, run. They are using manipulation tactics to try to put you in a financial bind so they can control what you can do, and the phone is their way of trying to cut your access to outside help and to keep you isolated while at home.” TheOnlyKirby90210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are trying to take your money in order to not let you be able to have savings, making it harder for you to leave that toxic environment. Advice: If you are planning to get your own place, don’t give your new address to your parents or anyone who could give it to your parents.
Advice 2: If you don’t have a contract, don’t pay them the last month of rent. What are they going to do? Kick you out?” Patient_Comparison71
4. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Coworker An Out-Of-My-Way Ride?
“The past two weeks I’ve been dropping my coworker at his house after work, and he’d intentionally make me stay by doing something together so he can ensure his ride back home. Mind you that the direction of his house would make me go back from a totally different road that I originally go to when I’m not dropping him, but I still chose to do it cause I knew how it feels to not have a car but he’s just pushing it at this point.
He asked me yesterday if I can drop him off and said “Sorry man but it’s in the opposite direction of my house’s road” and he hasn’t talked to me today all day long lmfao. It’s just not my responsibility to drop him and I was being nice in the beginning since I’m new at the company.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re never required to give someone a ride, and while there’s a little bit of a disconnect here, where you were doing it because you were new (to make a connection, to impress a coworker?), realizing that it’s not working for you is fine.
You were doing it, in practice it’s not working out, sorry, but the rides are over. It’s especially galling if he’s making you wait after you are done. It’s not only valid, but necessary to stand up for yourself here, or else he’ll continue to take advantage.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes the price of doing a kind favor is that the person expects you’ll continue doing the favor. And of course he glommed onto the new person because when you’re new, you might want to be extra nice to your co-workers.
By the second day, he should have been offering money for tolls or fuel. Oh well, there’s always ride-sharing services to get him home.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were being generous by giving your coworker rides, but it sounds like he’s taking advantage of your kindness by expecting it regularly and even planning activities to ensure his lift. Going out of your way is not your responsibility, and you’re allowed to set boundaries when it starts to inconvenience you.
A simple ride once in a while as a favor is one thing, but it’s understandable that you don’t want to make it a daily obligation, especially when it’s out of your way. He’s probably upset because he got used to the convenience, but that doesn’t make you wrong for putting your needs first.” lucyflooa
3. AITJ For Not Watering My Wife's Neglected Plants During Her Vacation?
“My (42M) wife (41F) and I have been married 3 years.
My wife has many good qualities, but she is quite disorganized and more than a little lazy. She ‘loves’ gardening, but I think it’s more that she likes the idea of gardening because she is terrible at it; she is the Saddam Hussein of plants.
She not only has a poor idea of how to garden (what plants need what kind of care, etc.) but mostly because she is so lazy, her plants die from neglect.
The amount of care needed to keep her plants alive is probably no more than 5–10 mins a day, but she can’t even manage that.
Her position is that it makes her happy and it doesn’t really affect me, so what do I care? And my position is that it’s slightly psychopathic to claim to love plants but not put in even a very modest amount of effort to keep said plants alive.
It doesn’t make sense to me.
Our compromise on this is that we just agree to disagree. I turn a blind eye to her wanton plant torture/murder so long as I don’t have to participate, and she goes on happily throttling Mother Nature to death in the backyard.
Our problem is that my wife is going on vacation for 3 weeks and now wants me to water her plants. I can do this very easily (so could anyone), but I have a moral objection: I don’t want to be involved in her cottage industry of death.
To me, I’ll be participating in keeping these tortured souls alive, maybe even giving them hope of a better life, only to have it dashed when she returns in 3 weeks to resume her reign of terror.
My wife is claiming I’m being dramatic (I am), but I don’t think I’m wrong, so we’ve decided to ask here and will abide by the crowd’s decision.
AITJ for not wanting to water her plants?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH. I’m a gardener and can assure you, we don’t all get it right. Especially in the beginning. Today’s emphasis on “popular plants” likewise can be troublesome, as our home environments don’t always provide the best home for some of these plants.
Your wife knows she’s struggling with her hobby. She needs tools, not condemnation. The holidays are coming up – this can be a good time to buy these – hygrometer, light meter app for her phone, plant care app, etc. 5 minutes a day is a misnomer.
Depending on the plants and the type, they may need weekly watering – I generally recommend scheduling a 20-30 minute “plant care” time to go water, check on their health, etc. Is your wife lazy or does she have executive dysfunction and struggle with ADHD, etc?
Has she taken classes in plant care? Downloaded plant care apps?
Now, that said – to the wife. What kind of plants are you getting? Are they the ones that should thrive in your home? If not, switch that out – get hardy plants that can survive in your home environment – snake plants, pothos, bamboo, etc. Set phone alarms to remind you to water, fertilize, etc. Look online for great gardening tutors, local classes, etc.” NoeTellusom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. All these people claiming this is so funny must also dislike their partners because that’s all I get from this—you think she’s lazy, you don’t agree with something that has freak all to do with you in the most dramatic way, it costs you minutes (if that) to do one small nice thing (which very likely could put a stop to the thing you hate, btw) that would make her happy and yet this is the stand you want to make.
Let us know how that works out for you. Seriously. I’m a gardener and nearly all of us killed a load of plants in our early days and many of us still do. It’s not that deep, but what is messed up is this ridiculous stance of being cruel to your partner for no reason.
I hope you don’t need her help in the future.” RuthlessBenedict
Another User Comments:
“Hey man. My wife started raspberry bushes in the backyard. I told her, ‘Do whatever you want,’ but I don’t want to be involved with maintenance. I already take care of our idiot cats and we have a kid, and the nature of my job means I have the flexibility to do most of the housework.
So I didn’t want anything added to my plate. You know what I do in the summer when she goes on work trips? Water the dang plants. Because she asked me to. I don’t touch them when she’s here, but if she shoots me a text, ‘Hey, do you mind spraying the bushes?’ I do it.
I’m gonna call you NTJ, because it is stupid that your wife won’t water them when she’s here but wants you to water them now. But like, they’re plants, my guy. Just water them for your wife.” stmarystmike
2. AITJ For Insisting On Boundaries In My Own Home Against Unruly Kids?
“31f married to my husband, 35m. Together 10.5 years. We have no kids and live in our house with our elderly dog.
We are both from a small city and a few years ago decided to move to a bigger city nearby.
In recent years, close friends and family have started families and ask to come stay with us when in the big city, with their small kids.
Our house isn’t really kid-friendly. I child-proof as best as I can to make it safe for guests. I prepare toys, snacks, Disney+, and make it a friendly place. I generally enjoy spending time with the kids in my life.
My husband’s sister’s youngest son (5) has severe behavioral issues.
He’s been kicked out of 3 daycares and has been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. My SIL comes over for days-long visits with her 3 kids, and he is a huge challenge. He knocks furniture over, throws things around, and he’s broken several of my items. He snoops in every single room constantly.
He opens every drawer and cupboard to pull things out. SIL ignores it, and I’m the one chasing him around trying to stop him. I am so uncomfortable having my personal spaces invaded.
I once found him snooping in our bedroom. He grabbed something very inappropriate from a drawer and was about to run into the main room with it when I grabbed it.
I’m the only adult trying to stop him. My husband and SIL do and say nothing. I tried setting boundaries for rooms that are off-limits for my most personal items, but they were ignored.
As well, my husband’s best friends have a 4-year-old boy who is very disrespectful in our house.
He insults us, screams at my dog, snoops around, wipes his nose on couch pillows, and his parents don’t do a thing. I don’t expect perfect behavior; I just want decent manners and respect in my home.
Now, whenever these specific people ask to come stay with us, I’m filled with anxiety and dread.
During SIL’s most recent visit, my husband allowed his nephew into an off-limits room, and he broke a little Lego item that my friend’s kid made for me. Afterward, I told him how I felt about it and that I was struggling with my discomfort.
He was offended. He said, “Every time kids come over, you have a complaint; kids will be kids; you need to lighten up.” He also said I’m overreacting about the Lego and it wasn’t a big deal. I said the point is that a boundary of mine had been ignored and an item was broken, again.
I explained I have no problems with kids if they can behave. I mentioned the incident of my nephew handling a bedroom item. My husband said that I shouldn’t let it bother me and to try to find it funny instead.
I know a big part of his defensive reaction is because SIL’s family is the only real family he has.
I understand that he’s trying to just have a good time with them in his home without negativity.
I want to mention I’ve always conveyed my concerns to him in a respectful and mature way. I still wonder if I’m actually the jerk here and maybe I’m being too negative when my husband is just trying to enjoy time with what little family he has left.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and not negative enough. You’re acting like, and he’s treating you as, a doormat. The rules for somebody staying over should be two yes or one no. This is your home, not a hotel. You’re entitled to a peaceful home and a husband who cares more about you than other family and friends.
You still wouldn’t be the jerk if you decided that any children coming over was too many. Let him visit SIL in her home.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I wouldn’t want poorly parented children in my home, either. I have one friend who we never invite over anymore because one of the kids is so poorly behaved and they check out whenever someone is hosting them, meaning we would have to constantly corral their kids while they sit around doing nothing.
Your husband is being a jerk for dismissing your concerns and not caring that reasonable boundaries are being broken. I can only wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed and the bad children belonged to friends or relatives of YOURS and it was HIS stuff getting broken.” HandBananasRevenge
Another User Comments:
“No. NTJ. They’re breaking things and getting into your nightstand (I assume); that’s not something that should be able to happen without a parent on their butt apologizing profusely. If your husband refuses to listen, start locking away things you don’t want broken, lock rooms the kids have no reason to be in, and be clear that your husband will need to clean up after his family, as well as replace the things they break.
You can love children and still expect their parents to actually keep parent.” dryadduinath
1. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Dad For Messing Up The Christmas Grocery List?
“I (18F) do all the shopping in the house. It’s been my job since I was like 12. My dad hates going shopping, so I never ask him. For Christmas, I am cooking. I had a very specific grocery list because I’m making things that I haven’t made before.
My parents didn’t let me go shopping yesterday, so I had to go today. My dad said he would grab certain things to help me out, and I said okay. I gave him a list. I really needed chicken thighs and blocks of cheese.
He came home with ground chicken and only mozzarella cheese that’s pre-shredded.
I told my mom about it because this isn’t the first time he’s done this, and it’s made me upset. She got mad at me for being upset with him because we never ask him for anything.
I have asked him multiple times to get things for me, and he either gets the wrong thing, doesn’t get anything I need, or complains.
For example, I wanted to go shopping before my wisdom tooth removal. I had a list of things with pictures because he said he could grab them, and certain brands make me sick.
He got some things on the list and said everything else was not necessary. He went with my money, and said that.
Now my mom’s upset with me because she is in debt from always buying stuff for the house. But the whole reason that’s happened is because of my dad’s weaponized incompetence.
So am I the jerk for being mad at my dad and telling my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been doing the grocery shopping since you were 12?! While this isn’t a bad skill, why aren’t your parents involved? Why is your mom allowing your dad to be completely incompetent in this?
You gave him your money, and did he even give any back? You’d be better off getting an insta cart shopper at this point or doing a curbside pickup. Make some crap meal, and when asked just say it’s what Dad got, despite the very detailed list he was given.” AddressPowerful516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and the only way for you to actually solve your problem is to kick up a big fuss and get both your parents to get mad, plus feel shame. Your dad for being a lazy jerk and your mom for being an enabler.
Your parents are banking on this blowing over so they can continue coasting by to make you do the work.” MassivePlatypuss69
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You all know that there are a lot of grocery stores that do the shopping for you. All you have to do is drive up and pick it up, right?
I know Walmart and several other bigger stores offer that service. Heck, a lot of them do delivery as well. If you believe that your father is weaponizing incompetence (which is a phrase I absolutely hate), then there is a clear workaround for that situation.
If you need specific items, then you order them online, pay, and all he has to do is pick them up.” AwaySecret6609
