People Lose Their Temper In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Rejecting My Stepfamily's Attempts To Force Their Religion On Me?
“My step-family is Christian. They believe in one god and that he has control over you. It started when Jane (63F) believed her father sent her a message after she beat cancer.
And soon, she got her whole family involved.
My mom (42F) doesn’t believe in Christianity. She believes in a place called the Void, where the dead go to be sent to their religious dimension. Christians get sent to heaven, atheists get sent to wherever, and so on.
I also believe in this. My side of the family believes in this.
So when my parents got married, I was forced into Christianity and I hated it. I soon stopped it and went on with my life. Jane got upset and said I was a child of satan.
Like, no. My stepmom didn’t care because she hates her family. As I grew up, Jane and her husband, Bruce, always tried to put me back into Christianity and make me “a child of god”. I don’t hate the religion and I respect all, but to be forced into it is another thing.
Jane and Bruce now hate me and I feel like I ruined my relationship with my stepfamily. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ruin anything, they did. They are choosing to insult you. They are choosing to alienate you. They are choosing to be closed-minded & intolerant.
Them, not you. I’d double down & start dressing goth just for fun.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ruin that relationship. They did by not accepting your autonomy. They’re trying to force their religion on you and it’s not fair or right.
And your step-mom isn’t bothered by any strain in the relationship with her family it seems, so I’d let it go. In the end, family is what you make of it, and it’s dictated by much more than a blood relation or marriage bond. These people don’t deserve your energy and guilt.
You deserve better than that.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“No. I’m pretty sure your stepfamily has only vague notions of what Christianity is based on old Sunday school lessons from their childhood and what they’ve cobbled together from the backs of old sugar packets they read at the diner while waiting for the waitress to bring their coffee.
From what you have written, they have already gone against some of the main tenets of the faith. Please don’t let their horrible example sour the whole faith… especially since they are getting some very important things soooo very wrong. And they can’t force you into the faith.
You have to believe it for yourself and have your own relationship with God. That doesn’t happen by following rules, that happens by building a relationship with God. While church is important, going to church makes you a Christian about as much as swimming in a pond makes you a duck.
I’m sorry they hurt you this way. Please don’t let it reflect on all of us. NTJ.” missaprile
20. AITJ For Making My Non-Driving Roommate Use Uber Instead Of Giving Her Rides?
“I’m 22 with my own car and my roommate is also 22 and doesn’t have one due to her not having her license yet.
Sometimes I feel guilty because though I usually give her rides when I can, I’ve been getting lazy recently and making her use Uber, even when I technically have the ability to drive her around.
She paid me $30 in gas money recently (a full tank for me is around $50) from over a month of various driving her places, but I’m getting tired of it.
The most annoying thing is when I have a time constraint but she wants to drive somewhere at a certain time…like girl I am not paid to be a taxi driver, but I feel guilty because I’m her friend and sometimes I just get lazy and I have no real reason not to drive her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been in this situation with a partner who didn’t drive and I can assure you that I get where you’re coming from and the guilt that comes with it. Truth is, though, your brain is seeing you driving her around as the standard, so every time you don’t do it, you’re being a jerk or lazy.
Really though, every time you DO drive her around you’re being helpful and going above what is necessary. It is a difficult mindset to adjust to, but it is going to make you feel better if you can train yourself to see these things as acts of kindness rather than obligations.” Blake_Raven
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she already considers you Uber… except your cost is FREE! You don’t owe her anything. If you don’t feel like driving, you don’t drive! You have nothing to feel guilty about. If she needs to be driven around, she can get her own license and get a car.
Although, I’m willing to bet that once she does have her license, the issue would then be her borrowing your car. If she has an emergency, then sure, you can help her out. But what it sounds like she’s been doing is called ‘taking advantage’ of you.
Real friends don’t take advantage of their friends, such as being their chauffeur.” silly_vengeful_sloth
Another User Comments:
“If you spend 30 minutes driving her somewhere (and back?), is she spending 30 minutes doing the dishes, or otherwise making it up to you? Does she understand that this is a chore, like any other chore, and not just trivial for you to do all the time?
I mean, I find it more pleasant to drive somewhere than to do the dishes, but maintenance, gas, insurance, and car payments all add up!” MystifiedByPeople
19. AITJ For Wearing My Husband's T-Shirt To A Fancy Dinner?
“In the last two weeks, clothes have started to irritate me/my skin. Only a few of my husband’s t-shirts don’t make my skin crawl so that’s what I’ve been wearing since I’m always home.
My in-laws invited us for dinner and when my husband came home, he asked me why I wasn’t dressed yet.
I told him I was going to wear what I had on (his t-shirt) but he told me I couldn’t and I needed to change into something more appropriate. We had an argument because he said he had bought me loads of maternity clothes and I should wear some of them while I still could but I told him I wouldn’t and he should wear them himself if he cared about them going unworn so much.
In the end, we were getting late so I went in what I had on but my husband was upset since he felt like it wasn’t appropriate for the restaurant we went to, which it probably wasn’t, but nobody else said anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I’ve eaten in some rather nice restaurants in a t-shirt (California FTW, which rarely has dress codes), so I feel little need to dress up for other patrons. Husband (and in-laws?) is the jerk for being so uptight about attire, especially when OP is pregnant.
Why didn’t folks pick a different restaurant, if this one was fancier than you were up for, and you’d been like this for two weeks? But, yeah, OP has been feeling this way for two weeks — why not use your words and tell your husband about this, and maybe change things up for yourself, especially if you knew that he was going to be uptight about dressing up for dinner?
Pregnancy should be a get-out-of-jail-free card for all sorts of things, but when you’ve been feeling terrible for weeks, it’d be good to mention changing the venue.” MystifiedByPeople
Another User Comments:
“”He told me I couldn’t and I needed to change into something more appropriate.
We had an argument because he said he had bought me loads of maternity clothes and I should wear some of them.” NTJ where in the controlling place does he get off dictating what you can wear?” RosesBrain
18. AITJ For Correcting My Mom When She Falsely Claimed My Daughter Is Autistic?
“My mom (52F) and I (23F) were at a big retail store with my older daughter (3 years) and at this store at checkout, the cart goes to one side of the checkout and the customers go on the other side as the cashiers put the items back in the cart for you.
My daughter was sitting in the cart on the other side of the checkout and one of the 2 cashiers tried talking to my daughter and she didn’t reply to the guy. My mom then decided to tell the guy that isn’t ok she doesn’t talk very much because she is Autistic…..
My daughter barely turned 3 and has never been diagnosed with Autism nor has her doctor even suggested that she could be. So because my mom said that I told the guy that she isn’t autistic and I don’t know why she would say that.
After that, I put my mom in her place and to never tell someone something that isn’t true. She is mad at me for correcting her even though we may never see this person again. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think the issue is just that it’s not true.
Even if it was true, your mother doesn’t have the right to be telling strangers, unless you’ve decided that’s the right strategy and given your mother permission. Plus, a neurotypical three-year-old could easily pick up on some of what was in that conversation – so the fact that she started the conversation where your daughter could hear suggests even poorer judgment.
It’s probably a good thing that you made your mother a bit uncomfortable, so if she pays attention she will remember that you and she make different parenting choices. And now you can pay attention to whether your mother has unrealistic expectations for your daughter in other situations or other ways that she’s not respecting your daughter’s boundaries.
I’m sorry.” serioushobbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! Your mom is really weird for saying that. Honestly, I would watch out because her choice to do that was incredibly unhinged (and somewhat ableist) and serves as a red flag for what she thinks your daughter’s boundaries should be.
Just like family shouldn’t force a child to hug a relative, they shouldn’t force a child to speak to strangers. I’m not a parent and I’m only 19 but my parents supported my boundaries from a young age. Forcing a child, especially a daughter, to interact with someone when they aren’t comfortable doing so is setting them up to be manipulated or taken advantage of when they’re older.” beesarefriends27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I always believed in the ‘power of words’, like in my country, Asia, we believe if we keep on saying ‘he an idiot’, it will come true. I know it sounds silly but then so many people using the power of manifest, am I right?
And I found it very rude for a family member to insult their own family for I don’t know, attention? Anyway no, NTJ. Thank you for standing up for your 3-year-old and correcting your attention-seeking mom, and if she keeps on saying ‘we never see this person again’, not true, the world is small and mysterious.” Reddit User
17. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Capable But Unemployed Mother?
“My mother is in her mid-50s and she’s well capable of working.
She hasn’t worked an actual job in about 13 years because she expects all of her kids to basically give her an allowance for her to do whatever she wants. Every time I give her money she needs some more the day after and she always has “financial issues” she needs to fix.
She even went to the Dominican Republic last year in November to get surgery for her butt and waist and expected all her children to send her a thousand dollars but none of us complied so she had to ask a friend to let her borrow money.
(Which now she wants us to help her pay it back but we are still not falling for it.)
Like I mentioned before she’s well capable of having a job but chooses not to. She expects her 4 children to take care of her but we have our own responsibilities and financial hardships.
It bothers me the most because since she is a narcissistic manipulator and knows I’m the easiest one to manipulate she loves to put all her burdens on me because she thinks I will help her do it. But I am tired of her taking advantage of only me out of all her children and always asking me for money and favors.
AITJ for no longer allowing her to juice me and take advantage of me? For some context, I am 24 and married (and pregnant). My little sister is 17 (but employed) and my two big brothers are in their early 30s and they’re married and they have children.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hon, you are a grown adult with a baby on the way. You have a 50-year-old woman leaching off someone who is pregnant and very hormonal. Stop giving her money and watch her realize that she needs a job to pay off everything she messed up.
You are her financial aid and need to cut her off immediately even if it means going no contact. Wish you luck and I hope you have a healthy baby.” RoamingReality
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also boundaries. Tell her – if she does not listen via text, that you’re sorry, but you can’t give her money.
It would be best if all of you were on the same page on that. Maybe pre-word a sort of “standard answer”. She chose to have you, and kids are not a retirement plan. Write her that you can’t give her money. Full stop. You can’t.
You have your own bills to pay. This and nothing else. You’re sorry. You can’t. And if you one day decide to help for any reason, tell her to give you the bill. Not give her money. She can give you the bill and you can pay it.
Tell her it’s about keeping an eye on financial details and you want to have it all run from your account or stuff.” daskleinemi
Another User Comments:
“My parents are like 46 (not far from 50) and I felt guilty leeching on her because they were paying my car payment for a year or so.
They didn’t make me feel guilty, they both have a job and wanted to help me, it’s just my “I wanna be independent” that makes me feel bad (plus they don’t make much and have minor children still). My husband and I (22 and 24) are getting into our careers now and we have intentions to help both of our parents when they are older because they all didn’t have the resources to save for retirement but we don’t support them now.
They are capable adults who can make their own money, and they don’t want our money. It’ll probably be difficult when they are older to get them to even accept our help. Your mom needs to get a job, and you need to stop enabling her.
50 is so young nowadays, she can get a job and if she doesn’t that is her own fault. I bet once y’all siblings put your foot down she will figure her stuff out real quick.” amandapandab
16. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Deserves To Be Homeless After She Gambled Our Rent?
“I (23f) live with my mom (53f) and my brother (26m) in a subsidized housing townhome. For a little context, my brother is unemployed and does not contribute so rent, utilities, and groceries are split between my mother and me.
I get home this evening and there’s a letter from our housing group in the mailbox at our door.
It’s basically a letter telling us that we’re $3200 behind on rent and could face eviction. I do send my mom $650 at the end of every month as our rent is just $1185 and I cover the majority of the groceries, our internet and cable plus my gas for my car.
I decided to bring it up to her when I get inside because in my head it makes zero sense that we’re behind considering I was sending her money every month to pay my half along with hers and I believed she was paying it.
After me continuously asking how this would be possible she quietly admitted for the past 4 months she had not paid her portion and dipped into mine sometimes because there were other necessities like hydro, electricity, some groceries, and transportation (which yes is costly during winter months) but has been still buying cartons of smokes weekly, takeout multiple times a week and admitted she gambled quite a bit because she thought she could win and cover the arrears so I would not have known, which clearly didn’t work.
In as few words as possible I told her she’s a selfish mother, my respect for her is gone and if worst comes to worst we do get evicted, she deserves to be homeless. Not only for lying and not telling me what was going on because I could have afforded to pay more of the rent and utilities on my own to lighten any burden if she had just said something earlier.
But to spend your and your kid’s rent on gambling and many of your own wants selfishly instead of keeping a roof over your own head or just asking for help is rock bottom and you more so deserve whatever happens at this point because we now cannot afford to pay it back.
I have my partner I can stay with if anything happens, but she and my brother are on their own.
The only reason I feel like I was a little bit of a jerk is because I truly know how expensive life is right now and telling my own mother she deserves to be homeless might be inconsiderate in a time where she could really be struggling.
But the anger I feel is overtaking any sympathy I have right now and I just want to know if my reaction was just possibly overkill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, but to compare the predicament she has put all of you in with her gambling and selfish spending to people who are legitimately struggling is ludicrous!
I know she’s your mom, but there’s no excuse for what she’s done. I’m not saying she deserves to be homeless because no one does, but maybe living somewhere else where she is solely responsible for the expenses and rent might be in order. Why doesn’t your brother work and contribute to the expenses?” Forward-Dingo1431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While yes you did say something out of anger most likely… I do not think anything you said was wrong at all. You are supporting a smoker/gambler which are two of the most expensive hobbies, and also supporting an unemployed adult who isn’t doing anything to help.
I saw in a comment you mentioned you stayed because you felt there wasn’t another adult who could help or would be willing to help your mom. I do think you are correct but it’s time for your mom and brother to learn what not living with a responsible adult is like.
It will be hard to see but it is time for you to move out and move on from them being your responsibility.” Moomoomoopie
Another User Comments:
“OP – you need to handle this this week. Many, many places will wait until after the holidays to evict as they don’t want to end up online as “made children homeless before Christmas” but once the 26th rolls around?
All bets are off. January 1? Quite possibly those doors could be locked. I would spend the next few days moving my important things out, shoring up my money in a new bank account at a new bank, having my papers, etc. Worst case scenario, you could stay in a youth hostel shared dorm bed for what you are paying your mom and have heat, lights, water, a kitchen, and a bathroom.
You have a place you can afford to stay that is safe. Might not be ideal, but don’t discount it. But be prepared that you’re going to be locked out and can’t get your stuff and handle that today.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Wanting To Order A Gluten-Free Pizza For Christmas Dinner?
“I (29f) have been dealing with intense stomach issues for the past five years. Last year my doctor brought up that I may have celiac disease, and she was correct.
This made so much sense as I was sick almost every day, since bread was one of my favorite things on this earth. When I told my husband he researched and educated himself on the severity of celiac disease, as it’s not an allergy it is an auto-immune disease that can have life-threatening consequences.
We together have made lifestyle changes, and my health has been way better.
Now, my parents have listened to me explain this to them many times, and only sort of get it. They understand that I can’t have gluten but don’t understand how harmful cross-contamination can be to me.
If you use the same cutting board or utensil that can make me just as sick as eating a plateful of pasta.
What made me so upset is that we are going to their house for Christmas dinner, and I offered to bring stuffing and pie for myself that would be GF months ago.
I was told not to worry about it as my mother would find some. I called her yesterday to go over travel plans, and she let me know that she couldn’t find stuffing or pie shells. This was very frustrating as the GF bakery by my house books out Christmas orders weeks in advance so with 2 days left it is going to be impossible to find these foods.
If this didn’t hurt enough, she then texts me “I can stuff the turkey with stuffing, but it will still be ok if you only eat the top part right” I said no that’s cross contamination so that will make me sick. Also, my parents live in a tiny cabin and there is only 1 bathroom with 7 people coming for dinner.
(you get my drift if things go bad) At this point, my husband suggested we order a GF pizza to the house to make a point. I know it’s petty, but they just don’t get it after more than a year and it is really making me upset.
So WIBTJ if we did this?”
Another User Comments:
“The obvious initial answer is yes, it’s generally rather jerkish to attend a meal and order on your own. In this case, though, the obvious answer is that no, you aren’t a jerk, because your health is important, and since the hosts are clearly unable or unwilling to understand how serious your requirement for a gluten-free meal is there’s not really a sensible alternative.
Merry Christmas, and you’re NTJ. Parents sadly are, for not having listened every time you’ve explained why gluten is such a no-no.” ieya404
Another User Comments:
“OP, you’ve got a couple of voices here: 1. Go to your parents’ house, order your GF pizza, be accused of “ruining Christmas for everyone”, and watch the resulting mess while enduring the bubbling resentment that, once again, your family has ignored what you need. 2.
Stay home with your husband, cook a lovely meal, and enjoy it in peace and comfort while watching movies that you enjoy. Do this AND — important step! — turn off your phones and put them in the bottom of a drawer. DO NOT even look at the phones until the next day.
You need to take a stand here. Your health matters and your mom has made it obvious that she’s not willing to make any effort to accommodate you. (Besides, would you really even trust anything cooked in her kitchen? Even if she got the appropriate ingredients, you know there’d be cross-contamination.) Since she won’t even let you bring food that’s safe for you, just politely decline.
In fact, decline ANY invitations from her that involve food. She’ll either get the picture or not. If she does, great! If she doesn’t (which seems more likely), keep eating in your gluten-free home and only visit them when food is not involved, or insist on hosting yourself.
Good luck, OP. I hope you and your (sounds awesome!) husband have a wonderful, stress-free holiday.” CrazyOldBag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. She insisted she would cater for you and failed to do so. Even if she doesn’t understand the severity of your condition, it’s just poor hostessing IMHO.
I’ve hosted many a dinner party and had to cater for a variety of dietary restrictions and never have I ever failed to completely and safely cater for them. If I was hosting, I’d buy some gluten-free flour and make it myself or I’d change the menu completely to suit my guests.
I realize this could be high standards but at the same time, I taught myself to cook as an adult so I know it is possible to do the hard yards. To me, it is just poor form on her part and you should be able to order whatever food you want for your meal. Enjoy your meal, be it pizza or salad or gourmet sushi or whatever else it is you want.” CrazyCatLady483
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Last Name Like My Mom And Brother Did?
“My mom 42F has been seeing this guy 46M, whom I will call Seth, for about 9 years now. They got married in 2019 and moved in together but 8 months later they separated, not legally. They kept contact and are now back together.
Since moving back, my mom decided to hyphenate her last name to match Seth’s last name and has changed my 5M little brother’s last name from her maiden to Seth’s last name, let’s say Smith for the sake of the post. Now, even though I 16m moved in with them, I didn’t want to change my last name, for myself and to avoid drama within my late father’s family.
Now, Seth and Mom are training my little brother to his new last name and he has started calling me (OP name) Smith. I wasn’t comfortable and told him to stop it or just call me by my name only. Mom is defending my little brother and saying to stop letting him know that we should have different last names and causing a rift in the family.
Please note that my little brother is aware that Seth is not my bio dad and acknowledges that I even have half siblings besides him.
But, AITJ to request he stop calling me by Seth’s last name?”
Another User Comments:
“I worked in daycare. Aaron was in my two-year-old room.
A few months in, and he’s moved to the three-year-old room on the other side of the divider. The new twos, including Erin, came in from the toddler room. The twos and threes were together early morning and late afternoon, and also during outside time.
The children called Aaron “the boy Aaron” and Erin “the girl Erin” without any input from the adults. These were two and three-year-olds. They didn’t know that Aaron and Erin were spelled differently. They didn’t know that they’re two different names. The kids knew that two children answered to the phonics of Aaron/Erin.
They came up with the solution themselves. If two and three-year-olds can understand, a neurally normal five-year-old can. All you need to say is “Your last name is Smith. My last name is Jones.”” Bouche_Audi_Shyla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just say “My name is OP’s name.
Your name changed mine didn’t and that’s OK.” Your brother is 5 he looks up to you so he wants to have the same name as yours is likely what is happening. Let him know it is OK to have different last names and still be family.
The adults need to stop treating the 5-year-old like he can’t figure this out with a few corrections unless he has a learning difficulty this concept is something he can handle.” FairyFartDaydreams
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Many years ago, my former SIL (BIL’s wife) was training their son (6 years younger than my son) to call my son “Cousin Jeff” (fake name).
“Cousin Jeff!” “Where Cousin Jeff?” (No prepositions, no contractions and the kid was 6 when this kept happening.) It drove my son nuts. Son kept trying to correct it. I kept speaking with her about it. Nothing mattered, other than what her golden terror wanted to call my kid.
“He’s just so excited to see his cousin!” “It’s what he wants to call him.” It’s not like you’re trying to put a rift in the family. Your mother is teaching your brother it’s okay to not respect someone else’s choices as long as he’s happy.
As a result, she’s making it a bigger issue than it needs to be.” blondeheartedgoddess
13. AITJ For Refusing To Ban Booze From My Christmas Celebrations?
“We have a large mixed family. My wife is Mexican so her family starts dropping in on Christmas Eve and we host them and my family on Christmas Day for dinner.
There could be over 50 people in and out of our house in those two days. There’s lots of mixing of cultures because who doesn’t want tequila and tamales? I’m often gifted drinks and my wife likes wine.
My older brother Mike started seeing this new woman who has children.
I’ll call her Jenny. Jenny wants to bring her 3 children that I have only met briefly over the summer. But she said her children are not allowed around people who drink. So now Mike wants me to ban all booze at Christmas from my house.
My mother backs him up saying it’s unnecessary to have all those people around children even though I have 2 of my own and my children love the loud bustling house at Christmas and playing with their cousins. There are no other children on my side of the family so Jenny’s children are “like my family” and I need to adjust my holiday to make Jenny and them feel welcome.
Another issue I was told to talk about with my kids is Santa. Santa wasn’t really a thing in my wife’s culture so we did away with it before my wife felt like the whole naughty and nice thing with Santa doesn’t go with her Mexican Catholic roots so Santa is more of a symbol of Christmas for my children and the cousins.
I understand that Jenny is really into Santa and Elf on the Shelf. My children are 5 & 8 and Jenny’s are 4-10 and I don’t know how my children or their cousins would react to all of that if it was brought up. I said maybe next year my mom could host our family’s Christmas or my brother and Jenny could (if they are still together) but I don’t feel like setting rules in my house about tequila and making kids pretend Santa and elf on the self is real or talk to their cousins about it.
It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen so I think Jenny and her kids should stay at home.”
Another User Comments:
“Jenny seems high maintenance and reeking of entitlement. Her priority, as a newcomer to this large family, should be to get to know others, insert herself and her children into what seems a wonderfully blended group of adults and children.
Her approach is hostile, rude, impolite, oblivious to others, and self-centered; she is setting conditions for people she does not know I commend your brother for being so accommodating to a woman he has been seeing since not long ago, but mi casa is not Jenny’s casa.
Jenny can opt for celebrating Christmas in the abstinence of her home and thus protect her children from (oh the horror) adults celebrating a centuries-old tradition, in the presence of their children, united by love, tolerance, and curiosity to know one another. NTJ and stand your ground.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“The Santa thing reminds me of what a nightmare I was as a kid myself. My parents did do the Santa thing. But around the age of eight, I used the scientific method to come up with an experiment to prove or disprove the existence of Santa.
I conducted the experiment, got my (negative) result, and shared my conclusions … fairly widely. (This was in the mid-1970s.) You don’t want to mix Santa and non-Santa kids unless you’re being very careful and are very sure how things are going to play out.
And even if you think you’re sure, well, sometimes it’s not justified.” dfjdejulio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think that it would be reasonable to say “we understand that Jenny doesn’t want her children around the atmosphere at our house on Christmas Eve, and we want to respect that.
So, while we aren’t going to change our traditions at the Christmas Eve party, we would love to find a time for the family to visit together when things are more settled. Maybe you could bring Jenny and the kids over for lunch on Christmas Day or we could get together for breakfast on Christmas Eve?” As for the Santa issue, in my classroom, when I had kids who didn’t do Santa, I just quietly pulled them aside and explained that every family does Christmas differently, and it’s up to moms and dads to decide if they want to play a game and pretend Santa is real for their kids for a few years.
I usually give them a few responses they can use like “Oh, we don’t have Santa at my house, my mom and dad give me presents” or “That’s neat, what kinds of things do you find in the morning with your elf?” Or “Hmm, I don’t really believe in Santa, but you can if you want.”” Wise-Matter9248
12. AITJ For Prioritizing My Chronically Ill Fiancée Over My Friend's Request?
“My fiancée has recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness and some days will wake up feeling horrible so I prefer to take care of her rather than go out because my love for her is bigger than anything else. My best friend knew about this but her partner needed a ride to work one morning because he didn’t have a car.
Now my friend lives in the same neighborhood as me so she asked if I could take him the night before. Typically I wouldn’t have an issue with it but at this time my fiancée had been having a really bad flare-up this night and had just fallen asleep.
So I ended up telling my friend no because I wanted to make sure that my girl was okay in the morning right after she woke up because sometimes it worsens and I explained that to her.
Rather than her being understanding she told me “it’s always something with her”.
After that, I stopped replying and haven’t really spoken to her since because she knew the circumstances but still decided to blame me for her partner having to find a different ride or Uber to work.”
Another User Comments:
“Your best friend is not a friend.
Your fiancée suffers from a chronic illness. It’s not like she’s choosing to have it. It’s not she has a tummy ache. She has a chronic illness. Your best friend seems to have no compassion for your suffering fiancé. It seems like she only cares about her wants and needs and doesn’t care about the excruciating pain your fiancé has to go through.
I’d rethink that friendship. NTJ.” Briiiiiiyonce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, your fiance is the person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with. You SHOULD always put her before anyone else, period. Second, as someone who suffers from fibro, POTS, EDS, migraines, and multiple other chronic illnesses… Ditch your ‘friend’.
Like, yes, it IS always something, that is literally the definition of ‘chronic’. Aka, constant; recurring; persistent; unending; uncurable… Etc etc etc. It’s not exactly a picnic and I assure anyone who isn’t already aware, absolutely zero people who have been diagnosed with a chronic illness are enjoying it in any way.
It. SUCKS. And attitudes like the one this ‘friend’ displayed are the exact opposite of helpful. We already feel bad enough because a. We are ill and b. Being constantly ill means not being able to do a lot of normal life stuff, which then causes us to feel guilty for not doing the chore type thing or missing out on something everyone else gets to enjoy or sleeping through multiple days in a row.
People being mean to us on top of it? Time for a new best friend. Keep being an amazing person and make sure your fiance is taken care of. And just know that you will most likely eventually start to feel burned out from taking care of your fiance during flare-ups if they are super frequent, so please make sure you take care of YOU as well!” Im_jennawesome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This friend does not quite sound to be worth the effort. Now… I do not know what illness your partner has, but I am chronically ill myself, to the point that I am housebound for most of the year, and bedbound quite regularly.
I have pains to a level where making sure I am able to shower every 3 days can require codeine. Yet, this is permanent. It is not killing me anytime soon, nor will being left to my own devices for an hour or two actually change anything.
Having a partner that wraps their whole life around me, and risks isolating themselves? It is something I actively avoid. This will be a balancing act, that will take time to learn. When you can give to friends, and when friends can be involved in the care of your partner when needed. Cause when the day comes when you are knocked out with 40 fever and flu?
You both will benefit from someone from the outside. But yeah. This particular friend doesn’t seem worth it.” MistressLyda
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friends To My Solo Ski Practice Sessions?
“I (20F) am a beginner skier. I started skiing two years ago with a day pass, did about four days last season, and this is my first year with a full season pass.
I also bought some decent used skis to make it worth the cost. I go to school in Colorado, so I can easily drive up to ski for a day and then come back to sleep at home.
For context, I’m confident on green runs and can handle blues without much issue.
However, I’m not skilled at tricks, and the one time my friends took me on a short black diamond, I was terrified. I just recently figured out the difference between parallel turns and carving, and I’ve almost mastered hockey stopping but still lack confidence in that skill.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: sometimes I don’t invite my friends when I go skiing. Skiing with them can feel intimidating because they’re better than me, and I feel pressured to keep up or tackle harder trails I’m not ready for.
I hate feeling like I’m holding them back or risking my life on trails they prefer. When we do ski together, they typically leave me toward the end of the day to tackle harder runs while I enjoy some peaceful time working on greens or easier terrain.
So, this season, I decided to ski solo more often to practice and build my skills and confidence. This way, when I do go with them, it’s more fun for everyone. It’s been working! I’ve improved a lot and recently invited them to ski.
They were surprised at how much better I’d gotten. I’m still no pro, but I was keeping up with them much better than usual, and I even tried some small jumps in the terrain park—though I still fall sometimes.
They asked how I’d improved, and I explained that I’d been skiing on my own to practice.
They got upset that I hadn’t invited them to join me on those practice days. I tried to explain that those days were just for repetitive drills on greens and small parks, and I didn’t want to feel judged or pushed to advance faster than I was comfortable with.
The car ride home was tense. (For context, I’m the main driver for our group since I have the only car that can fit everyone and the gear. Others have cars that can make the trip, but not with everyone and the gear so mine is the go-to.) While the silence isn’t unusual, it definitely felt awkward this time.
Now I’m wondering if I was wrong for not inviting them to join me on my solo ski trips, even though those days were specifically for personal practice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Based on your penultimate paragraph, OP what your “friends” are upset about is that you are their ride to and from skiing.
They likely don’t go if you don’t drive. So, they want you to drive them more often. Because how you describe them acting/being in the paragraphs before that are not what friends do. They don’t mock you for learning, they don’t pressure you to do things that you aren’t ready for.
These are using-taking leeches who want you to be their driver and their punching bag. You are NTJ – they are jerks. Go by yourself and enjoy it – and find people already there and make friends with them. Stop being the taxi driver.” The1Eileen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do learn better when you’re by yourself. And just because you’re doing something they also enjoy doesn’t mean they get to come with you all the time. I’m rather concerned that they seem to regularly pressure you into doing trails you’re not ready for.
That’s not the actions of friends but of bullies. Learn to say no. Stick with trails you’re comfortable with. I can’t help but wonder if they’re using you for your vehicle based on this reaction. Talk to them. Tell them you don’t appreciate them acting entitled to come with you every time you go skiing.
You also need them to know you’re sticking with trails you’re comfortable with and to not pressure you to do any others. You’ll let them know when you’re ready for the more advanced trails.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“You’re a novice compared to many of your friends.
You did what was best for you so that you could gain experience and confidence to do bigger and larger runs. They got upset after you tell them you have been going solo so you can get to the point where you do not feel somewhat left out and behind when they go to the bigger, harder, and bigger runs.
If they cannot understand this then they’re not as good of friends as you think. NTJ but your friends are somewhat the jerks for being upset about you doing solo to gain the strength, confidence, and skill to go with them on the bigger and harder runs.
Talk with them again and explain your reasoning for going solo and if they are still upset then tell them fine you just thought it would be more fun not only for them but for you also if you all could do the same runs when you all go together.” Odd-Trainer-3735
10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Criticizing Mom To My Graduation Celebration?
“I (22F) recently graduated from college, and it’s a huge achievement for me. I’ve worked really hard, and I’m really proud of myself. I didn’t want a big celebration, but I decided to have a small gathering with my closest friends and a few family members to mark the occasion.
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my mom (50s). She’s not a bad person, but she’s been very critical of me growing up. She’s always had high expectations and never really celebrated my accomplishments. Even when I did well in school or achieved something, she’d downplay it or find something to criticize.
In high school, I got straight A’s, and she told me I could’ve done better. In college, when I made the dean’s list, she said, “Well, you had it easy, you didn’t have to work.” She’s always been like this, so I’ve learned to just do my best for myself, not to seek her approval. I’ve tried talking to her about how her behavior makes me feel, but she brushes it off or gets defensive, so I gave up a while ago.
When I was planning my graduation gathering, I didn’t initially think about inviting her. My dad (55M) and I are close, and I was excited to have him there, but I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of inviting my mom. She’s never been supportive in the way I needed, and I didn’t want her presence to overshadow what was supposed to be a happy occasion for me.
I knew if she came, she’d make some offhand comment about how I could’ve done better, and I didn’t want that negativity at my celebration.
I ended up not inviting her, and when I told her about the event, she was hurt.
She said that it was a “huge mistake” and that I was being petty by not inviting her. She reminded me that she’s my mother and has been there for me in her own way. Now, she’s not speaking to me, and I’m feeling conflicted. I don’t think I made the wrong decision, but part of me feels guilty for hurting her feelings.
So, AITJ for not inviting my mom to my graduation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum experienced the consequences of her own actions. She has acted in a way that makes you feel belittled and then belittled you again when you tried to express how her comments made you feel.
The next step is that she isn’t trusted to be in your life for events that really matter, like a graduation. This is actually how relationships work – they are reciprocal. We’re all constantly adjusting and evolving around other people so that we get to be ourselves, but in a way that means we’re included in other people’s lives as well.
Your mum now has a chance to reflect on her behaviour and decide whether she wants to make the hard work to change. The ball is in her court now. I imagine that someone as perfectionistic as your mother had parents who belittled her accomplishments and that she was taught she was never good enough.
But, it’s up to her to do the work to examine this and not pass this down to her children. Congrats on your graduation!” Classroom_Visual
Another User Comments:
“As someone who had an abusive mom and dad (mentally and physically) I understand and no you aren’t the jerk but your mom is.
As a parent, we’re SUPPOSED to love and support our children. It’s about them. You don’t guilt your child and hold things over their head. And it’s sad that she downplayed your achievements. (My mom and dad did too.) My mom used to humiliate me by sharing my failures or mistakes with others at social events.
“My daughter’s so stupid she failed chemistry. Hahaha.” Had I said something like, “You were too cheap to pay for a tutor and too stupid to help me,” I would have come home to a serious beating that would have never stopped. It didn’t matter how much I expressed hurt for this.
She didn’t do that to my siblings. But she got off on humiliating me. I can’t imagine downplaying my son’s achievements or making fun of him to get laughs out of my friend groups. I’m always hyping him up because I know how important that is to a kid.
Anyway… Kudos to you! You’ve worked really hard! You’ve got the right attitude – to achieve and work hard for YOU – not to please her. If you were my daughter I’d be telling everyone how amazing you are. Some women feel competitive with their daughters which is awful.
The smartest thing for that is to do what you did. Be true to you. You tried to talk to her. She now gets to face the consequences of her own actions.” AnnaliseUnderground
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds from your post that your mum has been there for you, never put you through any hard times, provided a roof over your head and food?
Also, it sounds like she loves you but might be a little jealous and proud all at the same time. Either way, I’m assuming she isn’t a substance abuser or anything like that, so invite her. She is right you will regret it when you’re older and you will see wanting you to try harder was out of love not hate.
Just like Hal said in Malcolm in the Middle, you might be smarter than everyone else around you but you’re not as smart as you can be. (Don’t quote me it was something along those lines.)” nderpantsman
9. AITJ For Being Upset When My Friends Backed Out Of A Hotel Arrangement, Leaving Me To Cover Costs?
“I’m significantly wealthier than my friends, but not independently—my family helps me out financially and covers my tuition, though I’m trying to be less reliant on them.
My friends and I planned a trip for an event months ago, in the summer, and we all agreed to split a hotel room to save costs. One friend, Hel, booked the room using her employee discount.
The group has faced a few ups and downs since the original plans.
One person attending, Molly, who is a single mom, wanted to come along but couldn’t afford the flight due to sudden financial hardships. To help her out, I paid for it (she’s promised to pay me back eventually, but the group doesn’t know that part, they just think I covered it as Molly and I didn’t feel the need to elaborate past “situation was handled.”) Another friend, Jools, lives paycheck to paycheck but budgeted for the trip and is only just able to afford it and will be starting a new job when the trip is over, so they’re stressing over money.
Now, less than a week before the event, Hel and Lee (Hel’s roommate) decided to back out of staying in the hotel because they live close enough to commute to the event. Hel claimed she was “putting herself first” because the other two had money concerns about the trip earlier (even though those were resolved).
Her reasoning feels flimsy to me, even though she’s still willing to give me a minor discount on the room, but it’s going to cost me significantly more. Jools and Molly can’t afford to help cover the difference, so the financial burden falls entirely on me.
What really irks me is that I don’t mind helping my friends financially when I choose to, but I hate being forced into a situation like this. It feels manipulative, like Hel and Lee are leaving me no choice but to step up because they know I have the means.
I also feel like Hel’s decision to drop out last minute is inconsiderate, especially since all the nearby hotels are fully booked, and they know it would leave me in a bind to find something more affordable for Molly and Jools. We also asked if she could leave the original reservation and just not come (still a higher cost to me, but less so) but received a “not comfortable” response.
For context, Hel has made comments about my finances before and often posts “eat the rich”-type memes, which I think might be coloring her perspective here. This whole situation reached a climax of me snapping at Hel over her decision and telling her that her make-up offer was garbage, as I said, her attitude seemed to stem from “OP can afford it, no big deal.” Some of my friends think I’m being too harsh (I disagree) since Hel is talking about moving to another country (still in talks and isn’t planning to do so until next year) and that I should apologize, so there won’t be tension at the event if we see each other (lots of mutuals attend) while others agree that the way Hel and Lee handled this was in poor taste.
So, AITJ for being upset and feeling used and as a result, not wanting to apologize for my reaction?”
Another User Comments:
“Why should you apologize? For being honest and calling her out on her crap? She “isn’t comfortable” following through. Tough luck for her.
You aren’t comfortable having such a shallow, disingenuous acquaintance, because she ain’t no friend. Now you know your true value to this group (or her). Be honest, when she tries to bully you for being mean or not understanding, or entitled, you straight out say: You are a user.
You like to bully people. I know who I am, but more importantly, I know who you are. I know that your word means nothing and that you are okay with that. In fact, you seem to enjoy that status, and good for you. I have no time for you or your crap.
When others try and get you to back down/apologize, then you ask why? WHY should I apologize for speaking the truth, because you don’t want her to be mad? Let her be mad.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would recommend calling the hotel directly and seeing what the options are after you explain the situation.
If you’re a loyalty member of the hotel, that may make a difference. This is one situation where I would totally use my parents’ connections if that would make a difference. Do not throw a party in the room, return the gifts you purchased for Hel and Lee and use that money to help cover the hotel costs.
But that is only if you still want to go. Don’t apologize to Hel, not only is she a lousy friend for pulling this stunt at the last minute, but her reasoning for not transferring the original reservation to your name is absolute nonsense and nonsensical.” Little_Loki918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would not go. That sucks for Molly and Jools, but I think that this is a situation where if you give an inch your friends may take a mile. If you set the precedent that you will cover the costs for multiple people in the event that others flake, it might be something they come to expect in the future.
It’s not fair of them to treat you like your money doesn’t matter or is less than their money because you have more of it. I would back out of the event and tell them you can’t afford it, and apologize to Molly and Jools and maybe offer to do something else fun that weekend with just the two of them.
I would also stop lending money to anyone at all, period. I have friends that I love and adore, and I would almost never lend them money for things like this or vice versa. Even if you trust that Molly and Jools are trustworthy and you can lend to them with no issues, I think it’s generally better not to bring money into relationships with friends.
It just muddies the water of the relationship when you’re playing the role of friend, benefactor, loan officer, etc. Just be friends, and only make and plan activities that all can afford. They can’t afford? That’s unfortunate, but it’s not your job to pick up the financial slack, and if you really want to be more financially independent from your family you have to start doing a bit of your own budgeting and setting limits on your own expenses.” YearOneTeach
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Great-Grandmother For Her Hurtful Comments About My Weight?
“I (18F) visited my great-grandmother (84F) a couple of weeks ago with my sister (15F) and my mom (38F). For years, my great-grandmother has made comments about weight, like, “You’re eating down the whole house, aren’t you?” She would then turn to my sister and say how beautiful and tiny she was.
I agree that my little sister is beautiful, but I don’t like being compared to her, especially when I don’t eat as much as my mom and sister.
A couple of weeks ago, my great-grandmother made more sly comments and suggested that I needed to lay off the food.
I yelled, telling her that I had been struggling with eating for years because of people like her. I also said, “Maybe you should mind your own business because yours is spoiled. No one has anything nice to say about you, and I’m only here because Mom begged me to.” My great-grandmother was speechless, my sister looked like she wanted to laugh, and my mom sent me to the car.
My mom said that I had every right to be upset, but I shouldn’t have yelled like that. However, my sister is completely on my side. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“These kinds of situations are difficult – we tend to give old people a lot of leeway, and she almost certainly grew up hearing the same kind of harmful comments directed at friends, siblings, maybe even herself, internalizing it.
Still, she’s had decades to think about it. It’s not like this is secret information. And it’s not like basic kindness is an invention of the third millennium. She’s the jerk, you’re NTJ. And who most definitely also is the jerk is your mum. She witnessed these things for years, and she did nothing?
She maybe even observed the harm they do, but instead of standing up for you it at least taking your grandma to the side, she sends you to the car? Nope nope nope nope nope.” endor-pancakes
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but I will share this, my grandmother is 95 years old and makes similar comments to anyone.
She also weighs 80 pounds soaking wet and probably has a great depression-era eating disorder. I’ve found her eating a handful of potato chips as meals if she feels like she’s put on even a pound. It gave me a huge amount of sympathy for her and women in that generation.
Next time, I would more calmly say ‘I don’t appreciate having this conversation with you. My sister and I are just built differently, it’s nothing to do with food’ and move on. Sending you hugs, this is a tough time at your age to hear those kinds of things!
I’m glad you feel empowered to stand up for yourself. I also want you to feel empowered to just walk away and ignore her.” EnchantedGate1996
Another User Comments:
“Here are some character-building suggestions: Love yourself fiercely and ignore your grandmother’s insults. Try the podcast maintenance phase.
Find deep kindness for your grandmother. Past generations were brainwashed with diet culture and dysphoric body images. She is regurgitating a lifetime of thin propaganda. When she makes an insult, use persistent positivity. Tell her you will always love yourself and you’re glad you get to grow up in a time that values women for more than their bodies.
Then, live your best life.” kmt709
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To House My Troubled Friend Again?
“For over 20 years I have had a good friend who lives across the border. Our older kids are the same age.
My husband is a very kind and open person and respects my small group of friends.
This woman and I have had our ups and downs. Several times I’ve overlooked certain situations because I know she deals with some trauma from the past. However, these situations always repeat themselves. Once she didn’t have contact with me because her wrong, abusive partner told her she was not allowed to see me.
When he finally broke up with her,( she can’t let go and hold on to situations that are very destructive) she showed up again and we went on like nothing happened. I don’t like drama and let things go easy.
Today we are in the same kind of situation again.
She doesn’t have anywhere to go. Another ‘wrong’ partner doesn’t want her to stay with him and I feel like I need to open my door and arms again to help out. I would feel bad not doing it.
People around me advised me not to take her in.
To be honest, she has a bad day/night rhythm and my husband and I both need to work. It’s not the first time her screaming and fighting on the phone wakes us up. Last time kids also woke up. I have difficulties setting boundaries and would like to get some reactions on this topic.
The last thing I need to mention is that I have had migraines and anxiety for over 20 years and I was told to avoid stress.
For other people, it’s very clear what I should do but I always go with my heart and not my head …Even though the past has proven me wrong many times.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having the ability to help doesn’t obligate you to help, particularly if helping comes at the expense of yourself or your family. That she picks the wrong people is not your problem. You would risk her never leaving, particularly if she isn’t financially stable.
Your medical conditions make it inadvisable to take her in. The advice that people are giving you not to take her in seems unanimous. Taking people in might seem free or cheap, but it isn’t. It would have an impact on everyone in your family.
You have mentioned that she argues loudly enough on the phone to wake up other people. For me, that would be reason enough to not take her in. You need your sleep. That she has no other help available strongly suggests that she has burned a lot of bridges with other people.
You don’t owe this “friend” anything. Everything that you say indicates that she is a bad fit for your household. Consider that it is rare that we change or change our circumstances unless we are willing to be uncomfortable for a while. The reduction in tension or guilt that you would get by taking her in would come at the cost of being uncomfortable, even resentful, every day as the result of her conduct.
Taking her in doesn’t give her a clean break, it just brings her problems into your home.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you don’t house this friend but you’re a jerk for prioritizing a toxic friend over your family, particularly the children you’re responsible for.
You show extreme empathy for your friend and in doing so, give no consideration to your family and their needs. Your friend needs to struggle on her own and not be bailed out by you constantly. That fact you tolerate and excuse her abuse doesn’t mean you have to keep giving in.
Eventually, your kids are going to react to you constantly prioritizing this friend.” giantbrownguy
Another User Comments:
“Are you a people pleaser in general, or is it just about this friend? Do other people take advantage of your generosity? Your wording suggests it, saying you go with your heart rather than your head.
That can be very hard on everyone around you. We get posts about parents who don’t treat their kids well enough because they’re bending over backward for everyone else. (Sometimes these posts are from adult kids, who have had to cut off their parents because of it.) That’s definitely what you’re looking at here – you know having this friend stay with you will be stressful on your whole family, and this isn’t a one-time thing, but you’re still considering it.
Why? NTJ if you don’t let her stay.” NapalmAxolotl
6. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Move The Cat's Litter Box Out Of The Living Room?
“I have a dog, and my roommate has a cat. The landlord knows about all animals, and I am considering getting her involved in the nuclear option in this situation. When she was moving in, I knew that the cat was coming, and she said that she wanted to abide by the n+1 rule of cat ownership meaning, meaning that she wanted two cab boxes.
One would go in her room, and the other would have to go in a common area. We (reluctantly on my part) agreed on the living room.
I want to make it clear, that I hate litterboxes. I know this is probably irrational, but I think they’re so disgusting, and I don’t have a problem with cats but I do have a huge problem with litterboxes.
I definitely did not want to have a living room litter box, but I was trying to be cooperative, especially since we’re just getting to know each other.
I recently found out that there has not been a second litter box this entire time and that the only litter box that we have had has been the one in the living room.
I feel I’m justified in my anger, that I do feel like I’ve been lied to this whole time thinking that there was two litter boxes when there was actually only one and the only one has been in the common area the whole time.
(She explained that she had to throw one away because it was broken, and that she plans to get a second one eventually). Would I be the jerk if I tell her definitively that she needs to move the litter box into her room? And would I be the jerk to say that since we’ve only had one litter box this whole time we don’t need a second litter box for the common areas and that we actually only need the one and it has to be in her room?
Or am I just being an anti-cat jerk?
Important notes:
- She did it slightly, so it’s no longer in my direct path that I have to walk every day, and I can’t smell it right now
- I still hate having a living room toilet
- I’m not a cat owner because of how much I hate litterbox maintenance
- I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic because I’m mad or if I’m justified for hating the living room toilet.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Can a litter box go in a bathroom? Does she scoop daily? I know some bathrooms aren’t able to house a litter box, but it really does seem like the best place for one.
I’m ignoring the 1 litter box thing, as now she’s bought a second one and you originally agreed 1 in her room and 1 in a shared space. If you want to ask her to only have 1 in her room, or trial only one, go about it softly, she may understand and feel bad that the smell of a toilet in the living isn’t comfortable or a living experience you enjoy – you have all the time in the world to be combative later if you so wish, but appealing to someone’s sense of sympathy can work.” marywiththecherry
Another User Comments:
“ONCE A WEEK?! That’s short of animal abuse since there’s one box – even if there were two! I clean my cat’s litterbox once sometimes twice A DAY! You’re repulsed by litter because your roommate is a terrible cat parent.
I hear you though. My roommate desperately wanted a cat. I didn’t because we don’t have a clear space to hide a litter box (very small bathroom). A cat found me in January lol so now we have a cat. If that cat has been fine with one box – one should be fine.
My cat does have two (one in roommate’s space) and one in the main hall (my space mostly) and of course he only uses mine! You do get used to it/just get used to vacuuming daily lol NTJ. I’d demanded she bring it into her room.” Presley_xo
Another User Comments:
“I thought the n+1 cat box rule was for multi-cat households? Having more than 1 box for a single cat is a nicety but by no means a necessity. I’ve had 2 cats in my life, at separate times, and they were both massively spoiled and only ever had 1 box.
That said, they were very large, palatial even, litter boxes. I would find more info about the n+1 rule and present that to the roommate. Also, for a brief period of time, I lived with a roommate in a VERY tiny apartment, and we both agreed to keep my cat’s litter box in the living room because there was quite literally nowhere else for it.
However, I made every effort possible to conceal it. I found an IKEA hack to alter a pretty cheap side table so I could put the litter box inside of it, effectively hiding it. This would also prevent a dog from getting into the litter.
And I also kept air fresheners, potpourri (don’t, if your cat eats potpourri), and other nice smelling things around the area. Your roommate should at the bare minimum keep it hidden and tidy as best as possible… but since she’s already potentially deceived you about the number of litter boxes actually being used…
maybe just suggest she get something to hide the litter box in her room?” ladoladi
5. AITJ For Wanting To Be Included In My Friends' Group Chat?
“I’m a 15-year-old girl, and my friends are all my age. We all have math right before our lunch break, so after class is over we meet in our school’s foyer. Over the past week, I haven’t been able to hang out with any of them, as I am a lead in my school’s musical so I’ve had rehearsal at lunch.
Today was my first day hanging out with them again, and it’s safe to say none of them were exactly happy about it? I sat down at our usual table and was ignored. Whenever I tried to make conversation, I was cut off. Then they started talking about a new group chat.
I had asked if I would be added to it, and the girl who I am frankly the closest to says “No, we thought it would just be for the main group, so you won’t be in it.” And I got upset, though I tried not to show it.
I don’t hang out with them for a week, and suddenly I’m not even their friend anymore?
So, AITJ for asking my friends to be in a group chat with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hate to say this, but that’s toxic behavior from your friends.
They sound immature and like they’ll just keep being mean to you if you stick around. I’d make new friends and move on. You deserve to be treated with respect and by staying, you probably won’t be treated well. They are purposely excluding you and saying you aren’t part of the main friend group.
You know how they feel about you now. Make friends with the people from your musical. You have common interests and get to hang out at practice! Best of luck.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. Also, they aren’t your friends. They are people akin to going to the club just to say you showed up in a group.
They won’t really hang with you. I am the bearer of bad news: It’s time to move on. Even we adults face this and it just says that these people were only interested in the light you brought to them. Since they have been denied of it, they have cast you out.
You were never a part of the group. Move forward and find people who support you and your interests, and appreciate what you bring, no matter when you bring it. Forget them.” Basic_Succotash_4828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your friends may be jealous of you being in the play or are upset that you’re not around due to it and are being passive-aggressive about it.
Ask for what you want. Let them know you miss your time together and you’d like to stay in the loop, soon the play will be over. Limit your time talking with them about the play and all you’re doing without them. If things don’t improve, you may have found out that these girls aren’t true friends.
I know that would suck but I promise you that being released by crappy people is a good thing. It frees you up to find good ones who will be happy for your accomplishments.” Wise_woman_1
4. AITJ For Accepting My Own Room On Vacation To Avoid My Fighting Sisters?
“I’m (16m) the middle child of my family. I have an older sister “Bella” (17) and a younger sister “Allie” (15). My sisters do not like each other and cannot be in the same room/around each other without fighting, being mean, or making it a point to say how much they hate each other.
It’s a pain in the backside. I have a decent relationship with Bella and with Allie. But I hate being around them when they’re together. I hate that our bedrooms are so close to each other and if they’re screaming from their bedrooms at each other I’m caught in the middle of listening to it.
My parents have tried to encourage sibling togetherness, sibling kindness, and family unity. They punish when one does something bad to the other, they have tried therapy, and they sent them to a couple of camps with the aim of bringing them together. They tried to do family togetherness stuff with all of us so the three of us would team up against our parents but I always ended up in the middle between them.
There are times when Bella and Allie won’t speak to each other and expect others to act as a go-between and when we refuse they just ignore each other. There were a couple of times they didn’t say a single word to each other for weeks and were grounded for refusing to speak to each other or look at each other.
My grandparents (dad’s parents) offered to bring us along on a vacation and my parents accepted. We went last week and we just got back. My grandparents, because they were paying, offered me my own room on their side of the cabin and I said yes.
My parents tried to step in and say I needed to room with one of the girls. That the room had a divider for privacy but otherwise it would be painful staying there. My grandparents said that’s why I was on their side of the cabin and mom and dad were on the same side as my sisters.
My parents put a lot of pressure on me to say no to my own room and share. But since my grandparents were paying and offering I accepted it. My parents had a miserable time on vacation. My sisters had fun when they weren’t together.
But my grandparents and I had a fun time. It was so relaxing to not be caught in the middle for the whole week.
My parents are angry at me and told me I should have been mature enough to help out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 16 and on vacation – it’s completely reasonable to want a break from playing referee between your sisters. You weren’t asked to help out in some typical way; they wanted you to take on the stress of managing two siblings who refuse to get along, which isn’t fair to you.
Your grandparents recognized that you deserved to enjoy the trip too, so you accepted their offer – smart move! It sounds like you made the best of the situation, and it’s not your responsibility to fix the dynamic between your sisters.” madyhomy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got a vacation from your sisters! I would be asking the grandparents if I can move in with them. This isn’t good at all for your mental health. Do your sisters do individual therapy? it honestly sounds like each one has some sort of mental disorder that needs treatment.
Maybe if they were getting that help, instead of your parents treating this as a “sibling bond” issue, things would improve.” Emotional_Fan_7011
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m glad your grandparents see that you are effectively being constantly punished and made to be in the middle of your sisters.
They obviously get how tiring that is for you, hence inviting you and not one of your sisters to stay with them. My mom and one of her sisters hated each other growing up, until my mom (the eldest) moved out and then they became best friends.
Hopefully, at some point, they will grow up and something will trigger them to stop behaving like that to each other. I also want to add that your parents punishing them for ignoring each other was also a stupid move. Ignoring each other, but being in the same room together is far better than fighting, I would say your parents set their progress back a lot by punishing them for that.” Equivalent-Moose2886
3. AITJ For Sending My Sister Anonymous Flowers That Caused A Fight With Her Husband?
“I (M, 37) have always been close to my sister (F, 35).
We talk regularly, and during one such conversation, she told me she’s been feeling really depressed/overwhelmed lately. As we were talking, I could tell she was holding back tears. So I decided to do something nice for her. I contacted a local florist and put in an order for some flowers.
I had them delivered to my sister’s place of employment with a note reading “Thinking of you.”
A few hours later, the florist called me up and told me a man had been calling them non-stop and demanding they tell him who sent his wife flowers.
They tried to explain that it was against their policy to reveal that information, but the man wouldn’t take no for an answer. Apparently, he became so aggressive and threatening over the phone, that the shop called me up and asked my permission to reveal the name of the sender to the man.
The man being my brother-in-law.
It turns out, my sister had called her husband and thanked him for the flowers. He told her he hadn’t sent any flowers and accused her of having an affair. He believed her affair partner had sent them to her, which is why he called the florist like a lunatic, demanding names.
Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she’s been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since. My friends think I should’ve included my name on the card. Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would’ve never happened. I say it’s my brother-in-law to blame, as he was the one who can’t control his temper.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH…So, I am not sure how anyone thinks sending anonymous flowers to a married woman would end up well. You are 37. Old enough to know better. Sister thinks her husband did a nice thing for her, turns out her husband did not.
Who did?! Why did you not sign the card?! Have you told them it was you? Husband is an all-around jerk for flying off the handle right away. Why assume wife/sister is having an affair right off the bat? I have a feeling your sister is depressed because of him.
I do not think Sister is the jerk in any way. I do not think OP had ill intentions, (and I get why he was trying to do a good thing, just personally, I don’t get why he would not say the flowers were from him), but personally, I have not nor do I know anyone that would send flowers unknown to anyone that the receiver would not have known who they were from.
The last time that happened, was Valentine’s, in high school. Does not mean it cannot happen. I don’t think anyone should automatically assume that anyone was having an affair because they did receive flowers anonymously. The husband is the biggest jerk for his reaction and how he handled everything.
Blew things way out of proportion.
I agree with another poster. OP, please talk to your sister alone to try and gauge if this is normal behavior for her husband? Is this why she is depressed? And I would definitely be looking at BIL differently and doing a little detective work of my own.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“Even if husband gently/kindly said it wasn’t him….where does that leave her? Calling everyone she knows, not knowing who sent them? Begging the florist to tell her so she can say thank you? Eventually calling you to vent about how she got these flowers and she doesn’t know from whom so that you can be like “Surprise, I am the best!” Maybe she would feel like it was a stalker/someone with a crush on her, and feel really uncomfortable.
I’m assuming you know your BIL and this isn’t 100% out of character. But, even if he isn’t usually prone to rage, most people would at least feel comfortable/somewhat suspicious.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“ESH. It’s obvious why BIL is a jerk, so I won’t even get into that.
As others have said, you should have known this could cause strife in your sister’s marriage, even if you didn’t know the degree to which your BIL would pop off. However, I want to point out, how you set your sister up. She has been depressed lately and got flowers with a sweet note, “Thinking of you.” She was probably excited to have received such a sweet gesture from who she thought was her husband.
Can you imagine how gutted she must have felt when he told her they weren’t from him? And now she’s gone from happy/excited to have gotten flowers to being yelled at and accused of unfaithfulness by her jerk husband. You probably meant well (but honestly should have known better), but you set your sister up and she’s probably more depressed now than she was before you did anything.
That’s also a creepy note to include anonymously.” evildore
2. AITJ For Not Cooking A Second Meal For My Younger Siblings?
“I (16F) have two younger siblings, Mia (9F) and Max (7M). Our parents recently went on a quick meeting over the next state but due to bad weather, they got stuck due to severe weather.
It’s been a few days, and while they’ve been checking in, I’ve had to take over everything at home, including looking after my siblings. I don’t mind helping out, but it’s been exhausting managing schoolwork, chores, and making sure they’re not setting the house on fire.
A few days ago, I decided to go all out and cook a proper meal for dinner. I made a spinach and cheese lasagna from scratch, which took me hours between prepping, baking, and cleaning up. I was really proud of it and it smelled amazing and looked straight out of a food magazine.
However, when I served it, Mia poked at it like it was toxic waste, and Max flat-out said, “This is gross. I want nuggets.” (and we didn’t have any nuggets or something to make for that matter)
I was frustrated but stayed calm and told them, “This is dinner.
If you don’t want it, that’s fine, but I’m not making anything else.” They refused to eat and just went back to watching TV. I figured they’d eventually get hungry and eat, but when I checked later, they still hadn’t eaten.
I still tried to push them but eventually gave up because I had a pile of homework and was already drained.
Fast forward to the next few days, when my mom called. She asked if everything was okay, and I mentioned the lasagna incident. She got upset and said something like “They have to eat something, and that kids don’t really like those stuff.” I explained that I didn’t have the time or energy to whip up a second meal when I’m juggling everything else.
She got even angrier, saying they haven’t eaten much in days because they’re too picky to eat what I’ve made.
I get it—they’re kids, and I’m not a professional chef, but I feel like I’ve already done my part by cooking, cleaning, and keeping them alive.
I didn’t sign up to be their personal short-order cook. And for context, due to the weather conditions, ordering in wasn’t an option. Am I really the jerk for drawing the line and not making them something else when they refused to eat?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they were hungry they would eat it or figure something else out. It’s not like this is representative of their diets for their whole lives, if they insist on eating like raccoons for a couple of days while mom and dad are stuck away from home, let the trash pandas be free.
You made food, they have access to food. They are currently not dead or dying. The house is not on fire yet. The minimum threshold for babysitting has been met. 7 and 9 are old enough to throw stuff in the microwave or make a bowl of cereal. I’m willing to bet there’s granola bars or other snacks they could have gotten into if they were desperate.” Impossible-North4601
Another User Comments:
“You decided you wanted to cook an elaborate meal from scratch, which took you hours to prepare, and made a quantity enough for a week? I could question if you asked your siblings or if you expected them to eat it because they have already eaten this food, or spinach…but it blows my mind that you expected the three of you to eat the same thing for a week, and that if I understood well since they didn’t eat the lasagna, you didn’t cook anything else.
Have you been eating the lasagna for these 5 days?” Justanothersaul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but some gentle advice: Op, this random internet mom is REALLY PROUD of you for stepping up. Not only are you being responsible for yourself in a remarkable way, but you’re caring for your younger siblings.
That’s HARD. I see that you put a lot of thought and effort into dinner, and made a plan to have leftovers through the week. That’s amazing and honestly, homemade lasagna is such a pain to make, I applaud you just for that. But as you get older, you do kind of have to learn to read the room.
I promise you, it isn’t a personal insult when kids don’t eat your food. Heck, my sister is a CERTIFIED EXECUTIVE CHEF and her kids often turn up their noses at dishes that I, as an adult, am literally so excited I wiggle my butt like a puppy when I get to eat them.
It isn’t a reflection on you, and even as a mom myself I still struggle with that, cause it feels really personal, right? Sometimes you just gotta remember that fed is best. You can make a god darn Michelin meal but you cannot force anyone to eat it.
That doesn’t mean you’re terrible, or a bad cook, or a bad sibling. You just misjudged your audience.
And the weather emergency means all the regular crap is out the window. The kids were probably low-key freaking out cause Mom and Dad are stuck in another state!
That’s a really scary situation for children that young. Will they ever come home? Are they safe? Are they stuck outside in the snow suffering? Children have wild imaginations and very little logic, they can wind themselves up without even knowing it. At the end of the day, you did a really good job keeping them safe and did your best to feed them healthy food.
Lemme tell you, a whole lot of grown adults can’t do that for themselves, let alone younger siblings, so take a deep breath. You did well. But now maybe you can look up strategies in case there is a next time, or ask your mom what she might have done in your exact situation.
If she was stuck at home with limited ingredients and anxious children, what would she have done differently?” wannabejoanie
1. AITJ For Choosing My Favorite Lunch Spot For My Celebration, Despite My Mom's Dislike For It?
“I (14F) had my end-of-year prizegiving today. I got a few awards and my parents said they were going to take me out to lunch to celebrate. They said I could pick any place I wanted, and I asked to get fish and chips and take it down to the beach (which is a twenty-minute drive away).
They were a bit surprised, and my mum asked me if that was what I really wanted. I said yes, because that’s my favorite food and the fish and chip place just has some dingy wooden tables.
My dad didn’t care, because he loves fish and chips, but my mum doesn’t.
When we order it she usually gets something else, which I know. She may have also been tired after a three-hour prizegiving and she doesn’t really like the beach. I honestly wasn’t thinking about any of that when I decided, just what I wanted to do.
She ordered some sushi and a soda instead which we picked up on the way. We went back to our house to pick up our dog (he is a big beach fan) and my mum was stressed that we didn’t have sunscreen or hats (we did, but we hadn’t prepacked them because I had no idea this was going to happen).
She said it was cold at the beach and didn’t talk to me very much.
I can tell this wasn’t what she wanted, and I feel really guilty for spoiling what could’ve been a fun treat. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First of all, congratulations on your awards!
How wonderful to be recognized and get to celebrate with your parents. You were given the privilege of choosing where to eat because you were the person being celebrated. It’s totally fair to choose the place you really wanted. Your mom may not prefer that food or your preferred setting (beach), but she wasn’t allergic or otherwise unable to eat fish and chips, she got an alternative she preferred, and so all is fine.
I’m sorry she behaved in a way that made you worried you misstepped. As a parent myself, when my kids choose places to eat for their special occasions, even if the choice isn’t necessarily something I love, the focus is on celebrating together and spotlighting the guest of honor.
You’re NTJ. I would say no jerks here, but with a nudge toward your mom of hiding her displeasure better in this kind of scenario.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you picked something you liked when you were asked, no problems there. That said while you picked up on that she inwardly wasn’t pleased with the choice and was also probably a bit stressed, she didn’t bite off your head either. I mean it happens: sometimes someone makes a choice and you try not to let your disappointment show or spoil the mood, but people can tell anyway.
I don’t think your mom is a jerk for not being able to hide it better.” First-Industry4762
Another User Comments:
“Congrats on the awards you received! This was a celebration FOR you and of you. Getting to eat and do something you really like is absolutely appropriate.
Your mom has plenty of meals and events that are exactly how she likes. In fact, I’m confident she has far more of the food/events she likes than you do because she has more agency (control ability) to make what she wants happen more often.
By the way, I’m a mom. I regularly am open to and even offer to do things that aren’t exactly my thing because my husband or one of my kids wants a chance to do that. And you know what? They are also willing to do some things that are not their cup of tea for me.
It’s what you do on occasion for someone you love and care about. Your mom may have not been enthusiastic about the plan, but she went along with it. She got food that she liked without taking away your and your dad’s chance to enjoy fish and chips.
She was a little more whiny about the beach (probably hadn’t mentally prepared herself for that), but she still went. You did nothing wrong, and though your mom wasn’t perfect about it, she was far better than so many of the parents we read about here.
So I’m going to say no jerks here. If you want to do something nice for your mom, go give her a big hug and tell her that you appreciate her going along with the fish and chips and beach today. It may help (1) for her to know that you did think about her, too, today and (2) make her a little more positive the next time there’s a chance for you to do something you like but she doesn’t.
Even if she’s snippy about (and then is a bit more of a jerk) and less deserving of kind words), you don’t have to doubt your choices in the least.” swillshop
