People Don't Leave Out Anything In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Verbally Abusive Estranged Husband From The Hospital?
“My husband and I do not get along. Days before the surgery, I told him to find another ride from the hospital. He responded by being verbally abusive, telling me I’m mentally ill and I have no self-esteem (not true). Apparently he didn’t believe me about the ride.
Today was the surgery, and when I checked my phone in the afternoon, I had multiple messages from him telling me to pick him up. He said the hospital wouldn’t let him take a taxi or car service; pick up had to be someone he knew.
I ignored the calls. He eventually got a ride a few hours later; I’m not sure from who.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you! He is verbally abusive and thinks you owe him a ride? I hope you are working on that divorce.
You deserve a lot better than this.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It always amazes me how people think that, if they verbally abuse someone, it will make that person want to do the other person a favor. Um, HUH???!!! No, you told him that you would not do this.
He didn’t believe you. That is his problem. Block him.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants a ride so he calls you names and is verbally abusive? I must have missed something growing up. I didn’t realize that was the way to get someone to do a favor.
Good on you for standing your ground.” Snickerdoodle2021
21. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Wife's Decision To Change Her Name To Soup?
“My 33m wife 34f told me last night she wants to change her name to Soup. No, that’s not a made-up name I’m using as a placeholder, she wants to be called Soup. I told her it was a terrible idea as no one would ever take her seriously if she did this.
She called me a jerk and said I’m being transphobic because it’s her name. (She’s trans, I’m trans. It wasn’t anything to do with that. She changed her name already when she came out and started her transition, the name she chose is lovely and that’s what everyone knows her as.)
I feel like calling herself Soup will just make stuff so much harder.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“That’s rough buddy. Fellow trans person here too. Your reaction may have been a bit blunt but I don’t think either of you are jerks, and I do hope you can both talk more about your feelings on this topic once things cool down a bit perhaps.
It sounds like you want to support and protect her. Also sounds like she wants to be heard, and to feel supported and accepted as she is. Maybe there are other questions you could discuss like what the meaning is for her, is this a universal change she wants to move to make or more like another name/nickname/pet name, and in that way, you could sort out things more together?
Sending good vibes.” SoCShift
Another User Comments:
“My partner also chose a very specific food name and though it was a little odd at first, I’ve said it so many times at this point that it no longer reminds me of the food. Occasionally I get a giggle from someone when I put them down as my emergency contact, but you’ll be surprised at how quickly the novelty wears off.
It costs me nothing to be on board with their choice, and it makes them happy. Also there are a lot of names inspired by food! Graham, Sage, Brie, Ginger, Madeleine, Olive, etc. Who knows, maybe Soup will catch on and in a couple of decades it’ll be all the rage for new babies.
No jerks here but if you keep pushing her to choose a name you like, you will be a jerk.” Organic_Film_4382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Look I get it, people have the right to choose their own identity. It doesn’t mean that other people can’t point out that choices have consequences and as you say, people may struggle to take her seriously and yes you’re probably right, it may make life – which I’m sure has already been challenging enough for her – even harder.
But, she’s an adult and her choice is her choice. Though turning on you because she doesn’t like that you’re not automatically applauding her every decision like that is a little bit of a red flag. So I wouldn’t say anything else, just go with it and let her find out.” history_buff_9971
20. AITJ For Giving My Sister A Deadline To Remove Her Belongings From My House?
“Last year, my sister was living with me in my house. She moved out at the beginning of December and left behind a significant portion of her belongings.
I have asked her multiple times to remove her stuff, but she is dismissive and if I press her about it she’ll say that she doesn’t have time to do it or doesn’t have enough room in her new apartment. If I ask how busy she could be that she hasn’t had an afternoon to spare in months or try to point out that I don’t really have room for her stuff either (it’s a small house with 2 bedrooms, and her stuff dominates one of them) she gets angry and just shuts down the conversation.
She doesn’t seem to have any intention of clearing the room of her own volition in the foreseeable future, and I really would quite like to be able to use all the rooms in my house. Would I be a jerk if I were to tell her that if her stuff isn’t gone by the end of the month, I’ll have it binned?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would try to go a bit different about it, tell her that as she obviously doesn’t need those things and you want to clear out you will be donating it or something, or even offer to pack it up and bring it over to her yourself because she doesn’t have the time, that way you are being helpful and not sounding angry and she doesn’t really have the choice of saying no.” Fabulous_Wasabi1108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rent a storage unit. Prepay for 3 months. Move Sis’s stuff to the unit and tell her she has 3 months to move her stuff out of the unit or start paying the storage fees herself. The storage company will sell the contents if she doesn’t move her stuff or pay.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“I had a friend solve this with a small investment. She rented a storage unit, paid the first month’s rent, gave the key to her granddaughter and said if you want your stuff, go get it or pay the rent on the storage unit each month.
She said it cost her $75 plus $10 for the lock, but it was worth every penny just to have it over and done with. In most places, an abandoned storage unit is not something that will be reported to a credit agency as bad debt. You’ll have to put it in your own name, but give them her phone number and email address for contact.” hes_got_a_guard
19. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Used My Number For Baby Shower RSVPs Without Asking?
“My mom is organizing a baby shower for my SIL and asked for my help but I haven’t really been that involved. She’s never informed me of many of the details or things like that, so I’ve been kind of in the dark.
Recently, she sent out the invitations and I learned she put my phone number on them for people to contact to say if they’re coming or not. I wasn’t told she would do that and I felt put off that she would hand out my phone number without my permission, especially since she knows I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know.
I’ve just been letting the calls go to voicemail, but my inbox gets full pretty quickly and there are some that I miss. They also have her number to call as well, so I’m not the only option they have.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is organizing a baby shower?
And you’re NTJ: she should’ve asked before putting YOUR number on the invitations. And you’re better than me, I would answer their calls, and spread wrong information. Then, when my SIL asks “where are all my guests”? I would respond with “I didn’t know the correct information to tell them since you didn’t tell me you were putting MY number on the invitations.
Oh well.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being annoyed and it sucks she put your number down but you’re teetering on some jerk territory yourself if you’re just silently ignoring this and didn’t let your mom know you’re not going to keep track.
Stand up for yourself and tell her you didn’t sign up to be an attendance log so she knows she needs to take responsibility herself.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your mom shouldn’t have put your number on the invites, but you should’ve both told your mom right away that you didn’t want your number given out so she should address the problem.
As a backup, you could change your voicemail message to say that RSVPs for the baby shower are to be directed to your mom so that the count is more accurate.” Spank_Cakes
18. AITJ For Choosing To Save My Sister's Baby Over My Brother's Dog In A Hypothetical Situation?
“My brother can’t have children so he bought a puppy as a substitute.
He calls the pup his son and says it’s my nephew etc. Our sister had a baby a week ago and my brother understandably has a lot of feelings.
Well last night he said if there was a fire and I could only save one, who would I save, my sister’s baby or his puppy?
I said the baby first and then I’d go back for the puppy. He said I couldn’t go back so I said the baby. He got really mad and said I should see his pup as a nephew as much as I see the baby as one and that the only correct answer was to save neither.
I love his dog but I don’t see it the same way he does.
I think I probably shouldn’t have engaged in the game and that he set me up to fail. My mum says I’m the jerk and I should have said I’d save the dog but that feels gross to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reality is he wanted an answer he knew was unreasonable. No one wants a dog to be hurt but this is him asking an unreasonable question. “Why won’t you answer? You don’t love my dog!” This is the likely outcome of saying no. It is a no-win situation.
It’s good you understand why he did this but these are consequences of his actions, not yours. Let him ride it out. As someone who cannot have children? People use this as an excuse for a myriad of bad behaviors. My infertility does not mean I get to go around asking questions like this about my cat, I don’t get to be mean to babies, and I do get to go “Hey, friend and or sibling, I am feeling down.
So and So had a baby, and it hit the sore spot. Can I cry about it with you for a bit?”” FirebirdWriter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a former service dog partner. It’s about the most intimate healthy relationship you can have with an animal – you kind of start thinking of them as a cross between part of you and a spouse, it’s kind of hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it.
In the 9 years my SD worked, we spent a total of about 12 hours apart spread over that 9 years (most of that being that each of us had a minor surgery). I would still have chosen to save my husband or my nephew before my dog if I was forced to choose one.
Your brother asked a ridiculous, unfair question so he’d have an excuse to be mad at you or gloat over how his dog is more important. Also, WTF to him saying you should have picked neither?! If 2 kids were in the fire, you’d do your darnedest to save both, or at least get to one of them, you wouldn’t just go “Oops, looks like I can’t save them both so I’ll just let them both die.”” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“What. He wanted you to save no one? Even if he had an actual human kid how is “let both babies die because I can’t pick” ever the right answer? The right answer in that case would probably be “whoever is closest and I can reasonably save” or “I’m not playing this game it’s just designed to make someone hate me.” But with a baby vs a dog, you made the right choice.
He’s a jerk for even asking that question, never mind expecting you to prioritize the dog to the same level. I understand the love for dogs, don’t take that wrong, but of course you’re going to pick your human nephew/niece. I seriously do not understand how your mother would think you’re the jerk here.
Would she also save her son’s dog over her grandchild? (Or, no one as he requests because she can’t choose?) NTJ.” joelene1892
17. AITJ For Not Shoveling The Driveway Before My Parents Drove Over The Snow?
“I am a college student in Ontario and we recently got about 14cm of snow yesterday. This happened this morning when my upstairs neighbor got mad because my parents who are visiting for the holidays left to get a few things. My neighbor and I share the driveway with them getting one side and I get the other.
Yesterday after it calmed down, my dad and I shoveled the whole driveway since the husband just recently had surgery and we thought it was a nice gesture, but it continued to snow throughout the night so there was still a good amount of it this morning.
My parents left early to grab some groceries and since they were just going for a quick trip they just drove over the snow bank created by the snow plow. Then when my neighbor leaves this morning she starts complaining to me that it’s not very nice and we should have shoveled beforehand.
When my parents aren’t visiting or when my roommate doesn’t have any of his family over we let them use it since we don’t have cars, but the thing is my parents are visiting until Sunday and it’s not like we were just gonna leave it like that.
Once my parents got back she also told my dad this which set him off because of how stupid it was and they yelled at each other for a bit. And then my dad and I cleared our side of the driveway down to the pavement which took us not even 20 minutes.
I’m going to school in a more southern part of Ontario but I grew up in the north so maybe it’s just different down here but still, she made it a way bigger than it really was so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I also live in southern Ontario and your neighbor sounds as exhausting and annoying as mine.
It becomes difficult to be kind and shovel when people don’t say thank you. I’m going to be blunt, you said her husband had surgery, well I’m a woman and I’m definitely not young, in fact, I’m older than my neighbor and I’ve still shoveled her driveway.
Is there a reason she can’t shovel? I have knee problems and neck and back problems but slow and easy and you can still get it done. It’s really nice that you’ve helped out but she is being disrespectful to you because of your age and that is unacceptable.
NTJ.” Shot_Trifle_9219
Another User Comments:
“This attitude of rude entitlement (from the neighbor), right here, is why my husband helps no one anymore with snow shoveling. We have a monster huge Toro. You know, the kind that loves to chew through chunks of ice and heavy slush.
Loud but powerful as a draft horse. My husband was nice at first helping neighbors out after big snows, but then we noticed some of them just…. leaving their driveway humps untouched later and later, kinda playing a game of ‘chicken’ hoping that my husband would help them out.
And no thanks, not a beer, nada. Forget that noise. Now he only clears ours and that’s it. When we have huge snowstorms he will go and blow out our driveway, getting longing looks and sighs from the neighbors but now he ignores that. OP, don’t feel bad and for God’s sake, don’t let your cranky rude neighbour try to turn you into their unpaid servant.” busyshrew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I live in Eastern Massachusetts and always back my trucks in and leave them in 4 wheel to plow right through the snow. When the guys have a minute to stop by and plow they do. During a busy storm a couple years ago I took our Wrangler through a 3-foot plow hill at the end of our driveway sideways to go get iced coffee.
Now I should mention I’m a middle-aged female and my husband worked next door at the time. They had a few new guys and were all out clearing the parking lot. The faces and comments made me laugh.” Bennie212
16. AITJ For Wanting To Skip Half-Sister's Christmas Dinner Due To Thoughtless Gifts And Broken Traditions?
“My sister (26F) invited me (38M) to Christmas dinner at her grandparents’, but I’m not sure I want to go—and I don’t want to look selfish if I skip it.
We’re half-siblings (same dad, different moms) and didn’t grow up together. I moved here when I was 20 and started living with our dad. For the last 4–5 years, I’ve hosted a Christmas Eve potluck at my place and also made Christmas breakfast the next morning.
Then we’d open presents.
But the gifts I get from my sisters are usually junk—candles (I’ve never said I like candles), plant holders (I don’t own plants), purple suede gloves (wtf?), or random oversized clothes from weird generic brands. Sometimes they lazily combine a few items into one bag and say it’s from all of them.
I’ve never gotten a gift from them that I use. Meanwhile, I give them thoughtful, individual gifts like monogrammed blankets, matching PJs, manicures, and skin care products. I don’t need lavish gifts, but getting stuff that clearly has no thought behind it feels embarrassing, and I have to open it in front of everyone.
They give each other really nice gifts and post about it on Instagram, so it’s not that they don’t know how. Even at Christmas, they do their “real” gift opening at their mom’s and I think that’s where they actually put in effort.
Now my sister texted me her grandparents are inviting me for Christmas dinner and “everyone” will be there, which makes me think I got the last invitation. I’ve lived here 18 years and never been asked to their grandparents’ before. I’m also not thrilled at the idea of opening more awkward gifts while eating bland food.
When I asked my sister if we were still doing Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas breakfast as usual, she was vague. She mentioned we could do dinner at her place or mine, or go to her partner’s cousin’s house—no thanks, spending Christmas Eve with strangers is the last thing I’d want to do.
Then my two sisters said they can’t make breakfast. No one confirmed Christmas Eve dinner after that.
So it seems our usual traditions are canceled, and I’m invited to a dinner where “everyone” will be there, and it’s hosted by family who’ve never invited me in nearly two decades.
I’d rather not get gifts that I’ll just donate or throw away. It’s almost worse than not getting a gift at all. It may be superficial, but I don’t want to eat bland food for Christmas, I want to enjoy it. It’s the one time I have the best food, and their grandparents cook basic and bland.
I love my family, but I haven’t felt motivated to go to this dinner for a couple of weeks now. I’d prefer making good food at home, watching Christmas movies with my partner, and opening our presents. I’d still give my sisters their gifts—maybe drop them off beforehand—but I just don’t feel like going.
I just don’t know if I’m being selfish and would potentially create space between us.
Would I be a jerk if I opt out of their dinner and tell them I don’t want any gifts from them this year?”
Another User Comments:
“This is going to sound harsh but….
1 – They clearly don’t really care that much about you – if you really care you don’t consistently get someone crappy gifts – possibly actually regifted and unwanted by your sisters (the ones you cited are things that you’d give to a woman not a man).
2 – Having spent the past four years going to your place they have been ignoring their own grandparents. There will probably be some emotional blackmail going on along with thoughts of exclusion from their wills. 3 – you’ve only just been invited which means you‘re an afterthought You have done your best to hold your half-sisters close to you, going out of your way to be a great host. They, on the other hand, not so much.
Instead of being uncomfortable around strangers and feeling excluded from too many ‘in’ jokes you‘re better off having a good meal in your own home and binge-watching some silly films like The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins or The Muppets Christmas Carol. NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“No, unless you do it in a cruel manner. They don’t sound like they deserve respect, but you sound better than stooping to their level. I had to stop attending Christmas at my grandparent’s house because my sons were not treated well by my father.
It was very hard, but I was just honest with my grandmother about why I’d visit on a different day. I have not regretted it. If they care about you like you deserve, then they can make more than a superficial effort. Celebrate Christmas in a way that brings you joy, not misery.
You are not obligated to please them simply because they are family.” CreativeinCosi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you expect your sisters to not go elsewhere Christmas Eve and Christmas morning to be at your house. It’s possible over the last four/five years their lives have changed enough that it’s too big a time commitment for these specific days.
You might have gotten the invitation last minute because they realized they didn’t have enough time with other things they have to do, and waited too long to figure that out. Or they might want you to meet their wider family since to them keeping two separate Christmases is pointless.
Or it could be they simply don’t want to continue this yearly tradition with you. Or there’s friends who come back home to their families they’d like to see during those times. Whatever the reason for not wanting to forego seeing other people and at the exclusion of all other activities with anyone else by going to your house for Christmas Eve dinner and then Christmas morning breakfast the next day, they still seem to want to include you.
Since they’re not hosting the Christmas gathering, they had to put the idea to their grandparents and get the okay. I give explanations, not excuses. Their gifts to you over the years sound atrocious. I’m petty enough to want to open those with other people watching lol.
If you have nothing else planned, might as well go – but only bring a thank you gift for the hosts, maybe one of the candles you’ve gotten previously, and nothing for anyone else. Who knows, you might make a friend. Or never go again.” raginghappy
15. AITJ For Calling My Friend Spoiled Because He Thinks My Responsibilities Are Abuse?
“I (M19) live with my mom, my little brother (M6) and my older brother (M20).
My friend Jason (M22) lives with his parents at home. This in and of itself is fine. I go to uni and Jason is currently taking a gap year.
Today I had to cancel plans with Jason because my mom suddenly had to work overtime, which then meant I had to look after my brother for a little while.
Jason thinks this is weird and abusive towards me (?). He wanted to know more about my home life situations.
So, we then talked about finances. I told him I pay my mom €50 a month for living costs, and that she doesn’t pay for my clothes or shoes, and that I get stuff like that for myself.
Jason doesn’t have to pay his family anything and his mom still gives him €100 a month for clothes, and she buys him appliances for his PC and stuff from time to time. He thinks it’s weird I have to pay my mom and called her an abuser again.
For reference, I work every other day after uni and get about 600€ a month. Jason works, but only three hours a week.
Then we talked about cooking. I told him I sometimes cook for myself or my family. He was bewildered. He said as I am living under her roof, she needs to cook for me.
And that I am too young to cook for myself. He then said his mom always cooks for him, breakfast lunch, and dinner, and that this is normal since she is his mom. She orders food if she isn’t home.
Then we discussed vacations.
My mom went on vacation with her partner this year and left me and my older brother alone at home while my little brother went to my grandparents. Jason again called this abuse; “How can she leave you at home for a week?? My mom and dad take me everywhere!
I can’t be alone, I’m their kid”.
At this point, I was tired of him calling my mom abusive thinking I’d agree so I just said I was fine with all of this and didn’t think it was abusive. I turn 20 next week, I’m not a clueless child.
This is normal. He then proceeded to call me a victim and clueless. I got annoyed so I said he was spoiled and privileged; no 22-year-old living at home gets everything handed to them on a platter and treated like a child like he does.
He then stopped responding and hasn’t texted me since. AITJ..? Maybe I went too far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Throw the whole friend out, it’s moldy. Seriously, this guy is going to go nowhere really quickly, he’s going to either never learn what responsibility is or he’ll learn it when his parents cut the purse strings, and he’ll have to deal with learning how to be an adult at 40.
Which isn’t necessarily a problem, everyone learns at different times. Wouldn’t be worth taking a step back if he wasn’t being a jerk to people who have normal living situations. But he is being a jerk, so dump him on his backside and find friends you can depend on.” kharmatika
Another User Comments:
“Well, sounds like Jason has heard of parentification but hasn’t paid enough attention to realize that parentification is the forcing of a child to take a parental role; as an adult offspring, it would only apply if you’ve been doing this for many years and if it did apply it would be in the past tense.
As far as your contribution towards living costs, that is an approach many parents take, for a variety of reasons including because they know they would financially struggle to continue to support their now adult child, and because the parent thinks it will help their adult offspring to learn to budget.
And whilst you are paying that €50 a month, you’ve still got the opportunity to save up a chunk of your income for a place of your own.
As far as cooking is concerned…a 22yo thinks a 19yo is too young to cook? What? You are developing your skills whilst at home.
He…well, I feel sorry for whoever he ends up in a relationship with, if he doesn’t learn. I got about halfway through your post thinking…well, I wouldn’t say Jason is necessarily spoiled, but he is lucky that his family gives him a clothing allowance, tech, and other items, and he only has to work a few hours each week.
The fact he doesn’t work more than those three hours, well it’s difficult to comment because we don’t know if he has other commitments. Then I got to the bit about how his mom always cooks for him, breakfast, lunch and dinner, and orders food if she’s not home.
Whilst makes it sound like he’s never even poured himself a bowl of cereal or made a sandwich, or placed a takeaway order. And if that is the case, I’d agree he is spoiled.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your comment was 100% justified. It is very normal for children to take on responsibilities within the household.
Occasionally cooking dinner for the family or occasionally babysitting a younger sibling is not parentification, it’s contributing to the family. I raised 2 sons, they had chores, learned to cook, meal plan, shop, budget, clean every room of the house, and how to maintain things like filters and small appliances.
Things like cleaning out the bread crumbs on the toaster, not replacing heat elements. These are skills that so many young adults lack and they struggle when they move out on their own. What happens if your infantilized friend falls for a woman with a similar upbringing?
Neither of them will have any idea how to feed themselves or maintain their space. Who will they blame when no one takes the “parent” role in their relationship.” minimalist_coach
14. AITJ For Being Upset My Parents Gave Me An Uninsured Car?
“I just want to say that I’m very grateful that I even have the opportunity to get a car at my age since a lot of people do not have that privilege. However, that being said I’m quite angry/disappointed in the way my dad and stepmom handled this situation.
My dad (M52) bought my stepmom (F48) a new Porsche and my dad told my stepmom that in ‘exchange’ she would need to give her old car to the first kid that would get their license. Well, I (F19) managed to get my license now and, as promised, the car is parked outside and I will get my stepmom’s old car.
Now there’s one problem; My stepmom canceled her insurance on that car (which I can understand). Today my dad and stepmom sat me down and told me that I am absolutely not allowed to get into any accidents with the car and it was then that they revealed that the car wasn’t insured and that IF I get into an accident that I’m going to have to pay for it for the rest of my life.
That made me very scared and also angry because it made me think ‘is there not any other way to do this without risking me (a 19-year-old) having to be in serious debt for the rest of my life??
I also did some research and apparently in the country where I’m from it’s ILLEGAL to drive without insurance and I really can’t afford to pay for it myself.
Now I’m sad and angry at them because I made so much effort to get my license to only find out today that I basically cannot afford to drive it. So AITJ? Am I being entitled here??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure how parents can believe that forbidding you from having an accident will prevent an accident.
Also, I’m curious, who are the other kids that would compete to get this car? Most parents don’t make an offer of ‘first one to get a license, gets the car” if the kids are a 19yo and a 9yo. Do you have other siblings (step/half/full) who are close in age and could have gotten their license before you did?
Is that sibling a more favored sibling? Like, if they got their license first, would the insurance be paid for them? If you are able to, take the car and insure it so you can drive. Otherwise, pass on this ‘generosity.'” ScotchBonnetPeeps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for refusing to set yourself up for years of misery if you get into an accident with no insurance. Do not drive without insurance – ever. Accept the car. Have them sign the title over to you and get it registered in your name.
Here are some options. Approach them about getting on one of their policies and you pay the difference. This is typically cheaper than a stand-alone policy at your age. Next option – do you work? Part-time? Pick up extra time or a second job to pay for what you want.
You are 19. You want something, you start working towards it. Another option – sell the car. If it’s mom’s older car and she just upgraded to a Porsche, it’s probably nice. So sell it, take the money and buy a cheap, reliable car, and use the additional funds to cover insurance and maintenance.
Go on a website like Autotrader to find out what it is worth so you don’t get taken advantage of. Then check out prices of reliable, cheaper vehicles to see what the difference is. Do not drive without insurance – ever. “Just don’t get into an accident” is crap advice.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“DON’T DRIVE WITHOUT INSURANCE! It’s a colossally bad idea that could seriously hurt you and/or others. God forbid you get in an accident and hurt someone. Not only might that mean that they won’t have any money for medical care, but also that you’ll be on the hook for it in addition to any other legal penalties arising from your lack of insurance.
And of course if you, god forbid, get hurt in an accident, YOU won’t have any money for your medical expenses. I can’t believe your parents would actually be ok with you driving without insurance. And “don’t get into an accident”??? Do they know what the definition of an accident is?
Get a job and buy insurance if you want to drive. Can you accept the car as a gift and just keep it parked until you can afford insurance?” dystopiadattopia
13. AITJ For Asking My Friends To Buy Me Undergarments On A Trip?
“I (21m) rented an Airbnb with friends for a weekend trip. On the first day, two of my friends (both guys) announced they were going to Target to get supplies.
They said they would buy anything anyone needed as long as we Venmoed them.
At first, I thought they meant supplies we all needed, but then some people started asking for personal stuff (deodorant, toothbrushes, etc). Realizing I packed JUST enough undergarments for the trip (never a good place to be), I asked them to pick me up a pack.
I told them literally anything is fine (I’m not picky there lol).
When they came back, they brought everyone else’s items but mine. When I asked why, they said they weren’t my mom and I could have handled this myself. They were very cold in the moment and made me feel like a jerk.
Granted they seemed to forget it a bit ago but I have no idea why my request bothered them if no one else’s did. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your 2 friends expected to go to Target to get things for the group that would be impractical to pack (ex: snacks) and offered to shop for other things, expecting they would get requests for things like toiletries, that people can easily forget to pack.
They may have gotten overwhelmed by the amount of requests and frustrated that you requested clothing, which adults should not forget to pack for a trip. They shouldn’t have been passive-aggressive, and you should have been more careful packing.” Previous-Charity6155
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you never know when you need more undergarments.
Sweating, spills, rain, (pee by sneezing is my problem after giving birth), you can never have too many spare pairs or clothes in general, especially if you’re not sure if you can do laundry. The fact that you’re a dude and they are dudes, it shouldn’t have been a problem, you’re even paying for them too!
They are being very immature with the “we aren’t your mom”. Heck, I’m a chick and I would’ve bought them for you if I was in this situation. This is almost like guys refusing to buy pads for their partners kind of immature. You’re definitely NTJ in my opinion.” KittenShocked
Another User Comments:
“They are super homophobic and don’t want to touch some other guy’s undergarments. Or, they think you don’t have any at all and got weirded out. Or, they think you already soiled everything you brought and got grossed out. Or, they think it’s some kind of fantasy for you to be wearing undergarments they picked out and they don’t want to be part of it.
Or, they are super immature and were like ew undergarments. Or, they are just jerks. NTJ.” hyundai-gt
12. AITJ For Letting My Little Brother Pay Me Back With His Birthday Money?
“Today is my (19M) little brother’s 15th birthday and in his cards he got some money, ending up with about £15.
A few months ago I let him use my card to buy a subscription for his Xbox. We forgot to turn off recurring payments so at the end of the month the £6.99 got taken from my account and it wouldn’t let me refund it. I told him to keep it but I wanted to be paid back (I was thinking he could just save up to pay me back as he sometimes gets given £1 or £2 when he goes to the shop) and he agreed to eventually pay me back.
I then ended up forgetting about it.
Cut to today, he asked to use my card again because his Xbox had an offer for a £1-month game pass. I agreed and he gave me the £1. He then offered to pay me £6 for the money he owed and I mean… the £6 is from his birthday money so I asked him if he was 100% sure he wanted to now and I saw him thinking about it.
He confirmed but I asked him again if he was definitely sure because he doesn’t have to use his birthday money, I won’t lose sleep over £6 and again, he said yes and gave me the money.
Our parents knew he owed me the money and our mum even said she’d pay me back herself (never did) and he just told them that he’d paid me back and now they’re mad at me for accepting the money but like… I did ask him multiple times if he was sure that he wanted to do that.”
Another User Comments:
“… be a big brother and find a way to give it back to him. Make a small bet with him that you know he can win. You’re not the jerk, definitely sound like a decent brother by telling him you aren’t worried about it right now.
That was dope of you. But if it’s really not a big deal, give it back somehow. That’s just me being a big brother myself. He’s learned the responsibility and he’s shown you that. Giving it back or simply forgiving it would teach him the wrong lesson, but furthering the lesson by letting him earn it back would be really good of a bigger brother.” Such_Talk_8731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he wanted to give you your money back that he borrowed. You did well for taking the money not because you need it or anything but because from that experience your little brother learned that when he borrows money or stuff from someone he has a responsibility to return it.
The same thing happened with my little nephew he gave me back some money he had borrowed from me to go and play with his friends on an internet café. When he told me that he had the money he borrowed I was dumbfounded. I didn’t believe he would actually give it back when he had it.
So I took the money and a couple of days later I gave it back to him as a gift to do whatever he wanted with it.” DARKWULFS
Another User Comments:
“Be proud of your brother for paying a debt he owes. perhaps he felt the extra month of access was something he would have purchased with the birthday money anyway?
Awesome kid you got for a brother. And you sound like a pretty good big brother, too. NTJ.” Candid-Sense-7523
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pick Up My Sister From A Far Airport?
“My sister is coming to visit for Christmas. She lives in another country that is 20+ hours away.
This was a last-minute decision she made and called me a week before she left, asking me to pick her up from the airport. The airport she chose to fly into is the furthest from our house (there are 3 other closer airports) 1.5 hours drive, two states over and she didn’t ask what airport was best or what time would work.
She is flying in on a Monday morning and if I were to pick her up, I would have to take the morning off work and either bring the kids along (small kids under 7) or have someone watch them. Side note, she is also visiting her new partner in another part of the country and added us to her trip after she made plans.
I asked if she would take an Uber but she got mad for suggesting this…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The drive is too long and you have preexisting responsibilities. And a four-hour drive with small children due to her poor planning (which will be a five-hour drive since you will have to stop, even ignoring traffic or the time you spend at the airport) just isn’t an option.
You cannot do it so it would not be wrong to not do it.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“Tell her to get on the PATH train to Penn Station, take the subway to Grand Central, and get on a train to CT. You’ll pick her up in CT.
And when she whines about traveling all day and not being able to navigate all the trains, give her the number of a town car service and she can arrange a driver. Make sure she knows she still has to pay the tolls across 4(?) bridges and tunnels.
And no ride share or cab will take this fare. She won’t get a pickup at the airport. They will all cancel.” nowaynohowanyway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I were the family members who lived near a major airport, so we would get TOLD when to pick up people from the airport until we put our foot down.
Tell your sister that she can’t ORDER you to pick her up from the airport – several hours away round trip. She needs to learn to contact you before she gets her plane tickets to find out IF AND WHEN you could pick her up.” ElmLane62
10. AITJ For Telling My Dad To Stop Making Comments About My Eating Habits?
“I’ve (23F) been pretty skinny all my life (about 100-110 lbs).
During college, I had bouts of fainting spells which could have been tied to not eating enough due to general anxiety. Since graduating and moving back home last year I’ve gained some weight, about 30 lbs. During this time, my parents have made some pretty upsetting comments about my weight and how they think I eat too much.
I’m already struggling with my body image and self-esteem so their comments don’t help me at all and just make me feel worse.
Anyway, the other day I came downstairs around 1 am because I was hungry and heated up a slice of pizza.
As my dad was packing the rest of the pizza up to put it away, he said “you guys can have this for lunch or dinner tomorrow…. unless (my name) eats it all”. At this point, so many comments and digs have been made and I was fed up.
I started yelling and told him to stop making comments about what or how I eat because it negatively affects me. He goes on to say he was just teasing me and I’m just being sensitive. I told him to shut the heck up because him dismissing my feelings made me so much more upset.
I’ve never told my parents to shut up ever in my life, but I feel like it’s warranted when I’m constantly being disrespected.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody should comment on another person’s body or appearance, full stop, unless they’re being either complimentary or helpful.
Tell them they look great. Tell them you like the new top. Tell them they’ve buttoned their top crooked or got toilet paper on their shoe or lipstick on their teeth. They can fix those things quickly and it’s helpful? And if you don’t have a nice thing to say about the way they look, just shut up.
Nobody needs your criticism of their body. You’re not Gok Wan. People, individually and across the course of their lifetime, come in different shapes and sizes. They can still be active and healthy when they’re bigger, and look slim and fit but be incredibly unhealthy.
Or vice versa. But it’s still nobody else’s business, with the exception of their health care provider should it become relevant.” OddBoots
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you were wrong. It’s your parents’ house, not yours. Your dad was teasing you and you couldn’t control your emotions so you lashed out.
I doubt this was the first time he did it but if the teasing is too much, you are an adult, move out. Your parents don’t have an obligation to house you as an adult. You mentioned college so I would guess you have a degree.
Use that to get a job and move out. If you can’t, then get your emotions under control to withstand the teasing until you can leave. Again, you are an adult. If calling you a fatty is too harsh, then have a mature adult conversation with your parents to discuss your problems with their teasing.
If that doesn’t work, move out.” Ittokaos2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hard NTJ. My ex’s family constantly made comments like this, especially her father. Sly digs, less sly digs, bullying, shaming, and demeaning comments. This was in circumstances where everyone was well aware of how much my ex had struggled with body image, weight, and self-esteem her entire (32F) life.
The whole ‘it was just a joke’ is completely unacceptable in my view, especially from one’s parent. I cannot conceive of circumstances where I would ever say something to either of my two children. It may not be intentional but it is not the behavior of a loving parent (or imho how such behavior ought to be).
The ‘joke’ response discounts your authentic and legitimate feelings and it is not okay.
I assume from your post, OP, that you would never ‘want’ or ‘choose’ willingly to say something like ‘STFU’ to your father, e.g. in a premeditated sense, or if you weren’t feeling unbearably upset in the heat of the moment.
But we all have our limits and our pressable buttons. And both my ex and my mother, to give two examples, are expert button-pressers when it comes to me.
A couple of thoughts, if I may: where is your mother/other parent in all of this?
Have you spoken to her about all the digs and comments you are receiving? Anyone else in your family? A close family friend? I don’t have any answers but I really hope you forgive yourself, now or very soon. I have always found this type of semi-subtle putdown more pernicious and in a way sometimes more upsetting than a direct insult because they catch me off-guard and I find them difficult to assess.
I always used to struggle with weight, etc. The whole ‘are you sure you should be eating this?’ nonsense used to wind me TF up. I hope you find a way to sit down with your parents, especially your father by the sound of it, to have a discussion or proper conversation about just how much pain all of this is causing you.
I say that as someone whose own mother has never had the capacity for that type of conversation (she sees it as an attack and gets even more insulting towards me).” LovelyBigBrownClock
9. AITJ For Defending My Son Against His Stepdad's Body Shaming?
“I (31M) have split custody of my son, Marcus (12M) with my ex, Lena (30F).
Lena and I split up shortly after he was born, and stayed friends, but have been less communicative since she married Erik (42M) four years ago. We have had disagreements – I don’t approve of certain things they’ve been doing and they think I spoil him – but until recently we managed to keep things civil.
Marcus is a great kid and I love him. He’s smart, funny, and caring, and he’s taught me so much about being a human. Having him saved my life and changed it for the better. He’s also more or less my only family, so I really treasure him and our time together.
Recently he’s gotten chubby and depressed, which I only mention because it’s relevant.
I was concerned about my son gaining weight but I didn’t want to do much other than making sure we eat healthy. He’s still active in sports, which I encourage, and a lot will change with puberty.
His mom and stepdad are upset though, and I now know that they had Marcus on a restricted diet and are putting a lot of pressure on him to lose weight. At first, it didn’t seem like much but it became more unreasonable e.g. before this incident, I got in trouble with Erik for buying Marcus a size up in clothes, since he thought that he should trim down to fit his old ones better.
I told him that I wasn’t going to apologize for giving my son pants, he never responded.
Last week, when I came to pick him up, Marcus was still packing his bag. Lena invited me inside for coffee and we were making small talk when I heard shouting.
Apparently, Marcus had been hiding snacks in his room. Erik found candy bars in his overnight bag (which they no longer allow in the house) and pulled them out to show to us as evidence. I got upset when he called Marcus names and told him he “wouldn’t be fat if he weren’t so greedy”, and told him to treat my son with respect.
Marcus went to the car, and things devolved. I called him a bully and a lot of expletives got thrown around. I didn’t hear from Lena until later when she texted to tell me that she was furious with me. I was still reeling from everything so the conversation is a blur.
I tried to tell her I was sorry, but that I couldn’t understand why she would allow him to treat Marcus that way. She told me that while it was “a bit much”, Marcus broke their rules and Erik was right that he should lose weight.
She also told me that I don’t know anything about the “disrespect” Marcus gives them, that I only experience the “fun parts of being a parent”, and accused me of encouraging bad behavior that she has to deal with.
I had a talk with Marcus and told him I love him and he has nothing to be ashamed of.
He seems better, but I’m not looking forward to taking him back to his mom’s home. I know I made things worse and I should have removed myself from the situation, but I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t at least stand up for my son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Has your ex taken your son to the doctor? Is she following medical advice on weight loss? Did you ask her about any of that? I recommend that you and your ex–and not her husband–sit down in a neutral place when neither of you is angry and discuss what’s best for your son.
Everyone needs to drop the ego and concentrate on what’s best for Marcus. Does he need to modify his diet? Be more active? Is there something going on medically? Figure it out. If he does need to lose weight, then work with a dietician who works with pre-pubescent kids.
Restricting food to the point that he’s hiding it is not healthy. “I got upset when he called Marcus names and told him he “wouldn’t be fat if he weren’t so greedy.”” This is completely unacceptable and your ex should not be allowing it. Also, if your custody agreement is 50/50 then you need to work on making sure Marcus is with you 50% of the time.” KingBretwald
Another User Comments:
“INFO – what is the legal custody agreement? Also, have you thought about getting your son into therapy? Having raised two boys, I can tell you with both of them, they got a little wider every time they were about to hit a growth spurt.
And around 12-13, they both were on the chubby side, but then slimmed out when they grew taller with puberty. It sounds like his mom and stepdad are doing things and saying things that could be emotionally and mentally detrimental and borderline abusive especially the stepdad.
If that was my kid, he would be in therapy and I would be going to court to have the custody order changed to limit that abuse. NTJ. You seem like a great dad! Way to have your kid’s back!!” Chance_Culture_441
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They are going to give your son an eating disorder if they haven’t already. He is a child and he is growing, they should not be restricting his food, as long as it isn’t junk! He’s probably only hiding snacks because he isn’t getting enough actual nutritious food and he’s HUNGRY.
I was put on WeightWatchers, Atkins, the cabbage soup diet, all that trendy nonsense as a little fat kid (who grew up into a totally average, if a bit dad-bod-ish guy), and that stuff stays with you psychologically… I’m sure that spending most of my early adolescence being hungry also stunted my growth and wrecked my energy levels.
It’s super common to be a bit chunky at the start of puberty…
Erik IS a bully and why the heck would Marcus respect someone who bullies him and the mother who won’t protect him? Having a food journal and tracking what you eat can sometimes encourage disordered eating, but I would maybe suggest Marcus start one so you can keep track of what he’s eating while he’s not in your care.
That way you can bring it to your doctor or a pediatric nutritionist and you can get a professional opinion on it, as well as get him checked out as to if he even needs to lose weight in the first place.” every1remaincalm
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Uncle Back For Items He Gave Me As A Child?
“I was raised by my grandma (and believed she was my mother until I was 11) until I was 13 when social services got involved and felt she could no longer care for me properly and I was going to be placed with a foster family.
My “older brother” who’s actually my uncle, had already moved out, gave me a few things before I left. These things were a PS2, a few games, an old electric guitar and amp, 2 pairs of jeans, and a hoodie.
My foster parents already owned an Xbox 360 and I also found a PS2 Slim and some more games from an elderly neighbor when I helped him clear out his attic and he said I could keep them, so I never really used the PS2 my brother gave me.
The first Christmas I was with my foster parents they bought me a new electric guitar and amp. Once I hit 14 I went from an A cup to a DD in a year so the hoodie didn’t fit anymore and when I was 15 my hips and butt came in too so the jeans no longer fit either.
My brother’s stuff all got stored in the garage but unfortunately, they all got ruined during a flood.
My foster parents showed me what a loving, caring family was really like and ended up adopting me when I was 16 and I now consider them my parents and I love them very much, however, a couple of years ago I decided I wanted to try to reconnect with my grandma and we’ve now developed a more normal relationship and she seemed genuinely remorseful over what happened and her lack of contact over the years.
But I hadn’t seen my “brother” until recently when he showed up whilst I was visiting.
Initially, it was really nice and we talked about how the past few years had been for the both of us and I was happy until he said “So can I have my stuff back now?” I asked what he meant and he said “You know the stuff I gave you when you left?
The PS2, the games, the clothes, my guitar!” I replied with “Oh them, well you said I could have them, not borrow them so I considered them to be gifts.” He said “Look, I only gave them to you because I felt sorry for you.
Just give them back.” I explained that everything had gotten damaged. He said “Typical. You know if you weren’t such a mess up you wouldn’t have had to be put into care anyway! You can pay me back for all that stuff. That’s like £600 you owe me!” I laughed in his face and said “No way am I paying you that much!
If you really want the PS2 back that badly I have a slim version you can have (even though I’d like to keep it) even though they were definitely gifts, but I’m not paying you a darn penny!” He called me a jerk and then stormed out.
My grandma said “Don’t worry about him, I’ll make sure he won’t be around you again.” After he stormed out.
I only work as a barista and with the cost of living crisis I barely have enough money to pay for Christmas presents for everyone this year, £600 is literally unattainable for me but I’m wondering AITJ?
He never said he expected them back but he never explicitly said they were gifts, only that I could “have” them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he’s hard up for money and is trying to take advantage of your now-good situation. You were a child.
You were never a mess-up, and the fact that this grown adult would resort to insulting you to try to extort you for money sort of explains why you didn’t get to know a loving family until you met your current parents. Maintain your relationship with your grandmother, but ensure he’s never around when you visit.
He’s not a safe man for you to be around.” frequentrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Look, if the first thing a family member thinks after a hard goodbye and long years apart is “hey, I wonder what I can get out of this kid?” that’s not someone you need to engage with, at all.
There’s no contract written or verbal here, and ultimately he gave you some things of (relatively speaking) little value as social services punted you into foster care (sorry to hear about that, by the way). That would be a nice gesture, except he’s decided to use it years later to try to extort you, his own younger niece, for £600 (also an entirely arbitrary amount of money, which is just as likely to be what he needs to make rent, pay a debt, or whatever).
This guy is at or near bottom, and you’re best off just cutting him loose. I wish family were always worthy of love and trust, forgiveness and acceptance, but believe me when I say that’s not always the case — sometimes the situation demands we earn those things from each other, even family.
And yeah, he’s not earning it. So don’t dwell on it. You don’t owe him anything, legally or morally, even if the situation leaves you unsettled (as it would do to anyone). Keep focusing on doing well for you and the people that love you, that’s it.” Joking_J
Another User Comments:
“What a joke. No NTJ. None of those items add up to 20 bucks or 30 pounds so he is a selfish jerk. You were underage and in a terrible situation and he knows that you weren’t in your own situation so you didn’t even have control over the items. You cannot be held responsible for those things.
But, you have learned a valuable lesson, when people give you things they often expect more in return. Learn it well. I am so happy you found a decent family to live with and bond with.” Ok-Music-8732
7. AITJ For Choosing To Spend Christmas With My Partner's Family Instead Of My Own?
“I (30m) have been seeing my partner (23f) for 11 months now, and things are getting pretty serious to the point I am already thinking of marriage with her.
We are from different ethnicities. I am a typical white Canadian and she is from an Indian family although she was born here in Canada.
My parents have no issues with that. It’s a different story with my extended family, but I don’t talk to them unless I am going back home (it’s a small town up north).
They tend to be very racist and ignorant, which is why I stay away from them.
Anyway, Christmas is coming up and I’d love to spend it with my partner in Toronto. Her family is also Christian and they go all out to celebrate so I’d love to experience it with them.
Here is the issue; I’ve always spent Christmas with my parents in my hometown. I called my mom to tell her I won’t make it back this year. She was very upset.
She told me I can do whatever I like but she is really hurt and my dad will also be upset.
But she reassured me that I can do whatever I want.
She then told me that I can bring my partner along and she will make sure my partner will have a seat at the table. The thing is, I have no desire to bring my partner to meet my extended family, who have said nasty things about non-white Canadians.
So I said that’s okay, I really want to stay with her family this year and we will be happier not dealing with racism, and my mom hung up. My older brother texted me a couple hours later, saying “Girls come and go but parents and family can’t be replaced.”
I’ve also had other family members calling and texting to question why I made my parents upset and why I am breaking the family tradition for a girl.
So, am I the jerk here? I want to spend this Christmas with my partner and her family.
I’d bring her to meet my parents soon, but not during Christmas when the extended family I don’t like are around.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – enjoy having Christmas with your partner’s family and ignore the peanut gallery stating “family can’t be replaced”, because if it’s one thing that reading some of the stories and comments here – NO family is forever, and a lot of us are related to complete and utter jerks.
Also, as a parent with adult children who are living their own lives: if they wish to spend the holidays elsewhere, that is their choice to do so. I might be a smidge disappointed (but I will not let them know that), and I will miss them fiercely, but ultimately, they are adults and can do as they wish.
Enjoy your holidays with your partner & her family.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“So, in effect, your brother thinks “girls” are and should be unimportant unless they are already wives?? How do you get to the wife stage if you are expected to always make her go to YOUR family events but never hers??
OP, you are NTJ. In fact, if you were single and didn’t want to “go home” for the holidays to listen to racist rhetoric you still wouldn’t be the jerk. I find it really ironic that the “Christian” extended family thinks making racist comments at any point but especially during Christmas isn’t a sin!
Has anyone clued them in that Jesus (as well as Mary & Joseph) wasn’t/isn’t “WHITE” ??? Go to your partner’s family celebration, and enjoy a lovely holiday that isn’t filled with hate comments. Good luck OP.” Chance-Cod-2894
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re a grown man and you can spend the holidays however you choose.
The fact your brother said that family is forever is exactly why this should be ok, it’s one year and I’m sure you could make arrangements to go see your parents maybe a couple of days later when the racist ones aren’t around, and they should be fine with that.
What happens if you do marry this girl and have kids and maybe those kids want to see their other grandparents (her parents) for some holidays and whatnot? Once you grow up and start looking at having a family of your own a lot of crap starts changing and they should realize that there will have to be compromises made, so they might as well start learning now!
Do what makes you happy for the holiday.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Losing My Temper Over My Partner's Lack Of Cleanliness?
“My partner and I have been together for 9 years and have lived together for 3. He is in medical school which takes up his entire day into the late night.
The city we moved to for his medical school is in the suburbs where there are no jobs in my field unless I want to commute 4 hours every day to the nearest major city by bus and train. I was in a field I enjoyed and now I’m a nanny.
I enjoy my job now but it is draining to come home and continue cooking/cleaning/taking care of someone.
I have communicated as clearly as possible how draining it is to be a caretaker essentially while also not having him around me for personal time or important life events.
He tries but there are things that add up like not cleaning his bathroom resulting in pink mold around the tub, stacking dirty cat bowls with a new bowl when feeding our cats, etc.
Today I exploded. Our old apartment has ancient radiators that need to be drained every few days.
It is extremely cold so I asked him to drain the living room radiator while I tape plastic bags around the window AC unit until he has time to take it out another day. The water from the radiator comes out DARK brown full of sediments.
I assume he throws it in the toilet so I never asked.
When I go to the kitchen to grab a snack for a movie, I see that our sink with our dishes and cat plates (the stack that I have to take care of at the end of the day) is FULL of the steaming brown water.
It’s clogged with sediments and once it goes down it’s coated in brown gunk.
I know he’s overwhelmed with studying so I stop in the room and tell him “can you not throw that nasty water in our kitchen sink with our dishes in it”.
He says “yeah sorry I didn’t think it was a big deal”. I continue to ask him how it’s not a big deal because I don’t know what is in that dark brown dirty water and I don’t want it coating our dishes.
He continues to shrug it off and say it’s not a big deal and the dishes can just be washed.
I exploded in tears and started screaming my point that it is just objectively gross to throw dirty pipe water that’s basically black in our sink full of dishes that I had to unclog.
He continued and I just left the room and slammed every single dish in the trash bin while yelling that it is disgusting and I don’t want to live like this anymore. I yelled so loud and so much that he said I sounded like our neighbor who screams insults at his wife which just snapped me out of the anger.
Now I’m just sitting spiraling. I know my reaction is crazy but I feel crazy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For someone studying to be a doctor, he’s nasty… Yuck… Would he operate without washing his hands because it’s not a big deal? Or would he wash his hands in a dirty sink filled with gunk?
Ewww… You’d think they’d be more particular about cleanliness… Ewww… NTJ. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. You’ve sacrificed so much for him; all you’re asking is for him to be more mindful. It’s not surprising you’d eventually break.” Ayane_Redfield
Another User Comments:
“INFO for me since it seems like you’re digging your own grave here, and it sounds like you’re both in a really rough (and hopefully temporary) situation. Are you sure the only job available to you is a nanny? I’m not sure what your field is, but surely if you’re in a suburb with a major university, there’d be a range of jobs – even if not exactly related to what you did before.
If he puts gross radiator water on the dishes, ask him to give them an extra scrub with hot water and they’ll be fine. Who bought the cats? That’s who should be taking care of them or paying someone to do so. If he doesn’t want to clean his bathroom, that’s on him – let it go.
Why are you being the “caretaker” if you loathe the role so much? If your partner is smart enough to get into medical school, he can figure out a university meal plan, mail order meals, or Google some easy recipes for meal prep.” analyst19
Another User Comments:
“You need to speak to a therapist. You’re spiraling. This can happen for a confluence of reasons, but the bottom line is you’re not feeling supported mentally, physically, or emotionally. He’s also in a position where he has a VERY limited bandwidth for the next X years and very well may not be able to give you the support you deserve in that time.
You need to figure out if these circumstances are sustainable for you — if you can learn to get that support from elsewhere in the meantime (friends or other family), learn tools to get it from yourself, or if you feel you can’t continue to be with him.
Figuring that out is something a therapist can help you with. Ideally, you would go to couples counseling, but I highly doubt that’s an option with his schedule. So once you’ve been to therapy for long enough to learn precisely what you’d need from him in order to be able to stay with him (if that’s the path you choose), sit down for a calm, nonjudgmental conversation about your needs and boundaries (and your understanding of how he will/won’t be able to fulfill other expectations/hopes of yours).
It’s a long road. It might not be the right road for you. But for the sake of your own mental health, find a good therapist. ” OldPresentation3437
5. AITJ For Reporting My Brother For Selling Counterfeit Products?
“I (24F) reported my brother (21M) today for selling counterfeit products on a social media marketplace.
He has been unemployed for almost 2 years, is not in school, and can’t drive due to his epilepsy. He lives at home with my dad. Recently, he’s been buying duplicate products of real items and listing them on the marketplace without clarifying they aren’t originals.
I’ve told him twice this was wrong and when he didn’t get the message, I reported his listings.
My dad told me “Instead of arguing and trying to prove your point that you are right, you should have taught and educated. Turning him in was absolutely awful and wrong.
It violates all trust. I would be absolutely furious with my sister if she did that to me vs talking to me and helping me out.” “The damage is done both with the social media platform and your relationship. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t communicate with you.”
AITJ for reporting him since now I’m getting all this backlash from my family? Or was reporting him the “teachable” moment he deserves?”
Another User Comments:
“You might be inclined to point out to your father that the decision to report your brother came about as a result of the morals and values that he instilled. So before getting too high and mighty, he might want to reflect upon what he values more, protecting your brother from natural consequences, thereby opening the door for future riskier behavior with more drastic consequences, or supporting your decision to conduct yourself with the integrity and conviction to adhere to your values and probably prevent an escalation of criminal behavior.
Definitely not the jerk.” imunno12023
Another User Comments:
“I think I’m gonna say ESH, maybe I’m being too sympathetic towards a bootlegger but this feels like an overreaction towards a pretty small crime/moral objection. Certainly, you have the right to be bothered by his behavior, but I do think you could have tried more than twice to talk to your brother about his behavior before reporting him.
We all come from different cuts of life though, and I grew up in an environment where things were bad and my siblings and I had to stick together to survive. I’m personally much more likely to try harder to talk my siblings out of something like this long before I go the nuclear option.” TiredOfTheInfections
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound like one of those people that blocks a lane during a zipper merge a mile down the road, so people don’t pass you when they’re supposed to. They think they’re the road police. Who died and made you boss?
Why do you think you should be the one turning your brother in? The people he sells to are the ones who should complain. You’re not his boss or in charge of the guy. You sound like a tattle teller.” lilolememe
4. AITJ For Losing My Cool After My Dad Called My Partner Ugly?
“I (21M) have been seeing my partner (21F) for 2 years now.
While having lunch, there was squid on the table. My father offered it to me but I said I didn’t like it. Unbeknownst to him, I had already tasted it before but I wanted to make a joke.
He asked me why and I said I didn’t like the texture. Then out of nowhere, he said it’s okay your partner is also ugly but you didn’t know until you gave her a try.
I immediately lost my cool. When I confronted him, he said it was a joke and it was just to give me a sign that she has other good qualities without being good-looking.
When he saw I was mad, he told me oh you’re insulted for someone who is just a temporary part of your life? I know, I know it might be temporary but it’s not like I am spending all my time and resources on her, I barely do since I’m always doing chores and taking care of my sick younger sister at home.
The thing is, he recently told me about his failed relationships and everything else, and I thought we were bonding more. My partner and I don’t get to meet much since she has strict parents and I have to look after my sister at all times.
The last time we went out was last month and before that, it was in July. And things were okay, so I don’t know why he suddenly said that.”
Another User Comments:
“You are with your partner because you find her attractive so pay no attention to others perhaps not liking her looks.
Your father’s comments about being temporarily in life make me think he is perhaps feeling vulnerable or jealous when making those comments. He should not act that way but we are humans with feelings. Taking care of your sister is a beautiful act of love.
All the best of luck to you as a couple, and as a family.” Any-Boysenberry-4781
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad is just a jerk. It’s really that simple. Adjust your expectations and understand that your dad is just an awful person. It’s okay to take a step back once you’ve realized who your dad really is.
We’re not our parents, and we don’t have to coddle them and hold their hands. You can exist and have a great life without him in arms reach.” BigNathaniel69
Another User Comments:
“INFO: what do you think about your partner? I’m not asking if you think she’s unattractive specifically, just if she might be non conventionally beautiful in a way that would spur such a comment in a more lighthearted way.
Like maybe something she could jokingly say about herself or that she and close friends joke about? It’s still not okay, I’m not justifying it. I’m just confused about the overall circumstances. It’s just weird for him to bring this up out of the blue.” Common-Truth9404
3. AITJ For Moving My Daughter's Belongings To My Parents' House After My Husband's Affair Child Moved In?
“My husband told me Saturday that he’d had an affair and had a kid from it.
Our kids are 14m and 10f and this child is 9f. Something happened to her mother in the last couple of weeks (I was a little too busy screaming at him to listen to the details) and he was leaving to go get her. My daughter came to me crying saying that he told her she had to share her room and her stuff with this girl for now.
I called my parents and they agreed to her staying in their guest room (2 bedroom condo so my son and I are staying at the house).
We packed her stuff and on Monday my parents, sister, BIL, and nephews helped us move ALL her stuff to my parents’ place.
They also helped put locks on my bedroom and my son’s bedroom. We moved all my husband’s stuff from my bedroom to the 4th bedroom that he used as a home office.
Yesterday evening my husband got home with his affair kid. He got mad about all the stuff being gone and nothing being left for her.
She’s from a much warmer area and doesn’t have clothes for the cold here (we live in the northern part of the US). This morning he caught me in the kitchen to complain to me about it again and said I was being cruel by not making my daughter share with her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, definitely NTJ for refusing to make your daughter share her belongings with your husband’s affair child. But also, like what is your ultimate game plan here? From the post, it sounds like you have completely relocated your daughter to her grandparents’ house.
Even if she gets to keep all her stuff with her, it’s not fair to move her out of the home just to safeguard her belongings. Honestly, it sounds like you need to kick your husband to the curb & let him figure out how he needs to care for his affair child.
If you intend to stay with your husband for some reason, then you need to seriously work through those logistics to ensure your daughter can come home, & figure out how your husband’s affair child factors into that equation.” SunnyBunnyHopHop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His plan was to make your daughter share?
Not go out and buy her some essentials to get by while assessing what else is going to be needed? Make both girls share a room with a stranger out of the blue? And not as a question of a couple of weeks but permanently?
Not give up HIS home office to create a bedroom for her? Everything he was planning on was guaranteed to undermine your daughter’s sense of security, safety, and sense of her place within your family. Yeah, the affair daughter is here and needs to be taken care of.
But not by undermining your other children unless it is the absolute last and therefore necessary option. Plus, the sheer audacity to expect that he just got to unilaterally dictate that to your daughter, NOT discuss with you and agree together on what would happen…” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t your fault that your husband committed your daughter’s belongings and bedroom to this girl without even consulting you first. Husband has broken and trampled over trust – several times over it would appear – and having your daughter stay with your parents for the time being sounds both like a better alternative to her space being suddenly shared/invaded, and kind to this girl to not share the bedroom she has to stay in.
I really feel for this kid, she’s nine years old; just lost her mum; and is whipped up in all kinds of turmoil. None of this is her fault. However, it isn’t your fault she doesn’t have weather-appropriate clothes right now. Husband is taking care of her, and should be responsible for meeting her needs as best he can – clothes and outerwear included. There is no realm where your daughter is obligated to share her belongings with a sudden half-sister because their shared dad isn’t making it a priority to get his kids what they need. Please hold him accountable for this.
Amidst the hurt of this situation, I can understand being guarded and resentful towards him. I just want to gently emphasize to be mindful of yourself around this girl; please do your best (or continue to do so) to help her feel secure. Have all the problems in the world with her dad, while making sure not to address these problems with the kid around to witness.
She’s in such a precarious position as it is. All the best to you and your family, OP. Good luck.” Harvist
2. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Husband Surprise Gifts After Years Of Disappointment?
“I (35f) have been with my husband James (39m) for 12 years, and we have this argument like clockwork every single birthday and Christmas, but I’ve had enough. I hate surprises, and I hate surprise gifts even more because I lived in clutter with my parents and being forced to keep a present to not offend someone bothers me because then I grapple with frustration, guilt, and general annoyance because now there’s a thing taking up space that I don’t know what to do with.
James, on the other hand, loves surprise gifts, but he is super picky. He does this thing where he will tell someone ‘oh, I’m alright with anything!’ but when he gets that ‘anything’, he will make some remark about how he actually wanted XYZ, which dampens the mood and makes him sound so childishly ungrateful.
It drives me mad because the most hypocritical thing is that if I do that to him (i.e., say ‘oh I actually wanted XYZ’) he’ll get upset and say that I should be grateful (e.g., he bought me a dress he thought I’d like for my birthday, despite me telling him over and over and over and over and over again how much I would have liked a specific pair of earrings.
I gave a weak thanks and he was sulky all evening, especially when my friends bought me something else off my wish list and I was so happy). And it’s not about the price either, because the things he surprises me with are always either more expensive or around the same price as what I actually asked for.
Now, I’ve tried my hardest to figure out what he’d like, but I always somehow miss the mark. For instance, one year I managed to force him to tell me that he’d like ‘any (keyword there) Apple product’, but when I got him a new iPad to replace his old one, he said that he’d actually prefer AirPods.
I returned the iPad and he got upset. Another year, he told me he wanted jogging socks from a specific brand, but when he got them, he said that he actually wanted another variant of it. Another year, he kept talking about a specific type of wallet for 6 months straight – sending me posts about it, reviews, whatever – and I got it for him, thinking I’d cracked the code.
You know what he said? If you guessed ‘actually, I wanted something else’, then you are absolutely correct. Rinse and repeat.
This year, I tried to ask him again to at least give me a hint to work with, and he playfully told me to surprise him.
Years of pent-up frustration got the best of me and I told him that he’s an ungrateful child and I will NOT be surprising him. If he wasn’t going to tell me, then he gets nothing. I also told him to stop surprising me with stuff I don’t even want, because he’s a hypocrite whose feelings will get hurt if I don’t fall to my knees thanking him (I exaggerate) for something I don’t want.
I’m done coddling him over gifts because it’s stupid and causing undue stress to me.
As per usual, he’s gone off to sulk, and I feel terrible for lashing out at him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Have you two talked about this? So you’ve been married for over a decade and have had this pattern repeat over and over and over..
you have very clear reasons why you don’t want surprises, he has them for wanting them, and yet somehow, you haven’t worked it out? Either you always play good weather and never told him how you felt about gifts, or asked him straight up. I’m not talking about hinting at what you want, I’m saying sitting down and discussing the whole concept of gift-giving, why it stresses you out, why you feel like he’s disappointing you, and why you feel like you’re disappointing him.
And try to find an adult solution. Or, you did have this conversation and he’s a massive jerk.” Goddess_of_Bees
Another User Comments:
“So, he refuses to get you the things you specifically request as gifts. Conversely, you have repeatedly tried to get him the specific things he is requesting (i.e. he asked for a surprise so you tried to surprise him, he asked for specific brands, you got the specific brands, etc.) And in both cases, you are left feeling like you cannot do anything right and special days are getting repeatedly spoiled. I mean, sure, *maybe* YTJ this time for lashing out instead of having a conversation about this (since you are categorizing your words as “mean”).
But if you’d calmly had a conversation with him? Then that would have been perfectly reasonable. However… I’m concerned for you that this may be part of a larger pattern of behavior. The very fact that you are spending so much time and effort trying to soothe his feelings when he is enacting double standards and shows little concern for your feelings is a red flag.
Now, hopefully, this behavior of his is truly limited to this specific issue and once you have an honest conversation as a couple about what you both actually want, this issue goes away. But like I said, I’m concerned he could be subtly using the same tactics in other areas of your life together.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By not telling you what he wants, he puts you in the position of always being wrong and not getting credit for getting it right if you do. It is a situation that puts you at a disadvantage. Expecting people to read your mind is a power play.
One thing that I learned about gift giving is that it is very important to the recipient that they have something positive to anticipate, but they generally lack the imagination to do it for themselves. This makes gift giving very frustrating. The gift is generally doomed to be an anticlimax because they’ve built it up so much in their minds, and even a good gift winds up being disappointing.” No_Philosopher_1870
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Use My Scholarship Money For My Brother's Summer Camp?
“I (14M) recently received a scholarship ($3500) that covers many of my school expenses and other things like supplies, and extracurricular activities. It was a big deal for me because I worked hard for it and won a competition, and it’s going to help take some financial pressure off my family.
The problem is that my parents are now saying they want to use some of the scholarship money to help pay for my younger brother (9M) to go to a specialized summer camp he really wants to attend. My brother is super into robotics and coding, and the camp is quite expensive.
I understand that they want to support him too, and my scholarship fund has specific rules which this qualifies for. But I feel like it’s unfair for them to use my hard-earned scholarship money for something unrelated to me.
When I told them no, my parents got really upset.
They said that as a family, we should help each other out and that I’m being selfish. My brother also found out about it and now thinks I’m trying to stop him from doing something that’s important to him. I feel bad because I know the camp would be great for him, but at the same time, I feel like I earned that money, and it’s not really meant for this.
Now my parents are barely speaking to me, and my brother is mad too. I wonder if maybe I am being selfish and could just let them use the money, but it doesn’t feel right to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry your parents are pressuring you.
But this is your scholarship and should be used to support you and your schooling. I’m actually very surprised they would be allowed to access it for another child. Are you sure this would be allowed or are your parents stretching the rules? You shouldn’t have to share it at all, and honestly, this money allows them to have more money to spend on your little brother anyway.
They should not be pressuring you to share it. And I would be really nervous about them using it against the rules and causing you to lose it.” Fianna9
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately, this is likely a preview of the rest of your life, and you need to stand firm.
“You’re selfish, Family should always help each other out.” And silent treatment. Classic manipulation and emotional abuse. They think by guilt-tripping you and giving you the silent treatment you will break down and do anything to get them to talk to you again and be in their good graces.
Call their bluff. Also, call the school and tell them you’re afraid that your parents are going to take the money and spend it on your brother and for them to hold onto it until you can find a trusted adult to help you open a bank account.
Just because the camp qualifies to be used with the funds from the scholarship, doesn’t mean he gets to use it. Money is for you, not him. You winning that scholarship means they have to pay less for your school supplies and activities, and it’s their responsibility to fund their kid’s activities, not yours.
NTJ.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“You’re learning a very difficult lesson about your parents. They’re willing to sacrifice you to get their own desires met. They’re willing to use your brother to get from you what they want. If you reflect on your life you likely will find other examples of this behavior by them.
This is just the first where you are mature enough to see it for exactly what it is. Rest assured, this is not a one-off event. They are going to continue to try to take from you via manipulation and gaslighting for the rest of your life.
The only thing that stops it is you firmly refusing to be used and manipulated by them. It will mean some hard decisions in life, decisions that include protecting yourself from them. Sorry this is happening. NTJ.” MrHodgeToo
