People Beg For Us To Leave Comments On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Hurting My Father-In-Law's Feelings?
“I basically grew up with my in-laws and I spent more time with them than my own family in my teen years.
I didn’t use to drink because I found the idea of being wasted scary. I started drinking after making some new friends and at first, my husband found it funny but now he thinks I shouldn’t drink because there was an incident at a party we went to which wasn’t my fault.
It’s been causing some fights and it came up in front of his family because I asked for a drink when my father-in-law offered the others one.
He immediately said no and my father-in-law took his side and suggested I shouldn’t drink. I insisted I wanted a drink but he wouldn’t let me have one and tried to justify it by saying he was looking out for me.
I got upset so I told him he wasn’t my dad and they couldn’t tell me what to do.
I went home early but apparently what I said really hurt him since he considers me a daughter. My husband wants me to apologize but I’m not going to so that’s one more thing we’re arguing over.
His brothers have also been on my case for what I said so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to be treated as an independent adult who can make her own decisions around drinking.
The ‘you’re not my dad’ comment was a low blow, but also… unless you are a child, it would also be inappropriate for your father to make these decisions for you.
It was a weirdly childish thing to say.
The bigger problem here is that your husband is trying to control you after an incident.
If he can’t even let you consider yourself safe to have one drink in a family environment then that is concerning.” ViolaVetch75
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your husband for countering your choice to have a drink by saying no. And for using the incident to try to control you. FIL for offering a drink and then doubling down in support of your husband. You because you make a point of saying you practically grew up at your in-laws’ and you know he feels like you are a daughter; so your reaction was to use a comment you had to know would hurt him.
There would have been nothing wrong with saying you understand your FIL’s position. But, he does not know the situation and you are an adult. Therefore, you can make your own choices. Instead of using words, you pitched an atom bomb at someone who clearly loves you.” AMyshkaMouse
20. AITJ For Telling My Uncle It's His Fault He Doesn't Have A Good Relationship With His Kid?
“I (25) recently visited my aunt and uncle (40s) after a long while of not seeing them. They have two kids. I hung out with the kids and took them out to do stuff. They were thrilled with the extra attention. But at home, things were not nearly as fun.
I was there for several weeks and my uncle was constantly complaining the oldest kid doesn’t like him. Which I mean yeah, she’s 13, and kids that age hate everything. But I think it got to my uncle that she was so nice to me.
I tried to tell him it was just because she hasn’t seen me and she was excited. But he kept complaining and he was doing it directly in front of his kid. So then there’s a ton of fighting. I tell my uncle can he please stop harping on this while I’m here because I want to enjoy my time with everyone?
And it’s hard to do that when he keeps riling up his hormonal daughter.
He tells me to butt out and let him parent his kid. So I go quiet. But then the final week everything boils over. We’re having a nice dinner; my aunt made a traditional meal from our ethnicity.
And my cousins are doing sibling things bickering at the table. It really wasn’t that serious, neither kid was upset. I confirmed that with my younger cousin after. So then here comes my uncle who says to my older cousin, ‘You are nasty. I don’t know how you’re so popular when all you do is talk crap.’ So OF COURSE now cousin is being fresh, and my uncle keeps responding wanting the last word, and before we know it they’re both screaming.
My uncle is following her around the kitchen ranting at her, now she’s saying all sorts of bad things (like ‘shut up’.) So he takes her upstairs kicking and screaming.
When Uncle comes back down we finished our meal and then I followed him into the living room.
I asked him if older cousin can still come out with me and the other kids tomorrow. I leave in two days. Uncle says no. And, well, I lose it. I tell him he needs to stop trading words with his kid like he’s another middle schooler.
That half the reason she acts up is that he is constantly calling her names and tit-for-tatting with her. He’s a grown man and he knows that his kid is at a hard age and there’s no reason to punish her for things that are completely normal, like rolling her eyes or not wanting to hug him goodnight or tonight: trading words with her sibling at the table.
Uncle says I have no idea what it feels like to lose your bond with your kid. I say well that’s on him because he’s hardly doing a good job of helping her thru her middle years.
Aunt says I’m out of line, so does Grandma, and so does my mother.
All my other relatives including Granddad and uncle’s OWN BROTHERS say I’m in the clear and he needed to hear it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Good lord your uncle sounds like a nightmare. Let me guess he was the ‘cool’ and ‘fun’ dad that is now angry that his daughter doesn’t think that anymore.
He is a horrible father if he thinks insulting your children and physically dragging them places is acceptable to completely normal teenage attitude then he’s going to be absolutely shocked when they absolutely hate him when they grow up more. Also, expect him to get worse.
NTJ, I would even go around telling everybody we both know how he felt the need to argue around fighting with a middle schooler, and when he inevitably lost the argument he decided to push and hurt her. If he doesn’t want that reputation then he shouldn’t do those actions.” Xtabailurking
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Butt out, not your kid. Of course the kids are behaving around you. That is exactly what they do. Go to a friend’s house, they behave for the friend’s parent. Go somewhere fun with relatives, they behave. Get home and they are constant drama llamas who think they know everything and are too good to do chores or homework.
If you were a parent, you would recognize that they are probably butting heads because they are so much alike.
Yes, the 13-year-old was acting like a 13-year-old, but that behavior needs to be checked. If the kid is that bad now, it’s going to get a ton worse.
Things being normal behavior for a rotten teenager does not mean they don’t get punished for it.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“Auntie and grandma are enabling your uncle’s atrocious behavior. Your other family members are absolutely correct, he did need to hear it (though I expect he won’t accept the reality of it and his behavior will continue beyond his child opting to limit it and cut contact one day down the road).
The fact of the matter is that bonds between people aren’t developed in an instant, it isn’t something that’s formed quickly. Bonding takes time, attention, energy, and dedication. The same is true with a bond between people deteriorating and being dissolved. That likewise occurs over time and springs out of neglect, disinterest, and a serious lack of care and respect being consistently exhibited.
Your uncle is, to use your term, a grown man who is acting like a grade school deviant, and you are a 25-year-old adult who has every right to speak your mind (especially the way you did so within the context of your private conversation vs at the dinner table at the time of the offense).
NTJ.” Sensitive_Bit_4687
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, uncle more than you, but let’s start with what you can control.
You gave him harsh, unsolicited advice about his children, and in your own words, ‘lost it’ on him in his own house. I agree that is crossing a line that merits an apology for HOW you communicated your concerns and POV to him.
Your take on the parent/child situation sounds correct and necessary for him to hear, but he’s not going to hear your perspective when it’s delivered that way. Own that you were wrong to offer unsolicited criticism in the way you did and ask him if you can share some observations that you think may help him have a better relationship with his daughter.
Try to be part of the solution, if Uncle (and Aunt) are open to hearing you.
He’s a jerk for the way he treats his kid, obviously.
It’s interesting that the men in the family agree with your behavior and the women object to it.
I’m curious if that’s personalities, relationships, or a gender dynamic at play.” Impossible-Action-88
19. AITJ For Wanting The Master Bedroom Back After My Wife Gave It To Her Son?
“My wife’s 20-year-old son still lives with us & asked her to swap his small bedroom for our master bedroom which is twice the size of his now former bedroom (he pays nothing towards rent or utilities).
The gain for him is that his computer setup instead of being in the third unused bedroom would be in his bedroom with his dorm-size refrigerator.
The gain for us is nothing.
I didn’t want to sound like a jerk so I said I would consider it if we made scaled drawings to see if it could work. Weeks later I realized I was way too uncomfortable with the idea & told my wife I changed my mind to no bedroom swap.
Weeks later she had a Monday legal holiday off, & so did her son. The day before the holiday we go to breakfast & also drive 1.5 hours away (just the two of us) to visit one of my vendors to transact a deal. I take her to dinner at a quiet local restaurant that is at least another hour of alone time.
What will you do with your day off tomorrow I ask. ‘Oh, we will find something to do.’
Late at work, I get a text, be sure to call me before you get home. After work, I call to hear: ‘I wanted you to know,’ she says sheepishly, ‘I moved your books to the third bedroom’.
What about your son’s computer won’t he find that cumbersome?
Oh, I moved his computer too but into our bedroom.
What? Where is our bed?
Oh in my son’s old bedroom, I swapped out bedrooms while you were at work.
I went ballistic & days later she admitted she knew for days what she would be doing on Monday.
She eventually apologized, & said she knew it was wrong to do that behind my back. But it was only for two years until he launched himself. I almost left her over this.
10 months later the swap has been an unmitigated disaster for me.
I gave her plenty of warning & took a weekend for myself & wrote out my feelings, & diagramed out the dynamics.
I realized that every parent has to put their child’s safety over their partner’s wishes. But after that healthy marriages put their partners, & also the marriage above the wishes of their children.
I came home from the weekend & told her that. I reminded her that I have helped her son financially, took him to games, and gave him my used car (his first) when I upgraded.
I also told her his current bedroom situation was completely appropriate when he had his own place. But it was completely inappropriate at the expense of her husband’s comfort & that she had to make a choice. Either explain to him (as I am certain he knows) my/our bedroom was stolen behind my back & the current one for us is not working for me as I have to be a contortionist to use even part of the too narrow closet & there is not enough room for my things.
Or it’s time I accept where I am in the pecking order, & I don’t do second place & end this marriage. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Ten months later? I’d have made that dude swap that crap back within ten minutes of my return home, and if it wasn’t well underway moving back when I got home, anything that wasn’t would end up on the lawn and he’d be moving out, as of today.
If I were you I’d count all your valuables, move them to a safe deposit box off-site, count all your funds, and quietly change the signers on the accounts so she can’t rob you blind. This is how divorces where the innocent party just gets cleaned out happen – because they were too passive until it was too late.
This is an enormous breach of trust, what others has she perpetrated that you haven’t discovered yet?
Put your foot down, man. This is total nonsense, and you don’t deserve this treatment.” SatansHRManager
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I realized that every parent has to put their child’s safety over their partner’s wishes.
But after that healthy marriages put their partners, & also the marriage above the wishes of their children.’
I love that you recognize this about healthy marriages.
You aren’t just saying all this because it’s a marriage & you demand to be placed higher than her child.
Not at all, you recognize a parent’s role with their children.
You simply want at least some consideration as the partner, and what you’re asking for is NOT harmful to the child. They may not like it, but it’s not harmful.
What they are expecting of you is harmful tho, to your relationship.
I hate to say it, but she doesn’t seem to be as invested in this relationship as you are. The whole secret switcheroo was very shady, and disrespectful.” ashleighbuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I will say, some of the stuff near the end about pecking order and second place is a bit… eh.
A parent will always put their child first in general. BUT that doesn’t mean that they should put the superficial desires of their child above their partner’s comfort. It doesn’t sound like the son had actual practical issues with his old bedroom, he just wanted more space to have the computer set up in the same room.
That should not be enough reason to just swap bedrooms so TWO people can have HALF the space. If he had issues with not having enough space in general, perhaps you could work out something else, but with the agreement of everyone involved.
Either way, what your wife did behind your back is absurd.
She knew you’d be upset so she made sure you wouldn’t be around to veto the move. That’s very crappy; whether it’s divorce-level crappy is probably up to you.” MissK2421
18. AITJ For Going With My Friend To Crash Our Husbands' Trip?
“My husband went on a trip with some friends of his last weekend.
There have been some issues between one of his friends, Luca, and his wife, Mia. Luca wasn’t answering her calls or texts even though he promised Mia he would keep in regular contact with her so she was freaking out because she thought he was having an affair again.
I tried to calm her down and I even called my husband to see what was going on but Luca wasn’t there at the time which only made the situation worse for Mia. She wanted to go there in person to see for herself that he wasn’t up to anything so I agreed to go with her because she wasn’t in any state to be going alone.
The boys weren’t happy about us gatecrashing their trip, especially since I asked my father-in-law for his spare key so we could ‘surprise’ them so they didn’t have a chance to stop us from coming in or to make us leave. I did apologize, mostly to keep the peace, but my husband’s friends are still complaining about us turning up without permission.
Luca is especially angry but he seems to be blaming me more than Mia even though it was her idea.
My husband is upset only because I didn’t warn him we were coming.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Stay out of their relationship. Your willingness to get involved and crash the trip makes me think you wanted to check up on your husband as well.
You called him, he said the dude was out, so you’re like yeah I’ll go with you. Your friend can’t control her husband. He’s a huge jerk for having an affair, but it doesn’t sound like she’s really trying to move on.
I’m not saying she should, but if she wants to try and keep the relationship that’s going to have to happen eventually.
I agree with all of the guys except Luca. His problems in his marriage caused this whole thing. You even brought your FIL into it so you could completely surprise them.
Your marriage isn’t looking so healthy here either.” muskiesfan1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, men get too many passes to gaslight women. If they didn’t want you involved with Mia, they should not have introduced you two. More so their marital issues are not your problem until Mia starts giving you secondhand trauma and messing up your peace because Luca won’t respond and your husband is helping him hide.
Tell Luca if he puts you in that situation again, you will do it again, next time get the kids and go and deposit them and his wife at his doorstep. This is setting healthy boundaries so that your husband’s friends will never do this to you again.
Now they know and so do their wives.” GoldpointGrace
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You think so little of your own husband and his friends that you think they would condone their friend going on vacation with them TO LIE TO HIS OWN WIFE? Then you arrange to get the spare key to the home to ensure you can bust in on your husband and his friends, just to ensure one friend isn’t having an affair?
It doesn’t sound like you trust your own husband very much if you agree to do this.
Mia and Luca are not your issues. If she cannot trust him enough to go off with your husband and friends, then maybe they shouldn’t stay married. And if you cannot trust your husband enough on one of these trips, maybe you shouldn’t remain married either.
Luca’s idea of staying in touch might be contacting his wife once every couple of days while Mia’s idea might be a call every morning and every night. I don’t care if you couldn’t talk Mia out of going there herself. Their marital issues are not yours.
But you made it yours. And how messed up is this girl if you don’t trust her to drive somewhere by herself? This all sounded like justifications for you and her to crash the boys’ party to find out what they’re really doing out there.” lonelysilverrain
17. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Friend After She Asked To Split The Pizza Bill?
“I (26F) have been best friends with Dawn (30F). Dawn lives alone, does not have a license, and works full-time.
I work full-time as well, I have a car and make significantly more than Dawn. From the start of our friendship/any relationship I am in, I’ve always been someone who doesn’t mind picking up the tab, driving, hosting, cooking, etc., and doing these things without any expectation of anything in return.
As my love language is acts of service and giving.
Within the last year of our friendship, I noticed Dawn stopped bringing cash out when we went out. I thought this was rude so started asking for split bills, every time I did this Dawn would make it known how ‘poor’ she is and I noticed her bringing up financials all the time.
This made me uncomfortable and honestly annoyed because Dawn is not poor, Dawn just lives like she’s a millionaire, with Ubers everywhere, door dash every meal, Starbucks every day, going out to the bar every night, etc.
On Friday Dawn and I went out and I drove us (like I always do), paid for dinner and a drink, then took us home and we continued drinking at her place.
A few hours later Dawn asks if I wanted to get pizza delivered I said sure. With the promo, she had the pizza cost 15$ish dollars delivery charge included and when it arrived she told me I wasn’t allowed to have a slice until I Venmo her $7.50.
I don’t know why this is when I snapped, but I did and I told her it hurts my feelings that I feel like I do a lot for her and this is ridiculous. She then says ‘I’m poor and you’re rich’ and then I really snapped and told her that she’s not poor, she’s broke.
– I said this because she makes good money, she’s just terrible with it.
I do make a significant amount more than her and maybe that makes me the jerk. I also don’t feel great about throwing the things I’ve done for her in the past in her face during this argument, as I really did do those out of love and never with the intention of anything in return.
Am I the jerk for thinking it’s ridiculous to ask me for $7.50?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like she is using you. However, maybe you should not tell other people how much you make as it’s none of their business, and your friend, sadly, isn’t the only person alive who will happily take advantage of another person if they think they can get away with it.
If you continue your friendship with her, always announce to the waiter(ess) that your bills are to be split before you even give the order to avoid this from happening again, and stop driving out of your way to go pick her up. If she wants to meet you, she will find a way.” TypicalHall1811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is not a healthy, balanced friendship. I believe you sound kind and giving, and you do not come off as someone rubbing kind gestures in another’s face. Your friend has decided that since you make more money, which is none of her business, she is entitled to it.
If she was truly a friend, she would make appropriate plans she could afford ie: ‘Hey I would love to spend time together, would you like to watch a movie and split a bottle of wine?’ Not: ‘Hey, let’s hit the town, and by the way, you do all of the paying because I am poor!’ You snapped because you were being used!
I would reconsider this friendship.” Ecstatic_Air_9052
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your love language is giving and serving. Be careful with this. If you give and give it can be like an elastic band being stretched and stretched and stretched until it snaps back in your face.
Or another way of putting it is that you are pouring light onto the other person until your light goes out and you are standing completely in darkness. This is why givers often complain about why bad things happen to them when they are such good people.
They gave away their good karma and only have bad karma rushing in to fill the gap.
Your friend needs to shine her light on you in return. So say, if you give her lifts all over the place, perhaps she should cook you dinner in return, or bake you some cookies to thank you, or help you paint your bedroom, or go with you to the doctors, or do something nice for you.
Make sure there is a balance in your relationships and you do not become an ATM or a doormat to be walked on.” User
16. AITJ For Telling My Family The Reason Why They Weren't Invited To My Wedding?
“I (F25) have been married to my wife (NB30) for a little over a year. We’ve been together for 5 years, got engaged in 2021, and married in 2022 (January winter wedding, was gorgeous and small with only close friends, my maternal grandparents, and my wife’s mom). I am the first grandchild/cousin to get married on both sides of the family.
I’m very feminine and my wife is more masculine, but both of us are very much queer and in love. My wife is very open about being intersex. Her voice is deeper and she has surplus testosterone, but she identifies with she/they pronouns and rejects male identification on any grounds.
She has told me that even if they were cis, they would still dress and alter their appearance to be more masc.
After my extended family met my wife for the first time they extensively called them ‘he.’ (we understand people make mistakes but this was deliberate) It hurt my wife deeply, so I stopped bringing her around and only interacted with my family when necessary.
My maternal grandparents were the exception and love her very much, my grandpa and they have the same sense of humor and I love watching them interact. The rejection of my wife’s identity is what caused me not to invite any other family members to my wedding.
Last month my wife posted pictures of our wedding and posted about how our anniversary is special, telling me how much she loves me and is looking forward to many more anniversaries in the future. My younger sister, who I didn’t know followed me, saw them, and showed my parents and extended family, who subsequently blew up my phone for weeks about not inviting them to my milestone and how my ‘husband’ must have brainwashed me.
I told them that this attitude was why I didn’t invite them because their presence made my partner uncomfortable. I thought it was cut and dry and over with. But my wife removed the post anyway due to some nasty comments.
So I wrote this email and mass-sent it to all of my relatives:
To all of whom did not attend my wedding,
Your refusal to accept my wife as she is was what prevented you all from receiving an invitation. (Grandma) and (grandpa) attended because they were able to recognize my wife for who she is and love her for her.
If you did not receive an invitation, it was because you have either: a.) insulted my wife by calling her pronouns she does not identify with on purpose, or b.) calling my wife my ‘friend’ instead of my SO or partner when we were together.
or c.) have expressed h**ophobic views in the past. Please do not call her names or drag us online when it is your behavior that got you into this mess.
Sincerely, OP
My entire family is calling me a jerk. My wife is saying she could have toughed it out for one day, and my entire family is angry that I didn’t invite them.
I just feel horrible about cutting them out of such an important milestone in the family and I feel like I did something wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who’s nonbinary and uses he/they pronouns but presents femininely, I would have really appreciated it if my spouse went out of their way to defend me from trans/h**ophobic family members who didn’t respect me and my identity.
If someone were to continue to call me a ‘wife’ it would make me really upset, so I can imagine it’s similar but in an opposite direction for your wife. It is up to you how you deal with your own family, and I believe not inviting them to your special day when they can’t do something as simple as respect her identity and your relationship is perfectly acceptable.” Helpful_Slip_6570
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had exactly the wedding you wanted, with guests who were excited to celebrate the union and the two spouses. Your wife shouldn’t need to ‘tough it out’ to include h**o- and transphobic family, who you didn’t want there. I would understand if having the family there would have made you, OP, happy.
But you actively chose not to invite your family because they would have made your wedding more stressful and disrespected your wife and your marriage.
OP, your family’s actions made you absolutely sure that they wouldn’t even try to behave right at your wedding. Subsequently, they’ve all confirmed that.
Stop feeling guilty for defending your wife and your relationship – she is your family now and needs to be the highest priority. Promise yourself that you will never knowingly let your wife be in the presence of anyone who will treat them as less than the beautiful person you married.” lelied
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family members are major jerks. You did right in keeping your joyous celebration limited to those guests who were happy for you both and who validated your union. Sadly, our immediate families can be the most hurtful at times; and this was such a time.
Your spouse is wrong, however, in declaring she could have ‘toughed it out’ for a day. Why should they have to do so? It’s as much her celebration as it’s yours. The point is the deed was done, the wedding is past. Don’t engage any further on the matter.
Spare your household any of this poison leeching into your marriage.” j4ckb1ng
15. AITJ For Taking Down My Kids' Art And Only Keeping A Few Pieces?
“My wife wants to frame everything our kids make and display them all over the house.
I know we love our kids, but do we really need to keep the 12 snowflakes I had my kids make as a weekend craft? We have been going back and forth today and while she took the kids out to go grocery shopping I quickly gathered up all the snowflakes on our windows and candy canes on our shelves and threw all but 2 of each out.
When they came home the kids didn’t even notice but my wife was furious! I asked her ‘Do we really need to keep every paint art the kids make?’ I scrapbook and include a few of the things I consider highlights but feel we need to cut down on all the art.
The snowflakes and candy canes will get a date on them and added to the 2022 scrapbook but do we need to keep the rest too? I proposed a rule to hang as much as you want on the fridge and am okay with seasonal decorations during that season on windows and shelves but there has to be a limit.
To be honest I feel like in 20 years if we have 10 baker boxes of ‘crafts’ they will all get thrown out but if we have 1 box of highlights we’re more likely to keep and enjoy them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s not just your house, it’s your wife and children’s home too.
So while your preference is to only have refrigerator art, your wife seems to prefer integrating the artwork her children made into the decor of the household.
If it’s becoming cumbersome and you have art littered all over every surface of the home that needs to be constantly shuffled around, that’s one thing.
That becomes a conversation about organization and not holding on to each and everything. But if she has it displayed and it’s not in the way, then why shouldn’t she be allowed to keep it?” FreeToBrieYouAndMe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, by not communicating with your wife, you threw out what YOU wanted to and didn’t even stop to consider that she might have different sentimental value for some of those items, or she may have wanted to pass them on to other family members.
You literally made an executive decision for your entire family, you could have been a good husband and father and said ‘Okay kids, pick your favorite 2 and that’s going in the special book!’ made it a positive family thing, given your wife the chance to put her favorites in her own scrapbook if they meant that much to her.
It isn’t a box of highlights for the whole family to enjoy if you’re the only one choosing what goes in there, it’s your special box of what YOU like and everything else goes in the bin.” GobClob
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for throwing out relatively new art behind their backs.
In the future, make it a rule to decorate monthly/seasonally in designated spaces, then replace the pieces with new ones. (Except, of course, the few totally amazing pieces that are keepsakes.) Teach the kids to take digital photographs and make slide shows/online scrapbooks of their art.
At the end of the year/school year, have a family night with popcorn and soda and look at the art scrapbooks. That way, the kids can be proud of their art and keep pictures of it, but it does not clutter up the house.” birdingisfun
14. AITJ For Having A Dry Child-Free Wedding?
“I (f) am getting married to my partner (m) in 6 months.
We have decided we don’t want anyone under ten at our wedding as I’m Autistic and don’t like loud noises or unpredictable behavior and we both have custom-made dresses/suits and don’t want a child to pull on them, however, we are also having a dry wedding due to the fact we both have trauma surrounding booze (we were both heavy drinkers and have been abused by heavy drinkers).
No one cared about the no under ten rule till they found out we weren’t having booze and if they brought any they wouldn’t be allowed to attend our wedding.
My aunt (F 34) called me and screamed at me for not allowing children or booze at our wedding, I calmly explained why we were not comfortable with children or booze at our wedding.
She proceeded to shout more and say well I need to pay for a babysitter and/or let her bring her own drink, I again explained why and then hung up.
Later that day I had multiple messages from multiple family members about how I was a jerk for hanging up and for not allowing children or booze at our wedding.
My partner supports me 100% and says I did the right thing and we shouldn’t change the plans that we made for our comfort.
I feel I may be the jerk because even though there’s no booze at the wedding I still won’t allow under 10s and my family can’t afford childcare
We are a low-income household and can’t really afford it either we’ve been saving for 5 years to afford our wedding and we still couldn’t have everything we wanted.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not that you were heavy drinkers. You are heavy drinkers.
It’s a very important distinction.
NTJ for what you asked. No kids means no kids. And if people can’t celebrate your wedding without booze, you should rethink the importance they have in your life. You have to make a conscious decision every day to stay away from booze, and if friends or family have even a minuscule of an issue with that, and they can’t be supportive about not consuming it on a day that’s all about you two, then they shouldn’t be in your life.
Imagine someone calling a heavy drinker a jerk for having a dry wedding. The audacity.
Congrats on the wedding and sobriety!” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These 2 things have nothing to do with each other. And both are perfectly reasonable to ask. If someone doesn’t want to attend a wedding without booze they should realize drinking might be more of a problem than they thought.
Even though you have some good explanations for why you don’t want children or booze there those explanations aren’t even necessary.
If people don’t want to attend or can’t (due to lack of a babysitter) then they should tell you they aren’t coming.” Pollythepony1993
Another User Comments:
“The only jerk here is your aunt, if she can’t survive one evening without booze then she has a problem. If you want to compromise just a little (and for what it’s worth I don’t think you should have to) organize an after-party at a local bar where people can drink to their heart’s content, maybe a small bar tab if the budget allows it.
I only went to a couple of kid-free weddings when mine were little and rather enjoyed having a night off from mum duties. Your aunt is not obliged to attend if your very reasonable requests aren’t to her liking, hang up on her next time she calls and gives you a hard time.” AmusingMiscreant
13. AITJ For Not Naming My Baby After My Best Friend?
“Before my best friend’s death, we were best friends for around 7 years. We did everything together, got matching tattoos, went to theme parks, and even got an apartment together.
During those 7 years, my mother died. She meant everything to me and I wanted to name my first child after her. My best friend comforted me every day until I was stable. Soon I got pregnant and I was so excited to have a child of my own.
I told my best friend my plans on naming my child after my mother and she got angry at me. She said that I should name the baby after her instead because I depended on her so much more than my mother. At first, I thought she was joking but she was dead serious.
She stormed off and proceeded to tell everyone how I had disgraced her. Obviously, nobody agreed with her because it was my child and my mother.
During the 8 1/2 months mark, we made up and she supported me through pregnancy. My husband constantly told me that he was worried about how she would react when the baby was born and named after my mother, I knew I should’ve listened but I didn’t.
My baby was born early, she was in the room as we named the baby. After my husband and I agreed on my mother’s name, she started yelling and crying. The nurses took her out of the room and my husband was so mad at her for disgracing my mother.
A week later I received a devastating phone call that my best friend had been in a car wreck after she got wasted and drove into a building. I couldn’t help but look at my baby and think of her name. I got numerous texts from her family and friends telling me I should have named my baby after her because now I had nothing left of my best friend.
I think I am in the right, what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is very unfortunate that your friend passed away. But that doesn’t change the fact that you and your husband had already decided on naming your daughter after your mother.
You came to a decision long ago and it is only fair that you decide to stick with that decision.
Naming a child after someone is an honor. Not an entitlement. Nobody should be coerced or bullied into naming their child after someone which is exactly what your friend tried to do.
I find it extremely weird that your friend flipped out on you when you told her that you’ll be naming your child after your mother. Is it just me or was that woman actually trying to get into some sort of ego competition with your dead mother?
This entire thing sounds very twisted to me.” HannahPoppyMommy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so, so sorry for your loss, but please don’t feel obligated to change your baby’s name. Your friend should not have gotten upset about you naming your baby after your mother – in fact, as your best friend, she should have been understanding.
If you feel it would make the situation easier, maybe use the friend’s name for the baby’s middle name, but absolutely do not feel like you have to. Your other friends and family need to back off. You can honor your friend in any way you want, and it doesn’t need to involve your baby.” RaeIM8513
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have clearly gone through a lot of loss, heartache, and probably some trauma, after losing your mother and your best friend. In the most gentle of ways, I don’t think your friend was in a very healthy headspace when your argument went down.
Driving under the influence is not something that most people do when they are of healthy mind. The way your friend reacted to the naming of your child is also not a reaction that is normal for those who are stable.
I think you are feeling a big loss and you are feeling guilty because of what went down in the last months of your friend’s life and the stress of the arguments as well as the stress of how your friend had to be removed from your space after you gave birth.
You have done nothing wrong. She was going through something that was beyond the name of your child, and unfortunately, her life ended too soon. Please look into therapy to help process this all and to have a professional perspective on the situation.
I wish you and your family the best. Your baby is your priority and your mental health is part of that priority so that you can be there for her.” Lalalabambi
12. AITJ For Canceling My Babysitting Gig To Watch A Movie?
“I (M,21) told my sister (F,26) that I would babysit her baby daughter for her best friend’s wedding.
I told her I would be able to, and that was fine.
Anyways the weekend of the wedding came around and my mates asked if I wanted to go watch Antman, the same day I was supposed to babysit…
I told them yes, and told my sister I would no longer be able to babysit on the day.
She got mad at me and said that if I agreed to do something I should have stuck by it, and now she has no one to babysit while she goes to the wedding.
I told her that it’s normal for people to change their minds and that she shouldn’t be mad at me when I was doing her a favor in the first place. It was nice of me to even offer in the first place, and she should be grateful no matter what.
She refuses to talk to me and it’s been 2 weeks since we last spoke – she says that was low of me.
I think the fact I even offered in the first place was nice enough, and that she can’t blame me for my plans changing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Since you seem a little dense on what responsibility and commitments are here’s a little lesson to help. If you agree to babysit, those are your plans. Any other plans presented to you after confirming that you will babysit are null and void, as you already made a commitment.
See your sister needed you to babysit because she had plans as well and was counting on you following through with the commitment you made to her. By breaking that commitment because another new Marvel movie comes out makes YTJ.” Harvest877
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Even if you are doing her a favor, you promised that you will babysit and you went back on your promise. That’s a jerk move. And with the number of times you mentioned that your sister must be thankful to you irrespective of the outcome, it became very clear.
If you canceled it for some emergency then I would understand. But a movie is not an emergency and it can be watched the next day. Also had you not promised, then your sister would have searched for a different sitter! You did not even give her any time before canceling!
I can go on and on, but I fail to understand how you wrote the entire thing without getting that you are a jerk. Maybe as people say, age doesn’t make you mature!” Normal-Bluejay9388
Another User Comments:
“It’s one thing if there was an emergency like you had to go to the ER, but to do this to her last minute so you could go see a movie that will be in theaters for at least the next month or so makes this a massive YTJ situation.
Finding someone else so last minute was probably close to impossible for your sister. You were the jerk, and extremely selfish in this scenario. It may be a long time before she does speak with you again, and not before you offer up a major and sincere apology.” lady_k_77
11. AITJ For Throwing A Baby Shower For My Brother?
“I (29F) have a brother, Mike (35M) who is expecting a baby with his soon-to-be ex-wife, Amber (30F). Mike and Amber met because Amber and I were best friends in high school.
They started going out when she returned from college 8 years ago and they have been married for the last 5 years. Amber is 6 months pregnant and about 6 weeks ago my brother discovered her affair.
She claimed it started after she discovered she was pregnant and is over but my brother demanded a paternity test, which she did hoping it would save the marriage.
Ultimately, Mike opted for divorce anyway but has not filed yet because he wants to wait until the baby is born to make sure he retains his parental rights and so they can work out a parenting plan. She thinks it is because he is having second thoughts about the divorce.
I do not hate Amber and understand she will be my nibling’s mother and will be in our lives forever.
So now to the issue at hand, their (co-ed) baby shower was planned for the end of March and it is making for a very awkward situation.
Everyone knows they are getting divorced and why and she has lost a lot of friends over this since my brother is a really good guy and well-liked. I was helping her mother plan the party since she was my best friend and he is my brother but now a lot of friends and family do not want to attend the (joint) shower.
I told her mom I would host our family that weekend since we have so many that are coming in from out of town. We have a really big family and they love to celebrate so we have relatives flying in for the weekend, including our sister.
Now many of their friends want to attend my party (which is fine with me) and her mother has received many cancellations. I do feel bad for her and her mom and now her mom is calling me the jerk and thinks I could have picked a different day (I can’t because so many family members have already made arrangements).
It’s also not about the gifts but my brother is going to need supplies for the baby as well and my family doesn’t feel comfortable gifting them to Mom knowing that Dad will then have nothing. Her mother also feels like I am taking the gifts from her daughter and the baby but I feel like if the gifts go to the dad, the baby benefits just as much as if the mom were to get them.
My husband thinks a ‘man shower,’ as he is calling it, could be seen as petty but doesn’t think it makes me a jerk for doing it. My family and friends are very excited to celebrate my brother and the new addition and are grateful they don’t have to awkwardly attend a shower with her there.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Going with NTJ because this marriage is all but officially/legally over. Mike as a divorced dad will need plenty of equipment, furniture, and supplies for the baby. At a joint shower, he would be seen as a heel if he started taking gifts or splitting gifts because too many would think only the mom should benefit from the joint shower.
By having his own daddy diaper/baby shower then it’s clear to everyone in attendance and even those not that any gifts will be going home with him for the child and his home alone.” WinEquivalent4069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Splitting the shower makes sense.
It will all benefit the baby, and both parents will need the whole baby setup, so one for Dad and one for Mom is good.
Your reason for keeping your family shower date also makes perfect sense, and you’d be a bad host if you moved dates around for everyone now.
Here’s a thought, though: would you be able to throw 2 showers? You can have the family shower on the original date, which is a very natural split. Let friends know – and let Amber’s mom know – that the friends are free to go to her shower.
If they still decide to decline the invitation, that’s not because of any scheduling competition. Then you can have a friend shower for your brother a week or two later.
The friends can go to one shower or both showers because there’s no conflict, so any choice or preference they show to mom or dad is not a result of your actions.
It will also show Amber’s mom that you were willing to offer a compromise. I’m sure she’s going through a lot right now in the loss of relationships and disappointment in her daughter. That must really suck.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her mom throws the shower for her side, and she keeps those gifts.
You throw for your brother, and he keeps those. Everyone gets something. If her friends or family don’t come, well, that’s a consequence of her actions. She wasn’t worried about getting baby supplies or a shower when she was sleeping with someone else.
The only thing you could maybe do is have it at a different time than hers, so if people wanted to attend both, they could.” Strange_Lake7646
10. WIBTJ If I Tell My Dad To Reduce My Mom's Inheritance?
“My parents have been together for over 30 years. My Dad comes from a very wealthy family, and my Mom comes from nothing. Their relationship has always been rocky. (Ex: they used to be abusive towards each other, my Mom had an affair early in their relationship, argued a lot, etc.).
My Mom is a raging narcissist & my Dad had a history of heavy drinking and substance abuse (clean for over 20 years). I (F17) am here since he wanted someone to inherit his money. I grew up watching them fight, and my goal is not to put either parent in a bad light.
My parents were never married, but they’re living in separate houses (my Dad owns both).
Now to the problem, my Mom started a new job a couple of years ago where she met a guy (we’ll call him Tim). She would text Tim outside of work when she first started to ask him about her training, but it is something different now.
They are deeply in love. Also, Tim has a wife and kids of his own. My Mom goes out with Tim, rents hotel rooms, and secretly takes off work to see each other – one of my friends sent me a picture of him going inside our house when my Mom said she had a doctor’s appointment that day.
There isn’t a time when she isn’t texting Tim.
I told my Dad when everything first started (about 9 months ago) because I saw them saying they loved each other, and I felt that he deserved to know. My Dad took it very hard.
He’s spent nights crying wondering why he isn’t enough, and even blatantly asked her what he could do better. However, she denies the infidelity claims and always says, ‘We’re only friends. OP has friends that are guys, that doesn’t mean she’s sleeping with them!’
Since then, my Dad has changed his will to give me complete ownership of both properties after he dies. Recently, my Mom had me doing something on her phone, and I admit I am a jerk. I gave in and started reading her texts with Tim.
I felt upset. She was talking about how once my Dad dies, they’ll never have to worry about money & she plans on having an account with both of their names so he can spend whatever he wants because ‘no one has ever loved her as he does.’ She talked about how she was staying with my Dad for me and the money.
If my parents were to split completely, my Dad would leave her with almost nothing. He told me he still wants her to have some money because she raised me.
I want to tell my Dad this information, and I have pictures. I want to tell him that she doesn’t deserve as much as she’s getting because she’s only pretending to love him to have money to do things with Tim.
My Dad already gives her 3K a month for expenses, and she always yells at him, saying she doesn’t get enough. The issue with telling him is that he wouldn’t be able to be quiet about it. He’d tell my Mom, and then her wrath would fall upon me.
I don’t know if this is important, but she’s getting around 8 mil USD. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just one idea. If your dad decides to give you more, have him set it up in a trust that she can’t get to. Also, just a thought, but maybe encourage him to set up a trust for her that gives her $3k a month for the rest of her life so she can maintain her lifestyle.
That way he won’t feel guilty about leaving her with nothing, she won’t come after your $ and whatever she doesn’t spend in her lifetime will go to you. Might be expensive to pay someone to manage it but it’ll be money well spent.” Ok-Physics7878
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be doing him a service. He can choose what he wants to do with that information. Maybe he will end their relationship and find someone who truly loves him for himself, not because he is rich. Ask him not to tell her that you were the one that gave him the proof so that she doesn’t take it out on you.
You have less than a year before you are a legal adult and can choose what time you spend with your mom. It doesn’t seem like you are doing this to get more money, but rather to stop him from being used by her any longer.” TimelySecretary1191
9. AITJ For Threatening To Kick Out My Fiancée's Sister?
“My (26) fiancée’s (24) younger sister (16) recently moved in with us and she’s been a hassle, to say the least. She and my fiancée didn’t have the best home life and my fiancée was able to come out mostly well-adjusted while her sister went in a very different direction.
She’s a bad kid. I really try to be understanding as I know it’s not 100% on her, but having to deal with her is a nightmare. She skips school frequently, goes out to parties with people she shouldn’t be with, sneaks out, has stolen from us, and is banned from multiple stores for shoplifting.
The thing that tops it for me is my fiancée’s behavior toward her. She’s an enabler. She needs to discipline her but she refuses to and allows her to walk all over her. I know I’m not her guardian, but she’s living in my house and I don’t want for her to conduct herself this way under my roof.
Friday, she skipped class to go smoke with some boy and his parents called the police on them and they brought her to us. I was at my limit with her, and I told her that if she wants to stay here she cannot have the police bringing her home and I was sick and tired of having to be one of the people responsible when she screws up.
We got into an argument and my fiancée took her to her room to talk to her. Yesterday morning I woke up and go into the living room to start breakfast and the three Lego sculptures I had made were taken down and thrown onto the ground.
They were all in pieces. The only way this could’ve happened is if some did it. My fiancée had no reason to so I woke up her sister and confronted her.
She denied it until I said I would just check our security cameras.
She confessed and I lost my temper. I told her how much work it was to get her out here to take care of her and how ungrateful she was to us for it. I told her that the disrespect she gives me and her sister who was kind enough to take her in is more than enough reason to toss her butt on the streets.
At this point, my fiancée came in and her sister started “crying” saying how I was threatening to throw her out.
My fiancée took her side and said I was being a jerk to her as she’s a teenage girl who’s scared and traumatized and she’s acting out because of it.
She said my animosity toward her isn’t helping. I don’t think this is a fair statement at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your problem isn’t the Lego sculpture though. Your problem is you have a law-breaking child living with you who you ‘can’t’ discipline and the other adult ‘won’t’ discipline.
That won’t go well. Unfortunately, this really has the potential to end your relationship. Threatening to throw her out is essentially putting your fiance in a ‘Me or her’ situation. I don’t blame you one bit. This sounds like a horrible situation. But the fact is, you will probably lose if you force her to make this choice.
At the same time, you shouldn’t have to live like this in your own home.
Good luck.” cuervoguy2002
Another User Comments:
“If this was a 13-year-old I’d say the behavior is reasonable under the circumstances, but if I willingly take in a 16-year-old to get her out of her bad situation, and she proceeds to lie, steal, destroy, etc that is ridiculously immature.
I understand coming from a bad home and needing therapy but this feels like she specifically has an issue with you. Teenagers get destructive in these scenarios but she didn’t say punch a hole in the wall or break dishes or some crap she intentionally broke things that belonged to you.
She clearly needs therapy but you and your fiance also need to have a long discussion about how to actually deal with her in a way that will be productive for all parties. NTJ.” That1buscus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The sister is scared and traumatized and some understanding of her situation is needed. HOWEVER, you should not have to accept that behavior without a plan to address it.
The sister needs professional help but unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do on that front as you are neither parent nor guardian (does fiancée have guardianship?).
What you can do is protect yourself and your mental health. Being angry and stressed will sap all of your mental energy and eventually, you will burn out.
It is not a good place to be. Your fiancée is going through the same thing and needs support as well.
Have a talk with your fiancée focusing on the sister and understand it may be too late and it might be time to cut ties with both of them.” Dauvis
8. AITJ For Letting My Roommate Go Hungry?
“My roommate, Tammy, and I are both on fairly limited budgets. I get a little help from my parents so I have a little bit of a buffer in my income.
I tend to make meals for myself where I will have leftovers so I can skip making myself lunch or dinner later in the week.
Tammy on the other hand makes each meal as precisely as she can so she doesn’t waste her income.
Just two different ways of looking at meals I guess.
Just after Christmas last year Tammy was very low on money and asked if she could please have some of my leftovers.
I agreed. Instead of serving herself a small portion to see if she would like my food she just took a full portion. She ate about a quarter of what she took and threw the rest in the trash. I didn’t say anything.
Almost the exact same thing happened two weeks ago.
This time I asked her to please just try a little before she took a full portion. She said she was really hungry. Almost an entire meal in the trash.
Two nights ago she asked for my spaghetti. I said no.
It isn’t really going to affect me for her to throw away a meal. But it means she is wasting not just what I spent on the food but also the time I spent getting the ingredients and preparing the food.
She isn’t talking to me but she is complaining to other people about me being cheap and letting her ‘starve’. I’m not. I actually gave her a box of generic mac and cheese for her to eat. I’m just not going to watch my hard work literally go into the garbage.
She thinks I’m being a jerk because I won’t share my food. I would share if she wasn’t wasting it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your flatmate’s issue isn’t that you won’t give up the food you have made so she can eat it. You’ve made it crystal clear you are willing to do that if she needs your help.
Your friend’s issue is that you won’t let her throw your food away for absolutely no benefit to her whatsoever. The fact that rather than either quit throwing the food away or just accept it means you won’t let her have it, she is badmouthing you behind your back is a bit of a red flag.
I’m picturing your flatmate chucking your food in the bin screeching ’86 Mac ‘n’ cheese’ like the lady from ‘Café Hon’.” PiersPlays
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her behavior makes me wonder if she’s one of those people who doesn’t ‘believe’ in leftovers, which is such a wild mindset to me.
Regardless of her reasoning, she is wasting your food and acting entitled. You didn’t have to give her the mac and cheese. If she is so tight for food, she needs to look into things like local food pantries or check out Spend with Pennies, a website dedicated to delicious but cheap recipes.
There are other solutions for her that don’t involve your hard work in the trash.” Born_Ad8420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I asked a roommate if I could have some of their leftovers, I’d take a reasonable portion and make sure there was plenty left as it isn’t my food to take all of it.
You were kind enough to let her take your leftovers, you asked her to consider the portion size she takes and not waste it and she didn’t listen. She needs to realize what she threw away could have been another meal for you, maybe even two meals but she was selfish in her actions.
If she’s that hungry, she’ll think more carefully about how she uses what food she buys to make sure she isn’t left starving again and be grateful you gave her a $0.50 box of mac and cheese.” wildchvrlie
7. AITJ For Raising A Bilingual Kid?
“I (30F) am Greek and I was raised in the US. Even though I don’t go back home very frequently, I am fluent in the language and I speak it with my family.
I have a 4-year-old daughter with my wife (27F) who is originally Irish but her family has lived in the US for generations.
Obviously, she and her family speak English. She has picked up basic Greek from me over time and can speak it quite well. She also calls me mama which is almost equivalent to the Greek version of the word.
Our daughter has also picked up Greek from us.
So in our own house, we switch between English and Greek. Everywhere else, I try to teach our daughter that not everyone understands Greek and that English should be the language she uses. She does that most of the time but when she’s excited she usually switches back and forth between the two.
My BIL is going to turn 30 this year so my wife wanted to throw him a birthday party. We invited her whole family to our beach house to celebrate him. Our daughter was of course excited for the whole trip and would sometimes speak Greek with either of us.
My wife and I would just correct her and move on.
At breakfast, my MIL asked our daughter to speak English multiple times which was kind of weird. She later told my wife and me that our daughter speaking Greek all the time wasn’t so great because she couldn’t bond with her cousins the way she should and it was affecting the family dynamic.
She didn’t speak Greek all the time. She did it only occasionally and we always corrected her.
My wife and I explained that she was just a kid and that being bilingual does come with these kinds of issues. MIL was later joined by my FIL who said the exact same things.
I was kind of over it at this point and had to go join a Zoom meeting with my team for work. So I just said ‘Woah that almost hurt my feelings’ in a joking dramatic way in Greek, my wife laughed and I left. Apparently, this hurt them so much.
My wife and I agreed to not make a big deal out of it. Over dinner, there was still a lot of awkwardness. I didn’t talk much and every time our daughter spoke Greek, we still told her to speak English. My MIL called both me and my wife arrogant and entitled after we got back home and things have gone into a whole family fight.
Was I being too much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bilingual kids go through a period where they haven’t learned the rules about when they should use each language. That’s just normal development, and the only time it causes problems is when other people make problems. Eg, if the kids hear your MIL say that it’s making them not bond, she may create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her comment would be the real cause though, not the bilingual speech – if the other kids were being taught to just remind her to speak English instead, that’s what would happen.
Some of my cousins are bilingual, including one of the ones I’m closest to – he spoke Tagalog from a very young age, and sometimes we’d have to ask him what he was saying, but that was the full extent of the “difficulty” in our bond.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because your daughter is four, and you said she didn’t speak Greek the entire time. If this is real, your wife’s family was being melodramatic. Some people really get their back up over relatives speaking phrases or words in another language, and I find it so silly.
Whether it’s jealousy, xenophobia, or another reason, it’s just ridiculous.
At 4 years old, your daughter is not only developing one language but two, so of course, she’ll speak both for a while until she’s old enough to understand when to speak English and when to speak Greek.
Besides, in a relaxed family setting, she should be able to drop a bit of either language, regardless of whose company she’s in. It’s part of who she is, and it should be embraced. Your daughter’s cousins can bond with her, regardless of language, and your daughter could teach them Greek – that’s a great learning experience for kids.” eppydeservedbetter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and stop correcting your daughter (telling her to speak English). She is 4. She has only 4-5 more years to hardwire in the language. She will very quickly learn what to say to whom. I am an educational consultant for gifted students, trilingual (English is my 3rd language), and also have multi-racial children who also are somewhat bi-lingual. I should have encouraged them to learn my native tongue even more.
They regret that it’s halting.
It’s unfortunate that your in-laws do not appreciate the opportunity that your daughter has here, so just let them build their relationship on their own. They will tell your daughter when they don’t understand.
Next time they try to correct your parenting, either ignore them or change the subject.
They are just feeling inferior and that’s not on you. My MIL STILL can’t say my name correctly – it’s been almost 30 years. It’s not a battle worth fighting to me. Just tell yourself how fortunate you are that you have been so much more educated than your in-laws.” OkSeat4312
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Roommate To The Frat Party?
“I (21F) and my three other roommates (all 20F) share a four-bedroom apartment near our university campus. One of my roommates, let’s call her Jane (20F), is on the autism spectrum.
Jane is a lovely person and we all get along with her very well. However, Jane has some social difficulties and struggles to connect with people outside of our immediate friend group.
Last weekend, the other three roommates and I decided to attend a frat party.
We were all really excited to go, and we were all getting dressed up and getting ready for the night out. Jane was in her room, and none of us thought to invite her. We assumed she wouldn’t want to come, and we didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.
The incident: We left the apartment and headed to the party, leaving Jane behind without telling her where we were going or inviting her to come with us. We didn’t think much of it at the time, but when we returned home later that night, we found Jane upset and crying.
She had been sitting in her room all night, waiting for us to come back, and she had no idea where we had gone or when we would be back.
Jane told us that she had heard us getting ready and assumed that we were all going out together.
She waited for us for a while, but when we didn’t return, she started to panic. She tried to call us, but none of us had our phones with us, so she was left alone and confused.
After we returned home, Jane told us how hurt and upset she was that we didn’t invite her to come with us or even tell her where we were going.
She said that she felt like we didn’t care about her and that we didn’t want her around. We tried to apologize and explain that we didn’t think she would want to come with us, but Jane was still really upset.
Now we’re all feeling guilty and wondering if we were in the wrong for leaving Jane behind without telling her where we were going or inviting her to come with us.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You all suck for assuming she wouldn’t want to come and not letting her decide for herself if she could handle it. You are absolutely wrong for leaving without even telling her! It’s common courtesy to tell the people you live with if you’re going out and will be late.
And be honest, all four of you didn’t just forget to bring your phones. You purposely left them as an excuse because you knew you’d come back and find Jane upset.” honeyghouls
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. All of you.
Why didn’t you give her the choice to go?
She’s 20 years old and can make those decisions for herself.
How would you feel if all of your friends decided to just get together and leave you out without even considering inviting you? The fact that you’re the only people she’s comfortable with (given the fact that you said she struggles with people outside of your immediate friend group) it’s even more trashy that you just left her there without even asking her to tag along.
You are all terrible friends, and terrible people for not inviting her just because she’s autistic and you decided she wouldn’t like it.” Airkinn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This sounds super hurtful to someone who didn’t deserve it. And you knew it would hurt because who wouldn’t be hurt by all their roommates going out together and making sure you didn’t get to go?
Wow. It’s common courtesy to let a roommate know you’re going to be out. So she’s different. That doesn’t reflect on you. If anything people would’ve tried to help her find a spot if they’d known the situation and would’ve thought better of you for including her.
Unless this party was for jerks only. Next time let her know when you know and let her decide if she wants to go.” nightbird779
5. AITJ For Forcing My Daughter To Go To School?
“I (38m) have a 14-year-old daughter. I work from home so I’m home with her in the morning and drive her to school while my wife’s at work.
Friday, my daughter told me she was having really bad cramps and didn’t want to wake up.
I let her sleep in for a little bit longer and gave her a heating pad. Then when I woke her up she asked me if she could stay home from school. I told her absolutely not and gave her an ibuprofen.
I know this might sound senseless, but our daughter has poor attendance.
She has issues with skipping school and truthfully can’t have her miss any more school, we’d have consequences including suspension, failing if it continued, or CPS because of the number of days. It was serious and I thought maybe she was just trying to stay home.
I let her miss homeroom and had her there by 1st period, which gave her 45 minutes of extra resting time. My daughter argued with me the whole way and told me I didn’t care and didn’t understand. I told her when you can’t be trusted to go to all your classes, you can’t be trusted that you’re really feeling ill.
A little while after I dropped her off my wife started texting me angrily saying I shouldn’t have forced her to go. I reminded her of all the classes she’s missed, and my wife said it didn’t matter, we could’ve written a note to excuse this, and that I wouldn’t understand.
She then demanded I pick her up. I told her no I had work to do, and that I gave her ibuprofen and she’d be fine.
Well, my wife ended up having to leave work early and pick her up and she gave me crap for it.
I honestly thought she would be okay for the day, or that she was just trying to get out of going to school.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say a soft ‘no jerks here’
Unfortunately, your daughter has built up a ‘crying wolf’ reputation for herself.
So now when she needs actual sick days, it’s hard to trust her. It’s a gamble on whether she is being truthful or not. A hard reality of life is, sometimes we as uterus havers have to power through a lot during our cycles.
However, some people’s cycles are far worse than others and cramps can be debilitating, beyond the help of water bottles/ibuprofen.
When I’m having a heavy cycle pretty much everything falls to the wayside cause I am in too much discomfort or fatigue to keep up with the house. If she is experiencing cramps that badly, perhaps it’s time to take her to a doctor.
You were in a tough spot.
I personally think your wife is being a little too flippant about the position your daughter put everyone in.” HappyHalloqueen
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But you and your wife need desperately to be on the same page with discipline with your daughter. It’s no joke that united front.
Because I can see where you are correct in the loss of trust and her mother’s concern about the monthly cramps issue. So Dr. appt for the monthly’s to be sure there is no underlying health issue and open discussion on how to treat that pain with all 3 of you.
And another ongoing conversation between you and your wife about allowing your daughter to do an end run around either of you whenever she doesn’t like the answer or consequence.
She is 14 now and she’s only going to push harder and want more independence than you are comfortable with or that is safe for her, so yeah good luck with figuring that out.
But that does need to be decided and agreed upon by both parents. I would rather have toddlers again than go through any more teen years.” Particular_Elk3022
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If she is missing enough school to the point you’re worried cps will be called, and if she just doesn’t want to go, it can be hard when she actually needs a day off.
And unfortunately in the adult world we women need to power through pain. BUT, I also understand her. Cramps can be absolutely horrible, plus your body is working hard to get the period done, it’s exhausting.
Also, if she is in severe pain, really can’t move, and getting sick over it while pain meds aren’t working you should bring her to a doctor.
Could possibly be endometriosis, PCOS, or possibly a cyst? My coworker’s 14-year-old daughter was dealing with this and it was a cyst that got twisted up. Could be worth taking her to a gyno.” ghostlyfawn
4. AITJ For Making My Son Sleep On The Couch?
“My husband and I live in a two-bedroom bungalow. Since we moved in, we have had the kids over for various holidays and birthdays. When both kids are here at the same time, we usually let our son have the bedroom and his sister sleeps on the couch, because he is older.
My husband’s birthday is Thursday, and the kids are going to come over Friday and spend the night so we can celebrate on Saturday. Our daughter has been seeing a boy for a few months, and we invited her to bring him so we could meet him.
Our daughter said she was bringing her SO, so we figured they would sleep on the bed, which is a queen, and our son would take the couch this time. When I told him, he was very upset. He said he is too old to be sleeping on couches because he is a grown man.
It’s logistical. The bed sleeps two. The couch sleeps one.
He said the guy shouldn’t even come then because we don’t have space, but we do have space, and we want to meet this boy that’s seeing our daughter. When I didn’t give in he said he would come over Saturday morning instead of Friday night.
I was disappointed he would miss his father’s birthday breakfast, but I can hardly force him to show up.
I said we would see him Saturday and he got upset with me for picking a stranger over him. I told him I was just accepting his choice.
He said he felt disrespected and unwanted, and I told him to just get over it because it was his father’s birthday, and not everything is about him. He was very angry and hung up. I’m not even sure he’s still coming at all now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but no offense, you raised this child so where did he learn the selfishness from? I think you’ve coddled and created this monster because it doesn’t make sense to me he gets the room every time. The fair thing would be switching turns or if anything, the girl should get the bed because societal custom is to treat the women as more ‘dainty’ and he as a man could ‘tough it out’ on the couch.
He should be happy to give his bed up for his sister this ONE time she has the guy as a guest because courtesy is to offer the guest the nicer accommodations too. He could grumble a bit, and move on, but he’s having a tantrum basically.
Is there some underlying reason he needs the privacy of the room? I think his behavior is odd and he will have issues in life if he gets that upset about not ‘getting his way.'” BannerRanch
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately, this is the fruit of years of prioritizing his needs over your daughter’s.
Not as visible, but probably equally present, are the fruits on her side, of the years of being shown her needs are never as important as someone else’s.
NTJ for your actions here; but unfortunately, YTJ for creating the dynamic you’re now getting the fallout from.
This may be the first time, but it won’t be the last. It will be difficult to break this pattern in both your kids at this point – both, because the impact on your daughter is likely to be equally serious for her wellbeing, just better hidden, and easier to ignore because her training has been ‘make it easier for others,’ whereas your son’s has been ‘make it easier for me,’ – but it’s critical to their health and happiness down the road.
The couch is a good first step. Keep going.” Jetztinberlin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… You were acting authoritative with him (YOU decided he will sleep on the couch) instead of engaging him to make a compromise and then it is his decision. And telling someone to ‘get over it’ is dismissive and he thinks you are not listening to his feelings.
That is not the best way to influence someone. Was there a more engaging way to talk with him and ask him to compromise? This is a perfect example of how a minor issue gets blown way out of proportion because someone said the wrong thing.” ra0928
3. AITJ For Commenting On My Friend's Weight After She Commented On My Not Eating?
“I (20F) have a friend (20F) and we’ve known each other for a long time. I was never overweight, but at this point in my life, I’m the skinniest I’ve ever been. I’m not underweight, but you can tell that I’m pretty thin. Gaining weight has been an issue for me for a long time.
My friend likes to make comments on my weight, nothing too bad but recently it’s gotten to a point where I’m like okay, you’ve said that before. She would sometimes mention that I eat like a bird and that I should have some of her food, or when we hug she says I feel like a plank.
Stuff like that. I just chuckle at them and don’t take it too seriously.
I was having a bad day yesterday and feeling awful. She knew this because I told her that morning I wasn’t feeling too good, and she came over to my home with some takeout.
I told her I can’t really eat right now but I really appreciated her and I could probably eat something later. She kinda… snapped, saying that she spent money on this for me and I should at least eat it now, that I’m too thin, and in her own words ‘it looks weird to people for a skinny person and someone like me to be friends’.
I was so exhausted and mad that I said ‘You’re so overweight and you eat too much’. She immediately got defensive and got mad and said I shouldn’t fat shame her and it’s different to say that to an overweight person than telling a skinny person that they’re skinny.
After a back-and-forth argument, she called me a jerk, then she left and hasn’t spoken to me. I do feel like I was harsh with the comment but I really would like to know if I’m the jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The thing about bullies is they typically do it to overcompensate for insecurity so aren’t good about taking what they give.
In the interest of salvaging the friendship, you could reach out to her and tell her you feel bad (not apologize) about what you said but you don’t approve of the way she shames you for your appearance. Then offer a solution that you won’t bring up her appearance again if she can agree to not bring up yours.” ClimbaClimbaCameleon
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, it’s never okay for anyone to comment on another person’s body. Not when she does it and not when you do it. Your weight is no one’s business but your own. You could have calmly told her that what she was doing was wrong instead you were a jerk back which never solves any problems. You could have said something like, I know you mean well but please don’t comment on my weight.
I am monitoring my weight with my doctor and if they feel I have a problem we’ll address it. You making comments about my weight and encouraging me to eat more is not helpful and is very disrespectful. How would you feel if the tables were turned?
Not very good, you’re a good friend and I’m asking you to stop.” littlepinkpwnie
Another User Comments:
“This is a tricky one, but I’m going with NTJ. I think your friend is correct, in that the world at large does view larger bodies as more unattractive and thinner bodies as more attractive, so from her point of view, what she said was acceptable, and what you said was insulting.
But the reality is, no one likes to feel like their body – whether bigger or smaller – is being noticed in a negative way and that is exactly what she was doing, repeatedly. And the way you describe it, she wasn’t saying it out of concern for your health or as an objective observation.
She was saying it to make you feel bad and to point out how your body made her body look to others.
I think I would have tolerated it and laughed it off while being annoyed inside. My whole family has always made similar comments about my body, sometimes with concern and sometimes just ‘you need a sandwich, LOL’ kind of comments.
It’s uncomfortable, but I have gotten used to it. But I also think it’s reasonable if you reached your limit and made the decision to turn it around on her. This wasn’t a subject you brought into the friendship and probably never would have if she didn’t keep pressing it.
It’s one thing to acknowledge different bodies exist. It’s even reasonable to feel insecure about your own body in comparison to someone else’s. But it seems like her intention was to make you feel bad about your body in order to feel better about herself and that is not something you should have to tolerate endlessly.
I hope you can make amends and your friend can find confidence in herself so that she doesn’t resort to insulting you.” Archaea-a87
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your friend is making those comments out of insecurity, but masked as concern. Your comment back to her wasn’t nice.
If you want to repair the friendship, you can reach out to her, meet up, and talk. Explain that you shouldn’t have commented on her weight, but also explain that her comments are hurtful. Level set on what your weight and body goals are, and what sort of nudging or encouragement is wanted or not.
If she is open to that, great. If she still feels she did nothing wrong, you know what kind of person you’re dealing with.” JimCaseyJones
2. AITJ For Not Canceling My Vacation For My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister and her fiance plan on getting married in a couple of weeks. That’s great. He makes her happy. They sprung this on us about a month ago. They don’t want a big production so it will be a small wedding and reception. Maybe 40 people were told.
I have spring break in a couple of weeks. I have been planning my trip since last fall.
I told her I could not attend. She asked why. I said I was going to be on vacation that week.
She thinks I’m being a jerk for thinking my vacation is more important than her wedding.
She got our parents involved. So I told them I would cut my vacation short to attend the wedding if she paid for my theater tickets I’m not going to use and any cancellation or rebooking fees. They said that they would pay using some of the money they were planning to give her for the wedding.
She said I was being petty taking their money. So I said screw it and I’m not changing my plans.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your plans were made well in advance of this wedding. You don’t have to deny yourself a holiday that you’ve anticipated and financed just to suit your sister’s agenda.
Not all guests attend a wedding just because they are invited. Your sister is being unfair. To avoid any friction, you may want to reconsider allowing your parents to reimburse you. Adding any payout to this situation will only – as you’ve seen so far – inflame an already awkward situation.
Stick to your original plans. And let that be that.” j4ckb1ng
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, with hard caveats. Surprise weddings and destination weddings should always be planned with the assumption that most people will not come-if your priority is having people at your wedding, you make it accessible and you give people plenty of time to plan, make arrangements for kids, take time off work, save money, etc, etc.
All the same, I do think that telling a sister you won’t come to her wedding because you’re on vacation is something I would only do if I did not have a close relationship with that sister in the first place. For me, if I were a close third party in this-a parent, another sibling-I’m not sure I’d ever look at you the same.
It’s just very hard to spin ‘I’m not going to my sister’s wedding because I want to go on vacation’ in a way that makes you seem like you’re not at least a little bit of a jerk, even with the details you’ve given. So I guess I hope you don’t care about this relationship, aren’t close to your family, etc-because it could be a life-changing choice you’re making here-over a vacation.
And finally-do we know why it’s a surprise wedding? Is she pregnant? Is someone in the extended family in poor health? If there’s a ‘good’ reason why it has to be moved up, it does move you closer to jerk territory.” Affectionate_Fish_86
Another User Comments:
“Well, I guess she just learned the reason for save the dates.
Lessons are hard to learn.
I get it. You’re her sister so she expected her family to be there. But if your presence is that important to her and you’re in college, she should accommodate your schedule by either paying what you have to cancel or moving it.
You’ve given her what you’re willing to do. Honestly, summer isn’t too far away from spring break too. On top of that, I find it hard to believe she didn’t know you were planning an expensive vacation-even if it was through the g*******e.
That being said if you don’t go, this may cause a bad rift that there’s no coming back from.
You could just roll your eyes and accept your parents’ money if you want to keep the peace rather than throwing your hands up.
NTJ.” PettyHonestThrowaway
Spring on everyone at the last minute.. go on your vacation and enjoy yourself
1. AITJ For Telling A Woman Not All Men Are Unfaithful Like Her Husband?
“I (36M) met my wife when we were 14. We started going out at 16. Still together now. I know that doesn’t always work for people but it worked for us.
This weekend, I was hanging out at a friend’s house with a bunch of people. There was a girl there who is a friend of one of my friends’ SO.
We’ll call her Jane. I don’t know her that well but I see her around often because we are in the same friend circle.
Drinks were flowing and somehow the topic came up about how many people everyone has slept with. Jane was shocked when I mentioned I had only slept with one person.
Context, Jane also married her high school sweetheart. They broke up when she found out that he had basically had illicit affairs with multiple women. One of his poor excuses was that he hadn’t had a chance to have fun or play the field yet before settling down.
Anyway, she couldn’t believe I have just slept with my wife and said that I must have. I told her even if I had, why would I admit it? I’ve been with my wife since we were 16. Admitting to it would mean admitting I have been unfaithful, which I haven’t.
In response to that she just said that must mean that I have and I’m lying about it.
At this point, I am getting annoyed because she is straight up accusing me of being unfaithful. She said she knows from experience how unlikely it is.
That’s when I said that just because her husband was trashy, doesn’t mean we all are. She just mumbled a ‘whatever’ and was quiet for the rest of the night.
I was talking to my friend the next day who said her SO told him how upset Jane got over that.
She apparently said that I know what she has been through and could have been more understanding. I said I understand what she’s been through but she doesn’t need to put her issues on me and basically accuse me of being unfaithful. My friend said he understood but probably would have been best to just leave it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your wife have had a faithful marriage, whereas Jane has not. She’s a little, justifiably, bitter about not having had that. However, that doesn’t excuse her actions by putting you in the position of being judged by being put in the same group as her ex-husband.
If she doesn’t like that, that’s NOT on you. She decided to pass her bitterness of the situation she went through onto you when she said that. I get that she, as well as nobody else, deserves to be put through that. Even so, that’s nonetheless her problem she should find a way to let go of.” DefianceUndone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your friend was defending her of accusing you, a happily married man, of being unfaithful in front of your friend group. She had every right to feel sad, but what she chose to do about it was to lash out at you.
People, especially women, tend to stay in unsuitable relationships way too long, trying to make it work. They end up resentful and bitter when it still doesn’t work out, their past predicted the future, and the spouse kept fooling around. Then there are those who get caught completely by surprise that their spouse was unfaithful, and they just feel like it’s impossible to trust again.
No matter what someone’s broken heart and emotions tell them, the rest of the world is not guilty because of one person’s bad acts. If someone goes out with one liar after another, then they lack the self-esteem and reflection that would make other people walk at the first red flag.
Again, that’s not the fault of the entire gender.
Your friend lashed out at you as a proxy for her lying ex. You’re her friend, and one does not treat friends that way. She needs to grasp that accusing an innocent married man of infidelity in front of his friends was indefensible, and she needs to apologize.
Don’t you dare feel one second of guilt for setting her straight. You showed restraint. She’s mad at you because you said just because her ex was bad, not all men are? After what she said to you! Now she’s creating drama in the friend group.
This isn’t healthy for her. She needs to heal.” Shdfx1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jane hurt her own feelings by being jealous that your early marriage actually worked out. Can’t fault her for being salty about her husband’s infidelity but that’s definitely not your problem, and it doesn’t mean all men who married young feel the same way.
My aunt and uncle have been together since high school and got married in 1976. They’re still happily together almost 50 years later. I’m positive that when one of them passes, it won’t be long before the other one follows. I’m sorry Jane lost that if that is the ending she saw for herself and her ex, but you did nothing wrong.
And good for you for NOT being like her ex.” aheartthatbends
