People Lash Out In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Wanting My Chronically Ill Husband To Be More Active On Weekends?
“Husband (M31) and I ‘F 29’ each work during the week. He is a teacher who works M-F, and I work part-time and have a few side jobs that require me to work late and often part of the weekend.
He gets home around 4 every day, whereas I’m home around 8. We both go to sleep around midnight.
He has several chronic health conditions that he manages very well. I won’t go into details, but they affect his energy and he is usually feeling not great when he comes home, so he rests until I come home so we can spend time together.
Some are constant and will probably never go away, and others flare up periodically. He isn’t one of those people who “looks” sick, just kind of tired.
Here’s the problem: I am an energetic person who likes to go out. Not clubbing or anything crazy, but going to dinner, dancing, walking around our city, or other activities is something I want to do during the little free time I have.
Obviously, we don’t do this during the week, as he isn’t feeling good and I’m not even home until late when I’m tired and just want to spend time with him. But on weekends, I want to go out! I feel like we’re wasting our most energetic years.
He can sit on the couch for the entire weekend and barely move. He says he needs to recover from the week (which I understand, teachers go through a lot, and his medical stuff), but I feel like a whole day of Netflix gets him enough rest to go out that night.
He never even brings up the possibility of doing anything on weekends; it’s ALWAYS me, and lots of times he says he doesn’t want to or I can tell he’s not feeling up to it. I understand that sometimes he doesn’t want to, but I don’t want to always be the one suggesting things and then be rejected for whatever reason he comes up with.
He’s also an introvert, which doesn’t help. The only time he ever wants to do anything is go outside in nature-like outdoorsy stuff. I tried to talk to him about it last night when he was in the middle of a chronic episode, but we both just got frustrated. AITJ for wanting more effort from him?”
Another User Comments:
“I recommend reading about the spoon theory related to chronic illness. I think you have the mistaken idea that since resting for an hour is fine for you, it should be fine for him. But it isn’t. It might take him six hours for every one you spend to recover.
If he’s introverted (as well as in chronic pain), he is drained of energy by doing the things you are energized by. You are drained by sitting around, it sounds like. But he’s as drained and feels as bad by trying to be as active as you.
I second the people saying you can and should find your group to be active with and make space for your husband when he can. Or you two need a real talk and a real understanding and if you just can’t with him not being ABLE (not unwilling, UNABLE) to match your energy level, that’s a thing you gotta decide what you are going to do about.” The1Eileen
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Perfectly understandable, especially given your young age, that you’d like to be more active, particularly on the weekends. Unfortunately to say the least your husband has been dealt a bad hand with his chronic health conditions. Can you go out with friends or other family members while your husband stays home?
Can anything be done to manage your husband’s medical situation so he has more energy? A very frustrating situation for all but I don’t see any jerk here.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t seem to understand how draining chronic pain is. It is exhausting!
If going out is so important, and going for a hike is not enough for you, you should rethink this relationship. You need someone who wants to go out, he needs someone who understands he can’t.” Glad-Course5803
26. AITJ For Telling My Wife She Can't Quit Her Job Because I'm Overwhelmed?
“My wife and I have been married for five years, we have a 2yo, and another child on the way. My wife just recently hit me with the idea that she wants to quit her job after the baby comes, and I told her I don’t think that’s possible.
Admittedly, I kind of just rejected the idea immediately, which upset her, but that’s because I’m already feeling a bit overwhelmed.
For context, when we got married, my wife insisted that we buy a big house with a lot of property. She also insisted that we get two dogs and three horses against my judgment.
The house was expensive and the understanding was that my wife was going to work full time.
Since the birth of our first, she dropped down to part-time (3 days per week) and has thrust everything else on me. I do all the lawn care for our huge property, it takes me 7+ hours per week, care for the three horses she wanted, take care of the dogs, do the laundry, clean the house, do the dishes, take out the garbage, cook 75% of the meals, do all the house-related projects (we live in an old farmhouse because that’s what my wife wanted and the projects never end – I spend every weekend fixing something), split the firewood, fix the barn, maintain the cars, and read to our child every night so my wife can have some alone time.
To pay for my wife to drop down to part-time, I took on a second job and some weeks worked 14-hour days. Honestly, I’m tired, but my wife suggested that I could just pick up a couple more hours of overtime at my first job (it does pay well because my boss likes me) so she could just quit her job.
Now she says I don’t care about our family because I told her she can’t quit.
AITJ and need to just man up and make this happen?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can be a stay-at-home mom if she can figure out how to do that on your ONE main income (no second job).
So suggest downsizing the big farmhouse, selling the horses, and moving into a nice modest sub-1500 SF ranch house with a small yard that requires no upkeep. If she wants to live on a single income, then she has to live within that budget. You should not be working your main job, a second job, and then another part-time to full-time maintenance job at home when your agreement was she would be contributing financially to this lifestyle.” tictac toss
Another User Comments:
“Tell her she can stop working outside of the home. Ask her when the best day is to see a realtor about putting the house on the market, if the horses can be sold or only given away as paddock mates, tell her you’re giving notice on your second job, and write a list of household chores and maintenance tasks to divvy up between you now that she’s an FT SAHM, albeit in a smaller home.” cressidacole
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sell the horses, that’s an instant saving of $1000 per week. Old farmhouses are wonderful when you have the time and money to fix them. What’s your wife going to do when you have a heart attack from the stress you’re under and can’t work?
or if you finally decide you’ve had enough and want a divorce? Everyone has a breaking point and you sound like you’re reaching yours.” Over-Ad-6555
25. AITJ For Taking My Neighbor's Sickly Looking Cat To The Vet?
“This morning a cat that looked like a ruffled skeleton appeared in my garden.
Gooey eyes, missing fur, bones sticking out everywhere. Horrific. I went outside to greet her and she was friendly and nice enough, walked right up, wanted in the house, etc. When I bent down to pet her, she was skin and bone and her fur was full of mats and tangles, etc. She looked very poorly, so my mum and I took her to the vet to see if she was lost or a stray.
An hour after we came home, an angry social media post appeared on our local town’s group, saying that the cat was just old, had hyperthyroidism, was under vet supervision, and was very well cared for. The owner was annoyed that she was taken to the vet and seemed incredibly upset that the cat was being fed and cared for outside of their home.
Should a cat in her condition, skin and bone, matted and missing fur, etc be kept indoors? Like obviously people are going to think something is wrong when a cat looking like that just appears in their home. She looks like she has been either mistreated or lost, but the owners insist she is loved.
The owners themselves are upset and state that the cat is quite distressed from going to the vet. I feel like I caused a big problem over nothing, and they’re going to be angry at me if they find out I essentially kidnapped their cat temporarily.
Am I the jerk for taking a sickly-looking cat to the vet not knowing she was my neighbor’s elderly cat?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were acting on all the information you had available to you (ie a very ill-looking cat with no identification). You made a rational and kind-hearted decision to take her to the vet.
If your neighbor doesn’t want people to make that mistake, then they should get her a breakaway collar. Or, better yet keep her inside. Domestic cats are liable to get hurt/killed outside, particularly older ones. They are also a real danger to the wild bird population.
To that point, if they are letting a cat that old outside then the cat isn’t “well-cared for.” The weight issues and hair loss can be explained by hypothyroidism but the matting is troubling. Many cats stop grooming themselves as they get older and their fur will start to mat.
This matting pulls on the skin and can get painful for them if it’s left unattended.” peggingpinhead
24. AITJ For Being Upset After My Family Drank My Drinks And Called Me Selfish?
“I (24) put my water bottle and a soda away in the fridge so I could have something to drink after school while I studied. Before coming home, I grabbed some free burritos and tacos from outside.
Upon arrival, I discovered that both the water and soda I had put away were gone.
I went into my mother’s room, where both she (60) and my sister (28) were sitting and talking. I asked them about my beverages, and my mother revealed that she had had them both.
We’re a family on public assistance, so I playfully complained about my drinks before asking for the SNAP card to go to the store and buy myself some drinks. Before I left, they asked me to retrieve more burritos. I went to the store, but sadly, there were no more free burritos left.
After returning and putting my drinks in the fridge (three $1 Arizona drinks), my mom came out shortly and checked what I had put away. She then proceeded to lecture me, telling me that I was selfish, that I got that trait from my father’s side of the family, and that I should have been mindful of everyone and gone to the supermarket to buy larger drinks so that everyone could have something to drink.
Being called selfish set me off. I shouted that everyone had heard me say I was going to the store that they had no problem asking me to pick up more burritos and that if they wanted something to drink, they should have just told or asked me.
After a little back-and-forth arguing, my sister revealed that she had gone to the store earlier and got Mom and herself another water bottle, completely disregarding me.
While I understand that I could’ve been mindful, none of them want to take accountability for the fact that they could’ve just asked me to go to the supermarket.
Either way, AITJ?
Small Edit: a lot of people are under the impression that money is extremely tight because I put that we are on public assistance, while yes we can’t afford to go willy-nilly on just whatever, $3-$8 spent at the convenience store isn’t going to put us in the red. Yes we are on public assistance but we do receive enough each month to eat proper meals, I just wanted something sweet to study with.
Also, my original water bottle that mom drank, I had that saved for a while now, it just wasn’t opened until today.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they were jerks for not replacing the drinks they drank if they went to the store for more water earlier.
She also could have grabbed herself some of those yummy free burritos and tacos. Sounds like mom and sister need to learn to be more considerate of others, so did they get that from your dad’s side as well?” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“ESH. What a stupid and petty disagreement.
You’re adults. All of you. You shouldn’t need someone to tell you they need something, you should be considerate enough to ask if anyone needs anything while you’re out, or capable enough to anticipate a need. Likewise, your mother should be capable of seeing there was nothing to drink and running to the store herself rather than drinking yours.
Likewise, your nearly thirty-year-old sister should be at least as capable of forward-thinking and have gotten more water than she did. And finally, you all seem to be allergic to buying larger containers. A gallon of water doesn’t cost much.” cheekmo_52
Another User Comments:
“If money is so tight, why are you buying individual bottles of soda instead of 2 liters to save money? You all need to think more about budgeting better than arguing about who is or is not buying what at the store. Also, it sounds like you are all jerks who only think about yourselves” ProudCatLadyxo.
23. AITJ For Planning A Destination Wedding That May Clash With My Sister's Pregnancy Plans?
“My partner (M35) and I (F28) just got engaged a few weeks ago and already have an idea of where we would like to get married. Our first holiday together was in Jamaica so we would like to do the celebration there in March 2026.
I also would like a small wedding. So, choosing a venue far away naturally cuts down the guest list. I appreciate many will not choose to attend due to the expense (which I am completely aware of and understand is a big ask, if guests choose not to attend I won’t mind whatsoever and will still love them of course).
On sharing the venue idea with my family, my sister’s first reaction was about their family planning as she (F31) and her partner (M34) wished to have a baby. Due to the Zika risk, they will not be able to attend if she is pregnant.
She just started a new job, and to have paid maternity leave, they cannot start trying until January 2025. This then leaves a short window for them to get pregnant, to have their baby ahead of the wedding in March 2026. She explained all of the above to me so I have the facts before making a final decision on our venue, she said she would be devastated if we picked Jamaica as it would be us picking a venue over her attendance.
Due to weather and storm seasons in Jamaica, we cannot move to a different month and would have to change the date to March 2027. This would mean delaying our wedding by an entire year which I don’t really want to do.
AITJ for hoping it will all work out and they get pregnant, have their baby in time, and the wedding can continue as planned?
I feel guilty but it would be annoying to plan our wedding around a baby who doesn’t even exist yet.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I don’t understand destination weddings. Travel there for your honeymoon. It’s still a special time and place for you but the actual wedding could remain close to home where the people closest to you can attend and not have a financial burden to deal with.” gastritisgirl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It can take a while to get pregnant, especially if you are over 30 (and not a careless teenager). And to plan everything around that is completely stressful. Yeah, she might not be able to join if you celebrate in Jamaica. But if she is due around the time she won’t be there even if it is in your home city.
So do, as you wish. Book the venue – and if she is not able to attend, she is not able. Sad but that is life with distant weddings.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing. A destination wedding means your nearest and dearest are NOT expected to attend for numerous reasons.
Travel can be prohibited for temporary health conditions, not just pregnancy. It takes more money and vacation time and frankly, I wouldn’t be willing to give up my scant PTO to fly to a dangerous country to celebrate a wedding. Personally, all destination weddings are jerk moves as they all tend to whine when guests can’t make it.
So yeah, YTJ for wanting a destination wedding when you know darn well your *sister* won’t be safely able to attend.” Humble_Pen_7216
22. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Change His Therapist?
“My partner has been seeing his therapist for a while now.
I’ve had some reservations about her for the following reasons:
– He has never done therapy and is avoidant about talking about his feelings with me (one of the reasons he’s in therapy). My therapist said it would be beneficial to him to have a male therapist as this is a common problem for men.
I recommended that to him and he instead found (and stuck with) a female therapist.
– He has fallen back into the same habits (that we agreed he needs therapy for) despite being in therapy for around a year or so.
– He claims he doesn’t know what to talk about because he’s never done therapy before.
While I understand, I do think that a good therapist should push you in the direction of at least doing some self-reflection.
– We had a big fight recently that culminated in me admitting my feelings to him that she didn’t seem like the right match.
He confessed that the last few sessions have felt like “just conversations.” (Proving my point that she doesn’t push him in the right direction to talk about the traumas, relationships, etc.)
We left it at that he would have one more session with his therapist outlining the things I told him I have yet to see progress on and see how it went from there.
He didn’t tell me until tonight (his session was a couple of days ago) she hesitated to give him a couples therapist recommendation and even suggested herself! My therapist has told me that a couples therapist should never be one of the individual’s therapists to prevent any conflict of interest, but I would’ve felt off about this even before having that validated.
I’m ready to tell him that he should find a new therapist asap as this seems to have crossed the line completely for me. He feels like he doesn’t want to start over with someone new because he wouldn’t feel comfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your concerns about your partner’s therapist are valid, especially given that she suggested herself as a couples therapist, which can be a significant conflict of interest. A therapist who already has a professional relationship with one person in the couple may struggle to remain neutral, and that could undermine the purpose of couples therapy.
It’s also concerning that your partner doesn’t feel he’s making progress or being guided properly, which suggests this therapist might not be a great fit. Understandably, he doesn’t want to start over, but sometimes finding the right therapist is key to real growth. Encourage him to consider other options for both his therapy and your couples therapy—it might be tough initially, but it could ultimately benefit both of you….” clairemonas147
Another User Comments:
“Ntj therapist here. To me, her basic ethical conflict, just from the title, is that she should not have multiple relationships with her clients. Her involvement with him as his therapist makes it questionable that she will remain objective to then also be his couples therapist. She should have given you a referral. I think that we should be cautious in demanding he get a new therapist altogether because you don’t like that he isn’t improving as you see fit or that you think he should be talking to a male therapist. I think it is really important to voice concerns with your partner but I also think for his therapy he should be able to make individual choices.
You are allowed to voice concerns but just like with your therapist it is your journey. Maybe get a referral from your therapist for couples counseling. I do think you would greatly benefit from couples counseling.” youmustb3jokn
21. AITJ For Wanting To Be A Grandmother Not A Mother To My Grandson?
“So I have a 20-year-old daughter who has a one-year-old son.
I agreed to babysit for her so she could work and support her son and everything. I am the one who supported her during her pregnancy and until my grandson was almost a year old. My daughter now thinks that it is completely my responsibility to bathe her child, to make sure his sleep is regulated, and every other thing that a mom does.
My daughter, when she comes home from work, she gets home at about 11:30 PM. Baby’s already asleep, she goes to bed, my daughter mind you, will sleep all day until it’s time for her to get up, get ready for work, and leave.
So I’m at the point where I feel that it is pertinent to kick my daughter out of my house because I want to be just his Grandmother and not his mother, however, she feels it is my responsibility to take on all the mother roles with him.
I also work from 7 a.m. until 3 PM I then babysit from 3 PM till about 11:30 at night when she gets home. Just so I can get up at 5 a.m. and do it all over again. I also take care of our farm and the whole house.
My daughter refuses to help around the house cleaning or anything like that. She’s constantly disrespectful, giving attitude, very, very entitled. When I ask her to help and to be respectful or to find another place to live, she screams, cries, and throws a tantrum, throwing herself on the floor and everything.
The last time I told her this, she threatened to move to California and take my grandson with her. I live in New Mexico, so I wouldn’t be able to see my grandson. I can’t afford to go out there to see him all the time.
I feel like the maid and like I’m supposed to be his mother. What do I do? I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I don’t know what to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve done your part of being a parent. I know some will question how well you’ve done this to have raised such an entitled and disrespectful daughter.
We can’t judge from a few paragraphs, but to me, it seems you’ve somewhat or completely enabled this behavior for a long time and are held hostage to her threats now. But the way I see it, that doesn’t matter – your grandson is not your responsibility.
If she can’t even bathe her child and has tantrums at being asked to parent her child, how on Earth would she cope with moving away from what seems to be her only support? Maybe she would follow through, but it sounds like she just knows what to say to continue to have her way.
In your shoes, I’d give her her options. Move out, agree to however much babysitting you’re comfortable with, and tell her this is her only option. Offer to help her find support available in the area. But she needs to step up and be a parent.
She might blow up. I can’t say how she’ll react long term. Hopefully, she’d realize you can’t be manipulated and will do the right thing. But you shouldn’t go on as you are.” gabdmm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see how you wanted your daughter to have a smooth pregnancy and transition into single-motherhood so you did as much as you could to buffer her launch.
But she’s not launching. Soon, the baby will need real parenting (more boundaries, discipline, routine) and it is the parent’s role to do this. Notice I used plural possessive “parents’” not singular possessive, “parent’s.” Where is the baby’s father in this scenario?
Where are the other grandparents? Oh, and that threat to go to California—it’s emotional blackmail. Flatly refuse to negotiate with anyone who is blackmailing you.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to call her bluff. Give her a firm date for moving out of the house.
Tell her it will NOT be extended. If she throws a tantrum, walk away. If she threatens to take him to California, say “I would miss you guys, but if that’s what it takes for you to develop independence, I support it.” JeepersCreepers74
20. AITJ For Moving Out After My Mom's Death Despite My Family's Dependence On Me?
“I 23F recently decided to move out with my partner 23M.
For context, I was parentified in my house growing up and was always the person who had to help around the house regardless of my studies.
I am also the only girl in the family of a “traditional” family meaning I can’t go out or be out late and I have to study in the field that my parents want.
Never being able to make decisions for myself and never having nor was allowed to have privacy.
Recently my mom passed and I was burdened with a lot of responsibility. I wasn’t able to fully grieve my mom’s death as I was the one who had to take care of everything.
So it’s been hard.
Because of this, my dad became the only parent. The thing that annoys me is that my brother 18M is allowed to do anything he wants without punishment, he has a partner and goes out late with no other responsibilities. I on the other hand am still not allowed out late and I have to take care of them and the house.
On top of that, my dad takes his anger out on me. Talking to me in unacceptable ways. Even if he is grieving, you should never talk to your child like that and restrict them from seeing her extended family.
Both my dad and brother are financially and emotionally dependent on me and I’m tired of it.
But I feel guilty moving out so soon after my mom’s death. Being in an Asian family where everything is centered around family and moving out means I might lose my family and then be mad at me.
I need a 3rd party unbiased opinion if this is the right thing.
So am I the jerk for moving out months after my mom’s death?”
Another User Comments:
“You may lose your family. They may try to pile guilt on you for “abandoning” them. So you need to balance that against the freedom you’ll get by moving out and paying your way in life.
If you do decide to do that, and it sounds like your life would be better if you did, try not to feel guilty. It’s not your fault they parentified you. It’s not your fault they misuse you. It’s not your fault they don’t stand on their own feet and support themselves.
You may need some help to deal with your feelings after you move out and that is fine and normal. You can build a wonderful life with found family. And later, when you are in a better place and more secure in yourself you may decide to reach out and try to reconnect.
Or not. And either choice is fine! Good luck. You don’t deserve how they’re treating you and you don’t owe them your labor or money or guilt. NTJ” KingBretwald
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Go live your best life, but be prepared to be misjudged and guilt tripped all the way through.
Nevertheless, stand your ground and if necessary keep your distance. And be careful with your finances, no one other than you is supposed to know how much you make. This kind of information can give them control over you.” Waffles4evah
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Cousin After She Mocked My Son's Cultural Name Online?
“I (28f) and my husband(29m) hosted my cousin(23f) at our place since last summer because she wanted to find a job in our city and we were the only ones she knew, we aren’t close but my parents begged me to let her stay.
My husband has very little native blood, he doesn’t know the language or culture but we did name our newborn after his grandfather. Just his middle name (Fake names) (John) Djarrtjuntjun (Harrison). Well five months after our beautiful boy’s birth I met up with an old colleague who showed me a screenshot of my boy’s name on a subreddit specifically made to make fun of uncommon or misspelled names.
Though the post has been deleted my colleague screenshot it because she thought it sounded familiar.
In the comments, she remarked the OP has also made snickering comments about my child’s names. With people cheering her on. We dug a little further and I could confirm it was my cousin’s profile.
From her interest to her picture posts.
My husband and I confronted her about it and she said the majority agreed with her that it was a stupid and horrendous name. She also said it didn’t matter that it was a cultural name since my husband can’t speak and isn’t even involved in the culture.
My husband was livid and we decided to kick her out.
She has since blasted us on social media and family group chat for kicking her out in a foreign city and since she was jobless we are setting our son up for failure with names like that.
She also said she was doing us a favor by showing us how horrible of a name it was. However, I don’t see that as the case as it was posted almost a year ago and she seems to have no intention to reveal to us otherwise.
So I would like to know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You graciously open your home to her because the family asked you to. And, she takes the opportunity to drag you over social media about something that is none of her business.
Instead of apologizing, she chose to double down on disrespecting you in your home. My family hated me my entire life and I’ve never been disrespectful to them at any point. I don’t understand people who take their families for granted. It’s disgusting. I’m sorry you and your husband are dealing with this.
Ignore her and anybody that agrees with her.” SnoopyisCute
Another User Comments:
“Putting aside being incredibly rude and your cousin biting the hand that feeds her, I think your family is missing a key point here. Your cousin is racist. She is making fun of a name from your husband’s culture because it’s ‘different.’ That is so messed up.
It doesn’t matter if your husband doesn’t have more cultural connections, especially considering why. My great-grandmother was Lakota Sioux. (My great-grandfather was Holland Dutch and got disowned for marrying her.) I find her & my great grandfather’s stories cool and interesting but I know very little about Lakota Sioux culture.
She didn’t know much because she was taken from her family by missionaries as a child. That doesn’t diminish the fact that this is her culture; it was just stolen from her. NTJ.” KimB-books cats-11
18. AITJ For Moving Out And Taking All My Belongings From A Toxic Living Situation?
“I (20F) lived in a college apartment with three other girls (all 19-20F). We started friendly in freshman year, and two of them even stayed with me during breaks since flying home was too costly and the dorms were closed. We signed a lease by mid-November to secure our place, but things quickly went south.
Jane and Erika (fake names), two of my roommates, developed a toxic and overly dependent relationship; obsessed with fanfiction, they often wrote disturbing and inappropriate content. When Ioana (RM 3) and I expressed discomfort about the themes they were exploring, Jane and Erika dismissed our concerns, insisting we didn’t understand their interests and were discriminating because they had BPD (one bipolar the other borderline).
Their behavior became increasingly manipulative and disrespectful. Jane and Erika isolated themselves from the rest of us, spending all their time together and coordinating their class schedules. Erika began accusing us of intentionally excluding her from plans, even though we used a group chat for open invitations.
Jane often talked negatively about Erika behind her back, calling her awful names. She then lied to Erika and said it was us who did that, resulting in a confrontation. Despite these issues, we were stuck with the lease and tried to maintain some semblance of peace.
The apartment became divided, with Jane and Erika on one side and Ioana and me on the other. Jane’s partner, who had narcolepsy, was frequently left alone in the house without a key, causing security issues. Erika’s new partner was messy and disruptive, often baking late into the night and leaving the kitchen a mess.
Jane and Erika would loudly watch South Park, drink/smoke on school nights, and have inappropriate relations in the showers, showing complete disregard for shared spaces. We had a roommate agreement to manage guest visits and overnight stays, but Jane and Erika immediately broke these rules.
When I had a male friend over, Jane’s partner reacted aggressively, disregarding our boundaries. Erika also made hurtful comments about Ioana, accusing her of trying to “steal” her partner and insulting her appearance.
The situation reached a breaking point in June when I came home after an 8-hour shift to find the kitchen covered in gluten flour, despite my celiac disease.
I asked them to clean up, but they refused, claiming it wasn’t their responsibility. In a meeting about this, they accused me of supporting awful things, chasing me, and screaming at me, resulting in many panic attacks for me. I decided to move out.
I found a new place, signed a lease, and moved out while they were at work, taking every single thing I brought including dishes and cookware.
Now, Ioana and others say I should have given them notice and am being unfair for taking my belongings.
Ioana is further upset I didn’t find a place with two spots, feeling abandoned, but finding even one spot on short notice was challenging. I feel I had no choice for my safety. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Nothing wrong with your behavior. They will find another housemate.
As for your stuff: OF COURSE, you take all you own – unless they buy it from you.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you gotta do what you need to do to stay safe. I think the only thing that could have been done differently was to warn Ioana, but it sounds like you may not have had time to do that.
Finding a spot for her was not your responsibility and neither is furnishing someone else’s house with your belongings.” nothanks1312
17. AITJ For Accepting Concert Tickets From A Friend When My Husband Had Planned To Surprise Me With Them?
“I am 1000% enthralled by Billie Eilish.
I’ve been talking about her new album and upcoming tour since it was teased way back when. She’s on my bucket list of artists to see. I’ve been talking with all of my friends that I would finally die happy if I went to her concert close by in MN in November.
My birthday is in December. My friend and I share the same love for Billie and coincidentally have the same birthday.
She came over tonight and surprised me with tickets to go to the show. My husband, unknowingly to me decided to get me tickets for my birthday, but hadn’t yet.
But had a set plan that he was going to get tickets for me and him to be able to go together. When she came over and gave me the tickets, he got upset and closed himself off. When I confronted him when my friend left he explained that he wanted that reaction he saw when she gave me the tickets.
He wanted to take me and be a part of it, but now that’s all a wash because I’m going with friends. I offered to talk to my friends and appreciate the offer and let him buy the tickets for us, but now that’s not going to be a surprise and it’s not the point.
Keep in mind I’m a homebody. And rarely go to the store let alone out with friends. Long story short… I feel like a jerk for going with friends when he wanted to do this for me. I feel he is being passive-aggressive when he says “I want you to go, go be happy and have fun” But, as an overthinker, I feel like I won’t be able to enjoy it because of this.
When this is such a dream come true for me. On the other hand, how could my friend know that was his plan? Now I genuinely don’t think I can enjoy myself with this in mind. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here really but I doubt he is being passive-aggressive.
He is being hurt but also does not want you to turn down the tickets. If you did turn down the tickets and concert with your friends you’d be making your husband the villain in this whole debacle. How about instead asking him what would be a good thing for you two to do instead?
Something just for you too. Don’t make him the enemy with that “he is passive-aggressive” nonsense. That’s just your insecurities talking. Make him the hero by giving him a problem to fix. “I still want a special gift and time with you.”” island_lord830
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here you are overthinking. Your husband had planned a gift he knew you would love. He is allowed to be disappointed that no matter what he gets it won’t be this, it won’t be this reaction. Your friend could have checked with your hubby that he didn’t have the same idea.
That’s what I would do if I was buying concert tickets for someone else knowing their love for an artist. Go to your concert, enjoy it. Let your husband deal with his disappointment. It’s not the end of the world.” GapApprehensive3184
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because I don’t believe your husband had any realistic plans at all.
Is there any chance he saw your reaction, got jealous, and wanted credit in a “well that was my idea first” kind of way? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it crossed his mind at some point. When planning a trip to a concert, the very first thing you do is secure the tickets, then shortly after any accommodation and travel.
If the show is in 2 months, the tickets were probably on sale MONTHS ago, and tickets usually quickly sell out for popular artists. You don’t “put a concrete plan in place” to buy tickets at some future date, and still not have anything organized weeks before the event.” tiggergirluk76
16. AITJ For Sending A Group Text To My Fiancé's Family About Overstepping Boundaries With Our Daughter?
“I sent a mass group text to my fiancés’s family about overstepping our boundaries with our 18-month-old daughter. For context, this has been an ongoing issue for months. Everyone on his side of the family wants alone time with her at their homes, but we’re not comfortable with that until she can speak.
This is the text I sent.
“Hello everyone, I would just like to address a recent reoccurring issue as of recent. I would like to remind everyone that NO ONE has been given the option to watch (Daughter) at any house, event, or in any environment other than the comfort of her home.
This has been something that we have made everyone aware of, but we somehow continue to run into this issue. So, just so everyone is on the same page. (Daughter) is not staying at anyone’s home without us present unless we say otherwise. (Daughter) is not going to any event without us present unless we say otherwise.
We ask that you respect our choices as her parents, and not question or pressure us to reconsider a firm boundary we have set for our daughter. I’m sending this with as much love and compassion as possible, please respect our wishes. Have a great weekend!”
I expected everyone to agree and move on, but of course, my MIL couldn’t have that. She responded with a very long message claiming that she’s had enough of me. This is the first time I’ve ever commented on something they’ve done to upset me, I’m normally pretty easygoing.
She commented on how I was the reason she doesn’t have a good relationship with her granddaughter, and that everyone has to “walk on eggshells” around me out of fear of never seeing my daughter. Was my message rude or indicate that I didn’t want them around my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL sounds like a nightmare, and like SHE’S the one everyone needs to be walking on eggshells around. I don’t think your message was rude or indicated that they aren’t allowed to see the daughter, I think your message was beyond fair as you and your partner are the parents, you guys get to make the rules for your baby.
If people don’t want to respect that, even if they are the grandparents, that is their loss and you don’t have to disregard your boundaries to cater to their wishes. If she wants the relationship she needs to follow the rules the parents have set, grandparents don’t get to veto the parents.” kale_0427
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your boundaries are valid, but the tone of your text message came off as really condescending. Speaking to each person one-on-one would have been a better approach, as it would have allowed you to answer any questions they might have while firmly restating your boundaries.
Sending a group text to address something like this makes it seem like you see all of those people as boundary-stepping jerks (which might be true, but you probably don’t want them to think so if you’re trying to maintain the relationship).” exclusivelyhereforac
15. AITJ For Wanting To Take Back My Stepson's Truck Because He Won't Visit His Sick Grandpa?
“My stepson (22) had been in my life since he was 4. His biological dad had an affair with his mom and didn’t want to be in his life. My family along with his mom’s was all the relatives he needed.
8 years later his biological dad and family wanted to reconnect which I didn’t fight.
It just became that my son had 4 parents now and a new extended family. They got along well since he had siblings closer to his age and at times it was more fun there than at home. They had holidays, vacations, and even sadly a funeral or two.
A few years ago his mom and I divorced, and things just stopped working out. There was no animosity that I noticed. We all stayed in close contact, shared some time, and even helped purchase a truck for my son. As things progressed my time with my son was becoming less and less.
I attributed it to his work schedule and other commitments. Slowly our social media interactions have become just a thumbs up to a message.
At the beginning of the year, my father got sick and was in ICU. He survived but has been in and out of the hospital and rehab centers as he keeps fighting a myriad of issues.
I’ve let him know about his grandfather many times and he responded positively but he has yet to visit him. What further underscores this is that my son is an ambulance driver and visits the hospitals regularly.
Last week I told his mom out of frustration that I’m gonna stop paying for his truck.
It was a gift so he had reliable transportation for work but in 7 months that truck had not found its way to myself and my family and his sick grandpa.
Am I the jerk for taking back a gift? Is he just being an immature youth or is he washing his hands of us?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Even if you mean well you say yourself, it’s his way to get to work and would make a huge impact on his life. Cutting him off would inevitably make your relationship with him worse – the opposite of what you want.
Communicate with him more, in person if you need to – explain why it would mean a lot to you/your dad if he visited. Do not resort to an ultimatum, especially one that would impact his life so directly. We also don’t have any context here about your dad and his relationship with the stepson – are they close?” sweet_billy_pilgrim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s cutting you out slowly and using you. Bio dad being in the picture is tough but the fact you also divorced mom means he “has no reason” to see you as his dad, despite raising him for most of his life.
He’s using you for money/truck and is annoyed you’re asking him to treat you like a parent. I think he’s a fool to give up on somebody who cares for and supports him but he is an adult and that’s his mistake to make.
You can’t force him to care about you or your father, cutting him off isn’t going to make him realize he loved you. I’m sorry he decided your relationship only matters because you provide for him. I would focus on your father and move on to a new chapter in your life and find people who love you back.” sn34kypete
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not cool to put conditions on a gift 7 months after the fact to manipulate or punish someone. It seems that you haven’t 1) asked your son why he hasn’t visited your father or 2) explained to him how much it bothers you that you haven’t.
Do both, you might be surprised by what you hear.” Triscuitmeniscus
14. AITJ For Being Angry At My Nephew And His Wife For Faking A Pregnancy?
“So my nephew, 40 (his parent is my oldest sibling and nephew is actually older than me), and his wife, 40, married twice before, got married 5 years ago. The whole time they were seeing each other, engaged and early in marriage, they told everyone she could never have a baby because she had a complete hysterectomy (various and changing reasons for the surgery, including appendicitis and cancer).
When her daughter started having periods, she told me she had to run to the store to get products because she had not had a period in 10 years. So, last fall, after they had been separated for months, she called to announce that she was pregnant.
When I said I didn’t believe it, she said the surgery had only been a cervix removal, not her uterus. My spouse and I were skeptical but pretended to go along with it. My sibling, nephew’s parent, announced the pregnancy to the extended family and everyone was skeptical because she had told everyone she had a hysterectomy.
To make a long story short, they asked us for $150,000 to make a down payment on a new house for the baby. We didn’t respond, mostly because they had grifted us in the past with claims that she needed to fly to FL to see her dying father, etc. As proof that she was pregnant, she sent us a sonogram image that was a photo from a book.
Then, the baby just seemed to disappear. They didn’t lose the “baby,” they started to pretend the whole thing never happened. I stopped talking to my nephew for months, then he contacted me earlier this week to chitchat. When I wanted to know what happened, he told me that I was being negative and judgmental and I needed to apologize to him and his wife, and perhaps send them an “I’m sorry” gift.
Am I the jerk for being angry? I am concerned that I might be the jerk because I stopped trusting the nephew I grew up with without even letting him explain.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – History informed you to be skeptical and cautious with trust. Anger is a normal reaction.
She/they have made odd poor decisions: the sonogram image is traced to a book, a cervix removal stopped her periods, a $150k gift was requested because they are expecting then they ghosted you. If you need clarity contact him. Does he spin more odd updates or try to gain your financial support?
Do you feel he shows up authentically honest? Your anger (and related feelings) don’t make you a jerk.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry this happened to you but I hope you can at least laugh at the audacity. Quick question. When you say they asked for $150k, do you mean they asked you and your spouse or did they ask your entire extended family?
Either way, they’re grifters. Who asks someone they tried to fleece for an ‘I’m sorry’ gift for asking about their prior antics?! You might need to take a step back from the two of them. They sound like they’re sitting at home plotting on your money like they’re Tom from Tom and Jerry.” saintandvillian
13. AITJ For Praising My Friend Who Helped During My Recovery While My Wife Was Away?
“I 33M, and my wife, 36F, have 2 kids. Amelia (9F), and George (5M). A little over 2 weeks ago my wife went on her planned trip with her family. It was planned for months in advance, involving 2 weddings, several reunions, and meeting niece/nephews.
A week before she left, I injured my leg. It was a partial tendon tear, and I did not require surgery. So, while it did hurt, we decided to move on with the plan, as it wasn’t too bad.
A few days after my wife was gone, I realized that I had made a mistake.
By day 5, I decided I had to go into surgery because I was scaring the kids. I called my wife to explain, and she was understandably, pretty upset. She told me she could ask one of her friends (Stacy) to pick up the kids, but the rest was on me.
I told her I didn’t trust Stacy (I don’t. She has gotten a DUI before) and that I could get my friend to do it. She was still mad, and we argued for a while, but she ended up saying that since she could cut her trip I could do whatever.
My friend, Jason, has been an angel this past week. George and Amelia love him, and he’s been helping me too. He helped me after the surgery and even took a few days off. My wife has been checking in every few days, and today I was talking to her about how awesome he’s been.
I’m up and moving again, although stairs are a challenge, I’m currently living in the living room. Sally (my wife) got mad for some reason, I don’t quite get why, talking about how Stacy could have done the same, Jason isn’t special, and she doesn’t know why I’m ranting about him so much, etc.
I was quite shocked, having not expected that, and currently she’s not answering my calls. What is she mad about? AITJ? Please help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not answering your calls while you’re parenting two kids alone, while injured? Dude. It would have to be something very extreme for that to be a reasonable choice by her.
The fact that it’s the result of some weird misinterpretation of your praise for Jason only makes it worse. Your wife needs to actively work on healthy communication. She’s modeling this behavior for your kids and they will think it’s the right way to cope themselves.” User
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Financially Stable Mother Money?
“I (F23) recently started a job with decent pay (120K) in a HCOL area.
I’m currently living with my mom. I would love to move out but my dad passed away several years ago and I have no other siblings so my mom is unable to let go of me as I’m all she has left (this is a separate issue).
My mom has been asking me for $1000 a month to “help out” which I’ve been giving for the past six months. The thing is, she has been very frugal all her life and I know she doesn’t need extra income from me. She has the house paid off and hundreds of thousands in the bank + retirement funds.
She wants money from me so she can brag to her friends that I have a good job and am supporting her.
But that’s not even the main thing. She is still stuck in her frugal mindset so all the money I give her is just getting deposited into the bank or squirreled away in cash (she has tens of thousands of dollars in cash hidden around the house from before I was born and it has probably lost more than half its value since then) and not even used to improve the quality of her life.
Additionally, she is paranoid about online banking so she doesn’t want to open a HYSA or individual brokerage account. She tells me to consider the money I’m giving her as an “investment” as I’ll likely get it back in my future inheritance but from that perspective, I feel like I’m just losing out on a lot of interest. I tried to explain this to her and it turned into an argument with her telling me how selfish I am after “all she’s done for me.” Part of me thinks I should ignore the deflation of money for the sake of her satisfaction but it just doesn’t sit right with me from a financial point of view.
WIBTJ if I stop giving her money (until she needs it)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The best thing for you to do is to move out ASAP and put some distance between the two of you. Your mom has trained you all your life to acquiesce to her wants and needs.
So stepping out on your own and living your own life is going to be hard. You will never get her “permission” to live your life as you please. You’ll need to figure out who you are and what you want without her input.” terpischore761
Another User Comments:
“I can promise you from experience this is not a sustainable arrangement. That’s especially so if you plan to see someone or at some point want to get married. Mixing under the same roof more than one adult, contrasting financial habits, different life stages, opposing viewpoints on life and goals, and nuanced personal lifestyle choices, it’s a recipe for disaster even with just a few of these ingredients.
Preserve a good relationship with your mom long-term by cutting the cord.” Straight-Two1164
11. AITJ For Refusing To Use Our Joint Account To Fund My BIL's Trip?
“I (37F) and my husband (38M) have been married for 9 years with 2 kids (8y/o and 1y/o). We are both working and my husband earns more than me. From the start of our marriage, we agreed to keep a joint bank account and a personal bank account.
In this way, we can share the responsibilities of covering our family expenses and have our own money for personal needs.
Recently, my BIL (41M) shared the news that his SIL who lives overseas is getting married. Her immediate family in the country has been invited to attend the wedding.
Her only sister, my BIL’s wife, is expected to be there. The trip will require a visa and of course, plane tickets. As we know traveling is a bit expensive. My BIL has to pay for his plane tickets and visa processing as not all the expenses can be covered by his SIL.
For this, my BIL is asking (not borrowing) money from my husband to fund his travels. My husband was planning to give it out but he would take it from our joint account and not his account. I firmly said no and told him that if he wanted to help he could get money from his account and give what he could afford.
I also said that if his BIL cannot afford the trip then he shouldn’t be joining. His wife can go with her family to attend the wedding.
My husband is now upset as he said that I said no and even mentioned that I was a bit insensitive as my family side was never in the situation to ask for extra money from us.
I told him that I do help out with my family side’s expenses in case of emergency but I never touch our joint account in helping them.
My BIL is still pestering my husband for his “contribution” but my husband is still silent on how much to give.
So, AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see a lot of red flags here. The purpose of joint accounts is so each person can spend their own money how they want. If it’s a joint expenditure then there are negotiations involved. As this is his family and not yours, there’s no reason why you should have to contribute anything at all.
I’m guessing because of the separate nature of your accounts he doesn’t know how much you have and vice versa. There are a few scenarios that could be at play here – none of which is good: 1. He sucks at saving money and doesn’t have it to give but the pressure is killing him 2.
He has enough money but doesn’t want to decrease his savings to fund someone else’s trip 3. He agreed to separate accounts to keep your hands off his money but believed he could manipulate you into spending money for his purposes In all cases he’s looking out for himself.
Stay strong. Say no. If you break down now you’re inviting him to guilt trip you until you have no money left and he has all the money.” tatsrus1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stick on this. This is why you have separate personal accounts.
My SO and I go the same route with family. Shared expenses out of the joint account. But if my son needs money for a car repair it’s all me. If his daughter needs money for a deposit on an apartment it’s on him.” becoming_maxine
10. AITJ For Withholding My Study Materials From My Pampered Younger Brother?
“My brother, 16, is entering his sophomore year of high school and continuously needs his hand held by our father with his school work. I have just entered college, and all of the work that I did, such as study sets, projects, and papers that have been created since 6th grade, he has been utilizing.
For context, my little brother, as a 16-year-old, has our father read aloud his English books to him, uses my quilts, has both my parents complete his projects, and has my dad practically write his papers, and I feel as though this is setting him up for failure in the long term when he goes to higher level education.
So, I naturally told him no when he came up to me and asked for me to unprivate my things that were study materials for the classes he took this year. This had angered not only him, but our parents, and it had angered my brother so much that he proceeded to demand it from me (to which my parents had defended).
I explained to my side, that I feel as though the babying will only bring about negative side effects in the coming future when he does have to go out on his own and have some form of independence, and all of my claims were shut down.
My father proceeded to claim that I needed as much help as my brother did. However, this “help” refers to me asking him to look over my papers (after they are written) in hopes he could provide feedback. Other than that, I’ve done everything by myself since I was 12 years old, and I was extremely hurt by this.
I proceeded to say that he would be fine, as so was I, and now both my parents and brother are angry with me.
Am I the jerk for attempting to aid my brother in the long term by withholding study materials I already created from him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are your materials. He can and should create his own. He’s old enough to be weaned off the parental hovering. They can still help him at times but not with every assignment. Does he have learning disabilities? Has he been screened for them?
Does he need accommodations? You might suggest that to your parents, who seem to believe he needs this help to survive. If he doesn’t, an objective assessment will help them accept that, and allow him more independence.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“Does your brother go to the same school you did?
Any chance he’s going to have the same teachers? Because if not, the material might not be useful, and if so, the chance that he gets caught WHEN – not if – he hands in your work is pretty high. As a teacher, I can tell you, if your parents are doing his reading, and ‘helping’ with his work, he is going to copy your stuff word for word and then try and blame you for it when he gets caught…” Sashi-Dice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ -but- You could suggest to your folks that they get your brother tested for learning disabilities. If he needs material read out loud to him, for instance, that might be a sign that he has some cognitive processing issues. He might well be lazy and coddled by your folks, but getting tested would be a concrete way of assessing how much help he “needs”! ” matchy_blacks
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Mother To Move Into Our Future Home?
“I (30F) and my partner (32) have been together for over 6 years. We have been living together in the upstairs apartment of his grandparent’s house the entire time paying rent. His mother lives in the basement apartment of said house.
My partner and I have always talked about owning a house together in the coming years as we have saved up a good amount of money for being fortunate enough to pay discounted rent considering the family home.
However, those plans have now changed and my partner says he wants his mother to move into the new house with us as it would be cheaper since she will have inherited money from the main house whenever they sell it.
Now, I just wanna preface, that I have no issues with his family at all, I love them dearly and I think they’re all good people.
But it put a damper on my outlook of owning a home if it wasn’t just me and my partner. My entire life I’ve just wanted to have a house of my own with someone and now that won’t be the case.
I have talked to him about it but he just got extremely upset and defensive at me saying it’s his mother and he doesn’t want her to live on her own. I brought up that when she gets older he will have to constantly take care of her, and mind you, he’s generally a lazy person and does not take care of even our cat.
Which leaves me to believe I will be the one caring for his mother in the future. He said if I don’t like it I can just leave, which is fair enough, but I love him and spent so much of my time and effort with him.
I don’t know, am I the jerk for this? Should I just be grateful we will have a home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ don’t get hooked up on the sunk cost fallacy. It is only a 6-year relationship, and it’s one where he prioritizes his mother over his relationship and expects you to care for her rather than him if he’s only expecting you to do it. Unless he’s fully supporting you (you don’t work, or shop, and it’s him paying for everything in the house purchase), then it suggests that he views you more as a casual side thing than a partner.
If you are mooching off him or that’s your dynamic where it’s him paying for everything (on the expectation you handle the domestic/caretaking), then yeah, that’s the break. Take it or leave it. If you’re financially separate, you may want to look at buying a house solo rather than jointly.
You can always buy a place and let him live with you (but not his mother).” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The point of getting your place is to be independent. Perhaps your BF doesn’t understand this because it hasn’t been modeled for him–his mother is still living with her parents.
In addition, it sounds like he might be suggesting Mom be a co-owner with you on the new house–that should be a definite no. It’s complicated enough when the going is good but things get even worse in the event of a breakup or if one of you predeceases her.
I know it’s unpleasant to consider such things, but when it comes to home ownership, you simply must.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He sounds pretty useless in pulling his weight with household chores so you not wanting to be a maid for him and caretaker for her does not make you a jerk.
Also seems like a messy situation given she will be an owner as well, I can see you without any say when they team up against you. Good thing you found this out now before the 2 of you bought a house and he moved her in.” Laines_Ecossaises
8. AITJ For Telling My Wife I Dislike Her Fridgescaping Hobby?
“Recently my wife has taken to “fridgescaping,” I guess it’s a recent trend because I’d never heard about it before this. She started decorating our fridge and it was getting on my nerves, for example, she put flowers in the fridge, in vases, in front of food so you have to move things just to get to the food.
She put all our food in fancy baskets, jars, and similar things. I know it sounds absurd but if you just search “fridge scaping” you’ll see what I’m talking about.
I didn’t care at first because I don’t have to use the fridge much anyway, I don’t cook a lot.
But she’s getting too meticulous with it and adding too much decor. It’s made the fridge very uninviting for me. She gets upset when I get something from the fridge and don’t put things back perfectly. She keeps taking it as a personal slight and acts like I’ve done something to deliberately hurt her when I haven’t, I just find it unnecessary to maintain such an organized fridge.
Before she started this it would take me 30 seconds to grab something quick from the fridge whereas now it’s a whole ordeal.
Last weekend she confronted me after I grabbed some leftovers from the fridge and left it in “disarray” according to her. I explained how I find the hobby stupid and she can decorate other things, it doesn’t have to be the fridge.
It gets in the way when I want to quickly eat, when I come home from work hungry and tired and want to grab a quick bite it’s frustrating. I also talked to my son about it, and he finds it annoying, which I told her.
She didn’t argue back after that, and she’s removed all of the decorations from the fridge, which I have to admit has been relieving. But she’s also been acting very distant towards me and just hasn’t been herself, and has been weird intimacy-wise.
AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It is reasonable to not want too much decor in the fridge or to not be scolded if you don’t put things back perfectly. But you did belittle something that brought your wife joy and made her feel creative, not surprised she’s been distant.
Most people don’t like it when you disrespect their interests, and most people like it even less when it’s a spouse. I’m nicer to my friends about their interests that I don’t like than you are to your literal wife. Not understanding that it might make her distant is completely clueless of you.” Hareikan.
7. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Freeloading Uni Friend From My Dorm?
“I’m (25f) a student and live in a dorm, but my dorm is a mini apartment. I have a friend (31f) from uni. This girl lives with her partner in a different city, around a 3.5-hour drive from my city. She used to travel to my city on Mon, stayed in a bunk bed at a hostel for 2-3 nights, and went back to her city.
During the exam period one year ago, she was assigned to a bunk bed in a mixed dorm. She called me around 10 pm asking if she could stay at my place. I said fine. She kept on saying how nice my room was, asking if she could stay for the exam period.
As it would be only a 3-night stay, I didn’t really mind.
Fast forward to this October, she asked if she could stay 2 nights every week. I felt sorry for her when she had to spend a lot of funds on traveling and a hostel, so I said yes.
I realized this was a wrong decision.
Sge is 31, so I thought she should know basic etiquette like sharing the housework. But no, she never cleans the kitchen. When we run out of daily things like tissue paper, she just told me: Hey, we run out of it.
She doesn’t even take the trash out, even though the main trash bins are right downstairs. She just said, hey, the trash stinks. She does pay me some funds, but it is not even a quarter of my rent. Mind you, the dorm price is so cheap, maybe even half the normal price.
So a quarter of my rent is just 4 nights in a bunk bed at a hostel.
The breaking point for me is one time, she arrived late. She forgot her toothbrush, and the stores were all closed. I used an electric toothbrush, so I lent her a replacement head.
I thought that she just used it that night and would buy a new one. But no, she continued to use it. I was so annoyed when I realized and I threw the head away. When she came back, she angrily asked me where is her toothbrush, I just said I threw it away.
She complained she still used it, and I just said I didn’t know, and that I also did not have any extra heads. She complained she had to buy a new one tomorrow.
We are going to be in the exam period again. This time, she has stayed for almost 2 weeks.
She said she would go to the library to focus on studying, so she would not bother me too much. Again, I didn’t know how to say no. I am going to have a very important exam in 3 weeks, and super stressed right now. I have a part-time job at WFH, so now I stay home almost the whole day.
She went to the library maybe for 2 days every week and stayed inside my room all the other days. And she decides now is the time to lose some weight, so she does high-impact cardio every day. I told her to go to the mini gym in the basement, but she complained it was cold and dirty.
Maybe somebody will tell me to go to the library, but I keep thinking this is my room, why do I even have to give it up to somebody else???
So all things combined, I want to kick her out of my room. I get to the point when I never actively start a conversation with her so that I don’t snap and say something bad.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop procrastinating OP. It’s time to stop being a doormat and be an adult. Once you deal with her you will feel so much better. Tell her this is not working out, that after exams you can go over all the reasons but for right now you need her to not return to your home.
Period. And get back any key that she has at the time that you tell her ‘goodbye’. Do not warn her ahead of time so that she cannot copy your key.” FireBallXLV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not your roommate. She’s just a frequent couch crasher.
Let her know that the people in charge of the dorm are cracking down on visitors and she’ll need to stay somewhere else for a while. Then just don’t invite her back. If she pushes the issue, let her know you aren’t a hotel.
You don’t provide maid service, toiletries, or room service. If she doesn’t want to have to clean up after herself or provide her tissue or toothbrush, she can go stay at a hotel or hostel. Your focus needs to be on your studies and you can’t give them your full attention when she’s acting as a distraction.” Salt_Spray_Rose
6. AITJ For Refusing To Move Our Planned Wedding Due To Brother-In-Law's Partner's Pregnancy?
“My fiancé and I are getting married next March 2025 in Greece. We have had this wedding planned since October of last year. My fiancé’s brother’s partner just found out a couple of weeks ago she is pregnant and is due around that time. Mother-in-law now wants us to have the wedding in the U.S.
because he can’t go since it’s close to her due date and she doesn’t want to go since it’s close to her due date. We’ve had the venue booked for almost a year now and have put a lot of money into the wedding (a good portion is nonrefundable).
We have 9 people that have already booked their flights for the wedding. I told her that we couldn’t cancel anything because not only would we lose out on a lot of money, but so would some of our guests who already booked flights. She is very upset and now not speaking to me and my fiance and calling us selfish.
If we had known this way prior we wouldn’t have booked it around then, but we have had it booked since October of last year and the venue we got is our dream venue and very hard to get. We even told her if they can’t make it we would be willing to have a small reception in the U.S.
when we are back so we can celebrate with them. Now we also have his brother and his partner messaging us calling us selfish for not moving the wedding, and because Greece is a place he’s always wanted to go and now can’t go, and that we are taking away from their moment and we should move the month (which again we explained we would lose out on a lot of money and so would our guests that already got their tickets.
Am I the jerk for not moving it to the US or canceling the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Give them a list of how much money it will cost you for the non-refundable part and the estimate to refund the tickets for the guests that have already booked them.
Ask them if they are willing to pay that up – it is not that you don’t want to move the wedding, it is tens of thousands of dollars. People calling other people selfish for not wanting to move events scheduled for half a year … have no self-awareness.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“That’s rich, your future brother-in-law calling you selfish when he, knowing about the date of the wedding got his partner pregnant and due around your wedding date!! **NTJ** Their pregnancy came AFTER you informed them of the wedding and its date. Had they truly prioritized seeing Greece and being part of your special day, they would have been more careful in their relations.
Why should you or anyone else be inconvenienced by their choices? You aren’t selfish, at all.” Chilling_Storm
5. AITJ For Not Sharing My Therapy Sessions With My Ex?
“It’s a long, complicated story, but my ex-partner (we officially broke up about 9 months ago) was insisting that I tell her every time I talk about her with other people, including during recovery meetings, intensive outpatient treatment, and my therapist.
I argued that while the couples counseling was for both of us, individual therapy was for me and I should be able to say whatever I want without judgment or consequence.
It just felt instinctually invasive. Also, my therapist said that she felt uncomfortable with that (which I told my ex-partner when I was considering abiding by this rule. She said I was agreeing to this without really wanting to do it, which made me a liar, or that I should find a new therapist who would be comfortable with this approach.)
She argued that anything important enough to bring up to a therapist is important enough to talk to her about and that I just wanted a place where I could say “mean things” about her and never tell her about it.
I should add for fairness that we were in counseling because I’d been drinking heavily for three years and hiding it while living with her and that she found my stash.
I was going to meetings and was four months sober at the time, but she was more upset about the lying than the booze, which is understandable.
But I wasn’t keeping anything else from her. We’d argue, I’d lose, I’d talk to my therapist about it, and she’d get upset because she considered the argument over.
Anyway, maybe we’re both jerks? I know I’m a jerk for lying as long as I did, but I guess the broad question is, is it okay to tell your therapist something and then never tell anyone else, even your partner? Or is that something a jerk would do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems to be a person who needs to control every situation. Is there a reason why you keep this ex-partner in your life? Doesn’t seem like you can move forward to be the person you need to be while holding onto this anchor pulling you into the past. Whatever you talk about with your therapist is between the two of you and nobody else.
My recommendation is to tell the ex-partner that you can no longer be in conversations and wish them well. Then block on everything and stop answering calls and texts. If they show up at your house or work and threaten then get a restraining order.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“My first thought was that this was a red flag and that your ex-partner was majorly controlling. But, since you shared more of the background (thank you for that!), I’m going with ‘No jerks here’. You seriously broke her trust. Understandably, she’d feel insecure and question whether you were hiding things from her again.
Her questioning you sounds like it was a result of that breach of trust, and her fear that you weren’t being transparent with her. This was likely her attempt at you being able to earn back her trust after lying to her for so long.
At the same time, your therapy sessions should be a private, safe space. That’s part of what makes therapy so valuable. You shouldn’t have to share what you discuss in therapy with anyone else. This also shows why it’s so important that posters give all of the info because context is everything!” Willow_Bark77
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's New Partner To Stay Overnight?
“I,(F19) live with my mom. I can’t move out since I’m temporarily disabled, and she takes care of me. My mom and I are pretty close already, she’s a great parent and I love her.
About 4 years ago, Mom met Sal, who moved in with us about a year or so into their relationship. Long story short, he was a bad guy. Turned to illicit substances and was unfaithful a whole bunch. Emotionally messed me up(my health was crashing at the time of their break up, and I was trying to take care of myself, and my mom at the same time, things were rough).
2 years ago, Mom finally kicked Sal to the curb. He spent the next year and a half messing with us(threats, messing with our car, etc. Cops were no help). So the wounds are still fresh.
Last week, Mom went on a date with her new partner, Jack.
Jack is OK, so far. I just met him for the first time tonight. She went over to his house to stay the night before. But I don’t know if I feel OK with him staying the night here yet. She’s tried to mention it, and I told her maybe.
I’m nervous purely because of what Sal did in the past. I can’t smell beer or it sends me into fight or flight(Sal drank a lot), and I don’t like loud noises like yelling anymore because of Sal on top of a bunch of other stuff.
I want to make it clear that Jack has done NOTHING to me. He seems ok. Quiet, and socially awkward, but an OK guy. He makes Mom happy which I’m happy about. I have 0 issues with him. It’s just him staying the night is the issue.
It just freaks me out for some reason. I’d be willing to revisit the idea of him spending the night in 5-6 months when I have a better chance at knowing him.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – that being said I second what others said: talk to your mom about it all.
You don’t tell her to stop meeting him, you simply ask for safety after what you went through, possibly coming from a place of being scared to repeat it and feel unsafe in your own home especially while being disabled (and potentially more vulnerable). I cannot see how this would make you a jerk….
But you still need to talk to her about this all.” Joubachi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would also talk to her about how you’re feeling and the impact on her relationship choices if you haven’t already and feel comfortable doing so. I say this as someone who was raised by a single mom and is now an adult – your mom isn’t doing her duty as a parent by putting you in the situation she did with Sal and now pushing a new partner on you, especially so early in their relationship.
And if you can – the ol’ Reddit go-to – therapy is likely your friend for working through some of this. There’s a lot in what you wrote here that needs to be addressed and processed, and it sounds like you’re still in the thick of it.” Honey smile
Another User Comments:
“You’re 19 now but you were only 15 when you started being traumatized for years by her last partner. Even though “it’s her house” and “you’re an adult”, your feelings are due to her not protecting you in your own home when you were a minor from the last guy she let into your life long term.
Understandably, you’d be uncomfortable. I think a talk with her is overdue and that you’d both benefit from it. You’re both victims of Sal but it was her duty to protect you and she left you to take care of her, as a minor, while you continued to be threatened by the guy.” UnhappyDare5806
3. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Partner's Lack Of Communication?
“I’ve been with my partner for 8 months now. I’m someone who needs to call and text when we’re apart because I miss him a lot and feel isolated and almost like I’m not in a relationship with him if we don’t have contact for a while.
I don’t ask for a lot, just a few texts throughout the day when he’s available (I never get upset about waiting for hours for a text) and one call at night before we sleep. This wasn’t an explicit boundary that I set at the beginning of our relationship or anything; it happened naturally but hasn’t been happening lately.
Two weeks ago, I got my wisdom teeth out and although I know it’s not a huge surgery, I wasn’t able to go out for around five days because of the pain and swelling, so I felt very lonely as I’m someone who feeds off of social energy.
At this time, he barely called me because he was busy with work and then hanging out with his friends. He even promised to call me one night but he didn’t and the next day, I asked why he didn’t call and he said he was so tired he passed out right when he got home.
I was annoyed at this but wasn’t very upset as it can happen. Then the day after that, he was out until around midnight when I called him when he got home, he said he was talking to his mom and to give him five minutes.
I told him it was okay and not to rush, and he ended up calling me an HOUR later which made me upset, as I had been waiting all day at home for his call and I felt that it was common sense not to take THAT much more time.
Then this long weekend, he left on Friday for a tournament in another city and barely texted/called me. When he did, it was very brief. I texted him a paragraph on why this recurring pattern was upsetting me, in a very calm tone. I told him I wasn’t looking to argue or be mad at him, I just wanted him to know how I was feeling.
He told me he understood and that he’d put in the effort.
He’s back in town tomorrow, and although vague, we had made plans. He called me briefly during the day, but not at night so I called him tonight and he said that he wanted to see me and that he missed me very much but he felt that he had to cancel because he hadn’t been spending much time with his family and his parents had recently brought up to him that they felt they never see him anymore.
Tomorrow is also the last day before school starts for him so I understood why he would want to prioritize his family, but at the same time I start my internship the day after and it’s a full-time job, which means we would see each other less.
Am I being unreasonable to be upset by this? I feel like if he did love me and wanted to talk to me as much as he says he does, then he would make the time to. Or is this just an unfortunate series of events and I’m being the jerk for getting upset over something natural, like schedules changing and him being less available?”
Another User Comments:
“Your writing sounds very insecure. Saying you have a need that he must call/text when you are apart because you are lonely or because if he doesn’t you question if you are in a relationship is not healthy. You have some growing and maturing to do.
Your behavior reads very clingy which is a big turn-off to many people and causes a lot of breakups. Only you can change you. Maybe pick up some hobbies or talk to a professional to learn to cope with just being by yourself and being ok with that.” yavanna12
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You sound immature & controlling. It kind of sounds like he needs a break from your neediness. I think you know this, & that’s why you are panicking & trying to hang on even tighter. I am making this soft because I understand why you are doing this.
8 months is not that long for being in a relationship with someone & I think your expectations may be a little high. Try to relax a little & see if it gets better.” Individual-Paint7897
2. AITJ For Having Mostly Male Friends In College While In A Long Distance Relationship?
“I (18F) am in a long-distance relationship with my partner (18M) of 2.5 years. We both just started college and live a couple of hours away from each other, but it is hard to visit because of my parent’s disapproval. My major has a cohort of 15 people and we all have the same classes, so naturally we all got relatively close very quickly.
All of us would study together in each others rooms, go to the gym, eat at our dining commons, etc. I got close with the guys in my cohort quickly because they were more open to talking and I found a lot of similarities with them.
Soon enough, my main friend group was mostly guys. When I would tell my partner what I was doing, he would always ask me who I was with. Whenever I would tell him I was with my guy friends by their names, his response was usually “With two guys?” A lot of passive aggression and when I would ask him what was wrong he would always say “It’s fine”.
We started talking about it and he said that he doesn’t trust men but has complete trust in me but will not allow me to be in their rooms at all and limit my time with them. I am a big advocator for not changing your platonic relationships because of your romantic ones, but I think it is taking a big toll on us.
It makes me sad because college can be a lonely time and I feel like I found some caring friends that support me during my assimilation to college. How do I make my partner more trusting of my friends and myself? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s real simple: you tell him he has no say on how long/when/where/how you and your friends hang out. You tell him you will always be honest with him about your day, but he doesn’t get to dictate how the next day will go if he doesn’t like the answer.
You tell him you are always willing to have a respectful, honest conversation about each other’s feelings and how you can move forward together even stronger. It’s called being in an adult relationship. If your partner can’t do that, oopsie! He’s not ready for a real relationship!” Distinct-Brilliant73
1. AITJ For Not Moving At A Concert Because I'm Tall?
“I (18 6ft M) went to a concert by myself about a year ago where there was only standing room and it was first come first serve for floor space. The venue was small, with a ground-floor standing area and a smaller 2nd-floor standing area over the stage (it was the Masquerade-Heaven venue in Atlanta for anyone who knows it).
I am not an active concertgoer, and this was only my 2nd concert ever, my 1st concert with standing room only. I got to the concert at an average time, not too early and not too late, where I was able to get close to the stage on the ground floor very close to the wall of the venue.
Because I got to this spot close to the stage without having to push past people, I thought I was fine where I was standing.
Later on, a couple of shorter girls (maybe 4-5 in shorter than me) started standing behind me. They were pushed close to my back because of other incoming people behind them and ended up stepping on my heels a few times.
Because they were right behind me, I could hear a lot of their conversations, complaining about not being able to see and generally just grunting with frustration. I remember them saying “I wish this jerk wasn’t in the way” and then laughing as they “accidentally” started bumping into me trying to make me uncomfortable.
I just brushed off whatever they said for the whole concert and stayed where I was because they never confronted me about their issues.
I have been thinking about this for a while now and thought to put this on here to finally get an opinion on it.
AITJ because I don’t know proper concert etiquette or was I justified to stay where I stood?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ At 6’5” I try to get near the end of the stage. (Which it sounds like you did – “…on the ground floor very close to the wall of the venue”) If I can’t get there, I try and hang at the edge of the crowd.
I can see, and others can’t. I’ll let significantly shorter people in front if they’re polite. But when they call you a jerk and start intentionally bumping you, Stand your ground!” MarmosetRevolution
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. You can’t control your height 2. Standing room is first come first serve.
No need to accommodate your experience for others if they show up after you. 3. Those girls were being the jerk. They couldn’t even respectfully ask you to step aside a bit. Instead, they pushed you and made fun of you. That’s mean girl entitlement. I’m glad you didn’t move.
They don’t deserve a good experience acting in that manner.” TheSunAndScooby124
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m 5’1. Bad views at a concert are just one of the negative points of being short. You got there first, you deserved that spot. The only time I get frustrated at tall people at concerts is when they shove in front of me and then just stop.
They see how short some people are and they don’t give a darn. But again, just something shorties have to deal with. I think I’ve only ever had two people make sure I could still see.” CrabbiestAsp
